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Jitters but not quitters

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Kyo’s insides felt quivery. Nervous. Foolish. Like he was about to make a huge, terrible, undoable mistake.

“Can you stop freaking out,” Yuki said, the words themselves exasperated but the tone soft. His eyes were soft too, staring at Kyo like -- like he cared.

Well. Kyo knew that. That was -- the point. The whole point here.

“Look,” Yuki said with a sigh. “Come here.” A smile, that one with the slight teasing edge. “Come here, kitty.”

“I’m gonna punch you,” Kyo grumbled, but he walked over to Yuki any-goddamn-way. Because -- because he’d spent years fighting the way they were kind of inexplicably drawn to one another. He’d never wanted that because -- he wasn’t supposed to have that, not with Yuki. Not with the person he’d thought Yuki was --

“I can hear you thinking too much,” Yuki said, reaching up to take hold of Kyo’s arm, gently and perhaps hesitantly stroking the length of his arm in reassurance. The caution reminded Kyo that -- this was new to Yuki, too. Being this way together. “You’re a mess.”

Kyo jutted his chin out and thought about kissing him roughly. They’d already made out for twenty minutes in their living room on the couch. Yuki’s jeans were unbuttoned and unzipped and Kyo could see his cock nestled, hard, in his underwear. And that Yuki’s underwear was dark gray, because of course it was.

All of Kyo’s own underwear was a collection of oranges and reds and the occasional black, so he couldn’t talk. He was also hard. He also kind of wanted Yuki to tighten the grip on his arm, maybe grab at him more roughly. Or something.

“I’m not a mess,” Kyo eventually remembered to argue. “I’m not the one acting all impulsive because I’m horny. That’s just you.” ‘Impulsive’. Like they hadn’t been discussing around this for months, dancing around this for months. Planning this for the last month and a half. Kyo was lying to himself.

Yuki smiled, and it was as dangerous as it was affectionate. God, who the hell did he think he was? “Mm-hm, okay, stupid,” Yuki said, no heat and no thunder. “Let me kiss you.”

“Not how wooing goes, you damn rat,” Kyo mumbled, but his head was already tilting for Yuki to swoop in (and a little up, because Kyo had won in height, if nothing else) and kiss him, tongue sliding into his mouth right away and Kyo letting him do it.

The kiss helped relax him, and he grunted softly into it, melting into Yuki, nipping back at his soft mouth, letting Yuki tangle them up together and fall together backwards onto the bed.

“Okay,” Yuki breathed out over Kyo’s lips, pulling back and staring down at Kyo like he was the sweetest thing. It was vaguely embarrassing. “Okay, you ready?”

Kyo shivered outwardly. But he wasn’t -- scared. This was just new. It was all so new. “Don’t treat me so soft,” Kyo mumbled. He could feel Yuki’s hard on against his leg. There was a plan for that and where that was going. Kyo had prepped for that. Kyo... wanted that. Not this softness. Well. Maybe not this softness.

Yuki cocked his head to the side a little, hair mussing against the sheets. He had Kyo perched atop him, his arms wrapped around Kyo’s waist loosely, and looked like he had all the control in the world. Kyo hated and loved that. He just glared emphatically down at Yuki.

“Are you asking me to fuck you,” Yuki asked lightly, effervescent, reminding Kyo briefly and strongly of Ayame (and what the fuck), “Instead of making love to you?”

Kyo flushed and instantly hated him. “Can you be serious?!”

The circle of Yuki’s arms tightened, and he rolled them over so he was hovering above Kyo instead. Kyo didn’t fight it, but he kept glaring.

Yuki laughed a little, but he patted Kyo’s head softly, leaned in and left a series of kisses along his forehead. “I kind of am being serious, to be honest with you. Don’t know how else to word it.”

