Chapter 1: the small things: chaeyoung and jennie
everyone either calls her rosé, or park chaeyoung, or chaeyoung, or park.
but i call her mu-mu.
ever since we finished filming the last episode of our reality show, the crew keeps saying it's so funny how chae turns mute when she eats.
mu-mu looked up how to say 'mute' in english, just for fun--because she's been wanting to learn more words in english.
of course, when she looked up how to say 'mute' in english, i was right next to her.
when we heard that it was spoken as "myoot", i immediately thought that "myoo-myoo" would be a cute nickname.
and who better to call that nickname than rosé? not just because of how cute it sounded, but since she loved cats...
the nickname would be perfect for her.
when we're eating together, i glance at her sitting next to me.
occasionally she speaks, either to tell someone to pass her something, or something minor. but most of the time, she continues to put food in her mouth. and it's one of the cutest things i've ever seen in my life.
sometimes i find myself stopping, putting my fork down, putting my head in my hand and just staring at her while she eats. sometimes i even feel silly or stupid just from my simple action, but...
seeing the one you love so happy, just makes you happy too.
and i'm so in love.
when we're walking through the streets together, either by ourselves or with jisoo and lalisa, i find myself hooking my arm through hers so easily.
it's so easy to make her laugh. many fans on our socials keep saying that a) i have the best smile, b) lalisa's face is so cute, or even c) jisoo's laugh is the best, but all i want to tell them is that the love of my life is the shining definition of perfection.
then that brings me to the un-reality of our reality show.
people from our crew tell mu-mu that she needs to fix her makeup the most, out of all four of us. the guys tell the makeup ladies to fix her makeup.
they have never told me to fix my makeup, and i don't mean to say that to prove that i'm outrageously beautiful like people say, but hearing those people tell mu-mu to fix her makeup makes me want to talk back to them.
they don't know how she feels when they tell her she needs a touch-up.
they don't know that she's cried before, right after they finished filming the reality show for the day.
they don't know that when they leave for their own homes, me, lalisa and jisoo need to get her self-esteem back up.
but at least--we have our own private time while they go back to their own homes. we're lucky that we even have time for ourselves.
i'm glad i even have someone to spend my private time with.
in the beginning, falling in love with mu-mu wasn't easy. it extremely wasn't easy when i was onstage with her and the other girls, because i wasn't able to talk to her, be close to her for more than a few seconds.
seeing her dance so well and sing so perfectly wanted me to stay by her side for the rest of each performance, but i knew that wasn't possible.
one step out of line, and that would be it. one mistake, and that would be it.
one error, and i wouldn't be able to see her anymore.
sometimes it get's too hard, but i just have to get myself together.
if i want to spend as much time as i can with mu-mu, i have to hold myself together. i can't make any mistakes. i can't fall, i can't step out of line, i have to act the way they want me to. i have to do this for us, so we could be together.
even if it means we can't be our true selves.
but it's okay.
it's okay, because i'm still able to see the small things that are amazingly allowed to be shown in episodes from our reality show.
mu-mu still eats the same way, with her cute little scrunched-up nose and her adorable little dance if she eats really good food, when she's happy, when she's content.
she still changes her hair color when she wants to, even if that's one of the few things we're allowed to decide for ourselves.
she still has a few qualities she's able to show on-screen. and i love that.
there's always those small things that make her life easier to deal with.
there's always those small things that make me feel happy--because she's happy.
life is short, so we obviously need to use up our time being happy instead of thinking about all the horrible stuff that we go through everyday.
life is short.
so i'm going to spend as much time as i can with the girl i love,
the girl i fall asleep next to every night,
the girl i share a room with every time we fly somewhere for a concert,
the girl who captured my heart as soon as i saw her for the first time.
if people don't realize all the good things about her from the beginning, then that's on them.
some people will, eventually.
and most importantly, i'm glad i was one of them.
Chapter 2: stressed: jisoo and lalisa
in the middle of the night, lisa woke me up by accidentally pulling the blankets completely off me.
i sat up, looking over at my girlfriend. she was also sitting up in the bed, all the blankets bundled up in her hands, her eyes closed.
"you okay?" i asked ever so quietly. chaeyoung and jennie were still fast asleep, thank goodness--when i looked over at their bed, i saw jennie's arms still wrapped tightly around chaeyoung. i'm glad lisa didn't make any sound that would interrupt the cute couple's sleep together.
"i--i don't know." lisa whispered in reply. before i was able to put a hand on her shoulder, or say anything more, she threw the blankets back on the bed and stood up. she started to lose her balance, but then she quickly placed her hand down on the side of the bed.
i covered myself back up with the blankets, lifting them up to my chin. i watched lisa walk to the end of the bed near my feet, and then she sat down. when she put her head in her hands, i knew.
she was stressed.
i immediately moved the blankets away, carefully moving along the mattress in order to reach her. i sat down next to lisa and wrapped my arm around her shoulders and pressed my lips to her temple.
"what's wrong, babe..." my voice trailed off. lisa stood up again, to my surprise. i didn't want to say anything else that might set her off, or stress her out more, so then i grew quiet.
and i just watched.
lisa walked over to the dresser in the hotel room, and opened the drawer where all my clothes were for our stay. i continued to watch her carefully as she rifled through, picking up my favorite black hoodie and then pulling it on.
i smiled to myself, feeling a little happier because of how cute she looked in my hoodie.
"lalisa," i began, then stopped. lisa turned to me for a split second, her eyebrows knotted. her hands were placed on the drawer, helping her stay standing, and i could tell she was still feeling extremely stressed.
ever since i met her, i knew she got stressed so easily. it's been a long time since the stress had kept her up all night, though. usually it would get her after a really heated concert, or after filming a video or interview.
during nights like these...she needs as much help as she can get.
i got off the bed, then stood next to her and wrapped my arms around her waist with her back against my chest. this time i kissed her on the back of her neck, anywhere i could reach from standing behind her. she's told me before that my kisses make her feel more happy, but right now they don't seem to be working.
"lisa, i want to help you, but i don't know how." i whispered against her skin, slowly rubbing her shoulder with the palm of my hand. both her shoulders were tense, her muscles frozen into a state where it seemed like she didn't even know what relaxing meant.
then she turned around.
lisa stared into my eyes, and hugged me.
i held her in my arms, willing them to never let go for as long as possible.
"i don't know how you could, either. i can't even help myself sometimes." lisa said, her voice so soft i almost didn't hear what she said. i nodded slowly, continuing to kiss her on the cheek, her face, her nose, her neck. even if my kisses didn't seem to work, i wanted to give them to her anyway. i love her so much.
"that's alright, lisa, i just know it'll get better with time." i reassured her.
at that point...i didn't know if i was still only reassuring her...or myself, too.
i didn't really know what causes her to get stressed so easily, but i've read up on it before and stress is obviously bad for people. i want to help her, but i don't know how. the only thing i know how to do that's a little bit close to 'help' is just being there for her.
and that'll have to do, for now.
lisa moved away from me very slightly, so that our noses were just centimeters apart. i looked over her face, looking for signs that her stress might be getting even worse--just in case--but thank goodness, i didn't find any.
"jisoo." she whispered. i nodded, glancing at her perfect lips, and then back at her eyes.
"could we possibly just--get back to sleep?" lisa asked. i nodded again.
maybe she needed something to distract her from the stress? i didn't know.
but one thing's for sure...i really do help her just by being with her. and now i knew that, because as soon as we climbed back into bed, lisa cuddled up next to me and fixed my arms so that they were surrounding her.
i just had to smile to myself when i watched her fixing my arms around her body, hoping with all my heart that her stress would just go away right there and then. lisa looked up at me, her bangs lightly brushing against her beautiful, long eyelashes. the definition of perfection.
"are you alright, at least a little, now?" i still kept my voice at a whisper.
lisa stared softly at me for a few seconds, and then gave me the slightest nod.
i finally let out a breath i hadn't realized i was holding ever since i woke up.
lisa tucked her chin into my hoodie, closing her eyes and then scooting closer into my chest. the cutest thing.
seeing her have at least a little less stress...takes a little stress off my back, too.
when she's sad, i want to cry.
when she's pissed, i'll sense her anger and it'll spread to me, fast.
when she's stressed, i want to hold her in my arms and keep telling her that it'll be okay.
when she's happy...content...relieved...
Chapter 3: what if*: chaeyoung and lalisa
today's one of those days.
during all of my classes, i found myself flipping through pictures on my phone. pictures that aren't related to my classes, or education at all.
pictures that aren't appropriate for me to be looking at during school.
my friends don't know that i get off track during school sometimes, nevertheless looking at those types of pictures--of girls.
it's a good thing that in college, i have more privacy.
i have privacy to look at those types of pictures in my bedroom, in the bathroom, too.
as soon as i got in my shared apartment after the school day was over, i saw that lisa was home. my roommate. my beautiful, really hot and adorable roommate.
"lisa?" i called out, wondering where she was. i don't know why i called out her name, i don't know why i'm looking for her, but i just want to see her. for whatever reason. but i got no response.
after putting my backpack down on the floor next to my bed, and changing into my slides, i looked around our apartment.
when you've been roommates for a long time, you tend to notice--and know--the other person's daily routine. everyday after school, lisa always changed into fresh clothes and then sat down at her desk to start homework, or maybe she read a book, or maybe she cooked dinner. lisa always changed her schedule, now that i think about it.
or...she could be taking a shower.
i immediately walked towards our bathroom, and i noticed the door was closed. she was in there.
"lisa? jus' telling you i'm home." i spoke to the door.
i pressed my ear against the wood, and sure enough, i heard the sound of the shower. then i heard her voice.
"hey chae! it's a good thing you're here though. open the door." i raised my eyebrows. why would she need me to open the door? she's taking a shower, for crying out loud.
i blinked. wait--she's taking a shower.
my mind unwillingly went to those pictures again, but then i started picturing lisa in the shower. oh, my god.
with a quick hand, i turned the doorknob and opened the door to the bathroom.
our shower curtain wasn't transparent, so i guess that's why lisa even let me into the bathroom. sure, we were both girls, but we still kinda liked our privacy.
lisa's hand curled around the edge of the curtain, then pulled it back ever so slightly. i wasn't even able to see anything. dammit.
"oh! hey. yeah, um...i need you to hand me my--my towel." lisa said, her head peeking around the curtain. her hair was significantly darker because it was wet, her eyes still shined brightly. i locked eyes with her for a split second, mentally restraining myself from biting my lip or doing something else that would show how i was feeling. i looked around for her towel and spotted it hanging on the door and out of lisa's reach.
i reached up my hand towards the towel, and in the few seconds it took for my hand to make its way to the fabric, my thoughts raced. what if. what if, what if, what if. what if i just...
"how about..." i began. i turned around to face lisa again, and her eyebrows were raised. her smile was still there. of course, she's always smiling. she's beautiful.
