Ch 1: Just This Once
Kara’s apartment was warm and fresh with the wide windows thrown open to the summer night air. It was growing late. The hour hand on the wall clock crept towards eleven and there was a muffled commotion by the front door as feet struggled to be slipped into shoes and purses and phones were safely accounted for. It had been a rare night off for all of them and they took full advantage of it. Nia stumbled out of the door first with Kelly after running the gauntlet of goodbye hugs, waving around her phone to show them her uber alert. Sam and Alex were hot on her heels to make sure Ruby and her friends hadn’t burned the house down. (She hadn’t, but it was a reoccuring teasing line after she had attempted to pop a bag of popcorn with her newfound Kryptonian powers the year before.) Kara had scooped Alex into a massive hug and promised that she would show up for training the following morning before work. That left Kara, Jess, and Lena.
“Jess, please promise me that you’re not going to do any work tomorrow.” Lena pinned her assistant, her friend in the off hours, with a stern expression.
It would have been more stern if she wasn’t pink faced and slightly inebriated. Jess sighed and hiked her purse up onto her shoulder.
“Only if you won’t.”
Kara flopped dramatically onto Lena with her arms loose around her shoulders. “Yeah, Lena. No working tomorrow.”
Lena huffed and gave up before she could even really fight the two of them. “At least not until the afternoon, then.”
Jess grinned. “Deal. I’m dragging Charlie to the market tomorrow morning anyways.”
“Good. Now shoo, and tell Charlie hi for me.” Lena shrugged off Kara and gave her a polite hug.
“I will, goodnight. Goodnight, Ka- ooph-”
Lena bit back a laugh as Kara scooped up the petite woman into an equally massive hug that everyone else had gotten that night. Eventually Jess was on her way and Kara’s apartment fell into a companionable ease. Lena shouldered playfully past her best friend and wandered into the open space shared by the dining area and the kitchen. It had become habit the past year-ish for Lena to stay over on Friday nights after she and James broke up, giving in to Kara’s suggestion of You never got to have sleepovers growing up and I didn’t really either but it’s an essential part of friendship so we need to catch up . It wasn’t like Lena could refuse her even if she wanted to. She craved the normalcy that Kara offered and selfishly fell into a new routine. They watched trashy movies, old cartoon TV shows, and youtube videos ranging from vine compilations to street food vendors to a gourmet chef trying to recreate snacks to knife restoration to any science video they could get their hands on. And cute puppy videos. So many cute puppies. Winn had even managed to get them an original Nintendo and some games. They would watch or play, eat snacks and drink and generally forget the outside world existed for a few blissful hours until exhaustion tugged at their eyes and they fell into bed. It had been an amazing addition to Lena’s routine and one that made her feel less like a corporate robot.
“ Ugh .”
The quiet clatter of Kara kicking her heels off behind her made Lena glance over her shoulder. She had dressed in a stylishly casual outfit that evening of black skinny jeans and a sleeveless royal blue top that looked lightweight and a little slinky. Lena would have had to have been an idiot to not recognize how attractive her best friend was, and it had turned into a point of teasing when she had drunkenly admitted that she would let her have her way with her if they weren’t friends. It had purely been a wine-soaked-brain comment and that had been over a year ago. Kara had playfully taken it in stride, though James had given Lena an odd look. Her relationship with him had just ended and he had happened to go out with the group one last time before he moved back to a new job in Metropolis. It hadn’t been working, and they both gracefully managed to navigate a mutual breakup, even if it had hurt. Lena hated that he felt that he needed to leave, but the most mature thing he had told her through the entire situation was I don’t want you to lose your friends too.
And now? Now Lena was enjoying being single and having an actual social life with a slowly growing group of close friends. Sure, she had tried dating some people. A nice dinner with an interesting man here, an engaging coffee date with an intelligent woman there, but all in all she wasn’t ready to put herself back out there yet. And after Mon-El, Kara was in the same boat. She had been drifting much longer than Lena but she was happy. More in tune with herself and who she was and what she wanted. It was refreshing to see her best friend so alive and vibrant and Lena hoped she would find someone to help nurture that in partnership with her. Her brief ruminitions were interrupted as Kara gave her a gleeful look, and then bolted at a human speed in the direction of the living area.
“ Dibs on the couch!”
Kara dodged past her in a whirl of blonde hair as Lena kicked off her own shoes and bum-rushed the couch, hot on her heels. She just managed to eek past, laughing like the teenager she never really got to be, when strong arms wrapped around her and carefully spun her in the opposite direction. Lena stumbled around the coffee table just as Kara flopped onto the couch with a triumphant laugh, somehow managing to save her shins some bruises from the edge of the furniture.
“Oh you asshole.” Lena laughed and scooped up a throw pillow.
“No, wait- brf-”
Lena clocked her square in the face and Kara dissolved into laughter. But she moved her legs as her upper body slumped into the cushions, leaving more than enough room for Lena to curl up comfortably next to her. She was glad she had opted for her own stylish pants because it meant she could sit as lazily as she wanted. So she did.
“You must be a two year old.” She teased, feeling warm and cozy from the good evening, good company, and good alcohol. A siren wailed in the distance and Kara listened for a moment, and then relaxed.
“False alarm. Okay, but, like. If I’m two then you’re, like, a zygote.”
Lena walloped her again on the hip as Kara laughed.
“Oh no, wait, what’s the english word for before a zygote-”
Lena twisted up onto her knees and brought the pillow down again. She got in two more hefty swings when Kara lurched up at her. She wrapped her arms around her when she was mid up-swing with a triumphant HAH . An undignified squeak escaped her chest and Kara hauled her back down to the couch with a cackle and a lithe leg slung around the back of her legs. Lena protested as the world turned on its side and she found herself trapped in Kara’s grip with her face smooshed uncomfortably into the back cushion of the couch. She could hear and feel her laughter, warm in her ears and vibrating through her chest. Lena harrumphed through smushed lips and let the fight bleed out of her body. The lunge had been a very Kara thing to do. It was a habit for her to snuggle up to all of their friends who allowed it like a koala. A much smarter koala thankyouverymuch , but a clinger nonetheless. It had been a culture shock to Lena in the beginning, but she had eventually realized how much she needed the contact.
“‘M gonna get makeup on your couch.” She mumbled, trying to figure out how to wriggle her arms back underneath her from where they were splayed awkwardly across the arm of the couch.
Kara jostled them and Lena’s gin-softened brain had a hard time telling where exactly her limbs were, but she managed to get her left arm back and into the crease of the couch. She turned her face and let herself rest in the space in between the cushion and Kara’s head. She got a noseful of golden hair and relaxed bonelessly for her weekly dose of Kara-contact.
“I think I’ll stay here a while.” She murmured as Kara’s arms relaxed into a comfortable weight on her back. “Sleepy.”
“There’s a bed twenty feet away.” Kara’s voice hummed close by.
“That requires effort.”
“Okay, but would you mind not laying directly on my bladder please?”
Lena snorted and shifted her hips and her leg that had gotten trapped by Kara’s.
Kara’s ribbing trailed off and Lena puffed out a sigh. “Y’know, maybe stop me before I have that much gin again, okay? I’m not in college anymore.”
Kara only hummed high in her chest in response.
“I wish we had stopped for drunk food.” Lena mumbled slowly in a slight slur, feeling extra floaty at the moment. “I really want some french fries. With cheese and bacon. And then i want to take a double cheeseburger and stuff a fried chicken sandwich in between them. Or pizza. Can we order some pizza?”
When Kara only continued to respond with short answers instead of her usual eagerness about food, even a tipsy Lena Luthor knew something wasn’t quite right. She huffed another sigh against Kara’s neck and struggled to sit up. She wriggled into a slightly propped up position where she could see her face but froze at the odd sound that was pulled from Kara’s chest. Kara’s arms tightened around her again and held her still.
“Kara? Are you okay?” She asked, apprehension coiling in her chest as she finally looked at her.
Her face was flushed and her eyes were squeezed shut. Lena watched the muscles in her neck bob with a swallow. Lena tried again to extricate herself but as soon as she shifted again Kara’s eyes flew open and she sucked in a deep breath.
“Hang-hang on a second.”
Lena froze again, her brow drawing down in confusion. “Kara?”
