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Heard Them Talk

Summary:

The guy reaches for Namjoon’s tail again and Jeongguk can’t take minding his own business anymore. Gym bag thrown to the ground, his feet carry him forward in a thoughtless fury.
“Don’t fucking touch my boyfriend!” he hollers and shoves the guy’s hand away.

Notes:

hi!! so as you'll see, daemons in this au aren't quite the same as the traditional/original version of them, mainly that they don't talk, but a lot of things are similar, and they're more tied to the person's essence than the traditional idea of familiars, so I went with calling them daemons. ANYWAY I'm having a lot of fun writing all the tropes and not giving the damns so I hope you enjoy <3

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter Text

 

 

“I told you not to fucking touch me,” Namjoon hisses, trying to slide sideways along the concrete wall to escape.

“What’re you gonna do?” The guy laughs a big jackass laugh and elbows his big jackass friend. “Cute little kitty kitty.”

The guy reaches for Namjoon’s tail again and Jeongguk can’t take minding his own business anymore. Gym bag thrown to the ground, his feet carry him forward in a thoughtless fury.

“Don’t fucking touch my boyfriend!” he hollers and shoves the guy’s hand away.

He stumbles back, pissed, but Jeongguk still has his rugby uniform on and a wild look on his face. The black eye from last week’s game probably helps. And the tattoos. And the mis-founded notion everyone’s created about him over the years that he's never bothered to correct.

“The hybrid is your boyfriend?” The guy looks doubtful, tries to laugh like the idea is ridiculous.

“Yeah he fuckin’ is,” Jeongguk answers, a little terrified now that he’s involved himself but he winds an arm through Namjoon’s and gives his best I’ll-fuck-you-up look. “If someone says don’t touch me, you don’t fucking touch,” he says through gritted teeth and wonders if Namjoon can feel him shaking.

The guy rolls his eyes, friend already acting too bored for a lecture, scrolling through his phone a few feet away. “Fuck off,” the guy mutters, uninterested in fighting someone who could actually win. He strolls off to catch up with his friend. They almost never want to fight, once he starts it.

“Sorry,” Jeongguk tugs his arm free from Namjoon's, too embarrassed to look at him now that the moment has passed. Covers it in a practiced nonchalant scowl. “Sorry, you probably didn’t need me to do that, I shouldn’t-“

But Namjoon catches his hand to keep him from leaving. “Please stay. It’d be a lot easier for me if they like, really think we’re dating. Just until they leave?”

Humiliation clings around his eyes, but relief too. Maybe a little bit of fear, and Jeongguk remembers his reputation all over again. Namjoon’s tail is swishing in irritation behind him, rounded brown ears still flattened back against his head. “I mean, if you’re busy, you don’t have to stay, obviously, it’s just they always fucking bother me and they aren’t the only ones and- nevermind, it isn’t your problem. And you already helped me, thank you, by the way.”

“No, it’s fine! My bus won’t be here for a while anyway.” The two guys from before glance back at them from across the courtyard and Jeongguk is glad Namjoon is still holding his wrist. He takes Namjoon’s other hand in his and glares at them.

“Fucking dicks,” he mutters.

“Thanks for hating them,” Namjoon laughs, a little defeated.

“Are they always like that?”

Namjoon nods, tugging him by the hand to the benches to sit with a wary glance around the little courtyard full of students milling around. “Them and anyone else who isn’t trying to pretend I don’t exist.”

He frowns, embarrassed for his hometown, and it wouldn’t be the first time. Small minds in a small town, people more interested in talking about kindness than actually practicing it. There were a few other hybrids, but Namjoon was the only one at the college.

“I’m not a cat,” Namjoon says abruptly.

“Hm? Oh yeah, no I know.”

That seems to take him by surprise. “What am I, then?” A hint of a smile that Jeongguk has only ever seen when Namjoon has lost himself in a good book in the cafeteria.

“Ferret?” he winces, hopeful that he hadn’t offended.

“Ferret?!” he scoffs, and breaks into laughter when Jeongguk looks horrified with himself.

It’s a sound Jeongguk has never heard in all his weeks of… noticing Namjoon. Definitely not pining or harboring a secret crush or anything. Just building an awareness of the hybrid’s soft, intelligent eyes and good taste in music and fidgety habits and luscious lips. That’s all. Definitely not pining. Not at all breathless because they’re actually talking right now, touching.

“I’m kidding, you’re actually really close. Really! I might as well be, I’m just being picky, I guess. You could call me a ferret actually, I’m a marten hybrid, but, you could- I mean, ferret is fine, honestly.”

His shoulders shrink up towards his ears the longer he rambles, flustered and self-effacing and it makes Jeongguk’s chest ache in a way he doesn’t have words for. “A marten? Hold on let me google it.”

“It doesn’t matter that much, seriously, it’s basically a ferret-”

“Oh my god, they’re so cute,” Jeongguk grins, looking at the picture of the long, silky creature and up at Namjoon’s small, brown ears in comparison. He realizes a beat late that he called Namjoon cute, in a way, and wonders where the hell all this flirtatious courage has come from. “Really cute,” he repeats while the courage holds out, big eyes locked to Namjoon’s.

Bashful, they both look away, still holding hands for the sake of the two assholes still lingering nearby. Despite the adrenaline surging through him, it’s nice to sit here together, watching people pass by.

Panic slaps him in the face; he hasn’t showered since walking off the field 20 minutes ago. He’d told Namjoon he was waiting for his bus but it was a lie; he’d been on his way to the locker rooms earlier. I must stink, fuck. Does he think I get on the bus like this and sweat all over the seats? Is he disgusted? Do Martens have a strong sense of smell? Should I just leave him alone? What if he thinks I’m just as weird as everyone else?

He can’t bring himself to look down, dirt and grass stains on his shins, he’s sure. Oh god, my black eye, he must think I’m a fucking menace, he’s probably too scared to tell me to go away.

“Sorry I-”

“Can we do this again?” Namjoon blurts out at the same time.

“Oh-”

“It’s just! If they see us together for a little while, they’ll really think we’re dating and maybe they'll actually leave me alone. I mean- if you don’t want people to think that, I totally understand. Sorry, nevermind. God, I don’t even know if you're already with someone, sorry, I-”

“No!” he says too loud. “No that’s fine! I don’t uh, have anything else going on. Anyone, I mean. Yeah we could totally, um, yeah!”

“Okay,” Namjoon smiles a little, peeking over at him to see if it’s really okay. “You really don’t have to,”

“I’ll give you my number!” Jeongguk lets go of his hand to pull his phone out of his bag.  

His hand wraps around soft, soft fur. “Get out of there, Bun,” he grumbles, pulling free a soft, peachy-brown bunny. “I keep telling you not to sleep in my gym bag, you’ll get all gross.”

“Your daemon is a bunny?” Namjoon says, soft and a little amused.

Normally, Jeongguk would have his defenses raised at the question already. Is that a fucking problem? Or What, I can’t play rugby and have a bunny daemon? Or whatever other reply he’s had to get good at giving to keep people from assuming who he is.

For years, he left Bun at home and withstood the headaches and dull irritation of being so far from his daemon. All the way through high school, until he met Seokjin in senior year, a rugby player from a rival team. He was cool, talented, took no one’s shit yet always had a smile. Exactly the type to make Jeongguk feel inferior and resentful. But then he saw Seokjin after a game, nuzzling his daemon, a black, floppy eared bunny, telling it how sweet it is.

Around the same time, he met Jimin and Taehyung, who were horrified that Jeongguk was always away from his daemon. They softened him, they made him angry, no longer at himself and Bun but at the people who deserved it. At their encouragement, he brought Bun to school. He got laughed at, he got called every stupid stereotype rabbit daemon's get called, vapid, needy, weak, slut. He got in fights every day. Only his coach could make him stop, warning him that if he didn't get expelled from school he'd kick him off the team anyway.

Jimin and Taehyung still try to convince him to forget what everyone says, but he can’t shake how it felt to be made so small, he’s still mad and knows he should be. So he let people remember Jeongguk as the ripped kid that'd fight anyone, he shut down anyone who had shit to say in freshman year of college and kept to himself and his few friends.

But with Namjoon, a hybrid, a ferret- no, a marten, the fear of judgement isn’t there. He smiles and nods, petting at his tiny daemon’s soft fur.  

“What’s your number? I’ll text you.”

Namjoon recites it and Jeongguk mutters “Kim...Namjoon…” as he saves it in his contacts and messages a short hello. Doesn’t see the puzzled smile of shock on Namjoon’s face that he knows his name.

Beeping from a block down catches his attention. “Oh, my bus! Are you gonna be okay here?” Jeongguk glares over at the two guys who haven’t left yet.

“I’ve been okay so far,” Namjoon shrugs.

“Sucks that you have to feel like this,” he mutters, tucking Bun into the bag she’s supposed to sleep in when he doesn't have a hoodie pocket to put her in. “Come here,” he tugs Namjoon to standing and into a big hug before he can chicken out of it.

He rocks him back and forth, playful like a couple might. “Sorry, just until they notice.”

“Thanks,” Namjoon answers, holding him awkwardly but melting into it.

Jeongguk melts too, eyes fluttering shut as he rocks him gently in the faded pre-sunset light of late spring.

A little motion, shy and overthought, Namjoon wraps his hand a little higher up his shoulder.

His eyes fly open. “Shit, I’m so sorry! I’m so sweaty, I forgot! Fuck, I usually shower right after practice I swear!”

Namjoon lets Jeongguk hold him out at arm’s length and shrugs, pink cheeked and flustered. “I really don’t mind.” He points up at the little display screen. “Your bus is leaving in one minute.”

