“So Eve was… your first?” Chloe asks.
They’ve been sitting in her car for hours by this point. The digital clock says it’s getting close to 2am, and so far the stake-out doesn’t look to be ending anytime soon. Their newest victim was dumped elsewhere, but all signs are pointing to the florist shop as the murder location. There isn’t enough evidence for a warrant, but if her hunch is correct, their murder suspect will double back to ensure they left no evidence behind.
The silence in the car has been stifling for most of the night. It makes Chloe itch to get back to the comfortable partnership she and Lucifer used to have, before she knew he was the devil. Before Eve was a regular part of his life.
They’re parked in shadow, but nearby street lights provide scant illumination. Enough to see the interior of the dim car and keep track of the flower shop and whoever may come in or out, enough to see Lucifer raise his eyebrows and look at her curiously.
“My… first, Detective?”
Chloe shrugs, attempting to act nonchalant. “You know… Your first time, um, having sex.”
“Ah.” Lucifer shifts in his seat and tugs at his suit. “Why do you ask?”
“Just curious. I mean. Everyone has a first time and you’re the Devil, so… and you and Eve are… well.”
Lucifer perks up and leans closer to purr, “I’ll tell you mine if you tell me yours.”
Chloe pauses; a small part of her is a gibbering mess at the thought of making a deal with the Devil, but she had asked first. She knows he doesn’t view it as one of his deals, but It’s hard to get over her natural reticence. Working in a field dominated by men has taught her, with a few very notable exceptions, that revealing too much only gives her colleagues ammunition. She knows them well enough by now that any private details she discloses will turn into weapons. But this is Lucifer. He’s more than a colleague or even just her partner, he’s her friend. Plus, for someone who overshares all the time, he’s good at keeping details close to the chest when he wants to.
“Fine. I’ll tell. But you go first.” Chloe says, feeling brave in the face of Lucifer’s extensive sexual history.
“Yes, Eve was my first.”
There’s a long pause and when Lucifer doesn’t look to be forthcoming with any further details, Chloe can’t resist prodding him. “All of your explicit sex stories and that’s all you’re going to say on the matter?”
Lucifer runs a hand down the front of his suit. “It’s — ah — covered in Genesis. The forbidden fruit and all that. Turns out it was less fruit and more an… extramarital affair.”
Chloe stares at him, not entirely sure what she’s supposed to do with that information.
“Adam wasn’t exactly fulfilling for Eve in the bedroom... Or lack of a bedroom as those didn’t exist yet,” Lucifer says with a slight laugh. “When Eve shared the fruit of knowledge with Adam… It wasn’t so much fruit as it was the knowledge that he was a berk who couldn’t satisfy his wife. He walked in on us in flagrante delicto. Quite a blow to the ego to realize your wife is unfulfilled by your so-called sexual prowess. The resulting fight was bad enough that the both of them got kicked out of the garden.”
His gestures become more animated and Chloe relaxes as she’s hit with the familiarity of what Lucifer looks like when he’s in a snit about something.
“His surprise was appalling. I know now that the large majority of men are exceedingly disappointing at ensuring the pleasure of their partners, but at the time… Appalling. Just appalling. Poor Eve, it’s no wonder she was so eager to get away from the tosser.”
“Maybe I should give Genesis another read through.” Chloe says, amused despite her attempts to keep a straight face.
“Don’t bother, it reads like garbled fanfiction by this point. I’m a much better resource.” Lucifer waves a hand towards her. “Your turn, Detective.”
Chloe breathes, nervously running her hands over the steering wheel, yearning for a nervous tic to keep her occupied. She glances over at her partner out of the corner of her eye. “Her name was Anne.”
Lucifer’s eyebrows skyrocket and his face lights up. Chloe has been attempting to not look over at him, but the reaction is noticeable even in her peripheral vision.
“Detective!” Lucifer crows like he’s just won first place in a competition. “I had no idea! Well, I had some idea. But really… I would have thought your first time would have been an awkward and unfulfilling tumble with a boy in high school. Isn’t that how these things usually go?”