“Um. Mentally? Panicking. Panicking a lot. Physically? Uh. Dandy.”
“Yeah, and I’m a little at a loss here. Just. Um. Sit still for a minute? Please?” She rushed out quickly, staring valiantly at the ceiling.
“Kara-” Lena made an actual effort to sit up and immediately realized her mistake when her hips jolted up into hers with another sound. A quiet whine.
Lena was then very aware of how close she was pressed against her, and now how Kara’s lean muscular thigh felt between her legs. In just the most dangerous spot. A zip of pleasure crackled up her spine and Lena sucked in a breath as the unconscious movement made Kara press into her clit and oh god this was not good. Fire raced across her skin but the sudden lance of mortification was hotter.
“ Oh no .”
Kara huffed a single depreciative laugh. “Stupid body.”
“Sorry.” Lena managed to eek out, unable to move away because if she did so she would press against Kara again, who was holding her still to keep that from happening again.
“Yeah, um. Me too?”
“Up on three?”
“Yeah okay. One-”
Neither one of them moved, but the thigh pressed against her flexed and Lena was rudely reminded of the deep pull that she hadn’t really paid attention to recently.
“ Fuck, don’t do that .” She hissed, trying not to look at Kara’s face. Her own burned in embarrassment and Lena knew that this was bound to get tricky. If not even more awkward than it already was. “I can’t get up if you don’t let go, Kara.”
“I’m sorry, I’m afraid-”
“-and if you leave and don’t come back I’ll understand-”
“-I think I’ll go do a polar bear plunge in the arctic-”
“-or maybe just launch myself into space-”
Without moving anything below her shoulders, Lena blindly reached up with her free hand. She found Kara’s jaw and with clumsy fingers, covered her mouth. Kara stilled.
“Thank you. Now be quiet for a second.”
Kara nodded against her hand and Lena couldn’t help but notice how soft her lips were under the pads of her fingers. Or how her warm breath felt washing over her knuckles. Lena swallowed down thick panic and carefully removed her hand to brace it on the edge of the couch. This wasn’t exactly what she had been expecting to happen that evening. Or ever . They were always considerate about how they sat together or touched each other, never having needed or even thought of something more beyond friendship. Well. Not until now, in an accident orchestrated by well meaning teasing and the unfortunate position of limbs.
Everything felt too hot. Too constraining. Too sensitive. Lena’s attention was torn between trying to hype herself up to get off Kara, and the aching pull low in her belly. It had been… a while since she had gotten any kind of action that wasn’t from her own hand. Which didn’t bother her too much, it was far less messy and stressful than dating someone new or risking a one-night-stand. But it didn’t erase the fact that the more base instinct to grind her hips down was screaming unintelligibly at her.
But this was Kara . Her best friend. She couldn’t do that to her. Lena refused to do that to her. It wouldn’t be fair.
What was really throwing her into a panic was the realization that if it did happen she wouldn’t mind.
“So, um.” She cleared her throat awkwardly, trying to form thoughts around how heavy her heartbeat was in between her legs. “I’m so sorry, but what should we do? Should i rip off the bandaid and pretend this didn’t happen? Should I call a car?”
“Yeah, uh, you can, that’s fine.”
“What exactly? All of it?”
Kara fell silent. Lena tried not to think about how their stomachs were pressing together. How she could feel her breathing. How warm and solid she felt against her. How the small part of her brain encouraging her to throw herself over that line she was toeing was getting more insistent. How her body seemed to continue to heat and she could feel betraying arousal pooling in between her legs. She glanced out of the corner of her eye and found Kara watching her carefully, her face still flushed and her eyes full of the same mix of panic and base desire that Lena felt. Lena was about to ask again when Kara whispered something.
“What if it’s just this once?”
Lena felt her brain grind to a halt. She was also pretty sure they both stopped breathing for a moment. Kara’s face grew impossibly flushed when she realized what she had said and Lena’s attention was drawn to how her fingers clenched nervously against her back, scorching through her thin top and leading her brain down an even more convoluted path. A path of wondering what those strong, sure fingers would feel like against her. Inside her.
“No, you’re right, I shouldn’t have said that, it was stupid-”
Kara nearly stopped breathing again. “W-what?”
“Just this once. It’s not like… we’re not actually dating or anything. We’re just uh... unless you don’t want to.” She rambled, trying to make sense of her jumbled thoughts. “I can leave, we can pretend this never happened, we can-”
“You just said okay.” Kara cut across her.
“But not if you don’t want to.”
“Well, I mean, it’s been… I-I trust you. That’s not an issue.” Kara tried to return her gaze to the ceiling but her eyes kept dragging back to Lena. Kept flitting lower to her chin and past. “And you’re really pretty. It’s unfair, I hope you know that. I’ve told you that before oh my god Kara stop talking. ”
Lena had to blush at that. How could she not, when Kara had a thigh firmly pressed against her? She had told her the same thing before, but it was different in such a new context. And it had been a while. It would be nice to have someone else do the work for a change, and she did trust Kara.
Blue eyes trained back on her face. Lena took a deep breath and steeled herself, shoving aside the fraction of her brain yelling at her to slow the fuck down this isn’t a good idea .
“If I ask you to touch me, will you?”
She felt Kara’s breath hitch in her chest and her fingers pressed tighter into her back. She nodded hesitantly. Her mouth worked for a long minute as she searched for her words.
“What do you need?”
It was such a simple question but it pushed Lena’s body into overdrive. Slowly, Lena moved her hips again, creating a little space in between them. Kara gasped quietly as Lena’s thigh pressed a little more firmly against her before drawing back a few inches.
“Do you want me to touch you too?” Lena asked, holding herself just above her best friend, her grip on the edge of the couch white-knuckled.
Kara nodded again, more sure of herself. “Just this once?”
“Yeah. Just this once.” Lena agreed with her heartbeat roaring in her ears, prying her hand from the couch and reaching in between them.
She felt Kara’s hand slide around her side to the fasten of her pants as she jerked open the button to her jeans. That nagging thought of this is a bad idea, you shouldn’t do this continued on a loop in her head and she was about to balk again when her waistband loosened and a warm hand slid into the front of her underwear. All higher brain function ceased when Kara’s fingers slid over her clit and into the slick heat that had gathered, drawing the sharp tingling ache of pleasure tighter. Lena moaned and slumped forward, her forehead pressing into the couch cushion next to Kara’s head. Just that once touch felt so sinfully good . She heard Kara murmur something in Kryptonian under her breath as she started slow circles of light pressure around her clit, the tips of her fingers unbelievably warm and sliding easily over her. Lena’s brain short-circuited and she fumbled with the zipper of Kara’s pants for just a second before drawing it down and pressing her own hand flat to her abdomen.
Dear god help her, she was sleeping with her best friend.
Lena pushed her hand underneath the waistband of Kara’s underwear, down, down with her heart stuck in her throat, past the thatch of coarse hair, and into the silky slick heat between her legs. She easily found the little bundle of nerves and swiped her fingers over it. Kara gasped and tried not to roll her hips too harshly into Lena’s hand, her fingers stuttering for a moment against her. She couldn’t help but sigh at how warm and wet Kara felt, and she had the selfish urge to dip lower to find out how soft she actually was. But Kara’s fingers started a bolder, heavier pattern against her clit and it was all she could do to mirror her. Fire roiled in her belly, licking against the inside of her ribs and choking her lungs, leaving her tongue heavy in her mouth as her hips rolled mindlessly against Kara’s hand. She moved her fingers faster against Kara and relished the small sounds she made. Kara’s other hand left her back and slid down, splaying greedily over her rear as she moaned breathlessly in Lena’s ear.
It was awkward. More than awkward. A maybe we should stop and talk about this kind of awkward. This wasn’t normal friend behavior, or what she would associate with it. But it felt too good and they didn’t stop and their bodies coiled tighter at a million miles an hour, bucking against each other’s hands. It was so fast and so rushed that she felt like she was hurtling towards something she wasn’t remotely ready for. Lena didn’t want to stop, and the way Kara was pulling her into her hand was a sure sign that she didn’t want to either. In an attempt to get a little less guilt out of the entire situation, Lena tried to pretend that Kara’s fingers weren’t, well, Kara’s . Her mind rapidly cycled through scenarios of random attractive women with blurry features, trying to find a different face to think about. Anyone else to think about. Her brain gravitated towards someone athletic with tanned skin and long hair as the knot in her belly tightened tighter and tighter with their frantic swipes.
