When they got back to the hotel Jared followed Jensen into his room, ignoring his own.
His shoulders were sagging, nervous misery in his entire body language. Jensen closed the door behind both of them and marched over to the window, radiating fury from every fibre.
Jared sat on the edge of the bed and waited, knowing that Jensen also needed time to unwind from finishing such panels as much as he needed time to get into them.
After a minute of deep and heavy breathing Jensen unclenched his fists and turned to Jared. His eyes softened at once.
“I am sorry Jay.”
Jared looked up startled. “Why? I am the one who is sorry! I just couldn’t ….I just can’t handle these kind of questions out of the blue Jen. I am sorry.” he looked downcast again.“After all these years and I still can’t do it. I just let you down. Every. Time. I let everyone down.” He mumbled.
Even before he finished talking Jensen was in front of him, kneeling down and tilting his chin up so they were looking into each other’s eyes.
“Jay. I am sorry that we have to keep doing this. The hiding, the lies, the pretense. It’s not your fault and you didn’t do anything wrong. Do you know how many times we have soft outed ourselves in the last couple of years?!” Jensen shook his head and even managed a half smile. “People believe what they want to. The eyes cannot see what the mind does not know.” He leaned in and kissed Jared on the lips, softly. “It wasn’t as bad as you think.”
“I hate it.” Jared said, still miserable. “That I have to say all those things and pretend it isn’t you. I want to be able to say them openly about you one day. To tell everyone how you are ‘the one’ for me. Always have been. Always will be.”
“I know.” Jensen replied, standing up and pulling Jared up, then holding him with his arms around his waist. “I know” and he kissed him again. He was grinning as he air quoted him back. “You said “A lot of people have a tough time figuring out. You have no way to possibly explain it to yourself or to her.” You didn’t want to see anyone else after our first date, and how I make you a better person.”
Jared finally smiled a little. “And you said “some people know this is the one and some people are a little scared to take that leap of faith and you found yourself somewhere in between.”
Jensen smiled back and kissed him again. Still soft, just gentle pressure, affectionate and comforting.
Jared is relaxing under these touches. “Then you said “It’s a bond. It’s a connection. It’s a friendship and it’s a ride. It’s a journey that if you are willing to stick it out with another could be an amazing thing.” Dude, you were looking into my eyes the whole time.” he shook his head. “Honestly, there are none so blind as those who cannot see.”
They both looked deep into each other’s eyes and spoke together, softly, quoting what Jensen had said. “I am glad that I picked the partner that I have.”
They just kept kissing each other for a few long minutes after that, soft kisses, re-affirming, and confirming their love for each other.
Then Jensen pulled back and snorted. “Good one with the crack about the future ex-wives.”
Jared rubbed his face wearily. “Fuck dude, I was so rattled, I just…..”
“Hey, hey it’s ok! As I said, people hear what they want to. I bet everyone thought it was super cute and so funny. It was a good deflection. And for those who suspect what is going on…” Jensen shrugged. “I am sure they are sending positive energies our way right now.”
Jared leaned in so that their foreheads were touching. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”
“I am the lucky one here man, how do I get you to see it?” Jensen said, shaking his head a little. The timbre of his voice dropped an octave. “Come here Sammy. Lemme take care of you. Give me your jacket.”
Jared's face split into a wide grin. He knows exactly what to expect when Jensen uses his Dean voice outside the set. He hands his jacket over and watches Jensen place it over the back of the chair.
“Umm….Sammy?” ‘Dean’ says with a small frown. “Your shirt? And the jeans?”
Jared laughs finally, free and happy. The panel is done with. He is here, now, with the love of his life. The one.
“Anything to get to my booty Dean. After all these years. Sweet talk and holding hands and it always ends up like this.”
“You complaining Sammy?” Jensen asks in mock seriousness, one eyebrow quirked.
“Nah.” Jared replies, shaking his head and letting his hair fly around the way he know Jensen loves to see it. He starts to unbutton his shirt and says, “After all, you love me even when I can’t love myself. Don’t you?”