“Yeah. Okay yeah, message me if you um-“ the two guys from earlier pass by, lingering close for the next bus. “When you get home, baby.”

Just a little louder in case they’re listening. The breath swells in Namjoon’s chest, ears perked, and Jeongguk is sure his face is on fire. He waves and jogs onto the bus.



 

“Yoongi!” Namjoon yells into the little apartment as he toes off his shoes. “Yoongi!!”

“What, christ,” Yoongi yawns, strolling into the living room with his long sleek tail hovering behind him.

“I have a boyfriend.” He nearly wiggles where he stands. Never did he ever think it's an announcement he'd be able to make.

Yoongi is dumbfounded and half-asleep and Namjoon doesn’t wait for him to react. “Sort of. I mean… sort of a fake boyfriend. Maybe a pity boyfriend…” he mumbles to himself. “But the point is, I said ‘Can we do this again so no one bothers me since this really seemed to work?’ and he said yes! And he said my ears are cute. I think,” he frowns, trying to recall exactly how the conversation went.  

Yoongi pouts in confusion. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Jeon Jeongguk,” Namjoon claps his hands to his cheeks that ache from smiling. “Jeon Jeongguk called me baby and held my hand. I mean, just because those dickheads that always bother me were watching, but still.”

“What the fuck,” Yoongi chuckles, amused.

“Oh! He said to message him when I got home. I don’t think… I don’t think he really meant it but I should say thanks anyway.”

Yoongi frowns a smile and watches as Namjoon wiggles up into his favorite chair and texts with a big lip-bitten grin on his face, fluffy tail swishing around him.

“I’m home!” Hoseok announces from the front door flung wide. He puts his shoes on the rack and reaches to put away Namjoon’s too. “Hey kitten.”

Yoongi shrinks in on himself with a shy smile at the tone in Hoseok’s voice. His tail betrays him, twitching with interest, and he knows Hoseok notices. “Hey,” he says softly, holding his hand out when Hoseok’s daemon flies toward him. “Hey cutie,” he murmurs, letting the little parrot nibble on his shirt the way it always wants to.

Hoseok watches for a second, months past apologizing. It’s supposed to be embarrassing, a daemon letting someone else touch. Even in established relationships, people hesitate and refrain in public, the intimacy too heavy for other's eyes. But even if Hoseok won’t say how he feels, his daemon being this comfortable with Yoongi says it all. A weird, precarious balance of unspoken and half understood feelings, but it seems to work for now.

“Namjoon has a boyfriend,” Yoongi informs him. “A fake one, or something.”

“He’s just helping me out,” Namjoon calls out from the chair.

“It’s Jeon Jeongguk,” Yoongi adds emphatically, moving Hoseok’s daemon to his shoulder.

“The rugby player you never shut up about?” Much more interested now, Hoseok throws himself on the chair and waits for answers.

Namjoon can hardly contain himself. “He held my hand. Look, he uses cute emojis, he’s so fucking cute, fuck.” Namjoon turns the phone for Hoseok to see.

“What’s the fake part?”

“Oh, I just asked him if we could act like we’re dating, so it’d seem like we really were. You know, so people would leave me the fuck alone. Who wants to mess with Jeon Jeongguk’s boyfriend, you know? Did you know his daemon is a bunny?”

Hoseok frowns a little at the delirious look of joy on his face. “So you’re fake dating, even though you unfake have a massive, nasty, fanboy crush on him. That’s...” he looks at Yoongi for support, who just shrugs.

“It’s not nasty,” Namjoon scoffs, and immediately regrets it when both of them jump in to quote things he’s said about Jeongguk in the past. “What if he really likes me, after a while?” Namjoon says shyly, opening up the text again though nothing has changed since the cute emoji.

“Okay, that’s exactly what I’m-“

“I’m not expecting him to,” Namjoon interrupts, not wanting to hear it, not now when his heart is soaring. “I know, okay? Really. I’m a hybrid and I’m… I’m me, so. Yeah, I’m not expecting it, I’m just-“ he heaves a heavy sigh, joy on his face clouded over now. “God, he’s so fucking cute,” he grins again, recalling how gently he rocked him by the bus stop.

Hoseok rolls his eyes but keeps his mouth shut, wary of making Namjoon feel bad about himself. He’s always been so shy, so down on himself despite how smart and kind he is, resolutely rejecting any notions of being handsome no matter how anyone tries to convince him.


 

 

“Jimin! Park Jimin!” Jeongguk hollers as he kicks off his shoes, dropping his gym bag and letting Bun run free before lining his shoes up by the door. “Jimin! Ji! Min! Ji-”

“Can I fucking help you?” Jimin sticks his head out of the bathroom, still dripping wet from the shower.

“I have a boyfriend!” His face crinkles into a big grin as he waits for Jimin’s reaction.

“You- what! Who! How!”

“Kim Namjoon!”

“Who?”

“Nam- the hybrid.”

“Ohhh. Oh my god.”

“He’s sort of…not really my boyfriend. But-“

“Okay, hold the fuck on.” Jimin disappears into the bathroom and immediately reappears in Taehyung’s floor length silk bathrobe and pulls Jeongguk to the little dining room table, Taehyung's little fox daemon trotting after him. “Okay. What now?”

Jeongguk sighs. “These guys were messing with him and… it’s not the first time I’ve seen it and it just, fucking pisses me off. So I kinda… didn’t think and ran over all, ‘don’t fucking touch my boyfriend!’ And it worked, because people are stupid and scared of me because of, I dunno, rugby and-“

“And you starting fights with every bully in school,” Jimin provides, knowing Jeongguk would just wave the idea away.

“And he asked if I could keep pretending I really was his boyfriend, so they would fuck off, you know. So we sat there a while and he- we held hands so they, y’know, and he, um,”

Jimin watches as fondness seeps into his voice and smile as he recalls the moment. “You actually like him, don’t you. Oh my fucking god this is so!” He falls over on the table and laughs loud. “You aren’t even denying it! Oh my god, I can't wait 'til Taehyung gets home.”

“Whatever,” he mumbles, half-hearted at best, feeding Bun a yogurt treat and placing her on the floor.

“Our Jeonggukie,” Jimin coos in the way he knows he hates and pats him on the head. He grimaces at his hand, and then Jeongguk’s sweaty hair. “I can’t believe you actually have a crush, much less concocted a scheme to date him!”

“I didn’t concoct anything! I just- I don’t know what the hell happened, I- oh,” he opens his phone and smiles at a message from Namjoon, I’m home! with a cute thank you sticker.

“Lemme see,” Jimin giggles, reaching across the table when Jeongguk yanks his phone away. “Lemme see! Come on, what makes our Jeonggukie smile like he’s in loooove,” he teases.

“I’m gonna take a shower!” Jeongguk says loudly, and ignores the rest.

 

 

Chapter Text

 

Namjoon doesn’t text him the next day or the day after, and Jeongguk isn’t supposed to care but he does, damn it. He’s been smiling for two days straight about the way Namjoon’s face lit up when he hugged him, the softness of his thin hands.

He hopes Namjoon isn't holding back because of some worry of being a nuisance, and rolls his eyes at himself when he realizes he’s doing the exact same thing. At least a dozen times he's looked at his phone, desperately drawing a blank on any excuse he could think of to text Namjoon. He types a how are you? but he's nearly nauseous at how stupid the words look. He thinks of asking, has anyone bothered you? do you need me to show up anywhere? but second guesses that too, worried that maybe Namjoon hasn't texted him for the simple reason that he doesn't want to talk to him. It was probably weird, in hindsight, some sweaty guy covered in tattoos with a black eye rushing up and pretending to be his boyfriend.

On Wednesday he sees Namjoon again where he sees him every week, alone on that same bench outside the cafeteria, forever too absorbed in a book to notice the sulky jock sending glances his way. He watches like he always does, ashamed of himself for not going to talk to him. I really am a useless pile of muscles, Jimin’s right.

A group of girls at the table behind Namjoon turn to look at him, speak in whispered tones to each other and burst into laughter. Jeongguk frowns. One of the girls wads up her straw wrapper and chucks it at Namjoon’s head, all of them laughing like it’s the peak of comedy when his ears twitch.

Another girl gets brave, picking a crouton from her salad to assault him with. A splotch of salad dressing drips down the back of Namjoon’s shirt, yet still he pretends not to notice.

Furious, Jeongguk grabs his tray and glares at them as he passes, satisfied immensely when they go quiet in unison.

“Hey,” he says, sliding onto the bench beside Namjoon, embarrassed now that Namjoon is looking over at him all wide-eyed with surprise.

“Hey! Uh, hey,” Namjoon sits up straight, ears perking backwards as the table of girls behind them whisper between each other about Jeon Jeongguk sitting with the weird hybrid. “You didn’t have to- they would’ve gotten bored eventually,” he says quietly, jerking his head back behind him.

His heart sinks, realizing Namjoon has heard every ugly whispered word about him. “You look nice today,” he blurts out, horrified with himself until he realizes Namjoon is smiling.

“Oh, nah, I- nah, thanks,” he mumbles, trying to straighten out his button-up shirt.

Jeongguk busies himself with a big mouthful of his lunch and glances back at the table of girls. A few of them are still staring. He scowls and scoots closer, drapes his arm over Namjoon’s shoulder and ignores the smear of salad dressing that sticks to his forearm.

They both know why he does it but don’t say anything, both trying not to smile, eating in silence for a minute in the sunshine. You can do this, Jeongguk. Just pretend you don't give a shit, you've been doing that for years. Everyone falls for it, just speak.

