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Over the Moon and Up the Duff

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Over the Moon and Up the Duff

Draco stepped smartly from the Floo and paused to flick a bit of ash from his shoulder.

"Daddy's home!"
"Hi, Daddy!"
"Up, Daddy!"

Draco laughed as he was swarmed by a mob of children. The youngest, Adora, was holding her arms in the air, entreating Draco to pick her up. He dropped his briefcase and bent to lift his daughter into his arms.

"Have you been a good girl today, Adora?"

"Yes!" she replied immediately.

"No, she was naughty," drawled James.

Before Draco could question his eldest, Harry strolled into the parlor. "Hello, love," he murmured, leaning over Dora to press a kiss to Draco's lips.

"Yuck," said Scorpius.

"Ew," added Sirius, his twin.

Harry stepped back and focused on the tow-headed terrors. "Why don't you two go wash up before dinner? James, help Lily set the table."

"Why do we have to set the table?" James grumbled.

Draco was about to scold James when Harry handled the complaint with his usual finesse.

"You don't have to set the table," said Harry, "if you want to do dishes after dinner."

James flinched and grabbed his sister by the hand. "Come on, Lily," he said. "You can put the silverware on the table."

Draco rescued a strand of his hair from Dora's chubby fingers, and he smiled at his husband. "Have the children been little monsters today?"

"Just Dora the Horror," Harry replied. He plucked her from Draco's arms. "Let's get you washed up before dinner, princess."

"Daddy," whined Dora, reaching for Draco once more.

"Daddy has to get ready for dinner, too," Harry told her in a firm voice as he headed for the stairs. "If you behave yourself, he will read you a story before bedtime."

Adora waved at Draco over Harry's shoulder, and he smiled at her and waved back. When his husband and daughter disappeared from view, Draco felt a mild pang of melancholy. There were times he wished he could spend all day with his family, but at other times, he was grateful to escape the mad house. He didn't know how Harry managed it day in and day out. Having five children under the age of ten would be enough to drive most people spare, but Harry loved staying home, raising their family and keeping house. He claimed he'd had enough excitement by the age of eighteen to last him a lifetime.

Draco knew he'd go barmy at home all day, no matter how much he missed his family while he was at work. He needed the challenge of crunching numbers and making a profit, both for his clients and his employer. Draco enjoyed working for Bulstrode Investments and Commodities, and Millicent valued him enough as an employee to allow him the flexibility to work from home if he chose. It allowed Draco to stay with the children when Harry needed a break or had something to do elsewhere.

Draco shook himself from his reverie and went to wash up and dress for dinner.


While Harry got the girls ready for bed, Draco wrangled the boys into their baths. By the time he checked back on the twins, the bathroom was more wet than they were. Draco planted his hands on his hips.

"Who made this mess?"

"He did," Scorpius and Sirius said at the same time, each of them pointing at the other.

Draco checked himself before he could roll his eyes. "Let's get you dried off and into your pyjamas," he said. As the boys clambered out of the bath and wrapped themselves in fluffy towels, Draco swept his wand to and fro, drying the walls, the floor, and dear Merlin, that spot on the ceiling, too. He made sure Sirius and Scorpius were dry, helped them don their pyjamas, and then escorted them to their bedroom. Draco gave each boy a kiss on the head and received their sleepy hugs in return. He went to the door and paused.

"Good night, sons."

"Good night, Daddy," they chorused.

Draco turned out the light.

"Daddy, I'm thirsty."

Draco's shoulders tightened in aggravation.

Harry came up with Adora in his arms. He passed her off to Draco and stuck his head into the twins' room. "No one is getting anything to drink this late at night," he said. "You can wait until morning. If you have something to drink now, you'll just need to go potty again in the middle of the night."

The boys huffed and whined, but Harry simply bade them good night, shut the door to their room, and grinned at Draco.

"You big meanie," chided Draco, an answering grin tipping his own lips.

"Meanie, meanie, meanie," Dora chanted.

"Lily is already asleep, so let's go check on Jamie and get Dora the Horror settled," said Harry.

"Dora horra, Dora horra!"

