I've already told you a thousand times,
Perhaps you'll listen if it rhymes?
Move your Quidditch gear off the floor,
Or you won't own it anymore!
Instead you'll just own rips and slashes,
Or perhaps, a pile of ashes.
F or the last time
U nbunch your pants
C hildren whine less than you
K indly mind your own business
O n my side of the room
F loor can be messy
F loor is mine
S haring a room means we both contribute
H ow about we have a chat?
A nd perhaps come to an understanding?
R ules could be discussed
I ncluded with this note are suggestions
N ote the inclusion of:
G et your shit off the floor
U nlike you, I don't have a stick up my arse
R eally, it must be so far up in there
A ll you do is scowl at me
D raco, chill the fuck out
I don't know what you problem is
C an you please leave me alone
An Ode to Dicks
You've said that I'm a dick
I'll take that as a compliment
For without the noble dong
Humanity would soon be gone
There'd be no mothers up the duff
No fathers left to knock them up
People would stop procreating
Pointless, fruitless, copulation
Nothing left but humping dry
I think that I would rather die
Cos though my love of girls is true
I’ll admit a love for all dicks too
Solid, probing, lovely cocks
Keep them coming lots and lots
I've no issue being called a dick
A bell-end, knob-head or a prick
Perhaps I'll call you something too
Something honest, real and true
Perhaps "wanker" would be a fit
Certainly seems appropriate
Considering your nocturnal fun
Almost every night, (each one!)
And you may ask how I know this
It's cos your silence charms are shit
So, see, I know you love a dick
At least your own, The Chosen Prick
Nice try, Potter, but I'm not vexed
Choose a better insult next
You want to talk dicks
Like them in your arse, perhaps?
Join the fucking club
Although I feel honoured, yes
You chose to share with me
The epic tale of your arse
And divergent sexuality
I didn't need any EVIDENCE
You unbelievable heathen
Your dick up his arse on my bed
I could've done without seeing
Do yourself, and me, a favour
Or I'll punch you so hard in the face
Do your dirty work elsewhere
And never again in this space
And you can fucking tell Blaise
I'm not his friend anymore
Because we had an agreement
And he broke it - bloody whore
And honestly, Potter, really,
I'm sure you can do better than him
All he cares about is protein shakes
And 'hitting it' at the gym
Blaise does have protein on the brain
That's how his muscles all sustain
Big long meat-probes
He likes it twice, then twice again
I'm well aware of Blaise's kinks
His appetites and thirsts
Yes, you're flavour of the week
But you were not his first
Oh wow, jealous much?
That perhaps you've been replaced?
Cry into your shoes
Not at all, you fool
He's no sense of commitment
And terrible taste
Oh, so it's me then,
That's got inside you head?
Malfoy, dearest , really,
You know, you could've said.
Instead of simply dreaming,
Of me inside your bed.
Oh, of course, Potter,
My loins are all aflame
Douse my dick with water
Or kill me - it's the same
I burn, I pine, I perish
I exist for only you
I love you, need you, oh baby
Oh baby, it's all true
So cast your Blaise asunder
And say you love me more
But most important, dearest
Why’s there tea cups on the floor?
There's a party tomorrow at the pub
It's the only reason I cleaned up
Lord, if you're hooking up with him again
Or perhaps some slattern witch
Could you please not do it in our room?
Go fuck on the Quidditch pitch!
Instead of whinging, come with me
I'm pretty sure that they serve tea
Pack your slippers up, old man
I'll teach you to have fun again
I'm sorry I was in a mood
I'm sorry that I ate your food
I'm sorry that I mocked your mate
I'm sorry that I punched your date
I'm sorry you invited me
I'm sorry that we had to leave
I'm sorry I spewed on your coat
I'm sorry, so I left this note
Are you sorry for anything else?
Can you remember what you said?
Because I can't forget.
Your confession’s like a spider’s web
It's stuck inside my head.
Can we please forget that bit?
I think I feel enough like shit
Did you mean it?
Or did I dream it?
I am not a liar
I am an idiot, though
I can't take it back
So can we let it go?
(I'd appreciate as well
If no one else could know)
Fuck everyone else
I want you to talk to me
Can we just be real?
I’ve languished in a constant state of dread
And looked uncounted days upon your hair
There lives two truths of you I wish were dead
One's that you hate me, two is my despair
My tongue will tell the anger of my heart
And rage against this curse of mine, the pain
The turmoil you have made, and not took part
Each glance you give me rips my breast again
So sit me here to bleed among the waste
As I'm the one in love, you see, a fool
For loving one so deep among distaste
I think I hate the most, myself, not you
Are you the weakness in my very heart?
Or was I weak right from the very start?
Well, fuck - isn't that a piece of luck
Finally, your tongue's unstuck
I definitely do not hate your arse
Our room, tonight, after class
We best not fuck this up