“So why did you-“

“How long have you-“

They both stop and laugh at themselves. “Sorry-“

“No, go ahead,”

“Just, I was just wondering, why you moved here? There are other places that would be- y’know, probably easier, for- for a hybrid.”

Namjoon shrugs. “Money. The local government started offering scholarships for hybrids. Substantial ones. Me and my friend Yoongi were the only ones stupid enough to take it,” he laughs. “Or broke enough, I guess. Have you lived here your whole life?”

He nods. “Yep, born here and all, unfortunately. Shitty little town.”

“It’s not so bad. Seriously,” he laughs when Jeongguk looks at him like he’s crazy. “There’s lots of parks and places to walk, and the river is so pretty in spring, with all the plum trees! Sorry, you probably don’t- don’t care about plum trees,” he mumbles, eyes to his lap.

A gasp of mock anger. “What, the dumb jock can’t care about plum trees?”

“No! No, sorry I, oh. Oh, that’s pretty,” he says softly when Jeongguk yanks his shirt up over one shoulder to display the tattoo of gnarled branches with soft pink blooms.

Namjoon’s long fingers just barely brush over the outline along his ribs and it makes him shiver. “Sorry! Sorry, I didn’t mean to touch.”

Jeongguk shrugs and pulls his shirt down. “You can touch. Boyfriend privileges,” he jokes, but can’t meet Namjoon’s eyes.

His neck muscles ache with the effort of suppressing his pounding heart. I think this is going okay, he thinks, Namjoon seems to not hate that I'm talking to him, at least. They’re quiet for a minute, watching squirrels play in the grass with a girl’s squirrel daemon.

“Can I ask you… ask you why you’re being so nice to me?”

“Because I hate everyone here,” he laughs, combing his hair away from his face and stuffing the rest of the sandwich in his mouth, heart kicking up again at all the more truthful answers he could never say.

Namjoon doesn’t argue like he expects him to, and it hits him all over again that people really do believe he’s that kind of guy. He’s proud that the front he’s gotten used to putting up works so well, in a way. Safer, but he never counted on it being so lonely.

“Alright, Bun. Alright.” He picks the rabbit up from the ground where she’s pawing at his leg, always desperate for cuddles when he gets sad.

“She’s so pretty,” Namjoon says, smiling at the way she buries her face in Jeongguk’s tattooed arm.

He flushes, can’t help it. A weird culture shock, the realization that hybrids don’t know that you don’t really talk about people’s daemons like that. He can’t quite put words to the giddy discomfort, it’s too forward, too seen. Bun vibrates at the compliment and nestles deeper against him.

“Have you ever played rugby?” he asks a little too loud, desperate for something to distract him from the compliment blooming hot in his chest.

“Me?” Namjoon laughs loud to the sky. “No. But I am a very good climber.”

“Oh, cool! I’ve always wanted to try rock climbing. Do you go to that climbing gym downtown?”

He shakes his head and looks embarrassed. “I climb trees.

“Right! Shit, sorry yeah, marten hybrid.” Jeongguk balls up his napkin and scratches his head. “I haven’t climbed a tree in… I think I was 9, the last time.”

Namjoon leans forward, eyes bright with excitement. “There’s this really good one for climbing in the park across from our apartment, it has these huge branches and they’re the perfect distance apart for- sorry, nevermind. I forget not everyone gets hyped about trees.”

“No, I like trees! Seriously, I do! Remember?” He flashes his tattoo again and laughs when Namjoon laughs, relieved that he’s doing something right.

A big hand claps to his chest. Minsu, with a couple other guys from the rugby team, noisy with the pack of canine daemons playing around their feet. Jeongguk can see the way Namjoon sinks in on himself out of the corner of his eye, like he doesn’t want to be seen, like he fears the consequences of it.

He crosses his arm over Bun to hide her. Old habit. They know his daemon but he doesn’t want her to become the topic of conversation.

“You’re coming to the party Friday, right Gguk?”

Marcus laughs. “You know he never comes.”

“Why the fuck not,” Minsu grins and gives him a good-natured whack to the shoulder.

The others’ gazes are wandering with curiosity to Namjoon beside him, the glimmer of mockery in their eyes.

He puts his arm back around Namjoon’s shoulder and squeezes. “Busy with my boyfriend,” he answers, and juts his chin out to hide the shy rush when he realizes how suggestive that sounded.

“He can come too,” Minsu says, the others only barely containing their laughter at that.

Jeongguk glares. Fucking infuriating, Namjoon’s existence a joke to them. He turns and combs his fingers through Namjoon’s hair. “Wanna go, baby?”

Breath freezes in Namjoon’s chest, ears perked forward. “Sure,” he exhales.

Jeongguk shrugs a shoulder, hand still in Namjoon’s hair, wildly wondering what the hell he’s doing and why and most importantly, how. “Sure, we’ll go.”

As soon as they walk away, Jeongguk drops his hand to Namjoon’s shoulder. “We don’t have to go,” he says quietly.

Namjoon’s expression dims at that and Jeongguk is perplexed. Does he really want to go to a party full of people who make fun of him? Why? “I mean, we can.”

He shrugs and fiddles with the tip of his tail. “I don’t wanna make you do something you don’t wanna do.”

“No, nah, we can go! Seokjin and Jimin are always telling me I should socialize or whatever. And, it’d be good, right? If all those people see you there with me, like as my date? We should go.”

“Okay,” Namjoon says in a small voice, an even smaller smile beginning around his eyes. His fuzzy little ears go fwip-fwip as he hugs in on himself. “Should I meet you there, or?”

The thought of Namjoon walking alone into a house full of those people makes his body go cold with worry. “No, I can pick you up!”

“You don’t have to,” Namjoon begins, peeking over at him, eyes catching on Jeongguk’s bicep when he reaches up to brush the hair from his eyes.

Jeongguk’s flattered until he realizes it was probably just the tattoo of Bun on his arm that caught his attention. “It’d be better that way,” he decides, a vague enough answer to hide the fact that his chest is fluttering at the thought of picking Namjoon up, almost like a real date, almost like a real boyfriend.

“Okay,” he smiles. “I’ll text you my address, I guess?”

“Okay, yeah, I’ll be there around 8?”

“Okay,” Namjoon says again, watching Bun do kick jumps in the air and wondering what it means.

Jeongguk catches sight of her and rushes to scoop her up, ears a bit pink but Namjoon doesn’t notice. “I should go, uh, history class.”



 

“Listen to me. He’s the hottest thing I’ve ever seen. The image is burned into my eyes, he- listen!

Namjoon claps a hand over Hoseok’s mouth to block the groan of protest. “He’s standing there, with those- those fucking rugby thighs in these ripped up black skinny jeans and combat boots, white t-shirt tucked in and you can fucking see his muscles under it, like his fucking, chest, it’s just-” he motions the line of muscle under his own chest and sighs loudly. “Tattoos all over his arms and that fluffy hair and big-eyed scowl thing he does and! Cuddling his Bun, standing there, looking like that, looking at me, and says ‘bye baby, I’ll pick you up at 8’. I literally forgot to go to class. I just sat there staring at the trees reliving ‘bye baby, I’ll pick you up at 8’ until 3 p.m.”

Hoseok stares at the ceiling like his soul has left his body. Namjoon sighs in frustration and grips his leg. “Be happy for me! When in my life will the hottest man alive look at me and say ‘bye baby’ ever again? This whole… thing is gonna end after the party, probably. Like, he has way better things to do than pretend to be my boyfriend, but I’m having a great time until then.”

“Fine, I’m happy for you.”

“You are not,” Namjoon grumbles. ”But you should be, he’s so fucking hot.”

I’m happy for you,” Yoongi pipes up from the giant bean bag chair he’s curled up in. “It’s nice to feel romantic shit. Even if it isn’t real.”

Hoseok frowns at his lap and Mang flies to the other room in a squawking burst of feathers. A heavy uncomfortable silence follows, always something weird between them, always Namjoon about to snap and demand what the fuck it is. It's been a year since Hoseok moved in with them, and still things are weirdly up in the air. Most of the time Namjoon is sure they're dating and just not talking about it. Other times, like now, he's not sure anything has ever really happened between them at all.

Without meeting anyone’s eyes, Hoseok shuffles into the kitchen and asks if anyone else wants hot water for tea. Yoongi watches him like a lazy predator with a pout of worry or anger, tail swishing and twitching.

A little smile to cover the sorrow, Yoongi’s eyes slide over to Namjoon and he finally speaks again, “You should borrow some of Hoseok’s clothes, he always looks good.”

It’s all it takes to have Hoseok shooting him a tentative, fond smirk across the room, mugs in hand. “Yeah, Joonie, let me dress you up.”

 

“I’m so nervous, holy shit. I can’t do this. I look stupid.”

“You do not,” Hoseok protests, smoothing Namjoon’s hair back. “You look good, you look like you belong at a party with a boyfriend, or whatever. Doesn’t he look good?”

Yoongi looks up from his book. “Yeah, you look good, Joon.”

“See?”

Namjoon snorts. “Please, he’d agree with anything you say.”

“Would not,” Yoongi argues. But Hoseok is looking at him like he wants to kiss his cheeks or devour him whole, and Yoongi bites away his shy smile, busying himself with turning the page.

The doorbell rings and Namjoon’s eyes fly wide, looks at Hoseok and shakes his head no. Hoseok rolls his eyes and heads for the door.

“Hey, I’m uh, Jeongguk. Namjoon’s boyfriend."

