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Alone With You

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  My shoulders sag, the last puff of tension leaving my body with my breath to finally allow me to breathe in crisp air; filling my lungs and lingering for several seconds before I release it. My ribcage is lighter, expanding and leaving me with an elated feeling after each inhale. I let my eyelids flutter, blurring the lights in my quarters through my lashes.

  I can see myself in my mind’s eye now, perfectly still save for the steady rise and fall of my chest. I drift from there, finding the tension in my mind and unraveling it bit by bit. Every stressor, Starfleet mandated or personal, from the past days laid out in front of me. The ship seems to find itself in peril every other day, but there’s no need to hold onto that any longer. No more are the wormholes to the past, or Romulan intruders on the ship. Conflicts resolved need not pester the mind past their relevancy. I have no need for baggage, taking up space I could fill with the now.

  My ears perk, twitching to pick up footsteps in the hall. My metaphorical table is swept clear, the door to my room beeping as it sweeps open without my prompt. I am not currently on duty, and to my knowledge haven’t been summoned to the bridge.

   “Mr Spock?” I raise my head, leaving my eyes still shut to preserve what little of my meditative state I have left.

   “Yes, t’hy’la?”

   “Ah- you’re busy. Sorry for intruding.” a sigh plays on my lips, eyes prying open in the harsh light around me to see Kirk bowing out from the doorframe of my meditation area.

   “I am not.” I stand swiftly, setting aside the cloth covering my lap. “What is it that you needed, Captain?” I join him in my quarters, looking to check my com for any summons I may have missed.

   “Nothing like that, I’m just here to see you.” it’s just after he’s released from duty for the night, conditions permitting.

   “Is that so? Then perhaps you’d care to join me?” I sweep my arm out towards my quiet room, stepping past the threshold and inviting Kirk in behind me. He enters cautiously, taking the small space in. He’s never been before, and isn’t taking the fact lightly. “When you arrived I had just begun. Sit down.” I offer him a pillow, settling back into my place. He mirrors me, struggling to pull his legs up. So much so that he neglects to remove his shoes, but I can wash the pillow he’s using when we’re finished.

   “Haven’t sat like this since I was a kid.” James smiles at me, pulling me off centre. Still that affects me far more than it should.  

   “I suppose it’s similar to the stance of a primary schooler. The position keeps the extremities close.”

   “What exactly did you call me in here for, Spock?” a smile draws on my lips, however involuntarily.

   “We are simply meditating, t’hy’la.” I begin to regulate my breath now, still observing the light confusion on my human’s face.

   “Isn’t that a practice sacred to Vulcans?” he does listen when I speak, though I wasn’t doubting that. It is, however, nice to confirm.

   “It is a sacred and personal practice Vulcans perform in solitude.” Kirk shifts, untangling his legs to excuse himself from what equates as my holy room. “However, I do believe that I am able to be alone with you here.” his posture changes, brows raising at me.

   “Well Spock, I daresay that was romantic.” I sigh, squaring my shoulders to push them back and relax myself again. Rolling my neck and arching my back until it cracks lightly. I take myself through the process again, shaking out my arms and splaying my hands out on my legs; pulling my muscles free of any tension they’ve knotted themselves into.

   “Relax yourself. Let your body be free of tension and strain until you can simply be.” I take my first deep breath, letting it penetrate to my core and lift my chest before letting it heavily out. I see Kirk trying to mirror, breathing heavily across from me yet still receiving nothing.

   “Allow the air to flow through you, become part of you. Let it travel to your cells that are starved of it and lift you up, then free it.” I use a hand to help dictate, raising my palm up as I take a breath in and hold it there, lowering it again slowly as I release. James follows the visual aide, his shoulders dropping and form becoming relaxed as he gets the hang of it.

   “Very good, t’hy’la, now allow your stance to drop and close your eyes; let the space around you fade to the back of your mind.” I know many humans practice meditation themselves, though I’m not certain of any differences in the execution. I can recall sitting on a pillow with Sarek when I was small, listening to him take me through just as I am now.

   “Let even your eyelids relax, and search for yourself. Allow your mind’s eye to see what it wants, let your space build itself.” I see his brow twitch, struggling not to furrow in concentration. “Shh, shh,” I make a calming noise, waiting for Kirk to relax again. “There. You do not need to see, only feel. Reach out with your senses and let it come to you. Find yourself adrift, looking at your thoughts from afar. Seeing them for the first time without personal attachment.” I close my own eyes now, returning to my thoughts. I push back the emotion swimming through my mind, returning balance to my black and white space; leaving me only a few things to sift through.

  Pink bubbles up in my senses, throwing my heart from its calm rhythm. I crack my eyes open, finding Kirk no longer in meditation- simply gazing at me with affectionate eyes.

   “Need something, t’hy’la?” he looks startled at my noticing him, looking off in another direction quickly.

   “Nothing, asayam.” his clumsy Vulcan pronunciation warms my heart, tugging a smile to my lips as I try to push back into my calm space. I lean my body out towards Kirk, extending two fingers for him. James touches his own to mine, forcing me to take in a harsh breath; lashes fluttering along with the beat of my heart.

  My t’hy’la’s mind expands for me, connecting us and putting my mind at ease. I can now think of nothing else, images of Kirk swirling through my mind. None of them good or bad, just there. It rips away my awareness, the logic of meditation, something soft and pink flooding in yet not drowning me. I daresay it could be love.

  I can’t help myself, curling my fingers around his and pulling James’s hand closer to me. It’s too euphoric to pass up, the expanse of my mind welcoming in another as he’s my other half. No, because he is my other half. I brush my lips against his knuckles, a feathersoft kiss as natural as a quiet breath.

  I’m pulled from my concentration, jumping slightly as a gentle kiss is pressed to my lips; Jim’s free hand resting on my thigh. I place mine over it, tilting my head into the kiss before pulling away- still inches from his face. Heat rushes to my face, a grin spreading on Kirk’s face.

   “I believe you’ve distracted me again.”