She was doing okay until the faceless woman focused into familiar pouting lips and clear blue eyes. Lena couldn’t hold back the whine that escaped and Kara’s fingers pulled her roughly over the edge into release. Her mind fell blank as her hips jolted into her friend’s hand, briefly registering Kara’s soft slew of english and Kryptonian as she came messily against Lena’s fingers. Hot pleasure blossomed out from her hips and where Kara’s fingers stuttered over her clit, slick with arousal.
Lena didn’t know how long it lasted for. A few seconds? Half a minute? Longer? But one thing she did know was that it was one of the best orgasms she had experienced in months. Her mind was blissfully blank and her hips unconsciously ground into Kara’s hand. Eventually the waves pulsing through her hips subsided and she crashed back to Kara’s denim blue couch. Back to reality. Back to what they did. Back to Kara’s fingers resting on her and the low pull of sickening guilt in her stomach.
Oh god, she just had sex with her best friend.
Oh Jesus fuck mother bitch .
Lena carefully withdrew her hand and tried not to pay attention too closely to how her slick fingers felt against Kara’s toned abdomen, or how it drew another soft moan from the woman underneath her. She swallowed down the overpowering urge to just bolt . Kara deserved more than her running away. Lena felt her face burn with embarrassment and tried looking at Kara. They exchanged an uncomfortably awkward look and carefully separated.
“So. Uh. We should talk about that.” Lena started, refastening her pants as she sat up, trying to ignore how sticky her fingers felt.
Kara sat up and moved to the end of the couch, her face red as she balled her lips over her teeth. “Mhhmm. Yep. That would be wise.”
The silence stretched in between them and Lena felt as if they had both simultaneous jumped into a thicket of muck and then over a cliff with a wall in between them. It didn’t feel good at all.
“If you want to leave right now I won’t blame you for anything.” Kara started, twisting her hands in her lap and reaching to nervously adjust the glasses that weren’t on her face anymore. Lena felt her stomach lurch with a weird swoop when the low light glinted off of the traces of slick on Kara’s fingers.
“I-yes. That might be the smartest thing I do tonight.” Lena muttered and pushed herself up onto shaky legs. “But we’ll talk about… this. Soon. I promise.”
“Yeah, that sounds good.”
Lena looked back at Kara and her heart sank. The usually bubbly and exuberant woman looked incredibly small and she could see that her eyes were growing glassy with tears. Lena swallowed down her scraps of pride and clumsily shuffled around the coffee table to kneel in front of her. Kara finally looked at her and Lena saw she was just as scared as she was.
“This isn’t a bad thing, Kara. We just… need to talk about what it meant. And if it was something more.”
“Or something not.”
Lena swallowed thickly against the lump of guilt in her throat. “Or something not.”
Kara nodded and sucked in a deep fortifying breath. “Do you want me to fly you home?”
“Darling, you’re drunk.” Lena managed a quirk of a smile. “I’ll call a car.”
Kara looked as if she wanted to say something else but just nodded and forced a smile. “Then I’ll talk to you soon.”
Lena tried to smile back but all she could manage was a half-quirk that didn’t really reach the rest of her features. Before she could get into any more trouble, she stood up and bid Kara a soft goodbye as her guilt started to eat her alive. Lena located her shoes, slipped them on, scooped up her phone and purse, and opened the front door. She looked back one more time, waved weakly at Kara who was still watching her from the couch, and left. Later when she got home after a numb car ride she tried not to cry too hard when she could still smell Kara on her fingers.
Lena didn’t text Kara the next day, nor did she get one back. Nor Sunday. She couldn’t muster the courage to say hey remember when we slept together while we were drunk in a more subtle manner. So she just… didn’t.
Instead she threw herself into work Saturday morning around seven thirty after a restless night of strange dreams. Dreams of parted pink pouty lips and loose golden curls. She had woken up with a slight hangover, a dry mouth, and a betraying slickness in between her legs that she valiantly ignored. Sunday hadn’t gone much better. Then Monday rolled around and Lena buried herself into her work at L Corp, working until she could barely keep her eyes open. She had told Kara soon , but she was terrified of what would happen when when soon was now . She texted Kara soon before she passed out on her desk at home.
On Tuesday she took an hour in the evening to start trying to sort through her feelings after a cryptic online session with her Doctor. The therapist she had started seeing the year prior had nearly had a stroke when she elaborated on her box theory, but had quickly helped her figure out a process to curb some of that. So she started unpacking that messy box and wrote through nearly six pages of legal paper more confused than before. Many of the questions needed input from Kara and she knew that she would have to bite the bullet sooner or later.
The worst part was the guilt. And that she missed Kara desperately. She missed the random texts to just check in on her to see if she had eaten or the bored ramble when she blew up Lena’s phone for a solid half hour. She missed the cute pictures of animals she rescued or the view above National City when the sky was aflame from the sunset. She missed her best friend and Lena was terrified that she had fucked everything up. She didn’t sleep Tuesday night. She texted Kara soon around 3 AM.
Around eleven on Wednesday night, feeling like death walking and probably looking like it too, Lena’s phone buzzed. A single five word text had her automatically swiping and pressing call before she realized what was happening. The line picked up after the first ring.
She could hear Kara balk with a stutter. “ I-what?”
“No, I’m not mad at you.” Lena breathed, sinking into the black leather couch in her living room, grimacing at the twinge under her left shoulder blade.
“ I. Oh.”
Lena could hear the relief in her voice and kicked herself when she realized what was going on.
“I wasn’t talking to you and you thought I was avoiding you..”
Her response was a statement, and she couldn’t hide how tired she sounded.
“ I mean. You told me soon three times, I guess I should have asked how soon you meant for soon to be?”
Lena sighed and rubbed at her eyes, feeling like the last couple days were finally catching up to her. “No, Kara, don’t do that, this isn’t your fault. I’m just... emotionally constipated.”
Lena listened to Kara breathe quietly and rubbed away the tears that bubbled up with the heavy weight of guiltly shame in her chest. It wasn’t centered on what they had done , but that Lena knew her silence had hurt her best friend.
“I’m so sorry. I-” She swallowed thickly. “I was afraid. I am afraid.”
“ Hey, I’m pretty scared too. And to be fair, I didn’t text you either.”
Lena didn’t have an answer to that other than but you were waiting on me and that wasn’t fair . They listened to each other silently for a long moment before she rolled her eyes at herself.
“We’re pretty bad at this whole talking thing for being best friends.”
Kara breathed a laugh through the line. “ Just a little. The, uh, situation’s a bit different. I, well. Yeah, different. I don’t know how else to describe this without misinterpreting my own words and making it worse.”
“Weird, comes to mind.”
Kara laughed quietly. “ Yeah, this is… beyond weird. But… I don’t think it’s bad?”
“No, not bad. Kara, do you want to talk now? I can’t promise I’ll be very coherent.”
“ Why, are you okay? Are you sick?”
“Yes, no, I… I’ve just had a couple busy days.” Lena dodged. She was feeling loose lipped, but not nearly enough to admit that she had been avoiding sleep in case she had more suggestive dreams about Kara.
“ Mhmm. ”
Lena could tell that Kara knew she was lying, but was letting it slide. For now.
“ I’d rather you try to get some sleep then.”
She huffed in mild annoyance at the no nonsense tone in Kara’s voice. “Fine. I’ll go to sleep.”
“ Good. Then maybe tomorrow we can figure out when we want to… talk.”
Lena sighed. “I’ll be an adult and put it on my schedule.”
“ Oh my god, if you actually do that I will make fun of you for forever. FOREVER.”
Lena grumbled something about mean old ladies, a real grin finally pulling at her mouth as they hesitantly fell back into their familiar comfortable teasing. She could feel some of the swirling emotions in her chest start to settle and her exhaustion hit her like a ton of bricks. Lena held the phone away from her face and yawned widely, sliding a little bit deeper into her couch cushions.
“ Hey, go to bed.”
“Ugh, fine , I’m going. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Tomorrow. Take care of yourself, Lena.”
