Listen, when you have been in a relationship for three years, you tend to know intricate details about your partner that other people have no business knowing.
Details that you keep within conversations that you have at home, conversations that you have in between your sheets, conversations that you have under the warm spray of the shower between wet smooches and conversations over morning coffee and lemon poppy seed muffins - and let's just say that no one else in the office knows about Che's love for lemon poppy seed muffins, chocolate caramel is much too sweet, you can taste the diabetes.
He and Jost are trying to watch their sugar intake. This is what they were doing now. At least Colin does not have them on some gluten free shit.
The point is that it is all in the detail and right now as they stand in the costume department, prepping for the Friday night dress rehearsal for the first Weekend Update of the new season of Saturday Night Live, Michael Che is starting to realise that he is not the only one who has noticed his fiancé may have, maybe a little bit, kind of...gained a few pounds during the summer break. Colin tried to brush off the fact that his suit is fitting a little tighter than usual, completely shooting down Grace, the wardrobe assistant's suggestion for getting him a suit that's one size bigger. Jost quickly declares "I've cut out sugar, we've cut out-" he gestures to himself and Che "We've cut out sugar, I'll be good by next week, a new suit will just be a waste, Grace. No need to worry". Grace shrugs it off and goes back to get a lint brush for Che's suit. Colin takes a deep breath, smoothing out the front of his blazer, he takes one look at the mirror and storms out, leaving Che in the wake of his barely concealed panic.
This is something that they need to have another conversaton about when they get home.
But they don't get the chance, between costume fittings, final write ups, digital edits and figuring out the Cold Open, Saturday rolls around extremely quickly, they literally go home to close their eyes for a second, shower and come right back to work, barely having time to check on what the other one is doing.
The stress of it all has Che unashamedly eating a brownie that Leslie so kindly offered him with a knowing grin. "Don't tell Colin I had this, we're supposed to be on this stupid sugar cleanse together" he tells her "And if there was ever a time for me to cheat on him, it is with this gorgeous brownie, yes, God."
Leslie reclines back in her chair, script in hand, she grins him wickedly. "I offered Jost some, he looked about ready to drop he was running around so much, thought he needed a bit of a sugar boost."
Micheal sighs, he should try and find Colin, see if he's doing okay, when he gets into the swing of things he tends to forget to take care of himself. "He just needs some coffee and he'll be alright, let me see if I can wrangle up an intern to deliver some to him."
Leslie's eyes quickly flick down to her script, an eyebrow raised "Coffee, huh?"
Michael saw that, he definitely saw that "Yeah?...is there a problem?"
"Nothing, all I said was 'huh."
"Yeah, why the huh?."
She barks out a laugh, "Can't I huh in my office, Che? Let me huh in my damn office, Michael. Listen, my smooth cottage cheese just needs a donut or something and he'll be good. Don't be giving him no coffee, you hear me?"
Michael scoffs, slowly getting up to exit Leslie's office, he has to look over Cecily's Cathy Anne lines again before they write them up on the cue cards. "You hear me, Che? No coffee for my vanilla muffin."
"Yeah, yeah. Whatever." he echoes as he hurries down the hallway.
Dear God, when is this fucking day going to end?
Colin is five minutes to passing out and the cold open just started.
Okay, Colin its just ninety minutes. That's nothing right?
He had to get through these ninety minutes and then he could go home and sleep.
He watches with a wary grin as the cast kill it, it was a good idea to dump the Trump Administration on an island with all the people that were fired as a cold open and getting Melissa McCarthy at the last minute to play a starving Sean Spicer? Genius.
Just as Kate murders playing Jeff Sessions becoming the King of the Meerkats in an attempt to colonise the abandoned island, Colin remembers he has to read cue cards on Update later and he is having a little trouble focusing.
Where the fuck was that coffee that that random intern brought earlier on?
Colin wonders off as the magic words are delightfully shouted:
"And live from New York, it's Saturday Night!"
The musical guest, some obscure band Che refuses to look up on iTunes finish up their set. He and Jost have their suits on, the set is ready and in place, they just wait for the green light and as Michael takes a glance as his partner, he's looking a little pale.
