I hadn't realized over two weeks had passed since I first arrived at the house. I'd mostly stopped keeping track of the days, unless Ben made a point of drawing our attention to the date or something.
But when I woke up in an unusual situation, it forced me to do the math.
The first thing I realized was that my thigh was cold. Which was weird because the room was warm, and I slept under a light blanket, so feeling cold hadn't ever been a problem before.
It took me rolling out of bed and pulling the blanket back to realize the sheet had a wet spot. A wet spot that I... must have made. Because how else would it have gotten there.
It took me a moment to piece everything together, because as an adult in his mid-twenties I'd stopped considering this a possibility.
But of course, it made a certain kind of sense.
For some reason I felt embarrassed. I looked over at Jordan, who was sitting up in bed, yawning, and wondered if it had ever happened to him. It must have, right? Human bodies all worked the same?
When he got up and our eyes met I suddenly realized he was wearing his usual sleep boxers and... a collar. A light brown, leather collar around his neck.
He'd been with Ben the night before, I'd spent it at the library reading some kind of fantasy book about vampires.
"Wow," I said, before I could think about it, clearly looking at his neck.
His complexion was too dark for a blush to show easily, but he look away as if slightly embarrassed, and his eyes landed on my bed.
"Huh," he said, looking at the wet stain.
"Shit," I said, remembering it was there.
"That's not piss, right?" he asked, looking a little concerned.
"No!" I said. I was pretty sure I hadn't pissed myself in my sleep for no reason. "I think I... you know. Had a wet dream, or whatever. Except minus the dream, because I don't remember anything."
"Huh," he said again.
"Is this... how it's gonna work now?" I asked. "I mean I guess it's inevitable, right?"
"Nah," Rob said, from the other side of the room. He was standing by his bed, stretching. If I remembered correctly, he'd been here for almost two months. "It's up to you if you want it to happen."
"It is?" I asked.
"Yeah," Jordan said. "I guess that's true."
"What's going on?" Brandon said, walking in from one of the two bathrooms, toweling off his face.
"Alex jizzed in his sleep," Rob said, heading for the bathroom himself.
"Oh, yeah?" Brandon said. "First time?"
"Yeah, first time!" I said. "I've only been here... like two weeks!" I said, doing the math in my head for the first time.
"Yeah, guess that makes sense," Brandon said, putting on a shirt. "Anyway, if you want it to stop, talk to Ben."
"Really?" I said. "How's he going to make it stop?"
A part of me was afraid the answer would be that Ben would take off my cock cage and let me come, if I wanted to. Everything I knew about the house said that wouldn't be the case, but a small part of me didn't want to know if there were exceptions possible.
"He's got ways, man," Brandon said, smiling. "Or at least Chris does. I'm sure Ben does too." He looked at Jordan and added: "haven't you asked Ben about that? You've been here long enough, right?"
Jordan shrugged. "I'm fine with the occasional wet spot."
I waited to talk to Ben about it until after breakfast. We were in the gym this morning, too hot to go for a run, apparently. He had us lifting weights, me working on my calves.
He was his usual encouraging self. When one of the sets was over and he let me catch my breath, handing me a water bottle, I tried to swallow back my embarrassment and ask.
This guy had been jerking me off and putting my dick on ice for two weeks now. He had to know what the natural consequence would be.
"So, uh," I said. "Something happened overnight. I woke up and..."
It was like he could see me struggling, so he filled in the rest. "Your body released some fluids while you slept? Seminal fluids?"
His way of putting it threw me off. I had to make sure we understood each other. "Yeah, I think I... I might have come, while I was asleep."
"Highly unlikely," Ben said, smiling. "It hasn't been that long and the amount of discharge is usually not very significant. It's not like when you were a kid."
"So uh, do I just... ignore it?" I asked.
"If it bothers you, there's things we could do," Ben said. "Do you want to avoid it happening in the future?"
"Uh, yes," I said. Waking up in a wet spot was disconcerting and I didn't want to do it again.
