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I Tried To Change My Life and All I Got Was This Shitty Musical Written About Me

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COCKSUCKER

May 5th 12:11

my heart is like a bomb

she knows im full of shit

but she thinks im cute

or is it the opposite? ;)

...

shes taking me to see a show tonight

bandll probably SUCK

 but i’ll be with her ♥  

is this just lust?

or could it be the dawning?

-✞


It never really crossed Johnny’s mind how much he’d texted Will about her over these few days. Life, for Johnny, had been a bit of a frenzy, manic and breakneck, and he didn’t want to stop right now, mostly because he was going at a pace that might’ve made his younger self - his self from a few months ago - shudder.

Ever since Jimmy’d come along, Johnny couldn’t stop smiling. Perhaps it was the drugs, perhaps it was the air going to his head or perhaps it was the beautiful girl practically naked next to him in the bed of this shitty motel room. 

Definitely that last option.

Getting laid as good as this was something he’d have to thank Jimmy for later, but all that could wait as far as Johnny was concerned. Today he had a date with destiny, even if he didn’t quite remember her name.

”Get dressed,” Murmured her voice, sort of softly, muffled from under the sheets and blankets of the bed, and before he knew it, her hand had pushed him away in a similarly gentle manner. “Coming with me, remember?”

”Mmm?”

Rolling onto the floor, Johnny gazed up at her, trying to take her in while she was still pulling herself up. No amount of staring could get him fully used to her face - those perfect features like a damn angel, the exact dark colour of her hair and the highlights all just blurring together into one through his clouded vision.

Johnny, being the classy shit he was, dressed only in black briefs and a pair of socks, suddenly registered what she’d said, and pulled himself off the floor to get some clothes on. But before he had any time to even reach for the skinny jeans that’d been worn constantly - nearly every day for the three months he’d been in the city - he felt a soft wind right around his face.

Whatsername was fanning the air.

”Yeah, yeah I know, I’ll-“ He began with a roll of his eyes, but she managed to cut in, smirking a little light-heartedly as they practically completed the sentence together.

”Take a fucking shower?”

Johnny could complain all he liked about being treated like a kid, but at least, at the very least, there was a kind, joking tone in her voice that said it all: she cared about him and his hygiene and quite frankly, his mental health. Greasy hair and oily skin just made him feel shittier and shittier, and if they were going to a show, he’d better be somewhat clean.

Fifteen minutes, two bars of soap and one complimentary shampoo later, and Johnny was sting himself up, listening to Whatsername sing in the main room. In his opinion, she had a nice voice, though all she was doing was a more elaborate alternative to humming. If he had the guts, he’d maybe sing along - like that scene in Elf - but apart from a towel he was naked, and she’d probably kick his ass if he pissed her off.

Instead, he tried his best to nonchalantly stroll out the door, finding that now she was dressed and still mindlessly singing away, a can of beer open in her right hand.

Not that he was an expert, but Johnny liked the way she dressed. Other than her, he only knew Will’s girlfriend Heather, and she usually dressed in ugly shirts and jeans and didn’t bother with her appearance. At least, she hadn’t bothered ever since she’d got with Will, and the mundane suburban lifestyle that gripped them all in it’s sweaty little hands had got a hold of her too.

But Whatsername! Nothing about her was ugly or boring, and everything she wore was interesting to him. Ripped tights over fishnets, or striped socks that came up to her knees, but her skirts weren’t anywhere near long enough to reach them there. She had interesting jackets and shirts she’d modified, and studded belts and studded bracelets and it all seemed to work together into one beautiful fucking person.

”Staring again, Jimmy,”

”Oh fuck, sorry,” 

Quickly glancing away, he felt a slight blush come to his cheeks. He didn’t really know why the hell she kept calling him that, but he was in way too deep to try and correct it, and it was better than if she didn’t know his name and just called him ‘whatshisface’ or something.

All she did was laugh, though maybe underneath it she was praying for him to grow up a bit, enough to actually learn her name and form a real connection. This was becoming more than a one-night stand.

“So- this band?”

An awkward attempt at conversation from the guy now pulling on a pair of skinny jeans, but a welcome one really, at least to her, seemingly cheerful enough.

”Right- dunno, some underground punks, but it’s basically free, it might be fun and everyone I know’ll be there anyway. Besides, I like you anyway so...”

So... what? So she’d bring him along? They’d get to hang out? Was she going anyway? And what did ‘basically free’ even mean? These where all questions Johnny could have asked, and wanted to, but he figured he’d keep his mouth shut and just focus on putting his lock back round his neck (that thing didn’t go in the shower with him: he didn’t want it rusting, like Tunny told him it would).

“Well- sounds cool, I guess. Even if they suck, it’ll be fun,”

It’d be fun because she’d be there. He wasn’t going to tell her that, but it’d be fun because he’d be with her. Johnny didn’t need to do heroin or cocaine when he was with her, and - in the corner of his eye - he could see those little bags left forgotten on the side of the bed. 

Before he could even think about that, she finished her drink and set the can down, and grabbing his hand. Now he was dressed, nothing could stop her from pulling him up and taking him out. He had his room key (they knew him well enough by now) and she told him she had enough money to get by. Johnny wouldn’t have to busk for a few dollars today, apparently. But for all the nakedness he felt without his guitar on his back, he felt excited for once, following the girl of his dreams around.

Today, the world was just for them, and Johnny was absolutely fine with that thought. Just being with her had him buzzing, twitching, bouncing, and he was strangely elated as they went off into the city.