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definitions of indefinable things

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Contrast. Contrast was an amusing thing. At least, it always had been to Stephen Strange.


He loves the artificial darkness of a room during midday. Enjoys the indulgence of laziness at a time where perhaps a respectful man should be busy about his day. He savors the loudness of indecent sounds that should be kept quiet… appreciates the feeling of heated body in a well-chilled room... Simply addicted to the beautifully, completely, utterly, vulnerable expression of a man who’s otherwise known to the world as a man made of iron.


“Stephen- I swear to fucking god! If you aren’t going to fuck me properly just get off so I can do it myself!”


Stephen let out a low chuckle as he gave a particularly hard thrust, hitting the prostate dead on. Tony only threw his head back with a quite vulgar moan.


“Oh, you wouldn’t do that, love. We both know what happened last time you tried to get yourself off with a toy.” He leaned in, just a shy of the other’s right ear. “You were an unsatisfied mess for hours.”


Tony looked back with a glare. “Shut the fuck up, Stephenie, and fuck me!” The back of his right heel dug at Stephen’s lower back.


The sorcerer leans back, straightening slightly. He then gave a mock, disinterested “hm” before slowly dragging his cock in and out. He had the brunette’s hip in a firm grip, lifted slightly still, which prevented Tony from having any leverage. Helpless to let Stephen drive into him at his own pace.


Of course, there was always that temptation to fuck Tony hard and fast. A thought that clawed at him from the dark corners of his mind. The whispers that told him there was nothing more pleasurable than chasing that tight warmth.


But well… there was also the lure of seeing his lover in a hot mess under him, desperate and needy. It definitely had its own set of appeal.


The picture of Tony Stark taken apart piece-by-piece till all the genius could do was lie there and take anything and everything Stephen offered him.


Because that… that was for him, and only him.


Tony tossed his head to the side in agitation, his eyes closing shut in a frown. The fingers on Stephen’s upper arm tightened, nails soon dragging and digging in sync with the gruelingly slow pace.


A hand reached up, fingers wrapping around the delicate jawline. “What did I tell you?” he scolded, low and warning, “Your eyes don’t get to leave me.”


Tony let out a huff, turning his gaze back to meet the icy blue. The engineer always marveled at how Stephen’s eyes could remain still so translucent even with his pupils completely blown.


He arched from the bed involuntarily, but definitely, in vain. Seeing that look on Stephen always did something to his libido. He wondered if the doctor knew. But then again, knowing his sadistic sap of a boyfriend, he probably did. Which is why the sorcerer often insisted Tony didn’t look away for long when they fucked.


The brunette bit down hard on his lips, letting out a shaky breath as he tried to keep the eye contact. He could only imagine how he must look right now, laying flat on his back, legs spread, tears threatening in his eyes, body trembling uncontrollably.


Stephen grinned before returning to his ruthless slow pace. He definitely feels Tony clenching on him, so tantalizing tight. It almost breaks his resolve… almost.


“Stephen… c-come on-“


“Just a bit longer, darling,” he whispers adoringly as he leaned in once more, brushed away couple sweaty locks away from the other’s face.


He placed a gentle kiss onto Tony’s lips, feeling the smaller man almost instantly relax under him. It makes Stephen’s smile wider, loving the way his lover’s body unconsciously responds to him in every level.


Tony let out a breathless moan as he felt Stephen brush that particular nerve deep in him. “H-how.. how much longer-?” His voice was shaky, his toes curling.


“Come on, sweetness,” he whispered as he locked eyes with Tony. He ignores the persisting question. “Spread yourself a little wider… I want to be deeper in you.” He definitely doesn’t miss the quivering of Tony’s thighs as he tried to oblige. “Make me proud, my love.”




The doctor ran a thumb down a heavy scar along Tony’s hips. He gave one experimental thrust, not much faster but much harder. Tony let out a cry that sounded more like a sob.


They were nearly flushed against each other now, chest to chest. Tony moaned as squirmed, trying to at least enjoy the friction his cock was receiving rubbing against Stephen’s abs.


“It’s a shame we can’t make a baby this way…”


Tony let out a huff. “I-I… don’t think I need to be telling you how biology works. Unless you’re going… to tell me there is s-some weird wizard thing-“


Stephen smiled, “No, there isn’t.”


A teasing smirk appeared on the brunette’s lips. “Y…you just want to fuck raw. You always had a thing for barebacking-“


The sorcerer shrugged. “I don’t see why we have to keep using condoms.” He let out a soft groan, chasing the wonderful tightness. “…Not like we are screwing other people.”


Tony tilts his head back, peering at the other from under his long lashes. “I’m starting to see the appeal in that idea considering you’re refusing to meet my needs-“


He notices a definite twitch in Stephen’s expression. Gotcha.


