Chapter 1: Lal’s Idea, Everyone Jumps on to the Bandwagon (Metaphorically because of-course its really a tank)
Recordings- Giglio Mansion
Luce, giggling over the recordings ( honestly she would have preferred to have a front row seat but for some reason the rest of the Arcobleno thought she would have stopped them) couldn’t help but ask " Whose idea was this? It was Reborn’s wasn’t it? "
Viper, who was busy crunching the numbers and thinking about making the non-altered versions available to the mafia to make up the money they had lost in paying off the children, couldn’t help snorting, " He wishes, no it was Lal’s. "
Luce beamed, sure it was a bit mean but Reborn could do with a bit of humbling now and then.
The Poker Game- Viper’s Quarters at the Varia
A couple days ago, Viper had been playing poker with Skull and Lal, nodding to Skull’s usual rants about being bullied and Lal’s usual remarks about how he should stop being such a newb.
Skull suddenly turned to them and asked, “ Viper how could Reborn be so shameless? The moment his son shows he can be powerful suddenly recognizes him? So he would abandon his own child unless they can stand toe to toe with a mafia head!”
Lal snorted, “ At least he acknowledged him, Fon still won’t admit he’s the father. “
Skull, gasped and widened his eyes dramatically , slamming his cards on the table (Viper peaked and decided bet more in the next round.) and wailed “ Then Reborn-Sempai wasn’t being shameless! He was trying to hide his pain about Fon abandoning them. He sent his son away to Fon’s family to take responsibility, and Fon’s golden-hearted sister takes in her worthless brother’s children!” Skull’s eyes teared up from the imagined tragedy,
“ Muu~ think of all the child support they should both be paying.” Viper couldn’t help but add, then blinked aghast, “Wait, does Fon owe me child-support?! That cheap bastard!”
“ You’ve both been watching too much tv, you’re making it sound like the plot to those trashy American reality shows.” Lal, rolled her eyes but she looked amused, and then she slammed her own hands down (Viper decided to fold, and used their Mist flames to quickly get back their money from the pile, Skull flashed them a knowing look which they ignored)
Lal (who hadn’t noticed the exchange) continued to exclaim excitedly “ Wait, wait, wait....what if Fon really was the father?”
Viper looked confused under the hood and Skull couldn’t help but ask, “ The Great Skull-Sama thought we agreed he was the father since he is manlier than Reborn?”
Lal’s eyes glinted with malice, “ No I meant, their actual father. Then we could drag him to one of those shows where they do a paternity test!”
There was a moment of silence as they all contemplated having the serene Storm finally crack.
Viper demurred coyly, “ I could fake the results.”
Skull laughed boisterously, waving his hand flippantly, “ This is Hollywood! You don’t have to fake it Viper, they’ll fake it for you!”
“ Can you get us on one of them?” Lal asked curiously.
“ I’m not the internationally famous Immortal Stuntman for nothing!” Skull grinned, flashing her a thumbs up
“Good, saves us money.” Viper was happy.
Now, all they had to do was getting everyone else to go along with it,
Weaving the Web- Tourist Trap Cafe, Italy
“ No, for the last time can’t let you borrow my apprentice for a couple days if you won’t explain why.” Shamal sighed into the phone as he checked out the tourists at the cafe.
A pause as the voice on the other side argued, Shamal pinched his nose in exasperation “ Look I’m not that cheap that I would let my apprentice go just for some research papers.”
The other side brought out their trump card, Shamal spluttered and almost dropped his phone. His hands shaking, he swallowed a couple times to wet his suddenly dry throat, “ Fine, I ...but you have to promise me he’ll be fine and that he’ll come back alive, in one piece, and you can’t experiment on him.” he said an undercurrent of fear and urgency in his voice.
The other side smirked, “ I promise, swing by to drop him off today if you can.” and then hung up.
Shamal dazed, walked out of the cafe into the Italian sunlight and wondered if he hadn’t just signed Hayato over to the devil.
Weaving the Web- One of Lal’s Apartments
Lal ignored the ridiculous sight of a blonde toddler with puppy eyes holding up a knocked out Basil like a newborn kitten.
Colonello undeterred, opened up his blue eyes even wider and managed to squeeze out a couple tears.
Lal finally huffed and turned to glare.
Colonello saw his chance, and argued “ We can’t be the only ones that don’t have a love child with Fon!”
Lal snapped, “ Idiota how can three people have one child!”
Colonello stared, incredulous , “ That’s your limit? Not this?” he waved at their infantile bodies.
Lal wavered, “ Only Mammon and Reborn... “
Colonello interupted, impatiently, “ You really think Skull and Verde will let Reborn hog the spotlight again?”
Lal crumbled, “ We’ll have to dye his hair, Fon and I both have black hair. We’re not lucky enough resemble our kid.”
Colonello, cheered and set Basil down carefully, before rummaging around in his bag taking out a box of hair dye, and another smaller box, “ Korra I have grey, dark brown, brown, and black contacts, which do you think we should use?”
Weavng the Web- On the Way to Nana’s House
Viper and Skull had called ahead to make arrangements with both ladies and the giggling mothers had agreed to it on the condition that they had to convince the children themselves.
