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of cornfields, chickens, and wuthering heights (a study in being high)

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I wake up in a field. I have no idea how I got there. My name is Bella. Bella Swan. I re-read Wuthering Heights last week. I hate it now. I look to my left. There is a dead chicken. *gasp* I recognize that chicken. It belongs to my best friend Harry Styles. I look to my right, there he is. Harry Styles. I wake him up. I ask him what his sexuality he is. He answers, “Wha, luv?” I say, “Also, Haz, your chicken’s dead.” *gasp*, he gasps. “Oh no, my male cock!” I look down at my hands. They’re covered in shit. They’re also covered in blood. “Oh God, did I…” Harry gets up. “Why are we in the middle of my corn field?” says Harry, who is also a farmer. I say, “Obviously this is the down season, since the corn isn’t here.” He nods his head and says, “Looks that way, but that doesn’t answer my question, innit?” I look back down at the chicken. It’s gone! I wipe my hands on my shirt. I then have to take off my shirt, due to the shit and blood, now my titties are out. We hear a loud noise behind us, and we turn around. It’s Niall Horan, he briefly looks at my boobs, and say, “Harry, what about our Nando’s date! :( ”. “Now’s not really the time for Nando’s, mate,” says Harry. I hear a rustling sound from the other side of the field, *gasps* it’s Edward! “What in bloody hell are you all doing in my corn field?” Harry exclaims. Edward looks at my boobs greedily, “What in ‘bloody hell’ are you doing with my girlfriend, Styles?” Edward protests. “Everything you can’t,” Harry retorts. Edward grimaces and clenches his fist. Harry looks smug. Niall looks like he’s about to cry. Through gritted teeth, Edward says, “Eat shit and die, Styles.” Harry snaps back with a smarmy look on his face, “Eat shit and live.” Harry’s demeanor changes, “Hey, why did my chicken disappear right before edward showed up?” Edward gets a smirk on his face and asks, “Your chicken?” I start crying. I know what he means by this. “I know what you mean by this,” I say. I open my mouth to speak more, but just as the words are about to leave my mouth, I see two beautiful people walking toward me over the horizon. As they approach they both briefly look at my boobs. Hagrid approaches, and attempts to soothe Harry. Harry begins to cry and tells Hagrid, “Edward ate my chicken.” I read a lot of books, so I know this is an allegory for my pussy. I hear a loud cluck from above us. *gasp* Momoko from Ghost Stories gasps (she was the one beside Hagrid when they walked over). “Is that a chicken?” (A/N: she says it the way Kylie Jenner would say it). Edward begins gagging. Slowly but surely, the chicken emerges, and briefly takes a glance at my breasts, and the tension begins to dissipate. All of a sudden, Edward’s eyes roll back into his head. A cacophony of clucks starts being heard from all around us. Chickens start raining from the sky, each one taking a brief look at my boobs. “It is a chickens!” exclaims Momoko form Ghost Stories. God, this is just like that scene in Over the Hedge! (A/N: The scene when all the food blows up because of RJ) I look at Harry. I hear a loud, booming voice amongst the clucks. “My name is Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way” (A/N: If ur a prep, gtfo). Eboby takes out an assault rifle, and briefly looks at my boobs (BECUZ SHES BI DONT BE HOMOFOBIC PREPZ), “I’m gonna kill all the characters who didn’t do anything.” She then puts hundreds of bullets in Niall, Momoko from Ghost Stories, and Hagrid, who all take a last look at my boobs before they die. As they all fall to the ground, I remember that Niall had my copy of Wuthering Heights. I approach and open his jacket, and find in the place of my book, a cassette tape titled, “Watergate”. Niall Horan ended Ronald Raegan’s presidency.