"how about what?" she asked, tilting her head a bit so she could see me more clearly from around the curtain's edge. i shrugged, then scratched my head in thought. i let my hand fall, from where it was hovering in the air and ready to grab lisa's towel.
"how about...i don't give you your towel?" i finished. lisa stayed staring at me after that. does she think i'm crazy? i just crossed the line. i'm stupid. stupid, stupid, stupid.
to my surprise, she laughed. pure laughter. i watched her, admiring how her hair fell perfectly on her bare shoulder, her eyes were shut tight as she laughed in the cutest way possible, her lips were turned up in a huge smile.
"what--what do you mean?" lisa said after she laughed, her voice all happy and amused. i crossed my arms, raising one eyebrow and putting my weight on my left hip. i bet i looked so sassy to her at that point.
"what if...i don't give you your towel, and you just come out here, anyway?" i spoke a little softer. lisa's smile grew a bit smaller. she was probably processing what i was saying, maybe thinking i was a really, extremely weird person.
well...when i want something, i'll think about it. when i need something, i'll ask for it.
lisa looked off to the side for a split second, but then she pulled the shower curtain closed again. i probably just screwed up our whole friendship.
i heard lisa turn off the shower, and then all i heard was a loud 'swish' as the curtain's rings moved to one side. i raised my eyebrows, leaning against the closed bathroom door and nearly losing my balance because i was a little too far away from the door than i thought.
before me stood lisa. the curtain pulled to the side.
"well, if you say so." she said, smirking and then stepping out of the shower onto the foot-drying towel on the floor. i brushed my hair back with one hand, staring at lisa and looking her up and down.
at that point, all i wanted to was wrap my arms around her and take her into the bedroom.
"fuck." i cursed under my breath. lisa looked over at me, and her smirk turned into a smile.
"if you don't mind, i'll just reach past you real quick," she said, walking to me and just casually reaching up to grab her towel. but she wasn't able to.
everything happened so fast.
i wrapped one arm around her waist and pulled her against me, then wrapped my other arm around her. our faces were only about an inch away. i looked over her soft facial features, from her beautiful, long eyelashes to her naturally perfect lips.
in order to regain her balance, lisa's palm was pressed against the door, while her other hand ended up on my shoulder. she stared into my eyes. i didn't know what to feel. how to feel. where to look.
"you're so beautiful." i whispered. i want to kiss her so badly.
and maybe it was because of what i said...or maybe it was the soft, kind tone of my voice...but lisa relaxed in my arms. she lowered her hands to my shoulders, and one her face was the most amazing smile i've ever seen...in my whole life.
"that's the smile i'd want to wake up to in the morning. every single day." i found myself saying. lisa laughed to herself, and i couldn't help but give her a kiss on the cheek. but as soon as i pressed my lips to her skin, i didn't want to stop.
so i kissed her on the lips. and i closed my eyes.
this wasn't the first time i've had a first kiss with a girl. but i knew in my heart, right there and then, that this was the best first kiss i've ever had. if only i had been in tune with myself earlier in life, i would have met lisa earlier and spent more time getting to know her.
but here i am, holding her against me and kissing her like we've been dating for a long time. she has no clothes on, for crying out loud.
lisa's hands were on the back of my neck, and she was just gently kissing me back. it's as if i was so fragile and delicate, she didn't want to kiss me too hard or else i'd just fade away. but i kept my arms where they were, secured around her, my hands gripping her hips as if they'd never let go.
i didn't want to let go. and neither did she want to let go of me.
"do you like girls, too?" lisa spoke. i opened my eyes, still coming out of the trance that she had put me in. i slowly nodded, and i was glad to see her smile again.
i guess we did have something in common, besides liking the same style of music, liking the same stores and having the same laptop. we were both girls who liked girls...
...and now that i've kissed her and seen this side of her, i know we're both people who have been looking for the right girl to come along.
she's just never came, for each of us, until today.
i bit my bottom lip, my mind going back to those pictures earlier in the day. then i eyed lisa's bare skin again, and i couldn't help but trace a line from lisa's neck down to her shoulder with my fingertips. she was just...a masterpiece. and she was right there, in front of my eyes.
we both stayed silent, with me slowly tracing lines down her body and adding a few kisses here and there. she continued to watch me as i did so, her hands moving to the hem of my shirt and then pulling it off.
a few minutes later, i found myself with lisa, standing in the shower, no clothes on, kissing her, hugging her.
having the freedom of kissing her wherever i wanted.
holding her even closer to me until there was no space between us.
feeling the water from the shower continuously raining down on our bare skin, soaking our hair.
at one point i pressed her against the wall of the shower, my kisses even harsher now, my fingers tangled in her hair. her hands were exploring my body, mine exploring hers. we just couldn't get enough of each other at that moment.
one thought kept staying in my mind.
here i am, kissing a girl, my roommate of two years, a girl i've known ever since i started college. we've been friends for a long time, yet all i've really found out about her is her birthday, a few of her favorite things, where she keeps all her belongings in the apartment, and when she's having a bad day. i never knew i'd actually start liking her, or that she likes girls, too...
but here i am now.
and all of this just started with a simple "what if".
Chapter 4: a perfect world: jisoo and jennie
we've dated for five years. we've been engaged for two.
honestly, the reason why we've been engaged longer than regular engagement time periods...was because ours involved us coming out of the closet, then telling both our families that we were going to get married. and i'm telling you, it was a really big night.
now, jisoo and i had planned that night out for more than a week before the actual night, but the really funny thing was that we actually proposed to each other...on the same day.
one day, after work, i asked lisa and chae to distract jisoo and possibly hold her back while i ran outside of the venue and rode a taxi all the way to the hotel room. that hotel room was being rented out by us for the moment, since we were in yet another state and city for our tour.
once i was there, i grabbed a small duffel bag that i brought on our travels, which was filled with all the things I needed when I was going to propose to the love of my life. I quickly put it on our bed, emptied all of its contents onto the sheets, and then organized everything the way I wanted it to be. about ten minutes later, I got a call from lisa.
"hey, are you alright over there? sure, me and chae can distract her for some time, but we're not superheroes who can just hold her back forever." lisa laughed on the other line. I smiled, my heart beating faster with so much excitement.
"yeah, I--I think i'm good." I replied, looking around for the millionth time. jisoo's favorite food? check. favorite flower? check. favorite person? I quickly looked in the mirror above the dresser, checking if my hair was good and my outfit was good. check, I thought with a laugh.
"ok, great. and remember..." lisa's voice trailed off.
"what? remember what?"
I heard a small sigh, and then a laugh from lisa.
"don't worry. I know she will definitely say yes. one thing everyone should remember before they propose is that they wouldn't have even thought about it, if they didn't think their partner would say yes."
gosh, I love my best friend. she always knew the right things to say.
"thank you, lisa, I love you," I smiled, making a kiss sound.
"I love you too, but save that for jisoo--tonight."
"lisa!" I exclaimed, blushing and laughing loudly. I heard lisa laugh on the other line, but then the laughing stopped.
"okay, okay, enough laughing for now. do final checks, because chae and jisoo just came back from the bathroom--chae's been making jisoo do her hair in different styles, over and over again, all this time." lisa's laughing continued. I rolled my eyes.
"alright, gosh, don't make her do anything else. i'm...i'm ready to go." I stated.
"you're gonna do great!" lisa said, then made a kiss sound and ended the call.
I spent the next few minutes of my time in checking everything once again, making sure everything was in the right place. I kept thinking about what her reaction would be, what her response would be like, what would happen, what could happen...I mean, for crying out loud, this isn't some cute-high-school-promposal stuff anymore. this was the real thing.
and then I got a text from chae.
places, everyone, the curtain goes up in about one minute ; )
oh god. she's here.
I sat my ass down on the edge of the bed and smoothed my outfit just as the door opened. don't cry. don't cry. don't cry.
"jennie?" there's her voice.
"hey, babe," I choked out. oh my god, am I already crying? I quickly wiped my cheek with the back of my hand, a small smile creeping onto my face upon seeing the love of my life walk into the room.
"jennie--" jisoo began. i watched her look around the room, still standing in the doorway...her hand immediately going to her face. i watched her eyes, her face, her reactions.
"jisoo, i--" i started to speak, my voice straining to stay at a normal tone.
"no! wait!" she exclaimed, uncovering her face to reveal a huge smile. i laughed nervously, looking at her eyes and hoping they would give me an answer as to why she responded that way. all of a sudden, jisoo ran over to her luggage and unzipped it, clearly not noticing all the decorations in the room: several bouquets of sunflowers, bag of m&m's in each one, polaroids of the both of us together hanging on the walls with fairy lights.
"but, i, i gotta tell you something, jisoo," i tried to continue, but she clearly wasn't focusing on what i was saying. she kept on rummaging through her luggage, moving clothes aside.
"are you looking for something?" i laughed. suddenly, she gasped.
"yes! this!" she turned around to face me, and i saw that she was holding a small box. one that looked exactly like the box i was holding in my sweaty hands at the moment.
"oh, my god." lisa gasped from the doorway.
"oh my god! this is so cute! lisa, they got the same thing for each other, oh my god," chae said excitedly, jumping up and down. lisa smiled at her and then shhed her.
"you're telling me--" jisoo finally took the time to look around the room, while holding her box in her hand. i nodded, watching her face again. her eyes, her smile grew bigger as she scanned the room. she walked closer to me, taking her time in seeing each polaroid, each sunflower petal, each candy bag...and i wrapped my arms around her waist as soon as she was close enough.
"i want you to marry me, jisoo." i mumbled quietly against the fabric of her jacket, hearing her heartbeat right against my ear.
"oh, jennie," jisoo spoke, moving away from me just enough so i could see her beautiful eyes looking down into mine. "i want you to marry me, too."
and then we opened our small, black velvet boxes at the same time. to see the exact same cut, the exact same style of ring...only the jewel's colors were different. we laughed together, real, pure laughter...i stood up and shook my head at us. we were so crazy, getting the same ring for each other...but that's what made us--us. and i'm not complete without her.
"i was planning on asking you to marry me when we reached paris, because you told me that was your favorite place in the whole world...but i think this is a good time," jisoo laughed, the sound brightening up my world even more.
"i was planning to ask you during our rare breaks, so we could spend time with each other before going back to work, that's why i had that duffel all along," i explained, my eyes focused on her no matter where she moved.
i held my box in my right hand and wrapped my left arm around her waist, pulling her close to me and probably staring at her with the most love i've ever had in my whole life. all at once, everything else faded away.
there she was, looking at me with those eyes that held the world in them. those eyes that always stayed the exact same color, even if her hair has changed shades so many times. she had that smile on her face, her nose scrunched up, all her teeth showing, her eyes squinting like they always do before she laughs at one of my stupid jokes, one side of her mouth tilting higher than the other--perfection.
"so...can i be the one who finally puts a ring on that finger?" i said softly, keeping eye contact with her. jisoo's smile grew soft, more passionate, more calm and relaxed.
