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Just Another Shrek Parody

Summary:

Note that some fandoms listed are cameos. When Zim discovers a flock of fictional characters has (ironically) invaded his lawn, he sets off on a journey to regain what little peace he had, alongside GIR, Gaz, and Dib - and after meeting the harem-seeking 'Prince' Makoto, they go after his new bride-to-be, Ika Musume. But the journey there and back is a long one. Shrek parody, of course. Done strictly for laughs.

Chapter 1: And So It Begins

Chapter Text

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful girl.
She had come from a land far away, one where she had been considered a princess.
The king of the land she traveled to told her that if she were to find her true love while being locked inside a faraway tower, he would allow her to remain in their land and have the same treatment as his own daughter.
And so she waited in the highest keep of the tallest tower to be rescued.
Years later, a wandering knight discovered the tower and decided to scale it. Seeing the girl inside, they had a wonderful meeting -- and true love's first kiss.
They got married immedia---pfffhahahaha.

"Just what do you humans come up with nowadays?! WHAT A LOAD OF--" SLAM. The door to an incredibly unbelievably...bizzare house slammed open, and what appeared to be a small...green...boy stepped out. "PA. THE. TIC." He shook his head, and took a sharp inquiring look to the gnomes in his yard, letting out an annoyed 'tch' noticing one knocked over. He picked up the gnome as he walked over, placing it back upright -- it was about as tall as he was, honestly -- and nodding approvingly.

At the same time, a boy of the same stature -- natural, because he was 14 -- was taking gadgets and gizmos down from his wall as he walked outside. "Today's the day, ALIEN! YOU'LL BE IN MY GRIP AT LONG LAST -- AND YOU'LL BE SCREAMING FOR MERCY, AND I'LL JUST--"

"Do you realize how you're sounding right now?" A purple haired girl looked up from her PSP, sitting on a spot on a couch. "It's like you're getting off on it. Not that I'd be surprised."

"EW! Gaz -- just -- EW. This is purely scientific. It's a chiefly scientific matter -- one that should be treated with respect and care -- but one that I'll take a great amount of humor in once it's complete! C'mon! You can watch." With that, the obnoxiously-large-headed boy took out towards the home of his target. The purple-haired girl let out a long sigh.

"...if you mess yourself, I'm not cleaning it up." After a slight pause, she followed after, muttering to herself. "...when was it decided I was his keeper..."

The green boy had finished examining the outside for any signs of disruption at this point, and had stepped back inside, now eating a plateful's worth of...waffles. One could say that he didn't exactly have a varied diet. "GIR. WHAT EXACTLY IS IN THIS BATCH?"

"WAFFLE FUEL!" A chipper voice called back.

"....Which is?"

"MOTOR OIL!" As soon as the overly-cheery voice said that, the alien boy began coughing, spitting out blackened chunks of waffle. "IT'S DEEEEELIIICIIIOOUUSSS."

"WELL, YEAH, TO A ROBOT! UGH -- GIR, FETCH ME THE BUCKEEEEEET!"

"OKIE-DOKIE-LOKIE!"

The human and his sister were approaching the home at this point, the big-headed boy pausing at the door for a minute before slamming it open quite dramatically. "...Seriously, he doesn't lock this?" Blink. Blink. Nonetheless, he stepped inside further, creeping in the silence.

"Maybe he's not home." Gaz stated nonchalantly, walking normally behind her brother.

"We can't afford to not be on our guard, Gaz. Don't you know what these things can do to you?!" To the silence, he added onto that. "...They'll use their little sickles to drive through your innards! Slam a club over your head and bludgeon you to death! Use their psychic rays to zap through your body while another one drinks your blood until you're a shell!"

"--ACTUALLY, DIB-STINK, THOSE...ARE TROLLS." Startled, Dib looked towards the source of the voice -- oh, of course, the alien just managed to show up behind him. In all reality, the alien - Zim - was clinging onto the ceiling and had just fallen down at the right time. "NOW, MY RACE...OH, WE'RE MUCH, MUCH WORSE. WE'LL MAKE YOUR SKIN INTO CARPET -- SQUEEZE YOUR HUMAN-BOO-GHERS OUT FROM YOUR BUTT! USE YOUR OVERLY BIG HEAD AS A PAPERWEIGHT -- ...actually, it might be too big for that. Maybe I could prop a table up with it or something." He rubbed his chin, attempting to think while his rival pulled out an absolutely ridiculous looking metal device emitting some sort of electricity from the tip.

"BACK! BACK, ALIEN! I WARNED YA!" He waved it overdramatically, pointing it towards his enemy, who stared with a deadpan expression in return.