Concern creases Michael's forehead "You okay, babe?"
"Yeah, yeah...just a little nauseous. I haven't had a chance to eat properly today" Colin smiles, the light not quite reaching his eyes.
"Will you be good to go though?" Michael says reaching for a hug, he pulls Colin close pressing a light kiss to his forehead.
"We're good, babe, we're good" Colin grins as they walk on to the stage. They take their seats as the segment is about to begin.
The Weekend Update theme starts, "It's Weekend Update..."
Colin mouths an 'I love you' to Michael.
Michael winks at him.
"With Colin Jost and Michael Che"
Dear God, were the letters on the cue cards always that blurry?
Colin had gotten through the first half of Update, semi landing his jokes, it's almost as if his brain is one beat behind in trying to catch up with what he is supposed to say, the button on his blazer digging into his abdomen. Che on the other hand is killing it, he is in the right mood, straight up savage mode, giggling and smirking his way through his lines, the audience eating out the palm of his hand. By the time Leslie comes on ready to give her advice on 'wearing the right underwear on the first date' (the answer: no underwear) he is squinting, have the lights always been that bright?
"I mean its simple!" Leslie laughs "Underwear is a little piece of material, its like you're naked anyway."
Blink. Blink. Blink.
"You can wear all sorts of materials, cotton, lace, leather..." Leslie riffs off.
Snort. Leather? Leather underwear? Did Michael say that? Or did he say it? Either way it sounds awful.
Colin? Is he calling his own name? What the-
Colin? Jost? Can you hear me?
Yes, of course I can. What do you mean? He blinks open his eyes at Leslie, she isn't laughing anymore.
She looks worried and kind of blurry.
Her voice and then Michael's voice.
His head is under water, he is very far away all of a sudden, he feels a hand slip off his shoulder trying to catch him as he slips off his chair.
His body hitting the ground with one big thud.
The last thing he hears are loud gasps, a panic.
It all happened so quickly, one moment Michael is watching Leslie and her fluffy meringue (where does she come up with these names?) try and talk about underwear options and honestly, he too was more of a birthday suit kind of guy too. Colin was off his game tonight, he's not surprised after the costume fitting, he figured his head was all over the place, but when he missed his cue to reply to Leslie, and he missed it again and again. He almost didn't have time to process the fault when Colin fainted, dropping swiftly off of his chair. He slipped off so elegantly. Its so like Colin.
Michael is immediately on his knees, completely abandoning the show, he kneels next to his barely conscious partner "Colin! Babe, are you okay?"
The audience explode into a panicked frenzy, the crew is in a flurry, running around and shouting instructions. It is live television after all, it is going to be a media shitshow in the morning.
'Cut to commercial!, cut to commercial!' someone shouts, as someone else directs the audience to another set, far away from the update desk.
"Nothing to see here folks, we have everything under control." a crew member shouts as other crew members rush behind the desk to tend to Colin but Leslie keeps them at bay.
"He's fine, don't crowd him. Don't crowd him, he just needs some air, someone get him some water" she turns to Michael "Relax Che, he'll be fine, take off his jacket, cool him off."
Colin's eyes flutter open and closed, okay, he's responding. Michael delicately takes off his fiancé's jacket, laying his head on his lap, stroking his hair.
Kate barrels onto the set in a ridiculous sheep costume, probably for the 'Little Bo Beep' sketch that's coming up next. She is in a panic. "Colin! Oh My God! Is he okay?"
"He's fine, Katey. Just pregnant."
"What the fuck do you mean?" Michael blurts out, not having enough time to process what his brain is sending to his mouth, he almost jerks Colin off of his lap.
"Oh shit!" Che hears Chris holler somewhere in the distance "Oh shittttttt!"
"Someone get me that water, you're okay, Jost baby, you're fine." Leslie murmurs to Colin.
"We're having a baby, yall!' Chris dances on to set, in a different sheep costume.
What is happening and who the hell wrote this sheep sketch? Probably Colin.
Michael takes a deep breath. Oh, Colin.
Oh, Colin and baby need some air.
