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college au

Chapter Text

Pete Wentz added Patrick Stump, Joe Trohman, Andy Hurley, Gerard Way, Mikey Way, Frank Iero, Ray Toro, Kevin Perjurer, Jake Williams, Dallin Smith, Dan Candleman, and Rob Plays


Pete Wentz: I messed up.

Mikey Way: what did u do?

Pete Wentz: I fortnite danced in class after getting my makeup done right and Mr. Star kicked me out of his class

Patrick Stump: you did not

Pete Wentz: i did

Gerard Way: oh my god

 

Gerard Way changed Pete Wentz 's nickname to no rights

Gerard Way changed the group name to No Wentz Rights

 

no rights: HEY RUDE

Kevin Perjurer: how obnoxious do you have to be to get mr star to kick you from his class?

Jake Williams: pete wentz obnoxious apparently

no rights: yall are mean today jfc

Patrick Stump: no, you're just being exceptionally dumb today.

no rights: >:(

 

no rights changed the group name from No Wentz Rights to meanies

 

Mikey Way: no u

 

no rights changed Mikey Way 's nickname to urmom

 

urmom: creative

no rights: thank u. i take pride in my creativity

Ray Toro: guys shut up im in class still

Dallin Smith: mmute yoour phonene

Andy Hurley: is he okay?

Jake Williams: hes stoned out of his mind

Dallin Smith: i ccn taste  colorrs dud e

 

urmom changed Dallin Smith 's nickname to weed junkie

 

weed junkie: hey hwos ht eweed junkie i cwanna meet them cuz ii rleate

Jake Williams: honey, that's you.

weed junkie: whOA :00000

Patrick Stump: how do you deal with him?

Jake Williams: weed, usually

Patrick Stump: figures.

Chapter Text

Kevin Perjurer: pete i swear to god if you steal my cereal one more time you're gonna die

no rights: sir i have no money i need food

Kevin Perjurer: you could literally take food from your dormmates

no rights: where's the fun in that? 

Kevin Perjurer: or you could've just stolen food from your boyfriends dorm

Kevin Perjurer: literally anywhere but my dorm

no rights: 'boyfriend' who the fucK?

Kevin Perjurer: mikey

urmom: hold up i didn't ask to come back to this

no rights: mikey when did we start dating?

urmom: never

Kevin Perjurer: uhuh

Kevin Perjurer: mikey tell pete to give my cereal back

urmom: finders keepers sorry kevin

Gerard Way: this is a mess

Frank Iero: yo pete wanna share some of that cereal

no rights: sure im omw to ur dorm

Frank Iero: aw hell yea

Kevin Perjurer: how come he gets my cereal but i don't?!

no rights: cuz he asked nicely

Kevin Perjurer: he literally did not

Frank Iero: you're just angry that pete found and kept the cereal that was in your dorm

Kevin Perjurer: emphasis on "your dorm"

Frank Iero: and now you admit it's my dorm smh, kevin make your mind up

no rights: dude let me into your dorm

urmom: nah

Gerard Way: frank get the door

Frank Iero: gladly

no rights: thank u fellow cereal theif

Kevin Perjurer: YOURE LITERALLY ADMITTING YOURE A THIEF 

no rights: shut the fuck your mouth

Chapter Text

Kevin Perjurer changed no rights 's nickname to cereal thief #1

Kevin Perjurer changed Frank Iero 's nickname to cereal thief #2

 

cereal thief #1: okay rude

cereal thief #2: at least ask for consent before doing that :pensive:

Kevin Perjurer: i don't need consent to tell the truth

Joe Trohman: guys....... I woke up in some weird place....... where am I?

cereal thief #1: you're in heaven rn

Joe Trohman: oh

Joe Trohman: didn't think that you'd be here

cereal thief #1: okay that actually hurts

 

cereal thief #2 changed the group name from meanies to Heaven

 

Joe Trohman: why'd it change after I arrived here

cereal thief #2: you know

Joe Trohman: fair enough

Patrick Stump: you guys seriously are gonna mess with him right now? Joe where are you right now?

Joe Trohman: heaven apparently

Patrick Stump: your surroundings?

Joe Trohman: my basement i think

Joe Trohman: weird that heaven is my basement

cereal thief #1: dude, how do you not recognize your own basement?

Joe Trohman: cuz its a heavenly version of it

weed junkie: yo is there any weed there?

