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I Thank My God Every Time I Think of You

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There was a certain chill that always seemed to be inside this building. From the time that he was a small child to even now as a young man, he could never recall a moment when this building was ever warm. It felt as if it was one degree off from him being able to see his own breath. Yet, as cold as it was, the young silver-haired male felt as if his body was being licked by flames. The priest was giving one of his sermons, and it seemed to be one of his all-time favorites- his traditional hellfire and sinners sermon.

To say that the priest’s words made him sweat was an understatement. He felt like he was a pig in the pews as he listened to every word ring into his ears. He glanced at his mother, careful not to catch her attention. She had her silver hair up in a very tight bun that seemed as if any wrinkles she may have had would only appear once she let down her hair. Her lips pursed as she wrote notes on the sermon.

“Yuki,” his mother’s voice was as rough as sandpaper, “are you paying attention?”

Yuki knew well that her tone wasn’t meant to be taken harshly as she sounded. That was just how she was. She was strict, like her parents, and their parents before them. And it didn’t help that his father was just as strict as her. It was no surprise though since his father was a former marine. Yuki’s earliest memories of his father were being yelled at by him for one reason or another, one of the memories being when he took a piece of candy without permission from his father. His father had yelled and terrified him to the point that he ended up peeing himself. And that only enraged his father even more. His mother caught wind of it and punished him with not only a slap to the mouth for lying, but spanked his bottom and gave him an ice-cold bath. She chastised him for his poor behavior by peeing his pants.

“Yes, mother,” Yuki whispered back to her.

How could he not pay attention? It felt as if this sermon was all about him. Everything that the priest said seemed like he knew that Yuki was the scum of the earth because of his own dark secret. Every sharp word that spilled from the priest’s mouth was a knife that stabbed his very soul. Yuki knew, deep down, that every word was directed at him. And it was because he was gay. It didn’t matter what he did, because he was gay, he was damned. Nothing he could do would make it better.

Yuki hated it. He hated that he was gay. He hated that part of himself with every fiber of his being. If there was a magic potion that could cure him of this, he would gladly chug it. For Yuki, any kind of life was better than to be burdened with being gay.

Yuki stirred as he felt a feather-light touch across his hand. He turned to see a young woman with worried eyes. She was his best friend, one of the few people he ever confided in about his dark secret. She has been his best friend since elementary school. His mom loved her, happy that he was “dating” her. To his mom, this woman here was his high school sweetheart. To him, she was his cover-up. He hated using her like this, even though it was originally her idea to help keep his secret safe from his family.

“You want to step outside for a bit, Yuki?”

“Yeah, Tohru,” Yuki gave a soft nod as he tried to not disturb anybody from the sermon.

Yuki excused himself from his parents, both young adults stepped out to the church’s lobby. As soon as they were away from the eyes, Yuki felt his body grow weak. He felt ill from the sermon, his guilt witling down his conscious. His body was just shaking violently.

“Yuki, it’s alright,”

“They know what I am,” Yuki was trying to keep his own voice steady.

“Yuki, they don’t I promise you that they don’t,” Tohru spoke softly.

“But it feels like it.”

“But it’s not,” Tohru was trying to soothe him.

“But what if it is?”

“Then what would you do?” Tohru asked.

Yuki knew he wouldn’t be able to do anything. He just felt like a failure for feeling like this. These feelings swirling inside him made Yuki feel physically ill. He just wished that he could be normal and go one day in church without feeling like he was dipped in slime.

Tohru, rubbed his back soothingly, trying to help Yuki calm down a bit faster. She hated seeing her friend like this. He was too sweet of a person to be going through this struggle.

“Do you want to visit Aya after church?” Torhu asked sweetly.

Yuki shook his head. He didn’t want to bother his older brother with this. His parents would have caused a bigger uproar if he did. His parents and his brother already had a very strained relationship. If they even got wind of Yuki even thinking about visiting his brother, they would have flipped out on him. They were still royally pissed at him for “lying” to them. He told them that he was going to run his own shop but neglected to inform them that his shop would be a sex shop. He could only imagine the look of horror and disgust that must have plagued his parents the first time, and most likely the last, they went in. They were under the impression that he was running a Christian book store or something like that. So, for them to see dicks, dildos, lingerie, and bondage getups must have really ruffled their feathers. No, Yuki knew that going to his brother so soon wasn’t going to be the best for him. Even if he knew that his brother was one of the family members he even bothered to tell his secret.

Yuki was feeling a little better now but knew that by the time the sermon ended, he would be in the confessional booth. He always would do this every time. And every time, he would tell the Father on the other side that he was battling with his demons of the carnal flesh. He had been fighting those demons since he as a preteen and so far he was doing good in keeping them at bay.

Some days, he felt like he was going to win without a shadow of a doubt. Find a girl that he could be alright in spending the rest of his life with and have kids with them. Start a family and make his parents proud. But right now, he was on the other side of that coin. He felt like this was a losing battle and that maybe it would be better if he just lived alone with many cats.

~*~

The sermon ended and like clock-work, he went into one of the confessional booths. This was one of the few places in the church where he felt at peace. It was almost as if he was able to talk to God Himself and receive enough strength to continue his fight.

“Hello, my child,” Yuki heard from behind the wood wall.

“Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned,” Yuki spoke sincerely.

“Tell me your sins so you may be forgiven.”

“I can’t stop these urges. I want to do right by God, but every day is a struggle. I want to lay with a man. But I know that it’s wrong for me to feel it.”

“Have you acted on those urges?”

“No,” Yuki whispered.

He wasn’t lying this time. He had been so focused on his studies that he hadn’t had much time for himself. And often times, when he wanted to jerk off, he would just get a dildo and pop a couple of gay porn online and jerk off to it, pretending to be the actor in the scene. It was so much easier doing that since his parents earlier this year finally allowed him to get an apartment closer to school. Of course, part of the condition for him to even live alone was that he came to church with them every Sunday. When he was living with his parents, it was almost impossible for him to even do anything like that. Especially because his parents had certain views about masturbation that he was able to get over a few years ago.

Yuki spoke with the priest for a bit longer, confessing to all the sins that weighed him down. They gave him forgiveness and he was able to step out feeling better. This would be enough for him for the full week before he would have to come back again.

Yuki saw his parents with Torhu, talking casually before he joined them.

“Yuki, when are you going to marry Torhu? She can’t wait forever for you forever,” Yuki’s mother started.

“Because I’m in a med student in my internship and it’s a miracle that my pager hasn’t gone off,” Yuki sighed.

Yuki was studying to become a medical doctor. He loved his classes but his main reason for even going into it was because his parents made him. He originally wanted to go into psychology, but his mother was furious when he suggested it. She went on about how the only reason people went to a psychologist was that their relationship with Jesus was so poor that it was the only reason why they had the problems they had. For her, only three therapists a person, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. If anybody disagreed, then they were a follower of Satan. However, even though he wanted to go into psychology, he had to admit that medical school was satisfyingly challenging. It helped him put all of his energy into

“It’s alright, I’m willing to wait as long as it takes,” Torhu smiled.

“Oh, Tohru, you’re too sweet,” Yuki’s mother chuckled.

“Well, Tohru has an engagement to go to,” Yuki started.

“What is it?” Yuki’s father asked.

“We’re going to visit my mother’s grave. Yuki was very sweet and promised that he would help me clean it up a bit more,” Tohru smiled.

“I wish that they would do it for you. You would think that they would be the ones caring for it with how much money people spend every year for the plot,” his father started.

“Yeah, but it’s a nice day today,” Tohru stated.

Yuki and Tohru said their goodbyes as they made their way out of the church. Yuki was so thankful that Tohru came up with the lie that every Sunday they had to leave earlier than he normally could. Tohru tossed her car keys at Yuki, once they were at the parking lot, Yuki pressed the beeper making the car open for the both of them. They were going to head over to her boyfriend’s place and hang out for the day.

Yuki always felt bad that Tohru had to pretend to be his girlfriend. But when she started dating Momiji, Yuki was very tempted in just “breaking up” with her so she could be happy. But after Tohru had explained to her boyfriend the situation, may it have been out of pity or because he saw that Tohru and Yuki really were just friends, he allowed it. But Yuki knew that one day, because of how serious they both were, Yuki and Tohru would have to end this little charade. When she eventually married, how was it going to work when she gets pregnant? His parents would be furious demanding that he marry her so the child wouldn’t be born out of wedlock. And he didn’t want to even think about how they would flip at the thought of them discovering that Tohru was with somebody else for all this time. Yuki knew that something like that would end up forcing him to come out of the closet.

“So, what’s your plan for tonight?” Tohru asked as Yuki drove down the highway.

“I don’t know. I might see if I actually go to that one bar downtown.”

“You won’t. You always say that, but you chicken out.” Tohru teased.

“You never know, I might actually go this time.”

“You should. Maybe you’ll meet a cute guy over there.”

“I’m never going to end up with someone. I’ll die alone with seven cats. It’ll be wonderful. Already know how I’ll die. I’ll be eating a tv dinner, just drop dead and my body will be the feast for my twenty cats. I’m going to be a gay guy who never fucked a dude.”

“Yuki, that’s terrible,” Torhu’s voice clearly showed how hurt his words had sounded.

Yuki sighed as he gave her an apology. He knew his heart wasn’t really in it. He honestly believed that he was going to die alone. He was already 26 and never even kissed a guy. The only thing remotely sexual that he did was make out with Tohru, which only happened simply because his parents were starting to believe that they both really weren’t dating. Yuki remembered how after his parents caught him, his mother gave him the talk. While the talk she gave was more about how if he slept with her before marriage he would go to hell and reminding him that any kind of impure thoughts was going to kill him. His father, on the other hand, gave him a pat on the back, telling him his relief that he was with someone like Tohru.

“You’ll find someone, Yuki. I know you will.”

Yuki smiled. Sometimes he really wished he had her hope. It would be nice to have somebody. It would also be nice if he wasn’t gay. But that wasn’t the world he lived in. He made his bed with the possibility that he might never be able to be in an actual romantic relationship. He was more concerned that he would be able to get into heaven and knew that sleeping with a guy would destroy all of that. He would sacrifice his earthly happiness if it meant that he would have eternal joy after this life.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Yuki was finally home alone, looking at the mirror before him. He was wearing only his boxers. His skin smooth to the touch. Yuki was so self-conscious about his own body. He was so skinny, even for skinny guy standards. It wasn’t like he didn’t eat or anything. No, Yuki could easily eat at least five plates of food from a buffet if he had already eaten earlier on that same day. He just had a ridiculously high metabolism. He always had difficulty keeping weight on. He poked at his hip, his hip bone poking out subtly. He turned around, looking at his ass. He swore that any fat he did have probably was all there. Yuki knew that depending on what he had on, he looked either androgynous or he just looked like an effeminate guy.

He sighed as he lifted his ass a bit, watching it fall almost pleasantly. It had been two weeks since he had done anything. The last two weeks were just insanity for him. He either was in the hospital for his internship, studying or at church on his days off because his mother demanded that he be there. He spent part of his day earlier with Tohru and her boyfriend but decided to head home and get ready and relax for a bit before he would make his way to the bar.

He glanced over at his drawer from the corner of his eye. It had been two weeks since he last used it. His body felt tingly at the very thought that he could have a chance to release some stress. The silver-haired male walked over to the drawer, opening it casually. There were some sex toys that he either bought or were gifted from his brother and Tohru. Even though he knew that most people would be weirded out that a family member would gift something like vibrators and dildos, his brother only did simply because they were either testers that would have gotten thrown out, or they were new product that Ayami wouldn’t be able to test out for whatever reason and Yuki would. His brother would always let him keep the toy and give him some money for the trouble for Yuki’s embarrassment.

Yuki grabbed at one of his toys from the drawer, knowing that he if he ended up chickening out and going into the club, he at least would have had some kind of fun for his evening. He laid down on his bed, pulling out his phone and some lube before realizing that this was one of the toys that he hadn’t used yet. It was a bit more girthy than what he was used to, at least 3 inches bigger than what he could put in himself. The base had a suction cup so he could ride it in different positions. He slammed the toy on the headboard. He was going to try it. The toy looked like it would be able to do a fine job at relieving his stress for the most part anyway. Yuki browsed through his phone, finding some porn that he could fuck to. The sounds helped him get into it a lot more than if it was in sheer silence with just his breaking voice.

Yuki started the video on his phone as he began to prepare the dildo and his ass, applying the lube very liberally. Yuki knew that he was going to slam his ass into it and ride it until he was seeing stars. He really needed this. The sermon still echoed in his head. He was a dirty sinner. What he was doing right now was wrong. And he was going to hell.

He was pleading in his own head that maybe he wouldn’t so long as he wasn’t with another man. So long as he never truly knew the touch of a man, he would be fine. Even if he could pretend that there was one with him right now.

He could envision it right now. He would hold his trembling body, guiding his hips up in the air for him. Yuki would press his ass towards his shaft, letting it press gingerly into his little entrance. And then, as if his asshole was hungry, it would take in this man’s girth.

Yuki breathed heavily while he thought of this, the toy was now inside him. He put his had to his backside, feeling just how much of it was already inside him. Just the head. He sighed as he began moving his hips a bit more, tiny jolts of pleasure starting to run through his nerves. Little by little, he became braver, letting his mind go back to the thoughts of that toy being a lover. The man in the video’s moans and grunts aided with his delusion. Yuki thrust his hips into the dildo harder, his own hand slinking to his hardened member as he began to pump it along to the rhythm the video’s grunts went.

Yuki felt the toy press against his prostate, his body shaking every he pumped his ass in and out.  Yuki started moving his ass slowly, pushing himself in and out, enjoying the slow ride for a bit. Yuki switched up the speed every few minutes from either hard and fast to soft and slow and even mixing it up. The more he rode his dildo, the more he felt his body shaking. The silver-haired male felt like he was losing himself to the pleasure. He felt his body shake violently, almost as if he was electrocuted. His toes curled tightly as he felt himself cumming hard. Yuki rubbed his dick on the fabric of his bed, the dildo making a wet pop as it came out of him.

The silver-haired man breathed heavily as he rode his orgasm. He let his body fall to the side, his legs twitched madly as he let out a whimper. He felt his own anus puckering a bit, almost as if he still wanted the dildo in him. If he could he would continue, but his body was spent and he needed to catch his breath. He only had an hour to get ready before he would have to head to the bar and find his courage to even go in. But deep down inside, he knew that Tohru was right. He wasn’t going to go in tonight. And at this rate, he never would.

Chapter Text

Two young men had their bodies intertangled with the other. The tall sun-kissed man with bright orange hair had the smaller man’s legs over his shoulders as he pounded almost unforgivingly. The smaller man gripped the sheets tightly begging for the ginger to simply destroy him. The man underneath the redhead came hard over their stomach, the tanned man pulled out quickly as he, seamlessly in a rush, put his dick in his lover’s mouth, his mind in a swirl of passion as he felt himself release in the man’s throat.

The taller of the two men collapsed to their side. A night full of passion filled his head, and the morning wake up call wasn’t too bad either. The ginger really didn’t know the name his name. Maybe the guy told him last night at the bar. But with the alcohol and weed that danced between them, he knew that he was going to be more interested in his body more than anything else. The guy next to him was just a faceless man who served their purpose- to warm his bed for the night.

The redhead sighed as he grabbed a cigarette and lighter that sat on top of his bedside. Casually lighting it up and pressing it to his mouth. The nicotine deliciously bringing himself to a state of zen.

“You want to take a shower?” the bed warmer asked seductively, as he placed a finger on his well-toned stomach.

The redhead smirked as he gave a slight nod while snuffing out his cigarette, figuring that he would finish it after the guy was gone. The tanned beauty gave a light chuckle as he began to grab his ass, earning a giggle from the other man. The redhead opened the door only to see an older gentleman sitting on the couch. His hair a salt and pepper mix. He placed a cup, which the ginger figured it was most likely tea, on the coffee table before clearing his throat.

“Good morning Kyo, and who is this young man?”

The bed warmer looked at the older man before them, blushing as he realized quickly that he wasn’t even wearing any clothes.

“Oh hi,”

“I’m Kazuma, Kyo’s father.”

“Why is your dad here?” the bed warmer asked, low enough for only Kyo to hear.

Kyo sighed, knowing that this was something that if he tried to avoid it would only end even worse for him. Even though Kyo really wanted to fuck this guy senseless in the shower, there was no way his father would be alright with it.

“Hey, love, I’m going to have to take a rain check on the shower. You think you can grab your stuff?”

“Alright,” the other man sighed as they both went back into Kyo’s room, putting on their clothes quickly.

They got right back out and Kyo walked him out of the door. Kyo gave a kiss to the guy as the bed warmer gave him a slip of paper, most likely his phone number. Kyo sighed as he closed the door, throwing the slip of paper in the trash. Kyo knew that he wasn’t ever going to call him. He rarely ever did.

Kyo looked up at his dad, sighing, “Hey dad.”

Kazuma looked at Kyo with a sense of no-nonsense air. He originally came over to surprise him by taking him out for breakfast, but now it seemed like they were going to have this conversation again.

“Please tell me that you were safe with that man,” Kazuma stated as he motioned at the door.

“Yeah, totally was,” Kyo lied.

He figured that the guy looked safe. It wasn’t that big of a deal for him. To Kyo, it wasn’t as if he fucked random guys raw all the time. If he genuinely got the impression that the guy was an honest guy who was clean, he’d go all the way without protection. And if they guy seemed sketchy or was honest and upfront, then Kyo would take all the precautions. Even if he preferred going raw.

“Kyo, I know you. Stop lying to me.”

Kyo was taken aback from his father. He was lying, but his father didn’t know that. And he didn’t expect for him to even call him out on it.

“I am telling the truth though.”

“Horse shit,” Kazuma scoffed, “and you should know better.”

“Dad, that is in the past already.”

“And? We thought you might have gotten HIV. You were on preventative medication for almost a year! Do you want to go back to it? Because doing what you’re doing is going to get you on that medication permanently!”

“I’m a fucking adult now. If I want to sleep with the homeless guy down the corner and let him fuck me raw, I’ll fucking do it!” Kyo lashed out.

“Just because you’re an adult doesn’t mean you don’t have to deal with the consequences. This is why I have to treat you like a child.” Kazuma’s voice was dipped with anger now, “Being an adult means knowing when to reframe from their own stupidity. And Kyo, this shit you’re doing with yourself and others is stupid.”

“It’s not like you’re my real dad anyway!” Kyo regretted saying that instantly.

Yes, Kazuma wasn’t his real father. His real father left his mom before he was even born. Kazuma knew both his mom and his dad before they were together. And when his dad split, Kazuma stuck around. They fell in love. And he legally adopted Kyo when he was four or five.

“And? I still raised you as if you were,” Kazuma stated.

“But I’m still not a kid anymore,”

“Doesn’t matter. I’ll always be worried about you because Kyo, you are my son, regardless of everything else.”

“I miss mom,” Kyo sighed as he sat down.

“I do too,” Kazuma sat down next to him, “if you want, we can visit her after work if you want.”

“I’d like that.”

Kyo’s mom passed away when he was ten years old. Even though he didn’t fully understand what was happening at the time, Kyo remembered vividly how tired she was every time she came back from the hospital. Kyo remembered how he saw his mother crying as she pulled chunks of her long red hair from all of the medicines she had to take. He remembered the times that she would be so exhausted but would still take him to the park to play. He remembered how his mom, even with everything going on, was still his beautiful mom. But he remembered how one of her trips from the hospital, she cried to him, apologizing that she wouldn’t get to be there for him anymore because her cancer was at stage 4. He remembered that she died 2 weeks after she apologized.

After his mother’s death, Kyo met his biological father. That was the first time he had snapped. Kyo was thrown into a blind rage as he tried to attack the man that left him and his mother so long ago. How dare he come to her service when he did nothing for them. His presence alone was an insult to his mother. And Kyo wanted to see to it himself that his biological sperm downer knew just how horrible he was, even though Kazuma held back the squirming child.

After her death, Kazuma saw the extreme change in him. Kyo went from a very happy, yet shy little boy to a boy full of anger and hate. Kyo and trouble were almost interchangeable after his wife died. He felt helpless as he desperately tried to help Kyo move past her death. But every time he did, it seemed as if he was making Kyo take five steps back. Kyo was toxic. Not only to others but to himself. He started fights, bullying other children, skipping class and school. For the first few years after her passing, Kyo was expelled from multiple school districts and at the worst, Kyo was sentenced, near the end of it all, about six months of Juvie.

By the time he reached high school, Kyo had finally started to settle down, his anger still there, but nowhere near as intense as it was from the very beginning. Kazuma, at the first chance he got, had started giving Kyo more responsibilities at the dojo, having him teach a beginner class once a week. And now, it had been close to a decade and Kyo hadn’t gone back to be a delinquent.

But now, Kazuma was just frustrated with Kyo. He was playing a very dangerous game with his life, and one that he almost lost already. His son was simply not getting it through his thick skull. One day, Kazuma knew that Kyo would find the perfect guy for him. And his actions, his reckless sexual behavior was going to potentially destroy his own happiness and the happiness of another.

“Kyo, did you use a condom with him?”

“No,” Kyo muttered sheepishly, as he dug his fists into his pockets.