Leslie sneaks a peek at Michael. And apparently so does Che.
Michael and Colin seriously contemplate their situation.
The show must go on...and so it did.
Saturday Night Live was good at this, this being that when ever a misshap of any kind occured, and they occured often, they took care of it far away from the audience.
So at the end of the show, the audience expected some sort of explanation or an update especially when Colin, who usually does the hugs at the end of the show, did not make an appearance.
But they never got one.
After Update, Lorne instructed Michael to take Colin home, so by the time the episode was done, Colin was fast asleep in his and Che's apartment, after a quick bite to eat, some water to drink and an instruction not to get up until the the next day.
He was out like a light with Michael curled around him, keeping him warm and held.
It had been a long week.
Colin Jost springs out bed, the unpleasant, burning warm rumble of throw up caught in his throat as he barely makes it to the en-suite bathroom to hurl into the toilet.
A quick confession: This is not the first time it has happened as of late and that is partially why he insisted he and Che clean up their diet a little bit. The logical part of his brain quickly thinks: Your body is a system that always responds to something, to how you treat it, so fainting on national television being the result of forgetting to eat the whole day? Fair outcome.
So when he finishes throwing up and slugglishly turns around to catch his breath, he catches Michael leaning against the bathroom door, arms folded across his chest, the Sunday sun filtering through the window does nothing to wipe the worry lines that crease Michael's face.
"I'm fine" he mumbles, getting up and washing his mouth out by the sink. Michael shakes his head, he catches Colin's eye in the mirror, daring him to not talk about this. "Say what you want to say, Che" Colin challenges him as leans against the sink, chest rising and falling rapidly, nervous. Waiting.
"Take the test."
"Take the test."
"I'll go to the drug store right now and get you a test."
"I don't need to take one."
"Because you're positive?"
Colin shrugs "I don't know, maybe..."
"Colin..." Michael breathes out, he takes a few short steps to reach Colin, taking both of his hands in his, making sure that he has his blue eyes pinned on him when he asks. "Are you pregnant?"
Colin does not look away "I think so, I suspect."
"Apparently so does, Leslie." Micheal sighs, he pulls Colin in, his nose in his messy hair "I would kiss you but I don't do throw up breath, babe."
Colin nods "Understood."
"I'm getting you a pregnancy test though." Michael lets go of Colin to get ready for a shower. "We need to get back to work tomorrow with our story straight."
Michael has a point, the minute he hears the shower spray comes on, he allows himself to drift off, stealing the little bit of warmth left on Michael's side of the bed.
It is something that they have discussed before...you know, having children.
On two separate occasions actually.
The first conversation was about a year and a half into their relationship. It was part of a practical conversation on birth control, when you get to a certain point in your relationship, having known each other for a very long time, the sex slowly filters out the idea of condoms and other alternatives of preventing a pregnancy have to be explored.
At that time, Michael and Colin were on the same page, no babies, they just wanted to hit it raw.
Lovely, satisfying and totally worth it.
The second conversation happened just after Colin's 36th birthday.
The biological clock started clicking loudly for Colin, completely out of nowhere. It was distressing.
He was not getting any younger and the possibility of a little one, drooling on their clothes, wrapped up in a giggle and clinging on to them with tiny little fingers left him feeling really warm inside. He was not sure how Michael was going to take it when he walked into Michael's office, the burning need to ask him if he wanted children one day taking over his brain.
Michael paused, he was typing away, the click-clack of his laptop coming to a halt.
He exhaled, maintaining a neutral expression "You want one?" Micheal finally says.
"I asked you first."
"You want one now?"
"Maybe not now...but I've been thinking about it..."
"I do want children..."
" With me?" Colin holds his breath.
"With you but..."
"But? There's a but?"
"There is a but...don't get upset but I think its a but that should be addressed once or if we decide to fall pregnant."
Michael shrugs, eyes returning to his computer screen "Never say never, Jost"
"If I say I'm never going to take my birth control again?" he counters.
"Then I say you better be ready. you're better-be-ready. A baby isn't a joke, babe."
