Chapter 1: Stupid Shitty-Hair
He hadn’t wanted to believe. When Aizawa-sensei had pulled him aside and told him everything, he’d just stared up at him, mouth wide open and eyes as big as dinner plates.
“Oi,” he’d said. “What’re you talking about sensei?”
Ha hadn’t wanted to believe.
“Kirishima fought bravely,” his teacher answered him slowly, voice gentle and kind and piercing through his heart like a burning spear. “He protected Fatgum with everything he had, but his body broke in the end. I guess he couldn’t sustain that form any longer.”
“His body broke?” The ground under him moved. His world tilted. The noise around him stilled. Everything was blurring together.
Air wouldn’t reach his lungs, and he- “His body broke?” When had he started whispering?
Bakugou wheezed. Why was it so hard to breath?
Aizawa-sensei was looking at him sadly. “His skin couldn’t keep up with the constant hardering after each break, he had to stop. I’m sorry Katsuki.”
“You’re sorry? You?” Bakugou wanted to scream. He wanted to scream and rage. Wanted to tear down the fucking walls and blow the whole damn dorm to kingdom come. He wanted-
He wanted to see his friend. “I,” he said, blinking quickly. “Can I go see him? Is he allowed visitors?”
Aizawa nodded, reaching over and pulling him close. Arm circling around his shoulders until he’d drawn Bakugou in enough to let the boy rest his head against his side. It felt strangely reassuring. “Let’s go kid. I’ll drive you there.” Bakugou hummed. Unable to do anything more than to follow his teacher out the door and into the car. He didn’t even remember how he’d put on his jacket. Most have been someone from class that had gotten it for him and he’d probably put it on autopilot. Shitty hair would have found it amusing.
His breath hitched.
He swollowed thickly and looked out through the window. He felt weirdly empty inside. As if he hand’t eaten anything today. Maybe he had. Maybe he hadn’t. Did it really matter?
Bakugou didn’t answer. Choosing instead to watch as the scenery passed him by.
Aizawa-sensei was nothing if not persistant.
His teacher had taken to calling him that ever since Bakugou had started staying with him every break. The man hadn’t questioned the sudden intrusion into his life. Instead just glancing over him quickly for injuries the first time he found him on his doorstep before letting him in and giving him the guest room. It looked more and more like Bakugou’s own with each passing day. Aizawa-sensei didn’t seem to mind.
Bakugo turned slowly in the hero’s direction, watching him closely as he drove. Mouth glued shut and eyes wide and unseeing.
“Katsuki?” Aizawa repeated, glancing over at him quickly and reaching over to run a hand through his hair.
Bakugou felt that. He blinked. “Aizawa-sensei?”
The relief in the pro-hero's eyes was evident. “You with me kiddo?” Bakugou nodded. “Good, because we’re here.”
How fast was that? Had he been zoning out the whole way here?
Aizawa-sensei was clearly looking at him with open concern now, but Bakugou didn’t care. His best friend might be in this very hospital probably bleeding to death and he-
“Let’s go,” he grunted, trying his fucking hardest to gather himself from the scattered pieces of glasses he’d become since the last hour and opened the door.
His teacher didn’t say anything in return, but by the time Katsuki had dragged his suddenly heavy body out of the vehicle, Aizawa-sensei was standing by his door. Arm coming up again to drape over his shoulders the minute he stepped away from car.
The teen leaned into him. Grateful to have some of that burden weighing him down carried by someone else.
Like that, they walked through the entrance, through the lobby; Aizawa-sensei taking a brief moment to get the information from the receptionist and all the way up to the fifth floor.
Shitty hair was behind those doors. Probably suffering as Bakugou stood there like a moron staring at the slab of metal standing between him and his best friend. His whole body shuddered. Would Eijirou even want to see him? Maybe he blamed him for this? And didn’t he deserve it? If he’d just been a better person, less arrogant, less violent more hero like, maybe he would have gotten his license and he would have had his best friend’s back? Maybe this was all his fault?
“Do you want me to go in with you?
Aizawa-sensei had apparently been silently observing him through his minor breakdown. Katsuki flushed red. “Fuck no,” he snapped, defenses coming up like second nature. “The fuck you think I am?” Without another word, he flung open the door and stepped in. Rude, yes. Impulsive? Also yes. But Bakugou would be damned if someone saw him break. Even Aizawa-sensei.
Raising his eyes from the floor where they had strangely decided to fixate on, he moved them up slowly until they were finally resting on the still red-haired figure laying on the hospital bed. Bakugou blinked. Body shaking slightly, heart pounding against his chest, and throat suddenly feeling dry.