“Please, Kyo start being safer about this. I don’t want to lose you too,” Kazuma spoke, sincerity in his voice.

~*~

Kyo was saying his farewells to his students and their parents as they began taking their children home for the day. Today was a good day. Kyo was very happy that today some of his students had earned their Orange with blue stripped belts and some even got a blue belt altogether. His students that finally earned their solid blue would be moving to a new class with a different teacher, depending on some of their schedules.

Once his last students left, Kyo found Kazuma looking at him. The sun was going to be set in a couple of hours. Even though normally Saturday and Sunday were his days off, this Sunday he came to present his students with their new belts that they worked so hard for. And this was one of the times they would always go visit her grave. Even though she was gone, when it was happy times like this, they would come and visit her grave. And for a brief moment, it felt as if she never had really left.

Kyo and Kazum started walking to the grave site. Her final resting place was only a few blocks from the dojo. It felt pointless to take either of their cars if they were that close, to begin with. The cool summer skin felt nice on Kyo’s skin as he and his father made their way to visit his mother. It has been almost 20 years since she had lost her battle to cancer. Years after he came out to Kazuma, Kyo asked if his mother would have accepted him. He remembered how Kazuma gave a hearty laugh at the question. His mom, based off of Kazuma’s years of knowing her, he assured him that she would have. She probably would have started doing girl stuff with him. Even though Kyo was gay, he was always good at blending in. He’s had so many times where he would go to a café or restaurant or even regular bars where he would get random girls numbers. Depending on the situation, he would either ignore it or just break it down to them gently.

Once they reached the little cemetery, they made their way to her grave site. Kyo could see that a few days prior, Kazuma must have come over because the flowers were fresh and there were no weeds. During Kyo’s lunch, he bought some incense at a shop down by the corner. He put his book bag down and opened it, pulling out a black shopping bag. He handed the bag to his father, glancing at his mother’s grave.

Once Kazuma had the incense burning, he sat down next to his son. Both were strangely quiet for a while as they listened to the occasional breeze. Kyo was just staring at the stone. His mother’s name etched into it artistically along with her birth and death. He felt a little ache in his heart. He really did miss her. She probably would be on Kazuma’s side when it comes to his sexual life.

“Hey sweetheart, we got some amazing news today,” Kazuma smiled as he kept his eyes at the gravestone.

“Yeah mom, some of our students got new belts today. You should have seen their faces.” Kyo laughed.

“The little ones had the same look Kyo got when he got his Orange Belt,” Kazuma laughed with Kyo.

“Oh god, I remember how some of the kids teased me because my hair and the belt were the same color.”

“I remember your mom went into the class and kept giving them looks every time they even tried to bring it up,” Kazuma was tearing up.

They continued recalling memories until it started getting dark. Kazuma gave his goodbye as he left Kyo alone at his mother’s grave. Once Kazuma was out of view, Kyo sighed heavily. A sudden wave of grief hit him hard. And for the first time in years, he cried. Even after all this time, he was still mad that she left both Kazuma and him. But he knew it didn’t matter. She was gone. She was never coming back. No matter how badly he just wanted to hear her voice again.

Chapter Text

Yuki’s eyes shot open suddenly as he heard the sharp sound of his beeper. Yuki really hated those old things. He swore that this had to be the only profession that still used beepers. Everybody else was basically using smartphones. He sighed as he grabbed his scrubs on, glancing at his bed, the dildo still on the headboard. His heart sank with the realization of what he did last night. He could feel the threat of tears stinging his eyes. He fell to his own temptations.

“Fucking fag, I need to stop acting like this,” Yuki muttered as he pushed last night out of his head.

Yuki pushed his feelings out of the way for a bit. He needed to get ready for work. He needed to get his feelings pushed to the side. People’s lives depended on it. Lord, did he feel horrible. He was still working on trying to stop feeling so guilty at masturbating anally. If he jacked off like normal guys, it wouldn’t have bothered him nowhere near as much as him feeling the way he did right now.

As soon as he got his medical scrubs on, he rushed to his kitchen, grabbed a slice of bread and a banana. He grabbed his car keys and rushed out. He lived about fifteen minutes away from the hospital, so he knew that he needed to get there. He wasn’t supposed to be there for at least another two hours, but with the beeper, it meant something happened and he needed to get there quickly. He started his car and began driving, eating his toast every chance he had.

He got into his little beat up car that he had since high school. It was one of the few things that he did without his parents’ permission. He remembered how his parents blew up when he came home one day with it. He already had his drivers license, thanks to his brother, and he helped get everything set up for him by even adding Yuki to his own insurance just in case if their parents tried anything. They got over it after a few weeks. But for those few weeks, he was finally able to taste some freedom. He was able to drive himself to and from school. He was able to drive to Tohru’s and hang out at her place, or even go to the mall with her and friends. He knew that his car was on its last legs after serving him well for over ten years.

Yuki was thankful that there wasn’t any traffic, getting to the hospital quickly. He parked at the employee spots and headed in, eating his banana quickly. By the time he finished eating his banana, he walked right in, swallowing quickly and cleaning his face.

“Yuki, you are on ER duty,” one of the doctors told him.

“Wasn’t I supposed to do that tomorrow?”

“Yeah, we’re short staffed today and we need you over there.”

“Alright,” Yuki smiled as he made his way.

Yuki was busy with patients, taking their temperatures, and filling out the questions on the sheets for the doctors. Even though it was crazy half the time, every once in a while, he would get a patient that was complaining about x kind of pain and needed a refill of x opioids.

“Ma’am, from a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being a walk in the park and 10 being the worst pain in the world, what would you rate it as?” Yuki asked

“It’s clearly a 10,” the woman sounded annoyed as she scratched her arm.

“Where is the pain?” Yuki asked as he wrote down her response on the pain level.

“Why the hell does it matter, just get me to a real doctor. I am done talking with nurses,” the woman was getting agitated.

“Ma’am, I’m trying to get as much information for the doctor so they can help you as best as possible,” Yuki was trying to reassure her.

“You stupid fairy, I told you I’m in fucking pain and you just sitting there like a fucking queer with your legs crossed while I’m dying in pain!”

Yuki blinked not sure how to even go about this. Yeah, he had patients scream and yell at him before, but never had he had one throwing insults at him like this. He felt extremely self-conscious, not even realizing that he had uncrossed his legs right when she brought it up. The silver-haired male stood up suddenly, quickly giving her an apology as he left. Yuki always showed thick skin around the fellow doctors and nurses, some of them taking note that he had suddenly left the room with the female patient.

“Yuki, now child, what you doing?” one of the nurses asked

“I just needed to breathe,” Yuki stated calmly, “She was calling me gay in some not so nice ways.”

“You want me to take care of her, child?”

Yuki nodded softly. She was one of the senior nurses in the hospital. She had been working here for over thirty years. She probably knew more than even some of the doctors. Yuki remembered that on his first day in his internship, he had met her. She was straight and to the point. Told the new interns that she could be their best friend or their worst enemy, and if they wanted to try her, she’d win the game every time. Yuki could tell off the bat not to tempt her. Even though it was a few months ago and this was his third hospital internship. He knew from the previous internships that nurses may not have had the same amount of education and time in the classroom as he did, but they made it up ten-fold by sheer experience. And if Yuki could be honest with himself, most of the time, experience trumped over education a lot. He would be a fool to pass up on the vast knowledge the nurses had to offer.

She was that kind of person who didn’t take any nonsense from others. And he knew that she wouldn’t take it from that woman either.

“She’s complaining about pain. Said that it’s a 10 out of 10 on the pain scale, but refuses to tell me where the pain and what kind of pain it is.”

“And what do you think it is?” she asked him.

“She was scratching her arms and face a lot. From what I could see in her eyes, they darted a lot. She was pretty fidgety to boot. I’d guess that she’s coming down from a high or something and tried to see if she can get more drugs or something.” Yuki spoke honestly, “But what if I’m wrong and she really is hurting?”

“Yuki, you’re going to become a doctor and you will have to deal with the ER every once in a while. So Guess what, you’ll be seeing patients like her. A lot.”

“I know,”

“Give me her papers, you go get the next patient.”

~*~

This shift was going to be brutal. He was already done with his twelve-hour shift. Unfortunately for him, he had to start another shift soon. As soon as he had finished the first shift, he went to one of the few rooms that the doctors and nurses would use to take naps in for days like this. There was no point for him to go home only to go right back, and instead just slept for about twenty minutes. He was laying down on the bed just staring up at the ceiling. That woman’s words just rung in his head.

“Fuck,” Yuki sighed to himself.

Was it really that obvious? Did he look gay? Did he act gay? He was gay, that was clear to him. But was it just so clearly obvious to everybody else and he was just shitty about hiding it? He shook the thought from his head. She was clearly addicted to her medication if she still had a prescription. She looked like she was getting into harder drugs because of the injection marks he saw up her arm when he was taking her vitals. She was just lashing out hoping that if she was a big enough pain in his ass, he’d just give her whatever she wanted to make her leave.

Yuki stretched his arms out a bit, giving an overdramatic yawn before he got off the bed. He stepped out of the room and went to the break room getting a cup of coffee. He needed to wake up especially because he was going to be here all night. He had to admit though; the night shift was never a dull moment. A lot of weird things would happen during this time.

Yuki felt the warmth of the cup tingle his fingers as he nursed his caffeine source as he made his way to the ER. Once he was there, he saw a couple of doctors and nurses. It was the graveyard shift. He sighed as he sat down at the employee only area, so far, everybody who was at the waiting room was just waiting for somebody to come over. Occasionally, somebody would come in because they were drunk and had a bit too much. But everything was quiet. Although Yuki, with one patient, tried kept a straight face as they made a laundry list of reasons as to how he got a wine bottle stick in his rectum. Internally, he was trying so hard not to laugh. But he also felt genuinely bad because the guy was experimenting without forking over the money to get a safe toy meant for that. Although, sadly, this was rather tamed compared to the stories that the other nurses had.

One of them told them about how their first year working in a hospital ER, there was a patient who came in with an unloaded pistol lodged in their ass. Yuki, at hearing that, snorted out into a burst of surprised laughter. The guy ended up having to get surgery, although Yuki was sure it would be one of those secrets that man would take to the grave with him. Yuki was just astonished at the level of stupidity some people would go to when it came to their butts and shoving things in there that simply didn’t belong. Although to be fair, for him, anal was perhaps the easiest way for him to even climax. But he also knew damn well that he wasn’t going to be shoving half of the damn forest up his asshole any time soon, or ever for that matter. He was satisfied with just using his toys that were anal safe. Even if he felt like a raging homo after using them.

As the morning started to come through, Yuki felt his body growing tired. He already knew that once he was done for the morning, he would probably spend about a good solid five hours sleeping. He already had finished two cups of coffee. He was just relieved that he would be getting out soon. He sent a text message to her, asking if she and Momiji wanted to grab some breakfast before he would crash.

Yuki was just happy when he was finally done with his double shift and overnight shift. Even though it was hell, there was a calm about it. Being able to help other people, even saving lives made this insanity was worth it. He kept himself calm as he made his way to the exit. As Yuki was giving his goodbyes for the end of his workday, he felt a tap on his shoulder. Turning quickly, he saw his older cousin. His cousin was a tall dark-haired man. Very well kept. Looking at both Yuki and him together, it was extremely obvious that both were related.

Yuki knew Hatori to be a very serious individual. So much so that he went out of his way to avoid talking to Yuki unless if it was related to work. It was part of the understood agreement between the two when it came to Yuki interning at this hospital. Hatori was the Chief Physician in this hospital. Despite being so young for a position like this, Hatori sacrificed a lot to get there. Yuki remembered hearing from the family that Hatori was so dedicated to his career that he straight up broke up with his high school sweetheart, a woman that he had been with for almost a decade. Based off what his brother told him, Hatori’s ex ended up marrying a guy who also became a doctor. They are supposed to be expecting their second child now.

“Tori,” Yuki bowed his head.

“Yuki, I wanted a word with you.”

“About?”

“Let’s head to my office, we can talk more relaxed there,” Hatori spoke casually as he began for his office.

Yuki gave a quick apology to the nurses that he was talking with before he tailed his cousin. Once they reached the office, Hatori motioned for Yuki to take a seat, offering him a bottle of water to drink.

Yuki smiled as he accepted the bottle. He was impressed by the office Hatori had. It was very warm and inviting yet gave off a bit of an aloof feeling. Everything almost screamed intellectual to Yuki from the beautiful books to the highly detailed body charts.

“I see that you applied for the neurosurgeon position for the hospital,” Hatori stated as a matter of fact.

“Oh, yeah,” Yuki spoke sheepishly.

“I’m glad that you applied for it. You are a very hard worker, and extremely dedicated. Any hospital would be lucky to have you be a resident.”

“Thank you, Hatori,”

“Even though I would love to hire you as a neurosurgeon, you don’t have enough experience. I need somebody who has had some years of experience as a resident in general. I have a position for a general surgeon, and I think you would be better suited for that until there is another opening, even if it isn’t with this hospital,” Hatori spoke casually.

Yuki nodded slowly as his cousin’s words sank in. He didn’t get the job. He wasn’t good enough to get the job. It didn’t matter if he praised him highly, to begin with. He wasn’t good enough for the position. He knew that being a neurosurgeon was not going to be easy, but he was able to pass all his classes. He was at the top of the class. He was working in different hospitals for his internship so he could get the feel for different hospital settings and because he knew that each hospital had its own dynamic.

But for him to be told straight up that he wasn’t good enough stung him deeply.

“Will you apply for the general surgeon position, Yuki?”

“I really wanted the one that I’m studying for,” Yuki was being honest.

“I understand that; however, I need someone who has some years under their belt as a resident.”

“Can’t you give me a chance?” Yuki almost pleaded.

“It’s out of my hands, Yuki. The board was the one that made the decision. I really wanted you to get it. That’s why I am recommending that you apply for the general surgeon position instead. That is one that you don’t need to have the experience, and you’ll get more a hand in surgeries, to begin with.”

“Alright,” Yuki muttered defeatedly.

“So, will you take the offer?”

“Yeah, but I graduate in a month, is that alright with you?”

“Of course, Dr. Sohma,” Hatori smirked.

“I’m not a doctor yet,”

“And? I doubt that you’re going to just quit out of the blue.” Hatori chuckled.

“What if I fail my board exam?”

“Doubt it. You know your stuff.”

Yuki nodded before he got up, thanking his cousin before leaving. He was heartbroken. He really had his heart set on being a neurosurgeon. But it seemed like that wasn’t in the cards for now. He hated it. This wasn’t how it was supposed to happen. He was going to see if maybe he could find another hospital that was offering the same position.

Yuki left the hospital as he made his way to his car. Tohru was going to meet him at his apartment with Momiji. And he knew that they were going to do everything that they could to cheer him up. Honestly, Yuki felt so lucky to have friends that would do everything they could for him.

Yuki got into his car and drove home, careful that his lack of sleep didn’t get the better of him. As soon as he got to his apartment parking lot, he parked, got out and rushed to his apartment. He was just so exhausted. And he knew that Tohru and Momiji would be here soon. He shed his scrubs as he jumped into the shower, feeling the hot water beat his skin. Yuki let out a sigh of relief as he felt the water hit him in the shower. He had been working a double shift yesterday, and night shift. He hadn’t been in his apartment for almost 24 hours.

He felt as if all the sweat and grime from work rinsed off him as he just stood in the water. He washed his hair and then himself before turning off the water. He grabbed his towel and dried himself before wrapping it around his hips. He walked over to his kitchen realizing that he had any real food for the last Sunday. He had some bread and a banana for breakfast yesterday and maybe 3 cups of coffee and a lot of water. But he was just so busy that he didn’t realize that he hadn’t eaten anything.

He dug through his fridge and grabbed an apple. He knew that he was going to get breakfast with Tohru and her boyfriend but needed something right now in his system. He walked back to his room as he looked through his closet for some clothes. He grabbed a dress shirt and some dark jeans. He went to his dresser and grabbed an undershirt and some boxer shorts and threw them on quickly.

After he was fully dressed, he went back to his living room, laying down on the couch, eating the rest of his apple. He didn’t know when it happened, but he felt his lids grow heavy as he drifted off to sleep.

Chapter Text

A young woman curled near the porcelain throne as she finished hurling whatever contents in her stomach. She promised her son that she was going to take him to the park today. And even though her body was heavily failing her, she knew that she needed to keep her promise. She found out about three years ago that she had stage three ovarian cancer, and doctors were working hard with her to meet her goal of living five years, something that as each day passed, looked more unlikely. She remembered how she lost herself when she found out. She clung hopelessly to her husband as if he was the only thing keeping her from falling apart. She was still so young. And her body was failing her catastrophically. She knew that in a few days, she was going to have her doctor’s visit about how her treatment has been going. But today, she wanted everything to be about her son. She didn’t know if she was going to have a limited amount of time with him.

It hurt her deeply knowing that there was going to be a possibility that she was never going to see her son grow up. He was her little man and she was leaving two beautiful people alone in the world. She was fighting so hard because she wanted to see her son’s life unfold before him. She wanted to see him graduate from high school, go to college, fall in love, have a family of his own. She wanted to be there for when he went to his prom in high school. She wanted to help him study for one of the tests in his class that he’d have by the end of the month. She was terrified that there was a strong possibility that she would be denied that.

“Koemi, are you in there?” she heard the door knocking as her husband call out to her from behind the door.

“Door’s open, Kazuma,” she muttered as she attempted to lift herself up.

Kazuma opened the door, seeing her on the floor. Rushing to her side, he helped her up. Before him was a frail woman who was never like this. He knew her from high school where she and his cousin, who he was close with once, were dating. They were the power couple back in high school. She was the classic cheerleader and his cousin was the football quarterback. Right before they were all graduating, his cousin and Koemi found out that they were pregnant. And instead of being there for her, he split, leaving Koemi alone as a teen mom.

Her family was furious when she came out to them about being pregnant her runaway boyfriend. And Kazuma felt, not only as her friend but as family for her unborn child. Little by little, Kazuma and Koemi fell in love. It wasn’t all fireworks and intense passionate moments like most people found themselves in. It was a slow, smoldering burn that only grew more intense as time passed. It was a hidden blessing that the real father left. If his cousin stayed, Kazuma would have never fallen for this beautiful woman before him.

“Are you alright?” Kazuma asked her soothingly.

“Chemotherapy makes me want to throw up my own stomach.” She smiled feebly.

“If you want, I can pick Kyo up from school for you,” Kazuma spoke.

“I’ll be fine, besides,” Koemi smiled, “I promised him that I was going to take him to the park today.”

“Sweetheart, are you sure you can?”

“Kazuma, I don’t want to lose one of the few chances I might have. What if I-” Kazuma interrupted her with a kiss.

He knew damn well what she was suggesting, and he didn’t want to even have her acknowledge the possibility. She had been getting worse. Both knew it yet neither of them wanted to admit it. He felt her tug at his shirt delicately, almost as if she were a breeze. He leaned into the kiss more, tasting her more- wanting so desperately to capture her very essence. Kazuma threaded his fingers through her hair, feeling that the wig would come off if he tugged hard enough.

She let out a small whimper as she felt her husband lift her up suddenly, instinctively wrapping her legs around him. Kazuma carried Koemi to their room, never once stopping the kisses. Both fell gently on their bed, Kazuma began to kiss her neck gently. Koemi let out a soft moan as she felt Kazuma’s hot breath over her. Her mind was spinning. When was the last time they had sex? Her body had been failing her for a long time. Once upon a time, she was able to do so much. Now, she was struggling to even do simple things. The surgeries didn’t stop cancer. He remembered how a year ago Koemi and he made the difficult decision to have her do a total abdominal hysterectomy along with removing her tubes and ovaries, praying that hopefully, that would stop cancer from spreading and giving the chemo a chance to fight cancer better. Even though she wanted to give Kazuma a baby of his own, he would rather never have a biological child of his own if it meant Koemi would live. Besides, she had Kyo. And that boy, although he wasn’t his biologically, Kyo was his through love, and those ties were stronger than any blood bonds.

Kazuma playfully nipped her on the shoulder, encouraged by every touch his wife bestowed upon him. The tall man took off his shirt, revealing his toned body. Many years of martial arts gave him a strong body. Although, over the last few years, he had been spending less and less time at the dojo. He remembered when the doctors suggested Koemi’s surgery be done, they just stood flabbergasted. There was no way that they would be able to afford it unless if he sold his dojo. Koemi refused for him to do it, knowing full well that it was Kazuma’s dream to have his own dojo, and she didn’t want to steal that from him too. The other instructors finally heard about how Koemi’s condition was going, and before anybody knew it, they and the parents of their students collected money for Koemi and her medical expenses. Both Kazuma and Koemi cried hard that night at the kindness that everybody showed them.

Kazuma helped his wife take off her shirt, she blushed deeply as she felt his eyes on her. She hated how her body looked now. Her stomach wrinkled and stretched with pregnancy was something she was proud of. It was her mark as a mother. It was the very proof of her love for her son, and even though she no longer had tight skin as she did back before she had him, in her opinion, Kyo only made her body more beautiful. But the scar between her belly and pubic was an ugly reminder to her of cancer that was consuming her body. This scar was something ugly.