Stephen hands roughly pushed at his knees, spreading engineer fully in one swift movement. He rocked forward. Giving a thrust that had Tony gasping, open mouth, eyes wide.


“But wouldn’t that be something… You would love it wouldn’t you?”


The sorcerer’s voice takes on an edge Tony is familiar with. It’s dark, bottomless, and dangerously addicting. It’s a specific tone that sent a shiver straight down his spine.


“You would take me in so well. You always do.” A hand trails up to Tony’s stomach. Eyes dark when it meets the brunette’s, a sharp smirk forming. “I would love seeing the swelling of your stomach. Everyone would know… wouldn’t they? Who exactly laid claim to your body in the most intimate way. Who fucked you and pumped you full of their seed. Maybe they would be able to imagine how I had you on your back… or perhaps on your hands and knees… How you would have let me… with legs spread wide… took everything while moaning like a bitch in heat…“


Tony let out a whimper as his body desperately clenched again and again with need. He took an unsteady, shallow breath. “T-take it off.”


“What was that?”




The next second, Stephen grabbed his arm, yanking Tony up and twisting them around. Soon, the sorcerer’s back was against the headboard with his lover on his lap. He swiftly pulled off the condom from his own cock, tossing it aside.


A hand finding Tony’s hips, Stephen spread his knees, forcing Tony to open his legs a bit too wide, losing balance. The engineer automatically doubles over, reaching for Stephen’s back for support but mostly only ends up falling back down, impaling himself on the other’s cock.


Tony let out a choked gasp at the new position, innate humiliation tugging at the back of his mind at the idea of being spread in someone’s lap. But he quickly ignores it, simply arching his back with want as Stephen kissed and sucked at his collarbone. He let his eyes fall closed for a brief second, enjoying the feeling of being completely full.


“Say my name when you come,” Stephen whispered in his ears.


Tony only nodded, not trusting his voice.


“Tony,” he warned sternly.




Stephen fucked up to him, hard.


“YES!” Tony just knew he was going to feel this for days.


The other let out a soft laugh, “You know I like verbal acknowledgment.”


“You are seriously getting on my nerves today, Stephen Strange,” Tony growled with a particularly nasty glare. “I don’t even know why the hell I’m with you-“


The doctor gave couple hard thrust, deep and angled so perfectly that has Tony moaning loudly, his visions blurring.


“…o-okay- yeah… I remember why-“


He let his forehead fall to the crook of Stephen’s neck, panting openly and lips mouthing lazily on the naked skin. Tony was grateful his boyfriend didn’t insist on keeping eye contact. This was starting to become too much. His body and mind feeling faint.


The next minute, Stephen was thrusting into him with earnest, a pace that has Tony gasping.


“Stephen-“ he moans out, full of want and hunger. “Stephen…”


The trembling fingers found the back of Tony’s neck, threading the digits through the chocolate brown locks before closing in a firm grip. He sighed onto the other’s cheek, pulling them close.




Stephen continues fucking him until Tony is all but writhing. A couple more particularly precise thrust and Tony cums with a scream, splattering their stomach with white, hot mess. Stephen fucks him through it and them some as the engineer helplessly claws at his back, drawing dark angry lines.


Then he lets go as well. White pouring through Stephen’s vision as his own orgasm hit him fast and intense. It’s always a remembrance of how Tony just about ruined him for anyone else.


They stay still for the moment. Both panting and trying to catch their breath. Tony doesn’t even bother to lift his head from the doctor’s shoulder.


After awhile, Stephen ran a hand down the engineer’s back, then to his waist and hips, to the thigh. His fingers tracing the inner muscles with the stickiness that’s leaking from his entrance.


Tony twitches in response, “I hate to say this but… I’m getting too old, babe- Give me a minute…”


Stephen let out a light laugh. “No, no…I was just thinking…” A short pause. “…how our child may have been.”


That had Tony slowly push himself straighter. “Where…” he swallowed, trying to calm his nerves. “Where is this coming from? You didn’t want…”


A thought started to plague his thoughts. Did Stephen suddenly change his mind of wanting kids? He did often hear about some feeling the need for biological kids later on in life.


For Tony, Peter and Harley were plenty. Hell, he sometimes even dotted on Nebula as if she was his daughter when she was around. He already made his peace about never having biological kids but also felt what he had more than enough. More than he ever thought he’d have for that matter.


But then again, even if they were “playing house” as Rhodey often called it… Tony supposed he wasn’t a hundred percent sure if Stephen really felt they were his kids no matter how fond he was of Peter or how well he played the father role when needed.


Tony didn’t want to think about it but… what if… just what if… Stephen wanted, no, needed something he couldn’t give him.


