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I want to be loved

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He startled out of his sleep, couldn't remember his surroundings. Only slowly the memories came back. The concert. His breakdown. The psych ward.

They told him that only a longtime therapy could help him, but it still needed a while until he was ready for it. All too long he had hidden behind a save mask. The mask of the successful entertainer who always knew to surprise with new, brilliant songs and sparkling, colorful costumes. On stage he felt like a God, adored by everyone.

But the truth was different. Deep inside he was still the desperate, lonely boy, longing for the love of his parents, not knowing whereto he did belong. Parties; sex, drugs and alcohol had been his sheet anchor for a long while. He had drowned all the feelings he couldn't deal with. Until... it almost broke him.

He took a deep breath, and another one, when he did remember yesterday's meeting. The unexpected breakthrough; finally he had felt ready to let loose. He couldn't even say why; why now, why at all. But his mask had started to crumble, and he had talked about things he hadn't even known that he still did remember them. And the more he told about his life the more he realized it.

He had never learned to accept himself as he was. When he ever wanted to be loved by other people it was time to start with it.