“I love you,” Kazuma whispered as he began to kiss her breasts.

Koemi moaned softly as she put her fingers through his hair. She felt his butterfly kisses tickle her skin, slowly moving lower. She felt her face flush even redder as he kissed the scar on her belly. Kazuma, with a smirk, pulled down her shorts and panties as if she were a present, revealing her mound. Kazuma pressed his face on her womanhood as he began to lick at her playfully. He placed his hands on her quivering thighs as he teased her clit, a small smile spread across his face as he noticed how his wife was getting aroused even more.

“Please,” she let out a small moan.

Kazuma let his tongue travel a few seconds more across her, tasting her sweet nectar before he took off his pants, revealing his own manhood. He let his head pressed against her entrance, the warmth, and wetness inviting for him. She was shaking in anticipation. Kazuma looked at her before he pressed himself fully inside her. He loved how he felt as he began to thrust into his wife. She let out rough moans as she grasped the bed sheets underneath her. Her body was shaking with pleasure as she felt him inside her. She moaned out his name as she felt his hands grabbing at her hips as he went harder into her. Kazuma let out a gruff moan as he began to slow down a bit. He helped Koemi move up a bit more, enough to give him room on the bed. Kazuma put Koemi’s legs over his shoulders before he began thrusting into her again. The more he thrust into his wife, the more her cries of lust rang out.

He loved hearing Koemi’s voice crying for him like this. Just as how he knew she loved when he would let out soft moans that she caused him. Both knew that she was dying. And they also knew that the news about her cancer wasn’t going to be good. Rarely was the news good. Both had already talked and decided that if her cancer got to Stage IV, then she would stop her treatment. Even though Kazuma wanted her to continue it, Koemi was very adamite that she wanted to have whatever little bit of life she had left have it be filled with joy and love. She wanted to have Kyo not spend the next five years or so having to go to the hospital to see her connected to machines and tubes. It wasn’t fair for her son to see her like that.

Kazuma felt a tight pressure erupt from his body. He felt his body grow hot before turning bone cold as he came hard into her. He felt her body shake harshly they both came. Koemi almost instantly fell asleep. Her body exhausted from their moment of passion. Even though Kazuma knew she was going to snap at him for not having her go pick up Kyo, he was alright with it. She needed her rest, especially if she was going to be taking Kyo out to the park. Even though Kyo knew that his mom was sick, he didn’t fully understand how sick she was. Kyo was a bit sheltered, compared to most kids his age. He was a young boy with so much energy and Koemi knew that Kyo had her attitude. She was almost like a miniature her. And she also knew that if Kyo was like her, his fuse would also be just as short as she was, if not shorter. She was happy that Kyo was able to find something like karate to help him focus most of his energy.

Kazuma watched her frail form move with every breath she took in and let out, knowing that her mortality was facing her more and more as each day passed. All he could think was how beautiful she was in spite of everything that had happened. Her long red hair had been shaven off a long time ago once chemo started taking clumps of her hair. Her surgery that removed almost all of her reproductive organs. The frightening amount of weight she lost that was clearly unhealthy, but also not of her own will. Everything that had happened that left her scared, he saw that she was beautiful. She was his wife, and she still was coming out on top. That was what made him love her, and he knew it. He could still remember the conversations they had throughout the whole ordeal. If she was ever to get to Stage IV, she wanted to just stop the treatments and die in peace. Even though he fought with her over this for months, she was very sincere. She wanted to spend the rest of her life at that point as pain-free as she could and die in peace. She didn’t want to be hooked up to wires and machines. She didn’t want to go through more rounds of chemo. She just wanted to spend whatever little time she had left with those she loved. And in the end, even if he wanted her to fight harder, he accepted her decision.

He grabbed the phone at their bedside and began to dial a number. Today, he just wanted to spend some time with Koemi. And he knew that her mother would be alright in picking Kyo up. She had been a huge help when it came to watching over Kyo during hospital stays, and Koemi’s bad days. She would even watch Kyo to even let them have their alone time. And Kyo adored his grandmother, calling her Baba.

“Koko is everything alright?” a worried voice answered the phone.

“Hey mom,” Kazuma chuckled.

“Kazuma, how are you doing sweetie?”

“I’m good. Koemi is resting right now.”

“Did you want me to pick up Kyo from school?”

“You don’t mind, do you?”

“I’d be more than happy to pick him up? Do you want me to take him back home with me?”

“Just bring him back here. But you’re more than welcomed to stay for as long as you want.” Kazuma smiled.

“So,” Kazuma’s mother-in-law’s voice changed the mood suddenly, “how is Koemi really doing?”

Kazuma gulped. How was she really doing? She was getting worse. She would spend over half the day just laying in bed because her body was failing her. She would spend most nights crying because she knew that she was dying. And most of those nights, Kazuma would find her with a tear-stained face, caressing Kyo’s cheeks, or smoothing his hair. Almost as if that simple act would actually cure her cancer.

“She’s getting worse,” Kazuma stated as if it wasn’t him talking.

“And how are handling that?” she mused.

“How do you think I’m handling it?” Kazuma sounded a little hurt, “I’m watching my wife die and I can’t do a damn thing.”

“And Kyo? How is he handling everything with his mother?”

“He doesn’t understand,” Kazuma muttered.

“I think he does, Kazuma. You and Koemi need to talk to Kyo and explain to him what is happening,” she began, “or it’s going to get worse once she’s gone.”

“How do I tell a little boy that his mother is dying?” Kazuma felt his voice crack, his eyes welling with tears.

“Kazuma, there’s no easy way. But not telling Kyo is going to be so much harder for him when he comes home and his mom isn’t there,” she paused for a moment, “or if we have to pull him school for the day because she can no longer come back home.”

“And what about you?” Kazuma asked, “she is your daughter, after all.”

“It’s against nature for a parent to bury their child. There is no word in any language that can even begin to describe the pain in my heart for Koemi like this. She is my baby, just like Kyo is both of yours.”

“I’m sorry,” Kazuma spoke meekly.

“Don’t. I know where you’re coming from. Koemi’s father passed away a few months after Kyo was born. You know, he only stayed just so he could meet his grandson,” she chuckled.

“Yeah.”

“Look, Kazuma, I’m going to give you advice. From a widow to a widower. When Koemi dies, it’s going to hurt. It will always hurt. It’ll hurt the day she dies. It will hurt the week after. It’ll hurt a month from then, a year from then, ten years. It’s always going to be painful.

"The only difference is time. Time only makes that pain easier to carry. And unlike me, you will have a little one that is going to need you. Don’t lose yourself in your grief over Koemi. Kyo will still need you," she paused before changing the subject, "Oh, look at the time! Kyo must be waiting with the nice teacher for somebody to pick him up. I’ll bring him right over and I’ll make some dinner so Koemi doesn’t have to be up too much.”

And with that, Kazuma heard a click and the phone was silent. He was silent. Kyo was going to need him. His mother, Kazuma’s wife, was dying and when she was gone, they were going to need each other to move past her death and continue living. Even though the pain would never leave, it would get easier with time. Kazuma just sat in bed, watching Koemi sleeping peacefully. If her chest wasn’t moving, he would have thought that she really was dead. He just placed his hand over her cheek, caressing her gently.

Kazuma heard the downstairs door slam open suddenly along with the sound of tinny stomping feet and a little boy screaming for him and his wife. Kazuma quickly put on his pants, not even bothering to put on a shirt as he walked out of his bedroom, closing the door for Koemi. He went downstairs to see a little boy with flaming red hair and bright eyes.

“Dad, where’s mom?” the little boy was almost shouting.

“Kyo, she’s upstairs sleeping.”

“But she promised that she’d pick me up from school and take me to the park. But Baba came and got me,” Kyo frowned.

“Oh, do you want me to take you back then?” Baba laughed.

“Baba, I love you, but you aren’t mom, you’re my Baba.”

“Kyo, let your mom have her nap. I need you to help me with something,” Baba spoke with a soft smile on her face.

“What is it?” Kyo asked.

“Since we are all going to the park today, I thought that we can have a picknick and I know that you are the best at shaping rice balls.” The older woman smiled.

“Yeah, you and mom taught me, so of course I learned how to do it good,” Kyo giggled.

Chapter Text

Yuki was crying as he desperately attempted to get his father’s attention. For the last thirty minutes, his parents had been getting ready for a “grown-ups meeting” at the church, as his parents stated it. His mother was going between the master bedroom and the bathroom. All the boy wanted was for his father to just stop what he was doing and play with him. Yuki was angry because his parents never wanted to play with him or his brother. They didn’t really have many toys in the house, and it didn’t help that his parents had a very hard stance when it came to playing, as in, it allows for the spirit to stray from God.

“Yuki, stop crying,” his father stated as he fixed his tie.

“Play with me,” the small boy cried big salty tears.

“No, your mother and I are leaving soon,”

Play with me please!”

Yuki felt a sharp pain against his cheek. The little boy started crying harder as he realized that his father had backhanded him. His eyes wide-eyed in disbelief quickly turned into salty tears of pain and fear. The small boy looked at his father as he began undoing his belt; Yuki’s heart jumped into his throat as he knew what was about to happen.

“I’ll give you a damn reason to cry, you fucking brat!”

Yuki felt his body tense as his father began to spank him. Even though he knew that if he moved, the spanking would be worse, he couldn’t help but instinctively cover his head as he screamed. Every time the leather belt hit his skin; Yuki felt like his skin was bursting into fire. As his father hit him, Yuki felt his chest tightening, almost as if an invisible force was sitting on him. His breathing was turning shallow, his neck almost constricting shut. He was struggling to cry as his voice was failing him. He needed his inhaler.

Yuki peaked an eye open, seeing that his brother was in front of him.

“Dad, chill!” the older boy pleaded.

It didn’t do a single lick of good. Ayame landed a good punch on his father before he got a couple to his head. He didn’t care if he got hit, he knew that he could take it. He just didn’t want his brother to get hurt by their father. Their father even though was a retired military man, Ayame hated his guts. He hated how his father used his power and twisted self-perceived superiority to bully and torment both himself and his brother. He knew that Yuki was already in the middle of throwing a temper tantrum and stayed close by because he knew this was going to happen.

Ayame wondered why his parents even bothered having children. They didn’t like children to begin with. The house they lived in; nobody would have even guessed that kids even lived here. But here they were, in this house of hell. The only trace of anybody under the age of 18 lived here were in their rooms. And even then, it wasn’t that noticeable.

Ayame fell to the floor as he felt his father hit him in his gut, knocking the air out of him.

“Take your brother and go upstairs,” his father spoke calmly, almost as if he were talking about the weather.

“Honey, you gave Yuki an asthma attack,” his wife muttered in annoyance.

“Maybe it will teach him not to act like a spoiled little shit,” he spoke gruffly.

“Ayame, give your brother his inhaler. We’ll be heading out now,” their mother spoke as if she were talking about the weather.

Before the older boy would say anything, his parents left. His face dripped with blood and hurt while his little brother lay on the floor wheezing and coughing. His father knew damn well that Yuki had chronic asthma and shit like that was able to flare it. Most things caused his asthma to flare up.

Ayame’s body was still on edge with adrenaline as he remembered his little brother’s inhaler. They had them everywhere in the house just in case. He went to one of the random drawers in the living room, relieved to find the pump and the chamber attachment there. He attached them quickly and rushed to his brother’s side as he had his brother sit upright. He hated seeing his brother like this. He didn’t deserve this mess.

He gave the inhaler to his little brother as he rubbed his back soothingly. He could see the tears stream down his face as he struggled to breathe in the medicine as best as he could. After some time, Yuki was able to inhale the medicine he needed. He felt his body loosening up as he could breathe again. Ayame sighed in relief as Yuki was no longer wheezing for air, although he realized that he was bleeding all over the house. He went to the bathroom that was downstairs and just stared at his reflection. His amber eyes were starting to bruise as he continued to look at his face. His nose was a little bent. This wasn’t the first time his father had bent his nose, and he sighed as he pinched his nose, forcing it back to place as he felt a few tears escape. It hurt like hell, but it did the trick. He spat in the sink, seeing a bit of red. He examined his mouth a little more, a couple of cuts, but nothing major. The blood was all mainly from his nose.

He started cleaning his face as he pinched his nose again, trying to get the bleeding to stop. He could hear over the faucet his little brother crying. He always did this every time their father would do this. Their dad would find a reason to beat Yuki’s ass. Ayame would get in the middle of it. Sometimes he’d say something to his father. Sometimes he would just stand in the middle and take all of Yuki’s blows. But he would end up getting hit and bloodied. And when they were alone, Yuki would just cry silently, feeling as if everything that had just happened was his fault. He hated it. It wasn’t his brother’s fault for this. It was his parents. They didn’t care enough to give them the right life.

After some time, most of the bleeding had stopped. Ayame looked at his brother and sighed. He remembered back when Yuki was born. It was summer vacation a few years ago. Yuki was about one and a half or even two at that point. He was tasked with watching Yuki while his parents were out at the store doing groceries. He remembered how Yuki just suddenly stopped breathing. He was coughing violently, wheezing uncontrollably as he was struggling to even get air inside his lungs. Even though, when Yuki was that little, Ayame hated him. He knew very well that Yuki was their Golden Child. They always saw him as a failure of a human. So, when Yuki came along, they saw him as an opportunity to “fix” their mistakes with their oldest child. But there a small Yuki was, struggling to survive. And he was terrified that he was watching his brother die. He called the ambulance and his parents and remembered how he knew that if Yuki died, his parents were going to kill him. He was terrified. But he also remembered when his parents were about to yell at him, Yuki said that Ayame saved him. He remembered how Yuki still smiled his big goofy smile at him. And his heart melted for his little brother.

“Yun-Yun, don’t cry,” Ayame spoke softly as he held him close to his chest.

“But I’m the reason why you’re hurt.”

“Yun-Yun, you did nothing wrong. Dad is a jerk. He always will be,” Ayame assured his little brother.

“But if I didn’t-“ Yuki was cut off by his brother’s hug

“Yuki, it’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Yuki nodded as he hugged his brother back.

“Now, how about we go over to the drug store. I need to get some makeup before the bruises start showing,” Ayame sighed.

“But daddy says that makeup is for girls and gays,” Yuki said.

“Well, it’s also for hiding bruises and hickies,” Ayame spoke.

“What are hickies?” Yuki chirped.

“Uh, I’ll tell you when you’re older," Ayame blushed completely forgetting that his brother was only five years old.

Ayame went back to the bathroom and grabbed one of Yuki’s inhalers before he went to his room upstairs to grab his wallet. He wasn’t planning on staying there longer, but also knew that there was a possibility that Shigure was going to be at the drug store.

His heart fluttered slightly at the thought of the dark-haired boy. His parents owned the drug store down the road from them. And a lot of the times, he would work there. Typically, he would man the register or clean and stock up the aisles. But his schedule there was always crazy. But it didn’t matter. Somehow, Shigure and Ayame would always find some time alone.

Ayame’s face flushed as he remembered how last month, they took their relationship to the next level. They had been holding hands and kissing for a while, but last month, he had finally lost his virginity. He was spending the night over at Shigure’s place. They were watching a movie while his parents were out of town for some conference thing. Ayame had lied to his parents about how there were adults there and they trusted Shigure and his parent’s way more than his own parents trusted him. But that night, as magical as it was for him, it was very awkward for him. Both were trying to figure the best way to go about anything at all when it came to sex. But in the end, it worked out and both let out their crazy teenage hormones.

Ayame shook the thought out of his head as he went back down the stairs to meet his brother. Aya grabbed his jacket from the closet along with Yuki’s and put it on, feeling that it was a little chilly as winter was almost here. As soon as they were ready, they went off. Ayame knew that it was going to take him and Yuki about five minutes to even get there. But he loved seeing how Yuki would just look at the world with this look of excitement and wonder. He hoped that Yuki would keep that look on his face for as long as possible. The world sucked and he didn’t want his brother to have to deal with that kind of a mess. He was truly a sweet child.

The older boy opened the door once they reached the drug store, a bell rang as each one entered. Yuki went straight for the candy and toys, looking at them in great interest as Ayame went straight to the makeup aisle. Once he was at the foundation, he was looking around, seeing if he could get some foundation closer to his skin color. He knew there was a good chance that he was going to have to combine some of the foundations in order to get it just right.

“Hey,” a smug voice was behind him.

Ayame turned to see a young guy around his age in front of him. His hair dark black flowed like small waves as his coal eyes gave a nice warmth. Ayame felt his heart flutter as he saw Shigure. The other boy gave the silver-haired brushed his lips against his softly, both feeling the jolts of hormones running through their bodies. He loved kissing Shigure's soft lips. He loved how he would give a little smirk as if he had just won a game.

“What you doing here?”

“I needed to get some makeup,” Ayame smiled.

“Your old man, right.”

“Yup.”

“And the little kid?” Shigure pointed behind him.

Ayame turned around, seeing his little brother looking at him, in his hand a toy that he wanted.

“Aya?”

“Yuki, what you got there?”

“I got a toy, can we get it?”

Shigure took the toy from Yuki and the makeup from his boyfriend. He grabbed some snacks and went to the register. Looking at Ayame dead in the eyes, he just tossed the stuff in a bag and handed it to him. He had a smile on his face as he did so. He knew that Ayame and his brother were dealing with their parents being complete and total dicks. He had been trying to convince Aya to go and get somebody involved with them. The way that they were treating those two wasn’t good. But Aya would always make excuses for them.

“Are you sure?” Ayame asked.

“Yeah, I’ll just let them know,” Shigure laughed.

“Thank you,” Yuki smiled as his brother gave him the toy.

Ayame sighed in prayed that Yuki didn't see what had happened between him and his boyfriend. He knew that his family would beat him senseless if they knew Yuki saw him and Shigure together like that, let alone just knowing that he was with Shigure would have made them want to beat him crazy.

Chapter Text

Kyo sighed as he sat at the bar. This wasn’t one of the normal ones he would normally go to. This was one where if he was being slightly flirty with a girl, she would think he was interested and then he would have to explain that he was being polite to her and how they both were batting the same field, so to speak, would just make them both embarrassed and uncomfortable. The only reason why he was here, on his third beer, was for a close friend of his. He and his girlfriend were performing at this bar and he came to show moral support for them. Although truth be told, he also was hoping that his friend’s girlfriend would be cool if she let them both have some alone time tonight at his place. Most of the time, she would be alright with her boyfriend spending the night with him.

“Kyo,” a young man sat across the table from the table smirked, “glad you could come.”

“Haru, I wouldn’t miss it for anything,” Kyo smiled as he took a swig of his beer.

“How the hell can you drink that shit? It smells like piss.”

“Booze is booze. It’s not the best but it gets the job done.”

“I’m getting some shots, you up for it,” Haru questioned.

“Do you know me to refuse a drink?”

Haru laughed as he walked off to the bartender, swaying his hips just enough for Kyo to take notice. The ginger chuckled to himself as he watched head over to the bar, talking with the bartender. His roots were jet black while the top of his head was almost bleached completely white. His leather pants hugged his waist seductively as you could see a hint of the V of his pelvis. He had on a white undershirt with a black and white band shirt that was torn and tied in places that Kyo knew that either Haru or his girlfriend did themselves.

The young man came back with two shots in each hand and a smile on his face as he sat back down and handed two shots to Kyo. Haru’s smoldering grey eyes were glued on Kyo, almost as if there were a hunger within him. Kyo’s rusty eyes met grey as his hand went for one of the shots.

“To your performance in a few,” Kyo smiled as he lifted his glass before smacking it down on the table and drinking it in one hit.

“Thanks,” Haru spoke as he stood up.

Kyo nodded as he took his other shot and gulped without much thought, the alcohol warmed his belly almost immediately. Haru was about to go and perform as Kyo noticed that the bar was coming alive with chatter. He looked at the stage and saw Haru with his girlfriend and some of their bandmates. His girlfriend was a tinny looking thing, but he knew very well how much fire she had in her very being. He remembered how the first night Haru and he had hooked up, his girlfriend, a terrifying five foot something, looked at him with a very dark look. Kyo never forgot the words he told her.

“Don’t ever think you have a chance with him. He may come to you occasionally, but I have him fully. The only reason why he has this thing with you is because I cannot give him what he wants, and tonight, he wants a man. Fall for him, and he’ll fucking drop you.”

Kyo had ended up learning that Haru was bi and those two had an open relationship. Haru had been with Rin since they were in junior high. Clearly, Rin had seen multiple men come in and out of Haru’s life. And in the end, he always chose Rin. Kyo assured her that he had zero interest in making some kind of serious relationship with Haru. To Kyo, Haru was just a familiar bed warmer and an actual friend. He didn’t have romantic feelings for him. He could see himself and Haru shit talking for the next 50 years. But that was about it. Just being friends.