Colin exhales, he suddenly feels emotional, he does not how to read Michael right now and it is unnerving, he decides to say "A baby isn't easy for any parent, Michael"
"Hear me out..." Michael rubs his eyes trying to find the right words "Are you ready to raise a black child, Jost? In this America, are you're prepared for that?."
Well, there it is, that is where the discomfort comes from, it leaves Colin breathless. He makes the decision to put his emotions aside because Michael was not saying this is make him feel this bad..or something. Its a phenomenal point, any baby that comes from between them will not live the same way that Colin has and Michael had every right to be concerned, he was asking him because he loves him and their hypothetical children.
He walks out, not saying a word.
They never bring it up again.
A pink plus sign. On each of the four pregnancy tests that sit between them on the bed.
A bubble of joy blooms in Michael's chest, and honestly speaking? He was going to be heartbroken if they came back negative. There had been a sparkle in Colin's eyes for a little while now, again it was in the details that you know about your partner. He should have known that the sparkle in his eyes, the slight filling out in his body and the extra few minutes his takes when he naps are a result of the hard work of their little one trying to say hello.
Fuck that sugar diet, they need celebratory cupcakes, several of them in every flavour with sprinkles.
It is a glorious occasion.
Colin grins, he takes a deep breath, lifting slightly damp eyes to Michael, waiting for some sort of ball to drop and boy does it drop.
Michael is happy about this. Thank goodness.
Not knowing what this child might do to their relationship made him feel faint but he knows that he cannot do that to Michael again. The father of his child.
That's such a crazy thing to think about. He sends a silent prayer for the fact that it was not the sugar making him sick, it was 'just' morning sickness because a cupcake does sound really good, maybe with a little bit of sriracha on it.
Oh yeah, that sounds like a plan.
A plan that makes Michael scowl at his partner and say that it will take him back to kneeling in front of the toilet.
She was waiting for him in his office.
She wanted to be the first person he saw when he walked into his office.
She had to be the first to know and it was going to be her and only her.
She had to-
She did not wait very long, because once Colin's door swung open a couple of seconds later. She pounced.
'Kate!'' Colin wheezed as the little blonde wrapped him up in a bear hug 'Okay, Kate! Good to see you too!'
'Where have you been?' she mumbles into his shoulder 'I'm dying to know here! Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!'
Colin grinned and detached himself from her to walk around her to sit behind his desk, he took off his glasses leaning back in his chair, a long sigh leaving his mouth.
Kate scoffed. 'Geez, easy with the suspense, Jost!'
'Let's just say you and I are going to have to hold off conversations over cups of coffee for a little bit.'
Her eyes absolutely lit up, a squeal bubbling on her lips, not quite finding its way out of her mouth.
'Just thinking about it make me antsy, cause’ I really want caffeine...' Colin continues, unknowing to Kate’s delight.
Nothing has come out of her mouth yet, Kate's body is wound up so tight that her shoulders shake in excitement.
'I think I should start drinking 'black tea', Colin mumbles, turning to his computer and switching it on. 'Apparently it’s a good alternative to caffeine. But I think it’s debatable, I should really ask my mom...'
He's clearly on one train of thought, Kate is on another.
'But if I can't drink coffee, Michael shouldn't either. It’s only fair, I think...' he continues.
Michael's head pops through the door with an 'I am not giving up coffee. Oh no, no, no.’ he grumbles 'I didn't get myself pregnant, so why should I suffer?' he grins.
Colin scrunches up his nose as he throws a post-it note at Michael's head.
'I'm just kidding, babe, tell you what? I’ll drink coffee for the both of us. Sorry, the three of us.'
Kate chooses that moment to burst ’The three of us!' she screams 'I’m going to be an auntie! I'm going to be an auntie! Oh my God!’ she pulls Michael into Colin's office to give him a bear hug.
Michael is pretty sure he feels a dampness on his shirt, is she crying? Oh, Kate, bless her.
Michael catches Colin's eye as he gently rubs Kate's back. 'Yes, you are Katie' he grins ‘Yes, you are.’
Pitch day. Fun.
Bill Hader was the host that week. Even more fun.
It was always fun when a former cast member was around, it meant an easy production week.
