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Worthy

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Tyrathan didn't want to wake up. It was like that most days, but today for some reason it was worse than normal. He slowly opened his eyes and looked over at the troll sleeping beside him. Vol'jin looked at peace in his dreams. Tyrathan smiled and started to lean over to kiss his mate, but stopped.

 

You don't deserve him. You don't deserve this. You don't deserve anything nice.

 

The voice inside his head was right. He didn't deserve someone as great as Vol'jin. One day he knew Vol'jin was going to realize that fact and leave him. Then Tyrathan would really be alone. Tyrathan moved to as far to the edge of the bed as possible and curled up, upset. He guessed it was just going to be one of those days.

 

~~~

 

Vol'jin paced outside the bedroom, biting on his thumb, thinking. Tyrathan was acting strange, and it was starting to worry Vol'jin. Tyrathan didn't respond to Vol'jin's affection this morning when Vol'jin woke up, and despite it being past midday, Tyrathan still hadn't gotten out of bed. He refused to leave for any reason except to use the bathroom. He wouldn't talk, wouldn't eat, wouldn't do anything, and Vol'jin had no idea what was going on.

 

Sighing, he finally stopped pacing and opened the door slowly. <Tyrathan? Can I come in?> he asked in Zandali. He wanted to talk to his mate without the majority of people knowing what he was saying. He looked at the bed and saw Tyrathan still covered up, staring at the wall across from him. He didn't acknowledge Vol'jin's presence but didn't object either. Vol'jin slid in and closed the door behind him. <Tyrathan. I'm really starting to worry about you. I've never seen you act like this.>

 

He heard Tyrathan open his mouth like he was going to say something, but he didn't. He stayed silent but did briefly glance at Vol'jin before looking at the wall again. <Love, why won't you talk to me about what's bothering you? It frustrates me that you keep your problems to yourself.> Vol'jin started to walk towards the bed. <Though seeing you like this hurts me as well.>

 

<Stop.> Tyrathan's voice was cold, making Vol'jin stop in his tracks. <I don't want your affections right now, Vol'jin. Why can't you just leave me alone?>

 

<Because I love and care about you, Tyrathan,> Vol'jin said, anger in his voice. <You make me happier than I've ever been in my life, and I just want to see you happy.> The next words he said very quietly. <Don't I make you happy?>  Vol'jin held his breath has there was no noise coming from the human. The seconds passed like hours, and yet Tyrathan refused to talk. <Fine then. Act like a child. If you're not happy here you can leave at any time,> the troll growl. He turned and opened the door. <Maybe it is best if you do leave, manthing.> He walked out and slammed the door behind him.

 

~~~

 

The moons were high in the sky before Vol'jin mustered up the courage to walk back to the bedroom. He had been a complete dick to Tyrathan, he knew that. He knew Tyrathan had a rough past, had a rough present until he came to be with Vol'jin. He was used to being alone and keeping things to himself. He always ended up talking to Vol'jin, though. He just needed time to bring his mental walls down. Vol'jin was the one who had acted like a child.

 

He knocked on the door quietly. <Tyrathan, I...I know you probably don't want to even look at me right now, but I really need to apologize.> He waited, and when there was no answer, he opened the door. <Tyrathan?> He looked around and felt his heart break. Tyrathan was gone. He left everything, but he was gone. Vol'jin closed the door and leaned against it, feeling like he couldn't breathe. No, Tyrathan wouldn't leave him, would he? But he TOLD Tyrathan to leave. He caused him to go away. Now Vol'jin would never get to say he was sorry, never get to hold him, never get to love him again.

 

Vol'jin wobbled over to the bed. He looked at where Tyrathan had been laying and his eyes went wide. There were tear stains all over the pillow. Had Tyrathan been crying all day? No wonder he didn't want to talk. He probably couldn't. And I threw a fit and drove him away , Vol'jin thought. He collapsed on the bed, adding to the tear stains.