That was Kirishima .
His dumb friend. His shitty-hair. His favorite person in a world of intolerable lunatics. Bakugou could barely see his bright red hair from where he stood. Everything else was heavily bandaged and even then-
Bakugou felt his vision swimming. His sharp gaze capturing flecks of blood seeping through the white.
Fuck Kirishima . What the fuck did you do to yourself?
His feet moved before he could even think about it. Landing him next to the sleeping boy’s bed in a matter of seconds. Bakugou held his breath. Silently observing the pale teen as the boy shuddered quietly in his sleep and took tiny, shaky breaths.
This wasn’t right. Bakugou swallowed. Fuck this wasn’t right. Kirishima was good. Didn’t the world know that? Did it have a fucking clue who it was messing with? What kind of sadistic freak would do this to the nicest person Bakugou fucking knew?
Reaching out slowly, he brushed his fingers as gently as possible as not to hurt through the red tuft atop of the idiot’s head. “Why the fuck did this happen to you?” he asked, voice barely above a hoarse whisper. “Why you shitty-hair? Fuck, why you?”
Droplets started falling on top of the red-head's cheeks, and Bakugou furiously wiped them away. It would probably hurt his fragile skin or some bullshit. Where was the fucking water coming from anyways?
He sniffled. Stupid shitty-hair.
When the first sob tore itself from his chest, Bakugou almost bolted right out of the door, but-
It was shitty-hair. His best friend. His best friend who was lying on a hospital bed because he went out there and fought like the fucking number 1 hero would. His best friend who was currently wearing a breathing mask because he couldn’t breathe on his own.
Clapping a hand over his mouth to muffle the sound, his body curled into itself and he slowly sank to his knees.
Silent tracks of tears were running down his cheeks and his body was trembling with every broken sob.
Please be ok.
Chapter 2: I Got You
Sero invites Bakugou to his house after Katsuki's mom kicks him out
Bakugou frowned down at the stack of bills currently residing in the palm of hand. They didn’t look like much, in fact he wasn’t sure they were gonna last for the duration of the summer. But hopefully they wouldn't have to. Flipping the bills this way and that, Bakugou let a thoughtful frown replace the previous one on his face as he contemplated his situation. If he was careful and stretched the money out for the next two weeks, he was sure it would at least last him till Aizawa-sensei came back from his trip, and then he could just crash over at the man’s house until the school year started up again.
The plan didn’t leave a lot of room for error, but if Bakugou played his cards right, he would avoid most unpleasant scenarios. One of them being, homelessness.
Grinding his teeth, he stuffed the money back in his pocket forcefully and leaned backwards against the park bench, closing his eyes to protect them from the bright summer sun.
Fuck his mom.
The whole argument with his dad was her fault, and then she had the nerve to turn it all back on him and kick him out of the fucking house.
Just the thought of her smug face raised his blood pressure to a boiling point. She had wanted him to apologize, that much was clear.
She had wanted him to come crawling back on his hands and knees and beg to be let in like a fucking dog. The hag loved having power over him. Loved waving her fucking privileges in his face and make sure he knew where his place was in the household.
Well fuck her, Bakugou didn’t beg for nothing and to no one, and not the least to her. He was going to make it on his own just like the last two times and when Aizawa-sensei got back from wherever, he was gonna go crash with him.
Of course it was just a matter of times before Aizawa-sensei started to ask questions, but fuck, Bakugou was desperate, and one more time couldn’t hurt right? If this happened again, he would tell. He would tell his teacher everything. Katsuki had promised himself that.
And fuck, he didn’t break his promises.
But for now, it was a blessing that the lazy man never asked him for anything. No explanation, no prodding, no nothing. Just let him in and allowed him to make that one guest room in his apartment his own.
He was always going to be grateful for that, no matter how everything unfolded in the future.
“YO Bakugou! Bakugou man hey!”
Katsuki’s eyes slowly came up from where they were staring at his feet in daze to meet those of Sero as his mind slowly registered the running presence of the other boy in his direction.
“Yo man!” Sero called out again a bag of chips dangling from one hand and waving frantically with the other, his signature grin popping up when he realized he’d caught Bakugou’s attention. “Fancy seeing you here!”
Plopping down next to him without waiting for an invitation, Sero bumped Bakugou lightly on the shoulder in greeting. “Spotted you across the street,” he said as if to clarify why he’d suddenly come running over like a madman. “Could not just avoid saying hi to you after that you know.”