"Alright," Ben sat back. "The best way to make it stop is by massaging your prostate."
"What?" I said, not expecting him to say that.
"You've told you've had anal sex before, right?" Ben said. "The prostate is how you get--"
"I know what a prostate is!" I said. "But isn't it like... touching my prostate is how I've had an orgasm, before."
"Yeah. Same for touching your dick," Ben said. "Doesn't have to go that way."
Jordan was breathing heavily at the other end of the room, pulling on two handles and using his biceps to lift and lower weight off the floor.
"So, you want to... massage my prostate?" I said.
"If you want me to. That would be the most effective method of not having any more wet dreams."
"All right," I said, after contemplating it for a moment.
"Great," Ben said. "We can do it after lunch."
I'd never known that having Ben all to myself was an option, without going into the restricted areas. But after lunch he asked Chris to take Jordan until dinner, and Jordan didn't complain, just joined Brandon and Rob when they left the dining room.
He was still wearing the collar. I hadn't managed to ask him about it, and Ben hadn't mentioned it. Just acted like it had always been there.
After we ate Ben took me back to the bedroom I shared with the other guys. I expected him to tell me to change, or get something, but instead he led the way to one of the bathrooms, and started arranging towels and cushions on the floor.
"Uh, we're doing this here?" I asked.
"I think it's a good space for a first time," Ben said, on his knees on the floor, facing away from me. "Feels more private and safe to you than the rest of the house, I'm assuming. And we're guaranteed not to get interrupted."
I didn't know what to say about his first comment. He was right, I did think of the bedroom and bathrooms as more private than the rest of the house, since I'd never actually seen the staff come in here while anyone was inside. I didn't know about safe. Everywhere in the house felt pretty safe to me.
"Come here," Ben said. "Let's start with the easiest position and see where it takes us. Down on your knees, you can rest your head on your arms."
I went down, sticking my ass up in the air, resting on my folded arms. I realized he'd never told me to get undressed.
"Gonna pull these down now," Ben said, and slowly pulled down my gym shorts, just enough to reveal my ass but not all the way down to my knees.
I'd never been in this position in front of him. Usually he was in front of me, my dick was the focus. I was suddenly aware of how I hadn't showered since that morning. How the waxer wasn't coming for another four days and I had no idea how I looked from this angle.
I didn't used to give a shit how I looked. Ben had never told me that waxing my whole groin region pleased him. Why was I suddenly so nervous?
"Relax, pal," Ben said, running a hand up my lower back, pushing back my shirt. "You're doing so good. No stress here, no expectations. We're just experimenting to see what works."
He pulled my cheeks apart, and I tried to drown my face in my arms. Fuck. I didn't know he'd do that, although of course it made perfect sense.
His thumb rubbed over my hole and I squeezed my eyes shut and gritted my teeth to avoid making noise.
"All good here," he said, quietly. "You don't have to worry."
His voice was like a full body shudder. Standing here on all fours, legs spread, cheeks spread, his thumb rubbing over my hole... I'd never even had a boyfriend do this. Not so slowly and deliberately.
"Take a deep breath, please," Ben said, and I obliged.
"There you go," I heard him say. I also heard other sounds, wet, squishy sounds. He was squeezing out lube.
His finger, thinner than a thumb, was at my opening now.
"A super deep breath, Alex," he murmured.
I inhaled, and on the exhale his finger slid inside. Just a tiny bit, I could barely feel it, but it was there.
He pushed ahead, slippery, and god, it felt weird and awesome. I'd almost forgotten how this felt, it had been so long. Nearly two years since Asif and I had broken up. Two fucking years of occasional handjobs and blowjobs, though mostly towards the end, when I was going out and getting truly wasted, when I could barely tell who--
"Breathe deep for me," Ben said.
I did. I tried to. I tried to put all the memories away and focus on this, here: a clean, safe space. A good person I trusted. Everything else could wait. That was the point of this place, after all. A vacation from being a productive member of society.
