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Happy Orgasming

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Jeongguk falls onto the pillow with a grunt, letting his phone drop onto the sheets beside him, the moans of the two guys on the screen getting a bit muffled as the phone speaker gets buried somewhere inside the blankets. He speeds up the movements of his hand on his shaft, grunting again.

The tip of Jeongguk’s cock is dark red at this point, fucking angry at him, precome dripping steadily onto his stomach. He’s been going at this for almost an hour now. It’s fucking killing him. It hurts. His hand and his cock hurt. His wrist is burning up. He whimpers, desperate and frustrated and fucking sad.

It’s not on purpose. None of it. He just can’t come. He turns his head and bites down on the hotel room pillow, panting, a fucking sob ripping right out of his throat. His cheeks are wet. He hadn’t even realized he was crying. He needs just a little bit more. A little faster and he’ll get there, he’ll come. A little more. He’s not giving up this time.

But it hurts. Fuck, his shaft is actually burning up now from all the friction. The lube he poured onto himself is long gone at this point, rubbed right into his skin. The video on his phone comes to an end, a few loud grunts and moans from the two guys followed by some heavy panting and then silence. Jeongguk doesn’t even pick up his phone and replay the part of the video where they come, doesn’t want to let go of his cock for even those few short seconds because that’d mean he might lose the edge again. That’s officially an hour since he started, he picked a long video on purpose. Actually, it’s been longer than an hour. It took him a while to find a video that he liked, and he was jerking off then too.

That doesn’t matter though, he needs to make his fist just a tiny bit tighter, and then he’ll come. Just a little, tiny bit faster. He tugs on his balls with his other hand. He feels fucking wet, sweating everywhere with exertion. Precome and whatever is left of the lube is dripping on his cock and balls. Tears are filling his eyes and sliding down his cheeks. Gross. He’s gross, but he wants to come, and he won’t stop. He won’t.

He does stop though. When the digital clock on the wall of the hotel room flashes one AM, Jeongguk stops. Almost an hour and a half of trying so hard and failing. He can’t come. Hasn’t been able to for two and a half weeks now. There’s something wrong with him, he knows, he just didn’t want to accept it. Still doesn’t want to. But he can’t just keep ignoring it. He needs to go to a doctor, get checked, get treated, whatever is needed to be done has to be done. It can’t fucking go on like this.

His exhausted hand falls onto the sheets, and he doesn’t even bother going to wash it. He just turns onto his side, his cock hard and so sad, blinking fresh tears away from his eyes. He can’t ignore this. Something’s wrong. He should have gone to the doctor weeks ago, the moment that he realized he couldn’t come. He doesn’t want to go to the doctor though. Why does his dick have to be broken? Of all things, why his dick? He would rather have fucking stitches in his heel in the middle of tour again. Just not his dick. Anything but his fucking dick.

 

The entirety of the next day, Jeongguk doesn’t stop thinking about it. He’s probably never been less present during practice his whole life. Practically every other move, Jeongguk gets a little bit off. It’s ridiculous. And he still wants to come. His dick still needs to be fixed.

He, very quickly, reaches the conclusion that he doesn’t want to go to the doctor alone. Doesn’t want to be alone when he gets the news that he’s sick, that his dick is broken, that he needs medication. If it was anything but his dick, it wouldn’t have been so difficult. God, what if the doctor tells his that he’ll never be able to come ever again? What if he’ll have to… get a new dick implanted or something?

He can’t go alone. He literally cannot imagine anything worse than having to go through something like that. He can’t imagine sitting, all alone, at a doctor’s office and talking about how he’s tried everything he thought of, and nothing can make him come. Doesn’t matter how much he wants to, doesn’t matter how desperately he tries, how hard and fast he tugs, nothing works. He’s not even sure it would be better to have to say that to a doctor with someone else there with him, but at least he won’t have to deal with the inevitable bad news on his own.

Just the thought of having to go to their manager to tell him that he needs to go to a doctor for something like this is mortifying. He can’t just tell the manager that he needs to immediately go to a doctor without giving some form of explanation as to why. And he has to give the honest explanation because he needs to go to a special dick doctor, right? He can’t just go to the regular doctor for this, right? Fuck, Jeongguk doesn’t even know this for sure. What a child. He can’t do this on his own.

Who the hell would go with him though?

All the members would agree to go if he asked them probably. But who would Jeongguk actually want to go there with him? He doesn’t know. Who would he be able to talk to about this without dying of embarrassment? Realistically, none of them. He would die of embarrassment no matter what. But who would he die of embarrassment with the least?

He’d be mortified talking about this to Jimin or Taehyung or Hoseok. They would laugh. They would take him seriously eventually probably, after he’ll explain to them just how serious his problem is. But, in the beginning, they would probably laugh. At least a little. And that little would be too much.

He could talk to Seokjin about it. Seokjin would take him seriously right away probably, and he’d probably not make too big a deal out of it either. He would most likely make some jokes about it to make Jeongguk feel less horrible, but it wouldn’t be jokes at Jeongguk’s expense. He’s older too. Maybe he’s gone through something like this before or knows someone else who’s gone through it. But Seokjin hasn’t been feeling well lately, he’s been really tired and had been getting all these headaches, and the last thing Jeongguk wants is to be a burden, to somehow make him feel worse.

Yoongi and Namjoon would take him seriously right away too. Jeongguk can’t imagine them laughing at him. Though they might take him too seriously. There probably wouldn’t be even a hint of laughing with them, no jokes, no smiles, nothing to lighten the situation. Namjoon would probably take him to the doctor right away though, no questions asked, would probably say that Jeongguk absolutely has to be checked. Yoongi would probably offer some wisdom about how Jeongguk’s not the only one who’s ever had this problem, maybe he’d even give Jeongguk some advice about how to deal with his problem without going to see the doctor at all.

But Jeongguk does want to go see a doctor, even if it’s only to be told that his dick is not dead. So maybe Yoongi is not the best option. Maybe Namjoon is better. But Namjoon would be so worried about him, and Namjoon’s constantly worried anyway. Jeongguk doesn’t want to add to that. Yoongi would probably be really worried but act like he’s calm and collected, like he always does, and Jeongguk would like the person he talks to about this to at least pretend to be calm. And if Jeongguk were to ask Yoongi directly to take him to the hospital, he’s sure that Yoongi wouldn’t even hesitate.

So, either one of them would be okay. Jeongguk wishes for a second that there were an eighth member – someone who’s a mix between Yoongi and Namjoon and Seokjin, someone who he wouldn’t have to ask to take him to a doctor but who would just do it, but also be calm and offer wisdom at the same time, and also make some horrible puns to make Jeongguk smile through the pain. But there isn’t an eighth member, and Jeongguk truly doesn’t want to go through this alone, so he’ll just have to go with Yoongi or Namjoon. 

 

When they get back from the final photoshoot of the day, Jeongguk hides in his hotel room for a good two hours, trying to convince himself to just fucking go already, to not keep postponing it anymore. Just go. Yoongi or Namjoon, doesn’t matter who he asks for help, he just needs to fucking ask. He’s such a fucking coward, holy crap. Can’t go to the doctor alone, can’t talk to his best friends about it, too much of a fucking coward to even go to their management and ask for an appointment. Such a fucking pussy.

He’s not though. He’s not a pussy. So, he gets up off the bed and walks to his door. And freaks out. His hand is already on the fucking doorknob, and he still turns back around. Can’t do it. Can’t talk about it. Fucking coward. No. Not a coward. All he has to do is go to one of them and tell them that he has a problem with his penis that he needs to go to the doctor for, and he wants to not go alone. Maybe they won’t even ask him to give details. But he wants them to come into the doctor’s office with him, so they’ll hear about the details anyway. Ugh. He just needs to fucking go.

The corridor of the hotel seems excruciatingly long once Jeongguk opens his door. So long. Namjoon’s room is literally right next to Jeongguk’s, but it feels so far away. Yoongi’s room is a bit further down.

It’s time to make a choice now. Yoongi or Namjoon. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t fucking know. He doesn’t want to talk to either of them. He takes a step forward. Such a long corridor, holy shit. Another few steps and he’s in front of Namjoon’s door. He’ll talk to Namjoon, that’s it. Namjoon’s closer. Yoongi’s room is too far away anyway, Jeongguk won’t make it that far. Namjoon. Namjoon will help.

He knocks. Doesn’t think about it, just faces Namjoon’s door and knocks, gulping, bracing himself.

It takes a few seconds for the door to open, and then Namjoon is standing there in front of Jeongguk, looking all comfy with his makeup off and oversized clothes on, and Jeongguk finds himself unable to say anything.

“Is everything okay?” Namjoon asks after what is apparently too long of a time to be quiet after knocking on someone’s door.

“Uh… I, uh…” Jeongguk falters.

“Is that Kook?” Jeongguk suddenly hears Yoongi’s voice from inside Namjoon’s room.

It’s fate. It’s hell. They’re both here. Only Seokjin is missing. He’ll have to tell both of them. Or run away.

“Is he okay?” Yoongi calls out again.

“Are you okay?” Namjoon asks. His eyes are so soft, and he really looks like he cares so much, and Jeongguk wants to tell him. He can tell him.

He only stares at Namjoon for another second, before suddenly feeling like everything inside of himself crumbles. He wants to cry. His dick is broken, and he’ll have to go to the doctor and get a dick implant, and nothing could be worse than this. 

“Umm,” Jeongguk’s voice wavers. “Nope.”

Something like a mix of surprise and fear flashes over Namjoon’s eyes before he composes himself, moving aside.

“Get in,” Namjoon says, urging Jeongguk. So Jeongguk does what Namjoon tells him.

Yoongi is sitting on Namjoon’s bed, both his and Namjoon’s lyric notebooks open in front of him. As Jeongguk hears the door close behind him, Yoongi looks up from the notebooks. His face is perfectly blank for a second, but then his eyebrows furrow deeply.

“What’s wrong?” Yoongi asks, the concern so clear in his voice.

“Umm…” Jeongguk tries.

“Come here,” Namjoon places his hand on Jeongguk’s forearm. “Sit with us.”

Yoongi moves the notebooks aside and scoots towards the headboard, patting the space beside himself. Namjoon sits against the headboard too, leaving space between him and Yoongi for Jeongguk to occupy.

Jeongguk hesitates though. They’re doing exactly what he knew they would. They’re worrying. And he gets it. He’d worry too if one of them came to him and said that something was wrong. But sitting so close to the two of them, having them worry so badly, talking about how his dick is not working, it all feels like such a stupid thing. He should just go and call the management and get the appointment himself. Why is he like this?  

“Do you want me to leave?” Yoongi asks all of the sudden.

Jeongguk looks up, “What?”

“You came to talk to Joon,” Yoongi explains, pushing himself away from the headboard. “You don’t have to tell me too, I can leave.”

“What?” Jeongguk repeats with a slightly more panicked tone. He doesn’t want Yoongi to leave. Yoongi’s so wise and calm, and Jeongguk loves him, and he can’t leave. “No,” Jeongguk climbs onto the bed and pushes Yoongi back against the headboard, squeezing himself between him and Namjoon. “No, no, no.”

“Really,” Yoongi laughs. “It’s okay.”

Jeongguk grabs Yoongi’s arm and squeezes it to his chest, “Nope.”

“Okay…” Yoongi says, still smiling a little. But his smile falls quickly after that. “Then what’s wrong?”

Namjoon drapes him arm across Jeongguk’s shoulders and leans into him, and this is how Jeongguk truly knows that he’s worried. This prolonged physical closeness. Like, it’s not that Namjoon never touches Jeongguk or the others, he does, but usually it’s a quick back-hug or a pat on the shoulder, not this long snuggling that he’s doing right now. And Yoongi letting Jeongguk cuddle his arm so hard is not the best of signs either.

“Umm… It’s not a big deal,” Jeongguk says and regrets it. “Well, it is,” he corrects. “It is to me, uh… you shouldn’t… you shouldn’t worry. It’s just-“ embarrassing, it’s so embarrassing, fuck.

Namjoon shifts onto his side and looks right at Jeongguk’s face.

“It’s embarrassing,” Jeongguk whispers, letting go of Yoongi’s arm and covering his own face with his palms.

“Hey,” Yoongi breathes, and through his fingers Jeongguk sees Yoongi move away from the headboard, sit with his legs crossed and face Jeongguk, and Jeongguk pulls his own legs towards himself so that Yoongi could scoot closer. “No judgement. Ever. You know that.”

“I do,” Jeongguk says into his hands, closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “I can’t-“ he tries to say it and fails.

Yoongi’s fingers wrap around Jeongguk’s wrists and gently pull Jeongguk’s hands away from his face. There’s anticipation on Yoongi’s face, but a calm kind of anticipation. And worry. There’s worry on Yoongi face too, so much of it, even if he’s trying not to show it. Same with Namjoon.

“Whatever it is,” Namjoon whispers, “it’s okay.”

Jeongguk sighs and nods. Yoongi lets go of Jeongguk’s hands, letting them fall into Jeongguk’s lap.

“I can’t…” Jeongguk tries again then exhales sharply, takes a deep breath and, “I can’t come.”

“Come where?” Namjoon asks. “To the interviews tomorrow? That’s okay. We’ll figure something out. Reschedule-“

“No,” Jeongguk cuts him off, blushing and looking down into his lap. He can’t believe he has to say it again. “Come, like… Like, I can’t… orgasm. I can’t orgasm.”

Silence. Jeongguk closes his eyes.

“Oh,” Namjoon sounds surprised. Of course he does.

“What do you mean you can’t?” Yoongi asks so bluntly Jeongguk has to look up. Yoongi’s eyebrows are furrowed. Not in judgement but in confusion.

“I- I can’t,” Jeongguk repeats.

“What- you can’t get it up?” Yoongi asks.

“Hyung…” Namjoon says.

“These are relevant questions,” Yoongi defends.

It’s a bit strange to see that after telling them, they look less worried than before. This is so obviously something to worry about. Why do they look less worried? 

“I can get it up,” Jeongguk says, and it may or may not sound a bit defensive. He’s not old. He can get it up perfectly fine. “I just can’t… come.”

There’s a pause, and just as Yoongi opens his mouth, Namjoon speaks.

“How long… have you not been able to come?” he asks.

“About two and a half weeks,” Jeongguk sighs. “Sixteen days exactly. Seventeen if we count today.”

“And that’s…” Namjoon squints, “very not normal for you.”

Jeongguk looks at Namjoon in confusion.

“Of course it’s not normal,” Jeongguk says. “Have you ever gone over two weeks without-“

“No,” Namjoon cuts. “I haven’t. I think the longest I’ve gone without… was like a week and a half, and it wasn’t because I couldn’t come, it was because I couldn’t find time alone.”

“Yeah,” Yoongi exhales. “Been there.”

“Then why’d you even ask?” Jeongguk asks.

“I don’t know,” Namjoon exclaims. “Different people masturbate at different rates.”

Yoongi shakes his head and speaks before Namjoon can say anything else.

“Explain more,” Yoongi turns to Jeongguk. “Can’t come for over two weeks, why?”

“I don’t know,” Jeongguk exhales, exasperated. “It’s not like I haven’t been trying,” he mumbles.

“Aha,” Yoongi says, nodding. “So you can get it up, but you can’t…”

“Yup,” Jeongguk blushes again. God, Yoongi’s so blunt about this. Jeongguk should have known.

“Huh,” Yoongi exhales.

“So,” Namjoon says, his eyebrows rising. “This is… a serious problem.”

“I don’t like the word serious in that sentence,” Jeongguk shifts, uncomfortable.

“Why didn’t you call the doctor?” Namjoon asks.

Jeongguk opens his mouth and closes it again. Here Namjoon is, asking exactly what Jeongguk was hoping he would ask, giving Jeongguk the perfect segue into asking one of them to go to the doctor with him, and he feels like an absolute idiot. Why didn’t he call the doctor on his own? What was even his excuse? He can’t remember.

“Because he’s embarrassed,” Yoongi answers after a long moment of silence. “Obviously. If he was so embarrassed to say this to us, people who’ve, unfortunately, seen him jerk off-“ Jeongguk blushes, remembering Yoongi and Namjoon catching him jerking off on different occasions- “then of course he’d be embarrassed talking about this shit to a doctor.”

Maybe that is the reason. Maybe he’s really just too embarrassed to talk to a doctor about it. Or to anyone else. At least alone.

“Shouldn’t it be easier to talk to a doctor?” Namjoon asks.

Yoongi shrugs, “Not always.”

“But if this is a real problem,” Namjoon turns to Jeongguk again. “Then, no matter how embarrassed you are, you should go to a doctor.”

“I know,” Jeongguk whispers.

“Then…“ Namjoon shakes his head.

“I didn’t wanna go alone,” Jeongguk mumbles.

“Oh,” Namjoon exhales, snuggling closer to Jeongguk again.  

“You haven’t been able to come for seventeen days,” Yoongi says, and his voice is softer now. “How long have you been working yourself up about it?”

Jeongguk catches his gaze and shrugs, embarrassed, “Seventeen days?”

“Tsk,” Yoongi exclaims. “Kook...”

Jeongguk blows his cheeks out, “I didn’t even know who to call about this.”

“The doctor,” Namjoon says like it’s obvious. “What do you mean?”

Which doctor?” Jeongguk asks.

“Kwanghoon,” Namjoon pulls away from him again. “The same one who checks us every three months.”

“What?” Jeongguk asks.

“Kwanghoon’s our on-call doctor when were on tour,” Namjoon explains slowly. “You do know that, right?”

“I know he checks us every three months,” Jeongguk says. “I didn’t know that we can just call him whenever.”

“Kookie,” Namjoon smiles, and Jeongguk feels a little stupid, so he blushes. “He literally flies with us and stays with us in this hotel for this exact purpose. This is the second tour he’s been with us. You should know this. Have you never had him check you on anything other than the regular checkups?”

“Well, I did, but I never had to call him,” Jeongguk says, and at Namjoon and Yoongi’s raised eyebrows, he adds, “When I needed stitches in my heel, somebody else called him, and whenever I got sick or lost my voice, someone else always noticed, and next thing I knew, he was there, helping.”

“Wow,” Yoongi exclaims. “You actually never had to call him.”

“Have you?” Jeongguk asks.

“Of course,” Yoongi says and raises his eyebrows. “One of those times was when you had a sore throat.”

Jeongguk blushes again, “I thought you called PD-nim for that.”

“Nope. Straight to Kwanghoon,” Yoongi shakes his head. “No need to worry PD-nim unless we know it’s serious.”

“But it was serious,” Jeongguk argues.

“Yes,” Yoongi says. “And Kwanghoon called PD-nim right after seeing you.”

“Oh,” Jeongguk exhales.

“You have his number in your phone though, right?” Namjoon asks.

“Uh, yeah,” Jeongguk answers.

“Text him,” Namjoon says. “It’s late right now, so he might not be in the hotel or he might be sleeping, but, if you call and tell him it’s urgent, he’ll come right away. If it’s not urgent, text, and he’ll come to you in the morning before we go out for the interviews.”

“Okay,” Jeongguk nods.

“And listen, even though we know Kwanghoon, and he’s touched all of our balls during checkups,” Yoongi says. And Namjoon scoffs. “If you still feel more comfortable talking to him with one of us or both of us there with you, we’ll come, okay?”

Jeongguk nods again, “I’m just worried that I’ll get bad news.”

“It’s probably not as bad as whatever you’re imagining,” Yoongi says. “You’re not the only who’s ever had this problem, I’m sure.”

“How can you be sure?” Jeongguk asks. “It’s never happened to you.”

“Not for two and a half weeks, no,” Yoongi says. “But there was this one week where I couldn’t come. I was tired, my head wasn’t in the right place, I was jetlagged as shit,” he shrugs. “It passed. I wasn’t too worried about it.”

“How could you not have been worried?” Jeongguk asks.

“I don’t know,” Yoongi shrugs again. “I just wasn’t.”

“What did you do to fix it?” Jeongguk asks.

“Nothing really,” Yoongi says. “Didn’t jerk off for a few more days than I’m used to, was too tired, and I guess I built up a little bit of a need for it. And then I did jerk off and everything was fine,” there’s a pause. “Have you tried that? Stopping for a few days?”

Jeongguk nods sadly, “Didn’t help.”

Yoongi rubs Jeongguk’s calf.

“You’ll be okay,” Namjoon hugs Jeongguk closer. “Kwanghoon will figure out what you need, he’ll run whatever tests you need, and you’ll be perfectly fine.”

“It might not be a medical thing either, you know?” Yoongi says. Jeongguk looks up at him. “It might be mental. Let’s be real, it’s probably mental. You’re the healthiest person I know. Odds are you’re tired, jetlagged and worked up.”

“I don’t get it,” Jeongguk shakes his head. “Worked up?”

“You’re thinking about it,” Yoongi explains. “You’re worrying about it. Every time you jerk off, you think ‘I can’t come, I can’t come,’ right? Tell me I’m wrong.”

“You’re not wrong,” Jeongguk says.

“Exactly my point,” Yoongi shrugs. “If you convince yourself that you can’t come… you won’t be able to come.”

“It might be medical,” Namjoon says.

“It might,” Yoongi says. “Won’t know until we check.”

“What if it’s an STD?” Jeongguk asks, panicking. “What if I’ll need a dick implant?”

“A dick implant?” Yoongi asks, looking slightly horrified. “That’s not a real thing.”

“It is actually,” Namjoon says. “Guys with really bad erectile dysfunction sometimes have to get this like, device put into their dick to help them be more functional in bed.”

Jeongguk whimpers.

“Sorry,” Namjoon winces. “Probably shouldn’t have said that.”

“Oh my god, I have penis dysfunction,” Jeongguk whispers.

“What have you done?” Yoongi asks, slapping Namjoon’s shoulder then turning back to Jeongguk. “You don’t have penis dysfunction.”

“You don’t know that!” Jeongguk exclaims. “I’m gonna need a dick implant.”

Yoongi grabs both of Jeongguk’s shoulders, “Get a hold of yourself,” he asserts, and Jeongguk freezes. “There is zero point in working yourself up more than you’re already worked up until you talk to Kwanghoon. Get your phone out.”

“What?” Jeongguk asks.

“Get it out of your pocket and text him,” Yoongi says.

“Right now?” Jeongguk asks.

“Yes, right now,” Yoongi answers, letting go of Jeongguk.

Jeongguk takes a deep breath and fishes his phone out of his pocket, scrolling through his contacts until he finds ‘Kwanghoon – on-call doctor.’

“Write: can you come to my room tomorrow morning at nine AM?” Yoongi instructs. “Tell him it’s not urgent.”

“It is urgent,” Jeongguk argues.

“It’s not urgent enough to wake him up in the middle of the night, right?” Yoongi asks.

Jeongguk nods.

“Do you still want us to be with you when you see him?” Namjoon asks.

Jeongguk thinks abut it for a second and decides that he doesn’t. He knows Kwanghoon. Kwanghoon literally had Jeongguk’s balls in his hand a month ago. He’ll be okay telling Kwanghoon on his own. And if he does end up being told that he has penis dysfunction and he needs a new dick, then… he’ll cry, but after that he’ll tell Yoongi and Namjoon. He’s a big fucking boy, he can handle going to a doctor without a chaperone.

“No,” Jeongguk decides. “It’s okay.”

“Are you sure?” Yoongi asks.

“Yeah,” Jeongguk answers.

“You are aware though that we will ask you about it afterwards, right?” Namjoon adds. “You almost gave me a fucking heart attack coming to my room this late, saying you’re not okay. I’m checking up on you tomorrow.”

“Me too,” Yoongi says. “Absolutely.”

Jeongguk smiles. It doesn’t feel like the best time to be smiling, what with him worrying his hyungs and his dick still being broken, but he loves them so much, he can’t help but smile.

“Okay,” Jeongguk says. “Thank you.”

“You do not need to thank us for any of this,” Yoongi says.

“And we know it wasn’t easy for you to talk about it,” Namjoon adds.

Jeongguk smiles again, types out his message for Kwanghoon and sends it.

 

The meeting with Kwanghoon goes more or less fine. Jeongguk doesn’t choke up when he explains to him what’s wrong. He answers every question that Kwanghoon has, and Kwanghoon is so not judgmental that it isn’t even that embarrassing. The only real thing Jeongguk’s disappointed about is that Kwanghoon couldn’t tell him what was wrong with him.

He said that there’s a chance that it’s erectile dysfunction, but he doubts it, considering how young and healthy and active Jeongguk is. When Jeongguk told him what Yoongi had said the night before, about the problem possibly being mental, Kwanghoon nodded and said that’s most likely right. Not exactly the satisfactory answer Jeongguk was looking for, but being told that the odds of him needing a dick implant are marginal did make him feel significantly better.

Kwanghoon also gave Jeongguk a little bit of advice about what he should maybe do now, which mostly consisted of: “try new things,” “try to distract yourself with something while you’re masturbating, so that you don’t think about it,” “give your penis a rest for a few days again and see if that helps,” and: “don’t worry, if this keeps going on for another two weeks, text me again, and we’ll start running more intensive tests, okay? We’ll figure it out.”

So, all and all, it went both better and worse than Jeongguk expected.

The entire day after seeing Kwanghoon, Jeongguk keeps noticing Yoongi and Namjoon glancing at him, probably worried about how everything went, what Kwanghoon said. Jeongguk wants to sum up the meeting for them very quickly during the day so that they won’t have to get together later on in the evening to really talk about it, but he can’t find a moment alone with either of them, and he can’t explain any of what Kwanghoon said with other ears listening around them.

What ends up happening because of that is Yoongi and Namjoon don’t even bother going into their own rooms to change clothes later that day, they follow Jeongguk right to his hotel room door, and with expectant eyes, wait for Jeongguk to take out his keycard and let them all in. And what can Jeongguk do at that point? Talking to them is something that he needs to do. They did warn him they would check up on him.

He opens the door and lets them all into his room. And so what if they ask invasive questions? Both Yoongi and Namjoon volunteered their own jerk-off stories last night without looking even slightly embarrassed about it, so why should Jeongguk be embarrassed? The two of them had literally seen him jerk off. Not on purpose. But still.

“So?” Namjoon urges, plopping down onto Jeongguk’s made bed. “What did he say?”

Yoongi follows Namjoon to the bed, dropping onto his back and stretching.

“He said more or less what you guys said,” Jeongguk answers, standing. “That it’s most likely not erectile dysfunction and that I won’t need a dick implant and that it’s probably mental and because we’ve been flying a lot, and I’m tired, and being on tour with all the spikes of adrenaline and the nerves and all that is probably messing with my body,” he takes a deep breath. “And that if I won’t manage to start orgasming normally again in the next two weeks, I need to text him again, and we’ll start doing more,” he makes air quotes with his fingers, “‘intensive’ tests. Like, blood tests and shit like that.”

“Okay…” Namjoon nods. “And did he say anything about what you should be doing now?”

“He said that because it’s probably mental, I need to try to get out of my own head a little,” Jeongguk continues, sitting down between Namjoon and Yoongi. Yoongi sits upright beside him. “Whether it’s by trying out something new or by distracting myself enough that I stop thinking ‘I can’t come, I can’t come.’ And that’s basically it.”

“What about having sex?” Yoongi asks. “Did he say something about that?”

“Sex actually might not be a bad idea,” Namjoon agrees. “Take up your concentration, have someone… make you come.”

And it’s at this point that Jeongguk realizes that he has to decide just how much he’s willing to tell the two of them. They’re worried, obviously, and, in theory, their idea is not bad. Jeongguk had gotten that idea himself a week ago. They’re not judgmental, that’s for sure, and talking about sex with them, as little as he’s done it, was never a bad experience. It’s just that this – this in particular – his dick being broken and stupid… it’s not like talking about his sexual fucking prowess, it’s talking about his sexual failure, and that’s… unappealing.

“Kook?” Yoongi calls suddenly.

“Huh?” Jeongguk looks up from the floor.

“You kinda blanked out,” Yoongi says.

“Oh… uh…” Jeongguk says.

“Maybe it’s not a good idea,” Namjoon’s tone is high, backtracking. “Casual sex is not for everyone.”

“It’s not that,” Jeongguk shakes his head and decides there’s no harm in telling them. “I had sex about a week ago. Told Kwanghoon about it. He said I could try having sex again, but I don’t have to.”

“Ah,” Namjoon exclaims. “And when you were having sex, you still didn’t…”

“I still didn’t,” Jeongguk confirms.

“How’d you make that work?” Yoongi asks. “Did you like, apologize for not-“

“No, I,” Jeongguk stops him. “I… faked it.”

“How?” Namjoon asks, and Yoongi looks just as quizzical.

“Doggy. I was behind him,” Jeongguk says and doesn’t even blush. He’s more sad than embarrassed. “Then I moaned… as if I came. Then I tossed the condom into the trash while he was still… recuperating. By the time he was done recuperating, my dick had already gone down. Worst sexual experience of my life,” Jeongguk nods, trying to make it sound like not a big deal.

“Wow,” Yoongi whispers.

“I know,” Jeongguk sighs.

“Was he… bad at it?” Namjoon asks.

“No,” Jeongguk shrugs. “He wasn’t particularly exciting, but he wasn’t… bad. He just kinda… let me do whatever I wanted.”

“Oh,” Yoongi exclaims, like he realized something.

“Oh?” Jeongguk asks.

“I get why you didn’t come with him,” Yoongi says.

“Why didn’t I come with him?” Jeongguk asks, confused.

“Because he let you do whatever you wanted,” Yoongi explains. “He wasn’t really distracting you, right? You still had enough time to go into your own head and start that mantra of ‘I can’t, I can’t’.”

“I guess, yeah,” Jeongguk nods.

“So, what are you gonna do now?” Namjoon asks.

“I don’t know,” Jeongguk shrugs. “Kwanghoon said maybe I should try not jerking off for a few days again. Maybe that’ll help. Get frustrated enough that I just… burst. But I’ve already tried that so… I don’t know.”

“He also said to try something new,” Yoongi says. “What’s something new you can try?”

“Bit invasive,” Namjoon comments.

There’s a second of silence.

“If at any point this conversation becomes too uncomfortable, say something,” Yoongi says. “Otherwise I’ll just keep asking,” he looks at Jeongguk, and Jeongguk nods. “Have you thought about bottoming?”

“Hyung,” Namjoon exclaims.

“He agreed he’d stop me when he gets too uncomfortable,” Yoongi defends.

“I have-” Jeongguk answers simply, “-thought about it.”

“And it doesn’t… do anything for you?” Yoongi asks.

“I don’t wanna have sex again,” Jeongguk answers. “Not until I figure this out.”

“I didn’t say have sex,” Yoongi says. “I meant with yourself. Fingers, dildo… the handle of a hairbrush.”

Jeongguk blushes.

Namjoon laughs, “TMI, hyung.”

“TMI?” Yoongi asks.

“The handle of a hairbrush?” Namjoon laughs again. “Really?”

There’s a pause. Yoongi’s blushing.

“Shut up,” he shoots at Namjoon, and this time, Jeongguk laughs too. Yoongi turns to him, “Well?”

“I mean, I’ve… bottomed before,” Jeongguk shrugs. “The last two weeks I only did fingers though, so…”

Yoongi shakes his head, “And?”

Jeongguk shrugs.

“No?” Yoongi asks.

“No,” Jeongguk answers. “I mean I- I never counted on… on anal for orgasm, not fingers anyway. Bottoming – sure. But fingers are never the thing that makes me… get there, so I didn’t try very hard.”

“And with the guy you were with, you didn’t wanna bottom?” Namjoon asks, apparently comfortable enough with these questions now.

Jeongguk shrugs again, “I don’t know. Topping is… what I usually do, and he wanted that so… I don’t know, I didn’t really think about it.”

“What about toys?” Yoongi asks.

“Or the handle of a hairbrush,” Namjoon mumbles under his breath.

“I don’t have any,” Jeongguk ignores Namjoon’s words and Yoongi’s following blush.

“Why not?” Yoongi asks, surprised.

“I don’t… know,” Jeongguk answers. “Do you?”

“’Course I do,” Yoongi answers. “I don’t particularly like one night stands, doesn’t mean my ass doesn’t deserve a good dicking every once in a while.”

No regret on Yoongi’s face, so completely and utterly unapologetic, and Jeongguk and Namjoon are both silent right up until the moment that Yoongi bursts out laughing, the two of them immediately following him.

“Okay, okay,” Yoongi gets up, still laughing. “Stay right here, I’ll be back in a minute.”

Jeongguk is snickering so much he barely notices Yoongi leave. It’s only when he and Namjoon settle down that Jeongguk really notices that Yoongi’s missing, and a little bit of awkwardness settles around him. He thinks there’s something about being with only one person during the discussion of this subject that makes it more awkward. Or so it seems until Namjoon tugs Jeongguk into a back-hug and nuzzles his nose into Jeongguk’s hair.

“You’ll be okay,” Namjoon says, and he’s smiling, Jeongguk doesn’t need to see him to be able to tell, and the awkwardness seeps away as if it was never there in the first place.

It’s maybe another thirty seconds until Yoongi walks back into Jeongguk’s room, and he’s holding a plastic bag in his hand which Jeongguk recognizes as being from one of the stores that they had stopped at today.

“Okay,” Yoongi says after closing the door. “So, this is gonna be weird.”

“This is all weird,” Jeongguk comments, leaning onto Namjoon’s chest.

Yoongi snorts, “Yeah, but this is gonna be weird…er.”

“Okay,” Jeongguk says and sits upright again, him and Namjoon facing Yoongi as he sits on the bed again.

Yoongi hands the plastic bag to Jeongguk, and Jeongguk peeks inside and sees another two black bags, those ones made from fabric and closed with string at the ends.

“I’m offering you one of my dildos,” Yoongi states, and Jeongguk stares at him.

“What?” Namjoon exclaims behind Jeongguk. 

“He said fingers don’t work for him, but dick does,” Yoongi shrugs and looks at Jeongguk. “This is as close to dick as I can get you.”

“You bring dildos with you on tour?” Jeongguk exclaims.

“Not all of them,” Yoongi’s eyes widen, and Jeongguk’s mouth drops open. “Just my favorite two.”

“You bring sex toys on tour?!” Jeongguk exclaims again.

“How about you yell a little louder?” Yoongi yells, but he’s smiling. “I don’t like one night stands, and we can’t really have relationships. Therefore, I have dildos.”

“I thought everybody brought sex toys on tour,” Namjoon mumbles, and Jeongguk turns to stare at him with his mouth still open.

You have dildos?” Jeongguk asks.

“Not dildos,” Namjoon whispers, cheeks flushing pink. “I have a… fleshlight.”

“You have a fleshlight?” Yoongi asks, and Jeongguk holds back on asking what that even is.

“Yeah,” Namjoon answers, still blushing.

“I thought about getting one,” Yoongi says. “Are they good?”

Namjoon blushes harder then slowly tilts his head to the side, raises his eyebrows and nods.

Yoongi hums and nods too. Then he looks at Jeongguk again.

“This is not a gift, okay? They’re still mine,” Yoongi looks at the bag. “I’m offering you one of them for the next few days so that it may save you, and then I expect it back. Clean. Okay?”

Jeongguk nods blankly.

“Open them,” Yoongi says, “and pick whichever one you want,” and as Jeongguk pulls the black fabric bags out of the plastic bag, Yoongi adds, “You have lube, right?”

Jeongguk nods. He scoots up to the middle of the bed and places the bags in front of himself, Yoongi and Namjoon turning to look at him. Yoongi raises his eyebrows at him, and Jeongguk can’t believe this is happening. He’s about to see Yoongi’s dildos? What the fuck. And then he’s supposed to pick one of them to use? What the double fuck? And Yoongi has dildos?

“Oh, for fucks sake,” Yoongi exclaims and picks up the first black bag himself, pulling the string at the top open and- oh my god. He pulls out a flesh colored, very realistic looking veiny dildo with a set of balls at the base and holds it out for Jeongguk. “It’s medical-grade silicone. Super good quality. They both are. This one is seven inches.”

Jeongguk takes it from him, and fuck, it feels weird to hold it. It’s heavy.

Namjoon is staring at the whole ordeal with wide eyes.

“Don’t hold it like it’s made of fucking acid,” Yoongi exclaims, looking at the way Jeongguk uses three fingers to grasp the balls. “Feel it. Decide if it’s too small, too big, whatever, if it feels like it’ll feel good.”

So Jeongguk wraps his palm around the base, blushing hard. “It’s… heavy.”

“It’s heavy because it technically has… a little motor in it because it’s meant to be a vibrator,” Yoongi shakes his head. “But I lost the remote like two years ago, and I never used that function anyway. If you want it to be less heavy, you can take out the batteries from the inside.”

Jeongguk turns the dildo over in his hand and sees the battery opening at the base.

“If you lost the remote two years ago, why didn’t you take the batteries out?” Namjoon asks suddenly.

Yoongi shrugs, “I don’t mind that it’s heavy.”

“Hmm,” Namjoon nods. “I’m learning a lot of new things about you today.”

“Yup,” Jeongguk agrees.

Yoongi shrugs again, looking like he honestly doesn’t mind any of this, and picks up the second bag. This time, he pulls out a bigger, jet black dildo. Still veiny, but no balls on this one, it just ends in a stump which, Jeongguk assumes, you use to hold it.

“Nine and a half inches,” Yoongi states. “Thicker. Lighter.”

“Damn,” Namjoon comments, staring at it with wide eyes. “That fits?” 

“Not every day,” Yoongi mumbles, and Namjoon snorts.

Jeongguk takes this one in his other hand. It really is lighter, which is good, but, looking at the way his fingers only just close around the base of it, Jeongguk can say with utmost confidence that he’s never had anything that big in him before, and he’s really not sure he can fit it. 

“Well?” Yoongi prompts.

Jeongguk stares at the two dildos for a few more seconds, feels unexpected shivers run up his spine at the thought of the two of them having been inside of Yoongi before, decides not to read into that feeling, and hands Yoongi the big one.

“This one,” Jeongguk says, holding the smaller one.

Yoongi nods, “Clean it before and after. Whenever you decide you’re done with it and want to return it, just put it back into the bag. Otherwise, do whatever you want with it, I’d rather not know.”

“Clean it before too?” Jeongguk asks.

“Absolutely,” Yoongi states, placing the black dildo back into its bag. “You think your hands are clean right now? Absolutely clean it before. Just with soap and water.”

Jeongguk nods.

“Hopefully this’ll do the trick for now,” Yoongi says and sighs heavily. “Then, if you want, we can go to a store together, and you can pick one out for yourself.”

“You bought them at a store?” Namjoon asks. “Isn’t that risky?”

“I buy them all abroad, go out with a hat and a mask after the sun goes down, and so far there have been no problems,” Yoongi says. “How’d you get your fleshlight?”

“I ordered it to the dorms,” Namjoon answers. “Seokjin was the one who opened the box. Said that he asked Tae and Seok, and they said that it’s not theirs, so I was the third person he went to.”

“Maybe if I was buying a fleshlight, I’d order it online,” Yoongi says. “But I like holding a dildo in my hand before I buy it, feel the size of it.”

“Fair,” Namjoon says. He reaches for the bag that Yoongi is still holding, the one with the black dildo. “Do you mind?” Namjoon asks as he opens it.

“I’m already gonna have to clean it anyway,” Yoongi lies down onto his side, looking at the two of them. “Go ahead.”

It’s weird, watching Namjoon take the dildo out and hold it in his hand. So weird. Jeongguk is boggled by the casualness of it all, like this is all perfectly normal.

“God,” Namjoon wraps a hand around it. “That’s massive.”

“I have a bigger one at home,” Yoongi volunteers. “Rarely use it, but yeah.”

“A bigger one?” Namjoon looks at him.

“Eleven inches,” Yoongi stretches his arms above his head. “I can’t actually fit it all the way. Don’t even know why I bought it in the first place.”

The two of them watch as Namjoon turns the dildo over every which way, examining it.

“Why have you gone all quiet?” Yoongi asks suddenly, and Jeongguk realizes that he’s talking to him.

“Um…” Jeongguk clutches the dildo in his hand harder. He almost forgot it was there. “Confused by how open you are about all of this.”

“I’m just trying to help,” Yoongi says.

“No, I mean, talking about this in general,” Jeongguk says.

“You mean sex?” Yoongi asks, and Jeongguk nods.

“You always talk about sex like it’s any other subject,” Namjoon says, both of his hands on the shaft of the dildo, one on top of the other.

“Trying to normalize talking about it,” Yoongi yawns. “I don’t see any reason to be embarrassed talking about these things.”

“That’s cool,” Jeongguk says.

“Anyway,” Yoongi sits up. “Put my dildo back in the bag please,” he looks at Namjoon then at Jeongguk. “And we’re gonna go. Leave you… to it.”

“Wait,” Namjoon tosses the toy onto the bed. “Imma be right back.”

“Where are you going?” Jeongguk asks.

“To bring you my fleshlight,” Namjoon answers, already halfway across the room.

“What?” Jeongguk exclaims, and Yoongi starts laughing.

“Aren’t we the best?” Yoongi asks the moment the door shuts behind Namjoon.

Jeongguk just stares at him, making him laugh again.

“I wonder which one he has,” Yoongi muses, picks up the black dildo and places it in the bag.

Jeongguk still doesn’t ask what a fleshlight is.

“What kinds are there?” he asks instead.

“The classic ones,” Yoongi says, lying down again. “Butt, mouth, vagina. Maybe he has a see-through one, he seems like the kind of guy who’d have a see-through one. Maybe he has one of those weird vampire ones. Or an automatic,” he pauses. “Nah. He’s boring. He has a classic one.”

Jeongguk hums like he understands, and a moment after, Namjoon is back in the room, backpack in hand.

“I’m gonna explain how to use it,” Namjoon says, tossing the bag onto the bed and closing the door behind himself. “And how to clean it,” he walks to the bed. “And obviously you don’t have to use it at all, but, yeah. I wanna be helpful too.”

“We’re the best,” Yoongi decides, leaning over and unzipping Namjoon’s bag. Namjoon doesn’t protest.

He takes out something that looks like a huge black flashlight, only the place where the light should come out of is covered with a lid. Namjoon reaches into the bag and pulls out a bottle, a little bigger than a bottle of lube, green and with some kind of liquid in it.

Yoongi uncaps the flashlight-looking thing, and a mound of pink is just bulging out of it.

“I knew you’d have a classic one,” Yoongi breathes out a laugh. He holds it out to Jeongguk. “Why a mouth though?”

Jeongguk takes it from Yoongi and sees that, at the top of the mound of pink silicone, there’s the shape of a mouth, and right in the middle of that mouth is a hole which Jeongguk assumes he’s supposed to put his dick into.

“Gender neutral,” Namjoon answers. “And who doesn’t like getting a blowjob?”

Yoongi nods.

“I have a see-through one at home too,” Namjoon says.

“I knew that! Didn’t I just fucking say he would have a see-through one?” Yoongi looks at Jeongguk.

“You did,” Jeongguk says, looking at those weird non-human silicone lips.

“Am I that predictable?” Namjoon frowns.

“Don’t make me analyze you sexually,” Yoongi says seriously. “I’m too good at it.”

“Please don’t,” Namjoon nods. “Anyway,” he looks at Jeongguk. “It’s clean right now, all you need to do is pour some lube into it, and you can use it. But you do need to clean it as soon as possible after using it. You don’t want lube and… jizz drying in it.”

“How do you…” Jeongguk looks up at Namjoon. Hell, he’s not even sure he’ll use this thing, but he needs to know how to clean it if he does.

Namjoon takes the fleshlight from Jeongguk. He turns it over so the bottom of it is facing up.

“You uncap the top, and you uncap the bottom,” he holds the bottom of the toy and twists it, showing Jeongguk that there’s a cap there too. “This bottom cap you can adjust when you’re using it as well. Like the more loose the cap is, the more air gets into the actual toy and the less tight it becomes,” he looks at Jeongguk, and Jeongguk nod. “To clean it, you uncap it on both sides completely, then you pull this whole part out,” Namjoon points at the mouth. “It’s called the sleeve, you just pull the whole thing out. It’s really easy. Then you run it under water, no soap, and then you take this thing,” he points at the green bottle. “You spritz it into the sleeve and around the sleeve, and you run it under water again, and then just leave it out to dry somewhere, reassemble it whenever it’s dry again.”

“Seems like a lot of work for a jerk-off,” Yoongi comments.

“It’s a little bit of work, yeah,” Namjoon agrees. “But it’s worth it.”

“Is it?” Yoongi smirks.

“Yeah,” Namjoon exhales. He looks at Jeongguk again. “You can also soak the sleeve in warm water for a few minutes before you use it if you want it to feel more realistic.”

“Ooh,” Yoongi exclaims. “That’s cool.”

“You don’t have to though,” Namjoon adds. “It warms up after a minute anyway.”

Jeongguk nods one more time, “Umm,” he tries, not really sure what to say about any of this. “Thank you?”

“Don’t thank us until it actually works,” Yoongi gets up off the bed. “We’re gonna go now,” he says as a matter of fact. “You have fun,” he picks up his plastic bag and places the black bag with the dildo back into it. “Keep us updated,” he picks up Namjoon’s backpack as well and tosses it at him. Namjoon gets up. “Try to keep these precious items in the same condition as when you got them,” he walks to the door, and Namjoon follows him, and with his hand on the door handle and a big smile on his face he turns to Jeongguk and says, “Happy orgasming.”

Namjoon laughs, and then they’re out, and Jeongguk is left there, sitting on his bed with Yoongi’s dildo and Namjoon’s fleshlight, at an absolute loss for words.

Chapter Text

Jeongguk sits there in shock for a good few minutes, not really sure what he’s supposed to do now. He flexes his fist around Yoongi’s dildo, and, realizing the privacy he now has, decides to examine it a little bit more.

There isn’t really all that much to see. It’s all very straightforward. Simple, realistic, seven inches, a bit thicker towards the base. There’s some give to the material itself, which Jeongguk thinks must be because of the good quality. It doesn’t feel like plastic, it actually has some elasticity. The balls are stiff though – not realistic in the slightest, at least in the way they feel. They look more or less realistic. He figures he won’t take the batteries out of the back, doesn’t even bother seeing how many batteries are actually in there, he’s just going to leave it heavy, keep it truly in the same condition as when he got it.

Namjoon’s fleshlight is a different story. Jeongguk has no idea what it’s supposed to feel like. He can’t imagine that it actually resembles the feeling of a real human mouth, but he is fairly intrigued by it. He kind of wants to stick his fingers into it. Just to… test it. But his hands are definitely not clean. He’s not sure if he wants to use it. He’s not sure he wants to use Yoongi’s dildo either. He does kind of miss bottoming though, and maybe it will help him fix his dick. So, maybe. Maybe he’ll use them.

He places both toys onto the nightstand near the bed and gets up. It’s not like he has to do it today anyway. He has a whole two weeks to start orgasming normally again before he has to go back to the doctor, and a few days to use the toys if he decides he wants that. There’s no hurry. Not really.

So, he decides to not think about the toys for a minute, walks up to his door and locks it, then strips out of the clothes he’s worn all day and goes into the shower. The water feels good on his skin, relaxes him, washes all the fucking stress of the day and stress of the conversation he’s just had right off.

When he’s soaping up his body, his hands rubbing circles over his lower back and ass, he does reach between his cheeks though, does clean there too. Just in case. He tells himself that it’s not because Yoongi’s dildo is on his nightstand. Anal is a good idea in general in terms of something that can make him orgasm. It’s not because or for Yoongi’s dildo. He might just try with his own fingers again. Even though fingers didn’t get him off last time and never really get him off anyway. He doesn’t know. He really doesn’t.

Back in the room, toweling his hair, Jeongguk watches the toys from afar. They’re just there, looking at him, taunting him. His lube is right under them in the drawer. There wouldn’t be any harm in using them. Why should he feel weird about using Yoongi and Namjoon’s sex toys when they’re the ones who offered them in the first place? It’s not like he asked for them. It’s not like he wanted them. Yoongi and Namjoon just want to help. Why should he refuse it?

Because it’s weird, that’s why. But they offered, so it must not be that weird for them. They’re going to have to use these toys again too, knowing that Jeongguk used them. If they don’t find it weird, he shouldn’t either. But who’s to say they wouldn’t find it weird? They may not find it weird now, but maybe they will after, maybe they’ll feel so weird about it, they’ll have to throw the toys out.

Jeongguk sighs. He doesn’t bother putting on clothes. One way or another, he’s going to jerk off tonight. Clothes are useless right now. He sits on the edge of the bed and picks up Namjoon’s fleshlight again. His hands are clean now, so he does some more exploring.

It’s soft, that’s the main thing. It also doesn’t feel like a human being feels, but that makes sense. He traces his fingers over the lips and pushes one finger between them, into the toy. The first moment, it feels… not good. It’s dry, it drags against his finger, though he figures these problems get solved once the lube is poured in. But then… then he pushes past the first inch or two and reaches… ridges. He moves his finger around, and there are little bumps, little lines, patterns that change the deeper he goes. Just the thought of his dick pushing against all these little bumps is… he gets it. He gets why someone would use this. He gets why this would feel good. He gets why Namjoon would buy it, why he would bring it on tour.

He tugs his finger out, and the image of Namjoon fucking into this toy flashes before his eyes. Namjoon on his back, thrusting up into it, or on his front, grinding into it slowly, probably imagining someone’s real mouth on him as he does it. Shivers run down Jeongguk’s back, and when his dick twitches, he just feels embarrassed, so he places the fleshlight onto the nightstand again.

Thinking about Namjoon using this toy is not part of the deal. Namjoon never would have given it to Jeongguk had he known that Jeongguk would think about him. Probably. It’s not like Jeongguk wants to think about him that way anyway. Namjoon’s his hyung, he’s his best friend. Jeongguk doesn’t think of him as someone sexually… appealing. Not to himself anyway. Namjoon is attractive, that Jeongguk can admit. Still, it’s no reason to think about him and get pleasure from it.

But then his eyes fall on Yoongi’s dildo, and he imagines Yoongi using that. His favorite toy, that’s what Yoongi said. Two years ago, Yoongi said. He’s had this toy and been using it for at least two years. How many times has it been in Yoongi? How many times has Yoongi pushed into himself and jerked off and moaned and whimpered and came all because of this very dildo? And because he’s “the best,” he just decided to give Jeongguk the thing that’s been giving him pleasure for years. What if he’s in his room right now, wanting to use this dildo and unable to because he thinks Jeongguk is using it? What if he’s using the bigger one? Jerking off and coming and thinking about how his toy is being defiled by Jeongguk.

Jeongguk falls onto his back, stares at the ceiling, and his dick gets harder without his permission. The thing is though, he really doesn’t want to let this opportunity go. His dick is getting hard with no effort at all, he’s turned on. Even if his thoughts are not what he wants them to be, he is turned on by them. And the toys are something different, something that might help, something that might actually make him come. After over two weeks of not coming, how can he let these almost perfect circumstances just slip by?

So, he doesn’t let them slip by. Whatever. Yoongi and Namjoon knew what they were doing when they gave him these toys. They knew exactly what he’d be doing with them. They want him to do these things with them. It’s their consequences to deal with now. And he’ll just have to do his best to think about something other than Namjoon’s cock and Yoongi’s ass when he uses them. He’s seen enough porn and fucked enough people that it really shouldn’t be that much of a problem. He’ll be fine, so he wraps a hand around his hardening cock.

It’s easy to get hard. Always been easy. It’s only the very climax of the process that’s the problem. He tries to asses himself though. How tired is he? Tired, but not exhausted. How horny is he? Over two weeks with no orgasm, a silicone dick and mouth right next to him… he’s horny. But he’s always been horny. Does he think he can come? He stops stroking himself. Yes, he thinks he can come! Of course he does! What kind of assessment question is that? He needs to have some more confidence in himself.

He releases his dick completely and lets out a long breath. All he needs to do is calm down. He sits up and pulls his lube out of his drawer, then ends up watching the toys again. There’s no harm, absolutely no harm in using them. So, he picks up Yoongi’s dildo, marches to the bathroom again, washes it with soap and water, pats it dry with a clean towel, strides back into the room and brings the toy right back to its spot on the nightstand.

God, he hasn’t been fucked in a long time. Topping and topping and topping, that’s all he’s been doing. Every fucking one night stand, he’s topping. Why? He can’t even really answer that. Gulping, he picks up Yoongi’s toy in his free hand one more time. Maybe he should stop thinking about it as ‘Yoongi’s toy’. That’ll make this whole process easier.

Lying back down, he brings the toy up to his face, just looking at it again. It smells like hotel-room soap. The veins are kind of pretty, remind him of his own cock when he’s fully hard. He’s always liked veiny cocks, likes tracing those veins with his thumb or with his tongue.

He’s not even thinking when he lets his tongue fall out of his mouth and traces one of those veins. The dildo doesn’t feel human. It feels cold, but he runs his tongue over the crown anyway. He feels dirty doing it, wonders if Yoongi ever licks his dildos or if Jeongguk’s the only weird one. When he wraps his lips around the head he feels even weirder about it, but it doesn’t really matter that it’s cold and doesn’t feel particularly human. Jeongguk can pretend. And he does pretend, thinking of his hookup from a week ago, of a real human cock in his mouth. It still feels weird, but it’s good at the same time.

It’s not like he really works hard on the blowjob anyway. There’s no one at the other end of that dildo to please. The only person he’s pleasing here is himself. So he doesn’t bother taking it deep, doesn’t bother trying to push it into his throat, he just sucks it gently, finding that he quite enjoys how heavy it is. His legs spread without much thought, his cock slowly filling up even though he’s not stroking it.

He manages to uncap the lube with only one hand but then realizes he needs two hands to squeeze it out. His solution is to push the dildo deeper into his mouth and let go of it, and he finds himself pouring lube onto his fingers and laughing through his nose at how ridiculous he must look right now.

When he gets his fingers wet, he puts the lube aside and grabs the dildo again. He takes it out of his mouth but keeps licking it, just gently running his tongue in circles over the head while he shifts on the bed to lay his head on the pillow and get more comfortable. His legs spread wider, and his hand reaches between them, softly running his two wet fingers over his hole.

It’s been a while. It really has. So he goes easy on himself, slowly working one finger in, then a second one. His cock stays hard, his mouth stays occupied, his mind stays calm, and soon he’s stretched, fully ready for the next step.

He watches the dildo as he slicks it up with lube, and his thoughts drift to Yoongi again, in this exact position, doing so many times exactly what Jeongguk is doing right now. When he places the tip at his hole and pushes into himself, he’s still thinking about Yoongi, about how this is his favorite toy, about Yoongi talking about this toy giving him ‘good dickings’, fucking him so well. It’s going to fuck Jeongguk just as well now.

It’s still cold. So fucking cold and not real. It doesn’t feel like a real cock at all. But that doesn’t matter, not when it’s pushing in so much deeper than his fingers, stretching him so much wider. It feels so good, and he moans and isn’t even ashamed about it. He can get off to this. He must be able to. This is so good.

His fingers wrap around his shaft and stroke, and yes, he does think about Namjoon’s fleshlight, but he doesn’t bother, he’s going to come without it. He’s going to be fine. His dick is fine. And Yoongi’s dildo feels so good. Of course Yoongi likes it. Of course he uses it so much.

He’s fisting his cock so fast, can’t help it even though he knows he shouldn’t. It’s too much too fast. He’s working his body up way too quickly. He never comes this fast, why would he expect it to happen now? But it’s been over two weeks, and he’s ready to explode, and he tugs fast and fucks himself hard even though he knows he shouldn’t.

For a few minutes, he continues the same way, thinking he’s so close and so ready and being so overexcited, and of course he doesn’t come. Of course his fucking hand gets tired from being in this weird position and he has to stop thrusting into himself. Of course he works himself too close too fast and fucks up the process. He’s a fucking idiot. By the time he stops moving, he’s panting and tired. God, he’s stupid. He should have gone slower, built it up instead of trying to chase it. He knew it, and he let himself be stupid anyway. Now, he’s in the same fucking situation as two nights ago and every other night in the last two and a half weeks – getting motherfucking frustrated.

There’s still a chance though, he does not give up. He pulls the dildo out of himself, gets onto his knees, and leaning back, he places the dildo’s balls onto the bed and sinks back down onto the toy. He grunts, and it feels so good, but that’s not the fucking point. The point is that he reaches for his nightstand and grabs Namjoon’s fleshlight, and it doesn’t fucking matter that it’s Namjoon’s, it doesn’t, he’s going to fuck it, and he’s going to come into it so hard, and it’ll be so fucking good.

He sits back onto the toy fully, grabs the lube and pours it right onto the pink lips of the fleshlight, watching it slide into the hole. He slicks up his cock for good measure too, not knowing how much he actually needs to use with this toy. The most important thing is not waiting, holding onto this moment when he still feels close and going with it.

So he places the fleshlight at the head of his cock, slides his tip just slightly between the lips, takes a deep breath and pushes it onto himself. He’s maybe three inches in when he has to stop, a shocked little “oh” leaving his lips at the feeling of those little bumps and ridges sliding against him. “Wow,” he can’t help but say, feeling like everything around him slows down, unable to push into the toy quickly because it’s so fucking overwhelming.

Namjoon must be used to this feeling already, having fucked this toy so many times. He must be able to slide right in, fuck into it fast and hard. Probably has such good stamina because of this thing, so much practice fucking into something that feels so good.

Jeongguk lifts himself on Yoongi’s dildo and finds that he’s clenched so tight the dildo moves up into the air with him. So, he leans back, and, with one hand, holds the balls of the toy against the bed, giving himself leverage to pull up and slide back down.

Everything’s slower now, and it’s not even on purpose, it’s just that Jeongguk can’t get used to the feeling of Namjoon’s fleshlight around his dick. It’s crazy. Every part of his cock has some bump or ridge or line brushing against it, it’s warming up so fast, and it’s so tight, holy shit.

All he can really do is grind down onto Yoongi’s dildo and up into Namjoon’s fleshlight, and god, Namjoon would fuck him so good, wouldn’t he? He would fuck him for so long and so hard, and he’d feel so much better than this fucking dildo, and holy shit, Jeongguk should not be thinking that. Why the fuck is he thinking that?

But god, fucking god, it’s true, isn’t it? Namjoon would fuck Jeongguk so good. And Yoongi would fuck Jeongguk good too. So good. Or maybe Jeongguk could fuck Yoongi. Jeongguk’s cock is bigger than this dildo. Not bigger than the black dildo. But still. He’d fuck Yoongi so good, so much better than this cold, lifeless silicone. Yoongi wouldn’t need any toys with Jeongguk, Jeongguk would be better than all of them. Fucking all of them.

Doesn’t matter how good this fleshlight feels, Yoongi would feel better. He’d be so warm, and he’d moan so pretty, and what the fuck is Jeongguk thinking? What the fuck is wrong with him? And why is it getting him so fucking close? This is so bad, but they would feel so good. Namjoon fucking him, and him fucking Yoongi. They’d feel so good. Their toys are making him feel so good. He’s so close, and this is so wrong, and he can’t come, and his body is so tired already, and everything is bad, fuck.

He shouldn’t be thinking about them. He can’t think about them. He wants to come so bad, and he can’t, and why the fuck is he tearing up? What’s wrong with him? Fuck. He stops moving, taking a deep breath and exhaling, shaking himself off. Stop panicking, that’s all he needs to do. And stop thinking about them. Don’t think about them. He’s so close, all he needs to do is let go, just let go and let himself fall into it. It’s building right there, in his balls and in his head, and he’s so close, and he can’t come, and he’s so tired.

No. A little more. He starts moving again, up into Namjoon’s fleshlight, down onto Yoongi’s dildo. It’s all fine. Just a little bit more, and he’ll get there. A little more. He wants to have good news for Yoongi and Namjoon tomorrow, wants to give them these toys back so he never has to see them again, never has to think about them again. Yoongi and Namjoon would be happy for him if he came. They’d be proud. They’d be happy it was their toys that did it, that it was their help that made Jeongguk feel good, that it was them who made Jeongguk come.

He lets out a little sob at the thought. They’ll be disappointed if he fails. He has to do this for them too. He has to try harder. So, he picks up the speed, tries again, one more time, starting to build up and chase it. Steady breaths and going faster. It feels even better now. Everything is hot now, the dildo, the fleshlight, Jeongguk’s whole fucking body. He’s sweating, and he didn’t even realize. His body is fucking glistening when he looks down.

For one second, he pulls the fleshlight off. Just to look at himself. His cock is red. It’s fucking red, his tip is almost purple. Jeongguk lets out another sob, feeling bad for himself. He’s losing hope, he can sense it. It’s not working. For whatever reason, nothing is working. His dick is broken, but he pushes the fleshlight onto it anyway. So close. He’s going to burst. He won’t admit defeat yet. He won’t.

This is for Yoongi and Namjoon too. He’s going to come for them too. His eyes close, and behind his eyelids he can see them – he can see Namjoon fucking up into him and himself fucking into Yoongi. He can see it so vividly, and it’s getting him closer, but he opens his eyes against it. Thinking about his hookup from a week ago doesn’t help. He wasn’t good. He let Jeongguk do whatever he wanted and that’s why Jeongguk couldn’t get out of his own head. Yoongi and Namjoon wouldn’t let him do whatever he wanted. They’d take care of him. They always take care of him. They’d make him feel so good. They’d fuck him so good.

But he can’t think about it. He can’t think about them. Fuck, he’s so close. He fucks himself faster, harder, tightens himself on Yoongi’s dildo to the point that it fucking hurts, but it hurts so good, and Jeongguk can’t stop, won’t stop, not until he gets there. He fucking can’t though. He can’t. Yes, he can. He has to stop thinking that he can’t, he knows that, but he really can’t. He can’t think about them like that, and that’s all he’s doing. He can’t use their toys and know that they’ve used them and not think about them. He can’t come. He fucking can’t, and he feels the tears slide down his cheeks and hears a pathetic little sniffle come out of his nose, and he can’t. He can’t. So he gives up. He just gives up, letting his head fall forward and breathing in deep.  

It’s embarrassing. All of it. Talking to Yoongi and Namjoon about it, talking to the doctor about it, being so incapable so suddenly, pulling Namjoon’s fleshlight off and Yoongi’s dildo out. It’s embarrassing that he couldn’t stop himself from thinking about them, that he was getting off to them so much. It’s embarrassing to stumble into the bathroom on shaky legs, lean against the sink naked and sweating and hard and crying, and go through the process of uncapping the fleshlight, pulling out the sleeve, cleaning it, spritzing it, finding a towel for it to dry on, then washing the lube off the dildo with soap and reaching down to clean between his own ass cheeks because he failed. He failed himself and Namjoon and Yoongi and the fucking doctor and his hookup last week and everyone else too.

He falls asleep embarrassed and exhausted and crying and with his dick still mostly hard, and it sucks, it all sucks. And if none of this worked, what will? What of it’s not mental? What if everyone’s wrong and he really is sick? What then? What if his dick is really broken? What if he’ll need surgery and an implant, and god, what if he’s so fucked up he’ll never be able to have kids? What the fuck is he going to do then?

 

The next morning, Jeongguk wakes up tired but calm. Walking into the bathroom to brush his teeth, he is met with the fleshlight parts and the dildo lying on the small towel he spread on the toilet lid, and finds himself embarrassed all over again. He reassembles the fleshlight as quickly as he can, somehow keeping his composure, then grabs Yoongi’s dildo, places it back into its black fabric bag, and stuffs Yoongi’s dildo and Namjoon’s fleshlight and green cleaning bottle into one of his backpacks. He’d rather not see them again. He’s sure as hell not going to use them again. He wouldn’t do that to himself.

Throughout the day, he can barely look at Namjoon and Yoongi, so helplessly aware of what he did last night, who he thought about while doing it. Avoiding them is not an option though, and he’s aware that they’re looking for updates and that they’re hoping for good news. He just… doesn’t want to talk to them. Not because they did anything wrong. They literally did everything they could to help. He just can’t face them right now.

There’s one moment during their photoshoot when he sees Yoongi and Namjoon off to the side talking to each other alone. It’s like they notice him staring all of the sudden, both of them turning to look at him at the same time. He doesn’t walk up to them despite the questioning look in their eyes, doesn’t want to hear what they have to say. But Yoongi’s raised eyebrows so obviously ask ‘did it work? Did it help?’ that even Jeongguk can’t ignore it. So, he shakes his head ever so slightly, and Yoongi’s face falls. He watches as Yoongi turns to whisper something into Namjoon’s ear, and then Namjoon’s face falls too, his lips mouthing what looks like a disappointed ‘oh.’ Like Jeongguk needed to be any more disappointed with himself.  

The more hours pass, the more Jeongguk manages to calm down, and by the time their show starts later that evening, he truly feels better. He lets go for a while, dancing, singing, feeling the crowd. Yoongi, Namjoon and everyone else is right there on stage with him, and he feels good. He’s not thinking about anything, he’s just feeling, just living.

It’s only when they’re driving back to the hotel later that night that Jeongguk zaps back to reality. He thinks of the backpack waiting for him on the dresser in his room, thinks of the fact that he’s going to return the toys to Yoongi and Namjoon tonight because he doesn’t even want to be tempted to use them, that he’ll have to give Yoongi and Namjoon the disappointing news of his failure. He could lie to them and tell them it worked, but he won’t. There’s no point. He’ll tell them the truth regardless if he’ll go to the doctor again in two weeks.

In the corridor where their rooms are, Jeongguk stops Namjoon by placing a hand on his shoulder. Yoongi, who’s behind them, stops too, giving Jeongguk a quizzical look. Taehyung sees them and pauses as well, seeming to think that something’s happening, but when Jeongguk shakes his head, Taehyung just yawns and continues into his own room.

Yoongi and Namjoon follow Jeongguk into his room wordlessly, and Jeongguk decides to leave the door open. There’s a weird kind of uncomfortable silence as Jeongguk walks to his dresser, picks up his backpack, pulls out Yoongi’s black bag and hands it to him, then hands his backpack, where Namjoon’s fleshlight and bottle are, to Namjoon.

They both have confused looks on their faces but say nothing, possibly because the door is still open behind them. The silence and weirdness are broken very quickly though when Yoongi, looking slightly agitated, turns around and closes the door.

“What happened?” Yoongi asks.

“Nothing,” Jeongguk hears the defensiveness in his voice.

“bullshit,” Yoongi shoots. He lifts the black bag up and shakes his head, “Did you…”

“Yes,” Jeongguk breathes.

“Did it work?” Namjoon asks, and when Jeongguk looks up, Namjoon’s eyes are so hopeful.

