Chapter 1: Part 1
That night Chloe feels unsettled. Doubts regarding her decision to marry Marcus - peacefully contained at the back of her tired mind during busy office hours - always come back in the dark, increasing and deepening her anxiety.
She spent so much energy successfully convincing everybody Pierce is the one who makes her truly happy that now Chloe is too drained to fight against her own uncertainty in the matter.
All she wants is to stop overthinking everything for once and just relax, follow the flow of life, enjoy the moment. Go for it and don’t look back.
Kind of like Lucifer always does.
She flinches, not happy at all with the direction her thoughts are taking. Lucifer is the last thing Chloe wants to think about right now. In the silence of her empty for the evening house, in front of a fireplace, she feels completely and utterly lonely. Truth be told, she doesn’t feel like calling Marcus.
Trixie is at Dan’s for tonight, and, though he picked up their daughter only an hour ago, Chloe already terribly misses her.
What she desperately needs is a distraction. Right about now would be great.
And, as like someone up there hears her sort-of prayer (and no, she isn’t thinking about Lucifer and his claims that “no one ‘up there’ gives a rat’s ass, Detective”), her phone rings.
Chloe smiles when she sees the caller’s ID.
“Hi, Linda! It’s been a while. What’s up?”
“Hi! You know, I once heard from a therapist that drinking alone is like a really unhealthy habit, so, I was wondering…”
There are series of weird, muffled sounds in the background, and Linda’s voice sounds kind of funny in general, but that’s not what catches Chloe’s attention.
“How do you know I’m drinking alone?” she asks, a little startled, almost spilling her wine all over the couch. Is she that predictable in her mundane habits?
That’s what she’s been trying to run from. From being “boring”. Too boring for him to be interested. Ordinary, predictable Chloe. Well, not anymore.
“Phuuh, funny. Who said anything about you?”
At this point the detective finally realizes that Linda’s voice sounds more like “three-martinis-in” than “bad connection” kind of slurry.
The decision is immediate and simple.
“I’m on my way. And speaking of, where are you?”
“That’s my girl! My apartment. Don’t take too long though.”
The call ends with Linda’s hiccup.
Chloe smiles again, grabbing her jacket, and orders Uber.
She is definitely not planning on being sober when she comes back home.
The night is going great - Chloe feels much better after a few drinks, in addition to laughing and having all sorts of heart-to-heart conversations with her friend (slash therapist).
And then Linda slowly starts to doze off.
Despite being pretty drunk herself, Chloe still manages to continue the party. Dancing around Linda’s apartment she suddenly decides to watch a movie. Like a really good movie.
"Lindaaa!" Chloe calls out to the host, who has been suspiciously quiet for a while now, just to find her fast asleep.
"Heeeey, our fun night is not over yet, wake up!'' she tries to shake Linda, who, however, doesn’t show any signs of consciousness (besides some unintelligible mumbling) and stays in her comatose slumber.
"That's exactly what happens when people can’t handle their booze! And they call me a lightweight.”
Chloe giggles, quite amused with herself.
“So, it seems like the good doctor is out, huh! Okay, I'll find your film collection by myself. But no complaints afterward ‘cause you’ve been fairly warned!”
Then her smile quivers a little.
“Aaand I’m talking to myself now, great…"
The sad feeling is fleeting, though. Chloe is kind of proud for staying conscious longer than Linda (this time around). Apparently, the newfound habit of having a girls’ night out every now and then is finally paying off, slowly increasing her alcohol resistance level. Surely enough, Linda starting a few hours before Chloe came alone has nothing to do with that, what a ridiculous notion!
For a couple of minutes she is looking through all twenty-three of Linda’s DVDs but can’t find anything fitting in her current mood.
“Seriously, Linda? “Seminar on the Behavioral and Psychological Symptoms of Dementia” and “One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest” is on your top-ten choices for a movie night?” She snorts, determined to find something better to watch.
“Let's see what you’ve got on your upper shelf...” Murmurs Chloe after a while, trying to reach the top, and suddenly a folder and a smaller notebook fall right to her feet. She awkwardly picks up both of them, fully intending on returning the items back where they came from.
Until her eyes catch something on the folder and she freezes.
"Morningstar, L. 015666”- states the label.
Yep, she is most certainly holding Lucifer’s patient chart.
Chloe’s first instinct is to put the blue file back and pretend it never existed to begin with.
Reading this isn't fair neither to Lucifer nor to Linda. The last thing Chloe ever wants is to betray their trust, and secretly stealing bits and pieces of his personal information would definitely do that.
Because even if it feels like lately, more than ever, Lucifer doesn’t want to tell her what’s going on, choosing to share anything with her should still be his decision to make.
And Linda… As a friend and a guest in her house Chloe shouldn’t be going through confidential information on one of the patients, and oh, right, it’s not even remotely legal.
For what seems like the longest twenty minutes of her life Chloe is fighting the all-consuming desire to open her personal Pandora’s box. She is pacing nervously and struggling to maintain equilibrium after all the drinks she had tonight.
But eventually and inevitably her curiosity takes over, and Chloe’s drunken brain convinces her that maybe what she’s about to do is not so completely wrong. After all, she simply wants to understand her friend better, figure out more about him to be able to help.
Besides, the mystery of Lucifer Morningstar has always been at the back of her mind, even though she hasn’t been working on solving it for a while now. Because at some point of their friendship Chloe just embraced all the weirdness and decided that the origin of his ‘Luciferness’ doesn’t really matter. Or does it?
The temptation is just too big to resist.
So much for not thinking about Lucifer tonight...
Finally she takes a deep breath and opens the file, still hesitating. It’s an official document, by the look of it. So why would Linda, professional as she is, bring it home to potentially jeopardize her patient’s confidentiality? Well, even more questions to the pile.
Chloe starts looking through the case but quickly realizes it’s much less informative that she’d initially hoped - the file is ten pages of dry medical terminology.
First few paragraphs are introductory, but where Chloe expects to find some new and realistic background info on Lucifer all she sees are doctor’s guesses. Plus the same thing he throws at anybody who’s unfortunate enough to ask – he is a retired Devil who left Hell and came to LA a few years ago.
Chloe sighs, not sure if she feels disappointed, annoyed or a little relieved that Lucifer told Linda the same thing. After all, knowing him sufficiently well by now should’ve prevented her from anticipating a different kind of respond.
And did she really expect to find some eye-opening revelations written on the paper, just waiting for her to see?
Chloe seriously considers closing the file when something in there pokes her interest.
Patient demonstrates some disturbing coping mechanisms, including, but not limited, to smoking, drinking alcohol, excessive drug using, having different sexual partners every night. He clearly avoids emotional attachments, almost doesn’t have any close friends, and, according to him, never has been engaged in a long-term romantic relationship. Shows signs of abuse and parental neglect victim, which Lucifer also confirmed to be true on multiple occasions, directly and indirectly. As a result, he feels the need to be in control of his life and feelings, having a hard time trusting people.
Chloe flinches, vividly remembering the scars on his back. So, it’s officially true then. Her imagination is painting some brutal pictures, and suddenly Chloe is angrier at Lucifer’s dad than she is ready to admit.
And… Really? Has he really never been in love before?
Not so surprising if she thinks about it.
Lucifer doesn’t have any previous history of consulting with a psychiatrist, though he does admit he needs help understanding “human emotions” and the “effect humanity has on him”. That speaks of a certain level of self-awareness, even if the patient identifies himself as the Devil.