"only if..." she replied. she wrapped one arm around my waist while opening her box with the other. she held it in front of me, in the space between us that i so wanted to take away, the duplicate of the ring i held in my free hand.
"only if i can be the one who does the same for you." she finished. and with a smile, with the last few inches of space between us disappearing, i pressed my lips to hers. she closed her eyes, i did the same. my arm grew tighter around her waist, i pressed my whole body against her. i was already against her, yet i still wanted to get closer.
while we kissed, i felt jisoo take my left hand--that was on her waist--and slide the ring she'd been carrying in her luggage on my ring finger. then i took the ring i've been carrying and did the same to her. then i heard someone start crying.
this time it wasn't me or jisoo...
...it was lisa and chae.
"you guys--i can't say this enough, you guys are the cutest couple in the whole wide world and i'm so glad this canon is official now," lisa said, sobs in between words. jisoo smiled against my lips, those small black velvet boxes on the floor, long forgotten. our arms wrapped around each other, my heart at a steady state.
my heart, beating only for the girl in my arms.
looking back at that moment...takes all my nervousness away. it makes me remember how special that moment is and it reminds me that that moment will always stay with me forever, until i take my last breath on this earth.
coming out of the closet to both our families at the same time was really nerve-racking. we had both of our families at jisoo's house, sat them down in the living room, and then we started recapping the whole proposal to them. we didn't say what we identified as first, we just talked about the proposal because we both felt like that would already be enough. and it really was.
but the best part was that i didn't have to go through all of this alone. i had my best friend in the whole world right beside me, she was there to support me, she was there to comfort me just in case anything went wrong.
i knew that there would be so many possible outcomes for us coming out together, and telling our families that we were going to get married, but that night, after the big conversation...me and jisoo went back to our apartment feeling so relieved. the worst part was over.
and now i could spend the rest of my life in a perfect world...with the girl who makes it worth living.
Chapter 5: mistakes: ot4 (requested)
they've always been told to continue on with their performance, even if something goes wrong.
but when chaeyoung makes a mistake and puts her foot in the wrong place...
everyone bends the rules.
(with a little bit of chaeyoungxjisoo.)
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
after all the practices we've done, i still manage to mess something up.
today was regular--all we did was travel to a new city, unpack our things in the hotel room, prepare our makeup, clothing and practice our performance one more time.
but then night came, and i don't know what had gotten into me.
as humans, our mind is fixed with something if we use repetition to memorize it. and that's exactly what me, lisa, jisoo and jennie do in order to perfect our concerts and make sure everything'll be okay. but obviously, tonight, i remembered how common it was for things to go wrong.
and it took a sprained ankle in order for me to remember that.
there i was, dancing along to jennie's voice during her part of 'as if it's your last'...and then out of nowhere, my foot just decided to step in the wrong place. then, in the blink of an eye, i was suddenly on the floor and pain was shooting up my left hip where i hit the ground. at first i thought i was fine. nothing else hurt but the place where i hit the hard surface of the stage.
but then, as my group members continued to sing, occasionally glancing to check if i was okay, i started to stand up again. as soon as my left foot felt the slightest bit of pressure, i gasped and let myself fall down onto the floor again.
i couldn't get up.
the pain was getting worse now that my foot had experienced pressure.
"chaeng?" jennie spoke. my eyes widened.
lisa was still singing, jisoo was still singing...but i could tell they were a bit surprised that jennie had spoken out of line. we've been told not to go out of line even if something happens during a concert, but jennie still did.
i watched with nervousness as jennie stopped dancing, walked over to where i was sitting on the ground, and knelt down to be face-to-face.
"what's wrong? is it your head? your leg?" she guessed, brushing my hair behind my ear so lovingly. i shook my head, and then out of the corner of my eye, i saw jisoo and lisa starting to come up next to me and jennie.
then there were the fans' voices, calling out my name, the other girls' names, screaming, yelling at me asking if i was okay. lots of 'what happened's and 'oh my gosh's were heard. but i still had the thought that the other girls' might get a talking-to about stopping the concert just because i fell.
"it's...it's my left ankle, i think i sprained it," i choked out, holding onto jisoo's shoulder so i could balance with the awkward position i was in on the floor. jisoo held my elbow and helped me sit up straight.
"would it hurt if i took off your boot?" lisa asked, pointing to the knee-high heeled boot i was wearing. which was probably an addition to the reason why i fell in the first place.
"yeah, i think it would--thanks though," i replied. lisa nodded, sitting closer to me after glancing at the crowd. i slowly turned my head towards our audience, seeing their worried expressions, and a few security guards muttering into their walkie-talkies.
jennie looked off towards the wings for a second, then turned back to me.
"one of the crew people just notified me that they're getting an ambulance."
"well i mean what will we do until the ambulance actually comes here?" lisa asked out loud, looking between each of us before staring at the ground.
"we could...sing for them still?" i suggested, picking up my microphone that had dropped a few inches away from me. jennie and jisoo shrugged, staring at me.
"what would we sing? a lot of the songs we have are upbeat and dance-y, i feel as if the fans would be less motivated to dance if it meant dancing while you're lying on the ground, injured," jisoo said. i nodded.
"but...we do have at least one song that is more chill," jennie spoke up, her voice low. we all looked at each other for a few seconds, and then i started to sing.
"툭하면 거친 말들로 내 맘에 상처를 내놓고...미안하단 말 한마디 없이 또 나 혼자 위로하고...i just want you to stay."
i looked over at the audience as i sang, seeing them smiling back at me and waving their arms along with the beat. i heard the instrumental music of 'stay' playing in the background as the other girls sang with me.
i glanced at jennie. her eyes were on me, her hand in mine. even though i was in pain from the fall, having my girls with me onstage always made me feel happy. jennie leaned closer to me, and once she finished her part, she kissed me on the cheek. my eyes widened. i didn't know why she did that, although she does kiss me on the cheek sometimes, but during a concert...we'll definitely get a talking to about that too.
but then i looked over at jisoo, and she was looking at me the exact same way that jennie had. she had a loving smile, and she wrapped her arm around my shoulders as she sang. i smiled and swayed side to side with her as we sang about being sad and wishing for someone to love us back...while all i had in my mind was how i felt towards the other girls.
we had the fans singing along with us in a few seconds, and before i knew it, the song had ended.
i felt jennie and jisoo's arms under me as they helped me up, and i put all my weight on my unharmed foot. lisa spoke to the audience as jennie and jisoo walked with me off stage, and before lisa disappeared from view, i saw her smile at me one more time before turning back to our fans.
a stretcher was there, and jennie lowered me onto it as slow as possible. jisoo stood on my other side, absentmindedly smoothing my hair behind my ear as i lifted my leg gingerly onto the stretcher. there were people rushing around me, on their phones, but i was still focusing on jennie and jisoo.
"could we go with chae?" jisoo asked one of the people rushing around and trying to get me my clothes, my bag, my phone, everything for the hospital.
"no, i'm sorry, you still have a concert to do," the man sneered, then walked away out of earshot.
"well he's very nice," jennie laughed. i laughed too, and then i grabbed both jisoo and jennie's hands .
"go out there, guys...he's right. our fans came here for a concert, so please don't take that away from them just because i'm gone for now." i sighed. jennie glanced at jisoo, then replied.
"but--i care about you." she said.
"and me and lisa do too." jisoo added.
before i could reply, people from the ambulance walked in and started fixing my stretcher so the wheels would be enabled. it's time to go.
"go, go...i'll be okay. i'll text you." i said to my friends. i took out my phone from my bag to show them i'd stay true to my word.
"okay, i guess..." jisoo sighed, her hand on my shoulder. jennie stood on my other side, and she gave me a long hug.
but then the most unexpected thing happened.
jisoo leaned close to me and pressed her lips to mine, her hands cupping my face. i closed my eyes on instinct, and when i opened them, jisoo was staring, wide-eyed.
"i--i'm sorry, i don't know why i did that," she whispered. jennie was staring at her, then glancing back and forth between me and jisoo.
"it's okay, jisoo," i replied. jennie nodded.
i opened my arms, and both girls leaned into my embrace.
tonight was definitely unexpected. my fall...my first mistake.
but something inside me told me that...discovering more about myself and jisoo wouldn't be another mistake.
especially when i had the same feelings towards all three of the girls.
a bit shorter than the others in this work, but i hope my readers still like it :)
Chapter 6: after hours*: jennie and lalisa
"are you done yet?" jennie's voice snaps me out of my thoughts.
i tapped the desk with my right index finger, looking at jennie out of the corner of my eye.
"college homework is never finished." i raised my eyebrow, shaking my head at her. jennie sat down on the desk beside me, right on top of my math work that i've been trying to finish for the past hour.
"you need to take a break, babe, i want to hang out with you." she laughed, moving close to me for a moment to place a kiss on top of my head. i sighed, kissing her on the cheek.
"how am i supposed to take a break when i still have to do all this?"
"we don't usually have a lot of time for ourselves, nor do we have time for each other...come on, lisa, let's just hang out in bed for the rest of the day." jennie sat down on the edge of my chair, making me scoot over so she wouldn't fall off. her arm slid around my waist as she tucked her face into my neck.
i stared blankly in front of me, at all the written numbers and letters on the blindingly white pieces of paper.
all those numbers and letters are so stressful to think about. i've always hated math--but i had to do it anyway. and procrastination still exists. but it's definitely not my friend.
"okay...i'll go," i murmured, starting to stand up from my chair. then i glanced at my laptop. what am i doing? i still have a presentation due tomorrow, a script for drama that i have to memorize, a speech i have to prepare...
"i--i can't." jennie placed a hand on my shoulder.
"there's a script i need to memorize, a speech i need to practice, i haven't even started a presentation that i'm gonna present tomorrow!" i exclaimed, sitting back down and putting my head in my crossed arms. i put all my weight on the desk in front of me, oblivious to jennie's hand rubbing my back.
"you should take your mind off of it! lisa, don't let this take over your life, you literally just came home from class. it's after hours. we should really just do something else." jennie continued to reason with me, leaning against my back. i gave her another sigh in reply.
"tell you what...i'll just do something else after i finish one of my tasks, okay? i'll--i don't know--i'll just practice my speech for science." i turned around to face jennie, seeing a smile immediately appear on her beautiful face. i turned back to my desk, grabbing the paper with my speech written on it and then staring at the first sentence. jennie stood up off the chair and sat on the edge of her bed, swinging her legs back and forth.
"water irrigation systems are important for the environment," i began, glancing at jennie and then back at my paper. but something made me stop from saying the next sentence.
jennie was reaching down to her left foot, slowly taking off her sock. i blinked.
"what are you doing?" i laughed, confused. jennie smiled at me.
"go on." she ordered. interested to see what would happen next, i obeyed.