“Uh-huh,” Hoseok answers, amused. “Come in. I’m Hoseok, that’s Yoongi.”

Hands shoved in his jean pockets, he gives a nod to Yoongi who nods back, pretending not to watch the scene. Jeongguk smiles at Namjoon who’s huddled against the kitchen counter. “Hey. You look nice.”

“Oh, I just- they- thanks.”

Jeongguk forgets the other two are there for a second, lopsided grin as he watches Namjoon blush at the floor and pat at his styled hair. A sharp inhale when he realizes they're watching him, that he's not making conversation when he's supposed to be.

Jeongguk reaches down to pick up his daemon hiding behind his legs. “Bun, come on,” he murmurs softly, frowning by habit at anyone who might be ready to laugh at her.

“So Namjoon tells us you play rugby? He says you’re really good.”

Jeongguk cocks his head at Namjoon, eyes glittering with curiosity. Namjoon can see the struggle on his face, wondering how Namjoon knows if he’s good or not, deciding not to ask because they’re supposed to be boyfriends, and boyfriends do things like go to their rugby games.

“I’m alright,” he shrugs.

“We should go,” Namjoon speaks up before anyone can embarrass him further and moves for the door. Jeongguk puts his hand on the small of his back and his face flushes.

“Good to meet you guys.” Jeongguk gives a little wave and pulls the door shut.

Hoseok stares after them for a minute, a funny little smile quirked on his lips. “He really likes him.”

Yoongi chuckles. “Um, duh. We’ve heard rugby thighs this and big eyes that for-”

“No, I mean Jeongguk. He actually really likes Namjoon.”

"How would you know," Yoongi scoffs, putting his book down so Mang can't chew the pages. He scritches at her soft feathers and Hoseok goes glassy-eyed for a moment.

"Because," he looks uncomfortable, grabs an empty glass to wash. "I can just tell, when someone really feels it. How they look at them, you know? You can just, see it."

"You can, huh?" Yoongi says softly, and isn't surprised when Hoseok avoids his gaze.

 

 

Chapter 3

Notes:

Don't climb trees drunk unless you're also a marten hybrid

Chapter Text

 

 

It’s loud before they even get inside, music and voices biting through the night air. Who knows whose house it is, someone rich enough to have a wide spread of lawn and garden in every direction and a driveway that almost curves out of view through the trees that line it. Hopping up on the sidewalk, Jeongguk takes his hand and shakes the hair from his eyes. People are on the front porch and climbing out of cars crammed in the driveway, loud agitated energy.

Bun lopes off to hide in the flower bushes at the edge of the house and Namjoon wishes he could join her. His pants are too tight, his shirt is too loud, his hair is pushed back instead of flopping over his forehead. He feels too exposed, walking into a place where he doesn’t belong and isn’t welcome. Jeongguk stops in the grass when Namjoon slows to a near stop, squeezes his hand and gives him a lopsided smile before pulling him through the door.

For a minute, Namjoon almost forgets who he is. His gorgeous “boyfriend” leading him through the crowds of people by the hand, no one turning to give him weird looks or remarks, too busy drinking and talking and flirting, perched on the top of the sofa or crammed against the walls or dancing into the kitchen.

Jeongguk pulls him closer and puts a drink in his hand before downing half the cup he picked up for himself. A grimace at the taste before he downs the rest and scans the room. They stand there, too loud for normal conversation, too sober and nervous to do any of the dancing and flirting that everyone else is doing. He’s not sure how to have fun in a place like this, he realizes. Namjoon takes a few bitter gulps and watches Jeongguk lean up against the wall. He wonders what it’d be like to really be his boyfriend, to run his hands up that strong, lean body and make him smile some kind of secret smile in a crowded room.

Someone yanks on his tail, ripping the daydream and any possibility of it away. Laughter bubbles up in the chaos of crowd, but he can’t tell who did it. Wouldn’t matter anyway, nothing he can-

“Who the fuck!” Jeongguk begins before he realizes the futility of trying to chase anyone down in here. He looks furious, when Namjoon is so used to just going passive and sad. It's comforting, even if there is nothing Jeongguk can do. Instead, he wraps his arms around Namjoon’s waist from behind and hugs him close so no one could mistake who he’s here with.  

If Jeongguk wasn't already holding him, he would've swooned. Namjoon may be taller, but he feels so small in Jeongguk’s strong hold, he feels like someone's, instead of always telling himself it's enough to be his own. And it is, he knows it's true, important to be there for himself and in himself, but now he also knows what he always suspected- how good it would be to have someone hold you when you feel alone.  In that moment, it feels like everything he ever wanted, small and flushed as Jeongguk hooks his chin over his shoulder and holds him closer, woozy with the rush of alcohol.

“Want another drink?"

Jeongguk’s voice is so low beside his ear, hot enough to make him melt. He nods and lets Jeongguk push him gently toward the kitchen, hand on his waist.

It’s awkward, standing against the counter beside the refrigerator with drinks in their hands. It’s too loud to talk, and Jeongguk’s expression is pained as he looks around the room. He starts to feel bad for making Jeongguk come, wonders what else he’d be doing that he actually likes on a Friday night. Oh! I could ask that! A conversation topic, thank god.

He leans in and yells, “So what do you usually do on Friday nights besides this?”

“What?”

“I said, what do you usually do on Fridays bes-”

A roar of voices across the kitchen as someone chugs something.

Namjoon gives up and stares into his cup. Hand sliding into his, Jeongguk tugs him toward the back door.

Much quieter out here on the back patio, though only a bit less crowded. Jeongguk downs his drink and grins. “I can actually hear you now.”

Flustered, he drains his drink too and shrugs. It wasn’t all that interesting of a question to begin with. “I was just, you know, wondering what you do on the weekends, if not going to parties. It’s hard to imagine you like, just, existing at home.”  

Jeongguk cocks his head and chuckles. “Why?”

“Because! You’re-” he gawks, realizing he was about to yell about Jeongguk's hotness to Jeongguk.

When he looks up, Jeongguk is still smiling at him, a little frown of curiosity. “What am I?” he asks softly.

“You’re- you’re- you know, you-” There’s no dignified way to say it. You’re so cool. You’re the hottest guy at school. You look like a model who knows he’s too cool to be a model.

A blast of noise as the back door swings open, a group of fellow rugby players stumble out onto the patio with their dates and daemons. “Jeongguk! You’re actually here, holy shit,” Minsu laughs and stumbles when one of his friends gets shoved against him.

Jeongguk’s face sharpens to something more composed and he slides himself back around Namjoon. “Yep, we’re here.”

They regard Namjoon with barely contained amusement but keep their mouths shut.

“Well come on, we brought good stuff,” Minsu jiggles two six packs of beer in the air and makes for the gazebo on the far end of the lawn.

“I buy the pizzas and you fucks leave me behind?” someone yells from behind them, struggling through the back door.

Jeongguk’s face lights up and he drops Namjoon’s hand. “Seokjin! I didn’t know you were coming, what the fuck!”

“Oh, hey man! Yeah, here grab a pizza.”

Seokjin has a funny laugh, but he’s gorgeous and he makes Jeongguk visibly happy and Namjoon just... feels small. He even has a bunny daemon, he notices, a black floppy-eared fluffball running circles around Minsu’s dopey coyote daemon.

He feels bad for being there. It’s probably weird enough for Jeongguk to be here with his fake, weird boyfriend with all these people he doesn’t seem to care about, but with this Seokjin, who he obviously likes… maybe he should just leave.

But then, “This is my boyfriend,” Jeongguk weaves a hand through his arm and pulls him forward as they trudge through the grass. “Namjoon.”

“Oh, your boyfriend ,” Seokjin says with an exaggerated wink. “Jimin told me about your boyfriend.

“Stop saying boyfriend like that,” Jeongguk mutters, kicking Seokjin’s shin.

“Hey,” Namjoon says, shy and weightless with the fact that he’s been spoken about in Jeongguk’s world.

“Hurry up, pizza bitch!” Matt laughs from the balcony when Seokjin shouts back a hearty fuck you! and walks slower on purpose.

By the time they get there, beers are passed around and Matt’s chant of pizza bitch has devolved to half the rugby team chanting bitch, bitch, bitch until Seokjin arrives and places the pizza in the middle of the gazebo with an elegant bow.

Definitely a little drunk after the second beer that gets placed in his hand, Namjoon huddles up on the floor beside Jeongguk and lets the cacophony of voices ebb and flow around him. Mostly, Jeongguk just watches everyone too, talking to Seokjin for a while until Seokjin gets called over to play some complicated slap game with a group of girls that joined them.

“Let’s play spin the bottle,” one of them calls out after a moment.

Everyone laughs, but Minsu shrugs. “Fuck it,” he decides, giving an empty bottle beside him a twirl in the middle of the gazebo.

It lands on one of the girls, Sandra, maybe? Namjoon can’t remember much besides the look of mild disgust he caught her giving him the first day of school. She grabs it and spins, everyone oooh ing when it points to her best friend Amy. They kiss and giggle, Amy spins and kisses the guy with an iguana daemon, He spins and kisses Seokjin, and keeps kissing Seokjin after Seokjin spins and pecks Hana on the lips.

Namjoon’s heart pounds, much more alert now. What if one of them get him? What if they make a big scene about how disgusting it is to kiss a hybrid? What if Jeongguk’s embarrassed to be with him? Hana kisses Johnny over his big golden retriever daemon sprawled across his lap, long open mouthed kisses that get awkward for everyone else, drunken applause in response. Namjoon considers excusing himself to the bathroom to escape, but then Johnny spins and gets Jeongguk.