Yes, Linda. That’s Lucifer alright.
He recently took on new responsibilities as a consultant for the LAPD, besides his main job as a nightclub owner. Lucifer works with Det. Decker, who is a great influence on him and his emotional development. Their relationship effects Lucifer on different levels, which is why I strongly believe Ms. Decker is one of the key positive factors that can help him.
Wow, that’s a new one. Chloe thinks back to the beginning of their partnership. Did she really mean that much to him even back then? Because, as she saw it at the time, their work together was just another “fun activity” for him, an entertaining distraction between orgies, a joke.
Seems like she was wrong about this too.
It’s apparent that some traumatic experience made Lucifer think of himself as the Devil, and the delusions are rooted deeply into his personality. I decided to work within his metaphor, help him through other issues for now and then concentrate on his identity.
Well, that explains a lot actually. Chloe must admit - it’s a smart tactic, to earn his trust first and work on everything else later.
She checks the case till the end, twice, but doesn’t find much else for her to learn.
Unwilling to give up yet, Chloe briefly flips through pages of that notebook she found together with Lucifer’s chart, stopping dead in her tracks almost immediately.
Because it’s not just a notebook. More like a journal, or a diary.
Linda’s diary. With Lucifer’s name proudly flashing from nearly every page.
But, at this point, Chloe is not even trying to restrain herself anymore, though her cheeks are red with shame. What on Earth?.. Is she actually ready to overstep all thinkable boundaries, willing to risk her friendship with Linda for a slim chance to “solve” Lucifer?
All Chloe knows is that if she puts the diary aside now the thought of it won’t let her sleep for months to come.
On the other hand, Lucifer is not just some random case, he is one of her closest friends. Who, for some reason, doesn’t share anything with her anymore…
Screw it, decides Chloe. She wants to know, wants to understand.
Today I had THE BEST NIGHT OF MY LIFE! It was incredible. The things Lucifer does...He knows my every desire, every naughty little wish. It’s so overwhelmingly liberating…
Chloe turns over the page. She already feels bad for invading Linda's privacy, and reading about Lucifer’s “outstanding skills” definitely isn't her intention.
…There is something different about him, I can’t quite describe it. I wouldn’t say his case is exceptionally complex, but the way Lucifer is makes me really motivated to help. Though, sometimes he can be frustratingly difficult. And then, suddenly, we are making a breakthrough, and I remember why I chose this job in the first place. With him the rollercoaster never stops running...
Chloe smiles. She knows how challenging it is sometimes to work side by side with Lucifer and can only imagine what his shrink probably has to go through on a daily basis.
…I felt confident about it. Lucifer needed to face at least some of his emotions to move forward. I mean, I’m not even asking him to admit that what he feels for Chloe is more than just physical attraction (it would be too much to ask), only that he is upset about the stolen container. Because whatever it is inside means more than he is making it out to be. After our talk (and drinks) with the handsome doctor Canaan, I had all the religion-related background information to get through to Lucifer, make him drop the act, and help him deal with the truth.
Well, mission accomplished, Linda. Nice touch, calling him Samael (as his angel name before the Fall), when he specifically asked not to. Now you have a giant hole from his fist in the wall, a runaway patient, scared and shocked with his own rage, emotions officially faced.
Let’s call it a successful day…
Samael? Is that his real name?
Chloe tries to think of him as Samael Morningstar, but it just doesn't feel right.
He will always be Lucifer to her.
Huh, so, that’s what Linda meant about her experience with “giant holes”...
Suddenly, the image of furious Lucifer punching walls because of his lost cosplay wings flashes through Chloe’s mind.
And who the hell is that doctor Canaan?
Wait a second, Lucifer’s feelings are “more than just physical attraction”? Nonsense.
Well, at least it’s certainly getting interesting. Much better than a movie.
…I’m highly proud of myself because I stopped sleeping with Lucifer. When I told him it’s best if we keep our relationship strictly professional, he looked confused. And, I would say, a little worried for me. Lucifer truly is like walking heroin, and the withdrawal is taught (but totally worth it). He asked me if I’m sure, I answered yes. Gotta say, I’ve been thinking about stopping for a while now, but there is just something about him…
He feels like a magnet. Like the tall, dark, irresistible magnet. Being with him unlocks all the restrictions. There are no stupid rules or shyness, it’s all gone. Lucifer just looks me in the eyes and the next thing I know – I’m spilling my deepest desires (even the ones I didn’t know about). And he fulfills them, ooh, that he does. He remembers. Being his lover showed me the caring side of Lucifer he usually hides…
Along with a lot of other things regarding her partner, Chloe stopped analyzing his “mojo thingy” and its effect on people a long time ago.
But Linda’s description reminds Chloe about all those forgotten questions again.
Is this what everybody feels when Lucifer says the magic words? An overpowering impulse to share deep and personal thoughts?
Chloe lost count how many times she has seen Lucifer making people confess, and it always worked. Always.
And yet, she herself never experienced that liberating easiness, irresistible urge to embrace him without any shadow of a doubt.
So, why is Chloe any different? Why is she the only one not affected?
Or maybe there is no hidden meaning, and she is just more resistant to his “charms” than most.
Chloe shakes her head in disagreement. It’s time to admit that she is , indeed, affected, just not the same way as other people.
Oh, Linda, you have no idea how right you are… “Tall, dark, irresistible magnet” indeed. Even without his “special powers” in play.
…I just figured out that Dr. Canaan is, in fact, Lucifer's brother Amenadiel! Somehow. I mean, did their parents really raise them with different accents?! And what’s with those names? Not surprising Lucifer decided to go in therapy after all that. Amenadiel was lying to me this whole time so he could manipulate Lucifer into doing God-knows-what! Have to admit, part of me is mad at Amenadiel for using me because I liked him. Though, I’m equally upset for my patient.
And looks like that’s a normal type of relationship in their family. I think Lucifer wasn't even angry with his brother because, according to Lucifer, Amenadiel did far worth things, like hiring Malcolm to kill him. I didn’t believe it, at first, but after the whole “Dr. Canaan” story it seems quite possible. Lucifer was laughing while proudly telling me how he made a deal with Malcolm and managed to convince the dirty cop not to shoot him…
What?!! Just… WHAT?!?!?!
Amenadiel tried to kill Lucifer? Hired Malcolm, of all people, to do that?
What the heck was going on behind her back this whole time? And what else did she miss?
…Today Lucifer told me more about his past. Right after he briefly mentioned saving Chloe with “her offspring” and dying in the process. Yeah...
Seriously? No more details about what happened in the hangar? Nothing?
Chloe can’t help but feel a little disappointed.
...He told me about a few happy childhood years, before his parents started fighting each other and abandoned their children. Lucifer rebelled, his father got angry and casted him out. His mother did nothing, just stood by when Lucifer was not only separated from the family but actually physically hurt. I suspect his father must’ve pushed Lucifer out of the window or something, hence The Fall (maybe he really did fall). Sometime after that, his mother was banished too. Lucifer didn’t try to contact her and probably avoided dealing with the whole situation ever since.
And now he is afraid, “terrified” even, of what his mother (who is apparently nearby, after just recently reappearing in Lucifer’s orbit) will do once she finds him. At first, he believed she was literally going to murder him, then figured he didn’t actually know what she wants. That was the first time I saw Lucifer scared...
Chloe remembers a couple of cases during which Lucifer was absolutely convinced his mother is the killer. It certainly made more sense now - his quiet confession at NA meeting, that “mum” abandoned him, and he abandoned her in turn. Was he talking about Charlotte or his biological mother? It’s hard to say. Probably some combination of both.