They bid each other farewell, awkwardly side stepping around their usual love yous and hung up. Lena felt about ten times lighter and swiped over to her calendar. Before she climbed into bed she sent a screenshot of a new event.
Text or call Kara you Idiot.
6:35 PM - 6:50 PM
She got a slew of laughing emojis in response, and then an answering screenshot of an alarm in Kara’s phone to look for lena’s text at about 6:34 PM. She sent an eye roll emoji in response and wished her goodnight. Lena fell asleep almost immediately, her dreams full of doing mundane activities with Kara in the sun.
Lena didn’t have to wait until 6:35 PM to talk to Kara. Around eleven that morning right before she was due a conference call, her phone buzzed and Kara’s icon popped up on her screen.
Winn is being a butt and demanding we have game night tomorrow, you in? 6 o’clock
That familiar tugging pull of guilt made Lena balk and she stared at her phone for a long minute. Nervous tendrils of tell tale panic twisted uncomfortably in her belly and she suddenly felt too hot. Lena sucked in a few steadying breaths and reeled herself back in. It was just game night. There would be other people. She could do this. She could go pretend to be a normal millennial for a few hours. Lena quickly checked her schedule and answered before she could talk herself out of not going.
I can be there after 7:30.
She watched Kara type for a moment, the little grey bubble with ellipsis fading in and out at her. If digital speech bubbles were sentient, they would behave in a nerve wracking manner. Lena was annoyed that it was her first gut reaction to chuck her phone across the room, but instead she busied herself by gathering up her meeting materials and arranging them on her desk. When she saw Kara was still typing she tried to wash down the lump in her throat with a sip of water and triple checked that she had pulled up the correct tax summaries on her screen. Her phone bumped a little tic at her, indicating that Kara had answered, and she took a steading breath before looking down at her device.
I know you like to keep your appointments, but if you want I thought maybe we could try to talk tomorrow? After game night? I promise to even let you win at Ticket To Ride this time. Unless you’d rather wait for your reminder later and then we can decide. It doesn’t have to be tomorrow. It could be next week. Or something. I don’t know. But hopefully not too far off? What would you like to do? I’m okay with whatever you decide.
The longer Lena read the more her smile grew. It was easy to be charmed by Kara’s bubbly rambling, and even with the particular subject of discussion she still managed to be exceedingly sweet. Lena typed out a careful message and set her phone aside just as Jess buzzed in to inform her that the line to the conference call was live.
I can make an exception to your appointment. Let’s aim for tomorrow, and if it doesn’t work out then I can make time for you this weekend. Text me if you need anything, back to work for me.
If I ask nicely, will you bring some viennoiseries from that quaint little place in Saint-Tropez?
As you wish, Princess Buttercup. The usual?
Yes, please. I’ll bring your favorite potstickers.
Awe you didn’t call me Westley earlier…
Lena may have put off going to game night.
Just a little.
She may have decided to go the long way to get Kara’s favorite potstickers, she may have also taken the long way to Kara’s, and then… she may have been stalling for the past ten minutes as she tried not to have an anxiety attack in the car sitting on the curb outside of Kara’s apartment.
Lena waffled between getting out of the car or pretending she had a work emergency just to prolong the inevitable as the white paper bag containing four orders of potstickers warmed her lap. The legal pad inside of a bound leather folio with nine full pages of scrawled questions and answers burned a hole in her purse and lingered on the edge of her attention like a mosquito that wouldn’t take a hint. Lena squeezed her eyes shut and focused on her breathing. In for eight counts, out for six. She inhaled slowly from her diaphragm, filling her lungs up fully until she couldn’t possibly take in any more, and then exhaled it all out. She got through about four repetitions when her phone buzzed and nearly scared her out of her wits.
“ For fucks sake, Lena.” She muttered to herself and found her phone on the seat next to her. It was a text from Kara.
I just wanna let you know Winn is trying REALLY HARD to eat your pan au chocolat so if you want it you should hurry up. Idk how much longer I can hold him back.
If Lena could emit a more world weary sigh she would give the Knight trapped with the Holy Grail in Indiana Jones a run for his money. She took a moment to gather herself despite her nerves, collected her items, and exited the car. The hot muggy night laid oppressively on National City and Lena could feel the air sticking to her skin. She hustled quickly up to the building and punched in Kara’s apartment code into the intercom. A moment later the doors buzzed as the lock released and Lena slipped in. It was just as muggy in the building and for a split second Lena wondered if the air conditioning was out. Again. She really wished the DEO would give Kara a little more than a measly stipend so she could live somewhere better. The good thing was that at least someone hadn’t left their spoilt dairy in the mail room this time.
At least the elevator was working this week and she quickly found herself staring at the broad white door to Kara’s apartment. The paper bag crinkled as her grip tightened. She could hear her friends laughing inside and it made her chest ache in a way that reminded her of all those lonely nights in college as she passed other groups of students on her way back to her solitary room after a late night in the lab.
And then footsteps.
A wave of hot anxiety roiled in Lena’s belly and then the door was open and Kara was slipping into the hall, pulling the door shut behind her with a quiet click. Lena took a quick step back and swallowed thickly as the familiar blonde curls that had been plaguing her dreams fell in loose waves around broad bare shoulders. Kara was dressed in a loose tank top and some unfairly short denim cutoffs. All Lena could see was long toned and tanned limbs as her heart rate skyrocketed. The vivid memory of-
Her consciousness crashed back into her head and she blushed hotly when she realized that she had been staring at Kara’s long legs and definitely not paying attention to what she had been saying.
Lena flinched minutely at how high her voice sounded. She cleared her throat and tried again.
“Hi. I’m sorry I’m late.”
She clawed herself back together, eased her grip on the potstickers, and set her shoulders. Finally, she met Kara’s eyes and found nothing but a careful mix of understanding, apprehension, and for a moment a flicker of what Lena thought was hurt.
“If you want to go I’ll understand.”
Guilt sank in Lena’s chest like a stone.
Her friend perked up.
“You’re allowed to be mad at me. I haven’t been fair to you.”
“Kara, stop .”
Lena heard Kara’s teeth click as she closed her mouth, and it was such a Kara thing to do she wanted to cry. It was then she looked down and saw that she was carefully holding a small tupperware, the vague outline of a lone pan au chocolat just visible through the lid. A lump of guilt burned at the base of her throat like acid. She shifted on her feet uncomfortably and was about to launch into a practiced spiel about boundaries and that she would be an open book after everyone else had gone home-when Kara broke the silence first.
“I can’t… I can’t stop thinking about what happened .” She murmured.
Lena’s sails deflated and she opened and closed her mouth a few times as her practiced speech slipped out of her grasp at her best friend’s quick confession. She watched Kara’s face redden and Lena could feel her own blush creeping up her neck. Blue eyes were glued to the floor and she fiddled with the tupperware in her hands.
“I… I don’t know if I should be thinking about it. I don’t know if-if it-” She huffed in frustration.
Lena fought to keep her mouth shut, watching Kara fidget in front of her as she found her words. She was terrified that if she spoke, this careful spindly bridge being built between them would crash and fall into something worse.
“I don’t want to screw this up. Whatever this is.” She settled on, gesturing vaguely in between them.
Lena stayed quiet a moment longer, and when it looked like Kara wasn’t going to say anything else, she spoke up, casting her practiced words to the side for favor of an earnest answer.
“I can’t stop thinking about it either.” She swallowed thickly and met worried blue eyes.
She hesitated, and then pushed forward.
“Dreaming about it.”
Realization washed over Kara’s face. “That’s why you weren’t sleeping.”
Lena nodded with a jerk of her head. “I feel guilty and I’m not sure why.”
Kara slumped a little against her door.
The silence hung pregnant in between them and Kara’s distressed whisper tore through it.
“Me too. But a part of me wouldn’t be opposed to it happening again. Lena, I’m really confused.”
Lena felt like someone had walloped her with a foam pool noodle. And then her guilt finally made sense. Her eyes closed and her chin sank onto her chest as things began to click into place. Lena had been too afraid to acknowledge the part of her that had also enjoyed what had happened in between them. Too afraid until Kara took the leap first. She blinked back into focus and met Kara’s eyes, her heart thundering against her ribs.
