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To Live And Let Go

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Johnny softly sat down on the bed, the mattress shifting under his weight. He dropped his bag next to the nightstand and took off his socks. He shifted closer to the body occupying the bed. Jaehyun was softly snoring, his cheek pressed into the pillow. Johnny ran his through his soft pinkish hair and moved his hand to caress his cheek. He moved his thumb to touch the younger's lips, soothing over the soft material and wishing nothing more than to kiss him. Jaehyun shifted in his sleep, making the blanket fall from his upper body. Johnny's eyed the other's bare chest, breath hitching when his eyes fell on the dozen hickeys scattered over his neck, chest and abdomen. A small smile found its way on his face when he realised that would have been Jungwoo's work. Johnny made a mental note to see the other boy before he left for work as Jungwoo had been showering when he got home. Johnny snapped out of his thoughts when purples and reds spilled into the room, only now noticing the drawn curtain. He watched as the rising sun filtered through the window and drew beautiful paintings on Jaehyun's resting body. He looked so peaceful and soft, and just simply-

 

"Beautiful, isn't he?" A soft voice from behind said. Johnny turned around to face Jungwoo, his blond hair still damp from the shower.

 

"Gorgeous." Johnny whispered, smiling when he noticed Jungwoo getting closer. The younger gently cupped his cheek, a thumb brushing over his cheekbone making Johnny's eyes flutter shut. He waited patiently for Jungwoo to press his lips to his own. "Good morning, Woo." Johnny said after they broke their short kiss.

 

"Good morning." Jungwoo smiled. "Come with me to the living room for a moment?" Johnny nodded and accepted Jungwoo’s outstretched hand, ready to drag him over to the couch and leaving their sleeping beauty alone.

 

“How was work?” Jungwoo asked once they were seated on the couch, he took one of Johnny’s hands in his again and gently squeezed it.

 

“You know you don’t have to do this every time after one of my shifts.” Johnny pointed out, although he really, really, appreciated Jungwoo asking him about his always hectic days.  

 

“The car crash has already been on the news, babe.” Jungwoo said carefully, a sad look in his eyes. Johnny let out a shaky, he looked at the ceiling as he felt his eyes water. “Come on, talk to me Johnny. You have to get it out of your system.”

 

“We couldn’t save her.” Johnny started, his voice breaking a bit. “The little girl, we couldn’t save her.” He couldn’t help, but let out a loud sob. Johnny pulled his hand out of Jungwoo’s to bury his face in his hands.

 

“You can’t save everyone, baby.” Jungwoo softly rubbed Johnny’s back before moving to comb his fingers through the older’s hair. “Look at me, talk me through it.” He encouraged, giving Johnny a few more seconds to steady his breathing.

 

“We got to the scene and it was a mess. One of the cars was completely pressed into the back of the other and we couldn’t get to the people in the back.” Johnny took another deep breath as Jungwoo softly rubbed his knee in comfort. “There were two kids in the back, completely stuck. We had to wait for the fire department as their mom sobbed into my arms.” Another sobbed escaped.

 

“You’re doing great.” Jungwoo murmured before pressing a kiss to his temple.

 

“When the firemen finally arrived it was too late. We got the kids out and the little boy was still conscious, but we lost the little girl. Her neck was broken and she had such a weak pulse, we tried to get her back. But-”

 

“Shh. Breathe, baby breathe.” Jungwoo took Johnny’s face into his hands and forced the other man to look into his eyes. He guided Johnny into taking a few deep breaths again.

 

“But, she wouldn’t respond. Her pulse weakened until it disappeared and she was gone.” Jungwoo’s heart broke a little when he saw the pained look on Johnny’s face. “Her life slipped through my fingers and now she’s gone. I never knew how much this would hurt.”

 

“You’ve lost patients before.” Jungwoo mentioned, not sure what else to say.

 

“Yeah, but I’ve never lost a kid. I’ve never had to tell a mom that her kid didn’t make it.” Johnny raised his voice a bit, but Jungwoo let him. It was only logical. “I’ve never had to tell a mom that I couldn’t take her kid with me in the ambulance, because she was already dead.”