"there are many types of irrigation systems used around the world, but what we fail to realize is that there is one specific type we should use for water conservation."
as i spoke my second sentence, i glanced back and forth between my paper and jennie. her other sock was off, and she was gripping the hem of her hoodie with both hands. when she saw me staring at her, her smile grew bigger.
"next sentence...i'm waiting," she whispered, fiddling with the fabric. i raised my eyebrows, then looked at the paper once again.
"drip irrigation saves the most amount of water out of all the other irrigation methods. the other..." my voice trailed off. jennie had pulled off the hoodie while i said the line, and now i could see what she wore underneath. a white tanktop concealed her undergarments, and i looked across her skin from her hands to her soft shoulders. the warm, light tan color of her skin attracted my eyes, and then i made eye contact with her.
"if you stop talking..." jennie began, watching my eyes and biting her nail seductively. oh my god...she's killing me. "i'll put that hoodie back on."
"oh, um, my bad--um, the other irrigation...systems...are less efficient, due to the fact that drip irrigation systems are easier to manage, and they also use less water in each period." i continued, exasperatedly drawing my fingers through my hair.
and after that sentence, i got to see jennie unbuttoning her jeans and then standing up. but then she stopped, leaving her fingers hooked through her belt loops.
i took a deep breath, then stared at my paper.
"drip irrigations are commonly used for gardens, lawns and yards, utilizing the groundwater around homes in the best way possible." my words were faster now. i didn't want to wait any longer. and jennie could tell.
she pulled down her jeans and revealed her victoria's secret underwear, the navy blue lace hugging her waist in the most perfect way i've ever seen. i wanted to run my fingers along her skin, kiss her cheek, her neck...i wanted to hold her against me and feel her chest against mine.
"fuck, jennie, oh my god," i said, my eyebrows furrowed. jennie stared at me with squinted eyes, shaking a finger at me as she sat back down on the edge of the bed.
"the words that should be coming out of your mouth right now should be related to science and water irrigation," she teased with a laugh. i took yet another deep breath, folding my hands together and digging my nails into my skin so i would make myself focus more.
"um...uh, the plants are suitable for the gardens and lawns because the drip irrigation systems need water in order to survive." that didn't make sense.
nevertheless, jennie could tell my mind was extremely scattered by now. she walked over to me and stood behind me, her hands on my shoulders. i leaned my head back to look up at her, and all i could see was her mischievous smile.
"you're so cute when you're distracted," jennie whispered, leaning down to kiss me. i pressed my lips to hers, finally getting what i wanted. our lips moved against each other's, and after a few seconds, i moved away.
"i think that's enough practicing for today," i sighed, walking around my chair to where jennie was standing. i wrapped my arms around her waist, my fingers brushing against her skin underneath the tanktop's fabric. jennie laughed, leaning back and letting me carry all her weight. i immediately kissed her neck, sucking and making a bite mark right where she liked it.
jennie kept her head back while i kissed her neck, my grip on her waist growing stronger with every passing second. my whole body was filled with adrenaline--i wanted her so badly, i needed her touch. and i noticed, judging by her hands grabbing the edge of my shirt, that she was starting to get that same rush too.
i raised my arms above my head while she pulled up my shirt, and then as soon as it was off, i wrapped my arms around her waist and started backing her up towards the bed. she fell back and i watched her as she pulled off her tanktop, and my eyes grew wide when i saw that she was only wearing a bra and panties. i knelt down and leaned against her, pressing my lips to her collarbone, her hand brushing my hair away from my face so she could watch me.
when i made my way down to the waistband of her panties, i bit down on it and tugged at the lace with my teeth until it moved down to her ankles. i made eye contact with jennie again and saw her biting her bottom lip, and i just had to kiss her again. our kisses were more sloppy now. more needy than they were before.
"do that again another day, and i swear to god, lisa, i--" before she finished her sentence, she let out a loud moan. while she was taking the time to talk, i was taking my time to place my two fingers right where she wanted. i smiled to myself, keeping my eyes on her face while my index finger slowly teased her clit. jennie gave me another sweet sound, and i couldn't help but lick my lips in response.
"oh my god, lisa, mmm," she hummed, her eyebrows furrowed and her cheeks pink. i drew circles around her clit and every once in a while i softly pressed my fingertip against it, and all i got in reply was sounds of pleasure from my girlfriend. and that's all i needed.
a few minutes later, jennie lifted her legs and placed her feet on the bed, her knees bent and her entrance more exposed for me. i got on my knees on the floor, my waist pressed against the side of the mattress. i placed both hands on her hips and gently pulled her a little closer, so everything i needed to work with was easier to access. i smirked.
"yes, lisa, please, i need you," jennie whispered, her breathing faster than ever before. i listened to her desperate inhales as i watched her face, seeing how much she really needed me. i gave her a slight nod, then raised my two fingers to her. i didn't need to tell her to do anything before she grabbed my wrist and put my fingers into her mouth, and i felt her lick my fingertips and made them as wet as possible.
"okay, okay, please just--"
i giggled softly.
"alright, jennie. i know." i replied, moving up to give her another kiss before i returned to my previous position.
without hesitation, i pressed my two fingertips against her entrance and then slowly pushed in, and jennie grabbed my free hand and squeezed. a tiny moan escaped, and then i took that as a green light. i pushed in more and more until i couldn't reach any farther, and then i pressed my fingertips against that sensitive, perfect spot that every girl knew. jennie's toes curled, and at that point i knew my face had the most accomplished grin i've ever had in my life.
i moved my fingers in and out, as fast or as slow as she wanted. i was able to stand up and then lean on top of her as i did so, kissing her on the cheek and on her neck while she gave me the best sounds i could ever ask for. jennie cradled my head in her arms and held me there. if you ever fuck your girlfriend good enough that she doesn't know what to hold or grab, then you know you're doing it right.
and then as fast as it had started, jennie gripped my hair with her fingers and told me that she was almost there.
i got on my knees as fast as i could and then took out my fingers, and jennie sat up immediately and cursed. before she could say anything else or get down from her high, i moved my head close to her entrance and then pressed my tongue into it. the sound she gave me in reply was definitely one for the books.
apparently that was all she needed in order to reach that highest point of pleasure.
i continued to lick around her entrance and her clit until everything was clean, and then all i could feel was jennie's hands grabbing my shoulders and pulling me up so she could press her lips harshly against mine. i joined her in laying on the bed, wrapping my arms around her waist and kissing her as if there was no tomorrow.
after jennie got down from her high, she pressed our foreheads together.
"after all that...i'm actually happy--not because of you, and what you just did to me," jennie smirked, biting her bottom lip seductively. i raised my eyebrows, the tone of my voice playful.
"oh, really? then why are you happy?"
"i'm happy because of me...without me and my charming looks and personality, you wouldn't have been able to get away from that fucking homework of yours."
Chapter 7: sad but true*: jisoo and lalisa (requested)
i'm definitely doing something wrong.
ever since I've told myself that i'm being true to myself--that I'm sure I like girls instead of guys--my thoughts have been going the other way instead. really, I should be happy and relaxed now since I know which gender I like both romantically and sexually, but i'm really not. so what will happen when I tell jisoo how I feel? i don't want to hurt her, i don't want her to feel like she's doing something wrong...because i know i'm the one who's screwing everything up.
today i was off from work because of a holiday. but luckily, the mall nearby was open so i decided to walk around there. every time i go to the mall, it never fails to make me feel interested in shopping, and excited to look through stores, but this time it just so happened that a couple chose to show the whole world how much they loved making out with each other.
as soon as I walked in and started going around the stores, I saw a guy and a girl making out and leaning against a wall of a store. the guy was pushed up against the wall, and his arms were wrapped around her waist as if he never wanted to let go. the girl herself was leaning against the guy and wrapping her arms around his neck, and every few seconds they'd just...they'd just lean back and then smile.
i'm pretty sure i'm not the only one in this whole world who has seen those couples before. the couples who do have genuine love for each other, but the public displays of affection get too publicly displayed. and then i think of me and jisoo.
we've been going strong for exactly a year now, since today is our first anniversary. we've reached the meeting-each-other's-parents milestone, the sleeping-over-at-your-house milestone, and even the I'm-comfortable-with-you-raiding-my-fridge milestone. which I'm really grateful for.
but then there's a thought in the back of my mind. it's hard not to think about it every time I see straight couples.
I still want that.
I want to be held in a guy's arms while kissing him. I want to walk around while holding a guy's hand, I want to brush my fingers through his hair when it's messy, I want to know what it feels like to be the shorter person in the relationship. and even though I do have jisoo as my girlfriend now, I still feel like this isn't enough.
how would she respond if I told her my true feelings?
that would probably break her heart. and i'd never be able to sew it back together again because guess what? i'm the one who broke it in the first place.
so why am i walking out of the mall and towards my car with jisoo's present in hand, in order to drive over to her house and spend the night of our first anniversary there?
i drove in silence. my thoughts were already controlling me, so why even attempt to make them stop?
"lisa!" jisoo's voice welcomed me as soon as her front door opened. i blinked at her, taking in her outfit and her perfect smile. i smiled back, brushing my hair behind my ear. wordlessly, jisoo reached her arms out to me and i stepped into them. we hugged in the middle of the doorway, our arms holding each other steady. i inhaled her familiar scent as she continued to hug me, even as i stepped farther into the house.
she let go of me so i could take my shoes off and put my bag on the floor, and then she pressed her lips to mine. i instinctively closed my eyes, placing my hands on jisoo's hips and kissing her back. in those few seconds my overwhelming thoughts were erased from my mind.
then she moved away...and they all came rushing back.
"i'm so happy, lisa, today marks our first whole year of being together," jisoo beamed. i nodded and laughed, walking with her to the kitchen. i placed her present on the counter and patted it.
"well i hope this makes you even happier--it was hard for me to find it so i'm lucky i did."
"oh lisa, even the wrapping is so cute, i know i'll love it." she said, laughing. she walked over to the fridge and started bringing out several groceries, much to my surprise.
"and i hope you'll love the dinner i'm about to prepare. i got your favorite foods in, too." jisoo spoke while she separated the ingredients into each of their dishes. before i could say anything else, jisoo held up a hand.
"i know you told me before that you'd take me out to eat somewhere, but since I've been learning how to cook and everything, i wanted to do something special for today." jisoo insisted, placing her hand on her hip and grinning. i nodded, shrugging.
"well i guess, jisoo--it's up to you then." i sighed.
little did she know i wasn't going to say something about the dinner...i was about to say something that would probably ruin her day.
but i guess it just wasn't the right time.
so i sat down at the table and watched her cook, listening to her cheerful voice talk about her day. every once in a while she would look over at me, and it was a struggle to keep on smiling for her. i knew in my heart that the day wouldn't end as good as she expected.
even while we ate dinner, she didn't notice how i was acting differently. maybe i just hid it well.
"so what do you wanna do after dinner? how about netflix?" jisoo snapped me out of my thoughts. i raised my eyebrows and turned to her, setting my fork down on my plate. i shrugged.