Jeongguk sighs, sadness creeping up on him, “No.”

“Why?” Namjoon sounds almost hurt. “Did you use the fleshlight too?”

Jeongguk nods, “I don’t know why.”

“Come on,” Yoongi says and tugs Jeongguk to his bed. “Sit down. Share.”

Jeongguk says nothing. Namjoon sits down on his other side.

“Was it bad?” Yoongi asks, and he sounds concerned, but Jeongguk still doesn’t say anything. “Do you… want the other one?”

“No,” Jeongguk answers immediately, then sighs. “I just… I think it was too much.”

“Oh,” Yoongi breathes. “Well…”

And then he stops, his mouth opening and closing, his eyebrows furrowing.

“Thank you for trying to help, really,” Jeongguk says. “I’m sorry it didn’t work.”

“You don’t need to apologize,” Namjoon breathes out, and Jeongguk bows his head.

“You don’t have to return them right now,” Yoongi says. “Keep them for a little while. Maybe using both at the same time was too much, but using one of them would be just right.”

“I don’t want them,” Jeongguk blurts out.

There’s a pause.

“Can I ask why?” Yoongi asks.

“Because…” Jeongguk tries and stops himself before blurting out ‘I thought about you when I used them’. “It was just… weird.”

“Because of the quality?” Yoongi asks. “The shape?”

“Because they’re ours?” Namjoon asks, and Jeongguk’s head snaps up.

“Ah,” Yoongi exhales. There’s another pause. “That’s fair. The offer to go together to buy one for you is still open.”

Yes, except for the fact that if Jeongguk goes to buy a dildo with Yoongi, he’ll still probably think of Yoongi when he’ll use it, and that doesn’t solve the problem.

He shakes his head. And there’s more silence. Jeongguk kind of wants to be alone.

“What are you gonna do now?” Namjoon asks.

“I don’t know,” Jeongguk says.

Yoongi doesn’t say anything.

“Were you still like…” Namjoon takes a breath, “in your own head? I can’t, I can’t? All that?”

Jeongguk shrugs.

“The toys weren’t distracting enough?” Namjoon asks, and Jeongguk thinks about how a few days ago, if Yoongi would have asked Jeongguk that question, Namjoon would have probably thought it was inappropriate.

“They were distracting,” Jeongguk offers. “But I was too aware of…”

“Them being ours?” Namjoon tries.

“Yeah,” Jeongguk sighs, blushing a little. At least he doesn’t feel judged for it. “Couldn’t… It just felt weird. Distracting in a bad way.”

“What options are you left with now?” Namjoon asks. “In terms of what to do.”

“Wait a few days?” Jeongguk ponders out loud. “Try again,” he takes a deep breath. “Then again.”

“What about…” Yoongi chimes in suddenly. Jeongguk and Namjoon turn to look at him. His forehead is all scrunched up, like he’s thinking really hard. “What about if we help?”

“I told you I don’t want the toys-“ Jeongguk tried, but Yoongi cuts his off.

“I don’t mean the toys,” Yoongi shakes his hands in the air. “I mean us.”

A moment passes.

“Let me explain my thought process,” Yoongi says. “You said, yesterday, that the first idea you had, in terms of how to fix this, was sex, right?”

“Well, maybe not the first,” Jeongguk whispers.

“Not the first then, whatever,” Yoongi says. “But it was an idea, one that you decided to follow through with. The problem with it was that the person you were with didn’t really do it for you. Didn’t distract you, leave you enough time to get into your own head, all of it, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Jeongguk answers.

“So,” Yoongi pauses. “I still think that sex, good sex, is a good idea. It’s the most distracting thing. It’s letting someone else force you into an orgasm. But I understand what you mean when you say that you don’t wanna do it again. You don’t want to be in a situation where you don’t enjoy it and have to fake it again. And you don’t feel comfortable telling a one night stand about your problem. So, what if we help?”

“Are you offering…” Jeongguk frowns, trying to comprehend, trying to not jump to conclusions, “to… have sex with me?”

“No exactly,” Yoongi winces, shaking his head. Jeongguk’s almost glad he can’t see Namjoon’s reaction to all of this. “Not sex per say. Just… me and Joon helping you – hands on – to have an orgasm. It’s not sex exactly because it’s just gonna be about you. I don’t think mine and Joon’s dicks should be involved at all. It would be… me and Namjoon – two people who you trust, two people who already know about the problem, who wouldn’t be offended if you don’t come, who… would distract you enough that you don’t have even a moment to get into your head, who… I don’t know. Stop me.”

“If he felt weird using our toys, this would be,” Namjoon says, “worse. Probably.”

“Doesn’t have to be,” Yoongi argues.

“I-“ Jeongguk tries, but he doesn’t really know what to say.

“Don’t freak out,” Yoongi says before Jeongguk starts freaking out. “Even if you decide to take us up on it, it wouldn’t happen today. We’d all need to sleep on the idea, really think about it, and we’d still need to have a good, long conversation about limits and ground rules and all that shit. Don’t worry,” he pauses. “Hell, I volunteered Joon into this without even asking him if he’d be okay with it.”

“I-“ Namjoon starts, but Yoongi cuts him off.

“Don’t just agree,” he says. “Think about it. Really.”

Namjoon’s mouth closes, and his eyebrows furrow – thinking. It’s Jeongguk who’s blanking completely, unable to so much as comprehend the idea. He’s been freaking out all day about thinking about them when he was jerking off, and yet, here they are, offering to have sex with him? What the fuck?

“I agree,” Namjoon says after a moment. “If this might help, then I absolutely agree.”

“Good,” Yoongi nods then looks at Jeongguk. “You don’t have to agree right now. Or disagree right now for that matter. Don’t give us an answer tonight. Really think about it. Consider it. Maybe think about what you would be okay with, what you wouldn’t be okay with. What you would like to happen, whatever. Take the night, take tomorrow, maybe jerk off tonight, maybe you’ll come and won’t need us at all. But the offer is there,” he pauses. “Though I retain the right to change my mind too, okay?”

Jeongguk nods.

“Wouldn’t it be better to talk about limits now?” Namjoon asks. “So he knows what he’s truly considering?”

“The limits are going to be whatever he sets out,” Yoongi says. “We won’t do anything that he doesn’t want or doesn’t like. If one of the things he’d want crosses one of our limits, we’d tell him – and each other. The only big thing that you really need to keep in mind,” he looks at Jeongguk, “is that this will be about you. Joon and I are not pulling our dicks out, we’re not coming. Nothing that might make you uncomfortable, not in the moment and not in the long-run. I figure seeing our dicks might be one of those things, but if you want them out… we’d consider it. Fair?”

Jeongguk nods blankly.

“No pressure though,” Yoongi adds. “No hurt feelings. About anything. No hurt feelings if you disagree to this whole thing. No hurt feelings if we won’t actually be able to make you come in the moment,” another pause. “No awkwardness, I can promise you that. No judgement, no matter what we’ll do. And if it’ll make things easier, then, after it happens, we won’t talk about it ever again.”

Jeongguk nods one more time.

“Okay,” Yoongi sighs. He looks at Namjoon. “You have the right to change your mind too.”

“Yup,” Namjoon nods.

“Alright,” Yoongi gets up off the bed. “Imma go take a shower,” he rolls his shoulders back. “Think about it and let us know.”

Namjoon stands up too, places his hand on Jeongguk’s shoulder and smiles at him, all soft and caring.

They leave, and it’s only after they do that Jeongguk realizes they left both the black bag with the dildo and the backpack with the fleshlight in his room. And just like the night before, Jeongguk finds himself simply sitting on his bed, shocked into silence.

How could it be that he was judging himself so harshly about thinking of them when he was jerking off and that he felt so fucking strange and awkward using their sex toys, and they’re here, offering to… not have sex, whatever, to make him orgasm. How? How is he the only one weirded out by all of this? Is it really all just clinical for them? Just about helping out a friend? No consequences?

Just the thought of them fucking Jeongguk made Jeongguk feel consequences. Immediate consequences. He could barely look them in the eyes all day long. What would happen after doing whatever it is they’re offering? How could he look at them then? The only difference between the consequences of him thinking about Yoongi and Namjoon fucking him and Yoongi and Namjoon getting him off in real life would be that, in the second situation, they’d all have to face the consequences, not just Jeongguk. How could Yoongi even offer this in the first place? How could Namjoon just… agree?

No awkwardness. Yeah, right. Maybe not for them. Jeongguk would be the one on display. Jeongguk would be the one getting off- trying to get off. He’s the one who’d have shit to lose, not them. They wouldn’t even have their dicks out. Consider getting their dicks out if he wanted it. Please. That would require him saying that he wants it, and he’d never do that, especially not after Yoongi so confidently said that it shouldn’t happen. How can they expect him to just blindly agree to tell them everything he likes in bed? That’s ridiculous! This is all ridiculous.

He jumps off the bed and rushes to open his door. Yoongi is still walking towards his room, and Namjoon is just about to close his door.

“Wait,” Jeongguk calls. Yoongi turns around, and Namjoon peeks out the side of his door.

There’s no plan in Jeongguk’s head other than getting them to understand that, kind as they think they’re being, they’re also being entirely unfair. And ridiculous. He strides towards Namjoon’s room, waits for Yoongi to get the hint and follow him and then shuts Namjoon’s door behind the three of them.

“This is ridiculous,” Jeongguk states, facing them. Yoongi’s mouth opens, but Jeongguk doesn’t let him speak. “How can you expect me to agree to that?” he shoots, and both of their mouths open this time, but Jeongguk keeps talking. “I know you think you’re being all nice. And you are, but-“ he lowers his voice, realizing he’s a bit too loud. Yoongi and Namjoon are looking at him with wide eyes. “But, you can’t just- just expect me to be all like: yeah, yeah, let me just get all naked, and also, here, I’ll tell you everything I like in bed,” he mocks, and both of their mouths close, eyes casting down, like they’re embarrassed. “Like that’s not fucking weird at all! You can’t put it all on me,” he asserts. “And I get that it’s supposed to be ‘for me’,” he quotes Yoongi, “or whatever, but you can’t just leave everything up to me. That’s not fucking fair. I can’t make that decision.”

He stops and realizes he’s fucking shaking with how hyped up he is.

They don’t say anything, just keep looking down. Yoongi’s chewing on his bottom lip. It’s not every day that Jeongguk is the one to scold them, and so fucking harshly too. He’s not sure he’s ever scolded them like this. And it’s not like they deserve it anyway. They’re just trying to help. He’s shouldn’t have talked to them like this. Oh god, he really shouldn’t have.

“You’re right,” Yoongi says quietly, and Jeongguk looks up at him, hadn’t even realized he was looking at the floor. “Best intentions but not very well executed. I’m sorry.”

“Umm, me too,” Namjoon adds, holding the back of his own neck.

Jeongguk shakes his head, “No, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I know you’re only trying to help.”

“No, no, you’re right, it was not fair to leave everything up to you like that,” Yoongi says, then he looks at Namjoon. “And you were probably right too,” he nods, and Namjoon looks confused. “We should talk limits first and then sleep on it.”

“Uh,” Namjoon’s mouth opens. “Okay?”

“Okay,” Yoongi takes a deep breath. “So, let’s do that.”

He takes off his shoes and climbs onto Namjoon’s bed, sitting cross-legged in the middle of it, facing Namjoon and Jeongguk.

“You coming?” Yoongi asks.

Jeongguk turns to looks at Namjoon and finds that Namjoon’s eyes are already on him. Namjoon shrugs, then takes off his own shoes and sits on the bed as well. All that’s left is for Jeongguk to join this weird little circle, and he can’t really think of a good enough reason to not do that, so he takes off his shoes and climbs onto the bed with them.

“What are we…” Jeongguk asks.

“Umm, I figure…” Yoongi starts. “I figure we… uh,” his eyebrows furrow. He looks awkward, like he lost some of his confidence.

“How about-“ Namjoon cuts in, “we each go around and… share something sexual that we like. Or don’t like. I mean, I still think that the smart move would be to keep the focus on you-” he looks at Jeongguk, “-if we actually end up doing anything, but also, uh… maybe us sharing things like that too, even if we don’t actually do anything about them, maybe that would… take a little... awkwardness away from you?”

“I don’t- I don’t know,” Jeongguk says honestly. “Maybe.”

Yoongi nods. His cheeks are still a little pink. It’s probably because Jeongguk got mad at him. Fuck, Jeongguk regrets yelling at them like that.

“I’ll start?” Namjoon asks, then his eyes rise up, thinking. He looks back down, takes a deep breath and- “I have really sensitive balls.”

Yoongi snorts, and Namjoon’s head snaps towards him. Jeongguk bites his lower lip to hold back a smile.

“Sorry,” Yoongi says sheepishly. “It was just the way you said it. Continue.”

“Fuck you, you say something,” Namjoon blushes.

“Umm,” Yoongi giggles, his shoulders shaking.

Jeongguk smiles. Namjoon sees it. Namjoon smiles.

“I…” Yoongi drags the word out. “I… love bottoming.”

“Kinda figured that what with the eleven-inch dildo,” Namjoon mumbles.

“Shut the fuck up,” Yoongi snaps, but he’s laughing.

Jeongguk lets out a little giggle too, they both turn to look at him, and he realizes it’s his turn. He holds back on saying anything for a second, still a little hyped from before, but a deep breath calms him down. And when his mind clears slightly, he realizes that yes, this might be helping a little bit. He can do this. He can tell them things he likes if they can do the same. Even if he doesn’t end up agreeing to their offer, they can have this conversation.

 “Uh…” Jeongguk thinks. “I like topping and bottoming,” he says. “But I haven’t bottomed in a long time.”

“What’s a long time?” Yoongi asks, still smiling a bit.

“Six months, maybe,” Jeongguk says, then rethinks it. “No, longer. Almost a year, I think,” he pauses, then rushes to add, “the dildo yesterday doesn’t count.”

“I don’t think I fully processed the fact that that’s been in you,” Yoongi says.

Jeongguk’s eyes widen, “You offered it!”

“I know, I know,” Yoongi raises his hands in defense, laughing. “I didn’t say that like it was a bad thing, I just haven’t processed it yet.”

Jeongguk looks down, blushing.

“Oh, dammit,” Yoongi snaps, and Jeongguk peeks up to see Yoongi turning to Namjoon. “Say something else.”

And embarrassed and Jeongguk may be, intrigue wins over, and he looks up fully, watching Namjoon think.

“Well, if we’re already listing this off,” Namjoon says. “Then, I like topping. I don’t mind bottoming, but I prefer topping.”

Yoongi nods, “I have sensitive nipples,” he announces, then immediately closes his eyes in regret.

“I don’t,” Jeongguk says, trying to save him the embarrassment. “Not unless you…” he makes a twisting motion with his fingers. “Like, hard.”

“Hmm,” Namjoon hums with his eyebrows furrowed. “Does this… aspect of pain… cross over to other things? Or is it just nipples?”

Jeongguk blushes deeply, “It’s your turn.”

“Fair,” Namjoon nods, lips turning up into a small smile. “I like… umm… I like eating people out. Whether it’s a pussy or an ass, I don’t care, I just-“ his eyes flutter shut, and he shakes his head. “Yeah.”

“Me too,” Yoongi says. “Love giving blowjobs too.”

There’s a pause when Jeongguk’s turn comes again.

“Yes,” Jeongguk ends up blurting out. “About the- the pain thing,” his cheeks are burning.

Yoongi’s eyes squint, and Namjoon hums.

“Spanking?” Namjoon asks quietly.

Jeongguk blushes harder, “Yes.”

“Ass? Thighs-“ Namjoon starts, and Jeongguk cuts him off.

“Yes,” he says and bites his lower lip.

“Dick?” Namjoon asks anyway.

Jeongguk just keeps blushing.

“Hair-pulling?” Namjoon continues.

Jeongguk shrugs, “Sure.”

“Overstimulating?” Namjoon asks.

“Never tried,” Jeongguk answers.

Namjoon nods, and then it’s quiet. Jeongguk looks down in embarrassment.

“I really like riding guys, being on top,” Yoongi volunteers when no one says anything, and Jeongguk registers that it’s not Yoongi’s turn, but maybe that doesn’t matter.

“I like getting roughed up,” Jeongguk says, still looks down, unable to look at their reactions. “A little,” he adds. “Doesn’t happen very often.”

“You’re usually in control?” Yoongi asks, and Jeongguk nods.

“Roughed up only physically?” Namjoon asks. “Or humiliated too?”

“No…” Jeongguk shakes his head, finally looking up. “No humiliation. I like… the opposite.”

“Praise?” Yoongi asks.

Jeongguk nods ever so slightly.

“I like praise too,” Yoongi says and cracks a smile.

Jeongguk smiles as well.

It’s awkward, it really is. But it’s not as awkward as he expected.

“So, if we were to do this,” Namjoon says, “then… praise would be on the table, spanking would be on the table. Hair-pulling. Possibly overstimulation,” he pauses, and Jeongguk blushes harder than he has all night. “What else? Anal?”

“Wait,” Yoongi breathes with a little laugh, and Jeongguk’s so glad he stopped that line of questions. “Before that… we need to think about… how much…” he pauses. “Since we’re friends, not hookups, we need to think about how much we’d be comfortable touching each other. Or specifically, Joon and I need to think about how much we’d be comfortable touching you,” he looks at Jeongguk. “And you need to think about how much you’d be comfortable being touched. And specifically, in what ways you’d be comfortable being touched by us.”

Slightly less horrible line of questions.

“In terms of what I’m comfortable with,” Yoongi offers. “Or rather what I would be uncomfortable with… Like, I wouldn’t want- I don’t actually want to like, have sex, you know? I don’t want to-“ he stops then rushes. “I’d be perfectly happy keeping my dick in my pants, if that makes- if that’s… okay… with you.”

“Me?” Jeongguk asks. “You think I’d ask you to do something you’re uncomfortable with?”

“No, I’m just… being explicit about it,” Yoongi says, and Jeongguk swallows, nodding. “In terms of how much I’d be comfortable touching you,” he shrugs. “Your choice, I guess? We could… There’s a way we could go about this with seriously minimal touching. Dildo, fleshlight. If us touching you makes you really uncomfortable, then that’s something we can do.”

“I don’t think I’d mind…” Jeongguk says, “hands.”

“Hands are good,” Yoongi says. “Anything else?”

Jeongguk takes a moment to think, and his thoughts flash back to the image he had yesterday of Namjoon fucking him and him fucking Yoongi. That was what he wanted yesterday. But he wanted it in the heat of the moment, when he was desperate. He wasn’t thinking then. Now… he imagines them touching him with their hands – his cock, his ass, spanking him maybe. Maybe fucking him with one of Yoongi’s dildos.

He feels how warm his cheeks are, but he thinks he’d be okay with this happening. As long as everyone’s limits are set, and everyone knows what they’re getting into, then… this might not be the worst idea. He’d probably feel a lot less guilt doing this than he did jerking off to thoughts of them, because this at least they know about, this is consensual. And they’d help. They might fix him. People he trusts, who know him, who care about him, who’d distract him and won’t judge him. He’s run out of ideas for how to fix himself. This is the only card he really has left.

“Dildo?” he asks quietly.

When he looks at them again, they’re both smiling softly, and it’s like something on his face gives away his decision. He can sense that they understand he’s agreeing to this. Somehow, they understand.

“Which one?” Yoongi asks, still smiling.

“Small one?” Jeongguk replies.

Yoongi nods, “I’ll bring the other one too, just in case.”

“Fleshlight too?” Namjoon asks.

“Not sure,” Jeongguk answers. “It was kind of… overwhelming.”

Namjoon breathes a laugh out through his nose, “Yeah, I get it.”

Jeongguk smiles, embarrassed but kind of okay with it.

“And… your limits?” Jeongguk asks Namjoon. “How much you’d be comfortable touching…”

“I think I’m pretty much in agreement with Yoongi,” Namjoon says. “Don’t actually wanna have sex. And don’t mind touching you in whatever way you’re comfortable with.”

Both Jeongguk and Yoongi nod.

“What about…” Namjoon starts after a pause. “Mouth?”

“Mouth?” Jeongguk asks.

“You said touching with hands is good,” Namjoon explains. “What about… mouths?”

“Oh,” Jeongguk exhales.

“Kissing?” Namjoon whispers before Jeongguk can even consider the previous question.

But kissing. Kissing? Jeongguk didn’t even think about kissing. And, going by Yoongi and Namjoon’s faces, it seems that this is the first time they’ve thought about this too.

“Kissing where?” Yoongi asks.

“Not on the lips,” Jeongguk says carefully. Kissing on the lips would be… weird. Too weird. Intimate. This isn’t supposed to be intimate.

“Okay,” Yoongi nods seriously. “Not on the lips.”

“Also not… on my dick,” Jeongguk adds. “Or my butt…hole.”

Yoongi cracks an amused smile, and Namjoon laughs.

“So, no blowjobs, no rimming?” Namjoon clarifies, still laughing, but Jeongguk nods seriously. Anything with lips and tongue and face to body contact would probably feel too intimate.

“We should have a safe word probably,” Yoongi says.

“Why?” Jeongguk asks.

“Just in case,” Yoongi says. “’Stop’ and ‘no’ and ‘don’t’ still work, but… I think having a word to call everything off without question would be… couldn’t hurt to have it.”

“You should decide which one,” Namjoon says, looking at Jeongguk. “Something you’d easily remember.”

“Uh…” Jeongguk thinks and decides to go with the first thing he thinks of. “Bulgogi?”

Suddenly, Jeongguk’s stomach rumbles, and the three of them burst out laughing for a second. God, there was a lot of tension. Laughing feels so good.

“Bulgogi,” Yoongi repeats. “Sure, why not.”

“So, one more time,” Namjoon says. “Hyung and I are keeping our dicks in our pants, touching with hands is allowed, no kissing on the mouth, dick and butthole,” he lists these things off like they’re a fucking grocery list, and, once again, Jeongguk is blushing. “Dildo is good, fleshlight – under question. Spanking, hair-pulling, praising-“

“Oh my god,” Jeongguk mumbles, mortified, and Namjoon stops.

Yoongi laughs and slaps Namjoon’s shoulder.

“Way to embarrass him even more, Mr. Sensitive Balls,” Yoongi chastises.

Namjoon blushes, “Sorry, I was just-“

“Stop,” Yoongi lays his hand on Namjoon’s shoulder. “Just don’t.”

Namjoon shuts up and rubs the back of his neck, awkward.

“So when do we…” Jeongguk tries and blushes harder.

“Sleep on it,” Yoongi insists. “You’re tired. Who knows, you might change your mind tomorrow.”

He probably should sleep on it, but he kind of doesn’t want to. He’s already made up his mind. He doesn’t want to have enough time to think about it and then change it. He’d get it over with now if he could. But it makes sense to think about it some more, to be sure that he’s okay with this even after a night of sleep. And they should have time to think this over as well.

It’s hard to imagine what this would actually look like, even after this conversation, even now that they’ve set some ground rules. But part of the point is for Jeongguk to not be in control, to have them take his mind out of this place its been stuck in. So it makes sense the details would be up in the air – fully up to Yoongi and Namjoon.

“I’ll tell you tomorrow morning,” Jeongguk decides.

“Okay,” Yoongi says. “Going to sleep now?”

Jeongguk nods, “Are you?”

“I’m gonna stay here with Joon for a minute,” Yoongi says, and Jeongguk just knows that he’s going to be the topic of their conversation.

He doesn’t know how to feel about it, but he also doesn’t have much choice on the matter. They should probably talk just the two of them, make a game plan. It’s a good idea. The two of them being coordinated would be a smart thing.

Jeongguk nods again, scoots off the bed, grabs his shoes off the floor and walks towards the door. When he turns back to them, they’re looking at him, not each other, waiting for him to leave. They’re smiling though, probably thinking that he understands why they need to discuss this alone. And he does understand. So, he gives them a little smile back and walks out of Namjoon’s room.

He’s tempted to press his ear against Namjoon’s door and listen, but he doesn’t. Curiosity be dammed, hearing them would defeat the point of this whole thing – would take the surprise factor away from the “sex”, and the surprise factor is kind of necessary.

He considers jerking off when he’s in the shower, then considers it again when he slides under the covers. There’s still a chance that, if he jerks off tonight, he’ll orgasm, and then everything with Yoongi and Namjoon would be called off. But there’s also a good chance that he’ll have a repeat performance of every other night he jerked off the last two and a half weeks, and he’ll just end up disappointed and discouraged again. And what’s the point in that?

Ultimately, he decides against it, turns onto his side and tries to fall asleep. He’s glad he talked to them. Glad he’s not lying here right now, clueless about everything. He’s glad he has a chance now, a new idea that might fix him. He’ll just wait for Yoongi and Namjoon to help him. He doesn’t need to jerk off. Not jerking off would only help him build up the need. He can’t wait for it to happen. He can’t wait for it to be over. He can’t wait to come. He’s excited about it, he realizes, and he’s not entirely sure how to feel about that excitement.

Chapter Text

Jeongguk’s mind doesn’t change throughout the night. It doesn’t change when he brushes his teeth or when he’s getting dressed or when they’re driven to the arena they’ll be performing in to practice. He’s okay with this happening. He wants it to happen. Not because he’s looking forward to Yoongi and Namjoon touching him, but because he’s looking forward to orgasming and having this nightmare end.

Though he can’t say that he’s not anticipating it at least slightly. Even if he ignores his general intrigue with the concept of Namjoon and Yoongi getting him off, he’s still left with spanking, hair-pulling, praising, bottoming and everything else they talked about – things he hasn’t done in a pretty long time, things that he misses. And as embarrassed and scared as he is of this whole thing, he does trust them, and he believes that they won’t judge him about the things he likes and won’t judge him if he doesn’t come. And the fact that they aren’t hookups and that he won’t need to get them off takes a lot of pressure off him. This is a good idea. It’ll be good.

“I’m sure,” he finds a second alone with Yoongi and Namjoon in the arena and tells them.

“Yeah?” Namjoon asks.

“Yeah,” Jeongguk nods. “Did you… change your mind?”

Namjoon shakes his head.

“No,” Yoongi says.

“Okay,” Jeongguk exhales.  

“We could just do it tonight,” Yoongi offers. “Say… eight? Enough time to rest after practice, no performance tonight or tomorrow,” he shrugs. “If everyone’s sure,” he looks at Jeongguk, “why not?”

“Why not,” Jeongguk echoes. The sooner the better. “Eight.”

“Your room?” Yoongi asks.

Jeongguk nods, and there’s only one awkward second before they’re called onto the stage for group soundcheck.

 

It’s seven fifty, and Jeongguk’s freaking out. He’s been more or less freaking out all day, but right now, it’s finally hitting him. This is actually going to happen. Yoongi and Namjoon are going to… to do all those things to him. They’re going to see him naked and hard, and they’re going to fuck him, and maybe they’ll say some dirty things to him that’ll change the way he sees them forever. And they’ll make him come, which he’s both dreading and praying for. He might be regretting this. No, he still needs this to happen, but he’s kind of… scared. Maybe not scared. Nervous. Worried. Very, very anxious. He hopes it’ll work. Please, god, let it work.

He sits down on his bed and takes a deep breath. His hair is still slightly wet from the shower. It was a long shower, one in which he contemplated his life choices and tried to figure out how he got to where he is today. No particularly satisfying answer came out of that shower, but at least he’s clean. Very clean.

There was a moment during said shower where he considered just not putting on clothes after it, to avoid the whole… undressing process when Yoongi and Namjoon arrive, but he couldn’t do that to himself. So, he’s sitting on his bed fully dressed in underwear, sweatpants and a t-shirt, twiddling his fucking thumbs like the ball of nerves that he is.

Yoongi’s dildo, Namjoon’s fleshlight, and Jeongguk’s lube are on the nightstand beside the bed, clean and ready, and Jeongguk can’t look at them. There are too many memories attached to those items, and too many potential fantasies as well. He’s worried that if he looks at them for too long, he’ll get hard. He’s also worried that he might not get hard at all, with how fucking nervous he is.

Other than wait he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He turns on the bedside lamp, sits down, then changes his mind and turns on the lamp on the other bedside table as well. Five more minutes and they’ll show up. Five more fucking minutes. He tries picking up his phone and distracting himself, but his hands are shaking, so he puts it back down again. It’ll be fine. He can always get out of it if he changes his mind. Even during, they still have the safeword, so there’s always a way out. And he fully trusts that they won’t do anything he doesn’t want them to do. He trusts them, that matters. That’s why he’s agreed to this in the first place.

There are two whole minutes left, so the knock really fucking scares him. He jumps off the bed, shakes himself off and strides to the door, opening it.

They’re there. Yoongi and Namjoon, looking all calm and soft and casual. Yoongi is holding a bag in his hand which Jeongguk assumes has the other dildo in it, and Jeongguk can’t breathe.

“You’re nervous,” Yoongi whispers, and Jeongguk does nothing to deny it.

He simply steps aside and lets them in, locking the door behind them.

“Did you change your mind?” Namjoon asks. “You can still do that, you know.”

“I know,” Jeongguk says, looking at the floor. He didn’t change his mind, he only thought about changing it. But he didn’t.

“You wanna talk?” Yoongi asks.

“Do we have to?” Jeongguk asks.

“Probably,” Yoongi answers. “If you’re nervous.”

“Of course I’m nervous,” Jeongguk whispers.

“Do you wanna tell us why?” Namjoon asks. “Get your fears out there.”

“I’m nervous I’m not gonna come,” Jeongguk says bluntly. Namjoon nods. Yoongi’s just looking. Jeongguk keeps going. “I’m nervous it’s gonna be awkward. Now and after. I’m nervous that I won’t even get hard because I’m so nervous.”

“You’re not nervous about being judged though, right?” Namjoon asks.

No, he’s not nervous about that, “No.”

“That’s a good start,” Namjoon says. “And about everything else… we’ll do our best to make it not awkward. But it’s gonna have to be a team effort.”

He smiles, and it makes Jeongguk smile weakly too. His heart is beating so fast.

“My heart’s fucking racing,” Jeongguk decides to tell them.

Yoongi huffs out a laugh, and Namjoon’s smile widens.

“Are you not nervous?” Jeongguk asks both of them.

“Only that it might not work,” Yoongi answers.

“You’re not nervous about it being awkward?” Jeongguk asks, eyebrows furrowed.

“It might be awkward during,” Yoongi answers. “Or at least in the beginning. I’m hoping it’ll get less awkward as we go,” he smiles. “But it won’t be awkward after.”

He says that like it’s fact.

“How do you know that?” Jeongguk asks.

“We won’t let it,” Yoongi shrugs.

Namjoon nods.

Jeongguk swallows harshly and takes a deep breath, “Okay.”

Yoongi is the first one to start moving. He walks to the bathroom, and Jeongguk can hear the rustling of Yoongi’s bag and then the water running. While Yoongi’s in the bathroom, Namjoon goes towards the bed. He places his phone onto the unoccupied bedside table, takes off his shoes then sits on the edge of the mattress. Jeongguk’s just standing by the door and watching.

By the time Namjoon sits down, Yoongi’s out of the bathroom, carrying his black dildo towards the bedside table with his other dildo and Namjoon’s fleshlight and placing it next to them. He quietly takes off his shoes as well, tossing them to the side of the room, then turns to Jeongguk.

“Come on,” Yoongi says softly, motioning with his head for Jeongguk to come closer. 

Jeongguk does. His plan is to sit at the edge of the bed with Yoongi and Namjoon, but after Jeongguk takes a few steps forward, Yoongi scoots up, lying down on his side with his head on the pillow. Namjoon follows Yoongi, turning onto his side to face him, the two of them leaving space for Jeongguk in the middle. So, that’s where Jeongguk goes, climbing onto the bed and flopping down onto his back between them, exhaling roughly.

“Sure you didn’t change your mind?” Namjoon asks.

“Yeah,” Jeongguk breathes. This is a good idea. It’s a very good idea, and they will help, and everything will be okay.

“We’re gonna be talking to you during this whole thing, okay?” Yoongi says. “Asking… if you’re okay, if you like something, don’t like something. So we’re not crossing any lines that we maybe didn’t talk about yesterday.”

“Okay,” Jeongguk nods, still looking at the ceiling, still very much nervous.

“Alright,” Yoongi says.

And then suddenly there’s movement. Both of them scoot a little closer to Jeongguk. Yoongi lifts one leg and lays it over Jeongguk’s legs, then wraps his arm around Jeongguk’s stomach. Namjoon places one palm over Jeongguk’s heart, and his other hand goes up, fingers gently threading through Jeongguk’s hair.

It’s not like they’ve never touched or never hugged or even never cuddled. It just wasn’t like this. Never this close. Never this intentional.

“Your heart’s still racing,” Namjoon says quietly.

“Sorry,” Jeongguk whispers, realizing that Namjoon can feel his heart under his hand.

“It’s okay to be nervous,” Yoongi says. “It makes sense to be nervous.”

Jeongguk nods. It does make sense.

“What’s our safeword?” Namjoon asks, his palm moving, fingers brushing over Jeongguk’s nipple.

“Bulgogi,” Jeongguk answers.

“Good,” Namjoon states. “Use it if you need it.”

Namjoon’s hand is lightly running across Jeongguk’s chest, side to side.

“How…” Jeongguk gulps. “How do we start?”

“How do you usually start?” Namjoon asks, and there’s a hint of amusement in his voice.

“Kissing,” Jeongguk answers. Kissing is off limits.

Namjoon leans in and kisses his cheek.

Jeongguk’s frozen for half a second, and then he smiles, kind of embarrassed. Then, Yoongi leans in and kisses his other cheek, and Jeongguk’s smile widens, his lips quivering. He can’t help it. It’s so weird and cute and stupid. But Yoongi and Namjoon are smiling too, both of them kissing Jeongguk’s cheeks again. And again. And again. And suddenly Jeongguk’s giggling.

It somehow didn’t hit Jeongguk that they can kiss him on his cheeks. He’s not sure how he missed it. He was so specific – no kissing on the lips, dick or butthole. They said nothing about kissing on the cheeks. Or other places, which Jeongguk is quickly reminded of when Yoongi’s lips move from Jeongguk’s cheek down to Jeongguk’s chin and lower to his neck. It’s not so funny all of the sudden, and Jeongguk’s giggles fade away.

“This okay?” Yoongi asks, looking up at Jeongguk.

“Yeah,” Jeongguk’s voice is shaky. Fuck, he’s tense.

“Tell us if you’re uncomfortable,” Yoongi says. “At any point, just say something.”

“We want this to be as pleasant as it can possibly be,” Namjoon adds.

“Okay,” Jeongguk inhales and exhales deeply.

When Jeongguk feels the tip of Yoongi’s tongue drag up his neck, his eyes flutter closed. Namjoon shifts beside him, and Jeongguk doesn’t need to open his eyes to know where Namjoon is going when, a few seconds later, a second pair of lips is on Jeongguk’s neck. And it’s weird. It doesn’t feel bad. It feels good. Like foreplay. But it’s weird. And awkward.

“This is awkward,” Jeongguk voices after a moment of hesitation. “Please acknowledge that this is awkward and that I’m not the only one feeling it.”

Yoongi’s head pops up, his eyes finding Jeongguk’s.

“It’s awkward,” he acknowledges.

Namjoon is still gently kissing Jeongguk’s throat.  

“Do you wanna stop?” Yoongi asks, and suddenly, Namjoon stops kissing him.

Jeongguk swallows then shakes his head, and Namjoon’s kisses start up again.

They can help him, he needs to remember that. He needs to ignore the weirdness and awkwardness and let them help him. Yoongi goes back down, lips on Jeongguk’s neck. The thing is though, Jeongguk is not getting hard. He isn’t. He’s so far from getting hard he doesn’t know what to do about it. And that’s one problem that he’s never had, and never wants to have. It’s the nerves and awkwardness, he’s sure of it, not his dick.

Yoongi’s hand is running over the inside of Jeongguk’s thigh, and Namjoon gently pulls on the neck of Jeongguk’s shirt to kiss his collarbones, and Jeongguk doesn’t know what to do about that either. It’s not helping. He’s going to have to push them off and get himself hard. They don’t have to do this part. He can do it himself and leave the difficult part to them. And he’s just about to say that when Yoongi’s hand is suddenly cupping his crotch, and that’s… something that Jeongguk never ever thought would happen. And it’s still awkward. And weird. And not at all terrible.

It’s so obvious that he’s not hard, but Yoongi doesn’t seem discouraged, continuing as he was, kissing Jeongguk’s neck and beginning to rub Jeongguk’s bulge. The silence might be making this whole process worse too. Jeongguk’s too nervous to make sex noises. Or any kind of noises. He’s barely breathing. It’s when Namjoon’s fingers find Jeongguk’s nipple and squeeze it – hard – that the first noise comes out. Just a chocked little noise, cut off as soon as it started, but it had an effect anyway. There’s the tiniest pause in movement from both Yoongi and Namjoon, and when they start going again, it’s like they both get… bolder. More confident.

Yoongi grabs Jeongguk’s soft cock through his pants, stroking it as best as he can, and Namjoon’s fingers squeeze his nipple again. Jeongguk stays fully quiet this time, but that doesn’t deter them at all. Namjoon moves his hand away from Jeongguk’s chest, dragging it down Jeongguk’s front until it reaches the hem of Jeongguk’s shirt. He tugs then, lightly, but hard enough to make his intentions clear. And Jeongguk, instead of saying anything, lifts his torso off the bed slightly, enough to allow Namjoon to push his shirt up.

Namjoon doesn’t actually try to take Jeongguk’s shirt off completely. He simply bunches it up near Jeongguk’s collarbones, holds it there, and scoots down a bit, dropping a tiny kiss under Jeongguk’s peck. When Jeongguk raises his head and looks down at them, they both have their eyes trained up, watching him, and it’s weird, it really truly is, but it might be kind of hot too. Letting them do whatever they want. Jeongguk might like that a bit more than he realized, and he feels the effect of it all the way down in his cock.

Namjoon’s eyes shut, and he kisses a trail down to Jeongguk’s stomach. Yoongi is still looking at him though, still holding his soft cock through his pants.

“Still awkward?” Yoongi asks.

“Yes,” Jeongguk answers immediately.

For whatever reason, that makes Yoongi smile. Or smirk. It’s more of a smirk than a smile, and Jeongguk doesn’t understand.

Yoongi moves up then, letting go of Jeongguk’s crotch, bracing one hand by Jeongguk’s head and the other onto Jeongguk’s bare chest, right below where Namjoon is still holding Jeongguk’s shirt.

“Really have to work to get you hard, huh?” Yoongi asks.

“Uh…” Jeongguk doesn’t know what to say.

“That’s okay,” Yoongi says with that same smirk. “I don’t mind working.”

And Jeongguk doesn’t know what that means either. All he knows is that Yoongi is tugging on Jeongguk’s bunched up shirt and, even though what he said wasn’t dirty, it felt like it was, and Jeongguk’s dick responded very positively.

He lifts his torso up again, this time to let Yoongi take his shirt off completely. Yoongi pulls off his own shirt too, and this Jeongguk really doesn’t understand. Namjoon stops kissing Jeongguk’s stomach, looks up, and Yoongi tugs him up by his arm.

“Off,” Yoongi pulls at the hem of Namjoon’s shirt, and Namjoon raises his hands, letting him take it off.

“What are you doing?” Jeongguk asks.

Yoongi and Namjoon look at him.

“What are we doing?” Yoongi asks, seeming genuinely confused.

“You said you didn’t wanna…” Jeongguk trails off, not really sure what he’s trying to say.

“We said we weren’t gonna get our dicks out,” Yoongi says. “You can touch us too though.”

“I can?” Jeongguk whispers. He didn’t realize he could do that. He didn’t realize a lot of things apparently.

“Of course,” Namjoon says, and then they’re both going back down.

There’s a lot of skin all of the sudden. The two of them lie down onto Jeongguk’s legs and torso, and something about the skin on skin contact is doing it for Jeongguk. And when two pairs of lips find his stomach, Jeongguk remembers his own trepidation about anything involving lips and tongue on skin feeling too intimate. It doesn’t feel too intimate. Not yet. Jeongguk’s worried that it might though. And he still doesn’t touch them, not really knowing where.

Instead, he lifts himself up and braces his forearms onto the bed, wanting to see them better. They’re looking at each other this time, not him, and there’s something weird about that too, the two of them kissing Jeongguk’s chest so close to one another. Jeongguk imagines them leaning in to kiss each other and feels absolutely mortified at the way his cock gets harder.

A strange smile tugs at Namjoon’s lips as he looks at Yoongi, and Yoongi, in response, smiles too. And then they go back to kissing Jeongguk’s chest, Yoongi’s tongue sliding up slowly until it reaches Jeongguk’s neck again. Namjoon lifts one of his legs and worms it right between Jeongguk’s, his thigh pushing up into Jeongguk’s crotch. Jeongguk’s definitely not soft anymore, and Namjoon, feeling it, smiles again.

“Good,” Namjoon whispers, and it seems like he says that to himself, not to anyone else.

It makes Jeongguk blush, but Namjoon doesn’t notice. His thigh pushes more roughly onto Jeongguk’s cock, and Jeongguk gasps quietly, which ends up making Yoongi look at him.

Still awkward?” Yoongi asks for the second time.

“Absolutely,” Jeongguk answers, his answer much more breathless this time.

“Are you always this quiet in bed?” Yoongi asks, catching Jeongguk’s gaze. “Or do you not like something that we’re doing?”

“I’m quiet because it’s weird to be loud right now,” Jeongguk answers honestly.

Yoongi’s hand comes up to his chest, his fingers running over Jeongguk’s nipple, then grabbing onto it and pinching, still looking Jeongguk in the eyes. Jeongguk’s whole body tightens up, and a quiet whimper leaves his lips.

“I want you to be loud though,” Yoongi says, face perfectly serious.

“Why?” Jeongguk asks.

“I like hearing my partners,” Yoongi says, twisting Jeongguk’s nipple lightly.

Jeongguk whimpers a little louder this time. He’s not Yoongi’s ‘partner,’ neither sexual nor romantic. Or maybe he is. A sexual partner. At least for right now. He’s not sure why that word got to him so much.

“Better,” Yoongi says, and Namjoon slides up Jeongguk’s body, his thigh still firmly wedged between Jeongguk’s legs. “But not good enough.”

When Namjoon’s tongue runs over Jeongguk’s other nipple, Jeongguk really whimpers.

“Good. That was good,” Yoongi says, nodding. “Now you gotta keep being good,” he raises his eyebrows. “You’re gonna be good for us, right?”

Jeongguk doesn’t answer. His cock gets harder, he gulps, and when Yoongi lifts his eyebrows again, Jeongguk nods shakily.

“Say it,” Yoongi says, holding eye contact. “Say you’ll be good for us.”

Namjoon bites on Jeongguk’s nipple.

Jeongguk whimpers once again, “I’ll be good for you.”

“That’s it,” Yoongi lifts his hand and caresses Jeongguk’s cheek. Intimate. That’s intimate. “I wanna get your dick out now. Can I do that?”

Jeongguk nods again. He’s hard. He’s really hard.

Yoongi kisses Jeongguk’s cheek, Namjoon moves his thigh away from between Jeongguk’s and his mouth away from Jeongguk’s nipple, and then he and Yoongi reach for Jeongguk’s sweatpants, Jeongguk raising his hips to allow them to push both his sweatpants and his underwear down to his knees. His hard cock bobs out, and he closes his eyes reflexively, not wanting to see their reaction.

“Look at this pretty cock,” Namjoon whispers, and goosebumps break out across Jeongguk’s skin.

He hopes that this is the praise that he was talking about yesterday, that they’re just trying to provide distraction and stimulation, that Namjoon doesn’t really mean it. Jeongguk doesn’t know how he’ll feel if Namjoon truly thinks that his cock is pretty. It’d be too weird. Way too weird. Too real.

“It is, isn’t it?” Yoongi says, and Jeongguk feels the tip of someone’s finger ghost over his shaft.

Jeongguk opens his eyes. It’s Yoongi touching him, so, so delicately running the pad of his pointer finger up and down Jeongguk’s shaft. When his cock twitches under Yoongi’s finger, Yoongi smiles, and Jeongguk blushes. Yoongi’s fingers go past Jeongguk’s shaft down to Jeongguk’s balls, and he softly cups them.

“Sensitive?” Yoongi asks.

“Sort of,” Jeongguk answers.

Yoongi tightens his grip slightly, and Jeongguk’s next exhale comes out shaky.

Namjoon drops a small kiss onto Jeongguk’s temple, and his hand comes up to Jeongguk’s face, palm turned to Jeongguk’s mouth.

“Would you lick it for me?” Namjoon asks. “Get my palm nice and wet?”

Jeongguk doesn’t even know why he doesn’t question it. He just sticks out his tongue, pushes himself higher up onto his elbows and licks a long line over Namjoon’s palm. Then one more. And another one. He can only imagine that Namjoon is planning to wrap that hand around his shaft next, and that’s enough of a reason to do as Namjoon says. That, and he told them he’d be good for them. That’s another reason.

“Good boy,” Namjoon whispers, and Jeongguk holds back a whimper. “How are you doing?”

Jeongguk stops licking, unsure. Yoongi leans up to kiss Jeongguk’s neck again, rolling Jeongguk’s balls in his hand.

“This isn’t too much, right?” Namjoon asks. “You feel good?”

“I feel good,” Jeongguk whispers, immediately blushing and licking Namjoon’s palm one more time. They’re checking up on him too much. And yes, they said they would do it, but constantly admitting that he’s enjoying this is making him feel the awkwardness much more acutely, keeps pulling him back to the reality of the situation. 

“Good,” Namjoon says, planting another kiss onto Jeongguk’s temple.

Namjoon takes his hand away, and Jeongguk kind of wishes he didn’t. But then Namjoon does as Jeongguk thought and wraps that palm around Jeongguk’s shaft. There’s no waiting. He drags his hand up immediately, and Jeongguk moans, louder than he ever intended to, and, of all things, he can feel Yoongi smiling into his neck in response.

When Yoongi removes his hand from Jeongguk’s balls and takes Jeongguk’s hand in his, Jeongguk realizes that his fingers were clenched into the sheets beneath him. He’s barely moved his hands since they started, keeping them beside himself, stiff. Now, Yoongi leads Jeongguk’s hand to his own head, and Jeongguk doesn’t wait for Yoongi to say anything, simply threading his fingers into Yoongi’s soft hair, watching Yoongi watch him.

“You like watching me,” Jeongguk states all of the sudden, like he knows anything.

“You look good,” Yoongi says, and this comment- this comment feels so genuine it makes Jeongguk whimper.

Yoongi smiles, and Jeongguk wants to kiss him. He doesn’t do it. Of course he doesn’t do it, but he wants to, and he hates that. He shouldn’t want to. But he really, really does. He ignores it though, letting go of Yoongi’s hair, telling himself that he only wants this because of what they’re doing right now, that under any other circumstances he wouldn’t want to kiss them, no matter how beautiful and passionate and loving they are.

Namjoon is still stroking him, slow and tight, and Jeongguk’s hips buck up into his fist accidentally, wanting him to speed up. He does speed up, and Jeongguk exhales harshly. His body is warming up already. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he realizes that this is still awkward, and that he’s still worried this will be awkward afterward as well, but it’s so easy to ignore all of that with the way his body is distracted. They’re working him up to an orgasm faster than he ever expected. Hell, they won’t even need the toys. If they keep stroking his cock and saying dirty things to him, he’ll probably be able to come from just that.

Still, when he sees Yoongi turn around and grab the lube off the bedside table, Jeongguk pulls his own leg up and out of the pants that are still around his legs, not waiting for instruction or anything. He wins the battle against the instinct that tells him not to do it and lifts the leg closest to Yoongi up towards his own chest, holding the back of his knee and waiting. And it’s worth it. Yoongi’s surprised expression when he turns around, Yoongi’s pupils blowing up so suddenly it’s noticeable, looking at Jeongguk like he wants him. It’s all worth it.

Good boy,” Yoongi exhales, and Jeongguk’s hole clenches in anticipation.

Namjoon’s face is one of surprise too, but the surprise fades quickly. He lets go of Jeongguk’s cock, leans down to get Jeongguk’s pants and underwear all the way off and tosses them to the side, then takes hold of Jeongguk’s other leg and pushes it up, spreading Jeongguk open between the two of them. And this is it. He’s naked. They’re not. He’s on display. They’re watching. And his cock throbs so violently it’s almost scary.

He moans when Yoongi opens the lube bottle, before the two of them so much as even touch him, immediately blushing. He’s a bit confused by his own reactions actually, doesn’t really have an explanation as to why he’s suddenly so okay with this, why it’s suddenly not as awkward. It’s like he’s going a bit hazy around the edges of his mind, the way he normally does when he’s close to orgasming. This is good. It’s perfect. He’s going to come so soon.

When Yoongi’s now wet fingers find his hole, Jeongguk moans again, tightening beneath Yoongi’s touch. He gulps, waiting for Yoongi to push in, but Yoongi doesn’t. His two wet fingers just rub Jeongguk’s rim in circles, and Jeongguk can’t help it, he whimpers, grinding down onto Yoongi’s hand, wanting.

“Be patient,” Yoongi says so quietly Jeongguk almost misses it over the sound of his own heavy breathing.

Namjoon reaches to take the lube bottle away from Yoongi, and Jeongguk watches him coat two of his own fingers. Yoongi and Namjoon are both going to finger him. Both of them are going to do that together. Holy shit.

“Oh,” Jeongguk whispers when Namjoon’s fingers join Yoongi’s.

“Good?” Namjoon asks, and Jeongguk nods frantically, wanting them to stop asking if he’s okay. “You look so pretty like this.”

Jeongguk whimpers. Namjoon means it. Jeongguk can tell he means it. His hole clenches, and he grinds down again.

“Tell us what you want,” Namjoon says, pressing one of his fingers right up against Jeongguk’s hole.

Jeongguk grinds his hips down.

Namjoon pulls his finger away. “Tell us,” he insists.

A whine finds its way out of Jeongguk’s throat. He doesn’t want to say it. It’s embarrassing how much he wants them in him. He gets why they’re constantly asking. He does. Consent. Limits. All that shit. He just doesn’t want to say it. Doesn’t want to beg. He just wants something in him so bad, fuck.

“You want Joon to finger you?” Yoongi offers.

Jeongguk rolls his hips down again.

“Say it,” Yoongi says, kissing Jeongguk’s forehead. “Be good.”

“Yes,” Jeongguk whispers, eyebrows furrowed. He’s good. “Yes, I want him to finger me.”

The reward is immediate, Namjoon sliding his finger deep into Jeongguk. Jeongguk moans, thankful.

“Fuck,” Namjoon whispers when, right away, Jeongguk clenches on him. “Shit. You’re tight.”

Yoongi moves away from Jeongguk’s hole, wrapping his fingers around Jeongguk’s shaft.

“Relax,” Namjoon says when Jeongguk doesn’t unclench.

Namjoon kisses Jeongguk’s temple, and Jeongguk tries to do as he says, forcing his muscles to relax only to have them clench again a moment later.

“Fuck,” Namjoon whispers again, and then he shifts, and something hard brushes the side of Jeongguk’s thigh.

It’s Namjoon’s cock. It can be nothing else. Namjoon is hard. And he’s pulling his hips away.

“Don’t,” Jeongguk blurts out.

They both stop moving then, looking up at him.

“I- I mean,” Jeongguk stutters out, realizing that his ‘don’t’ wasn’t understood the way he wanted it to be. “I mean don’t- don’t stop,” he shakes his head. “I- I-”

Yoongi starts stroking him again, “What is it?”

Jeongguk refuses to answer, his cheeks going pink, his hips inching up and down on Namjoon’s still finger.

“Is something wrong?” Yoongi asks, eyebrows furrowed.

Jeongguk shakes his head, regretting his outburst. They need to stop asking if he’s okay. God, it’s so fucking embarrassing, they need to stop. 

“Then what is it?” Yoongi insists, catching Jeongguk’s gaze.

Jeongguk lets out an exasperated breath, “He’s hard.”

They stop moving again. Namjoon’s eyes flick between Jeongguk and Yoongi, but he doesn’t say anything.

“Me too,” Yoongi whispers, and Jeongguk looks at him, surprised. “Does that bother you?”

Jeongguk doesn’t respond for a second, trying to calm down his breathing. Then he shakes his head. They’re hard. Because of him. Holy shit.

“Do you like it?” Yoongi asks, bold.

Jeongguk gulps, blushes, pauses, then nods slightly.

“Okay,” Yoongi breathes, moving his fist up and down on Jeongguk’s shaft, his hips shifting next to Jeongguk and pressing up to him, letting Jeongguk know just how hard he is.

Namjoon does the same then, pressing his crotch to Jeongguk’s hip, and Jeongguk gasps. Before Jeongguk can even think about saying anything though, another one of Namjoon’s fingers is edging into him, and he moans, pushing against Namjoon’s hand until that second finger is deep inside of him.

“How can we not be hard right now, honestly?” Namjoon asks, moving his fingers in and out of Jeongguk. “I mean, look at you.”

That’s genuine too. They’re hard. He’s made them hard, and he hasn’t even done anything. And fuck, the way Namjoon is looking at him… like he’s turned on. Like he wants Jeongguk. Like he’s enjoying this. Jeongguk wants them to enjoy this too, doesn’t matter that they aren’t getting their dicks out, he wants them to like this as much as he does, to get something out of this too, for it to not just be a favor.

“You have to relax though,” Namjoon adds. “You’re clenched so tight.”

“I am relaxed,” Jeongguk chokes out. “I just come faster if I clench.”

“Unclench,” Namjoon says. “You’re not coming yet. It’s too early.”

“What do you mean it’s too early?” Jeongguk asks. “The faster the better.”

“Not yet,” Namjoon asserts.

It’s the first time one of them is telling him what to do instead of asking him if they can do it. And it’s so jarring that Jeongguk just… listens.

“Okay,” Jeongguk whispers and loosens around Namjoon’s fingers, allowing Namjoon to move them in and out faster.

Namjoon’s right anyway. It is too early. He shouldn’t start working himself up yet or he’ll end up in the same situation as two days ago when he worked himself too close too fast and couldn’t come. If they’re willing to take their time like this, then he should too. He should listen to what they’re saying.

 “Good,” Namjoon breathes, then his fingers curl up into his prostate, and Jeongguk’s whole body jerks. “There?”

“Ah,” Jeongguk nods and turns to Yoongi. “Weren’t you gonna-“ he blurts out and immediately stops.

Yoongi looks at him, fisting Jeongguk’s cock tightly, “What?”

“Never mind,” Jeongguk mumbles.

“If you want something, tell me,” Yoongi says. “I’ll give you whatever you want.”

“I don’t,” Jeongguk lies. He does. He doesn’t want to say it though. Having to say it is embarrassing. Why can’t Yoongi just know?

Yoongi was the one who was going to finger him first, but he isn’t doing it. They were going to finger him together. And Jeongguk really wants that. He doesn’t fucking know why. He just knows that he does.

Yoongi’s eyes squint, scrutinizing. His hand moves away from Jeongguk’s cock, fingers dragging down over his shaft slowly, and Jeongguk truly believes for a second that Yoongi can read his mind, that he’s going to finger him. But Yoongi’s hand only briefly touches near Jeongguk’s hole before finding Jeongguk’s balls. His eyes don’t move away from Jeongguk’s face, searching, and then he smiles.

“I know what you want,” Yoongi whispers, and he shifts further down Jeongguk’s body, Jeongguk lifting his legs up higher to give Yoongi and Namjoon more space to move.

Yoongi’s fingers leave Jeongguk’s balls and move to touch his rim where Namjoon stops fingering him.

Jeongguk inhales sharply, but Namjoon and Yoongi are looking at each other, and Jeongguk might be imagining things, but he thinks there’s want in their gaze. Like the way they’ve been looking at Jeongguk is transferring to one another. Yoongi squints again, this time studying Namjoon, and Namjoon swallows, his Adam’s apple bobbing. Namjoon’s fingers pull out to the very tips, and then Yoongi’s finger is pushing in alongside them. Not asking. Just doing.

The two of them turn to look at Jeongguk as they slide in, and Jeongguk, despite the burn, despite the pain, moans, long and drawn out, right up until the moment they’re all the way in.

“That’s it,” Namjoon says softly.

“You’re taking us so well,” Yoongi adds, and that’s not fair. He can’t say things like that. He can’t make Jeongguk think about that.

But then they turn to look at each other again, and Jeongguk forgets his own thoughts for a second, mesmerized. Inside of him together, looking at each other. Jeongguk wants them to kiss. Fuck, it’d be so hot if they kissed. They don’t actually move their fingers though, so Jeongguk grinds down onto them, whimpering. He’s almost upset at the way they turn to look at him because it means that they’re no longer looking at each other, but it’s hard to complain when their fingers finally start moving inside him.

He’s getting a bit impatient though. Yes, they’re fingering him, and yes, it feels really fucking good, but he can’t come just from fingers. Never could. And he wasn’t planning on trying today. He needs something on his cock to be able to get there, so this fingering business is a bit useless. Shove the dildo in him, jerk him off and be done with it. At this rate, he’ll never come.

He clenches around them.

“Not yet,” Namjoon repeats, but Jeongguk doesn’t relent.

Jeongguk grunts, “I wanna come though.”

“Already?” Yoongi asks.

“Yeah,” Jeongguk answers, but his voice wavers, making it sound a bit like a question.

“Don’t sound too sure,” Yoongi says, and three fingers curl up into his prostate at once.

“I can’t come like this,” Jeongguk whimpers. They’re so in sync with their movements. It’s surprising. And hot. They work so well together.

“We know,” Namjoon says, and they both thrust into him harder at the same time. “You said you can’t come from just fingers.”

“Then-“ Jeongguk starts, but Yoongi cuts him off.

“We don’t want you to come yet,” he says.

“But…” Jeongguk trails off.

“No buts,” Namjoon asserts. “You’re gonna be good for us and do as we say and be patient.”

Jeongguk whimpers, clenching again. It feels like an order, not a question, and Jeongguk melts a little bit.

There’s a smile tugging at the corner of Yoongi’s lips, his eyes trained on Namjoon.

Namjoon’s gaze finds Jeongguk’s, his fingers stop moving while Yoongi’s finger continues. Jeongguk clenches harder despite everything, and Namjoon shifts onto his knees next to them, then slaps Jeongguk’s thigh.

Jeongguk is a bit shocked, so he quiets down. His hole only clenches tighter though, his balls pulling up, cock twitching.

Yoongi’s eyes widen, but he’s still smiling.

“Loosen up,” Namjoon orders, eyes still on Jeongguk, deadly serious, hand hovering over Jeongguk’s thigh.

The slap stings. Not much. Jeongguk knows Namjoon is much stronger than this. But it still stings, and Jeongguk doesn’t know if he wants to do as Namjoon says to be good for him, or if he wants to deliberately not do it so Namjoon would hit him again.

It takes him too long to decide apparently, because suddenly, Namjoon’s gaze moves from Jeongguk to Yoongi.

“Stop moving,” he tells Yoongi, whose finger stills inside of Jeongguk. Jeongguk whimpers, grinding down. “Get off his prostate,” he says, and Yoongi does.

Jeongguk whimpers again, “Namjoon.”

“What?” Namjoon looks at him again.

“Namjoon,” Jeongguk repeats, but Namjoon only looks at him pointedly.

He does his best to loosen up around their fingers. God, he feels dizzy.

“There you go,” Namjoon says, voice soft, his fingers beginning to move in and out of Jeongguk again. “Now, if you want anything, you have to ask for it.”

“But-“ Jeongguk voices, but Namjoon just keeps going.

“You want us to finger you faster, you have to ask for it,” Namjoon says. “You want us to jerk you off, you have to ask for it,” he pauses, so Jeongguk nods. Yoongi’s eyes widen again, his expression a mix of amusement and fascination. “And if you wanna come…”

He trails off, and Jeongguk knows what he’s waiting for.

“I have to ask for it,” Jeongguk whispers, cheeks warming, hole fucking spasming with the effort he’s putting in to stay unclenched.

“Exactly,” Namjoon says, and then his fingers slide out of Jeongguk. Yoongi’s finger follows.

“No,” Jeongguk whispers, spreading his legs wider, shameless, needy. Fuck. What the fuck?

Namjoon leans down, closer to Jeongguk’s face, bracing his hand on Jeongguk’s thigh. He drops a little kiss onto Jeongguk’s forehead, his fingers running through Jeongguk’s hair. Jeongguk’s face is all scrunched up, desperate, but he can’t really do anything to change it. 

“I want you to get up on your hands and knees,” Namjoon says. “Would you do that for us?”

Jeongguk nods, and as soon as Namjoon lets go of him, he moves. Yoongi and Namjoon both step off the bed as he arranges himself in the middle of the mattress, facing the foot of it, arching his back for them as deeply as he can. He looks good. He knows he does. But they’ve also seen him almost naked and even fully naked so many times that he finds himself really trying to look good, trying to make it different from all the other times, to be enticing. He feels a little floaty, waiting for Namjoon or Yoongi to speak.

“God,” Yoongi exhales harshly, and when Jeongguk looks up at them, the first thing his eyes find are the bulges. The boners tenting their sweatpants. Both of them so hard. All because of him. All for him. But he can’t touch, and suddenly he desperately wants to.

Jeongguk gulps when Yoongi moves closer, eyes still trained on Yoongi’s cock. But then Yoongi lays his hand onto Jeongguk’s shoulder, and Jeongguk looks up at him, trying to arch his back further. Yoongi climbs back onto the bed, on his knees next to Jeongguk, the hand that’s on Jeongguk’s shoulder dragging down over the curve of Jeongguk’s spine until it comes to rest on the small of Jeongguk’s back.

Doing that doesn’t do anything for Jeongguk, not really. Touching him this way is not necessary, it’s something that Yoongi is doing neither for Jeongguk nor for Namjoon. He’s doing it because he wants to. That’s the only reason. He wants to touch Jeongguk, probably thinks that Jeongguk looks good. He looks good enough to make Yoongi hard. And Jeongguk doesn’t think anything has ever been more attractive.

Namjoon joins them on the bed, close to Jeongguk but on the opposite side of Yoongi, and does the same as Yoongi did, running his hand down Jeongguk’s back, stopping on his ass. Also for himself and no one else. Fuck, Jeongguk likes that they’re doing that, likes that they get to enjoy him. If not physically, then at least visually.

“Fuck,” Yoongi says, eyebrows furrowed.

“Yeah,” Namjoon exhales.

“What?” Jeongguk asks.

“Just…” Yoongi trails off. “You.”

“What about me?” Jeongguk asks.

“When did this happen?” Yoongi whispers so quietly Jeongguk barely hears.

“When did what happen?” Jeongguk asks.

Yoongi doesn’t answer. All he does is run his hand up and down Jeongguk’s back.

“Give me the lube,” Namjoon says, and then Yoongi’s hand is gone, reaching for the lube behind Jeongguk. “And the smaller dildo.”

Just hearing that has Jeongguk clenching, preparing, wanting. Fuck. When did this happen? When did he get so desperate?

He takes a deep breath to calm himself, closing his eyes as he listens to Namjoon open the lube. After a second, Yoongi’s hand comes back to his lower back, rubbing circles there, and Jeongguk hears the slick sound of Namjoon covering Yoongi’s dildo in lube. The anticipation… having them watch him… having them hard for him… it’s a lot.

“You look a bit overwhelmed,” Yoongi says.

Jeongguk looks at him and doesn’t know what to say. He feels a bit overwhelmed. Although Yoongi’s hand on his lower back is helping.

“Are you overwhelmed?” Yoongi asks.

Jeongguk exhales, whispering, “A bit.”

Yoongi’s expression softens, and his hand comes off Jeongguk’s back.

“Come here,” Yoongi says, taking Jeongguk’s shoulder and pushing at it. “Up.”

Jeongguk gets up onto his knees, and Yoongi shuffles closer to Jeongguk’s front, then closer and closer, until his arms wrap around Jeongguk’s torso and pull him into a hug. Jeongguk’s body is frozen, the very tip of his cock touching the waistband of Yoongi’s sweatpants. He’s allowed to touch them though, they said that, so he slowly brings his hands up and hugs Yoongi, burying his face in Yoongi’s neck and breathing in.

When Namjoon’s arms wrap around him from behind, Jeongguk’s hips get pushed closer to Yoongi, his cock pressing half to Yoongi’s sweats and half to Yoongi’s skin. Yoongi doesn’t shove him away though, so Jeongguk doesn’t think about it. It feels… good to have them hug him like this. Comforting. He didn’t know he needed comfort.

“You’re doing great,” Yoongi whispers. “So good.”

“Amazing,” Namjoon adds, pressing a kiss onto the nape of Jeongguk’s neck.

They’re quiet for a moment, simply hugging like that, but the more time passes the more Jeongguk blushes, embarrassed that they have to stop this way to comfort him, like he can’t take what they’re doing. But he can take it. He doesn’t even know why this is so comforting to him.

“Keep going,” Jeongguk whispers once he finds the confidence. “Please.”

Yoongi pulls away and looks at Jeongguk’s face, “You sure?”

Jeongguk nods.

“Alright,” Yoongi kisses Jeongguk’s forehead then looks behind Jeongguk at Namjoon. “Give me the dildo, I know how to handle it better. You come here.”

“Okay,” Namjoon says, kisses Jeongguk’s neck again, and then they’re moving, Namjoon to Jeongguk’s front, Yoongi to Jeongguk’s back, taking the dildo from Namjoon on the way there.

“Should I…”  Jeongguk trails off, blushing. “On my hands and… knees?”

Namjoon smiles, “No, stay like this.”

He settles close to Jeongguk’s chest, but not close enough for Jeongguk’s cock to touch him. His fingers wrap around Jeongguk’s shaft right away though, wet fingers, probably the hand that was lubing up the toy. The touch is light, nothing serious just yet. Namjoon’s other palm is softly resting on Jeongguk’s chest, and Jeongguk, to steady himself, places his hands on Namjoon’s hips.

It’s slightly surprising to feel two of Yoongi’s wet fingers at his hole again, adding some more lube to it, but he gets used to it quickly. And when the cold, lifeless tip of Yoongi’s dildo touches him, he finds himself anxious but not in a bad way. More like anxious for it to finally go in, a need to be filled taking over him for a second.

“Ready?” Yoongi asks, moving to Jeongguk’s side and pressing a kiss to Jeongguk’s cheek, his unoccupied hand bracing against Jeongguk’s chest.

Jeongguk inhales, “Yeah.”

