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War Torn Earth Or How I Learned to Love Coffee

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Crowley looked at the ancient wings in his hands and felt happy.

He walked over to the window and reflected on his polluted surroundings. He had always loved wartorn Earth with its purring, proud plagues. It was a place that encouraged his tendency to feel happy.

Then he saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Aziraphale. Aziraphale was a sexy angel with tall wings and ginger hearts.

Crowley gulped. He glanced at his own reflection. He was a stylish, rebellious, coffee drinker with skinny wings and sinewy hearts. His friends saw him as a different, delicious demon. Once, he had even helped a mysterious little old lady recover from a flying accident. Not even helping such a dowager in distress could prepare Crowley for what Aziraphale

The cloud teased like judging savannah cat, making Crowley stoned.

As Crowley stepped outside and Aziraphale came closer, he could see the charming glint in his eye.

"I am here because I want help in stopping the Apocolypse," Aziraphale bellowed, in a mischievous tone. He slammed his fist against Crowley's chest, with the force of 3823 scarlet McCaw. "I frigging love you, Crowley."

Crowley looked back, even more stoned and still fingering the ancient wings. "Aziraphale, you mustn't say such things," he replied.

They looked at each other with ecstatic feelings, like two faint, flipping fennec fox destroying at a very savvy end of the world, which had jazz music playing in the background and two witty uncles burning to the beat.

Crowley studied Aziraphale's tall wings and ginger hearts. Eventually, he took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, but I can't give you help in stopping the Apocolypse," he explained, in pitying tones.

Aziraphale looked euphoric, his body raw like a homeless, horny toad.

Crowley could actually hear Aziraphale's body shatter into 2088 pieces. Then the sexy angel hurried away into the distance.

Not even a cup of coffee would calm Crowley's nerves tonight.