Bakugou glared at him. “Next time please do,” he grumbled, kicking his friend.
“Ouch,” Sero whined, bringing up his foot to clutch at it dramatically and sending him a wounded look.
Not dignifying whatever the fuck that was with an answer, Bakugou just swiped the chips from the other boy’s side and munched it down by the handful. Eyes firmly focused ahead of him and shoulders hunched.
He hadn’t realized how hungry he was until he’d seen it. And fuck if he hated junk food, but at this very moment, it almost tasted like heaven.
Tapeworm didn’t seem to mind this intrusion on his possession. And rather than get pouty about it he just laughed out loud a cheeky grin dancing across his lips.
Bakugou elected to ignore him again.
“I thought you were heading home today?” Sero asked casually. Bakugou stopped chewing. Eyes moving slightly to look at the black-haired boy from the corner of his eye. “I was,” he said slowly. He hadn’t wanted to answer, but for some bizarre reason he couldn't fully remember now, he’d promised himself long time ago that he wouldn’t lie to this idiot. They all had.
Shitty hair has said something about having someone to trust and unburden their secrets to in the group and for some fucked up reason that person had turned out to be this moron.
“I see,” Sero said, moving lightening quick to snatch three pieces of chips from the bag before Bakugou moved it out of the way. “Is it ok if I ask why you’re not?”
Ahhh, that’s probably why.
‘When had he gotten so tired? Did his body always feel this heavy? God, he felt so fucking done with everything.’
Opening his mouth after swallowing a handful of chips, Bakugou licks his lips lightly before answering. “The hag and the old man left on a sudden trip is all.”
Sero again didn’t seem to want to ask the obvious question of what the fuck his parents were doing leaving on their own and abandoning their only son in a city infested with villains, but Bakugou rather liked that about him.
“That sucks,” tape-face said, bumping his shoulder against Bakugou’s. “Any other plans?”
Bakugou shrugged again. “Waiting for Aizawa-sensei to come back.”
“But he won’t be back until next week?”
“I guess I’ll fucking wait for him till next week then.”
“Wait a minute,” the fucking knock-off Spiderman suddenly said lighting up like Christmas tree. “That means you don’t have any plans right?”
Bakugou would have honestly hit him at this point if it was any other day, but he was so fucking tired and just done with everything all he could do was nod. “Yeah,” he breathed out, shoulders hunching in on themselves even further.
“Then you can come stay with me!”
Duct tape was shining like the fucking sun now, but it was his words that startled Bakugou out of his stupor. “What?”
“You can come stay with me,” Sero repeated, almost bouncing in his seat the way he was moving around. “My mom always whines to me that she hasn’t gotten to meet you yet, and she feels especially down when Eijirou’s mom calls to brag about you staying over, so this is going to be great for her too!”
“Huh?” Katsuki felt like his brain was shortcutting like dunce face has just run electricity through it, and speaking of dunce-face.
“We can even play all those new games I haven’t brought over to the dorms cuz no way in hell I will let Denki just shortcut them and we can eat all kinds of snacks cuz my mom loves guests and we can have sleepovers and it’s going to be great!”
Bakugou was just gaping at the other teen at this point. What the fuck was he even talking about? Sero had just invited him over to stay with his family for a whole fucking week and the idiot didn’t even seem to mind. Frankly he looked fucking ecstatic about it. Like the fucking chaotic mess Bakugou was didn’t bother him at all and that contradicted 100% with how the hag had always told him there was a limit to how much others could tolerate being around him.
He’d known shitty-hair was different, but tapeworm too? It just wasn’t-
He swallowed thickly.
Fucking duct tape wanted him to come stay at his house. Something about that just wasn’t properly computing in his brain.
“Yo Bakugou, you ok man?”
Suddenly startled out of his thoughts, he barely managed to hold back a surprised yelp. “Hey Katsuki, dude you with me?”
Bakugou bit his lip hard. Not wanting to let out a stupid tear-felt whimper when he met the other young hero’s concerned gaze.
Who would have thought that someone other than shitty hair and Deku would do more than tolerate his fucked-up presence?
Turning away quickly, he rubbed a hand furiously over his eyes, soft almost inaudible sniffs helplessly breaking out despite how hard he tried to suppress them.
Fucking hell, he was such a baby. “I’m ok,” he grunted after a solid minute of silence and Sero being the God sent moron he was didn't even interrupt him, as the blonde desperately tried to compose himself from his suddenly overemotional state.