He saw that Rin was wearing a white muscle shirt with what he figured was one of those strapless bras that looked like tube tops underneath. He could catch glimpses of the designs on the shirt, a bunch of chicken scratch with the anarchy A. She had on some fishnet leggings with some plaid skirt and slip on shoes. She was setting up her keyboard while Haru would give her his love-sick puppy dog eyes. It was impressive that even after all these years, they were still in love with each other. Kyo opened himself up once and it didn’t end well for him. He was happier with the arrangements he had set up. Go to a bar, find some guy for the night, rinse and repeat. Some nights he would end up with a few within the evening. Other nights, he was home uncomfortably alone. Tonight, however, was one of those nights where he knew it would be hard to sleep alone. He was hoping that she would be alright with Haru coming over to his place for the night. Most of the time, she was cool with it, but there were times where she needed him home for whatever reason. Kyo was just hoping that tonight wouldn’t be one of those nights.

Kyo watched casually as Haru was finishing up setting up the stage. He saw Haru give his girlfriends a kiss on the lips before she made her way to Kyo’s table. She sat down next to him, leaning on him almost like a pillow. Kyo rolled his eyes as he pushed her off him slightly. She looked at him, grinning.

“Nice to see ya at the show,” her voice a mischievous.

“How are you doing?”

“Pumped up for Haru’s show,” Rin gave her typical bell of a laugh, “he gets really hyped after a show if you catch my drift.”

Kyo looked at her, intrigued. He was a little worried about asking now, but he knew that the worst case was that she would say no.

“How so?”

“Things that would make you blush,” she laughed.

“Yeah, because I’m the prude one in the group,” Kyo chuckled.

“Fair enough Carrots.”

“Hey, question.”

“Yeah?”

“I was wondering, you cool if Haru spends the night over my place tonight?”

“What, no date for you tonight?”

“This place isn’t a gay bar. I’m not going to hit on a random dude and get into a fight.”

“That would be pretty fun,” Rin mused as she put her fingers together.

“For you, maybe. I’m not in the mood to go to jail tonight.”

“Fair ‘nuf. If Haru wants to, he can. I’ll let him know you wanted to ask him something and I said it was cool if he wanted to.”

~*~

Kyo was captivated by the young man on stage. His skinny jeans hugged him tightly around the hips as his sultry voice washed over the bar with his melodic notes. His fingers strummed the guitar as if he were making love. That was one of the things Kyo loved about Haru. His passion for music was the same passion he had for martial arts. Haru was lost in his own world as he played and sung for anyone who was willing to listen. Haru was the kind of man that he would be happy so long as he had a pack of cigarettes, a guitar and a song in his voice. He could have those things in a million-dollar mansion, or he could have those things on a Brooklyn street. So long as he was playing music, he was happy. That was the only thing he needed.

This wasn’t the first time Kyo went to one of Haru’s shows. Haru was rather gifted as a musician. The young man told Kyo about how he even found himself in New York. His parents, back when they lived in their small hometown, spoke with his teachers about how they had a child prodigy with music. Haru could pick up just about any instrument and play it with little difficulty. They had family in New York and moved close to them as a means to help get settled in. And now, was in his third year in college as a music major. And some years later, Rin moved in with his family. Even though, in name, they were family, neither shared an ounce of blood. Her parents put her up for adoption when she was born, and one of Haru’s aunts or uncles adopted her in.

The music fell into a diminuendo as he finished his final song. His body gleamed with sweat from the lights and adrenaline of performing. This was one of the best things in the world for him. Seeing people listening to his music. Seeing people enjoy it was one of the greatest pleasures in life. Almost nothing could compete.

Haru stepped off stage, almost immediately a group of girls surrounded him, swooning. Rin and Kyo were sitting together rolling their eyes as the girls gave him an ego boost. They both saw Haru blushing like a dumb idiot as the girls spoke such flowery words. He took notice of Rin and Kyo and excused himself with a soft smile. He made his way to their booth and plopped down next to Rin. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder, weaving his arm through her midnight black hair.

“Kyo wanted to talk to you about something,” Rin chuckled darkly.

Haru looked at Kyo curiously as Kyo shifted as both of them stared at him. Haru smirked as he saw the outgoing ginger turning meek with just simple stares. It was almost comical. He knew that Kyo wasn’t the kind that liked to be in the limelight, even though he could handle it without much issue. He found it very cute to see him be this uncomfortable.

“I gotta go pee,” Kyo stood up suddenly.

Rin pushed Haru off her playfully, telling him to go with Kyo. The redhead sighed as he made his way to the restroom. It was empty except for a couple of urinals, sinks, and stalls. Kyo made his way to a random stall, the restroom surprisingly didn’t smell as bad as what he was expecting, although the restroom didn’t look as clean as it should have. Haru walked in the stall with Kyo, a smirk in his face before both their lips smashed against the others. Their breaths hastened as their hands roamed familiar territory. How long had this fling been going? It had to be at least a year already. Kyo felt his back against the stall wall, Haru let his hands go under Kyo’s shirt, feeling his fingers ghosting his abs. Kyo allowed his fingers to dance against the creamy sea that was Haru’s body. Kyo let his lips travel to Haru’s neck, giving his neck little playful marks. Haru moaned out softly as he felt his member grow hard with desire.

Kyo smirked as he let his dominant hand slip into Haru’s pants. He gave Haru a triumphant smirk. His own member was already ready for action. Kyo looked into Haru’s eyes, lust-glazed over, as a deep hunger roared within him. Quickly, the tanned beauty started to undo Haru’s pants, wanting to see him in all his glory. Kyo smirked when he finally saw Haru’s manhood twitching with anticipation. Kyo looked up seductively as he let his tongue rest on the tip of Haru’s head, forcing a laugh out of his lips. To him, the ginger looked like a brat, something that was driving him crazy. It took Haru all of his self-control to not straight up ram his cock down the man’s throat. Little by little, Kyo let Haru rest his dick in his mouth, enjoying his taste. And with that, he started sucking him off, one hand on Haru’s shaft while the other on his own hardened member. Haru’s soft moans egged him on as Kyo went deeper.

Kyo froze suddenly when he heard the bathroom door opening, along with a guy going in. His movements sounded sluggish, almost as if the guy was drunk. Kyo had a sudden idea, knowing that it would drive Haru mad. Without warning, Kyo started sucking harder. Haru was struggling to keep his voice down as he felt the back of Kyo’s throat with his dick. The warmth and suction was a lot to take in for him. He breathed through his nose as he grabbed Kyo’s head and slammed him against his pelvis. Kyo started coughing as the only thing he could breathe was Haru, tears threatening to spill. Haru pulled Kyo’s head away for a second, allowing Kyo to catch his breath before he went back to thrusting uncontrollably his skull. The silver-haired male let out a low moan, trying to keep himself from grounded. This man before him had the most heavenly throat. Sometimes, he wondered who was better this, Kyo or Rin. His only wish, even though he knew damn well that it would never happen because both of them had shot him down multiple times, was in both of them joining as they serviced him in one way or another.

The most that those two had done was Kyo and him intimate while Rin watched. Although Kyo was clearly uncomfortable. When the act was done between them both, Rin was all over him. His mind momentarily went numb as he thought about the crazy shit he and his girlfriend did. 

Haru felt his body getting close. At this point, he didn’t care if the other person was still in the restroom or not. He wanted to enjoy Kyo’s mouth more than worrying if there was somebody there.

“Fuck,” Haru whispered as his thrusts grew harsher, watching Kyo’s face covered in tears, spit, and pre-cum.

“If you don’t make your bitch scream, you doin’ it wrong,” the guy laughed.

They heard either a toilet or urinal flush and the door opened. Haru laughed as he continued to thrust, clutching his hair firmly in his hands. A few more thrusts and he forced Kyo’s head to the base of his manhood, releasing hard, smacking hard enough for him to sputter. Sperm spirted out of his nose as Kyo pulled Haru’s dick out of his mouth, swallowing what he could before coughing up a fit.

“Shit, Kyo, sorry,” Haru smiled sheepishly.

“Asshole, you did that on purpose."

"Still hot," Haru still had his goofy smile.

"If you feel sorry, then make it up to me and spend the night at my place tonight,” Kyo smirked as he whipped his nose on his sleeve.

Chapter Text

Yuki sighed as he stood in front of his brother’s shop. His parents would murder him if they even knew that was over here at his shop in this part of the neighborhood. Ayame owned a sex shop and his parents hated that fact. Although Yuki would never admit it to his parents, he thought that it was interesting. Ayame was doing something he loved and owning this kind of business suited him fairly well. A small ping of jealousy touched Yuki’s heart. Ayame was able to live the way he wanted; their parents be damned. It was as if Ayame didn’t care if their parents were okay with what he did with his life or not. He left the church when he was about fifteen years old, while still living in their parents’ place, he was able to have a boyfriend. Even though he saw his brother go through so much crap over it, Yuki wished he had that kind of bravery. Although, at the same time, it wasn’t exactly Ayame’s plans to come out to their “oh so accepting” parents. He felt so bad for causing his older brother so much grief over it. It was amazing that his brother was still on speaking terms with him after that mess. He felt like if the roles were reversed, he’d never want anything to do with him.

Yuki opened the door to see a simple shop. A young woman was at the register, her smile very bright and inviting. She was very beautiful, something that Yuki had to admit that his brother was good at. He was good at finding beautiful people and had the ability to gather them for his projects. He remembered even as a small child that Ayame was very popular in school. So much so that his parents grew angry. They felt as if his popularity was a disgrace to their religion and that the only thing that would come from it was an ego that swelled his head.

This woman was probably the only reason why their parents didn’t feel like complete failures with Ayame. She and Aya had been married for about four or five years already. They met when Ayame was in college for business. He always knew that he was going to own his own business. But then he met Mine and she shared in his dream. It was very romantic. Yuki saw that they both complemented each other almost perfectly. They were good for each other. They were good for each other. Yuki wished he would one day find somebody like that for him. Even though, he knew that would ever happen.

“Yuki, it’s been too long,” she smiled as she stepped away from the register.

“Hey Mine, how are you doing?”

“I’m fine, let me get your Ayame, I’m sure he wants to see you.”

“Thanks,” Yuki smiled.

Yuki was looking at the toys from the corner of his eyes. He was impressed that they had new stock. It seemed like every other week there were new products. It was astounding that Ayame and his wife would even be able to sell these things and be so knowledgeable about things like this. He felt so self-conscious over being in this kind of place. His parents would have killed him for even being in an area like this. They raised him better than this. His heart felt a tinge of pain as he allowed himself to even think that for a second. His brother was better than his parents, that much was for sure. His parents were horrible people. They hid behind their flowery words of praise to God behind their feelings. To them, their God was alive and well in the hatred of every human. Their God poured whiskey on bad ideas until they started tasting good. Their God was a forked tongue devil who’s the first language was hate speech, and their second tongue was discrimination. But even though this was the God that they praised, and that was the God in their image, Yuki cowered to Him every day, praying that one day, their God would show humility. His heart was full of broken promises like the broken bottles in his father’s study.

“Yun-Yun, how are you doing?”

A tall silver-haired man in his thirties stood before him. This was his brother they looked almost identical in every way except for the length of their hair and the eye color. Ayame’s eyes were like their mother’s warm honey, although to be fair, it was very difficult to imagine their mother warm in any way.

“I’m fine, just wanted to visit you since I’m off of work,” Yuki smiled.

“Oh, you shouldn’t have,” Ayame spoke as he led his brother to the back of the store.

In the back, there was a little stairway that took them to the apartment upstairs. Aya and his wife lived up and kept their shop downstairs. His brother opened the door and Yuki found himself in a quaint studio apartment. There was a lot of space. Technically, there were no walls to separate the rooms, other than the restroom, so they made do with decorative separators to keep their bedroom separate from their living room. Even though Yuki knew that both his brother and Mine were rather eccentric people, their home would have said the complete opposite. He remembered when his brother had officially moved out, he was around eight years old at the time, Ayame’s apartment was much smaller than this. He had a simple setup, a small table, a used couch from a discount store, a futon bed, and wood boxes as makeshift side tables for his room and television. He was a poor college student at the time but made things work.

Yuki made his way to the couch, sitting down casually as his brother went to the kitchen to grab something to drink for both of them. It had been a few months since he last saw his brother. Even though Ayame was typically the kind of person that Yuki would avoid just because his personality was intense, the very fact that he was one of the few people in his life that he could be comfortable enough to even be himself made Aya extremely important to him. Ayame knew from firsthand experience the kind of people their parents were. Ayame knew just how violent their views could get. Yuki remembered painfully when his parents found out about Ayame being bi. He remembered how his father beat Ayame. The bruises. The blood. Even now, Ayame, at the bottom of his chin had a nasty scar from when their father kicked him in the face. Their father had chipped and broke most of Aya’s teeth. His brother was so self-conscious over his smile for years until he finally saved up enough money for porcelain implants. You wouldn’t even know just by looking at his mouth that all of his teeth were fake.

Ayame came back to his brother, handing him a cup of tea. Yuki thanked his brother softly as he began to take a sip. The tea was delicious with a delicate taste of roses. It was relaxing, just like the apartment. He put the cup down before letting himself sink into the couch.

“I hate my life,” Yuki sighed as he glanced at his brother.

“Why is that?”

“Take a wild guess,” Yuki muttered.

“Yuki, you need to leave that church,” Ayame stated casually.

“But I grew up there,” Yuki spoke sheepishly.

“And I did too, but I left because I didn’t like how I was treated.”

Yuki sighed, “But mom and dad. They would be disappointed.”

“Mom and dad get disappointed over everything They’ll live.”

“I’m going to die alone,” Yuki muttered.

“Yun-Yun, you’re a handsome young doctor. Any guy would be excited to be with you.”

“With a million cats,” Yuki went on.

“Yuki, you don’t even like cats,” Ayame scoffed.

“Let me just lay in my depression.”

“You’re on my couch. Your depression is in the trash.”

Yuki looked at his brother, a little surprised that he didn’t just go to him and hug him like an idiot. Although, he had to admit that his brother was doing pretty good at cheering him up. He chuckled at his comment. He looked at his brother, a smile on his face as he sat across from him.

“Yuki, if you want, I can set you up on a date. I know that you are still very hesitant to even date a guy, but you really should give it a try,” Ayame smiled.

“No,” Yuki was shaking his head, “it’s alright. Dating isn’t for me.”

“Why? Because you’re gay? Because you know mom and dad are going to say fag this and fag that?” Ayame sounded unintentionally harsh before he softened his expression, “Yun-Yun, you deserve to be happy. Why can’t you see that?”

Yuki stayed quiet as he started drinking his tea again. Why did he feel like he didn’t deserve to be happy? Easy. He was gay. He was told from the moment he was born was that his feelings were dangerous. Ever since he was little, he was told that he was supposed to be with a girl, marry her, and have kids. He was told that if he were to be with another man then he would be an abomination in the eyes of God. He felt like he didn’t deserve to be happy. He wasn’t allowed to even try to be happy. He wanted to so desperately be straight. It would have made everything so much easier. He would be able to be with Tohru, have a baby with her, live happily ever after. Instead, here he was, at his brother’s place in the middle of his own self-loathing.

Yuki put his cup back on the table before laying down on it, not wanting to look at his brother as he mumbled onto the cushion. Ayame chuckled as he stood up and sat next to his brother, rubbing his back.

“Yun-Yun,” Ayame was still chuckling, “you are being silly right now.”

“I’m a loser,” Yuki muffled into the cushion.

“Yuki, you aren’t,” Ayame was stern, “you have to start doing for yourself, and ignore what others think. You will never be able to please mom and dad. But you CAN please yourself.”

“Aya,” Yuki looked at his brother as he pulled his face off the couch.

“Stop being a dork, Yuki. You will find somebody, I promise. And I also promise that one day you will actually not hate yourself. It takes time, but the first step is to actually do what makes you happy. Because I know that right now you and Tohru have an arrangement. But this is the thing, you know she is dating a wonderful guy. And one day, he’s going to want to propose to her. What then? Are you going to pretend to marry her? Is she going to continue to pretend that she’s still with you? Is he going to be okay with it? And let's also throw this into the mix. If her boyfriend gets her pregnant, how are you going to break it to mom and dad? Are you okay if they find out that the child isn’t even yours? Are you okay with mom treating Tohru nasty because you are too terrified to get out of the closet?”

Yuki remembered why he hated visiting his brother sometimes. It was because Ayame would always slap him with this reality. One day, he and Tohru would have to stop this facade. The sun was going to eventually set on this relationship and Yuki was going to have to make an excuse as to why Tohru and he didn’t work out. They were already pressuring them to marry. And he knew that as wonderful as Tohru was, that it also made her heavily uncomfortable being told by his mother constantly to tie the knot with her super gay son who had zero interest of making her his wife. And even though Momiji was a really nice guy, he knew that sooner or later, his kindness would be worn out and would not be okay with this arrangement that his girlfriend and Yuki have. He figured that what they would do is they would sit his mother down and tell her that they broke up at least six months prior and just stayed as friends

Yuki sighed before he spoke, “I don’t even like closets.”

Ayame and Yuki started laughing as Yuki’s brother playfully slapped his feet off the couch. That was the smile Ayame wanted to see on his brother’s face. He didn’t like being hard on his brother, but sometimes, Yuki was just so hard-headed. It was almost as if his words would go in one ear and out the other. Sometimes, Ayame wished that his parents’ words would have the same effect on Yuki as how his own words would on his little brother. Even though the things he would tell Yuki were things that were told to him by the people important to him when his parents abandoned him. Yuki needed to think about himself and his own happiness. Even if it meant having to put aside their parents’ feelings. They were so lost in their world that they didn’t see the pain that they inflicted on both him and his little brother. And Ayame knew that they never would. They were so far off that change was as real as Santa and the Easter Bunny.

“Tohru came here the other day with that boy, what’s his name?”

“Momiji,” Yuki stated.

“Yeah, he’s a sweet boy.”

“What they come for?” Yuki asked.

“Same reason why most couples come to my store. But they also wanted to know how I was doing and how you are doing,” Ayame smiled, “and Tohru told me about that one bar you keep going to without ever really going to?”

“Yeah, it’s a gay bar nearby,” Yuki blushed deeply, “it’s not a big deal.”

“Go to it. If you want, I can go with you. Mine and I would be more than happy to take you if you-”

“No!” Yuki shouted out almost embarrassed, “no, Aya, it’s alright.”

“Then go on your next day off. If not, I’ll find out and I’ll take you there myself and give every guy in that bar your number,” Ayame smirked playfully.

“You wouldn’t,” Yuki looked at his brother with panic in his voice.

“Yuki, just go. It’s not going to be the end of the world if you go to a bar. Besides, you might find a really cute guy.”

Yuki sighed as he got off the couch. Maybe his brother was right. Maybe he should go to the club and actually enjoy himself. Chances of him actually meeting some guy was low. And even if he did, it wasn’t like he was going to take him home with him or go to that guy’s place. He was better than that. He was better than to just sleep with some random guy or any guy for that matter.

“I wanted to buy something from your store, anyway.”

“I’ll throw in a family discount,” Ayame laughed as they both headed back downstairs to the store.

He had time to kill and even though this was “a place of debauchery” as his parents would call it, it was one of the only places that he actually enjoyed. It was one of the few places where he could let his guard down and relax. There were people who wouldn’t notice him. There were people who wouldn’t even care if they did see him, to begin with.

Yuki figured that he would just go and help Ayame at the store for a few hours before he would head home. He would just have to call his mom and tell him that he was going to have to miss the church activity tonight because the hospital called and needed him to cover an emergency shift. It wasn’t the first time that it has happened, and it would be the easiest way for him to get her off his case quickly and without her even questioning it. He was going to take his brother’s advice. Tonight, he was going to the club. He was going to go in and have a good time. He was going to and be the kind of guy that was cool being gay. He might even get lucky and kiss a guy. He sighed internally to himself at the thought. He wasn’t going to go that far. Baby steps. He was going to have to learn how to crawl before running a marathon.

Chapter Text

Yuki didn’t know why he would constantly spend his weekend nights like this. Instead of being at the church he was here downtown. His clothes hugging him snuggly, showing off his lean figure, as his hair was blow dried and straightened even more so than if he left it alone. He knew that the way he was looking, he either looked like a woman or a very effeminate guy. But tonight, nobody who he knew would recognize him. He didn’t look like his normal self, to begin with. Even though he felt so self-conscious in his outfit, a set of black leggings under cut off short jeans, a black tank top with an open jacket. He was too ashamed to even stand in front of the Gomorrah before him. How he desperately wishes to partake in the sinful pleasures that his wretched flesh wants, but the very shame and overwhelming guilt of losing his soul to the clutches of Satan outweigh everything. Ever since he was a young child, his parents would beat verses into him. Even more so because his brother decided to go against their wishes and started a sex shop. The moment Ayame started his business, his parents started to smother him with the love of Jesus and the everlasting fear of the Devil. If he ever became the Prodigal's son, he knew very well that he would jump into the pins that confined the swine.  And unlike that tale, where he came back, Yuki knew damn well that he would be consumed alive.

Yuki remembered, as a small child, he would be punished severely by the nuns. Not only would he get his hands smacked raw red with their rulers, he remembered one of the worst times where he had angered one of the nuns, he couldn't even remember what he had said or done, but the nun had tied him to a chair in the linen closet and left him for four hours alone and scared. He was only four at the time. But he would sing little songs that his older brother taught him. With the gag in his mouth to keep him silent, he would hum about how Jesus loved him because the bible told him so. And to Yuki, how could the bible be wrong? He couldn’t even understand why this memory just flooded him so suddenly. Was it because he knew that what he was doing was wrong? Would he ever find the courage to even step inside this bar?

