After 3 to 4 days, Velvet and Sorey have almost recovered to a normal standard condition. At such rate, hard to not be doubted, and the old lady is well aware of how suspicious Velvet is, so as the doctor.
"If you are aware of how suspicious she is, why would you want to give her the mechanic prosthesis? I mean, she is already recovering in such monstrous speed, her strength may be immeasurable if you give it to her." The old lady stated her concern to the doctor.
"It will be fine. You see her eyes, right? Dull and confusing, she probably doesn't want to live." The doctor stated his sympathy.
"Yes, I noticed. Maybe she doesn't want to hurt others when she doesn't want to live. Even this won't post a hazard to you, then your prosthesis will be wasted." The old lady argued.
"It is a gamble to see if she is willing to live a little longer, for the debt. On the other hand, I have the feeling that the boy brings her here will give her hopes."
"What lead to this conclusion?"
"He said he was a Shepherd. True or not, he has the confidence to be a Shepherd, then he can give the girl hope."
"It is still a short time to make the conclusion, let observe longer. It is still possible for her to refuse your offer though."
"True, at least I get your agreement."
"You know…. Your offer is too big that you even considered for her mental treatment."
"As a doctor, I don't accept my patient to die in front of me or have no will to live after my treatment. Besides, it is the boy's job in this."
"Right….. You also want to say we have pretty much resources and time for this."
"Fine, I will watch over the two for you.”
"Thank you, for everything."
"You are welcome."
The doctor said both Sorey and I were recovering at a good rate, he asked if I will install the mechanic prosthesis. I am surprised that the world has been advanced to develop such things and I stop a while to think about it.
His words reminded me that I lost my arm that once hanging on the edge of Innominat's pit and get sliced by Artorius, the arm then devour numerous of souls to achieve my selfish goal after I gain a daemon arm. I can't save my little brother but I avenged him for myself. I saved nothing but kept destroying in the end.
Now, I realized that I am still alive, in a strange age, no one in this age I know. Everything has become so unfamiliar to me.
What should I do? There isn't really a goal for me to live now.
Laphi, the meaning of my life had gone a long time ago. I lived to take care of and protect him, for that, I am willing to do anything. However, he is not here and Innominat is likely disappeared, my family is all dead, my being is meaningless now.
…...Ah, seem that I have no feeling to all the people not alive now, so I am the same. To be cold even to family, ever a monster, the monster won’t care things apart from the kill.
I should not deserve to live, for the peace of those murdered souls. Even there may not be someone to recognize me and remember my sin, I can’t live. I am different from these people, I am a monster.
Still, I feel sorry to have no payback to both of the people who saved me. It is rude to not treat my life a thing when I am saved. I will at least not make them sad to see me die before I go die. I wish to be more human before I become a monster again.
Maybe taking the offer will be good for me to payback, but thinking again.
If I take the offer, it will mean I actually want to live, isn’t it?
Oh, just how selfish am I? After taking so many lives, still, want to live. Besides, I may still work without an arm.
“.....We are completely fine with it, just take it.” The doctor urged as I considered for the decision quite a while.
Maybe it is not a bad thing to live a little longer and pay back my debt to them.
To go die along after returning all the favor will also be an option, so taking the offer is not too bad.
“Yes, I will have the installation, thanks.” I accepted the offer.
“No need to thank me, you guys will need to pay back with works, the boy told me that you both have no money and will work as payback.”
“....OK, I am fine with that.”
I start to wonder if I am still a therion now, I lose my demonic arm doesn't mean I am a human now. Especially when I notice I am recovering in 3 to 4 days, it is pretty fast in human standard, but it is hard to say I still remember the human standard now. The 3 years of my therion’s life is a long time for me.
The doctor sends no solid food to me as he said it is still not suitable for me to take, instead, the intake is done by the nutrient liquid connecting to my right arm. To me, it is a transparent liquid like water but seems that I still pretty energetic for a person who has not taken any food, I guess it is true that the liquid provides me the energy.
I stop think after I see another issue, the boy is awake now.