Kyo felt petulant all of a sudden. Felt overly-loved. So he raised his leg to press a tight thigh up against Yuki’s hard dick. Yuki gasped softly, and Kyo could feel him trembling. Could feel him fighting the urge to grind down against the pressure of Kyo’s muscular leg. Kyo’s blood blazed with the thought of Yuki mindlessly dry humping him, getting off on his thigh. He wriggled a little to tempt Yuki into doing it now, hopefully. “Fine. Yeah, I don’t want to be ‘made love’ to. I want to be fucked, hard and rough, you prissy jerk.”

Yuki’s hips stuttered, but he held himself back, leaving Kyo slightly disappointed. “Well, I do think -- ” But Yuki cut himself off, and he paused, critically self-examining, probably. Kyo already knew how this was going to go: Yuki was going to completely change whatever it was he was going to say. Kyo was never going to be able to figure out what it would have been without the filter. Yuki was always so cryptic and defensive like that, even now.

“...Did you know,” Yuki murmured now, leaning in to press his forehead to Kyo’s and stare him straight in the eyes, up through his lashes. Kyo was blushing, was squirming, but was not looking away under this heavy, unabashed attention. Yuki’s dick twitched in its confines against Kyo’s leg. “That the first time I saw you, I really thought you were the prettiest thing?”

Kyo snorted, but his throat felt dry. “Shut up.”

“Really.” Yuki pressed a quick kiss to Kyo’s lips, before pressing their foreheads together once more. “Your hair’s such a pretty shade of orange. That’s what I thought. I think I’ve been very nearly almost in love with you for a very long time.”

Now, Kyo turned his head away to the side, blushing too fiercely to pretend that he wasn’t. “That’s not love. That’s -- maybe infatuation, at best. And then we were at each other’s throats after that, so -- ”

“My point,” Yuki said, slowly beginning to drag himself against Kyo’s thigh, making Kyo’s breath hitch in surprise and immediate arousal. “Is that I definitely love you now.”

Yuki’s pace picked up, and Kyo squeezed his eyes shut, embarrassed and confused and turned on. “That’s not -- a guy asks you to fuck him and you tell him you love him? What the hell, Yuki.”

Yuki laughed a little, but he was breathy and rutting against Kyo and mostly distracted. “Sorry then, I guess.”

Don’t be,’ Kyo wanted to say. But the words locked themselves up in his chest. Instead he said, “I want it in my ass.” It was quite a brusque demand. Kyo committed to it and the shamelessness of it. “You better not come in your pants like a teenager. I want it in me.”

By now, Yuki had Kyo caged between his arms, hands braced against the mattress. “Vulgar,” he teased, like he wasn’t the one getting off on Kyo’s leg. But he pulled back, hips lifting away. “Alright, turn over.”

Kyo glared for show, but did what he was told. Then he wriggled out of his jeans and underwear, just enough to give Yuki access. The line of denim cut uncomfortably midway at the backs of his thighs, but it was alright.

“Wow, okay,” came Yuki’s voice from behind him, and it sounded impressed instead of sarcastic like it could have.

Kyo maybe would have questioned that (was the view really that good?), except then he felt Yuki’s freed cock pressing to the line of his ass, naked skin on naked skin. It felt like Yuki was dragging it along the shape of his rear, letting the tip nestle between his cheeks, and then --

Kyo gasped, hips jumping, when the blunt head pressed to his hole. Kyo had prepped, so he knew it was damp and stretched already, but Yuki wasn’t about to go in dry, was he...?

Above him, Yuki hummed thoughtfully. “Guess you really do want it in you, huh?”

...Kyo was going to kill him if he didn’t stop being a wise-ass soon. Or maybe he wouldn’t, whatever. Maybe the wise-ass thing was part of the draw. Who knew and who cared? “Get the lube or get out.”

