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The club was loud and crowded. Alec ordered another shot of tequila and grabbed a fresh piece of lime. It’s been going on for too long already. It was already a month since the breakup and he still couldn’t get his shit together. Magnus Bane was supposed to be the love of his life. The one and only. His true mate. But it turned out that Alec was wrong again. He wasn’t good enough for the extravagant warlock.

Another shot. Alec grimaced at the taste and the bitter memories that came with another dose of the alcohol. The first months of their relationship were hard but amazing. Magnus was amazing. He showed Alec that he didn’t have to be ashamed just because he was omega. He finally believed how strong he was. And Alec did his best to show Magnus how much he loved him and supported him no matter what. He defended the warlock. He was ready to fight anyone who dared to spread rumors or insult his boyfriend. It was amazing. And then he ruined it.

Alec ordered another shot and then closed his eyes when they started to fill with tears. He knew he was being pushy. He knew he was being insufferable. He knew that Magnus would finally have enough. And yet he continued to do that. He’d get upset because Magnus didn’t want to talk about his past, his past lovers. Now Alec knew how stupid it was. Why would he care how many lovers Magnus had? He was a few centuries old warlock, it was normal he had loved before! But it was too late.

He paid for the drinks. He was swaying on his feet, the alcohol cruising through his vein. He felt sick and he knew he’d end this day hunched over a toilet. But it wasn’t the end of the day yet. His phone rang again. Alec knew it was Jace or Izzy. His siblings were terribly worried about their brother but Alec couldn’t bring himself to care. So instead, he ignored the phone and moved to the dance floor.

Alec never liked dancing but right now he was too drunk and hurt to care. He needed to forget the pain. But he very quickly learned that it was not going to be that simple. Because after an hour or so he saw Magnus in the crowd. Alec wasn’t surprised. Magnus loved partying and Alec would be stupid to think he was important enough to make Magnus change the way of living. His heart stopped when their eyes met. Alec wanted to cry. He wanted to run to Magnus and apologize once again. But then he also saw her… Camille Belcourt. The woman who stole his man.

Magnus looked at him too. Alec didn’t find any longing in his eyes, though. Magnus pitied him, found him pathetic. Alec couldn’t take it. He approached a complete stranger and started making out with him. He didn’t feel any pleasure. He just wanted to hurt his ex-lover. But he never found out, if it worked.

***

He woke up at dawn with a pounding headache. He felt weight on his stomach and when he turned his head to the side, he saw a stranger laying next to him, his arm draped over Alec’s middle. Alec cursed under his breath and then as carefully as possible, he got up from the bed. The shadowhunter pulled on his clothes in a hurry.

“You’re leaving already? Why won’t you stay for breakfast?”

The man asked and Alec wanted to die. It was embarrassing enough that he didn’t remember spending the night with the stranger. Alec cleared his throat, putting his shirt on.

“No, thanks.”

“That’s a pity… a cute omega like you…”

“Would never even look at you when sober” he finished the sentence, his voice calm but dripping with venom at the same side.

The stranger shut up and Alec decided it was his cue to leave. The morning was cold and the wind made him feel even worse as Alec walked down the streets of New York. He made sure to put a glamour so no mundane would bother him. However, some downworlders were already awake too and Alec could see them staring and judging. It didn’t matter. He didn’t even have any respect left for his own person so why would he care?

He was aware how terrible he must’ve looked but it was his least problem. Magnus didn’t look devastated at all. Did Alec really mean nothing to him? It hurt more than a stab wound. To know that the love of his life didn’t really love him… Alec made it back to the Institute and headed to his room. He felt dirty. He didn’t know that guy and yet he spent the night with him. And what he did during that night… he sped up his pace.

He made it to the bathroom on time to throw up everything he drank last night. It was disgusting. He couldn’t believe he did it. How the hell did it happen? Just two months ago he was full of rules and respect. Full of dreams and passion. And now? He went to the club just to make sure his ex saw him with other people, even though he knew that Magnus didn’t give a single damn about him anymore. Alec flushed the toilet and then sat on the tiles, crying his eyes out.

It was Jace who found him two hours later. He didn’t say anything. He just hugged his brother and kept him in his arms until Alec finally calmed down.

“I’m going to disembowel that son of a bitch” he growled, rubbing Alec’s back with his hand.

“N-no… It’s… it’s not his fault. Jace, please.”

“Shh… it’ll be fine, Alec. I’m here for you, bro.”

Alec sobbed again and Jace promised himself to make Magnus pay for hurting his brother. He still didn’t know all the facts and details but it didn’t matter. No one could make Alec cry and walk away alive.

***

The next two weeks were rough. Alec was sick and dead to the world. He still made sure all the paperwork was done on time but he couldn’t go to the patrols anymore. The constant dizziness and nausea made him too weak to get out of bed. Alec didn’t even try to protest and that worried everyone the most. Jace feared that Alec’s depression would worsen but this? He couldn’t do it alone so he asked Izzy and Clary for help.

The girls clearly tried but Alec didn’t even talk to them. What was the point? What would he say? That he fucked up? That his life was meaningless without Magnus? It was obvious and everybody already knew that. Lucky for him, Izzy nor Clary were stupid enough to force him to talk. His sister just sat by his side, caressing his hair and Clary brewed every type of tea they had in the Institute. It wasn’t productive nor very helpful but at least they kept an eye on Alec and it was enough to calm them down at least a bit. However, Alec was still sick. At first Izzy thought it was a stomach bug or a nasty hangover. But after two weeks…

“Alec, I need you to do this” Izzy said, putting a little box on his pillow.

Alec eyed the box and then frowned. He just finished throwing up and he was totally spent. He didn’t want to do anything more but when he saw what Izzy brought. Oh by the angel. His heart started beating faster and Alec shook his head.

“Don’t be ridiculous, Izzy!” he snapped, glaring at her.

Izzy slammed her hand on the bedside table and then returned the glare.

“I am not! You are the only ridiculous person here, Alec! I know that you are hurting but for fuck’s sake, open your eyes! You are not fine!”

“No, I’m not fine!” he shouted. Alec knew he was overreacting but he just couldn’t help it. His bottom lip trembled and he took a shaky breath. “I… I’m not fine. And I will never be.”

Izzy put her hand on top of Alec’s and caressed it gently. She never loved like Alec did so she didn’t really know how painful it was to lose someone beloved. But she loved her brother. She loved him with everything she got.

“Alec… I know it’s very hard. I know you still think about Magnus but… you must think about yourself, big brother. You’ve been sick for too long. It’s… it’s either this or something serious. So… please?”

Something serious? Alec blinked. THAT would be the most serious thing. At least a lethal disease would put him out of misery which Alec would very deeply appreciate. But this thing… no.

“I don’t need it. I know that I’m not…”

“When was your last heat?” she interrupted him. “It was supposed to start a week ago, wasn’t it?” she raised her brow. “And you… you smell sweeter, Alec.”

The omega looked at the box. Izzy could be right. His heat didn’t come but it must’ve been the stress! Yes, he was just stressed. He was totally fine. He wasn’t… he couldn’t…

“Alec, please. Don’t be afraid. I’m here.”

She smiled, squeezing his hand. Alec didn’t want to do this but he knew that Izzy wouldn’t leave him alone then so he didn’t really have any choice. Alec heaved a deep sigh and then grabbed the box. He read the instructions, his hands shaking so much that he could barely read the tiny letters. But he found the most important information. Pee on the stick. Seemed quite easy.

Alec left the bathroom a few minutes later. He didn’t dare to look at the stick so he put it on the bed and then sat on the floor. He couldn’t say that he wasn’t nervous. If the result was positive then it would explain almost everything and Alec truly hated how the symptoms matched the “issue”. But then again, it was definitely impossible. He took pills. There was no reason to be this stressed. Alec glanced at his sister and Izzy nodded her head. She took the stick.

