Wrote this with all the ballyhoo surrounding the Sonic the Hedgehog Movie trailer.
Hanging around at their usual spot The Drunken Clam. Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire were watching a movie trailer. A voice over says, "Stay tuned for the trailer to the new Sonic the Hedgehog movie. For those who didn't get to see it during Detective Pikachu. Now you can watch on tv!"
"Freaking sweet! About time Sonic had his own movie!" said Peter.
"Why wasn't there a movie about Sonic made years ago?" asks Quagmire. "Like say when he was popular!"
"Have no answer for that one, Quagmire." said Joe. "Well anyway! I wonder who they casted to play Robotnik?"
"Look! It's about to start!" Cleveland points out.
Waiting with both impatience and hopefulness. The Sonic the Hedgehog movie trailer played from start to finish. Their smiles soon turned into frowns. The trailer soon ended and Peter and his friends were ravaged with sheer hinderance.
"Can someone please tell me what the fuck was that!?" said Peter. "Judging from the trailer it seems like the only characters in the movie will just be Sonic the Robotnik." said Joe. "Who's the clodpoll that decided Jim Carrey should play Robotnik?" said Cleveland. "I agree! Robotnik is supposed to be obese and some cheap shot got a skinny actor to play him? And where the hell is Knuckles or Tails?" said Quagmire. "It's also from the makers of Fast And The Furious." informs Joe. "They sure have scraped the bottom of the barrel." said Peter. "You can just tell from the trailer that this movie is going to suck major ass!" said Quagmire.
Peter implies, "Ever noticed that Sonic has had way too many storylines?" "It's true. It's like the creators of Sonic don't know how to get their shit together." agrees Joe. "How many settings was Sonic in anyway?" asked Quagmire. Cleveland counting with his fingers says, "Hmmm, let's see here. The games, there were 5 cartoons made about him, and there was that comic book. There must be over 500 characters in the Sonic series that it's hard to keep up with." "Yeah, and now this silly ass movie!" shouted Peter. "Well there is only one Sonic story line for us." says Cleveland. "You bet your ass, and that is the cartoon from 1993." Joe says. "Why do people call it Sonic Sat Am?" asked Peter.
"How many episodes did we see of that?" asks Cleveland ignores Peter's question. "Every last one of them, but we didn't see The Doomsday one." said Quagmire. "We put it off for too long. Think it's time we see it." said Joe. "Why did we stop?" asks Quagmire. "Guess we just forgot and moved on, and let's not forget that you kept telling bestality jokes about Princess Sally and Bunnie Rabbot!!" Cleveland reminded Quagmire. "All right. I promise I'll lay off that! Was just trying to have some fun back there! Geez!" Quagmire said. Peter goes to his car and gets his laptop. "We're watching it on a computer? Thought we were going to watch it on DVD?" Joe speaks. "Sonic cartoons are on Youtube now!" said Peter. "Ahhh, Sonic Sat Am! Now THIS is the ideal story line of Sonic! Why wasn't there a game made about this cartoon?"
"Some people didn't like it because it wasn't based on the games." said Joe. "Yeah, and Sega didn't own any of the characters or something of the sort." said Cleveland. Peter began, "Gentlemen, we are going to watch the Doomsday Project. The final episode and see where it takes us! Lights, Camera, and Action!" Peter calls out to his friends as he types in on Youtube, "Sonic Doomsday Project."
The four of them watched the ending of the Doomsday Project and they were irked and dithering. "What the actual hell! It just ends on a cliffhanger!" yelled Peter snapping his fingers, "Just like that." "Who in the fuck are those eyes supposed to be? Reminds me of those kids from Village of The Damned!" said Quagmire. "Worst series finale ever! There was no more episodes made after that." said Cleveland. "At least give us the common courtesy to actually show who the character was who had those eyes!" Joe shouted slamming his fist on the table. "It was all because of that stupid helper and nephew of Robotniks!" Peter speaks out.
"SNIVELY!" Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire all yelled out at once.