Draco cringed at the dodgy words coming from his baby girl's mouth, but Harry intervened flawlessly.

"You are a-Dora-ble," he said. "Dora the Adorable."

"Dora bull," she repeated.

Harry beamed at her and said, "Yay!"

"Yay!" cried Adora, flinging her small arms in the air, causing Draco to nearly lose his hold on her.

He followed Harry to Jamie's door in time to hear his husband say, "Get in bed, young man."

"But Da-ad," whined James. "I'm not tired."

Draco tensed as he recalled similar battles with his own parents. Harry surprised him with his mild response to their eldest.

"That's fine," said Harry. "You don't have to go to sleep. You do, however, need to lie down in bed and be quiet so everyone else can sleep. Plus, you need to rest up so you can play again tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah, okay," James muttered. He trudged to his bed and burrowed under the covers. Harry followed and tucked him in.

"Good night, champ," Draco said from the doorway.

"Night champ," Dora parroted.

Harry bade James good night and rejoined Draco in the hall.

"You don't have to go to sleep?" Draco repeated, his tone incredulous.

"He's tired; he just doesn't want to admit it," said Harry. "You go read Dora a bed time story, tuck her in, then check back on Jamie. I guarantee he'll be asleep by then."

Reckoning Harry was right, Draco nodded and carried Adora to her bedroom, while Harry headed back downstairs. Draco sat next to his little princess and read to her from her favorite story book. She was already asleep when he closed the book. Draco brushed a kiss across her brow, feeling a pang that Adora was no longer a baby.

At times like this, Draco thought it was a shame that he and Harry had agreed not to have any more children. Draco had declared he was done after the twins were born. Harry, however, had wanted a daughter, and he could be very persuasive...

Draco waited until he'd exited Adora's room before making a discreet adjustment to the front of his trousers.

Once Lily was born, Harry and Draco decided that their family was complete. Then, along came Dora, and that was when Draco really drew the line. Not that he minded being pregnant. Draco had actually felt fantastic throughout each of his pregnancies. He was energized, he never suffered morning sickness, and his libido ramped up. However, he had no intentions of competing with the Weasleys when it came to family size.

Draco paused at each bedroom he passed, peering in to check on the children. He grinned when he found James sleeping soundly, just as Harry had predicted. With a spring in his step, Draco headed downstairs in search of his husband. He found Harry in the kitchen, heating some water for tea.

Harry smiled and asked, "Are the cherubs all asleep?"

"Yes," Draco replied. "Even James, the 'not-tired' one."

"He never realizes how tired he is," Harry said, laughing lightly. "Have a seat," he added, moving a chair out from the table with a casual wave of his hand. He turned to rummage in the cupboard as Draco took the proffered chair.

"There's some crumble left," said Harry. "How does that sound for a late night snack?"

Draco leaned back and crossed his ankles. "Do you know what sounds good right now?" he mused. "Milk and god!"

In the instant before Draco closed his eyes and cradled his head in his hands, he saw Harry's posture go rigid.


Draco didn't look up. He couldn't.

Harry tried again. "Is there something you'd like to tell me?"


"Milk and Oreos, Draco? You cannot abide something so common, unless..."

Draco's head snapped up. "Damn it, Harry, this is all your fault!"

Harry had the audacity to laugh. "You must have been present, too," he said. "Don't lay all the blame on me."

"I am blaming you," Draco huffed. "You can't keep your hands off of me."

Harry fairly hooted with mirth. "Oh, come on, Draco," he chided. "More often than not, it's you who is molesting me as you seek to satisfy your insatiable desires."

Draco couldn't deny it, and his lip curled at the delighted expression on Harry's face. "I despise you."

"You do not," scoffed Harry, pulling out the chair across from Draco's and reaching for his hand. "I'm your beloved husband, the father of your children--"

"Most of them."

"...and your...what did you just say?!"

Draco sniggered.

"Behave," Harry scolded him. He then smiled and gave Draco's hand a squeeze. "We're going to have another baby."

"We don't know that for certain," Draco mumbled.