“Spread your legs a little wider,” Yoongi instructs, and Jeongguk does.

When the tip of the toy pushes against his rim, Jeongguk’s eyes close, bracing against it. Namjoon’s hand speeds up around Jeongguk’s shaft, and that helps too. Distracting.

It doesn’t hurt. Even when Yoongi pushes the toy deeper and deeper, it doesn’t hurt. Jeongguk moans, head falling forward to rest on Namjoon’s shoulder.

“Feels good?” Namjoon asks.

“Yeah,” Jeongguk moans.

“Are you clenching?” Namjoon asks.

“No,” Jeongguk answers, feeling the base of the toy settle against his rim.

“Good,” Namjoon says, his free hand threading into Jeongguk’s hair.

“Took it so well,” Yoongi adds. “All the way,” he kisses Jeongguk’s cheek. “So easy.”

“Yeah,” Jeongguk agrees, lifting his head from Namjoon’s shoulder and tilting his head back, looking at the ceiling, Namjoon’s fingers sliding out of his hair.

It feels so good to be full like that, fuck. It’s almost funny how Jeongguk feels more relaxed now than he did at any other point during tonight. He’s breathing steadily, his eyes a bit unfocused, licking his dry lips. A happy, almost euphoric kind of feeling takes over him, losing sensation in the very tips of his fingers.

Someone’s palm cups his cheek, and he looks down to find that it’s Namjoon’s.

“Are you okay?” Namjoon asks. Fuck, Jeongguk wants to kiss him. His lips are so pretty. So soft looking. His eyes are worried though, Jeongguk doesn’t like that.

“Why are you worried?” Jeongguk asks, his voice coming out quiet, distant.

Namjoon doesn’t answer, his eyes flicking over to Yoongi.

Jeongguk moves his hips back and forth, up into Namjoon’s fist and down onto Yoongi’s dildo. They don’t move, so he takes the initiative, starting to build up a bit of speed, his breathing speeding up gradually as well. It steers them into action, which was what Jeongguk was hoping would happen.

“Yeah,” Jeongguk breathes when Yoongi starts moving the dildo inside him. “Faster.”

Yoongi complies, and Jeongguk moans, his head wobbling until Namjoon takes hold of his hair tightly and stills it.

“Pull it harder,” Jeongguk tells Namjoon, and, after a pause, Namjoon does.

Jeongguk’s head is tugged back, and he hisses, clenching around Yoongi’s dildo accidentally. It’s shoots a jolt of pleasure up Jeongguk’s spine, reminding him that he really does come faster if he clenches. Namjoon doesn’t know he’s doing it right now, and he can’t reprimand him it if he doesn’t know it’s happening.

Isn’t the whole point of tonight to make Jeongguk come anyway? Why should he not do the thing that’ll get him there faster? And besides, he’s not thinking about not being able to come, so he’s going to be fine. Everything feels amazing. He’s going to come so fast. And so hard. It’ll be perfect. So he decides to stay clenched. God, he’s going to come so soon. So fucking soon, thank god.

“Harder, please,” Jeongguk whispers, and they both do it, Yoongi fucking him harder, Namjoon’s fist tightening, his own hips snapping up and down a bit more quickly.

What if he can’t come though? This is all too perfect. They’re so distracting, and he feels so good, but he always feels good when he jerks off. His body is always responsive, but that hasn’t changed the fact that he hasn’t been able to come for over two weeks. This all might be for nothing. They’re working so hard, and it might be-

“Open your eyes,” Namjoon says, and Jeongguk hadn’t even realized that he closed them. “Look at me.”

He locks gazes with Namjoon. There’s a sudden burst of warmth in his lower back, his balls tightening, his vision blurring for a moment. It’s almost right, almost the way he feels before an orgasm. All that’s missing is that same warmth in the pit of his stomach. That’s always his warning sign, but it isn’t happening. He feels close, but it’s not right. It’s not right.

“Focus on me,” Namjoon asserts, and Jeongguk’s ears suddenly tune back in. He’s panting. “Are you clenching?”

Jeongguk nods.

“Why?” Namjoon asks, letting go of Jeongguk’s hair and leading his hand down Jeongguk’s body.

“I’m close,” Jeongguk answers, but he’s not fully sure that’s the truth. He’s not sure what his body is telling him anymore. Doesn’t know how his own body works.

“Are you?” Namjoon asks, calm as ever.

“I think so,” Jeongguk answers, working his hips faster.

“You think you’re going to come?” Namjoon asks.

“I’m trying,” Jeongguk chokes out. He’s not sure he can come. He’s getting more and more convinced that he can’t actually. Fuck. “Fuck.”

“Did you ask?” Namjoon’s hand rests on Jeongguk’s ass.

“Ask what?” Jeongguk asks, clenching tighter around Yoongi’s dildo.

“Permission to come,” Namjoon explains. “Did we allow it?”

Jeongguk’s hips stutter to a sudden pause, his eyes widening.

“Umm…” He forgot.

“Are you being good?” Namjoon asks and stills his hand on Jeongguk’s shaft. Yoongi stops moving the dildo as well.

Jeongguk doesn’t even protest. He wants to protest, but he can’t. He forgot.

He shakes his head, and Namjoon spanks him.

A surprised little yelp comes right out of Jeongguk’s throat. It stings. Worse than when Namjoon slapped his thigh. Namjoon squeezes Jeongguk’s ass cheek, his fingers tightening really hard around the base of Jeongguk’s shaft. Fuck, it hurts. It hurts so good.

“Bad,” Namjoon whispers, shaking his head, and Jeongguk whimpers.

Yes, it feels good when Namjoon spanks him like that. But it doesn’t feel good to be bad. He likes being good. He promised he’d be good. He wants Namjoon to spank him because he’s good.

Namjoon looks at Yoongi, “Keep going.”

Another whimper is pulled out of Jeongguk when Yoongi starts fucking him again. Namjoon’s grip on the base of his cock is still so tight though. Jeongguk could never come with Namjoon holding him like that, but it’s his fault that Namjoon is doing it. He forgot to ask. He doesn’t really deserve to come right now.

“You need to ask, right?” Namjoon looks back at Jeongguk.

Jeongguk nods frantically, “Can I come, please?”

“No,” Namjoon shakes his head, rubbing Jeongguk’s stinging ass cheek with one hand, the other letting go of Jeongguk’s shaft and moving to cup Jeongguk’s balls.

Jeongguk’s eyes widen, “But I asked.”

“Not yet,” Namjoon says.

Jeongguk turns to look at Yoongi, but he finds no help there. Jeongguk’s body is winding back down, relaxing again, his breathing slowing down gradually.

“He said not yet,” Yoongi shrugs, pushing the dildo deep into Jeongguk and holding it there, kissing Jeongguk’s shoulder.

Jeongguk groans but doesn’t know what to do other than that.

“You can’t come until you get permission,” Namjoon says softly. “You have to ask. And Yoongi and I need to agree.”

“I can’t just-“ Jeongguk’s fingers dig into Namjoon’s hips, his voice is desperate, “-not come. That’s not- that’s not the point. That’s not fair.”

His own eyebrows furrow, breath comes out unsteady. He whimpers, and when Namjoon pulls him into a one-armed hug, Jeongguk realizes he’s shaking. This isn’t the point. He needs to come. They’re here to make him come. He can’t not come because they said so. That’s not how it works. That’s not-

“Shh,” Namjoon kisses the side of Jeongguk’s head. “You won’t have to wait long, I promise,” he starts stroking Jeongguk’s cock again, but Yoongi is still not moving the dildo. “I wanna work that big dildo into you. Stretch you out. Make it hurt a little.”

Jeongguk hides his face in Namjoon’s neck. Namjoon said he wants that. It’s something that he wants, not Jeongguk, and for some reason, Jeongguk likes that. Makes him want it too. Wants to be good and to do what they want, to make them enjoy this.

“Do you think you can take the big one?” Yoongi asks.

“You want me to?” Jeongguk’s voice is small. Namjoon smells so good.

“I do,” Yoongi says, thrusting the dildo shallowly inside Jeongguk. “It would be so hot.”

Jeongguk nods. If they want him that way, he wants it too. He can hold off on coming for a while if that’s what they want.

“Yeah?” Yoongi asks.

“Yeah,” Jeongguk whispers, letting his muscles loosen.

When Yoongi starts pulling the dildo out, Jeongguk whines into Namjoon’s neck, and Namjoon kisses his temple, letting go of his cock. The dildo slides out, and Jeongguk sighs, missing it. It’s like Namjoon knows it somehow, the hand he has around Jeongguk moving down Jeongguk’s back, sliding between his ass cheeks until three of his fingers are circling Jeongguk’s still slick hole and pushing in, slowly thrusting inside him.

“Oh,” Jeongguk exhales, sagging into Namjoon’s chest, the tip of his cock brushing Namjoon’s skin.

“Good?” Namjoon asks.

“Good,” Jeongguk answers, and, once again, Namjoon kisses his temple.

The mattress shifts next to Jeongguk, and he realizes that Yoongi is moving away from him. He pulls away from Namjoon’s neck to watch Yoongi shuffle towards the bedside table, place the smaller dildo onto it and pick up the larger one. It really is big, but, for whatever reason, Jeongguk’s not worried about it right now. He can take it, he’s sure. His hole clenches for a second around Namjoon’s fingers just thinking about it.

Yoongi gets back to them quickly, grabbing the bottle of lube on the way. He flicks the lube open and settles at Jeongguk’s side one more time, but just when he’s about to pour it onto the toy, he stops, his eyes focusing on Jeongguk.

“Do you like it?” Yoongi asks. “Or are you afraid of it?”

“The dildo?” Jeongguk asks, and Yoongi nods. “I…” Jeongguk’s not sure why he’s asking. “I like it.”

Yoongi lifts the dildo to Jeongguk’s lips, “Kiss it for me?”

“Why?” Jeongguk asks, flashing back to sucking Yoongi’s dildo two days ago.

“For good luck,” Yoongi says.

Jeongguk figures if Yoongi wants him to do it, then there’s no reason not to, and keeps his eyes on Yoongi as he leans in to kiss the tip. Namjoon’s fingers twitch inside him in response. But, somehow, the most surprising thing that has happened all night is Yoongi leaning in to kiss the dildo too, right beside where Jeongguk kissed it.

His eyes are open and on Jeongguk, his lips staying close to the toy. When Yoongi’s eyebrows lift, Jeongguk feels like Yoongi wants something, but he doesn’t know what. It’s when Yoongi presses his lips to the dildo again, more firmly this time, that Jeongguk understands, following Yoongi’s example and kissing it again too.

Namjoon is silent, his fingers twitching inside Jeongguk once more, and Jeongguk catches the hint of confusion is his eyes before focusing on Yoongi again. Yoongi, whose tongue is now licking up the side of the silicone shaft, his eyes hooded.

“Come on,” Yoongi whispers, “With me,” licking the toy again.

So, Jeongguk licks it too, base to tip, his eyes closing. It’s like he’s floating. He gets slightly worried when his nose brushes Yoongi’s on the way up, but their lips never actually meet. Though he’s not sure if he’s happy about that or not. When Jeongguk’s eyes flutter open again, Yoongi is still right there with him, licking up and down this fake cock. It’s so easy to imagine this being real cock though, Namjoon’s maybe, him and Yoongi going down on Namjoon together.

As Jeongguk’s tongue slides back down, Yoongi’s lips travel up, wrapping around the head of the dildo, and Jeongguk finds that he has to pull back to look at him.

“Shit,” Namjoon whispers, his fingers pulling out of Jeongguk, and Jeongguk can’t even find it in himself to complain, not when Yoongi is taking more and more of the dildo in, bobbing up and down slowly. “Hyung.”

Yoongi’s eyes open, his gaze falling on Namjoon first, then, pulling off the toy, he focuses on Jeongguk. He doesn’t need to tell Jeongguk what to do. They both want the same thing right now, so Jeongguk’s lips are around the head of the toy immediately, sinking down.

“That’s it,” Yoongi whispers. “Take it,” he kisses Jeongguk’s temple. “Show us.”

So Jeongguk shows them, easily bobbing his head up and down on the toy. It’s not just for him this time though. He may not be sucking Yoongi or Namjoon’s cock, but he’s still doing this for them. So he puts in the effort, sinking down as low as he can then going a little further, the tip of the toy pressing against the back of Jeongguk’s throat. He gags a bit, but that doesn’t stop him.

“Yeah,” Yoongi nuzzles into Jeongguk’s hair, talking quietly into Jeongguk’s ear. “Take more. Choke on it a little for me.”

Jeongguk doesn’t even think not to listen, immediately lowering himself, letting the tip breach his throat slightly, gagging.

“Fuck,” Namjoon whispers.

It’s hard to breathe like this, and the lack of oxygen is making Jeongguk dizzy, but he keeps going. Because Yoongi wants him too. And because Namjoon likes it. Jeongguk knows that Namjoon likes it. Can hear it in Namjoon’s voice.

Jeongguk doesn’t even notice that his hips are shifting until Namjoon moves forward, and the tip of Jeongguk’s cock, with every back and forth motion, drags against Namjoon’s sweatpants and skin. And when Namjoon raises his hand and brushes a finger across Jeongguk’s cheek, Jeongguk realizes that he’s tearing up too. He hopes they understand. He’s not upset. It’s just because he’s choking himself. He supposes the fact that they don’t stop him shows that they do.

“You’re good at this,” Namjoon says, running his fingers through Jeongguk’s hair.

“Yeah,” Yoongi agrees.

Jeongguk just keeps going, loving the praise but also wishing one of them would be fucking him right now. Dildo, cock, he doesn’t care. Anything. He’s so empty.

But then Yoongi’s fingers are threading into Jeongguk’s hair and pushing Jeongguk’s head down, and Jeongguk blanks. He doesn’t think at all, letting Yoongi move him up and down, feeling spit sliding down his chin.

“He likes it too,” Yoongi says. “Choking. Isn’t that right?”

Yoongi tugs Jeongguk’s head up the toy, and Jeongguk nods as best as he can. He’s not expecting it when Yoongi pulls him off the toy completely, but then three of Namjoon’s fingers are sliding into Jeongguk’s mouth, and Jeongguk feels better, sucking on them.

“Good boy,” Namjoon whispers, and Jeongguk sighs through his nose.

Yoongi’s shifting beside them, but Jeongguk’s eyes are rolled back so he can’t see what Yoongi’s doing. When Jeongguk hears the lube bottle being reopened though, and then, a moment later, something cold and firm brushes Jeongguk’s hole, Jeongguk catches on. He presses himself harder onto Namjoon’s fingers, gagging and bending over at the same time, grabbing Namjoon’s shoulders, trying to arch his back, to make it easier for Yoongi to fuck him.

“Yes, good,” Yoongi breathes, inching the tip of the toy into Jeongguk. “Look so pretty.”

Namjoon’s fingers pull back and rest on Jeongguk’s bottom lip as Jeongguk gasps, pain flaring up inside him. Yoongi pauses for a second, but Jeongguk pushes back onto the toy, letting the pain take over for a moment, enjoying it. He doesn’t know how much he’s taking. He doesn’t know how much there is left to the dildo. But he doesn’t care. When Namjoon’s fingers push back into his mouth, and Yoongi’s lips press to his shoulder, he doesn’t care about anything at all.

He lets Namjoon choke him and Yoongi fuck him. His hole throbs with pain, and his cock throbs with pleasure. His eyes well up with tears when Namjoon pushes his fingers a little deeper, his spit covering not only his own chin but also Namjoon’s palm. But even through the tears and slight delirium, Jeongguk’s eyes are locked with Namjoon’s, the two of them so close, and Namjoon- Namjoon has never looked at Jeongguk this way. Never. There has never been anything close to lust in Namjoon’s eyes when he looked at Jeongguk, but right now, that’s all Jeongguk sees in them.

“Doing so well,” Namjoon whispers, and Jeongguk’s eyebrows furrow. He doesn’t know what his face is doing right now. All he knows is that he’s never been more desperate, and he doesn’t even know what he’s desperate for.

When Yoongi’s knuckles touch Jeongguk’s ass cheeks, indicating that the dildo is all the way in, Jeongguk barely even registers it. He does register Yoongi shifting more to Jeongguk’s side, Yoongi’s free palm bracing against Jeongguk’s chest, his fingers gripping Jeongguk’s nipple and twisting. Jeongguk whimpers, choking on Namjoon’s fingers harder.

“Feels good, right?” Yoongi asks, and Jeongguk nods. “A nice big cock in your tight little hole.”

Jeongguk whines, can’t help it, and Yoongi leans in to kiss Jeongguk’s neck, fucking into Jeongguk harder.

Namjoon bows his head.

“Look at how hard you are,” he says, his free hand reaching down to hold Jeongguk’s cock at the base, the fingers in Jeongguk’s mouth pulling back a bit, not choking Jeongguk anymore. But Jeongguk keeps sucking on them anyway. “How wet.”

Jeongguk sees Yoongi look down, but he himself doesn’t look. He doesn’t need to see his cock to know what it looks like right now. Burning red at the tip, glistening with precome. Yoongi thrusts the dildo into him faster, and Jeongguk starts moaning, the pain subsided but still there, just enough. Namjoon lays the pads of his fingers onto Jeongguk’s cock, pulls it down, then lets it go, Jeongguk’s cock slapping up onto Jeongguk’s stomach.

Under any other circumstances, it wouldn’t hurt, but with the way Jeongguk is sensitive right now, pain shoots all over Jeongguk’s cock, and his stream of moans pauses only for him to whimper. Then Namjoon does it again, a bit harder, and it hurts so good. Everything hurts so good. And he wants it. Wants it harder, faster, more. More.

“More,” Jeongguk says around Namjoon’s fingers, the word not coming out right.

Namjoon takes his fingers out of Jeongguk’s mouth, grips Jeongguk’s chin with one hand and wraps his other hand tightly around Jeongguk’s shaft.

“What was that?” Namjoon asks, and Jeongguk thinks that Namjoon knows what he said but just wants to hear Jeongguk ask for it, beg for it.

“More,” Jeongguk repeats, and his voice is broken, begging. He doesn’t care. “Please.”

“More what?” Namjoon asks.

“I don’t know,” Jeongguk whimpers, pushing back harder onto Yoongi’s dildo.

Namjoon’s hand falls away from Jeongguk’s lips and lands harshly on Jeongguk’s ass.

Jeongguk gasps, “Yes. Yes, please.”

So Namjoon spanks him again, harder, his tight fist stroking Jeongguk’s cock. Jeongguk’s burning up. Everywhere. And then Yoongi is angling the dildo downwards, and it hits Jeongguk’s prostate head-on, and Jeongguk’s voice breaks on a sob.

Jeongguk doesn’t know what to do. His body is shaking. His heart is pounding. His fingernails dig into Namjoon’s shoulders. He might be crying again. Namjoon spanks him one more time, Yoongi’s fingers let go of his nipple and three of them push into his mouth, choking him, making his eyes roll back so far he can’t even see. He’s clenching again. It’s not on purpose. He couldn’t stop it if he tried. And when Namjoon lets go of Jeongguk’s cock and gently slaps Jeongguk’s shaft, Jeongguk full-on screams.

“Please,” he garbles around Yoongi’s fingers, and Yoongi removes them. “Please, please, please.”

Namjoon slaps his cock again. A little harder. And Jeongguk screams again, voice breaking into a stream of whimpers. When Namjoon’s fist wraps around his cock again, stroking him full fucking speed, he realizes he’s going to come. He’s going to come.

“I’m going to come,” Jeongguk rushes out, panicked. “I’m gonna come. Please, I wanna come. Can I come, please? Please, please, please.”

“Can you hold on-“ Namjoon starts, but Jeongguk is already frantically shaking his head.

“I can’t, I can’t, I can’t,” Jeongguk drags his nails up Namjoon’s shoulders, staring Namjoon in the eyes. “Please, please, Namjoon, please, Yoongi, please, please, please.”

Namjoon’s fist tightens, stroking the very tip of Jeongguk’s cock, fast, tight, burning hot.

“Come,” Namjoon says, and Jeongguk’s coming. “You can come.”

He doesn’t hear himself screaming, the blood in his ears is too loud. His vision goes dark around the edges, and he’s clawing at Namjoon’s back. It doesn’t feel like he’s coming, it feels like he’s fucking dying, burning from the inside out. His ass hurts. His cock hurts. His throat hurts. He can’t see. It’s going to kill him. It’s going to fucking kill him.

It’s a moment before he comes to, but when he does, Yoongi and Namjoon are both kissing his face, Namjoon slowly stroking Jeongguk’s cock, and Yoongi slowly fucking him. He thinks he might have blacked out for a second, but he’s not sure. His hips are twitching between them. He’s never been dizzier. The tip of his cock hurts, making his whole body jerk every few seconds. He’s no longer screaming, but he also can’t really breathe.

“You did so good,” Yoongi’s whispering, kissing Jeongguk’s temple. “Such a good job.”

“Such a good boy,” Namjoon adds. “So beautiful.”

Jeongguk’s head falls forward, he sees his own come splattered across Namjoon’s stomach, and Namjoon’s cock is still so hard in his pants. So hard. Jeongguk reaches for it, holding the shaft in his hand.

“Kook?” Namjoon asks, his hand letting go of Jeongguk’s softening cock.

“Please,” Jeongguk strokes Namjoon’s cock through his sweatpants. He looks to the side, lays a palm over Yoongi’s cock as well. So hard. “I just wanna…”

“Kookie,” Yoongi whispers, and Jeongguk knows what they said, he knows, but they’re so hard.

“You don’t even have to take it out,” Jeongguk pleads, his voice gone, raspy, looking up at Yoongi through wet eyelashes. He can make them feel good without them taking their cocks out. “I just… You made me feel so good. You made me feel so,” he gulps, “so good,” he inhales, “and I was so good, and I just wanna make you feel good too. Please.”

Yoongi gently takes Jeongguk’s wrist in his hand, moving Jeongguk away. He nuzzles his nose into Jeongguk’s temple, sliding the dildo out of him.

“You’re so good,” Yoongi whispers, kissing Jeongguk’s cheek. “You were so good for us.”

Namjoon moves Jeongguk’s hand away from his cock as well, pulling Jeongguk into a hug, and Jeongguk just… sags.

“Please,” Jeongguk repeats, inhaling shakily. “I’ll make you feel so good.”

Namjoon kisses Jeongguk’s forehead, and Jeongguk reaches for his bulge again. There’s no cooperation though. Namjoon just kisses Jeongguk’s forehead harder. So, Jeongguk’s hand falls away, and a sadness he doesn’t understand takes over him. He just wants to make them feel good. That’s all he wants. To say thank you. To give back.

“Please,” he whispers one more time, but all they do is hug him.

“You were amazing,” Yoongi whispers.

“Amazing,” Namjoon echoes, and Jeongguk starts shaking, his eyebrows furrowing, tears filling up his closed eyelids.

“Thank you,” Jeongguk sniffles.

Namjoon pulls back from the hug, cupping Jeongguk’s cheeks in both hands, concern showing on every one of his features.

“Hey,” he whispers. “Why are you crying? This is a good thing.”

A tear rolls down Jeongguk’s cheek, “I don’t know why.”

Namjoon wraps his arms around Jeongguk again. Yoongi does the same thing. And they stay in that position for a while. Until Jeongguk stops crying, and his breathing slows, and he begins regaining feeling in his limbs.

Eventually, they pull back though. Yoongi gently wipes the tears off Jeongguk’s cheeks, leans in, presses a little kiss right under each of Jeongguk’s eyelids and gets off the bed, picking up both dildos and going to the bathroom. Jeongguk doesn’t know if Namjoon plans to go somewhere too, but Jeongguk doesn’t let him, leaning against Namjoon’s chest and letting Namjoon hold him. He wants Yoongi to kiss his cheeks again. And Namjoon too. Yoongi was still hard when he walked away, and Jeongguk can feel Namjoon’s bulge against his thigh. They should let him take care of them. He’d make them feel so good.

The mattress dips beside Jeongguk a minute later.

“Hey,” Yoongi whispers, and Jeongguk raises his head off Namjoon’s shoulder to find Yoongi holding a cup of water out to him.

He tries reaching for the cup, but his arm isn’t rising, and he can’t feel his fingers. Yoongi just brings the cup closer to Jeongguk’s lips and tips it, letting Jeongguk sip the water little by little, Namjoon’s fingers softly running through his hair. When Yoongi decides Jeongguk had enough to drink, he gets off the bed again and places the cup onto the bedside table, quickly running to the bathroom, bringing out a small towel and coming back to the bed. Jeongguk lets his forehead fall onto Namjoon’s shoulder.

The cleaning is a quiet process. Yoongi first taps the towel over Jeongguk’s cheeks and chin lightly, then gently runs it over Jeongguk’s chest, Jeongguk’s back, between Jeongguk’s thighs and ass cheeks. Jeongguk can’t bring himself to be embarrassed about any of it. He’s too tired, and his limbs don’t work. Even when Yoongi cleans Jeongguk’s come off Namjoon’s chest and stomach, Jeongguk doesn’t blush. It’s when Yoongi’s attention turns to Namjoon’s back that Jeongguk perks up a bit.

Yoongi’s eyebrows are ever so slightly furrowed as he’s looking at Namjoon’s back, and then he folds the towel and taps Namjoon’s shoulder blades. Jeongguk’s confused until he looks over Namjoon’s shoulder and sees the burning red scratches down Namjoon’s back. He gasps, and Namjoon immediately tugs him back.

“It’s okay,” Namjoon looks Jeongguk in the eyes.

“Hyung,” Jeongguk breathes, goosebumps breaking out across his skin.

“Didn’t break the skin,” Yoongi moves towards Jeongguk again, tossing the towel onto a nearby chair.

“I’m sorry,” Jeongguk whispers, tears threatening to come again. Instead of making them feel good, he’s hurting them.

“Don’t be,” Namjoon says, smiling softly, his fingers running through Jeongguk’s hair again. “It barely hurts. And I’m really happy,” he leans in and kisses Jeongguk’s temple. “Let’s get you under the covers, yeah?”

Jeongguk nods. There’s no fight in him right now. He’ll do whatever they want. He and Namjoon move to the side a bit so that Yoongi could pull back the covers, and, in his new position, Jeongguk can see Namjoon’s back a lot better. It’s not one group of scratches. It looks like he fucking clawed at Namjoon’s back. Lines and lines of pink and red. Thank god his nails are not long right now, or it would have been a lot worse.

When Yoongi taps the bed, Jeongguk manages to start moving to lie down on the pillow, but when Namjoon doesn’t follow him, he turns around, realizing.

“Wait,” Jeongguk looks at the two of them. “You’re not leaving, are you?”

Yoongi and Namjoon look at one another, and Jeongguk’s heart sinks. They’re leaving.

“Of course not,” Yoongi says, his eyes turning to Jeongguk a moment after the words leave his mouth, and his lips pull up into a smile.

Jeongguk feels very naked all of the sudden. They were going to leave. If he hadn’t said anything, they would have left. They don’t want to be here right now.

“You don’t have to stay,” Jeongguk tries to come off nonchalant, but even he knows he doesn’t sound that way.

“No, come on, don’t-“ Yoongi quickly gets back onto the bed, taking Jeongguk into his arms again. “Of course we wouldn’t leave.”

Jeongguk doesn’t know how much he believes that. But maybe he’s got it wrong. Maybe they did plan to stay.

“Where do you have clean underwear?” Namjoon asks, laying his hand on Jeongguk’s shoulder.

Jeongguk looks at him, tired and small and a little sad, “First drawer in the dresser.”

When Namjoon leans in and kisses Jeongguk’s temple, Jeongguk’s eyes widen. He didn’t think they’d ever kiss him again after this was over. His heart flips in his chest.

Yoongi lays Jeongguk down on the bed, turning off the lamp on his side and immediately cuddling up to Jeongguk, laying an arm across Jeongguk’s stomach. When Namjoon comes back holding a pair of boxer briefs, Jeongguk reaches out to take them, but Namjoon doesn’t give them to Jeongguk, instead settling on the bed next to him, on the opposite side of Yoongi, and lifting his legs one by one and getting the briefs onto him.

“Do you wanna put on anything else?” Namjoon asks. “Shirt? Pants?”

Jeongguk almost says yes, but Yoongi has stayed with his shirt off, and Namjoon doesn’t seem inclined to put his back on either, so Jeongguk shakes his head. Namjoon nods, lies down, tugs the blanket over the three of them, and turns off the bedside lamp next to him, leaving them in full darkness. His arm goes around Jeongguk’s torso, lying right above Yoongi’s.

It’s the same position they started with, only with fewer clothes, a blanket over them, and Jeongguk with his first orgasm in almost three weeks. Yoongi and Namjoon’s cocks are back to being soft too, Jeongguk can feel that with how close they’re pressed to him. He’s sad he didn’t get to make them feel good, and he’s sad about being sad about it. He shouldn’t be sad. He was never meant to touch them in the first place. He should be grateful to them. They fixed him, showed him that it was mental, that he’s physically capable of coming.

“Tired?” Namjoon whispers, and Jeongguk nods. “You did well.”

Now, Jeongguk does blush. It’s over. Their thing is over. Whatever it was. Getting compliments from them now seems wrong. It still feels good. But it doesn’t seem right. And when Namjoon nuzzles into Jeongguk’s cheekbone and presses a kiss there, Jeongguk hates that he enjoys it. God, Namjoon is so close. It would be so easy to turn and kiss him right now. Jeongguk doesn’t want to want it so bad.

“Yeah,” Yoongi breathes after a minute, burying his nose in Jeongguk’s hair. “You did do well. So well.”

Yoongi kisses Jeongguk’s head, then doesn’t move, staying close to him. It’s maybe another thirty seconds before he does it again, dropping a kiss into Jeongguk’s hair. Then the pause is shorter. Just a few seconds, and he’s kissing Jeongguk’s head one more time. After that, it’s like something takes over Yoongi, pressing kiss after kiss after kiss, harder and harder, to Jeongguk’s hair and his ear, the last one falling onto Jeongguk’s cheek.

“Thank you for trusting us like that,” he whispers, breathless, and Jeongguk’s heart flips one more time, his vision blurring with tears.

Jeongguk turns to look Yoongi in the eyes, and the tears fall sideways down his face. Yoongi, whose eyebrows are furrowed and lips pulled into a frown, who looks like he’s hurt and like he cares and like he’s thinking too hard, brushes his thumb over the tear streak across Jeongguk’s face. Their lips are maybe two inches apart, and Jeongguk wants to be kissed so bad. Just once. On the lips. A single time. But Yoongi won’t lean in. Jeongguk knows that. And if Yoongi doesn’t want to lean in, Jeongguk won’t force it on him.

Instead, Jeongguk lifts himself slightly off the mattress, leans over Yoongi, watches Yoongi’s eyes widen a fraction, then lays the softest of all kisses on Yoongi’s cheek. It’s dark, but Jeongguk can see Yoongi’s ensuing blush anyway. And before he changes his mind, Jeongguk turns to Namjoon and kisses his cheek as well, just as softly. A thank you. The only thank you they allowed him to give them tonight.

When he lies back down, they cuddle closer, Namjoon’s nose pressing to Jeongguk’s bare shoulder, lips to Jeongguk’s bicep. It’s warm, and Jeongguk wants to enjoy it, but he’s not sure he’s ever been more exhausted in his life, and he still really wants to cry. But, with Yoongi and Namjoon’s soft breaths on him and fresh tears threatening to spill, he closes his eyes and falls asleep.

Chapter Text

Jeongguk wakes up pressed between two bodies, and it takes him a second to realize exactly who these bodies belong to. Namjoon is behind Jeongguk, arm thrown over Jeongguk’s torso. Yoongi is in front of him, his head resting on Jeongguk’s chest, his legs pulled up, hands squished between his thighs, Jeongguk’s own arm lying over Yoongi’s side. They’re both still asleep. Early morning sunshine is lighting up the room, and the clock says it’s only six forty. Jeongguk’s not sure why he’s awake. He doesn’t move though. Not a muscle. Yoongi and Namjoon deserve to sleep.

It’s hard to believe that what they did the night before actually happened, even though the proof is right there, in front of him and behind him. Jeongguk’s asshole actually still hurts a little. Yoongi and his dildo really did a number on him. Namjoon’s fleshlight is still standing on the bedside table behind Yoongi. All the proof he will ever need.

He thinks he should be embarrassed about everything, but he isn’t. He’s still tired. Maybe the embarrassment will get to him later. Also, he thinks he should be happy. And he is. He’s happy he came. Ecstatic. Knowing that he really just spun himself into a mental block is good. It means he’ll be okay. All he needs to do now is jerk off a couple times and come, fully convince himself that he’s okay, and then… that’s it. The nightmare ends.

But… he’s not happy. He doesn’t know why. The tiredness is so overwhelming, and, for some reason, he’s not happy. There’s this… empty feeling in his chest. Like something’s missing, and he doesn’t know what. Yoongi makes a noise in his sleep, cuddles up closer to Jeongguk, and Jeongguk’s heart flips, that empty feeling disappearing for a moment. As Jeongguk nuzzles into Yoongi’s hair, he wonders what Yoongi is dreaming about.

He must have fallen asleep again after that, because the next time he opens his eyes, Yoongi’s awake and looking at him, his head propped up on his hands. After a moment, Jeongguk also realizes that someone’s fingers are running through his hair, and they’re definitely not Yoongi’s. He turns onto his back, finding Namjoon awake too.

“Morning,” Namjoon whispers.

“Morning,” Jeongguk rasps out. God, that’s definitely not what his voice sounds like in the morning. He really fucked up with the screaming last night.

“How’d you sleep?” Namjoon asks.

“Okay,” Jeongguk answers. “Not enough.”

“Tired?” Yoongi’s arm wraps around him.

Jeongguk nods, then yawns so hard his eyes tear up.

“How do you feel?” Namjoon asks, his hand coming up again, gently moving Jeongguk’s hair off his forehead.

“Tired,” Jeongguk answers.

Namjoon huffs out a laugh, “And besides that?”

“Glad it was mental,” Jeongguk answers. “Hopefully I’m fixed now.”

“You were never broken,” Namjoon says, and then they’re quiet.

They’re not leaving, continuing to lie here with Jeongguk, close and warm and more intimate than it probably should be. Namjoon’s fingers are gently running through Jeongguk’s hair and Yoongi’s are tracing little circles over Jeongguk’s side. Jeongguk doesn’t know what to do. He’s not sure why they’re not leaving.

That thought flashes him back to the previous night. Remembering the way he was almost sure they were going to leave him after they were done hurts. Them not leaving right now kind of hurts too. He’d rather have the band aid ripped off now, to not let himself enjoy this.

“I’m sorry,” Jeongguk says, and little lines of confusion color their faces. “For… for touching you yesterday. At the end. I… I don’t know what came over me.”

“It’s okay,” Yoongi says.

“No, it wasn’t,” Jeongguk shakes his head. “You explicitly told me not to touch you like that, and I did, and I’m sorry.”

“We told you we weren’t gonna get our dicks out,” Yoongi’s lips tug up into a smile. “Technically, we didn’t.”

“That’s not the point,” Jeongguk closes his eyes. “I know I shouldn’t have done it. I was just… gone. Delirious. Didn’t know what I was doing,” he shakes his head. “That’s never happened to me before. Not to that extent.”

“Yeah, you did kinda space out there at the end,” Namjoon says.

Yoongi nods, “Looked like subspace.”

Namjoon nods too, and Jeongguk doesn’t ask them to clarify what subspace is. He doesn’t care. He wants them to leave. He desperately wants them to stay. He wants to kiss them and touch them. And he wants to not want any of these things. His eyes close for a second, and he breathes in, then exhales until he has no air left in his lungs.

“It worked though,” Yoongi says. “I feel like you should look happier than you do right now.”

“I am happy. Just tired,” Jeongguk says, knowing it’s only a half-truth. “Honestly, I’m kind of amazed that you actually managed to do it.”

“Make you come?” Yoongi asks.

“Yeah,” Jeongguk blushes weakly.

“Why?” Yoongi asks.

“Because… for a second there, I was in that headspace again,” Jeongguk explains. “That ‘I can’t’ headspace. Not on purpose, but…” he trails off.

“Yeah, we both caught that,” Namjoon says with a small smile, and Yoongi nods.  

“You did?” Jeongguk asks, surprised.

“Yeah,” Yoongi smiles. “Before the second dildo. You started chasing the orgasm instead of just letting it happen.”

“I kind of…” Jeongguk looks for the right words, “forgot about chasing it afterwards. Forgot to think.”

“That was the plan,” Yoongi says. 

“Plan?” Jeongguk asks.

Yoongi nods, “Distracting you from yourself.”

“Did you actually have a plan?” Jeongguk asks, curios.

“Kind of,” Namjoon answers. “It was pretty vague. I mean, we didn’t know exactly how things would go. But yeah, we did have a plan.”

“Can you tell me what it was?” Jeongguk asks.

“Do you wanna know?” Namjoon asks.

Jeongguk nods, not even hesitating.

“Well, the plan was basically a few general ideas, like bullet points,” Namjoon says. “The first one was to keep you involved. To keep you talking. We thought doing that would help keep your head with us and not anywhere else.”

Jeongguk nods. It makes sense.

“And also to keep talking ourselves,” Yoongi adds. “To make sure you listen. Again, just to… keep you with us.”

Jeongguk nods again.

“And to tell you what to do. To make you want to stay involved. Though we didn’t know how that would go over,” Namjoon says. “Didn’t know how you’d respond to… taking instructions.”

The blush spreads very quickly over Jeongguk’s body then.

“And then the last thing, which we really weren’t sure we were gonna do,” Namjoon says, “was telling you not to come.”

“Yeah, why did you do that?” Jeongguk asks, remembering how upset he was about it.

“Kind of a reverse psychology thing,” Namjoon answers. “Tell you not to do something, you’re gonna wanna do it more.”

“Oh,” Jeongguk exclaims. “That’s… smart.”

“Joon’s idea,” Yoongi says, smiling. “Didn’t expect him to be so into it though. Giving orders.”

Namjoon turns his head away ever so slightly, but not fast enough for Jeongguk to miss the blush.

“Apparently, you’re a little bossy in bed,” Yoongi’s voice is teasing.

Yoongi smiles wider, and Jeongguk’s eyes widen. To hear Yoongi just call Namjoon out like that… to acknowledge that Namjoon was into it… Jeongguk never would have thought that would happen.

“You were into it too,” Namjoon shoots at Yoongi, looking at them again. “Especially the choking moment.”

Jeongguk blushes. Yoongi also blushes.

“Yeah,” Yoongi says stubbornly, still blushing. “Were you not?”

Namjoon ignores him, “And at the end too. When we were cuddling. Looked like you had a mental breakdown with all the kisses.”

At that, Yoongi’s cheeks visibly flush.

“I got emotional,” Yoongi says even more stubbornly. “Don’t tell anyone that happened, I have an image to maintain.”

Namjoon snorts, Yoongi smiles, and Jeongguk can’t help but smile too.

“Why-” Jeongguk starts before he loses the nerve, “-did you get emotional?”

Yoongi sighs heavily, all amusement disappearing off his face, and when he talks, his voice is soft and quiet.

“I know the whole experience was overwhelming for you,” Yoongi says. “But it was kind of… a lot for me too.”

“How?” Jeongguk asks. Namjoon is quiet, and Jeongguk can’t really understand the meaning of the frown on his face.

“I was… really happy that you were okay. That it worked,” Yoongi says. “I was also really… worried about you spacing out the way you did. And…” he pauses, his eyebrows furrowing deeply, his face turning into something like a grimace, like he’s confused by his own thoughts. “I had a weird moment at the end of it… realizing you’re not a kid anymore. Although I guess I realized that earlier in the night, not at the end. I… I think at the end, the feeling just kinda got amplified,” he stops again, and Jeongguk kind of finds himself at a loss for words. “Like, I know that you’re not a kid, but seeing that side of you… I don’t know. I know that’s a weird thing to say,” Yoongi backtracks. “Ignore me.”

Jeongguk has no idea what to say. The honesty of the statement is entirely overwhelming.

“No, I-“ Namjoon hesitates. “I get it. I felt it too.”

Yoongi exhales, nodding, wiggling closer to Jeongguk’s side, pressing his nose into Jeongguk’s hair. God, Jeongguk wants Yoongi to kiss him there so much. Namjoon’s fingers go back to running through Jeongguk’s hair, and the two of them are still not leaving. Why are they not leaving? Fuck, Jeongguk’s heart hurts.

“You feel okay though, right?” Namjoon asks.

Jeongguk turns to look at Namjoon, and that crease between Namjoon’s brows is worry. Or sadness. Nothing good. Jeongguk wants to kiss him there. To smooth that crease out with his lips.

“My throat’s kind of scratchy,” Jeongguk says honestly.

“We’re gonna have to get you something warm to drink,” Namjoon says. “Maybe honey too.”

“Need to make sure my voice is okay before the performance tomorrow,” Jeongguk says.

Namjoon nods, “I think it’ll pass in time.”

“I’ve never screamed like that in my life,” Jeongguk says. “Ever. About anything.”

Namjoon and Yoongi both huff out a laugh. It’s a fond laugh though, so Jeongguk blushes.

“How’s your back?” Jeongguk remembers suddenly, looking at Namjoon.

“Uh… I don’t know, I haven’t looked,” Namjoon says. “But it doesn’t hurt.”

“I’m sorry,” Jeongguk says.

“Don’t be,” Namjoon exhales, smiling.

Then Namjoon leans down and kisses Jeongguk’s cheek.

Jeongguk manages to stop the gasp in time, but he knows the surprise shows on his face anyway. The only sign that Namjoon notices Jeongguk’s surprise is the way his smile turns softer. He cuddles up to Jeongguk then, hugging Jeongguk under the blanket, and Jeongguk’s heart flips so hard.

“We have to get up soon,” Jeongguk says.

“Yeah,” Namjoon says and hugs Jeongguk tighter.

Jeongguk’s whole fucking chest hurts.

“So now what?” Yoongi looks at Jeongguk. “Do you call the doctor again?”

“I don’t really need to,” Jeongguk says. “He said I only need to text him again if I don’t manage to go back to orgasming normally in the next two weeks.”

“So now you just need to-“ Yoongi starts.

“Go back to orgasming normally,” Jeongguk finishes. “Jerk off a couple times. Come. And that’s it.”

“And you can do it,” Yoongi says.

Jeongguk nods, “I can now. I believe that.”

“Good,” Yoongi smiles. “It was all just mental after all.”

Jeongguk nods. It being mental is a good thing. He just hopes he’ll be able to come alone as well.

Yoongi pushes the blanket off himself, leaving Jeongguk and Namjoon covered, then sits up.

Namjoon stays, “Maybe eventually you’ll figure out exactly why all of this happened.”

“What do you mean?” Jeongguk asks.

“I mean,” Namjoon starts. “There has to be a reason, right?” he pushes himself into a sitting position too. Jeongguk follows. “It probably did start because of jetlag and tiredness and whatever, and then you really did spin yourself into a mental block. But there had to have been some kind of reason for that mental block, right? Something bigger than just jetlag.”

“Maybe not,” Yoongi says. “It was probably enough to convince himself that he can’t do it for him to not be able to do it.”

“Maybe,” Namjoon says. “Maybe there’s something there that he can work on to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

“Maybe,” Jeongguk whispers. He doesn’t think there’s anything deeper to it. But who knows.

He sits on the bed and watches them get up and put their shirts back on. They shuffle around the room, Yoongi going into the bathroom with a bag, probably to put the dildos away, Namjoon picking up the fleshlight from the nightstand and placing it in a plastic bag he finds in the little kitchenet off to the side of the room. Jeongguk just flops down onto the bed at some point.

There’s no reason to move. They still have a good hour and a half before they have to be ready. And he’s still tired anyway. The covers smell like Namjoon and Yoongi, and Jeongguk shoves his face into them, feeling warm and surrounded but also kind of cold and alone at the same time.

Yoongi and Namjoon both check on him once again before they leave. Namjoon brings Jeongguk tea. Yoongi asks if Jeongguk’s okay one more time. Asks if Jeongguk is too tired for rehearsal, says they can cover for him if he needs to take a little more time to sleep. Jeongguk says no, he’ll just take a short nap then get dressed. And then they leave. Gone. And Jeongguk keeps lying there in the covers that smell like them, and he’s never been more tired. Never felt more alone. He can’t even explain it. He’s spent the whole night with two people. There’s no reason for him to feel this lonely.

 

Before rehearsal, he’s given tea with honey, the managers and doctor trying to speed-heal his throat before the performance the next day. Then every break, the same thing. Warm drinks, honey, some pills for him to suck on, water with soda for him to gurgle, until his voice is more of less fine. His throat is not really that bad though, it’s not like he’s sick, so they get it back in order quickly, and it fills Jeongguk with relief. The last thing he wants is to not be able to perform because he screamed himself sick during an orgasm.

The rehearsals themselves are horrible though. Jeongguk goes through them barely moving, barely singing. He’s so fucking tired, and he just can’t seem to shake that tiredness off. His body is absolutely exhausted. He manages to play if off though, and luckily no one notices. And there’s no reason for the tiredness either. It’s not like he even did all that much the night before. He barely did anything. He’s had much more physically demanding sex before, and it’s never affected him this way. He doesn’t know what’s wrong with him.

When they get back to the hotel later that evening, Jeongguk falls into his bed having taken off only his shoes. The sheets still kind of smell like Namjoon and Yoongi. Not nearly as much as he wants them to though. He feels like everything in him screams for Namjoon and Yoongi, and he doesn’t fucking understand why. It’s not like he’s a clingy person. This isn’t like him. But he can’t deny, with the way he buries his face into the pillows and inhales, that he wants them here with him.

He gets over it though, standing up and heading for the shower. Then, with his head against the cold tile and the hot water on his back, Jeongguk jerks off. He comes, thinking about Yoongi and Namjoon. About last night. Yoongi fucking him with the dildo, Namjoon stroking his cock. The way they looked at him. The few moments where they looked at each other. He imagines a dream scenario where they kiss him. Not just on the forehead and temple, but on his lips. Long and passionate and loving. He imagines himself making them feel good – with his hands, with his mouth, with whatever they would want, and he hates himself for imagining it.

At least he comes though. It doesn’t feel as satisfying as the previous night, but it’s still an orgasm. One that he had on his own. One that he’ll be able to have again. No additional help necessary. Besides, he doesn’t think any orgasm will feel the same as the one he had with Yoongi and Namjoon. He’s relieved about having his dick fixed. So relieved. But it all feels a bit… empty.

It’s still early when he crawls back into bed, and at any other time, he would probably be doing something. Playing video games, hanging out with one of the other members, making videos. Anything. He figures there’s no harm in going to sleep early though. The additional hours of sleep would probably help him get rid of this weird never-ending tiredness. So, he wraps himself up in a blanket and buries his face into the pillow. He’s still cold though. So he gets up again and turns on the air conditioner. But then he gets too hot and turns it off. His body is completely off today. He’s not sure what to do about it.

He ends up just lying in bed for a while, half covered with the blanket, thinking about everything and nothing at the same time. Lonely. That’s what he feels like. He picks up his phone and checks for new messages. There aren’t any. He thinks about maybe sending a text to Namjoon or Yoongi, but he doesn’t want to seem clingy. Doesn’t want to bother them. They did so much for him already, he shouldn’t ask for more.

It’s just that he… wants them to come back to him. Not for sex. Or kisses. They don’t even have to cuddle him again. Just… have them be here, in the same bed with him, in the same room with him. Anything at all. He feels so fucking empty right now, and it doesn’t feel right to feel this way, and he doesn’t know why it’s them that he’s clinging onto. Maybe it’s just a bad day. A lonely day. Those happen.

 

The next day – rehearsals again, and during one of the breaks, Jeongguk finds Jimin looking at him with suspicion in his eyes and immediately knows that Jimin has noticed that something is wrong. Jeongguk is just sitting on the couch in the waiting room, blankly watching everyone moving around, drinking water, snacking, talking. Jeongguk’s not hungry. And he doesn’t feel like talking either. He’d fallen asleep early last night, but he’s still absolutely exhausted. His eyes keep drifting to Yoongi and Namjoon, longing for them and not understanding why.

He’s not sure what it is about him that clues Jimin in.

“Hey,” Jimin says and drops onto the couch beside Jeongguk. “Are you okay?”

Jeongguk turns to look at him, “Uh… yeah, just tired.”

“Are you sure you’re not sick or something?” Jimin asks, placing a palm onto Jeongguk’s forehead. “You look pale.”

“Um,” Jeongguk doesn’t really know what to say.

Taehyung and Seokjin stop talking with each other and turn to look at Jeongguk from near the snack table.

“I’m okay,” Jeongguk says, trying to sound convincing.

“It’s doesn’t feel like you have a fever,” Jimin says, lifting his legs up, folding them beneath himself, hugging Jeongguk’s arm and leaning into him.

Yoongi’s eyes open from where he’s sitting on a separate couch, and Namjoon, closing the mini fridge, turns to look at him too. But Jeongguk doesn’t care. Not right now. Jimin hugging him like this feels so good. He turns his face into Jimin’s hair and inhales shakily, gulping, his eyes unexpectedly filling up with tears. It’s like Jimin notices that something is off, and Jeongguk is so embarrassed when Jimin leans away and sees him. Jeongguk’s not crying yet, but he can feel how wet his eyes are, and he can hear the shakiness of his own breath.

“Hey,” Jimin whispers, eyebrows furrowing.

“I’m okay,” Jeongguk says immediately, blinking the tears back. Everyone in the room is looking at him now. Even the staff members glance at him before quickly turning their gazes away. “I- I don’t know- I don’t know,” Jeongguk shakes his head.

Jimin stops looking at him and just pulls him into a hug. A lump forms in Jeongguk’s throat, but the tears he manages to stop. His eyebrows furrow deeply, and that lump only grows larger, but this is the best he’s felt ever since the night with Yoongi and Namjoon, so he just lets it happen.

Everyone in the room looks concerned. Jeongguk catches Namjoon and Yoongi looking at each other for a good few seconds, then turning to him and Jimin, then back to each other. It makes Jeongguk’s heart burn. Makes him want to cry even more. Jimin’s good. He feels so good right now. But Jeongguk realizes that it’s Yoongi’s and Namjoon’s touch that he craves in that moment. And he doesn’t know how to ask for it. He doesn’t even know if he wants to ask for it. It would be so embarrassing. And he would be annoying, and he’d inconvenience them, and they already did so fucking much for him.

“Do you want me to get you anything?” Jimin asks after a moment. “Or maybe you wanna talk about it?”

“No… and no,” Jeongguk whispers. “I think I just need to sleep for a little while. I’m really tired. Gonna go to bed right after the show probably.”

“Do you wanna sleep in my bed tonight maybe?” Jimin offers.

Jeongguk considers for half a second before shaking his head. He just needs to get over this bullshit and figure out how to be okay sleeping on his own. This is ridiculous.

“Okay,” Jimin whispers. “If you change your mind, you can come to me.”

Jimin goes back to hugging Jeongguk, and a moment later, Hoseok comes up to the couch as well, bending down, hugging Jeongguk from the back, dropping a little kiss onto the back of Jeongguk’s head, and Jeongguk finds himself holding back tears again. Yoongi and Namjoon keep watching them long after the others look away, and Jeongguk can see how concerned they are. He wants to comfort them, but he’s not sure he can.

Before the show, Jeongguk downs a cup of coffee and tries to hype himself up. He can’t let this tiredness and sadness affect him during the show. He can’t, and he won’t. Everyone keeps glancing at him to check on him, and it’s driving him crazy. He’s fine. He’s just having a bad day. Few days. Whatever. It’ll pass. Disappointing the fans is not an option, so he just needs to get his shit together.

He tries his fucking best during the performance, lets the adrenaline pump through his veins, gets his earpiece out more times than usual to be able to hear the crowd better, to be swallowed by the noise. Everything he has, he gives it, and he thinks it ends up being one of his better performances. It’s just that by the end of it, he worries he might pass out. A few assistants rush towards him with ice packs and wet towels, and he keeps trying to get them off and tell them he’s fine, but he’s burning up.

Everyone is freaking out around him this time. Namjoon, Yoongi, Jimin, everyone. It’s unnecessary. He’s fine. Someone sticks a thermostat in his mouth. There’s no fever. He just pushed himself too hard. It’s not the first time. Someone says something about calling an ambulance, and he’s fucking glad that they don’t end up calling, that would be even more unnecessary. And embarrassing. Their manager just scolds Jeongguk a lot. Because he’s worried, not because he’s mad. Jeongguk barely hears it. It doesn’t matter. This was important. He’s fine.

Exhaustion takes over him next. He can’t really feel his limbs on the ride back to the hotel. Jimin is in the car with him. He has one of those wet towels and is constantly trying to, despite protests, press it to Jeongguk’s forehead. It’s fine. Jeongguk’s not hot anymore. Just tired. He’s cold if anything. After Jimin stops wiping him with the towel, Jeongguk lays his head in Jimin’s lap and lets Jimin run his fingers through his hair. It’s not exactly what Jeongguk wants, and it’s not really enough, but it’s good anyway. It’s comforting. He appreciates it.

Jimin offers to sleep in his room again, but Jeongguk refuses. He feels like he needs a really long shower to wash off the day. So, that’s what he does. He doesn’t jerk off this time. Doesn’t fucking feel like it. He just washes himself and stays under the warm water for a while. By the time he comes out, he feels slightly more clearheaded. He gets himself some water, then sits on the bed and tries to catch up on some videos of his favorite youtubers. Nothing really seems to cheer him up though. Sleeping would be the best thing to do, but sleeping feels like giving up, so he doesn’t do it.

The knock on his door comes about half an hour later, and as he gets up to open, he thinks it’s Jimin again. But a quick look through the peephole tells him that it’s not. He opens the door, and both Yoongi and Namjoon are there. Jeongguk doesn’t know how to react. Joy? Worry? Relief?  

“Hey,” Namjoon whispers.

Jeongguk’s heart is immediately flipping.

“Do you mind if we come in?” Yoongi asks, and Jeongguk quietly moves away from the door.

He closes the door behind them but leaves it unlocked. It’s not like Yoongi and Namjoon plan on staying.

“How are you feeling?” Namjoon asks.

Namjoon still looks worried. Jeongguk wants a hug.

“Okay,” Jeongguk answers. “Tired.”

“You’ve been tired ever since…” Yoongi trails off.

Jeongguk nods, “It’s not your fault though. It’s just been… a long couple of days.”

“Umm,” Namjoon rubs the back of his neck. “We’re uh… worried that it might actually be our fault.”

“What do you mean?” Jeongguk asks.

“Except for tiredness,” Yoongi doesn’t answer, speaking softly, “have you been feeling… sad?”

“Umm…” Jeongguk shifts uncomfortably. They shouldn’t be blaming themselves for his problems. “Kinda, maybe.”

“Been sleeping more?” Yoongi asks.

Jeongguk shrugs.

“I haven’t seen you eating too much,” Yoongi says.

He really hasn’t been eating much. Hasn’t been hungry.

“Feeling a little…” Namjoon’s eyebrows furrow, “empty?”

Tears fill Jeongguk’s eyes. How do they know?

“Oh, Kookie,” Yoongi exhales then walks up to Jeongguk and takes him into his arms.

Namjoon comes not a second later, enveloping Jeongguk from the other side.

Shivers run up Jeongguk’s spine, tears fall down his cheeks, he sniffles, and Yoongi and Namjoon only hug him tighter. So many emotions take over him so fast. His body starts shaking almost immediately. He doesn’t understand why. Why this is happening. Why they blame themselves. Why it’s so fucking relieving to be held by them like this.

“We think you might be going through a drop,” Yoongi whispers, and someone’s fingers tangle in Jeongguk’s hair.

“A drop?” Jeongguk asks.

“Subdrop,” Namjoon says.

“I don’t know what that is,” Jeongguk mumbles, feeling fucking tiny.

He wants to stop crying so bad. God, this is so embarrassing.

“Come on, let’s go to the bed,” Namjoon whispers. “We’ll explain.”

“Okay,” Jeongguk sniffles again, but when they pull back from him, he only wants to cry more.

Namjoon leads Jeongguk to the bed with a hand on Jeongguk’s lower back while Yoongi runs to the door and locks it. Maybe they do plan on staying. He wants them to stay.

“Lie down in the middle,” Namjoon says.

They’re going to lie down. Jeongguk didn’t realize. He thought they’d be sitting. Maybe they’re going to cuddle him again. Jeongguk’s heart leaps at the mere thought.

Jeongguk lies down, and, before lying down himself, Namjoon pulls his shirt off. Jeongguk doesn’t know why Namjoon does it, but arguing is not something Jeongguk wants to do. He’s ashamed of how much he wants to feel Namjoon’s skin again. Before Yoongi comes to them, he turns off the bedside lamp on his side, leaving only the lamp on Namjoon’s side on. Then, Yoongi takes off his own shirt, and Jeongguk still can’t bring himself to protest.

They do cuddle him, scooting close and pressing themselves right up to his body, their arms on his stomach. A lump forms in Jeongguk’s throat, and his eyes fill with tears once again. He’s so happy and so embarrassed about it. They feel so warm. So firm. So good. He can’t look at them. His gaze focuses on the ceiling fan. He’s okay. This is all he wanted, and way more than he imagined he would get.

“What’s-” Jeongguk chokes out then sniffles, trying to calm down. “What’s subdrop?”

“It’s…” Yoongi starts, his voice soft and low. Careful. “It can happen sometimes after intense sex where you’re in the submissive position. It’s basically…” he stops, tightening his hold on Jeongguk, and Jeongguk thinks about just how fucking submissive he was that night. Yoongi’s so close. “You know how… during sex, especially sex that involves a little pain-” Jeongguk thinks he would blush if his cheeks weren’t so warm already from crying, “-you get a lot of adrenaline and endorphins and whatever other hormones, and they like… really pump through your body?”

He pauses, so Jeongguk nods, still not looking at him.

“And you feel kind of…” Yoongi continues. “Almost like you’re high? A really good feeling.”

Jeongguk nods again. He felt that with them two days ago. Dizzy. Floaty. Namjoon nuzzles his nose into Jeongguk’s neck, and Jeongguk so badly wants Namjoon to kiss there.

“That good feeling, that’s subspace,” Yoongi says. “And subspace… all these hormones that come with subspace, at the end of intense sex, they’re still in your body, they don’t just… go away when it’s over. So, you have to… come back down slowly. The person having sex with you is meant to help you come down, take care of you. So that all these hormones don’t crash,” Yoongi inhales shakily, and Jeongguk turns to look at him. Yoongi’s eyebrows are furrowed, lips pulled into a frown. He looks so sad it makes Jeongguk sad. “If they crash, you go through subdrop.”

“And what does it mean to go through subdrop?” Jeongguk asks.

“It means you suffer these symptoms,” Namjoon says, and Jeongguk turns to look at him. He looks sad too. “Tiredness, sadness, emptiness, appetite loss, concentrating can be hard. Things like that.”

“But…” Jeongguk tries but doesn’t really know what to say. At least he’s not crying anymore.

“So it’s kind of our fault,” Namjoon smiles sadly. “We didn’t make sure you came down properly. We didn’t take care of you well enough.”

“But you did,” Jeongguk protests, looking side to side at their sad faces. “You- you gave me water, and… you cleaned me,” he blushes, “and- and you stayed, and-“

“Wasn’t enough,” Yoongi whispers, cutting him off. “We think maybe it was… because we didn’t give you what you wanted… in the moment.”

Jeongguk knows what he’s talking about. He’s talking about Jeongguk desperately touching them, grabbing them, practically begging them to let him make them feel good. Jeongguk did want that. He can’t deny it. He still wants to make them feel good. But being touched by Jeongguk is not something that they want, it won’t make them feel good. Jeongguk doesn’t want to do anything that’ll make them unhappy.

“Touching you when you didn’t wanna be touched isn’t something that would have made me happy,” Jeongguk says seriously. He gulps. “Maybe I wanted it in the moment,” Jeongguk fights the blush. He feels like this is important to say, and it’s not like it’s a secret. “But I would have never been happy about doing something to you that you didn’t want.”

“Then…” Yoongi looks lost.

“I’m just sad that-” Jeongguk stops himself.

He wanted to touch them, but he knew they didn’t want it. Even in the moment, he remembered them saying they didn’t want to get their dicks out. He remembered. More than anything, he wanted… a kiss. Kissing is something Jeongguk decided not to do, not them. Maybe if he had said that he was okay with kissing, they would have kissed him. If he wanted anything back then, it would have been that. If he wants anything right now, it’s that. And he’s still so ashamed of it.

“What?” Yoongi whispers when Jeongguk doesn’t say anything. “What are you sad about?”

“I’m sad that…” Jeongguk pauses, closing his eyes, deciding to be as honest as he can allow himself to be. “And please don’t judge me for saying this-“

“Never,” Namjoon cuts him off.

“Never,” Yoongi repeats.

Jeongguk nods, “I’m sad that… you didn’t want to be touched. Because… I really did want it… in the moment. But I’m happy you didn’t let me. Because I don’t think I could have forgiven myself if you let me touch you because you felt some kind of obligation.”

Namjoon nods, and Yoongi opens his mouth to say something, but Jeongguk just keeps going.

“It’s just that-“ and he knows he’s rambling, but he can’t stop. “It’s just that you… responded. Physically. To me,” he shakes his head. “I didn’t expect that. I think it fucked with my head.”

“Blurred the lines,” Namjoon whispers.

Jeongguk nods, “I liked it,” Jeongguk says, and his eyes fill with tears again. He’s being too honest. “I liked that you were enjoying me. At least visually.”

“Kookie,” Yoongi whispers and kisses the side of Jeongguk’s head.

Jeongguk’s heart flips, and two tears slide down his temples.

“I hated-“ Jeongguk says, sniffling. Too honest. “I hated that you made me feel… so good, and that you took care of me so well, and I couldn’t give you anything back.”

“You didn’t need to,” Yoongi whispers.

“I know, but…” Jeongguk doesn’t know what to say.

“No, it’s okay,” Namjoon says. “I get it.”

“But I would never wanna do anything that you don’t want,” Jeongguk repeats.

He just wishes they wanted. He wants to kiss them so much.

“What do you want now?” Yoongi asks, and there are tears in his eyes too.

“Nothing,” Jeongguk exhales.

“That’s not the truth,” Yoongi says.

Jeongguk closes his eyes again. He can’t take looking at Yoongi anymore. And he’s afraid to look at Namjoon, because he can hear Namjoon sniffle. Jeongguk doesn’t say anything else. He can’t tell them what he wants. He won’t tell them.

They just hug him tighter, but he doesn’t let himself enjoy it. When Namjoon kisses Jeongguk’s temple, right where the fucking tears are falling, Jeongguk’s heart aches.

“You’re so tense,” Yoongi whispers, kissing his temple too, and his voice shakes. “Take this. Let us give you this.”

Jeongguk doesn’t know what ‘this’ means, but he thinks he can understand. They came here to take care of him, to help him get out of this ‘subdrop’ thing. But he can’t allow himself to enjoy it. He’ll enjoy it too much.

“Please,” Namjoon says, kissing Jeongguk’s temple again, and Jeongguk… Jeongguk just cries.

He starts crying and can’t stop. They hug him tighter, both of them kissing him, and it just makes him cry more. Sobs ripping out of his throat, tears sliding down his face and into his hair. He tries stopping the tears, blinking them away, but he can’t. So, he just closes his eyes, forces his breathing to steady as much as possible. But that’s almost worse because that means that he can hear Yoongi and Namjoon’s quiet crying, and it fucking burns to have made them hurt like that.

“I’m sorry,” Jeongguk exhales.

“No,” Namjoon whispers. “It’s okay. You can cry as much as you want.”

“We love you so much,” Yoongi says. “You know that.”

Jeongguk nods, then keeps crying.

They hold him, and he lets them, the tears spilling and spilling until there’s nothing left. He can’t tell if the emptiness he’s been feeling lessens or grows larger. The tears having spilled only makes him feel emptier, but Yoongi and Namjoon being with him fills him with such intense happiness and love, his heart is practically bursting.

When he calms down, his breathing slowly steadying, he catches both Namjoon and Yoongi trying to discreetly wipe their cheeks, and it hurts. He doesn’t cry anymore though. It’s enough. Doesn’t want to hurt them any more than he already has. Yoongi moves away from him and leans down to the floor, coming back up with his shirt, bringing it to Jeongguk’s face and wiping him with it. It makes Jeongguk feel like an overgrown baby, but he doesn’t see any judgement in Yoongi’s eyes, so maybe it’s okay.

“A little better?” Yoongi whispers with a smile after tossing the shirt back to the floor.

Jeongguk just shrugs.

“Come here,” Namjoon says, tugging on Jeongguk’s hip.

Jeongguk is not really sure where Namjoon wants him to go.

“Turn over onto me,” Namjoon says. “I want you closer.”

And why would Jeongguk refuse?

So, he goes where Namjoon wants him. Jeongguk expects to simply turn onto his side, but Namjoon tugs Jeongguk higher, has Jeongguk lying on top of his bare chest, his hands secure on Jeongguk’s waist. Namjoon’s legs spread under Jeongguk slightly, just enough for one of Jeongguk’s thighs to slip between them, leaving Jeongguk straddling one of Namjoon’s legs, Jeongguk’s face ending up mostly buried in Namjoon’s neck. Yoongi scoots right up to them, on his side with his head braced on his hand, his fingers running softly through Jeongguk’s hair.

Contentment. Jeongguk’s eyes close. This is what contentment feels like. God, Namjoon smells so good. 

“You’re such a good boy,” Yoongi whispers.

Jeongguk blushes but says nothing. He wants to be a good boy. Always. His heart has never been more full.

Namjoon kisses the side of his neck, “You are.”

He moves slightly underneath Jeongguk, wrapping his arm around Jeongguk’s torso, his thighs shifting, rubbing against Jeongguk’s crotch, and Jeongguk, for a second, worries about getting hard.

“Have you masturbated since…?” Yoongi asks.

Jeongguk nods into Namjoon’s neck.

“Did you come?” Yoongi prompts.

Jeongguk nods again.

When he opens his eyes and glances to the side, he sees Yoongi smiling, so he closes his eyes again, blushing.

Jeongguk’s lips pucker, and he drops the tiniest little kiss onto Namjoon’s neck. It’s a thank you. Nothing more. Just like two nights ago. He can’t really bring himself to say thank you right now, so he… kisses. A little. And since Namjoon doesn’t even comment on it, Jeongguk thinks that it’s okay.