“Good to know,” his friend said then, standing up quickly and reaching out to help Katsuki up as well. Bakugou swatted it away of course, making Sero snort in amusement. But when the other swung an arm around his shoulders to lead him over to what he presumed was in the direction of his home, Bakugou chose to let it be.
Half way there, he softly whispered “Thank you.”
Sero didn’t say anything back, but from the way he squeezed Bakugou’s shoulder tightly, Katsuki knew he’d heard and knew he never had to say it in the first place. Sero didn’t need to be thanked for looking out for him ever.
Chapter 3: You're Not
Ashido is being bullied and Bakugou finally confesses his dark past to her.
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Bakugou didn’t pay much attention to the magazine in his lap as his eyes calmly flittered around the room following racoon-eyes movements. “For the record,” the girl said, finally stationing herself in front of her body length mirror and released a bunch of God knows what products on the table next to her. “that guy was an asshole and I should have definitely beat his ass.”
“You should have,” Bakugou agreed easily, flipping to the next page but not really looking at it. “Why didn’t you.”
“I couldn't,” Ashido said, looking back at him briefly, before she picked up a comp and started to work on her hair. “Heroes don’t beat up civilians blasty.”
“They do when the shitstains are harassing them.”
Ashido shook her head, but the disheartened look in her eyes said otherwise. Gritting his teeth, Katsuki threw the magazine to the side, and sat up in his friend’s bed so he could lean more comfortably against the headboard. “What did he do pinky?”
His friend shrugged. “Nothing much,” she said, biting her lip and blinking her eyes rapidly. “Just that my skin was ugly and my powers were super gross. And he constantly just kept throwing these really hurtful snide remarks at me and I know I shouldn’t let it get to me I know that, but still-”
Bakugou frowned. He didn’t like to see racoon-eyes unhappy, but at the same time this whole thing sounded fucking stupid to him and if he was her he would have beat the shit out of that loser, but he couldn’t really say that to pinky, so he kept his mouth shut and just continued to observe the pink haired girl from where he comfortably lay in her bed.
“What else did he say?”
Something wasn’t just adding up for the blonde. Ashido was upset, that much was clear and it was even understandable to some degree, but the girl was one of the toughest people Bakugou knew, so something else most have happened that she wasn’t telling him about.
Looking over her shoulder again to smile at him, racoon-eyes just shrugged. A gesture that was meant to come across as casual but looked rather tense from Bakugou’s perception. “It’s silly for me to be that upset about it,” she said slowly, putting the comp down and picking up a conditioner. “But when he said the world didn’t deserve heroes like me and I should just go kill myself it really hurt you know.”
It was like the ground suddenly fell under Bakugou. ‘When he told me to go kill myself.... whenhetoldmetogokillmyself .’
Ashido was still talking, but it was like Katsuki was drowning in a sea of memories for all he could comprehend from her rambling. Instead everything and all he could see or hear was Deku, and him throwing almost those exact words at the other with no regards to his feelings or emotions.
Oh God. This was. This was-
Clutching at his heart, he tried to calm down his erratic breathing, but nothing was working and as he sat there, feeling like his whole world had been flipped over, some of Ashido’s words finally filtered through the haze.
“I can’t believe someone would say something so terrible as that,” she said. “It’s so wrong.”
Bakugou didn’t know when he spoke, didn’t know how he managed to speak in between his world spinning out of order and his heart trying to burst out of his chest, but he most have, for Ashido had stopped talking.
“Don’t be silly,” she told him. “I was talking about Atsuya blasty, not you.”
“But I did say it.”
Why couldn’t he stop himself from talking?
“I said it to Deku last year.”
Please stop talking.
“I told him to jump of the roof.”
She won’t want to be friends with you anymore. You know how pinky feels about bullies. So please stop.
“I told him to go kill himself.”
Those last two words carved a bloody path through his throat and out of his mouth. It felt like he was choking on his own blood when the sin they were carrying finally escaped passed his lips. Bakugou didn’t dare to look at Ashido. Didn’t dare to look up from where his eyes were drilling holes in the bedsheet and meet the hateful look one of his closest ever friends was most definetely sporting now.
What he’d admitted to was a game changer. No one else but Kirishima had known. Kirishima who was a God sent and who’d never judged him for as long as he’d known him. The other boy had clearly wanted him to apologize to Deku when he’d first told him, but Kirishima being Kirishima hadn’t tried to force him, instead the red head had made it clear in no uncertain terms that he knew he’d changed and he would always be his best friend, but if he ever tried to do something shitty to Deku again, Kirishima would stop him. Which was fair. He understood that. He accepted that.