“Not this time,” Chloe says. “You know my high school experience was… Weird. I never dated and then High School Hot Tub was an attempt to please my mother and prove I wasn’t as awkward as I felt. Which was a massive failure for my self-confidence. Turns out that movie just opened a whole other can of awkward.”
“And wet dreams,” Lucifer adds unhelpfully.
Chloe doesn’t acknowledge his input. “I quit acting, went to college, and met Anne.”
She has Lucifer’s complete attention. His gaze is unwavering and she wishes he would blink at some point.
“It was my first year. We were in an Ethics of Law class together. There weren’t many students in the class, and Anne and I ended up being the only two women. It was… not a good experience.”
“Let me guess, the mansplaining was getting out of hand.”
Chloe sighs. “To put it mildly. When you and I first met, I couldn’t stand you, partly because it reminded me of that class.”
“Are you saying I reminded you of a… A bro!?”
Lucifer’s metaphorical feathers have definitely ruffled with that one. Chloe’s eyebrows are all the confirmation he needs.
“How dare you,” Lucifer sputters. “I am nothing like an Axe-soaked know-it-all human male.”
“Mmmhmmm.” Chloe humors him, “Know-it-all is right. The class was awful, but I needed the credit. And Anne was there. She was from Oklahoma and had just transferred in from a community college back home. Her family was very evangelical. They made her feel like she didn’t fit in. I was still getting over the death of my father and fighting with my mother. Take all that and mix with philosophical dude bros and we ended up clinging to each other.”
“Literally and metaphorically I assume. Now tell me all about the clinging. In detail, if you please.”
Chloe purses her lips and glares. Lucifer stares back, unblinking and unwavering. “Anne knew she was attracted to women when we met and I was… Questioning? I wasn’t sure where I stood on my sexuality. I’d had crushes on men and women by that point but didn’t have much in the way of relationship experience. She and I would go for coffee after class and complain about the teacher and our classmates. That turned into meeting up to study and before I knew it, Anne was telling me she thought I was cute and asking me out on a date.”
“And?” Lucifer prompts, eager for her to get to the good parts, which Chloe knows full well means sex.
“Not much to say. One date turned into another date and another. We had fun together and one night when Anne had the apartment to herself she invited me to spend the night and… We had sex.”
“And how was it?” Lucifer asks, eyes bright and giddy.
Chloe laughs, not at all surprised by his enthusiasm. “Started awkward but ended nice. I was pretty tense and Anne made me comfortable. I’d kissed a few boys before Hot Tub High School and kissed even more during the shoot, but I really liked kissing Anne. I liked how… soft she was and how good she smelled. And breasts. Breasts are pretty great.”
“No disagreements here,” Lucifer says. “And was the sex… good for you?”
“It was good. Really good. It was like something in me had been unlocked and I could just be myself with her. She wasn’t sleeping with ‘Chloe Decker the actress from Hot Tub High School’. She was sleeping with ‘Chloe Decker, her friend and classmate’, who she had a lot in common with. I liked that. Someone was attracted to me just because I was… me.”
“And what of Anne, Detective. What made you desire her?”
Chloe thinks about it. The memories are pleasant and ones she doesn’t mind revisiting. When she and Dan separated but hadn’t yet divorced, memories of Anne had featured prominently when she was feeling lonely and horny.
“I wasn’t attracted to her at first. I mean, she was gorgeous. Dark hair, dark eyes, long legs. The two of us enjoyed watching some of the guys in class make fools of themselves asking us for dates. But I think what attracted me to her… I had to get to know her first, and she was…” She hesitates, trying to put those amorphous feelings from so many years ago into words. “Kind and funny and genuinely passionate about her interests. Being attracted to her didn’t happen overnight. It just kind of… grew.”
“And where did this relationship with Anne lead? Hopefully, more nights of wild sex.”
Chloe laughs. Trust Lucifer to be concerned with everyone getting off. “We went our separate ways the next semester. Heavy class loads and schedules that didn’t sync up. We agreed it wasn’t working, but that it had been fun and maybe if things lined up in the future…” She shrugs. “The semester after that I had my first boyfriend, and she met her future wife. I went to her wedding and we still stay in touch.” Chloe ponders what a meeting between Anne and Lucifer would look like. It’s a rabbit hole that gets more ridiculous the longer she thinks about it. “She’d probably hate you,” she concludes.