Everyone quickly filled up Lorne’s office, papers and laptops in hand, coffee and donuts in mouths trying to find a seat. Lorne had made sure that Colin had the most comfortable chair in the room…well if that was not a sign that he was taking the baby news well? Colin did not know what was.
As soon as everyone was seated, the lengthy process of pitches began.
Someone tried to pitch a part two of that bunny sketch from last week? What in the-?
Does everyone have Easter fever or something? What in the hell is happening with that?
It was decided that a Melania Trump joke was long overdue and needed to make an appearance this week.
A real crowd zinger was the idea of a Prince William sketch where the British media finds out that Prince William is cheating on Kate Middleton with a Real Housewife from Atlanta because he too can play the ‘I like black girls’ game too. Take that, Harry.
Once they got to what Pete had to offer and he had the biggest grin across his face, Colin knew they were in for something foolish and filthy.
“And then it ends with Stefon crawling out from under the Weekend Update desk and then I yell ‘and then he came!’ he does a little happy dance before he delivers the punchline ‘That’s how you make a Weekend Update baby.’
Alex is the first to comment with ‘Okay, so what do we emphasise in the sentence? Like what do stress? Is it ‘That’s how you make a Weekend Update, baby’ so it reads as ‘that’s how you do a ‘Weekend Update’ or…is it ‘That’s how you make a Weekend Update, baby’ and it reads as ‘that’s how you make a baby on Weekend Update…’
Michael rolls his eyes. Okay, so this is what we’re doing now? Alright, okay.
As Pete takes a second to process the information, Beck pipes in with a purposefully aristocratic tone ‘I would assume the second one if it involves Stefon coming out from under the desk...presumably after performing fellatio on Mr. Davidson’
Bill bursts out laughing ‘Wait, wait! I think it would make more sense if we got Seth to do it though, after all he and Stefon have had their hypothetical kid by now?’
Kenan blurts out in his best Steve Harvey voice ‘It’s a battle of the babies, everybody!’
Okay, good to see everyone was handling the baby news in an equally healthy and ridiculous manner.
Lorne nods, a hand on his chin ‘I’m sure I can pull Seth away from Late Night for a bit, let’s do it’ he looks to Michael and Colin as if to say ‘this sketch is happening’.
Almost fittingly, the meeting ended with Colin turning to the side and violently puking into the garbage bin.
‘See Jost loves it!’ Pete rejoices.
Something that probably crosses the mind of anybody who thinks they might be expecting or are indeed expecting is the reaction of their parents.
With age, the chance of a total freak out lessens but the expectation for grandbabies increases. Colin and Michael were not exempt from this notion.
Michael’s mother took it well, this was not her first grandchild.
However, she did admit that she was not sure if Michael was interested in that kind of thing but if it took some white boy to change his mind, she did not protest and was ready for the little one. Always has been.
Colin’s mother on the other hand…did not give them a moment to breathe, this was her first grandchild after all, so she had a million questions and comments.
‘I was wondering why you were getting a little full in the face’
‘I hope you’re on prenatal vitamins, go to the nearest pharmacy and get some folic acid, calcium and iron! Especially iron, you’ve always had iron problems’
‘Stay out of the comedy clubs! So much drinking and smoking! I don't want any secondhand smoke near my grandbaby!’
‘I hope it grows up to be Michael’s height if it’s a boy, I’ve always thought he’s was the perfect kind of tall. If it’s a girl, I definitely hope she’s born with as much hair as you had when you were born, sweetheart’
‘You might want to get an ultrasound soon! I need something new to put on the fridge!’
On the other hand, their dads were leaning more towards ‘Nice one, son. I can’t wait to meet them’
…and, uh, they left it at that. Nothing more, nothing less.
One piece of advice that did jump out at Colin from his mother was to stock up on ginger root, ginger flavoured items and crackers. He truly felt awful and it was giving Michael daily heart palpitations.
They were filming a short that Colin was supposed to script supervise that afternoon, he was munching on some crackers, swallowing them down with some ginger tea but it did nothing to calm his stomach.
Morning sickness was a stupidly inaccurate term.