 

~~~

 

Tyrathan was tired. So tired. He wasn't just tired because of climbing this mountain in Durotar, though that didn't help either. He was tired of everything. Of the voice in his head telling him he was worthless. Of being a bad father to his kids. Of....of being a horrible mate to Vol'jin. Vol'jin's words rang in his ears. He was right. Tyrathan needed to leave, but not just leave Orgrimmar, but the realm of the living too.

 

He looked down off the mountain. It wasn't super high, but it was high enough that a jump backward off the top would be enough to end his life when he hit the ground. He turned his back to the edge and let out a huge sigh. At least this time Vol'jin couldn't beg his loa to keep him alive. He felt his hands reach for the protective necklace Vol'jin had given him. He whispered a sorry to Vol'jin and closed his eyes, preparing to jump.

 

"I would not do that if I were you," a female voice said, and Tyrathan's eyes snapped open. he looked around to find the source of the voice but couldn't.

 

"Who's there?" he called out. After a few seconds, a blue raptor came out from its hiding place. It looked at Tyrathan and turned its head at him, curious. "Okay, now I know I'm crazy. I'm hearing voices."

 

"You are not hearing anything, Tyrathan Khort," the raptor spoke. Tyrathan stared at the raptor with disbelief. "I am one of Gonk's chosen. He speaks through me when the situation calls for it. This is one of those times."

 

"What do you mean? What does me killing myself have to do with the loa?"

 

"Oh, nothing. It has to do with another of Gonk's chosen. Your mate." The raptor walked over to Tyrathan and sat down.

 

"Oh, the one who TOLD me to leave?! Sorry Gonk, whoever you are, but this is what he wanted!" Tyrathan closed his eyes to keep from crying. He wasn't about to cry in front of a raptor. "He wanted me to leave. He knows I'm not worthy of being his mate. He finally figured that out. So I'm leaving. For good."

 

"Quite the opposite, Tyrathan Khort. Vol'jin weeps at this moment, lamenting his words." The raptor chirped like a normal raptor before continuing. "He finds you plenty worthy. He is the one who believes he is not worthy of you."

 

"That's stupid." Tyrathan looked at the ground. "I'm just a stupid human. I don't deserve happiness or love or Vol'jin. He deserves someone who isn't as messed up as me."

 

"It does not matter what you believe he deserves. He has chosen you to be his mate. It is you he wants to spend forever with." The raptor nudged Tyrathan's arm. "You wish to be with him, do you not?"

 

"Of course I do! I left behind my whole life to be with him! I'd do anything for him!" Tyrathan suddenly realized how dumb he must look, arguing with a raptor on top of a mountain. He fell to his knees, laughing while crying. "Oh man, I messed things up didn't I?"

 

"You can still fix them. Go back to Vol'jin. To your mate."

 

"Yeah, I will. Thanks." He started to walk down the mountain, but heard the raptor roar. He looked back and she ran down to him. She motioned for him to jump on her back. He did and she took off back towards Orgrimmar faster than Tyrathan had seen a raptor go before.

 

~~~

 

He snuck into the bedroom through the window. He didn't know if anyone knew about what had transpired between Vol'jin and him earlier, and he wasn't about to take that chance. He silently landed on the floor and looked at the bed. Vol'jin was asleep, but had a horrible look on his face, like he was trapped in a nightmare. Softly, he slipped into the bed and snuggled up to Vol'jin.

 

Vol'jin opened his eyes slowly, wondering what was going on. When he saw Tyrathan was in the bed with him, he gasped and quickly wrapped his whole body around the human. Tyrathan was able to free his arms to embrace the troll as well, and they stayed like that for a while, both unwilling to let the other go, both letting silent tears fall.

 

<I'm so sorry Tyrathan,> Vol'jin finally said softly. <I shouldn't have said what I did. I was stupid. I was the child. I'm so sorry love.>

 

<I'm sorry too, Vol'jin. I know I can talk to you. It's just hard.>

 

Vol'jin pulled away just enough so he could press his forehead against Tyrathan's. <I know, my human. I just worry about you. Seeing you hurt like that kills me because I can't do anything to help. I feel like a bad mate.>

 

<You're anything but that Vol'jin!> Tyrathan closed his eyes. <I...I just get in this mood from time to time. Where it is hard for me to believe that I deserve any of this happiness I have. And...> He stopped talking for a few to swallow the lump in his throat. <And I worry you're going to realize I'm not good enough for you. I mean, I'm just a human. I'm nothing.>

 

<Tyrathan...> Vol'jin looked at Tyrathan with sadness. <Tyrathan it doesn't matter who or what you are. The most important thing to me is that you love me. You make me happy. You make me feel like as long as I have you by my side I can do anything. In fact, I fear that one day you'll realize you can do better than a dirty troll.> He gave a slight laugh at that.

 

<Never,> Tyrathan looked into his mate's eyes, a fire burning in his. <No one else can't put up with my shit so I guess you're stuck with me.> He smiled. <Plus, you feel like home to me. I want to stay by your side forever.>

 

<I love you, my human.>

 

<I love you too, my troll.> Tyrathan reached up for a kiss, and as Vol'jin returned it, Tyrathan knew that, at least for now, the voice in his head would be quiet.