Harry snorted. "The only time you find milk and Oreos appealing is when you're pregnant. Which reminds me, I need to provide you with milk and Oreos."

"I don't want them now," said Draco, sounding peevish to his own ears.

"Yes, you do," Harry countered cheerfully. He hopped up and busied himself with preparing Draco's snack.

Draco didn't bother to argue. He actually did want to dunk those infernal, inferior biscuits into a tall glass of cold milk.

Harry set the treat in front of Draco and sat down across from him once again. "You'll make an appointment to see Healer Lopez?"

Draco scowled and dunked an Oreo. "Yes, I'll make an appointment." He bit into the biscuit, and his expression was transformed as the sweet flavor burst over his tongue.


"I thought you never wanted to see me again, Mr Malfoy."

Draco aimed a scowl at Healer Lopez, only to see her smirking back at him. "This is all Harry's fault," he announced.

"Is that so?" asked Healer Lopez, her brows climbing upward. "Well, that just adds to the legend of the Great Harry Potter, does it not?"

"How so?"

"Why, just think of the magical prowess it took to impregnate his husband with no input from you at all!"

Draco's bluster was ruined when he snorted out a laugh. His initial snarkiness notwithstanding, Draco had missed sparring with Healer Lopez. He sighed and asked, "Am I up the duff again?"

"Let's find out, shall we?"


Draco returned to an eerily quiet house. "Harry?" he called out tentatively.

Harry bustled into the parlor and grinned. "Daddy's home!"

"Git," Draco muttered. "Where are the children?"

"The boys are with Ron and Hermione, and your parents have the girls," Harry replied. "Now, what did you learn at St Mungo's?"

"I learned that I hate you."

"Draco!" gasped Harry in delight, ignoring Draco's venomous glare. "We're going to have another baby!" He lunged forward and wrapped his arms around Draco before claiming his lips with a long, hot kiss.

Harry drew back and beamed. "Let's celebrate with a shag."

"I hate you, in case you've forgotten."

"Mm, but hate sex is tremendous," said Harry. "Remember the early days of our relationship?"

Draco did recall those halcyon days, and his memory was so vivid that he and Harry made it no further than the sofa in the parlor.


Drowsy and sated, Draco was enjoying the sensation of Harry's fingers sifting through his hair.

"Aren't you excited about another baby?" asked Harry.


"Toss pot," said Harry, jostling Draco on the sofa. "You're over the moon, admit it."

"Over the moon and up the duff."

Harry chuckled. "That's okay. I am excited enough for the both of us."

Draco tensed with dread. "Harry, please tell me you did not mention this to anyone."

"Of course, I didn't," said Harry. "Well, just Ron and Hermione. And your parents. Oh, and the Daily Prophet." His words ended with a half-laugh, half-yelp when Draco jabbed him in the ribs.

"You are an utter menace," grumped Draco.

"I haven't said anything to anybody," Harry assured him. "We needed to find out for certain first. Did Healer Lopez say how far along you are?"

Draco sighed and settled himself more comfortably in Harry's arms. "Approximately six or seven weeks, she thought."

"I remember that night!"

"You do not."

"Yes, I do," countered Harry, a smile evident in his voice. "It was the night of Oliver's stag party. We both had a bit too much to drink, and we must have forgotten to take precautions when we came home for a private party. Well, I would have remembered, but you had your hands all over me as soon as we staggered out of the Floo."

"Poppycock," said Draco. "First of all, no Malfoy has ever staggered."

"What about that time--"

"Shut it," growled Draco. "We agreed to never speak of that again. Second, I am certain you were the one unable to refrain from pawing me."

"You may be right," mused Harry. "It's true I do enjoy pawing you, but you must admit that you relish a good pawing." To prove his point, he slid a hand up Draco's bare thigh and tightened his fingers on Draco's hip.


"I rest my case."

"Arsehole," said Draco. However, he made no effort to remove Harry's hand from his person. "When will the children be back?" he asked.

"In about fifteen minutes, I reckon."


Harry laughed out loud. "I was only winding you up, love. Our little darlings will be home in time for tea. That leaves us plenty of time for more of this."

