Work Header

Ajax Group Chat

Chapter Text

Hakim Ziyech has added Noussair Mazraoui, Matthijs de Ligt, Frenkie de Jong, Lasse Schöne, KJ Huntelaar, Donny van de Beek, Andre Onana, Nico Tagliafico, Daley Blind, and Lisandro Magallan to the chat


Hakim: I thought we needed a group chat


Hakim: For Ajax, you know


Noussair: you’re so full of it


Noussair: you just complained about being bored for the last half hour


Noussair: Hakimi and I TRIED to get you to swim with us 


Noussair: ...instead you made a group chat?


Donny: Hey I like this idea


Matthijs: Why didn’t we add Dus?


Matthijs: But we added Licha?


Lisandro: :(


Matthijs: Sorry Licha :(


Lisandro: :)


Donny: :)


Matthijs: :)


KJ: no carel??


Noussair: he’s bored, not smart 


Hakim: why are you so mean to me babe


Donny: b a be??


Matthijs: Did we miss something??


Lasse: I’m muting you 


Nico: Lasse it’s been five minutes 


Hakim: Speaking or grumpy Danes, I DO know I forgot someone


Hakim Ziyech has added Kasper Dolberg to the chat


Kasper: ????


Kasper: We already had a group chat


Kasper: What is this??


Daley: hakim is bored 


Donny: did we all miss the part where hakim called nous “babe” or did i imagine that too?


Matthijs: oh about that, since when was this a thing?


Noussair: i missed out on that being a thing too 


Hakim: It’s just a nickname everyone is babe


KJ: Lasse, come back babe


Lasse: Don’t do that


Nico: Where is Dusan? Carel? Veltman?


Frenkie: I thought you couldn’t speak English Nico


Nico: I tHoUght yOu cOuldn’T sPeaK eNgliSh nIco


Frenkie: ://


Andre: He’s Argentine not stupid 


Lisandro: Yeah!!


Andre: On second thought maybe they’re the same thing


Lisandro: :(


Hakim: Good point


Hakim Ziyech has added Joël Veltman to the chat


Hakim: Veltman!


KJ: Why is Frenkiestein here but not the other Daley or Lisandro? 


Frenkie: HEY


Matthijs: You’re not an Ajax player, Frenk


Andre: oh deary me


Kasper: the irony 


Daley: Hey the Danes completed a rhyme!


Andre: The who now?


Frenkie: Daley do you think before you speak 


Daley: Did you think before transferring to FC Croatialona?


Frenkie: ........


Lasse: Lmfao oh shit


Hakim: Nous is laughing like a goblin




Donny: Hey welcome back Lasse!


Lasse: It’s Rasmus, why didn’t you add me?


Hakim: Good point 


Donny: WAIT 


Donny: Too soon to be adding any Portuguese 😔


Hakim: Does nobody have a memorable nationality??


Nico: If you get a yellow before the second leg, does it even make a sound? Do you pass the round of eight?


Nico: The answer is yes


Nico: Wij Zijn Ajax, bitches


Daley: ~Frenkie don’t interact~


Matthijs: Veltman can you do anything but read the chat and ghost?


KJ: I mean he kind of looks like a ghost


Joël: bitch.


Donny: @Hakim what does a goblin laughing sound like


Hakim: Like Nous the Goose


Donny: thanks


Noussair: Nous the goose


Daley: Nous the goose


KJ: Nous the goose


Nico: Nous the goose 


Kasper: You laugh kind of like a goose Donny


Donny: Am I a cute goose? :)


Kasper: Sure Don you’re the cutest goose


Frenkie: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  


Lisandro: Okay the other Lisandro? New Lisandro?


Andre: Didn’t you hear Donny? It’s tOo early for new pOrtuGese!1!1


Donny: oh wait


Hakim: Good point 


Hakim Ziyech has added Bruno Varela


Andre: Brother!


Bruno: Hi hi hi


Frenkie: You added the one Portuguese we have 


Hakim: And? Bite me.


KJ: Woah there


Bruno: Why no Portuguese?


Matthijs: cough nations league final cough


Andre: He didn’t even


Bruno: I didn’t even play


Hakim: EXACTLY @Donny 


Donny: Whatever. Ooh add the other Daley 


Lasse: And Dusan


Kasper: I thought you left?