“I… Stephen… do…” his brain short-circuited. He couldn’t find the words he was looking for. “Do you… need-“


“No.” Stephen shook his head a bit before cupping the other’s cheek with trembling hands. “No, no… I don’t mean it like that, Tony. It was just an amusement.” He let out a huff of laughter. “I’m probably just getting old too.”


Tony stared for another couple seconds, trying to calm himself. “If… that’s what you need… there are other ways-“


Stephen gave him a warm smile. “Tony, it’s alright- I didn’t mean it in that way,” there was slight laughter in his tone.


“I’m… there’s Peter and Harley. I don’t need anymore. I’m quite satisfied actually-” Tony was starting to speak very fast now.


“I know.”


“I honestly think they only survived me because I didn’t have the chance to screw them up when they were any younger. Couldn’t you know… drop them or fuck up too badly-“




“Sometimes I think I’m doing okay with them-“


“You’re doing more than okay.”


“They don’t hate me-“


“Tony, they love you…”


“Are you going to be able to commit?” That… came out before Tony could stop himself.


Stephen stared at him questioningly, a slight frown appearing on his face. “What?”


Well, he supposed it’s too late now. “…Are… Okay, let’s face it. We both know where this relationship is heading. Or at least I hope we are. …What I mean is… are you going to be able to commit to them even if they aren’t your biological kids? Someday? …Does them not being related to you by blood matter to you? I’m not asking you to tie the knot with me right now but if this gets any further…”


Tony looked away, eyes turning towards the darkened windows. His voice was starting to lose strength. He swallowed, hard. “Peter… Peter already thinks of you as a second father and if… if you can’t- If… if you are just playing along because of this-“ he points a finger between the two of them, hastily, before letting his hand fall.


Stephen was straightening up now, realizing this has just gotten more serious than he had thought. It didn’t occur to him initially that Tony might take this direction from his teasing.


“Tony,” he said firmly. “Tony, really. I don’t NEED kids.”


Those large doe eyes snapped to him in seconds.


“I-“ Stephen realized the perhaps wrong choice of words almost immediately. “I didn’t mean that. Well, I don’t need kids. Never felt the need for kids adopted or biological. But I’m glad for Peter. …We both know Harley won’t exactly be fond of the notion just yet so…” He gently traces Tony’s cheeks with the pad of his thumb. “I’m not… pretending or just playing along if that’s what you are thinking-“


The corner of his lip twitch. “So you’re not using me for practice?” He said sarcastically.


They both let out a soft laugh.


Stephen quickly pulled the other in for a kiss, letting out a deep exhale as they parted. “I’m quite satisfied. More than, actually. And I am already committed to this… I take my place in Peter’s life quite seriously. And your’s.”


Tony smiled, relief flashing behind those dark gaze. “I love you.”


The sorcerer returned the smile easily. “…I can’t imagine a lifetime I won’t love you, Tony.”




They eventually take a short nap that lasted well past the afternoon.


Tony awoke first, as usual. Soon, blinking and rubbing his eyes trying to clear his vision. He turned a bit to see the sorcerer comfortably asleep with his arms still tightly wrapped around Tony’s own body.


A small smile formed as he saw how relaxed his lover looked. Stephen rarely looked so carefree these days. It wasn’t as if the genius didn’t notice that the doctor only slept soundlessly when Tony was within his grasp. An act he previously believed was traced back to some line of possessiveness but well… he knew better now.


The billionaire let out a quiet yawn as he carefully reached for the tablet at the bedside table.


Tony had learned to adjust recently, figured out how to half-heartedly work on his tablet while still not disturbing their position. But he only managed to pull up couple files before the familiar low baritone reached his ears.


“What are you working on?”


There was a long pause in which Tony’s stopped all movements. Slowly he turned his gaze. A smile lingering that almost seemed forced.


It made Stephen’s stomach knot, automatically reaching for the other.


“No I’m fine,” Tony said quickly with a short laugh. He let out a sigh. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about this actually…”


“Aright,” the sorcerer said hesitantly as he pushed himself up to a more sitting position.


“I’m… thinking of retiring.”


Stephen blinked. “From Avengers?”


“Yeah… I mean, I am getting old,” Tony looked away, running a hand through his messy locks.


“Are they forcing you?” He had to ask. He knew logically SHIELD would be in fear of what it meant for Tony Stark to leave the Avenger now but he had to be sure. It was so odd to think Tony would voluntarily leave the team for simple reason as he’s getting old.


“What? No-“ The engineer let out a quiet laugh as he shifted position. “No, no one is forcing me to. It’s my idea.”


There was a silence that stretched for a long while. Stephen fought to keep his expression carefully blank.