Jake Williams: what he asked

Joe Trohman: as far as i can tell....... no.

weed junkie: fuck heaven im going to hell

Jake Williams: i'm joining you

urmom: you guys are insane

Chapter Text

Kevin Perjurer: did you guys know that mr dirnt, mr cool, and mr armstrong were in a band before?

cereal thief #1: i think most of us do???

cereal thief #2:  MR ARMSTRONG WAS IN A BAND WHAT

Jake Williams: since when was tre in a band?!

cereal thief #1: wait am i the only one who knew this before

urmom: i think so. this is the first time i've heard of tihs before.

Gerard Way: what band were they in?? or were they all in different bands

Kevin Perjurer: they all had a band together called "green day"

weed junkie: wait. like weed?

Kevin Perjurer: ?

Jake Williams: green day means spending a whole day smoking weed.

cereal thief #1: the more you know

urmom: send links to their songs

Kevin Perjurer: all their songs are up on youtube, go look em up. they have four albums.

Ray Toro: four albums and now they're college teachers?

cereal thief #2: ft one being the headmaster of the school

Gerard Way: this shit is surreal man.

urmom: are we all gonna pull a green day when our bands eventually fail

Jake Williams: bold of you to assume i'm joining a band

urmom: ur a youtuber man

Jake Williams: your point being?

urmom: covers

Jake Williams: sh

urmom: no u

 

urmom changed Jake Williams 's nickname to no u

 

no u: absolutely not

 

no u changed their own nickname to smarter weed junkie

 

weed junkie: i'm offended

smarter weed junkie: be offended

weed junkie: fine

 

weed junkie left the group

 

cereal thief #2: :b:ruh did we just witness a breakup live on television

cereal thief #1: i think so dude.

 

smarter weed junkie added Dallin Smith

smarter weed junkie changed their own name to weed junkie #2

weed junkie #2 changed Dallin Smith 's nickname to weed junkie #1

 

weed junkie #2: better?

cereal thief #1: no

cereal thief #2: you're stealing our brand jacob

weed junkie #1: better

Patrick Stump: Ok back on topic.... I can't believe our teachers were in a band.

cereal thief #1: i thought this was common knowledge tbh. mr. armstrong's mentioned it a few times in his class.

Gerard Way: yeah but he never mentioned the band name or the fact that he, mr. cool, and mr. dirnt were in the band together

urmom: idk abt you guys but this makes them cooler

Gerard Way: mr. star owns his own makeup brand but that ain't shit compared to our headmaster, music teacher, and gym/health teacher being in a punk rock band

Ray Toro: should we ask them about it???

Patrick Stump: i don't know-

Joe Trohman: okok, i say we ask. cause clearly they didnt stop being a band becuz of them having a falling out, since they're all clearly still good friends.  otherwise they all wouldn't hang out in mr. armstrong's class before school starts

Patrick Stump: they do that?

Joe Trohman: i have mr. armstrong's class first thing in the morning. i always arrive early and see them chatting.

Andy Hurley: thanks to me.

 

Joe Trohman changed Andy Hurley 's nickname to early bird

early bird changed Joe Trohman 's nickname to false early bird

 

false early bird: ouch

early bird: :)

Ray Toro: okay all in favor of one of us asking them about the band say Aye, all against it say nay

false early bird: aye

early bird: nay

cereal thief #1: aye

Patrick Stump: nay

Gerard Way: aye!

urmom: aye

Ray Toro: aye

cereal thief #2: aye

Kevin Perjuer: aye

weed junkie #1: aye

weed junkie #2: aye

Ray Toro: that settles it, we're asking them about it.

weed junkie #2: who's asking them though

Ray Toro: who in Mr. Armstrong's class is willing to ask?

cereal thief #1: me, since i already knew abt it.

Ray Toro: anyone in Mr. Cool's class willing to ask?

weed junkie #2: ill ask.

Ray Toro: anyone willing to ask Mr. Dirnt?

 

                        < two minutes of no talking >

 

Ray Toro: guys seriously

Gerard Way: dirnt's scary

urmom: is dirnt even his real last name

cereal thief #1: nah its a joke

urmom: pete how do you know so much about them

cereal thief #1: a girl never tells

urmom: oh my god

cereal thief #2: i'll ask

Ray Toro: cool. that's settled then.

cereal thief #2: we all doing this tomorrow?

cereal thief #1: sure

weed junkie #2: i'm down

cereal thief #2: gucci.

cereal thief #1: MR STAR HAS ENTERED THE CHAT.

urmom: N

 

urmom has left the group

 

Gerard Way: my brother flees from his bad grades.

cereal thief #1: rip.