"You're right, Peter! That character just flat out ruined that whole finale! The cartoon too!" said Cleveland. Quagmire says, "He even has a long nose. I have a better long nose than him!" "From what we saw Robotnik's nephew Snively hated him and wanted to overthrow him so he can take over." Joe declared. "Yeah, he kept trash talking Robotnik under his breath in the second season. Oh ha ha! So funny! I can trash talk Meg better than that!" Peter spoke. "Know this is a stretch but it's too bad we can't go inside the cartoon and warn Robotnik about this Snively guy." said Cleveland. "Don't forget we are cartoon characters, so maybe we can!" said Peter.
"Excuse me, did you just watch that Sonic cartoon on Youtube?" Jerome asks casually.
"Yes we did. How did you know?" asked Peter.
"Overheard you. I can let you in on something." said Jerome.
"Go on!" Peter says.
Jerome tell them, "If you watch the first episode, a blue aura will open and take you into the cartoon."
"That's cool, Jerome! How do we get back if we were to go in?" Joe uttered.
"As soon as you're done with whatever you're going to do, the blue aura opens again and brings you back here Quahog." Jerome speaks.
Peter shakes Jerome hand in gratitude. "Thank you so much for this Jerome!"
Quagmire says, "So what do you want to do?'
"Get inside the cartoon of course." said Peter.
"To do what?" asks Joe.
"Go warn Robotnik about Snively and then maybe with Snively out of the way, Sonic Sat Am will have a better series finale than we can ever bargained for!" Peter explains his plot to his friends.
"Sounds nasty Peter! I like it!" Cleveland said.
Joe goes over the Peter's laptop and types in Sonic Sat Am Pilot Episode on Youtube and it takes them to the pilot episode Heads or Tails. When the episode was done a blue aura opened up and Peter, Quagmire, Cleveland, and Joe all entered.
"LET'S DO THIS!" Joe screams.
"No time to lose! We got ourselves a Snively to catch!" said Quagmire.
The blue aura takes them to Mobius, however they land in the Great Forest. "Hey, this isn't Robotropolis!" Peter said angerly. "I know the location of Knothole so maybe I can......." Quagmire began as he was about to tell a sex joke Joe stops him, "You promised you weren't going to tell dirty jokes!" "Yeah that's right! Uhhhh, Which way to Robotropolis!" Quagmire asks. Cleveland sees a catapult. "How about we take that catapult over there."
"Great idea, Cleveland!" said Joe. Getting on the catapult Joe tells Peter, "Cut that string off." "Sure thing!" Peter said. Once Peter cut off the string to the catapult they all flew into the air and landed in Robotropolis. "We made it!" said Peter. "Hope Robotropolis is wheelchair accessable." Joe warned. "Better Sonic cartoon than Sonic Underground hey, hey?" asked Peter. Trying to enter Robotnik's lair, the four of them were stopped by a SWATBot.
"Halt. Who goes there!"
Peter laughs, "Love the way these dude talk!"
"We are here to see Dr. Robotnik." said Joe.
"He needs to hear something very important." Cleveland said nervously.
"His life is in danger! And it's not the hedgehog this time!" Quagmire adds.
The SWATBot lets them in, "You all look legit. Come in." Peter teases the SWATBot, "Yeah, We Are Too Legit To Quit!"
Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire were being lead by the SWATBot to Robotnik's room.
"We're in! Now time to stop that cliffhanger series finale from ever happening!" Peter said with hope.
The SWATBot lead the four of them to Robotnik's room. "The Master May See You Now." The SWATBot tells Peter. Joe advises Peter not to joke around with Robotnik.
"We've seen this guy on the cartoon, Peter. So try to be as serious as possible."
"You're right Joe. I won't be like O.J. Simpson at his parole hearing."
Without hesitation, Peter, Quagmire, Joe, and Cleveland all walked inside. Robotnik spins his chair to greet them.
"Greetings, gentlemen. What brings you all here to Robotropolis?"
"Hello, Dr. Robotnik. I am Peter Griffin from Earth. These are my friends, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire."
Robotnik looks at them all, "Hmm, it's been a while since I've been in the company of human men such as yourselves. I approve of that. Just as long as you're not animals. So why are you all here?"
Joe tells Robotnik, "We think you ought to be aware about something."
"Actually, it's someone." said Cleveland.
