Chapter 1: Prologue
Your mother had always likened you to a wildfire. She warned you to slow down, chastising the way you tore through life (and the house) like there was a finish line in sight. You always rolled your eyes at her lectures, nodding along to make them end sooner, but hardly sparing a listen.
She was right, of course. Your interest in things, in people, was quick to ignite and even faster to flicker out. You rarely stopped long enough to see the ashes you left behind.
Despite your fleeting nature - and perhaps because of it - you had managed to find two constants: Jeon Jiyeon and Jeon Jungkook. Their presence in your life was the only thing you were ever sure of, the one indisputable truth; and if you were a wildfire, then they were the barrier and the fuel that contained and sustained you. You knew that as long as they were with you, your light would never burn out.
You once told them that they only way they could get rid of you was if one of you died. You just never imagined it wouldn’t be you.
~ ~ ~
Jeon Jiyeon was your childhood best friend; her twin, Jungkook, was something else entirely.
Your mother might’ve compared you to a wildfire, but Jiyeon thought you were like the sun. She said you were so warm, so bright, that people couldn’t help getting caught up in your gravity. It made your heart ache, the way she always thought the best of you, especially when you knew everyone else was just waiting for the day you’d burn her wings.
While you were her sun, Jungkook was her moon. Perhaps the nicknames fit because he was, in many ways, your opposite. You didn’t always see eye-to-eye; in fact, you often didn’t. You were drawn together just the same, caught in an endless push-and-pull, and you didn’t understand how Jiyeon wasn’t bothered by the growing distance between you. One day you’d realize that it’s because she had always seen the way he reflected your light.
You told Jiyeon that if you were the sun, and Jungkook the moon, then she was the sky holding you both up; and when she died it ripped a black hole right through you.
It was eight in the morning when you started pouring an absurd amount of cereal into your favorite bowl. It was absurd because the bowl wasn’t a normal bowl, but a deep serving dish. You added an equally absurd amount of milk, waiting until it threatened to spill over the rim, and only realized your mistake when you tried to carry both your dinner and the Screwdriver you had mixed at the same time.
You took a moment to hum your discontent before lowering your face to the bowl and slurping loudly, apparently disrupting the man leaning against the counter next to you. You glanced over at him, taking in the way his features were scrunched up from watching you.
“God, you’re gross, you know that?” Jungkook shook his head and picked up his plate, visibly wincing when you took another long sip of the orange juice. He sucked his teeth. “That milk is gonna curdle in your stomach with all the vodka you put in there.” A sip turned into a long chug to drive home the unspoken point you were making.
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
It was eight in the morning when you started pouring an absurd amount of cereal into your favorite bowl. It was absurd because the bowl wasn’t a normal bowl, but a deep serving dish. You added an equally absurd amount of milk, waiting until it threatened to spill over the rim, and only realized your mistake when you tried to carry both your dinner and the Screwdriver you had mixed at the same time.
You took a moment to hum your discontent before lowering your face to the bowl and slurping loudly, apparently disrupting the man leaning against the counter next to you. You glanced over at him, taking in the way his features were scrunched up from watching you.
“God, you’re gross, you know that?” Jungkook shook his head and picked up his plate, visibly wincing when you took another long sip of the orange juice. He sucked his teeth. “That milk is gonna curdle in your stomach with all the vodka you put in there.” A sip turned into a long chug to drive home the unspoken point you were making.
Jungkook made another sound of disgust when you lowered your face back to the cereal bowl and strode toward the living room, away from your questionable dinner choices. He bumped into you on the way and it was just enough of a jolt that you spilled milk down your face and shirt. If you weren’t so tired, you would’ve been shrieking at him for it, but instead you settled for swearing under your breath.
You missed the shit-eating grin on his face.
You made your way into the living room after him, cereal-line finally at a level that permitted movement, but the sight there stopped you dead in your tracks. Jungkook, still in his scrubs, was sitting in your favorite chair. You watched him happily scroll through his phone, leg bouncing along to some phantom beat.
It was as if he’d done nothing wrong, as if he didn’t know better, as if he didn’t care.
You stood directly in front of him, hip cocked out to the side, and sighed heavily. He didn’t look up.
You nudged him with your foot. He didn’t look up.
“Yeah, Sunshine?” He drawled, eyebrow quirking, but he still wouldn’t so much as peek up at you. He knew it was a pet peeve of yours. He was just laying it on thick atop the sin he was committing.
You bit your lip, inhaling sharply as you tried to remain civil with him. “Are you gonna move?”
Jungkook shrugged and spread his thighs, slinking down further into the recliner. “Wasn’t planning on it.”
“But my feet hurt.” You pouted at him, hoping that maybe, just maybe, if you got him to look up, he’d give in.
He finally made eye contact, scoffing. “So do mine! We worked the same shift, remember?”
You kicked him the leg again and whined, “I always sit there, Jungkook. It’s my chair.”
“I think Jiyeon bought it, actually, which basically makes it my chair by association.” He made a big show out of putting up the foot rest, letting it hit your shins as he did it.
You winced, fully expecting a bruise to form there later, and nearly growled, “I swear to god, Jungkook, I will sit on you if you don’t move.”
He brought a palm down to slap his thigh, beckoning, and let his tongue dart out over his lips in a salacious display. “Please do.”
You took another long, long sip of your Screwdriver. You were in dire need of whatever liquid patience it would give you to deal with Jeon Jungkook today.
You cleared your throat, resigning yourself to your fate. You hated yourself for begging him and couldn’t help the way it came out through clenched teeth. “May I please have my chair back, Jungkook?”
Jungkook pursed his lips, pretending to think about it, and then shifted the leg rest back down. You perked up, letting yourself hope that maybe he wouldn’t be such an insufferable prick this morning. But then he ruined it by opening his mouth.
“No.” He jerked his head to the right. “There’s an entire couch right there, Sunshine. Enjoy it.”
You let out an aggravated groan and tightened your hold on your bowl and glass to avoid smacking the plate of food out of his hands instead. Nearly slamming them on the coffee table, causing milk to slosh out over the glass top, you threw yourself onto the couch in a huff. You folded your arms over your chest, staring him down from across the room with every bit of fury you could muster.
Jungkook merely laughed, muttering something that sounded suspiciously like, “such a brat” under his breath.
He watched you finally give up sulking, choosing to play some new game on your phone instead, and found himself biting his lip. Your brow was knit together in concentration, tongue poking into your cheek, and suddenly he couldn’t bear the thought that you weren’t paying attention to him anymore.
You heard Jungkook get up and let out a low groan as he pulled his arms over his head, spine popping at the stretch, but paid him no mind until he was crossing the space between you in two long strides. He threw an arm over the top of the couch as he sat down next to you, letting his fingertips just barely brush against your shoulder.
Your jaw fell open, eyes narrowing as you glared at him. “Are you fucking kidding me, Jeon?”
He didn’t look back at you, choosing instead to stare straight ahead, eyes widening with delight, but even pressing his lips into a tight line didn’t stop the smirk that pulled at his mouth.
You turned toward him, leaning forward, watching his expression shift. “Why are you like this?”
He shrugged and rolled his neck toward you, matching your movement until he was way too close for comfort. You were close enough to count his beauty marks, to make out the subtle shades of brown that colored his eyes, to feel his breath fan across your cheeks. Still, you refused to back down. You wouldn’t show him how he affected you.
Jungkook let his features soften into a soft smile. He reached up to cup your chin and you clenched your jaw in response.
“You’re just so cute when you’re mad,” he said, brushing his thumb over your bottom lip. You wanted to bite it. Or lick it. You weren’t sure.
You knew he was trying to get a reaction out of you. He’d done this a thousand times to you and you had seen him weaponize it a thousand times more against other women, albeit for entirely different reasons. Knowing that didn’t help the way it made your stomach knot. He was beautiful and you’d be telling the biggest lie of your life if you denied it.
It honestly made you hate him even more. You didn’t think it was fair that someone so attractive was also one of the most annoying men you’d ever met. He would go miles out of his way to harass you, and as Jiyeon’s brother, he had ample opportunity.
It wasn’t always like that though. Once upon a time, way back when you were kids, you two were friends. You had still fought back then, but it was different; the teasing wasn’t constant and it was never mean.
But then he got over his fear of talking to girls other than you or Jiyeon. Once he learned how to get his dick wet he went from endearingly frustrating dumb boy to card-carrying fuckboy so fast it had given you whiplash. For whatever reason, his new status had meant making you the target of his games and the butt of his jokes.
With his frat days behind him Jungkook had started channeling some bad boy vibes instead. He’d amassed a collection of tattoos since graduation and gotten his ears pierced. He’d shown up at the apartment with a bruised jaw or bleeding knuckles enough times that you, of all people, were worried about him. He’d even gotten a motorcycle license, which had surprised you most of all. You hadn’t believed Jiyeon the first time she’d mentioned it to you; not after all the dark “donorcycle” jokes you’d heard thrown around the hospital.
You tore his hand from your face and warned, “Jungkook, stop.”
He blinked at you a few times, doe-like eyes softening, and as strange as it was, it made you miss him: the way he was before, back when you knew him. You felt your heart ache when he confessed, “It was a hard night last night and you’re funny when you’re throwing a tantrum. Sorry.”
You winced, knowing exactly what those words meant. It was suddenly impossible to stay mad at him. You couldn’t. Not for this.
For most people a rough shift meant a project dropped at the last minute, a rude customer or coworker, or getting slammed with some headache-inducing mistake that required fixing. Those were all upsetting things, but a bad shift in your line of work was completely different.
It meant you were doing compressions until your arms were screaming at you to stop, but you had to keep going because there was a mother in the hallway wailing for you to save her baby boy. It meant you had to explain to a husband that his wife would never wake up, but that even if she did, she wouldn’t be the person he remembered. It meant someone had died - or worse- and for Jungkook to be affected, because even you had to admit he was built for the emergency department, you knew something awful had happened.
You were about to offer your condolences, as if they would make any difference, when Jiyeon’s chipper voice broke the silence. “Oh, wow. Is it finally happening? Are my dreams coming true?”
“Ew. God, no.” You shot her a disgusted look over your shoulder, missing the way Jungkook sighed when you parted. “There are few things I wouldn’t do to be your sister, but unfortunately your brother is one of them. You really are the superior twin.”
She practically cackled in response, crossing the room in a few steps, and ruffled his hair. “Better step up your game, Kookie,” she starts, “cause you’re really dropping the ball here. I want that in-law status!”
Jungkook tilted his head back to look up at her and said, “Sorry, her walls are as impenetrable as ever.”
Jiyeon’s eyes blew wide open in horror. “Woah, okay, please don’t ever say anything like that to me ever again.”
You sent an accusatory glance her way. “Not that I would ever defend Jungkook in my life, because I would never, but you started this. Oh, and not only do I have to deal him,” you gestured toward the man in question, “all the time, but I also have to listen to you fuck Hobi.”
She blushed and pressed her lips together to hide her own shy smile, but you continued. “I am now keenly aware that he is just as loud in bed as he is in literally every other part of life. Thanks for that.”
Jungkook chimed in, “How is Hoseok, by the way?”
You couldn’t help the smile tugging at your lips when you saw how her face lit up. It happened whenever she talked, or even so much as thought, about him. He’d been so good to her, so good for her, and they were so stupidly in love that you could feel your heart aching a little. You swore you heard wedding bells whenever you saw them together.
You spared an appraising glance toward Jungkook, watching him watch her, and recognized the same fondness in his eyes. Hoseok was a gift.
Jiyeon finally stopped, mid-sentence, as if she only just realized how much she’d been rambling on about him and his new studio. She smiled down at you, curious. “How’s Alex doing?”
You didn’t mean to cringe. You really didn’t.
“Um, he’s good, I guess.” You nodded your head along a few times as you spoke, as if trying to convince yourself of what you were saying. “Yeah, we’re good.”
You heard a scoff to your left and looked over to see Jungkook rolling his eyes.
You were about to ask him what the hell his problem is when Jiyeon cut you off, “If you don’t like him anymore, then why are you still dating him?”
“Well, I mean, I do like him.” You folded your arms over your chest. “It’s hard when I’m on nights half a month. I’ve gotten the cold shoulder for it a few times before, but he’s been extra moody lately.”
Jiyeon made a small humming sound in acknowledgement, watching her brother out the corner of her eye as he stood up with his plate and left the room. When she glances back at you, she’s smiling again. “So, you’re coming out with us tonight, right?”
“This is our weekend off, so don’t let her weasel out of it,” Jungkook poked his head around the corner. “Can you or Hobi drive tonight, though? I had a bad night and this one is already pregaming.”
“I don’t think it counts as pregaming if it’s twelve hours in advance.” You took another long swig, keeping eye contact with Jungkook over the glass, letting your lips smack. “Well, I guess it could be if I keep going.”
Jiyeon tapped her fingers along the top of your head a few times before grabbing her purse off of the end table. “Be ready by nine, Sunshine. Wear something cute, too. Let’s make Alex sweat a little, yeah?”
“I will do my best to satisfactorily slut it up.”
Jungkook gave her a quick hug on her way out of the apartment and then plopped himself down on the couch across from you. You eyed him warily, waiting for the teasing to start again, but he made no move to bother you. You finished your soggy cereal and then gave him a small smile.
“When do you think she’ll realize being the designated driver for two people on night shift is a bad idea?”
It earned a wide grin from him and he arched an eyebrow at you in response. “Guess we’ll have to party hard.”
You let a few quiet moments pass between you and it was almost nice, but then you turned, pouting up at him. “Hey, Jungkook?”
He met your gaze expectantly, “Yeah, Sunshine?”
“My stomach hurts.”
He snorted. “I told you so.”
~ ~ ~
You palmed the material of the dress down your torso and turned from side to side, trying to decide if this one suited you better than the other four outfits you had already tried on. It looked good, you had to admit, but every time you tugged the hem down to cover more of your thighs, it rode right back up.
“God, I wish I knew what kind of night this is going to be.”
The sudden rap at your door made you jump and you couldn’t contain the tiny squeak of surprise that escaped you. You gave yourself one final look at yourself in the mirror, realizing you would need to make it work or you would never leave your room tonight, and kicked the pile of scattered clothes out of the view of the door.
You were met, not by Jiyeon’s ‘ready-to-party?’ shimmy, but Hoseok’s eyebrows shooting up into his hairline. He eyed you up and down, a huge grin splitting his face.
“Wow! Y/N, you look great.” He reached his hand out toward you. “Come on, give us a twirl. Let’s see the whole look.”
You took his hand in yours, blushing slightly, and slowly spun around. You couldn’t help but giggle at his long, drawn out, “Oooh, wow, very nice!”
“It’s not too much?” You blinked up at him a few a times. “Or too little?”
“It’ll get a Jiyeon stamp of approval for sure,” he reassured, smiling wide.
“Oh god, it is too short, isn’t it?” You chimed, expression morphing into one of abject horror.
Hoseok laughed, shaking his head, and tugged you out of your room once he noticed the way you were shrinking back. “It’s just the right amount of sexy.” He waggled his eyebrows at you playfully, voicing mock disappointment, “It’s really too bad I’m already spoken for, wow.”
You smacked his arm lightly, returning his bright grin. He was a goner for Jiyeon and you both knew it.
“Come on, everyone’s waiting in the car.”
~ ~ ~
You watched as Hoseok climbed into the shotgun seat and it finally clicked. They sent him up to get you because they needed someone to sweet talk you, get you nice and buttered up, before revealing that Namjoon, Jin, and Jungkook were already squeezed into the back seat; the three biggest people in the group, jam-packed together, struggling to fit even without you added into the mix.
So of course they sent Hoseok.
You walked over to the passenger side and cupped your hands against the window, peering in. Hoseok risked a glance up at you, shooting you the most sheepish grin you’ve ever seen. Jiyeon, however looked like the cat that caught the canary. She gave you a little wave and you flipped her off, earning a delighted cackle in response.
You opened the door to the back seat and were greeted with Namjoon and Jin smiling up at you. Jungkook, meanwhile, was staring straight at the back of Hoseok’s head, the muscles of his jaw clenched tight, fingers digging into the meat of his thighs. You both knew whose lap you’d be sitting on for the ride; you didn’t know his friends well enough to consider asking.
You stepped into the vehicle as daintily as you could, trying not to let your dress ride up with the spread of your legs, and sat back against Jungkook’s hips. You felt more than heard the long, strained exhale he released.
Namjoon leaned forward to wave at you, dimples gracing his face, “You look good tonight, baby. How’ve you been?”
You blushed even though you know the nickname didn’t mean anything; it was just how Namjoon operated. “Pretty good. Looking forward to tearing it up on the dance floor.” You shot him a teasing, knowing smile. “You boys gonna join me?”
Jin let out a breathy laugh, ears turning pink at the thought. “I think I’ve improved from last time, all thanks to Hoseok, so we’ll see.” Hoseok had turned his head at the praise, looking back with an impossibly bright grin.
You were painfully aware of the heat radiating off of Jungkook’s body, made worse when Jiyeon finally started driving and he slid his hands up your hips and around your waist, pulling you tightly against him. You whipped your head to the side, whispering an angry, “The fuck do you think you’re doing?”
You could feel Jungkook’s breath fanning across your neck and it made you shiver against him. You cursed the involuntary reaction, praying he didn’t notice. If he did, he made no indication of it.
“No seatbelt, Sunshine,” he stated plainly, tightening his arms around you. “Jiyeon would kill me if anything happened to you.”
He was right, of course, but that didn’t distract you from the way his palms splayed across your sides. You did your best to think of Alex any time his fingers flexed or he shifted his hips to get more comfortable.
Namjoon was telling some story about how he broke his laptop that had the rest of the car laughing and you leaned over to hear him better over the music, soon shaking your head along at his haplessness. The change in the way your weight was distributed over his lap did not go unnoticed by Jungkook. Neither did the way the hem of your dress seemed to be rising each and every time you moved. It had him clearing his throat and removing a hand from your side to clench his own forearm, nails digging into the skin.
No matter what you two did to distract yourselves, it only seemed to help so much. Needless to say, it was a long, tense ride for you both, and you missed the way Jiyeon would peer back at you through the rearview mirror, mischief glinting in her eyes.
~ ~ ~
As soon as the car stopped you lunged for the door handle, eager to peel your bare thighs off of Jungkook's leather pants. He let you, hands sliding across your hips as you rotated to get out of the car, and you flushed at how his fingertips brushed against your leg with the movement. It was a biological reaction, you told yourself; your body had no idea how infuriating this man could be, it only knew: hot man, large hands, big dick.
Yeah. Big dick.
Being friends with Jiyeon for so long meant you had accidentally caught sight of things before. Never directly, but enough that when the girls in high school, and especially the ones at university, talked about it you believed them.
You felt your face growing hot, refusing to look back at him as he climbed out of the car after you. You needed a moment, and a deep breath, to remind yourself that Jungkook not only (allegedly, very, very allegedly) has a big dick, but is a big dick
~ ~ ~
Once inside the nightclub, everyone but Hoseok and Jiyeon made a beeline for the bar. Jiyeon had grabbed your arm and shouted her order into your ear before joining her boyfriend on the dance floor.
You looked back, only half-surprised that you had only been here a few minutes and Hoseok already had a small circle forming around him. The rest of you, except maybe Jungkook, needed a little more liquid courage to keep up.
You ordered something strong and fruity, but not too sweet, and scanned the room for Jiyeon. You couldn't help the way your face lit up when you spotted her. She was dancing with Hoseok, giggling while he taught her how to pop. When she finally nailed a few movements, he was circling around her, acting as the world's biggest hype man, impossibly proud of her small improvements for someone who danced for a living.
You felt that familiar, fond ache in your chest watching them. You had dragged her out to a show on campus one night, completely on a whim, and she had fallen head over heels the moment she laid eyes on the guy. It in the was the way he danced, the way he rapped, the overwhelming charisma and presence he had on stage. She raved about him all the way home, completely smitten.
And Hoseok himself? He had seen her in the crowd during the show and stumbled all over part of his verse. He grabbed just about every person in the room after, asking if they’d seen the beautiful girl blue, if they knew her name, or if they had her number. Lucky for them both, Namjoon recognized her description, knowing Jungkook very well, and they got Hoseok in touch with her.
Their first date was at a carnival (her idea) and while he refused to get on almost any of the rides with her, they still had a great time. She still reminisced over how he scared himself silly in the mirror maze, literally screaming at his own reflection; and he would talk about how he had impulsively smeared a bit of his own ice cream cone on his cheek just so he could point to the spot and ask her to kiss it off (she did!)
You thought, for the millionth time in your life, that they were disgustingly cute. What you wouldn’t give to find a love like that: one where two people complete each other so fully they could never go wrong so long as they were together.
But you? You had Alex. And it was good, it really was, but it wasn’t perfect. He could be needy, demanding, and, you hated saying it, sometimes a little boring. And you had had Seojun, Jason, Michel, and, briefly, Taehyung, just before him. It was always like this for you though. You fell hard and fast and moved on just as quickly… but you liked Alex, for now, you really did.
Out of the four before Alex, Taehyung had been the most promising. Most of the time he was charming and boyishly sweet, but he could flip a switch at the drop of a hat, turning into something impossibly alluring. He was impulsive, fiery, but gentle just the same. Things were going so well… and then he found out you knew Jungkook and he became the first guy to break up with you in a long, long time. You could only imagine what the other man said to him about you to trigger it.
You let out the breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding in, shaking yourself from your thoughts. You stepped out onto the dancefloor to hand off Jiyeon’s drink, but found yourself pulled into the center by Hoseok, who was shouting words of encouragement over your shoulder.
You let yourself move to the beat, spurred on by Jiyeon and Hoseok, and soon you were laughing along with Jin who was going crazy on the floor. He was already pretty drunk, face flushed, but damn if he wasn’t having a good time.
You wanted to ask him where he got the glow sticks he was wildly swinging around, but thought better of it when one of them started leaking. Jin always had a certain glow to him, but now it was literal and mildly toxic.
You were about to head back to the bar, eager to keep the drinks and good vibes flowing, but then you felt a pair of large hands on your hips. A deep voice called to you over the music, “Hey, baby.”
You flushed when he yanked you back into him. Namjoon was cute and flirty, smooth when he wanted to be, but this was new. Your tongue darted over your lips, almost anxiously, and you were about to ask him what he was doing when he cuts you off, “That’s your boyfriend, right?” He nodded his head toward the bar.
You flushed for an entirely different reason, feeling as if you had the wind knocked out of you. Sure, you and Alex weren’t perfect. Sure, you weren’t positive you would be with him forever. None of that could help the sting of watching him flirt with some girl you didn’t recognize, all coy glances and gentle brushes of his hand against her knee.
You barely managed to croak out a, “yes.”. You turned towards the blonde, resting a hand on his shoulder. “How did you know?”
“A little bird told me.” Namjoon leaned over you, eyes locked on the man at the bar, lips brushing against the shell of your ear. “Sorry, baby,” he offered, but then his fingers tightened on your waist. “Should we show him what he’s missing?”
That’s how you found yourself with your back against the wall in the hallway, Namjoon’s large hands sliding down your sides to your thighs to hook a leg around his hips so he could press himself into you.
You moaned when he ran his tongue up your neck, stopping to scrape your earlobe through his teeth. His hips flexed into you at the sound and then he growled, “God, you’re so damn sexy.”
He kissed up your jawline to your mouth, lips impossibly soft. Pulling you in closer by the back of your neck, he parted your mouth with his tongue and groaned into the kiss. He rolled his hips into you again, making you whimper into the kiss. “That feel good, baby?”
He did it again, harder, and confessed, “I wanted you the second you stepped out the door in this tight little thing.”
You began sliding your hand down his chest, wanting stroke him through his pants, but at that exact moment you catch movement out of your peripheral and find your gaze torn toward Jungkook. You recognized the girl hanging on his arm as the same one Alex had been flirting with at the bar not too long ago. You knew she probably had no idea he was taken, but that didn’t stop the extra layer of agitation she brought as they walked past.
You thought they hadn’t noticed you and Namjoon, but then Jungkook stopped in his tracks and looked back, letting his hand fall from the girl’s side. You pressed your lips together, gaze bouncing back to Namjoon’s, and waited for whatever shit Jungkook was going to bring with him.
Jungkook pressed his palm to Namjoon’s shoulder, turning him away from you slightly, and leaned in to tell him, “she’s too drunk, Joonie.”
Your jaw dropped, watching the way he manipulated the other man, effortlessly cockblocking you.
“I’ve kept an eye on her all night for Jiyeon,” he explained, “and she won’t remember you in the morning if you keep going.”
You narrowed your eyes at him, hands balling into fists. You had plenty to drink throughout the night, but you weren’t wasted. It wasn’t any of his business anyway.
Namjoon looked back and forth from you to Jungkook, from Jungkook to you, and back again. An uncertain expression played across his features, brow knitting together. You watched him drag his bottom lip through his teeth with a punctuated, “Fuck.”
The way Jungkook hovered when Namjoon lowered his face to your neck made you even angrier. “Sorry, baby. I think he might be right. We were going shot-for-shot earlier” He tilted your chin up toward him, gracing you with his trademark dimples. “I want you to remember the things I do to you, so how about you call me sometime?”
You nodded your head at him, watching the way he licked his lips before stepping away. “Let’s go find Jiyeon and Hobi.”
As if he couldn’t resist making your night any worse, Jungkook reached out to stop Namjoon for a second time. He cocked his head back toward the dance floor. “I’ve got her. Just saw Jiyeon head to the bathroom.”
He turned to look at the pouting girl he’d stolen from Alex before glancing back at Namjoon and giving him a look that said ‘go for it.’ Namjoon took the bait.
The moment Namjoon was out of sight you rounded on Jungkook, jamming your finger into his chest. “I have had a pretty shitty night, Jeon, so I’d suggest leaving me the hell alone unless you want me to take it out on you.”
Jungkook caught your wrist in his hand, sucking in air through his teeth at your comment. “Ooh, she bites.” He eyed you up and down, dragging his bottom lip through his teeth, “Kinky. Might like that.”
You couldn’t help the way your lip curled back in disgust, making him laugh as he leaned forward. “What would your boyfriend think of that, Sunshine?” He watched the way the fire in your eyes extinguished and felt his heart drop, immediately regretting saying it.
You started to tell him what you’d seen when he cuts you off, “I know.”
“I’m the one who told Namjoon to get you so you wouldn’t be alone if you saw him first,” he explained. He licked his lips, a small smile threatening to appear. “And you weren’t my first cockblock of the night. Your boyfriend was busy, and so was I.”
Your brow was still furrowed in confusion, not fully understanding why he’d go so far out of his way for you. “I didn’t think you’d waste your time for me like that,” you prompted, warily.
Jungkook shrugged. “Jiyeon loves you and doesn’t like Alex. Thought I could get some brownie points.”
You blinked at him rapidly, “She doesn’t like him? She never said anything to me. Why would she say something to you?”
He shook his head, leaning close to be heard over the music. “She didn’t. I could just tell. It’s a twin thing.” Jungkook let his expression soften, that grin finally playing across his lips.
“Besides,” he continued, “you’re like a fungus.”
“I’m like a what?” You looked at him in disbelief, a small smile of your own tugging at your mouth.
His eyes crinkled in the corners. “A fungus.”
He bat his eyelashes at you rapidly and swung his arm out dramatically, “you’ve grown on me.” He punctuated the joke by blowing an exaggerated kiss and then it clicked.
You couldn’t help but laugh because, god, he was so stupid. Jungkook watched you double over, took in the way your shoulders shook as you tried and failed to hold back the laughter wracking your body, and felt himself getting dragging along with it.
You wiped at the corners of your eyes and looked back up at him. “I liked that more than your usual lines. You should hang out with Jin more often.”
“And end up like that?” Jungkook pointed toward the bar and you quickly found out what he meant.