“Are you ready?”

“Whatever. I already know what it’ll say. There’s no way I’m…”

She showed him the stick. Two red lines. Alec’s heart stopped. No. No, it couldn’t be true! 

He was pregnant. But who was the father?

Chapter Text

He always thought that the news about his pregnancy would bring him joy and excitement. Magnus would take care of him, cuddle him, feed him. They’d spend hours buying cute outfits and toys. They’d be happy. However, right now he was terrified. He was alone. Magnus was gone, living a new life without Alec. It was fine, though. Alec cried but he wasn’t mad at his ex-lover. He didn’t even know, if it was Magnus’ baby so the anger would be absurd.

Alec waited for another day. He made Izzy swear not to tell Jace or anyone else. It was his task. A task he wanted to procrastinate as long as possible. He just wasn’t ready to share and to be honest, he didn’t have anything special to share. Yes, pregnancy is a big deal but Alec wasn’t happy about it. He was ashamed. He was a single, unmated omega expecting a child. He didn’t even know who was the father. Oh, how much his parents would love the news. Alec could almost feel their pride.

Fuck. No. Never.

He stayed up all night. His body needed sleep but his brain didn’t allow it. He needed a plan. He couldn’t bring a child to the cold, dark world where everybody would make the kid’s life miserable. If they’d even allow it to be born. And then his parents… everybody. Unfortunately, Alec knew how flawed their world was. Shadowhunters were a bunch of bigoted, conservative lunatics. And among them, his parents were the worst. Alec couldn’t just announce his unplanned pregnancy and expect everybody to be happy and supportive. Quite the contrary. He had to hide it. And he had to know all the details.

The shame was overwhelming but Alec knew he had to put his thoughts into actions so when the morning came, he made a doctor’s appointment. Alec never went to a doctor who specialized in omegas but this time he didn’t have a choice. He needed answers. And secrecy. A mundane doctor it is.

“Hey, man. You’re going out?” Alec almost cursed when Jace spotted him on his way out of the Institute.

“Ahh… yea, I need to get some fresh air” he cleared his throat, faking a gentle smile.

“Oh! Okay. Can I come too? I… I’m worried about you, Alec” Jace sighed and then looked at his brother. His eyes showed how concerned he was and Alec wanted to hug him and apologize for being an idiot. He couldn’t, though. Not yet. “I… I’ll invite you to dinner. Something nice. We can have ice cream afterwards. Or a drink. Anything. I’ll even agree to a simple walk” he smiled, offering Alec his hand.

Alec had to fight back the tears. His hormones made him all teary and just the thought of rejecting Jace made him feel like the worst dick ever. He blinked back the tears and took Jace’s hand. He squeezed it.

“Thank you. I appreciate it, Jace. And… yes, yes you can but not now, okay? I’m sorry. Don’t be mad, I just need some time alone to think but yes, dinner is fine just not now? Can we do that later? I mean, it’s fine if you want to do it now but it’s really not the best time, so if you don’t mind, I…”

“Woah, woah!” Jace interrupted him, his eyes wide with confusion. “Alec, breathe!” he squeezed Alec’s hand back. “I don’t know what is happening, Alec. And I would want to know. I… I understand that you need time alone and yes, I am giving you that. Just… please, Alec, when you feel ready, remember I’m waiting here for you?”

The omega wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. He didn’t  know what he did to deserve a brother like Jace. Always there for him, always supportive. And that was another one of his fears. What if it’ll change? What if Jace will stop loving him after the big announcement? The fear was like an iron grip squeezing his stomach with full force. He felt sick but right now he couldn’t even afford to puke. He had to go.

“I’ll see you later” he looked at Jace for the last time and then he ran to the exit. The sooner the better.

***

The hospital smelled bad and looked like a mad scientist’s laboratory. Alec passed a few units until he reached the clinic. He looked at the sign on the wall and shuddered. He had never done this before and frankly, he didn’t want to do it now. But he didn’t have a choice. Alec took a deep breath and then stepped into the waiting room.

No one paid him any attention so Alec took his seat and looked around. He saw male and female omegas. Most of them were expecting, their bumps already visible. The whole room was filled with sweet scent and Alec started to wonder, if he smelled the same. He hoped not. He had to keep it a secret. And also to keep his anxiety at bay. He shook his head and then started looking for brochures to occupy himself with something, anything. And he couldn’t use his phone. The urge to call Magnus was too strong. He needed a different distraction.

However, instead of something useful and educational, he only saw the omegas and their alphas, sitting next to them. They all looked so happy and Alec had no doubt they were there to support their mates. It became clear very quickly that he was the only one without a male in the whole waiting room and that was the last straw.

Suddenly Alec didn’t care anymore. He got up and rushed to the bathroom. He didn’t eat anything that day but the urge to throw up was stronger. The bitter taste of bile made him gag once again and Alec couldn’t stop his tears anymore. He sat on the dirty floor in the hospital bathroom, crying and cursing his life. He was miserable, vulnerable and unable to adult life. After a couple of minutes he realized he had been crying before he even visited the doctor. And he was supposed to take care of a baby? Of a real, living, breathing baby? He couldn’t even take care of himself!

Alec washed his hands and face in the sink and then left the bathroom. The waiting room was now almost empty. Great. He was sure he missed his appointment and when he looked at the clock, his concerns were confirmed. He didn’t leave, though. He had to get the information that day, no matter what, even though being in the waiting room and watching all those happy couples was just painful. Alec felt lonely to this point that he started to regret not bringing Jace with him. At least he could have someone to talk. But unfortunately, he was all alone.

He had been waiting for hours until the doctor had time to see him but Alec didn’t mind the waiting. He needed that appointment and he was grateful the doctor even agreed to stay longer just to take a look at him. And he was actually pretty amazed how smoothly it went when he said it was his first kid. He wondered, if he could have more privileges from now on in other places too. Would be nice to get free Taco Bell once in a while.

“Mr. Lightwood?” a nice looking, blonde nurse  smiled and invited him into the room.

Alec nodded his head and walked inside. He almost passed out when he saw all the equipment and of course, he knew he’d have to undress and all but that chair was just offensive. He was sure his face was read as tomato. Alec shifted his weight from one foot to another while he watched the nurse wiping the chair. That was actually pretty nice to know it was clean. Alec didn’t really like people and some naked parts of strangers made him queasy. The wipes smelled so strongly of alcohol that he was sure there was no need to worry, though.

“Hello, Mr.Lightwood” the doctor said and Alec turned around.

The doctor was an elderly woman and Alec didn’t really know how to feel about it. Sure, it was a doctor and he didn’t have anything she had never seen before… but still. Magnus was the only one person who saw him without clothes. And he wanted to stay it that way. Yea, not that Magnus wanted to see him at all now…

“No need to be nervous” she said after a moment when Alec didn’t give her any answer.

“Oh. Yea, sorry” he smiled sheepishly and then took a seat.

“So, what brings you today? You are expecting?”

“I…” the two red lines tormented him the whole time but he still couldn’t believe it was happening. He didn’t want to accept it. “I did a test… it was positive. I… I…” he looked down, the shame was just too much to handle for him.

“Take your time” the doctor smiled. “Look, there’s no need to be nervous. Whatever you tell me, I assure you, it’s nothing I haven’t already heard.”

Alec nodded his head but it still took him a few minutes until he gained the courage to tell the truth. It’s a freaking doctor, Alec. Get a grip!

“I… so… the test came out positive and… I… I don’t really know who… if… if you could check how long… that would be very helpful” he stammered, not even looking at the woman.

“I see. Okay then. Strip from your waist down, put on the gown and hop on the chair, will you?”

