It hurts Donghyuck’s pride.
“We’re friends,” Renjun says, eyes crinkling up at Jeno with a naturalness that leaves no doubt about his honesty. “He’s like, the only omega I’d never fuck.”
The night is deep; the bar, loud; and Renjun’s words are even louder when they plummet over Donghyuck. Renjun is amused at Jeno’s question – a question that they receive too often to be a laughing matter – as if it’s ridiculous that he could be dating Donghyuck.
Donghyuck could accept that Renjun deems it ridiculous, because damn, they’re not supposed to fuck. They’re friends. But the way Renjun twirls his glass and laughs, pins Jeno down with an indulgent gaze, because Jeno is asking out of self interest, because he has been following Renjun like a puppy for the last three weeks, makes every drop of blood in his body boil.
Donghyuck’s ego isn’t fragile. It’s big, strong, a trait that plays a huge part in the reasons why some people dislike him and why some people love, adore him. Yet he sits in a bar full of freshmen university students and listens to an alpha laugh at the perspective of Donghyuck being a valid option, and he wants to disappear. He wants to fuck every alpha around the table just to spite Renjun and prove that he’s a fool for not wanting him: Jaemin, with his pretty smile and a sweetness that isn’t of Donghyuck’s liking, but with solid rumors about how good he is in bed backing him up; Mark, who is into serious relationships but would let Donghyuck fool him into sex; Yukhei, too innocent and pliable for an alpha, but that wouldn’t give him any problems after sex.
Donghyuck could go on and on, could count every alpha he knows and prove, with facts and not only suppositions, that he would be able to lure them into sex. But not Renjun, who has his black, smart eyes on Jeno and no one else, like he can’t see anyone but him. Donghyuck isn’t used to that.
“Do you agree with that?” Jeno’s lips curl up, pleased, aware of the flirting that is being thrown at him.
At first, Donghyuck doesn’t understand that the question is for him, not until he meets eyes with Jeno and finds a glint of expectation in them. Are you a threat? is what Jeno is actually asking. And god, he wants to be a threat.
Donghyuck draws a calm, composed smile that contrasts with everything he feels inside. “With what?”
Jeno doesn’t relent, but his words are softer than Renjun’s, the delicacy and sense of an omega that was raised in a conservative ambient peeking out. An ambient that, Donghyuck knows, teaches omegas to pit themselves against each other. That’s what Jeno is doing. And he’s enjoying it.
“Is Renjun the only alpha you wouldn’t sleep with?”
Donghyuck wonders what would happen if he said the truth. If he looked into Jeno’s mocking, yet apparently sweet glance and said yes, I’d let Renjun fuck me, it would be at least pretty fun to see his reaction. But this isn’t about Jeno. It never was. It’s about Renjun and him, about push and pull, and if Renjun thinks he can escape from him, he’s wrong.
Renjun is harsh. Donghyuck is harsher.
“It’s not because he’s my friend,” Donghyuck replies, his tongue lapping over his upper lip to lick a remaining drop of gin. His voice spits fire with the elegance of someone that is used to destroying, and he can’t help but smile when he finishes with a, “It’s because he’d be a waste of time.”
The only reason Donghyuck believes in destiny is Renjun.
He meets Renjun when they’re sixteen, at his cousin’s birthday party, when neither knows each other’s existence. Donghyuck is invited to Dejun’s birthday party by luck, by chance, because Dejun has a crush on one of his friends and not including Donghyuck in the invitation is a moral offense.
It’s bad luck what brings him to talk to Renjun, however.
Donghyuck suffers his first heat three days before Dejun’s birthday. It’s awful, sticky, far from being a pleasant experience, and Donghyuck curses the world, his own nature, and the whole mankind for existing. It dies down by the third day, and Donghyuck, in an attempt to hide the shame that only a novice can feel over his own body, decides that it’s a good idea to attend the birthday party.
There are many things Donghyuck ignores about heats; one of them, that there are periods of calm before the storm, and that there isn’t a heat without a storm.
Renjun finds Donghyuck in the hall of the second floor, curled in a ball and covered in sweat, halfway into escaping to the farthest bathroom. Donghyuck never asks him what he’s doing there, because none of them are supposed to be there, and because Donghyuck is too focused on his own shame to question anyone else’s behavior.
At sixteen, Renjun is still a kid in many ways. He doesn’t smell like a grown up alpha. Donghyuck doesn’t pride himself for trusting stereotypes, but Renjun is tiny, thin and beautiful, and not for a single second does Donghyuck think he’s an alpha. It’s the main reason Donghyuck allows him to carry him to the bathroom; the secondary reason is that Renjun whispers calming words so that Donghyuck doesn’t panic. Donghyuck ignores that it’s his alpha essence what helps him through the pain, so he’s not afraid of locking himself with a stranger in the isolated bathroom of a strange house.
They sit on the bathroom floor, and after Renjun has rummaged through the cabinet, he presses a wet cloth to Donghyuck’s head to lower his temperature. That’s ineffective during a heat, but Donghyuck doesn’t know that, and less does Renjun. They’re the same breed of a fool.
“Don’t call anyone,” Donghyuck pants through gritted teeth when Renjun shifts his position in front of him, too uncomfortable to stay still.
He fears that Renjun will get tired of nursing him. It isn’t his duty anyhow, and at that point, they don’t even know each other’s name. Donghyuck makes a mental note to ask for it later, when his heat allows him enough brain space to feel anything but pain.
But Renjun hasn’t considered the possibility of leaving; he looks serious as he replies, “I won’t.” His fingers press harder on Donghyuck’s forehead, his pheromones trespassing the cloth and sending a whirlwind of peace through Donghyuck. “We can stay here for as long as you need.”
“Even if it’s the whole day?”
Renjun smiles at him, entertained, as though it’s the funniest question Donghyuck could have ever asked.
“Even if it’s the whole day,” he assures. And he means it.
Jaemin walks through Donghyuck’s bedroom like he has been living there for months, a towel around his waist and his wet hair splashing water everywhere on the floor.
Donghyuck wouldn’t call Jaemin a mistake, but as he watches him put on the clothes from last night, he understands that sleeping with Jaemin was just a consequence of their circumstances. Fine, maybe Donghyuck would have slept with him at some point again – because it’s not their first time – but this time was to aid Jaemin through his rut. He knows how horrible mating season can be for someone who is single, or for someone who doesn’t have any partner to share it with. For an omega already in the middle of a heat it’s easy to find a partner; but for an alpha in the middle of a rut it’s almost impossible.
Donghyuck supposes that the least Jaemin can do to thank him is listening to his complaints. And he has never been the type of staying quiet, so he doesn’t have any repair to criticize Jeno until he has run out of insults, has offended half of his family, and has cursed him for the next hundred years. Jaemin nods at his trail of accusations, conscious that Donghyuck doesn’t despise Jeno that much, that it’s just his possessiveness over Renjun what transforms him into this version of a little monster.
“I hate town omegas,” is Donghyuck’s conclusion fifteen minutes later, when Jaemin has managed to style his hair up and is grabbing the jacket hanging off the door.
“Donghyuck, you’re tripping,” Jaemin contradicts him, turning on his heels to stare at him. His expression reveals that he thinks that the situation is funny, not grave, and that Donghyuck is being too dramatic for him not to laugh. “Jeno isn’t that mean.”
Donghyuck sighs. “You know nothing about omegas, do you? Trust a city omega for once.”
Jaemin waves his arms around, laughing. “Town omegas, city omegas, those are not actual things,” he says, all teeth and mockery.
Donghyuck can’t finish his attack. Jaemin strides to the bed, and before Donghyuck processes what he’s doing, Jaemin is climbing over him, caging him against the bed. Donghyuck can play this game, but when it comes to talking about Renjun, he feels small and powerless, so all his possible tactics to defy Jaemin die down as soon as he talks.
Jaemin smirks down at him, so close that his breath caresses Donghyuck’s lips as he whispers, “Are you mad because Renjun rejected you in front of another omega, because he rejected you to make Jeno feel superior, or just because he plainly rejected you?”
Donghyuck feels warmness expanding all over his body, filling his face and neck until he believes he could burn alive. Jaemin knows the answer, and that’s what is so embarrassing. No one has ever called out Donghyuck on his feelings, nor has he been read so fast and accurately.
It’s not the first option, because Donghyuck doesn’t have confidence issues and knows his strong points. It’s not the second option either, because Donghyuck’s ego doesn’t rely on how much other omegas love themselves.
It’s the last option. Jaemin knows it is, his smirk dilating upon Donghyuck’s silence. Donghyuck is speechless, hurt and self-conscious.
“You can’t have everyone,” Jaemin continues. He tilts his head to the side, searching for recognition in Donghyuck’s eyes, for a hint that tells him that Donghyuck isn’t this delusional and capricious. “That’s just how it is. And not everyone is going to want you, even if you choose them.”
Donghyuck wonders if Jaemin and Renjun have talked about this. If Jaemin is telling him this because he’s aware, for a fact, that Renjun won’t ever see Donghyuck that way, and that it’s better to kill Donghyuck’s hopes all at once.
Donghyuck frowns at Jaemin, confused. “I don’t want Renjun.”
Those are small words.
“Yeah, want isn’t the right word,” Jaemin agrees, voice hiding pure, crazy laughter. He presses a kiss on Donghyuck’s mouth, chaste and dry, despite Donghyuck’s state of confusion, as a goodbye. When he pulls away, he just says, “Thank you.”
The second time Donghyuck sees Renjun is two years later.
Donghyuck is eighteen, and with the prospect of having an easier transition to the university life, he gets a summer job in a café. He doesn’t come from a well off family, so he needs the money, needs the experience in case he has to work while studying too, and it’s the perfect excuse to avoid the emotional moments of spending the last summer with his high school friends.
It’s a boring, repetitive job, and Donghyuck doesn’t expect anything from it. Until, on a busy Sunday, an alpha with shining eyes walks into the café with a security that turns heads around.
Donghyuck’s heart skips a beat, his stare fixed on Renjun like he’s a magnet. He’s not sure why he finds Renjun so fast among the sea of customers, why he stands out in the crowd only for Donghyuck, or why he remembers that boy from the birthday party so well. It’s not a good sign. Renjun looks different. He’s taller, bigger and not as scrawny, but his presence retains a sort of delicacy that Donghyuck can’t pinpoint.