"Really? Who is this someone?" asked Robotnik intriguingly. "Is it the hedgehog that I've tried to capture all these years?"
"It's not that. It's much much worse." Quagmire tells Robotnik.
"There is somebody right here in Robotropolis who is secretly plotting to overthrow you so he can take over." Peter warns.
"WHO IS IT?" shouted Robotnik.
"It's your own nephew, himself!" Joe speaks.
"You mean, Snively?" Robotnik said in shock.
"That's the one, Robotnik." said Quagmire.
"Here's the thing, we have been spying on Snively from Earth and we've been observing his actions against you." Peter explains.
Robotnik gets all twitchy, "Oh my! This is serious! Who would've thought that my own kind would counter attack me!"
"Don't beat yourself up about it, Robotnik. We all make mistakes. That's why we are here to correct this error." Cleveland said.
"Agreed that is the truth." Robotnik then slams his fist against the armrest. "Snively wants to have me killed so he can take over!" Robotnik roaring in anger. "That little slime!"
"Exactly, that's why we are here. To get rid of him for you before any more damage is done." Quagmire said. "you deserve better helpers than your nephew."
Robotnik takes a minute to think, "All right. All right." Robotnik gets out of his chair and gets a bag and a stick and gives it to Peter. "Make the job look good." "Thanks, Robotnik. Where can we find Snively?" asked Peter.
"He's in the control room. You can't miss him." Robotnik tells them. "Glad you told about this. Almost as bad as Naugus. But that's another story."
"You sir will not regret this! Come on, men!" Peter said leading his friends into the control room.
Robotnik then decides to hire some new help. "Need some servants who will always be loyal to me. Guess I'll have to call them back. Scratch! Grounder! Coconuts!"
When Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire reached the control room to seize Snively. Scratch, Grounder, and Coconuts ran into Robotnik's room.
"It's good to be back your grouchy-ness HA HA HA HA!" complemented Scratch.
"We await your orders oh great Dr. Robotnik!" Grounder said.
"Please no more janitor duties! I may be the youngest of your robots but don't exclude me anymore." begged Coconuts.
"You three are my helpers from now on. From this day forward you three will help me catch the hedgehog and capture the Freedom Fighters......."
Peter laughed as he heard the three Dumb Robots. "I've always liked those three!"
Snively was walking back and forth pressing buttons on the computers in the control room. Humming to himself like he always does. "Hmmmm hmmmm hmmmm hmmmm hmmm."
"OKay, there he is! Let's get his long nosed ass!" Cleveland shouted.
Peter broke into the control room, which made Snively go on the edge by shrieking.
"A-ha! Come with us now!" Peter tells Snively jumping into the control room blocking his path.
"Who-who-who-are you all?" he asked.
"We'll do the talking around here, so keep your fucking mouth shut!" Joe shouted.
"If you say...." Snively said.
"Stop! You going to come with us or do I have to do Black Panther moves on you!" Cleveland says.
"NO! I'm not going anywhere with any of you!" Snively yells. "SECURITY!"
"Nobody is going to help you now," Quagmire tells Snively then pushes a button to stop the security from coming. "We are spies! from another world and galaxy! We've been watching you, penis nose!"
Snively still refused and tried to resist. "Look, you all better leave me alone.....I have no idea who are you all are or where you're from......Who sent you!"
"Should I run you over with my wheelchair?"
"Joe's too slow!"
"Quagmire, Cleveland! Get him!"
Snively tried to run away but Quagmire and Cleveland stopped him before he could. Quagmire hit Snively over the head with the stick, and Peter put him in the bag.
Peter giggles, "hee hee hee hee hee! Got this one in the bag!"
Running back to Robotnik's room, Peter proudly shows him that Snively was busted. Robotnik was happy now that he had some helpers that would never be smart enough to plot behind his back and dominate.
"How did you do?" asked Robotnik.
"GOT HIM!" Peter said.
"His capture was a complete success!" Joe said.
The blue aura shows up and Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire went inside.