The young silver-haired man took a deep breath. This was enough gazing longingly for the inside of his own personal hell. He knew that with how this was working for him, he was going to be living alone with five cats. There was no way that Tohru would pretend to marry him and have a life. And there was no way he even felt comfortable enough to even sleep with a woman. And even if he could find some poor woman willing to marry him, he would never be able to do anything with them. Even the times that he had to give Tohru a peck on the cheek and lips made his entire body crawl. He felt disgusted with himself. He felt like he was the worst person in the world to even subject her to him.

“I’ll go inside next week.” He spoke softly to himself.

He turned to leave when he felt a hand grab his. He turned quickly, seeing a young man before him. His skin golden kissed his hair bright orange. He was wearing a black crop top that read PEACE in rainbow colors, showing a peak of his well-toned abs. He had on some skinny jeans and some converse with rainbow-colored laces. This man was beautiful, Yuki felt his body shaking.

“Hey, why not come in?” the young ginger asked.

“I shouldn’t,” Yuki mumbled, sheepishly.

“Come on, most of us are pretty harmless. Besides, you’ve been coming here every weekend just standing in front of this bar for the last three months.”

Yuki blushed as he looked at his own feet. He felt so embarrassed about being here. He wanted to go in, however, his body would shake in terror every time he even thought about it. He could envision the inside blaring with music as guys talked with other guys, people dancing, people kissing. People going home for a night of passion. Something he knew that he never would be able to do so long as his parents were around and so long as he felt his soul weigh him down over his own demons.

“You’ve noticed?”

“Yeah, kinda hard not to when you look really cute,” the ginger smirked as he looked at him.

Yuki blushed even harder at the compliment.

“Look, just come in for a bit. Fifteen minutes at least. If you like it, cool. If not, you can go home. But ya gotta live a little,” the guy spoke with a warm smile.

Yuki nodded slowly as he got in line with the guy.

“So,” the tanned beauty began, “name’s Kyo. Yours?”

“Yuki.”

Yuki stood next to Kyo, his heart pounding in his throat. He was so nervous. This was the first time he ever talked to anybody in this kind of area. This was going to also be the first time he even went into a bar, let alone a gay bar. Full of gay men. This was it. This was going to be his first night in this Gomorrah. Would he survive it? Would he make it out unscathed? Would his family find out and disown him? He felt his body shaking, Kyo, taking notice.

“Hey, you alright?” Kyo asked, “You’re shaking like a leaf in autumn.”

“Would you believe me if I told you that I’ve never been to a bar before?”

“Really now?”

“Yeah, and I’m still deep in the closet to boot.” Yuki chuckled nervously.

“That, I believe.” Kyo gave a hardy laugh.

“What about you? Are you in the closet?” Yuki asked.

“Na, I’m like the Christmas presents on Christmas morning. Out and open.”

“And what about your family?”

“Uh, they’re cool about it,” Kyo spoke casually.

He felt a little bad for Yuki. It wasn’t easy being gay when you had to hide it constantly. Almost as if it was a dirty little secret that could get him in trouble. His friends and family, though, were very accepting. He was very lucky because some of his other gay friends weren’t as lucky. He remembered how he would beg his stepdad to let a friend stay with them while they got everything situated as their parents threw them out on the street. There was no way his stepdad would allow it to happen, at least not if he could help it.

“ID,” the bouncer stated suddenly.

Both men pulled out their IDs, handing them to the bouncer. They looked at them casually and handed them back to the two men.

“Have fun,” the bouncer stated as he opened the door for them.

Inside, the music blared as the lights seemed to dance with the rhythm of the music. Kyo motioned for Yuki to follow him. The silver-haired man followed the carrot top, reaching the bartender. Kyo spoke something to the barkeep, soon getting two shots, handing one to Yuki.

“To your first night of freedom,” Kyo smiled before he downed his drink.

Yuki never really drank before. The only alcohol he ever had was the little teaspoon cup of wine in Communion. He sipped a bit of the shot, his eyes almost popping out of his skull at the taste. He almost coughed into his shot and Kyo roared with laughter.

“Don’t tell me you’ve never drunk before too.”

“Only in Communion,” Yuki spoke as he looked down.

“Oh, it’s cool, just chug it down quickly. Don’t taste it. This shit is really strong if you aren’t careful.”

Yuki nodded and tried his shot again, this time, downing it in one go. The liquid burned his throat as it slid down. He liked it. The warmth gave as it hit his belly. This was something he could seriously get used to.

*~*

The night went into a blur, Yuki felt as if his body was weightless. His mind was fuzzy and bubbly like the drinks he had all night. The silver-haired man let his hands travel through Kyo’s body. The orange haired man was clearly just as drunk as he was. But neither cared at the moment. Yuki was too into it to care. If this was how he would lose his virginity, then so be it. Better than living alone without ever knowing the touch of another man and being alone with thirty cats.

Yuki gave a drunken kiss to Kyo, the sun-kissed man kissed back. His hands placed on Yuki’s shoulders firmly almost as if he was trying to keep his own balance. Yuki wrapped his arms around the taller man’s neck trying desperately to not just throw himself so fully at him. He felt as if this was still a dream. There was no way that he spent over 3 hours in a gay bar talking with a guy and getting drunk off his ass with him. This had to be a dream because he was kissing him and this man was kissing him back. He was waiting for this pleasant dream to turn into a nightmare where his mother would appear and scream about how he would be rotting in Hell. He was waiting for Kyo to morph in a devil and cast him into the fiery pits of Hell where he would burn for an eternity. But that never came.

“I live a block away, you want to finish it up there?” Kyo kissed him in between words.

Yuki moaned out a small yes, and Kyo, with great difficulty, peeled himself off of him. Kyo grabbed Yuki’s hand tenderly as they both walked out of the bar. The streets were not as busy now. Kyo dug through his pocket to grab his phone, calling someone. Yuki could make out what he was saying. Surprised that Kyo even spoke Japanese. He hung up with a smile, looking at the silver-haired man.

“I got us a ride,” Kyo stated.

“I understood what you said,” Yuki spoke in Japanese, slurring over his own words.

“Oh, so you do speak Japanese then,” Kyo was impressed, “I’m liking the surprises you are giving.”

Yuki blushed as he looked at Kyo again. His heart was pounding. Yuki slinked back to him, kissing him again. Kyo placed his hands on Yuki’s ass, lifting him up a bit as he dipped his mouth to his. His breath was a mix between tequila and mint. Both rolled their tongues as they continued their sloppy make-out session.

Yuki jumped a bit when he heard a honk, his body almost stiff with fright.

“Kyo, you fucking shit, it’s 2 in the morning, people actually sleep during this time,” a guy called out from his car.

“Shut it Tomoda,” Kyo yelled back as he flipped him off.

“Who’s the guy you’re all over?”

“What’s it to ya?”

“You a fucking ho, Kyo,”

“At least I get more ass than you,”

Yuki felt so out of place with Kyo and his friend. He couldn’t believe how they were able to talk like this. If his mother heard, she would have fainted from the scene.

“Yuki, this is my brother from another mother, Tomoda. He’s harmless.”

Yuki muttered a shy hello as he got into the car. It was a silent car ride that lasted a few minutes. Kyo gave him his thanks, mentioning to tell his dad that he would be late for work in the morning. Tomoda rolled his eyes at Kyo and drove off.

Yuki followed the taller man up a few flights of stairs and to a door. Kyo unlocked the door and let the silver-haired man inside. Yuki was surprised. The apartment was small, clean and very simple. Yuki too notices of the mantle in the living room, a beautiful medal with a photo of Kyo with a man, both holding a trophy.

“My stepdad and I own a dojo. Tomoda is our assistant and a really good friend of the family. He’s like a brother from another mother to me.”

“I see,” Yuki spoke.

“So, you want anything?” Kyo asked as he walked over to his kitchen.

“Some water, please?”

Kyo nodded as he opened his refrigerator, tossing Yuki a bottle before sitting down on the sofa. He motioned for the young man to sit next to him. Yuki, almost as if his body had a mind of its own, sat next to the other man. This night was already so full of firsts. All because of a single action. A single promise he made to his brother. He felt his body getting the better of him. He wanted to go all the way with Kyo, but his soul ached with guilt. Guilt that he knew he shouldn’t be doing this. Not because they literally just met a few hours ago, but because Kyo was a man, just like him. This wasn’t something they shouldn’t be doing. Go was watching them and He would cast His furry on the both of them.

Kyo brushed his fingers across his cheek, feeling the slight heat on his skin. Yuki, without even thinking held Kyo’s hand close to his face, almost as if he was begging for him to not leave him. Even though he was terrified of what might happen, he didn’t want Kyo to stop.

“Are you ready?” Kyo asked.

“For?”

Kyo’s face dropped for a moment before he composed himself, “For us to fuck.”

“To be honest, I’m terrified. I’ve never done this before,” Yuki started, “at all.”

Kyo looked at Yuki with a mix of shock and disbelief.

“How old are you? I mean, since you had no issue getting into the bar and they didn’t mark your hand or anything like that,” Kyo was curious now.

“I've just turned 25 about two months ago,” Yuki whispered.

“And you never,” Kyo started.

“Not even with a woman. Although my parents think I have a girlfriend.”

“Wow,” Kyo chuckled, “is there a reason for it? Like you’re waiting for the right person or you just never got around to it?”

“More like the fear of eternal damnation over my mortal soul.” Yuki tried to sound cheerful as he pulled out a neckless he had on.

Kyo took a closer look and then burst into a fit of laughter, “That explains a lot.”

“My parents are very strict Catholics and raised me to be one.”

“And in the process, raised you to hate yourself more than anything else, right?”

Yuki was taken aback by Kyo’s response. Kyo could tell that he hit a nerve.

“Look, just forget about what they taught you for tonight. If you weren’t wracked with guilt, what would you do?”

“I’d want to sleep with you,” Yuki stated bluntly.

“So are you a top or bottom?”

“I don’t know.”

“Do you play with your dick more or do you play with your ass?”

Yuki blushed deeply at the question. He remembered the first day when he had moved out of his parents’ home that him, Tohru, and Momiji went to his brother’s shop. Tohru and Momiji got him a gag gift that ended up actually being one of his favorite things he had. It was a simple dildo. Not too big, not too small. The vibration hit him right in his prostate. It was the only way he felt like he could express his sexuality without feeling like a total shit stain on society.

The only person in his family that knew his deep dark secret was his brother. Even though his brother was ten years older than him, he was the only person he could trust when it came to things like this. He wished that he would have listened to him more when it came to sex because clearly, he had no idea what to do.

“I have a dildo in my drawer.”

“And do you like it?”

“It’s the only thing that I’ve used that didn’t make me feel as horrible,” Yuki’s voice was husky.

“In my bathroom, I have in the drawer for you to flush your system. Go use it and meet me in my bedroom. “Kyo pointed to both the restroom and his room.

~*~

Yuki was laying nude on a stranger’s bed. His body a little tense as the owner of the apartment looked at him from above. He still hadn’t removed the rosary beads that he had shown Kyo. They were something precious to him. He didn’t want to take them off. Besides, Kyo wasn’t pressuring him to even do that in the first place.

“You look beautiful, you know that?” Kyo whispered to his ear as he began to lick and kiss his neck.

Yuki let out a soft moan, his body shivering almost violently as Kyo began to take the lead. Little by little, Kyo kissed every part of him until finally, he reached his pubic mound. Kyo was surprised that despite the fact that Yuki was a virgin, he had everything shaved so smoothly. Just the sight of his creamy white skin flawlessly on his bed made him hard, then again, just about everything this young man in his bed was making him hard. The last time he bagged a virgin was a few years ago where Kyo ended up giving him a blowjob and even let the guy fuck him.

Kyo placed Yuki’s dick in his mouth, sucking on it tenderly as he enjoyed the sounds that came from the man.

Yuki felt like his mind was swimming. The pleasure that was Kyo at the moment outweighed the fear of God his parents instilled in him. The silver-haired man just let his body melt into the sheets as his body was washed in this desire that simply couldn’t be extinguished. If this is what damnation felt like, Yuki wanted to feel like this every day. He wanted Kyo to be his savior. Yuki felt a heat in the pit of his stomach. This was the same feeling he had every time he played with himself. He knew that if Kyo kept this up, he was going to cum. Yet, Yuki was just spinning in his own head. He was too lost in his own body to even tell Kyo to slow down. He just let his body release his frustration. All in Kyo’s mouth.

The ginger looked up at his current lover, opening his mouth to show the gift he gave him before swallowing every last drop. Yuki felt like his mind was going to implode from that act. Kyo just gave him a warm look before he lifted him up a bit.

“Just relax, Yuki. Let me know if it hurts.”

Kyo began teasing Yuki’s anus, the silver-haired male let out a sigh as he felt a slight pressure. It wasn’t bad, it felt almost relaxing. Yuki liked it. Kyo could tell, but he just wanted to be sure. He grabbed a bottle and squeezed the contents out, rubbing it on Yuki. He let out a sharp breath as the cold gel touched his skin. Kyo continued to play with his little asshole, letting in a finger, careful to read his partner’s body. Every few minutes, Kyo asking if everything was alright if Yuki got a little too quiet for his own liking.

After a while, when Kyo could put in almost all of his fingers without little resistance, he reapplied the lube on Yuki, adding a bit of lube on his own hardened member to help ease Yuki’s first time.

“I’m about to put my dick in,” Kyo started, “if you want me to stop, you can tell me and I’ll stop.”

“Just put it in me, please,” Yuki pleaded.

And with that, Kyo listened, placing the tip of his dick at Yuki’s entrance. Yuki closed his eyes tightly as he clenched the bed sheets. He felt his breathing stagger as Kyo went inside.

“Is it fully?”

“Just the head.” Kyo’s voice was husky.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah. You want me to take a picture and show you too?” Kyo joked.

“Shit,” Yuki sighed, “I’m going to regret this. I know you’re playing with me using kiddy gloves, but just fuck me. If you go slow like this, I’m going to back out and I don’t want to.”

“Are you sure?”

“Please, if I’m going to be gay, I don’t want to have my first gay experience as me being too scared to even do it,” Yuki pleaded.

“Are you 100% sure, Yuki.”

“Yes, I’m-”

Kyo slammed his full length in the smaller male’s hole, Yuki let out a shrill cry as he felt Kyo thrusting. The sudden thrust shocked him. The pain quickly ebbed away, being replaced with pleasure. Kyo was hitting his prostate gingerly, letting Yuki finally relax into the situation. He lost his virginity to a very handsome man at the bar. Sure, he was a bit crude and rude, but at least he could mark this off his checklist.

It was relieving, to say the least. He felt as if he was himself at the moment as he was being taken by the man before him.

Kyo lifted one of Yuki’s legs over his shoulder as he continued to thrust, Yuki cried out with every thrust feeling as if he were going to cum again. Yuki’s body was shaking uncontrollably as Kyo continued to push into him harder. Yuki lost control again, feeling his body release for a second time, the bed sheets were sticky with what Kyo did to him.

Yuki was losing himself in the act. His body felt like volts of electricity were the only thing that kept his body attached. And Kyo was the one that kept turning on and off the switch that was his sanity. Yet, even though he loved Kyo ramming his dick into him like this, Yuki still felt ashamed. He was having unprotected gay sex with a stranger. And from what it sounded from this stranger’s friend, it sounded like this wasn’t the first time Kyo picked up a random guy from the bar.

How many guys had he brought into his home? Why did he care? It wasn’t as if he would ever see Kyo again after this. After this night, he would go back to his apartment, talk to Tohru and Momiji about his own stupidity and then pretend like nothing ever happened. He’d still hate himself for being who he was because God may be okay with him being gay, but so long as Yuki didn’t act out on it, the Lord was fine. And tonight, if God really was watching him, Yuki knew that he was now a perverted sinner.

Kyo looked at Yuki, his face mixed with worry and pleasure as he noticed that the young man was clinging to his rosary beads. Of course, Yuki was still self-conscious over this. It’s not like he hadn’t heard his whole life that his feelings were wrong. So even this was something that even his own religious beliefs were tainting.

Kyo really liked this guy. He was pretty nice from the few hours he spent with him at the bar. He wouldn’t mind helping Yuki become more comfortable and open about his own sexuality. Because if Yuki could actually accept that he was gay, then maybe he could actually allow himself to be happy. That’s one of the things that Kyo wished guys like Yuki could understand. That it was perfectly natural to be gay. Just like it was natural to be straight. Nobody just woke up one day and said that they wanted to be gay. And if they did, why? Life wasn’t as easy being gay than being straight. Kyo still had his moments with others acting like assholes to him because of his sexuality.

He remembered after he had come out, some of the students at the dojo didn’t want him to teach them just because they felt that he wouldn’t do as good of a job. He kicked their asses to prove a point, but it got exhausting having to do that. When he was younger, he remembered being so angry about his feelings. Kyo remembered the self-loathing he had because of it. And he wished that if he could tell his past-self anything about it, then he would have told him that it really did get better. That life was kick ass and that he would find people who loved and accepted him wholeheartedly.

Just like how he wanted the same for this beautiful man before him. Kyo had been watching him for the last month just waiting in front of the bar almost as if he was debating on whether he should stay or leave. And every time, before the young carrot top could get in himself, that man would be gone. And it made sense as to why. For Yuki, he could see even now as he fucked him, that he was full of guilt. Guilt for even doing what they were doing. And shame for even liking it more than his guilt should even allow. And Kyo hated the fact that this quivering mess of a human before him was fighting his emotions like this. He’s seen how religion played on some of his friends' lives. And a lot of the times, for Kyo, he saw that it did a lot more harm than good. He just couldn’t understand why somebody could follow a religion that would claim that he was the scum of the earth because he found the male figure more pleasing than the figure of any woman.

“Yuki, you want to take over a little?” Kyo spoke, knowing that this was a risk in itself.

Yuki looked at Kyo, a little uncertain but nodded after a minute. Kyo pulled out for a bit, satisfied by how Yuki’s asshole was greedily trying to keep him in. The tanned man laid down, leading his inexperienced lover to sit on top of him as his dick stood at attention. Yuki’s body was shaking as he began to lower himself onto this stranger. This was different for him. This was going to be him actually defying everything that he was raised to be. Even though technically, he had been doing that all night by getting drunk, going to a random guy’s apartment and getting fucked six ways to sideways. Yuki let out a slight gasp as he felt Kyo’s warm tip pressing against him.

Yuki closed his eyes, trying to keep his world from spinning. For some reason, he started thinking about how his parents would react if they saw him right now. Naked with another naked man, both his and Kyo’s dicks hard and ready for this sinful activity. And something in him snapped. He felt angry at himself for letting his emotions get to him like this. He was supposed to enjoy this. Yuki knew from the time that all of the boys in his classes were talking about how cute the girls were that he felt like that for the boys. And he was angry because he wasn’t able to even come out. He pushed his parents and his shame out of his mind for a split second and in that second almost slammed his own ass on Kyo’s dick.

Kyo let out a low sudden moan from the surprise action. But what made it even more erotic was by how Yuki started rolling his hips over him. The angle making his insides tighter than earlier. Kyo could see the light of passion in Yuki’s eyes as he began to succumb to his own urges. And it was a stunning site to see. Yuki’s hair was matted with sweat over his face as he was grinding harder onto him. Kyo lifted his hips a bit, earning a sudden moan from his lover for the night. Yuki wanted that pressure again, and he had a feeling that Kyo was going to only do it occasionally. As much as he wanted to have his dick stay in him, he knew that with the bit of maneuvering he would be doing was going to slip out. So he let it slip out for a moment, while he squatted down a little, almost like some of the guys in the videos he’d seen. Kyo noticed what he was trying to do and chuckled.

“Turn around, it’ll give you more stability. And the view won’t be bad either,” Kyo smiled as saw a sheepish Yuki nod and obeyed.

Yuki felt Kyo underneath him move a bit, pressing his dick inside Yuki again, his hands on his thighs as he started thrusting again. Yuki was losing it all over again, his mind starting to fog up again, he wanted to think of only how he was feeling. And Kyo was making it easy to forget that, even if temporary, that he was human and allowed to enjoy his own sexuality.

Yuki felt himself release again, his own chest, thighs and the bed covered in his cum again. Kyo was starting to feel the burning in the pit of his stomach, a few more minutes of this and he felt his body grow weak as he filled Yuki’s insides.

Kyo pulled out slowly, as Yuki began to roll off of him. Kyo looked at his alarm clock, seeing that he only had an hour and a half to sleep before he would have to get ready to head to the dojo. His stepdad was going to kill him if he didn’t go. But he was also going to chastise him if he came in exhausted like this. Especially since he knew that it was because he picked up another guy from the bar.