Maybe it’s more than okay, because suddenly, Namjoon is kissing him too. Just a small peck on the neck. But it feels like a response to Jeongguk’s kiss. So, Jeongguk risks it and kisses Namjoon’s neck one more time. And once again, Namjoon kisses him back. Maybe Namjoon likes it. Maybe he wants Jeongguk to kiss him. Maybe it’s okay.

So, Jeongguk pecks him again, right under the jaw.

Namjoon kisses him back, “Kookie…”

“Hmm?” Jeongguk hums, worried that Namjoon will ask him to stop.

“Such a good boy,” Namjoon sighs, and Jeongguk’s heart flips.

He pulls back a bit and looks at Namjoon. Namjoon’s eyes are closed. He looks content too, his chest moving up and down slowly. So pretty. Maybe he really does like it when Jeongguk kisses him. Maybe this whole thing is comforting to him too. So, Jeongguk kisses his cheek.

Namjoon’s facial expression doesn’t change, eyes staying closed. It’s Yoongi who smiles.

“Just saying thank you,” Jeongguk isn’t sure why he feels like he needs to defend himself.

“Don’t need to explain,” Yoongi leans in closer, shaking his head. “Do whatever you want.”

He doesn’t really mean that, Jeongguk is sure. But then Yoongi leans in even closer and pecks Jeongguk’s cheek, and Jeongguk can’t really think about that anymore. His cheeks warm, and he can feel a shy little smile spread across his face, but he leans in to kiss Yoongi on the cheek anyway. Quickly. Before he can overthink and change his mind.

Yoongi smiles and kisses Jeongguk’s forehead, right in the middle. So, Jeongguk leans up and kisses the tip of Yoongi’s nose. It makes Yoongi smile wider, and Namjoon laughs breathily underneath Jeongguk. When Jeongguk looks down, Namjoon is smiling so wide, Jeongguk can’t help but smile too.

It’s Namjoon who pulls Jeongguk back down, and Jeongguk’s heart does a full fucking flip thinking that maybe Namjoon is going to kiss him on the lips. Namjoon doesn’t. He kisses Jeongguk’s cheek. Kissing cheeks and foreheads and temples – that’s safe. They can do that. So, Jeongguk does that, kissing Namjoon’s temple.

Namjoon’s arms wrap around Jeongguk again, his palm rubbing up and down Jeongguk’s back, and Jeongguk pecks his forehead. Yoongi’s fingers start running through Jeongguk’s hair, and Jeongguk’s smile fades away, replaced by that feeling of contentment once again. He kisses Namjoon’s temple, and Namjoon’s smile lessens a bit. He’s still smiling though, ever so slightly, his eyes all scrunched up.

Jeongguk lifts a hand and moves Namjoon’s hair away from his forehead. Namjoon’s reaction is a little sigh, his eyes closing, so Jeongguk runs his fingers through Namjoon’s hair. Namjoon likes it. Jeongguk didn’t know that. He’s never done this to Namjoon before. But Namjoon definitely likes it, so Jeongguk does it again, leaning down to kiss Namjoon’s forehead at the same time.  

Namjoon sighs again, and something about that just makes Jeongguk… happy. He’s making Namjoon feel good. Somehow, he’s found a way to do that. It’s dizzying. Jeongguk wants to make him feel good forever. He kisses Namjoon’s cheek. It’s so soft. Squishy. Jeongguk smiles. Yoongi leans up to peck Jeongguk’s temple, and Jeongguk melts the tiniest bit.

Jeongguk kisses Namjoon’s cheek again, letting his own eyes close as his lips press against Namjoon’s skin. Namjoon is so close to Jeongguk right now, and Jeongguk thinks he should be nervous, but he’s not. His heart is calm. He kisses Namjoon’s nose, still with his eyes closed. Then opens his eyes and kisses Namjoon’s jaw once again. Namjoon looks so calm and so, so soft.

With his lips pressing to Namjoon’s jaw, Jeongguk runs his fingers through Namjoon’s hair again. There’s no emptiness in Jeongguk anymore. Gone. His heart is so light. He pecks Namjoon’s cheek, and Yoongi leans up to kiss Jeongguk’s own cheek too. Everything feels warm. Jeongguk’s cheeks, Jeongguk’s chest, Namjoon’s skin, Yoongi’s breath on Jeongguk’s cheek. He’s so warm and so full. It feels like a dream. The best dream. Every worry fades away, Jeongguk’s body loosening that final bit, sinking onto Namjoon fully.

Namjoon’s lips are soft when Jeongguk kisses them. The smallest peck. So soft he can’t help but kiss them again. Jeongguk doesn’t feel Namjoon stiffen right away, doesn’t even realize what he’s doing, but when he does, he freezes. His blood runs cold, his stomach drops. What has he done? Jeongguk tears himself away. He tries to get off Namjoon, but Namjoon’s grip on his back tightens, not letting him go. What has he done?

Namjoon’s eyes are open wide, and so are Yoongi’s. Tears sting behind Jeongguk’s eyelids. What the fuck was he thinking? What was he-

“It’s okay,” Namjoon whispers, pulling Jeongguk closer again, but Jeongguk can hear the panic in his voice.

“I-“ Jeongguk tires, but he doesn’t know what to say. What has he done?

“It’s okay,” Namjoon repeats more firmly, then leans up and presses his lips to Jeongguk’s. Hard.

Jeongguk doesn’t move. He can’t move. Can’t respond. Namjoon is kissing him. Namjoon is kissing him?

Namjoon pulls back. His eyes search Jeongguk’s face, then he places his palms on Jeongguk’s cheeks and kisses Jeongguk again.

But Jeongguk still can’t move. Can’t even close his eyes. What did he do? What is Namjoon doing?

Namjoon pulls away and frowns.

“Kiss me back,” Namjoon says sternly, voice breathy.

He kisses Jeongguk’s lips again, but, this time, he doesn’t move away, pressing his lips firmly to Jeongguk’s and staying. Jeongguk’s eyes close, but he still doesn’t move. This isn’t real. It can’t be. It’s not okay. It’s only when Jeongguk feels fingers running through his hair and realizes that it’s Yoongi, that maybe Yoongi is saying that it is okay, that Jeongguk purses his lips against Namjoon’s.

They’re kissing. A real kiss. He got an actual kiss. He can’t believe it. And then Namjoon’s lips are pulling away and pressing against his again, softer this time, and it’s Jeongguk’s turn to frown. He actually got a kiss. Namjoon’s lips part beneath Jeongguk’s, so Jeongguk parts his as well, and when Namjoon takes Jeongguk’s lower lip between his, Jeongguk whimpers.

When Namjoon pulls away, Jeongguk keeps his eyes closed. He wants to apologize, but he can’t talk. He can’t even look at them. One of Namjoon’s hands falls away, then fingers touch Jeongguk’s cheek, and, even with his eyes closed, Jeongguk somehow recognizes those fingers as not Namjoon’s. And when Jeongguk’s head is turned to the side and soft lips press to his, Jeongguk recognizes them as not Namjoon’s as well.

Jeongguk opens his eyes, and Yoongi is right there, lips leaving Jeongguk’s but staying close, no more than an inch away. Yoongi kissed him. Namjoon kissed him. He got kisses from both of them. Suddenly, he’s not sure whether he should be panicking or not. He watches Yoongi’s eyes close, but right before Yoongi’s lips touch his again-

“Don’t,” Jeongguk whispers.

Yoongi pauses, opens his eyes in fear and moves back a bit. Jeongguk thinks his heart is going to tear into a million pieces, but he can’t let them do this. Namjoon’s hand falls from Jeongguk’s cheek to his hip.

“Don’t do this for me,” Jeongguk says, chest actually hurting.

Confusion colors Yoongi’s face, and when Jeongguk looks at Namjoon, he finds that same confusion on him too.

“Not if you feel like you have to,” Jeongguk tries to explain. “I’m sorry for kissing you,” he looks at Namjoon, shaking his head, his heart pounding. “I… I didn’t even realize I was doing it. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I just… I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I don’t wanna do this if you don’t wanna do it. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to kiss you,” he repeats then pauses. “Don’t do this for me.”

He does want it though. He wants it so bad. But not like this. He doesn’t know what’s wrong with him. What the fuck made him kiss Namjoon like that?

There’s a long pause. Namjoon and Yoongi turn to each other, and they look… lost. Like they don’t know what to do.

“I’m sorry I keep doing this. I’m sorry that I’m… like this,” Jeongguk’s voice shakes, panicking. “I don’t know why this is happening to me.”

“It’s not…” Yoongi trails off, “your fault.”

Jeongguk doesn’t really believe him.

“You’re still hurting,” Namjoon says, brushing his thumb over Jeongguk’s cheekbone. “That’s our fault.”

“No, it’s not,” Jeongguk shakes his head. “I just can’t-” anger fills him. He wants to fucking tear his hair out, “-think. I can’t think.”

“That might be part of subdrop,” Yoongi whispers.

“Why does that feel like something you fucking made up?” Jeongguk spits.

“It’s not,” Yoongi huffs out a sad laugh. “And us being here right now should help. But we can leave if you want,” Yoongi places his palm on Jeongguk’s cheek. “It’ll pass regardless. In a few days tops. Us being with you is just supposed to help speed up the process.”

But Jeongguk doesn’t want them to leave.

“I don’t…” Jeongguk blushes, anger dissipating. Defeated. God, his feelings are all over the place. “I don’t want you to leave.”

“Okay,” Yoongi smiles carefully.

There’s a short moment of silence, and Jeongguk just wants this day to be over.

“I kinda do wanna kiss you,” Yoongi mumbles, and Jeongguk’s eyes snap up.

“What?” Jeongguk asks.

Namjoon is watching Yoongi too, and though Jeongguk kind of expects Namjoon to look as confused as Jeongguk feels, Namjoon doesn’t. He looks a little sad, but he doesn’t look confused.

“I don’t…” Yoongi frowns, fingers brushing through Jeongguk’s hair. “I don’t do this kind of thing,” he winces. “And I don’t mean specifically what we did. Of course I don’t do that. I mean, I don’t do one night stands. I don’t do… casual. I’m not good at it. Every time I try to have casual sex…” he sighs, his voice softening. “Every time, I get attached. And I know it’s pointless to get attached for so many reasons, but… I do,” he shrugs. “And for some fucking reason, every person I try to sleep with casually tells me, in one way or another, that I… make it personal. And at first, I didn’t fucking know what that meant, but I get it now. I love kissing. I love being close and cuddling and- and doing romantic shit like that. But with you…”

He trails off after that, his eyebrows furrowing, fingers running through Jeongguk’s hair again. It looks like he’s thinking, and Jeongguk feels on the edge of his seat. He doesn’t dare speak and neither does Namjoon.

“I don’t know, it was different with you,” Yoongi says eventually, his eyes finding Jeongguk’s. “But there’s still something similar,” it sounds like a question. “Obviously I know that this is… not like a one night stand. And it’s not casual sex. It’s not… anything really. I’m not even sure if what we did can be considered sex in the first place. But I do…” he frowns again. “I do feel the need… for closeness,” that sounds like a question too. “And I’m not sure if that’s… just me being me, doing the same thing I do with every one night stand. Or if I’m affected by you and what we did, by the way that you reacted to us two days ago, or by your pain right now. I’m not sure if this need for closeness is just about making you feel better, or if it’s about making me feel better too, but I do wanna kiss you,” he inhales. “I do.”

Jeongguk’s mouth opens, but he doesn’t know what to say. He’s overwhelmed by the honesty. By the straightforwardness.

Yoongi turns to Namjoon, “Tell me you’re not affected the same way. Tell me it’s just me.”

“It’s not just you,” Namjoon mumbles.

“You’re the one who came to me earlier,” Yoongi says. “You’re the one who realized this was probably subdrop. The one who said we should be together right now. The one who said that being together will be good for all of us.”

“I know,” Namjoon whispers. He lets out a long exhale, and Jeongguk braces himself, not even knowing what for. “I’ve been feeling a little… off ever since, too,” he looks away but then turns and focuses on Jeongguk. “Obviously not the same way you are. I’ve just been feeling… guilty, I think. Like I didn’t do well enough,” he sighs. “Because I could- I could see right away that something was wrong. That night, I mean. You weren’t supposed to be crying after we were done. You weren’t supposed to be sad. But I didn’t know how make it better. And I just- I feel like I… failed you. Like I made one thing better but everything else worse,” he frowns. “Kinda like I was… a bad dom or something.”

“You didn’t fail me,” Jeongguk whispers.

“I feel like I did,” Namjoon smiles sadly. “And I know you said that you wouldn’t have been happy in the long run about us… giving you what you wanted in the moment. And I get that. But… in the moment, I was considering it. You just weren’t really in the best state of mind to make too many consent-related decisions back then. And the decisions we agreed on before specifically said not to cross that line. And at the end of the day, I am happy that we didn’t cross it,” he pauses. “But kissing… the only reason I didn’t kiss you back then was because you said you didn’t want it. I would have kissed you. I felt like… kissing might have made things better somehow. But you said not to…”

And there’s that lump in Jeongguk’s throat again. He was right. It was his fault.

“Do you want it now?” Namjoon asks, eyebrows furrowed. “You said you didn’t notice yourself kissing me… You were probably spacing out. Falling into that… subby headspace again. I could see it. Probably because we’re together again and there were a lot of emotions,” he rushes. The words ‘subby headspace’ ring in Jeongguk’s head. “Doesn’t matter why. But right now… now that you’re not spaced out, do you want it? Do you wanna kiss us?”

“Do you?” Jeongguk asks. “Still want it?”

No one moves for a second. Jeongguk refuses to answer first.

A moment passes, then, Namjoon nods.

“Is it only because you feel like a bad dom?” Jeongguk asks. “Like you need to make up for something?”

Namjoon is silent for a second.

“I don’t know,” he whispers, and Jeongguk can feel the honesty. “It’s part of it,” he pauses for a moment. “Part of me… just really wants to fix what I did wrong. Another part of me just wants to make you feel good. Because I always want you to feel good. Another part of it is… comfort. I don’t know if it’s selfish, but I think making you feel good right now would make me feel better too,” he pauses. That’s what Yoongi said too. That it would comfort him. Namjoon takes a deep breath then pauses and exhales. Then he takes another deep breath. “Also we can’t really ignore the… physical effect… you had on-” he glances at Yoongi.

“Us,” Yoongi supplies.

“Yeah,” Namjoon says. “I didn’t really expect that to happen either.”

So… it’s all about comfort really. For all three of them. Jeongguk wants comfort. And Yoongi wants comfort. And Namjoon does too. Everyone feels bad about something, and they all want it and feel selfish for wanting it, and no one really knows what to do.

They stay silent, Yoongi’s fingers running through Jeongguk’s hair one more time. And, reminded, Jeongguk runs his own fingers over Namjoon’s scalp. Namjoon’s eyelids flutter closed. It isn’t just Jeongguk who’s affected by all of this. They are too. And that’s comforting in and of itself – not being alone in the feeling. They’re looking for comfort from him just as much as he’s looking for comfort from them. And it seems like, at least for right now, they can all find comfort in the same way.

So, Jeongguk inhales deeply, braves himself, and kisses Namjoon’s lips. Soft. Short. When Jeongguk pulls back, Namjoon’s eyes are still closed, lips still a little pursed. No surprise this time. Namjoon expected Jeongguk to do it. Jeongguk smiles. Namjoon looks cute. Then Namjoon’s eyes open, and he leans up to kiss Jeongguk again.

It’s still soft. Just a press of their lips. But they’re kissing. And now, Jeongguk knows that Namjoon wants it, and Namjoon knows that Jeongguk wants it. When they pull away from each other, Jeongguk turns to look at Yoongi. He expects Yoongi to lean in, and Yoongi does, but then Yoongi pauses, hesitating. Maybe he’s thinking about Jeongguk stopping him before, not letting them kiss. Maybe he’s worried Jeongguk would stop him again, that Jeongguk doesn’t want to kiss him. Which is ridiculous. So, Jeongguk doesn’t let Yoongi keep hesitating and just leans in and kisses him.

Yoongi responds right away, his lips pursing against Jeongguk’s. They kiss for just a moment, then pull back and rest their foreheads against each other.

“Do you like that?” Yoongi whispers. “Does it feel good?”

Jeongguk nods, a yes to both questions, “Does it feel good for you too?”

“Yeah,” Yoongi breathes and locks their lips together again.

Jeongguk’s heart is bursting, the thought of finally making them feel good clouding everything. Yoongi’s mouth opens beneath Jeongguk’s, his fingers running over the back of Jeongguk’s neck, their lips working together, and it’s the best feeling in the world.

Namjoon doesn’t lie still either, his hands rubbing Jeongguk’s back and sides. He may not be the one kissing Jeongguk right now, but he’s still there, still supporting. Knowing that they’re both there for him, that they both want to kiss him… it’s intoxicating, dizzying. It’s beautiful, and Jeongguk wants to feel like this forever.

Somewhere in the back of his mind, there’s a thought nudging, something about how this should feel weird or wrong, that these are his best friends, his hyungs, but that thought is far, far away. Everything that exists right now is Yoongi’s lips on Jeongguk’s, and Namjoon’s hands pulling Jeongguk closer. It’s calming. It brings back that same lightness that Jeongguk felt before kissing Namjoon the first time. He hopes that Yoongi and Namjoon feel it too.

Yoongi flops back onto his pillow, his lips falling away from Jeongguk’s for a second, but then he’s pulling Jeongguk towards him and kissing him again. It’s an awkward position, straddling Namjoon’s thigh and leaning over to Yoongi, only able to brace himself with one hand beside Yoongi’s head, but Namjoon is so comfortable, and Jeongguk doesn’t want to move away from him, so he deals.

He finds out that Yoongi’s kisses are less soft than Namjoon’s. Deeper somehow, Jeongguk’s mouth opening wider. And now that Yoongi has both of his hands unoccupied, he uses them to hold Jeongguk’s neck and to twist into the hairs at the back of Jeongguk’s neck. They kiss like that for a minute, Jeongguk getting absolutely lost in it, in Yoongi. The way that Yoongi’s fingers tug lightly on Jeongguk’s hair makes Jeongguk’s heart skip a beat, makes Jeongguk think about how, two nights ago, Yoongi held the back of his head and pushed him down onto his dildo. He wants Yoongi to be rougher. He wants Yoongi to make him gag on his dildo again. Or on his cock. Or on his fingers. Or on fucking anything that Yoongi wants. He wants Yoongi’s tongue in his mouth, but he doesn’t try to push for it. 

When Namjoon’s lips press to the side of Jeongguk’s neck, Jeongguk’s breath stutters, and he has to stop kissing Yoongi just to fucking breathe. Namjoon seems to see that as an opportunity to tug Jeongguk up to kiss him on the lips again, and this time, Namjoon’s kisses are not that soft. They’re just a deep as Yoongi’s, maybe even harder than Yoongi’s. Namjoon was holding back on Jeongguk when he was kissing him before. He might still be holding back now. Thinking about it is exhilarating. Namjoon was not soft with Jeongguk two nights ago either. He’s capable of more, harder, Jeongguk knows it. He knows it because he’s seen it, has felt exactly how hard Namjoon can spank.

“Fuck,” Yoongi pants, leaning up to kiss Jeongguk on the neck. “Good kisser.”

The compliment gets to Jeongguk, and he blushes, his lips pulling up into a smile. He tries to continue kissing Namjoon, but suddenly, Namjoon is smiling too.

“You are,” Namjoon says, searching Jeongguk’s eyes.

That only makes Jeongguk blush harder, so he looks away. He’s not really given time to dwell on it though.

“Straddle me too,” Yoongi says, scooting a little closer to Namjoon, his hand grabbing Jeongguk’s thigh and pulling.

With another kiss to Jeongguk’s lips, Namjoon taps Jeongguk’s thigh, encouraging him to move. And yeah, straddling one of Yoongi’s thighs and one of Namjoon’s thighs is a much better position to be in. Much easier to lean down and kiss both of them. Either of them. Who the fuck does he kiss first though? He wants to kiss both of them. How can he choose? But apparently, he’s going to kiss Yoongi, seeing that Yoongi is pulling him down.

Yoongi likes kissing. Jeongguk can tell. And didn’t Yoongi say that? That he likes kissing? He did say that. Didn’t he also say that he has sensitive nipples? A few days ago? And Namjoon said that he has sensitive balls. Jeongguk remembers. It’s not exactly information that he can use for anything, but at this very moment, he remembers.

Jeongguk places a hand on Yoongi’s bare chest, not actually touching his nipples, but close. Is Jeongguk even allowed to touch Yoongi like that? They only agreed on kissing for tonight, right? But then Yoongi’s hand is on Jeongguk’s chest too, moving around, touching, sliding over Jeongguk’s nipples like it’s nothing – no big deal, and maybe it’s less of a big deal because Jeongguk has his shirt on while Yoongi doesn’t and because Yoongi has already touched Jeongguk like this before, but still, the way Yoongi touches Jeongguk is so fearless. The way Yoongi kisses him is so confident. Jeongguk wishes he could be that fearless too.

Suddenly, he remembers the way Yoongi looked at him two nights ago. He remembers Yoongi saying that he looks good. Remembers the way both Yoongi and Namjoon touched him that one moment just for themselves, just because they wanted to. The way Yoongi is touching Jeongguk now is even more intimate than last time. It’s less… business-like, more personal, more selfish. He’s not touching Jeongguk to please Jeongguk, he’s touching Jeongguk because he wants to. However he wants to. And Jeongguk wants him to keep going. He wants Yoongi to do whatever he fucking wants with his body. And Namjoon too. He wants them to enjoy him. Not just visually. He wants them to feel good. The thought fucking scares him. This willingness that he feels to just… give in, let them do whatever. He trusts them. They wouldn’t do anything to hurt him. He would let them do whatever they want. And he’s never wanted that from anyone ever.

Namjoon leans in to kiss Jeongguk’s neck again, and Jeongguk doesn’t think that he’s doing that to please Jeongguk either, no matter how pleasing Jeongguk finds it. It’s not like they’re going to be having sex or anything. This is not a repeat of two nights ago. They still don’t want Jeongguk to touch them in a sexual way. There’s no reason for Namjoon to be trying to please Jeongguk right now, so he must be doing it for himself. He must be doing it because he wants to. Because it makes him feel good too.

“Stop thinking,” Yoongi stops kissing Jeongguk and whispers.

“Sorry,” Jeongguk breathes, and he sees that Yoongi is about to say something, but before Yoongi does, Jeongguk kisses him again, trying to focus.

He really does need to stop thinking. Thinking right now is not good for anything. This is such a surreal moment. He’s kissing Yoongi and Namjoon, and he needs to appreciate is while it lasts. It’ll probably never happen again.

When Namjoon’s kisses reach Jeongguk’s jaw, Jeongguk turns and kisses Namjoon on the lips. He wishes he could have two fucking mouths so he could kiss both of them at the same time. Every time he kisses Namjoon, he misses kissing Yoongi, and every time he kisses Yoongi, he misses kissing Namjoon. Which is a fucking ridiculous thing to miss considering he’s only been kissing them for what, a few minutes? How can he miss something that he’s only had for a few minutes?

But he does miss it. Somehow. It feels so good, kissing Namjoon like this. So, so right and content and calm and complete, and he hopes that even during the moments that he’s not kissing one of them, that one still feels good too. That’s all Jeongguk wants, he realizes. Now that he’s gotten the kisses he so desperately wanted, what he wants is for them to feel good. Nothing else. And so, despite the fact that he’s kissing Namjoon right now, Jeongguk lets his hand travel across Yoongi’s chest, purposefully going over Yoongi’s nipple, wanting to make him feel good so desperately, and the reaction from Yoongi… that little cut off whimper, makes all the blood rush right to Jeongguk’s dick.

He feels kind of horrible about it, getting hard because of them again. It’s not the plan. They’re not going to get him off this time. Hell, he doesn’t want them to get him off this time, not if he can’t touch them back. The same thing that happened last time would happen again. They’d make him feel good and won’t let him make them feel good back, and he’ll end up just feeling like shit. But he can’t help but respond to that noise from Yoongi. He can’t. And he can’t help himself from running his hand over Yoongi’s chest again, with even more purpose this time. And this time, when Yoongi makes that little whiny noise, Jeongguk pulls away from Namjoon to look at Yoongi. He wants to see how good he’s making Yoongi feel.

The third time Jeongguk does it, he drags his thumb over Yoongi’s nipple and makes sure that Yoongi knows he’s doing it on purpose. Yoongi is looking right into Jeongguk’s eyes, and it’s intense, that eye contact, and while Yoongi doesn’t actually react with a whimper this time, his chest does rise and fall sharply, and that’s enough to satisfy Jeongguk. That’s enough to convince him that he’s making Yoongi feel at least a little bit good. But maybe something still gives off Jeongguk’s hesitation about touching Yoongi like this, because suddenly, Yoongi is reaching for Jeongguk’s hand, and instead of shoving Jeongguk off like Jeongguk fears, Yoongi only pushes Jeongguk’s hand harder onto his chest. It’s silent permission, and Jeongguk shivers.

“Sensitive, right?” Namjoon whispers, and both Yoongi and Jeongguk look at him. “You said that.”

“Yeah,” Yoongi nods, blushing. He looks at Jeongguk again. “Don’t be afraid.”

“Afraid?” Jeongguk whispers.

“To touch,” Yoongi clarifies. “You can touch.”

And Jeongguk is grateful that the permission is not silent anymore. It’s better like this. It’s better to talk. It’s better to know. Makes things easier. Clearer. Jeongguk kisses Yoongi again, letting his fingers brush over Yoongi’s nipple, the same one he’s been touching all this time. Maybe continuing to touch it like this will make it even more sensitive, will get Yoongi to react more intensely.

For now though, Jeongguk tries to focus on the kissing. Tries to make it good for Yoongi. He braces himself more firmly over Yoongi, presses his lips harder onto Yoongi’s, reaches down into himself and finds that dominant character that he always wears with one night stands, and lets his tongue slip into Yoongi’s mouth. Yoongi does whimper at that, and Jeongguk’s cock definitely gets harder, but he doesn’t care. He doesn’t care. He just wants to make Yoongi whimper again.

That feeling of missing Namjoon’s kisses overwhelms again him when he suddenly hears Namjoon’s shaky inhale, and, much as he doesn’t want to, he moves away from Yoongi, looms over Namjoon and kisses him just like he kissed Yoongi, with the same intensity, the same power, the same dominant character. It’s just that… with Namjoon, it doesn’t seem to work as well. Namjoon doesn’t let Jeongguk wear that dominant personality for too long. He doesn’t let Jeongguk take over, doesn’t let Jeongguk lead the kiss. Jeongguk is the one who slips his tongue into Namjoon’s mouth, the same way he did with Yoongi, but somehow it feels like it’s still Namjoon holding the reins.

And that… that fucks Jeongguk up, makes him whimper, makes him want to fucking beg for more. His whole brain shuts down, overwhelmed again by that need to let go, to let them do whatever they want. His body melts, pressing into Namjoon’s, and he’s so scared for a second of Namjoon feeling his boner, but then… then Namjoon grinds up against Jeongguk, and Jeongguk can feel that Namjoon is hard too.

Jeongguk pulls back from the kiss, looks down at Namjoon’s crotch, at his bulge. He glances up at Namjoon and thinks he sees concern on Namjoon’s face, but then Jeongguk’s eyes fall down again. And when he risks looking at Yoongi’s crotch, he sees that Yoongi is hard too. Jeongguk’s heart pounds. He moves away from them, leaning back onto his heels, not knowing what to do.

This is good, right? This is what he wanted, right? For them to feel good? If there’s any indicator that they feel good, it’s this. But what does he do now? Does he just keep kissing them? Does he ignore what he’s seeing? He has to keep respecting the boundaries that they’ve set, but he’s not sure he can keep kissing them without somehow leaning into them too much and touching them in a way that they don’t want to be touched.

He realizes too late that, in this position, they can see that he’s hard too. He wishes he wasn’t. He wishes it was just them who were hard. That would have made it easier. It would have taken the focus off him.

“Kook?” Yoongi whispers, and Jeongguk’s eyes snap up. “You okay?”

“Uh…” Jeongguk doesn’t know what to say.

“Do you wanna stop?” Yoongi asks.

Stop what? What are they even doing? What are they stopping? He looks at their crotches again. Fuck, he wants to touch them. He feels himself frown. He wants to touch them so fucking much.

“Do you not wanna kiss anymore?” Yoongi asks. “It’s okay if you wanna stop. We can just… go to sleep.”

Kissing. He meant stopping the kissing. Why did Jeongguk even think there might be some other possibility there?

“I…” Jeongguk gulps, still not knowing what to say. He can’t look away from their bulges, the need to please clouding his mind.

“Do you wanna…” Namjoon trails off, glances down at his own crotch. “Touch?”

Jeongguk looks up again, focuses, not saying anything for a long, long minute.

“That’s not a fair question,” Jeongguk whispers. 

“Why?” Namjoon asks.

“Because-“ Jeongguk frowns, gulping. “Because… if you don’t want me to touch you, it doesn’t fucking matter whether I want to or not.”

There’s silence after that, and Jeongguk bows his head, exposed and ashamed. He shouldn’t have said that. It’s so obvious how much he wants to touch them.

He feels movement and looks up to find Yoongi leaning up a little, bracing an elbow underneath himself and, with the other hand, reaching up and taking Jeongguk’s wrist. It’s in the very last second that Jeongguk realizes where Yoongi is leading him, but before he actually makes contact with Yoongi’s bulge, he tugs his hand away, out of Yoongi’s grip, pressing it to his own chest.

“I don’t-“ Jeongguk starts, but Yoongi cuts him off.

“I’m sorry,” he says, a panicked expression on his face.

“Not out of obligation,” Jeongguk tries to sound stern, but his voice comes out all shaky. “I don’t want that. I don’t want another favor.”

“Come here,” Namjoon sighs, and Yoongi visibly calms down.

Namjoon scoots up and leans against the headboard, Yoongi doing the same as Namjoon pulls Jeongguk with them, still straddling their thighs. And then… Namjoon hugs Jeongguk. Tugs Jeongguk in close, so close Jeongguk can feel Namjoon’s hard cock against his thigh, and hugs him. Yoongi stays away for a second then hugs Jeongguk too. And Jeongguk melts again.

“You’re so sweet,” Yoongi whispers into Jeongguk’s shoulder, and Jeongguk blushes. “So good to us.”

“How am good to you?” Jeongguk chokes out. “I’ve been doing everything wrong.”

“You’re not doing anything wrong,” Yoongi says, moving back a little to look at Jeongguk properly. “You’re being so sweet. So good. You just wanna make sure we’re happy, yeah?”

Jeongguk nods hesitantly.

“Wanna make us feel good,” Yoongi doesn’t ask, and Jeongguk doesn’t nod.

But it’s true. It’s so fucking true. Jeongguk is so transparent. Yoongi leans in closer, lips right against Jeongguk’s ear.

“I want-” Yoongi whispers, “-you to touch me.”

A shudder goes all the way up Jeongguk’s spine, goosebumps breaking out across his whole body. He pulls back from Namjoon’s hug, and he can only fucking imagine the level of bewilderment on his own face right now. Yoongi doesn’t seem fazed though. He looks serious.

“Give me your hand,” Yoongi says, and Jeongguk cannot fucking refuse him.

He can’t, and he doesn’t want to. So, he gives Yoongi his hand. And Yoongi, once again, pulls Jeongguk’s hand down to his crotch.

Jeongguk lets Yoongi place his palm on his crotch now, lets himself feel how hard Yoongi is through his sweats.

“I want this,” Yoongi whispers into Jeongguk’s ear again, and shivers go up Jeongguk’s spine again. “I want it if you want it.”

“Hyung,” Jeongguk exhales, wrapping his fingers around Yoongi’s cock through Yoongi’s sweats, hearing Yoongi’s sharp inhale, Jeongguk’s heart racing immediately.

It’s so overwhelming that it makes Jeongguk forget. For a whole second, he forgets that Namjoon might not be fucking okay with this. And though he can’t make himself stop touching Yoongi completely now that he has permission to, he does stop squeezing Yoongi so intensely. Then, he faces Namjoon again. Namjoon, who’s mouth is hanging open, who’s cock is just as hard as it was before, who still hasn’t let Jeongguk go.

“Yeah,” Namjoon says all of the sudden. “I want it too,” he takes Jeongguk’s other hand in his and brings it to his cock.

Jeongguk gasps, still worried, still hesitant, but so exhilarated too. He’s never fucking wanted to touch anyone as much as he wants to touch them right now. Never. His heart is pounding. His cock is rock fucking hard. He thinks he might have a fucking heart attack. But instead, he presses his hands harder onto their crotches, wrapping his fingers around both of their shafts as best as he can, and okay, maybe not a heart attack, but he does think he might fucking cry.

Yoongi leans back against the headboard again, but Jeongguk stays where he is. He wants to kiss them, but he kind of… can’t move. Mesmerized by finally having his hands on them, by them wanting it. His head is overwhelmed by fantasies – blowing them, fucking them, being fucked by them, but all of it… is too much. All of it. All that he can do it rub their cocks through their sweatpants.

After thinking about touching them so much, worrying about it so much, he finds that he’s… scared to actually pull them out and see them. He’s worried – truly – that they still might not want it. Not for real. Not as much as he wants it. Even if they said that they do. He’s worried that they’re doing it for him, not because they actually want to.

“You don’t have to,” Yoongi says softly. “You don’t.”

“Is this-“ Jeongguk’s inhales sharply, “-a one time…” he shakes his head. “Do you really want this?”

“As a one time thing,” Yoongi nods then looks at Namjoon. “I want this.”

Namjoon looks at Yoongi, and there’s something fucking intense in the way they hold eye contact too. Jeongguk wants them to kiss. But why would they?

There’s no actual response from Namjoon. Instead of speaking, he brings his own hand down to the waistband of his sweats. When Namjoon starts pushing his sweats down, Jeongguk is forced to let go of Namjoon’s length, but he can’t even be too sad about it because suddenly Namjoon’s cock is out. Hard. Right in front of Jeongguk.

“Shit,” Yoongi whispers.

Jeongguk chances a look up at Namjoon, and somehow, despite having his fucking cock out, Namjoon looks calm.

“Please,” Namjoon says, glancing down at his cock and back up at Jeongguk.

“Please?” it takes Jeongguk a second to actually catch on to what Namjoon is saying. “Oh my god.”

He wraps his fingers around Namjoon’s shaft and watches Namjoon’s eyes flutter closed. Holy fuck. Namjoon is so hard. Namjoon said please. Fuck. Oh my god.

“Fuck,” Jeongguk exhales.

Then Namjoon fucking groans and shifts his hips up and down, fucking into Jeongguk’s fist, and Jeongguk wakes the fuck up. He grips Namjoon more firmly, dragging his hand up Namjoon’s shaft. It’s so fucking gorgeous, a little bigger than Jeongguk’s. Jeongguk wants it in his mouth. Namjoon hums lowly, taking a deep breath, like he’s calming himself down or something, his eyes opening and focusing on Jeongguk first, then on Yoongi second.

“Are you gonna…?” Namjoon asks, and his voice makes Yoongi’s eyes snap up from his cock.

Yoongi licks his lips, eyebrows furrowing in confusion for a moment.

“Oh,” Yoongi whispers, looks at Jeongguk, then down at his own crotch. “Yeah.”

Jeongguk takes his hand off Yoongi’s crotch, and Yoongi braces one hand on the mattress, lifts his hips up, and with his free hand, he pushes his sweats and underwear down. He doesn’t push them far, just enough to expose his cock and balls, and Jeongguk is mesmerized. Yoongi is… so much smaller than Jeongguk thought he would be. He’s not like- really small, but he is definitely smaller than Jeongguk, and pinker. God, the head of his cock is such a pretty pink.

Jeongguk’s so distracted by looking at Yoongi’s cock, he barely notices Namjoon removing his hand off himself and shoving his own pants and underwear down too.

“Hyung, you’re so pretty,” Jeongguk whispers and immediately blushes.

Yoongi’s pretty cock twitches, moving up and down a bit. Yoongi blushes, looking away. And Jeongguk’s mind, all of the sudden, floats back to when Yoongi said he likes praise too.

“So pretty,” Jeongguk repeats, this time very much on purpose, and takes Yoongi’s dick in his hand, absolutely fucking hypnotized by the way his hand covers almost all of Yoongi’s shaft.

He takes Namjoon’s cock back into his other hand too.

“Yeah,” Namjoon whispers.

Jeongguk thinks that it’s just Namjoon’s reaction to Jeongguk touching him, but Namjoon’s eyes are trained on Yoongi’s cock, not on his own, and it sounds like he’s… agreeing that Yoongi’s cock is pretty. It makes Yoongi blush even harder. It makes Jeongguk’s heart beat faster. It makes him want to see them kiss each other even more.

“Shut up,” Yoongi whispers. “Fuck, shut up and-“ he gasps when Jeongguk starts stroking him – him and Namjoon. “Yeah… Fuck, Kook.”

“Good?” Jeongguk asks.

Yoongi nods quickly, squirming, his cock moving in Jeongguk’s hand. Jeongguk strokes them both a little faster.

He turns to Namjoon, “Good?”

Namjoon nods too, then wraps his own hand over Jeongguk’s around his cock.

“Tighter,” Namjoon instructs, squeezing Jeongguk’s hand, and Jeongguk listens, watching Namjoon’s eyebrows furrow and Yoongi’s lips part in a silent gasp, both of them closing their eyes.

It feels incredible to be touching them like this, to watch them enjoy it. Jeongguk’s own cock throbs, but he ignores it, doesn’t care about it at all, not even a little, not when he’s finally making Yoongi and Namjoon feel good. And he’s going to make sure to make them feel fucking amazing. He’s going to make them come so hard, just like they made him come two days ago. He’s going to be so good for them.

About a minute passes like this, with Jeongguk jerking them off and them with their eyes closed, totally quiet, and it’s… it’s awkward. Why is it awkward? It wasn’t awkward like this two days ago, not even in the beginning when it was especially fucking awkward. It’s supposed to be more awkward the first time, right? Why is it so awkward now? Jeongguk doesn’t fucking want it to be like this, but he’s… not sure what to do to change it.

He tries twisting his fist as he strokes them, hoping to change things enough to get a reaction out of them. In a way, it works. Yoongi hisses, Namjoon’s jaw clenches, but they don’t do anything else. Them looking like this… Jeongguk doesn’t even think they feel good anymore, and that… that makes Jeongguk’s heart twist in his chest and his throat close up, disappointment and shame filling every vein in his body. He’s failed. He got what he wanted and couldn’t make it good for them, couldn’t make them feel good. 

He lets their cocks go, they open their eyes, and he bows his head and closes his eyes, fighting back the ache in his chest.

“Kookie?” Yoongi whispers.

Jeongguk doesn’t say anything. He has shivers everywhere. They are doing it for him. They don’t really want him touching them.

“Jeongguk,” Namjoon says, then he’s pushing himself away from the headboard and closer to Jeongguk. He cups Jeongguk’s cheek, but Jeongguk still keeps his eyes closed. “Hey, what happened? Are you okay?”

Yoongi moves closer to him as well, “Do you wanna stop?”

Jeongguk frowns deeply. No, he doesn’t want to stop. He wants them to want him.

“It’s okay if you changed your mind about this,” Namjoon says, and Jeongguk thinks that Namjoon just says that for himself, that Namjoon is the one who wants to stop. “Really.”

“No, you changed your mind,” Jeongguk accuses.

“What do you mean?” Namjoon asks softly, and Jeongguk doesn’t even need to look at Namjoon to know that he’s concerned. 

“It was awkward,” anger seeps into Jeongguk’s tone. “You looked like you hated it.”

“I didn’t-“ Namjoon says at the same time that Yoongi says: “No.”

“Yes, you did,” Jeongguk’s eyes well up with tears. “You wouldn’t even open your eyes.”

Yoongi sighs, pulling Jeongguk into a hug. But Jeongguk doesn’t want a fucking hug right now. He wants them to leave so that he could cry in peace.

“I’m not gonna lie,” Yoongi says, holding Jeongguk tighter. “It is a bit awkward. But not because of you. And not because I don’t want this. It’s more… his fault.”

“Um… ouch,” Namjoon says, and Jeongguk pulls away from Yoongi to look at the two of them properly, starting to feel more confused than anything.

“Come on,” Yoongi winces. “You know what I’m talking about,” he looks at Namjoon’s cock. “Your dick is out, and you’re hard, and I’m hard, and it’s… weird,” he looks at Jeongguk again. “But it’s not your fault.”

“Yeah,” Namjoon exhales.

At least Jeongguk feels less guilty about the awkwardness now, he supposes. Though this doesn’t exactly make things much better.

“So, you don’t wanna….” Jeongguk lets the rest of the sentence linger in the air between them.

Yoongi and Namjoon look at one another. They’re closer to each other now, after moving to hug Jeongguk. Jeongguk worries that this proximity is making things even more awkward for the two of them.

There’s a really long pause where there’s just silence and nothing else.

Yoongi and Namjoon look each other up and down a few times, their cocks still hard somehow. Maybe that’s a good sign. Jeongguk is afraid to let himself think too hard.

“We could just…” Namjoon trails off, glancing at Yoongi’s lips. “Forget. For a second… that we’re… us.”

“Like-“ Yoongi’s eyebrows furrow in confusion.

“Like, you said you want this,” Namjoon pauses, and Yoongi, after a second of nothing, nods. “I do too,” Namjoon says, and while he’s talking to Yoongi, hearing this lessens Jeongguk’s worry too. “So we could… for once, not think about it and just… live in the moment. Let ourselves have what we want.”

“Are you saying that to me or to yourself?” Yoongi asks quietly.

“Both,” Namjoon answers right away. “We both think too much.”

 “So we just…” Yoongi trails off.

“Stop thinking,” Namjoon supplies. “Do what we want,” he looks at Jeongguk. “And what he wants.”

Jeongguk blushes, and Yoongi takes a deep, long breath. There’s another pause, and then he looks directly into Jeongguk’s eyes.

“I wanna fuck your mouth,” Yoongi says, cupping Jeongguk’s cheek softly. Jeongguk gasps. “Ever since I watched you choke on my dildo, I’ve wanted it. Wanna choke you with my cock,” he gently runs his thumb over Jeongguk’s bottom lip, whispering as if the things he’s saying are the sweetest things. And maybe they are. They feel like it. “Look at me,” he instructs, and Jeongguk lifts his gaze to Yoongi’s. “I want it. Want you... Can I have you like that?”

Jeongguk is nodding before he even thinks about it. Yoongi wants to fuck his mouth. Yoongi wants him. Wants to use Jeongguk’s mouth to make himself feel good, and Jeongguk doesn’t need to think before saying yes to it. Let them use his body. Let them do anything and everything. He’ll take it. He wants it so bad.

“What do you wanna do?” Yoongi asks, looking at Namjoon.

Namjoon’s quiet for a second.

“I want… a lot,” he says eventually.

“A lot,” Jeongguk echoes.

“I wanna… spank you again,” Namjoon says, cupping Jeongguk’s other cheek. “Wanna make you come again. Want you to…” he hesitates. “Want you to get so lost in it again, you end up leaving more scratch marks on my back.”

“Fuck,” Jeongguk whispers.

“Do you want this?” Namjoon asks, brushing Jeongguk’s hair back.

Jeongguk’s eyebrows furrow. He doesn’t have to think about it. He knows his answer, but he thinks about it anyway. Because he can see that’s what they want. It’s hard to think about it properly though. It’s hard to think, period. But he can still feel just fine. And what he feels is anticipation and excitement and a little anxiousness. He feels awake for the first time in two days, and he wants them. He wants to give in. Wants to give himself to them. So badly. So, he nods.

“Say it,” Yoongi says. “Give us permission.”

“I want it,” Jeongguk chokes out, heartrate picking up so quickly his head spins.

“Safeword?” Yoongi asks.

“What?” Jeongguk replies.

“Safeword,” Yoongi repeats.

Jeongguk thinks for a second, “Bulgogi.”

It’s Namjoon who kisses Jeongguk. Presses his lips to Jeongguk’s so fucking hard, Jeongguk doesn’t have time to inhale. Jeongguk’s eyes open wide for a second before closing tightly, letting Namjoon slip his tongue into his mouth.

He feels Namjoon and Yoongi moving, but he’s not willing to open his eyes, not when Namjoon is kissing him. Not until he feels like the whole world is spinning, his lips disconnecting from Namjoon’s, and his head hitting the pillow. Only then does he open his eyes.

Yoongi is beside Jeongguk on his knees, fisting his pretty cock, and Namjoon is in the middle of pulling down his sweats and underwear. After throwing them on the floor, he straddles Jeongguk’s thighs, all confident and sure of himself. Then, he grabs both of Jeongguk’s hands and brings them to Jeongguk’s mouth.

“Make them wet,” he says, so Jeongguk sticks his tongue out and licks his own palms.

He does it, and it feels like he’s having a straight up out of body experience, like it’s not him living this. How can it be him? How can it be real? The shift in atmosphere, the confidence suddenly coming off Yoongi and Namjoon, the lack of awkwardness, it gives Jeongguk whiplash. And makes his cock harder. He wants to beg, and he’s not even sure what for.

Namjoon takes Jeongguk’s hands away from his face soon enough, and then he’s bringing both of them to his cock. Jeongguk wraps his fingers around Namjoon’s shaft, and Namjoon wraps a hand around Jeongguk’s, making Jeongguk’s grip a lot tighter. And then he just… fucks Jeongguk’s hands, thrusting into the tight space he’s created. He groans, and it’s so hot, and Jeongguk thinks about Namjoon fucking him, and he thinks he’s going to come in his pants just from this.

Then, Yoongi is shuffling closer to Jeongguk’s head, still stroking his own cock, and Jeongguk doesn’t wait for him to speak, doesn’t wait for him to ask or to instruct or to do anything. He opens his mouth, sticks his tongue out and begs without saying a word.

“Fuck, Kook,” Yoongi breathes, frowning like he’s in pain, moving even closer to Jeongguk, cock hovering over Jeongguk’s mouth as he strokes himself. Jeongguk has to stop himself from leaning up into it. “Fuck, you’re so fucking hot.”

Jeongguk whimpers, and then the tip of Yoongi’s cock is rubbing against Jeongguk’s tongue.

“Yeah,” Namjoon groans, fucking into Jeongguk’s hands harder. “Yeah, he fucking is.”

Jeongguk whimpers again, and Yoongi finally slides his cock into Jeongguk’s mouth.

“Uh, fuck, good boy,” Yoongi says. “Such a good boy.”

And there’s that dizzy feeling again. Time slows in Jeongguk’s mind, everything narrowing down to Yoongi’s cock in his mouth and Namjoon’s cock in his hands. He tries to do something, to not just lie there, tightening his grip around Namjoon, pressing his tongue to Yoongi’s shaft as he begins fucking into Jeongguk’s mouth, but it’s difficult. His head feels all fuzzy. He feels taken care of, feels like he’s in good hands, like he’s being used in the best fucking way possible, like he wants to let go and like he can let go.

He hears Yoongi whisper “good boy,” and “doing such a good job,” and Namjoon say that he’s “working so hard for us.” He feels Yoongi pushing his cock deeper into his mouth, feels himself gag, but even that’s kind of distant. Yoongi is careful with him though, pulling back the second Jeongguk gags. But Jeongguk lifts his head and takes Yoongi in deep again. ‘Please,’ he tries to convey with his eyes. ‘Please keep going. Please choke me.’

Yoongi understands. Somehow, he gets it, because he’s pushing his cock deep into Jeongguk’s mouth, and Jeongguk gags again, but Yoongi doesn’t let up this time.

“That’s it,” it’s Namjoon who speaks. “Hold it down like that. Good boy.”

Jeongguk’s cock throbs so hard it almost hurts, the lack of contact making him desperate to be touched for the first time during this whole thing. He puts that feeling aside though, concentrating on keeping his throat open for Yoongi and on listening to Namjoon’s instructions and on being good for them. But when he runs out of breath and tries to inhale through his nose, he chokes again, and Yoongi immediately pulls his cock away.

Yoongi bends down to kiss Jeongguk’s open mouth as Jeongguk gasps, unable to kiss him back.

“Fuck, so good,” Yoongi says into Jeongguk’s lips. “Such a good mouth.”

“Please,” Jeongguk croaks out.

“Please what?” Yoongi asks.

“Please more,” Jeongguk answers, no shame, no nothing.

Yoongi kisses his lower lip again, straightens up and gives Jeongguk just enough time to inhale before he’s fucking into Jeongguk’s throat again, groaning, moaning, panting.

“I’m not gonna hold on much longer,” Yoongi warns, and Jeongguk’s heart spins with excitement.

He wants Yoongi to come. Wishes he could tell Yoongi just how much he wants it. Just how much he wants to taste how good he’s making Yoongi feel, swallow every drop of it. But he can’t speak, so he just whimpers, right around Yoongi’s shaft.

It makes Yoongi groan again. Makes Yoongi remove his hands from the mattress and instead place them on the sides of Jeongguk’s head, steadying Jeongguk even more, fucking into Jeongguk’s lips even more steadily. Jeongguk distinctly feels Namjoon stop thrusting into his hands, but he can’t focus on that, wants to focus on Yoongi instead. On the way Yoongi’s eyebrows furrow, the way his eyes squeeze shut, the way his jaw tightens.

“Ugh, fuck,” Yoongi groans, and then suddenly his cock is out of Jeongguk’s mouth, and he’s jerking himself off, and before Jeongguk can be sad about Yoongi not coming in his mouth, Yoongi is coming on Jeongguk’s face.

Jeongguk whines. He legitimately whines, his tongue coming out, trying to catch some of it, feeling dirty and desperate and like he wasn’t given something that he deserved to get. Yoongi has his eyes closed, his body jerking every few seconds, but then Jeongguk feels fingers brushing over his cheek. Namjoon’s fingers. Namjoon’s fingers which are running over Yoongi’s come and pushing it into Jeongguk’s still open mouth.

Jeongguk’s eyes close, and he sucks on Namjoon’s fingers.

“Oh, Kookie,” Jeongguk feels Yoongi drop down next to him. “You wanted me to…”

Jeongguk whimpers, his hips squirming.

“You wanted me to come in your mouth, didn’t you, baby?” Yoongi asks.

Jeongguk nods, opening his eyes.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Yoongi smiles, kissing Jeongguk’s head.

Namjoon pulls his fingers out of Jeongguk’s mouth, and before Jeongguk can so much as think of speaking, Yoongi’s fingers replace Namjoon’s.

“You want Joonie to come for you now, yeah?” Yoongi asks.

Jeongguk nods, looks at Namjoon, says the word ‘please’ around Yoongi’s fingers.

“What was that?” Yoongi takes his fingers out of Jeongguk’s mouth.

“Please,” Jeongguk repeats, voice cracking, and Namjoon leans down to kiss him.

“Shit,” Yoongi whispers.

Namjoon kisses Jeongguk fucking dirty, tongue in Jeongguk’s mouth. He has to be tasting Yoongi’s come like this. Has to be. But he doesn’t seem to care. His fingers reach for Jeongguk’s sweatpants, and Jeongguk lifts his hips without a second thought, letting Namjoon push his sweats and underwear down and moaning when Namjoon presses his cock right onto Jeongguk’s. Namjoon’s breath stutters, but he keeps kissing Jeongguk anyway.

Jeongguk’s hips squirm, but Namjoon’s hand holds them down, makes sure that when he grinds their cocks against each other, they are perfectly aligned.

“Hyung, hyung,” Jeongguk pants into Namjoon’s mouth. “Namjoon hyung.”

He shifts his hips hard in spite of Namjoon holding him down, and Namjoon spanks him. It takes Jeongguk a second to register that it happened, and another to register the pain, but when he does, it only makes him moan.

“Gonna come all over your pretty hard cock,” Namjoon whispers, and Jeongguk’s vision darkens around the edges, his eyes rolling back.

“Ah, fuck, you look amazing,” Yoongi whispers into his ear, and Jeongguk shudders.

“Yeah,” Namjoon exhales, pressing his lips to Jeongguk’s forehead, breath shaky.

“Spank him again,” Yoongi says, and Namjoon does, and Jeongguk moans.

“Fuck, I’m gonna come,” Namjoon whispers.

“Please, please, please,” Jeongguk chants, and Namjoon’s body freezes, his whole face scrunching up, not breathing.

And then Jeongguk feels Namjoon’s come falling across his cock and his stomach, and Jeongguk is lost. Jeongguk is gone.

Namjoon collapses onto Jeongguk, his face in Jeongguk’s neck, shaking. His grip on Jeongguk’s hips loosens, and Jeongguk immediately starts grinding up, his hard cock sliding against Namjoon’s softening one, no thoughts in Jeongguk’s head, just need, need, need. Namjoon hisses but doesn’t move, stays covering Jeongguk.

“That’s it, baby, grind up on his cock,” Yoongi whispers. “You’re gonna come so well for us, aren’t you?”

He feels Yoongi grabbing one of his hands and lifting it, bringing it up to Namjoon’s back.

“Come on, hold him,” it’s Yoongi’s voice again. “Dig your nails in. Give him what he asked for.”

Jeongguk digs his nails into Namjoon’s back.

“That’s it, sweetie,” Yoongi kisses Jeongguk’s cheek, and Jeongguk catches his gaze. “Sound so good whimpering like that.”

Namjoon kisses Jeongguk’s neck. His cock is completely soft now, and Jeongguk is going to come.

“Come for us, baby,” Yoongi says. “Let go for us. Come.”

And Jeongguk is coming. His vision goes dark. He can’t hear a thing. He’s not sure if he’s screaming or crying or both. But he feels Namjoon and Yoongi holding him so tight, and he thinks that this is okay. It’s okay if they hold him like this. He’s okay. So he lets himself drift away for a moment.

When he comes back to, he’s sandwiched between Namjoon and Yoongi, held tight, the two of them whispering about something that Jeongguk’s brain isn’t present enough to understand. They seem to notice something changing though, because suddenly the talking stops.

“Hey,” Namjoon says quietly. “How are you doing?”

“What happened?” Jeongguk’s voice is scratchy.

“You spaced out,” Yoongi says. “Even more than last time. Scared us for a second.”

“Why?” Jeongguk asks. “What did I do?”

“The first couple minutes, your eyes were open, but you weren’t really responding,” Yoongi says. “It scared the shit out of me, but Joon calmed me down.”

Namjoon kisses Jeongguk’s cheek.

“And then you made some… grumbly noises and,” Yoongi kisses Jeongguk’s other cheek. “We think you… fell asleep.”

“How long…” Jeongguk trails off.

“About forty minutes,” Namjoon answers. “We cleaned you up, so… don’t worry about… being sticky or anything.” He smiles for a second. “Are you feeling okay?”

“I feel fine. Good. Really good,” Jeongguk answers, blushing a little. “Exhausted.”

“It’s really late,” Yoongi smiles, but his smile quickly disappears. “You’re not… sad, are you?”

“No,” Jeongguk answers, not catching on to the reason Yoongi asks.

“Good,” Yoongi kisses Jeongguk’s temple.

Jeongguk yawns.

Namjoon laughs fondly, “You should probably sleep.”

“You’re not gonna…” Jeongguk trails off.

“We’re not leaving, no,” Namjoon answers, and Jeongguk breathes a little easier.

“Sleep, baby,” Yoongi whispers, and Jeongguk’s heart flips. “You worked so hard today.”

“You did,” Namjoon agrees.

“Okay,” Jeongguk says, closing his eyes.

He changes his mind after a moment though, opening his eyes again, then turns his head towards Yoongi and kisses Yoongi on the lips, realizing that this might be the last time he’ll ever get to do that. Yoongi smiles. And then Namjoon is touching Jeongguk’s cheek, turning Jeongguk’s head and kissing him too. Chaste. Soft. Sleepy.

Chapter Text

Jeongguk feels like a new man waking up the next morning. Yoongi and Namjoon are still sleeping beside him, Yoongi with his back to Jeongguk’s front with Jeongguk’s arm thrown over him and Namjoon pressed against Jeongguk’s back. Even without getting out of bed, Jeongguk knows how good he feels this morning. Energized. Ready to face the day. Nothing new. That’s pretty much the way he normally feels, but it is drastically different than the way he felt waking up the past two days – after the first time Yoongi and Namjoon got him off.

The first time. Wow. He can’t really believe there was a second. He’s a little scared to think about it. For so many reasons. Just the thought of what they did last night and how it’s going to affect things between them is scary to Jeongguk, but… He takes a deep breath. The way he behaved with them. The submission. The way he just… gave himself to them, relinquished every bit of control. That’s… terrifying. It’s so unlike him. He fucking blacked out! For forty minutes! What the fuck!?

Namjoon makes a half groan-half whine sound from behind Jeongguk then inhales sharply, snapping Jeongguk out of his own head for a second. Namjoon’s hand tightens around Jeongguk’s stomach, and Jeongguk can’t help but let out a little breathy laugh. Namjoon instinctively tugging Jeongguk closer like that just… makes Jeongguk happy.

“Morning,” Namjoon grunts, and god, his voice is so raspy.

“Morning,” Jeongguk whispers.

Yoongi’s muscles tighten under Jeongguk’s hold for a second then relax again.

“Why are you up so early?” Namjoon asks, rubbing Jeongguk’s stomach.

“How do you know it’s early?” Jeongguk counters, smiling to himself.

“Alarm hasn’t gone off,” Namjoon says. “Therefore, it’s early.”

“Why are you awake?” Yoongi whines, apparently awake too now.

“I don’t know,” Namjoon says, stretching and yawning, his hips pushing up against Jeongguk’s ass as he does. Jeongguk forces himself to not think about it. “Kookie woke up, and that woke me up.”

“Go back to sleep,” Yoongi whines again, shifting in Jeongguk’s arms.

He wiggles over onto his other side and buries his face in Jeongguk’s shirt.

“Hyung,” Namjoon laughs.

“Shut up,” Yoongi says into Jeongguk’s shirt, then snuggles even closer.

Jeongguk’s heart is flipping. It is full-on flipping. Yoongi is so cute.

Namjoon lifts his hand off Jeongguk’s stomach and brings it over to Yoongi’s head, brushing his fingers through Yoongi’s hair.

“You’re adorable,” Namjoon says then returns his hand to Jeongguk’s stomach, nuzzling his nose into the back of Jeongguk’s neck.

“No, I’m not. Shut the fuck up,” Yoongi says, but there’s no bite to his voice. “Now I can’t sleep again.”

“What are you talking about?” Namjoon lifts his head. “You fall asleep in the middle of photoshoots when there are a million people making noise all around you.”

Yoongi pulls away from Jeongguk’s chest to look at Namjoon.

“Why’re you dissing me so early in the morning?” Yoongi sasses. “I’m too tired to diss your clumsy ass back.”

Namjoon snorts, and Yoongi smiles, and Jeongguk’s heart flips again. God, he wishes he could just lean in and kiss them. One more time. Just one more time. And then… Yoongi leans in and kisses him. On the lips. Right that fucking second. Yoongi kisses Jeongguk. The kiss is too short, and Jeongguk is too surprised to respond.

“Morning, sweetie,” Yoongi whispers, smiling, seemingly a little more awake now. “How are you feeling?”

He’s too stunned to answer. Jeongguk’s lips are… tingling.

Yoongi’s eyebrows furrow in confusion.

“Uh…” Jeongguk tries. “Good?”

“You don’t sound very sure,” Yoongi says carefully.

“Good,” Jeongguk repeats, trying to sound surer. “Good.”

“Good,” Yoongi smiles again.

“No…” Namjoon speaks, “emptiness?”

Jeongguk blushes a little, “No, I feel good. Energized.”

“That’s good,” Namjoon whispers.

He moves away from Jeongguk, then lightly pushes Jeongguk onto his back. And then… Namjoon leans in and kisses Jeongguk on the lips too.

Namjoon’s kiss is a little longer than Yoongi’s, a little firmer. Jeongguk’s heart is skipping, and he closes his eyes way too late, and then Namjoon’s lips part against Jeongguk’s, and Jeongguk realizes he needs to follow and do the same, but his brain hasn’t caught up to the fact that Namjoon is kissing him yet, so he ends up staying perfectly still. It doesn’t seem to faze Namjoon too much, at least not for the first few seconds, his lips closing around Jeongguk’s, but then he pulls back, and when he does, he… blushes.

“Sorry,” Namjoon says, smiling bashfully. “Morning breath.”

“Oh,” Jeongguk exclaims. “I- that’s not,” he shakes his head. “I-“ he truly doesn’t know what to say.

“You seem a little…” Namjoon’s eyebrows furrow, his smile turning uncertain, “shocked?”

Jeongguk feels his lips form a bunch of shapes, but no noise comes out of his mouth.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Namjoon asks.

“I just wasn’t expecting you to be kissing me this morning,” Jeongguk whispers in a rush and immediately regrets speaking. God, he sounds so desperate.

Namjoon’s mouth opens and stays open like that while Yoongi’s body stiffens next to Jeongguk’s. Scary. Something about it feels scary and distant and incredibly disconcerting. Jeongguk really regrets speaking. He’s just about to apologize when Yoongi speaks.

“I’m sorry,” Yoongi frowns, looking away for a second, his eyes wide. “I didn’t know you didn’t… I didn’t even think about… I’m sorry.”

“Yeah,” Namjoon leans away from Jeongguk. “I’m sorry too.”

“Wait,” Jeongguk says, immensely confused. “Why? Why are you sorry?”

“We should have-“ Yoongi tries, frowning even more deeply. “I shouldn’t have assumed that you’d be okay with that right now, I-“

“What?” Jeongguk asks, startled. They think he doesn’t want kisses? “No, that’s not…”

He trails off, not really wanting to admit so fucking openly that he wants to keep kissing them, even if saying it would be consoling to them. Admitting it would be… too much, too vulnerable and too real. But they don’t say anything, and they look really surprised and worried. They just wait for him to speak, and he can’t take them looking so upset, so he swallows his pride.

“That’s not it, I…” Jeongguk frowns. “I did wanna kiss you,” he gets out and cringes. “I- I just didn’t… I really didn’t think you’d want to kiss me, so I didn’t…”

Yoongi opens his mouth, but Jeongguk just keeps going.

“I mean, you said it was a one-time thing,” Jeongguk’s rambling. “So, I just assumed that meant… I don’t know, I don’t know what I assumed. I just woke up, I didn’t have time to make sense of all of this in my head yet, but I definitely didn’t think we would be kiss-“

“Hey,” Namjoon whispers, cupping Jeongguk’s cheek and cutting him off. “We’re okay.”

Jeongguk inhales shakily, his lips pulling into a frown.

“Are we?” Jeongguk asks, and his voice is so fucking small.

Yoongi turns over onto his side and brushes Jeongguk’s hair off his forehead.

“Always,” Namjoon says. “We’re always okay, no matter what.”

Yoongi’s lips form a small smile.

“Okay,” Jeongguk exhales.

“Okay?” Namjoon asks softly.

“Yeah,” Jeongguk answers.

“We should probably…” Yoongi trails off. “No, not should… We have to talk about it,” Yoongi grimaces. “At least a little. Even if it’s uncomfortable. Yesterday was…”

‘Amazing’, Jeongguk wants to say.

“Different,” Yoongi finishes.

Namjoon nods.

“Unplanned,” Yoongi adds.

Namjoon nods again.

“Unexpected,” Jeongguk whispers.

“We have to talk about it,” Yoongi nods too.

“Talk about it how?” Jeongguk asks. “What’s there to talk about?”

Yoongi and Namjoon both stay silent.

“It’s not like things were unclear,” Jeongguk says, shrugging, heart squeezing in his chest. “One-time thing… to get me out of… subdrop.”

“Hey,” Yoongi exclaims. “The sex wasn’t to get you out of subdrop,” he states, completely serious. “Us coming here to cuddle you and be with you- that was to help you with the subdrop. The sex… the sex wasn’t to get you out of anything, it was just… it- it was-“ he frowns.

“Something that felt right,” Namjoon supplies. “Something that we all wanted. In the moment.”

Jeongguk swallows, an overwhelming need to be hugged by them overtaking him. Why does hearing Namjoon say that they wanted him feels so fucking good?

“It wasn’t just about you this time,” Yoongi’s voice lowers, becomes softer. “It was… for all of us, okay? You need to know this.”

“Yeah,” Jeongguk breathes, nodding. “Yeah, okay.”

Yoongi looks like he wants to speak, but all three of them stay quiet for a minute.

“What are we gonna do now?” Jeongguk whispers.

Their eyes focus on him, but they say nothing.

Do they just ignore everything that happened now? Do they kiss? Is kissing something that they do now? Do they have sex again? Is it casual? Is it going to be a one-time thing that they never talk about ever again? Jeongguk doesn’t even know what he wants.

“What’s gonna happen now?” Jeongguk asks again.

“I don’t know,” Yoongi says so quietly Jeongguk almost misses it.

“We just…” Namjoon starts then pauses. “We just need to be calm about this. We probably do need to talk more about it, but I… it really is too early. I haven’t had time to think about this yet… either,” his mouth gapes for a second. “I don’t know what to say right now.”

Yoongi lets out a long breath, “Honestly I don’t know what to say either. This is so… not something I’ve gone through before.”

“Yeah,” Jeongguk agrees, and his chest hurts, and he doesn’t know why.

Yoongi inhales deeply and sits up. Where did all the energy that Jeongguk thought he had go?

“Okay,” Yoongi exhales, turning to them. “Um…”

“Lie back down,” Namjoon says, squeezing Jeongguk closer.

Jeongguk’s inhales shakily, overwhelmed by the pure elation of Namjoon still holding him.

“What?” Yoongi asks.

“The alarm hasn’t even gone off yet,” Namjoon says softly. “We’re not even supposed to be up. Lie back down and fucking cuddle and pretend that everything makes sense until the alarm goes off. Then, we’ll think.”

And so, Namjoon pushes his forehead against Jeongguk’s shoulder and pulls Jeongguk even closer. Jeongguk does everything he possibly can to not crumble right then and there, letting Namjoon cuddle him while Yoongi watches. Yoongi doesn’t actually move for the first minute or two, just keeps looking at them, unsure, but then he gives in and drops back down. He lies with his back to Jeongguk, grabs Jeongguk’s hand and tugs on it until Jeongguk turns over onto his side and wraps his arm around him.

