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i'm not gonna be what my daddy wants me to be

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They’re on the road, top down, in Selina’s pink convertible, wind flowing through the three of them’s hair chaotically while they laugh. Selina almost drives off the road at one point and they scream before laughing harder, it’s a wonder they don’t run into a cop. They’re on the way to a college party Selina was invited to by her on and off boyfriend, the chump seemed to forget if there’s a party and Selina is going, Harley and Pam are coming too.

They’re 19 years old with the exception of Pamela, who is 6 months older and therefore freshly 20, and they’re trying everything they can with an insatiable hunger for more, something deep inside them lusting after danger and cigarette smoke tinted sex. They park two blocks from the frat house, just in case they need to make a break for it. They smoke a joint while they walk, giggling and talking, Harley and Pam are holding hands, like always. Not speaking about the more than friendly connection between them, like always. Selina doesn’t mind, she loves them, she loves partying with them, she loves being with them, she knows they’ll figure each other out sooner or later. Pamela drops the butt of the joint in someones trash can, and they walk into the party.

It’s loud and chaotic, there’s a distinct smell of spilt beer, and loud music no one really cares about even if they're thrashing about with cute girls and boys. Selina finds Bruce and whisks him away while Harley and Pam flirt with hopeless boys.

Before long Pamela finds herself rolling around in the grass with a boy before leaving him drunk and unconscious on the lawn, the money from his wallet tucked firmly between her breasts, and makes her way back inside.

Harley has a special skill though, she can always find the sleaziest, most unstable and dangerous, “sweet” boy at the party and drive him mad. Pamela watches her with the boy with the greasiest shaggiest hair who definitely crashed the party and he’s showing her a trick on his butterfly knife. She’s watching him with feigned fascination, she takes his knife and does something ten times cooler than what he did and Pamela watches the anger bubble beneath the surface of his nice boy facade. Pamela makes the boy she’s flirting with go get her a drink, promising not to move, before slinking her away towards Harley and the greasy boy.

“Gee, J, you’d think I’d killed your puppy,” Harley teases. “You never met a girl who can play with knives better than you?”

“You’re not better than me,” He simmers. “And it’s not playing.”

“Sure it isn’t, buddy boy, whatever you say.” Harley laughs and he starts to lose his cool. Pamela watches him out of the corner of her eye as the guy she ordered away returns. The guy distracts her for a moment by trying to kiss her after handing her the drink and when she looks back Harley and the boy are gone. She shoves the man away and chases after them down the hall, grabbing Bruce’s bat from the closet and finds them outside, his knife against Harley's throat. Pamela hears Harley giggle nervously. “So you’re into knifeplay, I told you you liked to play with knives.”

“Something like that.” He smiles wickedly, mouth too wide, too inhuman. Pamela is just out of his peripheral vision as she raises the bat and joins them on the balcony. He wants a finale, I’ll give him one. Pam thinks as she brings the bat back before trying for a home run on the back of his skull. There’s a loud hollow thunk and he drops like a sack of potatoes, Harley grabbing his knife as he goes down. Pamela hugs Harley and Harley smells her hair.

“Wet grass and smoke, someone’s been busy.” Harley smiles a wicked little knowing smile and Pamela rolls her eyes.

“Not as busy as you, baby girl,” Pamela grabs Harley’s hand. “Now let's get out of here before he wakes up.”

Harley laughs freely and Pamela pulls her through the halls, finding Bruce and Selina disheveled on the stairs and pulling them along with them too. Pretty soon all four are laughing and running to Selina’s car. Bruce hops in the driver's seat, claiming to be the most sober since he hasn’t had a drink in over an hour and hasn’t smoked at all. Selina takes the seat next to him, leaving Harley and Pamela in the back seat.

Bruce turns the cars CD player on, and Selina’s mix CD that Harley made for her starts playing ‘Fuck Men” by Ms. White and they all laugh a little. Bruce puts his right hand on Selina’s thigh and she sighs, placing her hand over his.

Pamela watches Harley, crazy blonde hair blowing in the wind, giant smile and big blue eyes and she feels her heart jump as if from the balcony they were on earlier. In a momentary lapse of thought, she grabs Harley's face roughly and kisses her in a frenzied rush, tongue slipping through her lips and touching Harley’s in a teasing manner. Harley grabs a fistful of Pamela’s red hair and keeps their heads together, ceasing their kissing and pressing their foreheads together.

“Took you guys long enough.” Bruce said and Selina elbowed him in the ribs. “Ouch! You know you thought it too!”

Harley and Pamela laugh softly and kiss again much gentler this time.

“I guess it did only take me 6 years to ovary up.” Pamela laughs, moving her head to where Harley’s forehead is against her temple. “And now there’s no going back.”