“Since you’re here with your boyfriend,” Johnny sends him a flying kiss across the messy circle. Tipsy, Jeongguk grins and returns it, one hand firmly on Namjoon’s knee before he bends down to spin the wobbly glass bottle.

“No fun, he just got his boyfriend,” Hana laughs, falling over on the guy next to her in the circle.

Shock lurches through him like an ocean wave of soda water. Namjoon’s eyes are frozen on the bottle pointed directly at him, pulse thudding behind his eardrums. The bottle Jeongguk spun. Namjoon looks up at him, gorgeous, hair mussed, eyes a little heavy from alcohol but still worried for him.

Not too bad, as far as first kisses go , he thinks, and though his heart pounds, he turns toward Jeongguk.

Someone laughs, “I can’t believe he’s really kissing a hybrid.”

“You’re a fucking bitch, Sandra.” Seokjin, he thinks, and likes him more for it.

But Namjoon ignores it, too distracted by Jeongguk’s rough hand cupping his cheek and pulling him in.

A soft, simple press of their lips that zings straight down his spine. He barely registers the chaos around them when Jeongguk pulls him in for one more, longer and more confident.

Just like that, he’s finally kissed someone. He wonders if Jeongguk can see it in his eyes when they pull away, but Jeongguk just grins and bites his lip when everyone cheers and heckles.

The next few hours get blurry, two more drinks make him so heavy and so light, surrounded by a host of unfamiliar voices that echo through his sluggish head. People trickle out of the house like it sprung a leak, filling the lawn around them with dancing and play fighting, daemons with the zoomies or passed out asleep in their human’s laps.

Seokjin and the iguana guy have disappeared together, but Jeongguk seems content enough to sit here on the gazebo step behind him, knees caging around his shoulders, arms slung around his neck as they watch everyone and and sip at their drinks. Both are grateful that no one is pestering them to dance, happy to be left alone. Sandra makes a face of disgust at them as she walks by, the same one Namjoon remembers from class months ago. Then, Namjoon had just ducked his head and wished he'd worn a hat to hide his ears. But now, Jeongguk holds him closer, rests his chin on top of Namjoon’s head and gives her the finger.

Namjoon’s eyes flutter shut and he giggles, wraps his arms around Jeongguk’s knees because he can, in this wonderful little bubble of a lie. Johnny comes out of the house with bottles in hand after a while, shots are passed around and the night dissolves into a loopy, warm chaos, everyone doing their own thing. It's so nice to be forgotten, to not be so obviously thought about and yet ignored by everyone around him. Jeongguk never lets go of him as they drink and chat aimlessly and try not to get sprayed when someone finds the water hose.

They get soaked anyway, screeching and giggling and running away together hand in hand to a quiet edge of the lawn. Jeongguk's white shirt clings to every curve and line of his torso and it's all Namjoon can do not to scream in his mouth. He can't help but gawk but Jeongguk doesn't notice, too busy shaking the water out of his wavy hair.

"I'm soaked," he giggles, flustered when Jeongguk looks up at him.

"Ready to go back?" Jeongguk asks, petting down his shoulders though no one is watching them.

Namjoon nods and Jeongguk calls for his daemon. "Hi pretty Bun!" he shouts when she lopes out of the bushes, too tipsy to notice Jeongguk stopping in his tracks at the words.

Noise fades to a comfortable neighborhood quiet as they stroll down sidewalks past houses and tiny markets closed for the evening. They talk about silly things they can't remember moments later, and the moments of silence between them get longer as the alcohol fades a bit, nothing but the chirp of crickets and sleepy smiles.

“Can I tell you something?” Namjoon has his eyes up to the stars as they walk through the park, giggling at how his drunken head makes them drag just a bit.

“Yeah,” Jeongguk smiles, arm around his waist to keep him from stumbling.

“That was my first kiss.”

Jeongguk stops short, making him lurch back in loopy surprise. “Your first kiss was during spin the bottle?” He looks conflicted, but laughs a little when Namjoon just nods.

“I’m a hybrid, and I’m, y’know, me, and not like, you,” he laughs, too giddy to be embarrassed or notice how the words tug on Jeongguk’s heart.

He gasps when he realizes where they are. “My tree! Climb it with me!”

Namjoon already disappearing out of sight into the thick branches, Jeongguk has no choice but to follow. He’s not nearly as quick as Namjoon, panting hard by the time he reaches the thick, bowed branch that Namjoon is straddling.

Glad it’s too dark to see how high up they might be, he grips the branch beside his head and straddles it too, scooting toward Namjoon carefully. It’s pretty in here, once he’s sure he won’t fall to his death. The breeze paints splotches of streetlight over their skin as the leaves lift and sigh, and Namjoon has his pretty face lifted to the sky.

“I’ve only dated one person ever,” he admits quietly.

Namjoon snaps around from watching the stars in surprise. “How is that possible?”

He shrugs. Doesn’t want to talk about it, doesn’t know how to talk about it, the expectations people have of him sexually and emotionally just because of his daemon and how untrue they are, and worse, how true he suspects they may be.

“Better things to do, I guess,” he mumbles instead. Too late, he realizes how that must sound to Namjoon, who’s out on a date with him, fake or not.

Sure enough, there’s a little frown of hurt on his face, ears flattening out sideways. It’s too much to withstand. “We could practice,” he blurts out. “Kissing, I mean. You know if you- if you wanted practice. Since we both need the practice.”

He schools his face into a look of nonchalance and glances around the branches enclosing them in their little bubble of night. Stupid thing to say, Jeongguk. You sound like a sexual predator, what’re you gonna ask him next? Wanna practice fucking? He can feel Namjoon staring at him but can’t bring himself to look.

“Okay,” Namjoon says. A single word that nearly knocks him off the branch.

They stare at each other in the dark. A dozen things Jeongguk thinks to say but Namjoon looks so cute with his tail wrapping around his waist and he said okay, he said okay. Maybe it’s selfish but Jeongguk wants it, has wanted it so bad since their lips pressed together in front of everyone earlier that night, since days before that, weeks before that.

“Okay,” he echos, scooting closer on the branch. Namjoon scoots closer too and he tries not to gasp. “We can… figure out what, um, y’know. Feels good.”

It’s a ridiculous pretense, figure out what feels good for what, when we both just said that we never date??

But Namjoon just nods like it’s good common sense and Jeongguk stops babbling. Gathering himself enough to slide back into the Jeongguk everyone thinks he is, confident and unafraid, he leans forward.

Their lips fall short of meeting by a few inches. “You’re too far away,” he laughs softly, grabbing Namjoon by the back of his knees and dragging him closer.

Clumsy and rushed, they kiss and pull apart, laugh nervously and try again. It tingles from his lips to his toes; Namjoon’s lips are so soft, eyes so big when they meet his. He kisses him again, lingers longer this time, tries to figure out how it’s supposed to work to move his lips without pulling away first.

It must work; Namjoon sighs a little and mimics the movement, leans into him and opens his jaw a little wider. Bits of bark stick to his palm but he holds Namjoon by his elbows, skin so warm and soft compared to the cold, stiff tree. He pulls him closer still. Namjoon scoots forward and loops his knees over Jeongguk’s thighs, feet propped up on the base of the branches beside them and chases their lips back together.

“Don’t fall off,” Jeongguk laughs, a good excuse to hold him tight by the waist.

“I’m a marten hybrid,” Namjoon scoffs, but does nothing to get out of Jeongguk’s embrace.

Small sighs lost in the whispering of branches around them, they kiss until the nervous giggling in between subsides. It seems so much more serious, suddenly, the need to kiss again, deeper, harder, chase after whatever that feeling in their gut was, pretense of practice forgotten.

“This still okay?” Jeongguk breathes, even as Namjoon kisses the question out of his mouth.

"Yeah," he breathes, brave enough to rest his hands on Jeongguk's arms, tiny squeezes like maybe he wants to touch more.

It's dizzying, the thought that Namjoon might want him, his body or mouth or anything. There's a small ache, a craving for more than this kind of physical want, but he hasn't had time to think it through. He never thought he'd get as far as saying hello, much less kissing. And yet, it's so easy to fall back on the image of himself, forward and self-assured, easy with Namjoon who believes the facade.

Just be the Jeongguk everyone thinks you are, he tells himself, though he can feel Bun shivering with anxiety somewhere in the grass nearby. He drops the train of wondering and gives his best attempt at sucking Namjoon's bottom lip into his mouth.

A little whimper makes his eyes fly open, Namjoon's fingers clenching through his sleeves. He runs his tongue over his lip before he releases it and smiles.

Namjoon gives a shaky smile in return and releases his sleeves. They pause a second, wondering if they should say something, if they should stop, if they should joke away the need making itself more and more apparent.

Quiet, just the wind and occasional passing car. Jeongguk's eyes fall back to his lips and Namjoon doesn't hesitate, lurching forward to crush their lips together, hands flying up to rest on his shoulders, shy to do much else, though his fingers dig and inch lower. Hoping Namjoon will follow suit if he starts it, he glides his hands up his waist and chest, cupping his face in his hands to kiss him harder.

With a tremble, Namjoon scoots closer into him and hooks a hand up around his shoulder, letting the other rest on his chest, nervous as a dove though their wet mouths are smashed together.

"You can touch me," Jeongguk laughs quietly. A thing Jeongguk the tattooed rugby player who starts fights would be able to say.

"Sorry," Namjoon chuckles. "I don't- I mean, I, you know," he trails off.

"Since we're practicing, do whatever. You know, whatever you'd want to do with your boyfriend, if he was real."