Jin, still covered in glow stick fluid, was chatting up a group of strangers, gesturing emphatically. His brow was knit tight when he paused, as if in deep concentration, and then he let the punchline hit. Even at this distance you heard the crowd groan over the music and you swear you could hear that windshield wiper laugh too.
~ ~ ~
Jiyeon was on the second-floor balcony, lounging with Hoseok, when she caught a glimpse of you two bursting into another fit of giggles. She slapped his arm repeatedly, “Hobi! Hobi, look!” Her face split into a huge grin as she pointed in your direction repeatedly, “Look at them!”
He craned his neck around her and followed her gaze to the dance floor, unable to stop the equally huge smile pulling at his mouth. “Oh, wow,” he rested his head on his shoulder and squeezed her sides slightly, “you think they’ve finally stopped being so dumb?”
Jiyeon let a hand fall to his on her waist and gripped it tightly, lacing her fingers with his. “God, I hope not. They’re too funny.” She pressed her lips together, leaning her head against him.
Hoseok hummed into her skin and placed a small, chaste kiss on her neck. “Your brother is really, really stupid sometimes, jagi.”
“I know. He’s literally the only person who doesn’t see how happy she makes him.” She let out a small laugh, leaning into Hoseok more. “I’ve been beating him over the head with it for years.”
~ ~ ~
You brought the burning hot cup of coffee to your lips and inhaled deeply, savoring the deliciously caffeinated scent. You didn’t even wince as you took a long, scalding gulp. You were desperate for anything that would keep you awake right now.
Jiyeon watched in horror as you chugged it down, knowing damn well it had just come from the pot and there was no way it didn’t hurt. And fuck, did it hurt. You took in her expression, mulling over how much she looked like Jungkook with her features contorted like that.
She reached across the table to place a hand on your arm, doe-like eyes widening, “Y/N, I love you - you know this - so please just tell me it’s too late in the morning next time.”
You gave her a sweet smile, “I’ve always got time for you, babe.” Patting her hand, you continued, smirk widening, “besides, you promised you’d pay. You know I can’t turn down free food.” Jiyeon rolled her eyes, letting her hand fall to her mug instead.
“So, I’ve been thinking,” she started, a faint pink dusting her cheeks. You leaned forward, perking up at the nervous glint in her eyes. Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, she continues, “I’ve been thinking that Hoseok might be the one.”
It was your turn to roll your eyes and you let out a soft breath of air. “Are you just realizing this now?”
She pouted up at you, voice dipping a little. “I meant that I’ve been thinking about it more lately.”
“Oh, yeah? So when’s the wedding? What’ve you got planned?”
She pouted harder, smacking your hand slightly. “I’m trying to open up to you, you bitch!” You laughed, but let her continue. “And for the record, the only thing I know I want so far is stargazer lilies. Remember that, you’re the maid of honor.”
“Stargazer lilies, got it.” You mumbled through the pastry you had shoved into your mouth. You swallowed hard, chasing it down with some more scalding coffee, and smiled up at her. “Just tell him, Jiyeon. He’d stop time for you.”
“I’m just nervous. I still get butterflies when I think about him, even after all this time.”
That familiar clench in your chest had you watching her fondly. Their anniversary was a few months away and you knew it had been on her mind more lately. She was playing with her fingers now, a shy look on her face, so you didn’t press her when she changed the subject.
“So did you and Alex break up?” She rested her chin in her hands as she looked up at you.
“Yeah,” you began, already cringing. You thought back to the way he had screamed at you in the park, making a huge scene for everyone around to see. You thanked yourself for doing it in public. “He just didn’t take it well. It was pretty messy for someone who was cheating on me. Or trying to, anyway.”
“I heard about what Jungkook did at the club,” she started, eyes crinkling when she smiled. “I know my brother gets around a lot anyway, but wow, he must’ve been on top of his game that night.”
“It was kinda funny to imagine it. Still surprised he bothered with it, given how much he hates me most of the time.”
Jiyeon’s smile faltered, just a bit, but you didn’t catch it. “He doesn’t hate you, Sunshine.”
You sucked your teeth, turning to look at the other patrons of the diner. “Could’ve fooled me, Jiyeon. Boy has been tormenting me since high school.”
She took your hand in hers in a reassuring gesture. “He can be an asshole, but he doesn’t hate you. Trust me, I know.”
Jiyeon sunk back in her seat, resting her head against the booth and watching you through her lashes.
“It’s a twin thing.”
~ ~ ~
Night shift on Tuesday had you floating to the emergency department, which you loved, but it meant seeing Jungkook. Because of course fate would have him follow you into nursing school at college, then into the same damn hospital, working the same Day/Night rotating schedule.
But while Jungkook was instantly drawn into the emergency department when he graduated, you did your best to get accepted right away into the hospital’s float pool, quickly proving your adaptability. Nursing itself was a great career for someone as fleeting as you; there were so many options, both in and out of a hospital, that you always had an escape in case you got bored. Float pool nursing meant you could get a taste of everything right now, never knowing what the day (or night) would bring.
Work was looking to be fairly quiet. You’d been assigned the lower-acuity patients and had gotten through your passes with ease. There had been a steady influx of patients, but it was nothing that couldn’t be easily handled: chest pain that ended up being reflux, uncontrolled back pain, some really bad headaches.
The two most interesting patients of the night were an open fracture and a man who had “accidentally” fallen onto his girlfriend’s vibrator. You had to suggest his girlfriend use something with a flared base next time.
You were walking down the hallway with a replacement IV bag for one of your patients when you spotted Jungkook looking past you, toward the ambulance entrance.
Your heart immediately dropped. In all your years of knowing him, you had never seen that look on his face, yet you recognized it instantly.
He was racing down the hallway faster than you could even turn around.
You heard him scream, “That’s my sister!”
Security was already lunging to grab him, forcing him back so the code team could take over for the paramedics.
“That’s my fucking sister!”
You watched him thrashing against them, desperate to get to her.
You followed his agonized gaze to the stretcher they were racing down the hallway and barely recognized the mangled body laying there.
You barely registered the pain shooting up your spine when your knees hit the floor.
Someone had their arms around you, trying to pull you up, shouting something in your ear, but all you could hear was Jungkook wailing her name like it was the only word he knew.
Like it would bring her back.
Like a part of him was dying on the stretcher with her.
Because it was. You knew. You felt it too. You knew it was somehow even worse for him.
It was a twin thing.
~ ~ ~
They said it was an accident. They said she was in the wrong place at the wrong time. They said it could’ve happened to anyone.
But it didn’t happen to just anyone. It happened to your best friend, your heart, the person you loved the most. It happened to Jiyeon.
She was here and then she was gone. You felt that emptiness all the time, no matter where you were or what you were doing, because somehow, even though Jiyeon was gone, she was everywhere.
~ ~ ~
You seemed to forget how to breathe when you showed up at the wake. They had pictures of her everywhere, shining as bright and beautiful as ever, but every time you looked at one it was replaced by the sight of her in the hospital. It killed you, knowing what she looked like inside that closed casket.
You turned to face Hoseok when he entered the room and you wished you hadn’t. It was your first time seeing him since she died and you couldn’t believe the way your heart was breaking a thousand times more at the sight.
His hands were trembling as he brushed them against the etching on the casket, face contorted in anguish. His voice was so soft and broken as he threw himself over the top, begging her for the impossible.
You watched Hoseok, barely recognizing the man there, and knew, in that moment, what a star looks like when it dies. All his light was gone.
You had to leave.
Somehow, you found yourself outside the funeral parlor, standing next to Jungkook. He was leaning against the wall, staring off across the room, expression set in stone. A few silent moments passed between you, but then he broke it with a gentle, “Hey, Sunshine.”
You struggled to find your voice, unable to stop the way it cracked when you choked out, “Hey, Kookie.”
He turned his head toward you, eyes roaming your face, searching. “You haven’t called me that since we were kids.”
You locked eyes with him, feeling your resolve crumbling more with each passing second.
Something in his gaze shifted and it broke you. You threw your arms around his neck, clinging to him for dear life, fingers clenched around his suit jacket. You were sobbing into his chest, knees buckling, nearly screaming.
Jungkook was quick to wrap his arms around your waist, one of his hands sliding up to the back of your head to cradle you closer to him as he finally let go of everything he’d been holding in.
He tried to hold you up when your legs gave out, tried to give you the support you needed, but found he’d lost all strength. He let you drag him to the floor with you and he pulled you in tighter, all but crushing the air from your lungs.
You held each other as if you’d trapped the final pieces of Jiyeon between you, afraid they’d slip away if you let go.
Find me on tumblr: fortunexkookie.
Despite how you felt about him, the aftermath of Jiyeon’s death had you seeking him out. He was one of two people who knew what you were going through, but it was more than just that; being with him made you feel closer to her. Slowly, you started to appreciate him more. Meanwhile, Jungkook starts to come to terms with his feelings for you, realizing Jiyeon had been right all along.
Please comment if you liked it! It helps me want to keep going. :)
You had once told a patient that with enough care - and enough time - any wound could heal. All you needed was to tell yourself to get through today and then today would become tomorrow, tomorrow the next day, and so on. One morning you would wake up and find that the massive hole in your life had closed up; maybe it would scar, maybe it would still hurt, but you’d be stitched back together again. You had once told this to a patient and now you sat on your couch in the same clothes you’d been wearing for three days, takeout containers and empty fifths of whiskey strewn about from the brief windows of energy you found yourself able to binge in, realizing you had fucking lied to them.
You were nestled firmly in the fourth stage of grief: depression.
Work was understanding of your situation at first, but you could only show up looking like you’d been dragged out of the alley across the street so many times before getting a written warning to shower and brush your teeth before coming in. You weren’t really ready to give yourself self-care around the clock, so you did what you could: you traded shifts until you were working one week on, one week off. You’d recently put in for a full week of PTO, lining it up perfectly with the off week you’d arranged. Your craftiness meant you had drowned yourself in work for seven days, often offering to pick up doubles, and now you had fourteen long, glorious days to lounge around the apartment before you even needed to worry about how you were going to get the mats out of your hair.
You finally mustered up the willpower to lift your phone over your face and unlocked the screen to find that you had no new texts, no new calls, and no new anything. You bit your lip, unsure if you were relieved or disappointed; either way, you weren’t surprised. Most of your friends were actually acquaintances you’d met through Jiyeon, Hoseok, or Jungkook, and with Jiyeon dead, most hadn’t reached out to you beyond the initial shock of the first week.
A part of you didn’t want people checking up on you or asking if you were okay, because you definitely weren’t. You were letting yourself waste away and didn’t need to be reminded about it. The other part, the nurse in you, and perhaps even the part of you that longed to end the loneliness, wished someone would drop a line so you could pull yourself out of the dark for a least an hour or two. You couldn’t help but think that maybe you should’ve just gone to work instead; it certainly would’ve been healthier.
You peeked at your phone again, as if checking it a second time would will a contact notification into existence. You let out a long, deep breath of air, pulled up the number entry screen, and let your thumb hover over Jiyeon’s speed dial. You wanted her to call or text you, but that would never happen again. Instead, you had settled for calling her cell phone and listening to her voicemail multiple times throughout the day, just to hear her voice. It wasn’t much, just a short and sweet message, but it was one of the only things ensuring you didn’t forget what she sounded like.
Sometimes, usually when you were really drunk, you’d even leave a message, pretending she could listen to them wherever she was now. You’d call and talk about how your day went, rambling about random, unimportant things. Often, you would tell her how much you missed her.
On the really bad days you would scream into the receiver, pissed off that she’d left you, and sometimes you’d just cry. It wasn’t healthy, it wasn’t letting you move on, but you didn’t care. You weren’t ready to move on yet. You knew that the day her cell phone was deactivated, the day you couldn’t push that button and hear her voice all chipper and sweet anymore, would be the day you felt her die a second time.
You almost pushed that button. Almost.
Instead you found yourself inputting Hoseok’s number. He hadn’t been on social media since he got the call that night - you couldn’t blame him for that - and it had been weeks since you’d seen or heard from him yourself. You knew him and Jungkook were probably the only two people who knew what you were going through and, truth be told, you missed him.
You felt your heart drop when it didn’t even ring. Straight to voicemail. You called a second time to verify you had dialed the right number, but it was the same thing. You sat up, an uneasy feeling knotting in your gut.
You didn’t know if it was the way you couldn’t get the sight of him at the funeral out of your mind or if it was the way he sounded the last time you spoke to him; and you didn’t know if it was the fact that you had been doing so terribly yourself or nurse’s intuition, but something just didn’t feel right. Hoseok’s phone just didn’t go straight to voicemail, ever. It hardly ever went to voicemail at all. Out of everyone you knew, Jiyeon included, he had always been the one you could call at any time of day or night and reach. This just felt so wrong, almost as wrong as Jiyeon being gone, and you knew you needed to check up on him.
You rose from the couch, nearly stumbling over the trash you had let accumulate on the floor next to you, and scrambled toward your room. There was no way you were going to stop by Hoseok’s in what you were wearing, you knew that much, but things had been bad enough lately that you were still forced to sniff test from the pile on the floor. You finally found something acceptable and hummed in discontent, realizing that you couldn’t avoid the laundry room for much longer.
Running to the bathroom, you carded your fingers through your hair in a half-assed attempt to get out some of the knots that had formed from practically writhing on the couch. You eyed yourself in the mirror and couldn’t help the grimace contorting your features; you barely recognized yourself, but it would have to do.
You were half a second away from putting your keys in the ignition when you realized you had been drinking on-and-off all day. You groaned and let your head slam against the wheel, the sharp honk scaring your neighbor so badly she dropped her groceries. You sunk into the seat, willing yourself to disappear, and waited until she was back inside the complex before pulling up Uber.
~ ~ ~
The driver almost didn’t drop you off, insisting that his daughter attends classes at the studio and it’s been closed for weeks. He even pulled out a notice indicating the (temporary) closure while the owner took leave. You thanked him, understanding his intentions, explaining you knew the owner and wanted to swing by.
As you approached, it quickly became clear that the afterhours studio lights were off. In fact, even the outdoor lights had failed to turn on, darkening the nearby street substantially and feeding the growing anxiety building in your belly. Something about the neon red ‘closed’ sign hanging in the window seemed ominous and you almost agreed with your driver to just turn back.
Your driver turned in his seat to give you a look that said ‘I told you so,’ but you still thanked him for the ride and bid him goodnight, quickly crossing the distance to the studio doors. You pulled the handle, frowning deeply when it barely budged and you were met with a soft ‘click.’ Your driver had already left - there was no one around to see - but you still felt yourself blush for trying.
You leaned against the glass for a moment, letting the cold sting your back, and sighed. Hoseok lived right above the studio, so you could still catch him home, but you’d have to walk down the alleyway in the middle of the night to get to the other entrance. Your city wasn’t terrible, but it wasn’t great either, and you sure as hell weren’t stupid enough to think there weren’t shitty people in it. You steeled yourself, committing to checking on Hoseok tonight, and power-walked through the shadows, nearly jumping out of your skin when a possum knocked over a trash can.
You took the stairs two at a time to the top and knocked on the door once, twice, three times before you heard someone sliding the locks open. To your surprise, you weren’t greeted by Hoseok, but one of the dance instructors he employed. You were suddenly painfully aware of how you looked right now: disheveled, dressed down, and wide-eyed.
“Oh, hi, Jimin,” you started, mouth feeling very, very dry as your face heated up. “I was wondering if Hobi is around?”
Jimin smiled at you as if you didn’t look like something the cat dragged in and reached out to run his hand down your arm. You think it was intended to be reassuring, but all it did was set your nerves further on edge.
“He’s out right now, actually,” he explained gently, as if he knew why you were here. “Well, he’s been out for a while. I think he said he was going to go visit family. He asked me to housesit in the meantime.” His grin widened, crinkling the corners of his eyes, and god, you wished you had at least showered. “He bribed me with Luna, knowing I’ve got a soft spot for cats. She’s a calico too! I couldn’t tell him no.”
You knew there was more to it - Jimin and Hoseok were close, so he had to be well aware of what had happened to Jiyeon - but you let yourself let out a soft laugh and nod at him, “she’s cute, isn’t she? Sweetest cat I’ve ever met.”
“I love how she rides on my shoulder through the house. So cute.”
You shifted your weight awkwardly and Jimin took note, offering a simple, “Hey, I can tell him you stopped by, okay?”
You pressed your lips together, glancing past Jimin and into the foyer, taking note of how high the pile of mail had built up on the accent table there. Jimin had followed your gaze, his expression finally slipping enough for you to catch the glimmer of concern there.
“That’d be great, thank you.”
You’d nearly forgotten where you were as you walked back through the alleyway, unable to shake the feeling that you needed to see Hoseok, right now, or else something terrible would happen to him. It was overwhelming, making your knees weak and your hands shake, and you suddenly couldn’t think of anything else. You couldn’t tell the difference between what was founded in reality - the way you had seen Hoseok last - and what was a guttural reaction to Jiyeon’s death. You just knew you needed him to be okay or you wouldn’t be.
You felt your stomach knot again and you had to fight back the wave of nausea that hit you. Steadying yourself against the brick wall, you pressed two fingers to your jugular and focused on pursed-lip breathing; a panic attack was at the bottom of the list of things you needed right now. You heard footsteps bounding after you and whipped your head around, trying to make out the figure through the tears blurring your eyes.
“Y/N!” Jimin called, immediately easing some of your nerves, “I should’ve offered to begin with, sorry, but let me walk you to your car.”
He took your arm without asking and continued, smiling gently, “I should’ve realized how scary this part of town must look at night, especially for a girl.” He was letting you play off your current state as something else and you were incredibly grateful for it.
Jimin walked you all the way to marginally better-lit parking lot across the street from the studio. When he stopped to look at you expectantly, you finally admitted, “I, uh, I actually took a cab here.”
He hummed pleasantly in response, acknowledging your current state for the first time. “I thought you smelled a little boozy.” He lets out a small, sweet laugh - more teasing than anything else - and you wished you had been eaten by the possum in trash can instead.
Leaning against the concrete barrier, he continued, “I’ll wait with you until your ride comes. How’s that sound?”
You nodded your head in appreciation, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. “I’d like that.” You pulled up the app, about to enter in your own address as the destination, but then you surprised yourself by entering Jungkook’s instead.
You hadn’t seen him at work since that night in the ED and you hadn’t seen him at all since the funeral. Jungkook had taken bereavement leave, burnt through some PTO, and then applied for FMLA for mental health reasons. He hadn’t reached out to tell you this himself though - in fact, Jungkook hadn’t reached out at all - rather, you had overheard a group of his coworkers talking about it at the hospital.
That part stung. He was the only person other than Hoseok who could understand what you were going through and despite how you felt about him, it still hurt that he hadn’t tried to contact you. A part of you knew it was ridiculous and unfair to be upset by it because you hadn’t made the effort to call or message him either, but that didn’t dampen the feeling.
The minutes spent waiting for the cab passed quickly with Jimin making pleasant small talk to keep your mind off of things. He even won a laugh from you a few times, which had him grinning widely and rubbing your arm softly. You were still embarrassed and keenly aware of how touchy he was, but it was making you feel a little better.
When the topic of conversation came around to Hoseok again, you swallowed hard, forcing yourself to ask, “Any chance you know if Hobi forgot to take his phone with him?”
Jimin dropped his gaze and hung his head low for a moment before looking up. “No, he definitely brought it with him.” He tapped out a quick beat on the wall and nodded, coming to the realization, “guess he’s not answering your calls either, huh?”
~ ~ ~
The ride to Jungkook’s apartment felt incredibly long, giving you ample opportunity to ponder every reason why this was a terrible idea. The anxiety building in your chest made your head spin and you weren’t sure if the uncertainty you felt was because of the moment you shared at the wake, some fear of rejection now that he was the only one besides Hoseok who knew what you were going through, or the possibility that you would look up into his face and all you’d see was Jiyeon.
You hovered by the door for a few long minutes, fighting the urge to turn tail and run, but finally released the breath you’d been holding in and knocked. You waited, shifting your weight from foot to foot, and felt your heart drop when there was no answer. It took every ounce of willpower to bring your knuckles up a second time to rap on the door, and you jumped in surprise when your hand met air.
You dragged your gaze up from the welcome mat and became painfully aware of just how long and slow the journey to his face was. Your mouth parted of its own volition as you raked your eyes over his bare torso, taking in the way his black sweatpants hung deliciously low on his hips. This was not the Jungkook you expected to see: eyes dark, hair mussed, scratches down his chest. You momentarily forgot how to speak, but luckily for you, he didn’t.
“Wow,” he started, looking you up and down just as languidly as you had ogled him. He tongued his busted lip for a moment, letting the sight of you really sink in. “You look like shit.”
You couldn’t help the way your eyes practically rolled into the back of your head and you huffed out a breath of air through your nose, already second-guessing why you bothered coming here. You should’ve known he wouldn’t have changed in the few weeks that had passed since that night in the ED.
You folded your arms across your chest, almost defensively, and cocked your head to the side. Any unwanted reaction to his appearance was long gone and you didn’t bother hiding the irritation that seeped into your posture. “Can we talk, Jungkook?”
He stared you down for a moment, mulling the thought over, before leaning against the doorframe. You were startled by the sudden roughness of his voice when he commanded, “get out.”
You couldn't help but scoff, jaw dropping in disbelief. Turning away from him, you tried deciding if you wanted to book it out of there and save face or force your way into his apartment and tell him he was going to listen to you whether he liked it or not. What you didn’t expect, however, was for his hand to dart out and grab your wrist, stopping you from taking either action.
“Not you, Sunshine.”
He pulled the door open further, giving you a clear view of both his entryway and the half-dressed girl scrambling to pick up her things in his living room. Your eyebrows nearly shot into your hairline at the sight, and the way she looked down at you over her nose gave you the impression she didn’t think much of you either.
She stopped in front of him, sizing him up with a snarl on her face. “You didn’t tell me you had a girlfriend, asshole,” she spat. She gave you the once-over. “She ain’t even cute.”
You were about to tell her to kindly go fuck herself, but Jungkook beat you to it.
“She’s not my girlfriend.” He ran his tongue over his teeth, cocking his head to the side as he continued, “and I didn’t think you were all that cute either, but you were a part of a package deal, weren’t you, sweetheart?” The smile and happy nod he sent her way didn’t quite match the venom of his words.
She scoffed, making sure to slam into you as she pushed past, and you missed the way Jungkook’s grip on the door tightened at the sight. You brought your hand up to nurse your shoulder and furrowed your brow at him, wondering what the hell he'd done to elicit that kind of a reaction.
You didn’t have time to put a voice to your questions or concerns because a second woman had turned the corner, shirt and purse in tow as she finished her walk of shame. It had you narrowing your eyes at him, realizing he’d spent the days since Jiyeon’s funeral like this while you had locked yourself in the dark with a bottle of rye.
“Really, Jungkook? Really? Did you at least use a condom?”
You watched him press his lips into a firm line, eyes wide and staring straight ahead as a third girl creeped past. She paused on her way out the door, turning toward you to mutter out a meek, “he did.”
You both stood there for a minute while you processed everything you had seen; and wow, had you seen a lot. Scowling as you pulled your gaze back towards him, you asked, “wow, you’ve really been putting that FMLA to good use, huh?”
Jungkook didn’t react to your prompting, instead choosing to arch a brow at you, “you gonna come in or are you gonna stand there all day?”
You curled your lip at him as you stepped past, ignoring the way your chest brushed against him. “I don’t know, Jungkook, am I gonna catch something just by crossing the threshold?”
He snorted, shutting the door behind you, before striding to the kitchen. The open floor plan let you watch him and you took the chance to take in the expanse of his back. It was the first time you’d gotten a look at his back piece. Even from across the room, the painted dragon there was absolutely gorgeous. The piece tied in seamlessly with his arm and shoulder tattoos and you wished you could get a closer look at them without having to physically be near him.
You heard a cabinet creak open, drawing your gaze back towards his face. His tone was surprisingly chipper when he asked, “want a screaming orgasm, Sunshine?”
You felt your eyes nearly bulge out of your head and you choked out an offended, “excuse me?”
Jungkook gave you that innocent, doe-like stare of his, but the smug way he licked his lips betrayed his intent. “The shot.” He tilted his head to the side, letting his brow knit together in mock confusion. “Why? What on earth were you thinking about?”
You threw yourself onto his couch, pinching the bridge of your nose, already feeling the headache coming on. “I’m fine, Jeon,” you replied through clenched teeth.
“Good call,” he chimed, scrunching up his nose at you, “judging by the way you have booze practically oozing out of your skin, I think you might’ve started without me.”
You eyed him cautiously as he sauntered over to the couch, suddenly remembering exactly why you hadn’t come to see him sooner. That glimpse of the boy you knew when you were kids, the one that you’d gotten at the funeral, was long gone; it was just a mirage in the desert that was life without Jiyeon. You don’t know why you thought he would’ve changed after her death.
Jungkook sat facing toward you, one leg hanging off the edge while the other knee was pulled toward his chest. You watched him take a long sip straight from a bottle of Bacardi. He waited a moment before tearing his gaze from the floor to your face, voice low, “why are you here, Y/N?” He ran his hand down his torso and snapped the waistband of his sweatpants, “or did you come to pick up where the party left off?” Your lip curled in disgust as he winked at you.
“You know what? I came here to talk about Jiyeon, but I clearly made a mistake.”
You slammed your palms against your thighs, standing up to leave, but Jungkook was already moving to stop you, blocking your path with his body. You dragged your eyes up his chest to his face and the expression there could’ve knocked the wind out of you.
“Wait,” he pleaded, hand reaching up to caress your arm. “I’ll be good, I promise.” He licked his lips anxiously and shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “Please don’t go, Sunshine.”
You watched him carefully, still unsure if you could trust him. He saw the uncertainty on your face and pressed you further, voice softening, barely above a whisper, and said the first honest thing you’d heard from him in a while, “I don’t want to be alone.”
“So,” you started, “have you been partying the past month or were those girls for something else?”
He hummed in acknowledgement, but you held his gaze, needing him to admit it. He sighed, giving in, “I haven’t been picky about the company I’ve kept.”
You reached up between you and felt his jaw flex under your palm. Brushing your thumb over his bottom lip, you dropped your gaze to his mouth, right where it was split open and bruised. “And this?”
Jungkook swallowed hard at the touch, watching you through heavy-lidded eyes. “Just trying to feel something again,” he confessed.
He tensed when you let your hand trail down to his chest, finding himself leaning down toward you before he even knew what he was doing, but you’d already turned away and he nearly winced at the pang of disappointment. You thought nothing of the sigh that followed, linking it to the conversation, and missed the way he intently watched you stretch out over the couch.
“You could’ve called me, Jungkook. You should’ve.”
He grunted in response, taking another long swig from the bottle. You watched him wipe the back of his mouth unceremoniously with his hand before asking, “Would you even have answered?”
You felt guilt knot in your stomach and looked away, suddenly feeling very small when you spoke, “I mean… I-I think I would’ve. Maybe.”
Jungkook nodded his head at you, sucking his teeth. “Yeah. Thought so.” His voice had taken on that rough edge again, making you feel even worse. “Sorry, Sunshine, but I’ve needed a little bit better than ‘maybe’ lately.”
“I’m here now,” you protested weakly, knowing ‘now’ didn’t make up for ‘then.’ Fiddling with the hem of your shirt in your hands, tears started welling in your eyes. “I’m sorry, it just hurts so much, Kookie.”
You were startled by how fast he closed the distance between you, kneeling beside where you laid down on the couch. He tightly clasped your hand in his, tone gentle as he voiced his request, “please don’t say my name like that.”
“K-Kookie?” You hiccuped, confused by the way his face had contorted into such a pained expression.
“While crying,” he explained, the urge to look away from you suddenly overwhelming as he felt his face heating up. He ran his thumb over the back of your hand absentmindedly, feeling the need to add, “Jiyeon wouldn’t have liked it.”