"Fortunately for" breathed Draco. "I'm in the mood for more of this."


Draco and Harry waited almost two more weeks before sharing their happy news with their families. Everyone was then sworn to silence until Draco had an opportunity to inform his employer.

Arriving at the office on a Monday morning, Draco decided to get it over with. He knocked on the jamb of Millicent's open door.

"Do you have a minute, Millie?"

She smiled and waved him in.

Draco took the seat across from her and drummed his fingers nervously on the arm of the chair. Millicent was a shrewd businesswoman, but she treated her employees well. Draco didn't know why he was reluctant to broach the subject.

"When are you due?"

Draco's mouth fell open, but he recovered quickly. "How did you know?!"

"Draco, the only time you come to my office and ask if I have a minute is to inform me that you're pregnant. Again." There was a twinkle in her eyes and a smile on her lips.

Draco smiled back at her. "Perhaps I'll drop by at random some day and ask if you have a minute for absolutely no reason at all."

"That would be splendid," said Millie. "My door is always open."


Later that night, with the children in bed, Draco and Harry basked in the afterglow of a brilliant shag. Draco lay with his head resting on Harry's chest, lulled by the steady beat of his heart.

"How did Millicent take the news?" Harry asked as he feathered his fingers over Draco's back.

Draco cracked a yawn before he replied. "With her usual aplomb. She actually guessed what I wished to discuss as soon as I knocked on her door."

Harry laughed softly.

Draco frowned and asked, "Do you know what that means?"

"it means you already have that radiant glow about you."

"Smooth, Harry," said Draco, a reluctant smile on his lips. "What it means is that I've had that particular discussion with Millie far too many times."

"You say that as if Auntie Millie doesn't adore our children," said Harry. "Why she even thinks Dora the Horror is precious."

"Harry, you have to cease calling her that," chided Draco.

"You're right, love," said Harry. "It's just so..."


"Yeah. There's a reason your father dotes on Adora, and it's not just because of her Malfoy-blond hair. He sees a potential, Slytherin minion in her."

"The tragic thing is, my father doesn't realize that Adora is grooming him to become her minion."


Telling their children that they had a new sibling on the way went about as well as Draco expected.

"Where is the baby now?" asked Sirius.

"It's in Daddy's tummy," Harry replied before hiding behind the Daily Prophet.

Lily immediately bounced up to Draco and lifted his shirt. "I don't see a baby."

"It's inside my tummy," Draco told her.

"How did it get in there?" she asked, all big-eyed innocence.

Draco's face grew warm. "Ahem. Well, you see...that is...askyourfather," he ended up blurting. This was not a conversation he wished to be having with a five year-old.

Lily turned to Harry. "Dad, how did the baby get in there?"

"Magic," Harry responded, although he continued to hide behind the paper. The coward.

"Oh," said Lily, accepting this explanation without question.

Draco felt the stiffness ease from his shoulders.

"But, how will the baby get out?" Lily wondered.

"Magic," Draco announced.



"You said it first," Draco snapped as he got ready for bed that night.

"I didn't think you'd follow suit!"

"Well, it worked, didn't it?"

Harry shrugged and pulled a pair of pyjamas out of his dresser. "For now, it did."

"Don't bother with those," Draco said quickly.

Harry paused with the pyjamas dangling from his hand. "Are you planning to have your wicked way with me again? I treated you to a nice, long shag this morning, then indulged you in a quickie while the children were otherwise occupied this evening. Have mercy, Draco."

"It's not my fault that pregnancy makes me randy!"

"Not to mention vicious," Harry quipped.

"You're welcome to sleep on the sofa tonight."

Harry tossed the pyjamas aside. "Lie down. I'll get the lube."


Draco put Adora down for her nap, then checked in on the rest of the children. It was a Sunday afternoon, and it was raining out, which meant all of them were cooped up in the house. Fortunately, the house was large. Lily was in her room, coloring in a book that depicted famous Quidditch players. All three boys were in the twins' room, busy constructing things with the Muggle, interlocking blocks that Harry had given them. Draco admonished them to play quietly, since their sister was napping, then he returned downstairs. He found Harry in the breakfast nook, leafing through a cook book.