"Good luck with world domination! Bye! Bye! Bye! Bye!" Peter voice echoed. They were all back in Quahog in no time flat. "Which one of us should keep him?." asks Joe. "Donna would find out and get suspicious that I'm up to no good. She'd never believe this man is evil." "I usually keep women locked up in my basement so it won't be me." Joe tells them, "I can't risk it. Might ruin my rep as a cop." Peter decides he will keep Snively a captive in his basement. "I'll do it! This weekend we will decide how we want to dump is dead body."
Quagmire says, "Cool! We will wait for him to waken then interrogate him first."
In Peter's basement, Peter had Snively lay on a cold cement slab. Snively was waking up.
"Where am I! What just happened here!" Snively wakes up and sees Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire at his presence. "GASP! You're the men who captured me!"
"Ding ding ding ding ding! You are right!" Peter tells to Snively's face.
"Take me back to Robotropolis NOW!"
"No can do! You're never going to see Robotnik again!" Cleveland speaks.
Confused as ever Snively asked, "But, why? What do you all want from me?"
"As we have stated before we know about your crimes you've been secretly committing against your uncle." Joe says. Cleveland says, "And because of that you try to take over and we never see what the outcome was. Because of you an awesome cartoon ended on a fucking cliffhanger!"
"We did mention we are spies! hee hee hee! Spies we are! Spies Like Us!" Peter tells Snively who looks at him vacantly. "Wha? Don't have 1980s movies where you're from?"
"How do you all know about me?"
Joe explains, "We happen to know you have been working on something!" Joe gets a printed sheet of paper with the red eyes on it, "WHAT IS THIS!"
Snively began to sweat, "I might've created something like that once. I don't recall......Think it could be Naugus."
"LAIR!" Peter shouted then he roundhouse kicked Snively knocked him off the slab and hit a wall. "Just tell me who sent you and why am I here?"
"Who you do think sent us to get you? It was your uncle himself! We told him everything!" Quagmire confessed.
"Uncle Julian did WHAT!" Snively screamed. "We kidnapped you so you won't do anymore damage to Robotnik's rightful regime!" Peter informed him. "How could he do this to me? Wasn't I a good enough....." "We decided your fate, Snively." said Joe. "I'm an airplane pilot and this weekend I'm flying to Alaska." Quagmire says. "What's in Alaska?" asked Snively. "A nice place for rejects like you!" Peter said. "What do you plan to do with me?" "You'll find out." said Cleveland. "We need to keep him sleeping for the next few days." implies Quagmire.
"You're good with that, don't you have any date rape drugs?" asks Peter. Reaching into his back pocket, Quagmire says, "Oh yes. I got this shot full of chloloform. "Perfect! Inject it into his chest! Pulp Fiction style!" Peter tells him. "NO! NO! YOU ALL WON'T GET AWAY WITH THIS..." Snively begins, "You must all get me back to Robotropolis so I can rule...." "Sounds to me like someone has entitlement issues!" Cleveland said. "Calm this fucker down!"
Quagmire jumps at Snively, "Right away, chief!" Quagmire injects the choloform shot into Snively's chest and still protesting to be free Snively shouts, "I......HATE......YOuuuuuuuuuuuuu." Snively was quickly put to sleep. Peter puts a sheet over him. "There's a place in Alaska with cannibal eskimos." Peter tells his friends.
"We'll send him there." Joe agreed.
Tomorrow was here. Later on that day, Peter got home from work, went down the basement to check in on Snively. Lucky for him, Snively was still sedated from the choloform shot Quagmire had administered. Peter gets two ropes. He tied Snively's hands together with one of them, and did the same with the other rope where he tied his feet together. Peter whispers to Snively, "You better get used to sleeping. You're going to be doing lots of sleeping so get used to it!"
Lois hears Peter and calls him, "PETER! Who are you keeping secrets with down there!"
"Nobody Lois! Coming!"
Peter carried Snively to the slab and tried to hide Snively away from Lois, but it was too late.
"There you are, Peter! Hurry up to dinner. Your food is getting cold." Lois sees Snively.
"Be there soon, Lois!"
"Peter! What in the fuck is that thing?"
"OH this? Uhhh, it's uhhhh, a statue!"
"Statue?! Looks like a person to me."
"A statue for Halloween, Lois!"
"A likely story. Why is it's hands and feet tied together?"
"Well because it's how it came within the package."