Namjoon hesitates, fingers curling against his chest.

He backtracks, forgetting the whole reason for their deal. "If that's what you want, I mean! I know we're only doing this so everyone can see us together."

"No! No, I think this is... this is good. Really good.” Namjoon’s eyes fall to his lips and he seems to forget what else he was going to say. “Really good practice!" he adds. "Because- better you than someone who'd make fun of me for being so bad at this. If you really don't mind doing this, that is."

Jeongguk drags him closer until he's almost in his lap, quieting the leap of terror in his heart when it rocks the branch beneath him. Gives a careless shrug and smiles. "Why would I mind? Making out is fun, right? Fun with someone who doesn't have shit to say about my daemon, anyway."

His ears twitch forward as his head cocks to the side. "Why would anyone have shit to say about your daemon?"

Jeongguk almost laughs out loud. Incredible, how Namjoon doesn't even have a hint of the insecurities that have shaped him. Not a clue at how practiced the confidence and attitude he shows are. He doesn't want to talk about it. "You aren't bad at this," he says instead, pulling his face closer. "Just need more practice."

Nevermind the fact that Jeongguk also needs the practice, Namjoon falls into the image he has of him anyway, popular and too cool to care. Easy to play into it, to pretend he is that Jeongguk who just makes out for fun, fights for fun, fake dates someone just to fuck with everyone else. That Jeongguk has no problem taking Namjoon's nervous hands and placing them on his waist in encouragement when Namjoon pecks a shy kiss to his lips.

Namjoon giggles against his cheek and rubs nervously at Jeongguk's waist before traveling the swell of his chest, hands Jeongguk has fantasized about for so long. His eyes rolls back in his head when Namjoon kneads at his chest and claw across his nipples. He can feel Namjoon jolt in surprise when he feels the little silver piercings there but he doesn't say anything, their mouths bumping together in a clumsy surge of want that's solidifying into need.

It's addictive, the way Namjoon's plush lips squish against his, the unskilled movements that speak too honestly of desire. Their relationship maybe be fake, but the pleasure he's giving Namjoon in this moment is real, that much he can tell for sure. It makes his head spin, it gives him the confidence he's been pretending at. Jeongguk holds his face steady and hesitates just a breath before licking across Namjoon's top lip. A husky little whine, Namjoon leans into him like he wants more, running his hands up the back of his shoulders and down his arms.

Eyes on each other's lips in the shadows, Jeongguk does it again, nearly weak with lust when Namjoon peeks his tongue out to meet his. Fingers tangling in the back of his hair, Jeongguk pulls him in hard, embarrassed a little that he moans when Namjoon wraps his arms around his neck and pushes his tongue into his mouth.

Such a weird thing to feel so fucking good, kisses pausing every other second to wiggle and glide their tongues together, but every time they do it, Jeongguk's body aches for more, more. It becomes a contained frenzy, the weird deal between them totally forgotten in favor of the need to kiss harder, touch more, though it only makes the need spread deeper.

Namjoon's delicate fingers are toying at the hem of his shirt like he’s considering sliding up under it and the thought makes Jeongguk groan. He sucks Namjoon’s bottom lip between his teeth again, nibbles and licks and watches as Namjoon whines and opens his eyes, embarrassed that Jeongguk is already looking.

“Feels good, when you do that,” he admits.

“You just have such nice lips,” he sighs, eyes clinging to curve of Namjoon's mouth, red and wet from so much kissing.

The surprise blows Namjoon’s eyes wide. Jeongguk forgot, fake boyfriend, practice. A bit much, maybe, to tell someone you’re dating only in name that their lips are nice in that tone of voice.

But Namjoon goes bashful, frowns at their lap. “Nah, they’re- they’re too big and they stick out funny. Like my top lip has this weird-”

Jeongguk kisses the words out of his mouth. “They’re really nice,” he murmurs, nipping at the bottom one.

For a moment, they pause and watch each other, wondering what it looks like in the other’s head, breath heaving a little with all the kissing and desire. It's so frustrating, knowing that more kissing will just make him want more, but he can’t have more. Yet all he wants to do is kiss Namjoon until the sun rises through the leaves around them, even if he aches with it.

“We should head back, I guess,” Namjoon says, distracted gaze on Jeongguk’s red lips. He fidgets with his tail. “We should- we should practice again. If you want. I, um. I feel like I’ve moved from terrified to not quite so terrified, but…”

“You didn’t seem that scared to me,” he hums to hide how scared he was himself, elated that Namjoon wants him again in any kind of way.

Namjoon blushes in the dark, tail wrapping tighter around his waist. It brushes over Jeongguk’s arm and he wishes he was allowed to touch, aching with curiosity, how does it feel? How does it look when Namjoon is naked? When he’s on his knees and-

“Thanks for taking me to the party,” Namjoon says with a little smile. “I can now actually say that I not only went to a party but even had a good time. And like, tons of people saw us together, and we really looked like we were dating!”

The reminder of why they were together at all sinks heavy in his chest. “Right! Yeah, yeah good. Maybe they’ll leave you alone now. Yeah,” he trails off, brushing bits of tree bark out of his hair. Body humming with Namjoon’s kisses and touches, he tries to reorient himself to the pretense between them, a lonely thing after experiencing something so real. “Alright, let me try to get out of this tree.”

Namjoon giggles and lifts his legs off Jeongguk’s thighs, laughing loud when Jeongguk’s foot misses the branch below and he yelps in terror.

It’s an easy scramble down for him once he hears Jeongguk’s feet hit the ground. His hand slides into his though there’s no one around to see it, and Jeongguk is desperate to know what it means.  

 

 

Chapter 4

Notes:

whoops the rating went up

Chapter Text

 

 

Jeongguk loves days like this. Only one class in the morning, he has the whole day to lay around at home with Bun curled up in the crook of his neck. He scritches at her soft fur and lets the music from his speakers surround him.

"I can't believe I kissed him, Bun. I can't believe he kissed me." A big grin threatens to split his face as all the muscles in his body tense up in ecstasy. Bun wiggles in reaction and flips over on her side, soft feet batting against his shoulder. “I was his first kiss.”

He stares at the scrap of blue sky through his window and relives Namjoon's soft lips against his, how the nervous kisses slowed into something steeped in desire. He could at least say without doubt that Namjoon is attracted to him. No surprise that the question that chases after is how attracted? how much does he want me? does he think about our kisses and wish for more too?

"He thinks you're pretty, Bun." Jeongguk grins and scrunches his nose when Bun tries to burrow under his neck, the same feeling fizzing through his veins. Everything shared, everything mirrored. The ultimate best friend: self, but separate.

He's sorry all over again for all the years keeping Bun secret, leaving her alone to suffer and ignoring his own hurt. All for everyone and their stupid opinions. Bun knows the thoughts in his heart and drapes herself over his throat, licks at his chin before resting her face on his mouth.

He sputters the stray hair from his mouth and giggles when she licks his nose. "I love you, Bun," he answers and tries not to let the tears well up. "What if... what if they're right? What if I just get too attached and clingy and, what if I'm... what if I'm too much?"

The words won't come out above a whisper. "Look how you are, right now. What if I'm like that? I think... I think I'm already like that and I'm scared, Bun. I like him so much. Too much. I can’t even fucking function, I just want to kiss him all day and he’s not even my boyfriend."

He frowns at himself. There’s a certain grin on people’s faces when they find out he has a bunny daemon that has haunted him for years. Like they know they could control him if they fucked, like they know he’s fundamentally weak. He knows the words that go with that stupid grin: mindless, slut. What they never got right was, it’s not the sex. It’s the affection.

It scares him, the truth in it. For years, he thought he avoided sex and relationships all together because everyone ruined it for him, because he couldn’t trust anyone. But really, it’s the fact that he wants it so bad that scares him. The one boyfriend he had liked it as first, all the constant cuddles, the kisses every few minutes, but it didn’t take long until he was frowning and leaning away, until it was, “can you not, right now?” and “just because we have sex doesn’t mean I’m the love of your life!”

He curls his arms around Bun's small body and kisses her between the eyes. Holding her up at arm level, he exhales hard. "I can do this, Bun. I can just be normal, I can just make out with him, whenever he wants to do it again. I can't believe he said he wants to do it again," he giggles, derailed from his own pep talk.

He shakes the thought away. "I can!" he continues sternly to Bun, who looks supremely unsure. "I don't want to be like this, no one wants someone like this. I'll get over it, I'm probably just... overreacting because it's been so long since I kissed anyone like that."

He pecks Bun's nose again and doesn't give words to the feeling, I don't think I've ever kissed anyone quite like that.

The ache for Namjoon's gentle hands on his body travels down his spine and curls through every nerve ending. A silent whimper and he curls onto his side. "Bun, tomorrow is your birthday. Wanna celebrate early?"

She perks up at that. Jeongguk smiles, a perfect distraction for him. "We can go to the store and I'll buy you all your favorite veggies. Bananas, even."

Bun does a kick hop off the bed and runs for the front door, loping back to paw at his foot when he takes too long to get dressed.





 

Namjoon sighs and drapes himself over the shopping cart. "Hoseok, please stop being like this. You're making me regret telling you stuff and I don't want to stop telling you stuff. Seriously. He didn't take advantage of me."

Hoseok sets a box of salt in the cart. "He got you drunk and convinced you that you need 'kissing practice' just so he could feel you up. He thinks that just because you're a hybrid you're naive, and you know how people think hybrids are um… promiscuous. And since you clearly think he's so hot, he probably thought he can just-"

"That's not how it happened!"