But was he really afraid? Did he feel threatened, even? Unsafe? If so, Chloe would have to add it to the list of things that she totally missed.
…Today Lucifer finally told me what happened when he gave his mom a chance to explain. She admitted that it was her idea to sent Lucifer away, but only because his father was blinded with rage and wanted to kill him, so, she insisted on an exile instead.
Long story short, Lucifer believed it and let her stay, for now…
Chloe is at a loss. It’s even worse than she realized. So much worse.
Lucifer’s dad wished him dead. And Lucifer is fully aware of that.
What a terrible burden it must’ve been to live with - knowing that your parent didn’t want you to exist.
That thought alone sends shivers down her spine. All things considered, Lucifer turned out relatively okay.
She swallows with difficulty.
…I was worried about him canceling our session and went to Lux - to check if everything’s okay. Lucifer was drinking himself into unconsciousness, I’ve never seen him like this before. And then he told me his younger brother died.
I'm really concerned about Lucifer’s self-destructive behaviour. Grief, together with his self-hatred and surprisingly low self-esteem (in some ways) can be a very dangerous combination.
He pushed me away, and, unfortunately, I can’t help until he opens up to it. If I insist, pressure him into talking now, it can do more harm than good.
Chloe called later to let me know how upset she was about Lucifer and his stupid behavior with the sniper. She confirmed my worst suspicions - that the occasional disregard for his life (claiming to be “immortal”) sometimes comes too close to suicidal tendencies. Definitely something to carefully work on in the nearest future.
Meanwhile, I can't believe he didn't tell Chloe about his brother’s death! Lucifer is in no condition to work on any case right now. He blames himself for the tragedy and needs time to mourn, to process it all. Maybe that's exactly why he didn't tell Chloe – he wanted to work. Or maybe Lucifer knew she would try to make him feel better and thought he didn't deserve it. Anyways, he just called to warn me he is coming over, and I can’t help but feel somewhat relieved. It means Lucifer is not that far gone just yet. Hopefully, I’ll be able to help...
So, that’s what happened then. Chloe feels shocked, stunned, even. Not only with the whole “his brother died, and he didn’t tell me” thing but also with the realization Lucifer really did want to get shot. Back then she dismissed his quiet half-nod so easily simply because she didn’t want to believe it. Her radiant, full of life, reveling in all sorts of desires partner couldn’t possibly try to end it without Chloe even recognizing just how serious the situation actually is.
And yet, that’s exactly what happened.
He punched Dan, and she took Lucifer off the case. Instead of digging deeper, making him talk, Chloe sent him away. Decided that whatever happened to him was not as important or urgent as the murder investigation he was jeopardizing. And then Lucifer went out and almost got himself killed, on purpose.
In her line of work Chloe saw a lot of grief-stricken people. She had to tell some of them that their loved ones were found murdered.
Even more so, she lost her father. Chloe knows firsthand how it feels, she should’ve noticed the signs.
Why hasn’t he told her? Why hasn’t he trusted her enough to share and ease his pain?
Maybe Linda is right, and Lucifer just doesn’t think he deserves it.
Chloe aches for him in her very soul.
When she is finally calm enough to read again, the detective opens the next page.
But the place she stopped at appears to be the last part of Linda’s diary with her steady and confident handwriting. Because the next notes are erratic and written in what seems like a full-blown panic mode. With pen pressing so hard it punctured through the pages and lots of exclamation points.
And there is something else.
Chapter 2: Part 2
Some mild swearing because I honestly don’t know how people manage to write reveal fics without at least one f-bomb.
Part 3 comes soon.
Chloe takes shuddering breaths, staring at the picture in front of her.
That image – straight out of nightmares or horror movies – doesn’t belong in Linda’s diary. Why would she draw something like this?
What the hell even is it?!
Apparently - a portrait of someone whose face is either skinless, shredded to pieces, or completely burnt off, judging by the angry bloodish color. But what startles Chloe the most, up to the point she has to remind herself to inhale, are the eyes.
His eyes, glowing with fire.
Linda is a pretty decent artist, notices Chloe absentmindedly.
Because the detective remembers... All that time ago, in the warehouse, right before Lucifer demanded to shoot him, she saw something. A reflection, stored in Chloe’s subconscious long enough to memorize every little detail.
She cringes, recalling everything else about that fateful night. Shooting someone over a vision created by running way too wild nerves definitely wasn’t a proud moment for her, but, on the other hand, it was a valuable teaching one.
The only problem is - that “figment of imagination” Chloe thought existed only in her head is now a sketch in someone else’s diary.
So, what’s the probability of Chloe herself and Linda imagining Lucifer with the same exact “Devil face”?
It’s unlikely. Highly unlikely.
Chloe counts to ten, trying to stay calm.
There surely must be some sort of a reasonable explanation on one of those pages, and she is going to find it.
…Nonononnnononono, I don’t believe this!!! It’s impossible! Just NO!!! Denial, Linda? Are you for real right now?!?!? Huh, I don’t even know what’s REAL anymore. I can’t sleep, I can’t think straight. Not after seeing HIM…
Chloe frowns, puzzled. It can’t possibly be true, can it?
She doesn’t want to allow herself to believe, even for a second, because the last time she did someone got hurt.
More precisely - Lucifer got hurt. By her gun, no less.
Chloe won’t make the same mistake again.
...Maze was just here, in my office!!!!! Maze - a Demon who followed Lucifer through the gates of Hell!!! The best torturer, created specifically to inflict pain on guilty humans, according to - hmm, who would you think - her ex-employer, the Devil himself. Breathe, Linda. At least Maze didn't kill me, not yet. Why, why on Earth did I ask Lucifer to be honest with me?!!! Why couldn't I just keep working “within his metaphor”?.. Like, I can’t even freaking say that the Devil made me do it, ‘cause it was all me!!!
Life used to be so much easier when I didn’t have to deal with the fact that God, and Heaven, and Hell, and Demons, and WHO-KNOWS-WHAT-ELSE are REAL!!!!!!!! And now… You are in SO MUCH TROUBLE, Linda. Plus nobody is ever going to believe me because, well, Lucifer says the truth all the time, and... nothing.
Fortunately, he doesn't SHOW everybody what he showed me!...
Reading this is enough to wake up those forgotten doubts resting at the back of her mind.
What if?... What if Lucifer is actually telling the whole truth?
She blames alcohol for her lowered barriers, but it’s already too late.
Chloe’s inner “detective-hound” goes on a hunt - investigating, getting to the bottom of things. There is no stopping this metaphorical avalanche now, despite the potential cost.
So, if it’s all true, how can it possibly be?
But, suddenly, a somewhat terrifying thought strikes her like lightning, and Chloe feels sick to her stomach.
Maybe, just maybe, Lucifer managed to drag Linda into his delusions. Chloe, of all people, knows how convincing he might be at times if he puts his mind to it.
On the other hand, Linda doesn’t seem like someone unstable or easily driven insane.
Well, if you don’t count the last few pages of her diary.
Which is, frankly, the scariest part. Because why would Linda lie in her private notes?
...Oh my G.. Shit!!!!! He killed his own brother!!!!!!! It means Uriel was really planning to murder Chloe and Lucifer’s mom and someone else from that crazy and super powerful family can come after me too!!!! Because, at this point, why the heck not? I’m THE DEVIL’S THERAPIST, after all...