Even though his step-father was very accepting to Kyo’s sexuality, he did have a problem with Kyo going to bars almost every night and bringing home “one of those strays” as his stepdad would call them. He wanted Kyo to actually settle down with somebody. And for his stepdad, finding a decent guy wasn’t going to happen if he kept looking for one in bars. Kyo had one of two choices, get chewed out at work by his stepdad, or get chewed out later. He looked at the side of his bed, Yuki was already asleep. He seemed peaceful, eerily beautiful as his chest raised and fell with his breaths. He got up, his legs feeling a little wobbly from his night of passion. Casually, the sun-kissed man walked to his closet and grabbed a shirt and some jeans, then walked over to his dresser to grab some underwear and socks before making his way to the bathroom. He saw that Yuki had left it pretty clean considering that before they fucked, Yuki had to clean himself.

Kyo took a quick shower cleaning himself off from the passions the night brought in. He couldn’t stay in the shower for normal long showers because of time, so he just decided that soap the more important parts, pits, dick, and ass. As soon as the suds were off his body, he turned off the water, dried off and quickly put on his clothes for work.

Careful in not making any noise, Kyo made some coffee while he prepared something quick to eat. Tomada would be here at his door in ten minutes and would be taking him to work. Kyo ate his sandwich quietly as he looked at the dry board on his fridge. Kyo wrote a quick note apologizing to Yuki for not being here when he woke up. And without even thinking, he even doted his phone number, hoping that maybe Yuki and he could meet again. He grabbed his canister for coffee from one of the drawers, pouring a mixture of coffee, sugar, and cream before heading out for a day at the dojo.

Chapter Text

Kyo was shaking as he looked at his mother. It was only three days ago that she was alive. His mind was trying to wrap around the realization that his mom was gone. She was sleeping and this time, she wasn’t waking up. He could still remember the day she had passed on. For the last two weeks of her life, they all were sleeping in the living room. He remembered how cold her hands were, almost like ice. But he never flinched when she placed her hands on his head as she weakly hugged him. Kyo knew very well that if he didn’t want her to, he could easily push her away. But all he could think of was his mother saying weeks before how sorry she was. She was sorry that she wouldn’t be around anymore. And this was when he realized it. She knew that this was going to happen. She wasn’t going to be here any longer. He remembered waking up the next day, she was sleeping. She just didn’t wake up. He remembered how his dad called Baba and she took him to her place. He remembered how his dad held his mom. And he remembered how he wanted nothing more than to run to her arms.

Kyo felt tears threatening to escape from his eyes. He wanted his mom back more than anything else. She was his mom. Why did she have to go? Why did she lose to the monster named Cancer? Why was it that everybody was able to cry, and he couldn’t, even though the tears were very visible? He snuggled with his Baba, her face still wet from tears.

“Baba, I’m sorry you’re sad,” Kyo whispered as he planted a kiss on her wrinkled cheek.

She smiled softly at Kyo as she kissed his forehead. He was a sweet boy, although she worried that Kyo clearly had his mother’s fiery temper. Koemi was a little firecracker of a woman. She wasn’t afraid to tell things how they were but was more than happy to stand up for others who needed it. Even though it might have ended up with her getting int a lot of trouble. Her grandson often surprised her with how much he was like Koemi at that age, so full of spunk, and a beautiful smile. Even though the pain she felt was unlike any pain she ever knew, looking at Kyo comforted her. Kyo looked just like his mother but with a boy’s haircut. Kyo, even though the eyes were a different color, was just like his mother’s.

She watched Kyo get up and walk around the funeral parlor. He was just looking at everybody around. Friends and family were there. Family from both his mom’s and his dad’s sides. Friends from his mom and friends from the people in her cancer group came for support. Friends from his dad’s circle came. People that Kyo never really knew.

He just wanted everybody to leave. He just wanted to be with his mom. He wanted to crawl into her casket and fall asleep with her. He just wanted her to wake up. He just wanted her to wake up. He wanted her to wake up. He didn’t want her to be dead. She was his mom. Kyo could feel his small body tremble as tears finally broke through, streaming down his face as he covered his face with his hands. He ran out of the room, not wanting anybody to bother him. He didn’t want to make a scene. He didn’t want anybody to worry about him. Unless if they could bring her back. And that was something he knew that they couldn’t do.

Kyo, with his grief-stricken heart and blurred vision, bumped into somebody. He looked up, almost as if he forgot to breathe. The man was a towering giant, shoulders broad and a look of annoyance. Kyo just stared at the man. He never saw him before. He looked a bit like Kazuma, but that was it.

“Kyo, are you-” Kazuma lost his voice for a second as he saw Kyo in front of him, “why are you here?”

“Kazuma, it’s been a while, so this is Kyo?” the man glanced at Kyo almost intrigued.

“Please, leave. Our families are here and she,” Kazuma was stern.

“Died? I heard. We’re family too, you know. I came to pay my respects,” he paused before looking at Kyo, “and see my son.”

“He isn’t your son,” Kazuma barked as he motioned at Kyo, “You left Koemi when she was pregnant.”

Kyo’s eyes widened when he heard what was going between the two men. This man was his father. His real father. Kazuma wasn’t. All his life, he called Kazuma dad. And it wasn’t the case. Today, he lost not only his mom, but he lost his dad. He was alone. His body felt hot, almost as if he were about to explode. He was trembling, his knuckles turned the skin around them bone white against his tanned skin. His body in pain from the very shaking. Something within Kyo clicked. Almost like a switch, something turned off. He didn’t realize it happened. His vision almost exploded into white light. And before he could even realize it himself, he was throwing punches at the uninvited man. He even managed to bite his hand before he knocked him to the ground. Kyo screaming at him trying to go back and fight him.

“I HATE YOU! GO AWAY! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!”

Kyo was just screaming as he tried to lunge at the man again, Kazuma struggling to hold the boy. Those that were around, and even in the room peered over to see the dispute unfold. Koemi’s mother rushed over when she saw that it was Kyo throwing a temper tantrum. She grabbed Kyo from Kazuma, giving him a swift pat on the bottom, telling him how he was seven, almost eight and should know better than to throw a fit before she took him out of the building. But not before giving Kyo’s real father a dirty look. The swat on his butt seemed to be enough to temporarily calm him down before he just started crying harder.

“That fucking brat,” Kyo’s father looked at his hand.

It was almost purple and started swelling. Kazuma could see a nasty bite mark that broke the skin. Even though Kazuma was not pleased that Kyo actually bit somebody, he felt smug knowing that the person he had bitten was this person.

“Well, maybe you deserve it,” Kazuma spoke darkly.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” he muttered before looking at him, “Kazuma, I came here because I wanted to speak with you and Koemi in private. But since Koemi is, I guess in there,” he pointed at the coffin in the other room.

“Why? After seven years of not talking to any of us? Seven years of denying Kyo as your son?”

“I wanted to offer you a deal.”

“No,” Kazuma stated flatly.

“You don’t even know what it is.”

“I don’t care,” Kazuma muttered.

“How much do you owe? Funerals don’t come cheap. Medical bills are expensive. And last time I heard, your dojo wasn’t doing so well since Koemi got sick,” he smiled.

Kazuma froze. How much money did he and Koemi owe? The chemo treatments. The motel stays while she was in countless hospitals. Kyo’s extra activities. The mortgage was already behind. He was late on all of the utility bills. Some bills, he was so late that he was already getting final notices before things were getting cut off. The water was cut off for a day and he had to borrow money from Koemi’s mother.  And that was with just the house. The dojo was a whole other nightmare. And at this point, even if he sold the dojo, he would still be in the hole by a large amount.

“Your debt that you owe is play money for me. I can write a check right now, and it will all go away. And I can give you some money to care for Kyo for the rest of his and your life. But under the condition that I never see you or him again. I am happy with my life and I don’t want that brat fucking up a good thing.”

Kazuma watched the man as he brought out a checkbook. He walked over to a decorative table and placed the book down before grabbing a pen from his jacket pocket. He opened the checkbook quickly and filled it out nonchalantly as he ripped the check out and handed it to Kazuma.

“Kazuma, you’ve always been a smart guy. A lot smarter than Koemi, at least. This check will solve all of your problems. Do with it what you want. Throw Kyo in an orphanage and spend it on yourself. Give him a good life. Blow it all on hookers and drugs. Throw the check away. I don’t care. You accept the check; you and I will never see each other again. I will never see that shit stain of a mistake again. But if you don’t take it, I will take what is mine,” Kyo’s father got dangerously close to him, “and I will destroy you.”

“You don’t even want him,” Kazuma spoke with a hardened heart.

“I don’t. But if you don’t take the money, I’ll take him. Throw him in some boarding school away from me and my family. I don’t need a bastard child popping up from the blue when I’m doing so well right now.”

Kazuma’s eyes hardened as he felt his hands tighten into a fist. It took all he had to not explode and punch him right in the face. As much as he wanted to, he knew that nothing good would come from this. Kyo’s father stumbled upon a fortune if the family rumors were to be believed. Kazuma didn’t have any means to defend himself in any kind of legal matter. Especially when he was so badly in debt.

“I know you’ll make the right choice, Kazuma,” he patted him on his shoulder as he smiled, putting the check in his breast pocket.

“Get out,” Kazuma whispered.

And with that Kyo’s father left the funeral home. Kazuma was shaking as he was trying to keep himself from losing his composure. That man had no right to even be at her funeral. He had zero right to even threaten to take Kyo from him. He would fight tooth and nail to protect that child. That man may have been Kyo’s biological father. But he was no father when it really mattered.

Memories of Koemi sobbing as she told Kazuma about how that man left her as soon as he found out. He remembered about how that man poisoned half of the family over how Koemi had “cheated” on him with another guy and how Kyo couldn’t possibly be his. Kazuma remembered how angry she was when he forced her to go through that whole ordeal. He remembered how even his own parents questioned if he was the one that Koemi cheated on with. For nine months, it was hell for them both. His family wanted nothing to do with Koemi because they believed his cousin. For the first few days of Kyo’s life, they ignored his very existence. It was only when they took a paternity test that they actually wanted something to do with that boy. He remembered how Koemi shoved the paternity test in his face vomiting profanity after profanity at his face. He also remembered how she threw that paper at his aunt and uncle’s faces when she showed them that Kyo was their grandchild. They didn’t like her attitude. They refuse to acknowledge Kyo as their own. Kazuma’s parents did accept Kyo. Although they warned him to not take Kyo as his son until he and Koemi were serious. They were worried that she was using him to raise her son. The nine months of pregnancy had them grow closer. And now, those very memories betrayed him.

Kazuma looked at the check Kyo’s father handed him. His eyes nearly popped out of his skull when he saw it. There were so many zeros. This was well over the amount of debt Koemi and him owed. This was also well over the amount of bad child support he owed Kyo. He counted the amount Kyo’s father owed along with how much he would owe if he didn’t pay until Kyo’s 18th birthday. His heart sunk. It was still off by a lot. And then it hit him. This check was the price Kyo’s father felt was enough to erase Kyo and Koemi out of his life. This was chump change to that man, and he said so himself. Even though they butted heads growing up, he knew that this attitude was very typical of him. Chump change for chump problems. That’s what this was.

Would Koemi accept this? He snorted at the thought. She would have told him to shove the check up his ass. Koemi, at the end of her life, hated that man. He knew that her hatred for him went so deep that she would, out of sheer principle and pride, would rather sell her body to put food on the table for Kyo than ask for a single penny from that man. But Koemi was gone now. He needed that money or Kyo was going to go to bed hungry. Kyo was going to be in a home where there was no power. Kazuma could sell everything he owned. The dojo. The house. The car. Everything inside. And he still wouldn’t be able to get out of debt.

“Baba, is he really my father?”

“Unfortunately,” Koemi’s mother sighed, “but Kazuma is the only father you need, Kyon. A man can father as many children as he wants, but raising a child is what a real father does. And as far as I’m concerned, Kazuma is your real dad, not that idiot.”

“Okay,” Kyo sighed before he looked at Kazuma.

Kazuma put the check in his suit pocket seeing that Koemi’s mother had a look on her face where she clearly wanted to know what had happened between Kyo, him, and that man. He knew that right now wasn’t the best time. He wanted to spend this time with family in remembrance of his late wife’s life. Not in the regrets of a rich man buying silence.

~*~

Kyo was sound asleep in his room. It was probably the first time that Kyo was asleep in his room. Kazuma knew that he would be sleeping in there after Koemi’s mother left for the night. There was no way he was going to be able to sleep in that bed. It felt too big for one person.

He rubbed Kyo’s hair messily before he gave him a soft kiss. He had a very emotional day. He found out about his real father in the worst way possible. He had to say goodbye to his mother. He got into a fight with his biological father. He screamed. He cried. Honestly, besides the whole fight, today for Kyo was better than what Kazuma expected.

He looked at the older woman before him drinking a cup of tea. She had already poured him a cup that was in front of her on the table. He sat down, took out the check and placed it on the table in front of her. She looked at it as Kazuma took his cup, sipping it as he waited for her response.

“What’s this?”

“Kyo’s dad gave that to me,” Kazuma stated.

“Well then, maybe he’s not the world’s biggest dick.”

“There’s a catch,” Kazuma stated casually, almost too tired to even think at this point.

“Of course, there is.”

“If I take this money, he doesn’t want anything to do with Kyo.”

The old woman gave a snarky laugh when she heard Kazuma, “Is that all?”

“Yeah. And if I don’t accept the money, he’ll take Kyo.”

“Then take the money. I don’t see why you wouldn’t,” Koemi’s mother stated as she placed her cup back down.

“Koemi, though,” Kazuma muttered softly.

“She wouldn’t and that’s because of her pride. Kazuma, you know better than that. If you don’t take that money, I will. And I know as much of a tool that man is, he’s good for it. He’s made a name for himself and he’s tying up loose ends. If tying loose ends means you get to keep Kyo and get money for it, Koemi would understand.”

“No, she wouldn’t,” Kazuma sighed as he slumped in his seat.

“You’re right, she’d flip.”

Kazuma burst out laughing suddenly at her words. Koemi would flip over at him even thinking about taking the money. He could just picture her angry face as she would pout and blow air into her cheeks as if she were actually holding in a scream. And then his heart ached. He would never see her do that face again. He would never hear her words again. He was never going to be with the woman he had fallen so hard in love with. She was really gone.

“I miss her,” Kazuma stated as he felt his laughter threatening to turn into tears.

“I do too.”

“I can’t take that money, she’ll ne-” Kazuma was interrupted by his mother-in-law.

“Take that money, Kazuma. You know how that man is,” she stated sternly, “you know damn well he doesn’t want or care for Kyo. This money has nothing to do with you, her, or that boy. It has everything to do with him.”

“I have to honor her wishes,” Kazuma pleaded.

“If you do that, he’ll take Kyo and throw him to some place where we will never see him again. He’ll throw him to some place where he won’t ever see Kyo again. You know that. Just take that money Kazuma.”

“It’s too much money,” Kazuma was trying to keep his voice down, “this is Powerball money. What am I supposed to do with all of it?”

“Pay the debts you and Koemi created so Kyo doesn’t have to deal with it. Put that money away for Kyo when he’s in trouble. And when you and I are gone, Kyo will be taken care of.”

Kazuma sighed as he nodded. She was right. If he took that money, he would be able to give everything that Kyo would need in life. That old woman was right. And he knew that even though Koemi would have screamed over this mess, once her mother calmed her down enough, she would have taken the money… Probably. No. She still wouldn’t. That woman, as much she loved her son, would have burned that check and told Kyo's father to eat a dick.

Chapter Text

Yuki stretched as he started to wake. His lower back had a dull burning pain radiate. Last night was a blur. He went to the bar. He waited for God knows how long. Was about to leave and then met a really beautiful man grabbed his hand. He remembered the tingle of electricity he felt as his hand touched his. Suddenly, flashes of last night sprang into his mind. Every touch. Every kiss. Every tender moment. Yuki reeled up from the bed, realizing that last night, he spent the night at a stranger’s home. He looked around him, the area completely unfamiliar to him. The floor littered with his and the other man’s clothes.

He looked at the bed, hoping to see him, but he was alone. Maybe he went to the restroom? Yuki got out of bed, his back hurt with every step he took. He remembered how Kyo pounded him into submission last night. His body was starting to scream, but even with the pain, he blushed deeply. He grabbed his clothes and threw them on quickly. His head was spinning. He wanted to throw up. He just couldn’t believe that he did something so stupid as to sleep with a random guy. Let alone a random guy without protection.

He stepped out of the room, seeing that the guy really was gone. He probably went to work. It was pointless for him to stay. He heard his stomach and sighed, going over to the fridge. He opened it and saw some fruit. He wouldn’t miss an apple. He closed it and saw the board with a note written in a very nice handwriting.

Yuki, sorry for heading out before you could wake up. I have work today. Last night was really nice. I hope we can meet up again. Feel free to grab some food from the fridge. If you need to shower, the faucet is pretty easy to use. If you wanna hang out call me.

Yuki saw a phone number and pulled his phone out. He added the number real quick to his phone and put it away. He had some time to kill, it would seem. But he still felt like he wasn’t sure if he even should go and hang out for a bit.

In all honesty, he felt like he just wanted to skip work today. His mind was just going so fast. He was relieved that he finally lost his virginity. He was excited that he had a wonderful time. But he felt like shit because he had a good time. He felt bad because he caved to his sexuality. Everything he did last night finally hit him. He was a shitty human who wanted to be with a guy. His family made it clear that gay people were seriously on the wrong side of things. He remembered about how his mom told him about how God would be angry if he were to be with a man because it was God that deemed it as evil. He was evil.

Yuki sighed as he looked at his phone contacts. Found who he needed to talk to and called them. A couple of rings and they answered.

“Yuki, how are you doing?” Tohru asked.

“I went to the club last night,” Yuki stated.

“Wait for real?”

“Yeah and I kind of fucked up,” Yuki muttered.

“What did you do?”

“I sort of spent the night with a guy at the bar. And we sort of kind of,” Yuki was nervous, “I need you to pick me up.”

“Yuki, actually out of town, Momiji and I are visiting his parents,” Tohru sounded like she made a mistake, “I’m so sorry,”

“No, don’t be. I forgot that you two have been planning that,” Yuki spoke sweetly on the phone.

“Call Aya? I’m sure he’ll get you,” Tohru suggested.

“I don’t know if I want to,” Yuki muttered honestly.

“He’s your best bet,” Yuki could almost hear Tohru smile through the phone.

Yuki sighed as he thanked her for the option. He hung up and sighed even deeper. He called his workplace, faking a cough. Today he just wasn’t feeling up to going to work. Even though he had never once faked being sick a day in his life, today, he felt that since he was doing things completely out of character, one more thing like this wouldn’t matter. He needed the day to try and process everything that happened.

Yuki looked at his phone again as he sat on Kyo’s couch, eating an apple. He had his brother’s number out. He already figured out from his phone’s GPS, where he was. All he had to do was call his brother. He knew that Ayame would drop everything to help him. He’s done it before. He just hated going to him because he was an adult with his own life. He shouldn’t have to go and rescue him all the time.

Yuki pressed the phone icon and called his brother. A few rings in and he heard his voice.

“Hey Aya, can you help me with something?”

“What is it?”

“I went to the bar last night,” Yuki spoke softly, “And I sort of did something stupid.”

“Where are you? Are you alright, Yun-Yun?”

“I’m fine. I’ll explain it all later. I’m sending you on a text where to pick me up.”

“I’ll be right there,” Ayame spoke with concern in his voice as he hung up.

Yuki sent the text to his brother and just waited. If the GPS had anything to say, his brother would be here in about five minutes. This guy lived close Aya’s shop. Small world. Yuki wouldn’t have minded doing the whole walk of shame bit, but with the outfit, he was wearing, he wasn’t exactly comfortable wearing it in broad daylight.

Yuki waited a bit before he made his way out of Kyo’s apartment, trying to keep himself from breaking down. His back was finally starting to let up on the pain. He couldn’t believe what he did. He let himself get lost in passion. He remembered how sweet he was with him. Kyo was trying to make it as comfortable for Yuki as he could. He blushed deeply as he recalled from his mind how beautiful Kyo was as he towered over him. His blush deepened as he remembered how well endowed, he was. Yuki realized that Kyo was larger than the toys he had at home. It was no wonder why he felt sore. But he couldn’t deny the fact that it felt absolutely amazing. His emotions were swirling within him. His guilt was fighting his own happiness and it was winning.

He allowed his body to just collapse outside of Kyo’s apartment, letting himself cry into his hands. He hated that he let himself do what he did last night. He loved that he did it. He hated it. He wanted to see Kyo again. He never wanted to speak to him. He just didn’t know how to feel. He wanted to crawl to his church and confess his filthy sin from last night. He wanted to keep it in his heart forever. He felt so split with this. He just wanted to crawl into his bed and go to sleep.

Yuki heard his phone ring. His brother. He cleared his tears and cleared his voice before answering.

“Yun-Yun, I’m at the front of the apartment complex,” Ayame stated.

“Okay, I’m,” Yuki spoke, “I’ll meet you right now.”

Yuki hung up and walked down the flight of stairs. Opened the door to step out and saw his brother in his car. Yuki got in and closed the door before Ayame drove off. He was chuckling throughout the ride, commenting about how he looked nice in his little getup.

“Shut it,” Yuki muttered as he looked out the window.

“Yun-Yun, it looks very nice on you. I would have never thought you would wear something like that. I thought you just had scrubs or church clothes.”

“I have regular clothes, you know.”

“I see now. If mom saw you in that,” Ayame laughed, “she’d think you really were gay.”