“I thought you would be happy-“


The doctor gave a questioning look.


The corner of his lips twitched as he lowered his gaze just a little. “I mean… you were never fond of me doing the whole hero act to begin with and you definitely don’t like the Avengers now.”


“I… Tony, I tried to be-“


“I know, I know. I’m not blaming you. It’s fair you felt that way. You were supportive still and that was more than I could hope for.”


Stephen licked his lips, his mouth suddenly feeling dry. “So what now?”


“Well,” Tony took a deep breath. “Only Fury knows. We were talking about how maybe I should slowly phase out. I’m already not heavily involved as I used to be anyways so… even less I suppose. I’ll be available for emergency case and I’ll still help in the background stuff. You know, stuff that won’t be too physically straining… maybe recruiting. There will also be a lot to deal with for finishing out the new Accords and fine-tuning all the logistics and rules… the politics…”




“I’ll have more time for Peter and Harley… I was thinking maybe starting some personal projects… charity works-“


The sorcerer let out a light chuckle. “You’re starting to sound like some rich housewife-“ he said teasingly.


Tony gave a mock-offended look before shifting to lie on his side once more.


“Well,” he said sarcastically. “I’ll have more time for you too. You know, when you’re not off saving the world with all your wizard things. I’ll have dinner waiting.”


He snorted. “You can’t cook.”


“Thought that counts, babe.”


Stephen laughed.


“Well- not like you were ever with me for my use in the kitchen.”


He rolled his eyes. “No. Clearly for your use in the bedroom-“


Tony frowned at him, mouth a gasp. He looked as if he was going to make some remark but then, simply gave a shrug as if a thought occurred to him. Which only made Stephen chuckle, shaking his head slightly.


“So,” The doctor leaned as well so he was half-laying on the bed, propped by couple pillows. “I suppose this means I didn’t have to join the Avengers… then again, there was nothing that said I can’t leave at any given time…”


“I was hoping you’d stay actually.”


Their eyes locked as the two turned towards each other at the same time. A frown started to appear in Stephen’s expression.


“I was hoping… with Peter still being there... I know there’s Rhodey and I trust Carol and T’Challa. But I just… would worry less if you were still there.”


Stephen raised an eyebrow, his tone steeping with fake exasperation. “So what you are asking me is… to stay in a team that I definitely did not want to be part of, that I only joined because you asked… to babysit your child-“


“Hey,” Tony retorted flatly. “We just talked about this. Commitment, remember? To Peter?” He let out a dismissive snort. “…as if you don’t already consider him your son too-”


The sorcerer rolled his eyes. Although the truth of the matter was he already made up his mind to oblige, that did not mean he would do so quietly. Especially with just how much dealing with the rogues got to him even on the best of days.


“So you managed to take advantage of me.”


Tony’s eyes snapped up, raising an eyebrow. “What now?”


Stephen continued on with a dramatic sigh. “I see how it is. So somehow you got me to commit in co-parenting with you without you so much as having to give any commitment in return… how convenient, Anthony.”


It was Tony’s turn to look exasperated. “Are you insinuating something?”


“I’m simply stating what I observe.” Stephen started to half-heartedly pick at his nails, propping his head on the other forearm.


There was silence as Stephen eventually closed his eyes pretending to rest. Tony, on the other hand, sat in the same position, motionless. The doctor had half a mind to perhaps check on the other’s expression just in case but then…


“Ask me.”


The sorcerer opened his eyes. “What?”


A rare seriousness was visible behind the large brown eyes. “Ask me what you want to ask.”


Stephen blinked several times, unsure he was really hearing the words correctly.


“I asked you last time. It’s your turn.”


Stephen continued to stare for a moment longer, his mouth slightly parted. Tony doesn’t miss the flicker in the icy gaze of something akin to innocent happiness.


“Let me give you a hint.” There was a soft smile that started to play on the billionaire’s lips. “I’ll say yes.”


“I…” A second pasted, then another. He knows the answer… so why does it still feel as though his heart will beat out of his chest as their eyes locked? “Tony… will you-“


“Yes,” he blurts out.


Stephen let out a laugh, genuine, carefree. “Seriously? Can’t even let me finish?”


“You were taking too long,” came the flat reply.


The sorcerer gave him a look. And Tony waved a hand, almost dismissively as he rolled his eyes. “Sorry. Fine, we both screwed up. …Go on then-“


Stephen shook his head as he pushed himself up once more. He knew he must have had a stupid grin plastered on his face by now.


The doctor soon reached forward, pulling them together into a kiss. Enjoying how Tony sighed into it and savoring the spark of trill he can practically taste at the tip of his tongue. It lasted what seemed like both forever and no time at all.


“Anthony Edward Stark… will you marry me?”