"how about...a board game?" jisoo tried again. i could tell she was so optimistic, she wanted to keep asking me what i wanted to do tonight until i gave her a positive response back. but i didn't have any happiness in me anymore.
"jisoo, i-" i began, placing my hand on top of hers and turning in the chair so i faced her. she furrowed her eyebrows and i could tell she finally realized something was wrong.
"what?" she said softly.
i choked on my words.
"i wanted to tell you that...i don't completely feel secure about my sexuality anymore."
"oh lisa, you know you're not the only one who has experienced that before," jisoo laughed a little, her smile returning. i shook my head slowly.
"no, jisoo, i...i just needed to say that i don't know if i like girls or guys more, i can't decide," my words came out a bit rushed. i couldn't think straight.
but then jisoo placed her hand on my cheek, immediately centering me and bringing me back to earth.
"i love you, lisa. i love you for your indecisiveness, your confusion, your positivies and negatives. don't stress about hurting me." jisoo's voice grew even quieter.
"it's so hard to walk around outside and see something i don't have--even though i'm able to spend a year of my life with you, going on dates, hanging out together, having quality time, and spending the nights together, i still wish i was able to experience all this with a guy sometimes. it's like, in the beginning i was so sure that i was homosexual and biromantic, but sometimes i also think about what i could experience with a guy."
jisoo listened to me quietly, holding my hand tightly and nodding when she needed to. when i finished speaking, she looked away for a second, then spoke.
"lisa...i want you to know that i'm here for you. all this you're feeling right now, you aren't alone. i myself experienced that before, and i actually thought i was straight until i met you. you started talking to me about going out somewhere, and you gave me the break i needed, to get away from my family and my school and i ended up having the time of my life. i love you."
jisoo's voice slowed down as she said those last three words.
she leaned closer to me and i did the same to her, and when our lips met, i immediately felt that spark between us. i placed my hands on her thighs and then let my hands move to her waist, my fingertips brushing against the skin underneath the hem of her shirt. jisoo moved her left hand through my hair, stopping when she touched the nape of my neck.
i made the kiss deeper, my heart racing. i hooked my index fingers through the belt loops of her jeans, pulling her as close as i could.
jisoo did the next step by moving onto my lap, her legs straddling my waist.
closing my eyes, i listened to her take a deep breath and then continue to kiss me, her lips moving from mine to my neck. i bit my lip in reply, my fingers gripping the fabric of the back of her shirt as she left a love bite on my neck.
"i love you," i whispered.
"i love you more." jisoo replied.
with that, i picked her up and carried her to our bedroom, the forgotten dinner left alone in the kitchen.
as soon as i walked into the room, i kissed her. she held her face in my hands and kissed me back, and i closed my eyes. i kept walking until my legs hit the edge of the bed, knowing the dimensions of the room by heart. i let jisoo fall on top of the soft comforter, and i placed my hands on either side of her. i pressed my hips against hers, and she wrapped her legs around my waist.
unconsciously i started grinding down against her, giving her the friction she needed. she bit her lip and hummed, and i moved my lips to her neck. i tasted her skin and left a love bite, licking, tugging and kissing her wherever i could. every time i left a love bite, jisoo gave me a sweet sound, making me move against her crotch even more.
she weaved her fingers through my hair, pulling the strands and making me close my eyes from a perfect balance of pleasure and pain.
"lisa," jisoo whispered my name, making me moan against her skin. i made eye contact with her, watching her lick her bottom lip and move her hand down to my jeans. i let her undo the button and move my jeans down to my knees, and then she kissed me again.
i felt her cold fingertips touch the skin on my waist, but as time passed, the heat of our bodies together made us feel perfectly warmed. jisoo tucked two of her fingers into the waistband of my lace panties, and she tugged it down to my jeans.
"moan for me again, baby." her seductive voice made me give in. she reached down to my clit and started tracing circles and lines, hitting the right spots. i gripped her shoulders with my hands, kissing her and occasionally letting out a moan.
as if my life was happening in flashes, all i could see was jisoo's shirt riding up and her bra coming off, jisoo's warm fingers going inside me and making me feel so much bliss, and then me going on my knees and pulling her to the edge of the bed.
"you're so fucking hot, jisoo," i said, still coming down from my high. jisoo was breathless too, most likely from the many times i kissed her until we both had to gasp for air. she propped herself up on her elbows, looking down at me and biting her bottom lip. i kept eye contact with her as i slipped off her underwear, moving my lips across the skin of her thighs until i reached her entrance.
without hesitation, i parted my lips and then touched my tongue to her entrance, drawing lines and taking a step forward every time she gave me a positive response. jisoo's moans filled the room, and her grip on my hand tightened every time i pushed her further.
jisoo's always told me that she was self-conscious about her body. she always told me that her hips were too wide, her hair too dark to be unique, her nose too big. but i never grew tired of telling her that she was perfect. she was perfect in everything, not just her body. her singing voice was incomparable, exquisite. her ability to be selfless made her one of the best and strongest people i've ever known.
so as i kissed her while she came down, wrapping her in my arms and covering us both with a blanket, i realized.
"i have never deserved you, jisoo," i whispered, drawing my thumb across her bottom lip and watching her eyes. she looked back at me as if she was trying to find something. a question. an answer.
"what are you talking about, lisa...i don't deserve you either." jisoo sighed, a small smile appearing on her beautiful face. i shook my head and laughed softly.
"jisoo, i--" i stopped talking. tears were starting to form. jisoo noticed them, clearing them away with her thumb before they moved onto my cheek. but she stayed quiet, waiting for me to continue.
"you've always been there for me, even before we started being official. you've been there for me even when my family wasn't. but i just feel like...i need to give myself time. i need to give myself time to think about where the hell i am in my life, what i'm gonna do next...i don't know what's gonna happen, and i just need time with myself. all this shit i'm going through right now...i love you so, so much, and that's why i'm telling you. i don't want you to wait for me, even though i know you would. when the time comes, when i know who i truly am, and i'm sure of it...i'll make sure to meet up with you."
"i understand." jisoo spoke. i sniffed, wiping away another tear. and in my heart i knew...even though she didn't tell me about her side, i knew she understood me completely.
"lisa, i love you." she continued. "take as much time as you need."
"don't worry about me, too. but i just want you to know..." her voice trailed off. she leaned close to me and pressed her lips to mine, giving me the most gentle kiss i've had in my life. "i may not be with you, physically, all the time, but...i'll stay with you. in there." she pointed to my heart.
even though that must have been the cheesiest line in the world, even for jisoo--i started to cry.
and jisoo was right.
when i walked out of the house a few weeks later, carrying my last cardboard box full of belongings, i looked back at jisoo standing in the doorway and waved. she waved back.
every other heartbeat i felt on the drive to my new apartment--and for the rest of my life--was for her.
i twirled my straw around the glass, thinking if i should drink more of the alcohol in it. maybe it would take my mind off of her.
i took a sip...and realized. nothing ever would.
i could still see lisa's eyes staring back into mine, her lips forming the words 'it's not you, it's me'. typical movie cliche.
that's how i even ended up here tonight, wearing the dress she had bought me for my birthday, sitting at a table by the bar and repeatedly calling for more alcohol, just in an attempt to erase that beautiful face from my mind. but nothing seemed to work.
looking around the club, i saw many happy couples--or maybe, couples that seemed to be content with their relationship. maybe it's just because of the alcohol, or the broken heart, that i'm seeing how fake a relationship could look like.
but then something went wrong. something worse than just seeing a fake relationship.
"no, i want to go home."
a female voice prompted me to look in its direction.
there was a table right next to me, complete with a girl and a guy sitting next to each other. i could see a happy smile on the guy's face, his arm around the girl's shoulders, his body turned towards her as if he never wanted to look away. but then i looked at the girl, and before she noticed my eyes, i quickly turned away.
i shouldn't be hearing this. why have i not noticed this before? am i already too drunk that i don't notice the world around me?
"just one more dance, baby. you look so good tonight, i wanna show you off as much as i can before i bring you home."
i took a deep breath, then turned around again. and there she was.
"i told you...all i wanted to do here was dance and hang out with you. for a little while. you asked me out on a date, and i wanted to see how it went. but--" the girl paused, her voice lowering to a whisper. i couldn't make out what she said next, but i knew it didn't rub off on the guy well.
all i saw was a flash of his hand, and the next thing i knew, the girl was laying on the floor.
"what the fuck!" i yelled, hearing my voice before i even thought the words in my head. i dropped to the ground, placing a hand on the girl's shoulder and helping her sit up. a layer of her hair was covering her face, but when she lifted her head, i saw her eyes.
she looked like someone who would always be smiling, but now...tears appeared under her brown eyes, falling down her cheek and landing on her dress. i furrowed my eyebrows, my heart skipping a beat when i met her eyes.
"i--i'm okay." she said softly. i almost didn't hear her.
"who the fuck are you?" the guy's voice snapped me out of my thoughts, and i looked up at him. i could feel my arms growing tense, aching to do something, anything. to punch him. to be crossed over my chest. to wrap around the girl.
"how could you." i growled, standing up and stepping closer to him, watching the girl out of the corner of my eye. she stood up slowly, grabbing onto the nearby chair and propping herself up with it. i could only imagine how she felt.
"please, whoever you are, don't be pulled into this." she spoke, and i turned to her. she was standing up straight, but in the flashing dance club lights...she still looked fragile. she looked like someone who would fall to the ground if someone merely tapped her shoulder. i need to keep her safe.
"yeah, get out of our business. you have no right." the guy shouted. without thinking, i stepped even closer to him and jabbed him in the chest with my pointer finger. hold up. where the fuck is all this courage coming from? who am i? thank god he isn't a lot taller than me, or else i'd look really stupid.
"you say i have no right, but who was the person speaking hella loudly a few minutes earlier? huh? the whole club could hear you!" i yelled.
"are you trying to start something, girl? you can't even punch me."
we turned our heads to the girl, who was putting two hands up. tears were still on her face. i fought the urge to wipe them away with my hand.
"please. don't start something here." she reasoned, speaking slowly. i exhaled, suddenly realizing that i haven't taken a deep breath ever since i saw him punch her. i turned to him, expecting him to nod and apologize, but who was i kidding.
he walked up to her, suddenly throwing his arms around her waist.
"who said i was done with you?"
all i did was stand there as i watched him press his lips against her neck. everything happened in slow motion.
the girl's hands went up to his arms, pushing and pushing until he finally let go. i could see frustration and anger in his face. a hint of lust. i only saw fear in hers.
and then i watched her run away, sprinting through the crowd of dancing people.
and i followed her.
i felt like i yelled 'wait' a thousand times as i ran, only seeing a flash of her dress or her hair or her shoes in front of me. in a few minutes, i lost her.
i stood in the middle of what seemed like the dance floor, what with all the dancing people around me.
but then there she was again, sitting alone in a booth.
a fragile diamond. an angel forced to be in the darkness. but still, a girl sitting alone in a booth. a sheet of hair fell in front of her face as she stared at the floor, covering her pretty face with a blonde shadow.