They end up spooning like that in absolute silence, comfort mixed with the tiniest bit of discomfort, but still well worth it just to be in their arms like this for another short while. Jeongguk’s almost sure that Yoongi falls asleep again at some point, and maybe Namjoon does too, Jeongguk can’t tell. Jeongguk doesn’t sleep during that time at all though. He… savors every second and does not let himself think about it. He knows he’ll be thinking about it all day anyway, spinning in circles about what it all means and what they’re supposed to do or be, and how they’re supposed to act, what’s okay and what isn’t. He knows he’ll be doing that. But… Namjoon said not to do it for a moment, not until the alarm goes off. So, Jeongguk listens to him.

 

When the alarm finally does go off, they all scatter quietly. No more kisses. They just leave. And Jeongguk is left alone. There is some sadness today too, but it feels different. It doesn’t feel as empty as the past two days. He does feel a little lonely, a little like he misses them, but it isn’t… crippling in the same way. It doesn’t cause him actual physical chest pains. And he does feel tired, but it’s an emotional tiredness more than a physical one, a ‘dreading what’s to come’ kind of tiredness. It makes him think that this subdrop thing might have been a real thing after all.

During practice, he watches Yoongi and Namjoon more than usual, and he finds them watching him quite a bit too. They’re probably worried about him still. Probably looking for signs that something is wrong with him even though he said he was fine. He doesn’t blame them for it, he probably would act the same way if he was in their shoes.

Jeongguk personally watches them just because he’s confused. He really doesn’t know what’s going to happen now. This isn’t like their first time together, where they were just meant to be helping him. This was for all of them. This isn’t like something that they can just… ignore. This will change things. If it hasn’t already. This made them kiss him on the lips the next morning. And they didn’t even think it was weird until he pointed it out.

He regrets pointing it out. Regrets the fact that him pointing it out made them stop, and that they might never do it again. And that concerns him too. Since when does he want to be kissed by them so much? When did it start feeling normal for him to want it? Why does he still want it now that his dick is fixed and now that they’ve… done what they’ve done, and he got the chance to kiss them and make them feel good? He shouldn’t still want it.

Does he have a crush? It doesn’t feel like it. It feels both like more than a crush and less than a crush at the same time. He loves them. He’s loved them for years now. But it’s not the romantic kind of love, is it? And if it really isn’t, then… why does he still want to kiss them? He feels so lost. Unsure of everything. Worried that their friendship won’t be as strong now, that there will be a dark cloud of these few experiences constantly floating over it. His own feelings don’t make sense to him anymore. What’s he supposed to do? How are they supposed to talk more about it when he doesn’t even understand what’s going on himself?

All he has left to hope for is that Namjoon or Yoongi will come up with better answers. Maybe they’ll even be able to explain to him why he’s feeling the way he’s feeling – why he still wants to kiss them and cuddle them despite everything that’s happened already. They did explain all the other feelings he had that didn’t make sense to him with that subdrop thing. Maybe there’s another thing that he doesn’t know about. A… subfeeling thing or something. Whatever. He’s being an idiot. He just needs to concentrate on singing and dancing.

They don’t talk that day. The whole day passes with them only talking to each other when necessary. It hurts a little, but Jeongguk understands. They’re all in the same boat, right? Yoongi and Namjoon probably don’t know what to say or how to act either. They probably need more time to think. But, as much as Jeongguk understands, lying in his hotel bed alone that night still feels kind of awful.

He tries to think about his feelings some more, come up with some solution or explanation or something. But all he can think about is how much he wants them with him and how much he wants them to keep kissing and cuddling him and how much he shouldn’t want any of these things. The only other thing that he thinks about is the way he floated away yesterday.

Forty minutes. Forty fucking minutes. That’s no joke. Never in his life has Jeongguk ever experienced anything like that. Such intensity. Such trust. He would never have allowed himself to let go that way with anyone. Never. Only with Yoongi and Namjoon did he feel safe enough for that.

Still, it’s fucking scary. He lost time. There was nothing. For forty whole minutes, there was nothing but the floaty-ness and trust and safety. Head empty, heart full. Nothing but that. He didn’t even notice Yoongi and Namjoon cleaning him. And knowing that that’s something that can happen to him, that’s… terrifying. What if it happens with someone else? Now that he knows what that lightness feels like, what if it’ll happen with other people too? He can’t let that happen. He can’t trust anyone else enough for that. But now that his body knows how amazing it feels, it might happen again. His body might want it again. Even if he doesn’t feel safe enough for it. And then what’s he going to do?

It’s almost midnight when there’s a soft knock on his door. He was just about to fall asleep, having tired himself out with all the fucking thinking, but he gets up anyway, a little wobbly. When he looks through the peephole, he sees that Namjoon and Yoongi are there. His first reaction is just confusion – why would they come? The second is hope – maybe they want to cuddle again. And the third is fear – maybe they want to ‘talk about it,’ tell him that they want to pretend like it didn’t happen and that they never want to kiss or cuddle him again. But maybe… maybe they just want to kiss again. That’s also possible, right? Maybe talking about it isn’t such a bad thing.

“Hey, sorry it’s so late,” Yoongi whispers as Jeongguk lets them in.

Namjoon closes the door behind them, locking it. Jeongguk’s heart rate picks up. Maybe they are going to stay. And cuddle. And maybe even kiss. He wouldn’t lock the door if they weren’t planning to stay, right?

“Yeah,” Namjoon turns to them. “We thought you might be asleep already, but we decided to try anyway.”

“Why?” Jeongguk asks.

“Wanted to make sure…” Yoongi takes a deep breath, “that you’re okay. That you’re… not going through it again.”

“Subdrop?” Jeongguk asks.

“Yeah,” Yoongi says.

“I don’t think I am,” Jeongguk says honestly, hoping that saying that won’t make them leave. “I don’t feel the same way that I felt the last two days.”

“That’s…” Yoongi nods. “That’s good.”

“We texted each other,” Namjoon says, shrugging, trying and failing to not sound concerned. “We thought maybe… maybe we should spend another night here. Just to… make sure that everything is okay.”

“But not just-“ Yoongi hurries to says. “Not just like as a favor to you, um…” he opens his mouth to say something else but stops. “We, uh…” he glances at Namjoon. “I… I kinda wanna… stay here again for me too.”

“Want closeness,” Jeongguk whispers, remembering what Yoongi said about the way he handles one-night stands, “after what we did.”

Yoongi looks at the floor, bashful, and after a moment of nothing, he nods. That closeness should have been provided yesterday, with the kissing. But then they did what they did, and they ended up getting even closer to becoming what would be an actual one-night stand, so it makes sense for Yoongi to want closeness again. Jeongguk knows that he himself wants it.

Jeongguk smiles. He’s not sure if he should feel happy or not that Yoongi feels this way, but he is. Knowing that Yoongi wants to cuddle too makes Jeongguk stupidly happy. He wonders if it was Yoongi who asked Namjoon to come here, if maybe Yoongi didn’t feel comfortable enough coming here on his own. Or maybe he asked Namjoon to come because Namjoon was part of yesterday’s ‘hookup’ as well, even if the two of them never touched each other, maybe Yoongi wants to be close to Namjoon too. He figures it wouldn’t hurt to ask. Especially if there’s a chance that Namjoon doesn’t actually want to be here.

“Did you… convince Namjoon hyung to come too?” Jeongguk looks from Yoongi to Namjoon with an awkward smile. “Because…” he catches Namjoon’s gaze. “You don’t have to be here if you don’t want to.”

Namjoon’s mouth gapes, no sound coming out.

“No, Joon’s actually the one who suggested we come here again,” Yoongi says. “I don’t think I would have had the…” he looks down, “courage to come here without him offering to do it.”

“Oh,” Jeongguk breathes, heart swelling with affection. They both want to be with him right now.  

Namjoon scratches the back of his neck awkwardly.

“We don’t have to… be here right now,” Namjoon’s eyebrows furrow. “You know, if you don’t want us to be here. We’re just… Well, I’m just-” he takes a deep breath, “still concerned. Even though you said that you’re okay, I… I don’t know,” he shakes his head. “I don’t know.”

“That’s okay,” Jeongguk says, hugging himself. “I don’t really know either.”

“Are you cold?” Namjoon asks, clearly worried.

“What?” Jeongguk asks, and Namjoon glances down to Jeongguk’s torso where Jeongguk has his own arms around himself. “No, I…” the room is perfectly warm. Jeongguk is fucking subconsciously cuddling himself. How fucking embarrassing. He lets himself go, unsure what to say. “I was just… falling asleep before you got here.”

It’s by no means an explanation as to why Jeongguk was fucking cuddling himself, but Namjoon nods anyway.

“So…” Yoongi says. “Are you sure you’re okay with us staying?”

Jeongguk nods hesitantly, a little shy.

Yoongi smiles bashfully for a second, then walks right past Jeongguk to Jeongguk’s bed and gets under the covers. Namjoon lets out a breathy laugh behind Jeongguk, and suddenly, Namjoon’s hand is grabbing Jeongguk’s, Namjoon saying “come on” and pulling Jeongguk to the bed with him.

After Namjoon sets the alarm, Jeongguk finds himself in the same position as the night before – on his back, sandwiched between Yoongi and Namjoon. There doesn’t seem to be any intention of going to sleep right away though. Yoongi and Namjoon are both just gently holding Jeongguk, Namjoon running his fingers over Jeongguk’s chest slowly.

There’s still a little tension though, the feeling that some things have yet to be said. But as much as Jeongguk wants that tension to go away, he’s not sure how to make that happen. He can’t just… say that he wants to kiss again, that’s not… something that’s okay to say. He can’t tell them that he has a crush on them because he’s not sure that he really does, and even if he was sure, he doesn’t think he would have been able to say it. And he can’t tell them how scared he is of the way he spaced out because… well, he doesn’t really know why he can’t tell them that. Maybe he can. He’s just… scared to talk about it.

“How was your day?” Yoongi asks suddenly.

“I was with you literally almost the entire day,” Jeongguk says.

“Yeah, but-“ Yoongi starts defending then stops and sighs.

“Is this you trying to get us to…” Jeongguk says, “talk about it?”

Yoongi’s eyes meet Jeongguk’s, and Namjoon’s hand stops moving across Jeongguk’s chest for a second then starts up again.

“Do you have anything to say?” Yoongi asks gently.

Many things.

“I’m worried,” Jeongguk says quietly.

“About what?” Yoongi asks.

“About… change,” Jeongguk answers.

“Like… our friendship changing?” Yoongi asks.

Jeongguk nods.

It’s quiet.

“We had sex,” Jeongguk announces.

That prompts a brief smile from Yoongi.

“Yeah,” Yoongi breathes.

“Yeah,” Namjoon says.

“That’s… change,” Jeongguk whispers.

“Doesn’t have to be bad change,” Namjoon says. “If we just… I don’t know, if we just don’t let it affect us…”

“Pretend like it didn’t happen?” Jeongguk asks just as Yoongi murmurs: “Don’t think we have much of a choice about that.”

Namjoon blinks at them, “No, not like pretend it didn’t happen.”

“Then how?” Jeongguk asks.

“I don’t know how exactly,” Namjoon says. “It would be… it would be better if we didn’t ignore it completely. If it could just… be another layer to our friendship. Just a bit of extra knowledge that we have about each other now.” When no one says anything else, Namjoon adds with a weird unnatural smile, “Maybe we could even… laugh about it at some point.”

“Wasn’t really funny,” Yoongi whispers.

“Yeah, I know,” Namjoon frowns.

“It was scary,” Jeongguk blurts out.

“Scary?” Namjoon’s eyes widen.

“No, not like-“ Jeongguk backpedals. “Not like scary- scary, just like… just the-” Jeongguk sighs. “The end part.”

“The end part,” Namjoon repeats, still wide-eyed.

“I like- blacked out,” Jeongguk gulps. “For forty minutes.”

“Oh,” Namjoon visibly relaxes.

“Forty minutes,” Jeongguk whispers. “That’s not okay.”

“It is okay,” Yoongi says.

“No, it’s not,” Jeongguk argues.

“I don’t think it was actually forty minutes,” Namjoon says. “I think it was kinda the same as the first time, where you spaced out really hard for a few minutes, and then… I think that you literally just fell asleep afterward. It was a long day – the concert, subdrop… the sex. You were exhausted, and you relaxed so hard so fast, I think you just fell asleep.”

“Still though,” Jeongguk argues again. “Even if it was for a few minutes instead of forty, I blacked out,” he exclaims. “I lost time.”

“Subspace,” Yoongi says. “You fall into it kinda hard.”

Jeongguk frowns hard, exhaling roughly.

“It’s not okay,” Jeongguk repeats.

“Sure, it is,” Namjoon argues.

“No,” Jeongguk shakes his head. “No, no, no, no.”

“Why?” Yoongi asks. “Did you not like it? It’s meant to feel good.”

Jeongguk shakes his head. “I did like it, I just-“ he takes a deep, shaky breath. “I blacked out.”

“Did you…” Namjoon presses himself a little closer to Jeongguk. “Did you not feel safe? Is that why you’re so… freaked out by this?”

“No, I did,” Jeongguk closes his eyes. “I felt so safe,” he inhales shakily again. “It was still fucking scary though.”

Yoongi squeezes him tighter.

“Has that never happened to you before?” Namjoon asks.

Jeongguk shakes his head.

“Has it ever happened,” Yoongi speaks, “to like, a lesser degree? Where you kinda felt like you… went into that headspace?”

“Not that I can remember,” Jeongguk shakes. “Definitely nothing like this.”

“I can see why that would be scary,” Yoongi says, nuzzling into Jeongguk’s shoulder. “But so long as you felt safe, then… it shouldn’t be that scary.”

“But what if it happens again though?” Jeongguk asks, eyebrows furrowing.

“With…” Yoongi lifts his head up a little, “us, you mean?”

Jeongguk’s eyes widen. “No, I…” if Yoongi is implying that they might actually do this again, then Jeongguk doesn’t want it to sound like a fucking rejection. “I meant with… other people but-“

Yoongi hums, nodding, making Jeongguk halt.

“I…” Namjoon speaks before Jeongguk can even think about saying anything else, and both Jeongguk and Yoongi turn to him. “I don’t think it’ll happen again if you don’t want it to.”

“I don’t think I really wanted it to happen the first two times either,” Jeongguk says carefully.

“Yeah, but you didn’t know it was a possibility,” Namjoon says.

“I did know the second time,” Jeongguk says. “It was after you explained it to me.”

“Right,” Namjoon breathes. “Still. From what I know, you need to feel really safe for that to happen. It’s a mental thing, right? You have to sorta… let go – mentally. So… if you’re in a situation where you don’t feel one hundred percent safe for some reason, or you do feel safe but not enough to let go like that, then… I don’t think it’ll happen again.”

“But I did feel safe the second time with you,” Jeongguk says.

“And you’re sure you didn’t want it to happen?” Namjoon whispers, his hand rubbing comforting circles into Jeongguk’s stomach.

“I…” Jeongguk tries, but he can’t really say anything. He didn’t want to fucking black out, he knows that for damn sure, but he does remember wanting to… give himself to them.

“Maybe you wanted to… let go a little bit?” Yoongi asks. “You just didn’t know the extent of it. Didn’t know you would black out like that?”

“Maybe,” Jeongguk breathes, frowning.

“I’m sorry it scared you so much,” Yoongi whispers.

“It didn’t scare me when it happened,” Jeongguk responds right away. “It didn’t scare me when I woke up forty minutes after either. I just… felt good. It-“ Jeongguk inhales shakily. “It just started scaring me this morning when I woke up, when I finally had time to think about it.”

“Then maybe you can try to… hold onto that good feeling that you had, try not to think about it too hard and just enjoy that it happened and that it did feel good,” Namjoon says. “And also try not to worry about it happening again because I really, really don’t think it will unless you’ll want it to.”

Jeongguk frowns again, “Okay, I’ll- I’ll try.”

They’re quiet for a moment, and Jeongguk takes that time to try to take a few calming breaths.

“Has that ever happened to you?” Jeongguk asks.

Namjoon shakes his head, “I know about subspace as a thing, but… I’ve never seen it happen. Not like that.”

“Yeah,” Yoongi nods. “Same.”

Jeongguk nods.

“It is normal though,” Namjoon says, lifting one of his legs over Jeongguk’s, bringing the two of them even closer together. “There are plenty of people who experience subspace.”

“It’s kinda cool that you can do that actually,” Yoongi shrugs. “It would be cool to feel like that, I think. But I don’t know if I have the ability to.”

It’s surprising to hear that. Why the fuck would anyone want to black out for forty minutes? But then, Jeongguk also kind of understands. It did feel good. Amazing. It was freedom and bliss and joy and peace. It’s something that… Jeongguk wouldn’t hate to experience again. Not under the right circumstances. He just doesn’t know if the right circumstances exist outside of this room- outside of these people. He’s not sure if there’s anyone in the whole world who he’ll be able to trust the way he trusts Yoongi and Namjoon- if there’s anyone out there who’ll treat him with the same care and love. Anyone who’ll talk so openly about everything to him, anyone who’ll… take him seriously when he comes to them with ‘I think I might need a dick implant’ dick problems. Anyone who’ll make him feel like he’s okay even when he feels like he isn’t. There hasn’t been anyone like that before them.

What Jeongguk feels for Yoongi and Namjoon is trust and love of the highest fucking degree. He knows that. The past week has only reaffirmed it. And he wants to kiss them. Maybe that means that he does have a fucking crush on them. And what the fuck is he going to do with that?

“Did you guys have anything else to say?” Jeongguk asks. “About yesterday. You know, after thinking about it all day?”

They’re quiet for a minute again.

“I kinda just,” Yoongi shrugs, “have the same worries that you do. About change.”

Jeongguk nods.

Namjoon’s quiet for a second, biting his lower lip, then he says, “Yeah, same for me.”

It feels like he doesn’t say everything he wants to say, but Jeongguk can’t really be sure about it.

The whole situation is… so weird. Jeongguk feels like he needs to keep reminding himself of what happened. First, Jeongguk had sex with two of his best friends. Now, he’s worried he might be developing real… feelings for them. The dynamics of the whole group could be affected by this one thing that the three of them did because it ‘felt right in the moment’. They’re here with him right now. They kissed him this morning. He wants to kiss them again. They’ve been ‘talking about it’, but it feels like they’re getting nowhere- saying nothing, not really. Jeongguk’s just… not sure what to do. About any of it.

They fall asleep together eventually. No more ‘talking about things’. Just a quick goodnight. No kissing. Yes cuddling. And when he wakes up the next day, Jeongguk finds Yoongi already awake, looking up at him with sparkles in his eyes. And then Namjoon wakes up too and instinctively pulls Jeongguk closer to himself again- just like the previous mornings, and it dawns on Jeongguk that yes, he thinks he might actually have a crush on them.

 

At night, when he’s already in bed after an incredibly busy day, trying to force himself to stop berating himself for having a crush on Yoongi and Namjoon, trying to convince himself that it’s okay and that it’ll probably pass and that it’s unrealistic to have hope that anything might actually happen, there’s a knock on his door. He doesn’t expect it to be Yoongi and Namjoon, thinks it might be Taehyung instead, even though it’s late, since the two of them have been talking about playing a game together earlier. And when he gets up to open the door, he finds that it really isn’t Yoongi and Namjoon. It’s just Yoongi.

“Hey,” Yoongi whispers when Jeongguk opens the door.

He looks really fucking embarrassed- biting his lower lip, scratching behind his ear, shifting his weight. Jeongguk’s heart does a weird flippy thing. He knows exactly why it’s stupid to be crushing on Namjoon and Yoongi. All the reasons for it, he knows. Group dynamics. Friendship changing. Them looking at him as a kid. Them not feeling it back. Possibly losing their friendship. He knows. He fucking knows. And still, seeing Yoongi so embarrassed makes Jeongguk want to fucking grab him and hug him and kiss him and make him feel good and as not embarrassed as humanly fucking possible.

“Hi,” is what Jeongguk says instead of doing any of that, and there was definitely an abnormally long pause before he said that.

“Can I come in?” Yoongi mumbles, and Jeongguk realizes he hasn’t moved since opening the door.

“Yeah, yeah,” he blinks himself back into reality and moves away from the door, letting Yoongi in.

When Jeongguk closes the door behind Yoongi, he locks it as well. He doesn’t know if Yoongi plans on staying, doesn’t let himself hope that he might, but he locks it anyway. Seems like the right thing to do. Maybe it being locked will make Yoongi think about staying.

“Umm,” Yoongi sucks in a sharp breath, shifting his weight from one leg to the other again.

No Namjoon, but Yoongi is here. Apparently Yoongi just… had the courage to come alone today. Maybe he’ll have the courage to ask to stay.

“So, this might be…” Yoongi tries then winces. “I kinda don’t know what I’m… I mean, I- I do, I…”

“It’s okay,” Jeongguk whispers, desperately trying to do something to help Yoongi with the awkwardness. 

Yoongi nods, gulps, clasps his hands together and starts picking at one of his nails, exhaling slowly as if he’s trying to calm himself, even though he’s so obviously nervous.

Then he murmurs, “I was wondering if I could stay the night again.”

Jeongguk wants to ask why. So badly. Wants to make Yoongi say something like: ‘I wanna be here with you,’ ‘I need closeness, I need it from you,’ ‘I like you too, that’s why I’m here.’ He wants to hear it. Hearing it would make it real. But… Jeongguk doesn’t ask for any type of clarification. Nothing. He’s not an idiot, he can see how hard it is for Yoongi to be here and ask to stay, so he doesn’t want to make things any more difficult than they already are for Yoongi. No matter how much he wants answers. No matter how much he wants things to be clear. He can’t really be too hypocritical about it either, since he’s also not trying to make his feelings clear to Yoongi.

So, instead of saying anything, Jeongguk moves away from Yoongi, walking with determination to his bed – without turning around once, then he slips under the covers, lifts them again, and holds them up for Yoongi.

Yoongi gulps, his eyebrows pulling together, lips trembling a little bit before forming the tiniest smile. Jeongguk turns off the bedside lamp as Yoongi moves closer, and Yoongi’s arms are around Jeongguk the second he’s under the covers. From this close, Jeongguk can hear the shakiness of Yoongi’s breathing. God, Yoongi must have been so nervous about coming here. Jeongguk hugs him back, trying desperately to help Yoongi calm down.

The thing is, no matter how much Jeongguk scolds himself for having a crush on Yoongi and Namjoon- his best friends, his bandmates, two fucking people at the same time, two people who are so fucking unlikely to feel anything more than friendship for him… it’s this – the way Yoongi is holding onto Jeongguk, the way Yoongi looked at Jeongguk this morning, the way Namjoon clings to Jeongguk at night and in the mornings – this, against Jeongguk’s better judgment, gives Jeongguk… a stupid little spark of hope that they might- just might feel something like that for him too.

“I’m sorry if this is weird,” Yoongi whispers, nuzzling into Jeongguk’s neck and breathing in deeply. “I’m just…”

“You don’t have to explain,” Jeongguk says when Yoongi goes quiet.

“Okay,” Yoongi inhales and exhales shakily. “I promise that it’s okay if you don’t want me to be here though, no hard feelings.”

Yes hard feelings. Fuck. He could never make Yoongi leave. Jeongguk squeezes Yoongi harder, his chest tightening. He’s trying to say ‘of fucking course I want you to be here,’ but there’s suddenly a huge lump in his throat, and he can’t speak, so he tries to express it with his whole body instead.

It seems that Yoongi understands him somehow, because suddenly, Yoongi’s body relaxes, and fuck, Jeongguk didn’t even realize how tense Yoongi was before.

“I do want you to be here,” Jeongguk manages to whisper, and Yoongi inhales shakily again.

The only thing that in any way feels off about Yoongi being here is the fact that Namjoon is not here with him. Jeongguk’s gotten so used to the two of them being here with him together. It’s like… Jeongguk fucking misses Namjoon’s body behind his. He really, honestly misses it. It actually… hurts a little bit that Namjoon is not here. Like someone is squeezing Jeongguk’s heart real hard- both in a good way because Yoongi is here, but also in a motherfucking painful way because Namjoon is not. Greedy. Jeongguk is greedy. Yoongi is right here. Jeongguk should be more grateful.

There’s nothing he can do about it either. He can’t make Namjoon come if Namjoon doesn’t want to. And, well, Namjoon chose not to text Yoongi tonight. He chose not to come. Probably now that he knows Jeongguk is okay, Namjoon is not worried about him anymore, and if he’s not worried, he… doesn’t have a reason to be here. And that’s fine. It is. It- it really is. It’s just a little painful, is all. Jeongguk runs his hand up and down Yoongi’s back under the covers, and Yoongi sighs, and that should be enough.

The two of them are silent, and at least it doesn’t feel awkward anymore. Knowing that they want to be together right now probably helps Yoongi be calmer the same way that it helps Jeongguk. They lie there like that for a while, just breathing. Jeongguk can’t tell for how long. He tries to fall asleep but, for some reason, he can’t, and he can’t tell if Yoongi is asleep either. Jeongguk doesn’t think so. It still feels good though. Even if his heart is beating a little too fast.

When the knock comes a while later, Jeongguk and Yoongi are both startled. Yoongi pulls back from Jeongguk and looks at Jeongguk with a question in his eyes. Jeongguk shrugs. No, he doesn’t know who that can be. No, he wasn’t expecting anyone. Yoongi sits up when Jeongguk slips out from under the covers and flinches when Jeongguk turns on the bedside lamp again, hurrying to the door.

It’s Namjoon. He’s at the door. It’s fucking Namjoon, and Jeongguk’s heart is already racing. He glances back at Yoongi in surprise, but Yoongi’s eyes are on the door, not on him.

“Hi,” Namjoon says, smiling a little awkwardly when Jeongguk opens the door for him.

“Hi,” Jeongguk repeats immediately, trying to control his expression.

“I know it’s late again, I just came here because I wanted to-“ Namjoon starts then abruptly stops, his eyes focus somewhere behind Jeongguk. “Oh,” he exclaims, eyes widening for a second. “I just wanted to…” he starts again but trails off. “Am I… I’m interrupting, aren’t I? Oh. I’m gonna-“ he turns to leave, but Jeongguk grabs his wrist.

“No,” Jeongguk says, trying to not fucking sound desperate. “Stay,” he whispers, realizes just how fucking desperate he ended up sounding and backtracks, trying to save himself. “You- you wanted to- to come in, right?”

“Um,” Namjoon gulps, taking a step back towards Jeongguk. Jeongguk still doesn’t let him go though. “Yeah, I…”

“Then come in,” Jeongguk says, and only when Namjoon is inside of the room does Jeongguk let his wrist go.

Namjoon is looking at Yoongi while Jeongguk closes the door behind him. This time, Jeongguk locks it with purpose. Doesn’t fucking want Namjoon to up and leave. Not that the lock will help if he really tries to leave, but still. He sees Namjoon looking in Yoongi’s direction first, then turns to Yoongi himself, and Yoongi is… a picture. He’s holding the blanket all the way up to his neck, like he’s trying to hide or something. His hair is all messy, his cheeks round and full. It’s… fucking adorable.

“I just…” Namjoon exhales.

Jeongguk turns to look at him. Namjoon gulps.

“I wanted to come to…” he exhales.

“Check up on him again?” Yoongi offers.

Namjoon hesitates, “Yeah.”

Yoongi nods, but he doesn’t look like he believes Namjoon either.

“I’m…” Jeongguk speaks up, and suddenly Namjoon turns to look at him. “I’m- fine,” Jeongguk says.

Namjoon hums, licking his lips.

A minute of silence passes during which Jeongguk waits for Namjoon to speak or leave or… do anything, but nothing happens. Namjoon doesn’t even move.

“Did you wanna,” Yoongi hugs the blanket a little harder, “stay the night again?”

Namjoon blinks quickly a few times, “I…”

“It’s okay if…” Yoongi says carefully, “you did. I did… I do.”

“I don’t wanna interrupt,” Namjoon whispers with this absolutely fucking blank expression on his face. He looks stunned.

“Did you plan on asking Kook to stay before you saw that I was already here?” Yoongi asks, still careful.

“Uh, no, I-“ Namjoon suddenly speaks quickly. “I was just gonna,” he opens and closes his mouth. “I was just gonna check on him and… then leave.”

“But you do wanna stay here,” Yoongi states, not asks. 

“I…” Namjoon this at a loss for words. Wow.

“You’re not interrupting,” Yoongi whispers then looks at Jeongguk. “You’re as welcome here as I am.”

Jeongguk nods immediately, “Yeah.”

“I…” Namjoon doesn’t say anything again.

“You don’t have to say anything,” Yoongi breathes, smiling softly. “Just get in here.”

He lifts the blanket off himself and scoots to the side of the bed. Namjoon doesn’t move. Not a muscle. Not closer to the bed but also not towards the door. Jeongguk takes that as a good-ish sign, so he gently wraps his fingers around Namjoon’s wrist again, and even more gently, he pulls Namjoon towards the bed, and – definitely a good sign – Namjoon lets himself be pulled.

For a moment, after Jeongguk lets Namjoon go and gets under the covers in the middle of the bed, Namjoon stays standing there, just watching. But in that moment, short as it may be, something changes. Something in Namjoon’s expression becomes less startled, less scared. It turns calmer, makes Namjoon’s facial features smooth out and his eyes seem softer. And then he follows Jeongguk under the covers.

It’s the third night now. The third night in a row that Jeongguk goes to sleep with Yoongi and Namjoon cuddling him. It’s the third night, but it’s also the first night during which Jeongguk can explain why his heart is pounding the way that it is. And it’s the first night that neither Yoongi nor Namjoon have a proper excuse for being with him. No more failing penis, no more subdrop, no more checking if he’s okay. He’s made it abundantly clear that he’s not going through subdrop anymore. Namjoon is not here to check on him, or at least, he’s definitely not staying to check on him. Namjoon is here because he wants to be here. They’re both here, cuddling him, because they want to be here.

Maybe Namjoon is here because he needs closeness the same way that Yoongi does. Which would be fine. If that is the reason, Jeongguk wishes Namjoon could just tell them that. Neither of them will judge him for it. Not when they’re all feeling the same way. Maybe that’s not it though. Maybe there’s another reason. Jeongguk really wishes that he knew. Regardless though, Jeongguk’s happy. He is so fucking happy to have them both with him right now.

Something feels wrong though. Namjoon feels wrong. He’s too stiff. And he’s holding Jeongguk not nearly as tightly as he did every other time they shared a bed. It’s worrying. Makes Jeongguk think that maybe Namjoon did just come here to check on Jeongguk and then leave, that he’s lying here right now because he somehow feels pressured to do it. Jeongguk doesn’t know how to bring it up though. What does he say? ‘Hey, Namjoon, why aren’t you cuddling me like you always do?’

Yoongi groans all of a sudden, wiggling around a bit. For a few seconds, he relaxes, but then he’s groaning again, clearly agitated.

“You’re so… stiff,” Yoongi says, “all of a sudden.”

Jeongguk’s not sure how Yoongi can tell that Namjoon is stiff from his position. He and Namjoon are not even touching.

“Kookie,” Yoongi pulls back and looks up at him, frowning. “Are you okay?”

“What?” Jeongguk blinks. “Yeah, why are you asking?”

“Because…” Yoongi looks at him like he’s dumb. “I just said that you’re stiff as hell suddenly. Are you okay?”

“Oh,” Jeongguk exclaims, then sees an opportunity. “I thought you were talking about Namjoon.”

That makes Namjoon stiffen up even more.

“Oh,” Yoongi breathes like he just realized something. “So, he’s the one messing up my cuddles.”

Yoongi’s trying to sound lighthearted, Jeongguk can tell. The atmosphere is so stupidly tense though, Jeongguk really doesn’t think it’s working.

“Sorry,” Namjoon breathes. “I can… I said I don’t wanna disturb, I can leave.”

“Oh my god,” Yoongi exclaims, exasperated. “That’s so not what I fucking said that for, and you know that,” he groans. “Why are we so fucking difficult?”

Jeongguk’s not sure if that’s meant to be rhetorical or not.

“Okay,” Yoongi pulls back. Then pulls back some more, away from Jeongguk, sitting up and turning the lamp beside himself on.

Namjoon lightly starts pulling his arm away from Jeongguk, but Yoongi grabs it.

“Nope,” Yoongi says, and Namjoon’s arm stills on Jeongguk’s middle, staying exactly where it was. “You keep holding him. Let me make my speech.”

“Speech,” Jeongguk whispers. He’s not even sure if he should be concerned right now or not. Maybe one of them will finally have the courage to properly ‘talk about it.’

“Yeah,” Yoongi nods. “Wasn’t a planned speech, but I’m doing it,” he nods again, squaring his jaw. “I am… so tired of not talking properly. We started off communicating so well,” he wets his lips and swallows harshly. “I’m not a fucking… mumbling- unable to communicate… whatever. I’m good at talking, I’m good at communicating, I’m good at-“ he sighs suddenly, closing his eyes, breathing in deep and opening them again. “I’m here for cuddles,” he says, calm and determined. “No shame about that. I’m here because I wanna be close to you,” he pauses. “And yes, I do mean Jeongguk. Yeah. But also,” he pauses again, opens his mouth as if to continue, but then all the determination crumbles off his face, his eyebrows furrow, and he frowns. “Yeah, I’m here because of Jeongguk, but you’re a fucking part of this too.”

“I-“ Namjoon speaks up.

“No, let me finish,” Yoongi said, and it’s like he’s trying to make himself sound stern, but his voice trembles. “You are a part of this too. Meaning, you get to be here too. You get to feel the need for closeness too. You get to want cuddles too. And there’s no fucking shame in wanting that, so you don’t have to fucking hide it-“

“That’s not-“ Namjoon says, but Yoongi ignores it. Or doesn’t hear it. Something. Because he just keeps going.

“It’s okay that you came here. It’s okay that you wanna stay the night again,” Yoongi says. “It’s okay because… if it’s okay for me to do that, then it’s okay for you too,” then he adds hurriedly, “And Kook said it was okay, so,” he shrugs.

“It is,” Jeongguk whispers, feeling like he needs to repeat it. “I… I want cuddles too.”

“See?” Yoongi says, looking over Jeongguk’s head at Namjoon. “No shame,” he takes a deep breath, then closes his mouth sharply. “I feel like I’m really not really conveying things properly right now. All I’m trying to say is… this is okay. I think. I know it’s not… the most common thing in the world for friends to come cuddle each other at night. Definitely not for the three of us. But… we’re currently in a slightly different situation than most best friends, so… I think it does make sense. And that it’s okay. And that we shouldn’t be ashamed about wanting it.”

There’s silence for a second. Jeongguk thinks he’s supposed to respond with something, but he’s a bit at a loss for words.

Yoongi nods sharply once, “Speech over.”

Then he turns off the light and flops back down onto the bed. He doesn’t cuddle up to Jeongguk this time though, just keeps lying on his back next to him- way too far. Now Yoongi is the one who’s stiff. And Namjoon is technically still stiff too. Things – somehow – seem to be worse after that speech.

Jeongguk frowns and makes a decision. He scoots away from Namjoon and towards Yoongi, Namjoon’s arm slowly slipping away from him. It doesn’t feel right to move away from Namjoon, but Jeongguk really, truly feels like he should be cuddling Yoongi right now. Even if it costs him Namjoon’s cuddles. Namjoon can cuddle them if he wants. Jeongguk won’t make him. Yoongi just poured his heart out, talked about his insecurities. Cuddles are deserved after something like that.

So, Jeongguk wraps his arm around Yoongi’s middle and nuzzles into Yoongi’s shoulder, hoping that it’ll make Yoongi relax again. It does. Yoongi’s body sinks into the mattress in Jeongguk’s hold, and Jeongguk’s heart leaps.

“Joon,” something about Yoongi’s voice sounds so pained. So desperate.

And then Namjoon is moving, and his arm is around Jeongguk’s middle again. Close. Namjoon’s co close this time, his nose pressing right up against the nape of Jeongguk’s neck. And that feels… better. It feels good. Feels right.

“You’re right,” Namjoon whispers, his voice shaky, his breath hitting Jeongguk’s skin. “There shouldn’t be any shame about wanting this.”

“But there is?” Yoongi asks.

“Isn’t there?” Namjoon returns.

Yoongi exhales slowly, “A little.”

Jeongguk wants to ask why but doesn’t. He feels a little shame too. But he doesn’t think that their shame is the same as his. He wants closeness too, but it’s not just that. It’s not just that he needs that extra level of intimacy after having sex with them. It’s that after having sex with them, his heart… seems to have gotten a little too involved. So the closeness that he desires comes from his heart, not just from the physical. It comes from this stupid fucking useless crush, and he’s sure as shit supposed to be ashamed about that. But he cuddles them anyway, despite the shame.

“I just wanna like- warn,” Yoongi says after a minute. “Umm, that I might… come tomorrow too.”

“To me?” Jeongguk asks quietly.

“Yeah,” Yoongi breathes.

“Okay,” Jeongguk says, his heart flipping at the prospect.

“Okay?” Yoongi asks.

Jeongguk hums in agreement.

“Joon, you’re also invited,” Yoongi adds. “Right?”

“Yeah,” Jeongguk confirms. “’Course.”

“Okay,” Namjoon whispers into Jeongguk’s neck.

Shivers run down Jeongguk’s spine. He doesn’t know if that ‘okay’ means that Namjoon will come tomorrow, but at least there’s hope that he might. There isn’t really any guarantee that Yoongi will come tomorrow either, but god, Jeongguk hopes he will. He hopes they both will.

“And maybe the day after too,” Yoongi whispers. “Until…”

“Until what?” Jeongguk asks.

“Until you get sick of me?” Yoongi huffs out a laugh. “Until… Until I stop-“ he pauses, “-feeling like this.”

“Like…” Jeongguk urges, his heart rate picking up ever so slightly, not letting himself hope. Not… no.

“Like, until I stop feeling like I need this closeness from you,” Yoongi says. “To this extent.”

Jeongguk hums, not saying anything. Yoongi didn’t… confess anything with that. Not that Jeongguk expected him to. Essentially, he just repeated what he said before about how he handles hookups – that he tends to get a little too attached even though he knows he shouldn’t. Coming over is just meant to help him handle his attachment better, make it pass more quickly. Maybe… Maybe Yoongi coming over so much will help Jeongguk too. It could be that all Jeongguk needs is to get this out of his system – ‘the need for closeness’ – same as Yoongi. Maybe his feelings are more like theirs than he originally thought. Maybe it’s not even a crush. Who knows? Well… it feels like a crush, but… fuck, Jeongguk doesn’t fucking know anything at this point.

“We’re not exactly one night stands though,” Namjoon says quietly. “This isn’t exactly like what you usually go through.”

“No, not exactly,” Yoongi agrees, and then it’s quiet again.

Jeongguk still has a million questions, but he doesn’t ask any of them. Eventually, after a while of lying in absolute silence, pressed close against each other, they sleep. And in the morning, Jeongguk wakes up first, and Namjoon is hugging him close, and Yoongi’s forehead is on Jeongguk’s chest, and, in that moment, it’s impossible to deny it being a crush.

 

Yoongi does come to Jeongguk the following night. After a long day of wondering if either of them will actually show up and a long evening of – once again – waiting, awake in his bed, hoping that they’ll come to him, at a little over eleven PM, there’s a knock on Jeongguk’s door, and seeing Yoongi there, just as awkward as the previous night, makes Jeongguk so happy, his eyes legitimately fill up with tears for a second.

“Hi,” Yoongi says, picking at one of his fingernails again.

“Hey,” Jeongguk replies and lets Yoongi through.

Jeongguk is just about to lock the door when Yoongi says, “Don’t.”

“Why?” Jeongguk asks quietly.

“He might come,” Yoongi answers.

Leaving the door unlocked won’t help, Jeongguk wants to say. Namjoon won’t try to just open the door himself, he’ll still knock, and Jeongguk will still have to get up and open the door for him. Something about the way Yoongi says it is so… hopeful though. Like if they leave the door open, there’s a better chance that Namjoon will actually come to them.

“If he doesn’t come till midnight, I’ll get up to lock it myself,” Yoongi whispers, smiling bashfully.

And that makes Jeongguk realize that Yoongi doesn’t plan on going to sleep. He plans on waiting for Namjoon. Just like Jeongguk was waiting. The parallel makes Jeongguk think that maybe Yoongi has a little bit of a crush on Namjoon too.

It’s silly to think that, Jeongguk knows. Jeongguk has a crush on Yoongi and Namjoon, so he was planning on not sleeping until Yoongi and Namjoon came, and now, Yoongi is doing the same thing. So, clearly, that means that Yoongi has a crush on Namjoon too. Jeongguk almost laughs. It’s more than silly to think that. It’s stupid. But also maybe it gives Jeongguk a little bit of hope? It’s not like Yoongi needs Namjoon here to fulfill his desire for closeness, right? Jeongguk was going to be enough for that last night before Namjoon showed up. And like… Yoongi and Namjoon didn’t even touch each other in any sexual way, so while, yeah, they were very much involved, they weren’t involved with each other. So, why else would Yoongi insist on not sleeping until Namjoon came to them? If not a crush?

It’s a strange feeling. Jeongguk wants Yoongi and Namjoon to like him, but he… also wants them to like each other. He finds it so fucking sweet that Yoongi wants to wait for Namjoon. There’s no… jealousy in him about it. The thought of Yoongi possibly crushing on Namjoon, the thought of Yoongi and Namjoon possibly kissing each other too… These thoughts don’t make Jeongguk jealous at all. They warm Jeongguk’s heart and make his stomach flip.

These thoughts make Jeongguk remember their first time together – when Namjoon and Yoongi were getting Jeongguk off. It takes him back to those few moments that Yoongi and Namjoon were so close Jeongguk wanted them to kiss each other, the few moments in which it looked like they might actually do it. It takes Jeongguk back to Namjoon running his fingers through Yoongi’s hair in the morning and calling him adorable. No jealousy. Not even a little. Only excitement. Only happiness about the two of them making each other happy.

It’s wishful thinking, Jeongguk knows that too, that Yoongi and Namjoon not only might be into him but also into each other. The odds of one of them liking him are pretty much nonexistent, let alone both of them, let alone both of them liking each other too. And gosh, what if somehow it turns out that the two of them like Jeongguk but not each other? How would that work out? Would he have to… choose?

Yoongi tilts his head to the side in question, and Jeongguk suddenly realizes that they’re standing by the door with Jeongguk’s hand still on the damn lock. Jeongguk lets go of it and looks into Yoongi’s eyes for a moment. He can see that Yoongi is calm. Maybe he can also see a little glimmer of hope in Yoongi’s eyes. Maybe some sadness. Or maybe it’s just the light reflecting in them, Jeongguk can’t be sure. He wishes Yoongi’s eyes had all the answers in them. That would have made things easier.

Under the covers, the two of them are cuddling again, and this time, Jeongguk knows that Yoongi is not asleep. The two of them are just waiting in silence, the minutes slowly ticking by. And with every minute, Jeongguk gets a little more anxious.

There’s a knock. At eleven thirty-one exactly, there’s a knock. And just like the night before, Yoongi and Jeongguk both get startled. Yoongi sits up faster than even Jeongguk, to the point that Jeongguk thinks that maybe Yoongi wants to get up and open the door himself. But Yoongi stays put. So Jeongguk gets out of bed and, with a pounding heart, glances through the peephole to find that it is Namjoon who’s there.  

“Hi,” Namjoon says when Jeongguk opens the door for him, holding one of his elbows awkwardly.

“Hi,” Jeongguk repeats. Fuck, Jeongguk wants to kiss him. He wants to pull him into the room, pin him to the door and kiss him. Fuck.

He moves aside, and Namjoon walks in, still awkward.

“Hey,” Yoongi says.

“Hi,” Namjoon repeats.

Jeongguk locks the door, then turns to look at Yoongi and Namjoon.

They’re all quiet. And unmoving. For far too long.

Jeongguk decides to acknowledge it. Acknowledging it helped them lessen the awkwardness their first time together. Maybe it’ll help now too.

“We’re being awkward,” Jeongguk whispers.

“Yup,” Yoongi says, and the awkwardness doesn’t lessen in the slightest.  

“Okay,” Jeongguk says.

How is it even possible that they managed to get rid of the awkwardness the night they were getting Jeongguk off the first time, but they can’t do it now? It should be easier now.

Jeongguk glances at Namjoon before silently walking towards his bed. There doesn’t seem to be anything else he can do. He hears Namjoon walking a step behind him, which is definitely good. Yoongi is still sitting, watching them. There’s so much hesitation for some reason. Why is it getting worse with every night they spend together? How the hell was the first night the night they all hesitated the least? It doesn’t fucking make sense.

At least when Jeongguk gets under the covers, Yoongi snuggles up to him right away. But somehow, even with that, it feels like Yoongi hesitates a little more than when they were alone. Like, despite how much Yoongi wanted Namjoon to come here, now that he is here, Yoongi is more nervous. Namjoon climbs in beside Jeongguk and drapes an arm across Jeongguk’s stomach, and it’s still awkward. All three of them are stiff tonight, like three wooden boards trying to cuddle.

The problem though is that despite them all being stiff and awkward, none of them seem to want to go away. Yoongi and Namjoon came here of their own volition, and they’re not leaving, and Jeongguk sure as shit doesn’t want them to leave. He wants them to stay and somehow work this awkwardness out.

What can he do to help get rid of the awkwardness though? He tried acknowledging the way they did the first night. That obviously didn’t work. What else can he do? Hug them maybe. They did that the first time too. When Jeongguk got too anxious, they stopped everything and hugged him, and it helped. They’re kind of already hugging though. But not really. These cuddles are not real cuddles.

“Umm,” Jeongguk voices just to get their attention.

Both of their heads lift up to look at him.

Jeongguk tires to say something, but the words don’t come out. He has to do something though, since it seems that either of them is going to. He hates feeling awkward with them. It’s not right. He should just hug them without saying anything. Hugging is something that has never been under question, hugging is allowed. But for some reason, it feels wrong to just… hug them properly out of nowhere. Like hugging properly right now would somehow be pushing a boundary.

“Can I…” Jeongguk whispers, hesitating again. “Is it okay if I hug you?”

They look surprised, and Jeongguk finds himself blushing.

“We are hugging,” Yoongi says, but it sounds like a question.

“No, we’re not,” Jeongguk argues. “This isn’t right, and you know it.”

Silence.

“Can I hug you?” Jeongguk asks again, emboldened by the wordless acknowledgment that he’s right.

“’Course,” Yoongi whispers at the same time that Namjoon nods.

Jeongguk goes for Namjoon first, figures he’s been cuddling Yoongi for a while now, and it would be okay to balance things out by hugging Namjoon first. No hesitation. Not about this. He can’t allow himself to hesitate. Jeongguk turns over onto his side, then right onto Namjoon, one of his thighs sliding between Namjoon’s legs, and wraps his arms around Namjoon. Tightly.

Namjoon’s arms wrap around Jeongguk immediately, and for the first few seconds, his grip is light. But then suddenly, he exhales shakily, shuddering under Jeongguk, and his arms squeeze Jeongguk so much tighter. He hugs Jeongguk so hard, it’s actually a little difficult to breathe for a second.

It works. It actually works. So much anxiety releases so quickly. Jeongguk sinks onto Namjoon, Namjoon presses his face into Jeongguk’s neck, and Jeongguk worries that his heart is going to crack in two from all the emotions he feels emanating from Namjoon.

The sheets shifting make Jeongguk glance towards Yoongi, without loosening his grip on Namjoon even slightly. Yoongi is smiling. His smile is warm and affectionate, and his eyebrows are furrowed in a way that’s purely emotional.

“Yoongi hyung,” Jeongguk whispers.

Namjoon turns to look at Yoongi too. His eyes are all watery, and okay, yeah, Jeongguk’s heart is definitely going to break. Yoongi’s smile wobbles and then he’s scooting over to them, pressing his forehead right into Namjoon’s bicep, his arm coming up to hug Jeongguk as best as he can.

They’re quiet for a minute, just soaking it in.

It’s hard. It’s hard because Jeongguk knows that as good as this feels right now, and no matter how much easier this hug will make things, there will still be at least some tension. And it’ll be Jeongguk’s fault for not being able to just go back to the way things were before all of this. So long as he crushes on them like an idiot, the tension will prevail. But at least things feel better for the moment.

“I hate it when things are tense between us,” Jeongguk whispers. “Hate it.”

Yoongi nods, his forehead rubbing up and down against Namjoon’s bicep. His face is all scrunched up, and his breathing is a little shaky.

“We’re okay,” Namjoon says so quietly Jeongguk barely hears.

Jeongguk pulls back a little, wanting to look Namjoon in the eyes. They’re even more watery than before.

“Are we?” he asks.

It’s the same question as two mornings ago, from the morning after they had sex, right after when they kissed him, right after Jeongguk made kissing weird. Namjoon can’t seem to give the same answer this time though. He just stays silent, and Jeongguk thinks he has a small epiphany. It was the kissing, wasn’t it? Jeongguk saying that he didn’t expect them to kiss him, them thinking that he didn’t want them to kiss him – that’s what started all this awkwardness. He tried telling them that he was okay with it right away, he thought he made it clear but maybe he didn’t. Maybe that’s why they hadn’t kissed him since. Maybe they still think he doesn’t want to.

The awkwardness should have started right away- right when they woke up and realized just what they’d done the night before, the implications of it all. But that’s not what happened. Waking up with them the morning after was… easy and affectionate, and Yoongi called Jeongguk ‘sweetie,’ and he and Namjoon dissed each other, and Namjoon called Yoongi ‘adorable,’ they were smiling, and they even kissed Jeongguk. It wasn’t awkward until Jeongguk made it awkward.

Jeongguk’s fault. Who’s surprised? Of course it’s his fault. The one thing that he wanted the most from them, and he makes them feel weird for doing it, and now, not only are they not kissing, they can barely cuddle, and Namjoon is unable to confirm that they’ll be okay. If Jeongguk hadn’t said what he said about the kissing, things would have probably been completely different right now. Jeongguk’s now sure how they would have been different, but they would have.

They all admitted to wanting to kiss each other before they had sex. It was Jeongguk’s mistake to assume that they stopped wanting it, since them kissing him again the morning after shows that they clearly didn’t assume the same about him. They thought he still wanted it. But then he went and made it weird, and that probably made them think that he only wanted to kiss them the night before and not after it. Fucking idiot. He shouldn’t have said anything. The kissing helped them then. The kissing led them to having sex, yeah, but it also loosened the tension. It made things better. 

Maybe Jeongguk still has a chance to fix things. Now. In this moment. With them hugging and finally feeling a little less awkward around each other, with the emotions so heightened, with them all so close, with Yoongi nuzzling his nose into Namjoon’s bicep and Namjoon’s sad eyes staring into Jeongguk’s. Maybe it’s not too late to turn back the clock and fix things.

Jeongguk gulps and leans down. Namjoon doesn’t move, but the look in his eyes turns more confused than sad for a moment. It’s a risk, but Jeongguk thinks it’s worth it. So, he kisses Namjoon. It’s a peck really, short but hard. Namjoon’s eyes are wide when Jeongguk pulls back, and so are Yoongi’s, but Jeongguk doesn’t late it faze him, not right now. He has to be brave. So, he uses one hand to turn Yoongi’s face up towards him and kisses him too, the same way he kissed Namjoon.

“I’m sorry I didn’t kiss you back two mornings ago,” Jeongguk says, hoping that their shock will lessen. But it doesn’t, so Jeongguk just keeps talking. “I was too surprised, I- I didn’t expect it. But I also didn’t mean to make it weird. I didn’t mean to make you think that it might have been wrong to do it. I didn’t mean to make you stop. I didn’t mean to fuck things up in any way,” he gulps. “I’m sorry.”

And just like that, Yoongi cups Jeongguk’s cheek, pushes himself up off the mattress and presses his lips to Jeongguk’s.

Jeongguk whimpers, can’t help it. Yoongi’s lips part against his, and Jeongguk follows him, letting Yoongi take his bottom lip between his. It feels so right to be kissing Yoongi. So, so right. They move together, and while Jeongguk’s aware of Namjoon watching them, he can’t stop kissing Yoongi for long enough to check what his reaction is.

“It not your fault,” Yoongi breathes into the kiss, then, before Jeongguk can say anything, he presses their lips together again. “You didn’t fuck up,” he says and kisses Jeongguk again. “You didn’t. None of this is your fault,” another kiss. “It’s on all of us,” one more hard kiss and then he stops, his lips resting on the corner of Jeongguk’s mouth, their noses pressed against each other.  

Jeongguk keeps his eyes closed, shivers running up his back. Carefully, he presses his lips against Yoongi’s again. Just for a second. Just because he desperately wants to. Then, he opens his eyes and looks at Namjoon. He’s not sure what he expects, but he sure as hell doesn’t expect Namjoon to look… sad. Why does he look so sad?

There’s no time to think about it though, because suddenly, Yoongi’s hand is at the back of Jeongguk’s neck, gently pushing Jeongguk towards Namjoon, like Yoongi is encouraging Jeongguk to kiss Namjoon, like he wants it too. Jeongguk lets himself be moved, wanting – desperately – to kiss Namjoon as well, but Namjoon’s frown only deepens, and Jeongguk worries that Namjoon is sad because of Yoongi and Jeongguk’s kiss. But then Namjoon is leaning up, and his lips are on Jeongguk’s, and Jeongguk is going to fucking cry.

This is all too much. Hard to breathe, hard to think, too intense. Namjoon’s lips are so soft, and they move with his so fucking perfectly, and Jeongguk wants to kiss him forever. Yoongi’s fingers are running through Jeongguk’s hair slowly, and that somehow makes it all so much better. Yoongi being so accepting of Jeongguk kissing Namjoon makes Jeongguk worry less. He doesn’t feel the need to check for Yoongi’s reaction because Yoongi is letting him know just how okay with this he is simply by running his fingers through his hair.

It ends way too soon, Namjoon pulling away and resting his forehead against Jeongguk’s. There’s a break, and Jeongguk thinks Namjoon is going to say something, but all Namjoon does is lean up and kiss Jeongguk again, and Jeongguk will never complain about that.

The two of them just kiss for a minute – soft and slow, just their lips, no tongue, not heated at all. It’s calm kisses, and Jeongguk likes them as much as Namjoon’s rough kisses, maybe even more. Jeongguk runs his fingers over Namjoon’s scalp and feels Namjoon sigh beneath him, Namjoon’s hands rubbing up and down Jeongguk’s back.

“Pretty,” Yoongi whispers, but Jeongguk barely registers it.

Namjoon stops kissing Jeongguk at that though, and Jeongguk opens his eyes just in time to catch Namjoon blush.

“Huh?” Jeongguk breathes, blinking.

Yoongi shrugs.

“My turn,” he says and brings Jeongguk closer to him for another kiss.

Jeongguk smiles a little against Yoongi’s lips. ‘My turn.’ Why is that funny to him? It’s only really taking turns if Namjoon is going to kiss him next too, right? Taking turns would be… nice. Maybe Yoongi and Namjoon could have a turn with each other too. That would also be nice. Yoongi smiles for a second too, possibly because Jeongguk is smiling, but they don’t stop kissing each other.

It’s kind of amazing- how fast the mood changed. Just a little kissing, and the awkwardness is all but gone. It’s not really gone, Jeongguk’s pretty sure of that. They’re probably going to go back to being awkward and tense the second they stop kissing and have to talk again, the second Jeongguk remembers how he has a crush on them that is almost certainly never going to be reciprocated. But for now, there’s no awkwardness, and Jeongguk stops smiling and kisses Yoongi a little harder.

And then Namjoon’s palm slides up from Jeongguk’s back to Jeongguk’s neck, and Jeongguk lets go of Yoongi to lean in and kiss Namjoon again. Somehow, it doesn’t get any more heated. Jeongguk isn’t even worried about getting hard. It’s kissing, yeah, but it feels like they’re kissing for comfort more than for pleasure. He’s kissed them in a way that’s led to sex before. This isn’t the same. Not at all. And he loves it. These kisses are so fucking nice.

When Jeongguk glances towards Yoongi, he sees him propping his elbow on the bed and his head on his palm and watching them. And even though Jeongguk closes his eyes again, his lips working against Namjoon’s, he still feels Yoongi’s eyes on them, and yeah, that makes Jeongguk a little heated, but not enough to worry him. Not yet.

Jeongguk’s lips feel so tender by the time Namjoon pulls back from him. He can only imagine what they look like. Even Namjoon’s lips are a little swollen-looking, and he’s only been kissing for half the time that Jeongguk has. Jeongguk gently touches his own lips, and Namjoon smiles, looking at him.

“I like kissing you,” Yoongi whispers, running his fingers through Jeongguk’s hair.

“I like kissing you too,” Jeongguk tells Yoongi, then turns to look at Namjoon. “And you.”

“Me too,” Namjoon says, his eyes smiling.

It’s not a confession. Well, it is, but it’s not the confession. And Jeongguk didn’t even have to say it first. They like kissing him. He smiles. They like kissing him.

Somehow, Jeongguk’s heart is both calmer and less calm because of this. They like kissing him. That doesn’t mean that they like him the way he likes them, and it definitely doesn’t mean in any way that they like each other or that this situation isn’t messy as fuck, but maybe it means that they do like him like that a little bit. And since they like kissing him, they’ll probably kiss him again. At least he hopes so.

He thinks he’s blushing, and that makes him blush harder. He actually giggles, biting on his lower lip. Yoongi and Namjoon’s smiles widen, and that makes Jeongguk blush even more. God, if they can’t tell that he has a crush on them by now, then they’re fucking blind. He’s so fucking bad at hiding it. Smiling, he falls down between them, his face in the pillows between Yoongi’s elbow and Namjoon’s shoulder.

Yoongi drops down next to him, his fingers teasingly touching the back of Jeongguk’s neck while Namjoon’s arm wraps around his back. What if they do like him the way he likes them. It’s not that impossible, right? Just very improbable. Maybe. Jeongguk giggles again. Maybe there’s a chance.

“We’re okay,” Namjoon says and kisses Jeongguk’s cheek. “We are.”

Maybe they’re not one hundred percent okay, but they’re definitely much better. The power of kissing. Who knew?

“Can we go to sleep now?” Yoongi asks. “I’m mad tired.”

Namjoon breathes out a laugh. Yoongi laughs too. And they all laugh a little more, and Jeongguk’s chest is… so much lighter.

“Flip around,” Yoongi nudges Jeongguk. “Spoon me.”

Jeongguk laughs again, but he does flip around, Namjoon pressing up against Jeongguk’s back the second Jeongguk’s on his side and Yoongi tugging Jeongguk closer to his back by his arm. This is their position apparently. They keep falling asleep like this. Sometimes with Yoongi facing Jeongguk. Jeongguk likes it. He likes it a lot.

It does dawn on him again though that he’s uncertain about what’s next. Not even next as in far into the future, but next as in tomorrow morning. What are they going to do then? How are things going to change? The last thing Jeongguk wants is to repeat the same mistake as before and make them feel like something that they’re doing is wrong. But he’s not sure he’ll be able to control his surprise any better than he did the first time if they just randomly kiss him again tomorrow morning, like it’s so casual and like it doesn’t make Jeongguk’s heart flip. He feels like he needs a little… reassurance maybe. Confirmation. He should ask.

“Are you…” Jeongguk whispers, a little nervous, a little vulnerable. “Are you going to kiss me again tomorrow morning?”

Yoongi starts shifting onto his other side almost immediately, but it’s Namjoon who ends up speaking first.

“Do you want us to?” he whispers, dropping a little kiss onto the back of Jeongguk’s head.

Yoongi finishes turning, now facing Jeongguk. He looks Jeongguk in the eyes while Jeongguk contemplates how to answer Namjoon, and then, ever so slightly, Yoongi nods. Jeongguk’s not entirely sure what that nod means – is he answering for Jeongguk? Is he saying that yes, they will kiss him tomorrow morning? Regardless though, Jeongguk repeats after Yoongi and nods, answering.

“Good,” Namjoon breathes, gently touching Jeongguk’s chin and turning Jeongguk’s head back. It’s uncomfortable, but Namjoon only holds him like that for a second- just long enough to peck Jeongguk’s lips. “I would have been upset if you’d said no.”

Namjoon smiles, and Jeongguk smiles with him, turning back to Yoongi, who’s also fucking smiling, and who also leans in and pecks Jeongguk on the lips.

They should probably say something else, talk some more, whatever. But Jeongguk really doesn’t want to fuck up this moment by bringing up everything that is still uncertain. So, he just shuts up, and they don’t say anything else either, and that’s okay. There’ll be plenty of time for talking, and plenty of time for being disappointed and heartbroken and sad. So, Jeongguk’s just going to be happy for a minute. He’s going to cuddle and be cuddled, and he’s going to enjoy the way that Namjoon’s breaths fan across the back of his neck and the way that Yoongi nuzzles into his chest. He’s going to enjoy it, and the talking will come later.

 

The talking doesn’t come. It just doesn’t. They wake up together the next morning, and Yoongi and Namjoon both kiss Jeongguk, and they both smile at him like it means something, but then they don’t say anything. Throughout the day, they don’t say anything either. The following night, when Yoongi comes over to Jeongguk’s room, he doesn’t say anything, and when Namjoon comes about fifteen minutes later, Namjoon also doesn’t say anything. The same happens the morning after that, and the night after that.

Then, they move to the next city in the tour, and Jeongguk is terrified that they won’t come to him now, but they both do. And over the next two weeks, it seems to turn into a weird little routine. Yoongi and Namjoon come to him at night and cuddle and kiss him. Jeongguk doesn’t question it and neither do they.

Usually, Yoongi comes first, and they spend a minute kissing without Namjoon around, and Jeongguk misses Namjoon and feels kind of bad. Almost like he’s cheating. There have been a few nights that Namjoon came before Yoongi though, and Jeongguk got to spend a little time alone with him too, and they kissed without Yoongi, and, even though Jeongguk’s kissed Yoongi without Namjoon before, so it should be okay for him to kiss Namjoon without Yoongi, it still feels a little weird. Still feels like cheating. Especially since they don’t talk about the fact that they’ve kissed Jeongguk separately. Or maybe they do talk about it when Jeongguk is not around. Jeongguk can’t be sure. But he really doesn’t think that they do.

They don’t really talk at all. They just kiss and cuddle, and though things don’t go anywhere beyond simple kissing, Jeongguk’s heart keeps spinning, and his crush doesn’t go anywhere. If anything, it gets even worse. Every night, waiting for them to show up, Jeongguk’s terrified out of his mind that they won’t. And every night, when one of them does show up, Jeongguk’s terrified out of his mind that the other won’t. They don’t talk about it, so Jeongguk’s never sure of anything. He’s always terrified that they’ll up and change their minds one day, that they’ll just… stop showing up.

So far, they haven’t stopped though, and other than Jeongguk’s feelings for them getting worse and worse, the more time passes, the more Jeongguk… wants them. He can very easily say that, in the past two weeks, the only things he’s jerked off to were thoughts of Yoongi and Namjoon. Easily. Absolutely nothing else. He’s tried to stop himself the first couple times, just out of… self-preservation, since he doesn’t actually think that they’ll ever have sex again, but he couldn’t stop himself for long.

Kissing is very far from sex, and it’s only kissing that they seem to have wordlessly agreed on doing. So, if nothing else, then stopping himself from jerking off about them – stopping himself from fantasizing about having sex with them – should have, in theory, made him want to have sex with them… less. But Jeongguk never got to test that theory out since he couldn’t go one jerk off session without resorting to thinking about the two of them taking turns fucking him.

Jeongguk’s just… desperate at this point. Annoyingly, pointlessly desperate. And he really thinks that they can see just how desperate he is. He’s been waking up with a boner literally every day for the past week, plagued by dreams of dildos and fleshlights and spankings and choking on their dicks and riding their dicks and jerking their dicks and just… dicks. He can’t control it! He literally can’t! And it’s not like he can get away with hiding it in the mornings either, not when half the time he wakes up with his crotch pressed to Yoongi’s ass.

Namjoon’s had morning wood pressed up against Jeongguk’s ass a couple times too, which didn’t help slow down Jeongguk’s fantasies in the slightest. And, while he hasn’t felt Yoongi’s morning wood, he has seen it few times too over the past two weeks too. They don’t do anything about it though. Obviously. They just pretend it’s not there.

It’s a little upsetting actually. Jeongguk clearly wants to have sex again, and they apparently don’t. Or if they do, they don’t show it. He almost thinks things would have been easier if they were having sex. Not for Jeongguk’s emotional state probably, but for their relationship as a whole. It probably would have been better to be able to define what they are as ‘friends with benefits’ or ‘fuck buddies’ or whatever, since now they’re in some… undefined ‘friends who’ve had sex but only kiss and cuddle now’ situation, and everything is just confusing.

Two weeks feel like a long time for them to be coming back to him and kissing him though. Yoongi had said that he’ll only keep coming over as long as he feels like he needs closeness from them. Does him continuing to come mean that he still needs it? Or is it something else at this point? And Namjoon’s impossible to explain completely. Is he coming because he needs closeness like Yoongi? Jeongguk isn’t sure because they don’t talk about it.

Jeongguk’s too afraid to bring it up though. It feels like this whole thing is so damn fragile, like any wrong word might tip the scales and fuck something up. And Jeongguk doesn’t want to fuck things up. Not again. He wants them to keep kissing and cuddling, and he isn’t willing to risk it ending over a few words. He’ll take this over nothing. Maybe the reason neither Yoongi nor Namjoon brings things up is the same. Jeongguk honestly thought that they would say something about it, especially Yoongi who’s proclaimed himself as good at communicating, but… well, they don’t.

Things change though. Beyond the obvious kissing, cuddling, and sleepovers, their dynamic changes. Yoongi and Namjoon both touch Jeongguk more often now – a hand on his thigh during an interview, playful hugs on stage, little things like that. And in turn, Namjoon and Yoongi seem to be touching each other… much less.

There seems to almost be… hostility between the two of them. They don’t acknowledge it, and from the outside, it might not look like they’re treating each other any differently, but they are. Jeongguk feels it. He sees it in the distance between them, in them constantly choosing to not sit next to each other, in them standing a little more stiffly when they’re close. Little things, but they’re there. There are moments when Jeongguk straight-up feels caught in the middle, like when they’re alone and Yoongi kisses Jeongguk first, only to be tugged away by Namjoon to kiss him and vice versa. Jeongguk can’t explain the hostility. He doesn’t understand where it stems from. Things were fine in the beginning. They seemed to be happy ‘taking turns’.