“I AM gay,” Yuki corrected.

“I know, I know. So, sister, spill the tea,” Ayame smiled as he parked the car at Yuki’s apartment.

Yuki ignored his brother as they made his way to his apartment. As soon as they were in, Yuki closed the door. He made his way to his room to change into a baggy shirt and some shorts. He came back out to see his brother smiling softly as he closed his fridge. Ayame made his way to Yuki as he motioned for him to follow. Yuki walked to his brother, sitting on the sofa. Aya made his him lay down, resting his head on his lap. Ayame simply combed his fingers through Yuki’s hair, watching his brother bury his face onto his lap more.

“So, what exactly happened last night?”

“I was being stupid,” Yuki muttered.

He felt so stupid right now. The last time Ayame had done something like this was when he was a little kid after their parents hit him. Yuki felt so childish for even feeling as silly as he did right now. Even after all these years, his brother was somehow still able to help soothe his weary soul. He felt safe with his brother here. He could tell him everything and he knew that Aya wouldn’t judge him for it. Ayame would never hurt him. Ayame was one of the few people Yuki could trust in this world.

“What did you do that would make you stupid, Yun-Yun?”

“I slept with a guy last night. Both of us were drunk, but you know, that drunk where you still know what’s going on,” Yuki was fighting back tears, “He was my first. I really didn’t think that I would ever be with someone like that.”

“Yun, I’m still waiting for the part that makes you an idiot,” Aya smiled softly as he rubbed his brother’s back.

“We didn’t use a condom,” Yuki was crying now.

His body felt like it was on fire as his stomach tied itself into knots. He hated feeling like this. He hated that he felt so happy with Kyo last night but his conscious was ruining his fun last night. He felt like he was a horrible human being. How dare he go against God and His words. How dare he lay with another man the way that a man and woman are allowed to. How dare he even be happy for that one night. The first time he was truly happy and almost comfortable with the idea of him being gay. That night was the first night where he would have been alright with himself. Feeling Kyo’s arms over him. Having his soft kisses flutter over his body. Even if every touch was a sin that flung him deeper into Hell, he was fine with it that night. But now, he could feel his soul-shaking as he laid here. He wanted to just disappear.

“Is that the part?”

Yuki nodded softly as he sobbed quietly.

“Doesn’t make you stupid. Just use a condom next time.”

Ayame knew that as much as Yuki messed up on that part, this wasn’t the time for him to go and tell him that he was being stupid. He was doing a stand-up job with beating the crap out of himself. Probably better than he could, even if he tried. He could already see that Yuki was starting to get sick. His head was beginning to burn a bit and his face flushed red. He just continued soothing him. This was all he could do for now. He knew that if he left him like this alone, his brother’s own guilt would cut him down like a knife. Yuki would always somehow get himself sick when he was in his guilt trips like this.

He didn’t know when, but after some time, Yuki finally stopped crying. His little whimpers replaced with soft snores. Ayame carefully peeled Yuki off him. He made his way outside of his brother’s apartment, pulling out his phone. He dialed a number and after a few rings, spoke.

“Aya?”

“Hey Mine, is there anybody in the store?”

“Just a customer, why?”

“Alright, when they are done, I want you to close shop for the day,” Ayame smiled.

“What happened, love?”

“Yun-Yun needs some support today. I’m going to buy some groceries for him. I wanted to know if you could also make him some food with it. He can’t cook to save his own life and he barely has anything in his fridge except with some microwave meals.”

“That poor thing. Of course, I can.”

“Thanks. Yuki’s sleeping right now so I’m just going to get some groceries.”

“Okay,” Mine spoke, “love you.”

“Love you more,” Ayame smiled as he hung up.

~*~
Yuki sighed as he closed the door on his brother and wife. He couldn’t believe that Ayame had made his wife close their shop for the day so they could take care of him. He felt guilty, but Mine was insistent that it was no problem whatsoever. She ended up making him an entire week’s worth of lunches and dinners. She even told him that she was coming back again by the end of the week to make him more food.

He sighed as he walked back to his couch. He had his phone laying on the coffee table. He remembered that he had saved Kyo’s phone number. A sudden idea appeared in his mind. Why not message him? Maybe they could meet up sometime soon. Yuki went on his phone, laying on his sofa, looking for Kyo’s number. He smiled as he reached the red head’s name and started texting.

Yuki [20:30]: hi u might not remember me im the guy from the bar last night

Yuki wasn’t sure if he would get a response from Kyo tonight, let alone ever. He turned on the television and started watching. He figured that tonight would be a good night for him to just watch television and fall asleep on the couch.

Kyo [20:34]: Oh Yeah, Yuki, Right?

Yuki [20:34]: yeah

Kyo [20:35]: Sorry I Wasn’t There When You Woke Up. I Had Work.

Yuki [20:35]: ur fine. besides i ended up skipping work

Kyo [20:35]: Job?

Yuki wasn’t sure how to go about this. He It had been two weeks since he officially got his degree and he was already in his job doing well. What was he supposed to say? Oh yeah I just became a doctor and will be making more than most people will ever make because I am smarter than you? It sounded like something his parents would want him to say. It made him sick. Or he could lie about his job. Or better yet, say that he’s jobless.

Yuki [20:38]: tell me first your job

Kyo [20:38]: I See.

Kyo[20:38]: You’re Jobless.

Kyo [20:38]: That’s Cool.

Kyo [20:38]: I’m A Teacher At A Dojo.

Yuki [20:38]: i have a job. i work at a hospital literally just told u i skipped work today

Yuki [20:39]: im a doctor

Yuki sighed as he sent the message. He is a doctor. Although he was one for a couple of months. He was thankful that he was never called in at work last night. No way he would be able to anyway. He was drunk and he knew damn well that if they needed him to perform surgery, he wasn’t going to be able to when he was stumbling over his own feet.

Kyo [20:40]: That’s Pretty Cool. Dr. Yuki.

Yuki [20:40]: stop its still so weird i graduated from med school  two months ago and have been working at the hospital i interned

Kyo [20:40]: That’s Cool. Really. I Went To College For Education. Took A Couple Of Business Classes To Help My Dad With The Dojo.

Yuki [20:40]: so

Yuki [20:40]: question

Kyo [20:41]: Yeah?

Yuki wanted to risk it. He liked what happened last night. And if he was going to Hell, he may as well enjoy the ride. Kyo made him feel something that he never thought he would ever feel. He felt like his body was on fire from the inside. He felt like his body needed his touches and kisses. He was one of the few people that made him feel like it wasn’t that bad. Being happy wasn’t that bad. Being gay wasn’t that bad.

Yuki [20:42]: you want to come over my place?

Yuki waited for a few minutes before tossing his phone over to the side as he watched television. Every once in a while he would look at his phone. No response. Kyo wasn’t going to respond. It was already over thirty minutes.

He stood up casually as he made his way to one of the cabinets in the kitchen. He smiled when he saw the bottle of wine. He bought some time ago, figuring that one day he would eventually he would have some of it. Tonight, he felt like it would be a wonderful idea to open it. He was alone.

Yuki’s eyes felt heavy for a moment before he felt them close. His mind was thinking of only Kyo. His body up against his. His warm breath grazing his neck.

~*~

Kyo was panting as he reached his apartment. He had gone out for one of his jogs. Running was one of the few things he did when he wanted to clear his mind.

That, and going to the club and bringing back some dude over. Tonight, he was supposed to have dinner with his dad. Kazuma had bought take out and he knew as soon as he opened his door, he would see the table set and ready for them to dig in.

He dug into his shorts pocket for his keys and phone. Pulling them both out, he saw that he had a message from Yuki. He must have gotten it while he was out running. He clearly didn’t notice his phone vibrating in his pocket.

Yuki [20:42]: you want to come over my place?

Kyo nearly dropped his phone when he read it. Go over to Yuki’s place? That was a nice thought, although he really wasn’t that into going to another guys place. Maybe because of his own nervousness over the unknown. Then again, Yuki did go to his place last night for the first time when they literally had only met a few hours prior. For all Yuki knew, Kyo was some crazy ax murderer sex offender. If Yuki was able to do that, even though he was clearly fighting with his own sexuality and religion clashing so harshly, then he should be fine. So, for him to actually invite him like this was pretty interesting.

Kyo [21:30]: Sorry. Just Got Back From My Jog.

Kyo [21:30]: What You Want To Do?

Yuki [21:30]: idk i was thinking about last night

Kyo noticed that Yuki put one of the blushing emojis at the end of his sentence. He felt his face heat up as flashes of last night emerged. Yuki’s soft body on his bed giving him that look of eternal pleading. Yuki’s blush stained face as Kyo’s lips danced gracefully across his skin. Yuki’s little moans like trembling bells as pleasure rolled over his body. Kyo could feel himself getting hard, his body excited at the very thought of the petit male from last night.

Kyo [21:31]: What About Last Night?

Kyo opened the door and was greeted by his dad. Kazuma had the radio on as the coffee table was set with take out. Kyo never bothered getting a dining table because his apartment was too small for it. But eating on the couch in the living room was much more comfortable for him.

“About time you came back,” Kazuma chuckled.

“I was jogging.”

“Don’t tell me you were at that area again,” Kazuma muttered as he handed Kyo his plate.

“Yeah, and?”

“Kyo, I really wish you wouldn’t jog over in that area. It’s not safe for you.”

“You’re overreacting, dad,” Kyo laughed as he started eating, looking at his phone.

Kyo looked at his phone, nearly choking at what he was seeing. Yuki was fucking ballsy if he was doing this. The picture Yuki sent made the message loud and clear. He wanted Kyo. And he wanted him now. Yuki’s body, he could tell, was trembling with lust. The picture Yuki sent him was of the young man posed, his penis the main focus as he could see that Yuki was gripping it tightly.

Kyo [21:40]: Address. Now. I’m Going To Fuck Your Brains Out. Holy Fucking Shit Yuki.

Kyo pushed the power button on his phone, turning the screen black as he stood up. Kazuma looked at his son confused as Kyo went to his room, only coming back minutes later with a bag. Kyo went to the bathroom, Kazuma seeing Kyo put something inside his bag quickly.

“Kyo, what are you doing?”

“I gotta take a rain check on our dinner plans, dad,” Kyo smiled, “sorry.”

“What happened?”

“I met a guy last night,” Kyo muttered.

“Where?”

“At the bar,” Kyo smiled.

Kazuma let out an annoyed sigh as he started, “Kyo, why do you even bother with your strays? And let me guess, last night you brought him home.”

“Yeah,” Kyo smiled.

“Kyo, you’re not going to find a good guy by going to the bars all the time. You deserve better.”

“Dad, he’s a doctor, though.”

“Love doctor is not a real profession,” Kazuma spat back.

“I’m serious though, he’s actually a doctor.”

“Right, and I have a Nigerian Prince for a cousin,” Kazuma smirked back, “Kyo, if you don’t want to spend time with me tonight, just tell me. You won’t hurt my feelings. But you don’t have to make up some guy just to try and make me feel better.”

“Sure, you caught me,” Kyo spoke sarcastically, “I’m just going to spend the night over some random guy’s place. Let him ride my dick. Hell, maybe I’ll suck his cock and come over to your place and just lick all your plates.”

“Kyo, you’re gross.”

“Whatever.”

“Kyo, are you serious?”

“About?”

“Last night? Did you actually bring home another guy last night.”

Kyo nodded.

“Were you safe?”

“No dad, the guy was a virgin. I didn’t think it was necessary.”

“Was?”

Kyo gave a smile as he closed his eyes. The memories from last night made his face blush. Kyo could feel his dad rolling his eyes as he heard him scoff again. Most people, if they saw this, would have thought his dad to be homophobic. But Kyo knew better than to ever think that. Kazuma, his dad, was the kind of person who would open his home to anybody in need. Kyo remembered how a lot of his friends had problems at home. And every single time one of his friends got into a big fight with their parents or ran away from home, they would always stay at his place.

Kyo remembered, when he had finished his junior year of high school, he came out to his dad. He remembered how terrified he was. It all happened because of one person that he gave the wrong trust to.

He was a sophomore in high school when he started dating one of his teachers at the time. Although looking back in hindsight, the relationship was really rough. He was failing the class, and it didn’t help that Kazuma was riding his ass about it. Kyo was already aware that he was gay but nowhere near ready to even come out. His teacher could probably sense his insecurities from a mile away. Kyo could still vividly remember his teacher asking him, “how badly do you want to pass my class?”. Kyo gave his answer, and before he knew it, his teacher had his hand on his thigh. After school, for two years, Kyo would meet his teacher in his office. Kyo had a huge crush on his teacher from the first time he saw him. His mind was swimming for the first few weeks of their relationship. It started out with light petting, make-out sessions. Kyo felt like his body was on cloud nine. And then, he remembered how he spoke with his father. He told Kazuma that Kyo was struggling with his class and he thought that perhaps Kyo would be better suited to have someone on one tutoring with him. Their relationship changed after that. For two years, Kyo dated that teacher Kyo did what they wanted him to do. If he wanted Kyo to blow him, he’d blow him. After a few months of them dating, Kyo remembered how he lost his virginity to him. He wasn’t anywhere near as prepared as he should have been. And then when he would take him to his home for extra tutoring. Half the time at his home, his teacher would force other men on Kyo. His excuse would always be “if you love me, you’ll do this,” and “you aren’t being a good boyfriend, Kyo”.

When Kyo finally came out, it was around the time that he found out that his teacher had been cheating on him with other men. And that he was sick. HIV. And that chances were, he had it too. Kyo’s world felt like it shattered. For the first time in his life, he was terrified of joining his mother. The one person who he actually thought he would spend the rest of his life with lied to him. That man ruined him. Kyo’s heart broke that day. He came out to Kazuma preparing for the worst when he came out. Kyo’s eyes stung with tears as he told him his sexuality. And Kazuma looked at him and smiled, telling him that he was brave. Then, Kyo told him the same news his ex-lover told him. Kazuma broke down, demanding who it was. The only thing Kyo could muster was that it was a teacher, but it didn’t matter. They already were gone from school. It didn’t help that some teachers moved to different schools and some retired that year. Kyo never could tell Kazuma who it was. Maybe it was out of some kind of fucked-up love or maybe shame.

Since then, Kazuma had been even more supportive of him. Every once in awhile, Kazuma would try and set Kyo up on dates with nice guys. One thing would lead to another. And then they would tell him that they loved him. And Kyo would just run the opposite direction. Love was a poison Kyo could never exactly swallow. Love, for Kyo, was a four-letter word that could be interchangeable with hurt, pain, hate. Love was bitter. There was no way around it. Love, in Kyo’s mind, was easily one of the things that must have escaped from Pandora’s Box because Love was one of the things that only brought destruction. Kyo knew that he would never fall in love.

“Just use protection, Kyo.”

“I brought some in case, but it’s kinda stupid if I’m the only guy he’s fucked.”

“You don’t know if that’s the case. He could have been lying.”

“If you met him, dad, you would know he wasn’t,” Kyo smiled softly.

“Do you need a ride?” Kazuma asked.

Kyo looked at his text messages. Yuki gave him his address. Kyo nodded as Kazuma grabbed his keys. The older man asked if Kyo had everything with him. A fresh pair of clothes so he could go to work in the morning. His hygiene kit. His pjs, to which Kyo rolled his eyes at that question.

“You really should bring some pjs,” Kazuma muttered.

“What do you think I’m going there for, dad?”

“Right.”

Kazuma continued asking Kyo questions until they reached Yuki’s place. Kyo said his goodbyes and told his father that he would just get a cab or something like that to work. Kazuma told him that if anything was odd, to just call him and he would pick Kyo up for whatever reason. The redhead smiled as he got out of the car. He promised his dad that he would call if anything happened. He watched his father drive off and he stepped to the door. He looked at the door and saw that it was one of those that you either needed a key or you had to know somebody who lived in the building in order to get in. He called Yuki and told him he was at his apartment. After a bit, he heard the buzz from the door and went in. He went up a couple of flights of stairs and saw the door. He knocked on it and was stunned to see Yuki. His face had a deep blush as he let Kyo into his home. Yuki sat on his couch as he had a movie on some streaming service ready to play.

“Hey, I’m glad you could make it,” Yuki softly smiled as he led Kyo to the couch.

Kyo dropped his bag at the door before he made his way over. He sat down next to Yuki, a little nervous about doing this. If this was his place, he would have just went straight to the point. But this wasn’t. Even though earlier, Yuki sent him a fucking dick pic, thus why he was even here. He wasn’t sure what was going to happen.

“Yeah, I’m glad too,” Kyo smiled, “I like your place. It’s nice.”

“Thank you,” Yuki looked at him, “You want to watch a movie?”

“Sure, but what you sent me made me think something else might happen.”

“It might,” Yuki smirked as he rested his head oh Kyo’s shoulder.

Both of them started watching the movie, every once in awhile, studying the man before them. Kyo looked at Yuki’s lips. They were plump, almost like a ripe fruit ready to be plucked from its tree. Kyo wanted to just kiss those lips of his. They were ready for it. He knew it. Yuki looked up at Kyo, his face flushed as they leaned towards the other. Before either knew it, their lips were locked into a kiss. Kyo let his hands travel across Yuki’s body, earning little moans and groans from the man before him. The longer they kissed, the more aggressive it became. Before either two men realized it, they started throwing their clothes to the floor, their lips unlocking momentarily as they took off their shirts.

“Do you have a condom?” Yuki whispered in between kisses.

“Yeah, in my bag. You need to clean that tight asshole of yours?”

Yuki nodded as his face was even more flushed.

Kyo enjoyed the taste of Yuki’s mouth as his tongue peeked into his crevasse. Although Kyo wanted to enjoy the taste of milk and honey that was Yuki, he pulled away. Yuki gave a little whimper as he watched Kyo walk over to his bag. He pulled out some condoms, lube, and the kit for anal sex. He figured that Yuki would want to use it to clean himself for the actual moment.

He handed the kit to Yuki and without a single word, Yuki went to where Kyo guessed was a restroom. Kyo sighed as he started to take off his boxer briefs. The cool air hit his dick almost immediately as he let out a low sigh. He was half-hard but excited. Simply a few feet from them was Yuki in another room. Cleaning his asshole just for Kyo. Kyo waited for a bit before Yuki returned from his bathroom. Kyo felt his dick harden almost instantly as he saw Yuki come out, his naked body before him. This man before him was beautiful. He smiled as he began stroking himself in front of Yuki. The pale beauty sultrily walked towards Kyo, his hips swaying sinfully, the only thing he had on was the jet black rosary beads he always had around his neck.

Yuki finally made his way to Kyo, straddling him before they continued from where they left off. The kisses a little bit gentler before they decided to take it to the bedroom. Kyo followed Yuki to another room, this place completely different from everywhere else. This room was a complete disaster, almost as if a tornado had blown across. Clothes were thrown every which way along with books and other things. Yuki went to his bed, pulling Kyo towards him as they started kissing again.

“I’m really horny,” Yuki muttered as he looked away from Kyo, his face flushed.

“Same,” Kyo muttered into his neck, “you want me to fuck you?”

“Yes.”

Kyo lowered himself as he began to kiss every little spot he could find before he made his way to Yuki’s member. He let his breath hit it, pleased when Yuki’s body twitched. Kyo smirked as he saw Yuki’s penis firm and straight at attention. He gave some playful licks at Yuki’s cock, pleased that the man before him let out a soft moan. Kyo, although tempted to play with his dick for a bit more, knew that he was going to have to play with his ass more. Kyo gave one more little lick before he started down a little more until he reached his asshole. He gave more playful licks as he started teasing his asshole with his tongue. Yuki let out moans of pleasure as Kyo teased him. He felt his legs buckling as Kyo continued his abuse.

Yuki was trying to keep his mind from imploding as he felt Kyo tease him even more than before. He could feel Kyo just playing with his dick as he continued to tease his butt. Kyo smirked as he could tell that Yuki was losing his mind over the molestation he continued to dish Yuki. His body was screaming as he felt Kyo going even more with his dick. It just made him want Kyo to just stop teasing and take him fully.

And then suddenly, Kyo stopped. Yuki let out a strangled cry as he felt his body implode with his orgasm. It surprised him. He knew that Kyo didn’t do much but simple touches and yet here he was convulsing into Kyo’s grasp, feeling himself shoot a couple of strings of cum. Kyo smiled softly as one of the strings hit him on his cheek.

“Yuki, are you ready?”

Yuki nodded softly as he readied himself for Kyo, lifting his hips up as he made it easier for Kyo. Kyo grabbed his lube as he prepared to make it easier for both himself and Yuki. Yuki felt a finger slip in, his body shaking in anticipation. And then another finger went in. Yuki felt himself fidget as Kyo stretched him out. It didn’t take as much time as before, but when Kyo felt that Yuki was ready, he put some more lube on Yuki and himself and began to place the tip of his dick at Yuki’s entrance. The slender male let out a low moan as he felt Kyo press his head inside him. He could feel his body hungrily taking him in. Yuki let out a strangled cry as he felt like his mind was flooded with pleasure. He knew he was hyperventilating as he focused on Kyo. He couldn’t believe that this was happening. He texted Kyo, got a little tipsy and here Kyo was in his bed about to screw him. And he loved it. The slow descent to Hell was going to be a wonderful ride and when he was intoxicated with the taste that was Kyo and his own lusts. Hell would be alright if he felt like this throughout the entire time.