"may i sit here?" i heard myself say. she looked up and saw me. her eyes scanned my face, and i could tell she was contemplating her decision. then she patted the seat next to her, and i sat down.
"my name's jisoo." i replied.
"roseanne park." her eyes were on the table in front of us. "but people call me rose."
"you're beautiful." there i go again. speaking before thinking.
her eyes flicked to mine, and for a moment i saw a hint--the smallest hint in the world--of a smile. it was almost as if she forgot what happened a few minutes ago. almost.
"you really say what's on your mind, don't you." she replied, leaning back against the plush seat of the booth. rose folded her hands together and lay them in their lap, and i noticed she was holding her phone very tightly. i wish she had the chance to relax.
"yeah...i need to hold myself together sometimes." i said with a nervous laugh. this time rose's eyes went to me. she scanned my face again, and she looked like she could see right through me.
"thanks for what you did back there."
"well. sometimes, in rare moments, speaking my mind can get me somewhere. i'm just glad you were there to put me in my place."
she said nothing, so i continued.
"if you hadn't gotten our attention, i probably would have thrown a fist at him. which would lead to worse things."
"maybe your mind is just too strong, sometimes."
"but it's powerful. and that's something i need to learn to have. a powerful mind. a strong one." rose said the last words a little slower.
and then all of a sudden, i felt her lean against my arm. the top of her head grazed against my cheek, and i slowly put my arm around her shoulders. soundlessly, she scooted closer to me and then i felt her arm pressed into my side. this is nice. my fingers touched her shoulder, and i admired how soft her skin was. she smelled good. her hair was perfect, even though she had just run through the whole club. she was perfect.
"thank you." she repeated.
but this time, i didn't think she was talking about what happened earlier.
maybe she was thanking me for being there, in that booth, where she was sitting by herself.
maybe she was thanking me just for being someone who wouldn't be with her just for her looks.
someone who would treat her better.
hey guys you should check out my bts works, if you liked this one <3
i have a vminkook smut work posted, and i'm working on 'there's a first time for everything' in which i write 'first' scenarios for each bias, like first kiss, first date, etc. i promise you won't be disappointed :)
i purple you ;)
Chapter 9: adulting is hard: jennie and you
[toddler jennie is so cute :) ]
"jisoo, i don't know what to wear." i shouted, hoping she could hear me from outside my room. i fixed my hair for the fifth time, staring myself down in the mirror and eyeing the small things i needed to fix. a strand of hair sticking out. there's something in my teeth. there's a crease i forgot to iron out.
then again, who am i kidding? jennie's going to be the focus during her 21st birthday party.
"you've been changing for almost half an hour now. it's almost time to go."
i looked at the doorway of my room, seeing my roommate's head poking around the door. i sighed, giving jisoo a glare and then looking back at the mirror. should i tie my hair up in a ponytail? i quickly tied it up with a scrunchie. too casual. maybe i could just keep the headband on and let my hair fall down. but my hair looks so boring because it's so...i don't even know anymore.
"hellooo...y/n," jisoo said, pushing the door open wider. i let out another sigh, one that sounded more teenage-like.
"y/n." jisoo was standing right next to me now.
"you know she'll love you no matter what you wear. that's why she's your partner in the first place. you two love each other for who you are, not what you wear." jisoo said, placing her hand on my shoulder and absentmindedly wiping off a speck of dust. i pushed my hair behind my ear, glancing at my phone on the top of my bedsheets.
jisoo's right. first of all, jennie and i have been dating for a long time, so...i'll be okay. also, jisoo was right that it was almost time to go. and i better not be late to my own girlfriend's birthday party.
jisoo grabbed her purse from the apartment's living room before opening the front door, and i rushed out in a dark green dress with my hair tied up in a bun. jisoo jogged behind me.
we arrived at the hotel a few minutes before the party's start time, breathing fast and running into the ballroom.
"y/n! you're finally here," lisa said, putting down a table napkin that she had been folding. she walked towards me with open arms, wrapping them around my shoulders, and kissing me on the cheek as a greeting. rose was there, standing at one of the other tables and most likely doing inventory for the settings. i saw jisoo greet her, and when i looked at what would be the birthday girl's table, i was glad to see my name card right next to hers.
"you guys did such a good job getting this place ready!" i exclaimed, clapping my hands cheerfully and scanning the room once again. beside me, lisa flipped her hair with a smirk on her face. she really was born to be a party planner.
then, when my eyes landed on the birthday present table...i saw her.
she was standing in a plain, classy white dress, the skirt hem high in the front but low in the back. her diamond chanel earrings sparkled, shining brightly against her hair. her brown waves fell down past her bare shoulders and reached her waist. a beaded bracelet moved on her wrist every time she moved--the one i'd given her for our first anniversary.
jennie made eye contact with me just as i did the same with her. a timeless smile appeared on her face.
"happy birthday," i called out, walking towards her. jennie laughed a little, and i saw her fix her hair behind her ear.
"i missed you." jennie replied as soon as we were within five inches of each other. i wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed her on the cheek, my lips accidentally leaving a light pink smear on her pale skin. i laughed and wiped it away with my thumb, admiring the way she looked at me.
"what do you mean, 'i missed you'? we just had a date on tuesday. and today's friday." i said, my smile reflecting hers. she reached forward and took both my hands in hers, her thumbs rubbing gentle circles on my skin. jennie's eyes sparkled.
"just because you're away from me for a few days, or even one, doesn't mean i can't miss you already," she laughed, walking to my left and then turning me around to walk back to lisa. i rolled my eyes at my girlfriend and then nudged her with my shoulder so she knew i was being playful. lisa grinned at us once we reached her, gesturing to the tables and then nodding towards the door.
"you ready to let your guests in, unnie?" she asked. next to me, jennie nodded, then made me follow her to the door. one of the hotel employee's opened it in front of us, and as soon as they did, family members and friends filled up the whole ballroom.
although jennie was standing right next to me, in a few minutes, she was swallowed up by constant hugs. i occasionally saw her and her perfect smile, gleaming among all the friends and family, but i resorted to standing off to the side while she greeted everyone. there was a lot of laughter, cheers and smiles around her, and i heard words like 'you're free, girl' and 'you better drink responsibly, little miss'.
those comments came to my mind once again when it was the middle of the night.
"alright everybody, come onto the dance floor--it's cupid shuffle time! last line dance of the night...so take it or leave it!" lisa yelled gleefully from the dj booth. she was so excited to be the dj for the party--even though jennie had scheduled a professional dj, lisa had insisted on mixing songs and making beats. and she was doing a pretty damn good job doing so.
i was sitting at jennie's table, poking at my alfredo pasta absentmindedly. jennie had been jumping from table to table all night, and it's been entertaining to see her hold a conversation with every single person she saw. that's my extrovert girlfriend right there. it was hard not to smile proudly at her wherever she went, whenever i saw her across the room.
i watched as jennie's mom pulled her dad to the dance floor, falling in line and laughing as jennie's dad almost tripped over his feet. jennie was pulling jisoo to the dance floor too, grabbing her hand. i could tell jisoo was resisting as much as she possibly could, but jennie pulled her harder and succeeded to pull her to her side. jennie's nose was scrunched up in such a cute way, as it always did when she was laughing really hard.
without realizing it--until a few seconds after--i had stood up and walked over to my girlfriend with open arms. jennie looked up and saw me as soon as jisoo started line dancing, walking into my chest and letting me hug her really tight. i didn't want to let her go.
"have you been having fun?" i said over the music, hoping i wasn't too loud in jennie's ear. she nodded, looking up into my eyes and brushing my hair behind my ear.
i kissed her on her forehead and grabbed her hand, twirling her so she'd end up standing by my side. we danced to the music for a few minutes, laughing when one of us almost went the wrong direction or when my shoulder had accidentally bumped into hers.
everyone clapped when the song finished, looking to lisa and laughing when she bowed in reply.
"everyone having fun tonight?" she shouted into the mic, lowering the music slightly so she could be heard. i heard a few 'whoop's and 'hell yeah's in reply, and lisa clapped in the air in response. she fiddled with a few switches and buttons on her dj soundboard, and then a surprisingly slower beat began to play. lisa leaned close to the mic.
"now that we've gotten our heart pumping, let's slow it down a bit with some cha cha..." lisa said, lowering her voice and then turning up the music. ah yes...havana by camila cabello.
jennie turned to me, reaching out with her hand.
"may i have the honor of dancing with you tonight?" she asked, her other arm behind her back like the fancy gentlemen one would see in a movie. i laughed and then mirrored her movements.
"may i have the pleasure of dancing with my beautiful girlfriend tonight?" i said, counter-acting her attempt to sweep me off my feet. she smiled again, the edges of her eyes crinkling. jennie nodded, and she lay her hands on mine.
we moved in sync with the beat, listening to camila sing about her hometown and falling in love. i listened to the beat, and occasionally i heard jennie singing with camila's voice.
"half of my heart is in havana, ooh na na...
you took me back to east atlanta, na na na...
oh, but my heart is in havana, there's somethin' bout your manners, havana ooh na na."
jennie sang so sweetly, making eye contact with me every time she changed the song's lyrics. my heart swelled, and i moved my arms around her waist. i needed her closer.
"you're so beautiful, baby." i spoke softly, cupping her cheek with my hand and kissing her on the other cheek. i heard her giggle and i moved away to see that perfect smile, coming closer and closer to me until i felt her lips against mine.
i was holding her face in both of my hands now, keeping her there even as we swayed to the music. jennie's hands were on my waist, her fingers lightly pressing against my clothed skin. i inhaled through my nose, taking in her scent and realizing--she was wearing perfume. she usually didn't, but right now...she smelled like flowers. and she knew very well that i loved floral scents.
jennie moved away from me, her lips now a deeper pink because of the kiss. she seemed breathless.
"you didn't have to wear perfume for me," i said, a small smirk creeping onto my lips. but i didn't get a reply.
jennie turned around gracefully, moving my hands to her hips.
"jennie--" i began.
she turned her head back to look at me, a small hint of something i couldn't define in her eyes. as the music changed to something more r&b soul--no guidance by drake--jennie slowly backed up into me until her back was against my chest. she raised one finger to her lips, shushing me.
i naturally obeyed.
and i could only watch as jennie began to dance as if it was just us two in the huge ballroom.
she placed her hands on her knees and arched her back, rolling her hips slowly in a supposedly practiced way.
oh my g--fuck. where is this even coming from?
jennie looked back at me again as she danced, biting her bottom lip.
oh my god.
i stepped forward, reaching for one of her wrists and spinning her around to face me.