The only moments during which they seem to not be distant are the mornings. Mornings stay just as affectionate. Jeongguk wakes up to Namjoon’s arm draped over his body all the way to Yoongi. He wakes up to Yoongi still sleeping with his arm over Jeongguk’s head and his fingers in Namjoon’s hair. They all smile at each other, and the kisses are soft. And even though they still only kiss Jeongguk, Jeongguk doesn’t actually feel like a rope for them to pull on in the mornings. It’s like before their brains wake up fully, before they can start thinking properly, everything’s perfect. Almost everything.

There’s still the problem of Yoongi and Namjoon not being into each other. They might be into Jeongguk, Jeongguk’s learning to embrace that. He can’t imagine why they would keep kissing him for weeks if they didn’t feel anything for him. There has to be some attraction there, even if it’s just physical, even if it doesn’t lead to sex. But for each other… Jeongguk could have sworn he saw something between them. Tension. Good tension. Sexual tension. He could have sworn on it. But it seems like he was wrong.

Worse than that, Jeongguk kind of suspects that they might not want to have sex with him because of each other. Which is even more upsetting. Like their lack of attraction and sudden hostility towards each other makes them not even want to pull their dicks out if the other is in the room. They were able to do it before though, so something must have changed for them to not be able to do it now. Jeongguk doesn’t fucking know. And it’s not like they could just have sex with Jeongguk separately. Even if Jeongguk ignores the fact that he doesn’t think he’d want to have sex with one of them if the other wasn’t there, they literally could not have sex with him separately because they’re always both with him at night, and those few minutes that they have alone with him before the other shows up are definitely not long enough to have sex.

So, now there’s one very big question. Will it end up coming down to Jeongguk having to choose? He can’t choose. He won’t choose. If they are into him and so very not into each other, then… no, he can’t choose. He could never hurt one of them to be with the other. He wants both of them. It’s selfish as shit, Jeongguk knows, and greedy, but he doesn’t have a crush on one of them more than on the other. He likes both of them equally. He can’t imagine choosing.

But then, if he doesn’t choose, what will happen? Do they drift apart? Does he lose both of them? Do things stay exactly like they are now – absolute endless silence? Jeongguk doesn’t think he can take any of these options.

What if the hostility between Yoongi and Namjoon only continues to grow from now on? What then? It’ll have to blow up eventually. Is Yoongi and Namjoon’s friendship going to be destroyed because- because of Jeongguk? It would be better to fucking lose both of them if it meant not ruining their friendship. Jeongguk would take the hit, he’ll get his heart broken, whatever, but Yoongi and Namjoon won’t lose their friendship because of him. They won’t. He won’t fucking allow it. He’s just afraid that the damage has already been done.

 

Things do blow up on that two week mark, and it is the worst thing.

They were in a waiting room, ready for a photoshoot outside, but right when they were meant to begin, out of nowhere, it started raining, so they were stuck. The waiting room was quite big, and their makeup and wardrobe stylists were sitting by the table at the other side of the room, chatting quietly, but mostly, the seven of them were pretty much secluded. It was nice. They were all quietly waiting, faces in their phones.

Jeongguk ended up sitting with Yoongi on a small couch, and for the most part, Yoongi was simply on his phone. At a certain point though, Yoongi’s head dropped onto Jeongguk’s shoulder, asleep. Gently, Yoongi twisted around, his hands wrapping around Jeongguk’s arm. He grunted, and Jeongguk recognized that grunt as Yoongi being uncomfortable. Jeongguk’s heard that sound quite a few times over the past two weeks when they were in bed together.

If they were in bed, Yoongi would have probably turned onto his other side. He couldn’t do that here though. Or so Jeongguk thought, because all of a sudden, still asleep, Yoongi’s head slid from Jeongguk’s shoulder, down Jeongguk’s chest, until it was right in Jeongguk’s lap. It was sweet, harmless, though Jeongguk did worry about Yoongi’s hair stylist freaking out. She only glanced at him disapprovingly though, but let him be.

Yoongi’s a deep sleeper. It’s difficult to wake him up when they’re at home, but if he manages to fall asleep outside, that means he’s really exhausted, and it’s virtually impossible to wake him up. So, it was no surprise that Yoongi just kept sleeping on Jeongguk like that despite all the movement. His position didn’t look all that comfortable though, what with his feet still mostly on the ground, but Jeongguk couldn’t exactly help him.

Looking up, Jeongguk found Jimin with his phone pointed towards Yoongi, giggling quietly while taking a picture.

“Cute,” Jimin whispered.

Namjoon’s gaze had risen from his phone as well, and Jeongguk thought he saw Namjoon smile for half a second, but one blink, and Namjoon’s face was neutral again.

It was a few more minutes and a few more pictures before Yoongi grunted and shifted again, this time lifting his feet off the floor, turning onto his other side in Jeongguk’s lap, his face now towards Jeongguk’s stomach, legs bent with his hands between them. He seemed to somehow still be conscious enough to not press his face to Jeongguk’s stomach and mess up both his makeup and Jeongguk’s shirt, which was honestly impressive, but otherwise, he was dead asleep.

“Aww,” Jimin whispered, taking even more pictures, and yeah, Jeongguk had to admit that it was pretty cute.

It was fine. There was nothing to worry about. Even Namjoon and Jimin stopped caring after a while. The rain just kept pouring, but no one came in to talk to them about rescheduling, so they just continued sitting there and waiting. The… explosion began a little while after that.

Something woke Yoongi up. Jeongguk’s not sure what it was, but suddenly Yoongi shifted again, and Jeongguk looked down to find Yoongi’s eyes blinking open slowly. Yoongi smiled at him, and it was that same soft, affectionate smile that was reserved to mornings only. Really, that should have clued Jeongguk in, but Jeongguk didn’t think much of it. Yoongi’s eyes closed again, and then he, ever so gently, pressed his lips to Jeongguk’s stomach – a kiss.

Jeongguk’s eyes widened immediately, looking around. Thankfully, it seemed that no one saw what he did. It’s not like what Yoongi did was all that scandalous, but it was extremely out of character and would have definitely raised questions which they are not ready to answer.

“Yoongi hyung,” Jeongguk whispered, still look around, trying not to capture anyone’s attention while simultaneously trying to get Yoongi to notice what he’s doing. He had to wake Yoongi up in case Yoongi would do it again.

“Mmm,” Yoongi hummed, still with his eyes closed.

“Yoongi,” Jeongguk whispered a bit more disapprovingly this time.

Yoongi hummed again, his eyes opening ever so slightly. Then, all of Yoongi’s muscles tensed up all at once, his eyes snapped open, and he shot himself up into a sitting position.

Now, everyone was looking at them, even the stylists from across the room. Everyone’s faces were a variation of confusion. Everyone’s but Namjoon’s. Namjoon’s eyes were wide with shock, his lips parted, and there was something… angry in his expression, properly angry. Namjoon didn’t say anything, and Yoongi just grumbled something and turned to lie down on the arm of the couch, luckily avoiding questions.

Then, a little while later, when the rain finally stopped and everyone got up to get their hair and makeup fixed, Namjoon caught Yoongi by the arm and pulled him aside, Jeongguk hastily following them, listening.

“Did you fucking kiss him?” Namjoon whisper-yelled. “Are you crazy?”

“It wasn’t on fucking purpose,” Yoongi hissed. “Let go.”

He tugged his hand out of Namjoon’s grasp and walked to his hair stylist, and Jeongguk was left to watch Namjoon inhale and exhale deeply, forcing a calm expression onto his face.

They were angry. They were both angry, and it was scary. And Jeongguk knew that wasn’t the end of it. He knew that they were going to be in his room that night and that there wouldn’t be even a semblance of calm, that whatever fragile peace they had was broken. He was just left to wonder about how bad it was going to get. The whole fucking day, Jeongguk could see the anger. Yoongi and Namjoon refused to touch – even for photos. They barely even looked at each other. Even the other members noticed that something was wrong if the looks they were giving Yoongi and Namjoon were anything to go by. Hoseok even pulled Yoongi aside at one point, but their conversation only lasted a minute before Yoongi was walking away from him.

It’s been building and building, and now, Jeongguk’s in the car back home with Hoseok and Seokjin, the two cars with Jimin, Yoongi, Taehyung, and Namjoon behind them. He’s terrified. No idea what’s going to happen. But he knows that something will, and that’s enough to scare him shitless.

The car that he’s in ends up coming to the hotel first, and he wastes no time before getting up to his room, leaning up against his door and breathing. He needs to think. He’s not sure how long it’s going to be before Yoongi and Namjoon come here. They might not come at all, that’s possible. He hopes they will though. Maybe being mad will at least get them all to talk things out. However long it’ll be before they show up though, Jeongguk needs to spend that time strategizing.

What is the best way to get Yoongi and Namjoon to not fight? What’s the best way to use the anger to segue into having a proper conversation? What is Namjoon actually mad at? Yoongi being… intimate-ish with Jeongguk in public, right? With the kiss on the stomach. Which Jeongguk didn’t even realize that Namjoon saw. How should they-

A knock on the door. Jeongguk jumps, turns around, looks through the peephole, and it’s Yoongi. Shit. Jeongguk didn’t think that Yoongi would come right away! They never come right away, they always come at night! Jeongguk didn’t have time to plan! This is- fuck!

Jeongguk takes a deep breath, schools his expression and opens the door.

“Listen, I’m sorry about earlier,” Yoongi says right when the door opens, walking past Jeongguk into Jeongguk’s room.

Jeongguk closes the door, his heart still racing, unsure what to say.

“I didn’t even realize what I was doing,” Yoongi cringes, looking down and shaking his head. “I didn’t notice where I was at-“

“It was just a little peck on the stomach,” Jeongguk says, trying to comfort.

“I know, I know. It wasn’t as bad as it-“ Yoongi cringes harder, “-could have been, but still, I- shit, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Jeongguk tries again.

“It’s not. We both know it’s not,” Yoongi says, shaking his head. “I swear, I didn’t do it on-“

Another knock, Yoongi stops talking, and Jeongguk just knows that it’s Namjoon. He just knows it, and the fear is so overwhelming, Jeongguk immediately blanks. His heart rate stays high, but his breathing slows down. It’s an eerie calmness, Jeongguk is aware of that, but he thinks it’s better than freaking out, so he doesn’t fight it.

He opens the door. Namjoon’s gaze falls on him for a few seconds then immediately moves to Yoongi, and before Jeongguk can so much as think to say something, Namjoon walks in. Jeongguk closes the door as fast as he can, locks it, leans against it. They need to talk.

“Listen-“ Yoongi starts.

“You kissed him?!” Namjoon all but yells.

Yoongi stops.

“In public?!” Namjoon exclaims. “You kissed him?”

“It was an accident,” Yoongi keeps his voice calm, but his hands curl into fists at his sides.

“An accident,” Namjoon repeats, incredulous. “How the fuck do you kiss someone on accident?”

“Unfortunate habit,” Yoongi says, still scarily calm. Jeongguk just stays by the door and watches, unable to talk. “I woke up and didn’t realize where I was. It won’t happen again.”

“It won’t happen again?” Namjoon exclaims. “Are you kidding?”

“I’m gonna be more aware of it from now on,” Yoongi says, anger slipping into his voice. “It will not happen again.”

Namjoon’s nostrils flare with held back anger.

“It was one fucking peck on the stomach,” Yoongi spits out. “Relax.”

“On the stomach, you-“ Namjoon pauses, eyes widening ever so slightly. “No, you- you kissed him on the fucking lips.”

“What?!” Yoongi’s eyes widen, his voice getting louder. “Where the fuck did you get that from?”

“I-“ Namjoon hesitates. “I saw.”

“You fucking saw wrong then,” Yoongi argues. “That would never happen!”

“If this happened, why couldn’t that happen?” Namjoon’s loud again.

“It-“ Yoongi gapes for a second. “It just wouldn’t have,” he asserts. “I would have noticed where I was, or Jeongguk would have stopped me, doesn’t fucking matter, it wouldn’t have happened. It didn’t happen.”

Namjoon eyes stay wide- shocked and angry all at once.

A pause.

Maybe clearing the misunderstanding will stop Namjoon from being angry.

Jeongguk inhales.

“It was still not okay, I fucking know that, even if it was just a kiss on the stomach,” Yoongi’s still mad, but at least his volume has lowered. “I’m sorry! I didn’t fucking do it on purpose, and I’m gonna do whatever I can to make sure it doesn’t happen again, okay? I just lost myself for a second. I don’t fucking know what else to tell you!” he stops. Namjoon says nothing. “Now, will you calm the fuck down?!”

Yoongi turns his head away from Namjoon. He didn’t have to add that last question. Fuck. That won’t help Namjoon calm down, it’ll just irritate him more. And clearly, it doesn’t help anything, since Namjoon is still standing there with his eyebrows furrowed, fuming.

It’s quiet. Namjoon stays still. Jeongguk stays still. Yoongi is fidgeting. 

What?” Yoongi snaps, facing Namjoon again. “What is it? The fuck are you still angry at?”

Namjoon says nothing.

“Oh, you’re just gonna go quiet now,” Yoongi says, condescending. “Fucking great. Very helpful.”

Shit. Jeongguk needs to make Yoongi stop. He’s just fucking provoking Namjoon. But Jeongguk can’t speak. Fuck, why are they doing this? They’re never like this! Jeongguk’s seen Yoongi angry before. He never provokes someone on purpose. He’s better than that. He’s good at talking things out. And so is Namjoon. This angry silence is nothing like Namjoon.

“Spit it out!” Yoongi yells.

“I’m not angry,” Namjoon says, stubborn.

“Don’t fucking lie,” Yoongi calls him out.

“Fine!” Namjoon looks up, eyes wide with anger. “You wanna keep fighting? Fine, I am fucking angry. That was irresponsible and- and risky and stupid.”

“I already fucking apologized for that,” Yoongi says. “I have nothing else to say about it.”

“You shouldn’t have laid down on him in the first place,” Namjoon argues.

“Oh, so I’m not allowed to fucking touch him now,” Yoongi spits out. “You’re fucking projecting, and you know it! That’s not why you’re actually angry.”

“That’s exactly why I’m angry!” Namjoon argues.

“No, it’s not,” Yoongi laughs suddenly, almost manic. “You’re just fucking jealous.”

Namjoon’s eyes widen. “Jealous,” Namjoon repeats, voice low, “Of what?!”

Jeongguk can’t breathe.

“You know what,” Yoongi says, angry but quiet.

Another second of silence.

“I’m not the one who’s jealous,” Namjoon says calmly.

Jealous.

A pause.

“You keep fucking pushing,” Namjoon whispers, his eyes closing for a second.

Yoongi exhales slowly, looking like he’s trying to calm himself, though his voice still comes out angry.

How?” he asks.

“How?” Namjoon asks like Yoongi’s stupid. He opens his mouth then closes it abruptly, glancing at Jeongguk for a second, hesitating, like he doesn’t want to say whatever it is he was about to say with Jeongguk in the room.

“No, don’t fucking look at him, say it! Whatever you have to say, say it!” Yoongi snaps. “How the fuck am I pushing anything?”

His voice is so angry, but Jeongguk could swear he heard it tremble on that last word.

Namjoon looks back towards Yoongi.

“You’re always leaning in… kissing him first,” and now, there’s hurt in Namjoon’s voice. “No matter how early I come here, you’re always somehow here before me.”

“Are you kidding?” Yoongi hisses, more emotional now. “That’s pushing?” he pauses, his eyebrows furrowing, jaw squaring. “That’s balancing the fucking scales, you asshole! He always goes for you first. Fucking always. So I kiss him first sometimes, fucking get over yourself, he’s not yours!”

They stop.

Both of them are panting and silent, and Jeongguk… Jeongguk is going to have a heart attack. Jealous. They’re jealous of each other. That’s where the hostility comes from. They both… want him- they both want him. And they are jealous of each other because of him. Yoongi thinks that Jeongguk… favors Namjoon? And Namjoon is jealous of Jeongguk spending more time with Yoongi, so he’s worried that Jeongguk might favor Yoongi? And this is- this is crazy! He likes-

“Both of you,” Jeongguk whispers. Their eyes snap towards him. “Both of you,” Jeongguk repeats, a little louder. Their looks change to ones of surprise. “I like both of you,” Jeongguk gasps. “Equally. I- I didn’t-” he gulps, shaking his head frantically, “I didn’t mean to- to show favoritism or- or anything like that. I-“ he gasps again. “I like both of you, I want both of you. Please don’t fight because of me.”

“Fuck,” Yoongi whispers, and his next inhale is shaky.

Namjoon and Yoongi look at each other for half a second, and then they’re both rushing towards him, wrapping him up in their arms- Yoongi behind him, Namjoon in front of him.

“I’m sorry,” Yoongi whispers.

“Me too,” Namjoon adds hurriedly. “I’m so sorry.”

Jeongguk takes a few deep breaths. It’s hard to say exactly what they’re sorry for. They might be sorry because of the yelling and the flighting. Or they might be sorry for… unintentionally putting him in a position where he might have to choose between them. Or maybe they’re sorry for inadvertently making him feel guilty for all of it. Like, if he could have just given them the exact same amount of attention, the exact same amount of time and cuddles and kisses, none of this would have happened. Who he was kissing first or for how long was not… a problem in Jeongguk’s mind. He should have been more attentive.

Though… he supposes at least one good thing came out of all of this. Now, he knows that they want him. And he confessed to liking them. He wants to be happy about it, and to a degree, he is. It’s good to have it off his chest. It’s so good to know that they want him. But he also knows that some big decisions are coming up, and they’re just… tainting everything for him. And he also still feels so fucking guilty for making them think that he preferred one of them over the other. He’s not sure how it even happened, but maybe he’ll be able to fix at least that.

Consciously, he goes for Yoongi first this time. He turns around in their arms, cups Yoongi’s cheek and has just enough time to catch the surprised look in Yoongi’s eyes before he presses their lips together.

There’s no holding back. Jeongguk kisses Yoongi like he means it. Because he does. He kisses Yoongi hard and deep, and Yoongi whimpers, so Jeongguk slides his tongue into Yoongi’s mouth. They haven’t kissed like this in the past two weeks- never allowed themselves to cross the line into anything passionate. It was consistently chaste, but now… now Jeongguk slips his other hand free and presses it up against the small of Yoongi’s back, pulling Yoongi’s hips towards him, having Yoongi arch into him and whimper one more time.

Jeongguk feels Namjoon slipping away from the hug, and the second he does, Jeongguk moves the hand he had just put on Yoongi’s back to grab Namjoon’s hip. Yoongi wraps both his hands around Jeongguk’s neck, uses Jeongguk’s momentary loss of concentration to take over the kiss, and arches his back all on his own. Now, it’s Jeongguk’s turn to whimper. Namjoon stops moving, Jeongguk’s hand still gripping his hip, and Jeongguk, now aware of the jealousy, pulls back from kissing Yoongi.

“I never meant to make you feel like-“ Jeongguk gulps, “-like I might be favoring Namjoon. I’m not favoring him. I’m not favoring either of you.”

He turns his torso between the two of them, moves the hand he has on Namjoon’s hip upwards until it reaches Namjoon’s neck, and then he’s tugging Namjoon down into a kiss as well. It’s frantic. And so fucking passionate it makes Jeongguk’s head spin. Namjoon is easily the one setting the pace, and Jeongguk is more than happy to let him. He’s missed the way Namjoon can take control. He’s missed it so fucking much.

Yoongi’s lips find Jeongguk’s neck, and Jeongguk’s knees immediately buckle. He’s overwhelmed, but Namjoon catches him with two hands on his waist, continuing to kiss him.

“Fuck, I want you so bad,” Yoongi whispers against Jeongguk’s neck, and goosebumps appear all over Jeongguk’s body.

“I want you too,” Jeongguk says, pulling back from Namjoon for half a second before kissing him again.

It feels so good to say it. It feels so good to hear it.

“Fuck,” Jeongguk exhales, moving away from Namjoon again, turning to Yoongi and kissing him.

Namjoon’s hands move a little lower on Jeongguk’s hips and grasp the hem of his shirt. Jeongguk raises his arms and breaks away from Yoongi for a moment to let Namjoon take his shirt right off, stepping on the backs of his shoes and taking them off as well. Then, instead of kissing Yoongi again, he gets Yoongi’s sweater off, tosses it to the side, turns to Namjoon who’s also taking off his shoes, tugs on Namjoon’s shirt until Namjoon takes it off as well, and when he turns back to Yoongi, their lips connecting one more time, he grabs Yoongi’s thighs and hoists him up.

“Oh, fuck,” Yoongi exclaims in surprise, his lips disconnecting from Jeongguk’s, his legs wrapping around Jeongguk’s hips as Jeongguk turns around and walks them to the bed.

“Namjoon hyung,” Jeongguk calls, but he doesn’t need to because Namjoon is right behind him.

Jeongguk lets Yoongi fall onto the sheets, watches Yoongi toss his shoes off to the side of the room and scoot backward to lean against the headboard. Then, Jeongguk turns to Namjoon, kisses him once, gets onto the bed and crawls between Yoongi’s legs. Jeongguk’s thinking, nowhere near getting lost in the sex like he did the last two times with them. He’s aware of exactly how much he’s giving Yoongi and exactly how much he’s giving Namjoon, and he finds that it’s so fucking hard to balance things out equally. He’s not even sure if it’s really possible.

Jealousy wasn’t something that he ever thought he’d have to deal with in this situation, though he probably should have. He doesn’t have a plan here. There’s only desire, the revelation of them wanting him as much as he wants them and the absolute helpless need to give both of them everything that he has. Equally. Maybe if he can be enough for both of them, he won’t have to choose at all.

He bends down to kiss Yoongi and feels Namjoon press right up against his back, kissing the nape of his neck. Fuck, it’s hard to concentrate already. He fumbles for Yoongi’s zipper with one hand, continuing to kiss Yoongi and trying to grind back against Namjoon all at the same time, but when he ends up failing to actually get Yoongi’s pants open, Yoongi reaches for them and does it for him, pushing them down his thighs.

Moving one hand behind himself, Jeongguk grabs Namjoon’s thigh, and as he rolls his hips down against Yoongi’s crotch, he makes Namjoon move with him, grinding against him too. Yoongi’s getting hard already, and Jeongguk is so surprised by it, he gasps, stops kissing him. And then, Namjoon grabs Jeongguk’s hips and grinds onto him properly, and Namjoon’s not fucking soft either, and Jeongguk’s getting hard too, and holy shit, everything is happening too fast.

“Fuck,” Jeongguk exhales.

“What do you want, sweetie?” Yoongi asks.

Jeongguk shakes his head, “What do you want?”

“Anything,” Yoongi says.

“No,” Jeongguk shakes his head again. “I wanna do what you guys want. Please.”

Namjoon’s lips press against the back of Jeongguk’s neck.

“I wanna fuck you,” Namjoon whispers, thrusting his hips hard against Jeongguk’s ass once.

Jeongguk shudders.

“God, I wanna fuck you so bad,” he repeats.

Jeongguk nods quickly, “Yeah.”

“Yeah?” Namjoon asks.

Jeongguk nods again.

“Please, Yoongi,” Jeongguk whispers. “Please, what do you want?”

Yoongi’s eyebrows furrow, “Want you to fuck me. Wanna fuck your mouth again.”

“Yeah,” Jeongguk nods frantically. He wants all of it. “Yeah, okay, fuck. Okay. Yeah, fuck my mouth first, okay?”

Yoongi frowns deeply, like hearing this pains him, “Fuck, baby, of course.”

One last, deep kiss to Yoongi’s lips, and Jeongguk scoots back, pressing up against Namjoon’s chest. He tugs on Yoongi’s pants, and while Yoongi pulls his legs to himself to get his pants off, Jeongguk straightens up against Namjoon and turns to him, sliding his hand up and holding the side of Namjoon’s neck. Namjoon’s arms wrap around Jeongguk’s waist, pressing Jeongguk closer.

“You’re gonna fuck my mouth too, right?” Jeongguk asks. “Please.”

“God, like I could ever say no to you,” Namjoon breathes and kisses him.

Jeongguk gets a tiny bit lost in it. The way Namjoon takes over, the way Namjoon’s hand slides down from Jeongguk’s hips to Jeongguk’s crotch, rubbing against the front of Jeongguk’s jeans. He barely even notices Yoongi getting up, but then Yoongi’s lips are on Jeongguk’s neck again, and Jeongguk moans so fucking brokenly it makes him blush.

He reaches for Yoongi’s underwear, holding Yoongi’s already hard cock through them, rubbing. It feels so fucking good. Fuck, he’s missed having it in his hand, missed having it in his mouth. He moves away from Namjoon’s lips and tugs Yoongi to him again, kissing. Taking turns. No favoritism. Kissing both of them. Touching both of them.

“How do we do this?” Jeongguk pulls back to ask. “How? What position? How do you want me?”

“’How do you want me’,” Namjoon repeats, sighing. “Fuck, in every way.”

Jeongguk shudders, and Namjoon just fucking kisses Jeongguk’s neck and rubs Jeongguk’s crotch like he didn’t just turn Jeongguk’s heart upside down.

“We could just…” Yoongi presses a kiss to Jeongguk’s lips, his fingers running over Jeongguk’s stomach. “I don’t know, stand on the floor, you on your knees?”

“Yeah, okay,” Jeongguk nods. However it works, he doesn’t care. As long as he can have both of their cocks at the same time. Rug burns? Who cares. “Just… give me a sec.”

He leans back against Namjoon for only a moment, just to… catch his breath, and Namjoon uses the opportunity to unzip Jeongguk’s jeans and push them down to his thighs. He rubs Jeongguk’s cock through only Jeongguk’s underwear now, and fucking god, Jeongguk is hard. But all too soon, Namjoon’s fingers move back up to tease the waistband of Jeongguk’s underwear.

“Can I take them off?” Namjoon asks. Jeongguk nods. “Wanna see your pretty hard cock when you’re sucking us off.”

“Shit, yeah,” Yoongi whispers while Jeongguk moans.

His underwear can only go down to his thighs with him on his knees, but that doesn’t seem to bother Namjoon and Yoongi at all, since the second Jeongguk’s cock is out, they both reach for it. Yoongi’s hand ends up around Jeongguk’s shaft first, but Namjoon’s was almost there too. Namjoon hesitates then, his hand hovering beside Yoongi’s. So, Jeongguk takes the initiative himself, bringing Namjoon’s hand to Yoongi’s and watching Yoongi’s fingers spread so that Namjoon’s could fit between them on Jeongguk’s shaft. And then Jeongguk wraps both of his hands over theirs. Just in case. So they won’t be able to change their minds and let go.   

They spend maybe one minute like this, with Jeongguk moving his hips back and forth, shifting his cock in their hands, his moans the only sound filling the room. But then Jeongguk starts feeling guilty about not touching them and about forcing them into touching each other like this, so he unwraps his hands from around theirs.

“Okay,” Jeongguk pants. “Floor. Wanna suck you off now.”

“Fuck,” Yoongi frowns. God, Jeongguk loves making Yoongi react like that.

Jeongguk shifts away from them, falling onto his back on the bed and kicking off his jeans. Namjoon helps him, but Yoongi walks off to Jeongguk’s closet of all places, his boner tenting his underwear in such a… stupidly hot way. Yoongi opens up the closet, and Jeongguk is too distracted by Namjoon pulling Jeongguk’s underwear off to see what Yoongi actually takes.

But then Yoongi’s back, and he’s holding a spare pillow, walking to the bed and throwing the pillow on the floor beside it.

“Rug burns,” Yoongi explains, shrugging, and that just… fills Jeongguk with so much fucking fondness, his whole chest hurts. Apparently, someone does care about rug burns. “Kneel on it. Don’t want your knees scraped.”

Jeongguk gets up off the bed, wraps his hands around Yoongi’s neck and kisses him. Yoongi seems legitimately taken aback by it, his muscles tensing for a moment before he actually kisses Jeongguk back. But Jeongguk doesn’t kiss him for long. Namjoon gets off the bed to stand beside Yoongi, and Jeongguk slowly lowers onto his knees, kissing Yoongi’s chest along the way. When he drops to the floor, he grabs the pillow and shoves it under his knees.

Yoongi and Namjoon are worryingly close to one another like this- they’re almost touching, and Jeongguk is legitimately concerned that him taking their cocks out when they’re so close to each other will make them uncomfortable, but they don’t even seem to notice their own proximity. Or if they do, they don’t care. Or if they care, they don’t say anything about it. He’s on his knees for both of them. Can’t be giving them attention any more equally than this.

Namjoon’s the only one who’s still got his pants on, so Jeongguk reaches for him first, unbuttoning his dress pants quickly and shoving them down his legs. Namjoon is about to step out of them when Jeongguk reaches for the waistband of his underwear and looks up in question, to which Namjoon gives Jeongguk a little nod. So, Namjoon’s underwear come down as well, his cock bobbing out, so hard it makes Jeongguk’s own cock twitch. Then, Namjoon steps out of his pants.

When Jeongguk looks at Yoongi, Yoongi’s eyes are on Namjoon’s cock as well. Really, Jeongguk gets it, it’s hard not to look at it. But it’s also confusing, because the way Yoongi looks at it just makes Jeongguk think that Yoongi wants it. Which, considering how wrong Jeongguk was about Namjoon and Yoongi’s attraction towards each other before, Jeongguk must be totally imagining. Just projecting his own desires onto them as well. But it’s fine. They don’t have to… be into each other for something like this – whatever this is – to work. Right? This is okay. Right?

Yoongi’s eyes shift back to Jeongguk when Jeongguk runs his hands over Yoongi’s thighs up to the waistband of Yoongi’s underwear.

“Yeah,” Yoongi whispers, so Jeongguk pushes Yoongi’s underwear down, and fuck, his cock is just as pretty as Jeongguk remembers it. So fucking pretty.

Jeongguk wraps his hands around both of their shafts at the same time. Yoongi hisses, and Namjoon groans, shuffling a little bit closer to Jeongguk and closer to Yoongi as a consequence, their arms touching. Looking up, Jeongguk finds Namjoon looking at Yoongi’s cock as well, licking his lips. And god, they need to stop fucking doing that, it’s too fucking confusing.

He strokes them and finds himself contemplating who to blow first. Who has he given more attention so far? He doesn’t fucking know. Namjoon is the one he ends up leaning towards first, just because he’s already sucked Yoongi off before. So, now, he’s going to balance that out.

Licking up the underside of Namjoon’s shaft, Jeongguk strokes Yoongi. Namjoon’s head lolls back for a second, but then he looks down at Jeongguk, and his fingers slip into Jeongguk’s hair, gently running through it.

“God, you look so pretty,” Namjoon says.

“You do,” Yoongi nods, and Jeongguk, blushing, takes Namjoon’s cock into his mouth.

He’s not sure why, but it’s really hard for him to concentrate. It’s like his head is in too many places. He’s still shaken by Yoongi and Namjoon’s fight, from finding out about them wanting him and about them being jealous of each other and about them fighting because of him. Even now, bobbing his head up and down on Namjoon’s shaft, he hears the screaming, sees Yoongi’s clenched fists. He’s giving it his best, he really is, sucking tight. Namjoon likes it tight, he already knows. But Jeongguk really is distracted, so he’s worried his best right now is not as good as it can be.

Namjoon’s fingers run through Jeongguk’s hair one more time, and Jeongguk pulls off his cock, stroking it with his hand while leaning towards Yoongi’s. Yoongi moans when Jeongguk’s lips wrap around him, Jeongguk’s tongue pressing up against his slit, and he sounds so fucking good. Jeongguk just needs to get out of his own head for a minute. This is fine. If Yoongi and Namjoon didn’t want to be here right now or were bothered by each other being here, they would do something about it. They wouldn’t let him do this.

Focus. He strokes Namjoon’s shaft tighter, sucks Yoongi’s cock a little deeper, gags on it slightly because he knows that Yoongi likes it. Yoongi’s legs shake, a moan leaves his lips, and his hand comes down onto Jeongguk’s shoulder for balance.

“Yeah, like that,” Yoongi breathes, his hips moving forward a bit, choking Jeongguk a little bit more.

Jeongguk relaxes his throat as much as he can, lifts the hand he has around the base of Yoongi’s cock and moves it to Yoongi’s hip, pulling, encouraging Yoongi to just… use his mouth, to take control. That would be good for Jeongguk. That would make him stop thinking, just like both of the other times with them. All he needs is to let them take control, and that’ll make everything easier.

Yoongi begins sliding in and out of Jeongguk’s mouth, and Jeongguk closes his eyes, tightens his grip on Yoongi’s thigh. Come on, Yoongi can go a little harder than that. Jeongguk lets out a frustrated hum and tugs on Yoongi’s thigh.

“Harder?” Yoongi asks.

Jeongguk opens his eyes, looks up and does his best to nod.

“Okay, sweetie,” Yoongi says, moving his hand to Jeongguk’s jaw, cupping it and thrusting.

Yes. Yes, this is good. Jeongguk closes his eyes again and lets himself… feel. He feels warm, he feels turned on, he feels wanted and needed and slutty. And good. He feels good. Not distracted. Completely in the moment. Yeah. Namjoon’s hand wraps around Jeongguk’s on his shaft, and shit- Jeongguk forgot to keep stroking him. Fuck, it’s hard to concentrate.

He needs two mouths. Or he needs to be on his knees getting fucked from behind and from the front. That’s the only way. He can’t really give equally like this. Can’t even concentrate enough to suck and stroke at the same time. Yoongi thrusts in particularly hard, and Jeongguk chokes and has to pull back from him to breathe.

“Too much?” Yoongi asks, and Jeongguk shakes his head, taking Namjoon in his mouth again, going deep right away.

“Fuck,” Namjoon exclaims.

Maybe Jeongguk caught him a little by surprise, Jeongguk isn’t sure, but Namjoon moans, so it’s okay. He lets go of Yoongi for a second, wraps his fingers around his own cock and gives himself a long, tight, up and down stroke. He whines around Namjoon, so fucking relieved to be touched, and takes Namjoon as deep as he can.

He doesn’t have to tell Namjoon to fuck his mouth. Namjoon just does it. God, Namjoon’s good at taking control. Jeongguk wants Namjoon to spank him again. While Namjoon fucks him. Yeah, fuck, that would be hot. He grabs Yoongi’s thigh again and just… tugs, making Yoongi take a step closer. Screw it if Yoongi touches Namjoon, Jeongguk is fucking uncomfortable having to lean so far in each direction every time he switches dicks.

Yoongi doesn’t complain though. All he does is stumble slightly, grab Jeongguk’s shoulder harder, then regain his footing, move that hand to the back of Jeongguk’s head and press, moving Jeongguk forward on Namjoon’s shaft.

“Ah, shit,” Namjoon swears, his head tilting back, hips stilling, letting Yoongi take control. Yoongi is watching Namjoon again.

It’s hard to tell if Yoongi is turned on by Namjoon or if he’s just studying him, and it’s fucking annoying. Why can’t they just fuck each other? They want to. They must! Yoongi’s face clearly fucking shows it. Jeongguk cannot be this wrong.

Watching Namjoon, Yoongi moves Jeongguk’s head a little faster, and Jeongguk tells himself to just… stop thinking. Please, fuck, stop thinking. This is the best fucking moment. The best. They want him, and he wants them, so he should just enjoy this, let himself have this while he’s turned on and they’re turned on and before everything goes to shit again.

He goes back to stroking himself, and that feels right. Tight strokes on his hard cock, Yoongi moving him deeper on Namjoon’s shaft, his eyes back on Jeongguk. Yeah. Yeah, okay, this is better.

“Fuck, you’re so hot,” Yoongi says, stroking his own cock now too. “Look at him.”

“I know,” Namjoon says.

Are they talking to each other now? That’s good. At least that.

“So hot,” Yoongi breathes. “Such a good mouth.”

“Such a good boy,” Namjoon adds, Yoongi nods, and Jeongguk is… officially getting lost in it now.

He looks up at them and just… needs. Just needs a little bit more. He can imagine it- the way he looks. Desperate, on his knees, hard cock in his hand, his lips stretched around Namjoon’s shaft, hair messy where Yoongi is holding it. Dirty, slutty-

“So pretty,” Namjoon says.

So good. Good for them both. But just… a little bit more. He needs more, but he’s not sure exactly what.

“Come on, choke him,” Yoongi says. “He wants you to.”

“Do you?” Namjoon asks.

Jeongguk nods. Yes. Please. Fuck, please.

His desperation must show because suddenly, Namjoon is frowning, pulling his cock out of Jeongguk’s mouth, grabbing Jeongguk’s shoulders and pushing Jeongguk back until Jeongguk’s ass is on his heels and his back is pressed up against the side of the bed. Then, Namjoon advances, his feet on either side of Jeongguk, looming over Jeongguk in a way that makes Jeongguk want to beg him. For what, he’s not even sure. He’d take anything from Namjoon right now.

Namjoon cups Jeongguk’s face for a second, bends down to kiss Jeongguk’s lips, then places both of his palms on the bed above Jeongguk’s head. His cock is right in front of Jeongguk’s face like this, and Jeongguk opens his mouth, sticks his tongue out and accepts Namjoon’s cock when it pushes into him.

Jeongguk’s concerned about Yoongi for a second- about Yoongi feeling left out. But then Yoongi is down on his knees besides Jeongguk, flush against Jeongguk’s side. His cock is touching Jeongguk’s arm, his lips pressed to the top of Jeongguk’s head, his hand cupping Jeongguk’s chin- so close to Namjoon’s cock, so fucking close. It would be so fucking easy for Yoongi to just lean in and lick Namjoon’s shaft. So easy. When Namjoon starts thrusting into Jeongguk’s mouth, Yoongi kisses the top of Jeongguk’s head. 

“Like that, yeah, baby?” Yoongi asks.

Yes. Namjoon’s cock pushes deep into his throat, and Jeongguk’s eyes immediately sting, so he closes them.

“Open your eyes, look at him,” Yoongi says, and Jeongguk listens, looking up at Namjoon. “Gonna watch those pretty eyes water,” Yoongi kisses Jeongguk’s temple.

Namjoon pulls back out and pushes back in, and fuck, Jeongguk’s eyes are already watering.

“Look so good with cock in your throat,” Yoongi whispers, kissing Jeongguk’s temple again.

His hand slides down Jeongguk’s chest, fingers gently slipping over Jeongguk’s nipple before pinching it. Hard. Jeongguk whimpers and is saved from choking by Namjoon pulling his cock back at the right second. And then Namjoon picks up the pace a little, and Jeongguk’s head is spinning.

“So hard,” Yoongi keeps talking, his hand now moving down on Jeongguk’s stomach again. “Such a good baby boy. Drooling so pretty.”

Jeongguk didn’t even realize he was drooling, fuck. But at least Yoongi thinks he’s pretty.

“Come on, fuck him harder,” Yoongi says.

“God, Yoongi,” Namjoon exclaims, and then he’s fucking Jeongguk’s throat.

Jeongguk can barely breathe, only being able to inhale slightly when Namjoon pulls his cock back. But it feels so good. Tears are sliding down Jeongguk’s cheeks, and Jeongguk feels so good.

“Good baby boy. Pretty baby boy,” Yoongi whispers, and then his hand is around Jeongguk’s shaft, and Jeongguk chokes so bad, Namjoon pulls back.

Jeongguk gasps, panting, glances at Yoongi, and Yoongi is smiling slightly.

“Too much?” Yoongi asks, still stroking Jeongguk.

“No,” Jeongguk croaks out.

“Then let’s go again,” Yoongi smiles a little wider, and when the tip of Namjoon’s cock nudges Jeongguk’s lips, Jeongguk opens his mouth.

Fast and deep. Right away. Jeongguk keeps his eyes on Yoongi this time, his entire body warming up from the quick pace of Yoongi’s strokes. His cheeks are wet, his throat is burning, and his head is spinning. Namjoon doesn’t let up at all, his thrusts only getting deeper, and Jeongguk takes it and takes it, and Yoongi kisses his wet cheek, and everything feels perfect.

“Fucking shit,” Namjoon exclaims, abruptly pulling his cock out of Jeongguk’s mouth. “I gotta-“ Namjoon gulps. “Fuck,” he takes a deep breath. “If you want me to fuck you-“ he takes another deep breath, “-then I really can’t keep going like that.”

“I want,” Jeongguk tries to say, but his voice has never been hoarser.

“Want Namjoon to fuck you?” Yoongi asks.

Jeongguk nods frantically.

“And you-“ Jeongguk clears his throat. “Wanna fuck you.”

“Yeah?” Yoongi whispers.

“Please,” Jeongguk whispers back.

God, Yoongi’s lips are pretty. Jeongguk wants to kiss them. Yoongi wouldn’t though, not after Namjoon just fucked Jeongguk’s mouth like that. Right?

“Kiss,” Jeongguk whispers, nothing to lose, and Yoongi’s kissing him.

Just like that. No hesitation, Yoongi’s lips are on Jeongguk’s, mouth open, tongue sliding in. He tries to kiss back as good as he can, his tongue meeting Yoongi’s, but he feels like he’s choking on this kiss even worse than he was choking on Namjoon’s cock. He absolutely cannot breathe.

Yoongi pulls back too soon. Way too soon, and Jeongguk whimpers. But then Namjoon’s hands are grabbing Jeongguk’s biceps and hauling him up onto the bed, Yoongi’s hand falling away from Jeongguk’s cock. Jeongguk feels a little like a ragdoll, falling onto his back.

“Head on the pillow,” Namjoon says. “Come on.”

Jeongguk moves. Barely, but he moves. Yoongi is digging in the bedside drawer, pulling out lube and two condoms, passing them to Namjoon then getting onto the bed beside Jeongguk. He kisses Jeongguk again, and Jeongguk spreads his legs for Namjoon.

It’s a lot. It’s still difficult to concentrate. Namjoon and Yoongi still work so well together. Despite the fighting, despite everything, they work together as well as they did the first time. Jeongguk kisses Yoongi harder and spreads his legs wider, feeling Namjoon scoot between them. Then, Namjoon braces a hand on the bed beside Jeongguk’s head, Yoongi pulls away, and Namjoon is kissing Jeongguk.

Jeongguk’s not sure how long they kiss for. He’s really not. But eventually, Namjoon is moving away as well. Jeongguk keeps his eyes closed for a moment, lets himself imagine that, as his eyes are closed, Yoongi and Namjoon lean in to kiss each other too. A feeling of contentment washes over him at the thought. No need for choosing. No need for pain. No need for fighting. Just everyone loving everyone.

When his eyes open, Yoongi and Namjoon are not kissing, they’re just looking at him.

“Are you okay?” Yoongi whispers.

“Yeah,” Jeongguk smiles, and he hopes that smile doesn’t come off as sad.

He is okay. He’s got both of them. At least for now.

His eyes focus on Namjoon, “Fuck me.”

Namjoon kisses him again instead. Just once. Soft. Then, Namjoon searches Jeongguk’s eyes, kisses him again and moves away, grabbing the lube and squeezing a bit of it onto his fingers. Yoongi reaches his own hand out to Namjoon too, and Namjoon looks at it for a second, confused, before tipping the lube bottle above Yoongi’s palm and pouring some onto it as well.

When Namjoon’s wet fingers brush over Jeongguk’s hole, shivers break across Jeongguk’s skin, and he wonders if Yoongi and Namjoon are going to finger him together again. Just like the first time. A finger pushes into Jeongguk, he exhales, and realizes, as he watches Yoongi reach behind himself, that no, they’re not going to finger him together, Yoongi is going to finger himself.

“No,” Jeongguk tells Yoongi. “I wanna do that.”

Yoongi stops moving, “Yeah?”

“So bad,” Jeongguk says.

Yoongi smiles, kisses Jeongguk on the lips quickly, looking Jeongguk up and down for a moment, thinking. Then, he pushes Jeongguk’s leg down onto the bed, making Jeongguk squeeze Namjoon’s finger harder inside him, lifts Jeongguk’s hand and moves it towards Namjoon, who picks up the lube again and squeezes some onto Jeongguk’s fingers.

“Hold it here,” Yoongi says, leading Jeongguk’s hand, fingers up, to lie mostly flat on Jeongguk’s stomach. “You don’t mind, do you?” Yoongi asks Namjoon, then throws one leg over Jeongguk’s torso, bracing himself over Jeongguk’s chest, hands placed on the headboard.

“Fuck,” Namjoon whispers, and Jeongguk can only imagine the view Namjoon has right now.

How can Namjoon not be attracted to Yoongi? Especially after seeing him like this. It’s impossible.

Yoongi reaches behind himself and finds Jeongguk’s hand.

“One finger,” Yoongi says, and it takes Jeongguk a second to realize what he’s actually asking for.

Jeongguk lifts up his middle finger, and before he even knows what’s going on, Yoongi is sinking onto it.

Things happen pretty fast after that. Or maybe Jeongguk just loses his mind a little, overwhelmed by how surreal it is that he’s here in this moment. Before he knows it, Yoongi is saying “another finger,” and Namjoon has two fingers inside of Jeongguk as well. Yoongi looks so good above Jeongguk, and he clenches so tight on Jeongguk’s fingers. Jeongguk doesn’t clench. Afraid of feeling too good and coming too soon. He needs to last long enough to fuck Yoongi better than anyone has before.

His whole world is spinning. He’s desperate and needy and tired and still worried and upset. He’s thinking, but at the same time, his mind is completely blank. It’s a lot. He’s not sure he’s going to survive this.

Yoongi gets off Jeongguk after another short while of riding Jeongguk’s two fingers, and suddenly Jeongguk can see Namjoon again, and he wants a kiss from him. He tries to say it, but all that comes out is a sigh and an accidental clench around Namjoon’s fingers.

“Kookie?” he hears Yoongi’s voice suddenly.

Jeongguk hums.

“Kookie,” Yoongi repeats, so Jeongguk opens his eyes. He didn’t even notice closing them.

Yoongi and Namjoon are both right above him. They’re so pretty. He wants them to kiss. Jeongguk smiles, clenching around Namjoon’s fingers on purpose this time.

“Are you okay?” Namjoon asks.

“Mmhm,” Jeongguk nods, and the whole world tilts for half a second.

“Subspace?” Yoongi turns to Namjoon.

Subspace, Jeongguk thinks. Maybe. He’s definitely dizzy.

“Maybe we should stop?” Namjoon whispers, frowning.

“No,” Jeongguk whines. “Please,” he doesn’t want to stop.

He wants to make them feel good. He wants to make them come.

“Please,” Jeongguk whispers. He deserves to make them feel good.

Namjoon and Yoongi look at each other for a second. Then, Yoongi cups Jeongguk’s cheek.

“Okay,” Yoongi says. “We’re gonna go slow and gentle, alright?”

“Okay,” Jeongguk whispers, craning his neck for a kiss.

Yoongi gives Jeongguk a short kiss, then moves away to let Namjoon kiss Jeongguk as well.

“On your side,” Yoongi instructs.

Namjoon pulls his fingers out of Jeongguk and closes Jeongguk’s legs, Jeongguk slowly turning onto his left side. When Yoongi lies down in front of Jeongguk, his back to Jeongguk’s chest, Jeongguk immediately hugs him, kissing the back of his neck. And Namjoon does the same to Jeongguk when he gets behind him - a little kiss onto the back of Jeongguk’s neck and his arms around Jeongguk. Only for a second though. After that, Namjoon is reaching lower, gently grasping Jeongguk’s shaft and rolling a condom onto it.

Jeongguk’s hips shift at the contact, cock sensitive, feeling Namjoon’s hard cock against his ass and wanting. Just wanting. When Namjoon’s done rolling the condom onto him, Jeongguk lifts his leg, wants Namjoon inside him and Yoongi around him. As fast as possible. He wants it now. And tomorrow. And next week. And forever.

He’s not really sure how to do all of this, but it’s okay because Yoongi and Namjoon are leading. He doesn’t have to worry. It’s Yoongi who reaches for Jeongguk’s cock. Jeongguk doesn’t have to do anything. Yoongi lifts his own leg, scoots back so he’s flush against Jeongguk, and Jeongguk’s cock is slipping inside of Yoongi before Jeongguk can even think about it.

Yoongi whimpers, and Jeongguk holds him tighter, awareness coming back to him with every second that Yoongi makes that pained noise. It’s a long moment before Jeongguk is fully inside of Yoongi, but once he is, Yoongi sighs, and Jeongguk can’t hold back his own grunt.

“Are you okay?” Jeongguk asks Yoongi.

“You feel so good,” Yoongi breathes in answer.

Namjoon kisses the nape of Jeongguk’s neck again.

“Are you okay?” Namjoon asks.

“Yeah,” Jeongguk answers, the fog in his mind continuing to dissipate.

He reaches one hand back to grab Namjoon’s hip, pushing his hips against Namjoon’s. But then Yoongi moans- surprised, and Jeongguk realizes that trying to push back onto Namjoon will pull him out of Yoongi, so he stops.

“You have to push in,” Jeongguk says. “I don’t wanna pull out of him accidentally.”

So, Namjoon kisses Jeongguk’s shoulder and presses the tip of his cock against Jeongguk’s hole, slowly but surely pushing inside. Jeongguk holds his breath and keeps himself from clenching as best as he can. It burns. But not much. Yoongi clenches around him, distracting him from the pain, and Jeongguk kisses his neck.

He can think again, more or less. Namjoon’s cock stretching him does make his head spin wildly for a good few seconds, but he takes a deep breath and concentrates on being inside of Yoongi instead. He’s good at topping. Good at lasting a long time when he’s inside someone. This shouldn’t be any different. He just needs to stay focused on that.

When Namjoon finally presses all the way inside him, Jeongguk is capable enough of moving to slowly push his hips forward and back. It’s a sensation he’s never felt before, tugs his brain in two different directions. The closest thing he’s felt to this was using Yoongi’s dildo and Namjoon’s fleshlight at the same time a couple weeks ago. He doesn’t think he’ll be able to last long, not like this, not when he’s so full and when Yoongi is clenched on him so tight.

They build up a rhythm like that, with Jeongguk moving back and forth between them. Jeongguk half expects Yoongi to keep talking the way he was before, dirty and explicit and shameless, but he doesn’t. He moans and grunts, but no words. Maybe he’s lost in bottoming the way Jeongguk always is. Namjoon is moaning too, curses leaving his lips every little while.

It’s the same position they always cuddle in, Jeongguk realizes, and something about it warms his heart, makes him think about all the soft kisses they shared these past two weeks, the serenity of the nights they spent together, the false belief that everything was okay, Jeongguk’s ignorance about everything that wasn’t. Frowning, he makes himself stop thinking about it.

He thrusts back and forth a little harder, fucking Yoongi a little deeper. Everything’s going to be fine. Somehow, it will be. Though he wishes he could see them right now, that would definitely make things better. Why do they have to be in a position where he can’t see their faces- can’t see how good he’s making them feel? Yoongi moans louder, and Jeongguk focuses on that. Though it’s hard to focus on anything when Namjoon begins thrusting. Jeongguk’s not sure if Namjoon was looking for it, but he definitely found Jeongguk’s prostate, and Jeongguk’s mind completely blanks for a second.

Yoongi starts grinding back against him, and Jeongguk realizes that he accidentally stopped moving when Namjoon started thrusting. There goes his mind again, fucking spacing out. He shakes his head, waking himself up, grabbing Yoongi’s hip and thrusting into him hard. He’s going to make Yoongi feel so good. Yoongi moans loudly, and Jeongguk sees his hand reaching down between his legs for his cock.

Before Yoongi can take it in his hand though, Jeongguk lets go of Yoongi’s hip and takes Yoongi’s cock in his hand himself.

“Me,” Jeongguk says. “I wanna make you come.”

“Yeah,” Yoongi chokes out. “Fuck me a little faster then,” he adds. “And angle down.”

Jeongguk does as he’s told, and Yoongi’s whole body freezes.

“Fuck,” Yoongi exclaims, breathless.

“There?” Jeongguk asks, thrusting faster.

“Yeah,” Yoongi gasps shakily. “Fuck, right there,” he grinds back against Jeongguk. “Hard.”

Jeongguk snaps his hips against Yoongi’s, and Namjoon – thankfully – stops thrusting into Jeongguk, allowing him to concentrate better. He does his best to stroke Yoongi’s cock at the same time as he fucks him, and he thinks he’s doing a good job because Yoongi can’t seem to stop clenching on him.

“Fuck,” Yoongi whispers. “Harder. A little harder.”

So, Jeongguk fucks harder, and both Yoongi and his voice are shaking so badly, and god, Jeongguk wishes he could see him. He wants to see him so bad. He needs to see-

“Fuck,” Yoongi says one last time and stops shaking, his hole spasming around Jeongguk’s shaft, his cock pulsing in Jeongguk’s hand, writhing around, his neck and back arching, whimpering, voice cracking.

It’s beautiful from this side, but god, Jeongguk wishes he could have seen it from the other one. Yoongi pulls off Jeongguk’s cock almost immediately, turning around to face him and kiss him.

“Fuck him,” Yoongi whispers, shivering, his lips brushing against Jeongguk’s as he speaks. “Namjoon, fuck him, make him come,” Yoongi kisses him.

When Namjoon starts thrusting, he immediately goes hard. Jeongguk breaks away from Yoongi’s lips to moan, clenching around Namjoon’s shaft tightly. Yoongi removes the condom from Jeongguk’s shaft, but Jeongguk barely feels it. He needs to come. Fuck, Yoongi told him to come. He clenches tighter, and Namjoon fucks harder.

“Are you close?” Namjoon asks, so Jeongguk thinks about it.

No, he’s not. He shakes his head. Not yet. He’s close, but not that close. He has to speed up. Yoongi’s just lying there, his cock soft, with Jeongguk unable to so much as kiss him. Namjoon’s back on Jeongguk’s prostate now, thrusting right against it, and when Yoongi wraps his fingers around Jeongguk’s shaft and strokes, Jeongguk feels like his whole body lights on fire.

It goes on and on. Minutes pass with Namjoon grunting and cursing, Jeongguk clenching, moaning, getting closer and closer, Yoongi watching them, stroking Jeongguk, Yoongi’s eyelids drooping ever so slightly. Namjoon tugs Jeongguk closer, his arm tight around Jeongguk’s stomach, and Jeongguk thinks he’s getting really close, he does. But then Namjoon moves his hand from Jeongguk’s stomach to Jeongguk’s shaft, probably not realizing that Yoongi is already there, and his hand jerks back from Yoongi’s so fast when he touches it, like he’s… repulsed, like he’s mad, and Jeongguk remembers them screaming again.

He chokes up, frowning, and no, he’s nowhere near coming. His mind floats back to a few weeks ago – that failed hookup, when he couldn’t come, and suddenly there’s a lump in his throat, he’s shaking, and he realizes he’s not going to come. He can’t come. He can’t. He can’t. But he has to, he has to, he can’t fail again, he can’t go back there. Not again. Please, god, not again. If he can’t come with Yoongi and Namjoon, then he won’t be able to come with anyone. Ever. He has to. And he has to do it fast because he can’t have Namjoon fuck him much longer. He can’t just focus on Namjoon like this because it’ll hurt Yoongi’s feelings, and Jeongguk doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want Yoongi to think he’s favoring Namjoon. He’s not. It can’t be his fault that Yoongi and Namjoon won’t be friends anymore. It can’t.

“Shit, I’m gonna- fuck,” Namjoon grunts, breathless. “Are you getting there?”

Jeongguk nods. It’s a lie, but he nods. Maybe saying that he’s going to come will actually make it happen. He just needs to believe it. He can do it. He’s afraid of Yoongi being able to read the lie on his face though, so he closes his eyes tight. Doesn’t want to look at Yoongi. Doesn’t want Yoongi to see him.

Yoongi’s fingers only tighten on Jeongguk’s shaft in response, but it’s not going to happen, he’s not going to come, he can’t, it’s not-

“Fuck, I can’t keep-“ Namjoon says then pauses. “Come with me, baby, come on, clench tighter.”

So Jeongguk clenches tighter, and Yoongi strokes faster, and Namjoon fucks harder, and maybe thirty seconds after that, Jeongguk feels Namjoon pulsing inside of him, still thrusting but obviously coming, and Jeongguk is not there. He’s not.

“I can’t,” Jeongguk chokes out.

Namjoon keeps fucking him, “A little more?”

“No, fuck, I can’t,” Jeongguk repeats, louder. “I can’t.”

With one last thrust, Namjoon stops moving, Yoongi stopping too right after that.

“What?” Yoongi whispers, and Jeongguk feels the tears right behind his closed eyelids.

“I can’t,” Jeongguk repeats quietly, so, so ashamed.

They all pause for a moment. Both Namjoon and Jeongguk are breathing shakily. Namjoon’s still hard inside of him, only just starting to go soft.

“Baby,” Yoongi whispers, his voice gentle. “It’s okay.”

Jeongguk shakes his head, keeping his eyes closed. It’s not okay.

Yoongi cups his cheek and presses a kiss to his forehead.

Namjoon hugs him close, slowly pulling his cock out.

“Please look at me,” Yoongi whispers, but Jeongguk refuses to open his eyes, gasping when Namjoon’s cock slips out. “It’s okay,” Yoongi repeats, but Jeongguk just shakes his head again.

Another pause.

“Breathe,” Namjoon whispers, so Jeongguk takes a deep breath. “One more time,” Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale again.

Then, he opens his eyes.

Two tears fall down immediately. Yoongi is looking at him with a worried expression.

“I’m sorry,” Jeongguk whispers, the mortification so bad it hurts his chest.

“No, no, no,” Yoongi shakes his head, kissing Jeongguk’s lips. “You have nothing to be sorry about. This is okay. You’re okay.”

Namjoon scoots away a little and pushes Jeongguk onto his back, then leans in to kiss him too. And Jeongguk just… Jeongguk sniffles. He sniffles so much he’s not even kissing Namjoon back, so Namjoon pulls away.

And then they hug him. Their foreheads are against his shoulders, their arms are on his stomach, pressed together. They’re touching each other. They’re actually touching each other – without pulling away, without being repulsed, without being angry. They’re touching, and Jeongguk’s heart calms down a tiny bit.

The clock ticks, and they keep hugging him like this, dropping little kisses onto his shoulders and biceps, whispering “it’s okay” over and over, to the point that Jeongguk actually begins believing them.

His body calms down too eventually, his heart rate and breathing slowing down, though his cock is just as hard. He’s feeling better though, really, now that Yoongi and Namjoon are touching each other like this. He’s better. So, with one last deep breath, he leads one of his hands down and grasps his shaft. He’s going to try again.

“Kookie?” Namjoon whispers.

“Mm?” Jeongguk strokes himself slowly.

“You don’t have to…” Namjoon says.

“I want to,” Jeongguk whispers, tightening his grip slightly. He can do it.

“We can…” Yoongi says, moving his arm away from Namjoon’s in favor of reaching for Jeongguk’s shaft, but Jeongguk doesn’t want them to stop touching each other.

He’s just about to say that when Namjoon’s hand follows Yoongi’s down there as well, and Jeongguk realizes that they mean to stroke him together, and that’s good too. So, he lets himself go, placing his palm onto the sheets.

Their hands wrap around him gently, their fingers intertwined on his shaft, and he starts grinding into their grip, keeping his breathing deep and steady.

“Such a good boy,” Yoongi whispers.

“Yeah,” Namjoon says. “So good for us.”

Instinctively, Jeongguk wants to argue but… he doesn’t. He was good for them. So, he takes the compliments in, lets them wash over him.

Keeping his eyes on Yoongi and Namjoon’s intertwined hands, he tells himself that he’s okay, that he can do this. There’s an emptiness in him. A physical one because of Namjoon no longer being inside him, but also an emotional one because of failing again. He can’t believe he fucking failed again. The tears come, but he blinks them away. It’s better to feel the emptiness than the sadness.

The orgasm builds quite fast. Yoongi and Namjoon keep kissing Jeongguk’s shoulders and biceps, keep whispering things to him. Yoongi says “take your time.” Namjoon says “keep breathing.” So, Jeongguk does both. And a little later, Yoongi says “You’re doing so well,” and Namjoon says “you are.” And before Jeongguk knows it, his body is warming up, his breathing is picking up speed.

The orgasm builds fast, but it doesn’t hit him suddenly. It washes over his entire body, making his toes curl and his fingers clench the sheets. He keeps grinding into their hands slowly, letting their voices take over everything, letting his heart swell with love and nothing else – for just a second, and the first wave of this orgasm makes him gasp, gives him goosebumps, makes him arch off the bed.

“There you go,” Yoongi breathes, and behind the blood rushing in his ears, Jeongguk hears the happiness in Yoongi’s tone. “That’s it.”

They stroke him through it, and by the time the last spurt of come hits his stomach, Jeongguk is exhausted. He sags back into the pillow, shaking and sweaty, and all Yoongi and Namjoon do is let go of his shaft and hug him again.

“You did so good,” Namjoon whispers.

“So good,” Yoongi repeats.

Jeongguk says nothing. He’s too tired. Now that it’s done, the sadness comes back. It’s not important that he managed to come right now, he didn’t manage it when it mattered. He panicked and failed. It made them worry. It scared them, Jeongguk could see. Instead of their first time having sex after confessing being perfect, it ended up getting messed up because of Jeongguk. Just like everything else.

Namjoon and Yoongi are still touching technically which is good. Their hands are pressed together on his stomach again. But it’s not good enough. Jeongguk is between them, and it feels like they’re worlds apart. Jeongguk doesn’t think he can take that. He can’t take them being distant because of him.

“Kookie,” Yoongi whispers. “Baby.”

Jeongguk hums just to acknowledge him.

“I’m so proud of you,” Yoongi says.

“For what?” a lump forms in Jeongguk’s throat.

“For not giving up,” Yoongi whispers, and a tiny sob escapes Jeongguk’s throat.

He thinks he loves them.

It just… fucking hits him- how bad it actually is. He actually thinks he loves them. And he feels so stupid. It could never work. Not like… this. It couldn’t. It won’t. And just the thought of it hurts so bad, he starts crying. Tears spill down his temples immediately and uncontrollably. He does his best to keep his breathing calm, but he’s shaking.

Yoongi and Namjoon hug him tightly again, but it doesn’t help. He’s such an idiot. A crybaby. How did he even get here? They probably think he’s crying because he couldn’t come. And maybe he is. But he’s glad they don’t know the other reason. He doesn’t want to talk right now. He knows they should. He knows he’s been thinking about talking to them and wanting to talk to them for so long, but he fucking can’t right now. Everything hurts, and he can’t. He doesn’t want to get his heart broken right now.

“You’re okay,” Namjoon whispers, but Jeongguk doesn’t believe him.

Nothing’s okay. He wishes he could go back- back before all of this. He wishes he never asked them for help. Yoongi and Namjoon wouldn’t be here right now if he didn’t. They wouldn’t be fighting, and Jeongguk’s heart wouldn’t be breaking. Everything would be better had he been a little more mature and fucking gone to the doctor on his own without talking to them beforehand. But he’s here now, and Yoongi and Namjoon want him, and he wants them, but he can’t be with either of them if that’ll mean the loss of their friendship. He can’t.

Eventually, he runs out of tears. Namjoon kisses his cheek and his lips. Then, Yoongi kisses his lips too. Jeongguk lets them, but he doesn’t really reciprocate. Kissing them hurts too much.

“Do you wanna maybe…” Yoongi asks, “talk about it?”

“No,” Jeongguk whispers, defeated.

“Okay,” Yoongi breathes. “Do you wanna-“ Yoongi tries again, but Jeongguk cuts him off.

“I don’t want anything right now,” he says quietly.

“Kookie…” Yoongi says.

“Please,” Jeongguk closes his eyes tightly. “Please don’t,” his voice catches. “Just not right now.”

“Okay,” Yoongi repeats, sounding pretty defeated too.

It’s stupid. If Yoongi’s finally offering to talk, then they should. But Jeongguk just… can’t. He already feels like shit. He doesn’t think he can take any more of it right now. He just needs a little time. To think. To figure out what to do. If he just… goes off and says everything he has to say like this- when he’s so emotional and in so much pain, then it won’t help anything. It’ll just be pain on top of pain. It’ll just surprise them too. They think they need to be talking about him not being able to come again, but that’s not what Jeongguk needs to talk about.

“Do you want us to…” Namjoon speaks, hesitates, “leave?”

“No,” Jeongguk gasps. No, fuck, he doesn’t want them to leave.

“Just sleep then?” Namjoon asks quickly, brushing his fingers through Jeongguk’s hair.

Jeongguk frowns, exhaling deeply.

“It’s okay if you wanna just go to sleep,” Yoongi reassures. “It’s okay.”

Jeongguk nods.

Sleeping. He doesn’t know if he’ll be able to sleep. But it’s better than talking right now.

“Okay,” Yoongi whispers, dropping a kiss onto Jeongguk’s temple. “I’m gonna… go get a towel to clean us up and come back, okay?”

Jeongguk nods again.

“And we’re gonna get up to pull back the covers,” Namjoon adds.

One more time, Jeongguk nods.

Yoongi drops a kiss onto Jeongguk’s forehead and gets up to go to the bathroom. Namjoon kisses Jeongguk’s cheek, gets up, pulls off the condom that he still has on and tosses it out, then reaches a hand out for Jeongguk. Jeongguk doesn’t take it. He just scoots forward and gets off the bed quietly. Namjoon’s frowning as he pulls back the covers, Yoongi’s frowning as he comes back with the towel, and Jeongguk’s face is blank as Yoongi runs the towel over Jeongguk’s stomach.

It’s all… mechanic. Jeongguk’s cried himself out so now he’s just… blank. He walks over to the dresser and picks out a pair of underwear which he puts on because he doesn’t feel like being naked, then he gets onto the sheets, looks up at the ceiling and waits. When he looks back down a few moments later, Yoongi and Namjoon are turned to each other. Their eyes are locked, but they don’t say anything. Yoongi hands the towel to Namjoon who just… holds it.

They’re sad. It’s easy to tell just by the looks on their faces. Jeongguk can’t even enjoy them being naked right now. Namjoon looks down towards his crotch, and Yoongi looks away from him in reaction, walking over to the side of the bed and picking up his discarded underwear while Namjoon runs the towel over his cock in silence and goes looking for his own underwear too. Jeongguk looks up again, guilty for making them so sad, and soon enough, they’re in the bed on either side of him.

It’s silent, and Jeongguk is grateful. Yoongi and Namjoon both fall asleep eventually, but Jeongguk stays awake for a while.

When morning comes, Jeongguk accidentally wakes up too early. The alarm hasn’t gone off. He’s between them – Namjoon behind him and Yoongi in front of him. Like always. But somehow, he doesn’t feel too comfortable with them right now. His head throbs like it never has before, so instead of waiting for Yoongi and Namjoon to wake up, Jeongguk decides to just get up.