Wait wait wait, who did what now?
Lucifer killed his brother?...
The same brother he lost, the same one he felt so guilty about… So guilty that sniper’s shot seemed like a proper punishment!
Lucifer killed that “Uriel” to protect Chloe and his mom?
Probably in self-defense too.
She knows him well enough to believe that whatever he did was dictated by necessity and desperation, not cruelty or bloodlust.
Lucifer is not a senseless murderer, Chloe is sure of that. But...
How did this happen? Why hasn’t he told her anything?
Questions are painfully knocking on the inside of Chloe’s scalp, starting what feels like the worst migraine of her life.
The impulse to dial his number evaporates almost as quickly as it appears.
There will be plenty of time to discuss all of it later, in the right state of mind. And she is not ready for that conversation. Not yet, at least.
...His brother… Amenadiel is Lucifer’s actual sibling! An angel. Ahahahahahahaaaaaaaa Lucifer is THE Morning Star. Of course, he is. I’m having a nervous breakdown, awesome… Just great!!!...
Though all the revelations regarding Lucifer’s brother managed to partially distract her, the last paragraph forces Chloe to concentrate again (which is quite hard in her current intoxicated state) on the fact Linda was clearly losing it.
Which by itself can be considered as another clue.
Because “the Devil’s therapist” failed to mention, even once, that she really believes Lucifer’s story. Her diary, however, is a solid proof Linda isn’t just working “within his metaphor” anymore but fully accepts it.
So, if Lucifer would manage to convince her (somehow), wouldn’t Linda say something about it?
She never did though.
The gears in Chloe’s head are spinning faster and faster with every sentence she reads.
…Hitler. What did Lucifer do to Hitler?!?!? And all his stories about, like, Beethoven or Marilyn Monroe - it’s all true!!!!! Oh gosh... That means real Charlotte Richards is DEAD, and Lucifer's MOM - THE GODDESS OF ALL FUCKING CREATION - is currently in her body after escaping Hell!!!! My head is gonna explode right now, I swear...
Charlotte Richards is the goddess of all creation? Hitler? Umm, what?..
The worst part is - Chloe started reading the diary to get answers. And all she has so far are more and more questions with every passing minute.
Plus her rapidly growing irritation.
The unwanted thought keeps nagging Chloe - “But wouldn’t all that Linda writes about being the truth explain, well, everything?” - but she chases it away like an annoying fly.
...Maze is amazing, after fifth drink with the demon my world isn’t falling apart anymore, just spinning, hehehe.
They are really who they are. Never pretended to be someone else. Never lied. It means their struggles to adapt in the world of humans (and emotions) are genuine, and they need my help. It will take some time, but I think I got it now. Well, more or less...
Chloe stares at the page for a few moments, then turns her attention back to the drawing.
And she keeps looking at it until her vision swims.
This is impossible. That just can’t be…
Besides, she needs hard evidence and more information before she jumps to any life-altering conclusions or makes false assumptions.
Satisfied with her decision, Chloe nods and continues reading.
...Who was I kidding? “I got this”, seriously? Well, not so much when Lucifer is sitting right in front of me like nothing happened, like he is just a patient who is not the actual Devil. Telling me about sandwiches with Chloe and what it means when I can barely put thoughts together in my head. I’m trying, trying my best here, but… I don’t think I really noticed when he left the office…
Chloe chuckles at the memory of Lucifer stealing a sandwich from Trixie before… before everything went so wrong. When she just started to have hope they can be something more. Before all the disasters like poisoning or Vegas.
She also recalls Lucifer mumbling something about breaking his therapist. Well, Linda figuring out that he is who he says he is would certainly do that.
Chloe doesn’t know what to believe.
Suddenly it’s not so funny anymore.
…Today Lucifer introduced me to his mother. I met God’s wife! Or ex-wife, as she corrected me sternly. Right before she tried to get some information about Lucifer and our sessions. I refused, naturally.
And then we saw Lucifer and Chloe dancing, they both looked... happy. He doesn't know it yet, but Chloe is changing him so much simply because he loves her. Lucifer was very confident to call Earth his first home but didn’t realize he felt this way mostly because of her. And it's so obvious I honestly don't know how Chloe doesn't see it. Can’t wait for these two to finally get together…
Yep, Linda is officially delusional, that’s for sure. God’s wife?
And Lucifer is in love ?
He probably felt something, but Chloe doubts it was the big L word. Even more so, she fears Lucifer might not be mature enough, at least emotionally, to fully understand love.
And, if she thinks about it, they were much closer dancing “Should I Stay or Should I Go” than they are right now - with all the secrets and heartbreak in between.
Upset, Chloe turns a few pages without reading.
...She is his first in so many ways... Lucifer is overwhelmed with these feelings, but, at the same time, he finally lets himself be vulnerable, opens up to the new relationship. I can see how deeply that scares and confuses him.
Lucifer wants to take it slow, and this is completely out of character for him. The Devil has never been with someone not affected by his powers, and simply doesn't know how to react, how to deal with the intensity of his emotions…
Chloe can feel her heart fluttering, almost as if suddenly awakening from the hopeless longing for something that now might be possible. She immediately scolds herself for the unreasonably high expectations, but can’t stop a smile from slowly appearing on her face.
So, that’s how he really felt - scared, emotionally vulnerable, insecure.
Much like Chloe herself. The only difference, apparently, is that Lucifer is way better at hiding it.
But still, it can’t be as serious as Linda describes it, can it?
...He couldn't believe Chloe actually chose to kiss him. The confusion on his face and lack of trust something like this might be real are truly heartbreaking. Lucifer thinks his “charms” suddenly started working on her. I tried to help this lovestruck dummy realize that maybe she just likes him. But Lucifer being Lucifer didn’t take it, of course.
He’d rather accept the “desire thing” affecting Chloe (because he knows how to deal with that) than her actually liking him. Without any manipulation from his Dad or the rest of their dysfunctional family. Yes, dear God, you messed your son up a lot. And how the hell am I supposed to fix this celestial mess of a devil? How to help Lucifer with his trust issues if his paranoia is actually very reasonable…
Chloe blinks, staring into space.
Lucifer never ceases to amaze her, and not always in a good way. Despite all his apparent confidence and never failing ability to charm everyone, he still subjects to self-doubting and uncertainty at the worst time possible, and up to the truly appalling levels.
Over the last few hours, Chloe has come to realize that what she knows of Lucifer seems to be just a top of the iceberg. And she sees more of him than almost anyone else in his life. Except for Linda, maybe. And probably Maze.
The thought of Lucifer basically refusing to believe she might truly like him without any “mojos” sends a wave of sharp pain through her heart.
...I can't believe this craziness happened. I was in the same room with a demon, a former angel, the Goddess of all creation and the Devil on a celestial planning session. Lucifer found a way to save Chloe and judging by the look in his eyes he would do it with or without my help, so, I stayed. And then Lucifer casually informed me I was supposed to bring him back to life!!! I still can't believe that part actually worked.
Plus, despite Maze and Amenadiel being seemingly ready to kill him, at the end Lucifer had to do it himself. That’s when I realized there is absolutely nothing Lucifer wouldn't do for Chloe. Even death doesn’t scare him. The idea of telling her the truth, on the other hand…
She barely suppresses the impulse to start banging her head against the wall. Did she really just read that Lucifer killed himself? With Linda “bringing him back to life”?
And it’s all somehow connected to the way he found the antidote?