 

“Baby, listen to me. You saved almost everyone in that car crash, the little boy survived. Please focus on that. There is not a single way you could have prevented this from happening. I know it hurts, but this is not your fault.” Jungwoo rushed the words out, hoping Johnny would lock them in his mind. “You still did great.” Johnny simply let out a devastating sigh before dropping his head low to bury it in Jungwoo’s chest. Jungwoo kept running his hand through Johnny’s black hair and occasionally pressed a kiss to his head.

 

“What’s going on?” Jaehyun’s voice suddenly came from their bedroom door.

 

“Look at your phone.” Was the only information Jungwoo provided. He kept his gaze on Jaehyun as the latter opened the first news app he could find and started reading. Jungwoo felt his lips twitch into a smile as Jaehyun mouthed along to the words he was reading, an adorable and harmless habit.

 

“Oh.” Was all he said after a minute before almost running to the couch and taking place on Johnny’s other side. Jaehyun grabbed one of Johnny’s hands and intertwined their fingers. He brought Johnny’s hand up to his mouth and pressed a soft kiss on the rough skin. Johnny removed his head from Jungwoo’s chest and turned to look at Jaehyun.

 

“Sorry if I woke you up, Jae.” Johnny said, his voice a bit hoarse from crying.

 

“Don’t apologise.” Jaehyun wiped away some of Johnny’s tears with his free hands. “Are you okay?”

 

“Not really.” Johnny replied with a dry chuckle.

 

“But he will be.” Jungwoo assured. “We’re here to take care of him.”

 

“Don’t you have work in like half an hour?” Jaehyun asked him curiously as he watched the clock near 7 AM.

 

“The moment I saw the news I called in to say I’m staying home today.” Jungwoo shrugged.

 

“Woo, you know you don’t have to do that. Your job is important.” Johnny turned to look at Jungwoo again.

 

“Yeah, but so are you.” Jungwoo said sternly. “So, I’m working from home today.”

 

“The moment Sicheng wakes up, I’m cancelling my plans with him.” Jaehyun added. Johnny tried to open his mouth to speak, but Jaehyun didn’t let him. “No, don’t even try to convince me to still meet up with him. Sicheng will understand. Hell, he would get mad at me if I didn’t cancel our plans.”

 

“God, what did I do to deserve you guys?” Johnny looked between his two boyfriends.

 

“You did that by being you.” Jaehyun said before pecking Johnny’s ear. Johnny’s eyes started to tear up again as Jungwoo nodded enthusiastically before smiling his brightest smile yet. Only this time the tears weren’t caused by sadness.



“I have to start up my computer and work phone for incoming emails and calls from work.” Jungwoo said, getting up from the couch. “Johnny, how about you get some rest?”

 

“How about we take a shower first?” Jaehyun offered, a small smile on his lips. Johnny nodded in response.

 

“Sounds good.” Jungwoo agreed before taking place at their kitchen table. Johnny allowed Jaehyun to drag him to the bathroom, located right between the two bedrooms. The second bedroom was mostly used as a guest room, but sometimes was occupied by one of the three when they needed some time alone or when Johnny’s day shifts bled into night and he didn’t want to wake up his boyfriends. Jaehyun turned the shower on as Johnny closed the door behind them. Once Johnny turned to the shower, Jaehyun was already making his way to him in their cramped bathroom. He quickly helped Johnny remove his clothes and get underneath the now hot water stream, before getting rid of his own. Jaehyun stepped into the shower and immediately wrapped his arms around Johnny’s bare waist.

 

“I already feel a bit better.” Johnny said before Jaehyun asked.

“I’m glad.” Jaehyun smiled. “How’s Taeil doing?” He asked, knowing that Johnny would rather worry about his friend and colleague than himself.

 

“I think he feels even worse than me.” Johnny started as he circled his arms around Jaehyun’s neck. “He convinced himself that we could’ve saved the girl if he drove the ambulance a little faster.”