"Just watch, next time it'll be 'you need to practice putting my big jock dick your mouth' or-"

"What if I want to practice putting his big jock dick in my mouth!" Namjoon hisses, flinging his arms in the air.

A rabbit daemon lopes past them down the aisle of spices and soups and Namjoon's heart turns to ice. It's quickly followed by its human, a giggling little girl running with her arms out.

Namjoon exhales and tries not to faint into the display of sea salts. "Can we please not talk about this here? Or ever, if you're going to keep being like this? He's not a bad guy, it's not bad to just, make out with someone because it's fun!"

Hoseok catches his wrist and whispers back, "I'm just worried about you. I know you aren't doing it ‘just because it's fun’, and you-"

"Hoseok, I love you and I know you're worried but you have to fucking stop. Okay?"

They stare at each other a moment, Hoseok chewing his lip, Mang chewing his collar like they both furiously want to not stop. But Hoseok drops his gaze and nods, tugging the cart behind him toward the produce section.

"Oh my fucking god," Namjoon whisper-shrieks and yanks him back behind the tower of soda cans. "He's here, why is he here? Oh god, do you think he heard me say I want to put his jock dick in my mouth?"

Hoseok shushes him and they watch as Jeongguk squats down to pick up his daemon and show her a display of leafy vegetables, asking her questions as he pointed to each one.

"That's... so fucking cute, oh my god." Namjoon drags his hands down his face in stress and tries to ignore the instinctual need to climb to a higher safe space. "That's so fucking cute. He's so cute. Holy fuck, I can't believe we made out," he giggles. "Oh no."

Jeongguk turns toward the carrots and catches sight of them gawking. He goes rigid for a second but his practiced air of nonchalance takes over and he waves Bun's paw at them before setting her down.

"Oh god, oh my god," Namjoon murmurs as he walks over, grabbing his own tail so it doesn't twitch and flitter behind him. "Hey! We're shopping for dinner!" he says a little too loud when Jeongguk stops in front of them.

Jeongguk's big, pretty eyes glitter up at him, lips parted in a shy smile which makes Namjoon smile too. Mang flaps down to the floor to eye Bun up close, feathers fluffed up on the back of her neck as she creeps forward on the white tile. When Bun tries to sniff the little bird, Mang lunges a harmless peck at her.

"Mang," Hoseok says sternly, reaching down to place her back on his shoulder.

No one says anything about it, it wouldn't be polite to talk about what daemons do. "It's Bun's birthday tomorrow," Jeongguk says instead, picking her up over his shoulder and fiddling with her tail like she hates.

"Oh, happy birthday!" they say, though the term isn't quite correct. Daemon's aren't born and don't die in the traditional sense of the word, but usually, around a year old, parents come into their child's room and find a daemon curled up in or around their crib as if they've always belonged there. A kid's first word is their daemon's name, always.

It makes Namjoon a little lonely, sometimes. A whole culture he'll never experience, no separated self to befriend. Everything is just jumbled up inside him and invalidated by everyone else.

"Missed you this week," Jeongguk says quietly and takes Namjoon's hand.

In case Hoseok doesn't know our relationship is fake, Namjoon assumes.

The sugary heat that rises in his ribs is very real, though. He grins at the floor and squeezes his fingers. "Missed you too," he murmurs, instead of telling him that Hoseok knows. When he looks up, Jeongguk is staring at him and Hoseok is trying not to frown.

"Do you want to- um, come over tomorrow? Just hang out and study or whatever?"

Namjoon tries not to gasp out loud, tail gripped firmly in one hand. "Yeah! Yeah, sure, um, that'd be good."

They smile at each other for a minute, eyes falling to each other's lips and quickly to the ground. "Okay, good. I better get Bun home and feed her her treats," he giggles, putting a squirmy Bun on the ground. "I'll text you?"

“Oh my god,” Namjoon whispers, hand clapped over his smile as he watches Jeongguk go. "Please don't," Namjoon begs Hoseok as soon as Jeongguk is out of earshot. "Just let me be happy for this once, even if it's fake. I'm fine, okay? I'll be fine."

Hoseok gives him a smile that somehow looks upside down and pats his arm. Transparent, but at least an attempt.

"And anyway, he probably just said that because he doesn't know you know that we're like. Not really, you know. Real."

 

But late the next afternoon, Namjoon's phone lights up.

Still wanna come over?

"Oh my god," Namjoon gasps in the middle of the kitchen, juice box falling to the floor. No one else is home to see him clap a hand over his mouth and look wildly around the room. "Oh my god," he repeats.

Yeah sure!

Here's my address, Jeongguk replies. Come over in an hour?

"Oh my god, I gotta, gotta shower and... fuck, should I steal Hoseok's clothes again?" Namjoon is halfway to his bedroom when he stops himself. "Idiot, he sees you in your own clothes every day.” He gets to the bathroom and stops again. “Still! What does hang out mean! Maybe it just means hang out. But why would he want to hang out with me, that’s not part of our deal… oh my god, stop talking to yourself and shower already."

In the end, he steals Hoseok's tighter pants and wears his own slouchy sweater with it, fiddling endlessly with his hair in the mirror before giving up and rushing out the door.

"Hey! Come in." Jeongguk's fluffy hair is wet and pushed back from his face. The tiniest change but it does something to his face, the eyebrows maybe? that make him somehow even hotter than usual.

The apartment is quiet, no one else home? His heart thuds hard at that.

"Oh, happy Bun day, Bun!"

The rabbit is munching on a little plate of banana slices, looking quite content.

"She got five new toys and spent two hours at the park eating dandelions," Jeongguk smiles, chucking a blueberry at her.

"Must be nice to have a daemon," Namjoon says, fidgeting. "A little less lonely."

"What's it like? In hybrid towns, or, you know, hybrid...life? I mean, if you don't wanna talk about it, that's-"

"No, it's fine!" Namjoon sits next to Jeongguk on the floor near Bun. "Mmm... in a lot of ways it's kind of the same as daemons but, without daemons? Like, you can read people through their ears or scent, if you're that kind of hybrid. And there are a lot of unspoken rules and prejudices, though it's getting better, now that we've… been allowed into normal towns. There's more solidarity, I think."

Jeongguk nods and glances at Namjoon’s ears. "How is it, being a marten hybrid?"

Namjoon shrugs and picks at the carpet. He almost feels out of body, sitting here in Jeon Jeongguk’s apartment, just talking. Not for anyone to see, not by chance. No matter what Hoseok says, he can’t help but feel wanted in some way. "Pretty normal. Martens are... pretty fierce, if they need to be." He snorts a laugh. "Not that I am, but, there's an animal energy other hybrids can feel. It mostly kept the predator hybrids off my back, anyway. That, and scaling the nearest tree where no one could follow."

Jeongguk laughs, and it makes a dumb little surge of pride in Namjoon's chest. He looks up and flushes. Jeongguk is so gorgeous, and he smells so nice, like fresh soap and fresh laundry and he's sitting so close, looking at him and smiling, and still looking at him.

"So, um, what's your major? I don't even know my 'boyfriend's' major," he laughs nervously.

"Oh, physical education and applied physiology. I dunno what I wanna do with it yet, though."

"Wow, that's cool. You're like, really a jock," Namjoon giggles, peeking up nervous in hopes that Jeongguk wouldn't be offended.

"Hey! I like art too! I thought about being a tattoo artist for a while. Still think about it, sometimes," he trails off.

It’s a habit Namjoon has noticed, trailing off into silence like he’s annoyed with talking. He babbles to fill the silence. "I've thought about getting a tattoo for a while. I can't decide where to put it though. I want a tattoo of my favorite tree by my childhood house. It was this tall fir tree, and man, I spent so many hours up there, reading and daydreaming and, it was just... important, you know? Maybe on my back, or calf?"

Jeongguk smiles at his rambling and nods seriously. "It could be nice on your arm too, maybe here?" He takes his hand and flips it open, fingers trailing softly down his forearm. "Or higher," he adds, but doesn't touch higher like Namjoon longs for him to do.

Somehow, they're holding hands, staring at Namjoon's forearm though there's nothing to see there.

"If you… um, if you decide to get it, let me know, I can tell you the best places in town. I'll even go with you, if you want. Boyfriend duties," he jokes, daring to look up at Namjoon.

Almost imperceptible, they lean into each other but a clatter jolts them apart.

" Bun, " Jeongguk scolds with a laugh. "How the hell?"

Bun is frantically trying to back out of the silver bowl of greens that she somehow flipped onto her head. "Big idiot," he grumbles, scrunching at her fur and putting the greens back in.

"She's so cute," Namjoon laughs and this time he notices the way the words make Jeongguk freeze up. He's worried for a minute, but then Jeongguk turns those big eyes on him, more intense than they were a moment before.

"Do you think I'm cute?" Jeongguk asks, and Namjoon's skin burns hot.

"Yeah," he answers, voice a bit shaky. He tries to shrug. "Wouldn't have kissed you if I didn't, right?"

Jeongguk's fingers slide back up his arm. "Do you want to kiss me again? For- for more practice or, fun or whatever?"

He can barely breathe a yes before Jeongguk's mouth is on his, such an odd, soft warmth. It trickles down his spine like the taste of chocolate ice cream when he's craving it in the summer, an addictive rush of familiarity and brand new chemicals. His kisses are so soft but so insistent, strong arms tugging him closer.

Outside the weird bubble of post-party tipsy haze, Namjoon is shyer, unsure where to put his hands or how hard to kiss back, too busy thinking about the kisses to properly feel them.