He very much wanted to say no but he knew he couldn’t. So he did as he was told. Praying to all the gods above, he stripped, put the gown on and sat on the chair, his legs spread wide. That was beyond embarrassing and Alec wanted to die. He wanted the world to end or just to wake up from this nightmare. But no matter how hard he was pinching himself, nothing worked. He still was in the same room, in the same position and in the same situation. And as pathetic as it was, he really wished Magnus was there. He would calm him down with some silly jokes and innuendos and then he would probably make Alec swoon with all the romantic, adorable words and promises he’d make. But Magnus wasn’t there. He was alone. His alpha warlock didn’t want him anymore. It was only Alec’s problem now.

“Mr. Lightwood?”

Alec wiped the single tear and nodded his head. He wasn’t ready at all but he wanted it to be over. He listened to the woman explaining the whole procedure but the words didn’t make any sense. He just watched as she put a condom on a long probe and that was enough to scare him for life and make him want to run away. But he was in no position to run. She gave him a warning but nothing could prepare him for how uncomfortable and humiliating the whole procedure was. But he stayed still, his eyes closed.

“And here we have it. Do you see this little dot over here?” she asked.

Alec opened his eyes and then looked at the screen. To be honest, he didn’t see anything. The whole screen was full of different dots and Alec had no idea how she even could decipher the baby in the vastness of dots and smudges.

“No… not really” he cleared his throat. “So… it is there…?”

She nodded her head and Alec felt a pain in his chest. So it was real. The baby really was there. It was growing inside of him and Alec felt so freaking guilty.

“Do you want to hear the heartbeat?” the doctor asked and Alec started to panic.

“No!” he answered way too quickly. “I… I mean… no. No, I… I don’t want it…”

“Okay” the woman knew even worse cases than Alec’s and she wasn’t there to judge anyway. “The baby is 9 weeks old and growing well. But to know that everything is alright, we will need to do some more tests” she said, pulling out the probe. Alec grimaced. “Sorry.”

“What tests?” he asked and got up from the chair.

Alec went behind the curtain to put his clothes back on. 9 weeks divided by 4… jesus fuck, why did they always had to tell the age in weeks, never in months?! Alec was so stressed and nervous that he was completely unable to do even the simplest math. He needed to calm down. Easier said than done.

“We need blood samples” she answered. “Nurse Nevin had to leave, though. But I’ll call for someone. Get dressed and then sit down, while I make the phone call. And here you have the picture.”

Alec got dressed and then looked at the picture. The same picture, full of dots and smudges, all dark. But the one dot was especially precious and when Alec looked closer, the ink seemed to be more navy blue than black. A little blueberry. His blueberry. But… could he really keep this baby? He didn’t want to have a child just to have a child. And well… he wasn’t really a mother material. No, he couldn’t do it. He was too terrified to face this alone. But then again, the decision was more serious than going to KFC and choosing which part of chicken you want to eat. It couldn’t be spontaneous.

The omega sat down and waited. He hated needles but he felt so numb that he didn’t care anymore. And then the door opened and another woman stepped inside. Alec’s heart stopped beating.

“Alec?” nurse Loss blinked her eyes a few times. She was mad at Alec because Magnus was hurting because of him. But if he was there then something must have happened. “What are you doing here?”

Alec saw black spots dancing in front of his eyes as he realized what just happened. Catarina Loss, the best friend of Magnus… oh dear god. No, no, no! He couldn’t do it.

“Nurse Loss! You’re finally here. Mr.Lightwood will need a complete… Mr.Lightwood!”

However, Alec didn’t listen to anyone. He bolted out the door as quickly as possible, ignoring all the shouts and calling his name. He knew that he acted like a coward but there was nothing he could do. Catarina would tell Magnus everything. That was worse than the worst scenario! Or so he thought.

Catarina had no idea what just happened. She was just about to ask the doctor about it but then her eyes landed on the picture. Alec must’ve left it by accident. She picked it up and her eyes widened. Oh, Lilith.

***

Alec got caught in the rain but he didn’t care. He didn’t stop until he reached his room back in the Institute. It was over. His life was over. Everything was over. He definitely couldn’t do it. He was just about to grab his laptop when Jace walked into his room. He used his stele. Freaking bastard.

“Alec…”

It was all he had to do. The omega couldn’t keep it a secret any longer. Jace deserved to know. He just hoped that his brother would take it well. The blonde wrapped his arms around Alec and then listened to it. The story was chaotic because Alec was a crying, snotty mess and Jace had troubles guessing all the words. The omega was rambling like crazy but then again, Jace wasn’t a complete idiot. He waited for Alec to finish telling him about it and then he cupped the angel’s face with his hands. The emotions were hard to control but Jace knew that it wasn’t about him. It was all about Alec and he couldn’t let his brother down. He had to be there for him, even though the situation looked bad. Very bad.

“I-I’m sorry! I know you must think of me like I am some kind of a slut” Alec sobbed. “And you’re right! I am! I am disgusting! I’m so sorry!”

“Jesus fuck, Alec!” he shook him gently. “You are not! You are amazing. What happened is… well, it happened!” Jace sighed. He had no idea how to call it. Technically, he was quite happy he’ll be an uncle but then… it was clear Alec wasn’t ready to be a mother. It wasn’t time to voice his thoughts, though. Alec counted on him. “Hey, it’ll be fine. You have me and we will figure something out. Come here.”

He didn’t need to be told twice. He let Jace embrace him and he placed his head on the beta’s chest. Alec inhaled deeply. Jace smelled like a sunny day and fresh dew. It helped him calm down.

“Please, don’t tell anyone…” he whispered.

“I would never. Not without your consent” he put his chin on top of Alec’s head. “Alec… you said the baby is 9 weeks… would that mean…?”

“Yea…”

“You should tell him.”

“No!” he shook his head. “I can’t… he has a new life. He doesn’t need it! I don’t want him to think I got pregnant just to keep him by my side!”

Jace wanted to punch someone so bad but instead of that, he just tightened his grip on Alec. He had to respect his brother’s wish even though he wanted to strangle the warlock with his bare hands!

“Then what are you going to do, bro? Do you want to…?”

He had no idea why it was so hard to voice it. Jace always thought of himself as a person who wasn’t very sensitive. It seemed that he was when it came to his family. Because that little blueberry was already his family. But it wasn’t his place to make the decision. The omega trembled in Jace’s arms, fresh tears running down his face.

“I can’t keep the baby, Jace… I just can’t. They’ll strip me of my runes. And I can’t raise the kid. I just can’t…”

“Alec, please. Think about it some more? Izzy and I will help. It’ll be fine.”

“No it won’t! I won’t stand looking at his kid every day. I… I just can’t!” he burst into tears. “I-I-I have to terminate the pregnancy…”

The pain was unbearable. Alec loved Magnus so much it hurt. But because of that, he could not give birth to their child.

Chapter Text

Alec didn’t remember the last time he slept and when he stood in front of the building, he felt like he was trapped in a middle of a terrible nightmare. He was just about to do the worst, most regrettable thing in his whole life and he knew that. Alec never judged. It was always one’s choice and he was okay with that. However, he never pictured himself as the one to do it. Abortion just sounded wrong to him. Especially because he was pregnant with a baby of the man he truly loved. It was Magnus’ baby and he felt like the worst scumbag for wanting to kill a part of Magnus. He didn’t have a choice, though. He walked inside.

“We are ready, Mr. Lightwood.”

The doctor’s voice was calm and friendly. Alec appreciated that the man didn’t judge him or made him feel like a monster. He really did. However it didn’t change that he felt like a monster. The little blueberry didn’t deserve it. Alec never thought of himself as a typical, submissive, domestic omega but he was an omega nonetheless and it was enough to feel the way he felt. He was a mother, whether he liked it or not. And he was going to hurt his baby in the worst way possible. He didn’t judge others. But he judged himself because the decision didn’t come from heart. Alec didn’t want it. He knew how hard it’d be with the child and yet he wanted to keep it. Unfortunately… he was a shadowhunter. A Lightwood. He tried to think of it as a favour to this child. Living as a shadowhunter and a Lightwood was terrible. Perhaps this way it’d be more happy?