"and where did you learn that? i didn't even know--" i wasn't able to finish before jennie threw her arms around my neck and pressed her lips against mine. she took my breath away and pushed her tongue between my lips, and although i was taken aback by her actions, i let her take the lead in the kiss.
but then she broke away just as i was about to move my lips to her neck.
"sit at the table with me," she ordered, taking my hand and then walking in the direction of her seat. i sputtered, still processing the kiss. god, she can be so unexpected at times. but gosh, do i love her for that.
once we were at the table, i found myself sitting down and picking up the water glass from the table, drinking until it was almost empty. why can't i look as good as jennie when i'm sweating? for crying out loud, she just danced more than me!
"why'd you bring me to the table so suddenly?" i laughed a little, putting my arm around her shoulders and gazing into her eyes. jennie reached in front of her and took hold of a glass i hadn't noticed was there. i raised my eyebrows. that's not water.
"i just wanted to share this with you. and...i wanted you to be present when i take a sip from my first alcoholic drink." jennie said with a mischevious grin. i laughed, shrugging.
"but why me?"
"oh, nothing, nothing..." she said, her voice trailing off. she glanced at my hand, which was holding hers.
"someone had just told me that i should always drink with people i feel completely safe with." jennie continued. there goes my heart.
i fanned myself with my free hand, looking up at the ceiling and pretending to faint. jennie broke out in laughter, slapping my shoulder. gosh, she's so beautiful when she's having a good time.
"well then..." i said, adding two black straws to the cosmopolitan. "let's do a toast."
jennie nodded, reaching for the glass and giving me a sweet smile as i put my hand over hers. we raised the glass together, and i spoke.
"to the girl who always asks me if she looks great after she dresses...the girl who should know that she always looks perfect. and...the girl whose smile has the power to spread across the entire world." i said, watching jennie's face as i said every single word.
i saw a small tear roll down the side of her cheek, and before it fell, i kissed it away.
"to the girl who was--no, is--lucky enough to have a partner this kind, and caring, and loving," jennie said, blinking away another tear.
as she raised the drink to her lips and drank, i couldn't help but giggle at the way she scrunched up her nose and closed her eyes because of the taste.
i felt her swat my shoulder, and i heard her voice daring me to tease her again...but i couldn't help but wrap my arms around her and kiss her again.
and i never knew a cosmopolitan could taste so good.
or...maybe it's just because i was tasting it on jennie's lips.
Chapter 10: adulting is hard pt. 2: jisoo and you
going to universal studios in los angeles was one of the best things i've ever done. harry potter world was great, and what made it even better was seeing jisoo's smile as she tried butterbeer for the first time.
"what do you think, babe?" i asked, laughing when she started waving her hands in a happy dance. i took the cup from her before she could spill anything.
"it's so good, i'm going to get another one before it closes today."
my girlfriend had been walking around the whole section of universal studios while wearing gryffindor from head to toe. previously, she had bought the outfit on amazon and warned me that she would go crazy as soon as we stepped in harry potter world--and she was right.
butterbeer was only one of the items on jisoo's harry potter world bucket list.
we had already went on the ride in the hogwarts castle three times.
"you've gotta try it. you told me you would." jisoo laughed, gesturing for me to take my own sip.
i looked at her and sighed in surrender, raising the cup to her as if i was making a toast. then, i tried the drink.
"what do you think?"
i peered at jisoo over the lip of the cup, seeing her hopeful eyes watching me. the flavor of the drink was moving from my tongue to my throat, and my lips slowly stretched into a smile.
"it's amazing," i said, tasting the butterscotch and cream soda flavor on my teeth.
"i know, right? it's one of the best things i've ever drank in my life. we should have taken a picture to commemorate this shining, universal studios moment." jisoo spun around in a circle, her gryffindor robe's sleeves fanning out as if she was an angel.
correction--she was an angel.
"what should we do next, jisoo?" i asked, taking her hand again and being careful not to tip the butterbeer cup as we continued walking.
this section of universal studios was a bit more crowded, seeing how harry potter world had opened recently, but i was glad that gave me an excuse to walk closer to jisoo. she lead the way the whole time here, especially when it was time to go to one of the themed restaurants. when we ate lunch, we were able to get a table before anyone else did--thanks to jisoo's quick feet.
"we gotta go to the wand store. i'm an incomplete witch if i have this outfit but no wand."
"true, true." i agreed.
we walked through several families and children in order to reach ollivander's, the wand shop, and according to jisoo there was an option for us to choose a collectible wand or 'let a wand choose you'.
obviously, jisoo chose both options.
and she bought her favorite icon's wand...ginny's wand.
the first thing she did was make me laugh by 'opening and closing' the shop's door by using her wand.
"make sure you don't spill that on you expensive-ass clothes, babe," i said as jisoo took the butterbeer from me as soon as we got out of ollivander's. she nodded and kissed me on the cheek in reply.
the rest of the day was so relaxing.
the thought of being free from college and stress took over the both of us, and the anxiety of having to go back to school didn't stop us from feeling happy that we were with each other.
jisoo and i went to different colleges, and although being long distance relationship required a lot of trust and strength, we made it work.
she made me fall in love with her again every single day, whether she was just sending me a simple text or facetiming me and blowing me a kiss.
"you're a hypocrite, y/n."
jisoo's voice brought me back to earth.
it was now nighttime, and we have completed every item on jisoo's harry potter bucket list except one. but i was close to completing it.
"you were thinking i would be the one who drank too much butterbeer, but now look at yourself." she laughed when i accidentally tipped the cup, letting a few drops fall onto my black jeans. it's not my fault butterbeer is so addicting.
one look at jisoo's face told me that i had said my thought out loud.
"you're so addicting too, jisoo," i sing-songed, wrapping one arm around her shoulders and kissing her sloppily on the cheek. she laughed and tickled my side so i would let go of the butterbeer cup. who knew butterbeer had an alcoholic version?
it took some time to look for it, but jisoo found a place where adults could get alcoholic drinks in universal studios. and they had butterbeer.
"at least let me have some, baby." jisoo snickered, taking a small sip.
"jisoo. don't worry. i'll drive me home. i mean you'll drive me home." i said slowly, whispering in her ear.
"come on, y/n, you do remember we don't live here, right?"
i knew i had said the wrong thing, but anything was worth doing if it meant i could see her wide-toothed smile in front of me.
"i knowwww that." i whined, reaching for the butterbeer cup again. god, those are so good. i'm so glad jisoo's sitting right next to me so i don't fall back against the ground. or so i don't fall back the wrong way. or so i don't fall anywhere.
jisoo stood up, but before i could lose my balance, she gently grabbed my shoulders. once i was staring straight at her, she smiled and shook her head.
"oh, y/n. what are we supposed to do with you..." her voice trailed off, and i fought the urge to wrap my arms around her waist and hug her tightly. but i lost.
i stood up, reaching out to her and accidentally putting all my weight on her as a result. the world spun for a few seconds but then i looked at jisoo. she was so close to me. her face was so close to me. her lips were so close to mine.
"can i kiss you?" i asked softly. jisoo smiled for the millionth time that day. but this time, it wasn't because she found a new merchandise item that was from the gryffindor house. this time, it wasn't because i had accidentally tripped over my slytherin robes while walking.
it was because i had asked the same question to her during our fifth date.
our lips met in another first kiss.
i grinned against her lips, wrapping my arms all the way around her and letting her lean into me. i was teetering from my left foot to my right, but the only thing i could focus on right now was making sure jisoo didn't lose her balance. i needed to protect her.
i inhaled with my nose, taking in her familiar scent. i'm so glad we have a few more days together before going back to our different schools.
saying goodbye is always the hardest.
but knowing that there was always a chance to say hello again kept me going.
"you're so obnoxious," jisoo laughed when i started to tickle her, and i felt her push me away playfully. i almost fell back, but i leaned forward enough to kiss her on the tip of her nose.
"we need to go back to the hotel now. you need a drink of water and a shower." jisoo pointed at me, putting her other hand on her hip like a motherly figure. i pouted and made sure my lips were extra pouty.
"but i don't want to go back to the hotel. i just wanna sleep in your arms." i formed a heart with my fingers and moved it back and forth like a real heart beating. jisoo tilted her head back in laughter and reached out her hand.
"let's go, y/n." she said, wiggling her fingers until i locked them in between my own.
before i knew it, my drunk ass and my beautiful, caring girlfriend were standing in the elevator which was going up to our room's floor.
the moving elevator made me feel more nauseous, but holding jisoo's hand the whole way made me feel a little more centered.
everything happened in flashes from then on...jisoo walked out of the elevator with me and took her key card. she opened the door and i walked in, immediately flopping onto the bed. then jisoo was helping me into my pajamas. she set down her merchandise in one corner of the room. she brushed her fingers through my hair as i threw up the butterbeer in the toilet.
she helped me into bed after i washed my mouth.
jisoo kissed me on the forehead.
"i'll never get tired of you, you immature, teenage-like, cute, beautiful, precious person." she whispered.
a faint smile spread across my face after she said those words, and the last thing i felt before i fell asleep was jisoo's arms wrapping around me.
and i will never, ever get tired of you either.
Chapter 11: car rides*: chaeyoung and you
yayy update :)
and a hot one, i must add.
i'd like to say thank you to all my readers. seeing the hit count go up motivates me to write more and more things for y'all. i love you so much, and thank you for leaving kudos. w your help, i can get this to 8k hits :))
you make me want to do better for you guys and write better stories <3
driving all the way to my parents' house in florida was obviously going to take a toll on my body. all the gas station snacks in the whole world could never satisfy me at this point.
chae was on her driving shift now, her gentle hands holding the wheel and her index fingers tapping along with the song's beat. the radio was halfway to full blast, so i was grateful that i didn't have to worry about annoyed drivers who were also on the road. but the music couldn't help me with my growing hunger for food.
"how many minutes left until the next stop with a restaurant again?" i asked, looking to the left at my girlfriend.
chae glanced at her phone's GPS screen, running her tongue along her top teeth in thought.
"a bit over half an hour, baby."
"we should have brought orange's fish food for snacks if we knew that we'd get this hungry," i joked, rolling down my window and hoping the warm wind would distract me from the sound of my grumbling stomach. our car snacks had disappeared a long, long time ago. approximately thirteen minutes past our departure times from each stop.
"you're probably right." chae laughed along with me. she rolled down her window to the halfway point, turning up the radio a little louder so the wind wouldn't drown out the sound. she brushed her light, peach-brown hair behind her ear as the breeze whipped it in front of her eyes. i shifted in my seat, drawing my knees up to my chest and moving the seatbelt out of my way.