"We could hire a house-elf, you know," said Draco.

"I enjoy cooking," Harry responded.

"We may need to hire a nanny after this baby is born," Draco said, sliding onto the bench across from his husband.

Harry glanced up and grinned. "When do you find out what we're having?" he asked. "I hope it's another girl. That would give us three of each."

Draco helped himself to an apple from the bowl of fruit on the table. "I go to see Healer Lopez tomorrow afternoon."

"I've been thinking," Harry began.

"I thought that was dinner I smelled burning."

Harry pulled a face before he continued. "If we do have another girl, we can name her Ori--"

"Harry James Potter!"


"What?" asked Draco. He'd been sure Harry was about to suggest Oreo.

"Oriana," Harry repeated.

"Huh," mused Draco, biting into his apple. He chewed and swallowed. "That's a pretty name. What if it's another boy?"

"We could still give him a name that starts with O," replied Harry. "How about--"



"You were about to suggest Oliver, and I forbid it," said Draco.

Harry scowled at him. "I was going to suggest Orion, you surly git."

Draco set down his half-eaten apple. "Harry, that's incredible."

"It is a wonderful name," said Harry, all but preening at the praise.

"No, I meant it's incredible that you came up with it," Draco countered. "Have you been speaking to Mum?"

Harry's expression grew sullen. "Just for that, I hope we have twins."

Draco narrowed his eyes. "If I find out I'm having twins again, I will murder you."


"I am going to murder you."

"Oh my god, we're having twins again?!" cried Harry. His expression was far too joyful for someone on the verge of death.

"No," Draco gritted. "I am having twins. You'll be dead."

Instead of fleeing for his life, Harry pulled Draco into a tender embrace. "Draco, this is fantastic," he said. "I'm overjoyed."

Draco was about to castigate him further when Harry distracted him by nuzzling his throat. He tilted his head to the side and hummed.

"I am quite cross with you, Harry."

"I love you, too, Draco."

"Daddy," said Adora, tugging on Draco's trousers. "Up."

Reluctantly, Draco stepped out of Harry's embrace and bent to scoop Dora up in his arms. Over her head he mouthed, Later. He would leave Harry to wonder if later meant sex or murder.


Draco gathered his things, including the Henderson file he'd been working on, and stood slowly. He stretched up on the balls of his feet and absently rubbed his swollen stomach. He picked up the items he'd collected, exited his office, and headed for the Floo in the lobby.

Millicent intercepted him. "Where are you going with that?" she asked, pointing at the file in Draco's hand.

"I plan to finish working on this after dinner," he replied.

"Draco, you are six months pregnant, and you are not taking any work home with you," said Millie.


"No buts," she said firmly. "You need to go home and relax with your family. Besides, when you take work home, Andrea thinks she has to as well, and she's eight months pregnant."

Draco couldn't help but chuckle. "Very well, boss," he said. "I'll leave the work at the office. For Andrea's sake."


Draco was propped against a mound of pillows, reading before bedtime, when Harry joined him. He slipped beneath the covers and leaned close to kiss Draco's cheek.

"How are you feeling, love?" asked Harry.

"Pregnant," Draco replied in a curt tone.

"Oh my god, Draco!" cried Harry. "Are we going to have another baby?!"

"Harry, you are working my last nerve."

"Forgive me," said Harry, sounding genuinely contrite. He placed a hand on Draco's thigh and slid it slowly higher.

Draco side-eyed him. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Trying to entice you into a shag?"

Draco groaned. "You cannot be serious. I'm as large as an Erumpent."

"A beautiful, sexy Erumpent," Harry murmured, his hand now kneading and squeezing.

"Erumpents are neither beautiful nor sexy," said Draco. "In fact, having you compare me to a sexy Erumpent is disturbing."

"Luna and Rolf find Erumpents beautiful and sexy," Harry said with a grin. "They even performed the Erumpent mating dance at their wedding, as you may recall."

Draco shuddered. "I do recall," he said, "and it was disturbing."