"I need you to relax," Ben was saying, as his finger pushed slowly forward, until it hit a spot in me that made me grunt. I remembered that spot, remembered how being touched there felt, barely. But now I was slowly remembering.
"There we go," Ben said. "That's good. We're going to go so slow, if you want to fall asleep on me you can. I just want you to keep breathing slow and steady, and try to let your muscles relax."
"Shit," I said, closing my eyes.
His finger brushed back and forth against that spot, I could feel the rest of his hand pressed against me. It was his middle finger, in me the whole way.
Being here like this, so open, so still, just letting him touch me and make me feel the sparks of pleasure his finger kept delivering, it was so much. My breath started to hitch, but I forced myself to take an extra deep breath and get back into the rhythm. I tried to unclench my stomach, my leg muscles. I tried to lose myself in the feeling of my chest expanding with every breath. The bathroom wasn't cold, but I was sure my nipples were hard.
At least my cock still felt soft, inside its cage. The pleasure Ben was giving me was like a liquid, spreading through my limbs in weak little pulses, but not concentrating in my cock.
"Can you talk to me?" Ben asked, his finger continuing its slow massage, backwards and forwards. "Or would you rather concentrate on just breathing?"
"What..." I gasped. "What do you want me to say?"
"Tell me how you feel," Ben said.
"It feels..." I tried to think, licked my dry lips, put my forehead against my arms. "Like you're rolling out a kink I didn't know I had. Except I feel it... everywhere. Not just a specific muscle."
"Kind of like a knot, right?" Ben asked.
"I guess," I said, and then paused for a few breaths. "Except you're never gonna untie it, are you? It'll just keep being in there, and you'll keep pushing, until... until..."
"Until you get what you want," Ben said, quietly, his other hand caressing my side.
I shifted so my eyes were against my arms, curving my spine to push back against him slightly, and Ben's hand moved to be a steadying presence on my back. His finger kept rubbing, and rubbing. At some point he pulled it out, and I could hear him doing something with a towel and more lube, and then his other hand, his other finger was inside me, and the previous one was holding onto my back.
"Cramps?" I asked, smiling at the thought.
Ben laughed. "It's good to switch occasionally, yeah. I think we have some time to go, yet." His finger kept pushing, from a slightly new angle, back and forth, pressing against that spot, sending echoes and echoes of faint pleasure that never coalesced into anything more.
At some point, after some length of time I couldn't determine, the hand on my back slid down, past my opening and down to my balls. Ben caressed them and I moaned.
"How do these feel?" Ben asked.
"Shit," I said. "Heavy."
It was the same feeling I'd had when Ben riled me up, whenever he got me close to coming. Except this time my dick was soft.
Ben kept rubbing and suddenly I felt another feeling I'd forgotten about.
"Feels like I need to piss," I said, grimacing. "Real bad."
"That's fine," Ben said, and changed the angle of his finger again. "Don't worry about it."
It had happened to me before, while fucking. Something about the bladder and the prostate being close to each other, or the prostate pushing against the bladder sometimes if it stimulated, or something like that. I remembered how freaked out I was about it the first time it happened.
"Yeah, I know," I said, my words sounded almost slurred. How long had I been here on this floor? It felt like an eternity, and I didn't mind at all. "Not my first time."
I could hear Ben chuckle behind me. "Such a good boy," he said. "Is it better now?" he asked.
"Not really," I said, licking my lips again. I wanted this torture to be over. I wanted it to go on forever.
"That's fine, we're almost done," he said. The hand on my balls was gone, and then it reappeared again, and I could feel pressure against my cage, and then it was open, and Ben was pulling it away, putting it down on the floor under me.
I made a sound of protest, but Ben's hand was quick to caress my back again. "Shh, it's fine, you're OK," he said. "No accidents will be allowed to happen, but we need to be safe, which means taking a little break."
I felt my balls even more now, how heavy and drawn up they were. It was surreal to feel that without even having an erection.