Donghyuck can’t focus all of a sudden, which is unusual and scary for him, and waits for the queue to advance, his eyes looking for Renjun all the time. Renjun has all his attention on his phone, however, and never makes eye contact with Donghyuck.
It’s easy to suppose that he should talk to him. This is the sort of chance that doesn’t appear twice, and Donghyuck let this boy go the first time, so he should learn from his mistakes. He owes Renjun a favor, anyhow.
Donghyuck isn’t shy, he isn’t a coward, but when there are two customers left in front of Renjun, Donghyuck smells him. His mind doesn’t understand Renjun’s smell, but his body does.
Renjun is an alpha.
Donghyuck’s fingers tremble as he hands the coffee to the next customer. It’s stupid. He isn’t nervous, not per se, but he’s unable to control his own reactions, not to become a scared, little boy that doesn’t remember that he faces dozens of alphas every day without trouble. Perhaps it’s because Renjun, a whole stranger, has seen him at his worst, and Donghyuck hasn’t overcome the shame of his first heat.
All those thoughts evaporate when Renjun steps up to order, looking up from his phone. Donghyuck sucks in a breath. It feels like an eternity goes by. Renjun pauses for a moment, gazes at him with an unreadable expression, and then smiles like he’d have smiled at any person.
“A vanilla latte, please,” he says in the end, completely neutral.
Renjun isn’t cold. He’s nice, he sounds kind, but the lack of recognition makes Donghyuck’s stomach drop. He answers to Renjun’s order, though his own words are unknown for him, and as soon as he turns around to prepare his coffee, Donghyuck feels a rush of rage.
He should maintain his image, to be professional, but Renjun’s vanilla latte burns in his hands as he scribbles down his name. He doesn’t ask for his name first, and when Donghyuck gives Renjun his order, Renjun tilts his head in curiosity.
Their hands accidentally caress as he hands Renjun his order, Renjun’s gaze shoots down there where they touch, and Donghyuck forces himself to ask, “Do you remember me?”
Renjun isn’t surprised. Instead, he looks relieved, nearly amused.
“Yes,” he whispers. His smile widens as he pulls out the exact amount of money for Donghyuck, keeps widening when he presses it against Donghyuck’s hand, his fingers purposely lingering against his. “You got even prettier, Donghyuck.”
Donghyuck wants him to stay, to beg him to wait for him at the closing hour, but he’s bedazzled and flustered, and no words come out of his mouth. Renjun doesn’t have any other intentions, because he doesn’t even give him time to say goodbye. Donghyuck can only watch him leave.
And Renjun doesn’t come back.
Tipsy Renjun is Donghyuck’s favorite Renjun.
They’re not supposed to be alone that night. They discussed with Jaemin and Yukhei that they would go out to drink together, but it’s a weekday, and incident after incident, it turns out that none of them can accompany them. Renjun and he could cancel the plans, since the only reason to go out was that they commited to other people. When it’s the two of them, they don’t need to leave their flats to have fun, but for once Renjun insists that he’s in the mood to go drink with him. Donghyuck isn’t, because he prefers staying home and cuddling Renjun to sleep, but he nods and complies.
He doesn’t regret it, even if Renjun leads him to the bar full of freshmen that Donghyuck hates so much. It was fine during their first year, but on the edge of their second year, Donghyuck holds too many bad memories in it: puking in the bathroom, crying over Renjun, making out with Jaehyun – who stopped talking to him afterwards, forever, aware that Donghyuck just wanted to use him.
But sometimes Donghyuck forgets that he always has fun with Renjun, especially if they’re alone. Whatever there is in Renjun’s mind that night, it’s a thought that pushes him to drink. Donghyuck doesn’t stop him; if anything, he keeps up, laughing as Renjun takes yet another shot and grimaces at its bitterness. They’ve done this before, during stressful periods, when they were through emotional and family problems, or when one of them just needed to forget the world for a night. If Renjun doesn’t want to tell him what’s wrong tonight, Donghyuck won’t force him.
“Are you trying to drink the whole supply of the city?” Donghyuck jokes, moving over the booth to be closer to him.
“Maybe I am,” Renjun admits. He smiles at Donghyuck’s proximity, hooks his finger in the hem of his shirt, and pulls him closer. That makes Donghyuck laugh, but he gladly follows Renjun and lets his head fall on Renjun’s shoulder, appreciating the contact. “For once it’s not you trying to get me drunk.”
Donghyuck smiles to himself, a smile that is involuntarily shared when Renjun inclines his head to have a small view of his face.
“That’s an unfair accusation,” Donghyuck murmurs, too content to be offended. Renjun’s shoulder has always been a perfect pillow for drunken nights, and tonight is no exception. “I’m too broke to get anyone drunk.”
Renjun huffs a short laugh.
“You must love me a lot to spend your money on me, then,” he teases, because after all, that’s the truth.
Not just that Donghyuck loves him with all his heart, to extents Renjun ignores, but that he has spent more money on him than someone in his economic situation should have. He remembers how he passed two months eating only rice and ramen after buying Renjun a pink Swiss watch with transparent gears. Completely unnecessary. Renjun didn’t even ask for it, and if he had known how expensive it was, he would have never accepted it. He discovered too late, when someone in his class pointed out in awe that his watch was limited edition, and Donghyuck argued that there was no going back then.
Renjun still gets angry if someone brings up the topic, but he does wear the watch often. And Donghyuck appreciates that, because it looks pretty hot on him. Deep inside, Donghyuck knows that it’s his instinct what makes him rejoice over Renjun carrying a little mark of his.
“Do you want to leave?” Renjun asks a few minutes later, noticing the judging look the waiter gives them when they consider asking for another round.
Donghyuck nods. “Yeah, but not to home.”
The waiter looks relieved at their choice, and Donghyuck understands why when Renjun trips with several tables on his way out. Donghyuck has no idea how wrecked they look, but Renjun’s clumsiness results hilarious to him. By the time they’re outside, holding hands through the busiest street of the university bar zone, they can’t stop laughing at each other.
“You won’t help me with my exam?” Renjun whines when Donghyuck rejects his idea of waking up early to study.
It’s ridiculous; a plan that comes from his inebriation, but Donghyuck always loves a good, nonsensical fight. He doesn’t fight with Renjun that often, yet when there’s alcohol in the equation, Renjun becomes incredibly childish if Donghyuck contradicts him. Donghyuck loves that, pulling pigtails until Renjun is a mess of whining and complaints and starts using his alpha pheromones to convince him.
It’s a different kind of drunkenness.
“Am I your only option?” Donghyuck slurs, pushing his shoulder against Renjun’s shoulder. It breaks Renjun’s balance, and Renjun squeezes his hand tighter not to fall. “I can’t do math to save my own life.”
“It’s moral support, you know that.” Renjun always has an excuse for everything. For holding Donghyuck’s hand, for pretending he doesn’t notice the way some people look at him, or how Donghyuck prefers being with him to spending the night with one of his many pretenders. “I don’t need you to do my math. Just to be there.”
Two years ago, Donghyuck’s heart would have skipped a beat. Heartbeat by heartbeat, Donghyuck has learned that Renjun is this sweet to everyone, that Donghyuck isn’t a special exception, and so he controls his pulse at the insinuation.
“Don’t use your big, sweet alpha words on me,” Donghyuck protests, letting the pout skewer into his tone. That catches Renjun’s attention right away, his gaze obscured by the lack of lights as they drift to an empty street. “I’m not like that.”
Renjun is walking him home, Donghyuck realizes, even though he expressly told him not to. Donghyuck doesn’t have a problem with going home, but he doesn’t want to part ways with Renjun.
“Like what?” Renjun asks, amused. Before Donghyuck has the chance to take his words back, Renjun stops on his tracks, compelling Donghyuck to do the same, and dedicates him the evilest of his smiles. “Come on, say it. You’re not like what? One of those omegas that love hearing praise and feeling like they’re the only ones in their alphas’ eyes?”
Donghyuck knew what was coming. Renjun drags him closer and closer by the hand, and though he looks content with the confusion he has managed to strike in Donghyuck, he doesn’t laugh at his expression. Donghyuck isn’t in the mood for laughing either. Renjun’s hands circle around his waist, and as soon as he feels Renjun’s warmth through the clothes, butterflies fly all over within his body.
“Renjun,” Donghyuck whispers, not so afraid to look into Renjun’s eyes thanks to the alcohol. They’re lucky the street is empty, because Renjun smells so strong that any other omega – an omega that isn’t used to his odor – would feel dizzy under its effect. Even Donghyuck does, yet Renjun’s grip on him keeps him in place, gives him the courage to grunt, “Don’t you know some omegas can bite hard enough to hurt you?”
Renjun’s smile disappears so fast that Donghyuck fears he has said the wrong thing. And then there’s silence, Renjun’s breathing becoming louder in the loneliness of the street. His hands travel up, walking over Donghyuck’s waist and moving up to cup his face, and so Donghyuck lifts his chin by instinct, giving Renjun more space to touch him.
“No matter how hard you bite, I can bite harder,” Renjun promises him. Perhaps it’s because he’s drunk, but he’s completely sincere, and as they stare into each other’s eyes, Donghyuck wonders if Renjun harbors any secret feelings for him. If Renjun knows about his feelings, too. “You never let me tell you nice things.”
Donghyuck doesn’t. Receiving compliments from alphas that he doesn’t care about, or from his friends, has become a habit; Donghyuck can be playful and throw himself into that game. But when Renjun plays that game with him, Donghyuck’s tricks freeze.
Donghyuck makes an effort to mutter, “It’s embarrassing.”
“That’s because it has an effect on you,” Renjun agrees. He doesn’t oppose to Donghyuck’s feelings; if he’s embarrassed, then it’s embarrassing. For Renjun that’s valid. Yet when Donghyuck doesn’t add any more words, Renjun twirls his face in his hold, slowly, observing him like he’s a piece of art that should be looked at from every angle. “You have such pretty eyes,” he whispers, so low that Donghyuck thinks, for a moment, that he’s talking to himself. His thumb caresses underneath his lower lip, hesitant, not daring to touch Donghyuck’s lips. “Such a pretty mouth.”