She leans back in the seat, feeling oddly comfortable. Lucifer has always been easy to talk to, and the benefit of knowing him as she does is that he won’t judge.
Lucifer is still looking at her with a contemplative expression. “Was that your only romantic encounter with the fairer sex, Detective?” He asks.
Chloe shakes her head. “My first boyfriend didn’t last long.” She fidgets with the hem of her jacket, nervous about the next part after Lucifer’s earlier rant “The sex wasn’t good and I didn’t want to be in a relationship where my pleasure was optional. I dated a woman after him and for a bit I thought maybe I was attracted to just women.”
Her glare cuts Lucifer’s apologetic tut short. She’s not ready to deal with commentary from the peanut gallery about her terrible sex life.
“I think I liked dating women because I could relax around them easier than I could with the guys. Men tried to move too fast, and it was a turnoff. I finally figured out I liked both once I was further into my college education. Once I gave relationships more time to develop before jumping into bed, things got better.”
She glances over at Lucifer. He’s leaning back against the car door, playing with his flask.
“It’s all very enlightening really,” he says. “I should have guessed that you would be one that needs the emotional connection before anything sexual develops.”
Silence takes over. Lucifer takes a swig from his flask and Chloe stares at the storefront, very pointedly not looking at him. She wants to call it a night, but with her luck, the suspect they’re waiting for would show up as soon as they drove off. It’s best to see it through.
Chloe gathers her courage. “What about you?”
“What about me what, Detective?”
“Eve was the first woman you had sex with. What about the first man?” She cuts a look over at him. “Was it Adam?”
Lucifer snorts. “He was a stick in the mud, barely even interested in sleeping with his own wife. How Eve persevered through that, on Earth and in the Silver City, I shall never know.” He rolls his eyes upward at the last declaration, the picture of a frustrated man, which Chloe finds rather hilarious considering he’s upset about someone else’s sex life, or lack thereof.
He turns his attention back to her. “No, I never slept with Adam. My experiences with the same sex came later. I believe it was a couple thousand years after the Garden. I was back to Hell after the whole Garden of Eden fiasco, and since the Earth didn’t have many humans clinging to its surface back then, my vacations were few and far between.”
“How do Adam and Eve fit in with, I don’t know, established human history?” Chloe asks, the detective in her itching to line up the pieces and form a story that makes sense.
Lucifer smirks at her. She squints her eyes back at him, a non-verbal dare to just get on with it.
“The earth is not 6,000 years old, regardless of what some ill-informed miscreants claim. It’s much, much older. Dad has been tinkering with it for eons — what we all thought of as a side project took on a life of its own and became quite the obsession. Humans evolved, just like any other animal. It took millions of years of evolution and Dad finally had something he was happy with. Adam and Lilith were the final product, I guess you could say.”
“Lilith?” Chloe asks, unfamiliar with the name.
“Adam’s first wife. Don’t mention her around Maze,” he answers breezily. “She wasn’t interested in being Adam’s wife and struck out on her own. If you couldn’t tell, Dad’s perfect man was a knob. Dad created Eve from Adam’s rib once it became clear Lilith would have nothing to do with him.”
“Why are they considered the first people then?”
“Why Detective, they’re the first people with souls that Dad allowed into the Silver City. Think of Adam like patient zero. Once they were cast out of the garden their interactions with other humans caused just enough divinity to rub off that it was only a matter of time before Heaven and Hell were buried in a sea of humanity. Souls always come with the fun stuff: self-awareness, guilt, the ability to be depraved in ways a simple animal can’t. Flip side is that humans can show breathtaking grace when it’s least expected.”
Chloe nods, her curiosity somewhat assuaged. Enough that Lucifer can get on with his story without the niggling feeling that the pieces weren’t lining up. "Your first time with a man?” She prompts, getting the conversation back on track.