Chloe never actually got to ask him how he did it, with everything that was happening at the time. And, after Lucifer’s “glorious” return as a newlywed, everything else faded, became somewhat insignificant, consumed by Chloe’s anger and hurt over her crushed hopes.
Which is why reading Linda’s diary now is a hundred times worse than listening to Lucifer explaining things. Because that particular time Chloe didn’t get any explanation from him at all. Not even a crazy one. And seeing Linda’s version, suspiciously close to Lucifer’s usual nonsensical mumbling, is almost physically painful.
But better a Lucifer-style ludicrous story than nothing at all, that’s for sure.
...Yesterday Maze finally told me about God putting Chloe in Lucifer's path (via Amenadiel’s hand!) and how his mother pushed Lucifer and Chloe closer trying to manipulate him into waging another war, with storming through the Gates of Heaven and stuff. Full force. But Lucifer never does what everybody expects from him, and all his mother managed to do was to break his heart.
Considering that Maze really isn’t into “human emotions”, her description of the events raised a certain level of concern. Without going into details, she told me how awful that was. According to her, “that bitch” deserves to suffer and die a very slow, painful death for what she did (yeah, typical Maze talk). The worst part is - Lucifer was “uncharacteristically happy” right before it all went wrong, and Maze tried to get him out but she was too late…
Chloe feels furious and helpless at the same time.
The bottom line is - if she chooses to ignore all the crazy bits - Charlotte not only helped John Decker’s killer escape justice but, apparently, also had her hand in destroying Chloe’s fragile romantic relationship with Lucifer. And, knowing Charlotte, she is pretty capable of it.
Or at least she was back then, thinks Chloe, making a desperate attempt to calm down. It’s not easy, considering what she knows now.
What kind of mother would do something like this to her child? Hurt and use him just to have an upper hand in the fight with her ex?
Telling Lucifer that their meeting with Chloe was orchestrated by his father is a perfect way to spin him out. Chloe knows Lucifer well enough to understand how her partner would react if somebody would convince him it’s true. He must’ve thought she was a part of the plan, or that her feelings weren’t real.
Tears are rolling down her cheeks.
It’s so messed up, so unfair.
...But he put all that aside to save her. I was terrified when I tried AED one time after another and it didn't work. My hands are still shaking when I think about it. For a second there, I believed we lost him for good. Lucifer was so sure he could easily stop his heart and go to Hell for the antidote, interrogate the professor and I would revive him after that, but gosh! How close were we to his ultimate death. And if he died, Chloe would’ve died too…
All thoughts that she’s been putting aside - about Linda fully accepting Lucifer as the Devil - resurface at that moment.
The realization sends waves of shock through Chloe’s body like merciless bolts of electricity.
Because this is another clue, another proof. The final one.
Chloe gasps for air, feeling everything unraveling, the world going completely mad in a matter of seconds.
The truth she’s been avoiding for so long...
Maybe Chloe couldn’t decipher Lucifer before because she didn’t have all the pieces of the puzzle. Or rather she did but wasn’t willing to look at them as parts of the same picture. And now, when she finally dares to look, it fits perfectly.
All the weird stuff that’s been going on around Lucifer, his desire mojo, the same face that Chloe and Linda saw, his incredible strength, suspects scared out of their minds after a few minutes with him, and now this.
The only place where the antidote existed was in the professor’s head. The man said it himself, and Chloe believed him. It was the key point of his revenge, the reason he turned a knife on himself. So, the only way to get the formula was directly from Dr. Jason Carlisle.
The very, very dead professor Carlisle. And someone who could do this...
All the pieces click together with the inevitability of a thousand gravestones.
It’s all so crystal clear now.
The sentence he said not so long ago comes to her mind’s eye.
That is the only plausible explanation.
Lucifer really is the Devil.
Chapter 3: Part 3
Since it's been more than two months after I published my last chapter *covers from flying everywhere tomatoes* I thought it would be fair to write a short recap of the last two chapters so you wouldn't have to reread the whole thing.
So, Chloe got engaged to Marcus but something doesn't feel right with that, and when Linda invites her out for a drink Chloe is more than willing to do it. While at Linda's, she finds Lucifer's patient chart and a diary with all the juicy details of what happened since Lucifer came into Chloe's life, from Linda's perspective. It took the detective a while, but at the end of the second chapter she finally, finally realized that Lucifer being the Devil is the only logical explanation for everything (Well, duh...)
Aaand, that's where I left you hanging.
I’m so very sorry it took me that long! I just didn’t want to publish until I was mostly satisfied with this chapter.
Hope you enjoy the result.
Some mild swearing and a very brief rape analogy in relation to what happened with Lucifer’s wings.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
She feels numb. Not terrified or agitated.
Just shocked to the core and a little disappointed with herself.
Of course, it’s all true. Now, after Chloe puts everything together, it strikes her just how painfully obvious this whole thing was from the very beginning.
And she refused to see the truth just because…
Yes, why did she?
Was it simply too scary to lose comforting confidence of knowing how this world works? Or was it something else, something deeper?
Though, the main question now is - would it be too much, to rearrange her mindset and accept the real order of things?
Among a myriad of different emotions and thoughts buzzing in the background, the regret of how she treated Lucifer makes Chloe shift uncomfortably in her seat. Because, apparently, she didn't trust him enough to take what he says at face value, acknowledge his truth. Or at least try to keep an open mind.
Especially when Lucifer believed in her like no one else did, from the first day they met. He supported Chloe, had her back through thick and thin.
And she, in return, couldn’t take that leap of faith, not even for the partner who has always been on her side.
Because she is just a stupid human detective with questionable skills.
And Lucifer… Well, he is Lucifer .
You wanted answers, Chloe? This time you got them blown up right in your face.
She feels numb.
Chloe really can’t remember the exact moment she starts to read again. Frankly, in her present state of mind, there isn’t much else to do. She can’t go back to the way things were before , and getting stuck in her current helpless position doesn’t sound like a great plan either.
That means the only option left is to move forward - accepting and understanding as much as possible, gathering the still missing pieces of the puzzle, adjusting what she already knows to the new order.
...Maze said that when Lucifer died, he got caught up in one of the Hell's cells. I’m afraid to ask what he had to go through down there, in addition to all his recent pain and heartache. No wonder Lucifer left, handling everything at once was just too much for him. But marrying Candy, really? How could he do this to Chloe! Of course, Lucifer thinks he is protecting “the Detective” from himself and God. By pushing her away, he tries to give Chloe back something he cares about deeply - her freedom and choice. But still, it’s not a good enough reason to just randomly marry an “exotic dancer”!
On the other hand, his actions are somewhat logical, in a weird way. He is convinced Chloe's feelings aren't real. It was so hard for Lucifer to believe that she may love him in the first place, and his parents’ interference completely destroyed his trust and hopes. So, he is making a desperate attempt to save his own heart from further damage…
Oh, Lucifer… What did they do to you?
Chloe was naively convinced that nothing can make her feel worse at the moment, but the last notes easily prove just how wrong she was.
The semi-functioning logical part of her brain knows she should be thinking among the lines of the ‘Big, Bad, Scary Devil’, but instead…
Instead, she recalls her own ‘Vegas-Candy’ uneasy experience, adding Lucifer’s suffering to the already huge bill to the Universe for all the crap they were put through. Somehow, knowing that she isn’t the only injured party doesn’t make anything better.
Not when Chloe remembers Lucifer’s soft and uncertain “This is real, isn’t it?”