“I just miss her so much. I have no idea how I’ve been getting through each day without her.” You sniffed, using your free hand to wipe your face, “everything reminds me of her and I don’t feel like anyone other than you and Hobi knows what it’s like.”
He pulled your joined hands up, resting his head against them, nodding as you continued.
“I even stopped by Hobi’s before coming here, but he wasn’t there,” you explained. “That’s how I ended up here. I just thought that that if I was with one of you-”
“You’d feel closer to her too,” Jungkook finished for you. Your look of surprise prompted him to continue, “Yeah, I’ve thought that before.” The smile on his face didn’t quite reach his eyes this time. “Hoseok’s been gone for a while and I didn’t think you’d let me in if I showed up on your doorstep at this hour of the night.”
You pouted at him, earning a small, humorless laugh.
“The other hard part about being home is that I can’t bring myself to touch her stuff,” you said, unable to stop your voice from shaking a little. “Putting it away just makes everything seem so much more real.”
“I get that. I really do.”
You pressed your lips together, thinking about the inevitable. “I don’t feel ready for that, but I don’t know how much longer I can wait either and it’s eating at me every time I walk by her room. Like, I’ve paid rent so far by myself, but I won’t be able to forever, meaning I’d have to give up the apartment and end up needing to move her stuff or I’d need to get a roommate, which I won’t be able to do without moving her stuff.” You took a second to catch your breath at the end of that sentence before finishing, “no one is gonna bite an ad listing for an apartment with no rooms available.”
“I can move in with you,” he replied instantly, as if it was the most obvious solution in the world.
You shivered at the feel of his lips against your skin when he spoke, but then did a double-take as your brain processed what he was saying. You blinked at him rapidly, certain you must’ve misheard him. “Sorry, what?”
“I can move in with you,” he repeated. “My lease is ending and your apartment is nicer anyway. I’ll sleep on the couch. We can keep her stuff where it is until we’re ready.”
You sat up so fast you nearly kneed him in the jaw and threw yourself over him, sobbing a muffled ‘thank you, thank you, thank you’ into his shoulder as he caught you.
Jungkook felt himself grinning into your hair, feeling very pleased that you’d agreed with his proposition. “I want you to remember this moment the next time I’m sitting in your chair,” he laughed, trying to lighten the mood a little more.
You pulled back, brushing your hands over your tear-stained face one more time, and gave him a small smile. “Oh, so you finally admit it’s my chair?”
“Motherfucker,” he shut his eyes tight, realizing his mistake too late. “Alright, get the fuck off me and please, for the love of god, go shower.”
His expression said you were an idiot, but he answered you anyway, “Yes, here. We’ve both been drinking and you’re apparently broke, so you’re spending the night, but not like,” he gestured in your general direction, cringing as he eyed you up and down, “this.”
You opened your mouth to argue, but he cut you off by pressing a finger to your lips and threatened, “I will bathe you myself if I have to.”
“Fine,” you replied, already scowling as you made your way to the bathroom.
~ ~ ~
Jungkook started moving in the next day and, as it turned out, he really didn’t have too much to bring with him: clothes, hangers, a small collection of horror films, and his gaming computer. Most of what he owned was furniture and dishware; he assured you he would deal with another time. It honestly might’ve been the quickest move-in you’d ever participated in and a part of you was grateful he wouldn’t be taking up too much of your space.
The thing you did struggle with, however, was Jungkook lacking a real space of his own. In retrospect, you should’ve realized sooner that having Jungkook move in literally meant he was going to be living with you. As in, you two would often occupy the same space at the same time. As in, if you told him to get the fuck away from you, he had the option of walking three feet into the living room to comply and that was it.
The other problem you quickly became aware of - almost instantly after you two entered the apartment, in fact - was that Jungkook was a neat freak and you, in your depression, had turned the living room into a bonafide pigsty.
Jungkook's expression was a mixture of complete horror and disgust as he took in the sight: grimy dishes, empty takeout, and dirty laundry, all spread throughout the room he'd be staying in. He turned toward you, eyes wide, voice desperate and pleading, "please tell me you haven't been living like this." You honestly thought he was about two candy wrappers away from having an actual panic attack.
You bounced your gaze from the pile of clothes to his face despite your growing embarrassment, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear as you felt your face flush. You couldn’t remember if you’d had the willpower, or brainpower, to take your underwear off in your bedroom, but god you hoped so.
"It's been a really hard week,” you stated plainly, attempting to offer up a pathetic smile and shrug, but mostly succeeding in baring your teeth.
"Oh my god," he whined, carding his fingers through his hair. "Oh, god, this is only a week. A week! I've made a huge mistake."
You shoved past him and started collecting the trash into one leftover plastic bag, grumbling, "not all of us can fight or fuck ourselves better, okay?"
"Did you make Jiyeon live like this?"
You felt the scowl on your face tighten, fingers tightening around a half-eaten carton of rice as you flirted with the idea of whipping it at his head. “No, Jeon, as I literally just said, it’s been a hard week and I let things go.”
Jungkook grabbed you by the shoulder, turning you back towards him, and you almost let the carton fly. He pointed back and forth between you, “if we’re going to make this work, then this can’t happen.” Gesturing around the living room, he continued, “this is my bedroom now, and while you are welcome in it, I need you to remember that.”
Jungkook scrunched his nose up at you, “so, my first rule, my number one: clean up after yourself.”
He started picking up a few things himself, but then you heard a low whistle and a hiss from the man behind you. Your eyes widened at the flimsy fabric dangling from his fingers because, out of everything he could’ve found, out of every piece of lingerie you owned, of course it had to have been that one: black lace, hollowed-out back to accentuate your ass, multiple straps to decorate your hips. Yeah, of course you’d left that one out.
He looks like the cat that caught the canary, tone dripping with delight, “I knew you were a dirty girl, but wow, you are a dirty girl, aren’t you?”
The rice was flying toward his face before either of you even knew what was happening. He blinked repeatedly in surprise, brushing the grains of rice down his shirt, but you were already lunging at him and screeching, “give it back!”
“Gonna try it on for me?” He said, quirking a brow at you and provoking you further as he whipped the garment back at you. You practically growled in response, earning a snort from him.
It was his turn to scowl when he looked down, shaking his head as his lip curled back in disgust at the now empty food container you’d chucked at him. “Christ, did you really need to make a bigger fucking mess for us to clean?”
You shrugged, still glaring at him as he tried sweeping up what he could into his palms. “I don’t know, did you really need to be such an asshole?”
Jungkook glanced back up at you, sucking his teeth. “So,” he drawled, “do you leave cute things like that out for just anyone to find, or was it special, just for me?”
“In your fucking dreams, Jeon,” you spat, stuffing the panties into your pocket, scanning the room to make sure there wasn’t anything else embarrassing laying about. Like your vibrator. You didn’t even want to imagine that scenario.
Jungkook caught your attention with a low hum, biting his lip once you locked eyes. He cocked his head to the side, as if challenging you, and winked, “we’re always fucking in my dreams, Sunshine.”
You let your palm drag over your face, groaning, “the shit I’m gonna put up with for Jiyeon’s sake. I hope she’s happy.”
“Are you kidding me?” he asked, shoving some more trash into a plastic bag. “She’d love this. Can’t believe she didn’t try to make it happen while she was alive.” He paused, cupping a hand to his ear, “I think I can hear her cackling at us right now, actually, probably from her seat in hell.” It earned a snort from you and he couldn’t help but smile at the sound, nose and eyes crinkling.
You nodded along, adding, “I bet she’s taken over. Got ‘em crushed under her six-inch heels.”
“That sounds like our Jiyeon.”
~ ~ ~
Despite how angry he made you half of the time, you couldn’t help the way you were drawn to him. It was easier to fill your days and nights with chastising him than it was to try to find ways to occupy your alone time. You also quickly found out you were right about how you felt the other night: being with him made you feel closer to Jiyeon. So you sought him out, endured the taunting and teasing, and occasionally, though you would never admit it, caught yourself enjoying his company.
Tonight, he found you.
"Come on, come on, it'll be fun," he begged, tugging on your sleeve. The way he whined like a kid already had you caving, if only to shut him up, but then he baited you, "I’ll let you pick something to do tomorrow, promise.”
Despite having already reached your decision, you pretend to mull it over, pressing your fingers to your lips. “Mm, I don’t know. Horror movies are more your thing than mine.”
“It was Jiyeon’s thing too,” he guilted you, knowing it would sting. As if he needed to make you even more pliant, he dragged his teeth over his bottom lip and brushed your hair from your face. The glint in his eyes indicated he knew he was pulling out all the damn stops. “I haven’t seen this one before. I don’t want to watch it alone.”
“Don’t touch me,” you swatted his hand away, making him pout, but acquiesced, “Fine, but like you said, I pick something to do tomorrow.”
He was already grinning as he skipped toward the console, pausing to tilt his head toward the kitchen, “go make the popcorn. I’ll get it ready.”
You quickly discovered that giving in to him had been a mistake. Jungkook must’ve had quite a knack for picking out horror films because you had never seen something that got under your skin quite as much as this. It wasn’t too gory and while it had jumpscares, the bulk of the film relied on dread. It was working, too damn well, and you wondered how the hell you were going to sleep tonight.
What you didn’t realize was that Jungkook had been lying earlier when he said he hadn’t seen it before. It was actually one of his favorite movies and he’d wanted to see how you’d react to it; so far, your squeaks and whimpers of terror had been an absolute treat for him.
He’d watched you out the corner of his eye the whole time, noting how you’d slowly scooted your way closer to him from the other side of the couch as the tension built. He’d taken the bowl of popcorn from you as discreetly as possible before one of the big jumpscares, knowing full well you were about to send it flying everywhere otherwise. What Jungkook hadn’t been prepared for at that moment was the way you had latched onto him, fisting his shirt in your hands and burying your head into his chest.
He’d tensed up at the touch at first, more surprised by your actions than the jumpscare itself, but slowly relaxed into the touch, letting out a soft laugh at how you’d screamed. You slapped his chest lightly at the teasing, but didn’t pull away when it was over, too engrossed in the movie, too stressed, to lose the comfort of it. You leaned into him more, stretching your lower half out to lay on the couch, and Jungkook briefly forgot how to breathe.
While you were busy watching an evil spirit haunt some poor family, Jungkook was cursing Jiyeon’s ghost for putting the idea of making you watch this movie into his head. He had known you could be a little bit of a coward - Jiyeon had told him as much - and he’d thought it would be hilarious to watch you squirm and shout. He was getting what he’d wanted, for the most part, but he didn’t realize you would look so cute doing it.
Jungkook slowly wrapped an arm around you, resting it in the dip between your hip and ribs, letting his fingers brush along your arm every so often. Occasionally he’d run a finger over the sliver of skin exposed by the way your shirt rode up; it was just enough that he could commit how soft the skin there felt to memory, but not so much that it pulled your attention away from the movie.
He kept his eyes trained on the screen, only glancing down to gauge your reactions to the movie, but his focus was entirely on the hand on your waist. At one point he hooked a thumb under the fabric of your shirt and slightly flexed it, dragging the material up just a little bit more so he could fully splay his palm against your bare skin. He fully expected you to round on him, fire in your eyes, but when you didn’t react he let out a long, quiet breath.
Jungkook was playing a dangerous game with you - with himself - and he knew it, but he couldn’t stop. He hadn’t been this close to you since you were friends and that was a long, long time ago. Thinking back on it, the last time had to have been sometime in high school, right before you’d started dating. Right before he’d realized too late that he saw you as more than just Jiyeon’s bratty other half.
The credits started to roll and Jungkook found himself digging his teeth into his lip, reluctantly accepting you’d pull away from him, taking the sweetness of your touch with you, but to his surprise, you didn't go. You rolled over onto your back and looked up at him, forcing him to fight the impulse to reach down with his other hand and play with your hair. He tightened his grip on the armrest instead.
Completely oblivious to the war Jungkook had been fighting in his head for the past two hours, you blinked up at him, “Hey, Jungkook?”
“Do you believe in ghosts?” you asked, fiddling with your hands. “Sometimes I want to. Then I can imagine she’s still here, watching over us.”
Jungkook gives in, settling for ruffling your hair lightly and swallows hard at the question, “If they’re not real, then she’s gotta be rolling over in her grave knowing I got you to watch this movie without her.”
You scoffed, reaching up to pat his face a few times, and he laughed into it. “I’m not gonna be able to sleep tonight, thanks. Just gonna think about that damn scene where she’s crawling down the hallway or the one where the girl is hiding under the covers and the blankets slide off the bed.” You shuddered at the recollection and continued, “Yeah, think I’m gonna sleep out here tonight.”
You caught the glint in his eyes too late to cover your ears. “You could always ask me to keep you company. If you beg nicely enough I might consider climbing into bed with you.”
You bolted upright, already done with the direction the conversation was going in, and crawled into the chair, curling up tight. “You know,” you started, “tonight was almost nice, horror movie and all, but then you had to open your mouth.”
“I can do a lot more with my mouth than just open it, you know?” He winked at you, running his tongue along his teeth.
You groaned into the chair in response, giving him the exact reaction he was aiming for. You grimaced at him, asking, “Why do you speak?”
“You realize you literally just asked me a question? What am I supposed to do?”
You watched him laugh as you pouted, realizing he had made a point you couldn’t argue. You drew your knees to your chest, curling up tighter, and glared at him over your shoulder. “Go shut the lights off. I wanna sleep.” His eyes nearly rolled into the back of his head, but he stood up and complied.
You had just started to close your eyes when you felt the soft fabric of a blanket being draped over you. He tucked the blanket in, making sure you were wrapped up and warm, and you wished you could make out his features, but your eyes hadn’t adjusted to the new darkness.
You watched his shadow move back to the couch and stretch out over it, folding his arms behind his head. “Goodnight, Sunshine.”
~ ~ ~
You made him keep his promise the next the day, dragging him out for a night of drinking, painting, and karaoke. The joint you chose happened to demand that all three of these activities happen at once; and to your surprise, Jungkook was actually quite good at both painting and singing. It would’ve ticked you off if his rendition and pantomiming of some The Lonely Island songs didn’t have you cracking up.
You were both pretty tipsy by the time the main painting event was over and you decided to claim your own private room, wanting to hand-select the songs the other would have to sing. You were seated across from him, sipping at a glass of wine while he painted your portrait, trying to decide what ridiculous tune to play next; he had a voice a for sweet serenades and you had to break it up so that the alcohol didn’t start making choices for you.
“Stop moving,” he scolded, laughing in between your lines of ‘Eye of the Tiger.’ “I gotta get the finishing touches on here, woman.”
You rolled your eyes, but stilled yourself anyway, struggling all the way through his cover of ‘Dangerous Woman.’ His voice and expressions were so emotive when he sang and while the serenades had you melting despite how you felt about him, his current dramatics were so over-the-top that you couldn’t help the way your face screwed up in delight.
“Well, if you really want to look like that…” he chimed, tonguing his cheek as he flicked his wrist across the canvas.
“You almost done, Kookie?” you sighed, taking another long swig from your glass.
He quirked a brow at you, “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.”
You narrowed your eyes at him, but didn’t respond to the statement. Instead, you flipped your canvas, revealing your Jungkook portrait. You were actually pretty proud of the effort you’d put into this one, surprised with the outcome, especially given how much you’d had to drink. You noticed the way his face lit up at the sight and felt more accomplished than you had the entire night. But then he flipped his canvas around and you couldn’t hide the horror on your face.
“Oh god, please tell me that’s not what I actually look like.”
He frowned, peeking around the side of the canvas before bouncing his gaze back toward yours. “Don’t be dumb. It’s called a caricature. Of course it looks ridiculous.”
“But I saw your painting earlier. Why couldn’t you just make me look pretty?” You pouted at him, hugging your canvas to your chest.
He stepped toward you, leaning in, letting that smug smile you hated pull at his lips. “Because you always look pretty.”
You took the canvas from him, pressing yours to his chest, and took a closer look at it. It was definitely you, but the features were embarrassingly exaggerated. A small black squiggle in the corner caught your eye.
“Did you really autograph this?” you asked, a smirk of your own playing across your face. His cheeks flushed and before he could answer, you ran a hand down his arm, “Thank you, Jungkook, artist extraordinaire. I’ll hold onto it until you’re famous, okay?” You looked it over one more time and had to admit, “you know, even if I look like this… it’s really good.”
His face lit up at the praise and he grabbed his own glass off the table, taking a long, satisfying sip. “I'm glad you like it. It’s just for you, Sunshine.”
You clutched it to your chest, smiling up at him. “Wanna go get ice cream?”
~ ~ ~
The playful, back-and-forth banter had a different feel to it than usual. It was light, airy, natural. He bumped your shoulder with his as you walked around downtown, teasing you about the way you had adamantly requested the rainbow sprinkles on your cone.
“The guy at the counter thought you were cute, you know that?” He taunted you, waggling his brow at you.
You scoffed, “Oh please, he thought I was acting like a kid. The rainbow sprinkles are the best though.”
“You had him smitten with your childish charms, Sunshine. I could feel those heart eyes from across the room.” He let out a wounded gasp and clutched a hand to his chest, throwing a dramatic look your way.
You snorted at the display before linking an arm with him and continuing on your way. Even though most people had gone home at this hour, it wasn’t scary; or at least, you felt safe with Jungkook, even downtown, even late at night.
After a few moments you looked back up at him and his half-eaten cone. “What flavor did you get again?”
He offered it toward you, arching a brow at you, “give it a lick and find out.”
It must’ve been the wine puppeting you, because normally you would’ve snorted and turned away or slapped his arm, but you leaned forward instead, giving it a long, languid lick. You didn’t miss the way his gaze darkened at the sight and you felt proud of yourself for finally calling his bluff.
Jungkook looked as if he was about to say something when you felt your phone vibrate a few times in rapid succession. It pulled your gaze and attention away from him and to the screen, and you bit your lip at the sight there, face flushing. He raised his eyebrows at the reaction, wanting to ask what it was about, but you were too busy texting the person back for him to voice his question.
His expression sent a pang of guilt through you when you looked back up at him, but you ignored it. “We should get back home,” you explained, “I gotta meet someone soon.”
He didn’t ask and you didn’t tell him.
~ ~ ~
You only had a few days of vacation left and you’d spent them somehow feeling almost as bad as before Jungkook had even moved in. All your attempts at interacting with him had been cut short since the night you blew him off and you still hadn’t told him why. It all came to a head when you came back one evening looking about as rough as you felt.
Jungkook paused his game when he heard the door unlock, casually looking over his shoulder as you entered the apartment. He took in the sight: hair knotted, wet streaks staining your cheeks, dark marks on your arms. His blood was boiling. He crossed the distance between you faster than you could even register what was happening, pulling your wrists up to his face.
“The fuck happened, Y/N?”
He held your hands gently in his as he examined the bruises there and you felt your face heating up with embarrassment and shame. He bounced his gaze to your face and reached up to tilt your face from side to side, letting his thumb brush against the discoloration there too.
“What happened,” he asked again, voice softening, but still demanding an answer. You couldn’t read the expression on his face.
“Jungkook, I don’t ask you for details about the nights you come home with a bruised jaw and a bloody brow, don’t ask me about this.” You blinked up at him repeatedly, trying to tug your hands from his hold, but failing.
He tightened his hold on your jaw, making those sensitive spots ache as he repeated, “I told you before what it was. Just trying to feel something again. So what is this, Sunshine?”
“Alex was just a little -”
“Alex?” he started, face screwing up in confusion, “The Alex who cheated on you? That Alex? You’re seeing him again? And he’s hurting you?”
You finally wrenched yourself from his grasp in a huff. “I’m not seeing him. We’re just sleeping together. And he’s not hurting me, he was a little rough this time.” You met his gaze, jaw clenched. “Just trying to feel something again.”
Jungkook narrowed his eyes at you, ripping his hand from your face like he’d been burned. “Jiyeon hated him.”
“Jiyeon is dead!”
You regretted the words the moment they left your mouth, the expression on his face morphing into something that nearly gutted you. He shook his head and stepped into the kitchen, needing to get away from you.
You found yourself fiddling with the hem of your shirt, antsily shifting from side to side. You thought on it for a moment before chasing after him, feeling the need to explain yourself, “I just wanted to feel good again.”
Jungkook stood over the counter with his weight supported on one arm, jaw ticking at your response. He turned to you slowly, rising to his full height as he closed the distance between you. You could feel the heat radiating off of him as he leaned down toward you, voice low and barely above a whisper, “I could make you feel good.”
You blinked rapidly, certain you had misheard him, “what?”
He opened the drawer with all the takeout flyers in it without breaking eye contact, “I said we should get some Thai food.”
He slammed the drawer shut.
~ ~ ~
It might’ve been the stress from earlier - from dealing with both Alex and Jungkook - but you woke up gasping. It took a moment to remember where you were, but when you finally calmed down a bit from the nightmare, you found yourself crying. You sat up, hands shaking at your sides, struggling to find purchase as you stood up and tiptoed from the room. You couldn’t recall much of what you’d dreamt about, but a part of you knew it had to be Jiyeon.
A part of you was afraid to approach him, wondering if he was still mad at your outburst earlier; you wouldn’t blame him if he was. He didn’t stir until you neared the edge of the couch, rolling onto his back with a soft groan and mumbling out something you didn’t quite catch.
You hated how small your voice sounded, “K-kookie?”
He sat up, pulling you closer to him by the backs of your thighs. His voice was a little hoarse with sleep, “told you not to.” You both might’ve been too tired to have a conversation right now.
Jungkook rubbed his eyes before looking up at you, one palm still splayed against your leg. “Told you not to say my name while crying.”
“Oh,” you shuffled for a moment, mouth dry, nervous about what you were going to ask. You reached down and loosely wrapped your fingers around his hand. “I had a nightmare.” You screwed your eyes shut, squeezing him tightly, “I-I think it was about Jiyeon.”
He hummed in acknowledgement, but made no move to speak.
“C-could you,” you started, looking away and hoping he couldn’t see the pink dusting your cheeks, “could you come lay down with me?”
A few long seconds passed between you, feeling like forever, and you wanted to turn and run, but then he pulled you down while standing up, slinging his free arm around your back for added support.
“Let’s go, Sunshine,” he replied, carrying you back to your bedroom.
Jungkook crawled under the covers after you, moving carefully to avoid invading too much of your space. He was going to lay on his back, having seen the way you’d turned away from him, but then he felt you reach around and tug on his arm. He froze, forgetting how to breathe when you asked, “I’m sorry, but… could you hold me too, Kookie?”
When he didn’t move you continued, pleading, “please, just for tonight?”
Jungkook watched the way you looked over your shoulder at him with wide eyes and a soft tremble to your chin and felt something in his chest ache. He swallowed hard as he wrapped an arm around you and pulled you close to him, sighing into your neck at the sudden closeness.
You suddenly felt incredibly foolish, mumbling out an apology, “Sorry for making you, I just-”
It took every ounce of willpower for him to avoid scoffing. You were killing him softly and you didn’t even know it. He settled on reaching up to brush your hair over your shoulder before sliding a hand down your arm, back to your waist, and holding you tightly.
“It’s been hard on us both,” he began, hooking a leg over one of yours. “Lately, I’ve found myself doing things I regret. I’m sure you have too.”
You winced, thinking back to what you’d done earlier. The day you’d spent with Alex, knowing how poorly he treated you. The way you’d snapped at Jungkook when he was just worried about you.
Jungkook felt you stiffen and whispered into your ear, soothing, “It’s okay. Don’t think about anything else, Sunshine.” You shivered at the feeling and it didn’t go unnoticed. “I’ve got you tonight. Just sleep.”
Jungkook felt your body relax into his and was painfully aware of the way his was on high alert. It felt as if every gentle movement, every soft sound that came from you, was amplified tenfold. He wanted to enjoy how it felt to hold you like this - wanted to memorize every curve of your body pressed into him - but all he could do was think.
Even if it came from such a raw place for you both, he’d really been enjoying spending more time with you lately; he thought there were more and more moments when you enjoyed it too. He thought back to the movie nights with you and all the little moments in between. He thought back to how he felt that night after karaoke and ice cream when you left him to be with someone else and he thought about the panic he felt when you came home with bruises today. He thought about how quickly it was replaced with feelings of disbelief, anger, and something else entirely when he found out how you’d gotten them and who you’d gotten them from.
He thought about how sweet his name sounded leaving your lips, the way the nickname made his breath catch in his throat, how his heart skipped a beat when you asked him to hold you, and how you’d shattered it just as quickly with those thoughtless words: just for tonight.
So Jungkook laid awake beside you, nuzzling into your neck, inhaling your scent, finally realizing that none of these thoughts or feelings were new. They’d been there all along and he’d been running from them - distracting himself with other women and hiding them from you by doubling down on the teasing - for nearly a decade.
Jiyeon had been right all along. Of course she had been. It was a twin thing.
Jungkook struggles with the full weight of his feelings for you while you find yourself inexplicably drawn to him. Later, you find out what Hobi has been up to and a bad encounter while out on the town ends up being... not... so... bad.
CW: The smut has arrived, voyeurism, masturbation, Jungkook is a fucking pervert, Reader is a fucking pervert, severe second-hand embarrassment incoming, SO MUCH PINE IT MIGHT AS WELL BE CHRISTMAS, sexual harassment, substance abuse, suicidal ideation, accidental vibrator???, tooth-rotting pining/fluff
A/N: If you liked this, please comment. Your reactions to my works are what keep me writing!
You woke the next morning surprised to find that Jungkook hadn’t moved away from his position behind you; in fact, it seemed as if he had pulled you even closer to him, entangling your limbs with his own. You shifted slightly, trying to climb out of bed without waking him, and shivered at the way he sighed into your neck. You felt the low rumble of a groan at your back when you tugged at the arm wrapped around your waist, finding that the harder you tried to move him, the tighter he kept his hold on you. When you tried to shift your hips off of the edge of the bed in an attempt to gain purchase, he slung a leg over your thighs, dragging you back into place.
“Jungkook,” you began, trying to turn to look at him. “Jungkook, I gotta get up.”
You waited for a few long moments and got no response.
You tried again, a little louder this time, “Jungkook.”
He was out cold.
You rolled back and forth as much as his grip would allow, “Jungkook!”
Jungkook turned into you more, dragging you with him. You felt your breath catch at the new position, keenly aware of the long, hard length pressing into your thigh. You jerked against him, slapping his sides, frantically trying to wake him up.
His hand shot up from your waist, gripping your jaw tight as he finally stirred. His voice was low, rough with sleep and something else, “stop fucking moving.”
Trying to cover up the chill it had sent down your spine, you nearly screeched, “why the fuck is it touching me?”
He hummed a long, deep sound into your neck. “Don’t flatter yourself, Sunshine.” He let his hand fall back to your waist. “But you know what? You’re acting really offended over some morning wood for someone who won’t stop grinding her ass onto my cock right now.”
You froze for moment, conceding his point, and the flush didn’t leave your face even after he shifted his hips backward. You slid your hand down to pull his off of you, but he flicked his wrist back, catching your fingers between his in an intimate hold.
“Jungkook,” you whined, trying to look at him over your shoulder, “I want to get up.”
“That’s too bad,” he replied. As far as you could tell he had closed his eyes again and was in the middle of trying to fall back asleep.
You attempted to slide off the bed again, squeaking in surprise when he wrenched your arm back and flipped you over, pinning you to the bed. He climbed over you, leaning in so close you felt his lips brushing against your ear as he sighed into you, “I told you to stop moving.”
Watching the way his eyes scanned your face, you found yourself struggling to find your voice. You barely managed to breathe out his name in a questioning tone.
“You were so needy for me last night, Y/N.” You felt your blush deepen as he brought his free hand up to brush the hair from your face. “But you didn’t take a second to think that maybe I wanted to be held too?”