He has emerald eyes, like the redhead in my team. His eyes are smiling, just like the gentle atmosphere I saw from the old Arthur. He is reading a book on his bed, the way he reads reminds me of my brother, who loved to know the knowledge all over the world. The atmosphere around him made me not hostile to him.
There are many questions I wanted to ask him, but for now, let just wait and watch him for a while.
I realize that my body recovers at a good rate, they start offering me some solid food and I feel not too tired now. In these four days, most of the time I see Velvet sleeping, she is recovering slower than me, maybe it is because she slumbered much longer than me. Thanks to Maotelus's blessing, she recovered much quicker than I imagined.
The doctor said he can install a mechanic prosthesis for her, I am curious about the technologies in this Age, so I ask the doctor for the information.
“We connect the nerve ending with the micro electric cable in the mechanic prosthesis, the order may transfer to the arm by electrical impulse..”
“Okay, but what is nerve ending and electrical impulse?”
“I am sorry I don't have much time. You may find the answer in the book.” The doctor gives me a large book which contains illustrations of the human body, then he goes talk to Velvet, who just awake.
She has golden iris, unlike the burning iris that Maotelus said, I see mist and decadent in her pupil. She is different from the one I learned from Maotelus, perhaps it is because she was acting for her anger in that time but the anger is not here now. I expected her to be more malicious as a Lord of Calamity like Heldalf but they surely are not the same person at all. No longer being an Avenger, I see a person who is confused, that is all.
Better not let her discovered that I am looking at her, I start reading the book, it is interesting to see how it works within our body, but then I feel a glare from someone, I try to look back and greet nicely.
“Hello?” I felt sweat dropped from the forehead, I don’t know what is she want from me if she stays silent and looks at me.
“...You may continue read it….but yeah. Hello, Who are you?” She is definitely keeping me on the mind, she stayed for a while and found that she was found to be looking at me before responding.
“I am Sorey.” I try not to reveal much information and try to be a natural stranger to prevent any unnecessary doubt as Mikleo always remind me.
“Why did you saved me? What do you want?” Velvet jumped into the topic quickly.
“Just because I can't leave someone in need alone.” I don't use to lie, so I answer truthfully, I can’t leave a girl bleeding non-stop.
“......Anyway, thanks, and you are the one who promises the doctor that we will work here for the payback?” She seems to have something to say as she frowned but she changes another topic instead of stating her opinion.
“......Yes, sorry I----” I apologize to lower her temper, I am afraid that I get her mad by this.
“Fine, thing get much easier, I suppose, but try to tell me first next time.” I relaxed, she is not angry.
I didn't tell her I was a Shepherd, I didn't tell her I knew her past, so as to avoid irritating her. I don’t want to make our relationship worst in the beginning.
“That's great, may I ask what's your name?” So I pretended that I don't know her name.
That is our first conversation, that's how our road starts crossing each other.
After several days of rest and some exercises, I see the muscles back in shape and having the basic energy to move and support my move.
“Congratulation, your body meets the basic standard for the installation of the prosthesis now.” The doctor glad to begin the installation.
“Great, let's do it.”
“Yet, I must warn you that, it will be really painful during the process, will you still proceed?”
“Yes.” I agreed without a second thought. It will be hurt, I know, that is the price for the sin of life.
Thus the operation began.
It is said that the mechanic prosthesis needs to be connected to the nerve ending. The transmission of the nerve impulse is required, so the pain-killer can't be applied in this case, I shall accept the pain.
A metal armor is attached to my left shoulder attachment, then an electric signal receiver attached on my treated wound. It has an icy cold surface to freeze me a second. It is not connected with a circuit, so I have not felt the pain yet but felt nervous. I stared at the electronic cable exposed from the connector, to imagine the electricity flow from it to my body and pass throughout my body by whatever system, it is getting scary. None of the technology I really realize in this age.
Finally, the main part of the prosthesis, the metal arm, start connecting the cable end of the receiver.
It is the time I endure the pain.
The installation time is much longer than the actual one. At first, I was watching her in the dress, but with the arrival of pain, my eyes even lost focus, I couldn’t see the further details of the installation. I closed my eyes and didn’t look at it.
