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Rules to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse

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You woke up with a bad headache. It took a moment for the world to come into focus, your muscles tight and cramping as you became acutely aware of how little you could actually move them. You suspect that the rope constricting your hands behind your body had something to do with that.

“AH YOU’RE AWAKE PEASANT. I WAS BEGINNING TO SUSPECT THE MUTT HAD ACTUALLY KILLED YOU” The loud voice made your head feels like it was splitting in two. You finally managed to open your eyes to see the two skeleton monsters standing a few feet ahead of you. The short one standing with his arms crossed and scowling down at you, the other was leaning against the wall trying to look menacing. To be fair he did actually look menacing but you were to busy trying to focus on what had happened to actually let it affect you. You were in what looked like one of the back rooms of the mall, either some staff only office or a security point. You were tied to a metal chair with a thick rope near the middle of the room, in front of you was a large desk, the whole office looked to be in a bit of a mess with leaning filing cabinets and paper scattered around.There were two door to this room one on the left and the other on the opposite wall on the right. The right door was next to a large window that clearly showed zombies trying to push themselves in to get to you from inside the mall. You were pretty sure the window would hold but the crack already in the glass didn’t really instal complete confidence in you.

You glance down at the rope binding you to the chair. The had forced your hands behind your back and shifting around a bit you were fairly sure you could reach the knots keeping the rope in place but it was a stretch and definitely hurt after a while.

“What were you in the boy scouts or something?” You asked turning back to the skeletons and just trying to pull yourself free. It wasn’t very effective.

“EXCUSE ME?” you stopped struggling against the rope to give the monster a deadpanned look
“The boy scouts? They were a human group that learn survival skills to earn patches for fun... Or because their parents forced them to.” you looked up at the ceiling as you thought, looked like it had some water damage. “Come to think of it I had a friend who was in the scouts. He really enjoyed it, would always ask me to help with practice things so he could get the patches.” You let out a sigh and shook your head slowly “He was on a camping trip with a younger squad when this whole thing started. I wonder if he’s ok?” You eyed the window from the corner of your eye as you spoke. The zombies showed no sign of losing interest in you.

“WHY ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THIS PEASANT?” The monsters voice clearly demonstrated his annoyance at your supposed rambling.

“Hm? Well what else am I supposed to talk about?” You asked smiling widely, the short skeletons eye socket twitching at the response. He closed both of them breathing steadily as he spoke

“MOST OF YOUR PATHETIC SPECIES WOULD CRY OR PLEAD OR AT THE VERY LEAST QUESTION THE POSITION YOU’RE IN.” The skeleton suddenly opened his sockets wide. The large purple lights seemed to glow as he took a step towards you, slamming a fist on the desk next to him making a loud bang resonate through the room causing you to wince. His voice seems to get louder as he yelled at you. “WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ACTING SO CALM. FOR ALL YOU KNOW WE’RE ABOUT TO TORTURE YOY BEFORE LEAVING YOU TO THOSE UNDEAD CRETINS FOR FUN! YOU SHOULD BE COWERING IN PURE TERROR FROM THE MALIFICAN SA-”

“STOP!!” you screech out causing the skeleton to stop mid sentence in surprise. It looks like he wasn’t used to being cut off. He quickly regained his senses though and continued on with speaking.  

“HOW DARE YOU, YOU LOWLY PIECE OF SCUM. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA TO WHOM YOU SPEAK” Looking up from your spot tied to a chair the air was frightfully cold. The short skeleton stood directly in front of you, looking down at you as if you were mere dirt for him to walk on, his arms crossed over his ribs as his eyes continued to glow that majestic purple, illuminating the room around you. The other skeleton, leaning against the wall to the side, purposefully situated behind the one interrogating you, his face showing no emotion but one eye remained closed as the other sparked to life with a deep violet sending a threateningly silent message to you. Shut up and do what you’re told. Two things that really weren’t your forte. Although you were almost positive that if any other human was put in your current situation they would be terrified you couldn’t help but feel the pure excitement of this new experience.

“I’m sorry if I offended you Mr Skeleton but I would appreciate it if you didn’t tell me your name” you said in a calm voice.

“WHY WOULD I LISTEN TO A REQUEST FROM YOU?” He sneered. You sighed before looking over to watch the zombies claw at each other to even get a few millimeters closer to the fresh meat laid out and waiting for them to sink their teeth into.

