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The Oldest Known Yelp Reviews

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Tablet 1

To those who would do business with Ea-nasir, from Amar-Sin:

DO NOT BUY COPPER FROM EA-NASIR. Ea-nasir promised me the finest copper in Ur. Then, when he presented his ingots to me, I saw that they were riddled with impurities. I said, “Why do you present to me ingots with impurities?” and he said, “My ingots have no impurities. May your rear end be filled with impurities.” Who is he to speak to me, a gentleman, this way? Ea-nasir is a liar and a fraud and not a gentleman. I would give him zero Dingirs if could. One Dingir.

 

Tablet 2

To those who would do business with Ea-nasir, from Bulludhu:

Ea-nasir’s copper is pricey for what you get, but he complimented me on my robes. Three Dingirs.

 

Tablet 3

To those who would do business with Ea-nasir, from Gugalanna:

How the Ersetu does this place have three Dingirs? I paid Ea-nasir ten minas of silver, and when I finally got it, it was just rocks painted orange! Ea-nasir, may you never sit in a chair as long as you live. One Dingir.

 

Tablet 4

To those who would do business with Ea-nasir, from Shalanum:

EA-NASIR IS THE BEST MERCHANT IN UR. DO NOT BELIEVE THE OTHER REVIEWERS, WHO ARE ONLY OTHER COPPER MERCHANTS WHO ARE JEALOUS OF EA-NASIR’S HIGH QUALITY COPPER. THEY WILL ROT IN THE UNDERWORLD FOR THEIR LIES. EA-NASIR SELLS THE BEST COPPER IN BABYLONIA. Five Dingirs.