“I might still be panicking, but I, um, I liked it. I wouldn’t be opposed either. If it happened again.”
Kara’s face burned brighter and it was her turn to stare at Lena as she barreled ahead.
“But, if you want to forget it ever happened I can do that. You’re my best friend, Kara. I don’t want a moment of rushed-into drunken decisions to fuck up our friendship. I care too much about you and I don’t want what happened to-to-I don’t want to lose you. I don’t know what would happen if I lost you.”
Kara tugged the paper bag from her hands and realized that she had been slowly crushing it to her stomach in an attempt to try to protect herself from her own words. She set the crumpled bag and the tupperware on the floor and took a careful step towards Lena.
“You aren’t .” She hesitated and took a steadying breath. “Against my better judgment, I’m going to hug you now.”
Lena sagged immediately into Kara’s embrace, wrapped her arms tightly around her ribs and pressed her face into the crook of her neck. She felt Kara’s strong arms encircle her shoulders and lean into her with a shaky sigh. The heavy weight of guilt eased in her chest and Lena finally felt like everything was going to be okay. Eventually.
“Come inside? Be on my trivial pursuit team?”
Lena huffed a watery laugh and slowly stepped away from Kara, feeling like she had been roughly stitched back together.
Kara smiled softly and picked the food back up. “Good, because if Sam and Alex are gonna kick my butt on 90’s pop culture I’d rather drag you down with me.”
“And we can… talk more after. If you want? Figure out what to do?” Kara hesitated, the crinkle forming in between her brows.
Lena readjusted her purse on her shoulder and nodded. “I’d like that.”
Kara paused with her door on the handle for a moment and Lena could see her pulling up her usual bubbly personality like armor. She knew that while Kara tended to lean towards a more sunny vibe, it was easy to forget that she wasn’t always happy until something serious really rocked her. Lena felt terrible that she was the cause of such a struggle. Again her hand moved without her realizing it and her fingers curled into the crook of her elbow.
“I took notes.”
Kara blinked at her owlishly when Lena’s brain lost connection to her mouth and they just stood there for a beat.
“Um. Notes?” Kara prompted, her brows creeping up towards her hair line. “About what exactly?”
Heat crawled up Lena’s neck and she pulled her hand back carefully to curl protectively around her purse. For all of the degrees she held, all of the accolades and papers and awards, all Lena could answer with was,
Realization swept across Kara’s face yet again and she opened and closed her mouth a few times as her cheeks reddened.
“Ah. Stuff. Notes about stuff . Okay. Um.”
“Just for later. For when we talk.” Lena kicked her brain into gear again, nervously gesticulating in a dismissive manner.
“Yeah. Okay. That’s good.” Kara frowned and turned the knob. “ I should have taken notes .”
“ OH MY GOD, HURRY UP. I WANNA PLAY.”
Their friend’s impatient shout, muffled through the ajar door broke the increasingly awkward moment around them like an anvil through glass. Kara rolled her eyes dramatically and shouldered the door open.
“You just really want me to kick your butt at Bananagrams, don’t you?” Kara groused and led them into the apartment.
“Yeah, sure thing, Miss K-Consonant.” Winn snarked back around a grin and the rim of his beer bottle. “Hey Lena, you made it!”
“Hi-yes.” She kicked her heels off by the door to give herself a moment to breathe. Her sleek pumps looked out of place next to the random pairs of boots and sneakers, but still so familiar.
“Lena brought pot stickers!” Kara exclaimed excitedly and padded into the kitchenette.
“You mean she brought you pot stickers.” Nia teased.
Lena discreetly tucked her purse in a safe spot away from the others scattered on the tall kitchen counter and accepted the full wine glass from Kara.
“No, I brought us pot stickers. Kara just gets one order to herself.”
Kara scoffed and and bumped into her shoulder playfully as she slipped past her. “I guess I can share.”
“I’ll get Sam to laser beam your face if you don’t.” Alex replied dryly as their mentioned friend held her wine glass up in a cheers with a wink, completely missing Kelly’s mildly alarmed look.
Kara grumbled something that sounded suspiciously like a threat to throw all of Alex’s shoes into space but it was covered up by Winn upending the massive triple bag of Bananagram tiles onto the low coffee table.
“Game on, assholes! Querl if you start using words that aren’t English again I’m unfriending you.”
“ Loquacious is an english word, Winslow.”
“Then I get to use chitty-chitty-bang-bang.”
A chorus of deadpan NOs answered him and a pillow bounced off his face. Eventually they settled into their game and Lena forced herself to relax, keeping a subtle distance between her and Kara even though she had settled on the floor next to her.
The night progressed without any incident, but Lena could tell that Kara was holding back in her usual touches. She was doing a good job at pantomiming them, always stopping a hair’s breadth short of actually touching her. It was painfully sweet and saved them from any awkward looks or questions that might occur later. Because Kara was tactile . So tactile that it was glaringly obvious that something wasn’t right if she wasn’t initiating any kind of contact with someone she was supposedly best friends with. However she was so good at playing pretend that Lena’s heart leapt into her throat every time her hands hovered over her shoulder or arm. Just barely close enough for her to feel the heat radiating off of her but maddeningly far enough away that she never actually touched her. At one point Alex did squint suspiciously in her direction during Trivial Pursuit and Lena made a point to reach across Kara a couple times. She hoped it had worked because Alex didn’t give her the Detective Look™ again that evening.
Around ten-thirty the group started breaking up after Lena admitted defeat to Sam over a heated game of Monopoly. It wasn’t that she couldn’t win, she always won. She had just been more preoccupied with how warm Kara’s bare knee was pressing into the skin of her thigh. Lena had changed out of her dress and robbed her friend’s dresser for a t-shirt and shorts during Ticket To Ride (which she also lost). The fabric was incredibly soft and felt like a hug, but maybe the shorts had been a bad idea. Maybe she should have opted for leggings even though it was hot. Or not changing at all and sitting six feet away from Kara on the couch. No, not the couch. Maybe across the room. Or out on the fire escape.
Okay, maybe not that far.
Regardless of what Lena should or shouldn’t have done, she still breathed a shaky sigh of relief when Kara hopped to her feet. She joined in the routine goodbyes, exchanging hugs and promises to meet up soon for coffee or food or drinks. Even though her night had started out with crushing apprehension, the buffer of their friend group had helped her pretend everything was normal. Sam asked her if she was alright, a worried pull at the corners of her mouth pushing Lena to reassure her even if it felt hollow. As their friends departed in twos and threes, Lena felt that crush of awkward apprehension return to sit heavily on the back of her shoulders. They danced around each other for a solid fifteen minutes cleaning up the kitchen and putting the games away. Lena could tell that Kara was dragging her feet because she was working at a slower human speed.
When Lena watched her wipe down the kitchen tables a third time she steeled herself and retrieved her purse. She could feel blue eyes locked on her back and pulled upon a sliver of her CEO personality to bolster her nerves. It was now or never and Lena was growing tired of not addressing the elephant in the room that she had previously been so keen on ignoring. Which for her, was a feat.
“Where do you want to sit?”
Kara paused in her wiping and blinked owlishly from behind her glasses. Blue eyes dropped to the slightly mangled legal pad sticking out of her leather folio and pen in Lena’s fists. She visibly swallowed.
Lena slid onto the high stool in the middle and fidgeted with the crinkled yellow paper as Kara tossed the sponge into the sink and sat down across from her. The cool metal seat warmed as they sat there for a long awkward moment. Lena cleared her throat.
“Okay so. We were drunk. We slept together. We wouldn’t be opposed to it occurring again. Though I will say if that was a weird freak thing, then that’s-I’m okay with that.”
Kara watched her count off each bullet point with a finger. She nodded mutely and nervously pushed her glasses up her nose. Lena swallowed down the urge to jump off the stool and run away.
“The real question, I think, is did that mean something to us in a more romantic sense… or was it just, uh, alcohol and hormones. And do we want it to mean more. Or,” Lena paused again and shot Kara a guilty look. “-I don’t think I’m… prepared for that. At all.”