Lasse: Sometimes I am Hakim


Nico: explain


Lasse: Do dumb stuff when I’m bored


Lasse: Like checking this chat


Lisandro: :o 


Hakim Ziyech has added Daley Sinkgraven, Carel Eiting, Lisandro Martínez, Dušan Tadić, and Rasmus  Nissan Kristensen


Rasmus: took you long enough


Hakim: I brought you into this group chat I can take you out just as easily


Daley: woah calm down mom


Daley: Yeah Mama calm please


Lisandro: How can we tell the Daleys apart??


Lisandro: good point


Daley: I’m Blind 


Hakim: then how are you playing ://


Daley: smartass


Blind: I’m Daley Blind


Blind: You can keep your name, Sinkie


Daley: :) 


Dušan: Hello friends!


Bruno: Wait did you seriously not add Neres??


Frenkie: holy shit we forgot Neres 


Matthijs: Correction: Hakim forgot Neres.


Noussair: Keem forgot half the roster 


KJ: Well isn’t that unfortunate 


Lisandro: So I think you should be Lisandro M. And I’m regular Lisandro


Nico: aren’t you both... Lisandro M.?


Licha: Is this better


Lisandro: I just got here help


Andre: You are in for a ride my friend 


Donny: Don’t you all speak Spanish? Why English?


Frenkie: I don’t see us speaking Dutch, Don


Matthijs: or Dus speaking Serbian 


Dušan: Nobody speaks Serbian here!


Bruno: I could probably talk to someone in my native language




Noussair: keem what language do we speak 


Hakim: Whatever we want to speak in babe


Joël: Babe?


Blind: Oh yeah you weren’t here for that


Blind: Ziyechinho says it’s a nickname for everyone 


Blind: but has only used it for Nous


Daley: Where’s my babe?


Hakim: oh yeah I forgot to add him


Hakim Ziyech has added Václav Černý 


Daley: ❤️ :)


Matthijs: wholesome


Václav: hey!


Václav: didn’t we already have a group chat?


Kasper: Right!


KJ: Yeah But Hakim made another


Hakim: That was for training. This is for cool kids and fun


Andre: Minus Neres


Bruno: We want Neres!


Dušan: A kid. I feel 19 and hip again. 


Matthijs: I am 19 and hip


Carel: I’m 21 and almost broke my hip 


Donny: Oof too soon Carel


Carel: I’m the one who got the surgery though-


Nico: Neres anyone??


Licha: Hakim can we add Neres?


Blind: He makes one good point 


Licha: Score!


Noussair: why don’t you add david


Hakim: He Knows What He Did


Kasper: ... What did he do


Andre: Now I’m scared of Neres


Nico: Ik zet herres ik zet herres


Matthijs: Op die flank als David


Bruno: Neres!


Frenkie: Imagine not being in the song


Lasse: Imagine playing under Valverde right now


Daley: Lasse comes to roast and leaves again


Daley: I relate


Kasper: my aesthetic tbh


Donny: Your aesthetic is being adorable!


Václav: How much did I miss??


Carel: Ditto


Lisandro: I third that


Daley: I fourth that


KJ: I’ve been here the whole time and I’m not even sure


Nico: Are we ever sure? Is sure a feeling? An emotion? A doubt? Am I sure I play for Argentina? Countries are a concept. The world is my Pangea and I play for Mother Nature.


Hakim: Fuckin hell Galileo where did that come from


Matthijs: the heart


Frenkie: The Soul


Licha: The existential crisis


Dušan: Can I play for Argentina then? 


Nico: No I don’t want to be battered by Ukraine


Noussair: Nous the goose has returned I’m dead 


Dušan: At least we made it to the World Cup!


Lisandro: We did too tho


Licha: It wasn’t one to remember but yeah 


Dušan: If Ghandi here wants to play for everyone he can play for the Dutch too. Boom roasted. 


Klaas: Hey


Matthijs: What’s that supposed to mean?


Frenkie: Oof ouch that hurted


Donny: Koeman is mean to me but HEY


Blind: Suddenly I am my name. I cannot see


Carel: I wasn’t called up but.... harsh


Andre: We’re in a group chat because of a Dutch club though 


Václav: World Cups are for losers 


Andre: Agreed


Bruno: Okay but can somebody add Neres??