Work Header

Stan and Ford vs. Cell Phone

Work Text:

“Primitive-looking,” Ford said critically, examining the small plastic rectangle.

“This from the guy who thought we still use floppy disks and 8-tracks,” Stan muttered.

“I heard that.  And I’ll have you know I found a few dimensions where those are still perfectly serviceable.”  Cautiously he poked at the button at the bottom, and then looked a little disappointed at the picture that popped up on the screen.  “Thirty years, and people still haven’t figured out how to make tangible projections?”

“Whatever, Sixer.  Let’s just get this stupid thing set up.”

Five minutes later


“No no no , I’m telling you, you’re pressing the buttons too hard!”

“They’re not even real buttons , they’re just pictures!  And when I press softer it doesn’t get the right one!”

“That’s because you keep aiming for the wrong one-give me that!”

“Keep off, I’ve lived in this dimension a lot longer than you, I know the technology better!”

“Could’ve fooled me, Stanley-now look what you’ve done!”

“Ugh, where’s the little x that erases everything?”

“It’s over-no, not that one, that’s the letter-look, it’s just like using a computer, the keyboard is the same, just smaller!  Don’t you ever use a regular computer?”

“Not when I have Soos or Wendy around to use it for me.”

Three minutes later


“Gah, this autocorrect system is even more impossible than talking to people from the Symbol Dimension!  Stop trying to change Dipper’s name to Devin! That doesn’t even make sense!”

“Just imagine what it’ll do if you try to text about Lottocron 9 or whatever.”

“Very likely it will just try to correct it to Lottery-okay, there we go, I sent Mabel a text letting her know that we’ve got this figured out.”

“Yeah, really ‘figured out,’ since it took you two minutes just to get it right.  Aren’t you supposed to know about all this stuff, brainiac?”

You’re the one who’s been living with the technology here for thirty years!  You’d think that if you could figure out how to reassemble the portal based on one journal by itself-”

“And you’re the one who built the portal in the first place, remember?  You called Dipper ‘Devin’ again, by the way.”

“Oh for-!”

It was only by chance that the younger Pines twins came back to the shack in time to stop their gruncles from smashing the phone with a baseball bat and the butt end of a gun, respectively.