Kara shifted uncomfortably but the tension in her shoulders visibly eased. “I-yeah. I don’t think I’m looking for a romantic relationship either. I love you, Lena, but you’re my best friend. I’m not saying I couldn’t love you like that, I just-I don’t. Currently . I-but-I don’t know if I will or if I can. I don’t want to promise you that I can either because that would be so totally unfair to you and you deserve more than maybes and what ifs from me-”
Lena blinked as Kara continued to ramble.
“And like, if that never happens again then cool! We’re still best friends and I still get to hang out with you. And then when we’re old we can be like hey remember that one time we slept together when we were drunk haha and everyone will be like WHAAAA?? and it’ll be so funny-”
Lena opened her mouth to speak but Kara trucked on.
“But if you-we-wanna try the whole friends with benefits thing, then, uh, this is weird. People in friends with benefits relationships don’t normally talk through them do they? Do they just text each other like hey do you have half an hour my cold shower isn't working or do they just. I don’t know? Have schedules ?”
Lena did laugh at that and Kara finally took a breath. “I don’t think it’s the norm to talk through such a potential relationship but I’m glad we are.”
“You’re talking like CEO Lena.”
“I know, it’s keeping me from freaking out.”
“Oh. Okay. That’s fair. So. Schedules?”
“I think figuring out if we even want to try this should be before schedules.” Lena bit back a smile and quirked a brow as a blush crept into both of their faces. “But it sounds like you’ve already made up your mind.”
“I-well-uh-” Kara’s face grew redder. “You see, I just, uh. It was… kinda nice. To just.” She waved her hands around in the general direction of the couch. “No… expectations, y’know? And like. I can’t believe I’m saying this but I felt safe enough to, uh, let go .”
“You can say orgasm.”
“ Lena. ”
Even through their awkward conversation, the warm weight of Kara’s trust put their encounter into a new light she hadn’t really considered.
“So you want to because you felt safe. And…?”
“And you know I’m Supergirl. So if I say something in Kryptonian or start floating off the, er, bed or whatever, I don’t have to worry about… stuff.”
Kara curled in a little on herself and Lena knew exactly what she was talking about. The potential betrayal of her identity, the safety of the other person, risk of exploitation if not total rejection. The fact that she was an alien. Yeah, Lena understood where she was coming from.
Kara watched her flip through her legal pad to a blank page with a slightly bewildered expression. “Okay?”
“Okay. We both trust each other. We’re okay with it happening again. Let’s talk about stipulations before schedules.”
Kara slumped forward, an unreadable expression on her face. “ Stipulations-Lena , I may be okay with this but are you sure? You don’t have to say yes just for me. I want you to want this too.”
Lena was overcome with the overwhelming urge to hug Kara as tightly as she could. She set the pen down and curled her fingers around the edge of the pad of paper.
“I… I do. I am okay with this. I have similar worries, being a Luthor and all that. Adding this layer to our friendship is… it makes me feel safer too. Knowing it’s you. I just want you to know I’m not using you. If for any reason you want to stop, we stop.”
“Just like that?”
“Yeah. Easy peasy.”
Kara relaxed again and leaned forward onto her elbows, a soft smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. “Okay. Easy peasy.”
“Good.” Lena clicked her pen. “Okay, so. I know I like my schedules but I know with your odd hours as Supergirl and CatCo and then my work… let’s not do that. I think that would be too hard. Yeah?”
“Yeah. But we can try to be considerate of time.” Kara sank down further until her chin was resting on her forearms.
“At least not during normal work hours if possible.” Lena scrawled not at work on the top of the page. She heard Kara snort and she pinned her friend with a no nonsense look.
“I can’t believe you’re actually taking notes.”
“I am a businesswoman, Kara. Of course I’m taking notes. Preferably on something that doesn’t leave an electronic trail and that you can easily vaporize with your heat vision. I-” She stopped, feeling ridiculous. “You’re right, this is stupid. In fact, you know what-”
Lena clicked her pen and tore out the pages she had written on. She paused, then tore out a few more until she couldn’t see the faint imprint of her writing.
“Get rid of these for me? You don’t have to right now, but I know they’ll be gone gone.” Lena roughly folded the stack of paper and slid it across the table.
Kara reached out and drew them across the table, her long fingers arched like a piano player’s.
“So not at work. That’s responsible. What else?”
“No marks, please. The board would string me up for wearing an old Rage Against the Machine shirt if they could. And even if I could give you a hicky, I don’t think the DEO would appreciate that. Supergirl shouldn’t have hickies.”
Kara made a disgruntled sound and buried her pink face into her arms. “Sometimes I wish I could get those.”
Lena balked and her mind launched into an unexpected tangent on how To Give A Kryptonian A Hicky, and then swerved into a more somber vein of Kara’s supposed near immortality.
“We can, uh, that sounds like a much deeper conversation to have later. But I might have an idea on some technology that might allow for that short term.” She hazarded.
Kara nodded. “And don’t take this the wrong way, but we should probably not, uh, kiss. I mean- I’m gonna stop talking. ”
“Define kissing, because you already like to give kisses to your friends and family.” Lena felt her stomach swoop. She ignored it was a surge of annoyance.
“Yeah, like on the head, not the mouth. That would be way more of a romance thing than we may be wanting. Probably.”
A weird twinge of relief bled through her chest. “Probably.”
Kara sat back up, looking more like her old self if still a bit guarded. “Okay so. Not at work. No marks. No real kissing. This is just gonna be sex if we want it, and nothing more.”
To Lena, Kara sounded like she was trying to convince herself of something. She had a sneaking suspicion she was trying to convince herself of something too, but she didn’t know what. She knew that she was glad that she hadn’t lost her friendship with Kara. Maybe that’s what her friend was worried about too? She got stuck in a short loop of debating with herself whether or not this was truly a smart thing to do. It most likely wasn’t but they were both adults, they were both on the same page, they knew what they did and didn’t want. They just had to be careful. Responsible. Lena could be responsible.
“So… do we shake hands or something?”
Lena couldn’t help it, she laughed. The tension broke between them and Kara grinned broadly.
“No, I don’t think we need to shake hands. But I should probably get going.”
“Or you could stay for old times sake? Watch some Charlie’s Angels? Dominatrix Lucy Lui?”
“I think you mean Cameron Diaz as a surfer girl.” Lena countered and slid from the stool, feeling more and more at ease now that their talk was over.
They settled into an easy routine, though Lena opted for one of the low slung arm chairs while Kara stretched out on the couch. She was rather proud of herself for paying attention to the movie they both had memorized and not her best friend. It gave her hope that she could maybe trust herself to be an adult about the situation. She had already wallowed enough this week and it was time for her to move past the brick wall in her head.
When the movie ended, the awkward dance began again and Kara offered to sleep on the couch.
“Don’t be ridiculous. The bed is big enough. Unless, um.”
“I- OH , no I’m good. I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. Uh.”
Lena swallowed down her nerves as Kara’s face burned brightly. “If you’re sure?”
“Yeah! Yeah. I’m fine, just tired and being weird.” She waved her hand nonchalantly and started back pedalling towards the curtain that cut her bedroom off from the rest of her apartment.
Lena sighed heavily and followed after doubling back to check that the front door was locked and to turn out the lights. She could do this. It was just sleeping, nothing more. Just normal sleeping like they usually do. By the time she got back to Kara’s bedroom she had already sped through her nightly routine and changed into her pajamas. Lena escaped into the bathroom while Kara looked at something on her phone and took her time using the small bag of toiletries she had been keeping there the past couple months. Just as she exited she found Kara clipping on her cape with a frown.
“Hey, sorry, I just got a call. I shouldn’t be long.”
Another wave of relief swept through her and she padded across the hardwood floor to the bed. “That’s okay, I’ll be here. Be safe.”
Kara’s eyes trailed up her body and gave her an odd look, but nodded. “Okay, I will.”
She gave Lena one last lingering look, and then strode back out into the living room to one of the open bay doors, and launched herself into the sky with a snap and pop of her cape. Lena tried not to think about what that confusing look had meant and slid into the light blue sheets. The clean fabric was cool and crisp and smelled like faint detergent and Kara. Lena set her phone to charge, clicked the light off, and snuggled into the pillow with a tired sigh, feeling mentally exhausted. Tomorrow was another day and Lena was only half ready for it to come.