It didn’t take long, for Yuki to reach into the bedside table and pull out the lube, or for him to slick himself up. Like this, face down, pants and boxer briefs pushed down just enough for fucking, listening to the sloppy wet sounds of Yuki fisting the lube over his cock -- Kyo could feel his dick twitching, trapped between his belly and the bed. He was probably making a wet spot with his precome, dribbling it out because yeah. Yeah, he wanted this, he needed this --

Yuki parted Kyo’s asscheeks, and he felt his hole flutter embarrassingly up at Yuki, as if inviting him in. Trying not to think about how it probably looked, Kyo pressed his thighs together, humped a little into the mattress beneath him, and waited for the next thing to happen.

“Pretty,” Yuki muttered to himself, distracted. But the way he said it -- it was like it was subconscious. Like when he flipped through his gardening books and figured out why the tomatoes were wilting or the cucumbers were too pale. Like all of a sudden everything made sense and was right in the world, if only for a moment.

And what the hell was Kyo supposed to do with that? “Fuck me,” Kyo demanded, burying his face in the sheets. His hole was pulsing, the longer Yuki held him open and stared at him. His body was more honest than anything, and it was begging for Yuki and -- “Fuck me already, you damn rat.”

“Calm down,” Yuki said softly, but one hand disappeared from gripping at Kyo’s ass, and then next thing his knew there was Yuki’s cock, prodding and catching at the rim of his hole. It felt good. It felt reassuring, and Kyo spread his legs and pushed himself up slightly.

“Calm down,” Yuki repeated in a whisper, because now he was slowly pushing in, stretching Kyo open around him on his girth, and Kyo whined and squirmed.

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Kyo hissed out, panting and arching a bit more off the mattress, up onto his knees to hurry up Yuki sinking into him.

“Wait -- Kyo -- ”

Kyo, suddenly annoyed, didn’t want to hear it. He tried to push up more, take Yuki in to the hilt on his own -- but Yuki put a hand on his lower back to slow him, just as Kyo began to gag a little at the sensation.

“I don’t need to wait, I’ve been taking dildos just fine these past few weeks,” Kyo protested, even while he was secretly relieved that Yuki had stopped him.

“That’s so great,” Yuki replied, very much sarcastic this time. “I don’t care. Take a second okay? At least let me feel you around me.”

Fuck. That was hot. Kyo shuddered in a shaky breath, and nodded. Waited. Adjusted around the intrusion, asshole fluttering again, and Kyo’s only other movement was him shifting his weight on his knees.

Kyo didn’t know what signaled Yuki to move on. Didn’t know if it was something he did, or if it was just Yuki being ready or what -- but he eventually slid in all the way, balls deep, in one smooth motion.

Now that they were here, with Kyo full and taking all of Yuki into him, Kyo kind of wanted a kiss. But he’d get one later. Instead, he pushed up off the bed and up against Yuki’s chest, by putting himself on all fours.

“Okay?” Kyo was the one to ask this time. His mouth was salivating in anticipation for the thing he wanted most. The thing that was coming next, any moment now.

Yuki let out a deep exhale, and then, “Okay.” One arm circled Kyo’s waist again, held him close, and Yuki slid out just enough to snap his hips back up into him. Kyo groaned and trembled and his cock drooled more precome. Kyo spared a glance to the bed and saw --

“Is that a wet spot?” Yuki whispered against Kyo’s skin, mouthing at the back of his neck. “Did you get so turned on you left a wet spot?”

“I didn’t come, shut up,” Kyo argued back, then whimpered when Yuki pulled back and fucked into him again with sharp and deliberate thrusts.

“That’s my point,” Yuki breathed out, another thrust and then another, a little ruthless, the slide of his cock making Kyo feel -- right. Everything settled and calmed in the pit of his stomach, because this was right. “You haven’t even come yet, but you already wet the bed.”

“W-who’s vulgar now?” Kyo challenged, voice only stuttering because of the way Yuki’s fucking him jostled him full-bodied. He reached back and one-handedly held himself open for it. For Yuki. “Talking about wetting the bed and stuff.”