Donghyuck has difficulty to breathe. Renjun’s gaze falls on his lips, half gone, half spellbound. The heat invades every inch of Donghyuck’s face, and a part of him wishes to push Renjun away, to stop him from analyzing and appreciating him; the other part wishes Renjun would kiss him whole, from head to toe.
“You’re so drunk,” is the only thing that Donghyuck’s overwhelmed self can utter.
That humors Renjun, who daringly smiles at him and defies him, “And you’re so pretty.” His thumb finally ventures onto his lips, and Donghyuck opens his mouth, willing, pliant, dying to get a small taste of an alpha. Renjun drags his finger down, away from his mouth, as soon as Donghyuck manages to taste the pheromones in Renjun’s skin. “And so drunk, too.”
Renjun steps back, letting go. It’s too much space for Donghyuck, all of a sudden, after everything Renjun has conceded him. So Donghyuck steps forward, follows Renjun and recognizes the surprise in his eyes with merry. However, Renjun sets his hand on his stomach to stop Donghyuck from coming closer.
It’s evident what Donghyuck wants. It’s in the air, in his gaze, in the way he parted his lips for Renjun right away. It’s not the first time it happens, but they always pretend it never happened. Donghyuck doesn’t want that to repeat, for Renjun to turn his back on him and hurt him again.
He forces himself against Renjun’s hand. It’s not easy; Renjun is strong, even stronger when it comes to control Donghyuck, but Donghyuck has an advantage: he doesn’t mind hurting himself.
He’s not sure what gives that away, but Renjun stops opposing resistance, and Donghyuck crashes against him. Renjun supports him by the hips, even though he’s not sober enough to take care of both of them, and lets Donghyuck close the distance between them.
Despite that, when Donghyuck is about to touch his lips, Renjun turns his head enough so that the kiss lands on the corner of his mouth. Donghyuck doesn’t see it coming, and it breaks him piece by piece, in small, fractured pieces of himself.
“There is a reason you always get what you want,” Renjun mutters.
A reason that doesn’t work on Renjun.
“I don’t,” Donghyuck argues. His voice trembles, cracks in the end. What does Renjun gain from this? Any other alpha would have accepted him by now, at least one night, at least one hour. “Renjun-”
They’re so close that when Renjun looks at him again, Donghyuck would barely have to move to steal a kiss from him. Yet his confidence is destroyed, and so is his heart, and the unreadable expression on Renjun’s face tells him all the pity he’s hiding for him.
“Whatever you need, always. You know that,” Renjun assures him, swears for him. He takes Donghyuck’s hand, brings it up to his mouth, and lands a sweet kiss on the back of his hand, eyes never leaving Donghyuck’s. He finishes with a, “Except this.”
The third time Donghyuck sees Renjun is the definitive.
Yangyang, the first friend he makes at university, invites him to dinner on the second week. Donghyuck accepts, of course, because even though he has met tons of new people from his class, it’s hard to find someone that wants to expand their friendships outside that – unless it’s about parties and getting madly drunk – and most alphas that have talked to him had secondary intentions. Not that Donghyuck minds, but he’s looking for friends too.
All in all, Donghyuck firmly believes he’s having a hallucination when he walks into the food chain restaurant and, next to Yangyang, Renjun is sitting with a smile on his face. There are two more boys that Donghyuck doesn’t know, two boys that become just a peripheral distraction in Donghyuck’s map.
It wouldn’t be a surprise for Donghyuck to spiral into madness all at once, but he doesn’t understand why his brain would choose Renjun as his first hallucination.
Except it isn’t a hallucination, no matter how much he wishes it was. And when Renjun glances up at him, there are no doubts that he remembers Donghyuck this time. It has been only a few months since they bumped into each other at the café, and though Donghyuck doesn’t have any expectations from him, Renjun fulfills them.
Yangyang gets up to welcome him, pats his back and introduces him to his friends. The other two boys are, as Donghyuck learns, Jaemin and Yukhei. Renjun doesn’t introduce himself, however, and for a second Yangyang stares at him in complete confusion.
“Hey,” Renjun greets him, instead. He sounds soft, softer than he actually is, softer than his pheromones hint. “I’ll start thinking you’re spying on me.”
Donghyuck can’t help but laugh, because it should be the other way around. It was Renjun who found him in that empty hall, and it was Renjun who walked into his work place by his own will. Donghyuck wants him near him, but he never had the chance to choose.
“You know each other?” Yangyang chirps in, enchanted with the turn of events.
It’s strange, because Donghyuck feels like he knows Renjun, but he knows nothing about him. He has his name, the experience of knowing that there aren’t any other alpha’s pheromones in the world with the soothing power that Renjun’s have on him, and that somehow Donghyuck is meant to cross paths with him, again, again and again.
“You could say so,” Donghyuck affirms, and though he’s answering Yangyang’s question, he only ever looks at Renjun.
Donghyuck wakes up in Renjun's embrace, his back pressed against Renjun's chest and Renjun's arm secured around his hips.
After two years of dubious friendship, this isn’t out of the norm for them.
That’s what Donghyuck tells himself at first, as he fights to open his eyes and tries to understand what he's sensing. It’s natural that he feels weird after last night, after having a conversation that could have been the ending for them. Donghyuck would have accepted it, if Renjun hadn’t dragged him along, insisted that they should sleep together, and acted as if he had never considered kissing him minutes ago.
But the differences in the atmosphere aren’t a consequence of the state of the relationship. Donghyuck doesn’t have to open his eyes to know what the reason is: Renjun smells delicious. And, through their clothes, Donghyuck can feel him burn from head to toe. From his forehead, hidden against Donghyuck's nape, to his whole torso and legs, entangled with Donghyuck's, to the hand that rests on his tummy.
Donghyuck takes a breath, not knowing what do. Smelling an alpha in the beginning of a rut is overpowering. They are aware. On the first day, they usually shield the world from themselves, lock their houses or rooms, and spend it either alone or with their partner.
Contrary to how it should be, it’s not the first time Donghyuck smells Renjun on the first day of his rut. Renjun is an adversary of suppressants. He doesn’t take them; he assures that none of them should take hormones that change the way their bodies work just to adapt to the unnatural duties of their society, and he’s the only reason Donghyuck dropped his own suppressants. It’s not the same situation, however, for Donghyuck to resist the temptation as he has always done.
He can’t help it. Holding his breath, he pushes back, and feels Renjun's hard on against his ass right away. Renjun is asleep, but his instinct is stronger than anything, and he moves his hips forward, looking for friction. A small moan escapes Donghyuck’s lips, and he immediately claps his hand over his mouth, surprised at his own reaction.
His moan is loud enough to stir Renjun up from his dreams, but not loud enough to wake him up completely. Donghyuck should laugh at this. How can Renjun be sleeping right at the brink of his rut? How can he not be alert at the feeling of his dick, rock hard, pressed against Donghyuck's ass?
Donghyuck takes a moment to control his own body. If he lets go, Renjun’s rut will trigger his heat in a matter of minutes; and if Donghyuck is under the effects of his heat, Renjun will never touch him, will never let Donghyuck touch him either.
When Donghyuck believes that he can handle his own instinct, he slides back again.
Renjun’s hand shoots up to grab his hips, to halt Donghyuck’s movements. Donghyuck obeys the silent request, but Renjun’s dick twitches through his pants, and although Renjun has stopped him, he doesn’t jerk away.
It’s hesitation. Renjun has never hesitated before.
“Donghyuck,” he murmurs, sounding like he’s still half asleep. His fingers sink in Donghyuck’s skin, and Donghyuck has to make an effort not to groan at the pain. He sounds like he’s in a daze as he concludes, “Shit, my rut.”
Donghyuck gives him a moment to soak in reality: that he’s suffering a rut, that they’re in bed together, and that Donghyuck wants him.
And then, risking the last bit of his pride, Donghyuck murmurs, “You don’t have to fight against it.”
Renjun doesn’t answer. His breathing speeds up, his desperation becomes evident in his scent, and that’s all Donghyuck needs for his courage to take over. He turns over the bed, very slowly, afraid that Renjun will have a negative reaction to the closeness, no matter how much both of them could want this to happen.
Renjun’s eyes are clouded when Donghyuck looks into them, but Renjun is still there, alive, in them. Donghyuck doesn’t know for how long. His boldness will be useless if Renjun loses himself before Donghyuck can talk to him; just like Renjun would never take advantage of his heat, Donghyuck wouldn’t jump onto him once he loses his sense of self-control.
Renjun’s chest rises and gets stuck on that breath, waiting for Donghyuck to take the first step. Donghyuck does, though his fingers tremble when he cups Renjun’s boner through his pants, too big to fit in his hand.
Donghyuck can put up with the eternity that passes since he touches Renjun to the moment Renjun breathes again. And then, much to his shock, Renjun slides his own hand down, the warmth of his palm against Donghyuck’s hand, and presses both of their hands on his cock.
Donghyuck feels a mixture of anger, comfort and lust. The blood rushes through his body with so much force that it blocks his ears, and he can hear only his own heart, racing through the last two years with Renjun that have brought them to this. He should be happy that at last Renjun is giving in, but Donghyuck is too smart to fall for it. His hand on Renjun's dick doesn't imply anything else than it is. That thought alone brings other bad memories for him, sharp words and all the contradicting signs that Renjun has ever shot at him. Perhaps Renjun would let anyone do this, and it’s not a matter of trusting Donghyuck for once.
Donghyuck's tongue moves on its own, “It’s such a pity that I’m the only omega you wouldn’t fuck, isn’t it?"
It's the worst reproach he could shoot at Renjun. Renjun is driven out of the trance he's in, focus drifting from the straining tent in his pants to Donghyuck's face. The surprise in his eyes doesn't catch Donghyuck off guard. He didn’t expect Renjun to give those words any importance, even if they meant everything for Donghyuck, because Renjun’s intention wasn’t to offend him. Renjun isn't the type of person who would have hurt him on purpose, but he's the type not to be careful with his words.
“Renjun-” Donghyuck starts, feeling horrible for what he has just done.
“Don’t say it,” Renjun grunts. He closes his eyes, breathing deep, well aware that Donghyuck is about to tell him to fuck him regardless. That he’s still angry at him for looking down on him, and yet Donghyuck will still sleep with him. “We’re friends. We’re not going to ruin our relationship with sex.”
Donghyuck wants to protest, almost like a kid, that he's being irrational. Sex didn't ruin any of his other relationships; if anything, it strengthened them, because they were friends helping each other. It's true that it's different with Renjun. But he doesn't know that.