“If I were to learn your real name I may just find myself getting attached to you. I’m positive neither of us want that, now do we” you asked turning back to smile up at your captors. He didn’t speak, glancing over you as if trying to figure out exactly what you were getting at. In fact the short one wasn’t even the one to reply to you seemingly lost in his own thoughts. It was the other one that spoke up first.

“m’lord, this human may be completely insane” he said turning his skull away from you for the first time since you woke up.

“How rude. I’m not insane, just comfortable” you informed them
“I DON’T UNDERSTAND. YOU WILL EXPLAIN YOURSELF THIS INSTANCE!” the loud one exclaimed pointing to you accusingly.

“It’s not that hard to understand really.” you turned back to watch the zombies. No brains to speak of they wouldn’t hesitate to push each other back, to claw, to tear each other apart just to reach their next meal. There was no hesitation, no doubt, not a single pause in their resolve. “Out there with them there is no second chances. You have to think fast, obey the rules or get eaten. It’s as simple as that. You have to have a strong belief that you are making the right choice because if it isn’t you’re as good as dead. You make a decision fast and you stick with it.” you turn back to the monsters “But in here with you two it’s a very different story. I could change my mind a hundred times, again and again and it won’t matter too much. Of course the outcome of what I choose to do will be different with each thought but the fact that I have a chance to think at all, that I ultimately get to choose what I’ll do. What a comforting thought indeed. We don’t really get the chance to think these days”

“you’re comfortable because you’re getting a chance to think?” it was the tall one again

“Sure! It’s quiet enough to” you said through a loud bang and gurgling of zombies still trying to reach for you.  

“I AGREE WITH THE MUTT, YOU’RE INSANE” You shrugged not really bothered what these two monsters thought of you.

“So what are you going to do with me?” you asked innocently, curious at this point what their plan was. It looked as if the short one was pouty


“Hm?” You weren’t entirely sure what he was getting at.


“Would you rather I cry? Wail and plead for mercy? Offer you my life if only you’d spare it?” you mocked

“IT WOULD BE FAR MORE ENTERTAINING THAN WHATEVER THIS IS” you scanned the skeletons face as he leaned back on the desk.

“You and me have very different ideas of entertainment Indigo. Hmm no I don’t think that will work. It suits your colour scheme but not so much the personality”


“Where’s my backpack?”

“EXCUSE ME?” the monster seemed irritated that you just ignored his question in favour of your own.

“Where is my backpack?” you asked slower, ensuring every syllable could be heard before returning to a normal speaking pattern. “I wish to leave soon and I'll need it. Can’t go too far with out my new socks!” the tall skeleton turned back to you, he was impossible to read. The other one started laughing


“Guess we disagree on more than the definition of entertainment. Hmmm I don’t think I could stomach calling you my lord even if I did just shorten it to lord. Still doesn’t sit right.” You leaned back trying to think of a suitable name  for the short loud agree skeleton. He seemed almost childish, no he was definitely childish but seemed to think of himself as royalty. A name that has a connection to royalty and could also be childish? Hmm, that was a hard one.

“OH PLEASE ENLIGHTEN ME, WHAT ELSE IS IT WE DISAGREE ON?” It was clear that his question was rhetorical, the roll of his eye lights and the infliction on the words made that clear. You decided to answer him anyway.

“Well first of all, I’m not tied to a chair” the room was silent for a moment.

“WHAT IN ASGORE ARE YOU-” The shock that overtook the skeletons face as you stood, allowing the rope that had once bound you slipping through your hands and falling to the ground. It was rather entertaining, watching the stuck up skeletons face contorted into an emotion that made him look weaker. For someone trying to act smart he sure did give a lot away from that face. “WHAT? HOW?!”   

“You really shouldn’t of let me talk. Now give me back my bag” You held out your hand waiting for them to give you back your stuff. The result instead was a tight feeling in your chest before you suddenly found yourself slammed back against the wall.  After the initial wincing of pain you opened your eyes to see the skeletons, still in their original spots. The tall one had turned to you now though, his palm outstretched towards you, he’s eyes ablaze with the deep violet magic. Was he somehow pinning you to the wall? How annoying.

“A simple no would of been fine” you winced.