They both wake up as he wiggles out from between them. He hears Namjoon grunt and Yoongi grumble, but he doesn’t wait. Pants, a shirt, a painkiller, and he decides to leave, go work out, clear his head. He thinks about the fact that he’s leaving Yoongi and Namjoon in a pretty awkward situation, but that doesn’t stop him. He’s pretty sure that they haven’t been alone just the two of them in weeks. Maybe it’ll do them good. Maybe they’ll talk. Though he doubts it.

He spends about an hour in the hotel gym, pushing himself until his whole body is burning, and it feels amazing. His mind is everywhere though, thinking about yesterday – about the sex, about the screaming, about the failure, about the jealousy. He also thinks about before – the failed hookup a couple weeks ago, his first time with Yoongi and Namjoon, his second time with them, how all the times he’s been with them sexually have somehow, in some way, been a little fucked up, but they were still the best sex he’s ever had. He thinks about all the other times he’s had sex before that too.

It’s not lost on him that he all but forgot about what started this – the issue that he had. A couple times throughout these two weeks, he thought about how his ‘not being able to come’ problem has just been solved and gone. Simple as that. And he was happy about it. Perfectly happy to forget it ever happened. There was nothing to worry about when it came to it anymore. It was just jetlag and stressing that caused it after all. Except that now, after last night, he comes to believe that there’s something more to it. He just needs to figure out what it is.

When he comes back to his room, they’re not there anymore. He’s not surprised. They have a schedule to keep up with. They’re probably in their rooms getting dressed.

The whole day, Jeongguk’s thinking. He decides to be as calm and rational as he can about this. To be more mature. Stop being a crybaby. Though, he’s almost… too calm, he thinks. His list of priorities is very clear to him, he thinks that’s why. It makes things easier. Namjoon and Yoongi’s friendship first. Everything else second. This is not the kind of friendship he’s willing to come between, no matter how much he wants to be with them. He’s not that selfish.

Yoongi and Namjoon watch him throughout the day. They only talk to him and each other when they have to. They both seem upset, concerned, tired. Jeongguk’s tired too. As the day goes by, his attitude switches back and forth. He finds himself realizing things about himself that he hasn’t before, and that freaks him out, but then he forces himself back into a calm state of mind and gets better. He’s relaxed when they’re on the way back to the hotel that evening. Ready to talk. About everything.

 

Jeongguk doesn’t wait for nighttime to come. In the back of his mind, he’s a little worried that Yoongi and Namjoon won’t come at all today, that they’re too freaked out after yesterday and this morning. So, he decides not to leave it to chance. He, once again, ends up in a car separate to theirs on the way back to the hotel, and again, he’s at the hotel first. This time, he waits for them though, leaning against the wall in the hallway between their rooms. The two of them come at the same time, leaving the elevator together, having ended up in the same car back. They look… uncomfortable.

“Hey,” Jeongguk says when they spot him.

“Hi,” Yoongi responds immediately.

“Can you come into my room?” Jeongguk asks. “I wanna…” he only hesitates for a second, “talk.”

Both of them look at him for another moment, then they glance at each other, and then they’re walking into his room.

The discomfort is palpable in the air. He locks the door behind them. Yoongi and Namjoon don’t go to sit on the bed, they just… stay, standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, about one hundred miles apart from each other. Jeongguk fights the desire to kiss them. He also fights the desire to punch them into being friends again.

He tosses off his shoes, walks to his bed first and sits on it with his legs crossed in front of the headboard, facing the foot of the bed, his palms on his thighs, waiting, keeping his breathing steady. They take their shoes off too, then sit in front of him with their legs crossed, still too far apart even on this one bed.

Jeongguk takes a deep breath.

“I have a… couple things I wanna talk about,” he starts. “And I, uh-“ he looks them in the eyes. “I really thought about this, so I want you to listen. But um… if you have anything to say… say it, ask it,” he nods, then waits for them to nod too. “I’m gonna start with… the obvious. What happened yesterday at the end of the night.”

“Are you okay?” Yoongi asks just as Jeongguk opens his mouth to speak.

Jeongguk hesitates, “If you mean about the orgasm, then… yeah. I’m fine. I- I think I understand what happened and why and how to prevent it going forward, and I’m actually… not as worried about it as I thought I’d be.”

Yoongi and Namjoon both nod.

“About everything else, well…” Jeongguk inhales deeply, straightening his back. “I’m gonna get there.”

There’s a pause where he expects them to maybe say something, but all they do is blink and look worried. Jeongguk wants to hug them. He wants to be hugged by them. But it wouldn’t be right. This is a serious moment. This is them finally talking things out. Jeongguk doesn’t know if any of what he’s going to say will make any fucking sense. He doesn’t know if he’s well-spoken enough to explain everything properly. But he’s going to try. He really, really wants to communicate better. Hugging will hopefully come after that.

“Do you remember,” Jeongguk looks at Namjoon, “a while ago, you told me that you think there might be a reason other than just jetlag for the ‘not being able to come’ thing? Something that if I figure out, I might be able to work on so that it doesn’t happen again?”

“Yeah,” Namjoon says, clasping his hands together nervously.

“I think I figured it out,” Jeongguk says, gulping. “I’ve been thinking about it all day, you know? Since last night. I suddenly remembered how we got to where we are, how everything started. There was no jetlag last night, there was no… nothing. No reason for it to happen. I just… freaked out. I- I thought I couldn’t do it, and then suddenly I was in that same headspace from two weeks ago, and I… actually couldn’t do it. So, I spent the day thinking about what happened, trying to figure myself out. And as I was thinking, I remembered… that night that I couldn’t come and had to fake it, the stress that I felt that night. I thought about the stress that I felt last night too. And I realized that… that…”

Jeongguk pauses for a second, and Yoongi and Namjoon wait. He takes a deep breath, tells himself to keep calm and get through this. This is important.

“I realized that I’ve always had a problem orgasming,” he says, frowning. “I never thought of it as a problem. I thought that I could just last for a really long time and that that was a good thing. I thought it meant that I was just… good in bed. Your partners want you to last a long time, right?”

Namjoon nods ever so slightly, though Jeongguk wasn’t actually looking for an answer.

“Not too long though,” Jeongguk continues, smiling awkwardly for a moment. “And when I realized this, I- I started freaking out a little. Like, oh god, I have a problem, I’ve always had a problem, shit, fuck, what do I do? Do I go back to the doctor? Do I…” he inhales sharply. “I don’t know. But then I kept thinking, and I realized that that wasn’t true. I don’t always last long, I only last long when I’m topping. It just feels like I always last long because I almost always top. I’ve bottomed with partners very few times. And it’s been forever since the last time I bottomed, so I totally forgot what I was like when doing that. I love bottoming, I do,” he lets out a little breathy laugh.

Yoongi laughs for a moment too, and that makes Jeongguk smile.

“I keep forgetting how much I love it until I’m actually doing it,” Jeongguk smiles as he talks. “Something about it just… makes my head spin. It just-“ Jeongguk’s eyebrows furrow, “feels so good,” he laughs and so does Yoongi. Even Namjoon cracks a smile. “And it does- it makes me come fast. Definitely compared to when I’m topping. But then last night…” Yoongi and Namjoon’s smiles die immediately, just at the mention of it. “Last night, I was doing both, right? But then Yoongi came, so I was just left with bottoming which… should have made me come fast, but it didn’t. I couldn’t come at all. So… it can’t be that whether I top or bottom is the cause of the problem. It’s not that I can’t come when I top and can when I bottom. And that’s when I figured it out. It’s not the topping or bottoming that’s the problem, it’s the orgasm.”

Namjoon and Yoongi’s expressions turn confused. Yoongi’s mouth opens as if to speak, so Jeongguk waits, but Yoongi seems to change his mind, closing his mouth again and waiting for Jeongguk to speak. So, Jeongguk takes another deep breath and pushes on.

“Orgasms are difficult for me,” he says with a nod. “Always have been. I just haven’t realized until today,” Jeongguk frowns. “Me lasting a long time when I top isn’t… a good thing, not really. It’s just difficult for me to come when I’m with partners. Like, it’s an actual struggle very time,” Jeongguk confesses, gulping, watching Yoongi and Namjoon’s faces turn surprised. “Orgasms are… a loss of control. They make you vulnerable. Not for long, yeah, maybe thirty seconds, but still,” Yoongi nods as Jeongguk talks. “And when I bottom, orgasms are even more intense for me, make me lose control more, for a longer time-“

“Lead you into subspace,” Namjoon whispers, cutting in.

“Apparently, yeah,” Jeongguk nods. “I’m pretty sure that’s why I stopped bottoming at some point, whether I realized it or not. Topping was just easier. Bottoming makes me more vulnerable. Orgasming when I bottom makes me feel extremely vulnerable. Much more vulnerable than orgasming when I top. And vulnerability is scary,” he shrugs. “Like… orgasms always come with that weird… subspace lightheadedness for me, even when I top. But when I bottom, I just… float away. Add to that me thinking that was just so good at topping because I could last forever, and suddenly, I was never bottoming anymore.”

“But with that hookup a few weeks ago,” Yoongi speaks up, “You were topping with him. So, it’s not like it was bottoming and being extra vulnerable during an orgasm that stopped you from orgasming with him, right?”

“Right,” Jeongguk says, nodding, feeling like he’s failing at explaining. “With him, I think I was just… at the most extreme point,” he tries again. “A few days before that was when I couldn’t come the first time. With myself. I’ve never had a problem coming with myself. I figure the problem did initially start because of jetlag and tiredness and all that stuff. But regardless of why I couldn’t come the first time, I panicked. Immediately- right after the first time, I panicked hard,” Jeongguk gulps. “And I think the panic was so bad because subconsciously, I knew that I had a problem with orgasming. So, it spiraled. I became very much aware of not being able to come, it got in my head, and suddenly, I stopped being able to come completely. That’s when I decided to have sex. Like you guys said a while ago, sex is having someone make you come. It was an obvious solution. I just didn’t realize that I was… putting myself in a situation where it’ll be even more difficult for me to come. Because I’ll feel vulnerable. Because I always feel vulnerable with the people I sleep with,” Jeongguk adds quickly. Yoongi and Namjoon both frown. “Always,” Jeongguk’s voice shakes. “And then I couldn’t come with the guy I was hooking up with either, and the panic just… doubled,” he takes a deep, shaky, calming breath. “And then you-”

Jeongguk voice breaks. For a moment, he closes his eyes, gulps, gets a hold of himself. He’s fine. It’s fine. It’ll be fine.

“And I bottomed with you. And I was nervous,” Jeongguk chokes out, inhaling sharply. “And looking back at it, I… I don’t think I’ve ever felt more vulnerable in my life during sex than that first night with you. But unlike all the other times I had sex, I… I wasn’t scared of being vulnerable with you-“

“All the people you’ve hooked up with?” Yoongi cuts in, his eyebrows furrowed. “All of them? You were scared with-“

“Yeah,” Jeongguk smiles sadly, shrugging one shoulder, cutting Yoongi off. “All of my partners, my whole life… have been people who I barely knew, people I had no reason to trust, people who… why should they get to see me vulnerable? I don’t even know them.”

“Then why did you have sex at all?” Namjoon asks gently.

“I kinda felt like I had to,” Jeongguk shrugs. “I don’t know if you know, but I grew up with six guys who were older than me. Who liked talking about sex all the time around me. And I found myself sitting and listening… mostly to Hoseok and Jimin-” he lets out a breathy laugh, but Yoongi and Namjoon don’t even smile, “talking endlessly about their sex lives, and I just…” he shrugs again. “I just wanted to join the conversation. So, I hooked up with people. People who I didn’t know and definitely didn’t trust. People who I didn’t wanna be vulnerable in front of. I didn’t even realize how much vulnerability was in sex until I started having it,” he thinks back to his first time having sex, how terrified he was, how he pushed himself into it. “So to avoid feeling too vulnerable, I… I sorta never let them see me come.”

“What do you mean?” Namjoon asks.

“I never let them look at me,” another shrug, feeling more and more vulnerable with every second. “I never wanted them to see me in my most vulnerable moments,” he feels the tears coming but blinks them back. “It was a conscious thing too. I… I didn’t let them see me like that on purpose. Topping, I was always behind them or I would cover their eyes or I would kiss them so they wouldn’t look. Bottoming, I, without fail, always did doggy. It was easier for me to come when they didn’t look at me. I just concentrated real hard and did it and hoped it’ll pass as fast as possible. The few times that I bottomed, I didn’t have to concentrate so much, I just had to find a position where I could… let go without them looking. But that’s not the point.”

Yoongi opens his mouth as if to cut in, but Jeongguk just keeps going.

“The point is,” Jeongguk tries to get back on track. “The point is that with you,” he chokes up again. “I was never scared. I wasn’t scared of… you seeing me come. I wasn’t scared of being vulnerable. Every single time, I was nervous for a million reasons, but not that. Because you’re not like my other partners. I know you. I trust you. You made me feel safe. All the anxiety that I had about that first night that you were trying to get me off- all that anxiety, and you made me feel safe anyway.”

“So, last night, you,” Yoongi whispers, gulping, shaking his head. Namjoon’s eyes are wet, “you didn’t feel safe?”

“I was scared,” Jeongguk answers, shrugging one shoulder.

Yoongi’s face crumbles, frowning deeply, his breath coming out shaky. Two tears slip out of Namjoon’s eyes, and Jeongguk thinks he’s going to fucking cry too. But he needs to get through this. He needs to get this out.

“I think it’s just… fear that makes me have this problem with orgasming. And certain things – like sleeping with people I don’t know, bottoming – anything that makes me feel vulnerable… just amplifies fear for me,” he shrugs, finally thinking that he’s making sense. “The only two times I wasn’t scared during sex were the first two times with you,” he smiles through the sadness. “And it was just… those first two times, it was like I was a different person. My behavior was completely different. Both times, I came… literally looking into your eyes. I have never done that before,” he exhales. “I’ve never let anyone see me like that.”

He pauses, and his heart breaks seeing their tears. He’s not trying to hurt them. He doesn’t want to hurt them. But he understands why this is painful for them to hear.

“Yesterday,” he continues, trying to keep his voice steady. “I wasn’t scared of you seeing me orgasm, I wasn’t scared of bottoming, I wasn’t scared of being vulnerable. Not at all. It was other things that- that had me scared,” Jeongguk sniffles once, feeling a tear slide down his cheek, then keeps going. “I was… I was anxious about favoritism. I was scared that after you orgasmed,” he looks at Yoongi, and there’s so much pain on Yoongi’s face, “I was taking too long with Namjoon, that I was making you feel like I’m favoring him, and- and I started freaking out,” he sniffles again, closing his eyes, can’t look at them at all. “I started thinking that I had to come- I had to come fast, so that it doesn’t seem like I’m spending too much time with Namjoon. Like, I- I couldn’t even kiss you back, I couldn’t give you anything to make the attention in any way equal. And I- I got even more nervous and scared, and I started chasing an orgasm that wasn’t happening, and all I could hear was you screaming at each other in my head, and I thought about how it was me ruining your friendship, and all of that together- that made me feel vulnerable. That made me scared. And that was enough for my body to just…”

A sniffle from Namjoon’s side of the bed. Jeongguk keeps his eyes closed.

“And then Namjoon came, and I still didn’t,” Jeongguk forces himself to continue. “And I was full-on freaking out. And I didn’t think there was anything I could do, so I just… I just stopped,” he exhales.

“I’m sorry,” Namjoon whispers.

“I can’t,” Jeongguk says, his eyes opening, tears falling. “I can’t do that. I can’t… see you so mad at each other. I can’t see you fighting. Ever. But especially if it’s because of me. I can’t… be the cause of your friendship getting destroyed. I won’t be. So I-“ he gulps, gasps. “As much as I want you and-“ love, “-like you, I can’t… choose between you. I can’t. I’d rather… have my heart broken and pretend none of this ever happened and go back to just being friends than ruin your friendship. I can’t do that. I can’t.”

He stops there, wiping his cheeks quickly. That’s it. Everything out in the open. He’s got nothing left.

Yoongi gulps. His nose and eyes are red from the crying, but the tears seem to have stopped. He looks almost… surprised. Namjoon is still crying though.

“I’m sorry for making you go through this,” Yoongi whispers, choked up.

“You didn’t know it was gonna happen like this,” Jeongguk says, wiping his cheeks again.

“No, I didn’t, but I-“ Yoongi sniffles. “We should have been talking more. We should have been honest right away. We shouldn’t have let it build like that-“ he shakes his head, “until it blew up. You shouldn’t have gone through listening to us like that. You should never have felt scared with us. Never.”

Namjoon bows his head and cries harder, covering his face with his eyes, and Jeongguk is shocked into silence.

“Joon?” Yoongi asks, bracing his hand on the bed and leaning towards Namjoon, his eyes wide.

“I’m sorry,” Namjoon says into his hands, shaking his head. He removes his hands but keeps his head down. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I don’t know what came over me. I’m so sorry.”

Yoongi says nothing, but his eyes fill up with tears one more time, and Jeongguk is hit by the realization of how hard this was for them already. All the fear of not destroying their friendship, and Jeongguk hadn’t realized just how badly it’s probably affecting them to not be talking to each other, to not be touching, to not be spending time together. He was so focused on preventing more damage that he hadn’t realized how the existing damage was hurting them.

Namjoon looks up at Yoongi, and god, he’s crying so bad.

“I hate fighting with you,” Namjoon says.

There’s a pause. Yoongi’s eyes are wide, tears falling down his cheeks.

“I hate fighting with you too,” Yoongi whispers.

They don’t move.

“Fucking hug!” Jeongguk yells, and they just… fall into each other’s arms.

Jeongguk starts crying again, but both Namjoon and Yoongi are straight-up sobbing, hugging so tight. Namjoon is almost in Yoongi’s lap, on his knees, leaning into Yoongi. Seeing them like this… suddenly, everything is not so fucking bad anymore. It feels like the biggest weight came off Jeongguk’s heart. He might be crying his eyes out, but it feels like he can breathe properly for the first time in weeks.

“I’m sorry,” Namjoon says again, his face buried in Yoongi’s neck in a way that makes Jeongguk unable to see it.

“I’m sorry too,” Yoongi says.

“These two weeks,” Namjoon continues. “Fighting with you… It was the worst thing in the whole world.”

“I know,” Yoongi says, nuzzling his red nose into Namjoon’s neck. “It really was.”

“I’m so sorry,” Namjoon says again.

“It’s really not just your fault,” Yoongi replies, sniffling hard.

“I shouldn’t have yelled at you,” Namjoon says. “I really shouldn’t have. You didn’t deserve it. I’m sorry.”

“I forgive you,” Yoongi says. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you either. Forgive me too.”

“I forgive you,” Namjoon says, letting out a little laugh. “I don’t wanna fight anymore.”

“Me neither,” Yoongi squeezes Namjoon tightly.

Jeongguk wants to scream with joy.

Instead, he just laughs breathily.

They both turn to look at him, still with their arms around each other.

“I feel better now,” Jeongguk smiles, sniffles and waves them off. “Keep hugging please.”

Namjoon and Yoongi face each other, so close, and after a second of just looking, they both smile so wide. Yoongi laughs and pulls Namjoon into another hug.

“Never again,” Namjoon whispers, and Yoongi nods into Namjoon’s shoulder.

Jeongguk thinks these might be some of the best few minutes of his life, just watching Yoongi and Namjoon hug like this. So much joy. So much relief. This is why he can’t come between them. This friendship is so precious.

And yet. Despite all the happiness of this moment, there is still one very big elephant in the room. It’s not like Yoongi and Namjoon were fighting for no reason. It’s not like saying ‘sorry’ solves all the problems. It’s not like it’ll make the jealousy disappear. Or maybe it will. Jeongguk doesn’t know. He doesn’t know if it matters. He doesn’t know if this means he now has to give up on being with them.

He doesn’t want to ruin this moment though. The problem will hit Yoongi and Namjoon in a minute too, so they should just enjoy this moment of peace while it lasts.

They look at him after a little bit, their noses pink and eyes red. They’re still smiling ever so slightly though, and it’s amazing to see. So, Jeongguk smiles back. And before he knows it, both Yoongi and Namjoon are crawling over to him and wrapping him up in their arms, on their knees on either side of him, but still hugging each other too.

“I’m sorry you had to see us yell at each other like that,” Namjoon says.

“I’m sorry we made you feel like us fighting was your fault,” Yoongi adds. “It wasn’t.”

“It’s kind of was,” Jeongguk whispers, content to be held by them.

“No, it wasn’t,” Namjoon insists. “It was nobody’s fault.”

They hug. Minutes pass and they just keep hugging. No one says a thing, and for a moment, it’s okay. For a moment Jeongguk lets himself enjoy the peace too. It doesn’t last long. He wishes it could have lasted longer. But they do need to acknowledge the problem. They have to. Otherwise, things will just end up exploding all over again.

“What do we do now?” Namjoon whispers, and that’s as much of an acknowledgment as anything.

Yoongi stays silent. Jeongguk doesn’t know what to say either.

They pull back from him and sit down with their legs crossed again, forming a little circle with their knees touching. Jeongguk takes their hands in his and brings them all together. Yoongi and Namjoon’s fingers intertwine, and Jeongguk cups his hands over theirs. Namjoon sniffles a few more times and runs the back of his free hand over his face.

“We could just…” Yoongi says. “I don’t know, be together anyway?”

Jeongguk looks up into his eyes, “You mean you with me and Namjoon with me?”

Yoongi shrugs.

“Is that even possible?” Jeongguk asks.

Silence.

“It’s not possible if you’re jealous of each other,” Jeongguk says. “It would be painful for you, painful for me. It would make you fight again.”

“I wanna say that I won’t be jealous,” Yoongi says quietly, his nose still pink. “Now that I know you don’t… favor him-“

“Or you,” Jeongguk interjects.

“Or me,” Yoongi says, nodding. “I think it will be easier now, but I don’t actually know how I’ll feel.”

Namjoon nods.

“I was surprised by feeling jealous these couple weeks too,” Yoongi adds, shaking his head. “I thought I was okay with… you know, both of us… having feelings for you. But I guess I wasn’t, so… I don’t know. I don’t what’s going to happen.”

Namjoon nods again, “Yeah.”

There’s more silence.

“So, what do we do?” Namjoon asks.

“I don’t know,” Jeongguk shakes his head, holding their hands tighter.

“I don’t wanna give up on this,” Yoongi whispers, looking at Jeongguk.

“Me neither,” Namjoon says.

“Me neither,” Jeongguk repeats.

Jeongguk sighs heavily. At least they’re not crying anymore.

They’re quiet for a while longer. Jeongguk’s not sure how long, but it feels like a long time. They just sit there and hold hands, and Jeongguk finds comfort in that. This is somehow less painful than he thought it would be. It’s helpful, knowing that they don’t want to give up on being with him as much as he doesn’t want to give up on being with them. Maybe that means that they won’t have to forget about it. Maybe the three of them together will be able to come up with a solution. Jeongguk can’t think of one, but maybe they can. Well, no, he can think of one solution. But it’s not a viable option. He really… cannot believe he was so wrong about them being into each other.

He scoffs at the thought.

Namjoon and Yoongi look up at him.

“What?” Yoongi asks.

“It would be great if could all just… date each other, and that’s it. That would solve things,” Jeongguk says, laughing, shaking his head. “You don’t have to say anything. I know. It’s not possible.”

No response. Namjoon and Yoongi glance at each other for a second, but then their eyes focus on Jeongguk again.

“You know, it’s funny, I-“ Jeongguk laughs, wanting to acknowledge what he thought they had, but then thinking that it’s a bad idea. “Never mind.”

“What?” Yoongi asks.

“Nothing, I just…” Jeongguk shakes his head, decides that… whatever. “I don’t know, I thought I… I thought I saw something between you,” he laughs again. “But-” he shrugs.

“You thought you…” Namjoon trails off.

“Tension. I don’t know,” Jeongguk muses. “Attraction?”

Yoongi and Namjoon glance at each other.                                                                                                 

“When did you think…” Namjoon trails off again.

Jeongguk inhales, “There were… a few moments, I guess. Just the way you looked at each other.”

They look at each other again now. Namjoon rubs his lips together. Yoongi gulps.

Jeongguk’s eyebrows furrow, not sure how to read into it- if he should read into it.

Maybe he wasn’t as wrong as he thought. It is possible that… if they thought Jeongguk could only really be into one of them, then they also thought they were capable of only really being into one person as well. Being mad at each other definitely didn’t help either. It’s possible that they didn’t even think about the possibility of all three of them being together.

“Have you thought about it?” Jeongguk dares to ask. Nothing to lose. Everything to gain.

“About what?” Yoongi glances at Jeongguk quickly before focusing on Namjoon again.

“Each other,” Jeongguk says.

Yoongi looks down at their intertwined hands. Namjoon bites his lower lip, but his eyes stay on Yoongi. Jeongguk might very much be reading into things. But again- nothing to lose, everything to gain.

“I mean, I don’t see how you could avoid thinking about each other,” Jeongguk shrugs again, trying to ease the tension he might be bringing up. It’s not even like he’s lying. “After everything that we did. Everything that you saw each other do.”

Yoongi looks up at Namjoon quickly before looking away again.

“Have you?” Namjoon asks, calm.

Jeongguk’s eyes widen. He didn’t expect they’d actually go with this line of questioning.

Yoongi looks up at him, and his eyes are wider too.

“You can’t drop that question on me,” Yoongi says.

“I have,” Namjoon confesses.

Yoongi’s eyes widen more, “What?”

“I have,” Namjoon repeats, shrugging. “How could I not have thought about it?”

Yoongi blinks at him, “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Are you kidding?” Namjoon asks softly, his eyebrows rising.

Yoongi looks down, eyes still wide.

Jeongguk doesn’t speak.

“So, have you?” Namjoon repeats. “Thought about it?”

Yoongi lifts his head again.

“I mean,” Yoongi shrugs. “Yeah, but I…”

“What?” Namjoon asks.

“I don’t-“ Yoongi inhales. “Like, I don’t want you to be offended, but I… I don’t- feel… for you… what I-“ he glances at Jeongguk, “feel for him.”

“Oh, no, me neither,” Namjoon says, and he sounds perfectly sincere.

It doesn’t mean that they can’t feel it for each other though. And even if they can’t, it definitely doesn’t mean that they can’t feel sexual attraction towards each other.

Would them being only sexually attracted to each other solve things completely? Probably not. But it’s a start, right? Maybe it wouldn’t take away the jealousy that they feel, but if they could have sex all together, then at the very least, Jeongguk wouldn’t have to worry about giving to both of them equally. Because they’ll just all be with each other, and no one would feel left out. So there wouldn’t be a repeat of last night. Jeongguk wouldn’t have to worry about favoritism. At least during sex. So, he wouldn’t be so anxious, he wouldn’t be so afraid, and he’ll be able to orgasm with them just like he did the first two times.

And maybe… in a perfect world, over time, Yoongi and Namjoon would fall in love with each other too. If they spend enough time kissing each other, touching each other, being with each other… it might happen, right? It wouldn’t be easy to keep things platonic if they had sex with each other, not when they care about each other so much as friends.

He can’t allow himself to be too hopeful though. He doesn’t know if they’re sexually attracted to each other or not yet. He’s not even sure that they know.

Namjoon and Yoongi are just… looking at each other in silence now. And Jeongguk thinks that if he doesn’t say anything, the silence will continue forever.

“Maybe you should-“ Jeongguk bursts out but then hesitates, they turn to look at him, and he pushes through, “k-kiss,” he stutters and cringes, but it’s better than not saying it at all.

Namjoon looks at Yoongi. Yoongi keeps looking at Jeongguk.

“Why?” Yoongi breathes, though his wide eyes make him look more nervous than confused.

“To…” Jeongguk trails off, isn’t sure what to say. “Check? If there’s… anything there?”

Yoongi turns to Namjoon.

“Is there?” Yoongi asks hesitantly. “Anything here?”

“Sexual, you mean?” Namjoon asks, and it’s as good as saying ‘are you asking if I want you?’

“Yeah,” Yoongi answers.

“I’ve thought about it,” Namjoon says again, nodding. “But I don’t… actually know what it would… feel like with you, you know?”

“Yeah,” Yoongi repeats, and he sounds perfectly sincere too. “Yeah, I do.”

They didn’t know what it would feel like with Jeongguk either until they actually did it. None of them knew. And look at them all now.

“It might be really fucking weird,” Namjoon whispers.

“Yeah,” Yoongi says.

“It will be really fucking weird,” Namjoon adds.

Yoongi hums in agreement.

That’s what Jeongguk thought about being with them the first time too.

Well, this situation isn’t really… anything like when they touched and kissed Jeongguk for the first time. This is very much different, but the point still stands. They didn’t know until it happened.

“Maybe we should try,” Namjoon says.

“What?” Yoongi asks.

“Kissing,” Namjoon says, chin a little higher than before.

“What?” Yoongi repeats, quieter this time.

“I mean, it would make things- it would solve- it would-” Namjoon stutters. “It would be a- a start, right? As a whole, things would be better if…”

“What,” Yoongi exhales, eyes wide, looking totally lost.

“Well, not if- we don’t have to…” Namjoon hesitates, looking down. “Not if you’re… really against it.”

“No, I- I,” Yoongi stutters, suddenly awake again. “I understand why it- I…” a pause. “Okay.”

Namjoon looks up, eyes wide, “Okay?”

“Yeah,” Yoongi nods. “What do we have to lose, right?”

Namjoon nods, and Jeongguk realizes his mouth has opened, so he closes it.

“If it’s really weird then…” Yoongi’s mouth gapes. “Then we can just… never… talk about it again,” he nods as if he’s trying to convince himself too. “And we’ll… figure out a different solution. Somehow.”

“Okay,” Namjoon nods.

He looks at Jeongguk then. And Yoongi’s gaze follows.

“Are you… okay with this?” Namjoon asks.

“I’m the one who said you should do it,” Jeongguk answers, holding back on pinching himself. After all the things that happened, this doesn’t even feel real.

“Doesn’t mean you’re actually okay with it,” Namjoon says.

Oh, he’s thinking that Jeongguk might be jealous if he sees them kiss. Like they were jealous of each other. Like what Yoongi said- he thought he was okay with it but then realized he wasn’t.

“No, I’m-“ Jeongguk nods, trying to not look or sound too eager. “I’m okay with it.”

Jealousy is the last thing he thinks he’s going to feel. Surreal. That’s what it’s going to be. Really hot too.

“Okay then,” Namjoon looks at Yoongi. “How do we…”

“Umm,” Yoongi looks around.

Jeongguk lets go of their hands, and Yoongi and Namjoon look down at their intertwined fingers as if they forgot they were holding one another. They let each other go and look away sheepishly. Jeongguk scoots back from their little circle so that they have enough room to face each other. It’s already surreal.

Yoongi is the one who turns to Namjoon first, but Namjoon is right there with him, scooting forward until their knees touch. Namjoon leans forward for just a second then-

“I’m just gonna,” he says, then scoots back, gets onto his knees and moves forward a little more, looming over Yoongi in a way that makes Yoongi look up at him, but it does seem to make the position a little easier for kissing. “Okay,” Namjoon nods once. “I’m gonna-“ he gulps. His hand comes up as if to cup Yoongi’s face, but he hesitates, ends up placing it on Yoongi’s shoulder instead. “I’m gonna lean in now.”

Yoongi looks up at him with wide eyes but nods anyway.

Namjoon leans in, and Jeongguk holds his breath.

They don’t kiss right away. Namjoon ends up hesitating right before his lips touch Yoongi’s, and there’s an incredibly tense moment where their eyes are still open and their lips are almost touching, but nothing happens. And then Yoongi pushes up and presses their lips together.

A few seconds, no movement, and then they pull away.

Yoongi looks… shocked. Namjoon is breathing a little more heavily.

“Anything?” Yoongi whispers, eyes wide.

Instead of answering, Namjoon kisses him again. All three of them inhale at the same time, Yoongi’s eyebrows furrow so deeply it looks like he’s in pain, and then his lips are opening against Namjoon’s.

They’re kissing, lips moving against each other. Namjoon’s hand slides from Yoongi’s shoulder to Yoongi’s neck, and both of Yoongi’s hands grasp at the front of Namjoon’s shirt, tugging him closer. They kiss so hard it’s shocking. And fuck, Jeongguk was not wrong, he was nowhere near wrong. Holy shit, look at them. Fuck.

Yoongi pulls back abruptly, and he’s breathing heavily too now.

Their lips are almost touching, but now, their eyes are open again- wide. Yoongi’s lips part like he wants to say something, but all that happens is Yoongi’s fingers clench Namjoon’s shirt tighter, his breath stutters out, and then he’s kissing Namjoon again.

It’s even worse this time. So passionate it’s crazy. They kiss each other fast and frantic, like they’re starving. Like they’ve been waiting for it. More pent up feelings. This is yet another explosion. Surreal doesn’t even begin to cover it.

Jeongguk checks with himself. Is he jealous? No. Concerned? No. Does he want to be in there kissing them too? Yes. But also no. He’s okay with them having this moment. He wants them to have this moment. This is so fucking hot, Jeongguk doesn’t even know what to do with himself. Is he turned on? Holy fuck, yes. And he thinks they might be too.

Namjoon brings his other hand up to Yoongi’s neck too, Yoongi whimpers, gasps, and then Namjoon’s tongue is in Yoongi’s mouth. There’s another gasp, and Jeongguk realizes that it came from him a second too late, because suddenly, they hear him and stop. They actually stop and turn to look at him, stunned looks on their faces. It feels almost like they forgot he was there.

Namjoon’s gaze drops down to Jeongguk’s crotch for a second, so Jeongguk looks down too, and oh fuck, he’s… getting hard. He did not even realize.

“Umm,” Jeongguk tries to defend himself but doesn’t know how.

But then Jeongguk’s eyes move to Namjoon’s crotch, and Namjoon is… not soft either. He can’t tell with Yoongi. The position he’s sitting in plus the stupidly tight pants he’s wearing do not allow Jeongguk to see. But if Yoongi’s shocked expression and panting is anything to go by, then he’s as affected as they are.

Yoongi’s eyes turn to Namjoon’s crotch, and he inhales.

“Fuck,” Yoongi exclaims quietly, his fingers squeezing Namjoon’s shirt.

This isn’t… where Jeongguk thought this conversation would go, and he’s really not sure where they’re supposed to go from here. When Yoongi moves a hand away from Namjoon and places it on Jeongguk’s thigh, sliding up to Jeongguk’s crotch, it takes Jeongguk a second, but he catches on to what Yoongi wants them to be doing. And as much as Jeongguk wants them to be doing it too, he scoots a little further back and shakes his head.

“No,” Jeongguk whispers, sure of himself, and both of them turn to him. “Just you.”

It wouldn’t be right for them to jump on Jeongguk right now. He doesn’t want them to use him as a way to avoid the tension they’re feeling with each other. Doesn’t want to be their excuse. Doesn’t want them to be able to say ‘no, this wasn’t about us, we were turned on and having sex with you- because of you.’ This is their moment, and Jeongguk is more than happy to watch.

“Just you,” Jeongguk repeats and scoots until his back is against the headboard, leaving Yoongi and Namjoon together in the middle of the bed.

They turn to each other again and just… look, not kissing, not talking, not moving. Nothing. Jeongguk kind of wants them to speak what’s on their minds – communicate, right? But maybe they’re understanding each other like that, just through gazing into each other’s eyes. He thinks he understands too.

When Namjoon kisses Yoongi this time, it’s much slower. Their mouths open wider, tongues sliding together softly. This looks more like exploration than the frantic need they had before. They seem… more aware of what they’re doing now, and they’re still doing it. Yoongi’s eyes open and glance at Jeongguk for a second, probably checking what Jeongguk is doing, and then they close again.

Jeongguk’s not too sure what he should be doing. Acknowledgment of the hard-ons doesn’t mean that they’ll be doing anything with the hard-ons. This could just be a… make-out session between Yoongi and Namjoon, which would be totally okay. But then Yoongi’s lying back, pulling Namjoon down with him, opening his crossed legs so Namjoon could fit between them, and yeah, okay, Yoongi is definitely hard too.

There’s a safe amount of distance between them in the beginning, but the more they make out, the closer Namjoon’s hips move to Yoongi’s, and before Jeongguk knows it, their hips are flush together.

“What the fuck, Namjoon?” Yoongi whispers suddenly.

Namjoon looks him in the eyes.

“I don’t know,” Namjoon breathes, then Yoongi’s pulling him into another kiss.

Watching them like this… Jeongguk’s getting hard to an unignorable degree. He grasps his cock through his pants for just a second to alleviate some of the pressure, but the movement must catch Namjoon’s eye, because he stops the kiss and looks at Jeongguk. Jeongguk’s hand is still on his hard-on, and as Yoongi turns to him too, the looks in his and Namjoon’s eyes so… intense, Jeongguk decides to run his palm over his length.

Yoongi squirms, and Namjoon’s eyebrows furrow ever so slightly, both of them looking at Jeongguk’s hand like they want to replace it with their own. But Jeongguk is adamant. He wants them to have their moment. He wants them to enjoy one another. And since they’re not rushing away from each other towards him, whether they admit it or not, Jeongguk thinks they want to have a moment too.

He’s right too. Yoongi turns his head back to Namjoon, grasps Namjoon’s chin and pulls Namjoon into another kiss all while reaching his other hand down between the two of them and placing it on Namjoon’s crotch. Namjoon’s breath stutters, his hips pressing down onto Yoongi’s hand. It’s happening. It’s fucking happening.

The frantic need is back. Namjoon’s lips are on Yoongi’s neck, and they’re grinding against one another. Jeongguk rubs his own cock again, now doing it shamelessly, enjoying the way Yoongi’s eyes are on him. And when Namjoon and Yoongi reach for each other’s zippers, Jeongguk does the same, trying to keep up.

He finds himself trying to keep up the whole time. They move so quickly. Or maybe it just seems that way because of how desperate they are. All of a sudden, Yoongi and Namjoon’s cocks are out, Yoongi’s moaning as Namjoon kisses his neck, Yoongi’s nose is still ever so slightly pink, and Jeongguk is stroking himself, keeping his own noises back to be able to hear them better.

They don’t even bother getting their pants off, and Jeongguk is almost entirely certain that they plan to stay that way, to just satisfy each other as quickly as they can. That’s okay. Jeongguk thinks he can keep up. But he does decide to reach for the bedside table and grab the lube, tossing it at them. Things might as well be slicker and feel better if they’re going to do it so quickly.

The lube bottle hits Namjoon’s side, and Namjoon disconnects his lips from Yoongi’s neck long enough to look at the bottle, then look at Jeongguk and smile. He lubes up his hand, tosses the lube back towards Jeongguk, kisses Yoongi’s lips and wraps his fingers around his and Yoongi’s cocks. Jeongguk catches the lube, and decides that, you know what, they may be feeling this fast pace, but he’s okay with taking it just a little bit slower.

So, Jeongguk shoves his pants and underwear down his legs and off the fucking bed, spread his legs, pours some lube directly onto his cock first and onto his fingers second. Namjoon and Yoongi have stopped moving and are now watching him, and that just spurs Jeongguk on. He wants something inside him, wants to be full, wants to have something to clench on, to come harder, and since Yoongi and Namjoon’s cocks are currently busy, he settles for two of his fingers, pushing them inside.

“Fuck,” Yoongi exclaims as Jeongguk hisses. “God, fuck, why is he so hot?”

Namjoon exhales heavily, shaking his head.

“Come on,” Yoongi urges, kissing Namjoon’s lips again. “I wanna come before him. Wanna put my fingers inside him. Wanna feel him come on them,” he nods. “You wanna finger him with me?”

“Shit,” Namjoon exhales, stroking his and Yoongi’s cock again, watching Jeongguk’s fingers settle all the way inside himself. “You know I do.”

Yoongi smiles, “Look at us. Solidarity.”

Namjoon laughs, and Jeongguk smiles, clenching on himself and moaning, causing Namjoon to stop laughing, frown, exhale sharply and kiss Yoongi.

Fuck, Jeongguk likes this. He wraps his fingers around his shaft and starts grinding his hips – up into his fist and down onto his fingers.

“You’re really hot too, you know?” Namjoon tells Yoongi, stroking them faster, and Yoongi whimpers. “And yeah, I do remember you saying you like praise,” he adds, and Yoongi frowns, laughs and blushes all at once. “You have no idea how much I wanted to praise you last time. When you were riding Kookie’s fingers. You had your fucking ass pretty much right in my face, like- that was… not okay,” he shakes his head.

“Sorry,” Yoongi says. “I’ll make sure to not do it again.”

“Oh, fuck you,” Namjoon says, and Yoongi lets out the happiest fucking laugh Jeongguk has ever heard.

They keep kissing, their grinding gradually getting less and less coordinated, and Jeongguk just… enjoys it. No rushing towards an orgasm. No rushing towards anything. Maybe he’ll come before them and maybe Yoongi and Namjoon will get to finger him, he doesn’t know. He wants things to happen naturally right now. He’ll come whenever he comes.

Yoongi does end up coming first again. Jeongguk can see it going to happen just by the way Yoongi’s expression changes, and he’s fucking glad he gets to see Yoongi’s face when he comes this time, even if Yoongi is not getting fucked right now. Yoongi comes with his whole body. His eyebrows furrow, his eyes shut tight, his jaw clenches, he writhes and squirms, his back arching off the bed, legs pulling up, thighs clenching. It’s gorgeous.

Yoongi whimpers, and Namjoon seems as fascinated by him as Jeongguk is. Like, Yoongi’s orgasm is so intense that Jeongguk feels warmth spread in his own stomach in response.

“God, you look so good when you come,” Namjoon says, stroking his and Yoongi’s cock until Yoongi shoves him away.

“Your turn,” Yoongi says, wrapping his hand around Namjoon’s shaft and stroking fast.

“Tighter,” Namjoon says. It’s interesting, watching Yoongi learn about Namjoon what Jeongguk already knows.

“More?” Yoongi asks, still panting from his orgasm, but seemingly recovered enough.

“Aha,” Namjoon nods

The leg Yoongi has closest to Jeongguk drops onto the mattress, allowing Jeongguk to see Namjoon’s cock better, and when he notices the come on Yoongi’s fist and realizes that Yoongi is stroking Namjoon with his own come, Jeongguk finds himself jerking off faster, clenching on his fingers tighter, moaning. Yoongi glances at him then looks back at Namjoon.

“Just so you know,” Yoongi tells Namjoon. “Next time, I’m sucking you.”

“Fuck,” Namjoon exhales. “You’ve got a fucking dirty mouth on you.”

Yoongi smirks, “I know.”

When Namjoon comes, he just… stops. His face scrunches up, his breathing stutters, but other than that, he completely freezes, shooting all over Yoongi’s shirt.

Yoongi doesn’t seem to care though. He kisses Namjoon’s lips, then brings his come covered hand up, sucks two of his fingers, and kisses Namjoon again. And when they finally stop kissing and crawl over to Jeongguk, Jeongguk is happy to let them touch him.

Jeongguk’s fingers slip out of himself, replaced by one of Namjoon’s fingers and two of Yoongi’s. They stretch him out more like this, a little painful in the best way. Jeongguk keeps stroking himself as Namjoon and Yoongi brace their free hands on the headboard behind him and lean in to kiss his neck.

The two of them are so close to each other like this, but now that the barrier has been broken, they don’t seem to mind being close like that. And to Jeongguk, that’s just about the hottest thing in the world. He feels the lightheadedness coming on and welcomes it with open arms, safe, happy. Sex has never felt better. He lets himself float away but keeps his eyes open.

He’s not sure how they can tell when he falls into this headspace but somehow, they can. They pull back to look at him, and he looks at them, and when the orgasm hits him, it’s the best one he’s ever had. The longest. The calmest. His body and mind are the most relaxed they’ve ever been during sex. Before he floats away completely though, he sees Namjoon and Yoongi kissing each other, and that makes everything even better.

 

Things get much better from then on. They really do. Yoongi and Namjoon are back to being proper friends. They’re suddenly sitting next to each other at every opportunity they get, probably making up for lost time, talking and talking and talking. They go back to touching each other as well, whether it be during photoshoots, on stage or in Jeongguk’s bedroom. Jeongguk thinks they even touch more than before now, which makes sense, considering that they’re having sex with each other.

The sex… Jeongguk has never had better sex in his life. He finds himself going into subspace pretty much every time he bottoms, and Yoongi and Namjoon are always there for him, and he always feels safe and taken care of. Whenever he tops, he doesn’t go into subspace, but he has noticed that it takes him… not forever to come with them, which he actually sees as a big improvement. Yoongi and Namjoon get more and more comfortable with each other as well. There have been quite a few times at this point of Yoongi and Jeongguk sucking Namjoon’s dick together, which Jeongguk and Yoongi love equally. And there were even more times of Yoongi getting fucked by Namjoon and fucking Jeongguk and a few rare times that they switched and Namjoon bottomed for them. Jeongguk loves these times as much as any other ones. He likes focusing on Yoongi and Namjoon, likes pleasing them.

Their cuddling position evolves a little. They still mostly do it with Jeongguk in the middle, Yoongi in front of him, and Namjoon behind him. But sometimes, when Yoongi and Namjoon are hanging out in Jeongguk’s room and Jeongguk comes out of the shower late, he finds them cuddling each other. So, the position simply stays that way for the night, usually with Jeongguk being Yoongi’s little spoon.

It’s clear to Jeongguk that Yoongi and Namjoon’s feelings for each other are evolving too. There’s still a lot of focus on Jeongguk during the sex, which Jeongguk is perfectly happy with, and they still kiss each other less than they do Jeongguk, but their feelings for one another show in other things. The little things. It’s in the way they cuddle each other, it’s in them kissing each other before going to sleep just like they kiss Jeongguk. It’s the kind of things that point at something less sexual and more… romantic.

As for romance, well… apparently, about a month and a half after that first time that Yoongi and Namjoon touched each other, during sex, during subspace, as he was being fucked by Namjoon and fucking Yoongi, Jeongguk told them he loved them. He didn’t mean to do it. He was waiting for the right moment to tell them. Hell, the next morning, Jeongguk didn’t even remember saying that to them. Which fucking sucked because he obviously didn’t remember their reactions to it either. But then, they told him that they didn’t take it one hundred percent seriously because he was in subspace, and Jeongguk got so irrationally offended that they would think he didn’t mean it that he went and reiterated.

“No, I do love you,” he said and immediately blushed harder than he’s ever blushed before.

They smiled at him sort of bashfully, and then Yoongi said it back and Namjoon said it back, and Jeongguk’s heart burst with the most love it’s ever felt.

They didn’t say it to each other, but they did look into each other’s eyes briefly, Namjoon’s expression soft, caring, and Yoongi’s expression shy and also caring. Jeongguk really does believe that they’ll be able to say it to each other in time too. And that belief... that’s good enough.

Chapter Text

It takes a while – over a year since their very, very first time together, but the moment finally comes.

The alarm rings early, too early considering it’s a Saturday and their day off. Jeongguk wakes up, and Namjoon grunts behind him, but of course Yoongi – the one who’s going out – doesn’t wake up. Jeongguk bumps his forehead against the nape of Yoongi’s neck, keeping his eyes closed. Yoongi doesn’t react, so Jeongguk nudges him until he does, groaning.

“Turn the alarm off,” Namjoon croaks from behind Jeongguk.

Yoongi’s hand comes out from under the blanket, reaching over to the bedside table and blindly tapping his phone until the alarm turns off. He then inhales sharply through his nose, stretches and turns in Jeongguk’s arms.

Jeongguk’s eyes are still closed when Yoongi kisses him.

“You gonna keep sleeping?” Yoongi asks, voice all deep from sleep, brushing his fingers through Jeongguk’s hair.

Jeongguk grunts in response, opening his eyes. Namjoon’s morning wood is casually pressed against Jeongguk’s ass, Yoongi’s cheeks are really round with sleep, his eyes tired, and Jeongguk is so fucking in love with him. Jeongguk feels himself smile, wishing Yoongi could stay with them a little longer, maybe have some slow morning sex or something. But one of Yoongi’s favorite producers offered to work with him today, and Yoongi doesn’t want to miss that opportunity.

“Why are you smiling like that?” Yoongi whispers with a smile of his own.

Jeongguk shrugs, “I love you.”

Yoongi’s smile turns a little shyer, and he leans in to brush another gentle kiss across Jeongguk’s lips.

Namjoon presses his hips up against Jeongguk harder, his hard-on still very much present. He’s just stretching though. There’s no sexual intent behind it.

“Joon,” Yoongi says.

Namjoon hums in acknowledgment, moving his face away from Jeongguk’s neck. When Jeongguk turns his head, he finds Yoongi leaning down towards Namjoon, kissing him as well, and Jeongguk’s heart does a happy flip. Instead of allowing their kiss to stay gentle though, Namjoon wraps his hands around Yoongi’s neck and pulls him closer, causing a surprised little noise to slip past Yoongi’s lips.

Yoongi ends up toppling over onto Jeongguk and Namjoon, laughing into Namjoon’s lips. Namjoon doesn’t let up though. He wraps his arms around Yoongi and tugs him over Jeongguk until Yoongi’s mostly on top of Namjoon, still kissing him.

With a light slap to Yoongi’s ass, Namjoon says into Yoongi’s lips, “Okay, now, you can go.”

Laughing, Yoongi moves Namjoon’s hair away from his forehead and presses their lips together again. After the spank, Namjoon’s hand stays firmly on Yoongi’s ass though, squeezing.

“Stop that,” Yoongi laughs and brushes Namjoon’s hand away, making Namjoon laugh too.

“Do you have to leave?” Namjoon asks, kissing Yoongi again.

Yoongi nods, smiling softly, his eyes almost… sparkling.

Namjoon frowns dramatically, and Jeongguk laughs.

“I’ll be back soon though,” Yoongi says, pulling back from Namjoon, bracing his hands on either side of Namjoon’s head. “Sometime around… four? Five? Something like that.”

Namjoon grunts in frustration.

“K,” Yoongi lightly taps Namjoon’s chest and turns to Jeongguk.  

He moves one hand to brace himself right on Jeongguk’s chest and leans down. Before kissing Jeongguk, Yoongi brushes his nose against Jeongguk’s.

“Love you,” Yoongi says casually, dropping a loud kiss onto Jeongguk’s lips, suddenly awake and ready to go.

Then, he turns to Namjoon.

“Love you,” he says just as casually, briefly kissing Namjoon too.

Then, he turns to leave.

Namjoon’s eyes are wide, his lips parted. Jeongguk looks about the same.

Yoongi is almost off the bed completely when he suddenly stops, freezing, probably realizing what he had just said, before jumping into action and essentially running to the closet and grabbing what seems to be the first shirt and pair of pants that he sees.

“Hyung,” Namjoon finds his voice suddenly, but Yoongi is already closing the door behind himself.

He didn’t even stay to get dressed in the room, just… fled right out of there. Namjoon’s mouth stays open for a little while longer after that, and during that time, what Yoongi said finally fucking gets to Jeongguk, and he finds himself smiling so wide he almost squeaks with excitement. Finally.

Suddenly, Namjoon blinks, turning to Jeongguk, and Jeongguk tames his smile just in time.

“Did that really just…” Namjoon trails off, his eyes wide, not blinking. “Did he really just-?”

Jeongguk’s smile comes back a fraction, “Mmhm.”

“Well, he didn’t-“ Namjoon takes a shaky breath. “He didn’t- mean it, right? It was just a slip of the tongue, right? Because he…”

Jeongguk’s eyebrows rise, “I really don’t think it was.”

“It could have been,” Namjoon argues, seemingly actually surprised. “I mean… why- he- uh.”

“I don’t think that would have just slipped out like that for no reason,” Jeongguk says, careful. “It never has before. And the way he ran away…”

“But like…” Namjoon starts, and holy fuck, suddenly Namjoon’s tearing up.

“Hyung,” Jeongguk exclaims, quickly turning over onto Namjoon, throwing a leg over Namjoon’s thighs. Namjoon’s hard-on is gone.

“He didn’t mean it,” Namjoon whispers, wrapping his arms around Jeongguk.

“Why are you so sure of that?” Jeongguk asks, brushing Namjoon’s hair off his forehead.

“I don’t… I don’t know,” Namjoon says. “It just feels like…”

“Like?” Jeongguk prompts, pressing a soft kiss to Namjoon’s forehead.

Namjoon opens his mouth, frowns and doesn’t say anything.

Jeongguk leans down and kisses him, trying to comfort. Namjoon kisses back. Languid, slow. It feels good. This whole morning is good, even though Jeongguk can feel the anxiousness emanating off Namjoon. It’s a big moment for Namjoon and Yoongi. A big moment for all three of them. A huge one.

It was inevitable from the very start. Though it was hard to believe it was actually going to happen back then with all the fighting, the jealousy, the misunderstandings. But it’s been over a year. The jealousy… faded away after a while. The communication got a lot better. Jeongguk can’t remember the last time they fought over anything actually meaningful. Having sex all three of them together helped, Jeongguk was right about that. It was really… convenient. It forced Yoongi and Namjoon closer to each other and took a lot of pressure off Jeongguk, just like they had hoped.

Yoongi and Namjoon, while obviously physically attracted to one another, still focused on Jeongguk more than anything, which was predictable and okay. There were even times that Yoongi and Namjoon had sex with Jeongguk separately. Jeongguk could feel a little jealousy from Namjoon the first time Jeongguk fucked Yoongi without him, and that led to Jeongguk getting fucked by Namjoon that same night with Yoongi mostly just watching, which was good too. In the beginning, they had sex separately with Jeongguk quite a few times, but they’ve stopped doing that a long time ago – at about the same time that the tour ended, and they moved back into the dorms. And ever since they moved into the same room, the option of having sex separately never even came into Jeongguk’s mind. It was a monumental day, moving into the same room. It influenced their dynamics a lot.

They never hid their relationship from the other members. A few days after sorting things out – after Yoongi and Namjoon touched each other for the first time, they sat the others down and told them, didn’t want to hide something so big from them. The others were surprised, to say the least, but mostly, they took it fine. There were no secrets. Yoongi, Namjoon, and Jeongguk told them that they themselves are not sure of the future of the whole thing. It was important to let the others know, especially since they were so unsure. If things were to blow up, everybody needed to be aware of the potential consequences, since everybody would be affected.

“Wait, wait,” Jimin said that day. “So, you’re not… dating each other, you’re only dating Kook?”

“Yeah,” Yoongi said.

“But you are… having sex all together?” Hoseok asked.

“Yeah,” Yoongi repeated.

“Huh,” Hoseok exclaimed.

“We know it’s…” Yoongi took a deep breath. “We know it’s a little bit of a… weird situation-“

“Difficult,” Jeongguk whispered.

“It’s a little weird for us too, but,” Yoongi said, shrugging, “we’re working on it.”

“And we wanna work on it,” Namjoon added. “And… get better at it.”

It was fine. Knowing about it didn’t change things for the group. It didn’t change the way the other members looked at the three of them. The tour went by really well, no more incidents of accidental tummy kisses or anything like that. To an extent, the other members knowing made the three of them feel even safer. If Yoongi did something like accidentally lean in to kiss Jeongguk again, or if Namjoon or Jeongguk did the same, there were six pairs of eyes on them, ready to stop them, not just two.

The tour made things easy. The other members didn’t have to interact too much with the new relationship in the group, so it gave them time to get used to it. It gave Jeongguk, Yoongi, and Namjoon time and privacy to get used to their new relationship as well, without outside pressure. They shared a bed every night, had sex almost every day. Sometimes, they had sex a few times a day. It was easy. They didn’t think about what it would be like to be in the dorms again.

They didn’t have a shared room in the dorms, and Jeongguk’s room, while private, was essentially just a music studio that had a small bed in it, so that sure as hell couldn’t fit all three of them. They talked with each other and with the other members about moving into the same room, but all seven of them were so used to the way they were living all these years that making a drastic change like that seemed daunting. And besides, they came to the conclusion that sharing a room would probably just end up distracting Yoongi, Namjoon, and Jeongguk from work. So, they decided not to change the sleeping arrangements.

It was a stupid decision. Suddenly, the three of them found that the freedom to be together that they had during the tour was gone. They weren’t sleeping together every night anymore, they were barely having sex. It fucking sucked. And it made them desperate. And it made Jeongguk needy and just plain sad. He suddenly… missed being subby.

Sneaking around, looking for opportunities to touch each other, hoping for moments of privacy, that’s what their lives became about. If anything, that was what distracted them from work. They were really doing their best pretending that everything was fine though, despite the growing unease and tension. The last thing that they wanted was their relationship inconveniencing the other members. But that led to the inevitability of them being caught in the worst possible position.

It happened about a month and a half after the tour ended and they came back home – one of those rare moments that the dorms emptied, and it was just the three of them. They were so desperate for each other at that point that they never even made it to the living room couch, let alone to one of their rooms. From the kitchen, they watched Jimin, Seokjin, and Taehyung close the door behind themselves, Hoseok having left earlier in the day to see his sister. They heard the sound of the lock, and all it took was literally three steps towards the living room for them to fall to the fucking floor with half their clothes off.

Not ten minutes later, Namjoon and Jeongguk were on their knees on the carpet, Namjoon’s cock was buried so deep inside Jeongguk, Jeongguk could barely breathe, Yoongi was bent over, sucking Jeongguk’s dick, and Jeongguk was feeling dizzy and free for the first time in fucking forever. Their moans were so loud they never even heard the lock clicking.

“Holy fuck!” Jimin yelled, him and Taehyung staring at them from the front door, and whatever headspace Jeongguk was heading into was dead and gone.

“Whoa,” Seokjin exclaimed, having come in a moment after Taehyung and Jimin.

“Are you two-“ Jimin pointed at them, and it took Jeongguk a second to realize that, because the couch was between them, they couldn’t see Yoongi bent over nor could they see that Namjoon was literally inside of Jeongguk.

But then Yoongi, who so far had been frozen, took his mouth off Jeongguk’s cock and straightened up, popping into view, wiping his chin with the back of his hand.

“Okay, all three of you,” Jimin exclaimed with wide eyes. “Bye!” he yelled and pulled Seokjin back out the door, Taehyung, his wide eyes still glued to the three of them, walking backward after them.

Later that night, they found out that the reason Jimin, Seokjin, and Taehyung returned was because Jimin forgot his phone at home. They also decided, during that same conversation, that they were wrong to not have a separate room for the three of them. And they decided that, every once in a while, Yoongi, Namjoon, and Jeongguk get the right to sexile everyone, so what happened earlier wouldn’t have to happen again. They never agreed on a number of times that this ‘sexile card’ could be used, but since moving into the same room together, the three of them didn’t have to use it anyway.

Finally being able to sleep in the same bed together changed things so much. The longing was equal between all three of them. Yoongi and Namjoon didn’t just miss sharing a bed with Jeongguk, they missed sharing it with each other as well. At that point, after sharing a bed so often, they were just used to it – they were used to each other. So, the deprivation ended up bringing Yoongi and Namjoon closer to each other too.

That was about the point that Jeongguk really noticed the shift in Yoongi and Namjoon’s relationship as well. Everyone was cuddling everyone, everyone was fucking everyone. Even Namjoon slept in the middle every once in a while. They all just missed being close. They had sex literally at every opportunity they could – as quietly as they could out of consideration. Jeongguk was the most problematic one in terms of volume, so choking Jeongguk became something they used quite often, not that Jeongguk was complaining. Yoongi was bottoming more and more often. The first time Namjoon bottomed for Jeongguk happened around then too.

Everything was better from the second they had a room together. The love grew, subspace became better, orgasms became easier, Yoongi and Namjoon were kissing a lot. They fucked each other a lot more often and were so into it, Jeongguk found himself happily getting himself off watching them go at it. He never felt left out. Their eyes were always drifting towards him, Yoongi would be getting fucked by Namjoon and talking dirty to Jeongguk at the same time. It was fucking hot. And they always pulled Jeongguk into their arms right after they came to take care of him too.

He checked with himself – only once, he didn’t need more than once – about whether he was jealous of them getting more and more into each other. It was a very easy answer. He wasn’t. He felt… so secure in their love for him that he was never jealous, never worried about their feelings for him lessening as their feelings for each other grew. If Jeongguk has enough space in his heart to love both of them, then so do they. Watching them fall in love did nothing but make Jeongguk happy. He could actually see it happening in real time. It felt… magical to be able to witness something like that.

He’s never said anything about it to them though, waiting patiently for them to figure it out themselves, get there at their own pace. It was the right decision. Jeongguk was sure of it then, and he’s sure of it now, kissing Namjoon as he’s freaking out about Yoongi finally saying ‘I love you’.

The way Yoongi said it maybe wasn’t the best way of saying it – causal, with no intent. But maybe that makes it even better. It means that it felt natural to say it, inconsequential, like it just… made sense to say it, like the love he has for Namjoon just exists as an unquestionable fact, the same way as his love for Jeongguk, like it wasn’t a big deal to say it. Even though it absolutely was. The way Namjoon’s breath suddenly trembles is proof enough of just how monumental it is.

Jeongguk pulls away from the kiss to find Namjoon with his eyes closed and his eyebrows ever so slightly furrowed. Jeongguk brushes his thumb over Namjoon’s cheek.

“Do you love him?” Jeongguk asks quietly, already knowing the answer.

Namjoon’s eyes open.

He doesn’t answer for a minute, and Jeongguk doesn’t rush him, simply continues cupping Namjoon’s jaw, holding back on kissing him yet again.

Eventually, looking into Jeongguk’s eyes, Namjoon nods.

Jeongguk smiles, but all Namjoon does is frown.

“Hey,” Jeongguk exclaims quietly, concerned. “Why do you look so sad?”

“Because maybe he didn’t mean it,” Namjoon answers. “Not like that, not like- not like I mean it.”

“Hyung,” Jeongguk chastises fondly, placing a soft kiss onto Namjoon’s jaw. “He did mean it.”

“How can you be so sure?” Namjoon asks.

Jeongguk kisses Namjoon’s neck, “Because I’ve been watching you two build towards this for months now.”

“Really?” Namjoon breathes.

“Mmhm,” Jeongguk nods, then pulls back and looks at Namjoon again. Namjoon still has that little worried line between his brows.

“And you’re…” Namjoon trails off, tightening his grip on Jeongguk’s hips, “okay with it?”

Jeongguk’s eyebrows furrow with confusion, having not realized that Namjoon might be worried about that. He almost brushes it off with an ‘of course I am!’ but decides not to.

“Do you love me any less?” Jeongguk challenges, teasing, not actually concerned.

“No!” Namjoon exclaims, scandalized. “No, of course not! Baby.”

Jeongguk laughs breathily, “Then why in the world would I not be okay with you loving him too?” he laughs at Namjoon’s open mouth. “It would be incredibly hypocritical of me too, wouldn’t it?”

Namjoon seems stumped, his mouth closing abruptly.

“I’m happy for you,” Jeongguk cups Namjoon’s cheek tightly. “Happy for both of you,” he smiles. “Congratulations.”

Namjoon’s eyes widen slightly, a fierce blush spreading across his cheeks. He squirms underneath Jeongguk, the corners of his lips pulling up into a smile, but he quickly bites his lower lip, as if he’s trying to hide it.

“What it is?” Jeongguk asks, amused.

Namjoon shrugs, blushing even more.

“What?” Jeongguk smiles.

“He loves me,” Namjoon whispers, blushing so fucking hard he actually lets go of Jeongguk’s hips to cover his face with both hands.

“Aww,” Jeongguk can’t hold back the sound.

Namjoon squirms again, “I can’t,” he gasps, laughing breathily into his hands, “I can’t believe he loves me.”

“Oh my god,” Jeongguk whispers, worried he might actually burst because of how cute Namjoon is right now.

Namjoon’s hands shoot away from his face suddenly, his eyes wide.

“Maybe he’s still home,” Namjoon says. “I gotta catch him.”

Jeongguk jumps off Namjoon and onto the floor before Namjoon even thinks of pushing him away. He expects Namjoon to hop out of bed the second he’s able to, but Namjoon stays unmoving and shocked.

“Hyung!” Jeongguk exclaims, Namjoon’s eyes snapping towards him. “He might still be home!” Jeongguk all but yells, grabbing Namjoon’s arm and pulling him up and out of the bed, then tugging him right out of the room, through the corridor and into their open-space living room and kitchen.

Seokjin is standing next to the counter with a steaming cup of coffee right at his parted lips, eyes wide with confusion at the way the two of them burst in. A glance backward lets Jeongguk know that Namjoon is still very much in shock, so Jeongguk has to be the one to speak.

“Have you seen Yoongi hyung?” Jeongguk asks Seokjin.

“He just ran out the door like a second ago. Seemed in a hurry,” Seokjin says, takes a small sip of coffee, then looks at Namjoon. “Everything good?”

“Better than good,” Jeongguk says.

Seokjin raises an eyebrow, “Elaborate?”

Jeongguk glances at Namjoon. Still in shock, watching the front door.

“We’re…” Jeongguk turns back to Seokjin, “having a moment. In our relationship,” at Seokjin’s inhale, Jeongguk adds, “It’s all good stuff, but it’s more about Yoongi and Namjoon, so I’m gonna leave it to them to break the news when they’re ready. Though I think it wouldn’t be too hard to guess what’s going on-“

“They’re in looove,” Jimin singsongs, twirling into the room from behind Namjoon and Jeongguk. Namjoon startles, and Jimin dramatically swoons onto him. “Finally.”

“It’s not,” Jeongguk tries to find the right word, “official yet.”

Jimin straightens up. Taehyung walks out of the corridor while rubbing his eyes, Hoseok following two steps behind him with a towel around his hips.

“What’s going on?” Hoseok asks.

“Yoongi and Namjoon are having a moment,” Seokjin says, sipping his coffee again.

“A moment?”  Taehyung walks up to Seokjin, casually gets into Seokjin’s personal space, sniffs Seokjin’s cup and flinches when he realizes it’s coffee, moving away to make himself tea.

Seokjin, Hoseok, and Jimin are all watching Namjoon curiously.

Oh, god. Namjoon’s eyes are wide, looking in all of their directions – scared. This is becoming way too big of a deal. It’s going to fucking scare Namjoon into not saying anything to Yoongi.

“Okay, okay,” Jeongguk intervenes, and they all look at him. “Everything is fine,” he squeezes Namjoon’s hand. “If there was anything newsworthy happening, we would have let you know, so let’s… leave it at that for now.”