They would not fail, between Viper’s money and Skull’s skills (what child didn’t want to learn how to perform acrobatics, do stunts, and enthrall a crowd?) and their combined connections they could get whatever those brats asked for.
They headed to Nana’s house on Skull’s motorcycle, when Skull felt a sense of foreboding.
Viper felt Skull’s slight shudder as they had their arms around Skull and asked, “What?”
Skull growled, “Reborn-sempai’s here.”
“Hell,” Viper groaned.
“You mean their Crown Prince,” Skull remarked, and Viper sniffed in annoyance.
Nevertheless, they were Arcobleno and honestly they just had to spin it the right way to get the Crown Prince of Chaos to agree.
Chapter 2: Verde’s Team Assembles (Or not, actually they would prefer not to)
Verde kinda destroyed my plot line and demanded a chapter? IDK sorry for the late update. The next update should be up next Saturday. I honestly thought this would be a short one shot but it kinda ran away from me lol.
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Spreading the Roots: Verde’s Lab, Location Unknown
Verde looked through the glass at the silver haired little genius knocked out in the padded cell. He would have preferred a less...dubious method of getting the child but unfortunately due to Shamal’s ...free range approach to raising children (which left quite a bit to be desired) Verde had been forced to just grab the brat off the dead end of an alleyway.
That damn piece of wasted medical expertise had even refused to explain to the boy that he had traded him in for an illicit robot.
Verde honestly would have preferred to explain things to Hayato himself, but came to realize the rest of the Mafia hadn’t been infected with Reborn’s madness. So, Verde had calculated that things would actually be 45% worse if he explained. Hayato end up extremely suspicious, as well as insulted by the explanation.
He sighed before turning back to his computer screen tapping away at a search for other suitable children in case Shamal’s apprentice didn’t work out.
It was unfortunate that more than explosives and a foul mouth were needed to outshine the rest-of the Arcobaleno and whatever hell-spawn they managed to drag out from the shadows of the eternal inferno’s abyss with shiny trinkets, sweets, and promise of absolute destructive chaos.
‘What to do, what to do’ he thought glancing away from his screen to the child who was starting to breathe lighter as the drugs were wearing off.
Finally he shrugged, and thought ‘I can always just gaslight the kid, but would he buy it,” he paused and then tapped away running the numbers, ‘hmm not bad 35% chance that he’ll buy it, what with the Mafia’s internal penchant for dramatic hammy plots, and Hayato’s own beliefs in the paranormal.’
He was pulled away from his musing by the sound of explosives going off against the wall, he turned and stared at the red faced child baring his teeth and glaring as he threw stick after stick against the glass.
He waited calmly sipping his coffee as he waited for the child’s show to end, and it was a show besides the first powerful blast to test the glass the rest were all lower tiered to convince his captors he was out of weapons...clever but only against lower mafioso.
Verde knew what the child had. One did not become one of the strongest in the world by getting killed off by doe-eyed steel-hearted assassins.
Finally, the child stopped and stepped back glaring defiantly with his back straight and small shoulders back. Verde was impressed, surely the disciple would vastly outshine the master one day. Verde refused to admit he had a bias against Shamal’s work even to himself (that damn wasted talent oozed sleaze as well as being a walking biohazard).
He stepped forward and pressed the button on the remote to activate the speakers, “Hayato, as hard as it is to believe you are an UMA, and I am your father.”
Hayato looked at the two year old baby with its own tiny lab coat and snorted, “Sure, Lil Baby Joker’s my father, where’s Momma Mini Quinn?”
Verde’s eyes remained half-lidded, “I know you’re rightfully skeptical, but think about it deeply, does it really make sense for the strongest mafia members in the world to be human toddlers? How does that explain the fact that we don’t age? Think about it Hayato.”
To his well hidden surprise Hayato nodded, and just as Verde was going to move to unlock the cell, Hayato continued, “But, Evergreen that doesn’t mean you’re my father.”
Brat. It seemed Verde lacked Viper’s skill, and Skull’s way of selling an act. Might as well quit before he embarrassed himself further.
Anyway, Verde had calculated that genius as though he was Hayato only had a 55% chance of acting well enough to tick everyone else off, but genuine fury at having yet another absent and even more wayward father was 88% likely to work.
Still, he could make up that 55% by getting even more children as well as show up Reborn because while Fon had only given Reborn one son, Fon would have favored Verde more. Clearly, having the Casanova shown up at his own game would be a bonus.
“Fine you’re not my kid,” Verde admitted with a shrug, “ I need you for a job and figured you’d give a better performance if you believed me. I need you to go on a trashy tv show as my son, and accuse the Storm Arcobellano Fon of being your other father. Details will be provided later, the contract is in your prepared room, you’ll be staying with me until the mission. Shamal also knows where you are, a phone and laptop are provided in your room feel free to confirm for yourself. He’s actually the one that told me where you are and gave his permission.”
With that said, he pressed the button to retract the glass. Hayato walked out, and looked extremely interested as a shining green metallic spider crawled down from the a corner in the ceiling and crawled over to stand in front of him.
