The video opens up with the camera facing Tony Stark as he sits in front of a blue background. Only his top half is shown, with a plain blue shirt dressed over a longer grey shirt. His hair is styled and he isn’t wearing sunglasses.
Tony smirks at the camera in a tight-lipped way. “Hello internet, you know who i am. And as the title of the video says, i’m going to be reading thirst tweets.” He holds up a oversized, plastic mug with a blue handle. The words ‘Thirst Tweets’ are styled on the mug.
The screen changes to a light blue background, big bold letters of ‘THIRST TWEETS’ displayed with purple shadow. There is a purple squiggle under the word ‘TWEETS’ with the words ‘WITH TONY STARK’ under that. The music is light and funky.
The camera cuts back to Tony as he digs his hand into the plastic mug, shaking his head. “My kid is going to kill me.”
The screen cuts again, this time with Tony holding a small piece of paper. The words he reads appears on the screen in Twitter format, the username and profile picture blurred out.
“Tony Stark makes me so wet i’m scared that i’m going to dehydrate.”
Tony lets out a laugh, reading the paper again in his head. He chuckles before looking into the camera with a mock serious expression. “Drink more water and you won’t have that problem.” He lets the paper drop from his grip as the camera changes able to look at him more from the right side. “Eugh, even reacting to Thirst Tweets i’m all parental — what has happened to me?!”
The camera cuts again as Tony reads another tweet out loud. The screen displays it in the bottom right corner as it did before.
“Hi Tony Stark, please toss my salad!11!!1!1” Tony reads out each exclamation point and number one as they appear before looking confused. “Uhh— i feel like when i google that later i’m not going to like the answer.”
The screen changes to another tweet. “Tony Stark’s ass. That’s it. That’s the tweet.” Tony smirks into the camera. “I’m so glad that you noticed my ass because i feel like it can be so under-appreciated out in the superhero buisness.” He fake tuts.
Another tweet appears on the screen. “Can Tony Stark just shove his Iron Man fist up inside my ass and pound it for a good ten minutes??”
Tony scrunches up his face, looking at the tweet again. “Those suits cost over a million each so keep dreaming.” The camera moves angle as he looks at the paper one last time. “Wow, would you look at who wrote that? Steve Rogers, buddy, i didn’t know you figured out how to work Twitter!”
The screen shifts as Tony rummages around in the Thirst Tweets Mug for a few seconds. “I just know that the next one is going to be foul. I feel it in my soul.” He picks one out as the camera cuts and shows as he reads the words out.
“I’m not trying to be dramatic but i would literally bend over for Tony Stark without him even saying the word.” Tony lets out a laugh, scrunching the card up as he throws it away, shooting like it was a basketball shot. “Shame you missed me in the 90s.”
The screen cuts and Tony is holding a new card, a small smile on his lips. “I actually like this one!” He clears his throat before reading the tweet. “Tony Stark is now a legal DILF thank God.”
“You’re right, i am now a legal DILF. Proudest legal DILF there is.” He winks at the camera.
The camera cuts to Tony letting out a laugh, the mug in one hand as he waves it around. He’s talking to someone behind the camera. “I mean, why have kids if you can’t embarrass them right?” Someone off camera says something inaudible over the light music. “Exactly!”
The next shot is Tony holding another tweet. “Iron Man is the hottest Avenger don’t @ me ,,, Captain America can suck my d— and Thor can lick my ass but Iron Man makes my knees weak.” The profanity is bleeped out as Tony’s reads the words.
“What you don’t know,” Tony points at the camera. “Is that i wrote that one!” He laughs again.
The next tweet appears on the screen. “If I ever meet Tony Stark i want him to choke me.” Tony shakes his head, giving the camera an unimpressed look. “I’ve actually heard a lot of comments like these. And i have to say, i’m really not down for it.”
He pauses for a second before back-tracking. “Maybe in the 80s.”
“I want to top Tony Stark,” the next tweet reads. Tony sticks out his tongue at the camera. “Well, you can’t because i’m engaged! I’m all about that monogamous life now.”
The next shot is of Tony Stark laughing, his head thrown back as he cackles. The camera cuts as he tries to contain his laughter before reading out the tweet. “Tony Stark can piss on me all day, throw me into moving traffic and cut off my arm and i’d still ask for more daddy.”
“The absurdity!” He laughs again.
The next shot is when Tony is more calm. “Tony Stark please eat my vagina casserole.” He pulls a face and fake gags. “Eugh, we were meant to eat Casserole for dinner tonight. Guess i’m ordering pizza again.”
Another tweet appears on the screen. “I want Tony Stark to sit on my face so long that he snaps my kneck.” Tony shakes his head. “I, for one, do not want that.”
“Oh Rhodey wrote this one.” Tony jokes in another shot. “Tony Stark is a pain in the ass but damn i would love to f— that ass all night.” The swear word is bleeped out, the text on the screen with a blur over the word.
The camera cuts again as Tony reads another tweet. “I want to be Tony Stark’s sugar baby first and foremost.” He shakes his head again. “Its like people don’t know what engaged means!”
Tony clears his throat in the next shot. “Why couldn’t i have been legal during Tony Stark’s slutty days so i could’ve had some Iron D— shoved into me?” The rude word is bleeped out as Tony says the word, laughing once he’s done.
“My slutty days.” He shrugs to the camera. “What you gonna do?”
The shot changes as Tony reads a new tweet. “Can Tony Stark pls breathe life between my thighs?” He laughs. “Pepper, honey, was that you?”
The camera cuts as Tony stares into the now empty mug, he looks back at someone behind the screen. “I was just getting into them!”
The final shot shows Tony grinning into the camera, his smile wide. “Well this has definitely been an experience, i’m happy to be able to confirm that social media is one messed up son of a b—“ the word is beeped out as Tony laughs, the audio cutting out as a subscribe link appears on the screen before the video ends.
Every tweet there is valid
when he talks about embarrassing peter lmaooooo
I would die if this was my dad
i aspire to be as proud about being a DILF as Tony Stark
all these people need JESUS
no tony don’t google toss my salad nooooooooo
Why did this give me life???