You’d gotten stuck on the taunt that had prefaced the confession for a moment too long; he let out another deep, lengthy sigh and was halfway out the room before you’d even finished processing it. You felt your stomach knot with guilt - because lately it did seem as if he'd been comforting you more often than not, despite hurting just as badly - and you found yourself wishing he would just tell you how he felt more often.
You took a deep breath and headed after him, finding him in the living room with his backpack nestled on top of the couch. He must've been completely engrossed in trying to locate whatever he was looking for because you felt him jump and then stiffen when you wrapped your arms around him. He slowly zipped the bag back up and turned his head to look at you over his shoulder.
“You’re really sending some mixed signals, Sunshine.” His voice had taken on its usual lilt, but the complete flip from just moments before was too obvious for you to let it slip.
“Kookie," you started, resting your cheek against his back. "You are what I have left of Jiyeon. I want you to be able to talk to me, so how come you never just tell me what you want?"
Jungkook inhaled sharply, bringing a large hand up to clasp both of yours at once. He kept his tone even, realizing that even now he could easily just hide behind Jiyeon if he wanted to. Your thoughts were about her, but it was different for him; it didn't matter if he was thinking about you or Jiyeon because one path always led to the other, reminding him both of what he'd lost and what he'd never had.
Jungkook wrenched your hands off of him, letting you believe that Jiyeon made up more than half the conversation when he replied, "there's so much I find myself wishing for lately, but why bother asking for the impossible?"
"Because you can always ask me for this," you brought your arms around him again, pulling him into a hug he couldn't return until you had loosened your hold enough for him to turn around.
Jungkook only hummed in response, not trusting himself to reply to the dangerous words you'd just spoken. His realization of his feelings for you, and the full extent and history of those feelings, had hit him like a speeding truck last night. Everything had suddenly clicked into place, overwhelming him when combined with the grief for his sister, and he knew he would ask you for so much more than a hug if he didn't keep his mouth shut.
You broke away to look up at him and cupped a hand to his face, taking in the sad smile on his face as he leaned into the touch. "Have you been in her room since you've moved in?"
He looked taken aback by the question, but he quickly shook his head, swallowing hard.
"Do you want to take a look?" You suddenly felt nervous and couldn't help the way you tugged at the hem of your shirt, "and if you want you could talk to me about her."
Jungkook looked about as unsure as you felt, bouncing his gaze from your face to the hallway and back again. Finally, he took your hand, leading the way.
Jiyeon's room was exactly as she'd left it the day she died. Her bed was unmade and there were a few loose ends left out throughout the room: the book she'd been reading on the nightstand, her eyeshadow palette by the mirror, a few hair ties strewn about. Despite this, she'd kept a tidy room for the in the most part, and a part of you felt guilty about the thin film of dust that had settled across her things. You just hadn't been able to bring yourself to displace her stuff.
Jungkook slowly examined the room, expression blank until he neared the bookshelf with all of Jiyeon's picture frames. Your breath caught when you noticed his gaze lingering there, afraid for how he might react, but his lips curled up into a small grin. You watched him reach up and grab one, dusting it off with his sleeve. The way his eyes had softened at the sight made your heart ache.
"Do you remember this?" He held the frame out to you and admitting, "it's one of my favorite memories."
"Kookie, Jiyeon was crying just before this was taken."
His smile widened, "I know. But it's one of her favorites too." He caught himself, expression dropping just a little bit, "it was, anyway."
Jungkook moved to look at it again over your shoulder, "you made all the difference that night, you know?" You blushed faintly, shooting him a curious look that prompted him to continue, "I think she was more upset that we didn't have matching costumes for the first time in our lives than she was about moving in with our aunt, but you still swooped in and made us both come over your house instead. Painted our faces to be identical to one another- badly, I might add, so at least that hasn't changed - "
You went to slap his arm, but he caught your wrist, "I worked hard then and I worked hard on your portrait the other day, you asshole."
"I know you did, but," he pointed at your face in the photo, "look at how much better your costume looks because we didn't let you make it yourself."
He continued, "I know it's silly, and I know I never told you this, but it gave us something positive to focus on. We needed it, that Halloween, more than trick-or-treating, or scary stories, or candy. We needed our dorky, weird new neighbor who hadn't left us alone since the day we moved in."
Jungkook walked back over to the bookcase, perusing the other memories there. "Call it a twin thing, but I think, more than anything else right now, she'd want you to know how many moments there were like this one that you brought into her life. Into mine too, I guess," he gave you a sheepish, shy smile, one you don't think you'd seen on him before. "Through our parents, through school, through everything else… you've always been there, a little ray of light, whether we wanted it or not. That's why you're 'Sunshine.' You always have been."
You bit your lip hard, willing the tears stinging your eyes to vanish, and mumbled out, "you say that as if you two haven't returned the favor a thousand times."
Jungkook grabbed the photo he'd taken with Jiyeon just a few months ago. "I'm sure we had our moments, but a thousand times, huh? I should start charging you for my services." He turned back toward you, and laughed a humorless sound. "That's just it though: two of us before and just me now. She was the better half too. I can't fix that."
"Jungkook, some of my favorite things about Jiyeon were from you: her energy, her humor, her bite," you ran your hand down his arm. "All a little less enjoyable when they're directed at me, of course."
He winked at you, making you squeeze his forearm in warning. "All I'm saying is that I see a lot of her in you. It helps."
"It doesn’t help me though," he confessed. "I see her looking back at me whenever I look in the mirror."
“Are you sure it’s her?” you asked, trying to ease the tension. “I mean, she was the pretty one.”
It worked. He tilted his head in acknowledgement, tongue darting out to lick his lips. “What? You don’t think I’m pretty?”
You sucked your teeth, inhaling slowly and wincing slightly, “Ooh, I don’t know, Kookie.” You watched him pout, adding on, “you’re okay, I guess.”
Jungkook closed the distance between you and you stepped back just as quickly, nearly falling over bench at the end of Jiyeon’s bed. He caught you by the waist with his free arm, steadying you easily and pulling you closer at the same time. A smug grin tugged at his mouth as you took in the slight blush on your face, “You’re such a liar.”
“You’re such a dick.”
He snorted, letting you go and heading back to the bookcase. He bit his lip, almost nervously, and gestured to the photograph in your hands with the one in his, “I know you didn’t want to touch her room, but do you mind if I keep these two?”
“Yeah, go ahead. I think she’d like you to have them, actually,” you answered.
Jungkook hummed in response, gaze falling on the photo of Hoseok and Jiyeon from their first date. He tongued his cheek, deliberating the risks of asking you, but the possibilities were too sweet. Without looking at you, he asked, “do you want to go with me to that carnival Jiyeon always liked? They set up just last week.” He caught himself running his thumb up and down the picture frame. “I never got to go with her.”
You felt yourself breaking into a smile, something in you lighting up at the thought of it. “Yeah, we can do that,” you started, unable to hide the excitement in your voice. “I can show you all the good food stands. Oh, and the mirror maze. I third-wheeled one time with her and Hobi; it was easily the highlight of the night, watching him scare himself.”
Jungkook watched you rattle on about it out the corner of his eye and swore he could see Jiyeon’s ghost doing cartwheels behind you now that he’d realized that feeling he got every time he saw you was fucking butterflies.
“I’m back on days on Tuesday, but I’ve got the whole weekend off,” you explained. “ How about Friday? I’ve heard they do fireworks then.”
“Sounds perfect, Sunshine.” He eyed you up and down, biting his lip. “Oh, and wear jeans. I wanna take you for a ride.”
You didn’t bother hiding the way your lip curled back in disgust. “Really, threatening me with the donorcycle wasn’t enough? You had to say it like that?”
You didn’t miss the shiteating grin on his face as he walked out.
~ ~ ~
Returning to work had been rough, to say the least. Your boss had managed to keep you out of the emergency department since the night Jiyeon had died, but today you weren’t so lucky; there just wasn’t enough coverage to send you somewhere else. You thought it was strange how the halls of the hospital could look almost identical across the units, but you still felt suffocated here. Every little thing had you replaying that night in your head and you swore the walls were closing in on you. You got through it the same way you had gotten through the weeks following her death: focusing on one step at a time, one task at time, until it was over.
Jungkook had helped a lot, proving to be a very considerate and generous roommate; he’d tidied up while you were at work, run a few errands and done a few chores for you, and even had dinner ready when you got home. When you asked him about it, he brushed off how much he’d done, saying he thought you could use a break when you finished your shift. He hinted at how you’d been before he moved in, saying the least he could do while on FMLA was make sure you had clean clothes and some food to eat. He said he’d help with the little things - it gave him something to focus on too - and the self-care could come later.
But you were tapped out by your third and final shift of the week. They’d put you in the ED each day you worked and you could only walk down that same hallway with a new IV bag so many times before you were imagining Jungkook’s face as he ran past you. Your head wasn’t in the game and you found yourself making too many close calls: you didn’t confirm patient identifiers and almost treated a patient for a condition he didn’t have, you didn’t flush an IV before pushing some meds and thankfully it hadn’t infiltrated, and you almost had a needlestick on an HIV positive patient.
It just wasn’t a good day and you desperately needed some stress relief, so you texted Jungkook on your break that you wouldn’t be coming home. You kept checking your phone throughout the rest of your shift, worried he hadn’t gotten it despite the ‘read’ status that lingered for hours. He finally replied shortly after you rounded with the oncoming nurse: going out tonight, see you tomorrow.
~ ~ ~
You rolled over onto your side to avoid looking at Alex’s face while he fucked you, having to shut your eyes to hide the way your eyes rolled into the back of your head at his pathetic, “oh yeah, baby, you like that?”
He hadn’t been rough with you yet tonight and you hadn’t asked him to be; a decision you were regretting as he thrust into you slowly, prolonging the experience way beyond what you desired. Realizing he wanted a response, you tore your gaze away from the lamp - you’d been trying to memorize its pattern for the fifth time tonight - and moaned a half-assed, “mm, yeah, baby, it feels so good.” You hoped it would keep him going long enough that he could just get it over with and finish already.
But then his hand dropped from your neck to your hips and something inside you suddenly switched on. The heat from his palm had you thinking about the way a different man’s fingers had splayed across your stomach during movie night. The movie had kept you preoccupied, but you sure didn’t miss the way he ran his fingers over your bare skin. You shivered against Alex, remembering the way Jungkook had, almost possessively, pulled you close to him that morning in bed, and let out a content sigh at the way he gripped your hips harder.
You recalled the feeling of that long, thick cock against your ass and thighs and felt yourself clenching around Alex, unable to resist imagining it was Jungkook fucking you instead. When he bit your neck and sucked at the sensitive bruise forming there, it reminded you of how Jungkook had pinned you to the bed and let his lips brush against your skin. You started thrusting back against Alex, the first genuine moans of the night ripped from your throat.
Jungkook’s voice replaced Alex’s with every filthy word he muttered and you were absolutely writhing against him with need. Then there was a low growl at your back, his words bringing you straight back to the other morning, “fuck, baby, stop fucking moving.” You felt yourself clench around him impossibly tighter, unable hold back the lewd way you whimpered, “oh fuck” into the pillow and it was the sound of your own voice that pulled you from the reverie.
The realization of exactly who and what you’d been fantasizing about hit you like a sack of bricks. Jungkook. The Jungkook. Your roommate, your best friend’s brother, your childhood friend, the biggest pain in your ass. That Jungkook. You were getting off to the thought of him while another man fucked you and not only that, but you were so close to cumming from it and Alex hadn’t even touched your clit yet.
You froze suddenly, still panting, and pressed a palm against Alex’s stomach to still him. He kept at it a few more pumps, but when he finally listened, you did your best to slide off him quickly. You ran a shaky hand through your hair and scanned the bedroom floor for your clothes, mumbling a weak, “sorry, I just really can’t do this right now.”
You rushed to get dressed and grab your things, ignoring Alex’s protests, eager to put some distance between yourself, your fuck buddy, and the man you’d pretended he was. He was pissed, face bright red and voice demanding, “Where the fuck are you going? I thought you were enjoying yourself.”
You cringed hearing it from him because he was right and he had no idea why. You settled for nodding your head along, “yeah, I really, really was, but something came up and I’ve got to go.”
You completed the walk of shame back to your car and flipped down the mirror to inspect your appearance: disheveled clothes, flushed face, blown-out pupils, and sex hair. Not nearly enough of that could be attributed to Alex and you found yourself repeating one thought over and over again: what the fuck was that?
~ ~ ~
The drive home felt painfully long and you didn’t know if it was because you were still flustered and in disbelief about the path your thoughts had gone down or if you wanted to get back quickly so you could rub one out before Jungkook got home. Maybe even with the help of your vibrator. Just the thought had you squeezing your thighs together in need and it was driving you crazy trying to figure out why. Somehow, despite all the teasing and sexual innuendo he had thrown your way, you had never fantasized about him before. Not like this anyway, and definitely not while in bed with someone else.
You had always known Jungkook was attractive - gorgeous, in fact - and you’d be the world’s biggest liar to deny it; that wasn’t new though, so that couldn’t be it. You’d heard more rumors than you could count over the years about his cock and some very specific talents. That discussion had been impossible for you to avoid once he’d fucked his way through your sorority’s roster. A part of you had always been curious about just how much truth there was to those claims, but Jungkook was usually so busy making an ass out of himself that your mind never lingered there for too long.
You knew you had to get this out of your system - just get off and be done with it - but as you approached your apartment door, you realized fate had different plans because Jungkook wasn’t out after all.
Pressing your ear to the door, you tried to make out the noises you’d heard more clearly. Nothing could’ve prepared you for the deep, throaty moan coming from the other side, followed by a, “fuck, I want you so bad.”
Jungkook had a woman over?
You froze, breath caught in your throat, trying to figure out what you wanted to do. If you were quiet enough, and they were preoccupied enough, there was a chance you could slip into your bedroom unnoticed. But if you opened the door and they were in the living room you would very, very quickly have a clear line of sight on them. On Jungkook. Fucking some girl right in your living room, right after you stopped fucking someone because you were thinking about fucking Jungkook.
Did you even want to listen? You knew you shouldn’t - they deserved privacy and you could just put your headphones in - but Jungkook’s moans on the other side of the door were so delicious and you had been so close to cumming earlier. You shifted your stance and became painfully aware of just how wet your panties were, sticking to and sliding across your folds. You shut your eyes tight, realizing you did want to listen, so badly, and let out a barely audible, “fuck.”
Slipping your keys into the lock and turning it as quietly as possibly, you slowly cracked open the door and snuck in. You tore your gaze up from the floor, finally daring to look into the living room and find out if you’d been caught, and then nearly choked at the sight of Jungkook sitting, very much alone, at his computer with his headphones on. Direct line of sight.
He had his eyes shut and thighs spread, sweatpants pulled down just far enough that he could stroke up and down the full length of his cock. You’d known he was big from how he’d felt against you, but even that hadn’t done justice to how fucking good he looked; if this was a different situation, or a different man, you would’ve been on your knees in a fucking second, ready to swallow him down. Instead, you stood there like a deer in headlights while the gears in your brain grinded to a halt. He tilted his head back down and you dashed into the kitchen, terrified of getting caught, but that didn’t stop you from peeking around the corner every so often.
You heard him spit and you were fucking creaming yourself at the wet, slick sounds that now accompanied every stroke of his cock. You hadn’t seen it, but whatever he’d just done had him making a deep, low sound, almost a growl, and you knew you’d be replaying that one on repeat later on. It was hard to make out as much of him from this angle as before, but it was enough that you’d unbuttoned your jeans to slip a hand down your panties and you bit into the skin of your free hand to avoid making any noise that would tip him off.
Unable to make out what it was, you watched him bring something small and black up to his face. You heard him inhale deeply and then he choked out the hottest, neediest moan you thought you had ever heard. He held it clenched between his teeth, hips rising off the chair to desperately thrust up into his hand, and you caught yourself fucking your fingers into your cunt at the same pace.
Jungkook’s moans and whimpers and whines of pleasure picked up in frequency and volume and then he dragged his shirt up his chest; you could just barely make out the sheen of sweat beading on his abs and fuck you wanted to lick up and down them. He threw his head back, eyes shut tight, looking so deliciously fucked-out as he growled into his makeshift gag and came, long and hard onto his stomach.
You thought you were going to cum right there yourself, but then he didn’t stop and you couldn’t look away. He stood up, slamming his free hand down as he hunched over the table, and whined so desperately, almost painfully, as he pumped himself into another orgasm.
You felt that coil in you fucking snap at the sight, imagining him fucking you long and hard, cumming inside you, but keeping at it, desperate with the need to fill you up a second time even if it hurt. You came so hard tears stung your eyes and you nearly bit through your hand in an attempt to keep quiet.
You slumped against the wall, legs shaking from both your orgasm and the adrenaline coursing through you, wondering what the fuck you were going to do now that he finished. You didn’t have to think long.
“God, you’re such a fucking creep,” Jungkook groaned from the other room.
You felt your face heat up even more and stepped out, unsure of what you were going to say to explain this, but desperate to defend yourself. “I’m so fucking sorry. I didn’t -”
You watched Jungkook nearly jump out of his skin and shout, throwing his headphones off his head roughly and slamming a knee into the table in his haste to fix himself. The look on his face was a mixture of extreme confusion and horror and his voice came out in a higher octave than usual, words nearly bleeding together with how fast he spoke “What the fuck are you doing? I thought you weren’t coming home? How long have you been here?”
You didn’t need to see it to tell that your face was the same furious shade of red as his and you put your hands out, trying to explain, “I’m so sorry, I came home early and I only saw the end, I swear.”
His face somehow screwed up even further in disbelief and he choked out, “the end? So you just fucking watched?”
Your mouth fell open, but no sound came out.
Jungkook blinked rapidly, looking away from you for a moment to try to piece together what had just happened. He gestured at you, forgetting that neither of his hands were decent and repeated your words back at you, “so, you came home early and instead of announcing yourself, you know, like a normal fucking human being, you just watched me get off from across the room.”
You pressed your lips together in a thin line and stared at the floor next to him, hard.
He cocked his head to the side and ran his tongue over his teeth, still mortified and a little bewildered by the fact that he was relieved you’d caught him jacking it with your panties in his mouth; he might’ve lit himself on fire if you’d heard him moaning your name earlier. But then he honed in on the way your eyes were nearly black and there was a pink flush over your chest that didn’t seem to be purely from embarrassment. His voice dipped dangerously low and he stepped closer, “wait a minute… did you like it?”
You tore your gaze up from the ground and scoffed, desperately searching for some lie to save face, but then you caught a glimpse of black in his left hand. It was your first time seeing it clearly and you felt your eyebrows knit together at the sight. “Jungkook, is that my fucking underwear?”
“I peeled them off some broad who blew me in her car the other night,” he lied, effortlessly. “Pussy tasted so sweet, I had to have a souvenir.”
Your face screwed up in disgust, “you’re a panty sniffer? God, you’re gross.”
“Oh, so you admit you watched more than just the end then?” he asked and the way your eyes widened answered his question. “Wow, Sunshine, I think you’re actually the bigger pervert here.”
“Okay,” you started, backing away, “I’m going to go get some pizza, you are going to clean up, and then we’re never going to talk about this again.”
“What if I’m not done with you yet?”
You quirked a brow at him and asked, “Haven’t you finished enough tonight?” You almost laughed at the way his mouth twitched into a grin, not expecting the innuendo from you and definitely not after what just happened. “Oh, and wash your damn hands.”
Jungkook watched you walk away, catching the loose way your jeans hung on your hips too late, but it wasn’t until he breathed in a deep sigh that he wished he had crossed the room and grabbed you instead. He stared at the door, hard, as it shut and waited a few long moments before bringing the slick-stained garment up to his face and groaning into it.
He knew that scent.
He was right.
You were wet.
~ ~ ~
You weren’t sure how you’d managed to get yourself to face Jungkook the next morning, but he didn’t bring up last night and you didn’t remind him. Instead, the first words that came out of his mouth when he saw you were, “go change.”
You furrowed your brow and looked down at the dress, suddenly feeling very self-conscious. “I thought I looked nice,” you trailed softly, your nervous habit of tugging at the hem of your clothes resurfacing.
Jungkook didn’t miss it and couldn’t help the smile tugging at his lips. “It’s very pretty on you, but I told you before that I wanted to take you for a ride.” He watched the relief play across your features and couldn’t stop himself from adding, “I’m a great rider, but I don’t want you getting hurt too badly if anything happens.”
You clutched a hand to your chest and gasped, shooting him an incredulous glance, “did you just admit you care about me?”
He stopped what he was doing to frown at you, trying to ignore the way his stomach knotted from being called out. “Please, Jiyeon would haunt my ass so hard if anything happened to you.”
You tucked a strand of hair behind your ear and let out a soft laugh before heading back to your room to change. It had him staring after you, all puppy-dog eyes, exhaling a deep sigh when you were out of view, and Jungkook swore he could hear Jiyeon’s trademark cackle in the distance. If she could see him now, swooning over a girl - and not just any girl, but you, of all people - she’d never let him live it down.
Finished changing, you made your way over to where Jungkook was stuffing his backpack with supplies for the day and asked, “do you have an extra?”
He followed your gaze, landing on his helmet, and furrowed his brow. “I don’t, actually,” he started, “but Jiyeon does. Did.”
“She liked going for rides with Hobi, but didn’t want anyone to tell you because she thought you’d freak out over the whole ‘donorcycle’ thing.,” he explained, pointing to the kitchen. “Already grabbed it for you. Throw my jacket on too.”
You paused halfway to the kitchen and spun on your heel, surprise evident on your face as you tentatively bounced your gaze from him to the hanger on the wall. “That jacket?”
He nodded his head, smiling, “Yeah.”
“You’re sure? That jacket?” you asked, stepping toward it. “I know you have more expensive clothes, but you were always weird about that one.”
Jungkook shrugged in response. “Jiyeon bought it for my birthday a few years ago,” he answered. “But again, not trying to get haunted, so put it on. Don’t need you getting shredded.”
You shot a final cursory glance his way before slipping it on. “What about you, Kookie? Long sleeves ain’t gonna stop the road rash.”
“Chicks dig scars,” he winked and tossed the backpack at you. “Gonna need you to carry this for the ride, but I’ll lug it around once we get there.”
You pressed your lips together in a tight line, humming in acknowledgement, and grabbed the helmet off the counter on your way out the door.
You chased after Jungkook down the stairs and into the garage, nerves knotting your stomach. When he wasn’t looking, you ran your palms over your jeans, cringing internally at how clammy they were. As if he could read your mind, he said, “Don’t worry, just hold on tight.”
You straddled the motorcycle behind him and did as he said, locking your arms around him. Before he started it up, you asked, “What’s her name?”
“Bullet,” he answered simply.
“Cause she’s fast?” you asked, securing your helmet.
Jungkook couldn’t help the smirk tugging at his lips. “Sure, Sunshine,” he said, flipping his visor down, “because she’s fast.”
~ ~ ~
Jungkook couldn’t help the delight dancing across his features as he peeled your arms off his torso and took in the look of pure fury on your face. He spoke without worrying about the consequences, unable to stop himself, “did you like that, Sunshine? Was that your first?” He kept going, fueled on by the way you threw the backpack at him, “want me to take you for another ride again soon?”
“I will walk home, Jungkook,” you spat, stomping past him toward the ticket booth. He chased after you and you softened, only slightly, hearing a very familiar laugh.
He held out his hand to get stamped and you watched the way he lit up taking in the sights and sounds. When he glanced back down at your, he was positively beaming, ‘so, what’s the game-plan, Sunshine?”
You linked arms with him, running it through your head one more time before answering him, “We should start with the rides and then the mirror maze. By the time we’re done, we’ll be hungry, so we can go try a bunch of the stands.” You dragged him toward one of the spinning rides, knowing it was best to get the ones that made you dizzy out of the way first. “Then we should do games, followed by more rides?”
“Let’s save the ferris wheel for later though,” Jungkook interjected. You shot him a quizzical look, so he added, “I thought you said they might do fireworks?”
You blinked at him a few times and he wondered how on earth you got through nursing school without being able to put two and two together. He felt his face grow hot and tugged on your arm, unable to keep talking under the weight of that stare. “We could watch them from the top.”
“Wow,” you began, voice teasing, “you really thought this date through, huh?”
You missed the head tilt - the shy smile and growing blush on his face at your thoughtless use of the word - too busy looking at the juggler you passed by.
~ ~ ~
Jungkook found himself fighting back the inkling of disappointment gnawing at him as the sky darkened. He’d been having a blast with you and honestly didn’t want it to come to an end. The day had been filled with so much laughter - from both teasing jokes and excitement - and he’d caught himself daring to hope every time you clung onto his arm or slipped your hand in his. It was far too easy for him to pretend this was a real date, that this was something more to you than a distraction from your grief, and he knew he had it bad, but he couldn’t help the way his heart skipped a beat every time you smiled up at him.
He’d just noticed himself staring again when something caught your eye and you dragged him toward a game booth. Furrowing his brow, he tried to figure out what it was that’d drawn you here; he swore you’d passed by the game at least three times already. At first, Jungkook thought it was cute how hard you were trying to get the ball into the jug. As you dwindled down your stack of cash, it went from cute to sad and from sad to pathetic real fast.
Jungkook put a hand on your shoulder, giving you a grimace that said ‘please let me help’ and plainly stating, “I can win it for you, Sunshine.”
You shrugged him off of you, shaking your head and winding your arm back, “No, no, I can do it this time, I swear.”
It was your worst throw of the lot; instead of hitting the rim and having it bounce off, you missed it entirely, nearly taking out the game runner in the process. You turned toward Jungkook, frustration written all over your face, and prodded him while he laughed.
"Fine," you pouted, crossing your arms over your chest defensively. "Let's see if you can do any better."
Jungkook fished another dollar out of his wallet and handed to the game runner without breaking eye contact with you. He didn't say anything, but he didn't need to; the glint in eyes said it all for him: challenge accepted.
You watched him intently, unsure if it was the slow, lazy way he rolled his sleeves up his forearms or the cocky way he tossed the ball from hand to hand, as if judging its weight, that had you waiting to see him fail. He gripped the ball over the top, but threw it as if it was underhanded, creating a spin that sent it straight into the hole once it bounced off the back rim.
He looked at you out of the corner of his eye, unable to hold back the smug grin tugging at his lips when he saw the way your mouth had fallen open. "How's that taste, Sunshine?"
You clicked your jaw shut and cocked your head to the side, "Beginner's luck."
"Bullshit!" He laughed, handing another dollar to the game runner. "Beginner's luck sure didn't help you."
And then he did it again, effortlessly, as if he hadn't watched you struggle through a wad of cash trying to win it yourself. Then he did it a third time and you wanted to be mad, but then he leaned toward you, eyes gentle even if the smirk hadn't left his face just yet. "You want the big one?"
"Uh, no, actually," you started, tugging at the ends of your sleeves. You pointed to the side, way in the back, and toward the bottom. "I want that."
Jungkook followed the gesture and the realization of what had caught your eye, what you were trying so desperately to win, made his heart ache. The game runner gave you a confused look, as if asking if you were sure after Jungkook had flawlessly won the game three times, and handed him the trinket.
Jungkook held it up for a moment, letting the chains dangle over his fingers while he admired it. It was nothing fancy; just a few painted charms to anyone else, but to you two? A sun, a moon, and a pair of stars. He smiled at you, offering it to you, palm up. “For you, Y/N.”
The game runner chimed in after watching the whole exchange, “You know, I don’t think I’m supposed to do this, but I can’t believe you turned down the big prize and I’ve never seen someone win three times in a row like that, so do you want another small prize or two? Feels wrong giving away just one keychain after all that.”
Jungkook looked back at the game stand, easily spotting what he was searching for. “Yeah, can I get two more?” He took in the wide-eyed, slightly teary stare you were giving him as he hooked them both onto his keys and spoke softly, “One for me, one for Hobi.”