And if Donghyuck hit a low point last night, he's certain he can hit an even lower point, anything for Renjun.
Bringing his foreheads together, he whispers, “Remember when you helped me in that bathroom?”
When they were sixteen and Donghyuck didn't dream of Renjun, when he didn't get dizzy around Renjun's scent, when he didn't need Renjun to tell him goodnight to fall asleep.
“I didn’t know what I was doing, Hyuck,” Renjun whispers back, furrowing his eyebrows. He's right. Renjun was more innocent than him back then, Donghyuck didn't know what he was doing either, and Renjun's presence was his only rock in that tiny bathroom. “I was just company.”
Renjun allows his eyes to roam over Donghyuck's face, desperately waiting for something that Donghyuck can't guess. Unlike last night, Renjun isn't thinking about kissing him, but his pheromones become more potent as soon as Donghyuck glances at his mouth.
Donghyuck hopes that what he's about to do doesn't ruin, indeed, their friendship.
“Let me suck you off,” Donghyuck says. This time it's him who closes his eyes, too scared of rejection, of perceiving something akin to disgust in Renjun's face. “You’ll feel better, I’ll leave right away and we can pretend nothing happened.”
Renjun doesn't answer, but Donghyuck's hand on his dick is enough for him to know, and enough for Renjun not to be able to hide his thoughts. He can lie, claim that he doesn’t yearn for this, but the idea of Donghyuck giving him a blowjob soaks him beyond his control. It might be pure instinct. And that’s enough for Donghyuck.
When Donghyuck meets eyes with him, Renjun's stare has moved onto his neck. A shiver tours down his spine, and for a moment Donghyuck is about to beg to be marked. Halting that plead is like stopping a cascade from falling, but Donghyuck manages to bring himself back to the moment, to Renjun's worry and desire.
“How can we pretend-?” Renjun mutters, as though he doesn't understand the proposal.
Donghyuck won't be able to pretend later. He trusts Renjun to do so.
Donghyuck shifts his hand over his pants, pressing harder, and as soon as he does, Renjun jerks his own hand away.
It's not to push him away, not today. He removes Donghyuck's hold on him, releasing a small groan at the loss of pressure, and demands, “Tell me you won’t regret this.”
Donghyuck breathes out, “I won’t regret it.”
The speed at which Renjun moves is strikingly revealing. He doesn’t give Donghyuck any time to react on his own. He discards his pants, pushing them down to his knees and letting them lose in the mess of sheets around them, and gasps when his dick curls up against his stomach all at once.
The next thing Donghyuck knows is that Renjun is bringing him down, his hands over his head as he guides him to his dick. Donghyuck would laugh at his impatience, but his mind whispers that Renjun is impatient for having him, and his omega instinct just wants to please Renjun, make him proud, make him feel better than ever.
Renjun parts his legs so that Donghyuck lies between them, and then without a word he fists the sheets at both sides. Donghyuck doesn’t need any explanation. If Renjun surrendered to his own wishes, he would grab Donghyuck's face and force him down without repairs. In a rut, an alpha just wants to get off, quick and simple, and Donghyuck isn’t going to give him exactly that.
Donghyuck is grateful he doesn't force him, because Renjun is bigger than he imagined, a swollen, curved dick that he doesn't know if it will fit whole in his mouth. Besides, Donghyuck wants to take his time. It might be the only stance in which he can touch Renjun this way, and he's not going to waste the opportunity.
As he carefully brings Renjun's dick towards him, he notices the way Renjun is staring at him. Renjun has sat up, lent forward enough just to look at his face, and it takes Donghyuck a moment that Renjun wants to see him suck his dick.
Such a pretty face, he said. A pretty mouth.
Donghyuck doesn't start with his mouth. He notices the precum on Renjun's slit, the natural lubrication that surrounds it, so he drags both of his hands over the head, slicking his whole dick up and down. It's the first time he touches Renjun, and even though he's far from being shy, Donghyuck still avoids his eyes when Renjun pants at the touch.
Renjun is so hard between his fingers that, if Donghyuck didn't know better, he would think he's about to come. It's not a surprise that a simple lick of his tongue at the base makes his dick twitch, or that Renjun is already breathless just a few seconds later. Knowing that Renjun can enjoy this, that he can enjoy Donghyuck, gives Donghyuck the courage he needs.
The taste of Renjun on his mouth is inebriating. He licks all the way up and, lapping his tongue over the head of Renjun's dick, he finally dares to look at his eyes. Renjun hasn’t taken his eyes off of him, and looking at each other in that moment is the most revealing truth for them. If they were only friends, Renjun wouldn’t stare at him with a shadow of greed, wouldn’t have all his attention on Donghyuck’s mouth. He would lie back and let his best friend suck him off, but he wouldn’t try to get off on the view of his lips around his dick. Donghyuck takes every drop of the smeared precum, softly at first, becoming messier every time his tongue laps over the head.
Renjun is still an alpha, though, and there's a limit to how much they can be played with. Donghyuck doesn't miss the way Renjun's hands fence him in from the sides, like he intends to trap Donghyuck like an animal, like Renjun's instinct is to subjugate him.
“Hyuck,” he calls, voice rumbling with irritation. “Don't play with me.”
Donghyuck has waited for a long time as well.
But it’s an order, and Donghyuck’s nature can’t ignore it; obeying Renjun, he tries to build a pace. He caresses Renjun’s dick with one hand, the veins hardening under his fingers every time Donghyuck presses on them. Renjun is sensitive, because there’s nothing like having an omega between his legs to set his rut into full motion; his thighs tense up when Donghyuck touches the right places, when he touches the wrong places – too sensitive, too hard – too. Donghyuck can tell that he’s stopping himself from moaning, maybe out of shame, because Donghyuck is Donghyuck and Renjun isn’t supposed to get pleasure from his friend.
Donghyuck needs more than that. He wants to hear Renjun, to know that he likes it. Containing his noises, for some reason, drives Donghyuck to be bolder than he should.
He shifts his free hand from Renjun’s hips to his knot, not swollen yet, and flattens his palm against it. The effect is immediate: Renjun lets out a surprised, low noise, hips stuttering, and looks at Donghyuck with a newfound blush on his cheeks.
That’s enough permission for Donghyuck to go on, so as he jerks him off a bit slower, dragging his fingers around the head, he dips down to mouth at Renjun’s knot. The feeling of Donghyuck’s wet, warm tongue, and the subtle bite of Donghyuck’s teeth against his balls unleashes Renjun’s self-control. He moans a broken moan, almost a lament, and one second later Donghyuck feels a hand behind his head, pushing him forward.
“You’re the fucking devil,” Renjun grumbles, but despite his complaint, he’s too far gone to back out.
Donghyuck complies with Renjun’s indecisive, wandering hands. He takes his knot as well as he can, but this is a first for Donghyuck too, because he has never had his mouth full of an alpha’s knot. It doesn’t last for long, not after Donghyuck whines and the vibrations send a wave of unbearable pleasure through Renjun.
Renjun grabs his hair and jerks him away from his knot, but then grabs Donghyuck’s wrist with his other hand and leads him back to the knot, not wanting to lose the sensation of Donghyuck’s touch on him. Donghyuck loves it this way: Renjun telling him what to do, losing his patience, his reason, just so that he can use Donghyuck to come.
When Renjun pulls him by the hair and pushes him down on his dick, Donghyuck willingly opens his mouth. He knows what’s coming, but he’s not prepared for it. Instead of going slowly, Renjun lifts his hips and forces his dick all the way into Donghyuck’s mouth. Donghyuck chokes, gurgles, his gag reflex making his throat close around Renjun. It’s even more pressure for Renjun, who groans so loudly that Donghyuck feels himself harden too, squirming against the bed.
Renjun doesn’t pity him, too blinded by his own pleasure to let go. Just when Donghyuck holds onto his hips, trying to fight against his strength, Renjun realizes that it’s too much for Donghyuck too.
Donghyuck moves away, mouth burning, spit and come everywhere around his lips, and stares at Renjun between tears. Renjun stares back at him with fire in his eyes.
“What now? Not so convincing?” Renjun asks him, huffing a raspy, affected laugh. Donghyuck blinks at him, so undone that he can’t even come up with a smart reply, and instead he licks a strap up Renjun’s dick as revenge. Renjun closes his eyes, panting. “Shit.”
When Donghyuck wraps his mouth around his cock again, Renjun doesn’t push him. He rests his hand on Donghyuck’s head anyhow, maybe to feel that he can tie him down in any moment, or maybe out of instinct. It still feels surreal to Donghyuck that he’s in Renjun’s bed this way, that this is happening at all, but all he has ever wanted was to make Renjun feel good. That, and to mark him all up, to get scolded for it afterwards, because as an omega he shouldn’t mark an alpha without permission.
“You’re so good at this,” Renjun croaks out, sounding weaker by the second. He throws his head back as Donghyuck presses with all force under the head of his cock, using his tongue. Renjun’s groan extinguishes, and for a moment he rolls his eyes at the pleasure, caught off guard. “So good. I should have let you-”
Donghyuck doesn’t need to hear the words. Should have let him do this sooner. Should have let him fuck him instead of wasting his time with fears about their friendship. It feels too good, Donghyuck’s raw mouth on his dick and his hands around the base. And Donghyuck knows it does, judging how Renjun’s stomach tenses up when he starts running his tongue in circles on the frenulum, harder and harder until Renjun becomes a mess, until Donghyuck feels a good amount of precum coming out.
Donghyuck feels his hair being pulled again and Renjun’s breathing becomes erratic; when Donghyuck looks up, Renjun has his mouth half open, his eyes closed, and he doesn’t react to the attention until Donghyuck lets go of him.
“Feels good?” Donghyuck asks him, teases him, conscious that if feels like heaven for him. That probably no one has sucked him off like Donghyuck is doing, and Renjun is going to have trouble to forget this. That he’s going to jerk off dozens of times thinking about Donghyuck’s mouth on him, lying between his legs-
Renjun doesn’t answer his question. Instead, he moans a broken, “Wanna come on your face.”