Alec knew how wrong, unhealthy and ridiculous the way of thinking was but he just needed to convince himself that it was alright to choose this option. That even if he really didn’t want to do it, the choice was the only right option.

The nurse gave him a gown and asked him to change behind the curtain. Alec was like a zombie, doing everything automatically. His heart was pounding in his chest when he changed his clothes. It was real. It was happening. In an hour or less he won’t be counted as two anymore.

Alec placed his hand on his belly. It became a little round. Blueberry was growing and making its home comfortable. The omega didn’t want to be the mean landlord who kicks his guests out but it was already happening. Very soon…

“Relax.”

Alec wanted to kick the doctor as he lay on the freaking chair. The man kept on talking to Alec but the omega didn’t understand a thing. He felt like he was underwater. The pain and guilt hit him all at once and when he saw all the equipment, he just felt incredibly sick. That was not how he wanted it to end. He remembered when he used to dream about a family with Magnus. He was holding their baby in his arms and Magnus was there to coo at the little creature and kiss Alec and tell him how happy he was and how proud he was of Alec. Instead of that he lay on the cold table, waiting for the doctor to shove the metal thing into him and destroy his dreams.

He closed his eyes but opened them a second later when he felt the doctor’s hand on his thigh. Alec looked at him. He looked normal, bored even. It was normalcy for him. But not for Alec. He looked at the instruments the doctor was going to use on him and he knew he just couldn’t do it.

“I’m sorry… I… no” he shook his head and then jumped off the chair.

He had never in his life put on his clothes this fast. This time no one tried to stop him.

Fuck it. Alec knew how hard it’ll be but it didn’t matter at all. He couldn’t do it. He couldn’t live with that. The whole way back home he kept his arms wrapped around his middle like he wanted to protect the baby and apologize for what he wanted to do. No, getting rid of the problem did not equal solving the problem. He was young but not that stupid and it was obvious that he was madly in love with Magnus, no matter what had happened. He was still thinking about his alpha warlock. And he loved the baby already. It was part of Magnus. Part of him. He needed to find other way.

***

Jace would lie if he said he wasn’t relieved when he heard that Alec didn’t do it. He was a beta and he didn’t have any parental instincts but he knew his parabatai well enough to know how devastating it’d be for him. This choice, even though it was much harder and complicated, was just better. Alec had supportive siblings. And they were going to help him this time too.

Izzy took care of the food. She ordered it, of course. Alec was pregnant, they couldn’t risk giving him anything that could be poisonous. They sat and ate pizza in silence. Alec nibbled on it but he couldn’t force it down. The guilt and stress were taking the toll on him and his siblings were just worried. If Alec was expecting a baby then he should gain weight, not lose it.

“I think you should tell him” said Izzy, putting the slice of pizza down. “No, hear me out first” she raised her hand to silence both of her brothers. “First of all, if Magnus is the father then he deserves to know. Second, you’ll need support, Alec. You know we are here for you but raising a child is stressful and expensive.”

“Frankly…” Jace heaved a sigh. “I want to kick Bane’s ass but Izzy’s right. You should tell him, Alec. I know it must be fucking hard for you but just think about it. Magnus has his own apartment, lots of money and experience. We cannot predict how Maryse and Robert will react… we should take precautions.”

Alec looked down, feeling the familiar sting of tears in his eyes. They were right, Alec knew that. It was just… he was terrified and ashamed. And hurt. Going like that to Magnus with the big news after so many weeks apart just seemed wrong. He still had no idea how to feel about it.

“It’s just… I… I don’t know. What am I going to tell him?” he sighed, rubbing his face with the palms of his hands.

“Alec…” Izzy put a hand on his knee. “It’s not about you anymore. Think about the baby.”

“As much as I hate that warlock” Jace rolled his eyes. “You should give it a try. I mean… why did you break up in the first place? Maybe you could tell us?”

Alec pursed his lips. He didn’t want them to know. It was just embarrassing that he was so insufferable and annoying that his man had enough and cheated on him.

“He just found someone else” he muttered and then shook his head when they both gasped. “No, no. It was my fault. I… I pushed and pushed, even though he asked me to let it go and give him time. All he asked was time but I…” he exhaled. “I’m not saying he’s not guilty. But it was me who pushed him to do it.”

Jace was furious but Izzy had her doubts. So she shut Jace up and then looked Alec in the eye.

“I understand. But I think the two of you should talk. Alec, please… for both of you.”

Alec nodded his head. They needed to talk, he knew that. They should’ve done this a long time ago but of course, Alec was too stubborn and hurt to hear Magnus out. And when he finally wanted to have a conversation, Magnus no longer wanted that. But it was finally the right time to grow up and face his fears. Because Izzy was right. It wasn’t about him anymore. He had to protect the pup. Their pup. And he couldn’t do it alone.

***

He used to love visiting Magnus. Every time was like returning home after a very stressful day. However, this time he was just terrified. What was he going to say? Telling him right away didn’t seem like a good idea. Alec really didn’t have a plan. He just got up and started walking, motivated by his siblings’ words. But right now as he was standing in front of Magnus’ door he was petrified with fear. Oh, Raziel…

***

Magnus wasn’t doing so well. The breakup took its toll on him too. He became the shadow of the old Magnus the Magnificent. Just right after the breakup Magnus tried to ease his pain by drinking and going out, partying, trying to find new lovers. Nothing worked, though. Alcohol didn’t make him forget, going out didn’t have sense, partying stopped being fun, new lovers were not Alec and he just couldn’t force himself to be with them. He still loved his omega and he couldn’t believe how Alec could just abandon him like that. He trusted him and yet Alec betrayed his trust and left him without even giving Magnus a chance to explain.

The warlock became bitter. His friends tried to help him but he forbade them from going to Alec. Magnus hoped that his omega would come back to him. But… days turned into weeks and weeks into months. Alec was nowhere to be seen and Magnus decided that it was the time to move on. There was just one simple problem. He couldn’t. He was still in love with his omega. Even when he saw him with that guy that night… well, they weren’t together anymore. Alec could do anything he wanted. It just hurt Magnus that Alec forgot about him so easily.

Magnus was sitting on his favourite armchair, a glass of scotch on the rocks in hand, soft classic music playing in the background. He tried to relax, do some breathing exercises. He really tried to cope but at the same time he was fully aware that he was fooling himself. He knew how it’ll end. One glass will turn into two and then three and four and more. But he still tried!

He wasn’t expecting guests but when he heard a knock on the door he was sure it was just Catarina. The blue-skinned warlock became very protective of him and kind of suspicious as well. Magnus tried to get the information from her but nothing worked and he was too tired to be really interested. After all he knew how pitiful he looked. No makeup, no hair products, no fancy/flashy clothes. He looked just… bare. Not that he really cared. If his appearance wasn’t enough to keep Alec then it wasn’t as special as he thought. Magnus got up from the armchair with a heavy sigh and went to open the door. However, he really did not expect that particular person.

After so much time they finally met. Their eyes met and for a second Magnus’ world stopped existing. It was Alec and Alec only. He wanted to wrap his arms around the omega and hug him, hold him. But he couldn’t. No… Alec was his past. He had to move on. It was less painful this way.

“What do you want, shadowhunter? Did you forget something?”

Alec’s heart was pounding in his chest. Magnus looked so… so devastated and yet so beautiful. He wanted to cry and apologize for everything. But he didn’t do it because he knew that he didn’t deserve it. And Magnus’ cold tone confirmed it.

“No, I just… can we talk for a minute? I… I have something to tell you.”

Magnus considered it for a second and that second was enough to kindle a spark of hope in his heart. If Alec came to apologize and they could talk about this whole mess then maybe, just maybe they could start all over again! Oh, for fuck’s sake. No! No, it was over. Over for good. But he decided that he owned Alec at least that one minute of conversation. Alec didn’t grant him with it but well… he was generous that day. He stepped aside and Alec walked in.