You were about to say something when a loud bang went off and you jumped, latching onto his side and nearly knocking him off balance. He took advantage of the opportunity, sliding his hand down your arm and linking his fingers with yours. Nudging your shoulder with his, he teased, “You sure you aren’t related to Hobi?”
You pouted up at him, sounding a little more whiny than you needed to as you squeezed his hand back, “Are you sure you’re related Jiyeon? She was never this much of a bitch.”
“We talking about the same Jiyeon? Cause I remember needing to play mediator in all of your fights and wow, that girl could get catty,” Jungkook replied. You didn’t miss the way his eyes crinkled in the corners as he replayed a (minor) argument you’d had out loud for you.
~ ~ ~
The line for the ferris wheel went faster than you’d expected and you were climbing into the seat before you knew it. You were only partially surprised when Jungkook took the seat next to you instead of sitting across from you, but had to admit to yourself the warmth coming off of him was nice, especially since it had gotten a little chilly since the sun went down. Each stop of the ferris wheel had you feeling increasingly nervous for some reason and you mumbled out, “it’s cold up here, huh?”
Jungkook saw the invitation for what it was and put an arm around you, pulling you closer. He felt you shiver when he leaned in to say, “I think the finale is coming up. I think, we’ll be at the top when it happens.” As luck would have it, he was right.
Later that night he would cringe and curse every romantic comedy and drama you and Jiyeon had forced him to watch growing up for the cliche, but in the moment, when he watched your face light up in delight at the flashing colors above, he just couldn’t help himself.
“It’s so beautiful,” you exclaimed, turning toward him with a bright, wide smile.
He let his gaze trail over your face, wanting to commit this moment to memory, and smiled back at you. “Yeah, it is.”
If his life was a movie, he would’ve leaned in and kissed you right then. You’d seen the way his eyes lingered on your mouth before glancing back up at your eyes and felt something strange stirring in your chest. He’d seen the way your lips had parted, just slightly, and he ached to close that distance between you. But then he looked away because this wasn’t a movie. You were his sister’s best friend, one of his oldest ones, and it was wrong.
It was wrong because it took Jiyeon dying for him to realize he’d been in love with you since you were kids. It was wrong because it took burying her in the ground for you to come to him like this. It was wrong because this was the same carnival she and Hoseok had fallen in love at and he would never get to hold her again.
It was wrong because as much as Jungkook knew he wanted you right now, he didn’t know if you genuinely wanted him back. Maybe this place held too much of Jiyeon and you were just filling in the massive hole she’d burned into you with whatever you could get.
Another time, another place, and maybe it would’ve been different. It could be rough hands, tongue and teeth, nails raking down his back. He could do that. But here? Atop the ferris wheel at the carnival his sister had loved, beneath a star-lit, fireworks painted sky, with you looking up at him so sweetly? Here was something else and he was ready to pour his heart out to you.
Jungkook had wanted to kiss you so badly that turning away was physically painful. But he could never want for more than what he needed; and what he needed in a moment like this - a moment so beautiful, and pure, and raw - was for it to be real.
You swallowed hard, turning to look back up at the sky, and couldn’t shake that gnawing disappointment eating at you. You had played the scene in your head as it was happening, so certain it was going to: he’d reach with his free hand to cup your chin and tilt your face up towards him and then he’d press his lips to yours, so soft and sweet you would melt into it.
But then he didn’t and you sat up straight, face growing hot with shame and perhaps a little bit of hurt. You felt embarrassed for getting caught up in the moment and even more so because this wasn’t just any guy. This was Jungkook, your childhood ‘frienemy,’ and current roommate. Maybe the reason you felt so foolish was because you were, in fact, a fool.
Jungkook felt, more than saw, the way you’d reacted, and even though you were sitting right next to him with his arm around you, there was somehow the greatest amount of distance between you yet.
It was a long ride home.
~ ~ ~
Things were tense and awkward around the apartment and you had honestly found yourself looking forward to returning to work Monday morning - if only to get away for a few hours from whatever the hell was going on between you two. Something in the air just seemed to freeze whenever you were in the same room as him; even though he tried to look as if he was ignoring you, it was impossible not to notice the way he physically tensed up if you so much as walked past him. You couldn’t help the nagging feeling of rejection eating at you either, however ridiculous the notion made you feel because, again, this was Jungkook.
For the most part, work had gone smoothly on the medical-surgical unit. It was still busy though, and you were desperately trying to catch up on some overdue charting. You had blocked out the never-ending call lights, the (miscellaneous) overhead pages, and most of the chatter from the staff coming and going around the station. It wasn’t until you walked down the other hallway, trying to catch one of your coworkers, that you were pulled out of your haze.
A familiar voice, one you hadn’t heard in weeks, called softly from one of the rooms, “Sunshine?”
You felt your heart drop, world spinning as you turned toward the sound, privacy laws be damned.
“S-s-sunshine? Are you - you actually here this-s time?” Hoseok asked, body shaking so badly his legs were practically jumping off the bed. He furrowed his brow, gaze quickly darting away from you to wildly scan the room. You knew what this was - could see the sweat beading on his forehead from here - and a small part of you hoped he’d find whatever he was looking for. “Sh-she told me t-to find you, find J-JK. I couldn’t see y-you though.”
You shut the door behind you and crossed the room, wanting to throw yourself across the bed, but settling for crouching beside him, placing what you hoped was a comforting hand in his despite the tremors being powerful enough to shake your arm too. You pressed your tongue to the roof of your mouth, hard - a trick you hard learned to help hold back the tears in times like this - and glanced at the board, trying to figure out when his next dose of valium would come.
“I’m here now, Hobi,” you said softly, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. “Have you ever withdrawn before?”
He shook his head, almost violently. “N-no. W-what are they giving me here?”
“Something to help you sleep. If you’re sleeping, you’re not withdrawing,” you explained, watching him look around, trying to follow someone or something that wasn’t there.
“I don’t w-want it. I don’t want t-t-to sleep, I want to see her! I l-lost my bronze chip, I lost it, I lost h-her. L-let me see her.” he almost started wailing and you brought your other hand to his chest, trying to calm him down.
“Alcohol withdrawal is too dangerous, Hobi. You could die without it,” you tried to reason with him, realizing too late your mistake.
His head snapped back to you, voice broken and pleading, “then just let me!”
He reached for you with his other hand, gripping your arm, trying to roll over in bed and begged you, stammering through the whole thing as his body spasmed, “please, just let me die, let me be with her, please, please, please. I can’t do it myself, please, please, just let me go. Let me go, let me go.”
You wrenched yourself away from him and ran out of the room, nearly slamming into your coworker. “Oh, shit, sorry.” you choked out. You paused for a moment and kept your tone as even as possible, “I checked on your patient because he was trying to climb out of bed, but I think he might be due soon. He’s really agitated and saying some things that might warrant a 1:1. He keeps saying he wants to die. Just… keep an eye on him.”
You brushed past her and made a beeline for the one private stall bathroom on the unit, slamming the door shut and sliding down it when your legs gave out. You covered your mouth with your hand, trying to muffle your own sobs as you whipped out your phone.
~ ~ ~
The last thing Jungkook expected while you were at work was for the phone to ring. He launched himself across the room in his haste to get to it, ripping open his backpack with enough force that he tore off one of the zipper ties. He almost answered it - almost - but caught himself just in time.
It felt like an eternity waiting for the call to end and even longer for the voicemail icon to pop up, indicating you’d left a message. He let it play, bringing the cell phone to his ear with a shaky hand, wondering what could’ve happened to make you call. It was hard to hear what you were saying through all the tears, but what he could make out had his heart breaking - for you, for Hobi, for Jiyeon.
Jiyeon, why didn’t you tell us about Hobi? We could’ve helped him if we’d known. We could’ve stopped this. He’s so lost without you. We all are.
Jungkook replayed the message a few times, feeling himself choke up, and it took everything in him not to call you right away and ask about Hoseok. Instead, he put Jiyeon’s cell on silent and stuffed it back into the bottom of the bag. Pulling it to his chest in a tight hold, he slumped down the back of the couch, and let himself break down for the first time in weeks.
~ ~ ~
You were nearing the end of your shift when you felt your phone vibrate a few times in quick succession. You stepped into the supply closet and pulled it out to check and couldn’t help the sigh of relief when you saw it was Jungkook texting you; even if things had been awkward between you two, anything from Jungkook was better than more shit from Alex right now. You just didn’t have it in you to deal with him.
Kookie: you have tomorrow off right
Kookie: want to go out tonight
Kookie: i’m going a little stir crazy
You mull it over, torn between taking him up on the offer and resigning yourself to sitting in the dark in your bedroom. Finally, you texted him back.
You: just dont let me drink too much
He texted back right away, as if he’d been waiting for your reply.
Kookie: don’t worry
Kookie: i’ll take care of you
~ ~ ~
You always felt weird whenever Jungkook was left waiting for you to get ready or change and that feeling had been amplified since the ‘accident’ last Thursday and that moment on the ferris wheel on Friday. You tentatively stepped out into the living room and made a beeline for the door, avoiding eye contact the whole way. “I’m ready,” you chimed, “let’s go.”
Jungkook had been leaning over the kitchen counter, filling out a grocery list while he waited, and found himself grateful that your eyes hadn’t lingered on him too long: he’d been thumbing the pencil in thought and snapped it in half the moment he looked up at you, jaw dropping, blood pumping far away from his brain.
“You’re wearing that out?” He fumbled over his words, blinking rapidly.
You nervously ran your fingers over your bare neck for a moment before shutting the door and turning around. You bit your lip, shyly glancing back up at him, and asked, “does it look bad?”
He exhaled a long, slow hiss of air and stepped around you, eager to put some space between you before he did or said something that would get him hit. “It looks fucking great, Sunshine,” he called back through clenched teeth.
~ ~ ~
Jungkook was at the bar doing shots for most of the night, eyes locked on you from across the room. He wanted to tell himself it was because he was keeping an eye on you, keeping you safe for Jiyeon, but he knew that was bullshit. He was imagining licking up from your tits to your neck and sinking his teeth into the sensitive flesh there. He wondered if you’d moan or scream and felt himself growing hard. Another shot. He pictured burying his head beneath that dress and between your thighs so he could lap at your dripping core and found he desperately wanted to know what you tasted like. Another semi. Another shot.
You made your way back to the bar, sweaty and grinning for the first time since the morning, and ordered a scooby snack. You turned to Jungkook, who had kept glancing at you in his peripheral, and you were about to ask him to come join you when you felt a hand on your shoulder.
“Y/N?” Alex asked, spinning you around. “How come you didn’t text me back the other night?”
You felt your smile falling almost immediately, but plastered another one on there as you looked up at him. “Heyyy, Alex,” you licked your lips and took his hand off of your arm, trying to buy time to figure out how to get out of this one. “I’m sorry about the other night, I just had something come up that day and needed to bounce.”
“I thought I had you bouncing pretty good on my dick, baby.”
You heard the loudest scoff from your back and pressed your lips together to avoid rounding around on him. You really didn’t need him making this worse, especially if Alex recognized him from last time.
“How about we pick up where we left off?” he pawed at your hips, dragging you into him, and you tensed up.
“Alex,” his name came out as a nervous laugh and you struggled to push his hands off of you. “I don’t really think I’m in the mood tonight either, sorry.” He kept on trying to pull you closer to him, hands roaming, and you tried again, firmer this time, “Alex, stop.”
“I know you want it, baby, don’t fight it.”
Then his hand slid over your ass and squeezed, hard enough to hurt, and after the day you’d had, something in you snapped, “Don’t fucking touch me!”
He didn’t stop, laughing at your protests instead, and then you heard a shot glass slam down on the counter behind you. Jungkook wrapped a protective arm around your front, moving to step in front of you. The muscles in his jaw were worked tight, fingers flexing as his hand fell from you to his side. His voice was low, intentions clear as day, “She said don’t fucking touch her.”
“Who the fuck are you?” Alex asked, narrowing his eyes at the other man. It took a few moments, but when realization dawned on him, he was howling. “Wait a minute, I know you. You’re that fucking prick. I remember you. Well, guess what, pretty boy? You ain’t gonna get my sloppy seconds this time.”
You caught the way Jungkook’s jaw ticked and put a hand on his shoulder, “Kookie, please, don’t.”
“Kookie?” Alex asked, brows knitting together. You knew that look he was getting too; he looked pissed. “You know this fucker?”
“That’s right, she knows me,” Jungkook smirked, tonguing his cheek. “Who do you think she runs home to when you leave her wanting?”
Your hands flew to your mouth and you cried out as Jungkook’s head snapped to the side. He brought his thumb to his face, running it over the spot Alex’s fist had collided with; when he pulled it away you saw it stained red. The way his lip quirked up into a grin scared you and you latched onto his arm, begging him, tears stinging your eyes, “Kookie, please, please, don’t. Don’t do this. Not tonight. Let’s just go home, please.”
Jungkook’s features softened as he looked over shoulder at you. You could see the spot where his lip had busted open again and felt your heart aching at the trail of blood dripping down his chin. He glanced back at Alex for a moment before grabbing your arm and turning around.
“That’s right, go ahead and dog-walk your slutty bitch home.”
Jungkook whipped around before you could even registered what was happening, hocking a mouth full of spit and blood straight into Alex’s face. His grip on you tightened as you dragged you out there faster than the other man could clean his face off.
The car ride home was long and quiet and you were glad you hadn’t gotten that shot after all.
~ ~ ~
You pulled Jungkook into the bathroom once you got back, demanding that he let you look at his face. Wiping his chin clean with a spare cloth, you took in the bruising that was already forming around his mouth.
“I’m so sorry, Kookie,” you whispered. You ghosted your fingers over the spot and his tongue darted out to lick one. You made the mistake of glancing up at him and found the heat of his gaze had your breath catching in your throat.
Jungkook leaned in closer, reaching up to keep your hand pressed to his face. When he spoke his tone was dark, unlike anything you’d heard from him before, “then kiss it better.”
You felt your heart pounding in your chest and you blinked at him, certain you had heard him wrong, but asked anyway, “what?”
“I said kiss it better,” he was so close now you could feel his lips brushing against the side of your face.
You swallowed hard, trying to ignore the way your hands were shaking, and spat, “Thanks for earlier, but I’m really not in the mood for your jokes right now.”
“I’m not joking.”
“Then you’re drunk,” you tried to back away, but he kept his hold on your wrist.
His voice was firm, rough with something that made your knees weak, “No, I’m fucking not.”
He brought his other hand up to the small of your back, gently pulling you closer to him, and then let go, letting his hands fall to his sides. You felt his breath fanning across your neck and you couldn’t fight the shiver wracking your spine. He noticed and hummed a deep, low sound.
“Why do you fuck him,” he asked, shifting his weight to lean into you.
You sighed, trying not to roll your eyes and said, “Jungkook, we’ve already-”
“No, no. Why do you fuck him?” His voice was almost a growl and you nearly whimpered. “You say you do it to feel good again, but I see how you look when you come home after.”
“I bet he fucks you until he cums and then he rolls over,” he continued, “I bet you touch yourself while he’s in the shower so you can finish without hurting his ego.”
Jungkook watched the way you flushed, gaze darting around your face to savor your reaction, and he couldn’t help the smirk that played across his face. “Aw shit,” his grin widened. “I’m right aren’t I, Sunshine?”
You didn’t say anything, unable to find your voice between the shame of admitting he was right and the embarrassment you felt at the heat pooling between your legs. He let his hand hover by your thighs, so close you could feel the heat coming off of him, but not touching you yet.
Your lips parted at the phantom feeling and he honed in on it, lowering his face to the crook between your neck and shoulder, “You want to feel good, Y/N, I could make you feel good.” You whimpered and his hips flexed at the sound. He let a breathy moan fan against your skin, “I want to make you feel good.”
“I know you want it too,” he licked his lips, rolling his wrists as if he’s anxious to touch you because he is, barely able to hold himself back, but he needs you to admit it. “Turn around and look in the mirror, see how fucked-out you look right now.”
You did as he said and even though you’d heard him describe it - felt the way you were clenching around nothing every time he spoke - you were surprised and embarrassed by just how flushed your face was, just how wide your pupils were blown.
He trapped you against the sink, placing an arm on either side of your body, moving close but not nearly close enough. You locked eyes with him in the mirror and shivered against him; he looked ready to devour you. “You looked like this the other day, Sunshine, right after watching me come. You got off on it, didn’t you?”
“Mm, I bet you’re fucking dripping right now and I haven’t even touched you yet.” He brought his lips to your ear, smirking at your reflection, “I want to though. So fucking badly.”
“And if you’re this wet listening to my voice, imagine what I can do with my fingers, and tongue, and cock.” Jungkook inhaled deeply and sighed into your neck, backing away just enough that you could turn to face him again.
“Your move, Sunshine.”
Is this what you were waiting for?
This was originally going to be part of a longer chapter, but then I wrote nearly 9k and decided to post this on its own. =)
Returning his gaze had you feeling lightheaded; his eyes, normally so soft and doe-like or glinting with mischief, were heavy-lidded and blown out black. Your eyes dropped to his mouth, watching him run his tongue along his teeth while he waited for your reply, and you caught yourself gripping the edge of the sink behind you so tightly your knuckles paled. You forced yourself to loosen your grip and brought a shaky hand up to card your fingers through his hair.
His lips parted to let out the breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding in, the sound turning into a soft, whiny moan when you closed your fist and pulled. You pressed your other palm to his chest, taking note of how hot he felt even through the fabric of his shirt, and slowly dragged it down his front, letting your nails catch on his nipple and making him hiss a breath of air in through his teeth. You squeezed your thighs together, heat pooling between your legs more and more with every reaction you pulled from him.
You were about to slip your fingers under the hem of his shirt when Jungkook suddenly gripped your wrist tightly and brought his other hand up to yank your head back by your hair. He pressed his face into your neck and you whimpered at the feeling of his mouth dragging up to your ear. You tightened your hold on his hair and pulled, challenging the way he’d kept his hand fisted in yours.
Jungkook smiled down at you, nose briefly crinkling in delight at the bratty action, but you couldn’t help thinking that it looked more like he was baring his teeth at you. “Don’t you dare tease me, Sunshine,” he warned, releasing his hold on your wrist to squeeze your jaw between his thumb and forefinger. “You’ve had me so wound up lately and I’m about to fucking snap, so just say it already. Say what you want.”
“Kookie,” you began, sliding your hand down to cup him by the back of the neck, “I want to you to kiss me.”
Jungkook didn’t hesitate, but it wasn’t the rough crashing of mouths that you’d expected. Instead he pressed his lips to yours gently, almost carefully, and you mistakenly thought it was because he was trying not to open up the cut he’d gotten earlier; and while the kiss might’ve been gentle, it was still every bit as hungry as you hoped it would be. The hand that had been tangled in your hair fell to cradle the side of your face while the other grabbed yours, pressing your palm to his chest and holding it there. You still felt so nervous about everything transpiring, but the way you could feel his heart pounding even through the fabric of his shirt helped calm some of the anxiety.
Jungkook, meanwhile, was waging a war with himself in between getting lost in the sensation of your lips against his. He hadn’t intended to be so soft, so intimate with the way he was kissing you, but this was the first time and he found he couldn’t do it any other way. Despite that, he knew it revealed too much of himself and he hoped you were too caught up in the feeling of it to realize everything he was telling you because Jungkook wouldn't, couldn't, confess. It risked too much. It risked you. He parted your mouth with his tongue and deepened the kiss, not trusting that he wouldn’t whisper sweet nothings between breaths.
You flexed your hips into him when he sucked your bottom lip into his mouth, earning a low groan, almost a growl, from him as he dragged it back through his teeth hard enough to make you whimper. He ran the tip of his tongue across the spot he just bruised and you fisted his shirt in your hand, pulling him in closer, craving more of him. Everything about the kiss, even when it got rough, felt slow and sensual and it had your knees threatening to buckle. You couldn’t help but whine at the loss when he finally broke away.
Jungkook swallowed hard, struggling to find his voice as he took in the sight of your flushed face and kiss-swollen mouth. He might’ve imagined it, wishing too hard for it to be true, but the way you were looking at him so full of arousal and adoration made his heart ache. He knew he had to draw the line somewhere, make this into something he could handle for his own sake, but he wanted to please you badly enough he’d let you be the one to set it. He knew he’d give you anything - everything - you asked for and even though he knew how dangerous that could be, he couldn’t stop himself from asking, “tell me what you need from me tonight, please? I need to hear you say it.”
“I want you, Jungkook,” you said, twisting your hand around to grab his, mimicking his earlier action by pressing his palm over your heart. You didn’t stop there though, choosing to drag his hand down, over your breasts, across your stomach, until he was cupping your mound. “And I need you to touch me. I need your hands and fingers and mouth and tongue.”
You barely heard the breathy, “oh fuck, yes” that left him before he pressed his lips to yours once more. He ground the heel of his palm into you and felt his cock throb with every moan and whimper he ripped from your throat. You cried out when he finally pulled away, desperate for more, but then he reached down and lifted you up, encouraging you to wrap your legs around him. He gripped your ass in both hands, using the leverage to roll his hips against your core, making you needily whine out his name. He nearly growled at the sound, the low rumble in his chest sending shivers down your spine.
Somehow, Jungkook had carried you from the bathroom to the hallway, stopping momentarily to slam your back into the wall and thrust against you a few more times while his mouth assaulted your neck. You hadn’t realized it at the time, too distracted by the way he was biting and sucking at the sensitive skin by your ear, but he had shifted an arm under you, supporting your weight between it and the wall while his other hand opened your bedroom door.
“Feet on the floor, Sunshine,” he commanded once inside, lowering you slightly to ensure you got the message. You complied, stepping down carefully so as not to lose your balance in your heels. Jungkook stepped back, confusing you for a moment, but the way he eyed you up and down, like you were a meal to be devoured, kept you still even as he circled around behind you. You felt his lips brush against the shell of your ear and felt another wave of arousal hit you when he spoke.
“I’m going to undress you, slowly, and you’re going to stay still and let me see all of you,” he began, taking a moment to nip at you in between words. “If you so much as think of covering yourself up, I’ll stop, and you won’t get anything from me tonight. Got it, Sunshine?”
When you didn’t speak up, he knotted a hand in your hair and pulled, voice rough with need, “answer me. You gonna be good for me?”
“I’ll be good, Kookie,” you whimpered, desperate for more contact, but afraid to even lean back into him with the warning he’d given you.
Jungkook let out a long, anticipatory sigh, moving his hands so that one held the material of your dress tight while the other gripped the zipper and tugged it down; he took his time with the motion, letting his free fingers brush down the expanse of your back while he pressed open mouth kisses down your spine. He wanted to draw this out for as long as possible, not knowing if you’d ever let it happen again and needing to commit every moment - every moan and shiver and roll of your hips - to memory.
He licked a long, hot line back up to the nape of your neck, making you clench your fists to avoid throwing your head back. He sunk his teeth into your shoulder, making you cry out, and when he laughed in response, you finally realized this was part of the game.
“That’s right, Sunshine,” he crooned, “don’t fucking move.”
Jungkook brought his hands up to either side of your shoulders and slid the straps off, crouched to tug the clingy material of your dress down your body. His breath caught in his throat as he slipped it over the curve of your ass; you were wearing those panties - the ones he’d found when he’d moved in - and the sight was even better than he’d imagined. He almost didn’t want to peel them off of you. Almost.
Jungkook stood back up and moved to your front, realizing as he eyed your figure that the panties came as part of a matching lingerie set. It made you feel self-conscious, the way he stared, and you wanted to at least sling an arm over your bare stomach, but you needed to do as you were told. So, you let him stare, feeling yourself growing impossibly hotter when he palmed himself through his pants.
Jungkook gripped himself tightly, finding it impossible not to touch himself at the sight of you. He swore he grew even harder at the shy way you bit your lip and glanced away because then he knew: you did want to cover up, hide yourself, but you wanted him badly enough that you would fight that instinct the whole way. He thought about your usual bratty self and knew, in that moment, exactly how tonight was going to play out. You were being so cute, so sweet, so submissive, and he wanted to break you.
Jungkook closed the distance between you again, stopping just short of pressing himself into you, and slid a hand over the curve of your ass. He'd kept his eyes locked on yours the entire time and the heat of his gaze meant you didn't notice the way he'd reached down in the space between you. You jumped when you felt his fingers ghost along your inner thigh and heard yourself whine out his name. He stroked up and down the sensitive skin there, occasionally letting his hand climb dangerously, deliciously close to where you needed him most, but it was never close enough.
You found yourself growing increasingly impatient with him, the feeling only amplified by the way he was smiling down at you. He must've sensed it because after one particularly long path up your thigh, he let his thumb catch under the material of your panties before dragging his hand back down, making you gasp in surprise and pleasure. The anger that flooded your veins at the loss was amplified tenfold by the way he had gasped back at you mockingly before letting his scandalized expression settle back into something darker.
Jungkook finally released the tight grip he’d had on your ass to reach up and unclasp your bra, both hands moving to slide the straps off your shoulders. Stepping back slightly, he broke eye contact and let his gaze linger on your exposed torso. You watched his eyebrows knit together and lips part just enough to let out a soft, needy moan at the sight of you, feeling yourself clench around nothing at the sound.
He pulled you back in, parting your mouth with his tongue and groaning at the feeling of your breasts pressed against his chest. He broke the kiss just long enough to toss his own shirt to the side, desperate to feel more of you against him, and the way he dragged your lip through his teeth made you forget the orders from earlier. You wrapped your arms around his neck, deepening the kiss, feeling like you’d never taste enough of him.
The shock and pain you experienced when you felt him knot his hand his your hair and yank your head back had you seeing stars. He laved his tongue up to the shell of your ear, using his grip on your hips to grind his hard length into you.
"Strike one, Sunshine. You were being such a good girl for me too,” Jungkook whispered, his breath hot against your neck. “Should I give you a second chance? Will you listen this time?”
“I’ll listen, Kookie,” you pouted, the need to be touched, to be praised, to be full, overpowering every other thought and feeling you had. “I’ll be good.”
Something flashed in his eyes, the grin on his face reminding you more of a snarl than a smile as his nose and eyes crinkled in delight. He ran his tongue over his teeth, voice low and rough and so unlike what you were used to hearing from him, “beg for me.”
Your face flushed with embarrassment this time and you found yourself pleading, with your eyes, for him to just let this one go. Your reluctance, the bashful way your eyelashes fluttered when you looked up at him, only made his cock throb harder; he bit down on his bottom lip, trying to ignore how painfully tight his pants were constricting his shaft.
"Jungkook, please, I need you," you started, embarrassed hearing your voice come out as a thin whine, "I need you to touch me. I need to feel you. I'll be good for you. I'll be so good, Kookie. Let me be your good girl."
Jungkook's smile dropped a little at that last bit, realizing just how bad he had it for you by the way his abdominal muscles contracted and his cock swelled; he could've cum just from hearing you beg to be his. He crashed his mouth to yours again, ignoring the ache in his chest that reminded him of all the other ways he wished he could have you. He wanted every part of you, but if he could only have you one way, then this needed to be enough.
"Get on the bed. Take your panties off, keep your heels on," he commanded, kissing along your jawline between words. "When I turn back around, I want to see you spread open for me."
You hesitated for a moment, lips parting in protest, but the extra heat pooling between your legs at his words won out in the end. You reclined on the mattress, sliding the last bit of lingerie covering you past your ankles, and laid back. You watched him roll his neck and shoulders, catching yourself staring at the muscular, tattooed expanse of his back instead of doing as he'd asked, and you nearly yelped when you realized it. Hurrying to obey, you brought a hand between your thighs and parted your folds; you were embarrassed enough from putting on such a lewd display, but the slick, wet sound you heard had you unable to meet his gaze when he turned back around.
You felt yourself throb at the low, needy groan that left him as his eyes roamed your body; it might've been the most obscene sound you'd heard him make yet. Curious, you hastily glanced back at him, noticing the way his pants hung deliciously low on his hips first, but it was quick rise and fall of his chest - the way he was practically panting at the sight of you - that had you whimpering as you looked away.