At the same time, she can’t deny that if the circumstances of the reveal were different, she would probably bolt by now, running fast and far, far away.
But since the Devil’s soul is, quite literally, an ‘open book’ right now, it’s easier to see her Lucifer in between the lines, rather than an unfamiliar creature from legends.
...Aghh. He just needs to talk to Chloe, tell her everything. And I get that he is afraid of opening up to the first woman he has ever loved and the only one who makes him physically and emotionally vulnerable. Lucifer is terrified of what her refusal or fear would do to him, and that he wouldn't be able to put himself together this time.
I, personally, think Chloe will be fine, but who cares what I think. I'm just a silly therapist who is trying to help the Devil understand stupid human emotions that he never felt before in his eons-long existence in Hell surrounded by demons and tortured souls. Easy-peasy…
Chloe can’t suppress a chuckle - that sounds suspiciously like a sob - at Linda’s sarcastic expressions.
And then it hits her, all at once. The real gravity of the words she has just read.
It’s hard to believe that Lucifer might be actually and genuinely in love. The Lucifer, in love with Chloe Jane Decker.
Very hard to believe.
But at this point, she is just too shocked to be surprised anymore. Maybe it’s a built-in, automatic defense mechanism to prevent her brain from boiling, or tequila (hard to say), but right now Chloe is ready to accept almost anything without asking questions.
A sudden flash of anger takes her by surprise. Because all the torment and misery they both had to endure was so easily avoidable if he would just talk to her !
For a “master of all things tongue-related”, as he brags, Lucifer is surprisingly bad in the communication department.
But, to be completely fair, Chloe kind of is too.
...God. I just met God. Oh my G.. Crap. Calm down, Linda. It's fine. You are dealing with an angel and a demon and a literal Devil every day, for goodness sake. Aaaaaa!!!! God and his son need MY HELP escaping a psychiatric hospital, hehe... Just a regular day of Linda Martin, I guess. I'm not nervous, nope. Martiny, here I come. Lucifer and his family drama are turning me into a damn alcoholic…
Psychiatric hospital? Wasn’t that the time when Lucifer kidnapped God Johnson, thinking Earl was his real father, and …
His Dad, as a capital D.
… and for some reason wanted to set up their dance with Charlotte Richards, who is his mom. Kind of.
Perfect matchmaking indeed, snorts Chloe darkly.
...Am I angry with myself for being so weak and helpless against Lucifer’s mom? For letting her torture me up to the point I gave up what Lucifer has planned? Absolutely. Was I scared out of my mind, traumatized? Definitely. But the exact moment Charlotte entered my office I knew what I was up against. For anyone else, she would be just a regular woman, a human. Thanks to my angelic and demonic friends I knew I was in grave danger every second around the goddess.
And, of course, I’m relieved to hear that it’s all over now. Lucifer sent his mom to another Universe for good (huh, I’ll wrap my head around that one another time), protected Chloe and all the people at Santa Monica pier. Even Charlotte survived, without memories though…
With a heavy sigh, Chloe admits she isn’t ready to dive into the whole “Goddess of all creation” mess just yet, and, for the sake of her sanity, puts it in a mental box labeled ‘Stuff to process later’. Because there are far more pressing issues to think of at the moment.
Like a somewhat fuzzy but now filled with new, meaningful details memory of Lucifer on that pier, apparently saying goodbye to his mother, forever.
“I’m not protecting her, it’s you I’m trying to save!” - rings his desperate voice in Chloe’s ears.
Time after time Lucifer was sacrificing everything in exchange for her well-being. First his brother, then himself (she shudders involuntarily at the thought), then his mom. And who knows what else.
Without ever mentioning a word, or complaining.
It’s so different from the Lucifer she knows, who constantly whines about every little thing - from an uncomfortable car seat and vending machine sandwiches to a speck of dirt on his shoes or suit - that it feels like Chloe has just discovered an entirely new dimension to his personality. Well, another one, of course, besides the whole Devil thingy.
Also, it’s now pretty obvious why Linda didn’t want to press any charges after the attack…
Wow, just wow.
...Lucifer got his wings back while being kidnapped and dumped in the desert. They are… something. Glorious, the whitest white I’ve ever seen, truly divine. And he asked me to cut them off! When I refused, he did it himself. When they grew back, he did it again. My patient, my friend, amputates his fucking limbs on a daily basis trying to escape, as he thinks, God’s influence. And then goes to work as if nothing happened.
Lucifer acts like a rapist victim who desperately wants to erase any evidence of what was done to his body. I'm extremely worried and not entirely certain about what to do. I mean, we are talking angel wings here, surely normal rules of self-harm don’t apply?...
This matter is too delicate to approach it head-on. I need to talk to Amenadiel first, he may have some sensible advice or at least can calm me down…
Oh, no. No no no no. Lucifer cut his wings off. His actual body parts. How did it come to this?
Without her even noticing the alarming signs of his ‘extracurricular activities’?
Guilt fills Chloe, flooding up the already overwhelmed mind to the rim and threatening to run over it, when she has a sudden thought that leaves her utterly speechless.
The wings Lucifer was looking for early in their partnership were his .
And she laughed. When Lucifer asked for help in finding them, she laughed.
Now Chloe can only imagine how he felt at the auction. Probably the same way she would, checking out someone’s cut off legs on a display, with all those sickening, perverted individuals wishing to buy a piece.
But thinking about it is not even half as terrifying as Lucifer doing… this to himself, in silence, time after time.
...Yesterday I came back from the penthouse way more concerned than before, after dumpster-firing a few sets of Lucifer’s blood-covered wings. I needed to push him away from this dangerous edge, from the serious and gruesome self-mutilation, as soon as possible.
Fortunately, Lucifer agreed to stop cutting them off quite easily when I asked him to. For a second there, I felt relieved but, of course, it didn’t last. Immediately after, he decided to pretend that his wings weren’t there at all and go on like nothing ever happened. Denial and evasion, yeah. But he wouldn’t be Lucifer if for every couple of steps forward he weren’t taking one back, right?
Besides, I think the loss of his Devil face - an external representation of Lucifer’s individuality - is affecting him just as much or maybe even more than getting the wings back. Lucifer doesn’t know who he is anymore - the Devil? An angel? His dad’s victim? Something else? I mean, God literally caused Lucifer’s identity crisis. Well, at this point I’m just thankful he won’t cut his wings off again in the nearest future…
For the first time since Chloe started reading the diary, she feels like she went too deep, too personal. It’s more than just crossing a line. Of course, she still wants to know all of him, but there are things not meant to be seen by others or wounds too sensitive and fresh to let anyone touch them.
Chloe feels like she stepped right on his sensitive spot with the heavy, dirty boots of distrust and disdain.
No wonder that, nowadays, Lucifer isn’t exactly in a sharing mood. And who would be, when she always dismisses whatever he is saying if his ‘Devil shtick’ is a part of the explanation.
Abruptly Chloe recalls his attempt to tell her something in the lab, right after Lucifer’s kidnapping.
He really was trying to show her the truth but, for some reason, it didn’t work.
Which lead to a turning point in their relationship for her , when Chloe decided she isn’t going to fall for his bullshit anymore. And so the ‘Great Wall’ between them started to thicken.
As a result, Lucifer had to go through all of it without her support.
Chloe suddenly realizes her eyes are puffy and red from all the tears she shed in the last few hours.