Ben's finger kept rubbing me over and over, while his other hand grabbed my dick gently, with just two fingers, right at the base, and squeezed down.
Nothing changed at first, but then I started feeling liquid, like warm syrup, sliding down the inside of my dick, leaking from the tip.
I wanted to howl, to tear the towels to pieces, but instead I just clenched my fists and breathed harshly.
"I know it feels weird," Ben said, without letting go of my dick or taking his finger away. "Deep breaths, come on, it'll help."
I tried to breathe deeper, and it did help settle me a little. Something in me felt so panicked, and I didn't know why. What was happening to my body? What had Ben done to me? I wanted to cry, I wanted to growl.
"Look at that," Ben was saying. "Look at all this stuff coming out of you, look how amazing you've been."
The words helped, for whatever reason. I squeezed my eyes again, and felt wetness there. I bit my lip. This was nothing like the restricted area. There were no spectators here, Ben hadn't chosen me for this - I'd asked for it - and we were in a place I knew so well, there was no escaping anything here. It was like I was too awake, too aware of everything, and it made my skin burn.
Ben's fingers kept gently squeezing my cock, which was still soft, at least. The liquid coming out of me felt even thicker now.
"Ben, please," I said.
"What do you need, champ?" he said, sounding completely serious. "We're almost done, I promise. Just a minute longer. Can you hold on for a minute?"
I nodded, though I didn't know if he could see me.
"If you could see yourself right now," Ben said, casually. "Staying so still for this, all this stuff coming out of you, no fuss whatsoever. You make me really proud."
I squeezed my eyes tighter, letting the words wash over me, cool down the warmth I felt all over.
Thick liquid kept dripping out of my cock, with Ben's guiding finger, until I didn't feel it anymore. Ben pulled my cock down a few more times, but nothing came out.
"Just give me two secs," Ben said, his finger pulling out of me.
I felt like a doll whose strings were cut. Like I should have just collapsed on myself, not sure how to get up again.
Ben wiped my ass, my balls, my dick, with a wet towel, and then dried them gently, before putting the cage back where it belonged.
I was still breathing heavily.
He pulled up my shorts, which made me whimper.
"Come on, it's all over," he said, smiling, as he reached out a hand and helped me get up.
Again, it was nothing like upstairs. None of the ritual, none of the haze.
"Come on," Ben said, pulling me back to the bedroom.
I collapsed on my bed, and Ben sat next to me. His hands ran over my face, my arms, my hips. I wasn't sure if they were meant to be caresses, or ways to make sure I was OK.
"How are you feeling?" he said, after a few minutes.
"Tired," I said. "And... embarrassed. I don't know why I reacted like that." It was easy to meet his eyes now, to tell him the truth. My breathing had calmed down, and I felt like myself again. So, so different from how it worked upstairs.
"Everyone reacts differently," Ben said. "Some guys hate it, some love it. You don't have to do it again if you don't want to."
I swallowed. "If I did want to do it again... how often would it have to happen so I don't wake up on a wet sheet?"
Ben thought for a minute. "It's very individual, but I'd say at least once every two to three weeks." He patted my arm. "Which means you have some time to make up your mind."
"Thank you," I said, suddenly feeling awkward. What happened now? Did we go back to working out? What about Jordan?
"It's almost dinner time," Ben said, getting up. "I think you've had enough excitement for today. Rest for a while, I'll have Jordan come get you when it's time to eat."
"OK," I said. "Is it always like this? Do you just rearrange your schedule for stuff like this?"
Ben gave me an easy smile. "Stuff like this is always part of the schedule. And we mix up who gets to spend time with who for all kinds of reasons. Don't worry about it."
He walked towards the door and I curled up on the bed, getting used to my body again, trying to determine whether it felt different now. Emptier? Lighter? I closed my eyes for a moment, because I did feel tired all of a sudden, like all the adrenaline had left me crashing. The next time I opened them Jordan was shaking me away, telling me dinner was ready.