Even seeing how you affected him didn't quell your nerves and you couldn't help but flex the fingers you used to spread your cunt open for him. You forced yourself to speak, attempting to tease him, but cringing at how it sounded more like a request for validation, "do you like what you see?"
Jungkook tilted his head to the side and countered, "do you?" You felt the bed dip and the heat radiating off of his chest as he hovered over you. "How come you don't want to look at me?"
"I'm self-conscious," you licked your lips, mouth feeling impossibly dry all of a sudden. "I know I want you - so, maybe it's cause I've known you for so long - but I actually care about what you think of me."
Jungkook cradled the side of your face in one of his hands and turned your head to face him, "Look at me, Sunshine." You locked eyes with him, stomach knotting at both the heat and softness you saw held there. "I think you're gorgeous and sexy even when you're not like this. Always have, and friend or not, I'd be blind not to see it."
"And like this? I think you're absolutely breathtaking, Y/N" he continued, afraid you'd see just how much he meant it, but wanting you to hear it anyway. "Did those boys you fucked before, boys like Alex, did they not make you feel beautiful? Wanted?"
"I guess not as much as they could've," you admitted.
"Then tonight is gonna be about you, Sunshine," he murmured into your skin, already kissing down the crook of your neck. The declaration was redundant for him - he'd known from the moment you gave him permission to touch you what he was going to do - but he needed you to realize he meant it. He was reminded, for the second time tonight, that he'd give you anything and everything you asked for; so, he had to leave you so breathless you wouldn't, couldn't, ask him for more.
Jungkook sucked and bit bruises into your neck and shoulders, tongue tracing soothing circles over the sensitive, aching skin, and he caught himself grinding his length against your thigh at all the sweet sounds you were making for him. He slid a hand up the expanse of your stomach to your breasts, and began kneading the soft flesh between his fingers, letting his palm brush against your pebbled nipples just enough to have you arching into his touch.
Abandoning your neck, he lifted himself off of you enough to reach down and fiddle with his pants. You couldn't help the way you whimpered and lifted your hips up when you felt the weight of his long, thick cock resting against you. You felt a puff of air fan across your chest as he laughed and stilled you with one hand, "not just yet, Sunshine. You said you were gonna be my good girl, so be good and let me play with you first."
You felt yourself blushing at the way he'd turned his own words against you, but quickly forgot any and all embarrassment when you felt his mouth close around one of your nipples, so wet and hot and good. Crying out, you bucked against him and felt his cock twitch against your thigh in response. He moaned into you, the vibrations sending shivers up your spine, and the loss of sensation, even for the few seconds it took for him to flick his tongue over your other breast, nearly had you weeping.
You were so caught up in the attention he was giving your breasts that you didn't realize he had slid a hand in the space between you two until you felt him pushing one long finger into your cunt. He didn't wait to add a second one and he had you writhing beneath him. You bucked your hips to meet each pump of his fingers in and out of you and the way he occasionally curled them up to tap that sensitive spot had you begging him in no time, “please, please, fuck me. I need to feel you in me.”
“You’re so fucking tight right now, there’s no way you could take me,” he growled, flexing his hips into you to drive his point home. The way your walls were squeezing his fingers had him feeling lightheaded - too much blood rushing to his cock - and he couldn’t help but fuck his fingers into you harder, making you keen. “I’d split you in half, Sunshine.”
He pressed the pad of his thumb against your clit and began rubbing small, firm circles against it in time to each ‘come-hither’ motion of the fingers he had working inside you. His free hand was still rolling and pinching and tugging at whichever nipple his mouth wasn’t latched onto and the combination of everything had you arching your back and sliding your thighs against him, greedy for more of anything he would give you.
You felt that molten heat growing deep in your belly and it had you fisting the sheets in your hands, rolling your hips in time with each pump of his fingers, feverishly chasing your end - but Jungkook felt it too and completely withdrew from you, sitting back on his heels to soak in all the emotions that played across your face: desperation, shock, anguish, and pure, unadulterated fury.
“That’s for strike one, Sunshine,” he said, matter-of-factly, cocking his head to the side. “Only good girls get to cum.”
Tears stung your eyes and you never wanted to swipe that smug grin off his face more; it had you clenching your fists, nails biting into your own flesh in an attempt to ignore the way you were clenching around nothing. You felt so helpless, so painfully empty, and the fact that he did this to you out of spite - just because he could - had you trembling in an uncomfortable mix of anger and arousal.
With the way he was positioned, you finally had a long, close-up view of his cock and holy fuck had you been missing out. He had the kind of cock people fantasize about when touching themselves - the kind you had fantasized about - and it was unfair the universe had made both him and his cock so beautiful. You watched him give it a few slow, lazy strokes, causing more precum to bead at the tip of the swollen, red head. You watched him swirl his palm around the top and drag it back down, lubricating his shaft enough to pump himself quicker.
You licked your lips while watching him and thought about lunging at him and taking control for yourself. He was so big, so thick, and you knew he would fill you up so good if you could just sink yourself down onto him. He gave the head of his cock another tight squeeze, milking another bead of precum out, and you wondered if he would stretch you so fully you’d never feel whole again without him.
But then you watched him bring his other hand to his mouth - the hand that had been fucking into your pussy so relentlessly only moments before - and run his tongue over his slick-covered fingers before sucking them into his mouth and letting out a deep, throaty moan at the taste. That alone had you whimpering, but then you caught the desperate way he was thrusting his hips to fuck his length into his hand and you sat up, crawling towards him and pleading, “Kookie, please, I need you.”
Jungkook stilled for a moment, hand still gripping his shaft while you wrapped your arms around his neck, dipping your head down to kiss and lick and nip at whatever stretch of skin you wanted to taste. You felt the heavy rise and fall of his chest against yours and you pressed yourself into him more, ripping another moan from his throat when you rolled your hips against the back of his hand fast, catching the tip of his cock against your clit for just a second.
He threw you off him like he’d been burned, shoving you back onto the mattress so hard it hurt, but the animalistic growl he let out - the way he pinned your hands over your head and ran the full length of his cock up and down your clit - quickly mingled any pain you felt with burning white pleasure. You felt his breath fan against your ear, hot and heady, literally panting with need, and the sound he made when you met the roll of hips with a timed thrust of yours had you dripping down both of your thighs.
“I want you so fucking bad,” he said, words coming out as a choked, whiny sob as he ground himself against you harder. You felt him bare his teeth against your neck and hiss out a long, punctuated, “fuck.”
Jungkook pushed himself off of you and was across the room before you could even register what was happening. He carded a shaky hand through his hair, inhaling deeply, trying to calm himself. You didn’t know - because of course you didn’t - the full extent of how you were affecting him and he desperately needed to wrench back control somehow. He ignored your needy, distraught cries, scanning the room for something that could help him, finding his salvation in the form of your floor mirror.
He easily dragged the mirror across the room so that it stood facing the bed and finally stripped himself down fully. You watched him take another deep breath, noting the way his jaw ticked as he pinned you with a look, and you were about to ask him what he was planning when he spoke first, “get up, now."
You scrambled to your feet, the cutting tone of his voice making it clear as day that it wasn't a request. Jungkook wrapped an arm around your waist as he walked past you, dragging you back toward the bed and against his front as he sat down. You felt his bicep flex against your stomach as he supported your weight, using his free hand to hook your legs over his spread thighs.
"You're so beautiful," he whispered into your neck. You watched him in the mirror, eyes trailing down from his face to where his fingers held your lips apart. He slipped one inside you, quickly followed by a second, and gasped along with you at the feeling, "and so wet."
Jungkook pressed his palm against your torso, encouraging you to lean back against him further, and you felt his hips rut up against you, sliding his cock against your backside. He locked eyes with you in the mirror and crooned, "That's right, Sunshine, rest against me more. I want both of my hands free to fuck that pretty little pussy."
He pumped his fingers into a few more times before withdrawing them and repositioning his arm underneath one of your thighs, allowing himself enough room to both slip his fingers deep inside you again and bring his other hand down over your stomach and mound so he could start tracing light circles over your clit. The new angle enabled him to easily change up his pace to keep you writhing on top of him and, more notably, it meant he could keep you spread open, giving you both a clear, uninhibited view of how your dripping cunt was already spasming around his fingers.
He started fingering you hard and fast and he let the pad of one of his fingers drag over the hood of your clit so he could run it directly against the sensitive bud; the extreme sensitivity coupled with the vicious, relentless way he fucked into you had you clamping down around the pair of digits inside you so tightly it hurt.
"Kookie, please," you cried, reaching down to claw at one of his wrists. He would've had you doubled over from the overwhelming flood of pleasure and pain, but you were somehow lucid enough to realize too much movement meant you'd hit the floor. You were trembling all over, desperately trying to still either hand, but the more you grabbed at him, the more it spurred him on and the faster he fingered you.
"Please 'what?' Use your words, Sunshine."
You were at his mercy - you both knew it - and he sounded so smug, so patronizing, you normally wouldn't hesitate to put him in his place. But this wasn't normal for either of you: the way you were in near-hysterics, unable to focus on anything other than the agonizingly pleasurable friction against your clit and the rapid tap of his fingers against your g-spot every time he pushed back into you.
"It's too much," you finally choked out. "Please, slow down."
Jungkook immediately complied, satisfied with your reaction for now. He slowly dragged his gaze up your body, feeling himself throb as he took in the sight of your juices dripping down his fingers, your ass, his thighs; he shifted underneath you, becoming keenly aware that some of your slick had even coated the base of his shaft and balls. He admired the way your chest was heaving as you tried to catch your breath following his assault against your cunt. He let his eyes linger on your face most of all; you had your head thrown back and turned into his neck, eyes shut tight, lips parted to let out small sounds of pleasure. He could feel every breathy moan of yours fanning across his skin and it set his nerves ablaze.
Jungkook tilted his head to rest against yours, keeping his eyes trained on your face in the mirror as he spoke, "I love seeing you like this. So needy and fucked-out. Look at how you're clinging to my fingers, such a greedy girl." He began touching you with heightened intensity: the firmer pressure against your clit and long, languid pumps of his fingers into you had you repeating his name in thin, needy whines.
"So fucking beautiful, I could watch you like this for hours," you clamped around him at that and it prompted him to continue before he even realized what words were flowing from his mouth. "Everything about you is so much better than I imagined."
That admission had you snapping your eyes to his face, taking in the light dusting of pink across his cheeks. You felt your mouth twitch into a smile as you asked, "you've thought of me like this before, Kookie?"
Jungkook's gaze darted back and forth and he scraped his teeth over his bottom lip, finding out that the mirror he'd thought was his salvation before was driving a stake through him now. He cleared his throat, the way he fingered you becoming lackadaisical as he wracked his brain for an explanation that wouldn't leave him feeling too vulnerable. He settled on a bit of self-degradation.
"Sunshine, I've been thinking about this since the day I figured out how to stroke my cock," he explained, watching your face contort into the most scandalized expression he'd ever seen and he couldn't help but laugh as you squirmed against him.
"I already told you I'd have to be blind to not see how gorgeous you are. You've always been so pretty." He nuzzled his face into your neck and flexed the muscles in his arms, trying to hold you still while he picked up his pace again. His voice took on that rough edge that had your cunt throbbing around him, "so, sometimes any faceless fantasy will do, but sometimes there's a girl acting like the biggest fucking brat over a damn chair and suddenly I can't stop thinking about how badly I want to shut up her up by shoving my cock down her throat."
Jungkook hissed a breath in through his teeth, feeling you pulse around him again, "oh, you'd like that, huh?" You felt his cock twitch against your ass and he shifted his position slightly to thrust against you. "It's good that you want to suck me off, Sunshine, because look at how tightly your pussy is clinging to my fingers. You're such a greedy girl, I bet you could take all of me, fuck me down to the hilt, but your sweet little cunt would squeeze me so hard I'd get stuck inside you."
"Kookie, I can't, it's too much," you cried out, digging your nails into the meat of his thighs as he rubbed your clit so fast it had you seeing stars.
He licked a hot trail up your neck to your ear and bit down hard enough to make you yelp. "No, it's fucking not," he growled, "you're about to cum, I can feel it. Say it for me."
"I'm gonna cum, Kookie." you panted out, craning your neck around to look at him, wanting to kiss him through the waves of your impending orgasm.
He shot you a devilish grin over your shoulder, "not unless you're cumming on my tongue, Sunshine."
You could've cried from losing your second orgasm of the night when he pulled away from you, but he was crouched between your thighs in no time. Jungkook pressed one palm into the small of your back, helping you stay balanced, while he used the other to sling your thighs over his shoulders. With his mouth so close to your cunt, he didn't bother explaining the position change to you as he stood up, desperately needing to part your folds with his tongue instead.
You were only vaguely aware of your back hitting the wall, too focused on how Jungkook was eating you out like a man starved, and the way you hooked your ankles together against his back to pull him in closer only spurred him on more.
He couldn't seem to decide where he wanted to put his mouth the most and the way you were balanced between the wall, his shoulders, and one hand meant you couldn't decide for him. So he settled on tasting you everywhere, licking long trails up to your clit to flick it with his tongue before sucking it into his mouth, making you cry out. Then he'd drop his mouth back down to lap at your hole or fuck his tongue into you, making sure to lick up any juices flowing from you, as if he couldn't bear the thought of any of it going to waste.
The sight of him there, face buried in your cunt between your thighs, eating you out like could he never taste enough of you, was enough to make you cum on its own, but the sounds filling the room were something else entirely. The deliciously wet and lewd noises caused by his mouth on your pussy had you blushing, but what finally pushed you over the edge was the fact that you were absolutely keening, hands tangled in his hair, begging for him, and yet the way he moaned into you while he ate you, vibrations going straight to your clit, sounded even more desperate and obscene than any other noise in the room. You felt more than saw his shoulder moving under you, realizing he'd been stroking himself the entire time, and you felt yourself clenching around nothing at the thought.
"Oh, fuck," you gasped, inadvertently squeezing your thighs around him as you begged, "I'm gonna cum, please let me."
Jungkook groaned even harder into you, dragging his nails over the curve of your ass as he pulled his mouth just far enough off of you to lock eyes and growl, "say my name when you cum and hold on tight."
He ran his tongue back and forth over your clit, bringing the hand that had been helping support you around to slip two fingers into and tap at your g-spot. You nearly arched your back off the wall when you felt that hot coil inside you snap and you came so hard around his fingers, on his mouth and tongue, screaming and moaning and whimpering his name, you were almost grateful he'd dragged it out for so long.
Jungkook felt you clamp down around his fingers and kept his gaze trained on your face as best he could from beneath you, wanting to commit everything about this moment to memory, as you came undone for him, but it was the sound of his name repeated so desperately on your lips that had him spilling himself into his palm. He did his best to fuck up into his hand without displacing you as he rode out those waves of pleasure with you, pretending he was pounding himself into the tight cunt that was dripping down his fingers instead. He let his mind wander to how fucking perfect you'd fit together with him, let himself pretend this meant more than it did, and realized mid-fucking-orgasm that this had been a huge mistake.
He'd let his envy and dick speak for him earlier and then your sweet mouth had kept him going. He knew better. He fucking knew better. He'd thought it twice before this night: he would give you anything you asked for, give you everything he was, and you would take and take and take until there was nothing left to give. And he would let it happen! Beg you for it even, just to see you happy again; just to see you smiling, laughing, cared for.
But Jungkook realized he'd been out of his damn mind to think he was capable of stopping this here once he'd watched, felt, and tasted you cum. He'd told himself that if this was the only way he could have you, then it needed to be enough, but now he knew it never would be. Even if it was enough to pretend, even if you were his the very next morning, Jungkook knew he would never have enough of you. Not now, not ever.
This was a mistake.
This wake a mistake and he was somehow still fucking hard thinking about being inside you, the only proof he'd came at all dripping down his fucking hand. He wanted you, needed you too badly.
This was a mistake and he wouldn't make it through another one, so he kept pumping himself through the oversensitivity, dragging his fingers out of you so he could lap up the new rush of wetness gushing out of you. He was vaguely aware of you gasping and tugging on his hair, so he pulled away just long enough to groan, "again."
You were nearly in tears from the onslaught of stimulation and just before you thought to scream at him to stop, he'd wrapped his lips around your clit and let out a particularly filthy moan. You felt yourself throb, realizing he hadn't stopped touching himself either and his whiny, needy groans into you sounded exactly like the day you caught him pumping a second orgasm out of himself. Grabbing him by his hair, you pulled him impossibly closer, grinding yourself onto his face as much as your precarious position atop his shoulders would allow.
Either he liked the idea or he was afraid you'd hurt yourself - maybe both - so he braced his free hand against your back and carefully moved back over to the bed, kneeling down to give you enough purchase to stand or sit however you'd like. You had wanted to stand, wanted to ride his tongue in your first real show of dominance tonight, but you were still too sensitive and found your legs were trembling almost violently still. You settled for sitting back, content to watch Jungkook dive back into fucking you with his tongue, and he made quick work of you both; watching you come undone pushed him over the edge again.
He was grateful that he'd had the clarity to grab some tissues to clean up on the way back to the bed, realizing he needed to wipe both of you down, but desperate with the need to keep touching and kissing you.
You had your eyes shut, a hugely satisfied smile playing across your face, but you opened them when he'd pressed his mouth to your calf and grabbed your ankle to tug at the zipper behind your heel. You mumbled out a breathy, "thank you" at the gesture, having long forgotten the heels and wondering if you'd accidentally scratched them into his back before.
You didn't have too much time to think about it because Jungkook had decided to kiss back up legs, making you rut your hips despite the fact that you were still coming down from the second orgasm. The only reason you didn't knock his jaw when he tongued a sensitive, ticklish spot by your hip bone was because he was holding you still, arms hooked under your thighs to cup your ass.
"Jungkook," you started, sounding far more worried than you would've liked to let on, "I don't think I can-"
He cut you off by licking a long line up to your clit, moaning into the taste of you once again, and as you looked down you didn't think you could ever get tired of the sight him there. His face was already covered in your slick from the nose down, but it was the soft look he pinned you with before speaking that made your breath catch, "sorry, Sunshine. I just couldn't have enough."
Jungkook ran his tongue up your slit a few more times and while you caught the breathy, "oh, fuck," he let out you didn't quite catch everything he seemed to be muttering, voice too muffled by the grind of your cunt against his mouth. Noticing the way you were fisting the sheets in your palms, he slid a hand up from under you and laced his fingers with yours, letting you squeeze him as gently or tightly as you needed while he licked, kissed, and sucked you toward a third orgasm.
"You look fucking perfect when you cum, Sunshine," he hummed into you, watching you throw your head back and roll your hips against him some more. "Let me see it one more time. Just once more, beautiful."
Jungkook watched you come undone for him one more time, craving to be there with you so badly it hurt. He ran his thumb over the back of your hand as you calmed down and turned his head to suck bruises into your thighs before you could catch the blush caused by his slip-up. Beautiful was an adjective he was more than willing to use to describe you, especially when you needed to hear it, but he'd used it as a nickname without thinking. It was too intimate for what he was doing right now and he didn't have an excuse prepared to explain why he had wanted to make you cum again so badly when he was already tapped out for the night.
"Christ, Jungkook," you panted out, "I think you've already gone down on me more than my last three exes combined."
Jungkook stopped, partly because he was pissed off you were talking about them, partly because he was offended and shocked on your behalf. "You're joking, right? That's once each."
You shifted to close your legs together, embarrassed now that your high was over, the feeling amplified by the conversation you had unintentionally started. "Not joking, but glad you can count, Kookie."
He stared you down before prying your thighs back apart and glancing down at your aching, sopping wet cunt, a low sound rumbling in his chest, "then I'll keep going until you beg me to stop - and good luck making me." He dipped his head down and traced his tongue along your folds faster than you could slam your legs shut and beg him not to.
You felt something in your chest ache at the sight of his shoulders shaking as he pushed himself off of you and hung his head, noticing how his eyes crinkled in the corners when he finally looked up at you; he was laughing that same boyish and mischievous sound you'd heard a thousand times before, but it wasn't directed at you. Not really. You tugged him up beside you by his arm and turned to face him, hating the stupid grin you knew was plastered on your face.
"Thank you, Kookie. I really needed that," you contently sighed, shifting closer as he laid down next to you. "I don't remember the last time I came so hard I nearly blacked out, so remind me why we never did that sooner?"
Jungkook wiped his mouth with his hand and forced a smile on his face, "This never could've happened with Jiyeon here and I know that's your pussy talking, so let me remind you that you've hated me for the past ten years."
"I've never hated you, Kookie." Jungkook watched you pout for a moment, wanting to catch you bottom lip between his. "And Jiyeon? Are you kidding me? That freak and Hobi would've been outside the door cheering us on." You smirked up at him and raised your left hand to wiggle your ring finger. "She wanted that in-law status, remember?"
Jungkook shook his head and laughed at you, "Easy there, Sunshine. I make you cum three times and you're already talking marriage? Thought this was just business, sweetheart." He was lying, of course, testing the water and slipping another pet name out there.
"What can I say? Dick too bomb. Shouldn't have fought it for so long."
"You'd need to cum at least three more times before taking my dick, Sunshine," his statement didn't quite match the fond smile he gave you as he brushed your hair from your face.
"Wow," you glanced down between the two of you and frowned, "for someone who didn't fuck me tonight, you sure are cocky."
And there it was. That smug grin. The eyebrow raise. The head tilt. "Yeah, I fucking am."
"Oh my god, you're so dumb," you said, lip curling back in disgust as you started to turn away from him, "I take it back! I do hate you."
Jungkook grabbed your shoulder and tugged you back in place, lifting himself up to hover over you slightly. You felt him placing kisses along your neck in between snickering at your reaction.
"Don't worry, Sunshine," he started, making you gasp as he dragged your earlobe through his teeth. "I'll make you forget again." You wrapped your arms around his neck and felt his breath fan out against the side of your face as he sighed.
"Why didn't you fuck me though?"
He tried not to wince at the question, distracting you by sucking another bruise into your neck and buying himself sometime to come up with a half-truth, "based on what you've said, I needed you to know this wasn't about me."
"I don't need to fuck you to have a good time. I had a great time, actually, without that," he settled back down next to you, afraid if he locked eyes with you that you'd see right through him. He did it anyway. "I've seen you come home from him looking hurt more than anything else. I knew I could show you punishment doesn't need to be painful. You wanted to hide from me, so I wanted you to realize you looked so damn good, of course I would cum too. You wanted to feel good. So I helped."
Jungkook ran his bottom lip through his teeth and it was just barely enough to stop him from kissing you; it was hard to resist when you looked up at him so sweetly. He inhaled deeply and slipped his arm behind you, letting his palm rest against the small of your back. He swallowed hard and said, "you're Jiyeon's best friend. Maybe mine too. I didn't want to fuck it up."
"Tonight helped more than I can explain after the day I had. So, c-can we do this again, Kookie," you asked shyly and the way your eyelashes fluttered as you looked up at him made him bite his tongue to keep from groaning. He hated the way his heart sunk when you added, "I think you're my best friend too. I don't trust anyone else like this."
Why couldn't that be enough?
You were smiling at him like you couldn't see the way you'd built his hopes up and shattered them in one breath. "Whenever you want or need me, just let me know," Jungkook said, pulling you closer to him to rest his chin on the top of your head so he wouldn't have to look at you. "I'll always take care of you."
Your breathing had slowed and if this was anything like the other night, then you were falling asleep. He barely heard you speak, "hey, Jungkook?"
"I've missed you for years," you murmured into his chest, fingers flexing against him. "I missed when things used to be like this between us all of the time. I missed being close. I just missed you." You felt your heart racing, unsure where you were going with this, but needing to say it anyway.
Jungkook pulled away just enough to glance down at you and felt his heart ache at the look he saw there, but he let you continue. "I don't even remember what pulled us apart," he knew what it had been, of course, realizing it a decade late, but he wasn't going to admit it. "And I'm sorry it took losing Jiyeon… And Hobi being sick-" he almost commented before remembering you hadn't told him that yet, "-but I'm glad we found each other again. Even if it's day dates and lazy hangouts and stupid fights. I'm glad you're here. I wouldn't want it to be anyone else."
"You forgot the mind-blowing sex." He was trying to save face, deflecting with that, but you surprised him by laughing and he felt completely disarmed again.
"You gonna let me ride that giant dick soon, then? Can't be best fuck buddies if we don't fuck."
He rolled his eyes at you, but taunted, "Mm, you gonna be my good girl again, Sunshine? You greedy, cock-hungry little thing?"
When you didn't reply he did it for you, raising his pitch and mocking, "Let me be your good girl, Kookie."
You moved to slap his chest, but he caught your wrist, making you pout while he scolded, "hey! No hitting."
Jungkook brought your hand to his chest and sighed when he felt you cuddle up to him again. When you spoke, you sounded so soft, he couldn't help but wrap his arm around you tighter, "Kookie? Promise me you won't push me away again. Promise me you'll stay?"
He nuzzled into you, realizing that if he thought he'd made a mistake before, he was completely and utterly fucked now. This was what he'd been trying to avoid all night because he'd been right. If you asked for something, anything, then of course he'd give it to you. You could stab him through the heart and he'd just drag that blade through the other side himself.
You pressed your lips together tightly and looked down when he didn't respond right away, feeling your stomach knot unpleasantly, but you still slid your hand down his chest and laced his fingers with yours. You sounded even softer, even smaller - so of course he would want to protect you - when you prompted him again, almost begging, "Kookie? I don't want to lose anyone else."
"You could never lose me, Sunshine."
He didn't say the rest just yet, barely holding back the confession that threatened to roll off his tongue. Instead, he waited until he was certain you were deeply and soundly asleep, hopefully too caught up in whatever you were dreaming about for even your subconscious to hear him. He could say it to you like this and maybe, just maybe it would be enough to get him through the next day.
"You could never lose me," Jungkook whispered, running his fingers up and down your spine, touch feather-light so he wouldn't wake you, and added, "because I've always been yours."
He pressed his lips to your forehead when he felt you stir, calming whatever nerves you had going on in your dream and exhaled as deeply and quietly as he could.
Of course saying it to you like this wouldn't be enough. Of course sex with you like this wouldn't be enough. Of course holding you like this afterward - even with the laughter and heartfelt moments - wouldn't be enough.
How many times would he need to learn that lesson before it stuck? When it came to you, there was no such thing as 'enough.' He'd always need more.
So, this is a shorter one because it was originally supposed to be a part of chapter 4, but the tone didn't feel right together. Anyway, even if it's short, this chapter is loaded. Hope you enjoy!
You woke up to the rise and fall of his chest, noting that you’d slung a leg over his at some point during the night. Tilting your head up to look at him, you couldn’t help but smile at the peacefulness on his features. There was no pain, no sass, no smug smiles; only a calm you didn’t get to see on him very often. You let your gaze linger on his mouth, on the beauty mark just beneath, and felt yourself overcome with the need to press your lips there. You caught his bottom lip between yours, moving against him gently until he started to wake up and kiss you back.
Jungkook slowly wrapped his arms around you and pulled you on top of himself fully, breathing out soft moans between kisses. You felt his cock twitch against your thighs, already rock hard, and whimpered when he brought a hand up to run his fingers through your hair. You heard him whisper your name and felt yourself smile against his mouth, needing to pull away for a moment to avoid clacking your teeth against his.
His eyes fluttered open at the loss of your lips and scanned your face, searching. You couldn't tell if he found what he was looking for and didn't have time to ask; he'd already pulled you back down to him and deepened the kiss, tightening his grip on your ass and in your hair to hide the way his hands were shaking.