"Oh I see. That statue doesn't look very Halloween-ish if you ask me."
"It is a Halloween statue! Of those Imperial Soldiers from Star Wars. Don't you know an Imperial Soldier when you see one?"
"Star Wars, right. You always did have an obsession with those movies. Making the whole town reenact all three sequels. After you're done come up to dinner!"
"Yes Lois!" Peter was relieved that he was able to fool Lois. Peter puts the sheet over Snively and joins Lois for dinner. As soon as Peter left the basement, Brian and Stewie were running downstairs to the basement. Both were out of breath.
"Oh, Brian. I am so out of breasts!"
Brian giggles, "Out of breasts! ha ha ha ha!"
"Slip of the tongue, Brian! It's not that funny."
Stewie and Brian talk about what they had just been through.
"I am NEVER getting a Hummer ever again! Made me act like a complete dick!"
"Mark Raffallo hurled us into New Hampshire. We were stuck for days. Who knew he had superhuman strength like the Incredible Hulk?"
"At least we were able to make it back home. Took back the Hummer and got back my Prius. Remind me to never ever let a car go to my head ever again."
"It's a deal, Brian. It certainly made you act like a complete shit turd."
Brian sniffs around as soon as him and Stewie both caught their breaths. "I smell a presence!"
"Oh really is it Gucci Bloom!" Stewie asked. "No something smells like a human down here let's go scope it out." Brian tells Stewie.
The scent leads Brian to the slab and took off the blanket where they see Snively.
"What in the hell? Who is THAT, Brian!"
"Don't know. Judging from the looks of his nose maybe it's a relative of Quagmire."
Stewie notices the ropes, "He's all tied up? But why?"
Brian states, "We've been trying to escape from New Hampshire for the last few days, so we have no idea what is occurring." Stewie yells at Snively clapping his hands, "Hey! Hey! Wake up! Wake Up! Tell us who you are!"
"Stewie, don't. This must be one of Peter's usual ludicrousness." Brian puts more thought into what they had discovered, "Peter isn't the type to kidnap people, unless he's jealous! I got it!"
"Did you figure it out? Let's be like Batman and Robin about this."
"I think this person whoever it is Peter kidnapped. It's one of Lois's old boyfriends! Remember how jealous he got of Fishman?"
"Holy Jealousy Batman! You could be right, Brian!"
"Don't call me Batman again!" Brian warns Stewie as he gets a better look at Snively. "Hey, I know! He has a bald head, and hair just like yours."
"What are you trying to determine here, Brian!"
"This man, is your biological father!" Brian begins to laugh. Stewie takes it too personally and slaps Brian."
"That is in no way risible! You take that back!"
Brian rubs his cheek, "Did not have to take it so seriously! Was only making a joke! All right! Fine! He's Meg's biological father, OKAY! Tell you what, dinner is ready and I'll ask Peter about it."
"Very well then. We haven't eaten in days. Being stranded for so long."
Brian and Stewie then join Peter, Lois, Chris, and Meg for dinner. At the dinner table Brian decides to talk to Peter about his 'captive."
Peter was happily eating his dinner, Lois was surprised. "You keep complaining I never make any good food. Now look at you!" "I know, Lois! It's not everyday we have Mexican for dinner! I am tasting the Old El Paso here! Taste the Old Southwest! Hey, Meg! Can you tell me where that Salsa can was made?" "Uh, sure Dad. This salsa was made in New York City!"
Peter shouts, "NEW YORK CITY!" Chris cracked up, "I loved that commercial! Saw it on youtube once!" Peter throws the salsa can in Meg's face. Burning her eyes. Meg tries to run to the bathroom to wash it off and kept running into walls. "This is the best family dinner ever!" Stewie said cheeringly. Brian decides to ask Peter.
"Hey, Peter. Who do you have tied up in the basement?"
Lois interferes, "Peter already told me it was a statue. Right?"
"Yeah, yeah, right Lois. Statue." Peter nervously stated.
"Really? I saw the statue and it look like a person. Who is that person, Peter? Is it one of Lois's ex-boyfriends?"
"Told you once and I'll tell you again! IT'S...A.....STATUE!" Peter shouts in Brian's face. "Don't you get it?!"
