Damian awoke feeling odd. This was not his bed, his room or his body. He could feel the coarse hairs that ran along his too big legs and when he opened his eyes he was immediately met with the walls of a commoners home. He sneered and stood up, looking around and catching sight of Todd in the mirror.
He stepped closer and rubbed his hand along the slight stubble there glaring into Todd's eyes which appeared to be his for the time being. He scoffed and looked around until he found a cell phone, dialling Graysons phone number and sat poutily on the edge of Todd's poor people bed.
"Uh- hi, this is Dick Grayson. Who am I speaking to right now?"
Strange. Grayson and Todd had regular correspondence, how could he not recognise Todd's cell phone number?
"Grayson," he paused at the low timber his voice created and scrunched his nose at how rough it sounded but strove on, "It is I, Damian Wayne. It would appear that I am currently inhabiting Todd's overly follicular body. I believe I might require some assistance."
A heavy sigh could be heard from Grayson and he sounded tired as he said,
" I was afraid you'd say that. Look, Jason is currently in your body. We've already contacted both Zatanna and Raven. It'll take a few hours to wear off but Jason's currently out there chasing down all known magic users and leaving a trail of mostly living bodies. He's a bit... upset right now. Just calm down and lay low okay? We'll come get you when I reel Jason in."
Damian gaped and barely managed, "Ensure that he does not disgrace me!" Before the call was disconnected.
Damian sighed heavily but stood, heading to look for the showers. Todd had a rather hairy, sweaty body and it disgusted Damian that he could actually smell himself.
After the awkward and immensely disturbing act of cleansing his borrowed body, Damian looked for clothing that did not make him shiver in disgust.
It took a while. And a lot of standard lowering.
Eventually the only material he found worthy of his regal essence was a crop top with 'Bad Bitch' inscribed across the chest and a standard pair of jeans. All of Todd's socks were repulsive so he decided to forego shoes as well (shoes without socks were utterly unbefitting of the Wayne heir) and decided on a pair of flip flops that looked like they'd never been worn.
He realised he needed nutrients and made his supercilious way to the front of Todd's abode. He reasoned that that was the general lay out of modern homes (even if it appeared to be a warehouse he was currently in), bedrooms being deeper in the home relative to the front door as to add a sense of privacy to them, this left the kitchen and living room to be the first rooms encountered upon entering.
Unfortunately Damian was unaware that Jason had a... roomate... so needless to say he was startled to find arms wrapped around his shoulders and an excitable voice ruining his hearing.
"Morning, Jaybird! Hey I'm hungry, are you hungry? Cos I'm hungry, super hungry, just starving-hey I know! Let's go get us some breakfast at that diner near the grocery store, that way we can do the shopping once we're done, yeah?"
Damian stared in shock at the obviously nervous red head who was pulling him out the door and down the street before he could even say a single word.
A loud explosion engulfed the warehouse they'd been residing in and Damian stopped in his tracks, looking over his shoulder at the damage. He was certain nothing could be salvaged from that mess. Poor Todd, it would appear he was now homeless.
"Jaybird," Harper's voice was whisper soft, "hey, I know and I'm sorry okay? This probably brings up some bad memories and I suck but..."
He trailed off at the slightly confused look on "Jason's" face.
"Jaybird? Are you feeling okay?"
"Of course I am Harper! Let us proceed to this eating establishment of which you spoke, I require nutrients."
Harper was looking at him strangely. Had he been found out?
"Okay JayJay my love!" Harper kissed his cheek and smiled brightly.
Damians eyes widened but he said nothing, not wanting to give himself away just yet. He had not been aware Todd and Harper were participating in salacious acts with one another! Perhaps he could use this to his advantage. He grinned deviously at the thought of blackmailing Todd with this information, skipping happily along with Roy to fill their bodies with healthy nutrients that did not require the slautering of innocent animals.
"I see you're finally wearing those flip flops, my crimson crimelord. How do they feel?"
"They are not as comfortable as the the ballet shoes Cain makes use of but they will do for now Harper."
"Right, of course my young prince," Damian froze, sure he'd been caught out, "Wait, that is what the Nutcrakers about right? A prince or whatever?"
Damian sighed in relief.
"No, you're an idiot Harper."
"Maybe but you love me anyway, my little Robin."
Damian frowned at that but chose to ignore the comment. He was beginning to grow irritated of all these nicknames but clearly Todd endured them for some reason.
"Here we are, my little murederbird of love."
He was going to punch this irritation until he no longer had the capacity to hold those stupid little names.
They sat and ordered their food and Damian made sure to look at Roy's reaction to his vegetarian choice but was met with the same smile Roy'd had since the warehouse blew up.
"Is that the only facial expression you know how to make?"
He mocked the red head and smirked when he saw the older me frown and tilt his head to the side, not unlike Titus.
"Ya know, my bright little sunray, I think it's time we had The Talk."
This sounded serious, Harper was even looking at him sternly.
Grayson had once given Drake The Talk and Drake had proceeded to ignore him for weeks thereafter, even stopped patrolling those first few nights, clearly traumatised by whatever this Talk entailed. Damian prepared himself and hardened his eyes into a glare, completely unaware that his lips had lifted into an adorable pout that had Roy cooing on the inside. Dick would be pinching his brothers cheeks if he was here Roy just knew it.
"Very well then, Harper. I have witnessed the damage this 'Talk' can cause, it managed to strain Drake's relationship with Grayson in a matter of minutes, are you certain you wish to engage me in public?"
Before Harper could answer their food arrived. They both looked at each other for a while before they called a silent truce for the time being.
They ate in silence.
Once their meals were done and Roy had payed, they made their way to the grocery store nearby in tense silence.
"Harper, what is the point in attaining provisions if we have no place to store them?"
"Well, my beloved," Damian shuddered, that was what his Mother called his Father, after all, "it's not like we only have one safe house now is it?"
Damian grumbled in reply, slightly irked that he hadn't known Todd had more than one safe house.
Harper got a grocery cart and strolled over to Damian, looking pointedly at it.
"What?" Damian grouched.
"What? Don't be ridiculous Harper."
"What you're the one who always says it makes it easier to shop if I push your around in the cart and you grab the stuff we need from the shelves. Are you arguing with your own logic, Jay my sunray?"
Damian huffed but complied, hopping into the cart, back facing Roy and pouting with his arms crossed, every bit the preteen he technically was not. As they strolled the aisles (ignoring all the stares they got) Roy rattled off the items they needed and Damian procured them.
It wasn't much, not even half of the cart would have been filled had Jason's large body not taken up most of the space but as it was Damian had to hold on to some the items to make sure they would fall overboard. Roy rolled them over to pay and smiled at the cashier whose eyes moved between the two grown men, slightly terrified smile on her face as she and Roy greeted each other and Damian-in-Jason's body pouted and handed Roy items from the cart he was still occupying.
"Will that be all?"
Roy looked at Damian and asked, "Ya want anything kid?"
"No." Came the moody reply.
"Not even this... vegan chocolate bar? With real fruit bits?"
Damian squinted suspiciously at the energy bar in Roy's hand before muttering, "Strawberry."
"I'll buy you one if each."
Damian looked at Roy surprised then looked down with a blush grumbling a quiet "Thank you."
Roy smiled at the man child and handed him the bags to hold until they reached the cart station.
"You know, this was actually pretty fun. We should do this again some time, Damian."
Damians eyes widened then narrowed but he said nothing, just snarled and continued following Roy to the safe house.
"Don't think I forgot about our Talk Damian, but as it stands I've decided to wait until you're a teenager. That way it'll really embarrass you."