 

“Is he going to be okay today?” Jaehyun asked while dropping his arms from the taller’s waist to grab a bottle of shampoo.

 

“I think so.” Johnny nodded as Jaehyun started to wipe a generous amount of shampoo onto his hair. “Yuta and Kun came to pick him up from the ER, they’re both free today. So, they’ll take care of him.”

 

“Just like we will take care of you, you big baby.” Jaehyun smiled, rubbing the soap through Johnny’s hair.

 

“Exactly.” Johnny closed his eyes as Jaehyun continued to slowly was his hair, he enjoyed the way Jaehyun took his time to softly scratch every bit of his scalp. He was slowly but surely relaxing under Jaehyun’s hands, his magic hands as Jungwoo liked to call them.

 

“Talk to me, baby. Tell me about the good things that happened at work today.” Jaehyun ordered.

 

“Hmm.” Johnny started, a little too distracted by Jaehyun’s soothing hands. “I met the new first year ER residents.”

 

“What are they like?” Jaehyun continued, not allowing Johnny to stop thinking about the good stuff that happens at work so easily.

 

“Dejun is adorable, he’s so excited to learn. I think he’ll do well on the ER. I’m not sure about Kunhang, he’s super smart but easily stressed and still a little insecure. But I’m sure he’ll find his way quickly” Johnny thought out loud. “Yangyang and Renjun are two little shits, but the good kind, the Donghyuck kind. They’re loudmouthed and cheeky and aren’t afraid to ask questions. Kun and Sicheng will love them, but will definitely deny it.”

 

“I can’t wait to meet them.” Jaehyun laughed, dropping his hands from Johnny’s hair to rinse the soap out of his hair.

 

“Soon, when we have a shift at the same time.” Johnny mused. “I’ll drag you down from the children’s wing when I’m on break.”

 

A comfortable silence grew between them as Jaehyun continued to wash Johnny all over, using nothing but sweet and soft touches, maybe a small peck here and there.

 

“Wow, I didn’t even realise how badly I needed that.” Johnny said once the two of them were out of the shower and Jaehyun was drying his hair with a towel. “How did you know?”

 

“Jungwoo and I know you better than anyone, maybe even better than you know yourself, of course we knew.” Jaehyun chuckled. “Now, let’s get you dressed in something comfortable.”



Not even five minutes later Johnny was dressed in one of Jaehyun’s sweatpants and a hoodie he stole from Jungwoo’s closet. They were a bit tight on him as he was the tallest of the three of them, but they made him feel safe. He was safe.

 

Johnny sighed in relief, when his back hit the bed. He was finally in bed after a long night of the ambulance shift, he could finally relax. Jaehyun had decided that he could use another nap, but Johnny figured it was more to keep an eye on him. He appreciated the gesture a lot though, he agrees that he shouldn’t be alone right now. Not after what happened that night. So, Johnny let Jaehyun hold him tight, he let the younger bury his face in the back of his neck and he let him take away the bad things from the day. It only took a few minutes for Johnny to completely fall into peaceful slumber.



When Johnny woke up, he was alone. He didn’t blame Jaehyun for getting out of bed as the clock on the nightstand said ‘2:30 PM’. The curtains were drawn shut this time, but that didn’t stop the sun from lighting up the room, letting Johnny bask in the warm light for just a few more minutes. Eventually Johnny got bored of lying in bed alone and made his way over to the living room. He stopped his step when he opened the bedroom door. Right in front of him was the most beautiful sight he could ever see.

 

Jungwoo was lying on the couch with Jaehyun’s cheek pressed into his chest, his hand combed through the latter’s pink hair and occasionally brushed his cheek. Johnny almost cooed at the sight, instead he simply watched the two of them for a while. His wonderful boyfriends that made him feel safe, the ones that made his worries go away after coming home from a hard day at work.

 

Johnny would not hesitate to admit that working in the hospital and ambulance was an extremely stressful and hard job. He’d even admit that life wasn’t always easy on any of them. But with these two incredible men to come home to, he was pretty sure he could handle it. He was pretty sure he could handle anything.