Magnus didn’t invite him into the living room, didn’t offer him a drink or anything. He gently closed the door and then crossed his arms over his chest. Alec was at the verge of tears. Magnus was so cold, so distant. He was like a complete different person and in a mere second Alec lost all the courage he had gathered on the way to Magnus’ home.

“Are you going to stand here and waste my time?” Magnus raised his brow. It hurt him to speak this way to Alec but it was the omega’s fault.

Alec shifted his weight from one foot to another. He looked Magnus’ in the eye. Oh, those beautiful, cat eyes… so full of anger but also pain and disappointment. Alec wanted to change that, to turn those negative emotions into happiness. He really hoped that the news would do that. So he took a deep breath and blurted out.

“I’m pregnant.”

Magnus forgot how to breathe. Alec… the man he loved so much was pregnant…? His heart broke into thousand pieces. Alec was pregnant. Magnus dreamed about it for a very long time. A day when Alec would tell him they were expecting. He was so happy just thinking about it. And now he got the news but instead of happiness there was a despair, sadness… he was just devastated…

“Oh… well, congratulations.”

Alec blinked his eyes. What…?

“You… yea… it was kind of unexpected…” he tried to smile but Magnus very quickly wiped the smile off his face.

“Really, Alec?” oh, that stung. “Why, I thought you weren’t that stupid. You definitely knew that slutting around can end up in unplanned pregnancy.”

It was more humiliating than a face slap and more painful than a stab wound. Did Magnus… no… he really thought that Alec got pregnant with some random stranger? But then again… he did hook up with random strangers in front of Magnus’ eyes.

“I…”

“Why did you even come here? To humiliate me? To prove me something? Then guess what. I don’t care. Now, if you excuse me” he opened the door. “I have better things to do.”

Alec couldn’t believe it. He just looked at Magnus, tears streaming down his face. Well, that would be it. Alec got his answer and confirmation that a dream of a happy family would stay as a dream. Now that he knew what Magnus thought of him, he couldn’t ask for anything nor tell him the truth. He’d not believe him anyway. So he left.

Magnus closed the door behind him and then slid onto the floor, his back plastered to the wall as a strong fit of sobs wrecked his whole body. He hated Alec. He hated the baby. And he hated himself for being such a dick. But he couldn’t go back in time. He ended their relationship for good. It was really over.  

***

Alec didn’t remember the way back home. The Institute… the only home he’d ever get. Unless they kick him out which was more and more possible with every passing second. But right now he didn’t give a damn about that. He didn’t mind being homeless, he really couldn’t care less. What mattered was the fact that Magnus thought of him as a slut. And… and he couldn’t blame him because he really was a slut. A slut carrying Magnus’ child. But it seemed like Magnus didn’t want that. And as painful as it was Alec knew he could no longer cry and be a wuss. Magnus and he were over. But the baby was still there, growing inside Alec’s belly and the omega knew what his duty was.

Alec promised himself that he’d protect and love the baby, no matter what. Because even though Magnus hurt him, he still loved him with all his heart. Alec doubted he could ever stop loving his alpha.

The warlock didn’t want him anymore but Alec was carrying a part of him under his heart. And it was enough to give Alec the courage to fight. He’d take care of their child and perhaps one day make Magnus proud. It’d be freaking hard. But he had to be strong.

“Alec! By the angel, you look terrible!” Izzy gasped seeing her brother. “Did he hurt you?” she asked, he eyes squinted in anger. Alec forced a smile and nodded his head.

“Yea… but it’s fine. I… I will be okay.”

“I’m really going to fucking kill that son of a bitch!” Jace growled. Alec sighed and used his good reflexes to grab Jace’s sword and disarm him with one swift movement. “Alec!”

“No. You are not going anywhere. And you are not saying anything to anyone. Both of you. Magnus wants nothing to do with me. It’s fine. I mean… it hurt like fucking hell but at the same time I know I can’t break because I have this little thing to protect and no matter how much I want to cry, I can’t. No. I can no longer be weak. He or she relays on me. So… I’ll probably cry myself to sleep for the last time but right now I’m trying to find some positives…”

They were speechless. Jace truly admired Alec’s strength but at the same time he could see how unhealthy it was. Izzy heaved a sigh and then embraced her brother.

“We will help you, big bro. You’ve got this. We’ve got this.”

“Thanks, Izzy…” he put his chin on her shoulder and closed his eyes.

“And what about Maryse and Robert?” Jace whispered. “You know…”

“I won’t tell them. I’ll hide it. As long as possible.”

“Oh, Alec…”

Chapter Text

The amber liquid burned his throat. He had no idea how much time had passed but the gnawing feeling of guilt was still there, making him wake up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat with tears falling down his cheeks. Three months. It’s been three months and he still couldn’t get over what had happened. He still couldn’t believe that Alec… his Alec… his precious, beautiful omega was pregnant. With whom? How could he do this to him? Magnus loved him so much and he missed him terribly. But what could he do? Alec was pregnant with someone else’s baby. He knew he should be mad but… but he couldn’t. He was still madly in love with him.

Magnus fiddled with his phone. He wanted to text Alec but he was aware that he didn’t have any rights to do so. He acted like the worst asshole ever. He didn’t directly say that word but it was clear enough what he meant by that. Magnus closed his eyes. He knew how much that hurt. After all, Alec did call him that.

“You never tell me anything! How am I supposed to be your mate when I know nothing about your past, Magnus?!” a very angry Alec shouted at the alpha.

Magnus always appreciated his omega’s temper. It was one of the reasons why he felt in love with Alec. However, this situation was driving him crazy.

“I told you so many times, Alec! I’m not ready to share everything! I’m sorry that my life wasn’t perfect and happy. Some things hurt and I am not ready to bring all those memories!” Magnus threw his hands in the air.

“Oh, right. Sure! So when will you be ready, huh? We’ve been together for quite a long time already, Magnus! And I still have no idea who your father is or how many lovers you had had before me!” Alec yelled, taking a step forward.

“They’re all dead! For fuck’s sake, Alec! They’re all dead. Why do you need to hear who I used to love three hundred years ago! It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t mean anything! I am with you and I love only you!”

Alec crossed his arms over his chest and glowered at his alpha. Magnus looked irritated but it didn’t stop the omega. Alec was furious. Earlier that day he found a box. A box with letters. Some of them were love letters. Letters from a few centuries ago. It didn’t stop Alec from being jealous. He couldn’t bear the idea of someone loving his mate in a romantic way. He couldn’t help it.

“Oh, really?! No, you fucking don’t! If you loved me, you’d have thrown those letters away! But no! You still have them. Do you still read them? I bet you do! Do you regret I’m not one of those people?!”

He was being ridiculous. He knew that. And yet he couldn’t stop. Magnus blinked back the tears. Speaking like that of the people he used to love… doubting his love for Alec. It hurt. It hurt so much.

“Why are you doing this, Alec? You know that I love you. I never had a mate. You’re the only one I want for my mate!”

Magnus tried again. Alec took a deep breath.

“I am not going to wait, Magnus. I want to know your past. I want to know you for real!”

“You do know me! Alexander… you know that I love you. And you know that I’d never leave you. Darling…”

“No! Don’t… don’t touch me, Magnus. I think it’d be better if I leave now. I need… I need to think about it.”

Magnus didn’t follow him, he gave Alec the space he needed. However, if he only knew… because his dear Alexander did think about their relationship after all. But, he didn’t do it alone. He paid Camille a visit, unaware of her true nature and intentions. She never meant to help them. She never meant to tell the truth. She played Alec and the poor omega fell for it. Magnus couldn’t blame him but at the same time he did.