You shifted above him to slide your hand down his chest and stomach to his cock, gripping the shaft firmly and giving it a few long, languid strokes. You finally broke the kiss to watch the way he threw his head back, eyes shut tight in pleasure, and felt yourself shiver as a low groan rumbled in his chest. Pressing your lips to the corner of his mouth, you kissed down his jawline to his neck and laved your tongue up to his ear before sitting up and leaning back. You palmed the head of his cock against your ass and rolled you hips against him, but the moment you lifted yourself off of him to position yourself over his length, his hands flew to your waist and held you up.
Jungkook flipped you over onto you back, eliciting both a gasp of surprise and a look of confusion. You felt him sigh, almost growl, into your neck as his fingers squeezed at your sides.
"Sorry," you said, unable to hide the sting of rejection in your voice, "I just wanted to make you feel good too."
Jungkook felt his heart drop at the look of hurt and disappointment on your face, knowing he couldn't tell you why he'd actually stopped you. He nipped at your ear hard enough to make to yelp and plastered a grin on his face, keeping his tone light and teasing, "Oh, did you think this was over, Sunshine? Don't worry, I'll let you be my good girl again."
He laughed when you rolled your eyes and cupped a hand to your face before continuing, "we just got so dirty last night. Let's shower first." He tongued his cheek and cocked his head to the side, adding, "besides, I don't think my dick will stay hard for long with the morning breath you've got going on."
Jungkook shoved himself off the bed and bolted from the room before you could throw him off yourself, leaving you to shriek some choice curses and insults in his wake.
You could hear him cackling from across the hall as you stomped over. The way you shoved him aside and aggressively squeezed toothpaste onto your toothbrush only made him snicker harder. He watched you forcefully brush your teeth, glaring at him the whole time, and smiled wide.
“You’re gonna wear down your enamel brushing like that, Sunshine. Or choke on your own spit,” he commented, quirked a brow at you. Then he tilted his head, making you narrow your eyes in suspicion at the soft, “huh,” that left his lips.
“The fuck are you thinking, Jungkook,” you asked, voiced completely garbled, barely intelligible.
He came up behind you, pressing his front to your back; the invasion of your space would’ve been uncomfortable even if you hadn’t just bent over to spit into the sink. You straightened your spine and glared at him in the mirror, watching his movements carefully as he leaned in and let his nose brush against your neck.
“I think I just figured out how you’re gonna make me feel good, Sunshine,” he said, voice low as he ran his hands up and down your arms. “You're gonna let me fuck that sweet little mouth of yours.”
You watched him out the corner of your eye as he leaned over to turn the shower on and hurriedly rinsed your mouth. The thought of taking his cock in your mouth, feeling its weight on your tongue, already had heat pooling between your legs. You followed him into the water without a hint of the irritation you'd held just moments before.
"Have you deep throated before, Sunshine," he asked, a smug grin tugging at his mouth. "Or ever anyone so big?"
You felt your jaw tick at that, wanting to call him out on being cocky, but you remembered how that went the last time and knowing his size when he was fully hard meant you could only blame him for the question so much. You sighed before answering him, "I've done it before, so we can certainly try.
"Can I cum in your mouth?"
You felt yourself blush and clench around nothing at that. Following the slow movement of his arm with your eyes, you found he was already stroking his cock, getting himself nice and ready for you. You bounced your gaze back up at him and let your teeth scrape your bottom lip before saying, "You can cum wherever you want, Kookie."
Jungkook couldn't help but moan at that, tightening his grip on his shaft and pumping himself faster. "Will you swallow or let my cum drip down your chin and onto those gorgeous tits?"
He watched the spark in your eye, curious until you replied with, "Oh, definitely swallow. Cookies and cream is my favorite flavor."
Jungkook paused his rhythm and barked out at a laugh, eyes crinkling in delight. You felt yourself smiling back at him, chuckling softly at your own joke.
"First time I've ever heard that, Sunshine,* he said,"you look real proud of that one.
You hummed in response, taking a small step back as he moved to block the stream of water with his shoulders. He reached up to pull you in for a kiss and, despite what you were about to do, it was gentle and familiar.
"Tap my leg if you need to stop or take a break," he said. "If your jaw hurts, if I'm being too rough, or even if you want to make another lame joke, just let me know."
Jungkook waited for you to nod in understanding before tonguing his cheek and giving you a long look over. Yesterday, that might've made you feel self-conscious, but today was different; you now knew how gentle he could be even when carrying you across the room, how sweet his voice was even when asking you to spread yourself open. You trusted him, but you realized it was more than that too. He made you feel safe.
"Get on your knees, Sunshine."
You dropped down, hands on either side of his hips to keep your balance, and felt the first tingles of nerves hit you as you looked up at him. The beads of water dripping down his shoulders, down his chest and abdomen, had him absolutely glistening in the light . Your eyes followed one particular drop down and you wished you'd started there, licking a path down the hard lines of his abs to the base of his cock. Jungkook looked like an entire meal you wanted to devour, leaning over you, biceps flexed as he propped himself up against the wall.
"Will you let me know if I'm doing a good job, Kookie," you asked, aiming for a shy expression as you fluttered your eyelashes up at him. He inhaled a sharp breath of air, cock twitching at the act of submission, and you had to bite back the smile threatening to tug at your lips.
"If you do a good job, I won’t be able to stop myself from letting you know,” he commented, winking down at you. Scraping his bottom lip over his teeth, he continued, “Come on, quit teasing and take me in your mouth. I want to feel you so bad.”
You wrapped your fingers around the base of his shaft and gave him a few lazy pumps before bringing your mouth to the tip of his cock, noting that a small amount of precum had already beaded there. Keeping your gaze locked on his, you parted your lips just enough to run your tongue along the underside of his head and up to his slit. Jungkook’s jaw had already dropped open in a small gasp, hips stuttering with a need to feel more of you. You collected that salty moisture into your mouth and swirled your tongue around, earning a sharp hiss and a sigh when you finally wrapped your lips around the head and sunk down on him.
“Oh, fuck ,” he whined out, eyes fluttering shut as he threw his head back for a moment, savoring the feeling of your wet, hot mouth around his cock. It took everything he had when he looked back down at you - at those sweet, beautiful eyes taunting him - to avoid knotting his hand in your hair and fucking your throat as hard as he wanted to.
You bobbed your head up and down his length in time with your hand, enjoying the weight of his cock on your tongue and the delicious, needy groans and sighs you were ripping from his throat. Every now and then you’d reach up to massage his balls or pull off of him and roll your wrist, letting your palm slide around his tip the way you’d seen him do to himself.
You pressed the flat of your tongue firmly against the underside of his shaft as you sunk down him again, fighting back the urge to gag when the head of his cock brushed the back of your throat for the first time. Relaxing your throat, you took him even further - all the way - until your nose was flush against those trimmed tufts of pubic hair at the base.
The low, deep moan rumbling in his chest was followed by a higher-pitched, almost whiny gasp as you slipped the tip of your tongue out to lap at his balls while you gagged around him. Jungkook couldn’t help himself when your throat spasmed around him, hand shooting down from the wall to grip the back of your head and hold you there until tears threatened to sting at your eyes.
“Feels so fucking good, Sunshine,” he growled, letting you pull off of him and catch your breath before snapping his hips forward again, settling into a rhythm that had you gasping and him panting between thrusts. “You look so pretty when you choke."
You hummed a pleased sound around him, the vibrations around his cock earning you another moan from him that went straight to your pussy and had you clenching around nothing. When he caught the way you’d slipped a hand between your legs, he couldn’t help but fuck into your mouth faster.
The combined sight and feeling of you like this was overwhelming his senses, making him lightheaded and desperate, and he knew he wasn’t going to last much longer if you kept moaning around him like that. One particularly good swipe of your tongue along his shaft had him pulling out, handing flying from your hair to his cock to keep on chasing his end.
“Oh fuck,” he panted out, feeling himself about to snap, “open your fucking mouth, stick out your tongue.”
You did as he asked and he pressed the head of his cock to the tip of your tongue, letting those white hot ropes of cum fill your mouth while he moaned so obscenely you almost came with him.
Jungkook gripped your jaw tight in his hand, keeping it open, and dragged you up to your feet, panting and letting out a small, satisfied laugh. He ran his tongue over his teeth, dark eyes roaming your face before settling on your mouth. Leaning into you, he let his lips brush against your skin, hot breath fanning across your neck.
“So much fucking cum,” he laughed, nipping at your earlobe and sliding his free hand down between your thighs, taking over for you and pushing two fingers inside your dripping cunt with ease. “Swallow what I gave you.”
He dropped his hand from your jaw and wrapped his arm around you, spinning you into the stream of water with him. It mixed with your own wetness, making you even slicker and allowing Jungkook to pound his fingers into you at a pace that had you keening for him in seconds. He let the palm of the hand fucking into you rub against your clit with each thrust and he couldn’t help the grin tugging at his lips as you ground yourself down onto him harder.
“That’s it, Y/N,” he purred into your neck when he felt you clamping down around him, “cum.”
“Jungkook, oh fuck , help me!”
He tilted his head for just a moment, not realizing what you meant until you shifted into him and he felt the way your legs were shaking. Jungkook was quick to drop his arm to your waist, tightening his hold on you and laughing, “I’ve got you, Sunshine, so please, please, just let go and cum for me.”
You pulled his lips down to yours, shoving your tongue into his mouth and moaning into the kiss as that coil inside you snapped. You came so hard, so fast, you know you would’ve dropped if you hadn’t warned him.
Jungkook watched you through heavy lidded eyes as your cunt spasmed around him, gliding his tongue over yours and finding he didn’t mind tasting himself if it was off of you. He felt his heart ache when you pulled away and whimpered his name, wishing he could hear that sound every day for the rest of his life.
Even if this was all he ever had, it would never be enough.
~ ~ ~
That didn’t stop him from eating you out in almost every room of the apartment.
It didn’t stop him from fingering you when you caught a movie at the theatre.
And it didn’t stop him from grabbing you by your hair, crashing his mouth to yours, and feeling you up in the supply closet at work when he finally came off FMLA and you floated down to the ED.
You were starting to get a feeling that it didn’t matter where you were or what you were doing, he just couldn’t get enough of you.
~ ~ ~
You were dripping down your thighs, coating the length of his cock with your wetness even through your panties as you rolled your hips onto him. He felt so fucking good - cock so long, so thick, so hot as it throbbed against you - and you were aching to feel him inside you so badly it hurt. Jungkook gripped your thighs tighter with each thrust against him, nails biting into your flesh, stinging so sweetly. But you wanted more from him, so you leaned down and ran your tongue over his nipple before dragging it through your teeth; he threw his head back and let out the lewdest groan, bucking into you hard enough you could topple over.
Jungkook reached down into the space between you, pulling the thin piece of cloth that acted as a barrier to the side and letting you glide along his shaft. You pressed yourself onto him harder and used the head of his cock to get off, rolling your hips in small circles to rub your clit against him. It felt so filthy, so mean, to use him for your own pleasure - like a toy - without fucking him, and the thought of it pushed you over the edge before you knew what was happening.
Jungkook watched you come undone after grinding against his bare cock and it took everything in him to avoid flipping you over and burying himself inside you so he could fuck his cum into your spasming cunt. He wanted to fill you up so badly, feel you clamping down around him each time he came, spill himself inside you again and again so he’d be dripping out of you for days, but he couldn’t let it happen. So, he settled for dragging you up his torso and begging, “sit on my face. I need you to ride my fucking tongue.”
You were quick to oblige, not even remotely satisfied with just one orgasm - what had he done to you - and you straddled him, letting your thighs press into either side of his face while you lowered yourself onto his mouth. He laved his tongue up your slit, moaning into you - like always - and wrapping his arms around your thighs to pull you down even closer. You rolled your hips over his mouth and tongue, watching the way your juices coated the lower half of his face - listening to the way he fucking growled into your cunt while he ate you out like you were the best thing he ever tasted.
Jungkook knew you were close by the way your moans and whines had grown more desperate, pitch raising an octave. He couldn’t help the loud way he groaned into you when he thought about you cumming on his tongue like this, covering his face in your arousal, and that sound mixed with the vibrations it sent to your core mad that hot coil inside you snap. Jungkook gripped you even tighter, holding you flush against his mouth so that the only thing he could breathe in was you and fuck - the sight and sound and scent and taste of you were so heady, so intoxicating, he felt his cock swell and abdomen contract, reaching his own end untouched.
You felt a thick, hot rope of cum hit your back, shocked when you realized both his hands were still on you, but when you looked down at him, into those eyes blown out black, you swore you had never felt sexier.
~ ~ ~
You stared out the window, watching the buildings pass by and fiddling with the hem of your shirt. The deep sigh you let out made Jungkook take his eyes off the road for a second to glance over at you and the deep-set frown on your face.
“Alright, Sunshine, I’ll bite,” he said, “what’s up?”
You sighed again, feeling your stomach knot and explained, “I’ve just been thinking about Hobi again. It’s been harder to keep up with how he’s doing since he transferred out.” You chewed your bottom lip, and Jungkook reached over to give your hand a light squeeze before returning it to the wheel. “I’m just worried about him.”
“Have you gone to see him at the treatment center?”
“Just once,” you admitted.
“It’s nice there, Sunshine,” Jungkook said reassuringly, “they do a lot for him, keep him on track. There’s group therapy too. There’s bound to be someone there who understands.”
“You think so,” you glanced over at him, hopeful -as messed up as that was - that at least one person there, just one , could relate to what Hobi was going through - what you were all going through. If the time you’d spent with Jungkook since Hobi’s absence had taught you anything it was how much having someone around, someone who got you, could help with the grief.
“Of course,” Jungkook stated, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. “No one wakes up and says ‘I want to become an addict.’ Sometimes loss is the catalyst and sometimes it’s the result. He’ll find someone he can lean on.”
He reached over and squeezed your leg, “promise.”
Clouds had blotted out the sun by the time you reached the cemetery and you found that it made your heart drop a little further. The sky, the uncharacteristic chill in the air, the wilting flowers by the gate; it was as if the universe had refracted your sorrow back at you. You spared a glance at Jungkook and found he was blankly staring off into space, bouquet - stargazer lilies - clutched in his hand. This was the first time either of you had been back here since the burial and you were both feeling it.
You breathed out a heavy sigh and reached for him, gently tapping your fingers along his wrist. Jungkook jumped at the touch, shooting you a startled look that meant you’d torn him from whatever reverie he was in.
“Let’s go find her together, okay?”
Jungkook laced his fingers with yours, swallowing hard and realizing in that moment that if he hadn’t already been hopelessly in love with you, he would’ve fallen just then. Life without Jiyeon hadn’t been living until you’d come to him that night.
It had been screaming in inky black water, air ripped from his lungs, drowning in the moments they’d never have again. It had been free falling into a darkness so bleak it seeped into his bones and he couldn’t wait for the bottom to break his back. It had been getting sucked into the black hole that was life without his other half - an emptiness that would’ve consumed everything if it wasn’t for the tiny shreds of light tearing through an endless night.
He let you lead the way to the headstone, trying to ignore the rush of blood in his ears, the way his knees already threatened to buckle, the way way every fiber of his being was telling him to run because coming back here, seeing the small plot of land where his twin had been laid to rest, somehow made everything more final. Even now, living with you, Jungkook couldn’t count the number of times he woke up on the couch expecting to hear Jiyeon singing her way through her morning routine. He wondered if he’d ever stop waiting for her to come.
“When it’s bad I still call her phone, just to hear her voice. I think Hobi has been keeping it active,” you admitted. “Sometimes I’ll vent, ramble on about anything - everything. It helps. Do you talk to her, Kookie?”
“No.” He carded a hand through his hair, letting out a shaky breath, “I don’t know what I’d say to her, Sunshine.”
“Try it now. Whatever you feel in your heart, just say it. Eventually, it helps,” you rested your head on his shoulder for a moment, “I promise.”
Jungkook shot you a nervous look and you nodded your head encouragingly. You watched him lay the bouquet on the grave and a few long moments passed before he spoke.
“Jiyeon, I don’t remember a week where we spent more than a day apart in our entire lives. You were my sister, my twin, my other half, my very best friend. You knew me better than anyone, better than I knew myself, even,” he couldn’t hold back the tears stinging his eyes as he spoke, voice broken. “Do you remember when I used to have those nightmares when we were kids and you’d shake me awake, tell me it was just a dream and everything is gonna be okay? I’m still waiting to wake up, Jiyeon.”
He doubled over, bracing himself on his knees while he tried and failed to collect himself. He felt your arms wrap around him, giving him the strength to keep on standing and keep on talking.
“I remember us talking about what our lives would be like in the future. You’d have a family and maybe I would too. There would be movie nights and Sunday dinners. Our kids would grow up together and they’d be best friends, just like we were. I’d be the cool uncle who would let them get away with all the shit you’d never let them do and you’d be their sweetest Auntie Jiyeon who would spoil them rotten.” He dragged you to the ground with him. “I never thought I’d grow old without you.”
He let go, clawing at his chest with both hands, “you are a part of everything I am and now that you’re gone, I am half a person. There’s just this giant Jiyeon-shaped hole where I used to be and no amount of time is ever going to be enough to fill it.”
He broke into unintelligible sobs, unable to keep going, and you wrapped your arms around him tighter. You let yourself cry, but this was his moment, and you knew if you let go he could slip away. So you rubbed his back instead, rocking him back and forth on the grave of the person you had both loved most.
“It’s okay, Kookie. One day it’ll be okay. We’ll be okay. Until then, I’ve got you.”
~ ~ ~
It didn’t feel right - going to a house party without Jiyeon - but you’d both managed to talk each other into attending over the course of the week. You reminded Jungkook that these were his friends and it would be good to start hanging out with them again; Jungkook insisted that it was important for you to get out of the house more. So here you were, carrying two bottles of vodka and a bottle of rum, wondering how the night would go when you had to pretend you weren’t listening for that doubled-up trademark Jeon cackle.
“Hey, baby,” Namjoon greeted, taking the alcohol from your hands and pulling you into a familiar hug. “It’s good to see you again.”
“It sure is, baby ,” you winked at him, earning a smile that dimpled the corners of his mouth. You scanned the main room and saw Jin was miming pulling some girl by a rope onto the makeshift dance floor. You tilted your chin in the direction of the two, “he already that fucked up?”
“Jin? Nah, he just likes to party,” Jungkook chimed in from behind you. You felt a large hand slip over your waist and give your hip a light squeeze. The purr in your ear had you shivering against him and Namjoon giving the pair of you a knowing grin before you walked away, “want to join them?”
You leaned into him and almost complied, almost took his hand and led the way, but then a flash of red hair caught your eye. Without thinking, without realizing, you pushed Jungkook’s hand off of you. There was an anxious feeling that gnawed at you and you realized that if that mop of red hair belong to who you thought it did, then you didn’t want him thinking you weren’t available.
Jungkook’s smile had dropped the second you pushed him off and he followed your gaze across the house. He couldn’t help the way he sucked his teeth or the way his jaw clenched when he realized what had caught had caught your eye - who had caught your eye. There wasn’t anything he could do to stop the envy, the jealousy, that started eating at him again and he hated it.
Taehyung was one of his best friends, but he had gotten to have you in ways Jungkook thought he never would. The part that really got to him was that he knew Taehyung hadn’t just been some distraction for you; he wasn’t a fuckboy like Alex and he wasn’t a friendly fling like you’d intended Namjoon be. You’d actually liked him a lot and Taehyung had liked you back. But he was a good friend and realized the feelings Jungkook had for you way before he did himself. So he broke it off and told Jungkook he knew you two were close and he didn’t want to get in the way if their relationship didn’t work out - or if it did .
Jungkook watched you head off in the direction of the other man and felt that bitter, ugly emotion clenching around his heart again, but he couldn’t stop it. Just like he couldn’t stop you from pining after someone else if it’s what you wanted. He needed a drink.
You stopped halfway to the redhead and fiddled with the hem of your shirt, rethinking your approach and wondering what you had to say. All you knew was that you wanted to talk to him. You took a deep breath, trying to squash the butterflies in your stomach, and you were about to walk up and put a hand on his shoulder when another girl came up and slinked an arm around his waist. You needed a drink.
And you had one. In fact, you had had several throughout the night. Jungkook could tell by the way you’d let two strangers grind up on your ass at the same time. Letting out a frustrated huff of air, he cross the house and grabbed you by the arm, dragging you away from the hands grabbing at your hips, running down your thighs.
“You need to sober up, Sunshine,” he warned, pulling you toward the kitchen to grab a glass of water before marching you up the stairs and into one of the empty bedrooms. He shut the door behind you and found himself wincing when you giggled out that you weren’t that drunk. You definitely were.
You wrapped your arms around him when he turned around and buried your face in his neck, kissing up to his jaw. “I want you to fuck me so badly, Kookie, please,” you begged. He tensed up at the touch, but managed to pull your arms down from his shoulders and give you a firm look.
You tried again, pout forming on your lips as you slid your hand down his abdomen, fingers teasing at the waistband of his pants. “I just want to feel you.” He ripped your hand away, jaw clenched, shutting his eyes just to keep his composure..
“Fucking stop .”
You pulled away, giving him an incredulous look and scoffed, “how come you don’t want to fuck me, Jungkook?”
Jungkook took a deep breath and flexed his fingers, before replying, “Maybe because I’m not the one you wanted to fuck tonight?”
“Jungkook, I’ve wanted to fuck you since the first time we hooked up, but you have never fucked me . You’ve stopped me every time. And I’ve seen what you’ve stuck your dick in before. How come I don’t measure up?”
“That’s not it, Sunshine,” Jungkook sighed. A part of him knew he should go, leave before he said anything else, but he couldn’t seem to will his feet to move. This was going to be a mistake. This was going to be a huge fucking mistake and he couldn’t stop it from happening, just like every other mistake, every moment he’d spent yearning for you, that led up to this moment.
“Then what is it,” you asked. The sting of rejection hurt, but you balled your hands into fists just the same, letting anger lead your voice. “Why doesn’t anyone that I want, want me back?”
If you’d been looking at him you would’ve seen the fury in his eyes at that, but you’d turned away to continue your rant, “Taehyung broke up with me and didn’t even give me a reason why, Alex cheated on me, and now even my fuckbuddy doesn’t want to fuck me?”
He should’ve kept his mouth shut, but he didn’t, voice rumbling low in his chest, “they weren’t good enough for you anyway.”
“Not good enough for me” you asked, spinning on your heel and nearly yelling as you threw your arms out in disbelief. “What? And you are ?”
He should’ve kept his mouth shut, but he didn’t, lips moving of their own accord.
“I could be.”
“What?” Your voice was softer now.
Jungkook closed the distance between you, taking a step forward for every step you took back until you were pressed into the wall. Bracing himself with an arm against the wall, he lowered his face to yours, eyes frantically searching yours as he spoke, “I said I could be. I could be so good for you, Sunshine, so fucking good . I’d give you everything if you would just let me."
“Jungkook,” you began, heart racing, eyes wide, “you don’t mean that. You’re drunk and latching on to me because of Jiyeon. We’re just close friends.”
The scoff that earned from him made your chest ache.
“Are you fucking kidding me,” he asked, narrowing his eyes at you. “Jiyeon knew I was in love with you before I did, why do you think she was always trying to get us together? That in-law status ? Fucking bullshit. She knew I’ve been in love with you our whole fucking lives.”
He brushed the hair from your face, voice low and bitter as he spoke. “And we’re not just friends, Sunshine. Not after the things we’ve done - the things you’ve let me do to you. And definitely not after what you’re doing to me right now.”
You pressed yourself into the wall harder, trying to get away, but he held you there and continued, “and see, that look, that look right there. That’s why I won’t fuck you.”
He pushed himself into you, letting his cock dig into your thigh. “You feel that, Sunshine? I’m dying to be inside you - just the thought of it gets me rock-hard, even now while I’m pouring my fucking heart out to you. But it wouldn’t mean the same thing for you that it would for me and that fucking kills me.”
He finally pushed off the wall and moved for the door, the weight of everything he just said hitting him like truck. He should’ve kept his mouth shut, but he didn’t and now he needed to run.
“Jungkook, wait,” you could barely hear yourself, tears welling in your eyes as your voice cracked.
“Then tell me you feel the same,” he begged, volume rising as he dared to hope. He rounded on you so fast that you couldn’t help but jump. Cupping your face in his palm, he tilted your chin up to look at him. You could’ve drowned in those large, doe-like eyes. “Tell me you’re in love with me.”
You said nothing, voice caught in your throat, hands trembling at your sides as the realization of his true feelings for you - of your feelings for him - flooded your mind and overwhelmed your senses.
You watched his face screw up in anguish and he hung his head before turning to look around the room, hissing out a soft, “fuck.”
You brought your hand to your mouth when he turned back to you, letting out a soft sob of your own when you saw the tears running down his face.
Jungkook pressed himself into you, cupping your head in both hands, and pleaded with a desperation you’d never heard from him before, “just say it once, even if you don’t mean it, and I’ll be okay. Just once, please, please, let me hear you say it just once.”
You couldn’t speak. Why couldn’t you speak?
“You can’t even give me that?” Jungkook choked out and as you stared, terrified, into his eyes, you saw what was left of his heart shatter.
Why couldn’t you speak?
“I need to leave,” he said, voice barely above a whisper. He backed away from you and pulled the door open, refusing to look back at you lest you crush the shards that were left of him. “I’m going back to the apartment. I’ll be gone by morning.”
Why couldn’t you speak?
“Don’t try to find me.”
You woke up the next morning tucked into the bed in Namjoon’s room with your head pounding; you weren’t sure whether it was from the copious amount of alcohol you’d drank the night before or the endless crying you’d done. Sitting up made the world spin and you nearly wretched the contents of your stomach over the side of bed, barely managing to fight off the wave of nausea when you saw Namjoon curled up on the floor with a pillow and a throw blanket that was way too small to cover him. You whined a pathetic sound, feeling even more sorry for yourself now that you remembered he’d barged into the room after watching Jungkook storm out. He’d spent the whole night - the entire remainder of his party - keeping you company and taking care of you when you got sick, insisting it was no big deal.
Sneaking from the bed as best you could, you tiptoed over his sleeping form and tried to ignore the bile building in the back of your throat. You rummaged around his desk, searching for a piece of scrap paper and something to write with (and finding your cell phone in the process,) and jotted down a ‘thank you’ note for Namjoon to find when he finally woke up. It was honestly the least you could do after he sat through your both your word-vomit about what had happened with Jungkook and your actual vomit.
You frantically scoured the house for your keys, growing increasingly anxious with every second that passed without them. It took running outside and seeing your car was also gone to realize that Jungkook had left you stranded last night. You weren’t sure if you were pissed or grateful for it; both options seemed to hurt equally. Sitting on the curb outside while you waited for your Uber, you tried working through it: on one hand, he took your fucking car after what had happened; on the other, he took your fucking car, ensuring you wouldn’t drink and drive, after what had happened.
The hangover you’d woken up with at Namjoon’s place was nothing compared to the sheer agony you felt, the crushing ache in your chest, when you entered your apartment and saw the living room had been stripped of all of Jungkook’s things. You had no idea how he’d moved everything out so quickly - it had been even quicker than when he’d moved in and you had helped him with that - but there was no computer, no suitcase full of clothes, no black bag, no sign that he had been living with you to begin with. Besides the hole in your heart and his sister’s room, there was nothing left of Jungkook here.
You crossed the room and threw yourself into your chair - the chair - and stared blankly at the couch where he’d slept, replaying last night in your mind for the first since you were sober. Jungkook had caught you off guard, told you he was in love with you - told you he had been his entire life. It had set something off inside you, flipped a switch you didn’t even know existed, and you realized, holy shit, you loved him too. Jungkook was cocky, arrogant, snarky, and sometimes spiteful, but he was funny, protective, and so caring too. You loved him back. You don’t know when it started, but it wasn’t new and he was right: Jiyeon knew. So why had you locked up when he asked - begged - you to admit you felt the same?
