Why Ayame and Shigure don't teach Sex Ed…
#19 'The Talk'
I wasn't sure what was worse—the fact that I was forced to stay here and listen to this load of crap with that damned rat—or that it was fucking Shigure and Ayame that took it upon themselves to do this. Hell, I'd rather have Ritsu draw me a fucking diagram than sit here and listen to these moronic imbeciles go on with the stupidity they were spewing forth. It was days like today I wished there was a rule that Shigure and Ayame were not allowed to be in the same room together without Hatori—for some reason the Dragon could control the two of them at once.
I still couldn't figure out how the hell they had cornered us with no way of escape—together.
I wasn't even listening to what the two morons were saying—and Yuki was staring at the door in a way that I could tell he sure as hell wasn't listening either. Once the phrase 'Jyuunishi Sex 101' was issued—that's when my brain shut off. Who the hell wants to learn about sex from a fucking porn author and perverted 'fantasy' costume designer? I don't care if they are the most knowledgeable people on the planet about sex—they can't take anything seriously.
If they attempt to demonstrate anything, I'll knock them both out.
"Wake up Kyonkichi!" Ayame yelled in a way too cheerful voice, tossing something at my chest.
"Who the fuck thought it was a good idea for the two of you to do this?" I demanded, clenching the item in my fist as I prepared to throw it back at the damned snake.
"Now, now…you need to be more careful with that, Kyou," Shigure replied. "We'd hate for your rough handling of it to put our little flower in bloom."
"What the hell are you talking about?" I demanded.
"Leave Miss Honda out of the conversation, please," Yuki sighed, bringing his hands to his temples as if he had a headache. "Those are images I really don't want to think about."
"Why the hell are you dragging Tohru into this?" I growled at the rat.
"I didn't, stupid cat," he muttered. "You're the one who rose to their bait—or are you so dumb you don't know what that is?"
I looked in my hand—and promptly dropped the condom like it was on fire.
"Now Kyou, you can't just discard that. Tohru is precious to us all. I know you would love to have her all swelled with Kyou babies, but I know she would want to finish school first. Pick that up and put it in your pocket—you never know when you'll need it."
I still wasn't tempted to pick up the damned thing—like I would ever get to do that with Tohru. Are they fucking nuts?
"Oh! Oh! 'Gure, you should know that as the best brother in the entire world, I have made sure that my brother's primal needs are taken care of without fear!" Ayame dug around in his bag, before placing two giant boxes on the table. "I even thought to take care of Kyonkichi—just incase he does get the nerve to deflower our little Tohru. I feel it's my duty to protect her from his perverse behaviors."
"You don't need to buy us condoms!" Yuki screamed, standing up from his chair as his face flamed red.
"How the hell many condoms do you think someone needs?" I growled, oddly intrigued by the enormous blue boxes—I was almost tempted to ask how many were in them. I don't think I could use that many in a lifetime—even if I wasn't locked up and had a willing Tohru in my bed twenty-four hours a day.
"Well you would never buy them if your face got that red, Yuki," Shigure laughed, before turning to me. "From the way you look at Tohru-kun and taking your stamina into account…your passion for life…and how possessive you are…I don't think those two hundred and forty condoms would last you a week Kyou. You'd probably lock her in your room with you and never let her out."
"I—I—what the fuck? How the hell do I look at Tohru?"
"Like you are undressing her with your eyes and hate yourself for it," Yuki replied bluntly.
I hate to admit he was dead on with that one…
"Oh look, 'Gure! I don't think I've ever seen him get that embarrassed," Ayame squealed. "Wow, his cheeks are even darker than his hair!"
"Shut up!" I growled, leaping to my feet and heading for the door.
"Ah, but we aren't done yet," Shigure laughed, blocking my exit.
I just glared at him in disgust. "I don't care, I'm leaving! Gimme the fucking key!"
"But you still need to learn how to be sexual without transforming!" Shigure announced.
"Let us out!" Yuki growled, glaring at Ayame as the snake continuously showed the rat the 'variety' of condoms he had purchased for him.
"But we haven't gotten to show you how to put them on correctly!" Ayame cried, tearing into one of the packages. "Only the greatest brother in the world would show you how to properly administer a condom—and make sure you have flavored—Yuki? Where are you going?"
"Took you long enough, damned rat," I said, shoving Shigure out of the way as Yuki caught up with me. The two of us quickly slammed our shoulders into the door of the shed, breaking it off the hinges before landing on the ground.
"Ah, I wondered what had happened to everyone…"
Slowly getting to my feet, I glared at Hatori. "Where the fuck have you been? I swear—those two like to torture us if you leave them alone!"
He quietly lifted a brow as he assessed the dog and snake as they emerged from the shed.
"Tori! We were teaching them the importance of safe sex!"
"I hope neither of you listened to a word they said," he replied, walking over to the pair and taking the boxes of condoms from Ayame.
"Of course not, Hatori," Yuki answered, still glaring at his brother.
"Very well, make sure you trust and love each other," Hatori commented, handing one of the boxes to Yuki. "Make sure you are both comfortable and ready to move the relationship in that direction. Make sure you are protected-" he added, handing me the other box. "Tohru has enough to worry about without adding little Kyou's running around."