It wouldn’t be as easy with Ashido. She hated bullies more than anything else in the world, so how would she react when one of her closest friends turned out to be the very demon she so despised?
He didn’t want her to ask so-
“I always bullied him. Fuck, I don’t remember a time that I didn’t. Ever since my quirk manifested, I turned into a real fucking menace and Deku was the one who suffered most at my hands. He always just followed me and was happy just fucking hanging out with us, but I made sure I made every waking moment of his life hell. What does that say about me Ashido? What the fuck does that say about what kind of twisted monster I am?”
Bringing his knees up to hide his face, Bakugou clutched the fabric of his pants with all his might. “I was a fucking terrible person pinky,” he breathed, voice sounding strangely hoarse and meek. “I am a fucking terrible person.”
“Hey blasty?” Ashido’s voice sounded almost too distant from where it was coming from. A gentle hand suddenly rested on top of his head, making Bakugou startle out of his dispear. But rather than move back out of instinct, the explosive hero just curled into himself even further. “Blasty look at me.”
Bakugou didn’t want to, but he owed Ashido at least that much, so slowly as if every inch he moved filled him with agonizing pain, he lifted his head upward until his gaze finally met the gentle one’s of Ashido’s own. “Hey blasty,” she said, grinning at him weakly. “You really scared me there. I thought you were having a panic attack or something.”
Swallowing thickly, the blonde looked down. “Fuck I’m a monster,” he whispered, gaze drifting to the side as if it suddenly hit him how fucked up he’d always been. How terrible. How villainous.
“No,no,no,” pinky hurried to say, fingers coming up to cup his cheeks and bringing his face up again so their foreheads could meet. “I mean yeah you were real shitty,” she whispered, the warm breath from her lips dancing across his cheeks. “But the fact that you feel bad about it, the fact that you regret it and the fact that you’re crying right now shows that you aren’t as bad as you think.”
Bringing up a shaking hand to touch his face, Bakugou almost jerked back in surprise. For Ashido was right. The damp wetness that met his fingertips showed a clear sign of tears.
“Oh,” he breathed.
Ashido grinned at him before moving back slowly and running her fingers gently against his face to wipe away the tears. “I’m not fond of what you said or did,” she continued slowly, moving back to sit on the foot of the bed, but still not letting go of his face. “But you wouldn’t be here today if you hadn’t changed Katsuki. You wouldn’t be my friend if you hadn’t. You have come a long way blasty. Please know that.”
Bakugou just blinked at her, stunned.
Racoon-eyes just kept on surprising him didn’t she.
“Now I need you to apologize to Midoriya and none of that,” she said shaking her head when he opened his mouth automatically to protest on reflex. “Midoriya deserves and apology and I have never known you to do anything less than your best, so please don’t chicken out on me now ok?”
Bakugou swallowed thickly. Still looking at his friend in an almost wonder. What had he done to deserve these idiots? “Ok,” he whispered back, face scrunching up slightly into a grimace when she quickly leaned over an planted a soft his on his forehead. “Ok.”
“Great,” Ashido said, bouncing right of the bed and making her way back to the mirror. “Now come help me with my hair blasty. It’s not gonna do itself.”
If Bakugou’s finger’s shook while he was working on his her hair, if he occasionally let out a soft sniffle, and if his eyes still remained red rimmed long after, well Ashido never brought it up, and honestly, that’s why Bakugou loved her with all his heart.
I don't think this chapter came out as well as I hoped. I wanted to write a lot about Bakugou's history. Go into more detail about his past and how everything unfolded but I Promised myself not to make any of them too long, so it honestly feels like I half-assed it and maybe it comes across as me not taking Midoriya's past seriously? Urgh. I don't know. This might be my least favorite chapter. It's like I wasn't able to properly portray the emotional depth behind it. Hopefully I'm wrong and y'all like it anyways but yeah.
Chapter 4: It's My Responsibility
Bakugou feels responsible for Kaminari's injury, and as they're waiting in the hospital to be allowed in to see him, Bakugou wonders why he can't get anything right.
“Katsuki, hey Katsuki you gotta stop. Bakubro slow down!”
Bakugou wasn’t listening. He didn’t have time to fucking listen. Furiously he marched towards the direction of the receptionist. Bumping his way through the masses of people while not offering them even an apology in return for shoving them out of the way.