If a person could bounce while staying seated and not moving at all, Lucifer would be it. He’s practically gleeful now that he’s back on the familiar ground of telling sex stories. “The next time I gave Hell the slip, I went to North Africa. People have been living there for thousands of years, and at the time it was home to several groups of roving humans. Hunter-gatherers is the modern term, I believe, and I was desperate for some culture and a decent conversation that didn’t involve demons or screaming.”
Chloe knows him well enough that she can pick out the threads of loneliness that sometimes weave their way through his stories. He covers it up with humor and a general bounciness that easily distracts from the very real issues of his past. She can’t imagine being so lonely that she would spend her vacations seeking out strangers.
“It wasn’t hard to find a group of humans. I simply walked into the nearest camp and charmed them all. I knew I’d be tossed back down to Hell, but I needed out, even if it was only for a few days. I don’t think I knew what I was looking for, but at the time sex certainly wasn’t it.” He trails off and smiles. “I walked into that camp and one of their young men looked at me in a way I wasn’t used to being seen.”
Chloe thumps him on the thigh when his smile morphs into more of a smirk.
“He was one of their young warriors and the son of their matriarch. I showed up when he was days away from being married to a girl from a neighboring group. He wasn’t terribly thrilled with the idea, and when I walked into camp, he got it in his head that I’d be a nice distraction from the prospect of having to bed a girl.”
“Did his family know that he didn’t want this marriage?” She asks, sympathizing with a young woman from so long ago whose fate had been decided for her.
“I believe they were aware, but like any good son it wasn’t his place to question.” Lucifer scowls at the windshield, his gaze thousands of years away. “I was a naïve young thing back then and didn’t quite pick up on his desire until I asked.” There’s a long pause and Chloe catches his eyes darting her way briefly. “In Hell, I am an object of fear to the human souls that trickle in. On Earth, being an object of desire was a new experience.” Lucifer’s dark eyes rove over to her and she is caught in his gaze. “Living humans are refreshing. It was — is… nice to be wanted.”
Chloe has a hard time seeing Lucifer as young and innocent. When she had thought he was living his life in metaphors, she sometimes entertained visions of Lucifer as a curly haired precocious child or even a gawky teenager attempting and failing to hit on other gawky teenage girls. Finding out that he wasn’t lying and actually was the Devil… She’s still trying to reformat the images in her head. She tries to imagine Lucifer walking into a camp of hunter gatherers thousands of years ago and her mental image is an incongruous mishmash of Lucifer in a suit with perfect hair and Louboutins surrounded by people out of a PBS documentary.
Lucifer shrugs as if he can’t figure out why anyone would want him. “He took me out for a hunt shortly after I asked what he desired. Once we were a fair distance, I had a lapful of nubile young man and was rediscovering my fondness for kissing.” He hums happily. “Long legs on that one. Legs for miles… He had his way with me. It was rather lovely and quite the revelation. One of Dad’s grand jokes — that some of the most unique pleasure a man can have is from being penetrated — as long as a chap knows what he’s doing, that is.”
“And your… friend. He knew what he was doing?”
“Shockingly experienced and he came prepared. Lube has come so far since then. Years ago, if you wanted to bugger a man, you’d better have lard or oil on hand. Humans really are imaginative creatures, especially with getting yourselves off. So many options. It’s quite wonderful.”
“What happened to him? Did he end up marrying the girl?” Chloe asks, genuinely curious about Lucifer’s young man from so long ago.
He smiles widely at her. “Our so-called hunting trip took a few days. We caught enough to keep ourselves fed, but for the most part, it was days of sex. I was figuring out what I liked, and he was happy to experiment with me. Human imagination and creativity is boundless and I had no idea at the time that there were so many different positions.” Lucifer licks his lips and hums. “I had no idea humans could be so flexible.”