Their Saturday started off normal. Kara had gotten home around two and collapsed into bed after a quick shower still smelling faintly of smoke. While she slept in, Lena started making breakfast about seven and nursed a large mug of black coffee. By the time Kara rose around nine, Lena was dressed and heading out the door ignoring Kara’s complaints that It’s SATURDAY you don’t always have to go to work on SATURDAY . She gave Kara a quick hug and was promptly sucked into a minor mess at work, only taking the time to stop by her home to shower and change before heading to L Corp.
Luckily, her day didn’t crash and burn like she feared and she was able to help guide her teams through their hiccup without any major incident. She found herself leaving amazingly before five, and took the time to plan out a leisurely evening. Any more work could wait until tomorrow, and Kara’s voice echoing in the back of her head made sure of that. As soon as she got home she banished her work phone to laying face down on the kitchen island, paced herself through a solid forty-five minutes of yoga, cleaned up, and changed into more comfortable clothes and her glasses. She spent the next hour and a half cooking herself a nice dinner, slowly, as she meandered through a bottle of Masseto Toscana . Lena had nowhere else to be the rest of the weekend and fully intended to capitalize on that. It wasn’t until she was settling into her couch with a half-read trashy romance book and the last glass of her bottle of red that her mind started wandering to more risque thoughts as she worked through a couple paragraphs.
Thoughts of a warm, fit body pressed against her. Hot breath on her neck and strong hands gentle and sure guiding her towards release.
Lena physically shook herself and shoved aside the quick surge of heat in her belly. She took a quick sip of her wine, got up and downed a full glass and a half of water, and then tried to focus back on her book. Ten minutes later, and no such luck and maybe a bodice ripper hadn’t been the best idea. Lena closed her book in frustration after catching herself staring blankly at the page as she imagined long deft fingers sliding through-
“Oh for fuckssake , Lena.”
She flopped gracelessly onto her side with a groan of annoyance. She clumsily pushed her abandoned book onto the coffee table next to her empty wine glass and laid there for a long minute. Her glasses frames crammed into the side of her face and she grumbled pitifully to herself as she started realizing how far into her day dreaming she had fallen.
Lena had three options.
One. She could ignore the coiling heat, put herself in a cold shower and find something boring and mindless to watch. Maybe some videos on steel bolt riveting or one of those people are awesome youtube compilations. Two, she could try to get rid of the building ache with her own hands and maybe a favorite piece of silicone. Not a terrible idea, but a messier one.
She could text Kara.
The messiest option.
Lena wallowed a few minutes more, knowing that Supergirl was on duty tonight. Or would be. Is? What time was it? Lena didn’t know. She had seen her on the news reel that afternoon so she assumed that she would be working. Kara didn’t really get any free time… Maybe she would just handle this one on her own. Lena wriggled onto her back and shoved her hand down her shorts without preamble. She already knew she was turned on, but felt her face burn as her hand slid into her underwear and found a rather slick situation. Lena wasted no time, starting slow loose circles with the pads of her fingers, wanting to get whatever this was taken care of so she could move on to the rest of her night. Her hips jumped in response to the stimulation and she melted further into the cushion. She circled tighter and tighter until her fingers were dragging heavily across her clit and her breath was heavy in her lungs.
But it wasn’t enough.
Lena huffed in frustration again and slid her other hand into her underwear and lower until her cool finger was pressing into her core. The gentle stretch pulled a sigh from her chest and she focused through a mild wine haze to match the rhythm of her fingers. The coil of heat lurched low in her hips and Lena chased it, eager to find release. Her heavier breathing hid the sticky sounds of her hands working in between her legs. Lena curled her finger and tried tugging herself closer to relief but it still wasn’t enough. She bit down on her lip and withdrew her finger, wine heavy on her tongue. Her breath hitched as she pushed back in with two, her head lolling back as she stretched again around her fingers. Lena focused on the feeling, imagining there was someone pushing her down into the couch, filling her, moving across her. She squeezed her eyes shut and moved her fingers a little rougher, and found herself finally creeping towards that deep pull in her hips. She curled deeper, circled faster, practically aching for release as she whined quietly into her living room.
But it still wasn’t enough.
Frustration started to build in Lena’s chest and she shifted her hips, hoping to find something- anything- but a long two minutes later of different unsuccessful rhythms and she was ready to yell-and not in the way she wanted to. She slowed her hands and laid there in defeat, feeling wholly unfulfilled and painfully turned on. She knew it was a mental thing. This wasn’t an unusual thing to happen. Well, it didn’t happen much to her , but it had . And she had forgotten how on edge it left her. A cold shower wouldn’t save her now, she’d just try (and probably fail) again. Lena slid her fingers out of herself and carefully pulled her hands from her pants, trying not to get slick arousal on her waistband. She laid there feeling sorry for herself, staring at the ceiling through smudged lenses and a hazy focus. Eventually after a long moment she rose to her feet on wobbly legs and trudged to the bathroom to wash her hands, still feeling too jittery and too slick.
“Great. Just… great . Good job there, you really made it worse didn’t you.” She complained to herself and shuffled back out into the living room.
Lena slouched with her hands on her hips and glared at the couch as if it had been the root of her issues for not being able to come. Maybe it was the couch’s fault. She did have a pretty strong memory linked back to a similar piece of furniture in Kara’s apartment.
The familiar and mildly unwelcome feeling of apprehension swooping in her chest and heat pulsing through her hips washed through her again as she remembered their frantic coupling. Something that looked more and more appealing by the second. Lena had two options now. Suffer and be sexually frustrated for god knows how long, or text Kara. She delayed her decision by draining another glass and a half of water. Feeling a little more clear headed, her mind started to wander again. Maybe she just needed to not be on the couch? Maybe her bed was better? Maybe if she put some porn on? Lena Luthor watching porn, imagine the tabloids. Maybe if she just texted-
Lena covered her face with her hands, pressing her fingers into her eyes as she smudged her glasses even further. A hot blush crept up her neck as the coil of heat in her belly vied for her attention again. She sighed in frustration and peeked at her personal phone from in between her fingers, innocent on the coffee table in the living room. It felt as if her bare feet had glued themselves to the hardwood and she stayed stuck there, staring down the device. Her more base urges rose up around her, crawling up her body as her resolve crumbled around her. They had only just agreed the night before that they were both okay with sleeping with each other. Lena wondered if they should give themselves a grace period to process that decision. They hadn’t talked about that. Did there need to be one? The worst that could happen is Kara could say no. And then Lena would be embarrassed, want to fall off the face of the earth, and then suffer the feeling of burning up from the inside out from sexual frustration. However, Kara could say yes and then Lena would get the release she was looking for. It was sort of a business transaction. She could handle that. Lena took a few hesitant steps out of the kitchen and towards her phone. She bit the bullet and retrieved it, and then retreated back into the kitchen area away from the couch.
How soon is too soon to ask?
Lena shot the text off before she lost her nerve. She carefully set the device flat on her kitchen island and took a step back, her heart in her throat. She could still feel the pulsing heat teasing her in her hips, mocking her for a job she couldn’t finish. Lena looked away and crossed her arms protectively across her chest when the text bubble indicating Kara was responding popped up. A moment later her phone bumped the notification with a quiet buzz and she looked back.
I would’ve asked last night but I didn’t think it would be appropriate.
Well that was a better answer than she could have ever expected.
Lena picked her phone back up and nervously typed out a more well thought out message.
I don’t think I would have said no, but I appreciate your patience.
Lena watched the speech bubble pop up, then disappear. Pause for a few seconds. Then a simple text came through.
Do you want to?
Lena read it a few times. Did she want to? Well, yeah. Duh. That’s why she was texting her.
I mean now! Do you want to right now?
The second text popped up a split second later and Lena could practically feel Kara’s nerves shaking through her phone.
Aren’t you at work? I don’t want to get you in trouble.
There was a longer pause by half a minute, and then-
I’m off. Be there soon.
That was fast. And easy. Lena paused. Sort of like this weird arrangement they were in, so it made sense. Now with a different context, how soon was soon? Did she have time to brush her teeth? She wandered over to the french doors that led out onto her balcony and unlocked them just as the familiar sound of booted feet touched down. Lena looked up and found Kara, looking windswept and nervous just a couple yards away. They stared at each other for a long moment through the glass, and then Lena swallowed down her nerves and slipped out into the hot summer night. The dim light from the city below them highlighted the strong curve of Kara’s shoulders as she stepped forward.