Coming to a stop in front of the old lady, he slammed the palm of his hand against the desk, making her startle. Faintly he could hear the red head behind him hurriedly apologizing to the woman and the people around them, but Bakugou’s death glare was solely focused on the receptionist. “Where is Kaminari Denki?” he hissed.
Adjusting her glasses slightly, lips drawn into a disapproving frown, the old lady glared back equally as unimpressed. “Are you family young man?”
“Are you his guardian?”
“Then I am afraid I can’t let you see the patient at this moment.”
Two arms came up to circle around his waist and haul him away before he could finish climbing over the desk like a maniac. “Easy Bakubro,” Kirishima panted, shifting him away from the public, and dragging him by force back to their seat. “If you keep doing this they’re so gonna kick us out.”
“Put me down,” the blonde snarled, eyes still not moving away from the old lady. “If we do shit your way we’re never gonna see dunce-face and you fucking know it.”
Sighing, his friend shook his head, but did as he was told.
Gently Kirishima lowered Bakugou down to the ground, but also quickly got in his way when the former tried to side step him in order to get back to where he’d left things off. “Get out of my way shitty-hair,” Bakugou said lowly, eyes shadowed by sheer frustration and hate.
“Fraid not,” his best friend said, lips quirked into a tiny apologetic smile. “The only reason they’ve yet to kick us out is cuz Recovery Girl told them not to, but if you attack that receptionist dude, I’m pretty sure the deal’s off.”
Bakugou just continued to glare at him. “They’re not letting us see fucking dunce-face. They said he was out of surgery and it’s visitation hours, so why the fuck can’t we see him?”
Face darkening momentarily, Kirishima bit his bottom lip hard. Then he shook his head as if to expel those gloomy thoughts and turned to smile brightly back at Katsuki. “They said family only man.”
“We are his family!” Bakugou snapped.
“I know, but not according to any legitimate documents we’re not.” the blonde could see how hard that was for his friend to admit, and it made his stomach twist. “All we can do is wait for Aizawa-sensei to arrive or his parents, and we’ll go from there.”
“If his parents get here, I’m gonna fucking end them.”
Throwing himself in one of the chairs, Bakugou crossed his arms and stared down at his feet in resignation. It was a clear sign of backing down if Kirishima had ever seen any, so he just huffed lightly with no trace of humour, and dropped down next to the blonde. “Me and you both dude,” he said.
Finally sitting in companionable silence for the first time in what felt like forever, they both tried to patiently wait for the arrival of their teacher.
“I should have done something you know.”
Bakugou’s voice wasn’t higher than a whisper, and Kirishima had to almost strain himself to hear him, but-
“That’s not true man,” he said, voice equally as quiet. “It was an accident. You couldn’t have known that villain was gonna be there.”
“But I should’ve. I should have known. It was my job to know. It was my job to have his fucking back.” Katsuki’s face contorted into a broken shatter of guilt. “He trusted me Eijirou. Fuck, he trusted me.”
“It wasn’t your fault Katsuki. You need to stop blaming yourself.”
Clutching at his pants, Bakugou shook his head. “How can I?” he asked hoarsely. “How can I not blame myself when my friend might never be able to walk again?”
Kirishima didn’t say anything in return, and Bakugou found himself blinking furiously up at the lights in the ceiling, desperately trying to hold back those traitorous tears. Because fuck, who gave him the right to cry when he did this to Denki? How could he ever hope to be the number one hero, when he couldn’t even keep his family safe.
“He never fucking said it out loud.” Bakugou wasn’t looking at the red head when he spoke up again. “He never really admitted it, but Denki wanted to be a hero to save those ignored by society. He didn’t want to be a hero for the glory, for fame or for the flashy costumes, he just wanted to help.”
Losing the battle with his eyes, tears started finally trailing down his cheeks in waves. Dripping of his chin, and hitting his clenched fists, as he bowed his head down and gritted his teeth against the gnawing pain in his chest. “Who would have thought right,” he gasped, struggling not to just curl in on himself right in the middle of the fucking hospital and just cry his heart out. “A flashy hero who just wants to help.”
“Yeah.” Kirishima didn’t look much better than him. Eyes red rimmed, teeth clenched and fingers clutching at the end of his shirt. “He’s always been like that.” The red head had taken to lifting both legs up on the chair and resting his chin atop of them now. “It’s still not your fault though. Denki wouldn’t want you to blame yourself. You know that.”
“I don’t care.”