"GIR. 42-A." He commanded. At the sound of that order, the small robot hopped out from the kitchen, grabbed the device, tossing it outside, getting shocked by it, and flying outside with it while it laughed. "....You were saying?"

"...Um." Dib bit his lip, slowly backing up.

"....AHAHAHAHAHA! PATHETIC DIB-HUMAN, NOT BRINGING A BACKUP PLAN! WET YOURSELF IN FEAR, FOR YOU HAVE JUST MADE YOURSELF THE EASIEST TARGET ZIM HAS EVER FACED! I WAS HOPING YOU'D AT LEAST BE SMARTER THAN THIIIIISSSS...BUT I GUESS WE CAN'T ALL GET WHAT WE HOPED FOR. AH WELL. READY TO DIE?"

"...." Dib looked at Gaz, who simply glared at him in return. "....." After enough staring, she pushed the gloating alien aside, opened the door, and glared at her brother once more.

"This is the part where you run away screaming vengance while he laughs like an idiot and I wonder why I was graced with the presence of so many idiots in my life. Like 50% of the time." The two rivals paused, looked at each other as if to ask 'is it really that routine by now' and then Dib took off running.

"I'LL HAVE VENGANCE, JUST YOU WAIT, ALIEN SCUM!"

"PFFHAHAHAHA! PERHAPS WHEN ZIM IS DEAD! YOU ARE NOTHING! I...AM ZIIIIIIMMMM!"

"And I am pissed off." Gaz stated nonchalantly, walking out the door. "Just kill him already, not like anyone will miss him." She slammed the door behind her after that last comment, leaving the alien in stunned silence.

"...why is she so terrifying? It's unnatural. Perhaps she's not human. Maybe a bloodthirsty demon or something." He mused to himself, shaking his head and sitting down on his couch. "....GIR, GET BACK INSIDE!"

The robot flew back inside via one of the open windows, having fashioned the metallic electric device into some sort of makeshift scarf. He hopped up beside his master, twitching every few minutes from electric shock and giggling to himself because of it. "....AT LEAST TURN IT OFF." Zim flicked a switch on the right side of the new 'scarf', turning the static shocks off.

"I WANTED TO BE PIKACHU!"

"You wanted to be what."

"PIIIIIKA-PIKAAAAA!"

"....Okay, yeah, whatever." And so the two proceeded to watch TV for a few hours, chatting idely to each other all the while - the robot, naturally, making no sense whatsoever. "I don't get it--" Zim pointed at the TV. "-- is this really what entertains humans? It's some dumb kid and his dog having stupid adventures. Why do they enjoy this? There's not a logica--"

"IT HAS PRETTY COLORS!"

"...okay, yeah, there's that. Just turn it off. Or down. Or something. I'm going to do my weekly report to the Tallest. I'm sure they're concerned about my status. THEY JUST LOVE ME TOO MUCH!" Despite his overdramatic and bloodthirsty nature, all he was really concerned about was acceptance. Pressing a button on the wall, a much larger screen was exposed, flashing a generic purple 'Please wait' over a red background.

In deeper space, a large spaceship -- aptly named the Massive -- had received the transmission, causing a small subordinate/technician to look up at the aformentioned Tallest -- Red and Purple -- and sweat. "Sirs! Transmission from...Zim...received...should I let it get through?"

Red snorted at the announcement of another transmission from Zim. "Oh, sure. Go ahead. Let's have dinner and a show, shall we?"

With that, the transmission appeared on a large screen. "Invader Zim reporting for duty!" He saluted, standing at attention. "Things have been going well! Just today, I've conquered a local province! I put the flag on it and everything! PRAISE ME!"

"....Zim, did you just put the flag on it?"

"No! I SCARED AWAY A FAMILY ON A PICNIC TOO!"

"That doesn't count."

"...oh." Zim's face shifted into an ashamed frown. "...they were...pretty threatened...at least..."

"Uh-huuuuh." Purple appeared to be looking at something in the background, widening an eye in a confused way. "....Zim, did you adopt a little pony?"

"....Whaaaaano." With an even more baffled stare, he looked behind himself, noticing a small red-maned horse. "...."

Just as he was preparing to say something, two other horses -- one with wings, one with a horn -- dashed inside. "You've got it?" The red-maned one asked. The winged pony nodded in return. "Alright, then we're ready! Ready, girls?"

"CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS INTERIOR DECORATORS!" They shouted in unison, pushing a pink paintbucket out and beginning to paint the walls.

"--HEY, HEY, NO DON'T MESS WITH THAT! GET OUT!" Zim snatched the paintbucket away, to the surprise of the horned pony, who let out a gasp and jumped back, tears in her eyes.