It hit Colin from all sides, morning, afternoon and evening. Today was no exception.
He should have known that when he did not wake up this morning with his head in the toilet, that it was going to come back and bite him later.
One of the interns dragged Michael out of his office because Colin could not supervise anymore, he simply was not feeling well, the call came with a note from Colin saying:
‘Don’t worry about me, please finish the short for me, Leslie is with me.
Kind of hard not to worry, Michael thinks as he walks into the studio where Chris, Kyle and Mikey wait for him to finish shooting some sort of Machine Gun Kelly meets Post Malone meets Jamie Foxx? RnB/Rap parody video – and they wanted Colin to supervise this? Okay, sure.
The shoot goes off without a hitch, Colin returns just as they wrap up, looking a little paler than usual but at least he’s seems to be keeping down the bran muffin in his hand.
Michael wraps an arm around his shoulders, mumbling something about ‘they should go home’ and that ‘Colin should really see a doctor about this’.
Colin scoffs ‘I’m fine, it’s part of the process. I just have to get through it’
He guides them to Colin’s office to get his things, he settles Colin on his office couch as he packs up his things to work from home. As Michael finishes up, he sees a draft for a bunny sketch. Mother-of-God.
He turns to Colin, holding up the ridiculous script.
‘Really? Who keeps resurrecting this thing?’
‘Lorne ended up wanting it after seeing the first version had reached a million views on YouTube yesterday, doesn’t hurt to give it a shot’
Michael ends up agreeing to help Colin finish up the sketch once they get home, but first they had to make a stop at the pharmacy for some prenatal vitamins, at the rate Colin was going with this morning sickness business, he would need as many vitamins as he could get.
What kind of witchcraft is this?
What a nightmare.
‘Well that’s odd, but that’s okay, it’s okay’ Grace says to him ‘Let me get you another dress shirt’
Grace scurries off as Colin quickly comes back to himself, returns from his shock.
It had only been about a week and a half since he found out he was pregnant and he could not help but think..did everything about pregnancy have to be so unexpected?
He has never been pregnant, he did not have any physical experience to use as a reference for himself and he could only assume things from what he’s read from Google about what may be going on in his body at this point in time. He keeps seeing that every pregnancy is different, that your body is going to do what it needs to do to ensure that you and your baby are okay.
Well, right now pregnancy is witchcraft, a curse, a confusing time because his favourite dress shirt for Weekend Update is just not fitting right now, not fitting at all, it was looser this this week.
He has lost weight?
That did not make any sense – pregnancy was one of those things where as time went by, you gained weight, not lose it, he figured that when he had to worry about how his clothes fit, it would be because he would be bursting out of them but this, this? This was slightly worrying. He was only, according to his own calculations, around nine or ten weeks along now? That’s like what? Just over two months? The baby is the size of a strawberry, this is according to a very pastel coloured maternity website. He was slightly alarmed by this new development and tried to remain calm until his first doctor’s appointment on Monday. His and Che’s first doctor’s appointment.
They struggled to find time to go to the doctor, it is the middle of the season, a lot to be done and with their weird hours, finding a slot at one of the doctor’s Colin’s mom recommended proved to be difficult.
More difficult than this fucking final dress rehearsal fitting.
Colin sighs, residing himself to patiently waiting for Grace to return with his new shirt. At least he did not have morning sickness this morning, he managed to keep his bagel down (much to Michael’s delight) and tried black tea recently as a coffee substitute, and it was not that bad. So that is a plus.
Michael quickly pops in, checking if everything was alright with him just as Grace returns with his new shirt, asking him ‘Would you prefer a darker suits as your pregnancy progresses? A dark suit will streamline your silhouette as you get bigger. I’m thinking a really dark-grey, almost black kind of grey? We can’t really do black, too morbid, too formal.’
‘At the rate that I’m going, I'm not going to need new suits, Grace’ he steals a quick glance at Michael just to see him sigh and walk away. Michael had no problem expressing how worried he was, he was vocal about his anxiety and was really looking forward to what the doctor has to say about this.
They just had to get through the next 72 hours.