Biting his lip as hard as he could, he almost reveled in the brief spark of pain that trickled down his lip as the blood made its way down his chin and joined the damn wetness splattered atop his clenched fists. “I don’t fucking care what he would think. I should have protected him and I didn’t. That’s on me.”
Kirishima just nodded. Before he stood up from his chair in one fluid motion and knelt down in front of Bakugou’s own. “I’m not gonna tell you what to feel,” he said slowly. Fingers coming to rest atop of Bakugou’s own. “Let’s help him together yeah?”
Looking up, Katsuki met Eijirou’s own tearful gaze. “Let’s make sure that we give him the best possible chance at recovery. And let’s be heroes together.”
There was a level of strength in the other’s voice that Bakugou so desperately wanted to feed off of. To believe, to roll himself in and hide from the world. To leach off of like it was the last remaining drop of water in the whole damn universe. Instead, he turned his fists around and clutched his best friend’s shaking hands. “We can save him,” he muttered back, trying his damn hardest not to frame it as a question while wanting the red head to please, please confirm that they could.
Kirishima nodded. “We can.”
It was like a sudden weight fell of his shoulders. It wasn’t much, but for a second, Bakugou felt like he could breathe just a little bit easier.
“Ok then.” Tightening his grip on the familiar warm hands hidden under his own, Bakugou nodded resolutely back at his best friend. Tears still falling down his cheeks and dripping on top of their joined fingers as if in a silent promise. “Let’s save Denki.
Chapter 5: Count On You
Kaminari’s quirk is short cutting his brain permanently and Bakugou can’t deal with it. Can’t grasp the fact that one of his closest friends will have to give up his dream of being a hero because of this.
Bakugou growled. Just growled at Kaminari’s dumb face, a vicious snarl painting his lips. “Fuck them,” he snapped. “It’s not true and you shouldn’t believe their shitty reasoning. They are gonna fix you cuz that’s what they’re fucking for, idiot.”
Grinning at him widely, the other blonde just shrugged his shoulders from where he was swinging his legs back and forth from atop of the hospital bed. “Man, they are keeping me alive dude,” he said. “That’s honestly all I can ask for.” Ruffling his hair sheepishly, his grin softened into a tiny awkward smile. “I’m fine Bakubro. For real. The doctors said they’ll do everything they can for me and I’m grateful.”
“It’s not enough.”
Bakugou couldn’t fucking believe how unbothered the moron was. His fucking life was on the line, and here he was sitting, pretending everything was still fucking sunshine and rainbows. Frustration coursed through his veins like blazing hot fire, and Bakugou couldn’t do anything but grit his teeth and level a heated glare at his friend. “It’s your third year,” he hissed.
He had wanted it to come off as threatening, as angry, as defiant, but his throat was dry and his voice cracked and Bakugou felt his steady gaze falter in the face of Kaminari’s gentle one. “It’s our third year,” he whispered.
“I know.” Denki didn’t look at him when he said that. Eyes tracing the lining of the bed sheet instead, as he plucked lightly at the hospital gown he was wearing. “Damn it I know that Katsuki. It’s not like I wanted this to happen you know.”
“Then why aren’t you doing something about it? Why aren’t you fucking fighting back?”
Bakugou didn’t understand. He didn’t fucking get it. Why couldn’t Denki just talk to him. Tell him he wanted to fight. Tell him he wasn’t gonna give up. Katsuki would fight for him. By God he would rip out the ground they were standing on for him. If he just asked him. If he just said it. If he just refused to give up. There was still a chance to fix this. He knew it. It had to be. The doctors were lying, and Denki still had a chance to be a hero. He still did.
Shrugging again, Kaminari Denki just looked out the window and closed his eyes against the bright sunlight. “The last mission sucked Katsuki, and I knew there would be consequences for discharging all that energy the way I did. But it was also a blessing in disguise. Getting injured the way I did gave the docs the chance to detect whatever was wrong with my brain before it was too late after all. So I may not be a hero anymore dude, but I’ll be alive. So how can I be mad at them for that?”
“Besides,” he continued, opening those bright lightening colored eyes. “Even if I can’t do hero work anymore, I could take courses with the support class, and maybe I can help you guys in that way a little.”
“You’re not smart enough for that dunce face.”
Kaminari laughed at that.
A sort of crackling laughter that was so familiar to Katuski he could practically feel it on his skin. Denki always laughed like the world couldn’t touch him. Like he was floating above the grimy, dark underbelly of the world, and sometimes Bakugou found himself just basking in the light he exuded. But now-
Watching one of his closest friends sport glassy eyes, a wobbly grin and sunken cheeks, Bakugou felt like the universe had just turned into ice and his friend’s smile could do nothing but bounce of its shadows.