"at least this is better than getting extremely bad motion sickness, right?" i watched as chae raised her eyebrows at me, lips turning up into a cheerful smile. i nodded, internally cursing myself for being one of those people. plane sickness has always been horrible for me, but maybe it would be better than starving during a freaking car ride.
i looked past chae at the landscape around us.
shades of orange and lilac painted a sunset behind my girlfriend. occasionally, several trees and bushes obscured the vision of the setting, but then those trees and bushes reminded me of why this car ride existed--and why i was grateful for it.
besides the fact that my motion sickness didn't involve car trips, i was able to spend car rides with the girl i fell in love with every single day.
not everyone in this world had the privilege of seeing chae like this.
the glow of the sun made her skin even more perfect than it already was. the tree branches we passed made artistic shadows that danced across her face, it's as if she was the definition of a tumblr aesthetic. every time a song came on that she really loved, she danced while driving or sitting in the passenger seat and boosted my energy up, even if i didn't have coffee that morning.
seeing her like this reminded me that no matter where we are or what we're doing, chae's there for me, stopping time but also being a great person to pass time with.
light flooded my eyes as soon as i opened them.
i blinked several times, staying in place with my hand under my head and my knees still drawn up to my chest. this time, my seatbelt was off and the car was in a parking spot.
i stared straight ahead. this time, chae wasn't there in front of the view of the landscape. instead, the window was drawn up, the car engine off, the doors locked. chae was inside the building of a mcdonald's, sitting right outside the car window.
i spotted her through the fast food chain's window, standing in front of the cashier and talking to them. my mouth immediately started watering once i thought about the food i was about to eat. my girlfriend always knew my regular order: two cheeseburgers and a medium fries. chae herself had a regular order: a burger with 10 piece chicken nuggets instead of meat and a mocha frappe.
a few minutes later, chae walked out with one paper bag in each hand and a stunning grin on her face.
i waved to her from inside the car, eyeing the paper bags as if they were olympic gold medals. she handed me the food bags when she opened the car door, and i heard her giggle as i opened up each bag to see which was mine. i didn't hesitate to take out my first cheeseburger and unwrap the paper in an un-ladylike fashion.
"y/n, you look like me during the time i accidentally bit that birthday candle." chae laughed teasingly, making me remember a birthday party when chae thought one of the candles was an edible cake decoration. i tossed my head back and laughed as i raised my burger to my mouth and took a long-awaited bite.
then the car was silent, except for the occasional rustling of paper as me and chae ate our food. chae and i shared my fries, and once everything was finished, i folded up all the trash and recycle and stuck it in one of the paper bags. as i did so, chae leaned back in the driver's seat and patted her stomach.
"never in my life have i tasted mcdonald's food as good as that."
"maybe this location's chef is a wizard or something, because you're definitely right." i agreed.
i turned in my seat, sitting straight and staring forward at the rest of the parking lot. the trash bag sat on the middle console of the car, and it moved a little to the side as chae connected her phone to the car's aux cord.
tomorrow x together's '20cm' began to play, with taehyun's vocals reaching my ears and prompting me to harmonize with him. but my singing could never top chae's.
her voice held the innocence that not everyone could save. her voice had the power to make me feel centered, feel stronger, feel happier.
i eyed her face as she sang along to txt's voices, about how amazing it felt to be close to another person, and what it felt like for their love to grow. and as the song progressed, i recognized how the lyrics perfectly summarized my love for my girlfriend.
since the day we met, we've grown as people and as partners.
and i thank chae for her love everyday.
"can i kiss you?" i said softly, turning my head towards her and leaning forward. chae stopped singing and made eye contact with me, hooking her hair behind her ear absentmindedly. her eyes grew a bit wider, most likely because of my question--the one i ask her every single time i want to kiss her.
"you don't always have to ask me that, y/n." and that's what she always said in response.
"i ask you that because i care so much about you and i'm just so in love." i said bluntly, reaching out and touching her hand. she giggled behind the back of her left hand as she laced our fingers together with her right.
"you know my answer will always be 'yes'." she continued. i shrugged.
"maybe that's why i ask, then...i always want to hear your response."
a smile creeped onto my face as i leaned closer to her, reaching one hand up to her face and touching her cheek. i stopped a few inches before our lips touched, just enough space to make eye contact with her and see how much love she held in her eyes.
that love was what kept me going. every...single...day.
i gently pressed my lips against hers, my heart fluttering because of all the positive emotions i was feeling. kisses with chae never failed to brighten up my whole entire day. i could never get tired of them.
i felt chae squeeze my hand in hers, and i did the same to her while smiling against her lips.
we kissed through the rest of the song, even as the song ended and another one began.
and maybe it was the fact that we were so close to each other...or maybe it was because the next song was so...
but i started feeling the urge to pull chae even closer.
so, naturally, i did.
"sit on my lap, chae," i whispered against her mouth, feeling her lips part and hearing her gentle sighs. she moved a few inches away, and i heard the faint sound of the song in the background. jungkook's voice sang about a falling house of cards as chae stared into my eyes.
just a few seconds ago, chae had been looking at me with a playful look in her eyes, the one that she used when she had just told me a joke--the one she used when i made her smile by doing something funny.
but now, as she took off her shoes and slid one leg over the middle console and onto my right leg, chae was definitely looking at me with another type of vibe.
she looked...like she was in heat.
and that look made me see her differently.
the hands that were gripping the wheel now held my face in between them, keeping my head in place as chae kissed me over and over again.
the tongue that had run across her teeth earlier was now pushing into my mouth, exploring wherever she wanted to and always, always asking for more.
her lips were moving feverishly against mine, pressing me back into the seat with every touch.
her skin, her perfect glow, was now overcome with a new type of warmth, a new type of heat that made me trace my fingers across her waist and hold her against my chest.
i never wanted to let go.
chae wrapped an arm around my neck and held my chin with one hand, moving away to make eye contact with me.
"who knew the taste of good fast food could make me feel this way..." she said slowly, giggling right after she said the last word. i shrugged and smiled in return, placing my hands on her hips protectively.
chae's expression turned more serious as she said those two words, her hair falling over her eyes and brushing against her beautifully long eyelashes. i absentmindedly bit my bottom lip, glancing at her neck.
i need to kiss her there.
i touched my lips to the sensitive skin, gripping her waist so as to keep her in place. i touched her skin with my tongue and kissed her right after, drawing an unscripted line across her neck. chae tilted her head back, her arms wrapping around my neck and holding me even tighter. by then, the sunset outside was getting quite dark, and i stared at our reflection in the passenger's overhead window.
chae was leaning back, her face tilted up to the ceiling and her arms being the only things keeping her steady. i dragged my tongue along the line of her collarbone, eliciting a soft sigh from her parted pink lips. i peppered more kisses across any area of skin i could reach, even though she was still wearing her t-shirt.
what a pity.
"this--off." i whispered under my breath, leaning close to her ear so she would hear every desperate word. chae made eye contact with me, and a mischevious smile appeared on her face.
"baby, we're in a parking lot. anyone could see us. my shirt's not coming off." chae giggled, and an adorable blush crept onto her porcelain cheeks.
"then if that's the case--let's get into the backseat."
i kept my eyes on her as she climbed into the back of the car, her perfectly curved waist teasing me all the way there. i bit my bottom lip thoughtfully as i followed her, watching as she lay down with her back against the seat. i placed my hands on either side of her arms, leaning down to kiss her lips one more time before moving down.
"eyes on me, princess." i ordered in a whisper.
i felt chae lovingly card her fingers through my hair as i scooted down, her short nails brushing across my skin and causing electric shocks through my whole body. with careful fingers, i lifted the fabric of her shirt up until it exposed her stomach. i gave her more of my kisses, and whenever i bit down on her skin, she responded by arching her back and giving me more of those delectable sighs.
a perfect trade.
"y/n, p-please--" she moaned, and the sound of her saying my name made my mind go fuzzy for a split second. i moaned against the skin of her stomach in reply, tucking my fingers into the waistband of her jeans and feeling how warm her skin was.
with hasty fingers, i undid the button and pulled off the pants, throwing them carelessly onto the floor. i took a moment to look over the goddess in front of me--her body splayed out before me, her legs spread out beside mine, her chest rising and falling with every breath, her eyebrows knotted together in frustration. in impatience.
she always knew just what to do to take my breath away, even if all she did was breathe.
"you're so beautiful, baby," i said, leaning down and pressing our chests together. i wrapped my arms around her bare waist, holding her as tightly as possible. moments like these, when we were both fighting to close the air between us, made me feel so content with who i was and where i'm at in life.
and that makes me feel like the luckiest person in the world.
i raised two fingers to her lips, and as if she wanted to drain all the energy from my body, she kept eye contact as she took them into her mouth. i felt her tongue swirl around my fingertips and make sure they were slicked enough, and when i took them out a long strand of saliva followed them. but god, that made her look ten times more hot and bothered.
i traced my fingers down her lower stomach and drew invisible art on her skin, tucking my fingers under the fabric of her panties and finally reaching where she wanted them to be.
"f-fuck," chae cursed, arching her back once again and reaching to grab my arm with her hand.
our lips met in another kiss, a heated kiss that took all the air out of our lungs as soon as we connected. i drew circles around her entrance, touching her, teasing her, taking care of her the way she liked. a newfound possessiveness took over my brain, and the arm that was wrapped around her waist grew tense. i moved my lips to her cheek and then down to her neck, biting down on her skin and licking at the new mark.
"you're mine." i whispered.
her response was immediate: a long, drawn-out moan reaching my ears and etching itself permanently into my brain.
i felt warmth surround my fingers as i entered, slowly thrusting in and out and reminding chae how much i loved her with every movement. our kisses became more hungry as time passed, as i picked up the pace.
chae's small whispers of 'i love you' and 'faster, baby' gave me the power to do her bidding.
and when i found her sweet spot, she gave me all the power in the world.
"almost there, princess?" i asked, whispering into her ear and kissing her cheekbone. chae looked up at me, little tears in her eyes that i kissed away. i got a small nod in reply.
i moved down again so my face was parallel to her waist, and as i continued to move my fingers, i lowered my head and pressed my tongue to her clit.
"oh my g-god, yeessss-" chae whimpered, and i watched as she raised one hand to her mouth and one hand in my hair. she began to grind against my face and fuck herself on my fingers, and if i knew that that action would be the hottest thing i've ever seen, i would have done this before.
"come for me princess. i've got you, chae." i said, moving away just enough to speak and be heard.
chae's grinds became sloppy as i picked up the tempo, rubbing against her sweet spot and doing whatever i could to hear her beautifully broken voice.
a harmonic string of curses left her lips as she reached her high, rocking it out against my fingers and blending the curses with my name and 'i love you'.
i licked my fingers clean and made eye contact with her, pressing my hands next to her sides and leaning down against her. for the millionth time, i pressed my lips against hers and tilted my head in order to get as close as i could. she raised her arms to wrap around my neck, to hang onto it for dear life.
for the millionth time, i thanked the man upstairs for bringing chae into my life.
and as we got back onto the road, with me taking the next shift, chae helped me stay happy and awake by intertwining our fingers together and holding my hand to her heart.
because sadly--as much as i wanted to just lay in the backseat and cuddle for the rest of the day...
...the rest of the car ride wouldn't drive itself.