Chapter Text

        Questioning Mr. Dirnt about his former band wasn't something Frank seriously wanted to do. Peer pressure made him do it. Well, that's what he's telling himself. He only really went with it to figure out why Mr. Dirnt goes by a different last name other than his real one.

        Which, come to think of it, he doesn't even know the man's real last name and he's been at the school for three years. Maybe he should start paying attention to the year book.

        Frank walked out of his english class, stuffing his books into his book bag and letting his friends know he was on his way.

 

cereal thief #2: i'm omw.

cereal thief #1: good luck soldier.

Gerard Way: if you die i'll pour out a whole bottle of bourbon for you man

cereal thief #2: ur a real one gee

 

        After his English class frank would usually go back to his dorm, smoke a joint and pass out until one of his dorm mates shook him awake to get off the couch. Today however, he made his way to the main building with a kid named Shane Dawson.

        They've talked pretty often since they sat next to each other in their English class, but they were never really close. "What're you going there for?" Shane asked.

        "Oh yanno, the usual shit, gonna ask Mr. Dirnt about something." Frank said.

        "Like?"

        Frank didn't have a different reason. "Uh, my friends dared me to ask him why he doesn't go by his real last name." Frank said, which wasn't a total lie.

        "I heard a rumor that it's a joke, can't remember what the joke is though." Shane said.

        "I couldn't care less what the reason is, I just want my fifty dollars man." Frank said.

        "Holy shit, you're really gonna get fifty dollars for this?" Shane asked.

        In weed, yeah. Frank thought. "Yup. No one believes that I'm really gonna ask Mr. Dirnt about it."

        "I barely know you and I can tell that you'd do anything anyone dared you." Shane said.

        "Oh yea, but everyone's apparently scared of Mr. Dirnt, so they don't really believe I'll do it."

        "Fair, the man is kinda intimidating." Shane said.

        "I don't understand that."

        Shane shrugged. "The guy just has like... an aura of scary around him. Like fuck with him and you're dead."

        "Okay, considering he lets Mr. Cool smoke pot in his office across from the gym, I severely doubt he's scary." Frank said.

        "Speaking of Mr. Cool, does anyone know why his last name is that and not his real last name? At least Dirnt is more of a believable name than Cool."

        "It's 'cause he's the cool teacher." Frank said, opening the door to the main building.

        "Holy shit, you're right." Shane said walking in.

        "Obviously, I'm always right."

        "I doubt that."

        "You do that friend, but the facts speak louder than opinions."

        Shane laughed a bit. "Whatever you say. See ya Thursday." He said.

        "See ya Thursday." Frank repeated.

        Shane turned and walked down the hallway, Frank had no idea where he was going. 

 

cereal thief #2: someone on thursday remind me to ask shane about a hallway

Ray Toro: the fuck?

cereal thief #2: thx ray

 

        Frank walked up to the main desk, ignoring his buzzing phone in his pocket. "What can I help you with?" The secretary asked.

        "Is Mr. Dirnt free right now? I need to speak with him." Frank said.

        "He's busy with someone right now, if you could wait ten minutes he'll be free then." She said.

        "Yeah, sure, thanks." Frank said.

        Frank placed himself at a chair in the corner of the room and took his phone out to update the chat.

 

cereal thief #2: update: waiting.

cereal thief #2: anyone else asked

weed junkie #2: nada

cereal thief #1: nope

cereal thief #2: are you guys seriously waiting until i ask?

weed junkie #2: yup

cereal thief #1: yes sir

cereal thief #2: what. why?

cereal thief #1: cuz i dont have mr. armstrong's class until tomorrow.

weed junkie #2: dead

weed junkie #1: can confirm. he's half on the bed half on the ground. he's probably gonna die.

cereal thief #2: in that case, if jake dies u gotta take his place dallin.

weed junkie #1: jake is now on the bed. i am not asking mr. cool about green day.

weed junkie #2: ouchie

cereal thief #1: did you seriously say ouchie?

weed junkie #2: ......

weed junkie #2: yes....

cereal thief #1: valid

 

        "Mr. Dirnt is free now, sir." The secretary said.