Michael watches Colin as he softly dozes the warm Sunday afternoon away, looking pleasantly comfortable from the brunch that thankfully knocked him out. Michael took the time to prepare a brunch that was both tasty and not aggravating to Colin and their diet temperamental child. Che watched Colin take each bite, waiting for him to bolt for the bathroom and vomit it back up again – he tried to avoid making anything with dairy, too much spice, anything too sweet or bitter – he ended up making some sort of extremely mild vegetable curry with a lot of rice and it seemed to be okay.
What a relief, he could not wait for tomorrow’s appointment and get this sorted out because Colin could not go through the whole pregnancy like this, he was already exhausted and did not even have a bump to show for it.
They tried to have sex that morning, they really tried but Colin could barely open his eyes despite telling Michael that he would be more than happy for a quickie, he even quipped that it might even wake him up, but Michael decided against it and let his partner rest. He gently pulls up the blanket draped over Colin and runs a gentle hand through his hair before keeping himself occupied with some random documentary on Netflix.
What kind of witchcraft is this?
What a nightmare.
This is not how Colin expected the doctor's appointment to go, lying in a hospital bed, a drip in his arm and Michael filling out forms to keep him over night. His face was red and puffy from crying, his head feeling a little light from a sedative given to him to calm him down but he cannot help it, he was just so overwhelmed by it all, at least Michael was there, keeping a level head and assuring him that it was going to be okay, it was just a shock to the system, he was fine – they were fine.
Hyperemesis gravidarum is the diagnosis, in other words, he has medically established morning sickness from hell, morning sickness so bad that it is considered a pregnancy complication, a complication that can be potentially dangerous if not treated adequately because it could result in a loss of vitamins and nutrients and Colin was severely dehydrated.
As if the hyperemesis or whatever it was called, was not enough, it was not the biggest bombshell of the day. It was the cherry on top of something bigger.
It all happened so quickly, one moment they were all patiently watching the ultrasound monitor, looking for the heartbeat of a little strawberry sized baby but instead finding the heartbeats of two little strawberry sized babies.
Yep, that's right, baby strawberries or…strawberry babies!
A cute little fruit analogy quickly overridden by the realisation that Colin was a dehydrated human being carrying two little humans and it caused everyone to go into a bit of a panic, and by everyone, it was just Colin. Michael always had a better poker face than him and chose to focus on the excitement of having twins, their doctor told them that everything was fine, the babies were not harmed in any way whatsoever and that he just wanted to keep Colin overnight not because there was a problem but as a safety precaution, just to help him get his weight up.
God, they did not even have time to call their parents or anything, Michael had to tell the office that he and Colin would not be coming in for the rest of the day and that Colin was most likely to not come in tomorrow either. There was a flurry of worry from the other end of the line, fair enough, first Colin faints and now he is in the hospital, admittedly it does not look great but Michael promises them that there is nothing to worry about, all is well and they’ll address everything as soon as Colin is discharged and back at work.
As soon as he got off the phone, Michael noticed Colin quietly sniffing to himself, his partner was extremely distraught by the entire situation and just needed a soft kiss to the forehead and a cuddle.
‘Are you okay? Hmm? Talk to me?’ Michael whispers into Colin’s hair. Colin sighs, trying to find his voice but ends up mumbling a small ‘I'm fine’.
Michael chuckles ‘I’m going to need you to do better than that’, Colin gives Michael a wobbly smile, a smile that does not quite reach his eyes ‘This was supposed to be a happy moment and I’m ruining it, Che! I just feel so miserable knowing that I could have hurt them, like I was starving them or something!’
‘Hurt them because you’re sick? Jost, what kind of logic is that? You’re sick and the kids, wow, the kids, never thought I’d say that, can you believe that?’ Michael grins to himself ‘You and the kids are okay, the doctor says this is manageable, you’re doing the best that you can, babe’
Colin sighs, wrapping himself around Michael and burying his face into Michael’s neck, breathing him in, trying to steal some of his calm because Michael was right, he was just overreacting, he was just spooked, everyone-was-fine.
Him, Michael and the twins were absolutely fine.
What kind of bliss is this?
What a dream.