“Well, who wet it?” Yuki shot back, hips pistoning hard and fast and deep. He was grunting out his words now, finding the spaces between his panting to fit in his smarminess, and Kyo kind of liked it. “But that’s okay. I’ll come in you, like you want, and then we’ll be even.”

Kyo wanted to retort with something like, ‘How’s that even, it’s my bed to start with,’ or ‘Turns out you’re grade A nasty, huh,’, but he couldn’t. He was thinking about Yuki coming in him, hot and wet and sloppy. About leaking that out for next hour. About staying joined together after Yuki had done it, Yuki’s soft cock plugging him up for a little while, and how that all would feel so --

“Shit,” Kyo cursed, as Yuki fucked up into him and kissed desperately at the back of his neck. And Kyo came, in rushed spurts, cock jumping with them as he dripped messily onto the bed.

Yuki let out a quiet moan, and Kyo realized it was the loudest he’d let himself be so far. Kyo realized, mind hazing out on his orgasm, that oh wait. Wait wait wait. Yuki was --

God, Kyo was bad at this. Yuki was too, in different methods but the same base ways. “Rat,” Kyo said faintly, words and thoughts difficult to string together, but he could try. “Yuki. Yuki, talk to me.”

Yuki panted near-silently to himself, mouthing at the ridges of Kyo’s spine and said, unintelligibly for once, “Huh?”

“Talk to me -- dammit, talk me through it, why don’t you?” Vulnerability was still so hard for both of them.

Yuki’s hips were working faster, short bursts of rutting, balls slapping to Kyo’s ass. Kyo’s barely pushed down jeans were now cutting a little painfully into the flesh of his thighs, but that was okay.

“You mean,” Yuki said, still confused and stupid on his impending climax. “Talk about what I’m doing?”

Kyo tried to clench around Yuki’s cock, and it caused both of them to hiss at the intensity of it. He had to stop it right away, and just let Yuki fuck up into him unhindered. “I mean, about what you want. Or whatever. Whatever.”

Somehow, Yuki got it. “A-ah? Well. Well, I -- I’m not even most excited about coming in you,” Yuki said, breathless, shameless finally. “I can’t wait to make you let me clean it out of you.”

Kyo snorted, but his whole body shivered at the thought of it. “ 'Make me let you'? Nasty. Not gonna even ask how you plan on doing that.”

“It’s a surprise,” Yuki gasped out, rhythm getting erratic now. “Plan on keeping it in you for a little while, first.”

Oh, so he also... Well. Kyo clenched again, ready for the sensitivity and the overwhelmingness of it this time, and reveled in Yuki’s loud gasping moan. “What a coincidence; me too.”

Yuki came with a shouted cry that sounded punched out of him and instinctive, which was all Kyo wanted. He moaned lowly to himself at the way it felt, Yuki coming in him. It felt disgusting and wet and filthy. It suited the both of them, Kyo thought as he collapsed with Yuki pressed to his back.

Yuki stayed in him for a while, like promised, and they both just laid there, breathing. Kyo was pretty sure, if they stayed like this, it’d get him hard again eventually. He was stuffed full of Yuki’s cock and come. How would that not eventually work him up, once his legs stopped feeling numb and shaky?

“Well,” Yuki announced softly, an undercurrent of some kind of raw emotion in his voice. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“Still not gonna tell me how you’re going to clean me out?” Kyo asked, maybe teasing. Maybe flirting. Maybe it was one and the same.

“We might not be done yet,” Yuki countered faintly, leaving a sweet, brief kiss behind Kyo’s ear.

“Mm, true,” Kyo said, turning his head to finally glance at Yuki out of the corner of his eye. “It wasn’t so bad that there might not be a second round.”

Yuki smiled softly at him. No sarcasm, no edge, no defensiveness. And okay. Kyo felt pretty damn victorious right now, in this gentle, fond kind of way. Okay.