He leans closer like he’s about to impart some great secret. “He’d done me a favor and so I repaid him in kind. People aren’t hard to impress, especially superstitious hunter gatherers, and especially when you’re the Devil. I had them convinced the gods chose him for a higher purpose and he was destined to be a great Holy Man for their people. Such a shame that marriage would be wasted on him. He was so very sad about it,“ Lucifer says, the underlying glee in his voice easy to spot. “It rather worked out for the best. He got what he desired, and the poor girl they’d chosen to marry him, hopefully, ended up with a man that wanted to warm her bed. It’s a travesty forcing people to do things against their inclinations. The amount of human suffering going on in Hell over it is rather stunning.” He tilts his head and looks at her with dark eyes, “I do hope that slaked your curiosity, Detective.”
Chloe smiles. “It did. Thank you, Lucifer. It’s a sweeter story than I expected.”
“History does rather have me pegged wrong.” Lucifer’s lips twist. “Although not about the actual pegging. That’s another rather delightful human invention I must tell you about sometime.”
“Ah.” Chloe gapes at him, “I’ll take a raincheck.”
Lucifer nods and Chloe is positive he’s going to spring the story on her in a completely inappropriate and embarrassing way in her future.
“Do you remember all of them?” she asks. “The people you’ve slept with?”
“I do. I’ve perfect recall and humans are so wonderfully unique, especially in matters of sex. I enjoy fulfilling desire and what humans so often desire is sexual — especially when it’s forbidden. And for the Devil, little is forbidden.”
They sit in silence for a moment. Lucifer is still looking at her and Chloe wants to fidget under his gaze. “What about you, Detective? Whatever so helpful label do you put on your identity?”
Chloe thinks about it. She’s already admitted more to Lucifer tonight than she has previously. Dan knows a bit, but she’s never gone into detail with him. There’s a patch with the bi flag floating around in a drawer. She’s been meaning to put it on a jean jacket, but every time she gets around to it, she chickens out: too caught up in her own head and what her friends and colleagues might think of her. Chloe purses her lips and answers out loud for the first time, “Bisexual, I suppose.” Lucifer is still next to her, his head slightly tilted, and his eyes are warm. “What about you?” she asks, not wanting to dwell too long on her own answer.
Lucifer pauses and she can see him turning the question over in his head. “That is much more complicated for me than it is for humans. I’ve spent all of human history being saddled with labels, so I don’t care to apply them to myself.” He looks over at Chloe and smiles like he’s about to reveal a grand secret, “Dad created my siblings and I with natures that do not normally lend themselves to a desire for sex. Honestly, it’s not something most of my siblings would ever consider, as they see humans as beneath them — and not in a fun way. I’ve always been different. Never fit in. Contrary to popular belief, I like humans: male, female, and every iteration in-between.”
Movement in the street catches Chloe’s eye and she leans forward peering into the darkness. A shadow is making its way from building to building along the sidewalk. Features are hard to make out at this distance, but the general build looks similar to their suspect. The conversation in the car has been surprisingly comfortable for such intimate topics, but Chloe is eager to get home and sleep. She’s hoping they’ll have things wrapped up within a few hours.
The figure doesn’t quite manage to stay in darkness and when they pass through the streetlight, Chloe catches a quick glimpse of their face. She’s up and out of the car in moments, handgun drawn and ready. Lucifer is right behind her, silent and menacing.
Their suspect doesn’t run, and it’s an easy arrest. Chloe knows she has Lucifer to thank for that. Having the Devil at your back radiating menace and hell-forged eyes goes a long way towards suspects suddenly becoming cooperative.
The drive to Lux is silent, but it’s comfortable this time. There’s no need to talk. They’re both tired and after a night of spilling secrets, it’s hard to go back to being awkward.
Lucifer pauses before he gets out of her car, one long leg out of the door, hand still on the handle. He turns to her. “The Los Angeles Pride Parade is this weekend. Eve and I had discussed going. If it’s not too much of an imposition… would you like to come along? We can all wear our Bisexual best. I’ve got extra flags even. It would be… fun.”
She smiles and stamps down on her nervousness. “I’d like that.”
“Excellent. I am looking forward to the pleasure of your company.” And then he’s trotting off towards the entrance of Lux.
Chloe watches him go, warmth blossoming in her chest at the thought of spending time with a friend who accepts her as she is.