He’s about to come, Donghyuck notices, so close that he’s amazed at the fact that he could utter any word. Donghyuck complies, interlacing both hands around his dick and using his thumbs to press there where Renjun likes it. Renjun lets out an impatient whine, but his eyes are on Donghyuck’s mouth, on his face, and Donghyuck parts his lips to push him to come. He goes faster and faster, feeling Renjun hardening around his fingers, and closes his eyes.
Donghyuck isn’t sure what makes Renjun reach his climax, if the pace of his hands or the view of Donghyuck waiting for him, but Renjun comes all over his face, cum landing on his lips, on his nose, on his cheeks and chin, even on his neck. Donghyuck doesn’t let go all at once; he rubs Renjun’s dick even after he’s finished, until Renjun falls back on the bed, completely undone, too weak to even move Donghyuck away.
Now they just have to pretend.
Fear is an after-effect.
Two days later, when Donghyuck is eating his lunch in a rush on one of the campus’ benches, he reflects about how bad he has fucked up.
Not because he helped Renjun. He promised that he wouldn’t regret it, and he doesn’t. But he does the count in his head, half of his sandwich falling off his mouth, and realizes that Renjun’s rut should have ended by now. Donghyuck doesn’t pride himself in knowing Renjun’s cycle so well, and right now it’s just another reason to swallow his tears.
Renjun hasn’t talked to him since the night they spent together. That’s not normal. They talk every day, either in person or by text, so it’s not a coincidence that this break is happening after Renjun let him cross a line that they weren’t supposed to cross.
Donghyuck has to prevent himself from imagining all the horrible things this could mean. That their relationship is indeed ruined. That Renjun doesn’t want to see him again. That it’s over, because Donghyuck has been capricious and stupid and prioritized his wishes over Renjun’s wishes, like an immature boy that can’t think about people’s feelings first.
Donghyuck feels like vomiting the whole sandwich, and he swears that someone is calling his name, but Donghyuck can’t be sure anymore of his own senses. He can’t trust himself, not for friendships, not to be a good person, not to-
“Donghyuck!” Jeno skips in front of him, his folder pressed against his chest and a smile plastered on his face. However, as soon as he notices that Donghyuck’s having his lunch alone, or rather, choking on it, he frowns. “Why are you eating alone?”
Instead of asking if he can sit with him, Jeno takes the liberty of choosing his company. Donghyuck prefers that to explaining that he’s under so much stress that he can’t live in society, and that he has offended his classmates three times in just two classes; he’s better off away from mankind.
But when Jeno occupies the bench, next to him, Donghyuck gets hit by a fragrance that doesn’t belong to him. The world freezes around him while Jeno unpacks his own lunch, his folder put aside, either pretending or oblivious of how much he reeks of alpha.
Donghyuck can’t help it, and between gritted teeth, he observes, “You smell like Renjun.”
“I-” Jeno looks up at him like a deer caught in headlights. “What?”
Donghyuck isn’t stupid. All the pieces fit all of a sudden; Renjun wasn’t the only one who disappeared for days. Donghyuck should have suspected of Jaemin’s evasive tricks, of the awkward silences and his unusual amount of free time – a time he would have spent with Jeno otherwise.
Donghyuck lets out an incredulous, bitter laugh. “He called you for his rut?”
Renjun could have let him stay. God, they had already crossed that dangerous line, and yet Renjun had decided that kicking him out was a better option. Kicking him out to call Jeno instead. Perhaps because he’s prettier. Perhaps because he fucks better. Because he’s an omega that would love to hear praise from his alpha and fits Renjun’s standards to perfection.
Jeno shrinks on himself, intimidated by Donghyuck’s gaze. By the fact that Donghyuck would fight him if he was given the chance, and that this would be enough of an excuse for him.
“I don’t know what happened between you two but,” Jeno begins. But that’s not what he intends to say, because he sinks his teeth on his lower lip to seal his own words. He inhales, trying to compose himself, and looks at Donghyuck with prudence. “I did what I could do to help. It wasn’t my idea. I don’t think he was sure of what he was doing either, but he needed it.”
Donghyuck doesn’t believe him. It doesn’t fit his narrative. Jaemin already told him that Jeno wasn’t trying to harm him in any way, but Jaemin is just as biased as Donghyuck. With Jeno in front of him, explaining the situation like it doesn’t matter that much, Donghyuck doesn’t know if he will be angrier if Jeno turns out to be sincere or if he turns out to be the guilty, mean boy of Donghyuck’s version. Both results are nerve-wrecking.
“Why are you justifying that you slept with him?” Donghyuck questions him, a defying glare and the intent of pushing away all his other thoughts – the thoughts of Renjun rejecting him again, once more, in favor of Jeno.
Jeno’s mouth falls open for a few seconds, like his intention was never directed to justify himself.
“I’m not messing up with you two,” he mutters in the end, his fingers gripping his box lunch until his knuckles become white.
Donghyuck gives him a sour smirk. “There’s nothing to mess up with.”
It takes Jeno a while to understand what Donghyuck means. It should be the exact confirmation he has been waiting for: that he has a completely clean path for him and Renjun. But Jeno doesn’t seem to be hopeful, just confused, as he shakes his head.
“That’s not true,” he differs. Donghyuck wonders in which moment of their lives Jeno started to think that he knew more about Donghyuck’s relationships than Donghyuck himself, but if it’s necessary, he will put Jeno in his place. “I-”
Jeno lowers his head, face turning scarlet by the second. Donghyuck could assume that he’s embarrassed for all his wrongdoings, but he recognizes the signs of a prude when he sees them – which is ironical at best, since Jeno opened his legs for Renjun without trouble. Among the pain and the rancor, his curiosity itches for a bit of information that can humiliate Jeno.
“What?” Donghyuck demands, chin up.
Jeno stares at his shoes like they’re the only thing in the world.
“He kept saying your name,” he mumbles, so low that Donghyuck wonders if he’s mishearing it. But then Jeno adds, “He kept saying your name while he fucked me.”
Donghyuck doesn’t understand his own feelings.
A part of him suspects that he should be happy. This is what he wished for: for Renjun to want him. After two years of developing true, realistic feelings for him, and three previous extra years of developing imaginative feelings for him, he should feel relieved.
But he doesn’t. He’s angry. Renjun doesn’t pick up his calls, doesn’t answer his messages, and Donghyuck despises what is happening to them. Even so, after Jeno has revealed that little secret of his, Donghyuck becomes a bit reticent. He has always chased after Renjun, Renjun has never taken him seriously, which in the end made Renjun the stable half of their relationship. If the only stable half of their relationship is in anguish, Donghyuck doesn’t know what to expect.
Renjun fucking Jeno into oblivion while moaning Donghyuck’s name is insane. Donghyuck knows that. He knows that Renjun is avoiding him because he’s unstable, because neither of them have the experience or the knowledge to deal with that. It has always been easy for them, despite Donghyuck’s pride and Renjun’s apparent disinterest, to keep each other around.
However, Donghyuck doesn’t want Renjun to protect him from himself, even if it scares him too. Even if it’s his fault for pushing Renjun’s buttons until he crumbled down, and now he can’t fix the mess he provoked. He should have known better than touching an alpha in the brink of a rut. There’s nothing like hormones to mistake sex for love.
Donghyuck has limits too. The prospect of not seeing Renjun again, of having fucked up so bad that he might have lost him forever keeps him awake at night; it makes him sick, tired, grossed out at himself for not controlling himself. Renjun’s pheromones were too powerful and that, mixed with Donghyuck’s will to prove himself and the harbored feelings was the perfect recipe for disaster.
“Don’t lie to me,” Donghyuck demands Jaemin days later, after intercepting him after one of his classes. “Have you seen him?”
Jaemin looks more confused than he should, but Donghyuck understands that he must come off as a lunatic while doing this: waiting for Jaemin to come out of his class, grabbing him by the arm and away from his classmates before their incredulous eyes, and shout whispering in a corner of the faculty. Some students stare at them when they pass by, but they probably assume that they’re a couple, arguing, and don’t heed them excessive attention.
However, Jaemin’s confusion dissipates in a matter of seconds, his shoulders slumping down in resignation.
“Donghyuck,” he whispers, tired rather than angry. “Can you stop?”
Donghyuck is tired too, but everyone fails to see that. He’s tired of being ignored, of not knowing, of waiting with uncertainty while all his friends, all Renjun’s friends side with him to some extent. Donghyuck doesn’t want to think that there are sides, because this wasn’t a fight, but his friends are clearly more worried for Renjun than they are for him.
Donghyuck, despite his temper, isn’t made of steel and stone. It’s not fair.
“He told you not to tell me,” Donghyuck points out. He can recognize an evasive, and that’s what Jaemin is doing. “Which is fucking ridiculous, you know? Because if he told you that it means you met up with him.”
Jaemin opens his mouth, but he can’t contradict Donghyuck. Of course he’s meeting up with Renjun. This is just about Donghyuck. Renjun didn’t stop living his life all at once.
“You should be worrying about other stuff,” Jaemin retorts instead. But he can’t be serious, not if he has discussed this with Renjun beforehand, since he wouldn’t dismiss the situation so nonchalantly. “For example, apologizing to Jeno.”
That’s the last of Donghyuck’s problems right now.
Jaemin lifts his eyebrows, impressed at his lack of tact. “You treated him like shit.”
“He was trying to steal-” Donghyuck bites his own tongue, and a flush of heat invades his face. His mouth is faster than his mind, and as soon as he opens his mouth, Jaemin gazes at him like he has gone completely insane. Donghyuck mutters, “I didn’t say that.”
Jaemin could laugh. Anyone else would have laughed at Donghyuck’s stupidity, but Jaemin is sensitive enough to understand that Donghyuck shouldn’t be mocked right now.
“Dude, Jeno is in love with Chenle,” Jaemin sighs at last, defeated. The way he reveals it, lowering his voice and after so many days, weeks of Donghyuck’s jealousy growing and growing, makes Donghyuck suspect that this was a secret. He has seen Chenle in pictures, never in person, and Jeno has never mentioned him before. Chenle is an omega, however, and maybe that’s why Jeno wouldn’t trust anyone with such secret. “He flirted with Renjun, yeah, so what? Consequences of sexual oppression and all that stuff. You and I have slept together a dozen times and Renjun has never hated me for it.”
Donghyuck falls silent, leans over the wall and watches his surroundings, really watches them for the first time today. Drowned in his own distress, it feels like the world froze, but nothing has changed. He’s being dramatic. Jeno helped Renjun with his rut, just like Donghyuck has helped other alphas before, just like alphas have helped him in return, no feelings involved.