The irritating prickling behind his eyes from earlier today came back in full force and Bakugou blinked furiously to keep the traitorous tears at bay yet again.
He wouldn’t cry in front of Denki. Not when the other was trying so hard to be strong, despite everything he ever worked for going up in flames right in front of his fucking eyes. So he wouldn’t cry.
“Why didn’t you come visit me before?”
Bakugou didn’t have a brave enough answer for that.
“I was busy.”
It wasn’t good enough, and he knew it, but it had to be, because Katsuki was too afraid to admit the truth. That his legs wouldn’t move and that just the thought of going with Kirishima to the hospital to visit their friend stole his breath away and made his heart hurt.
That he couldn’t do it.
Denki lifted a single eyebrow in disbelief. He wasn’t gonna let this go. “Dude, I’m gonna lose my mind eventually, but that day aint today so don’t lie to me.”
“Don’t joke about that,” Bakugou hissed. A sick and ugly feeling crawling up his spine to settle heavily on his shoulders. “Fuck you Denki, don’t joke about that.”
“Sorry sorry,” Kaminari said, waving his hands back and forth in a placating manner as he chuckled lightly. “Too soon?”
“Unbelievable.” Standing up with a quick flurry of a motion, Bakugou spun around on his heels, kicked the hospital chair with an unnecessary amount of force and started walking towards the door. “I’m leaving. You go ahead and make light of your shitty situation. I’m not gonna sit here and listen to it.”
Clearly Kaminari didn’t like that, because he jumped down from the bed and called out to him. “Come on man,” he said, words sounding rushed and awkward. “I didn’t mean it. You know this is how I deal with shit. Just come back and we’ll talk about other stuff yeah?”
Back still turned, Bakugou swallowed down the scathing remark resting at the tip of his tongue and clenched his fists till crescent moons appeared on the palms of his hands.
What the fuck was wrong with him? Dunce face shouldn’t be consoling him. He shouldn’t be worrying about sensitive fucking Katsuki, and he definitely shouldn’t be trying to make him stay.
Fuck, Bakugou owed him the world. He owed all his friends the world for all the shit they’ve went through for him over the years, and now he couldn’t even stick around for Pikachu cuz he didn’t like seeing him this way.
...Broken, crushed, hopeless...
“It’s not fair,” he croaked. Lips drawn into a thin line and eyes screwed shut.
“I know man. I just don’t know how else-”
“No,” Bakugou interrupted, turning back around to face his friend. His friend who was clinging to the side of the hospital bed with all his might and reaching out for him with his other hand at the same time. His stomach turned at the sight. “We were supposed to be heroes together,” he whispered. Eyes filling up suddenly without warning. “We were supposed to start an agency together remember? Me and you and Eijirou and Mina and Hanta. We were supposed to kick ass together.”
A lone tear trailed down his cheek, and Bakugou furiously rubbed it away. Going further by scrubbing at his teary eyes with vengeance as well. Partially to fucking stop those stupid tears but also because he couldn’t stand looking at those heartbreaking eyes of his friend anymore. “We were supposed to,” he hiccupped. “We were supposed to be heroes together Denki. This isn’t fair. This isn’t fair.”
And wasn’t that just brilliant. Here he stood. Bakugou fucking Katsuki. Crying in the middle of a damn hospital room because his best friend was losing his mind and there was nothing in the world Bakugou could do to stop it. “Fuck you Denki,” he said, shoulders shaking and tears falling down his cheeks despite his desperate attempts to keep them at bay. “Fuck you and fuck your dumb quirk.”
When familiar arms came up to circle around his waist, Katsuki’s knees buckled, bringing both boys down to the ground.
“Shhh,” that’s all Kaminari said as he rubbed his back. “It’s gonna be ok. We’re gonna be ok. I’ll pull through, so please don’t cry.”
Katsuki was pathetic.
Fuck, he was pathetic.
“I’m being prepped for surgery in a few hours. Mind staying with me?”
Reaching up to clutch at the other boy’s back with all the strength he had left, Bakugou buried his face in the other’s shoulder and nodded as best as he could. His tears soaking the hospital gown while Denki’s own were dampening the front of Bakugou’s jacket. “Sure,” he huffed, fingers pressing up against Denki’s side. “Got nothing better to do anyways.”
Denki laughed. It sounded choked up and drained. “Thanks Katsuki.”