...Today Lucifer was all excited and jumpy, grinning from ear to ear. When I asked him what's up, he took a small grey gift box out of the pocket and smiled again. “It's the Detective's birthday and I wanted to ask for your opinion regarding my gift.” With these words, he opened the box. Inside lay a necklace - a very pretty one, I may add, and it took me some time to notice the bullet on it. Seeing my puzzled expression, Lucifer rushed to explain.
Apparently, I was looking at the bullet that made the Devil bleed from a weapon of mortals for the first time in his existence. Huh.
It reminded me of the expression on Lucifer’s face, long ago, when he admitted that Chloe makes him vulnerable. I didn't believe him back then (I thought he was talking about emotional vulnerability), but I did see how scared he was. Now I know that the bullet represents his quite literal ability to get hurt around Chloe and the tremendous amount of trust he has for her, to think about it.
Because Lucifer, one of the most powerful creatures in our universe, can easily get killed if close to this particular human. And yet, he couldn't stay away from her. Isn’t it like the most romantic thing ever? I just wish Chloe knew how deeply he feels about her.
Then I looked at Lucifer - so excited, nervous (trying to appear nonchalant and failing miserably), waiting impatiently for my approval of the gift. I assured him that Chloe is going to love it, even if she doesn't understand the real meaning behind it...
Vulnerable? And by this Linda means literally, physically killable.
That’s why he looked so surprised when Chloe shot him!
Another piece of the puzzle clicks into place.
Apparently, Lucifer knew about his ‘vulnerability issue’ for a long time and still decided to stay close to protect her. Despite all the risk, the danger, because…
Because he loves her.
It was one thing to see Linda’s confident statements about Lucifer’s feelings, and completely another when that realization, that certainty finally settled in the detective’s mind.
He loves her.
Somehow, this teeny tiny little detail scares Chloe way more than her partner of a few years being the actual Devil. But, though terrifying and shocking, the knowledge is still undoubtedly heartwarming.
For the first time in months, she allows herself to believe in their happy ending.
The world around her is torn to pieces with all the revelations, and yet, Chloe feels whole, content.
Because Lucifer loves her and she loves him.
Simple as that.
...I was staying late at the office today when Lucifer came in without knocking, as always. The second I saw his face, however, I knew something was terribly wrong. Even before he said, "I think I've made a horrible mistake."
Then Lucifer told me about Chloe going on a date with Pierce. I feel really, truly bad, because as a friend, I wanna push him into finally opening up to Chloe, but as his therapist, I'm just supposed to help through this new heartbreak. I tried to tell Lucifer it's not the end of his relationship with Chloe and they still share a deep connection. In the end, I was able to calm him down a bit, at least so he wasn't about to cry anymore.
Still, it's hard to watch Lucifer torturing himself like this, even if I understand why. However, acknowledging his reasons or logic and agreeing with them are two totally different things.
With that said, for him Chloe's happiness is the most important thing in the world, and Lucifer’s victory is to keep her as far away from his father and all that celestial mess as possible. Even if it means her falling in love and finding happiness with someone else. Lucifer once said that he feels SELFISH for coming back, for wanting her in his life, for inability to stay away. That haunted look in Lucifer’s eyes, while admitting how much he hates hurting Chloe but accepts it as a necessary evil to protect her, will stay with me for a long time...
And there she is, thinking Lucifer acts childish and egotistical most of the time, when, in fact, his understanding of love is way deeper than she realized!
With everything Chloe knows now, it’s hard to believe the extent of her previous doubts about the nature and sincerity of Lucifer’s feelings. And she even tried to build a relationship with Pierce, when ...
Suddenly, her eyes get wide as saucers. Chloe is struck with a painful awareness of Marcus being the definite, one hundred percent real Cain. Because the Devil told her so.
And right now, she trusts the latter way more than her fiancé.
Even more so, Lucifer is the one who’s constantly on her mind and in her heart, and, truth be told, Chloe kind of forgot about Marcus’s existence for a while, too consumed with all the recent discoveries.
It just starts to sink in that Pierce has been lying about his name, past, freaking immortality, his brother, and who knows what else this entire time!
Oh, gosh. Cain killed Abel. And she let that man near her daughter...
Cold sweat covers Chloe’s forehead in mere seconds. Trixie might be in danger right now!
But before she can jump and run in panic to Dan’s, another realization hits Chloe and she relaxes a little.
Because there are a demon and a devil to protect her baby from this dangerous world, even the supernatural, unseen parts of it.
If she is sure about anything right now, it’s the fact Maze would never let Trixie come to harm (at least not intentionally), despite their recent fallout. And Lucifer has already proven how far he’s willing to go for Trixie’s safety by getting shot.
So, her daughter is as safe as anyone can be.
...Lucifer still doesn't realize he just needs to tell Chloe the truth (devil face or not) and let her decide the rest. But it’s not easy for him, and justifiably so. Anyone with eyes can see how much he is terrified of losing Chloe, or, more precisely, of losing someone who believes in the person he so desperately tries to become.
Feeling abandoned and rejected by his parents still affects Lucifer in more ways than one. When everybody - especially people who are supposed to love you unconditionally, not to mention all of humanity in general - is naming you ‘the bad guy’ time after time, you'll eventually believe it.
I feel partially responsible because of the way I reacted. For a few weeks, Lucifer thought he would never see me again, and that hardly gave him the necessary confidence to come clean to the detective. But at least he could've told Chloe about Pierce kidnapping and dumping him in the desert!!! It would probably be enough to keep her safely away from Cain.
Sometimes the Devil can be so stupid :)...
Chloe chuckles. Did Linda seriously just draw an emoji in here?
The laughter doesn’t stay for long though, quickly surrendering to uneasy thoughts.
Chloe doesn’t blame Lucifer for not telling her sooner. Of course, she wishes with all her heart he would, but, at the same time, she understands why it didn’t happen.
Yes, Lucifer made certain mistakes. For example, he didn’t consider that by leaving Chloe in the dark he was making her and everybody close to them vulnerable to supernatural threats she simply didn’t believe in.
But, also, he was always there - protecting her every step of the way and trying to be as honest as possible, sometimes literally yelling the truth from the top of his lungs. Lucifer even let Chloe shoot him, for crying out loud! If only she was a little bit more open-minded, who knows what would have happened.
Though it doesn’t matter now.
In any case, Chloe simply can’t blame everything on Lucifer nor hold the Devil accountable for her own mistakes, especially after everything she’s learned tonight.
...I’ve been thinking about Lucifer since this morning, when he left my office determined as ever to see this crazy plan through. And it’s not like he’s never done that before, but planning to ‘woo’ Chloe just to prove she shouldn’t be with Pierce seems a little extreme, even for him. I’m afraid this time Lucifer’s stupid idea can cause serious damage to his already strained relationship with Chloe, up to the point where he might actually lose her.
That’s why I went to the penthouse, not as his therapist, but as a concerned friend - to stop Lucifer from making a big mistake. Unfortunately, when I got there, it was already too late. I could see it on his face, clear as day.
We talked, he yelled. I told Lucifer everything I’ve been dying to tell for a while now, and, on the spur of the moment, asked what does he truly desire. “I want her to choose me”, he said. Those words hunted me long after Lucifer left to finally confess his feelings to Chloe. Hopefully, they will be alright after tonight.
He called an hour later to inform me it was too late because the Detective said “yes” to marry Pierce, and Lucifer saw the whole thing.
I’m so sorry, Lucifer.
Chloe turns the page, but there is nothing else. This is the end.