Camille was a manipulative bitch and it was no wonder that someone believed her. But… if Alec believed him, none of this would’ve happened. He didn’t believe his mate, though. They’ve been together for quite a long time and yet Alec chose to trust his mate’s ex-lover, not his mate himself. That night Alec ruined their life.

Magnus tried calling him many times, he left hundreds of messages. Alec didn’t reply, he didn’t call back. The warlock was sick of it. He didn’t know what he did wrong but the guilt and anger were too much to take. He needed to calm down and have some fun so he went to the Hunter’s Moon. He didn’t know he was being watched, though. And even after all those months Magnus still had no idea how Camille managed to pull it off.

He had a few drinks but he wasn’t drunk. Magnus had a high tolerance so it wasn’t enough to make him unconscious. However… he wished it did. Just as much as he wished Alec talked to him. He wished Alec told him about visiting Camille, his insecurities, anything! But he didn’t.

Magnus was standing outside of the bar, enjoying a cigarette when she appeared. She said something but Magnus’ brain didn’t register anything until it was too late. She was fast. Magnus was too slow. He didn’t have time to react when she crashed their lips together. Magnus gagged. He used to love her but now she was more disgusting than a toad. He knew that. Alec didn’t.

The alpha had no idea when or how Alec arrived at Hunter’s Moon. He had no idea how much of this he saw or understood. And he never had the chance to get the answers. He pushed Camille away and wiped his mouth in disgust.

She smirked. Magnus wanted to scream and hurt her. But Alec didn’t let him even take a step forward before he pushed him on the wall. His head was spinning but he was very aware of everything Alec said to him.

“So she was right, after all! You are not done with your past, Magnus! By the angel… I was so stupid… you can only think with your dick! You’re like every other alpha!”

“Alexander! I am not! I didn’t kiss her! She’s manipulating you! This… this bitch…”

“No! You’re the only one whore here.”

Magnus was left speechless. Alec turned on his heel and left. Once again, Magnus didn’t follow him.

He understood that Alec was young, insecure and unexperienced. He understood that he was jealous. He understood that Alec thought of himself like he wasn’t worth happiness. He understood that Alec loathed himself. He understood that Alec was afraid to lose him. But what he did not understand was how his smart omega could be that stupid and naïve.

He didn’t want to understand anymore, though. Magnus was hurt. The words were more painful than a stab wound. And yet there were days when he wanted nothing more but to call Alec and explain himself. And then he would realize he wasn’t the one who was at fault. He loved Alec. He wished to spend the rest of his life with the omega. He dreamed about a family with Alexander. But Alec didn’t want him.

Magnus heaved a deep sigh and took another sip of whiskey. Five months and two weeks. It happened over five months ago and Magnus still couldn’t come to terms with that. It was so stupid! If they could only talk… but Alec never called him and the pain was piling up until he finally snapped. Magnus never meant to call Alec a slut, though. His omega wasn’t a slut. He was just lost… a very lost, very naïve, stupid young man. He made a mistake but he couldn’t apologize for it. It was too late, anyway. Alec was expecting a child. A child that could be their own. Magnus sighed again and then threw his phone on the table.

Back then Alec thought he was doing the right thing. He was sure he did the right thing. But now he knew it was a complete bullshit. The pregnancy did wonders to his mind. He grew up, he became more mature and definitely more intelligent. The whole situation taught him to first think and then do, right in that order. And that was the main reason why he understood how badly he had hurt his mate.

He was lost, insecure and afraid but he had no rights to treat Magnus like shit. The warlock needed more time and patience, understanding! But Alec gave him none. He had many demands but didn’t give much in return. He felt like an asshole. Magnus was incredible, loving and caring. Alec loved him to the moon and back. But it didn’t mean anything anymore. Magnus was sick of him and Alec wasn’t surprised. He was sick of himself too.

He missed Magnus and that was why he followed him to the clubs, watched him. And every time he wanted to approach him, to explain everything and just talk. But he was too proud for that. He was too hotheaded. Too hurt and definitely too ashamed of his behavior. Magnus deserved so much more. And if Camille could give him that, then he was happy for him.

It was fucking ridiculous and he knew that! The past five months were terrible and Alec wanted nothing more but to tell Magnus the truth. He didn’t do it, though. He never had the time nor energy. The pregnancy wasn’t an easy one and he was always exhausted. It didn’t mean he was free of his duty. After all, no one could know about his condition.

Alec managed to hide the symptoms and the growing baby bump that was already very visible. Loose sweaters did the job and since he always wore sweaters, no one got suspicious. Alec hoped it’d stay like this until the end. But the universe truly hated him.

He still didn’t have enough money to rent an apartment. He also realized he didn’t have enough talent to do any well-paid job. On top of that, the labor in a mundane hospital cost fortune. Alec couldn’t even afford it and with every passing day he became more and more afraid he’d have to give birth in a backyard. Just great.

“Alec!” Jace approached him. “It’s not good, bro… very not good…”

“Huh?” Alec raised his brow. “What’s…”

“Robert and Maryse are back!” he blurted out. “Alec, I’m so sorry. I had no idea they were coming today!”

Alec cursed under his breath. He knew it’d happen one day but he really hoped he had more time. Oh well, he and his luck. Alec grabbed Jace’s hand and dragged him into his office. He needed to calm down and somehow Jace’s presence always helped him do that. Alec took a deep breath. He still didn’t have any plan and his excuses were worse than bad. For three months he didn’t go on any mission, training, patrol, nothing. He couldn’t. He was left with paperwork since it was the only things that wouldn’t harm the baby. But his parents had no idea he was expecting. And he really hoped it could stay like this.

There was a knock on the door. Alec didn’t have time to say anything before his parents entered the room. Jace tensed and by instinct, he stood in front of Alec.

“Oh, we were not expecting you!” he faked a smile.

Maryse eyed him from head to toe and then raised her brow. Robert cleared his throat.

“You’re oddly energetic today, Jonathan” he said and Jace flinched. “I can’t say the same about you, Alexander” he squinted his eyes.

Alec was fucked and he knew that. He decided to try playing dumb. After all, he was a dumbass so it shouldn’t be this hard. He highly doubted it would work but it was worth a try.

“Hello father” he bowed his head a little and then addressed Maryse. “Mother. It’s nice to see you after such a long time.”

Oh no, Alec wasn’t angry they were absent for so long. He wasn’t a child anymore.

“Stop with the pleasantries. We came here because we heard that you, Alexander, are not doing any active job. We understand that you are an omega and every few months you are unable to complete your duty but that has gotten too far.”

Alec bit his bottom lip when Robert folded his arms, still glaring at his son. Jace cleared his throat.

“That’s… generous of you to be so concerned about Alec but… he’s doing fine. I have no idea what you’re talking about. Who said that? Raj? That little fucker hates Alec because Alec rejected him. It’s obvious he’s going to do everything to cause him trouble!”

“That’s enough!” Robert snapped and Jace shut his mouth. “It’s not only Raj. Of course we asked other people as well. And they’re saying the same thing. We want to know why.”

“We won’t leave until we know why.”

Jace looked at his brother. The concern in his eyes was visible and Alec really wanted to hug him. It was sweet how much Jace wanted to protect him. But… it was a futile effort. This was never going to work and he should have known that. Playing dumb didn’t work. Alec exhaled heavily. He really could come up with something but it wouldn’t benefit him at all. His parents would send him to do field work, demon hunting, or worse. And Alec just couldn’t do that. He had to protect his kid and going straight into the demons’ nest was definitely more dangerous than… oh well, maybe not more dangerous but in the Institute he still had chance to keep the baby. Out there… not really. He heard that demon’s ichor and poison could severely damage the fetus and Alec wanted his baby to be healthy. Even if he had to run away and never come back, it was still better than taking the risk.

“I’m pregnant” he blurted out, his voice lacking any emotions. Jace held his breath.

Maryse and Robert were left speechless but with each passing second the man’s face became redder and redder. Maryse was furious as well.