Yuki shook that thought out of his head, tears starting to flow freely. Kyo stopped as he watched Yuki, unsure of what he should do. Yuki just let himself cry as his nerves got the best of him. Kyo slowly kissed Yuki’s cheek, brushing away the tears the obstructed his eyes.

“Yuki, are you alright,” Kyo questioned.

“Yeah, just fuck me, please,’ Yuki whispered as he brushed his lips against Kyo’s hand.

Kyo thrust in, letting Yuki rest his legs on his shoulders. The taller male felt as if his body were melting as Yuki’s body just forcing him deeper into his anus. Kyo felt like he was having an out of body experience as he racked his hands over the pale body before him. He was losing himself and he loved losing that feeling of just being lost in his own mind. He loves how he gave in to his own urges as he pounded harder against the beautiful man before him. It was almost as if he were swimming into Yuki as they moved in sync. Kyo could feel him getting much more into it compared to the first time.

Yuki was crying out for Kyo to just pound him relentlessly. Almost as if Yuki was desperately trying to make up for all the years of being trapped in the closet. Even though most people would joke saying that gay people must love closets, it was the one thing Yuki fucking hated. Even though he lived alone, he fucking hated his closet. It held all of his secrets. It held all of his pain. Even in his own home, he still fought with his own demons. Because even when he loved what he and Kyo were doing, in the back of his mind, he was scared that he was still going to get caught. He was expecting for his parents to just waltz right into his home slam the door open and catch Kyo balls deep inside him, pounding his ass into submission.

Yuki felt Kyo pull out, both of their breaths were ragged as Kyo playfully teased Yuki to get on all fours. The tanned man went back into Yuki, hitting his prostate rather nicely. Every thrust the silver-haired male felt like he was being thrown into the fires of lust. His body was going out of control as he felt himself pushing his ass into Kyo. Yuki was letting out his moans as he felt Kyo roughly squeezing his ass cheeks. Kyo felt low growls as he dug his nails into Yuki as if he would just disappear into nothingness if he didn’t make some kind of attempt. His hands slowly traveled until he reached Yuki’s hair, grabbing a fistful forcing Yuki to arch his back fully. Yuki gave a strangled moan as this position hit his g-spot even harder. He felt like he was going to release again. He never could cum this hard or even this much when it was just him by himself. But Kyo would always just do everything he could to make him cum at least two or three times. Yuki was screaming at this point begging for Kyo to just go harder. He wanted Kyo to just wreck him. He wanted Kyo to force him to forget his own disgusting urges that he fulfilled. He wanted Kyo to just fuck him to where he would forget everything that ever happened. He just wanted Kyo. He needed Kyo. And right now at this moment, Kyo needed him.

Kyo loved watching how Yuki’s asshole just swallowing his member whole. As much as Kyo could see that Yuki wanted him to just ram and go hard on his ass, Kyo decided that he would shift back a few gears. Yuki was crying out, begging for more and Kyo could only smirk as he slowly pulled in and out. Yuki was shaking, and Kyo knew that going this slow was almost painful for Yuki. Not the bad painful, but more of this pleasure was amazing and it was torture for not going fast kind of pain. Kyo let go of Yuki’s hair as he went back to holding his butt, trying to make sure that Yuki didn’t start slamming his own ass back into his dick harder.

Yuki was crying out Kyo’s name, begging for him to just pound his ass again. Kyo smirked as he continued to just slowly pull in and out of Yuki’s hole. He loved how Yuki was a writhing mess as even his ass was puckering in and out, almost as if it was his attempt to make Kyo go faster. Kyo let himself go all the way inside Yuki again, making sure that he left just a little enough of himself to slam into Yuki to give him that little bit of roughness he was desperately craving. Kyo was just waiting until Yuki would cum again. He wanted to just fuck him senseless once Yuki exploded in more orgasms.

Yuki was shaking violently as felt his body losing control. He wanted Kyo to stop going this slow. He wanted it rough. He wanted Kyo to just fuck him senseless. He needed Kyo to fuck him senseless. Doing it this slow was just unfair. Especially when even Yuki himself wouldn’t even go slower than what he would do to himself. But as much as he wanted Kyo to just fuck him fast and hard, he had to admit that even this slow speed was torture. And he fucking loved it.

Yuki let out another strangled cry as he felt his body shaking with another orgasm releasing from his body. Hot strings of passion erupted from him, not as strong as the previous orgasm, however, it was satisfying just the same. Kyo grinned before he suddenly took it from a one to one hundred. Yuki, with maybe thirty seconds after the slow burn orgasm came again. His body convulsing hard as he felt like his spirit would leave him at any second.

Kyo pulled out again, Yuki collapsed on his as Kyo motioned for Yuki to come to him. Yuki did as he felt Kyo grab both of their members with a firm hand. Yuki let out a soft moan as he felt Kyo stroking him playfully. Yuki was crying out, feeling like he was going to cum again. How many times had he cum already? Three? Four times? He couldn’t even remember anymore how many times they came. His body was shaking violently as his body was hit by more waves of passion. Kyo thrust into his hand as his dick rubbed against Yuki’s, his body starting to reach close to climax. Kyo finally felt his own climax as he released his seed onto Yuki’s chest. The redhead sighed as he continued to rub one more out for Yuki. He just loved seeing him looking like a hot mess before him.

“We got all night, and that was just round one,” Kyo laughed as he looked at Yuki’s lust glazed eyes.

Chapter Text

Yuki was used to the ache he felt. It wasn’t something physical, but it was still there. This pain had been growing more intense as the years went by. He was ten when he realized that he was a monster. Memory after memory would always flood back every day almost in a loop. Yuki remembered how he caught his brother with another guy in the drug store and how he told his mother. His memories of his brother getting his teeth smashed in from their father were as fresh as if it had just happened. The time his mom told him that Ayame was a bad person for having a boyfriend. Her telling him that the main reason why his parents loved him was that he was a good Catholic boy, unlike his older brother. The time his father broke his arm after Yuki, only seven at the time, told his father that he was happy that a boy in a class called him cute.

But this. This was the straw that broke the camels back for him. He was furious. He was angry. He felt like he was losing his mind as if this life wasn’t his. He didn’t know how, but he certainly knew when these dark thoughts he started harboring. He hated himself more than anything else in the world. Nobody knew his secret. Not even his brother. He always knew that Ayame resented him for even forcing him out of the closet, even if his brother would never tell him. Yuki hated himself for even doing it. He didn’t know that their parents would react the way they did. But he knew. That’s why he kept quiet. And that’s why Yuki couldn’t come out.

He tried desperately to prove to himself that he was straight. There was no way in hell that he was gay. He always went to church. He would go to confession. He clung to God’s words as if those were the only words that ever truly mattered because, for Yuki, they did. And those words right now were the words that made him hate his life. He hated himself so much that it hurt.

But today, it was going to be different. He was with his friends. He was wearing his mask. They wouldn’t know his dark secret. He rejected it. There was no way he was gay. He couldn’t be gay. He never kissed a guy, for one. Even though he always felt his stomach twist and turn when he saw a guy he really was interested in, he would always throw that thought away. He wasn’t gay. He wasn’t gay at all. He couldn’t be gay.

“Yun-Yun, guess what I snuck with me,” a young brunet teenager smiled devilishly as he pulled out a bottle from his bag.

“Kakeru, how did you do that?” his girlfriend laughed as she grabbed the bottle, “did you take it from your dad?”

“Maybe,” Kakeru smirked.

“You’re an idiot,” the other teen pipped up.

“Thank you, Nao,” Yuki smirked as he looked at his friends.

Yuki was enjoying himself for once, although two guys from their class joined them. One of them wanted to go bowling, but the majority of them were broke high school students who didn’t have jobs. So that option was a bust. So here they were, in the woods, drinking. They started talking about things they had done, Yuki felt embarrassed. It seemed that just about everybody had done more things than he had. Everybody seemed to have already kissed somebody except him. Some of them even already had gone all the way.

“Yuki, you’re awfully quiet, what’s the matter?” Kakeru questioned.

“I can’t relate,” Yuki laughed, “I’ve never even had my first kiss.”

“You’re joking, right?” Kimi laughed as she took a swig from the bottle, passing it to the next teen.

“No, I’m not.”

“What you doing? Saving your kiss for when you get married,” Kakeru roared with laughter.

“Shut it,” Yuki glared.

“Dude, you for real though?” Kakeru ignored the death glare Yuki was giving him.

“Yeah, I am. I’ve never kissed somebody else before.”

“Then we gotta fix that.”

“No, we don’t,” Yuki muttered as he took his turn to swig from the bottle.

“Yes, we do,” Kakeru smiled as he leaned into Yuki’s ear, “just imagine, one of these cute girls actually giving you a kiss.”

Yuki blushed slightly at even having one of them kiss him. It would put his feelings to rest. He was determined to find a way to prove that he was straight. But kissing one of them made him nervous. He felt his stomach twist into knots as he tried to not feel physically ill. He just needed to kiss one of the girls. If he could, he would finally be able to put that Pandora’s Box to rest. He would be able to smile knowing that he wasn’t gay.

“Why?”

“Because you're my bro, Yun-Yun,” Kakeru smiled sweetly, Yuki tried to cover his face as he blushed deeply.

“Fine, whatever. What do you want me to do?”

“Let me cover your eyes with this,” he spoke as he began to cover Yuki’s eyes with a blindfold.

Yuki couldn’t see a damn thing, a ping of fear fluttering in his heart at his complete loss of vision. He could hear the others stepping away from him, not sure what was going on. He figured that they were probably deciding on who would kiss him. The anxiety of how he even got into this situation was nerve-wracking. He just wanted this to be over so they could just goof about other stupid shit.

But the longer they discussed, and the more Yuki’s nerves were getting the better of him. Nobody wanted to kiss him. Of course, that was going to happen. Girls didn’t find him attractive. Guys didn’t find him attractive. He didn’t look enough like a guy for girls and he was too much of a guy for guys. He was just this weird existence of a person.

“Sorry, Yun for keeping you waiting,” Yuki could hear Kakeru’s shit-eating grin, “we finally decided on who would be your first kiss.”

“Okay?”

Yuki felt something brush against his lips. They were soft, almost luscious as they melted perfectly onto his own lips. His anxieties melted away immediately as they kissed. And then it was over quickly, Yuki giving small whimper.

“Can you kiss me again?” Yuki asked.

“That’s up to them.”

And without warning, those same lips came back, this time bolder. Yuki opened his mouth into the kiss, letting their tongue enter as the kiss progressed. The taste was intoxicating Yuki as their tongues continued a sultry dance. Yuki could feel their fingers delicately touching his face, slowly going to his hair. Yuki’s mind was turning to mush as the kiss deepened. Yuki let out a soft moan as he felt them playfully bite his bottom lip. Yuki, in return, kissed harder. He felt like he was losing himself with every passing moment. Yuki let his hands travel under their shirt, grazing their stomach with his fingertips. He could hear a little moan from the one he was kissing, pleased by his actions as he grew bolder. Yuki let his hand move more to their chest. He stopped the kiss.

“Oh, Yun-Yun, you dirty boy,” Kimi giggled at him, “were you going to do that with us if we kissed you?”

Yuki ripped the blindfold off and was met with one of their classmates. He didn’t remember his name, but he always called him the Bowling Kid because that’s what he always did. Yuki’s blood was boiling over at what happened. He liked the kiss. He liked the surprise. But he was furious. He didn’t want to like it. He wanted to hate it and be done. But he couldn’t. And that was what made him explode.

“Get the fuck off me, you stupid faggot,” Yuki screamed as he pushed the guy off his lap.

“Yo, Yun-Yun ca-” Kakeru felt Yuki punch him in the nose.

“Go fuck yourself. I’m not a fucking faggot!”

“Yo, Yuki, it was just a joke,” Komaki was trying to calm Yuki down.

“Fuck your jokes, I’m not some fucking fag, assholes!”

“Yuki, chill out, you’re overreacting,” Nao was getting in his face.

“Oh, so how would you react if you were me? Would you be fucking sucking dick like a homo?”

“I wouldn’t be acting like some asshole, that’s for sure!”

Yuki left, not even in the mood for this. He didn’t want to deal with them. He was just too angry. He didn’t know how long it was before he just sat down. He knew that there was a good amount of distance between him and his friends before he just lost it. His body was shaking heavily as bitter tears spilled from himself. He was gay. That was the cold ugly truth. He was gay and he didn’t know how to deal with it. And for the first time, he unleashed his own disgust over himself at that poor guy and to everybody in his inner friend circle. How could he live with himself knowing that he was gay? His parents beat the living shit out of Ayame for being bi. With Ayame, at least he would be able to be with a woman if he wanted to. But not Yuki. He couldn’t. He touched his lips. He knew that they were red and a little swollen from the bite. He kissed a guy. And he liked it. He really liked it. He loved it. And that is what was killing him. He hated that he liked kissing a guy. Every single word that his parents spoke about gay people just pierced into his mind. He was wrong. He was evil. He was a monster. He didn’t deserve to live. He didn’t deserve to be a human.

Something in his broke. His tears stopped, almost unnaturally. It was almost as if his own soul left his own body. He knew what he needed to do. He decided that he was going to head over to Ayame’s for the night. He had to spend the night over at Ayame’s for the week because of some Church retreat for couples that his parents were at. They would have had him go with them, but because of school, they begrudgingly let Ayame watch over Yuki for the week.

The ride on the subway back to Ayame’s was quiet. He kept to himself for most of the time, only talking to others when absolutely necessary. After he got out of the subway, he walked to Ayame’s apartment he moved into for college with his girlfriend. She was a nice girl, from the small times he’s been around her. She was just as insane as Ayame, and Yuki hated to admit it, but he was jealous of his brother. At least, for Ayame, he could pretend to be straight and not feel like a complete waste of space like he felt right now.

He pushed the button in front of the door for Ayame’s apartment, letting his brother know that he was back. With a loud buzz, Yuki opened the door and rushed up the flights of stairs until he reached his brother’s door. He opened it and went straight to his brother’s room, ignoring that he was his brother was cooking dinner for them. Yuki threw his bag in the closet before breaking down again. He hated his life right now. He hated everybody. He hated himself the most. He couldn’t with this life. His parents would kill him if they knew he was gay. He knew how his parents would feel. They would rather they have a dead son than a living one that was gay. And at this point, he knew that nothing he did would save his immortal soul. He was going to hell, it didn’t matter if it was because he was gay, or if he took matters into his own hands.

He grabbed a notebook from his bookbag and something to write with. Writing everything that he needed to get out of his chest. He wrote to his parents, who he knew wouldn’t care once they realized why he did what he did. He wrote to Ayame, reassuring him that he did nothing wrong and apologizing for forcing him out of the closet. He wrote to Kakeru the things he wished he could have been brave enough to tell him. He wrote to the boy that kissed him, the boy who Yuki didn’t even know his name, apologizing for his behavior.

When he was done, he stood from the desk, walking out of the room. His body was tired. Is this what death felt? Even though his body was tired, his entire being was at peace. He made his way to the door, looking at his brother before he touched the doorknob.

“Yuki, dinner’s going to be ready in about fifteen minutes,” Ayame smiled.

“Okay, I’m just going to get some air up at the roof,” Yuki smiled as best as he could.

If Ayame let him leave, he would jump. If he told him to know, he wouldn’t. That’s how he would decide if he should kill himself. Did it sound petty of him to think that? Did it make him sound like he was being overdramatic? Did his life really come down to this? A truly deadly game of What If?

“Okay, don’t stay up there too long, I don’t want you getting sick,” Ayame smiled right back.

“Okay,” Yuki smiled as he stepped out of the door.

His heart sank when he was out of the apartment. Death. Death was the answer. His brother did secretly hate him for all the years of torment that he put him through. If Yuki was never born, his brother would have been much happier. He would still have all his damn teeth. He wouldn’t have to deal with him anymore.

Yuki made his way to the rooftop, feeling the cool air hitting his hair. He could see that the sun had already set. The streetlights were already on and the city had a sudden burst of life. Slowly, Yuki made his way to the ledge of the roof. His body felt heavy as he climbed up it. Once he was standing upright, he felt his mind spinning.

Yuki looked at the street below him. His heart about to burst through his chest. All he had to do was take a single step. One-step and he would be air born. One-step and he would be free from this earthly torment. One step. Just one single step. He wanted to feel the free fall as he would descend into his depression. It would all be over if he just took that one step. He could almost envision it. He would just jump, watching the night sky as his body hit the pavement below him. He wanted this so badly. He wanted to just end everything. This world would be better without him around.

Nobody would miss him. He was the butt to everyone’s jokes. He was the kid that was gay. And for him, and his parents, it would be better for him to be dead than feeling like this. He felt like he was a stranger in his own home. He was a stranger to his mind and heart. He hated that he wanted to be with guys. He hated himself for hating how he could allow himself to even be gay. If there was a pill that could cure him of this, he would gladly overdose on those pills. But since that wasn’t a thing, slamming his head onto the pavement from jumping six stories would have to be the pill for him. Inside him, he was a raging war. And tonight, that kiss set it off.

“Yuki!”

The teen was snapped back into reality as he felt the wind hitting him harder. He felt his body grow cold as his body was covered by a thin layer of sweat. His body was trembling, unsure if it was from his nerves or the cold. He could still feel himself sweating. His mind was spinning as he looked at his surroundings. While he was in his own head, it felt as if the world became mute. The only thing he could hear was his heart pounding in his head and his heavy breathing keeping the rhythm.

The very thought of his body violently slamming against the pavement as a final act of his rebellion against his mind made his scream internally. The voice that rung, breaking the silence terrified the shaking teen. It was a voice that sounded as if it would lose everything if he took the step he desperately wanted to take. It made him second guess his own ability to even jump.

He turned, slowly seeing his brother. Ayame. He looked as if he were seeing a ghost, Ayame’s face painted white with complete and total fear. Yuki wasn’t sure if he was shaking or his brother. Ayame knew he needed to get Yuki down from that tightrope he was walking between life and death.

“Aya,” Yuki felt his tears escaping as he felt a large lump in his throat forcing him silent.

“Yun-Yun, please, come down,” Ayame was terrified.

“I can’t.”

“Please, Yun-Yun, whatever is going on, I sear it’s not worth throwing everything away.”

“You don’t know that,” Yuki was crying harder, every word dipped in pain.

“Yun-Yun, please,” Ayame felt his eyes sting bitterly, “I don’t want to lose you.”

“I’m already dead, Ayame!”

“Why?”

“I am,” Yuki lost it, “I’m fucking gay! I fucking hate it! I wish I was never alive! I’m a monster,” Yuki whispered the last part to himself.

“Yuki, that doesn’t matter,” Ayame spoke, slowly getting closer to him, “that doesn’t make you a bad person for liking men.”

“It does,” Yuki cried desperately.

“I love you, though,” Ayame finally was able to grab Yuki by his hand, “and I don’t waste my time with bad people.”

Yuki lost himself as he let his body fall, wanting Ayame to let him go. He was tired. He wanted to let Ayame know that it was alright to let him fall. He wouldn’t blame him at all. Instead of feeling Ayame release his hand, Yuki felt a strong pull shooting up his arm as he crashed onto his older brother. Yuki lost it again, sobbing uncontrollably into Ayame. Yuki’s soft voice shaking as violently as his body. Ayame just held him close to him, rocking back and forth like back when Yuki was a small child. Yuki was shaking as if he were a fall leaf desperately clinging onto its branch. Ayame was terrified that one wrong move and this boy he held in his arms would shatter. Just how long was it that Yuki felt like this? This couldn’t be something that just happened. This reaction was bubbling for some time. Was it months? Years?

“Yun-Yun, why?”

“Because I am gay,” Yuki could barely whisper, let alone speak.

“I don’t care if you are, though. I want you to be happy.”

“I’m sorry,” Yuki heaved into his brother’s chest.

“Don’t be sorry, Yuki. Never be sorry for who you are.”

“Bu-”

“Don’t be sorry for who you are. It’s that simple,” Ayame smiled softly.

“No, it’s not.”

“Not right now, but Yuki, I promise you that it will get better. You will find someone who you are going to want to be with. Yuki,” Ayame held Yuki close to him, “that guy is out there tonight. And he’ll be so happy when he hears about how you survived this night because it meant that you met him.”

Ayame simply held his brother close to him. Rocking back ad forth, holding him tightly as if that was the only thing keeping his brother from falling apart even more than he already was. He knew that tonight was going to be a long night. He picked himself up slowly, carrying his now sleeping brother as he made his way back to the apartment. He put him on the bed, knowing that that right now, Yuki most likely didn’t even want to touch food. He knew that Mine would be home any minute. And when she came, both of them would have to figure out how to watch over Yuki. Tonight, was crucial that somebody stays up, just in case, if Yuki tried to jump again.

Ayame looked at the desk, seeing some letters. He looked over them, finding one addressed to him. He read them. Every single one. Ayame knew that there was one thing he was certain of. There was absolutely no way in hell he was going to let their parents know what even happened tonight.