Renjun is being dramatic too. This doesn’t have to mean anything if he doesn’t want to. Donghyuck will accept that as long as he can keep Renjun in his life, even if it’s just as a friend, even if he’s never going to be happy with that.
Donghyuck leans on the wall, noticing how Jaemin’s eyes turn more careful than before, and sighs, “What now?”
“I think Renjun needs space,” Jaemin answers, but he doesn’t sound too sure of himself. Donghyuck glances at him, at his neutral, resigned expression, and realizes what’s going on: Jaemin doesn’t know what happened the morning of Renjun’s rut. He thinks this is a fight over Jeno, a matter of jealousy and possessiveness. He has no idea. “So wait for him to reach out?”
Donghyuck does the exact opposite.
It’s not stubbornness, or at least that’s what he tells himself. Taking advice from anyone about Renjun isn’t an option that he can easily assume. Not because Donghyuck is too prideful to admit that he’s wrong, that other people have more sense than him, but because he knows Renjun better than the rest of his friends.
Renjun could avoid him for months if he wanted to. Renjun could avoid him forever, even.
Donghyuck blames his own hormones for all those wrong decisions. He sits outside Renjun’s class, waiting, on the brink of his heat, and realizes that he needs Renjun around to calm down. He could have given Renjun more space, but after weeks of being deprived of the only alpha that can both control and make his pheromones lose control, his body is unpredictable. His body takes over his mind, over his heart, and he finds himself in this situation.
The looks thrown at him every time an alpha passes by don’t go unnoticed, but Donghyuck, despite feeling more self-conscious by the second, doesn’t have enough mind space to focus on them.
Renjun’s night class ends later than it should, but when he steps out, it’s evident that he knows Donghyuck is outside waiting for him. It makes Donghyuck realize how strong his pheromones must smell, since Renjun’s eyes are on him without any need to look for him first. His pupils are dilated, dark, Donghyuck can scent him from far away too.
Renjun approaches him so fast that one would think they’re in danger, dodging his classmates and even pushing some of them out of his way. Donghyuck’s heart speeds up, but he doesn’t know if it’s because he’s seeing Renjun for the first time in a long time, because Renjun is clearly worried for him or because Donghyuck would die for drowning his nose in Renjun’s neck.
Donghyuck had prepared what to say, yet when Renjun wraps his fingers around his wrist, his mind goes blank, his mouth dry. “Can we talk?” he utters, feeling smaller and smaller. “Please, I-”
Renjun isn’t listening to him, however. One hand around his wrist and another hand on his forehead, breathing deeply, and his eyes looking anywhere but Donghyuck’s eyes.
“You’re burning, Hyuck,” he muses, almost like he’s talking to himself. Donghyuck ignores if it’s true. When Renjun is around, his world is constantly burning, so he wouldn’t distinguish it from his heat. Renjun pulls him closer, careful, and says, “Come on, I got my car outside.”
Donghyuck doesn’t question him, though he doesn’t see the point of going to Renjun’s car. They could talk their problems out right here, right now, because Donghyuck feels so impatient and irascible that he doesn’t care about making a scene. Yet he doesn’t protest as Renjun leads him outside, not glancing back at him but not letting go of him either, and opens the door for him.
As soon as Donghyuck sits down, all his sensations crash over him: he is burning. The light twists in his vision, the world slows down around him, and he can only detect Renjun’s scent. His heat has set off, and he knew this would happen sooner or later, but he didn’t consider how hard it would be to have an important conversation in the middle of it.
Over all, he didn’t acknowledge that Renjun could be in the wrong state to discuss them, or that Donghyuck’s heat would change the game for both. When Renjun slips on the driver’s seat next to him, Donghyuck can hear his accelerated breathing, can even hear his heartbeat, the tension and difficulty of being around Donghyuck; because he’s in heat, but also because they’re not on their best terms.
“You should be resting,” is what leaves Renjun’s mouth at first.
He glances at Donghyuck, cautious, like he fears Donghyuck will scream at him. Perhaps he deems that he deserves it. Donghyuck isn’t going to, yet he does want to scream at him when he realizes that Renjun’s words hide another meaning: he doesn’t think Donghyuck needs rest, he thinks he should be with another alpha who will ease him through his heat.
“I don’t need rest,” Donghyuck grunts, and though he intends to be harsh, his voice comes out weak and needy.
Renjun shakes his head. The movement sends a wave of scent towards Donghyuck, who blanks out for a second, and then hears Renjun say, “You’re so stubborn.”
Donghyuck sees red. Only red.
“Me? I’m the stubborn one?” he says, raising his voice. He isn’t going to accept that from someone that has been avoiding him like the plague, who didn’t deign to ask for space or time himself, only through their mutual friends. “What’s your fucking problem?”
If Renjun is shocked at Donghyuck’s tone, he doesn’t show it. His jaw tightens, and he stares ahead, at the other students walking by his car.
“I told you it’d ruin our friendship,” he reminds Donghyuck, neutral, like a robot that has memorized that line for weeks.
It irks Donghyuck. Because he would do anything to preserve their friendship, and it’s not broken just because Donghyuck gave him a blowjob. This is an issue of two, but it’s an issue created by only one of them.
“No, you are ruining our friendship,” Donghyuck snaps. On other circumstances, he would feel bad for talking like this to Renjun, but he has had enough. He deserves better than Renjun not even looking at him. Donghyuck leans forward, trying to invade Renjun’s vision field, and accuses him, “You’re letting this happen. In fact, you’re looking for it.”
Whether it’s true or not, Donghyuck’s accusation affects Renjun. His hands grip the steering wheel as though he’s about to break it, perhaps because he doesn’t know how to direct his frustration; whatever he’s frustrated over, Donghyuck has no idea.
“It’s easy for you to say,” Renjun retorts. When he turns to Donghyuck at last, Donghyuck immediately feels intimidated by the way he glowers at him. Renjun is mad at him, or mad at himself, or mad at both of them, but Donghyuck has never witnessed this. They’ve never had such a big fight either, and therefore Donghyuck isn’t used to Renjun’s scent being so dominant, so dangerous. “You’d fuck anyone and you’d be able to go back to friends every time. I’m not like that, you know? It means something for me, rut or not. I don’t go around fucking my friends.”
It’s too much for Donghyuck to process it fast. It maddens him, too, because he wouldn’t fuck just anyone, and he’s not void of feelings. Fuck, touching Renjun screwed him up as well, but in Renjun’s eyes he’s just this careless, senseless omega that can’t commit or do serious relationships. Donghyuck hates Renjun for that: he’s the only reason he doesn’t commit, the only reason he would never look at any other alpha, omega or beta as more than a friend.
“You made me promise I’d not regret it,” Donghyuck spits back. He can play this hurting game too, and Renjun isn’t free from guilt or mistakes. Donghyuck regrets it by now, but just because Renjun is pushing him to do so. “But it’s you who should have promised it.”
Donghyuck is right, and hence Renjun falls silent, his mouth half open in what should be an apology. He was egoistic somehow, because he made sure Donghyuck was fine with it, but he took a risk for himself just so that Donghyuck touched him and failed both of them afterwards.
“What’s so bad about me?” Donghyuck insists. A knot grows in his throat, the urge of crying and scratching Renjun blinding his reason. “You’re talking bullshit. Jeno is your friend, and you don’t have any problem fucking him, do you?”
Renjun flinches, closes his eyes, and breathes out, “That’s unfair-”
“It’s not unfair.” Donghyuck isn’t going to let him turn the blame on him. Feeling inferior to Jeno isn’t a thing of the past, and it will never be, not while Renjun doesn’t explain why he treats him this way in contrast how he treats other omegas. It’s just about Donghyuck, and he can’t comprehend why Renjun does this, or how he doesn’t notice how much harm it inflicts on Donghyuck. “What’s wrong with me? Is this just an excuse to kick me out of your life?”
It’s the first time Donghyucks puts that option on the table, although he has kept his own mind away from thinking about it for so long. It’s not a wild supposition, but by telling Renjun about it, he’s giving him the chance to do it. To set Donghyuck apart forever, and end this all at once.
Renjun spins on his seat, alarm in his eyes. “Oh my god, no,” he mumbles, horrified at the proposal. He reaches out for Donghyuck’s hand, and even if Donghyuck lets him take it, his touch is far from soothing. Renjun is too nervous, too, and all those emotions spiral inside Donghyuck, worsening his heat. “That’s not-”
Donghyuck doesn’t allow him to finish. He slaps Renjun’s hand away, much to his shock, his face falling down at the rejection, and Donghyuck almost screams, “Then what?”
Renjun doesn’t want to tell him. Out of frustration, he hits the car’s panel so hard that the screen turns crazy and a soft buzzing sound comes from the radio’s speakers. Donghyuck jumps a little, startled, but he would never back away after angering Renjun this much. He deserves the explanation.
Renjun breathes. He gazes at Donghyuck, his eyes wet and a small hint of resignation on his face, and whispers, “I’m in love with you.”
It has to be a joke. Or Donghyuck might have misheard it. He doesn’t believe, not even for a second, that Renjun is enough of a bad person to pull this on him just so that he shuts up, so that he stops blaming Renjun for being a coward. It would work if Donghyuck didn’t love him, for he would feel remorse for being so harsh on him, but after how much Donghyuck has hurt, he can’t pity Renjun.
But Donghyuck doesn’t understand what Renjun is saying. Renjun isn’t in love with him. That makes no sense.
“What?” Donghyuck muses, only that.
Renjun looks lost, as lost as Donghyuck is.
“I didn’t want to sleep with you because I’m in love with you,” he repeats, this time firmer, calmer. His eyes search for recognition in Donghyuck’s face, almost as though he fears he’s doing something wrong, as if he hadn’t already done a thousand things wrong. He shakes his head, leans back on the seat with a bitter smile, realizing that Donghyuck isn’t following. “I’m not like you, okay? I can’t forget about it so easily, not when I don’t want to be only your friend in the first place.”
Donghyuck barely hears any sound, the noise of his heart rattling in his ears. And all of sudden, he understands. His heat becomes a secondary problem in the back of his existence, his body suppressing his instinct just to watch Renjun glare at him, full of rancor for doing this to him, for forcing him to confess feelings that he preferred to keep for himself.