“Who’s the father?” she spoke first.

Alec ducked his head. He couldn’t tell them the truth. Magnus didn’t want to do anything with him and that he had to respect. So he chose the worse option – lying.

“I…” he sighed. “I don’t know. I… I was drunk during a party… don’t remember much…”

A moment later he was grateful that he dragged Jace into this. If it wasn’t for his brother, Robert would have punched him. Or worse. Alec took a step back and Jace pushed Robert away.

“For fuck’s sake, watch what you’re doing!” he snapped. “I always knew you were a shitty person but hurting an unborn child? Are you out of your goddamn mind?!”

Jace raised his voice. He didn’t care if someone heard him or not. However, Maryse did.

“Enough!” she exclaimed. “That’s… that’s enough” she glowered at Robert, making sure he stayed quiet. She didn’t chastise him for attacking their son, though. “That… what you did, Alexander is… irresponsible. I hope you know that you tarnished our name. What a disgrace…” she clicked her tongue.

Alec put his hand on Jace’s shoulder. The beta was shaking with rage but Alec didn’t want him to get in trouble. He cleared his throat.

“I know that. But… it’s already too late to terminate the pregnancy, so…”

“How long?”

“Five months. Five months and two weeks” he rubbed his temples. “I… I understand that you’ll want to strip me off my marks and that’s okay. But after the baby is born.”

Alec knew he wasn’t in a place to make conditions but well, he didn’t care. It wasn’t about him anymore. He wanted to deliver the baby. He had to make sure no harm was done to it. Maryse clenched her fists. Robert looked like he wanted to seriously injure Alec but Jace was still shielding his brother.

“That bastard can’t be born! How do you even imagine that?!”

“I will let you strip me off my marks. I’ll move out. You can fake my death, I don’t care…”

“That shame you’ll bring upon our name!”

Alec closed his eyes. Why the hell was it the most important thing? The name?! What the hell! He was pregnant with their grandchild. They didn’t have to be happy but the kid was innocent. Why did they want to kill him?!

“Robert, calm down” Maryse spoke, this time she was almost calm. Almost. “We can actually make this situation useful. But you, Alec, will have to cooperate.”

“What’s the solution, mother?” Alec asked, not sure if he wanted to know.

“We will fake it, just as you said. The Morgensterns owe us a debt. Valentine has a son, an alpha. We can arrange your marriage. We can fake the pregnancy was unplanned but the baby belongs to him. You were secretly dating and now you want to make it official.”

Alec didn’t like it at all but… well, it was a solution. A bad one but still.

“What will happen with the baby?” he asked quietly.

“We will get rid of that the moment it’s born. I assume he won’t want to raise someone’s bastard. That’s pretty fair” he looked at her husband. “What do you think?”

“Morgensterns are powerful. The marriage indeed can be good. But when they find out… you’re such a failure, Alec!”

“You can’t do this to him! And show him some respect!” Jace snapped. What the fuck?! He couldn’t believe it was happening!

“That’s already decided, Jonathan. Besides, we are showing mercy. We’re letting him have this baby…”

“Just to kill it a moment after it’s born!” Jace cried.

“That cannot be helped, Jonathan. Alexander is right. It’s too late to get a safe abortion and if he wants to be mated in the future, he needs to be able to carry children. At this point an abortion could really damage the womb” Maryse crossed her arms over her chest. “ Alexander, you ought to stay here and do… whatever you have to do. I’m going to send a fire message to Valentine. Robert, help me with it.”

Alec looked at the closed door. Arranged marriage… he could live with that. But if they though he was going to let them kill his baby…

“Alec, don’t worry. I… I also have a plan. We will work it out, I promise.”

“We must protect my blueberry, Jace…”

“And we will.”

Alec hasn’t been crying for three months. But right now he couldn’t stop the tears.

Chapter Text

He was truly, royally fucked. A few more days passed but he didn’t come up with any plan. Jace and Izzy were drilling a hole in his stomach to finally speak to Magnus but Alec was stubborn and scared so he kept on ignoring his siblings. Magnus made himself clear that he didn’t want anything to do with Alec. Why couldn’t they understand that already and let him breathe?

But on the other hand he knew they were right. And he didn’t have the rights to snap at them. They didn’t know the whole truth and yet they supported him and tolerated his annoying ass. He actually felt bad for being such a burden to his siblings. Izzy was doing everything in her power to save as much money as possible and Jace didn’t even sleep, trying to come up with an escape plan. They were doing so much for him and Alec could do nothing in return. Well… actually, he could contact Magnus. But he was just scared to hear more hurtful words.

The Morgensterns arrived in the afternoon. The whole meeting was supposed to be kept a secret. After all, they had quite a lot of lies to make up. Alec didn’t care anymore. His baby’s safety was the only thing he cared about but still, he was at the verge of a mental breakdown. Alec didn’t know Morgensterns but he knew how most alphas were and it was enough to make him extremely nervous. What if the alpha would want to hurt his pup? Alec took a deep breath. His parents weren’t helping at all.

Maryse wasn’t even looking at him. He was grateful for that because Robert was doing enough staring, the disgust visible on his face. Alec had to admit that it was painful but at the same time, he knew his parents. They were never supportive nor understanding. And now when he was pregnant, he really couldn’t understand that. Alec already knew he’d love the baby and accept his or her choices, no matter what. There was a possibility that the baby would turn out to be a little warlock and Alec was aware how self-conscious they could get when it came to their warlock marks. He wasn’t going to let that happen. His baby was already perfect. Marks or not. Healthy or sick. He’d never abandon it.

“You better behave, Alexander” Maryse broke the tense silence. “Morgensterns don’t have a choice. They have to agree to our terms but it doesn’t mean you are allowed to bring us even more shame. Are we clear?”

“Crystal” Alec muttered, his hand resting on one side of his belly.

“Stop touching that” Robert snarled. “You’re disgusting.”

“He’s right. There’s no need to get attached to that bastard. You better ignore its existence.”

Alec felt the urge to punch his own mother. She was a woman, a mother herself! She had children and yet she still was capable of speaking such awful things! Alec wished he could leave and never come back. He spent his whole life trying to be the perfect soldier they wanted him to be and now what? It wasn’t worth it. It was never worth it. He was never going to meet their expectations. But right now it wasn’t even that devastating. There was a new life right under his heart and they expected him to ignore it? After twenty years Alec finally realized that his parents were monsters. Alec was always their toy, their weapon. Never a son they cared about. He didn’t know, if it was possible to change but even if, he knew one thing. They were never going to meet his child.

He wanted to answer but then the door opened and their guest walked in, Izzy and Jace following them. Alec recognized his new mate right away. The man was tall, not as tall as Magnus but still tall. Blond hair so light it was almost white. And well, he was really handsome, Alec couldn’t deny that. He wasn’t Magnus, though.

“Just so you know, Lightwoods” Valentine cleared his throat. “I am not pleased with the agreement. We’re doing this only because we have to.”

“We’re rich, Morgenstern. You know we, Lightwoods, are powerful. The agreement will benefit you greatly.”

“It’ll bring a shame upon us” he growled and then shot Alec a glare. “We’re not letting this bastard into our family.”

“We do know that. We’re letting him have the… ekhm, just because it’s too late for abortion” Maryse sighed. “I assume you know what you must say, Sebastian?”

Sebastian had a fake smile plastered to his face. He wasn’t fooling anyone with it.

“Of course, ma’am. I know my role, don’t worry. I’ll take care of your son.”

“Whatever” Robert flinched with a  grimace when Sebastian called Alec his son and then addressed the older alpha. “We’ve discussed everything. No one can know the truth. They were dating in secret. The bastard belongs to Sebastian for now but we will get rid of it right after it’s born. They’ll mate afterwards and Alec will birth him as many children as he will want.”

“We will only accept alpha children.”

“Then they’ll be trying as long as possible. After all, omegas are only meant to spread their legs and bear children.”