“Do you wanna go inside?”
As soon as Kara had asked, her eyes widened and Lena swore she saw her inhale. Heat poured down her spine when she realized Kara could probably smell her failed attempt. Kara tried to say something else, but her words wouldn’t come as her eyes fell down Lena’s body.
“I don’t care.” Was all she managed, and then Kara was slowly backing her into the wall to the left of the doors. Kara balked again.
“I’m not sure how to do this?”
“You didn’t have any trouble last week.” Lena grouched, more to herself.
“No, I mean- augh .”
Lena watched her scrub her hands over her face, and then let the fall to slap against her thighs. Her brow was pulled down in a slight frown and the set to her mouth was all business.
“Do-do you think about me? Did you think about me? Would it help if I was someone different?”
“Did I think about you when you touched me?”
“Yes.” Kara huffed red-faced, still searching for some kind of answer Lena didn’t think she knew the answer to.
“I did. Did you?”
Kara visibly relaxed and it clicked that she was jealous. Over nothing . Over herself . Lena wanted to laugh because that was definitely something that she would do.
“Yes. Is… that okay?”
“I don’t mind.” Lena found herself answering quickly, the low pull in her hips drawing most of her attention.
“Kara, we wouldn’t be here right now if I did mind. Could we talk about this later? I don’t think right this second is the ideal time.”
Her best friend laughed a little in embarrassment and mumbled a quiet apology that wasn’t needed. She took another few steps forward and managed to wrangle her misplaced jealousy.
“Tell me what you need?”
The request was far softer and more polite than she was expecting and her breath caught in her chest as her back hit the stone wall. She knew this was just Kara, her Kara, but then again she hadn’t been this in tune with anyone else she had slept with. Her friend stepped close, all sleek muscle contained in painted on blue techy fabric. Lena’s brain slowly and steadily ground to a stop as her eyes drug over the line of Kara’s jaw to the pink lips that haunted her dreams. She vaguely recalled their previous moment on that blue couch, how she had wondered how Kara’s fingers would feel-
“I want you inside me.”
Lena heard Kara’s breath hitch and then warm hands settled lightly on her waist, scorching through her thin t-shirt. She shifted a little to the side, blue eyes still trained on Lena’s face, withdrew her hands just long enough to slip the thumb loop off of her right hand, and then placed them back where they had been. She could still see that she was nervous, this was something they were actively choosing to do, and Lena had to admit some of her own feelings rattling around in her chest echoed that. But the underlying panic that had been there the first time was gone. Now it was mainly nerves and a thick note of awkwardness.
“I hope this isn’t creepy to say, but, uh, you don’t have to wait to call me next time.”
Lena blushed hotter as a strong arm circled around her ribs and Kara easily hoisted her up, her back still resting against the wall but Kara pressed close into her chest. She instinctively wrapped her arms around broad shoulders and her thighs came up to squeeze around an unfairly trim waist. Lena felt Kara slide her hand up under her shirt, around the back of her hips, and then dipped into her pants at the small of her back. She slid the fabric of her shorts and underwear off her rear, baring her to the night air. Lena sucked in a breath and felt heat crawl across her skin as Kara’s hand inched closer. She didn’t even care at this point that her ass was exposed, it was her damn balcony. Kara moved her hand back and down in between them, moving her shorts a little further out of the way and giving herself an easier angle.
“I didn’t want to bother you.” Lena whispered, her heart beating rapidly against her ribs.
Lena almost missed Kara’s soft you aren’t a bother because it was right when long slender fingers slid heavily through her. A starburst of relief crackled in the center of her chest and she let her head fall forward onto Kara’s shoulder. Her hips instinctively rolled forward and a soft whine escaped her chest as a thumb started drawing slow circles around her clit.
“How many fingers?”
It was a simple question really. How many fingers do you want your best friend to fuck you with?
Is it normal to say please? Was she being too polite? Was-
Lena’s thoughts came to a complete stop as two long fingers pushed into her at an agonizingly slow pace. She had forgotten how different it felt to have someone else fill her, how much more intimate it was. Lena couldn't help the quiet moan that sighed from her lips and curled her fingers tighter into the heavy red fabric of Kara’s cape. She could feel her body melting into Kara, trying to draw closer to her as her knuckles pressed flush to her. Fuck the awkwardness , Lena thought. She didn’t have the time nor the effort for it if this is what it felt like to have Kara inside her.
“Are you okay?”
Lena could feel the brush of her lips against the shell of her ear and nodded against her shoulder.
She felt Kara inhale deeply, as if she were steadying herself, and then she started moving her fingers. The difference between her and Kara’s touch was vast and Lena immediately regretted not texting her earlier. Each stroke filled her better, touched her more fully, and tugged the heavy coil deep in her belly tighter with each slide of the pads of her fingers across the spot inside her that made her toes curl. A strangled sound escaped from her chest when Kara added her thumb back in to swipe solidly across her clit and Lena had to roll her hips harder into her hand. The simple ache to be closer burned like hot coals in her chest and she slid her fingers under the neckline of her blue supersuit. The guilt that had plagued their first time together was finally gone and the awkwardness was softened, replaced with a careful shyness. Lena appreciated the slow pace, but it wasn’t really what she wanted.
“You can go faster.”
Lena almost didn’t recognize her own voice, rough with lust and tinged with impatience. Kara made her own sound that Lena couldn’t pinpoint and she not only sped her fingers up, but used a little more pressure. The increase in the slick friction made it feel like her spine had turned to liquid heat. Lena held on tightly as she let her senses consume her, throwing caution to the wind and breathing in the faint fragrance of Kara’s shampoo and the tangy metallic ozone that clung to her. The tension that had been simmering under her skin was back full force and crackling through her body. She was hot and jumpy and felt sweat starting to form along her hairline. Lena eagerly gave in to Kara’s touch now that her body and brain were cooperating with each other, and relief was the easiest way to describe it. It didn’t take her long for the telltale pull to start low in her hips again, having already ventured close not ten minutes before.
She felt her nose press into the side of her neck, breath washing hot and heavy over her skin as she panted with her. Lena greedily slid her hand further under the tight fabric of her supersuit, pressing her hand flat as she felt the toned muscles work subtly in the back of her shoulder. Her hips jumped when soft lips brushed against the side of her neck. Finally, after a few more thrusts and swipes of Kara’s thumb, Lena felt the coil release and she came hard around her fingers. Her breath froze in her chest and her mind went blank as wave after wave of hot pleasure pulsed through her hips and rippled out to the tips of her fingers and toes. Kara’s fingers continued to curl steadily into her, drawing her further and further as she squeezed around her. Eventually Lena remembered how to breath and her hips rolled unconsciously into Kara’s hand as she helped bring her down with lazy strokes. She kept her face pressed into her shoulder, glasses crammed uncomfortably against the bridge of her nose, trying to mold herself into her body as she stayed warm from her exertion and Kara’s body heat. The muggy night air wasn’t helping either and Lena felt like she had just sprinted a very exhilarating mile through a marsh in the deep south.
Lena reeled herself back in from where she was floating in the stratosphere. Coming down this time was much less jarring as opposed to the first time. She could still tell they were dancing around each other with how Kara’s other arm had stayed politely wrapped around her middle. Well, Lena didn’t know how polite this entire situation was anymore, but she couldn’t help but notice it.
“What?” She panted against Kara’s shoulder.
“How are you feeling?”
She could hear the pleased hum in her friend’s voice, already knowing the answer but wanting to hear it from her anyways.
“Much better. Thank you.”
She felt her grin against her neck and carefully withdrew her hand. “Good. Now what?”
Lena leaned back a little to look at her in the face, excitement leaping in her chest when she noticed how flushed Kara’s face was. How dark and glassy her eyes were.
“I think it’s your turn if you want it.”
There was a brief rush of air, and then Lena found herself on her back on the couch in her living room with Kara hovering above her, blonde curls messy and her sticky hand holding her hips up as she hastily slid her unclasped cape underneath her.
“I think I’d like that.”
Lena happily found out how soft Kara felt as she came around her fingers.