“----------” I thought the pain is benumbed to me since I have got infinite injuries over those battles, unknown to death nor life, just to go through the path.
“Ar-----------” But it is not, it never is, as long as I have the sensation.
“-------Ar...gh.--” I felt like millions of needle pass through my veins and entered my body. It is painful that it makes me start struggling. The old doctor order the old lady to fix my position on the bed.
“Ur.......Arrrgh------” I was screaming but I can't really hear anything since my brain is blanked out for the pain. I thought I have never experienced such physical and continuous pain that even greater then the time my heart got pierced through by Artorius. Maybe the brain thinks that I am dying, some memory is coming back on my mind.
The day Laphi died, I was unable to do a thing to stop it happen, and I made it even worse that I killed all the villagers in the Aball because they got into my way.
When in the journey, I realized that all the facts were hidden from me, so I can't do a thing at that time, I felt betrayal from my beloved family. I felt anger and despair from my heart, and realized the reason for anger finally, my family abandoned me, and I am unable to change their mind.
Until the day I got my revenge done, the moment I pierced Artorius's heart with his sword. My anger was ended but there is still an unfilled empty part in my heart. Artorius just said that he hoped Laphi and I died instead of Celica from the day Celica gone, with a peaceful smile.
I respond with an agreement, with a sad smile. If I knew that things going in this way, I would go to die instead, so that everyone may continue their happy life, and Arthur won't despair and became Artorius, a Shepherd who lost his belief in humanity.
Life is painful, since the bloody-red-moon night. Every time the crimson moon rises, unfortunate falls, it took away everything from me, my sister, my little brother, and even Arthur, he was gone forever from the first Scarlet night. Those my precious days are gone forever, there is the only vengeance left in me.
But even for my vengeance, it is gone from the day I achieved my revenge, there should be nothing left, so why am I still feeling pain? There is nothing for me to lose.
Why am I want to seek a way to live after took away so many lives?
Is this life a gift or a price? Should I really live?
But even for me, I thought death is too cheap to pay for my sin. How can a single death compensate for the uncounted life taken?
I am confusing, I don't want to live, I don't deserve to live and I don't deserve to die either.
I am lost, what I should do, it is no longer like that. At that time, I never thought that I could have a future. I only knew that after I finished doing it, I would not be able to survive. I had done things to keep at least a relatively not too bad future to my friends who will still live in that age, I had beared all the blame and sin. It was the only thing I could do to make up things after so many destructions I caused and before I die. At least my death would gift hope to the world, at least people may still have their free will in the future without me.
I felt vague, so I could do whatever I could, do whatever it takes, and never imagined the future of mine. I thought it is best for me to be trapped in the everlasting dream with Innominat. Some said it is worse than death, indeed, trapped in a beautiful jail without an end, but I thought that the appropriate end for a Lord of Calamity like me.
Even in the dream of Innominat, there is no future after the age of 19, because I know too little about things, I have not experienced things after adulthood, I don’t know marriage, I don’t know love, there are too many things I don’t know, so I can’t Imagine it, let alone the one who has no feelings. We stuck in the imagination of various of future that without future.
“Velvet.” I barely opened an eye, I found Sorey is here holding my right hand. He said something more and call my name with gazing at me unswervingly. I felt like he is looking at me this way and saying something cheerful, unfortunately, the stimuli from the installation blurred all my sensation from sight and ear. I cannot catch a sentence from him but my name.
Maybe he is trying to tell me that I am not alone. Mine confuse disappeared.
Although I don't really get the answer, I know there is someone want me to live. Innominat has said the same thing to me: to live.
Before I noticed, I unconsciously hold his hand tightly back.
Phi's image is floated out of my mind when I see his eyes. Pure, crystal clear and kind emerald green eyes. He did the same when I fell in despair, knowing none of my things but just want me to live.
I wonder if Phi is still living now, he said he didn't want to live in the world without me but I left him and everyone out there in the end.
There is nothing for me to live, but I want to see Laphicet, the one who saves me from despair.
Surely he is still waiting.
At least, I should go check on him when I am free and alive now.
Wait for me, Phi.