Verde continued, “ Please follow the spider shaped robot, don’t wander off, I promised to bring you back in one piece and not perform experiments but psychological torture for fun wasn’t mentioned.”
“Whatever you say Grass.” Hayato smirked and sauntered after the spider.
Verde groaned as soon as silver thorn in his hide was out of earshot, (he should have told the brat his precious teacher sold him out for a *** ****, the again the pervert was unfortunately still useful) taking a large gulp from his mug he turned back to order his subordinates to go track and hunt down the ring leaders of Estraneos’ demise.
Next one should be back on the kids in Japan, but it may run away from me again lol.
Chapter 3: Sales Pitch for the Ages
You can take the stuntman from the world stage but the stuntman will make the world his stage.
A more intense and rock n roll version of Adriano Celentano's ft Rafaeela Carra Prisencolinensinainciusol was what I imagined for this. Especially the dance with Raffaella Carra. Sadly the full one was removed from YT, 007LVG posted an edited version.
Watch it, its the most epic joke song ever. *
In Front of Tsuna's Home, Nanimori
They made a call to Reborn, thankfully he had been experiencing some difficulties in the form of a polite yet uninterested Mist, a grudgingly respectful Cloud, and a Sky torn between terror and curiosity. Their mothers just giggled in the background and snapped pictures, the sadists.
They decided to go big in the way only a mist, a showman, and controlled chaos personified could.
Reborn told the children, Yuna, and Nana to be outside in ten minutes and then made his escape through the kitchen window.
Ten minutes later, they walked out to find a thick fog obscuring the street and the sky above them was filled with grey rolling storm clouds.
Drums started playing gradually growing louder and louder as the sounds of rhythmically stomping boots came closer and closer.
As soon as the electric guitars and bases kicked in, the fog dispersed enough to reveal an adult Reborn prowling forward with an adult Skull swaggering to the music surrounded by dozens of black leather-clad people wearing motorcycle helmets.
Kyoya reached for his tonfas, but Nagi and Tsuna both quickly held his hands on either side, looking forward to the show.
They stopped in front of the children, Reborn flicking his wrists and handing Tsuna an orange hyacinth and Nagi an elderflower. Skull winked as he took advantage of the restrained Kyoya to slip a silver chain with three keys over his head.
A sudden revving of an engine had them turning to the end of a street where a motorcycle being ridden by an armoured octopus was approaching at breakneck speed.
Stepping back Reborn , went down on one knee hands clasped in front of him, Skull bowed and then turned around to run toward Reborn.
Reborn threw Skull and Skull twisted and spun in the air before landing in a handstand on the handlebars. Reborn cocked his gun and shot, Skull twisted once more as Oodako swung off and landed on one of the dancers.
Yuna and Nana clapped at the timing, one second off and Skull would have been shot through the throat.
For the next three minutes it was a riot of explosive shots, death-defying stunts, and choreographed dancers intercepted with moments of Reborn beating Skull into the sky with his reverse one ton mallet. Skull, always managed to land gracefully on his motorcycle thanks to his own and Oodako's skills.
At the finale the fog and dancers dispersed like mist and what was left was the three Arcobaleno in their true forms bowing theatrically.
Tsuna and Nagi let go of Kyoya to enthusiastically clap along with Nana and Yuna.
Reborn preened, Skull grinned proudly, and Viper smirked in satisfaction under their hood.
Kyoya, finally free, scoffed and his jacket swished dramatically as he stalked back into Tsuna's house. Tsuna smiled apologetically, and Nagi gave them a nod before following after.
Reborn's eye twitched, and Skull gaped.
"What is wrong with these children?" Viper asked rhetorically. Any other child, especially mafioso would come clamoring toward them.
Reborn kicked Skull on the chin sending him flying backward.
Viper ignored his whining, "Well, now that Skull's plan failed-"
"We all planned that!" Skull interrupted,indignant.
Reborn shot at him, before saying, "Now that the useless Lackey's plan failed I'm assuming we're going forward with yours."
Viper nodded before signing,"Last chance, I hope this works."
They walked forward.
Skull and Oodako served slices of tiramisu cake and cappuccinos while Reborn leaned back on the couch drinking his espresso.
Viper waited until the children had eaten a couple bites of cake before laying down three folders on the table. The purple one was the thickest, followed by the indigo, and finally the yellow one had only one sheet of paper inside.
Viper, starting to feel tired finally stated, " 13 from the purple, 7 from the indigo, and 1 from the yellow. Those are the available favors you can ask from us."
To their surprise, Kyoya nodded. Before their triumph had the time to really sink in Kyoya nodded at Tsuna who leaned forward with a grin.
"21, 15,9" he said sweetly.
Reborn's hands tightened on his cup and he was about to lean forward to snap when Skull and Viper both turned to him with an aura reminiscent of evil haunted Victorian porcelain dolls. He leaned back and sipped his coffee pointedly.
Viper turned back to Tsuna, stating firmly, "30, 9, and 3."
Tsuna and Viper both ignored Skull's offended squack as they shook hands with shark-tooth grins.