Namjoon is watching him now, looking somewhat relieved.

There’s a moment of silence, then Taehyung yawns, says, “Okay,” and everyone’s in motion again.

“Wait, one more thing,” Jeongguk calls out, having a small epiphany. “I would like to officially invoke the sexile card today for when Yoongi comes back.”

Namjoon opens his mouth as if to argue but then doesn’t. Jimin groans loudly.

“But I wanted to stay in and do nothing,” he whines. “We had a movie planned with Tae,” he walks over to Taehyung and side-hugs him.

“That’s okay,” Taehyung says, hugging Jimin back. “They’ve never asked for this before, and we did agree to allow it every once in a while, so, it’s only fair. We’ll find something fun to do.”

“Fine,” Jimin agrees. “When are we sexiled?”

“Whenever Yoongi comes back,” Jeongguk answers.

“Fine by me,” Hoseok says, leaning back against a counter.

Seokjin nods into his coffee, and they’re all set.

Jeongguk drags Namjoon back into their room and closes the door behind them.

Namjoon’s quiet. Nervous.

“I do mean it,” Jeongguk says. “Everything is okay.”

Namjoon’s eyebrows furrow deeply.

“You were so happy a minute ago,” Jeongguk says, walking up to him. “What changed?”

“Nothing,” Namjoon shakes his head. “I just… I don’t know, I don’t know, I feel like I can’t be too hopeful about this. I should… If we do both love each other like that, then… I don’t know, maybe I should wait for him to confess to it first.”

“Hyung,” Jeongguk takes both of Namjoon’s hands in his. “He did confess to it first.”

Namjoon looks up at him, stumped.

“All you have to do is say it back,” Jeongguk says.

“But the way he ran away…” Namjoon trails off. “Maybe he regretted saying it.”

“And maybe…” Jeongguk crowds up to Namjoon, letting go of Namjoon’s hands and wrapping his arms around Namjoon’s neck, Namjoon’s hands finding his waist. “Most likely, he’s just as panicky as you are about it right now,” he brushes his nose against Namjoon’s playfully. “I mean… he was the one to say it first, and you didn’t say it back, so… he’s probably really anxious about it.”

Namjoon’s eyes widen, “Oh.”

“Oh,” Jeongguk repeats.  

Namjoon opens his mouth, and then, there’s a long pause.

“I love you,” Namjoon says suddenly, and Jeongguk is so taken aback by it he blushes.

“I love you too,” Jeongguk breathes.

“No, god, you have no idea how much I love you,” Namjoon says.

Jeongguk’s not sure how to respond, so he just… kisses Namjoon. On the lips. Hard.

Their lips part against each other, and before Jeongguk knows it, he’s being turned around and pushed onto the bed, Namjoon climbing up onto the mattress, pressing Jeongguk’s thighs apart and crawling between them, looming over Jeongguk and kissing him in a way that straight up makes Jeongguk want to beg. He moans into Namjoon’s lips, his body responding before he ever gives it permission to. Namjoon grinds down onto him.

“Oh, fuck, you’re such a good baby boy,” Namjoon whispers into Jeongguk’s mouth, kissing him some more.

Jeongguk shudders, hands clenching the fabric of Namjoon’s shirt, very much on the way to getting hard.

“Hyung,” Jeongguk calls out.

“Mmm,” Namjoon responds, moving away from Jeongguk’s lips down to Jeongguk’s neck.

“Hyung, wait,” Jeongguk laughs, and Namjoon pulls back, looks into Jeongguk’s eyes. “Do you really wanna be doing this without Yoongi right now?”

“I-“ Namjoon’s swallows hard. “No. But also yes. God, I love you.”

Jeongguk laughs again, “What’s gotten into you?”

Namjoon shakes his head, “I just need you to know that,” he cups Jeongguk’s cheek. “You’re everything.”

Jeongguk’s… not sure what to say again.

“I love him,” Namjoon says. “And I love you. And you’re mine.”

Overwhelming.

“Okay, maybe you should fuck me right now,” Jeongguk manages to whisper.

Namjoon laughs, kissing Jeongguk’s lips softly.

“You’re mine,” Namjoon breathes, and Jeongguk nods.

 

Somehow, Jeongguk calms Namjoon down, and after a little while of kissing softly in bed, they manage to get out into the kitchen and eat with Jimin and Taehyung. After that, it’s a matter of doing two things: keeping Namjoon calm and setting a plan. Every instinct Jeongguk has tells him to make a fucking big moment out of this – to go get a huge bouquet of flowers, to light candles, to buy Yoongi some fucking necklace or watch or something else that’s equally if not more expensive. Spoil him. Make Namjoon spoil him.

He knows it’s not what Yoongi would want though, and it’s not what Namjoon would want either. All of those things can be saved for a future anniversary or something. For today, he and Namjoon need to figure out how to take this step without it freaking anyone out any more than it already has. They need to make sure that things feel normal. It’s not like this is going to change their relationship much, if at all. So, they shouldn’t make too big a deal out of it. The sexile is a good idea. Whether they have sex or not, privacy would be good to have. Though, Jeongguk does hope that they’ll have sex. When does he not hope for that?

“I’m just gonna say it to him,” Namjoon says from the desk back in their room a few hours after breakfast. Jeongguk has been busy making a playlist of sex songs that he’s not sure they’re going to use.

“Say what?” Jeongguk asks.

“I don’t wanna make too big a deal out of it,” Namjoon says. “So, I’m just gonna… bring up this morning, and… then I’ll just say it.”

“That sounds like a pretty good plan,” Jeongguk says. Whatever plan will make Namjoon the least nervous is the best one.

Namjoon nods.

“And then we’re gonna have sex,” Jeongguk says, hoping and succeeding to get a laugh out of Namjoon.

“Yeah?” Namjoon teases.

Jeongguk shrugs coyly, “It’s only appropriate.”

“Is it now?” Namjoon smirks.

“We should figure out something special to do for the sex,” Jeongguk says.

“Special like what?” Namjoon asks, laughing.

“I don’t know,” Jeongguk says. “Maybe you could let Yoongi top you?”

The few times that Namjoon’s bottomed for them, it was always Jeongguk fucking him, never Yoongi. No one was really complaining about it, but maybe it would be good to change things up for this special day. And it would make sense for Yoongi to fuck Namjoon today – it would be something different and new, and the focus would be on Yoongi and Namjoon. As it should be today.

“Yoongi doesn’t wanna fuck me,” Namjoon says like it’s obvious, amused. “He’s mostly a bottom, I’m mostly a top, it makes sense. That’s not to say that I wouldn’t let him if he wanted to, of course I would, but I really doubt that he wants to.”

“Yeah,” Jeongguk acknowledges. Maybe it’s just him who wants to watch Namjoon getting fucked by Yoongi.

“Besides,” Namjoon adds. “If things go well-“

“They will,” Jeongguk interjects.

If they go well,” Namjoon repeats. “Then I have another idea.”

“Yeah?” Jeongguk asks.

“I wanna edge the shit out of him,” Namjoon says, and Jeongguk’s cock twitches at the mere thought.

“My dick just…” he says, “responded to that.”

Namjoon smirks, “I wanna do it with the fleshlight.”

Jeongguk actually gasps a little, “Whoa.”

“I know, right?” Namjoon says.

“How have we not used it on him before?” Jeongguk asks.

“No idea,” Namjoon answers. “We should amend that.”

“Whoa,” Jeongguk exclaims again.

 

It’s just a matter of waiting at this point. The more time goes by, the more Namjoon is fidgeting. Every once in a while, Namjoon gets get up and paces. Jeongguk brings him things to drink, to eat, kisses him on the cheek and tells him to breathe. He can imagine how nervous Namjoon is right now. Can imagine how nervous Yoongi is as well. When the clock hits four, Namjoon is sitting at his computer but not actually doing anything on it, just staring. Jeongguk walks up to him.

“Not much longer,” he says, kissing Namjoon’s temple. “You’ll get it off your chest soon.”

Namjoon exhales harshly, nodding, and Jeongguk gently turns Namjoon’s head and kisses Namjoon’s lips.

He thinks he has a better idea about how to make this moment special than edging Yoongi.

It’s almost five when they hear the front door slam closed.

Namjoon jumps out of his chair, and Jeongguk jumps because Namjoon jumps. Then, panicking, Namjoon looks at Jeongguk, and Jeongguk does his best to smile and nod at him encouragingly.

“Deep breath,” Jeongguk says, and Namjoon inhales. “It’s gonna be okay.”

Yoongi is in the middle of taking off his boots by the front door when they get out into the living room. Taehyung and Jimin are on the couch, Taehyung’s phone in his hand, but their faces are turned to look at Namjoon, Jeongguk, and Yoongi.

“Now?” Jimin asks, aiming the question at Jeongguk and Namjoon.

Jeongguk nods.

“Now what?” Yoongi asks as Jimin and Taehyung get up. “Is everything okay?”

Namjoon is silent, his eyes on Yoongi.

“Joon?” Yoongi asks, unbuttoning his jacket.

“Fine,” the word explodes out of Namjoon’s mouth all of a sudden.

Yoongi’s eyebrows rise as he takes his jacket off and hangs it, “Are you sure?”

“Mmhm,” Namjoon turns to Jeongguk, his eyes wide.

Yoongi looks skeptical. Rightfully so. Namjoon is visibly terrified.

“Just say it, right?” Jeongguk whispers to Namjoon. “Stick to the plan. Bring up this morning, then just say it.”

“I don’t think I can do it,” Namjoon whispers in alarm.

“Yes, you can,” Jeongguk asserts.

Yoongi starts walking up to them.

“What are you whispering about?” he asks, one eyebrow up.

He seems chill. Unbothered. Maybe that’s what’s freaking Namjoon out. Maybe he was expecting Yoongi to be more anxious after this morning. Jeongguk thinks that Yoongi is anxious though. He’s just really fucking good at pretending he’s not.

A noise from the hallway makes all three of them turn. Everyone – Seokjin, Hoseok, Jimin, and Taehyung are walking out into the living room. A promise has been made, a promise is being kept.

“What’s going on?” Yoongi asks. “Where’s everyone going?”

Seokjin, Hoseok, Jimin, and Taehyung all glance at Jeongguk and Namjoon as they pass by them but don’t say anything.

“I…” Jeongguk tries. “I asked them to leave.”

Yoongi frowns in confusion, his eyes ever so slightly wider, “Why?”

“Uh…” Jeongguk says. “So we could have privacy?”

Yoongi gulps, “Oh.”

He is anxious. It’s all over his face. And him hiding it so successfully makes it all the worst. It means he’s really anxious. And Namjoon looks even worse than Yoongi. He’s practically shaking.

“You guys really don’t need to leave,” Yoongi turns his head to where everyone is putting on shoes and jackets. “We don’t… need privacy.”

“Hyung,” Jeongguk says.

“We don’t,” Yoongi asserts, looking at Jeongguk and very much avoiding looking at Namjoon. “Everything’s fine.”

There’s a moment of silence. No one moves.

“Hyung,” Jeongguk says carefully. “We need to-“

“I love you,” Namjoon says all of a sudden, too rash and too quiet, his eyes on the floor.

Yoongi’s gaze snaps towards him, “What?”

Namjoon’s eyes are wide, his cheeks are burning. He looks like he’s going to cry. Everyone in the room is watching him now.

“I mean,” Namjoon says, his eyes darting around, looking at everyone except Yoongi, and Jeongguk worries that Namjoon is going to backpedal, so he places a hand on Namjoon’s lower back. “I mean, I- I love you… too.”

Namjoon gulps, gaze finally rising. Yoongi’s eyes are wide. Jeongguk is holding his breath, his heart unexpectedly beating faster, suddenly and unreasonably nervous for them. Jimin’s got two hands over his mouth, Taehyung’s eyes are wide but somewhat hopeful, and Seokjin and Hoseok have little smiles on their faces. It looks like Hoseok and Seokjin are… proud.

“Really?” Yoongi whispers, his voice so, so small, his lower lip trembling a bit.

“Yeah,” Namjoon’s voice is small too.

Yoongi’s lower lip trembles harder for a second, his eyes filling up with tears. He tilts his head back, closes his eyes and takes a deep, steady breath.

“Yoongi?” Namjoon whispers.

Yoongi’s head lowers again, his eyes open, wet, but he’s still looking up, blinking fast.

Namjoon starts again, “Yoon-“

“Shut up,” Yoongi whispers. “I’m trying not to fucking cry, shut up.”

Namjoon lets out a startled laugh, his face full of relief and surprise all at once. Jimin ‘aww’s from behind them, Taehyung hugs Jimin tightly, and Jeongguk inhales.

Yoongi’s eyes shut tight, he breathes in through clenched teeth, squaring his jaw, but then his eyebrows furrow, and his next inhale is a sniffle.

“Fuck!” Yoongi exclaims and opens his eyes, two tears falling down his cheeks. “Couldn’t you just fucking say it back this morning? I’ve been going crazy all fucking day because of this.”

“I-“ Namjoon tries.

“Fuck, I’m so fucking mad at you right now,” Yoongi says, crying, wiping his face.

“No, you’re not,” Jeongguk says, smiling.

“No, I’m not!” Yoongi stomps over to Namjoon and buries his face in Namjoon’s chest.

Namjoon’s arms wrap around him immediately.

“Fuck,” Yoongi says again, quiet this time. “Do you mean it?”

“Yeah,” Namjoon says. “I love you.”

Jeongguk wipes a tear off his own cheek, then slips away, letting Yoongi and Namjoon have the slightest bit of privacy as he moves towards the other members, silently pushing them out of the front door.

Jimin protests, teary-eyed, but Taehyung tugs him outside, looking a little emotional himself. Hoseok and Seokjin walk out after them, and Seokjin whispers to Jeongguk that they’ll be back around nine or ten, that they’ll text in their group chat when they’ll be on the way home.

After they’re all out, Jeongguk leans against the front door and looks at Yoongi and Namjoon. They’re still hugging and crying quietly, and Jeongguk finds himself getting emotional about it all over again. This has been… such a long time coming. He’s been doing his best to be calm about this the entire fucking day, but he isn’t calm about it. He takes a deep, silent breath, allowing the emotions to take over him for a second. The happiness he feels about them being in love, about their relationship taking this step, about the future as a whole… it’s too much, and a few more tears fall down his cheeks.

“Can you like…” Namjoon whispers. Yoongi pulls his head away from Namjoon’s chest, but Jeongguk can’t see his face from here. “Can you… say it again?” Namjoon glances away, embarrassed. “So that like… I know that you mean it?”

“What?” Yoongi asks, confused. Jeongguk’s not sure they even realize the others are out by now. “You thought I…”

“Well, you ran away like that,” Namjoon shrugs. “I thought you… regretted saying it or that… it was just a slip of the tongue.”

“I love you,” Yoongi says, his voice firm. He cups Namjoon’s cheek. “I do. I fucking love you.”

“Okay,” Namjoon gulps, nodding. “Okay, cool.”

“Cool,” Yoongi laughs.

“I love you too,” Namjoon adds.

Yoongi laughs a little harder, and Jeongguk smiles to himself.

“I would have told you this morning by the way,” Namjoon says, “if you didn’t run away like that. That probably would have been preferable.”

“Yeah,” Yoongi scratches behind his ear. “I may or may not have freaked out about it.”

“Yeah,” Namjoon says. “Kook said that’s probably what happened.”

Yoongi turns to Jeongguk then, and his nose is pink, but he’s smiling.

“Why are you all the way over there?” Yoongi asks. “Come here.”

Jeongguk walks over to them, and they pull him into their hug, his head bowed between them. The love is so strong, it almost makes Jeongguk cry again.

“I can’t believe you guys fucking sexiled them!” Yoongi exclaims all of a sudden.

“It was all Kook,” Namjoon says defensively.

“Well, Kook’s a fucking genius then,” Yoongi says.

Jeongguk laughs.

Yoongi’s fingers under his chin raise Jeongguk’s head, so he stops laughing. There’s a beautiful smile on Yoongi’s face, and on Namjoon’s, and life is so good.

“You seem quite calm about this,” Yoongi comments.

“So do you,” Jeongguk says and means it.

They were so nervous and scared, but now that they’ve confessed it, both Yoongi and Namjoon seem really calm.

Yoongi looks at Namjoon.

“I feel calm about it,” Yoongi says with a little line between his brows, like he himself is confused by it.

“So do I actually,” Namjoon says.

“You’ve been freaking out about it all day,” Jeongguk tells Namjoon, “and suddenly, you’re just… calm?”

“I think so,” Namjoon says, smiling, looking at Yoongi. “It feels very…” he runs his fingers through Jeongguk’s hair with one hand and takes Yoongi’s hand in his in the other, “natural. And very right.”

Yoongi nods, “I don’t feel too… different either. Now that it’s out and you said it back. I mean, I’m relieved, but… I don’t know, maybe I wasn’t as nervous about it as I thought.”

“Nothing’s gonna change, is it?” Namjoon asks, smiling fondly, squeezing Yoongi’s hand.

Yoongi smiles.

“I don’t think it will,” Jeongguk says. “Things are gonna be… exactly like this morning was. Everything will be the same as always plus there will be casual ‘I love you’s all around.”

Yoongi laughs breathily, “I kinda like the idea of that,” he glances at Namjoon.

“I love you,” Namjoon says, eyes happy.

“I love you too,” Yoongi tells him, and it’s so easy. Then, he turns to Jeongguk. “And you. Our gorgeous baby.”

Jeongguk blushes, “I’m really happy.”

“Yeah?” Yoongi asks, eyebrows furrowing and unfurrowing quickly, emotions contained.

“I’ve been waiting for this for such a long time, it doesn’t even feel real at this point,” Jeongguk says, choking up ever so slightly. “It feels like so long, but I can’t tell if this is happening too soon or if this should have happened months ago.”

Yoongi cups Jeongguk’s cheek.

“It feels…” Jeongguk continues, “almost like it did happen months ago and just nobody acknowledged it.”

They’re quiet for a moment.

“It might have,” Namjoon says quietly.

“Really?” Yoongi asks, looking at him.

“I can’t tell,” Namjoon shrugs a little. “I thought… months ago, right around the time that the tour ended and we came back home, about taking a step and offering to try to properly date- like, all of us, but it was… it felt too early, too rushed, too much like we… haven’t stabilized our relationship yet as it was, and bringing in another dynamic that even I wasn’t sure would work didn’t seem right. So, I didn’t say anything about it, but…”

“I know,” Yoongi says, nodding. “I know what you mean.”

“I don’t know when it happened for me, when exactly my feelings for you grew to this point. I didn’t feel it when we moved back to the dorms, I don’t think,” Namjoon says, Yoongi nods, and Jeongguk sees Namjoon squeeze Yoongi’s hand in his. “Things really changed from that point on. So, I’m not sure… when I… started to love you like that, but it doesn’t feel new, not right now.”

“Yeah,” Yoongi agrees.

“I did worry today,” Namjoon continues, “that you wouldn’t feel it back, even though technically, you said it first. The way you ran away, the casual way that you said it… made me… unsure.”

Yoongi frowns.

“But somehow,” Namjoon says, his brows furrowing. “It’s not… too surprising to me that you feel it back.”

Yoongi kisses Namjoon. It’s soft, it’s unhurried, it’s loving, and it’s exactly the same as the kiss they shared this morning and the one they shared last night before bed, and two nights ago, and two months ago. It really doesn’t feel any different. Their tongues meet, Namjoon’s hand finds the back of Jeongguk’s neck and keeps him close. Jeongguk runs his hand up and down Yoongi’s back and watches them kiss.

He supposes it makes sense then, if they have been feeling this way towards each other for so long, that the first ‘I love you’ came out so much like it wasn’t a big deal. It might be that Yoongi simply subconsciously felt safe enough to say it, maybe because in the back of his mind, he believed that Namjoon did feel it back for him.

“I still can’t believe you sexiled them,” Yoongi says right as Namjoon’s tongue touches his lips, and Namjoon ends up pausing and laughing right into the kiss.

“God,” Namjoon exclaims, laughing some more.

“We don’t have to have sex,” Jeongguk says defensively. “I mostly made them get out because I was hoping for privacy for the conversation that we were supposed to have, but then… you ended up confessing right in front of them, so that was kinda… pointless,” Jeongguk pauses, and right as Yoongi opens his mouth, Jeongguk adds sheepishly, “I was also… hoping that we’d have sex, so…” he shrugs. “But we still don’t have to.”

Now, they both laugh at him.

“Do you really expect us to pass up on the opportunity to hear you scream while we fuck you?” Yoongi asks bluntly.

Jeongguk opens his mouth but-

“It’s been fucking forever since you properly screamed for us,” Yoongi adds, and Namjoon smirks.

Jeongguk blinks at him, blushing, his brain blanking for a second.

Yoongi gently runs his fingers through Jeongguk’s hair.

“How about…” Namjoon muses, “you get in our room, take your clothes off and wait for us on the bed.”

Shivers run down Jeongguk’s spine, wanting to listen so much, but this is… not what he had in mind.

“Actually,” Jeongguk says, gulping. “I was, um… I was gonna offer to… sexile myself as well.”

Yoongi’s eyebrows furrow deeply.

“What?” Namjoon asks, confused.

Jeongguk shrugs, “It’s a special moment for you and… I mean, you’ve both had sex with me separately, so I thought… it would only be- fair for you to have a moment alone too.”

“But why the hell would we want that?” Namjoon asks.

“I just…” Jeongguk tries to explain. He feels a little silly offering it when they’re looking at him like it’s the most ridiculous idea in the world, but it makes sense in his head. “I wanna… show you that I support you loving each other and that I’m okay with this change and that I trust you and that I’m not worried about you having sex without me at all, and… this is the best way I can think to do that.”

“Sweetie,” Yoongi breathes, cupping Jeongguk’s cheek and kissing him on the lips briefly.

“I don’t want you to make me…” Jeongguk pulls back from Yoongi and laughs at himself, “scream tonight,” Yoongi and Namjoon smile at his words. “I want you to… kiss each other and fuck each other and- and make love to each other and just… enjoy each other as much as possible. I don’t wanna come in the way of that.”

“Sweetie, you’d never come in the way of it,” Yoongi says, brushing his thumb over Jeongguk’s cheekbone. “Like, I really do understand where you’re coming from, I do,” he says, Namjoon nods, and at least Jeongguk feels a little validated. “But we can do all of these things with you right there with us. We can feel love for each other with you there as much as we can feel love for you with each other there,” he smiles. “And, according to you, we’ve already been doing that for a while now.”

Jeongguk laughs breathily.

“Yeah,” Namjoon says, kissing Jeongguk’s temple. “But it is good to know,” he kisses Jeongguk’s cheek. “It’s really important to me, and to Yoongi too probably, to have your support and trust and to have you be happy.”

“Yeah,” Yoongi says.

“I am happy,” Jeongguk asserts.

“I believe you,” Namjoon kisses his lips once. “Now, come to bed with us.”

Jeongguk smiles and presses his lips to Namjoon’s again. Namjoon is still holding Yoongi’s hand when they start moving through the hallway to their bedroom, and Jeongguk smiles so wide his cheeks hurt. He loses himself in watching them walk hand in hand like that for a second, but then he runs up to them and wraps his arms around Yoongi from behind, hearing Yoongi softly laugh in response. Somehow, at this very moment… being in love has never felt better.

The sun has set over the time they spent in the living room, so their bedroom is dark when they walk in. Namjoon lets go of Yoongi’s hand in favor of turning on the bedside lamp, and Yoongi uses that opportunity to tug Jeongguk towards him by the hips and kiss him. Jeongguk lets himself enjoy the kiss for a moment but then pulls back, quickly deciding that fuck them and their casual love confessions, he’s bringing the fucking candles.

“I’ll be right back,” Jeongguk whispers, taking Yoongi’s hands off his hips.

“What?” Yoongi laughs.

“Just start without me!” Jeongguk yells, already halfway through the door.

He runs to the kitchen and opens one of the lower cabinets where he knows the candles are. Taehyung had a short phase of absolute obsession with candles. His and Namjoon’s room at the time was full of them. Namjoon didn’t care, and the candles were barely ever lit anyway because they were mostly there for pretty pictures. Time to make fucking romantic-ass use of them now. Jeongguk grabs a lighter and as many candles as he can carry and runs back into the room.

When he finally gets there, he has to pause. Namjoon is sitting on the bed, his head thrown back, his shirt still on with Yoongi – completely naked – on the floor between Namjoon’s spread thighs, Yoongi’s mouth around Namjoon’s cock. Jeongguk’s not sure how they managed to get to this point so fucking fast, maybe he was in the kitchen longer than he realized, but the image is fucking mesmerizing. They’re both so gorgeous. Every time- fuck, every time, seeing them with each other like this drives Jeongguk nuts.

The sound of multiple candles hitting the floor makes Yoongi and Namjoon turn to him.

“Oops,” Jeongguk mutters, bending down to pick the candles up, and ends up dropping even more of them in the process.

Yoongi and Namjoon both laugh.

“What are you doing?” Namjoon asks.

“I’m making things romantic!” Jeongguk says as he falls onto his knees to collect all the candles.

“How many candles do you even have there?” Namjoon laughs, Yoongi casually stroking his shaft now, a smile on his face as well. Yoongi’s cock is still mostly soft between his legs.

“I don’t know, I didn’t count,” Jeongguk says as he rises back onto his feet. “Like twelve? More?”

“That’s a fire hazard,” Yoongi comments.

“Shut up!” Jeongguk exclaims defensively. “It’s romantic!”

Yoongi and Namjoon laugh, and then Jeongguk begins running around the room, looking for places to put all these candles, and finds himself laughing at himself as well. He’s just… so fucking happy. He does light the candles though, damn them.

“Get on the bed,” Namjoon tells Yoongi as Jeongguk walks around the room lighting the candles. There are fourteen of them, not twelve. “And don’t touch yourself. I’ll be right back.”

“Mmm, feeling bossy?” Yoongi teases, getting on the bed and dropping onto the middle pillow, his hands folded behind his head and one leg bent so that his foot is under the knee of the other leg. His soft cock lies prettily on his groin.

Jeongguk pauses, and Namjoon, who’s just walked over to Jeongguk, stops moving and turns to Yoongi as well. The candlelight somehow makes Yoongi look even more beautiful than usual.

“Wow,” Jeongguk breathes, and Yoongi turns his head towards him. “You’re so pretty.”

“Yeah,” Namjoon whispers next to him.

Yoongi blushes, turning away and squirming. Jeongguk drops the lighter onto their dresser and walks towards the bed, taking off his shirt and tossing it aside in the process. He climbs onto the mattress, braces his hands on either side of Yoongi’s head and his knees on either side of Yoongi’s hips. All Jeongguk really had in mind when he got onto the bed was kissing Yoongi, but now that’s he’s here, now that he’s faced with Yoongi like this, what he does instead is place his palm on Yoongi’s bare chest and touch Yoongi. Just touch him.

He brushes his fingers over Yoongi’s sensitive nipples as Yoongi looks at his face, feeling Yoongi tense momentarily at the touch, his nipple stiffening, then lets his hand travel lower, feeling Yoongi’s stomach and thinking both about how beautiful Yoongi is but also about how skinny he’s been getting, how he should eat more. Maybe Jeongguk could make him something tasty. He’d force Seokjin to help. And then, gently, he lets his hand come down even lower, touching Yoongi’s still mostly soft cock, wanting to wrap his lips around it, wanting to feel Yoongi harden and grow bigger between his lips.

“So beautiful,” he says and feels the way Yoongi’s cock twitches, getting a little harder, Yoongi enjoying the praise just like Jeongguk knows he does.

Jeongguk’s not even sure where Namjoon is at this point. He might still be watching them from the dresser, he might be in another room, Jeongguk doesn’t know, but he won’t take his eyes off Yoongi long enough to check. When Yoongi pulls him down for a kiss, Jeongguk doesn’t hesitate, letting his open lips meet Yoongi’s with every bit of passion he has in him. Their tongues brush together, Yoongi’s hand rubs at Jeongguk’s crotch through his sweatpants, Jeongguk moans, Yoongi’s cock gets hard in Jeongguk’s hand, it’s possible that the earth also stops spinning, Jeongguk can’t tell.

A sudden added weight on the bed wakes Jeongguk up, and he looks up to find that Namjoon is at their side, fully naked now. He’s holding his black fleshlight in one hand, but also, in the other hand, he has Yoongi’s nine and a half inch jet black dildo. Seeing it, so many memories fly through Jeongguk’s mind – their first time getting Jeongguk off, the way Yoongi fucked him with it, Yoongi and him licking and sucking this dildo together. Jeongguk hasn’t seen that dildo in forever now, not since getting a brief glance at it when Yoongi and Namjoon moved their toys into their shared dresser. Jeongguk’s not sure why Namjoon suddenly brought it back. It’s not like there aren’t enough cocks between them to give each other what they need. As far as Jeongguk knows, Yoongi hasn’t used his dildos in months. Maybe it’s somehow part of Namjoon’s edging idea.

“What have you got those for?” Yoongi asks before Jeongguk can do the same.

Namjoon sits back on his calves.

“Well,” Namjoon says, placing the fleshlight on the nightstand by the bed and holding the dildo up, looking at it. Namjoon’s cock has gone a little softer in the time he was gone, and Jeongguk desperately wants to make it fully hard again. “I got them for a few reasons.”

“Yeah?” Yoongi’s eyes focus on the dildo. “Wanna tell us?”

“Mmhm,” Namjoon nods, placing his hand at the back of Jeongguk’s neck and squeezing lightly. “You wanna make this moment special for me and Yoongi, right?”

“Yeah,” Jeongguk answers immediately, nodding. Yoongi’s eyebrows furrow with confusion.

“Well, for that, you’re gonna have to be an extra good boy today,” Namjoon says.

“How?” Jeongguk whispers, suddenly so fucking eager and desperate to please.

“This,” Namjoon presents the dildo to Jeongguk.

Jeongguk looks up into Namjoon’s eyes, taking the dildo from him.

“I’m gonna do to Yoongi what I told you earlier,” Namjoon says, and Jeongguk catches Yoongi’s eyebrows rising dramatically. “While I’m doing that, I want you to finger yourself, and when I tell you, I want you to fuck yourself with this,” he nods towards the dildo. “Okay?”

“Yes,” Jeongguk nods quickly. “Yes, definitely, I can do that. No problem.”

“Good,” Namjoon smiles, pressing a soft kiss to Jeongguk’s temple. “I want you to hold on and not come,” Namjoon adds, and Jeongguk worries that maybe Namjoon plans to edge him too a little, which he’s not sure he’d know how to handle. “And I want you to stay focused for us, okay? Watch us.”

Jeongguk nods quickly again.

“Now, give this a little lick for me,” Namjoon says, taking hold of Jeongguk’s wrist and bringing the dildo to Jeongguk’s lips. “For nostalgia’s sake,” he adds, and something about Namjoon thinking about the past like Jeongguk is makes Jeongguk want to work harder, show Namjoon how much he’s improved.

He doesn’t even hesitate, licking the head of the dildo. It’s just as cold and lifeless as he remembers. But it’s Namjoon making Jeongguk do this, and it’s Namjoon’s cock that twitches at the way Jeongguk wraps his lips around the head, so it’s worth it.

“Do you wanna help him?” Namjoon asks, smiling at Yoongi.

Yoongi smiles back, probably also remembering, and immediately tugs Jeongguk towards him and licks the dildo’s shaft. Both Yoongi and Jeongguk are smiling about it this time though. It’s hot, yeah, of course it is, but it’s not as serious as it was last time they did this. Jeongguk likes it better this way. He likes that, as he’s licking the shaft, he’s allowed to run his tongue against Yoongi’s. And he likes that when their lips reach the tip of the dildo, they’re allowed to kiss each other.

When Namjoon threads his fingers into Jeongguk’s hair and pushes Jeongguk’s head down, forcing him to take more and more of the dildo into his mouth, having the tip of it press right against Jeongguk’s throat, it’s not nearly as lighthearted anymore. Jeongguk chokes, Yoongi says “good boy,” and it’s easy to slip into a submissive headspace. So easy. He revels in the safety of it all, in the knowledge that they’re there for him and that they love him. But ultimately, he holds that feeling off, focusing just like Namjoon told him to.

It’s harder to focus when Namjoon wraps his fingers around the dildo, takes it away from Jeongguk and replaces it with his own cock. Hard to not be submissive when your dom presses his cock down your throat. It’s so much better this way. Hot as using the dildo may be, feeling Namjoon warm and hard in Jeongguk’s mouth makes Jeongguk feel… sated. And really fucking horny.

Yoongi’s more into it this way too. Because of course he is. His focus is on Namjoon’s cock, not on praising Jeongguk, not on touching him, only on Namjoon’s cock. Once Jeongguk takes his mouth off Namjoon’s shaft, Yoongi is quick to replace him, taking Namjoon deep into his throat, Namjoon’s hips pressing forward until Yoongi chokes a little too, his eyes open and watering, staring up at Namjoon.

“Fuck, so good,” Namjoon breathes, his cock all the way down Yoongi’s throat.

Jeongguk rubs a hand over his own shaft, annoyed that he’s still wearing pants, and when Namjoon finally pulls his cock out of Yoongi’s mouth, right after Yoongi gasps, Jeongguk kisses Yoongi, barely letting Yoongi breathe. It’s wet and desperate, and Yoongi’s hands wrap around Jeongguk’s neck, holding him tightly as their tongues slide together.

Namjoon grunts, and Yoongi turns his head to look at him, so Jeongguk does the same, watching the way Namjoon strokes himself, his cock shiny with both Yoongi and Jeongguk’s spit. Jeongguk wants it back in his mouth, wants to choke on it more and more. Wants to be selfish and get lost in it. Wants Yoongi to fuck him at the same time, until Jeongguk really does scream.

Jeongguk’s not selfish though, and he knows that watching Namjoon fuck Yoongi is going to be just as fucking satisfying as anything else they would do, if not more. God, he’s glad he’s here. He would have been fine with leaving them alone, he really would have, but he’s so happy he didn’t. Every second spent with them, every second feeling pleasure with them is precious, and Jeongguk savors it.

“I want you to change position,” Namjoon says.

Before Jeongguk can ask for more instructions, Yoongi pulls him into another kiss. It’s a short one, but there’s strength behind it. So, Jeongguk kisses Yoongi again, opens his mouth and lets Yoongi lick into it. Namjoon doesn’t stop them, and Jeongguk sure as shit doesn’t stop it. He gives back as best as he can, trying to make Yoongi feel as good as he can before Namjoon takes his position and pleases Yoongi instead.

Jeongguk’s hips press down onto Yoongi’s, his still clothed hard cock aligning with Yoongi’s bare one, and that seems to do it- that seems to snap them out of it. Yoongi plants one last hard kiss onto Jeongguk’s lips and moves away. His lips are dark pink and puffy. Jeongguk imagines his look about the same.

“Baby,” Namjoon says, so Jeongguk turns to him. “I want you to sit back against the headboard with your legs spread.”

Jeongguk nods quickly, moving into position the second Yoongi sits up scoots away, grabbing the pillow and placing it against the headboard. He shoves his pants and underwear away before settling into place, Yoongi and Namjoon both helping him tug them off and throw them onto the floor, Jeongguk’s cock slapping hard against his crotch the second his underwear come off. Then, Namjoon comes a little closer and presses Jeongguk’s legs wider apart.

“Think you can hold them open wide for a while?” he asks.

“Yeah,” Jeongguk nods.

“What about this way?” Namjoon asks, taking hold of Jeongguk’s hips and pulling him forward, turning him a little so that his left side is braced against the pillow. He lays one of Jeongguk’s thighs flat onto the mattress, while the other he moves so that Jeongguk’s foot is flat on the bed. Jeongguk’s not entirely certain why Namjoon is positioning him like this, but he’s not going to argue.

“Yeah,” Jeongguk repeats.

“Can you fuck yourself like this?” Namjoon asks, so Jeongguk sticks his ass out a little more, reaches around his thigh and touches his own hole. He doesn’t have too much mobility like this, won’t be able to fuck himself fast or hard. But maybe that’s part of the idea too.

“Yes,” Jeongguk says.

“Good,” Namjoon says, then turns to Yoongi. “I want you with your legs spread too.”

“Mmm,” Yoongi hums with his eyebrows raised. “Tell me what you have planned.”

“You’ll find out in about a minute,” Namjoon says, and Yoongi smirks, curious. “Now, put your head over here,” Namjoon says, patting Jeongguk’s thigh – the one that’s flat on the mattress.

“Okay,” Yoongi sounds suspicious, but he’s still smiling as he does what Namjoon said, laying his head on Jeongguk’s thigh.

Jeongguk’s thigh essentially ends up serving as Yoongi’s pillow, giving Jeongguk a view of Yoongi’s whole body. Then, Namjoon spreads Yoongi’s legs and settles between them. It’s an intimate position for Yoongi and Namjoon, but Jeongguk doesn’t feel neglected in the slightest. He’s right here with them.

“So, Kookie’s supposed to fuck himself with the dildo,” Yoongi says, calm but clearly curious, wrapping a hand around his own shaft only to have Namjoon shove it away. “And I assume, from my position, that I’m about to be fucked too,” he pauses as if expecting confirmation, but Namjoon only smirks. “So, what’s the fleshlight about?”

“Fleshlight’s for you,” Namjoon says, bracing himself on Yoongi’s spread thighs and leaning down to kiss him.

Yoongi pulls back, “For me?”

“Mmhm,” Namjoon nods, nudging Yoongi’s chin with his nose and kissing Yoongi’s neck. “I wanna play with you. Use the fleshlight on you, finger you, fuck you…”

“Oh,” Yoongi says, and he sounds almost-

“You sound disappointed,” Namjoon completes Jeongguk’s thought. Jeongguk’s a little concerned about it. Namjoon’s still smiling though, doesn’t seem to be concerned at all.

Yoongi shrugs, “Was just expecting something different.”

“What?” Namjoon asks, kissing Yoongi’s jaw

“I don’t know,” Yoongi says, leaning his head back, letting Namjoon kiss his throat more easily. “With the way you were talking about it, I was expecting something more… extreme?”

Namjoon hums, “And you think a fleshlight can’t be extreme?”

“Well…” Yoongi sighs. “Not really sure what you can do with it other than jerk off.”

There’s something just about this… about the way they’re talking to each other that makes Jeongguk want to jerk himself off.

Namjoon faces Yoongi again.

“What if I don’t wanna do anything extreme?” Namjoon asks, pecking Yoongi’s lips and glancing at Jeongguk for a second, like they’re both in on a secret. Jeongguk supposes they are. It makes him a little giddy. He’s not sure he would call edging extreme, but Namjoon seems pretty certain. “What if I just wanna use something on you that I really like, that makes me feel good? Be gentle about it? Fuck you slow and show you how much I love you,” his face breaks into a smile at those last few words, playfulness replaced with actual happiness.

Yoongi smiles too then quickly schools his face, nodding, “I’d be okay with that.”

“Good to know,” Namjoon smiles and kisses Yoongi, letting Yoongi hold his face and keep him there for a minute, just kissing and smiling.

This is a little bit different. This moment. This is what them loving each other looks like. What it’ll add to the relationship. Moments like this. Jeongguk’s heart is so full watching them this way. So happy for them.

When Namjoon lets go of Yoongi and reaches for the bedside table, he’s still smiling. He grabs the fleshlight and the lube. Then, on the way back to Yoongi, he leans towards Jeongguk and kisses him too, and Jeongguk’s heart fills ever so slightly more.

“Fuck yourself well for me, yeah?” Namjoon whispers.

Jeongguk nods, blushing a bit, “Always.”

“Good baby,” Namjoon kisses him again then turns to Yoongi.

“So, what do you want me to do?” Yoongi asks, leaning his head back and looking at Jeongguk, smiling.

“Nothing,” Namjoon answers, uncapping the fleshlight, and Jeongguk has more memories flooding his mind, remembering what it felt like to use it. “Absolutely nothing.”

“Oh, I like that,” Yoongi closes his eyes, relaxing.

“Just don’t fall asleep,” Jeongguk snickers.

“Oh, he won’t fall asleep,” Namjoon says, opening the lube and pouring some into the fleshlight.

“God, you’re hot when you’re confident,” Yoongi says, eyes still closed.

Namjoon bites his lower lip, smiling and blushing.

“Baby, give me your hand,” Namjoon says, so Jeongguk gives him his hand, palm up, expecting the lube.

Namjoon pours some onto two of Jeongguk’s fingers.

“Tease yourself with them for me,” Namjoon says. “Don’t push in yet.”

“Okay,” Jeongguk nods, bringing his hand around his thigh towards his ass.

He touches his own hole gently as Namjoon watches him, rubbing his fingers up and down, spreading the lube, his breath shaking at the first contact.

“Just like that,” Namjoon whispers. “Good.”

Yoongi’s eyes open, his head turning to try to get a look. Jeongguk doesn’t think Yoongi can actually see what Jeongguk’s fingers are doing from his position, but what Jeongguk does notice all of a sudden is how close Yoongi is to his cock. It would take no effort to grab his shaft and lead it to Yoongi’s lips. Yoongi probably couldn’t suck it like that, but he could lick it.

None of that matters though, not when Namjoon uses Yoongi’s momentary distraction to lean down and wrap his lips around Yoongi’s nipple, making Yoongi whimper and squirm, turning to look at Namjoon. Namjoon doesn’t let off Yoongi, licking first that one nipple, then moving to the other, biting on it lightly, but Yoongi, not one to fall into a submissive headspace easily, takes a deep breath and calms himself down, running his fingers through Namjoon’s hair. Namjoon’s just playing with Yoongi though, doesn’t seem to be interested in edging Yoongi at all. For now at least.

When Yoongi whimpers, Namjoon moves away from him.

“Ready to try it?” Namjoon asks, looking at the fleshlight for a moment, taking Yoongi’s shaft in his free hand and jerking him off slowly.

“I’ve been ready,” Yoongi breathes out, leaning his head back. “Your thigh is really comfortable,” he says suddenly. “I was expecting it to be a lot… stiffer than this.”

Jeongguk laughs, and when Namjoon’s gaze moves from Jeongguk’s face to Jeongguk’s ass, Jeongguk is reminded that he’s supposed to be touching himself, so he starts up again, rubbing his fingers against his hole, not having noticed that he stopped in the first place. The corner of Namjoon’s lips turns up in a quick approving smile at that, and then his attention is back on Yoongi.

Namjoon’s fingers wrap tightly around the base of Yoongi’s shaft, holding him up as he brings the fleshlight over to Yoongi’s tip.

“Okay,” Yoongi breathes, his hips squirming.

Namjoon smiles, rubbing the fleshlight’s silicone against Yoongi’s tip.

“It’s cold,” Yoongi complains.

“It’ll warm up,” Namjoon says, and Jeongguk remembers the one and only time that he’s ever used it once again. It was cold, and it did warm up, and it was really fucking overwhelming. Jeongguk presses his fingers harder against his hole. Still not pushing in, not until Namjoon tells him too, just touching himself with more pressure.

When the tip of the fleshlight engulfs the head of Yoongi’s cock, Yoongi hisses. Jeongguk’s not sure if it’s from it being cold or from it feeling good. Yoongi’s hips lift up, but Namjoon pulls the fleshlight back, not letting it move past Yoongi’s tip.

“Oh, come on,” Yoongi snaps, lifting his hips again only for Namjoon to move back. “Just let me-“

“Nope,” Namjoon moves his hand away from Yoongi’s shaft and places it on Yoongi’s hip instead, holding him down.

Yoongi grunts in annoyance.

“Don’t do anything,” Namjoon says. “Just enjoy it.”

“Fine,” Yoongi breathes, relaxing his body.

“Don’t act like it’s such a hardship,” Namjoon moves the fleshlight in little circles on Yoongi’s tip, just like Jeongguk’s finger is doing with his hole.

“Oh, wow, that actually feels really good,” Yoongi says, suddenly too distracted to reply.

Namjoon hums in agreement, continuing with the little circles and pushing the fleshlight down a bit on Yoongi’s shaft at the same time.

Yoongi moans. No smart retort. He just moans, voice breaking, eyebrows furrowing. He must be feeling the little ridges of the fleshlight right now. Jeongguk remembers how those felt. His fingers speed up, wanting to push them inside himself, wanting to clench on them.

“What the f…” Yoongi trails off, looking at Namjoon.

“Maybe not extreme,” Namjoon says, calm, kissing Yoongi’s chest. “But good.”

“Yeah,” Yoongi exhales. “Oh.”

“Kookie,” Namjoon says, so Jeongguk looks at him. “One finger. Slowly.”

It takes him a second, but he understands and slowly- oh, so slowly, slides one finger into himself, moaning softly. Relief washes over Jeongguk more than any other feeling, finally having something inside himself to clench on.

“Fuck yourself slowly,” Namjoon says and lowers the fleshlight all the way down onto Yoongi’s shaft.

“Ah!” Yoongi exclaims, grabbing Jeongguk’s leg and holding on.

“Yeah,” Namjoon breathes. “Good.”

Namjoon moves the fleshlight up and down on Yoongi’s shaft, and Jeongguk fucks his finger in and out of himself as best as he can. The hand Namjoon has on Yoongi’s hip lets go, moving to Namjoon’s own cock, wrapping around his shaft tightly and stroking, his eyebrows furrowing with pleasure for a moment.

“Fuck,” Yoongi exclaims, his thighs closing around Namjoon, squeezing him.

Namjoon lets go of his cock and pushes Yoongi’s thighs apart though, “Think you can take my fingers too?”

“What do you mean can I?” Yoongi asks.

“Fleshlight not too overwhelming?” Namjoon asks.

Yoongi pants for a second, then inhales deeply.

“No, I can take it,” Yoongi tries to say in a dismissive tone, but fails somewhere in the middle. “It’s just fingers, not a big deal. You’re supposed to fuck me too.”

“Yeah,” Namjoon says, smiling. “Hold the fleshlight for me.”

Yoongi grabs the fleshlight with his free hand, the other still tight around Jeongguk’s leg.

He fucks up into it sharply once, but then Namjoon says “no” with the most assertive voice Jeongguk’s ever heard from him, so Yoongi’s hips still. Jeongguk’s clenches tightly around his finger.

Namjoon watches them both as he picks up the lube and squeezes some onto his fingers, and they watch Namjoon back. Jeongguk loves when Namjoon gets assertive like that. Namjoon’s gotten better at it over time. He and Yoongi, whenever Jeongguk is the focus, seem to share being dominant pretty well. Namjoon is normally more physically dominant where Yoongi is more vocally dominant. But whenever Yoongi is the focus, and he’s less able to be dominant himself, Namjoon takes the lead in all of it. It looks good on him.

“Second finger, sweetie,” Namjoon says, and Jeongguk pulls his one finger back and places two of them at his hole, pushing them in slowly. It hurts a bit, but he likes it. Before turning back to Yoongi, Namjoon picks up the discarded dildo from earlier, pours some lube onto it and rubs it around.

He doesn’t hand it to Jeongguk though. Instead, Namjoon takes the fleshlight back from Yoongi, and before Yoongi’s hand falls down onto the sheets, Namjoon hands the dildo to him.

“Hold onto it for Kook while he fingers himself,” Namjoon says, and Yoongi nods, leaning back, glancing up at Jeongguk. Jeongguk wants to kiss him.

Yoongi’s legs spread a little wider, Namjoon’s lubed hand coming down between them to where Jeongguk can’t see it. He watches Yoongi’s face contort as Namjoon pushes into him and wishes he could see better.

“How many?” Jeongguk asks quietly, his voice coming out a bit shy as he fucks himself with his fingers.

“How many what?” Namjoon asks.

“How many fingers?” Jeongguk asks, then clarifies. “How many do you… have inside hyung?”

Namjoon smiles, “One.”

“Oh,” Jeongguk breathes, clenching on his own fingers, moving them in and out as deeply as he can.

“Want me to put two in him?” Namjoon asks.

Jeongguk clenches harder, “Yeah.”

“Yeah?” Namjoon starts moving the fleshlight up and down on Yoongi, making Yoongi gasp. “He’s already clenched so tight.”

“Please,” Jeongguk breathes, looking at Yoongi now, watching his pink lips drop open as Namjoon presses a second finger into him.

“Fucking…” Yoongi swears, his eyes rolling back as both of Namjoon’s hands speed up. “Fuck.”

Namjoon suddenly pulls the fleshlight off Yoongi, making Yoongi yelp.

Yoongi’s cock is so hard it makes an actual slapping sound as it hits his groin.

“Hold your dick up for me,” Namjoon says, nudging Yoongi’s hand with the fleshlight.

So, Yoongi lets go of Jeongguk’s leg and wraps his fingers around the base of his shaft. It’s dark pink at the tip. Like, really dark.  

“Look at that,” Namjoon breathes, looking at Yoongi’s cock with so much heat in his eyes. “So pretty.”

He pushes the fleshlight onto Yoongi’s tip again, making Yoongi whimper, squirm and let go of his shaft. Jeongguk tries to fuck himself a little faster but finds that moving his hand too fast in his position hurts, so he ends up whimpering too.

“Keep holding your cock,” Namjoon tells Yoongi, and Yoongi does as he says quietly.       

He can’t be getting close already, can he? He only gets this quiet and distracted when he’s getting close, but he can’t be there already.

Namjoon doesn’t lower the fleshlight any further than Yoongi’s tip this time. Jeongguk sees Namjoon’s other hand moving, fucking Yoongi with his fingers, and Yoongi is moaning and whimpering consistently at this point. It looks like a concentrated attack – moving the fleshlight just on Yoongi’s tip, just on the part of Yoongi that’s the most sensitive. If Namjoon did that to Jeongguk, Jeongguk would probably be begging him to go faster by now.

“Breathe,” Namjoon says, and Yoongi and Jeongguk inhale together. “Give Kookie the dildo now.”

Yoongi doesn’t move for a second, looking absolutely lost in sensation, but a few seconds after Namjoon speaks, Yoongi does as he said, handing the dildo to Jeongguk. Jeongguk immediately listens to Namjoon though. He always listens. His fingers, he slowly pulls out, feeling empty for a moment, but then he brings the dildo towards his hole, pressing the cold tip against himself. It’s too big, and he’s still too tight, but he pushes through it, breathes deeply, braces down and forces the tip of the dildo inside, moaning.

Yoongi moans too, and Jeongguk’s gaze snaps to where Namjoon is moving the fleshlight even faster on the head of Yoongi’s cock.

“Fuck, Namjoon,” Yoongi exclaims.

“Feels good?” Namjoon asks.

“Too good,” Yoongi says, breath shaky. “You gotta slow down a little if you still wanna fuck me.”

“Are you gonna come?” Namjoon doesn’t slow down. Jeongguk pushes himself further onto the dildo, ignoring the pain in favor of focusing on Namjoon and Yoongi.

“I will if you keep going like that,” Yoongi tries for an aggressive tone, Jeongguk can tell, but he misses the mark by a mile.

“Tell me when you’re going to come,” Namjoon says.

“What?” Yoongi asks, confused.

“Tell me,” Namjoon repeats, moving both of his hands faster, “when you’re about to come.”

Yoongi’s eyes close, his jaw clenches, eyebrows furrowing. He switches the hand he has around the base of his shaft with his other hand and grabs Jeongguk’s leg again with his free one, squeezing it so tight it actually hurts a little. It looks like Yoongi’s determined to win against the fleshlight, like he refuses to let it make him come. But Namjoon’s adamant, and Jeongguk watches them and starts fucking himself with the dildo, slow and a little painful. Perfect.

“You better make me come again after this,” Yoongi’s voice is strained, and immediately, Namjoon pulls the fleshlight off Yoongi, his other hand not moving either anymore.

“What the fuck?” Yoongi’s eyes open with alarm. He’s panting hard. “Why did you stop?”

Yoongi’s cock is red at the tip, ready to burst, glistening with precome and lube, twitching in Yoongi’s grip. Jeongguk’s cock twitches too, hard and neglected.

“I told you I wanna play with you,” Namjoon says, breathing a little more heavily himself.

“And that means stopping right when I’m about to come?” Yoongi asks.

Namjoon nods, and Jeongguk watches as realization dawns on Yoongi’s face.

“Oh, you motherfucker,” Yoongi says, stroking his own cock. “That kind of playing?”

“Ya,” Namjoon chastises, so Yoongi stops jerking himself off, but he’s smiling. They both are. So, Jeongguk smiles too. “Extreme enough?”

Yoongi feigns calm, but he’s still panting, “Eh, it’s a little better.”

“How long do you think you can hold off?” Namjoon asks, nudging the tip of Yoongi’s cock with the fleshlight. Yoongi immediately flinches, hissing.

“I can’t hold off,” Yoongi says stubbornly, grinding his hips onto Namjoon’s fingers. “I suck at holding off. Let me come.”

Namjoon laughs breathily, “I’ll make it worth it.”

Yoongi’s eyebrows furrow, and he exhales sharply as Namjoon starts thrusting his fingers into him again, Jeongguk following suit and fucking himself a little harder, gasping as he accidentally brushes the dildo against his prostate. He’s surprised by how calm his body is though. Yeah, the dildo is big, yeah, it’s still a little painful, but he’s okay. He’s focused, just like Namjoon told him to be.

“I’ll make it feel so good,” Namjoon breathes, bending down and kissing Yoongi’s thigh.

Yoongi grunts.

“Baby, what do you want?” Namjoon asks, and Jeongguk realizes he’s looking at him.

“Huh?” Jeongguk asks, his voice breathy.

“You’re doing so good, I feel like I need to reward you,” Namjoon says, and something he does with his fingers makes Yoongi gasp. “So, you decide. Should I let him come now or make him wait a little more and give him an amazing orgasm?”

“Make him wait,” Jeongguk says, not even thinking about it. He wants Yoongi to come harder than he ever has, wants Namjoon to play with him like they always play with Jeongguk. It’s going to be worth it in the end. It always is. Jeongguk knows that firsthand.

“You’re both mean,” Yoongi complains, but his voice is weak and breathy, he doesn’t really mean it.

“We both love you,” Namjoon says, smiling again.

Yoongi smiles, “You can’t keep using that word against me.”

“Yes, I can,” Namjoon laughs and presses the fleshlight onto Yoongi’s cock again, this time letting it slide all the way down.

Yoongi moans brokenly, his fingers squeezing Jeongguk’s leg.

“Baby, can you fuck yourself a little harder?” Namjoon asks.

“I can try,” Jeongguk answers, fucking the dildo into himself a tiny bit harder. He tries to do more, but it makes his wrist twist painfully. “I can’t any harder than this.”

“That’s perfect,” Namjoon smiles, moving the fleshlight faster on Yoongi’s cock, making Yoongi’s whole body twist on Jeongguk’s thigh. “Don’t want you to come yet anyway.”

Jeongguk smiles and shifts his hips up and down, trying not to jostle Yoongi, but also trying to add some more force into his own thrusting.

Namjoon’s eyes flick between Yoongi and Jeongguk, seemingly unable to decide where to look. Jeongguk would probably be looking only at Yoongi. He’s so overwhelmed with pleasure, frowning, moaning, squirming, eyes closed tight. Jeongguk can only imagine what he feels like. But Namjoon is looking at Jeongguk too, and Jeongguk fucking likes it. He does. Always has. This is not the first time he’s jerked off for Namjoon and Yoongi, not by a long shot. Yoongi’s an open voyeur, and after the first time that Yoongi and Namjoon got each other off and Jeongguk was fingering himself for them, he’s discovered that he’s an absolute shameless exhibitionist.

So, he puts a little more effort into pushing the dildo into himself. Fuck it if his wrist hurts, he’ll live. And the  way Namjoon’s cock twitches as he looks at Jeongguk makes it all worth it.

“Good boy,” Namjoon whimpers, eyes on Jeongguk.

Yoongi whimpers at the words too though, and that makes Jeongguk and Namjoon both turn to him. His eyes are still closed. He probably thought Namjoon was talking to him.

“Getting close again?” Namjoon asks, speeding up the motion of both of his hands.

A burst of air leaves Yoongi’s lips, a gasp following that.

“Yeah?” Namjoon presses, twisting the fleshlight around.

“Yeah, yeah,” Yoongi says urgently, and Namjoon immediately pulls the fleshlight off him.

“God, you’re clenched tight,” Namjoon says as Yoongi whimpers, panting.

“You’re gonna fucking kill me,” Yoongi’s voice breaks.

Namjoon presses the fleshlight all the way onto Yoongi’s cock again and pulls it off just as fast. Yoongi gasps. The tip of his cock is so red, it looks painful. Namjoon does it again, quick plunge, down and up, and Yoongi cries out, his back arching off the bed, head braced hard on Jeongguk’s thigh. Jeongguk doesn’t care. The third time Namjoon does it, Yoongi all but sobs, his voice breaking again.

“Deep breath,” Namjoon instructs and Yoongi follows, inhaling shakily.

Never has Jeongguk seen Yoongi this way during sex before. He looks like he’s legitimately about to cry. Jeongguk wants to hug him, kiss him, comfort him. This position is great and all, but it’s not allowing him to do any of that.

Namjoon pulls his fingers out of Yoongi, Yoongi whimpers loudly, and Namjoon braces his hand on the bed, leans down and touches his forehead to Yoongi’s. Yoongi’s eyes open.

“You’re doing really well,” Namjoon says.

“I love you a lot,” Yoongi whimpers, teary-eyed, and that’s it, Jeongguk can’t take anymore.

He pulls the dildo out of himself, hissing. Namjoon and Yoongi see that he’s moving, and there’s no protest. On the contrary, Namjoon helps Yoongi lift his head up and hold it as Jeongguk moves away and places the pillow that was behind his back under Yoongi’s head. The second Yoongi’s head falls onto the pillow, Jeongguk bends down and kisses Yoongi’s lips. Once. Short. Hard.

“You’re so good, hyung,” Jeongguk whispers. “So good and so beautiful.”

“Baby,” Yoongi whimpers, “So are you,” he leans up for another short kiss.

“Good boys,” Namjoon breathes, and Jeongguk feels Namjoon’s fingers in his hair.

“Namjoon,” Yoongi calls out, and Namjoon hums in acknowledgment. “Fuck me.”

Jeongguk kisses Yoongi again then lies down on his side next to him, one of his hands in Yoongi’s hair, the other pushing the dildo back into himself, his cock finally- finally getting some fucking contact from being pressed against Yoongi’s thigh. He can fuck himself better like this, faster, harder. Namjoon leans over to reach for the bedside table.

“Fuck condoms,” Yoongi says, tugging Namjoon back. “Just fuck me. Come inside me.”

Jeongguk is the one who whimpers at that. So fucking rarely do they have anal without a condom, and if they do, it’s always Jeongguk getting fucked. Always Jeongguk desperately holding onto Yoongi or Namjoon’s shafts with his muscles as they come inside him, making them feel as good as he can for as long as he can. Yoongi wanting Namjoon to come inside him is… so fucking hot. It’s so fucking hot.

“Yeah,” Namjoon breathes, wrapping his hand around Yoongi’s shaft.

“Fuck,” Yoongi exhales. “Take your hand off me, I’m gonna come.”

Namjoon smiles widely, continuing to jerk Yoongi off, “I love you desperate.”

“Ah, that word again!” Yoongi’s face looks torn between desperation and joy.

“Yes,” Namjoon laughs breathily, pushing Yoongi’s thigh back and scooting closer.

It’s been a fucking while since Namjoon’s cock was touched as well, so hard for such a long time. God, he must want to fuck Yoongi so badly. Jeongguk thrusts into himself a little harder, unable to hold back his moans. As Namjoon lets go of Yoongi’s cock and reaches for the lube, Yoongi turns his head towards Jeongguk and kisses him, and it’s so fucking good.

“I can’t tell you how much I love it that you’re fucking yourself with my dildo,” Yoongi breathes against Jeongguk’s lips, and Jeongguk accidentally clenches, whimpering.

He’s about to say something, but Namjoon is already back, pressing Yoongi’s thighs farther apart.

“Ready?” Namjoon asks, holding his shaft and rubbing his tip against Yoongi’s hole.

“Yes,” Yoongi says, still turned to Jeongguk, and Jeongguk gets to watch Yoongi’s face from up close when Namjoon finally pushes into him.

The way his eyebrows furrow, the way his jaw clenches tight, eyes closing suddenly-

“Wait, stop, I’m gonna come,” Yoongi whispers.

Namjoon stops moving, and Jeongguk lifts himself a little higher to see that Namjoon doesn’t even have half of his cock inside Yoongi.

“Right now? From this?” Namjoon asks, his chest rising and falling fast, finally inside, but not all the way. God, his self-control breaks Jeongguk.

“Yeah,” Yoongi nods quickly, opening his eyes and turning to Namjoon, then looking down between their bodies. “Fuck.”

All three of them breathe for a second, Jeongguk pausing his own thrusting, letting himself calm down again. A few moments later, Namjoon presses in a little further.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” Yoongi clutches onto Namjoon’s biceps, and Namjoon stops again.

“Untouched?” Jeongguk breathes. “You’re gonna come untouched?”

That’s never fucking happened. Ever. Not to Yoongi, not to Jeongguk, not to Namjoon.

“Aha,” Yoongi says, gulping, shaking. “Fuck, oh, my god.”

“Few deep breaths,” Namjoon says, and they all breathe some more. “I’m gonna go slow,” he adds, and Yoongi nods. “Baby,” Namjoon tells Jeongguk. “You go fast.”

Jeongguk nods and starts moving the toy again, a wave of heat washing over his body.

“Go hard,” Namjoon says and shoves his cock all the way into Yoongi in one thrust.

Yoongi gasps and keeps gasping, his mouth hanging open, his eyes wide.

Namjoon’s fingers wrap around the base of Yoongi’s shaft and hold tight, making Yoongi whimper. And when he starts grinding – so slow, Yoongi looks like he’s going to fucking fall apart. Jeongguk never realized that edging could look like this, he didn’t realize that it could be this overwhelming, overstimulating to the point that every moment might send Yoongi off the edge.

Jeongguk does his best to fuck himself like Namjoon said, but he can’t help but slow down a bit, going just a bit faster than Namjoon. Still hard though. Still deep. So deep his breath is punched out of him with every thrust. His cock is hard and rubbing against Yoongi’s thigh, smearing precome onto his skin, and Yoongi is shaking. He’s shaking against Jeongguk, sweating and almost crying.

It looks like every push and pull is torture, so Jeongguk kisses Yoongi’s cheek, and in response, Yoongi turns his head and presses his lips to Jeongguk’s for a second. He doesn’t kiss him. Not really. Just whimpers and shakes, his forehead against Jeongguk’s. And then Namjoon lets go of Yoongi’s shaft, making Yoongi stutter out a cry, and braces his hand by Jeongguk, his forearm pressed to Jeongguk’s skin. He leans down towards them, laying his forehead against both of their heads.

“I love you so much,” Namjoon says, out of breath, and Jeongguk doesn’t know who Namjoon is talking to.

Tears form in Jeongguk’s eyes, and he’s not even sure why. He’s not the one who’s overwhelmed, he’s not the one who just confessed his love to someone and had it reciprocated, but his chest aches all the same. This feels like the most intimate moment they’ve ever shared, all holding each other close, breathing the same air, pleasure filling all of them. Everything is so heightened.

“I love you,” Jeongguk whispers, fucking himself harder, angling for his prostate.

Yoongi’s eyebrows furrow deeply, “I love you,” he says and then, “I’m gonna come,” he adds, tears falling down the side of his face, across the bridge of his nose- from happiness, from overstimulation, Jeongguk’s not sure.

“Yes,” Namjoon says, picking up speed, thrusting hard.

Yoongi takes a deep breath and then stops moving, his body freezing in shock. His eyes are wide, looking at Jeongguk, completely unfocused. Jeongguk matches the speed of his thrusts to Namjoon’s and feels himself getting closer as well. He doesn’t come though, he looks at Yoongi instead, watching him gasp and moan and throw his head back, arching off the mattress as his cock shoots bursts of come onto his chest, his stomach, Namjoon’s stomach.

There’s no stopping Namjoon though. He just keeps going, fucking Yoongi hard and fast, keeping Yoongi’s orgasm going as long as possible and then some, until Namjoon’s body freezes as well, moans and grunts leaving Namjoon’s lips as he comes deep inside of Yoongi. Yoongi sighs, sagging into the bed, and Jeongguk speeds up, turning onto his back and wrapping a hand around his cock, trying to catch up.

Before he knows what’s happening though, Namjoon is on him, turning him onto his back, pushing his legs apart and pulling the dildo out of him. Jeongguk cries out and then cries out again when Namjoon, his cock still hard, thrusts into him. He grabs Namjoon’s neck and jerks himself off as Namjoon fucks right into his prostate, still hard, somehow still hard, just for Jeongguk.

“Come, baby,” Namjoon pants. “Come.”

So, Jeongguk tugs on his shaft tighter, clenching on Namjoon’s cock so hard Namjoon hisses, and then he’s coming, his head spinning. He probably did scream, he doesn’t know, all he knows is that Namjoon is saying “good boy,” and Yoongi is kissing his shoulder, and tears are falling down Jeongguk’s face because he’s never been fucking happier in his life.

When he comes down from it, he’s still crying, his vision all blurry when his eyes open.

Namjoon is smiling down at him, brushing hair off his forehead, his cock, now soft, is still inside of Jeongguk. Yoongi is half asleep, hugging Jeongguk tight. Jeongguk’s ass feels like it’s going to hurt for a while, and Jeongguk… is more than okay with it, more than okay with having a physical reminder of this day for a little while longer.

“Are you okay?” Namjoon asks, gently pulling out of Jeongguk.

“Are you okay?” Jeongguk immediately turns to Yoongi, hugging him.

Yoongi smiles sleepily, nuzzling into Jeongguk’s chest, “I think I might be dead.”

Jeongguk snickers, and Namjoon leans down to kiss Yoongi’s temple, smiling.

“You’re crying though,” Yoongi says.

“I’m just…” Jeongguk sniffles, shrugging one shoulder, “really happy.”

Yoongi and Namjoon’s smiles widen.

“Me too,” Yoongi whispers, like he’s sharing a secret. “This is…” he blushes, cringing, “the best day.”

Jeongguk laughs out of joy.

Namjoon kisses Yoongi, and Yoongi, tired as he may be, does his best to reciprocate.

“It really is the best day,” Namjoon says, completely serious, and Yoongi nods. “I can’t tell you how happy I am to have both of you.”

Yoongi nods again, and, in Jeongguk’s chest, Jeongguk’s heart flutters.