“Happy?” Renjun sputters at him, the corner of his lips lifting in disgust. He’s limp against the seat, like he has lost all his strength after confessing, or like he’s too tired to deal with Donghyuck anymore. “Isn’t this what you wanted? The fucking reason to feel better about yourself?”
Donghyuck is aware that this isn’t the right thing to do, but he can’t help it: he smiles at Renjun. And when Renjun registers his reaction, Donghyuck enjoys every drop of befuddlement that tints his expression; even the tiniest bits of pain on it, because Donghyuck knows he has the power to heal them.
Not even in a millions years Donghyuck would have imagined he would be the one to kiss Renjun. He had fantasized about kissing Renjun before, but his sense of realism didn’t let him consider that he would be brave enough to take the step himself. Renjun has done the hard work, anyhow, and Donghyuck’s stare inevitably lands on his lips, knowing that he has the right to do this now.
Renjun is in love with him.
Before Renjun can stop him, Donghyuck is crawling across the car, hitting the gear stick and turning the air conditioner by accident, all forgotten as he sits on Renjun’s lap. Renjun grabs him by the waist out of instinct, but the way he stares up at Donghyuck reveals that he’s both afraid and confused.
Donghyuck wants to kiss him so bad, but instead he lets his head fall on Renjun’s shoulder, and he stays there, nuzzling closer and closer for Renjun’s scent. Renjun stops breathing altogether, whether because he’s caught off guard or because he can’t bear the scent of Donghyuck’s heat, but he doesn’t push Donghyuck away.
“You’re stupid,” Donghyuck mumbles against his neck, very sure that Renjun knows that he’s laughing, that he’s happy for some unknown reason despite insulting. “You’re so damn stupid.”
“Donghyuck,” Renjun calls him, softly. His arms surround him, fear dissipating as he takes in that Donghyuck isn’t mad at him for all the accusations thrown at him. “What are you doing?”
Donghyuck can’t explain what he’s doing. Yet it feels right to be in Renjun’s arms, it feels right that his heart wins over his body, over his heat, so easily, and he’s not a slave of his own nature for once. Every fiber of his body is trembling at Renjun’s touch, and ironically Donghyuck has never felt so peaceful in his entire life.
“Did you not listen to me at all?” Renjun insists. His hand caresses Donghyuck’s hair, as to gather his attention, or just because he doesn’t want Donghyuck to jerk away from his embrace after all. “I said-”
Donghyuck slowly pulls away, far enough to look into Renjun’s eyes. For once, there is hope in them. Hope that is born from the fact that Donghyuck isn’t apologizing, that he hasn’t left the car and rejected him, nor consoled him. Hope that is born from his uncertainty.
“You said you’re in love with me,” Donghyuck tells him. It’s Renjun’s opportunity to take it back, now or never, and Donghyuck’s doubts flower for the ephemeral instant he allows him that chance. Renjun doesn’t contradict himself, just holds him tighter and tighter, his tension so evident that it’s amusing. Donghyuck takes a deep breath and says, “You said you’re in love with that friend of yours that has been pinning over you for years.”
Renjun lets out a bitter scoff, shaking his head. “You haven’t-”
Donghyuck smiles at him again, watching Renjun accept the truth bit by bit. He must feel like this is a dream. Donghyuck shares that sentiment as well. If he wakes up right now, drenched in sweat from his heat and discovers he’s in bed, it won’t be a surprise for him.
But Renjun understands it at last, and the next thing Donghyuck knows is that he’s being pushed against the steering wheel, so hard that he can’t help but groan out loud, and Renjun is cupping the back of his head to guide him into a kiss. Donghyuck isn’t prepared for it, because Renjun is too fast, too passionate, but he welcomes Renjun into an open-mouthed kiss.
It’s messy, impatient, and yet it ignites every part of him as soon as Renjun’s tongue is in his mouth. Donghyuck doesn’t know what the key is: if he has waited this for so long that it could destroy him, or that Renjun has waited for this for so long that no one is ever going to kiss Donghyuck again with so much desire.
It takes Donghyuck a few seconds to hear the horn; his back is pressed against the horn, and not only are they kissing inside a car, but they also are drifting everyone’s attention towards them. Renjun doesn’t care. Or he doesn’t even know what’s going on, because he’s too immersed in the kiss, but Donghyuck can’t help but feel a shadow of shame.
“God, Renjun,” Donghyuck protests, shoving Renjun away. Laughter grumbles in his throat one second later. He adjusts himself on Renjun’s lap, but he has to grip Renjun’s wrists so that Renjun doesn’t crush him against the steering wheel once more. “Wait.”
This is the problem with alphas, with any alpha, not only Renjun: their impatience.
Renjun frowns at him, an expression far from being in touch with what’s happening between them, and grunts, “Wait for what?”
“We’re in a damn car,” Donghyuck points out, punctuating every word clearly so that Renjun comprehends the problem.
But Renjun is out of his mind, his hands on Donghyuck’s ass, his eyes fixed on his lips, and Donghyuck is aware that this is a battle that can hardly be won.
“And you’re in your damn heat,” Renjun retorts. He has a point, yet Donghyuck is suffering too, and the prospect of fucking in Renjun’s car when the night is only starting to fall and anyone could catch them, deters him from spiraling into madness. “Do you know how hard this is?”
Donghyuck wants to grab Renjun by the hair and tell him that if he waited for years, fucking other alphas during his heat, he can wait a few minutes until they get home. But deep inside, Donghyuck enjoys the slight sensation of shame that takes over him; Renjun wants to fuck him now, and it makes Donghyuck feel wished and loved, something that he never imagined he would receive from Renjun. Not this way.
He must wear his thoughts in his sleeve, because Renjun gives him a subtle smirk before bringing him closer and landing a soft kiss under his jaw. Donghyuck melts against his lips, throws his head back to give Renjun access, and Renjun starts kissing down his neck, slow and wet.
“This is so romantic,” Donghyuck mutters, a raspy laugh escaping. His throat vibrates beneath Renjun’s mouth, and when Donghyuck swallows down, Renjun doesn’t hesitate to lick a strap up his neck. Donghyuck lets out an involuntary whine, his will to joke fading out in the back of his head. “Just like I dreamed. In a five stars hotel with candles and romantic music.”
Mouth open, Renjun’s laugh is stifled against Donghyuck’s skin. But when he pulls back and traps Donghyuck’s lips between his, he’s not laughing anymore. And he’s not laughing either when he caresses the back of Donghyuck’s head, and staring into his eyes with complete seriousness, he assures, “You don’t need all that. You just need a good fuck.”
Donghyuck doesn’t find his own voice to answer. Renjun’s words work like a charm, and this time, as Donghyuck takes the initiative to kiss him, Renjun does smile in the kiss. It’s a small sign of power from Renjun, even if Donghyuck is in heat and weaker than usual.
Renjun lowers the driver’s seat until they’re lying down, and Donghyuck finds himself on top of him, arms trembling and too lost to know what to do. This is new for him, Renjun is new for him, and he cares too much about him to fuck it up. Upon noticing that he’s too nervous, Renjun surrounds his waist and switches positions with him, and Donghyuck allows Renjun to shove him on the seat without any tenderness.
It’s easier for Donghyuck that way: Renjun kisses him deeper, arched over him, more tongue than lips with every second that passes by. Donghyuck relaxes at his mercy, because Renjun isn’t exactly sweet, but the honesty of his rawness makes it sweet. Renjun doesn’t rush through it, though it’s obvious he’s having trouble to do so; he startles when Donghyuck makes any noise, when he hums in the kiss, or when he grips Renjun harder, trying to rub against him.
Renjun undoes Donghyuck’s pants first, so smoothly that Donghyuck doesn’t notice until Renjun has fisted his dick in his hand. Then it hits him all at once, he jerks in surprise, and Renjun laughs in the kiss, more affectionate than mocking.
“I could return the favor,” Renjun proposes, detaching from the kiss enough to whisper. It’s difficult for Donghyuck to remember what he’s talking about: giving him a blowjob, though that won’t calm Donghyuck’s heat as effectively as it calmed Renjun’s rut. Donghyuck is about to protest, even plead, when Renjun adds, “But I’m not as generous as you are.”
Donghyuck hopes Renjun is always this selfish; having to fuck him because he needs the release too, because Donghyuck brings him to his edge and he can’t resist the temptation.
Renjun rubs his fingers around the head of his cock, and Donghyuck blanks out for a few seconds, too sensitive to take such stimulation. When he regains conscience, he whines, “You don’t need to prep me.”
“I’ve realized,” Renjun replies, amusement both in his tone and his face. Donghyuck is soaking wet, and Renjun just has to pull his pants lower to discover it. They’re going to make a mess, and yet Renjun’s pupils dilate as soon as he brushes his hand lower and feels how slick Donghyuck is. He laments, “I should have listened to you.”
Donghyuck shivers at Renjun’s touch, fingers too cold compared to the fire of his body. And once Renjun’s hands caress over his thighs, sweeping the clothes off, Donghyuck becomes even more pliant. Renjun knows what he’s doing; Donghyuck ignores how many omegas Renjun has slept with, but every move of his seems to be the perfect option, and Donghyuck doesn’t have to ask to receive what he wants.
Donghyuck tugs at his own shirt, annoyed at the feeling of the fabric, and Renjun lets out a raspy noise before aiding him. Renjun admires him afterwards, long enough for Donghyuck to be aware that he’s lying naked on Renjun’s car, the last place where he thought he’d be tonight, and that Renjun hasn’t even started with him. It’s intimidating. But Donghyuck hopes he can get used to this.
“Renjun,” Donghyuck mutters, just to taste the name on his lips.
His voice brings Renjun out of his bubble, his admiration shifting from Donghyuck’s body to his face. “Yes?”
Donghyuck isn’t in a place to give orders, but Renjun has so many layers on him that it’s frustrating. He wants to feel him, scratch him, wants Renjun’s skin sweat against his. Renjun could fuck him senseless, and yet Donghyuck would get off better by rubbing on him. He might do that any other time, if Renjun lets him.
“Take that off,” Donghyuck grunts. Renjun doesn’t, eyebrows shooting up; instead he smiles down at Donghyuck, like he plans to keep his clothes on forever, maybe even leave him in his car naked and unattended. Donghyuck doesn’t hesitate to grab Renjun by the hem of his pants and drag him closer, much to his amusement. “Before we get a fucking fine.”