You buried your face in your hands, heart seizing in your chest, and broke down for the umpteenth time in the past eight hours. You could still see that look on his face, hear the way he’d pleaded with you to say it even if you didn’t mean it, feel the way his heart had fucking shattered, in your mind's eye, clear as day. You replayed his voice in your head again and again: don’t try to find me.
Crawling over to the couch, you buried your face in the cushions. If you shut your eyes and inhaled deeply, you could pretend he was still here. You thought back to when you’d had a particularly bad night and you climbed on top of him. He didn’t ask questions, just wrapped his arm around you, laid your head on his chest, and held you for as long as you needed.
Jungkook was in love with you - and how hadn’t you seen it? Jungkook was in love with you, because of course he was. Through the teasing, through meeting your fire with fire, through the constant push and pull between you, he had loved you. He had protected you, he had comforted you, he had stepped in and stepped up when Jiyeon died. Of course he was in love with you. And of course you were in love with him too. Of course you were. It’s why you had never kept anyone else around for long. Even the qualities you loved in Taehyung, the boyfriend you thought you had liked the most, were qualities you’d seen in Jungkook first. Jungkook could be fiery and impulsive, but underneath it, he was gentle and sweet - just like Taehyung. There had never been anyone else you kept around for long because you had always been looking for him in other people. It had always been him.
But you had realized it too late and the suddenness of that realization had sent you into a panic attack. You locked up, froze up, couldn’t even tell him to just wait - just wait one more second, please. And now he was gone and you didn’t know where to look even if you did try to find him.
Jungkook was gone because you’d been too stupid and too scared to realize what had been right in front of you all along. Jiyeon was gone too, taken from you both way too soon. Their presence in your life had been the only thing you had ever been sure of before. Your one indisputable truth.
And now they were gone.
~ ~ ~
You thought you had cried all your tears already, but then you woke up in the middle of the night and realized you were wrong. Jiyeon had haunted your dreams again, and so had he. You couldn’t call it a nightmare, not really, because it had actually happened: that night in the ER when your world had ended, when it felt as if the sky had ripped itself open and torn a black hole right through you. That night when Jiyeon had died. You had replayed it so many times before in your dreams, but now there was no Jungkook around to wake up and ask to hold you. This time, you were alone.
Pulling the covers around you tighter, you tried to shake the flood of emotions gnawing at you and go back to sleep, but every time you’d begin to drift off, something would pull you right back into the throes of losing her again: a memory, a thought, a promise. You fisted the blankets in your hands and squeezed your eyes tight, trying to remember what her face looked like - what her voice sounded like. And then you wondered if you’d forget him too. So, you crawled from the bed and crossed the hallway, using your phone as a flashlight, and stepped into her room, knowing you could find pieces of them both there.
The coating of dust on her things had grown even thicker, which came as no surprise to you because you still hadn’t been able to bring yourself to touch her things. Setting your phone on the bed, you walked over to the bookshelf and scanned the picture frames there, surprised and hurt to find that Jungkook had actually returned one of the photographs he’d taken: the one of the three of you on Halloween all those years ago. Even if you’d hurt him, even if you’d broken his heart, you couldn’t believe he’d put that one back; it had meant so much - it had meant everything.
You brought your hand to your mouth, unsurprised to find yourself shaking, and threw your head back in a sorry attempt to will the tears back into your eyes.
You bit into your lip, hard enough to hurt, but it wasn’t enough to hold back the anguished shout that ripped from your throat.
You didn’t think. You couldn’t think. You only felt.
Stepping to the side, you grabbed the bookshelf and tore it down, screaming and sobbing and ripping at your hair as it hit the ground - picture frames and glass and all those memories shattering at your feet.
You couldn’t stop screaming. You couldn’t stop crying. You couldn’t stop clawing up and down your body, wanting to tear your heart from your chest. You couldn’t stop.
Letting your knees slam into the floor on the way down, you laid on your belly and reached under the shelf, sifted through the shards, to find the photograph - the photograph. You pressed it to your chest with one hand and dragged yourself through the glass with the other, barely strong enough in this moment to pull yourself onto the bed.
Rolling over onto your back, you felt around the blankets until your fingertips found your phone. You opened up the dial screen and called her number for the first time in a long time, barely coherent enough to recognize the sound of your own voice.
“Jiyeon, I messed up. I messed up so badly.”
~ ~ ~
Hoseok leaned over the table, face resting in his palm, quietly watching you. You fiddled with your fingers, trying to wait out the silence, but growing increasingly anxious. There was a palpable tension in the air that hadn’t been present the last time you’d come to visit him. You wondered if he’d had a rough day. Was he sleeping? Did he still have nightmares? Did therapy go okay today? Was he on the brink of another relapse? What if he left the facility?
Maybe Jungkook had been by and told him what had happened. Maybe he was upset with you. Or, maybe you were just upset and projecting it onto him. You’d never felt so nervous with Hobi before - never felt like you didn’t know what to say. Either way, you shot him what you hoped was a sympathetic look and asked, “how have you been doing?”
Hoseok made a low, discontent sound in his throat, pressing his lips into a thin line, and looked away. When he finally looked back at you, he’d plastered the saddest smile you’d ever seen on his face. “I’m alive,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. You knew what words he’d left unsaid: I’m alive, and I don’t want to be. Your heart ached, twisting at the sight of that forced, placating grin. In some ways, that fake expression hurt even more than seeing him cry. It just wasn’t him. You realized that when Jiyeon died, she’d somehow simultaneously left the three of you behind and taken you all with her.
"I met a few people like me in group therapy, which would be nice if it wasn’t so depressing. Makes me want to drink again,” Hoseok continued, forcing out a pathetic, humorless laugh. You couldn’t bring yourself to laugh along with him; the image of him in that hospital bed, hallucinating that Jiyeon was still there with him, asking for you to just let him die was still too fresh in your mind to force one out. He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest, and added,”there’s a girl there who lost her husband when he threw himself over an IED. He saved his unit, but he might as well have killed her. And I get it. I get her. She’s probably my only friend here. Don’t talk to the others that much.”
You wanted to ask him more, but his body language was already very closed off and you didn’t want to shut him down - you’d seen him go through so much already - so you let the quiet stretch on for a few more moments, thinking over what he’d said. Finally, you asked, “you don’t like being here, do you?”
“That obvious, huh,” he replied, cocking his head to the side. “I hate it, actually, but I can’t be out there, in the real world, just yet. Besides, Jiyeon would’ve wanted me here. It’s what’s best for me right now, even if just living here costs me an arm and a leg.” After another few moments he added, “god, I’m not looking forward to going through my mail pile at home.”
“So,” he started, sighing heavily and raising his brow at you expectantly. “What’s new with you, Sunshine? You look nearly as fucked up as I feel and as much as I know you love me, I’m not great company right now.”
“Hobi,” you said softly, biting back the hurt, “I love you.”
“I know,” he reassured, giving you a slightly more genuine smile. “But there is something, isn’t there? I can tell. Also, nothing ever happens here,” he gestured around the room, “so spill it, whatever it is.”
You chewed on your bottom lip and glanced around the room, trying to figure out the best way to go about this without word-vomiting the whole scenario again like you’d done to Namjoon. “Alright, so,” you began, “Jungkook and I started sleeping together.”
“And it was really great, like really, really great,” you said, “but I didn’t think anything more of it until the other night. Jungkook told me he’s in love with me and said he’s always been in love with me.”
“Knew that already.”
You frowned at him, but continued anyway, “And it hadn’t hit me before then, but I realized I’ve been in love with him this whole time too.”
“Sure did take you long enough, Sunshine.”
“Except,” you said, “I panicked and when he asked how I felt I didn’t say it back. I didn’t say anything.”
You watched his face crumple before he hung his head and sighed into his hands, “god damn it, Sunshine.”
“And now he’s gone and I don’t know where he went, Hobi. He’s even avoiding me at the hospital. We used to work the same Day/Night rotation and I asked around. He’s been trading shifts to avoid me,” you choked out, tears stinging at your eyes. “I can’t find him. I can’t tell him. I fucked up so badly, Hobi.”
Hoseok got up from his seat and stepped around the table to wrap his arms around you, pressing his cheek to yours, not caring if your tears smeared down the side of his face. He rubbed up and down your arms as he coaxed you, “hey, hey. It’s okay. You’re okay. It’ll be okay.”
“How do you know, Hobi,” you hiccuped between sobs, letting yourself lean into him harder. It wasn’t fair to let him comfort you like this - he was already going through so much - but you couldn’t help it. You were alone now, too.
Hoseok pulled away from you slightly, cupping your chin and tilting it up so you’d face him. He gave you the softest expression you’d seen from him yet and asked, “you really want to know how I know it’ll be okay, Sunshine?” You nodded your head, feeling your bottom lip tremble.
“Because he loves you as much as I loved her.”
~ ~ ~
The hairs on the back of your neck stood on end when you heard the lock to your apartment slide open. You pressed yourself deeper into the couch, holding your breath and listening to the slow, heavy thud of boots on the floor. Picking up on the faint sound of the door clicking shut, you squeezed your eyes closed, hoping whoever was there wouldn’t notice you, but those deliberate footfalls came closer.
“You’re not in your chair,” an achingly familiar, strained voice said.
You bolted upright, relief, and anger, and hurt, and hope bubbling to the surface - but it all those feelings died on your lips the second you laid eyes on him. You hadn’t expected to see him at all, let alone like this. Jungkook stood battered, bruised, and bloody before you, shirt torn, clutching his ribs. You lept to your feet and closed the distance between you, rapidly assessing the damage as he watched you through heavy-lidded eyes.
“If you think this is bad, then you should see the other four guys,” he joked humorlessly, tone as dry as bone. You didn’t react; you just looked at him, brows knit together in worry. He swallowed hard. Gesturing down at himself with the hand that wasn’t bracing his side, he explained, “I can’t go to work on Monday looking like this. I don’t have the supplies to fix my face and I don’t know how to cover up the rest. Please, help me.”
“I’ll go get my things,” you said, turning away before your heart could get crushed by cold look he was giving you.
Dragging an end table along with you, you took a seat across from him in one of the kitchen chairs and set up your kit. Going over the damage one more time - cut cheek and brow, bruised jaw and ribs, scraped knuckles, and busted lip (again) - you couldn’t help the heavy sigh that escaped you. “How do you keep ending up like this, Jungkook,” you asked, getting started by cleaning up the one on his cheek - because even small facial wounds could make a man look like a bloodbath - and gluing the skin together so that it would finally stop bleeding.
Jungkook tongued his cheek for a minute, a low rumble sounding in his chest as he thought over whether or not he wanted to answer you. “Your ex and his friends jumped me,” he finally said. You found your eyes drawn to his mouth as the smallest smirk tugged at his lips when he added, “guess he was still mad about the face full of blood, huh?”
You sucked your teeth and pursed your lips, burying the guilt that gnawed at you and training your eyes on the eyebrow gash, pulling the skin taut to apply the steri-strips and hold it closed. “I’m sorry about him,” you mumbled weakly, suddenly feeling your breath catch in your throat, “and about so much more.”
Turning away to grab the rest of your supplies, you just barely caught movement in your peripheral. Jungkook had leaned in so close that you could feel his breath against your cheek, hot and heady, and you felt yourself freeze for several long, long seconds. You felt your pulse quicken and thought you were too afraid to turn your head and meet his gaze, but you did it anyway. When you locked eyes with him, you knew you couldn’t look away even if you’d wanted to.
“Are you,” Jungkook asked, voice low, pupils blown out black, but from what you weren’t sure.
Then he slipped his hand out of his pocket and raised it so you could see what he held out of the corner of your eye: Jiyeon’s cell phone. Your lips parted when his thumb moved to tap the screen and even the rapid, heavy pounding of your heart wasn’t enough to drown out the sound of your own voice.
“Jiyeon, I messed up. I messed up so badly. I hurt him. I hurt Kookie. I was just so scared, I couldn’t speak, and now he’s gone and I don’t know if I’ll ever get the chance to tell him again. I feel it too. I love him. I’m so in love with him, Jiyeon, and it hurts so bad. I need him to know that I love him.”
Jungkook ended the clip and tilted his head to the side, watching you closely - so, so closely. That cold look from before was gone, replaced with something else entirely: something honest, something full of longing; something that burned and something that soothed. When he spoke, his voice was both commanding and soft, desperate to hear what you'd left unsaid straight from your mouth.
“I love you,” you whispered, struggling to find your voice.
“Again,” he demanded, tongue darting out to wet his lips, fingers flexing, itching to touch you.
“I love you,” you repeated, louder and clearer this time.
Jungkook tossed the phone across the table and lunged toward you, grabbing you by the back of the head and toppling not only the end table, but the chair you were seated in to the floor in his desperation to crash his mouth to yours. He caught you both with his free arm, softening the blow to your back. The sting of his injuries, the groan rumbling in his chest, didn’t stop him from deepening the kiss and moaning into you. When he broke away it was far too soon, but with a smile and brightness in his eyes you hadn’t seen in so, so long.
“Say it again," he laughed, stroking his thumb over your lips. He couldn't get over the feeling of hearing you say it because those three simple words had somehow come together to form the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard.
“I love you,” you repeated, and he barely gave you enough time to comply before he pulled you back in for more and you, too, couldn’t help but grin in between the kisses. You wrapped your arms around him, clasping your fingers behind his neck, and realized that there were tears on your cheeks, but you weren’t sure if they were yours or his.
Jungkook dragged you both forward onto the kitchen floor and into a less precarious position, kissing along your neck and jaw the entire time, murmuring into your skin, “I love you, I love you so, so much.” He wished he had the words to tell you, to show you, just how much.
You don’t know how long the two of you laid there saying it again and again in between kisses, hands roaming everywhere, but eventually his mouth became hungrier, hands gripping you harder, like he wanted to devour you. You cried out when he bit your shoulder and he slotted his thigh between yours, flexing the muscle and grinding it into you. He growled when you bucked your hips against him and couldn't help thrusting back into you, his long, hard cock pressing into your stomach.
Jungkook nuzzled into your neck and let his lips brush the shell of your ear as he said, “I need you. I need you so fucking badly.” He rolled his hips into you again and pushed his thigh against your core harder. “I need to be inside of you, need to feel all of you.”
Jungkook kissed, and licked, and bit his way down to your chest, fisting the material of your shirt in his hands, and then he ripped it apart and tossed the tattered cloth to the side. He glanced up at you and smirked as you gasped, meeting your gaze with a dark look before lowering his mouth to your breasts and sucking a hard nipple into his mouth. You arched your back and he took the opportunity to shove your pants and underwear down to your thighs.
Wasting no time, he slipped hand between your legs and barely gave you time to adjust to one, two, three fingers spreading you open before he was pumping them in and out of you hard and fast. He rubbed the heel of his palm into your clit, encouraging you to lift and roll your hips against him, all while he licked and sucked and dragged your nipples through his teeth.
"I can't fucking wait to have you," he hissed through clenched teeth when he felt your cunt pulse around his fingers even tighter, "can't wait to feel you squeezing my cock like this."
Jungkook knew your body so well, knew you were close, and so he crashed his mouth back down to yours, letting you moan and whimper into the kiss. He broke away when your first orgasm hit, wanting to watch your face as you came undone, and he couldn't help the needy whine forming in his own throat as he thrust himself into your hip."Fuck, you're so fucking beautiful, Y/N," he praised, "I love you so fucking much."
He didn't wait for your first orgasm to end, choosing instead to keep on finger fucking you into another. As much as he wanted to bury himself inside you, he needed to see you cum a second time even more because once was never enough. Jungkook curled his fingers into that sensitive spot inside you, again and again, until you felt that hot coil snap and your vision nearly went black from the pleasure.
“Oh, fuck,” Jungkook moaned out, looking down to where he was still thrusting his fingers in and out of you. A part of him wished he'd had his tongue on your clit instead of on your neck, but with the way his cock throbbed at feeling you squirt all over his hand and arm, he might've just cum from that alone.
He leaned back on his heels and tugged your soaked clothes off of you, ripping his own shirt off over his head afterward. He ran his tongue over his teeth and cocked his head when he met your gaze, smirk playing across his face, “never seen you do that before, Sunshine.”
~ ~ ~
Jungkook watched, jaw slack, as you leaned backward on the bed and beckoned him toward you. He still couldn't believe this was happening - that you loved him back and he'd finally get to have you like this - and kept thinking he'd wake up any minute now. This was a dream, you were a dream, he was certain, but then you spread yourself open for him - like you had that first time - and begged, "Kookie, please, I need to feel you in me."
He let his eyes roam from your face, all the way down your body, to where you were dripping wet for him and couldn’t help the groan that escaped him. “So fucking beautiful - all of you,” he said, dipping down between your thighs to swipe his tongue up your cunt, making you grab him by the hair and buck your hips up against his mouth. He laughed in response, circling your clit with his tongue a few times before climbing over you and pulling you both further up the bed. His mouth and tongue were so wet, so hot, you almost forgot about how badly you wanted him to split you open with his cock - how full, and stretched, and complete you'd feel with him inside you.
You whimpered at the loss of his mouth on your clit, but then he brought his lips to your neck and sucked bruises into your skin, speaking so softly it sent chills down your spine, “I need to feel you too badly to eat you out right now, Sunshine, but I had to have a taste. So fucking good.”
“I need you too, Kookie,” you whined, rolling your hips up into him, “please Please, please fuck me.”
"I want to do so much more than just fuck you," he said, "I wanna make you mine, wanna give you all of me."
"Then take me, Kookie, cause I'm already yours."
“Look at me,” he begged, holding himself up on one arm while he reached down to line himself up with your entrance. Staring into his eyes, you didn't know if you felt lost in them or found. Either way, you knew he saw you, all of you, and loved you anyway. You wrapped your arms around his neck and ran your fingers through his hair, jaw falling open as he pushed himself inside you. Jungkook moaned at the feeling of you clenching around his cock and waited for you adjust to the burning stretch by pressing kisses to your forehead, your cheeks, your lips - though with how tight you clung to him, he didn't know if he could pull back out just yet even if he tried. Between every glide and pull of his lips against yours, he whispered affirmations into your skin.
“I love you. I love you so fucking much. So fucking perfect. So beautiful.”
The girth of his cock stung, but he still felt so incredible inside you, the way he filled you making you feel whole, so you lifted your hips to meet him and encouraged him to continue, saying it back, "I love you."
Jungkook set a slow, steady pace, fucking his entire length into you on each thrust, rolling his pelvis in circles to rub against your clit in a way that had you whimpering into his mouth. He took the opportunity to slide his tongue into yours, deepening the kiss as he brought a hand up to cup your jaw.
It was taking everything not to piston himself in and out of you at a harder, faster pace, desperate to cum inside of you, to feel your mingled juices dripping down his cock and balls. He knew he'd stay inside you as long as it took for him to grow hard again, just so that he could fuck his cum out of your cunt and fill you up again.
Jungkook wanted to have you every kind of way he could, wanted to feel you orgasm on his cock again and again until you were writhing, crying, completely broken and spent from the pleasure, from the oversensitivity, and then he wanted to hold you, whisper his love for you into your ear until you drifted off to sleep, and wake you up tomorrow to do it all over again. He wanted you entirely - everything you could give - because he'd give it all back and then give even more. But there was time to ruin you and be ruined by you later and he would spend the rest of his life loving you every way he could figure out how if you'd let him.
For now, for this first time with you, Jungkook wanted to make sure he savored every moment. He'd commit every sultry moan, every flutter of your cunt around him, every breathy and sweet, "I love you" you gave him to memory because if he was ever blessed with the ability to relive one memory again and again for the rest of his life, then this would be it.
But the ache in his ribs was preventing him from making love to you how he wanted to and you had noticed the way he winced after one particularly forceful thrust. You wanted him, all of him, and he’d been so careful with you that you didn't want him to get hurt either. You caressed the side of his face and said, “let me ride you, Kookie.”
Jungkook rolled the two of you over without pulling out - he couldn't bear the thought of leaving you even for a second, and let out a low, needy moan when you sat up. He licked his lips and swallowed hard, taking in the arousal and adoration in your eyes, the slow roll of your hips onto him, the spot where you were connected - where he could see you clinging to his cock as you lifted yourself up and down on his length. You were breathtaking. He squeezed your hips appreciatively and brought his thumb to his mouth, dragging the flat of his tongue over the pad so he could glide it smoothly over your clit, rubbing small circles against you in time with your thrusts.
“You’re so fucking beautiful, so fucking perfect,” he praised, raising his hips off the bed to fuck himself into you even deeper while he enjoyed the show. But it wasn’t enough. Even now, buried to the fucking hilt inside you, he felt as if he couldn’t feel enough of you. He needed more - he always needed more when it came to you.
So, Jungkook sat up and lifted your hips to rest against his thighs, supporting your back with one hand while you adjusted to wrap your legs around him. The new position had deepened the angle of penetration and his cock was hitting parts of you you didn't even know you had. With one arm around his neck, the other gripping his shoulders, you thrust your hips in time with him, rocking you both closer to your end. He dragged your bottom lip through his teeth and ran his free hand down from your neck to squeeze your breasts, gently pinching and pulling at your nipples. Realizing you were close when he felt you clamping down around him even harder, he growled into your neck.
Jungkook needed you to cum with him so badly and it hurt to hold himself back, but he needed to see you, feel you, hit that peak when he spilled himself inside you. “I’m gonna fucking cum, Y/N, cum with me, please, I wanna feel you,” he whined, carding his fingers through your hair and pressing his forehead to yours. “Cum for me.”
And you did, so fucking hard when you felt his cock swell and release, pulsing around him as he filled you up, so hot, so thick, inside of you. You clawed down his back and he threw his head into the crook of your neck, saying your name over and over like a prayer on his lips until you both came down.
You stayed liked that, a mess of sweat and tangled limbs, laughing, and smiling, and whispering sweet nothings to each other until you were ready to go again.
~ ~ ~
You woke up to Jungkook kissing your neck; he’d lightly nip and suck at the skin there, then run his tongue along whatever small bruises he’d made there. Trying to turn toward him only to find he held you flush against him by your waist, you mumbled, “Kookie, I don’t think I can go again this morning. Too sore.”
Jungkook hummed an amused sound and slid his hand up your stomach to squeeze your breasts and roll your nipples between his fingers. You rubbed your thighs together, already aching for friction. "Maybe I just want to touch you," he said before licking a hot path up your neck. His cock throbbed against your ass and you rolled your eyes, but couldn't help laughing.
"Yeah, sure," you replied, "that sounds awfully familiar to what you said the last time. I don't know if I'll ever walk normally again.' You knew he was smirking even before he pushed himself up so he could lean over you.
Jungkook cupped you jaw and lowered his lips to yours, sighing into the kiss; you felt him twitch against you again, but he made no move to press you further, instead parting from you just enough to say, "I love you."
"I love you too, Kookie. So much."
"I know it was hard getting here, Sunshine," he said, pausing to press his lips to yours once again, "and I know we've both got pieces of ourselves missing, but I need you to know that I love you with every part of me that's left."
You felt your heart ache and so you reached up to caress his face as you asked, "should we go tell her today, Kookie? That we finally figured it out."
"Yeah, let's tell her together," he answered. "I think she'd like that best. If she was still here, then she'd want to be the first person to know about us."
~ ~ ~
You wondered if things felt brighter at the cemetery because the sun was out or if it was something more than that. Jungkook was by your side, holding your hand and even though you both still shook as you approached the tombstone, that desperation from the first time you'd brought him here was gone. You felt stronger - braver, even - with him here with you like this and you could tell he felt the same. It still hurt and you knew there was a part of you that you'd never get back because it belonged to her, but being with Jungkook like this, being together, made you feel greater than the sum of your parts.
"We've got something to tell you, Jiyeon," Jungkook started for you, "but I know you already knew about it. It was a twin thing, right? You, realizing over a decade before me that I've been madly in love with her our whole lives?"
You felt a smile curl at the corners of your mouth despite the tears welling in your eyes and added, "And it wasn't just him you knew about either, huh? You had realized that I Ioved him too. I'm sorry we were so blind and stupid. I wish we could've figured it out while you were still here. I look back on it now and can see how hard you tried to show us how ridiculous we were being." You chewed your bottom lip and laughed, "wish I could've gotten you that 'in-law status' sooner, but I hope you knew you were always like a sister to me anyway."
Jungkook gave your hand a small, gentle squeeze and continued, "it's been so hard without you here. It hurts so fucking much and every time I wake up I wonder how I can face another day without you, another day alone." He brought the back of your hand to his mouth and held it there, trying to collect himself before speaking again."But I'm not alone anymore, Jiyeon, and neither is she. I promise you that we'll take care of each other. We'll help each other when the days seem like they're too much to bear. We'll do our best to make each day a little brighter, a little easier for one another. So, wherever you are - if you're somehow listening right now - I need you to know we'll get through this and anything else that might happen together, just the way you always wanted us to. Wherever you are, you don't need to worry anymore. We're not alone. We have each other."
~ ~ ~
Throughout the next few weeks, you found yourself working with Jungkook to clean up Jiyeon's room and pack away some of her things.
He'd been caught unaware by the sight of the bookshelf - you hadn't been back in here since that first night - and it had resulted in a lengthy and painful discussion about what had happened the night you called Jiyeon's cell phone. Admittedly, the way he'd cupped your face and pulled you to him, crashing his mouth to yours in a desperately needy hungry kiss, apologizing between breaths for hurting you like that had actually made you feel even guiltier for how you had reacted on the night he'd confessed; you'd hurt him first and it didn't feel fair for him to apologize for reacting the way he had. You told him as much, but he hushed you and dragged you back into your bedroom, saying, "we have our whole lives to make it up to each other and we can start now."
You cleaned out a lot over the course of a few weeks. A lot of her stuff were things that could be packed up and donated; you both agreed Jiyeon would've liked that. You didn't get rid of everything though, choosing to sift through her belongings and pick out whatever held sentimental value, no matter how small or insignificant those things may have seemed - because they weren't insignificant to you at all.
The photographs, once you'd cleaned them up and got them reframed, were an obvious choice. You divvied them up amongst Jungkook, Hoseok, and yourself, making sure you took the time to think back on each memory and the perfect moments they captured.
There were other things you found too. There was a music box that played a soft, beautiful melody and Jungkook admitted that he and Jiyeon used to sing it to each other before bed or when one of them was upset. He sang it to you then, soothing the ache in your soul.
There was a stuffed bear that you knew Hobi had won for her on their first date and you knew he'd want it; it was a reminder of the day they fell in love and every moment they had spent together since. They hadn't had enough time with one another, of course, and had been robbed of the certain future they'd planned together far too soon. You knew he'd always miss her, and you knew he'd never stop loving her, but you hoped there would come a day when Hobi could look at the bear and smile, grateful for the once-in-a-lifetime love they'd shared for the time it had lasted.
And there was a small, pretty rock too. To anyone else it was just a colorful, smooth chunk of stone, but to you it was so much more. You'd given it to her on the very first day she'd moved in next door. It had been a questionable first attempt at befriending her and, truth be told, even if she'd kept it, it didn't exactly work. But you had kept at it, kept bugging her, until both she and her twin brother had caved in, letting you weasel your way into their world. Giving her that rock might've been the best choice you'd ever made.
These were all small, simple things, but they were treasures you wouldn't give up for the world. It was still hard to go through them, of course; almost as hard as it had been coping with the feelings you'd been left with since you lost Jiyeon. You supposed that you had put off doing it for so long because you were afraid of saying goodbye to the best friend you'd ever had. It had taken time, lots of tears, and discovering the love that had been right in front of you for you to realize that this wasn't saying goodbye to her after all. Not really.
It was letting go of enough of the pain that you could remember the past fondly. It was acknowledging that putting away her things wasn't betraying her, but enabling yourself to finally accept her death. It was taking a moment and admitting to yourself that you are allowed to heal from the loss. It was realizing that, more than anything else, she would want you to.
It was finally letting her rest.
Let me know what you thought. <3