Brian asked Lois, "Have you ever dated anyone with a long nose?"
"Not that I can remember. If you mean penis then hell yeah!" Lois laughs.
Brian asks Peter some more, "Does the statue have a name?"
"It does! The statues name is 'None-Ya-Beezneez!'"
Peter did not want Brian to know anything about his plans with Snively.
"I give up! You know what Peter, whatever that is down there I am staying out of it! Have your fun! You done yet, Stewie?"
"Yes I am. Gonna need a pepcid later. Not really used to eating spicy foods." ''Screw you, Peter! Come on, Stewie! We are keeping the fuck out of this."
"Glad we are. We'll find something else to do to keep our minds off it."
Brian and Stewie decided not to conciliate with whatever it was Peter had a hostage in the basement.
In the morning, it was a day off from school. After hearing about Peter's 'statue' in the basement, Chris was now playing with Snively as if he were a toy doll.
"What are you wearing, Jake From State Farm!" Chris yelled at Snively still sleeping and drugged. Chris made his lips move and made it say, "uhhhh, khakis!" Chris impretrated a method of intention to play a practical joke on Meg.
"Just ruminationed a way to get Meg!" Chris said. Meg was outside about to get in her car. Chris stops her. "Hey Meg! I got some great news!" "Really? What is this good news?" asks Meg. "I just found you a date for the senior prom!" Chris answers. Meg was full of mirth and merriment, "You did that for me! When can I meet him?" Chris informs her, "Meet him at the baseball diamond at Adam West High, formerly known as James Woods High!"
"Oh Chris! You're the best brother ever! So sorry for all the times I called you a bastard."
"That's all water under the bridge! Better go to the baseball diamond soon!"
Meg was full of optimism and and confidence. "Maybe boys like me after all! Ooooh! Can't wait to see my date! I hope he's handsome and kind hearted. Meg drove into the parking lot at Adam West High and made her way to the baseball diamond. Chris was up in the stands. "Chris! Down here! Show me my prom date!"
"You got it, Meg!" Chris called out from the stands and throws Snively down beside her. Meg then screams and shrieks in utter terror. "This is my date? My date is dead?" she asked quivering. "Sure is!" Chris picks up Snively and chases Meg around the baseball diamond. "Hey Meg! Kiss him! Kiss him! Kiss him! Dontcha wanna kiss his lips!" "Stop chasing me with that corpse you fat asshole!" screamed Meg. Chris continued to chase Meg, "I picked him and you gotta date him!"
Connie and Gina were there and saw the whole thing, "The only good date to the prom for Meg, is a dead one!" "Burn!" Connie and Gina said to each other as they laughed at Meg's latest humiliation.
The day had come for Quagmire to fly to Alaska. Peter wakes up at the crack of dawn without Lois noticing. Chris was still downstairs playing with Snively. "Hit him Dr. Hammond! Hit him!" Chris shouts as he slapped Snively into the floor. Peter comes downstairs. "Hi Dad. I was playing with this statue like it was a toy. Most fun I ever had."
"That scene you were playing was from that movie Like Father Like Son, right?"
Peter takes Snively who was now beginning to wake up. "You won't believe what I did. I used that statue to play a joke on Meg!" laughs Chris. "Good for you, champ! I taught you well!"
Snively grumbles. "hyuh yhhhh bhuat pbiaa."
"What did he say?" asks Chris. "Think he said, hyuh yhhhh bhuat pbiaa!" answers Peter. "Where are you going with him, Dad?"
"Quagmire is going to Alaska and I'm going there with the guys to take this statue there." "Did you sell it on the internet?" asked Chris. "Yes I did. You're the man of the house while I'm gone! I'll see you in a few days!" "Bye Dad!"
Peter carries Snively over to Quagmire's house. Joe and Cleveland were already there. "You ready?" asks Quagmire. "Ready as we will ever be!" Joe said. Peter looks at the half woken Snively, "Hey, dwarf nose! You're going on a long trip!" "Wait! What's going on? Not you guys again!" asked Snively. Quagmire injects him with more choloform. The four make their way to the Quahog Airport and put Snively in an overhead bag. Customs let them all through because everyone there knew Quagmire was a pilot. Nobody had a clue that there was a person in Peter's overhead bag.