“i’m going to enjoy systematically breaking your bones” you winced as the pressure on your chest increased, the force cracking the drywall around you



“I don’t know, a simple walk to Mordor?” you replied through gritted teeth. It was becoming very hard to breath with the building pressure on your chest.

“AND THAT WOULD BE WHERE EXACTLY?” He couldn’t be serious? One look at his skull though told he was. The pressure increased again when you didn’t reply immediately.

“No where?! It’s not real” you yelled. There was a moment when the skeleton seemed to think things through before ordering your attacker to let you go. You fell to the ground and began coughing as air suddenly begun to fill your lungs once more.

“COME ON THAN, WE DON’T HAVE ALL DAY” The short monster said walking towards the door to your left, next to the other skeleton who seemed to bow slightly as he passed.

“I’m sorry. You lost me, what’s going on?” you asked standing back on your feet.


“What? Why?”

“OH THAT’S SIMPLE, YOU’RE FAR MORE ENTERTAINING THAN YOU GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT FOR” the smile the skeleton sent you sent a cold shiver up your spin before he turned to leave, continuing to talk as he does. “BESIDES, IF YOU REFUSE, THE MUTT HERE WILL KILL YOU ON SIGHT” A glance over at the taller skeleton told you that this was 100% true. You scrambled to your feet and quickly followed after the smaller skeleton.

After a while the three of you found yourself in the mall parking lot. A few abandoned cars littered the place and the ground was littered with abandoned rubbish but other than that it was empty. That was always a good thing about the zombie apocalypse, you could always find a park. The short skeleton lead you to the only car in the lot that was obviously not abandoned. The whole way over you could feel the other skeletons sight burning into the back of your own skull, he was obviously ready to attack you if you decided to run. Not likely to happen, you wanted your bag back. You didn’t really know a lot about cars, or anything really so you couldn’t say what type of car it was. All you knew was it was big, square, purple and splattered with dried blood. It looked sort of like a car people might drive through jungles in movies but with modifications to drive over zombies. Or humans. You were sure these monsters weren’t picky. The skeleton behind you pushed you forward slightly towards the back seat so you climbed in. The bratty one sat in the passenger seat and the tall one climbed into the drivers spot. As soon as his door close an audible click could be heard indicating that the two skeletons had locked the doors. The tall one threw, THREW, your back back at you before reaching down to his cup holder and taking a swig of. . . Maple syrup? That was a new one. You quickly made sure everything was still in your bag, beginning to rummage through all the pockets and run through a mental checklist.

“PEASANT I HAVE A QUESTION” The short skeleton asked as you rummaged through your back. He leant against the passenger window as the other one lazily draped himself over the wheel.

“Uh-huh, shoot” you said satisfied that everything was still in the backpack. Your sickle was and gun were the only thing missing. Looks like you couldn’t fight your way out.

“HOW DID YOU GET OUT OF THE ROPES?” you looked up. Even if the monsters weren’t looking directly at you could meet both of their eyes in the rearview mirror. You clap your hands together and smiled widely.
“That’s easy! You know how I mentioned that friend in the scouts? We’d practice tying knots together, I got really good at untying them.” The short skeleton quickly turned in his chair to look directly at you

“WHAT THAT’S IT?” He sounded almost disappointed.

“Yep that’s it. Sorry it wasn’t more interesting Raspberry”


“Yeah! That’s gonna be what I call you! Raspberry and Maple Syrup” You gestured to each monster in turn as you named them “I can call you Berry and Syrup for short. Isn’t it perfect”

“YOU ARE NOT CALLING ME THAT!” Berry screeched. Syrup didn’t really seem to care about anything you were saying.

“Too late, I’ve already decided. Guess I should introduce myself! You two can call me Ace!” Berry turned back to the front


“What?! But why?”


“Naw your no fun Berry” you whined

“THAN LET’S PLAY A GAME” he turned back to you, his eyes glowing once more, illuminating the sinister smile playing on his teeth. “NEXT TIME YOU SPEAK WITHOUT BEING TOLD YOU CAN I GET TO CUT OFF ONE OF YOUR FINGERS” You smiled politely, making a motion with your hands of zipping your lips before an OK sign. By the way Berry’s face dropped he wasn’t entertained with that response, not that you cared, you weren’t here purely for his amusement.  He turned back to the front and Syrup finally started the car. What an interesting new scenario you have stumbled into but you get the feeling one way or the other Berry was going to try and break you.