Far from intimidated by his threats, Renjun looks interested. He bends down to peck the corner of his lips, smiles as Donghyuck takes that chance to go for his zipper, and whispers, “Wouldn’t you love that?”
Too focused on undoing Renjun’s pants, Donghyuck distractedly hums, “Love what?”
“To make people know that you got me to fuck you,” Renjun answers without a drop of embarrassment. With the security of how that is going to land on Donghyuck, even though not even Donghyuck himself is expecting to be hit with a wave of pleasing mortification, a tingling sensation that travels up his spine. Renjun is right, and he’s not only pointing it out to humiliate him, but also to give him permission to brag. “You’ve always been that prideful.”
Donghyuck is, but in an outburst of arrogance, he lifts his chin up until their lips brush against each other, and blurts out, “You’re mine.”
Renjun can’t win that little game. They’re not used to hear such things from each other, they don’t even joke about it, and Donghyuck can see the process Renjun goes through, how the glint of his eyes transforms from pure lust to confusion, and then to raw, frenetic possessiveness.
Then he doesn’t need to hurry Renjun up to get rid of his clothes. His shirt goes first, and Donghyuck doesn’t hesitate to set his hands on his stomach, looking for the relief that Renjun’s skin will bring him. It works wonders, but Donghyuck watches Renjun strip, watches Renjun’s gaze wander all over his body, hands clumsy because he’s too impatient to fuck him, and every cell in Donghyuck’s body ignites.
Neither of them is set to wait. Heat sex is raw, simple and unifying, and Donghyuck loves how uncomplicated it is. By the time Renjun sets his legs apart, the palm of his hands burning against Donghyuck’s inner thighs, Donghyuck is beyond ready.
It isn’t easy for Renjun to thrust in. Even if Donghyuck is ready, he’s also too eager, too tense, and Renjun has to hold onto Donghyuck’s waist to push the head of his cock inside him. Renjun doesn’t look at him while he jerks his hips forward, but Donghyuck gazes at him like there’s no one else in the world he could look at. The heat makes Donghyuck feel every inch of Renjun inside him; and Renjun is careful, but he’s not guarded, and thrusts all the way in.
Donghyuck is the first one to moan out loud, rip apart, legs trembling at both sides of Renjun. Renjun doesn’t move further at first, his chest inflating with heavy breaths, and Donghyuck takes a moment to look at his face, eyes closed and mouth slightly open.
When Renjun sinks his fingers in his hipbones and slides out, Donghyuck doesn’t have time to brace out. The first thrusts hurts, not because Renjun is harsh on him, but because alleviating his heat brings both pleasure and pain at the same time. Donghyuck tries to grab at Renjun to have some support while Renjun rams into him, but he ends up scratching his abdomen instead.
Renjun doesn’t whine, though Donghyuck’s nails leave a red trail all over his torso; he takes Donghyuck’s hand, leads it around his waist, and lets out a small, satisfied snarl when Donghyuck clings to him with a desperation that he never shows out of bed.
“You good?” Renjun asks, leaning over to observe him closer. He brushes Donghyuck’s hair out of his eyes, his thumb lingers over his cheek, and Donghyuck blinks at him in confusion.
Donghyuck has a knot in his throat; Renjun is big enough to make it hard for him to talk, to use his words, but he can’t ignore Renjun’s question either. With a great effort, he manages to grumble, “Really good.”
Perhaps because Donghyuck is looking at him with complete devotion, Renjun draws a suggestive smile, both overwhelmed and mischievous; without breaking eye contact, and all the intent of the world, Renjun shoves inside Donghyuck with all his strength. Donghyuck sees black and white, and nothing else, Renjun’s dick stretching him all at once. He grips onto Renjun harder, aware that his touch is the only thing keeping him in the real world, aware that Renjun is doing this just to see him fall apart.
“Really good,” Renjun repeats after him, sounding more broken than before. “I’ve come to the thought of having you like this so many times.”
Donghyuck can’t respond with words, but he’s sure that he releases a noise so loud that it can be heard outside the car. Renjun isn’t lenient on him; on the contrary, he takes his reaction as a sign to tease him more, and before Donghyuck can grow used to the rhythm of his thrusts, Renjun slides a hand from his balls to his cock, squeezing it between Donghyuck’s stomach and his fingers.
It’s too much attention at the same time, and Donghyuck doesn’t know what he himself is doing, but the next thing he registers is Renjun shushing him. “Too loud,” he warns him. And it might be a scolding, but the satisfaction comes through his tone, his ego feeding on Donghyuck’s loss of control. “Makes me think you do want that fine.”
Donghyuck wouldn’t care, not now when Renjun is thrusting deep inside him, not while he hears Renjun’s little pants and loses conscience every time Renjun’s cock brushes against the right spot. He’s at Renjun’s mercy, and he loves it that way; Renjun does too, leading every move and pinning Donghyuck on the seat if he tries to move around, impatient, lifting his ass to follow the strokes of Renjun’s dick. Renjun either wants the control or knows that letting Donghyuck set the pace will tear them apart, that he won’t be able to take care of him properly. Whatever it is, Donghyuck loves both options. Make Renjun go crazy for him, or have Renjun rule over him.
It’s the latter today. Part of him, despite the heat, wants to please Renjun first. Just like during Renjun’s rut, it enslaves him to the lowest form of submission. No other alpha has this effect on him, and Donghyuck loves that small change, loves conceding the power for once.
Yet Renjun pleases him, sweating and moaning, among all the noises both of them make. The slight movement of the car turns Renjun’s thrusts sweetly erratic, unexpected, and Donghyuck groans every time Renjun catches him off guard. Renjun fucks him good, and Donghyuck comes once, twice, but his heat doesn’t die down. Renjun laughs every time, mumbles evil praises against his open mouth, telling him that he looks too pretty with a dick in his ass, with his legs open for him, helpless and pliant; that he won’t let any other alpha touch him again, that he’s going to fuck him so many times that he won’t even have time to think about other boys.
Renjun teases him, but he isn’t impassible. Donghyuck is slightly aware of how he falls apart when Donghyuck whines that he’s going to come again, tightening around Renjun’s dick so much that Renjun grips his side until it hurts. His façade breaks, and he just sinks his head in Donghyuck’s neck and rams into him without any delicacy, chasing his own release.
That’s what pushes Donghyuck’s heat to his ending: Renjun not being able to hold it for longer. Even though Renjun’s pace is messed up, the force of his thrusts isn’t, and Donghyuck presses his nails in Renjun’s ass to push him in harder.
Renjun tenses up, but he’s too gone not to give into Donghyuck’s schemes. As sensitive as Donghyuck is after coming twice, he can feel Renjun’s cock pulsating inside him. He’s close, and his knot grows against Donghyuck’s entrance, but it’s obvious that Renjun isn’t intending to knot him tonight. Not in a car, not the first time, no matter how much Donghyuck yearns for it. Donghyuck still tries, holding Renjun closer against him to feel his knot, desperately rubbing on it again and again, but it’s too late to engulf it.
And to Donghyuck’s surprise, Renjun directs his eyes to Donghyuck’s eyes, a ray of conscience in the middle of his own impulsiveness.
“Hyuck,” he whispers. It could be just him saying Donghyuck’s name out of pleasure, but it isn’t. Donghyuck can tell that he needs the attention for some reason, and it all makes sense when Renjun croaks out, “Bite? Can I bite?”
Donghyuck feels the world disappear around him. He had thought about Renjun fucking him, knotting him, another dozen of things that would make his body shiver, but he had never considered the possibility of Renjun asking to mark him. If Renjun bites him, it won’t go away until his next heat. It’s a way to set his territory, and deep within Donghyuck’s self tingles with satisfaction.
It’s evident that Renjun is waiting for a verbal confirmation, since he doesn’t accept Donghyuck’s nods, and Donghyuck has to find the strength to talk.
“Yeah,” he mutters, so low that for a moment he wonders if Renjun has heard him.
Then Donghyuck stops seeing altogether, and starts feeling, only feeling. Renjun’s teeth grazing his neck, sinking in the arch between his neck and his shoulder, and the wave of fire that it sends through Donghyuck. Renjun bites without fear, and it hurts, but it hurts so good that Donghyuck doesn’t need him to thrust faster to come again. Renjun doesn’t need it either. His hips stutter against Donghyuck’s ass, and he crumbles down on top of Donghyuck, his teeth slipping down his neck.
Only when Renjun pulls out, Donghyuck is conscious that he has come inside him, but he doesn’t mind that much at this point. However, as Renjun’s mouth abandons the wound, Donghyuck lets out a whimper of pain.
It takes Renjun a few seconds to recover his breath, until he can pant an extinguishing, “Sorry.”
Donghyuck has no idea what Renjun is referring to. It could be because he’s exhausted after coming, or just because Renjun isn’t making any sense at all.
Renjun’s tongue laps over the wound, and Donghyuck comprehends his apology then. The feeling of Renjun’s tongue alleviates the pain right away, but once it’s gone, it burns like hell again. “For biting so hard,” he laments, staring at him in concern.
Donghyuck doesn’t know how bad the mark is, just feels that it’s deep and notable. It’s not a bad thing for him, even if it hurts.
Before Renjun can lick him again, Donghyuck sneaks an arm between them and holds his jaw, lifts his head up. There’s surprise in Renjun’s face, but his gaze has shifted to something entirely else by the time he looks into Donghyuck’s eyes. Affection, Donghyuck would call it. Or adoration, an adoration not related to sex.
“No,” Donghyuck orders him. Because the pain might be unbearable, but Donghyuck doesn’t want relief, he wants Renjun to kiss him. He pouts at Renjun, who isn’t expecting such an unethical attack and, too tired, can barely laugh at his lack of shame. Donghyuck purrs, taping his own lips, “Here.”
Renjun indulges him. He adjusts on top of him with an exhausted, yet satisfied laugh, and tilts his head to kiss him. It’s different from the first time, no rush, no passionate messiness, just the certainty that they have all the time in the world to get to know each other’s mouths.
When Renjun pulls back, completely starstruck, realization crashes over Donghyuck: Renjun is in love with him.
And well, that means Donghyuck will have to apologize to Jeno after all.