"...Awwww." Purple was looking at the goings on with an amused expression, Red attempting to stiffle his laughter to no avail.

"Hey, don't be a jerk, mister!" The winged pony snapped.

"Yeah, Zim, stop being a party-pooper." Purple commented.

"I JUST...GET OUT! ZIM DOES NOT CARE IF ZIM IS BEING A 'JERK'! HOW DID YOU THREE GET IN HERE, ANYWAY?!"

"The friendly bear in the bathroom let us in." The winged pony stated. Zim's eyes only widened further, and he dashed to the elevator -- bathroom, bathro--OH, GOD.

"OKAY. OKAY. NO! TEENAGER'S CORPSE...OUT OF THE BATHROOOOOM!" He pointed at the blue-haired girl sitting, dead, in a corner, to the surprise of all the other teenagers surrounding her.

"...Couldn't exactly put her anywhere else." A boy with a goatee commented. "The lab was taken."

"WHAT." After a short trip down to the lab, he stared at the just-as-short redheaded boy standing in the lab. "...OUT! NOOOOOOOWWWWW!" He shoved the redheaded boy into the elevator, the group of teenagers following suit, and the ponies having already run outside after painting a smiley face on the wall. The Tallest were laughing hysterically, nearly crying by this point.

"C--Cutie M-Mark Crusaders....YAAAAAAAY!" Purple called out in a high pitched squeal, to the laughter of Red. Zim's eye twitched, hearing more noise outside. He slammed the door to outside open after hastily putting on his human disguise, and looked around at the...catastrophe that had taken over his lawn. There were...characters everywhere. Above, there were several fairies flying past, having what looked to be a mid-air battle with complex patterns. To the left, there were several what looked to be soldiers with brown jackets on talking to each other in the most serious way possible. To the right, there were two boys having a battle with what appeared to be an electric rat and a gigantic flame-tailed dragon.

"WHAT....ARE YOU DOING....AT ZIM'S HOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUSSSSEEEEE?!?!?!"

Almost immediately, everything went silent, except the laughter of GIR, having apparently bonded quite well with a pink pony, blowing a party horn. Zim's eye twitched once more, and he snapped again. "WELL?! WHICH ONE OF YOU DECIDED TO SET UP CAMP IN MY LAWN?! I PROMISE YOUR DEATH WILL BE LONG AND PAINFUL."

"as much as i'd like to go home, we can't. prince makoto said we can't. :P" A boy with a blue hood on commented.

"...Prince who?"

"Makoto Itou. We had a public election for who go to become our new rulers, and he won by a landslide by stealing most of the female votes." A blonde girl standing next to the boy who spoke up added on. "And we had already ruled that we couldn't change our ruler after elected. Because most of us are morons, it appears."

"i thought i was going to be king
but apparently not
this group has shit taste" A blonde boy with black shades on frowned, crossing his arms.

"...Okay, where can I find this 'Prince Makoto'? Anyone know where he is? Anyone at all?" Zim looked at the crowd, who appeared to be pointing every which way at once. GIR immediately ran over and joined his master's side. "...GIR, can you track this...Makoto Itou?"

"YOU GOT IT, MASTER!" The small robot saluted, blowing his party horn again and giggling. In the meantime, another familiar voice spoke up from the crowd.

"Not happy with your party, Zim?" Dib. Of course he'd be there. Of course.

"GO AWAY, DIB."

"Oh, c'mon. Indulge me a bit. What's going on?"

"WHAT IS GOING ON IS THAT I AM GOING TO GET MY HOME BACK. AND ALL OF THESE STUPID...STUPID...FICTIONAL CHARACTERS ARE GOING BACK WHERE THEY CAME FROM!" Another long pause...followed by cheering. Almost immediately, the large group was fawning over Zim and calling him a hero, much to his annoyance.

"...You're going to need help, you know." Dib commented dryly.

"FROM YOU?! HA! I'D RATHER--"

"Do you really want to go on a trip with that--" he pointed at GIR, who was apparently dancing the time warp by now, "all alone? A long time with just that? I mean, yeah, if you want to go even further insane, be my guest, but I'm offering to join you. No hidden motives."

"....WHY DO YOU WANT TO GO, ANYWAY?"

"Let's just say I'm curious. There might be more interesting aliens than you out there. So. Yes or no?"

"..." Zim paused and sighed. "Just don't slow me down or try to kill me. Again."

"Mmm...kay. Temporary truce on the second part." Dib stated, following after GIR and Zim as they took off. Gaz, standing in the shadows, looked about at the rest of the characters...walked over, hugged a light yellow pony while muttering 'you're my favorite' and then slowly walked after the trio.

"--LET'S SING THE DOOM SONG!"

"NO!"