"I can't believe how much we are getting away with this!" snickered Peter.
The flight to Alaska was on it's way over to the 49th state. It took 10 hours to get there. When it landed in Fairbanks, Peter, Joe, Quagmire, and Cleveland got off. They rented a car and drove it out of Fairbanks to a harbor called Port of Anchorage and then got a boat. The boat reminded Peter of when he went on that pirate kick when Chris fell in love with Ana, the girl who worked at the vet. "What I would not do to have fun like I did when I was a pirate again." Peter recalls. "Tell us where this island of cannibal eskimos is Peter." said Joe.
Cleveland was in the back terrorizing Snively by doing impressions of black actors. "I pity the fool!" "Kid A Dyno-Mite!" "This is big one! This is big one! I'm coming Elizabeth!" "Homey Don't Play That!" Snively was sweating fearfully and sobbing. "You're worst than the big round guy!" Cleveland tells Snively, "Bet you don't get these references! Do they have black sitcoms where you're from?" Peter shows Joe and Quagmire the arctic island off the coast of Anchorage. It was only 10 miles away. "Up straight ahead!" The landed on the island and all got off the boat. Cleveland had Snively then handed him to Peter.
"Here we are, men! Cannibal Island!" Peter announces. "Seems to me a place called Cannibal Island would be tropical." Cleveland said. "Where did you hear about this place?" asked Joe. "Bone Tomahawk, it's a movie." said Peter. "Uh, why did you people come here?" asks Snively innocently. "We are giving some food to Eskimos! And you're the food!" Quagmire yells at Snively's face. "You will do no such thing!" Snively yells out. "Too late but we are!" laughs Peter. Joe screams at Snively, "Accept your fate, pal! No more ruling evil empires or serving dictators for you!" Snively moaned. Some Eskimos come out of a cave. They acted very stereotypically Oriental. "You must be Peter, right!" "That I am!"
"Thank so much for bring food to our island." the Eskimo was thankful. "We have a tasty treat you're absolutely going to love!" said Peter as he brings Snively forward to the Eskimos. The Eskimos were all licking their lips. "As a bonus, he has a huge nose shaped like a dick! You can eat on that for days!" Cleveland tells the Eskimos. "All we need is organs, but thanks. We'll kill him for his organs right away!" The Eskimos tell them as they take Snively into their cave to cut him open and eat his internal organs.
Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire decide to take a peek. They see the Eskimos stab Snively and cut him and take out almost all of his organs. Snively screams as he was being stabbed. Peter says, "Are we bad people for doing this?" "No way, the man was evil he deserved it." Cleveland said. "Oh look, they're cooking his kidneys and lower intestine!" said Joe. "Aww, sweet! Now they're taking his brain!" Peter laughs, "I should take Meg here next!" "I'll bet that dude hasn't been laid once! Oh, look! They're cutting off his balls!" Quagmire says.
The scene freezes and a voice says, "Family Guy! We Can Get Pretty Dark! Won'tcha Say?"
Back in Quahog at the Drunken Clam, Peter, Joe, Quagmire, and Cleveland looked up the Sonic Sat Am Series Finale The Doomsday Project on Youtube. They were all pleased with the results!
Quagmire said, "Sonic and Sally got married! Man, are they going to get fucked or what!"
Joe said, "Sonic became next in line to the throne!"
Peter says, "Robotnik was defeated and no shit ass cliffhanger this time! So glad Scratch, Grounder, and Coconuts got away and formed into a street gang!"
"We did it you guys! Gave the Sonic cartoon a better ending." said Joe.
"Closure that the fans have been wanting." said Cleveland.
"Everything all worked out. All the animals that were slaves got de-roboticized. Their kingdom was given back to them. King Acorn reclaimed his place. Rotor, Bunnie, Tails, and Antoine became royal subjects. No unanswered questions that would have fans speculating for years!" Peter said.
"The episode is over, how should we end this?" asked Cleveland.
"We can all smile at each other and freeze like in those cartoons from the late 50s early 60s!"
Peter, Joe, Cleveland, and Quagmire did just that. They all smiled with open mouths and stared at each one another.