"What?" I screamed, storming away from them all as I headed for the house. "You're as bad as the rest of them, Hatori! Where the hell is 'loves Tohru' written on my face? You guys are just jerks!"
Slamming the door open, I ran upstairs to my room. 'Acting like I'd force myself on her like that—they don't know shit about me. Damn it, am I that transparent?' I opened the top drawer of my dresser, hiding the box in the far back—just in case.
Chapter 2: Theme #60-What the...?
Kyou tries to flee but is stopped by Uotani and Hanajima. Alternate Ending. Spoilers for 120
Title: What the…?
Spoilerish for around 120
Consider yourself warned!
She would probably get fired from her job, leaving it like this so quickly. Not that she liked it that much to begin with, but it helped her dad pay their bills. To Arisa Uotani that was something important to her, he'd been trying so hard to change his lifestyle and be a good dad these past few years. Any help she could give, she would gladly provide him.
The call had come in less than five minutes ago, making her rush for the changing room at the back of the restaurant. She rarely received phone calls at work, so when her boss told her she had one she knew it was important. Three little words were all it took, "Tohru needs us."
Arisa may not know exactly how Saki Hanajima's waves worked, but they always seemed to be correct. Tohru Honda meant the world to the two of them, but she rarely let others take care of her, choosing instead to hide her problems behind a cheerful smile. If a chance to help her was really happening, Arisa wasn't going to hesitate.
Pulling the laces of her shoes tight as she tied them, she was finally ready to go. Pulling her hair from the rubber band that held it, she shook it out, letting it fall over her shoulders in a golden wave. Opening the door to the restroom, she sprinted toward the front door hearing her boss yelling after her as she ran.
The final drops of the morning rain welcomed her as she exited the restaurant, making her wonder what could have happened so early that would cause Tohru so much pain. Looking up and down the street, she quickly located Hanajima as she approached the restaurant. "Did you just get here?"
"Yes…we must hurry."
"What happened, Hana?" Arisa demanded, her upset and fear for Tohru overwhelming her.
"I am not certain, there is too much chaos surrounding her at the moment." The two of them cut towards to woods near Shigure's home as Hana attempted to explain. "Fear, loss, regret, sadness, confusion, anger, hope, happiness, despair—the emotions I feel are conflicting with one another. I can't tell which feeling belongs to whom."
Looking up Arisa saw the long road ahead of them to reach Tohru. Growling, she balled her hands wanting to hit something because she felt so helpless right now. Tohru needed them and they couldn't do anything until they reached her. "I hate this! I don't like not knowing! Anything could-"
"Stop him," Saki interrupted softly.
"Huh? What are you talking about?" Arisa looked around the dirt path they were on, seeing no one. Seconds later her attention drawn to the woods, there was something moving within it. A figure emerged, running as fast as they could in the opposite direction of the house. Too busy looking from where he came from to pay attention to where he was going, Arisa easily clothes lined the unsuspecting Sohma, knocking him forcefully to the ground.
"Ah…this is not good," Saki commented quietly.
Arisa almost felt guilty when she heard his head hit the road with a loud thud, but this was no normal Sohma. Not to mention if what she suspected happened, a bump to his head would be the least of his problems when she finished with him. "Kyon! What the fuck did you do?"
His head whipped up in surprise, his eyes wide and haunted, cheeks tearstained, looking trapped, scared. Soaked from the rain and covered in mud, the sight of him felt like a punch to the gut to Arisa. Quickly a tiny hint of the Kyou Sohma she recognized returned, looking away from them in shame he growled, "Mind your own business, Yankee."
"Tohru is my business," she growled, watching as Kyou slowly got to his feet. "If you hurt her, I am going to make you pay. I swear I will make your life a living hell." Arisa started pacing, glaring at him. "How could I be so wrong about you? I thought you…you do! I know you do!" Clenching her fists in her hair, she growled in frustration before lunging at him, grabbing his shirt, screaming, "Why would you hurt her? I thought…damn it, Kyon!"
Shoving him to the ground, Arisa quickly turned away as tears swelled in her eyes, unable to get the look in his eyes out of her mind. She didn't want to feel sorry for him, but the heartache in his eyes reminded her of a final encounter she'd had with another Sohma. She wanted more than that for Tohru. Didn't he realize Tohru needed him?
"You weren't wrong, Arisa." Hana placed a hand on her shoulder, looking at Kyou with a pointed glare. "He does love our Tohru and has for a long time. Strangely, thoughts of her returning those feelings make his waves very chaotic. It's almost as if he never wanted her to fall in love with him."
"Shut up!" Kyou yelled, his voice choking on the words. Arisa turned around to see him trying to get to his feet as he eyed the storm clouds that had gathered again. His movements lacked their normal dexterity, appearing more sluggish than normal.
"She's scared," Hana commented, taking a step toward him. "You are the only one, Kyou Sohma. Do you not know she will break without you? Why do you push her away when your heart is trying to keep her near?"