Harry laughed. "How did this conversation get off-track? I was trying to convince you how beautiful you are."

"You need to put your glasses back on," scoffed Draco.

Harry drew back and searched Draco's face. "You will always be beautiful to me," he insisted.

Unwelcome moisture prickled at Draco's eyes, and he sniffed. "Daft hormones," he muttered.

Harry enfolded Draco in his arms. "I love you and your daft hormones.

Draco snuffled out a laugh and relaxed in his husband's embrace. "Whatever did I do to deserve you?"

Harry pretended to mull it over. "You must have done something great, or else quite horrible, depending on how you view the situation."

"I believe I must have done something great," said Draco. "However, I still don't feel up to having sex right now."

"That's quite alright," said Harry, kissing Draco's temple. "We'll simply cuddle until you fall asleep."

"That sounds nice."

"And then, I'll ravish you in your sleep."


They'd planned for this event for weeks, and since it was Draco's fifth pregnancy, they were already seasoned pros. When it was time for him to go to St Mungo's, Draco changed into loose, comfortable clothing, while Harry placed the Floo calls. In spite of the lateness of the hour, Draco's parents, along with Arthur and Molly Weasley, arrived in minutes.

"The children are asleep, which will make things easy for you until morning," said Harry. "By then, we hope to have some news."

"Twins again," breathed Mrs Weasley. "Isn't that amazing?"

Harry left to dash up the steps and grab Draco's pre-packed bag.

"It's remarkable," said Draco's father. He turned to smirk at Mr Weasley. "Just think, Arthur. My Draco alone has produced almost as many grandchildren as all of your brood have."

Draco squeezed the bridge of his nose, hoping that voices would not become raised.

"Honestly, Lucius," sighed his mother. "It's not a competition."

"They're men, dear," tutted Mrs Weasley. "To them, everything is a competition."

Harry clattered down the stairs with Draco's bag slung over his shoulder. He skidded to an uncertain halt. "Er, did I miss anything?"

"Not at all," Draco said quickly. "Let's go. These babies are anxious to be born."


Draco fixed his bleary eyes on his tiny daughter. She had enough hair that he could see the shade was a medium brown. Not dark, like Jamie's, nor blond as Scorpius, Sirius, and Adora were, and certainly not ginger like Lily's. He looked to where Harry was sitting in a chair at the bedside, their tiny son cradled in his arms. His hair was the same color as his sister's.

Draco found that funny for some odd reason, and he giggled.

Harry glanced up at him. "Are you still loopy from potions?" he asked. "Shall I put the baby in her cot?"

"I'm fine," Draco insisted, cuddling her closer to his chest as if afraid Harry meant to pluck her away. He was being ridiculous and he knew it, but he couldn't seem to help himself.

Harry didn't countermand him. Instead, he smiled at Draco. That sweet, loving smile that was the main reason Draco had fallen pregnant so many times.

"Thank you for gifting me with such beautiful babies, Draco," Harry whispered. "They're precious and perfect, and so are you. I love you."

Draco blinked rapidly and cleared his throat. "We've agreed on Oriana and Orion?" he asked, attempting to steer the conversation into less sentimental territory.

Harry nodded. "Beautiful babies deserve beautiful names."

Draco lowered his head and nuzzled Oriana's soft cheek. He couldn't wait to take the twins home to meet their siblings. Draco had a sudden, panicked thought.

"Harry, how are we going to care for seven children?!"

"Arthur and Molly managed it, and we can, too," said Harry.

"Yes, that's right," said Draco. He could feel his resolve firming. If the Weasleys could raise seven children, then he and Harry certainly could as well.

"They have brown hair," Draco commented.

If Harry found the abrupt change of subject disconcerting, he didn't let on. "They do," he agreed. "I like it; it's different. We have a wonderful mix of hair colors, personalities, boys and girls...Say, Draco?"

Draco didn't raise his gaze from Oriana's little rosebud mouth. "Hm?"

"We should have another girl, just to even things out."

Draco looked up at Harry, and his eyes narrowed. "Harry, if I fall pregnant again, I really will murder you."