She closes the diary and it slips out of her stiff fingers, falling on the floor for the second time tonight. Tears filling Chloe’s eyes turn the world into one big blur, and she doesn’t even try to wipe them. In fact, it feels right, somehow, that everything is as unclear as it seems, quite literally.
Chloe can’t believe Lucifer was there the night she got engaged. Just a few minutes late to spare them both from misery, heartache, and suffering.
What must’ve been going through Lucifer’s head when his hopes - inspired by the decision to finally admit and confess his feelings, consequences be damned - were crashed, along with the Devil’s heart, by one simple and short word - “yes”.
And she is to blame for it.
All Chloe wants now is to be with Lucifer, talk to him about all the crazy and, frankly, scary stuff she’s read about tonight. Maybe even cry her soul out in the protective circle of his arms.
As soon as she is a bit sober and can actually think straight.
“Chloe, what are you doing?”
She flinches, suddenly pulled out of her current half-conscious state by Linda’s angry exclamation. The detective is surprised to see the first light of the day seeping through curtains.
How long has she been sitting there, staring at her engagement ring lying on the coffee table?
Deep in thought just a few seconds ago, Chloe is caught red-handed with the notebook still in her lap after she picked it up.
And it’s frustratingly too late to deny the truth when Linda is standing right in front of her, not looking happy at all.
Chloe can’t really find any words. They slip away, jumping and rolling everywhere like pearls from a broken necklace.
Her head is a ball of goo, almost as if someone took all the brain out, put it in a blender and shoved the remains back inside her skull.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…”
“You didn’t mean to go through my personal stuff and read my diary?”
Linda is seriously pissed off, mostly due to an epic hangover she has, but something in Chloe’s face stops her from reading a lecture about the privacy of other people and forces the doctor to look pass her current irritation.
“I’m really, really sorry, Linda.” Chloe can’t even keep a steady eye contact, completely overwhelmed by the emotional storm swirling in her mind. Uncontrollable tears start rolling down Chloe’s cheeks and before the detective knows it she is sobbing hysterically.
“Hey, hey, Chloe!” Linda is now concerned more than angry, sitting down on the couch next to her friend. “What’s wrong?”
“I don’t know how you handled it alone, Linda… Lucifer…He…he really is… and Pierce… Oh my...”
Only then it occurs to Linda that Chloe did read everything , meaning she now knows it all. And probably even believes.
Without hesitation Linda puts her hands around Chloe, who instantly melts into that comforting embrace, finally letting the exhaustion take over for a while. After a few minutes, Chloe pulls back, feeling slightly embarrassed but relieved at the same time.
“Sorry” - mutters she, trying to wipe the remaining tears and suppressing a hiccup.
Linda smiles warmly and offers a box of tissues to her disheveled friend.
“Don’t worry, I know how unsettling this little discovery can be.”
Chloe chuckles, nodding in agreement and accepting the offered tissues with silent gratitude. “Yeah, no shit.”
After a few seconds, Linda interrupts the somewhat awkward silence that settles between them.
“To answer your question - yeah, it was really hard, especially at first. But Maze helped me gain some… hmmm… much needed perspective. Eventually, it will get better, I promise.”
Chloe looks like she doubts the truthfulness of that last statement, and Linda rushes to add: “Believe me when I say - I do realize it’s a lot to take in. Plus, you saw how I reacted, right? So, just to let you know - if you ever need to talk, my doors are always open.”
Chloe takes a deep breath, still trying to put herself back together, and answers in a quiet but steady voice. “Thank you. And I’m really, really sorry for what I did. My curiosity gets the better of me sometimes, you know?”
Linda watches her for a couple of seconds and then replies with a grin, - “Like the time when you wanted to check what’s inside of Lucifer’s sock drawer?”
They are both giggling, and Chloe can practically feel the tension gradually leaving her body. Then Linda winces, massaging her temples.
“Ouch! That’s it, no more laughing for me without some Tylenol.” Then she pauses and adds, turning to Chloe with a serious expression, - “About the diary. To be completely honest, it’s partly my fault. I should’ve never brought a patient’s personal file home in the first place, but I just wanted to go through it one more time and make sure everything matches and ends up. That there is no weird, ‘devilish’ stuff in his profile, nothing unusual. So, don’t blame yourself too much. Instead, if I may offer a piece of advice, try thinking about what to do with the received information, moving forward. Now, if you’ll excuse me...”
With these words, Linda leaves to get some water from the kitchen, and Chloe is, once again, alone with her thoughts, but this time she is feeling much calmer.
Surprisingly, staying away from Lucifer to ‘figure things out’ doesn’t seem like a great idea. On the opposite, she wants to be close to him. To touch him, make sure he is real. Discuss everything they need to discuss. The decision feels easy, right.
Chloe opens her mouth to let Linda know she is leaving, but the latter just nods with a knowing smile and tells her, - “Go.”
The urge to see Lucifer spikes to a new level, almost like a physical need. She has to be there with him.
“I believe you.”
“Whatever do you mean, Detective.”
Lucifer looks at her with a guarded expression, not knowing what is going on, taking in her unkempt and still slightly drunk appearance.
“I believe you are the Devil.”
He freezes and takes in a sharp breath, then stares at her with carefully covered caution. On the outside, it might seem like he isn’t actually affected by her words. If she didn't know better she would buy his ‘Devil may care’, playful attitude. But she does know him.
“Without any proof, Detective? It’s not like you to simply believe in something when there is no real evidence…”
She frowns, a little puzzled with Lucifer’s reaction. It’s almost as if now - today of all days - he doesn’t want her to know the truth. Or...
Lucifer is stalling, realizes Chloe suddenly. Tries to delay the catastrophe he thinks will inevitably follow.
That makes the detective eager to reassure him, though, her nervous babbling does nothing of the sort.
“It’s kinda hard to explain. I wanted evidence before, yes, but not anymore. Look, it doesn’t matter, okay? I just… I need you to understand, truly understand that I do believe you.”
Lucifer looks Chloe in the eyes with a gaze that seems to reach directly into the depths of her soul. He is searching for something, and, if a full-body flinch is any indication, he eventually finds it.
“Yes, it would seem so.” The pregnant pause follows. Lucifer stares at her with wide-open eyes, and different emotions – from desperation, fear even, to flickers of hope – are in there. Then he swallows hard and continues with a strained voice. “The question is – what are we going to do next? I’d really appreciate it if you wouldn’t shoot me again, Detective, but if you really must, then…”
Her sweet, insecure Devil. Mumbling something, anything really, to pretend like he isn’t falling apart and her reaction at that moment doesn’t mean the world to him. Tonight, Chloe can clearly see right through all the defense he puts on. And for that, she loves him even more.
“Shut up, Lucifer. Why don’t you ever shut up?”
Confusion is written all over his face.
“I don’t understand, Detective…”
He is so adorable she can’t breathe. Chloe chuckles, deciding to help him a little.
“I do choose you, Lucifer.”
His eyes widen with shock.
Then she kisses him, and the whole universe ceases to exist.
I really wanted Chloe to see Lucifer from Linda’s perspective!
BTW, the number for Lucifer’s case is the real one from the show (When Amenadiel comes into Linda’s office pretending to be a friendly neighbor therapist).
Now, when my first multi-chapter story is finally done and published, I want to thank you all for reading and supporting it. Honestly, your kudos and comments are way more inspiring than I could ever imagine.
Since English isn’t my first language and the story is not beta-read I apologize to anyone who stumbled across any inaccuracies in grammar, punctuation, etc. and was bothered by them.
Thank you again for reading!