Izzy grabbed Jace’s wrist and clasped her second hand over his mouth. She wanted to scream as well but she knew they had to behave. At least for now. Alec’s scent betrayed his true feelings but no one paid him any attention. If he was unhappy then well, it was only his problem. He brought it upon himself. And with that, Alec couldn’t really argue.

“You better play your role right, both of you” Maryse squinted her eyes. “That or I’ll strip you off your marks myself” she added, venom dripping with every word she said.

“Yes, mother.”

Alec felt so empty. Magnus used to always tell him that he was incredible, amazing and important. But right now it all felt like a bunch of lies. They treated him like shit. Like he wasn’t even worth being in the same room as them. And what’s worse, he actually believed them.

“You owe me a drink, Robert. A strong one” Valentine sighed and then looked at Sebastian. “If you want to fuck this whore now you better make sure everyone hears him. It’ll help with the plan.”

Sebastian’s brow twitched but the fake smile was still there. He nodded his head.

“You’re such a burden” Maryse hissed though her teeth as they left the room.

Alec, Sebastian, Jace and Izzy stayed in the office. Jace finally freed himself from Izzy’s grip and approached Sebastian. He was a beta but a fierce one. He pushed the alpha on the desk and bared his teeth. Izzy gasped and Alec called his name but the blonde didn’t care. He gripped Sebastian’s shirt and raised him up by his lapels.

“You fucking dick! Don’t you dare touch my brother or angel help me, you’ll beg for death. And I’ll make sure it won’t come” he growled, his scent and aura so ominous that his siblings didn’t even dare to come closer.

However, Sebastian only blinked and then a real smile appeared on his face. He whistled.

“My, my, who do we got here? What’s your name, little beta?”

Jace threw him over the desk. The alpha hit the floor with a loud thud.

“That’s enough!” Izzy exclaimed. “Jace, calm the fuck down!”

“Jace, please” Alec groaned.

Just great. If the situation wasn’t bad enough. Alec was sure the alpha will make his life a living hell now. The omega rubbed his baby bump. He knew the kid was also nervous and it was all his fault. It had to end finally.

Jace panted heavily. He knew he fucked up but he just couldn’t control himself. He couldn’t do much to his parents but this one? This one he could eliminate and protect his brother from. Sebastian chuckled as he stood up.

“That was quite impressive” he licked his lips. “But I think we must first stick to the plan and then have some fun, hmm?” he tilted his head to the side.

“We will know if you hurt him. And trust me, I’m way worse than my brother” Izzy was calm but somehow even more scary than Jace.

“I think it’s time to leave” he crossed his arms over his chest.

Izzy hated that but he was right. They had to go. She hugged Alec and then Jace did the same. Alec hugged them back. He was tense and scared but at the same time he felt extreme pride for his siblings. They were younger than him but they were fearless. He used to be the same when he didn’t have to care about any innocent being.

They were alone in the office. Sebastian eyed the omega and then sighed.

“Show me your room.”

Alec felt sick. He knew what it meant and well… he thought he was ready for that but… but he really wasn’t. He nodded his head and then left the office. He led Sebastian to his room, not speaking a single word to him on the way there. It was already obvious they won’t have any subjects to talk to. Not that Alec wanted to talk to him in the first place. They were both victims and the omega could easily tell that Sebastian wasn’t happy with the situation either.

He closed the door. Sebastian walked inside the room and Alec sighed. He really didn’t want it. His body belonged to Magnus and right now it was a safe temple for their child. But it was his duty. He tried to convince himself that it was the only option, the best option. He heaved a sigh and then started unbuttoning his shirt.

“What are you doing?” Sebastian raised his brow at him. “It’s not that warm to get undressed.”

“What…?” Alec blinked. He knew he was tired but deaf? Hallucinating? That was new.

“What what?”

“I…” Alec licked his lips. Was it some kind of a game? “I mean… you heard your father. We are supposed to… and I’m an omega… I thought…”

“That I am some puppet without a free will and will fuck you as my daddy told me?” he finished for him and wow, it actually did sting.

“I… ugh… yea? I mean… that’s the reason you are here, after all.”

“No” he sighed. “I am here because our parents are douchebags who think they can control us. I mean, I don’t care how you live your life but I’m not doing that.”

“Oh…” Alec didn’t really know how to feel. At first he felt the relief but then… was he that ugly that Sebastian didn’t even want him? “But… how are you going to carry out their plan?”

“I’m not” he shrugged his shoulders. “Look, I’m not mother Theresa but frankly, killing newborns isn’t my hobby. Rape isn’t my hobby, either.”

Alec nodded his head. He still couldn’t believe him, though. After all, Sebastian was a Morgenstern.

“But they expect you to have children.”

“And I don’t give a fuck about that” he rolled his eyes. “I hate brats. And well, look. I’m not saying that you are unattractive or something because you are pretty cute. But your personality… maybe someone likes it, I don’t” he flopped on the bed and Alec just stood there, his mouth hanging open.

“Am I dreaming…?”

“I’m not pinching you” he muttered. “Or…”

“No, wait” Alec shook his head. “What game you’re playing? You won’t tell me that you don’t give a damn about all of this!”

“And why is that?”

“Because… because you’re… you’re his son!” Alec exclaimed.

Sebastian rubbed his eyes and then sat up on Alec’s bed.

“I am. And I hate that. My father is a scumbag and trust me, I’m going to stab him between his eyes the moment I can” he squinted his eyes. “He terrorized me and my mother. And I’m not letting him do it again. Besides, as I said, rape isn’t fun.”

Alec glitched for a moment. It made sense. He heard the rumors. Morgenstern bullied and harassed his own family. But Alec never thought that his son wasn’t the same as he. Turns out he was wrong.

“Okay… let’s say I believe you” he said carefully and Sebastian nodded. “But we are still going to pretend?” he had to know. It was too important.

“I guess we have to” he stretched his arms. “And I will but first… I need you to tell me something.”

“Depends.”

Sebastian snorted.

“That beta… Jace, was he?” Alec nodded. “He’s your brother? You’re not very similar…”

“He’s adopted. Why are you asking about Jace?”

“Because he’s the mate I am looking for” he said bluntly and Alec was left speechless.

He didn’t know what was worse.

In the meantime Jace and Izzy had no idea what was really happening in Alec’s room. And finally, Jace had enough. He grabbed his phone and dialed the number he wanted to call for the last five months.

“Jace! We can’t!” Izzy protested.

“Izzy! I am not sitting here and doing nothing when he may get hurt! I have enough! Have you seen him? I know he’s trying but he barely eats, sleeps and he looks sick in general! Someone needs to take care of him. He doesn’t listen to us. He will listen to him, though.”

Jace waited.

Magnus woke up with a raging hangover, hearing the ringtone. He has been ignoring all calls for too long. Not that he cared. He was going to ignore this one too but then he saw who was calling him. Magnus’ heart started beating faster and he sat upright, hitting the green button.

“What happened?” he asked. His voice slurred but it didn’t matter.

“Are you drunk?” Jace pinched the bridge of his nose.

“Not anymore… I think so. Why are you calling me?” he cleared his throat and then snapped his fingers. A glass of water appeared in his hand.

“It’s about Alec…” Jace bit his bottom lip. “They found out about the baby. They’re arranging a marriage for him but… they want him to marry Morgenstern!” Jace exhaled loudly. “Look, Magnus. I know that you’re upset and you have all the rights but please, if you still care about him at least a little, please, I beg of you, come to the institute!”

Jace sounded desperate. Magnus cursed under his breath. Shit… he didn’t know how to feel about it but if Jace called him after such a long time then the situation was definitely very bad. And well… he still loved Alec. If he could help, then maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea to go there…

“I’ll be there tomorrow.”

“Thank fuck.”

“The flattery will get you everywhere.”

He hung up. Shit…