"Stop…I can't…just stop!" Kyou slowly took a step back away from Hana, as if her words caused him physical pain.
"What is with you Sohma's?" Arisa demanded, shaking her head as she watched him almost slip on the mud beneath his feet. "It should be so simple. You love her, she loves you—end of story, you live happily ever after. Why are you making it so complicated?"
"Just leave me alone!" he screamed, hands visibly shaking as he lifted them to cover his face. Streaks of mud trailing across his flesh as he pushed his fingers up into his hair, Arisa noticed his crimson eyes had an almost inhuman quality about them.
'He looks like a caged animal,' she thought to herself. 'Untamed, frightened, trapped someplace he doesn't want to be. I'm surprised he hasn't—oh hell no!'
Taking off after their fleeing classmate, Arisa was surprised at how quickly she caught up with him. His reflexes had gotten extremely quick from all of his martial arts training during the past couple of years, she'd always gotten a kick out of testing them out to see what he was capable of. Leaping toward him as he stumbled in the mud again, Arisa tackled him to the ground as a cloud of smoke enveloped them.
"Good," Hana said, coming up behind them. "You didn't let him—oh—that makes sense now."
The smoke had cleared and Arisa looked down in surprise at what she had caught. "What the…? A cat? Where did Kyon go?"
"I believe the cat is Kyou Sohma," Hana answered, kneeling down next to Arisa as the blonde attempted to pick up the feline. "That would explain some of the strange waves coming from him."
"Looks like he wasn't lying when he said his hair is natural," Arisa laughed, fighting with the feline as he attempted to break from her hold. Getting to her feet when she felt she had a firm grip on him, even as he continued to gnaw and scratch at her.
"I suppose we should go take him back to Tohru," Hana commented.
Pain tore through her hand, as the cat leapt from her arms and raced away from the two of them. "Damn it, he bit me!" Arisa growled as she inspected the puncture wounds that she'd received. "If I get my hands on him again, he's going to the vet to get neutered before we return him to Tohru."
"He left his clothes behind," Hana said, gathering the clothing. Her hand rested on the beaded bracelet he always wore. "Strange…"
"You know, I don't think I've ever seen him without that thing. I mean, even Tohru goes without the hair bows on occasion," Arisa replied, as the clouds finally unleashed their downpour on them.
"It's just—it feels as if it's alive," Hana said, carefully inspecting the bracelet for a moment before carefully placing it on top of the clothing.
"He is no longer running," Hana stood up with the clothing gathered in her arms, pointedly ignoring Arisa's question. She headed off in the direction the little orange cat had taken in his panicked escape. "He didn't get very far either."
Arisa shrugged, not sure what to think about the entire situation. Kyon is a cat—or turns into one at least. She didn't know why or how, but thinking about it wasn't going to make it something she understood anymore than she did. Her mind made up, she followed Hanajima, determined to find the cat and return him to Tohru so he could fix whatever damage he'd done.
Arisa lost sight of Hanajima once she'd entered the woods, the black attire she typically wore making her blend into the shadows of the trees. Mud sticking to her feet as she trudged through the grass, Arisa's clothing stuck to her as the rain slowly soaked through to her skin. As she reached the tree line herself, she quickly spotted Hana crouched down near the form of a crumpled cat.
"What happened?" she asked, slowly approaching the pair.
"I am not sure," Hana answered, placing the clothing she carried on the ground so she could pick him up. "He doesn't appear to be injured, only sleeping."
"Well, we should hurry and take him back to Tohru before he wakes up," Arisa said, picking up the clothing as Hana stood up, cradling Kyou in her arms. They turned toward the direction they came from, intending to head back to the road.
Arisa discovered she'd never seen Yuki Sohma pissed off before, and frankly, she decided at that moment that she never wanted to do anything to make him mad—ever. She noticed that Hanajima wrapped her arms protectively around the cat, as if she was protecting him from his cousin. "You looking for the cat, I assume," Arisa said, continuing toward him.
"Are you a cat, too?" Hana asked.
The prince flinched before glaring at the orange cat nestled in Hana's arms. "No, I hate cats," he said simply. "Honda-san will be glad to have him back, though."
"Yes, I imagine she will," Hana said, walking past him. "The problem lies with Kyou Sohma; he does not believe he deserves her affection."
"Are you sure he's okay, Hana?" Arisa asked. "He looks comatose."
"It's just the rain, Uotani-san." Yuki looked at the bundle nestled in Hanajima's arms. "We are lucky the destructive idiot gets uncontrollably exhausted when it rains, or he would be on the first boat out of Japan by now."
"Yeah, how do we keep him from running again once the rain stops, though?" Arisa asked, pulling a drenched strand of her hair from her face. "It's not like we can just lock them in a closet together until they work out their problems."
"I think that sounds like a wonderful idea."
Arisa just stared at Hanajima shaking her head in disbelief, not sure if she was being serious or not. They'd always suspected that the Sohma's had hid some secrets, but this was something she hadn't been expecting. Who knew what Tohru had gotten herself involved with, but she and Hanajima would be there to protect her—no matter how crazy the situation ended up.