Frozen feeling tears fell down puffy red cheeks, filling her body with a sickening numbness she had never felt before. She didn’t have the headspace to consider why she felt so cold in the considerably warm night, everything was foggy. It was as if Lucifer had lifted the veil that had covered her eyes her whole life, and now that he was gone… that veil had fallen back in place. A shaky breath filled the buzzing air, barely heard over the bustle of civilization far below. Her heart was uncomfortably pain-filled, a large contrast to the numbness in her limbs.
A part of her wished that she couldn’t feel anything. The heartbreak was worse than any she had ever experienced, and it would permanently be there. After all, she couldn’t be happy if Lucifer was in hell– a place she knew he loathed with his whole being. It had taken her too long to admit her feelings to him, and now it’s too late. He’s gone.
That thought alone forced a sob to escape from her lips. She would have screamed–she wanted to scream–but the rational part of her convinced her elsewise. She just really wanted to blame someone, anyone . Maybe she could yell at God for any meddling on His part. She was sure that his role was plentiful, given that damned prophecy’s existence. Another, louder sob escaped her lips. New tears blurred her vision, and she couldn’t help but wonder how she still had tears to shed.
Eventually she couldn’t stand any longer, and collapsed to her knees. Her blurry vision examined the shining city she and her partner had once roamed. They had solved cases together, became friends, and eventually fell in love. Maybe, once upon a time, they could have been more than that. Unfortunately, she had missed her chances, and she had had so many. It was just never the right time. They needed to both be in good head spaces. She just feared that there had never been a time like that, and there never would have been.
“I love you,” She breathed out, voice cracking with more emotion than she ever thought she could feel. That emotion made her feel so incredibly alive not long ago. It was bittersweet that that same emotion was causing her to feel so empty. She didn’t want to feel ever again. For once, she wanted to let go of the same thing that made him human.
Maybe she was only sitting there for a few minutes, maybe a few hours. That time flashed by in a blur, her emotional rollercoaster corrupting her memories. There she sat, everything around her muted, everything in front of her invisible. She was falling, even though she was on stable ground.
That “fall” preoccupied her mind to the point that she didn’t hear the elevator ding behind her. Instead, she had begun hyperventilating. Her hands met cool concrete, stopping her from colliding with the ground. Everything was crashing down around her. Her mind was a jumble of contradicting thoughts.
“Chloe?” Amenadiel. His voice barely registered in her mind. Then she realized. She was the only one who knew where Lucifer went. More tears. This time slower, but just as emotion-filled as the last. Amenadiel must have realized something was wrong, because before she knew it, his hand was on her back and she could see his kneeling figure out of the corner of her vision. “Shh, it’s okay.” No! It’s not okay! Nothing could ever be “okay” again.
“Chloe…” Amenadiel paused, before continuing, “Should I get Linda? Or Mazikeen?” Chloe swallowed, forcing her emotions into the depths of her heart. She could address them later.
“Please,” Chloe murmured softly. And somewhere in her heart, she remembered her begging Lucifer the exact same.