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Fruity Fan Mail

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Joe strode up from set to their trailers and saw boxes of fan mail being delivered again. This time David won and got the most. Joe tried to not take it personally, as his eyes wandered over the cardboard boxes full of letters, fan gifts of Stargate like items and drawings, alongside some “A Dog’s Breakfast” inspired items, a couple squirrel items, not to mention, a lot of lemon related paraphernalia… that had finally all been approved as safe by the people that check that type of thing for them.

Joe frowned and wondered how much more stuff would be on the way once they were approved. He really hadn’t expected this type of reception at first, but after going to a con he realized why. Sci-fi fans were quite an enthusiastic bunch. He looked up at David.

“I can’t tell if they hate you or love you.”

David picked up a lemon spray curious and raised an eyebrow. “Their attempts to kill me have failed..” He glanced up at Joe with a suspicious teasing look in his blue eyes. “But at least I bare the fruit from their labour.” He gave his half smirk, then opened his mouth and gave it a quick squirt. Joe gave him an odd look, and David closed his mouth, ran his tongue around his mouth and swallowed the sour liquid with a hum of appreciation.

Joe picked up a fake plastic lemon and tossed it up and caught it to himself. “So weird.”

David stretched, then moved his hands about as he spoke. “I think it’s kind of nice. I mean if I was actually allergic, yeah, that would suck..” He shrugged. “Well, since I’m not, at least I’m never going to run out of fruit anytime soon.” He glanced over his pile, then frowned at a fruit basket arrangement and passed it to Joe. “Here. You can have this one.”

“Uh.. Thanks?” He looked down at the basket as it was shoved into his chest, and he reluctantly took it. The weird look in David's eyes, made him question the gesture though.“Why?”

“It has pineapple.”

“And?..” He raised an eyebrow.

David sighed and raised a finger. “I’m allergic to pineapple.”

“Wait…” Joe blinked, then stared at him. “What?”

“It’s not a “deathly allergy”, like McKay.” He made air quotes. “But it makes my lips swell up. I used to still eat it regardless, but right now I think I have enough fruit to last me without that inconvenience.” He explained, then sat back on the steps of his trailer.

“So everyone thinks you’re allergic to lemons, but it’s really to pineapples?”

David gave him a look, wondering what surprised him about this. “Would you rather have everyone send me pineapples that I’m actually allergic to?”

Joe glanced away. “Well.. no.”

“Yeah, me neither.” He shrugged and absentmindedly picked up a fan letter that was lemon scented. “But they are good.”

Joe then frowned in thought. “Wait… Is pineapple a citrus?”

“You’d think so, huh? Actually, it’s an ananas genus.”

He raised an eyebrow, as he tilted his head blankly. “As opposed to?”

“The citrus genus, of course.”

He nodded confused. “Right.. ‘Of course’..” Leave it to David to be an actual human google.

Hewlett glanced at the letter he picked up, and hummed to himself excited, as he opened it. There was a drawing of McKay running from a the fan who was holding a lemon. “Cute.” He smiled and showed it to Joe.

His eyes narrowed at the picture, then looked up at David. “Your fans are fruit cakes.”

Hewlett’s eyes lit up. “Someone already sent me baking mix for one.”