 

cereal thief #2: gtg. dirnt's free now. wish me luck soldiers.

cereal thief #1: GOOD LUCK

weed junkie #1: DON'T DIE

weed junkie #2: all your weed is mine if you die so don't do that

 

        Frank nearly laughed at that last part. He pocketed his phone and got up, ignoring the fact that his knee cracked louder than a falling tree. "His office is just around the corner." The secretary said, pointing to the hallway behind her.

        "Thanks." Frank said, heading off that way.

        It took him a few seconds and almost knocking on the wrong door to get to Mr. Dirnt's office. "Mr. Pritchard" was pressed into a gold strip a metal that was attached to the door. So, that's what his real last name is, huh? Frank thought. He knocked on the door. heard a "Come in." a few seconds later and opened the door.

        Mr. Dirnt sat at his desk, looking through some folders and drinking what looked like pure black coffee. Which right now, sounded pretty good to Frank. He feels too tired to do this. Mr. Dirnt looked up from the folders and smiled a bit. "Hello." He said.

        Clearly not as formal as we all think. Frank thought. "How can I help you?" Mr. Dirnt asked.

        Frank let the door shut behind him as he took a seat across from the headmaster. "Uh, this is gonna sound really stupid but, my friends are all cowards and refuse to ask for themselves. So they all bet me to ask you why you're known with a different last name then the one shown in the year book or on your door."

        Mr. Dirnt looked at him for a second, as if he didn't really believe he was being asked that, then chuckled. "Not the first time I've gotten that question." He mused.

        Oh thank god. Frank thought. "It's a joke. In high school I used to play the bass, and I'd bring it with me to school. I was in a band at that time, and I was way more dedicated to that than I was to school. So in-between classes I'd sit and play my bass. Kids started calling me by "Dirnt" since the plucking sound of the bass made a dirnt sound." He explained.

        "You were in a band?" Frank asked.

        "Yup, it was pretty fun. Quit being a band in '96 though. Not enough people enjoyed our work so me and my band mates decided it was time to put our instruments down and go onto different paths. Didn't expect that path to lead me to becoming the headmaster of a college but, here I am anyway." Mr Dirnt said.

        "Damn, that's pretty cool." Frank said, "Me and my friends are thinking about starting a band actually."

        "As long as you're still focused on your studies, I say go for it. Music is important in everyone's lives. We all need music to be who we are. I've never met a single student before who doesn't like music."

        Frank blinked, not really expecting that answer. "What band name were you thinking of using?" Mr. Dirnt asked.

        "Uh... We're not sure, but our bassist is thinking of the band name being 'my chemical romance'." Frank said.

        "It's a pretty solid name. Most band names are weird and don't really make sense. I think sparks is the only band who has a good band name."

        "What was your bands name?" Frank asked.

        "Only the most mature thing a 16 year old boy could come up with: Green Day." Mr. Dirnt said.

        "Like... smoking weed or something else?" Frank asked.

        "Smoking weed, what else could it be about?"

        "Uh. No idea, sir." Frank said.

        "It was a dumb joke in high school that me and my band mates made it and it just stuck. Better than the bands original name 'sweet children'. Never let a 14 year old name your band." Mr. Dirnt joked.

        "I'll keep that in mind." Frank said.

        "Now, is that all you needed? I don't mean to rush you out, but I need to speak with another teacher."

        "Nope, that was all. Thank you for answering my question. I'm now the proud owner of fifty extra dollars." Frank said.

        "Your friends really bet that you wouldn't ask me?" Mr. Dirnt asked, closing the folders on his desk.

        "Yup." Frank said, grinning.

        "Well, congrats on the fifty extra dollars. Glad I could help you with that." Mr. Dirnt said.

        "Thank you." Frank said.

        "Of course, have a good day now." Mr. Dirnt said, dismissing Frank.

        Frank left the office and out the main building.

 

cereal thief #2: mission complete boys we got info

cereal thief #1: FUCK YEAH

Patrick Stump: You don't need to shout what you just typed.

cereal thief #1: you also don't need to type what you could've just told me

Patrick Stump: you've got me there

Ray Toro: could almost say... that you're stumped.

Patrick Stump: stop that.

cereal thief #1: HAHA NICE

 

        Frank rolled his eyes at his friends idiocy. He'd report to them later on what he found out, for now, he needed a nap. He'd save his weed for a later day.