"Come here," Jeongguk murmurs against his lips, humming when Namjoon climbs shyly in his lap, ears perking up and flattening out like he can't figure himself out. Jeongguk holds him close and kisses him again.

Namjoon feels like he's vibrating in his own skin. How far would this go? Is he doing this right? Would Jeongguk lick his mouth open again?

God, I hope so, he thinks, too shy to start it himself, oblivious to Jeongguk faking his way through every bit of confidence.

Overwhelmed, Namjoon wraps his arms around Jeongguk's shoulders and kisses down his neck, enthralled when Jeongguk stretches into his mouth in welcome. He pecks a kiss just above Jeongguk's collarbone, and then another, a little longer, and then another, summoning up the bravery to swipe his tongue over the pulse point. He can feel the tiny groan in Jeongguk's throat beneath his lips and licks again. He goes for it, latching on with his mouth and sucking the delicate skin in between his teeth and tongue.

"Ah, shit," Jeongguk hisses and holds him closer, shivering a little as Namjoon sucks harder and runs his hand through Jeongguk's damp hair. "Mm, I like that."

Namjoon hums happily and tries not to lose it at Jeongguk's hand sliding up the back of his sweater. He pulls away and giggles a little at the bitten bruise left behind on Jeongguk's neck, but not for long. Jeongguk pulls his face down for more kisses, fingers tracing the edge of his lips and gently pulling them wider to slide their tongues together in wet, clumsy kisses.

Relief floods Namjoon’s bloodstream. He feels safe and small and wanted in Jeongguk’s strong arms and dark eyes, utterly bizarre things to feel from his ever-distant starstruck crush. The premise of practice and the real attraction Namjoon can feel in Jeongguk’s touch turns into an innocent confidence.

"Can I do it again?" he asks as he kisses over Jeongguk's jaw and down to the hickey he made.

"Yeah," Jeongguk moans, gripping his waist and pushing his sweater up in the process. "Fuck, that feels good," he sighs when Namjoon sucks at a spot a little higher than the one before.

"Really? Do it to me, I wanna know."

Jeongguk looks up at him with big eyes, breath working hard in his chest. Soft, slow kisses down Namjoon’s neck that tickle fuzzy in his brain already. And then Jeongguk’s teeth drag over the sensitive skin, and then he sucks, and nibbles, and sucks harder, and Namjoon isn’t even embarrassed about the way he yelps in pleasure.

“Fuck,” he whines when Jeongguk doesn’t stop. It starts to ache and he likes it, the weird way it twists in his gut. His tail lays rigid against his back, swishing and trembling over Jeongguk’s arms wrapped around his exposed waist. The thought of Jeongguk grabbing hold of it and stroking his soft fur makes him moan, going weak in his hold.

Jeongguk finally pulls away and Namjoon tackles him to the ground in his need to kiss him now , harder . Their bodies pressed together like this, a distant anxiety that he’s going to get hard is there in his mind but he can't stop, addicted to the way their mouths work together, Jeongguk’s hands kneading at his back and sides, the tiny metal studs when he grazes his hands over Jeongguk’s chest.

“Does it hurt?” he asks, noticing the way Jeongguk shudders every time his fingers touch the nipple rings.

“No,” he breathes, looking shy. “No, they- it feels really good.”

“Really?” Namjoon asks so quietly, watching his face as he thumbs over his hard nipples.

A massive shudder from Jeongguk’s waist up through his neck, arching into the touch as his eyes flutter shut. Shy and unsure, but Namjoon touches again and whimpers when Jeongguk groans and grabs his ass.

“Can I see?”

He looks surprised at the question, but Jeongguk nods and lets Namjoon slide his t-shirt up to his armpits, hand returning to Namjoon’s back pocket.

Namjoon bites his lip at the sight, Jeongguk beneath him with eyes full of lust, muscled body and tattoos he doesn’t get to see in the light of day. He traces his finger over the plum tree branch that extends across his ribs before circling his nipples, too shy to touch for a moment.

When he does, barely grazing over the silver bars and hard little nipples, Jeongguk hisses, hips lifting into his with a raspy “fuck.”

Namjoon presses a little harder, whimpering when all the defined muscles in Jeongguk’s stomach squeeze taut, Jeongguk sliding his other hand around his ass and squeezing when Namjoon thumbs at both of his nipples.

“It really doesn’t hurt?” he asks, leaning down to look closer and tugging softly at one of the silver bars.

“No,” he practically wails, grinding his hips into Namjoon’s. He doesn’t give Namjoon time to ask anymore questions, leaning up enough to catch his mouth and kiss him hard, fast, messy kisses they can’t quite keep up with.

Out of breath as they kiss, hips straining upward every few seconds, too shy to do anything on purpose until Namjoon sneaks a hand down to play with one of his piercings again. Jeongguk moans into his mouth, kneading at his ass and holding him in place by the waist. Namjoon tugs at his nipple just a bit and Jeongguk’s hips buck up into his. They gasp against each other’s lips, eyes almost meeting. Slowly, with purpose, Namjoon touches again, and grinds just a little against the hips that press into his.

They work into a careful rhythm, kisses falling apart as their focus moves to the pleasure building in their hard cocks rubbing together. Namjoon fumbles kisses and gentle bites down his neck, resting his forehead against Jeongguk’s collarbone for a minute. Body electrified, mind reeling, he whimpers when Jeongguk combs through his hair and drags fingers down his back, squeezing at his thighs and cupping his ass again. So much touch, so much touch that he’s wanted for so long from someone he never expected would give it.  

He can’t believe he’s really doing it, thrusting down when Jeongguk thrusts up, Jeongguk . Playing with Jeongguk’s nipples, kissing the words tattooed across Jeongguk’s chest. Him, Namjoon, who on his best days allowed himself 10 seconds tops to stare at Jeongguk smiling with his friends on campus or glaring in sweaty determination at rugby games. Delirious with this out of body bravery, Namjoon kisses lower, and lower again, licks his lips and sucks a wet kiss over one of Jeongguk’s nipples.

“Ohshhfucnkg,” Jeongguk stutters, moaning and trembling and fucking up against him faster, working Namjoon’s hips against his with wild need now that Namjoon is curling his tongue around the little silver barbell. “Namjoon,” he whispers on a low moan.

Face half rested on Jeongguk’s chest, he pants against his nipple and sucks, hardly able to concentrate as the achy heat builds in his gut. He fumbles for Jeongguk’s hand and places it on his trembling tail, unable to get the words out.

The breath catches in Jeongguk’s chest and falls in a loud, broken moan as he strokes the soft brown fur. Namjoon’s balls clench at the rush of pleasure, whining and taking Jeongguk’s nipple back between his lips. All the friction hurts but he wants to come so bad; he wants Jeongguk to come, a giddy, fascinated anticipation.

“Fuck, fuck, ” Jeongguk holds him tight and tenses, grinds up against him and tenses again. A weak groan and heavy breaths against Namjoon’s hair for a second before he strokes at the base of Namjoon’s tail and picks up the rhythm he’d dropped.

It prickles all down his back and pools at the base of his spine, moaning when Jeongguk holds his tail tight a moves with clipped little movements against his cock. The pleasure swells too big to contain and he comes with Jeongguk’s name mumbled on gasps of breath.

Wet and sticky in his boxers but he doesn’t want to move from Jeongguk’s hold, rising and falling as he pants. Softly, a little hesitant now, Jeongguk pets down the length of his tail and sighs when it curls a little around his hand.

Namjoon peeks up at him and Jeongguk smiles at the ceiling, fingers back in Namjoon’s hair. Such a fond gesture, Namjoon’s heart swoops and dips.

He buries his nose into Jeongguk’s chest, wanting to kiss and cuddle but worried suddenly, would it be too affectionate, too intimate, now that the act has been done? Just messing around for practice, for fun. Hoseok’s voice rings in his ears, warning him that he likes Jeongguk too much to be doing this, that Jeongguk is just happy he found someone to make out with.

He doesn’t know what to do in this moment. If I get too clingy, will Jeongguk be turned off? Hoseok might be... a little bit right but it’s too late now, he’d do anything to keep doing this with Jeongguk.

“That was... that was really good practice,” he laughs nervously.

Jeongguk chuckles and tugs him up to kiss him, sweet and slow with the laziness of satisfaction. The more they kiss, the more affectionate Jeongguk gets, nuzzling his cheek against Namjoon’s, kissing him again and pulling away to nip at his nose, strong arms holding him tight before he buries his face in Namjoon's neck and kisses him again.

Namjoon almost doesn’t know what to do with himself, nearly lightheaded with infatuation. He wants it to mean more. It’s fun to pretend it means more, in the moment, even if it’ll hurt later.

“Sorry,” Jeongguk sighs after a few minutes pulling away from nosing in his hair. “Sorry, I get really, I get- get, yeah,” he trails off.

They shift and grimace at the mess in their pants. “You can use the bathroom first,” Jeongguk laughs. “The blue towel is mine, you can use it.”

In the bathroom, Namjoon carefully peels off his pants and boxers and whispers an apology to Hoseok for borrowing his jeans just to nut in them. He stares around the messy little bathroom and smiles to himself, trying to guess which shampoo is Jeongguk’s, which deodorant.

What did he mean, earlier? he wonders as he cleans himself off. He gets really what? Sorry for what?

There’s a knock. “Do you want me to throw your clothes in the machine?” Jeongguk asks.

“Uh, yeah!” Namjoon cracks the bathroom door and passes him a wadded up ball of clothes, trying to hide himself.

Jeongguk’s eyes fall to the naked sliver of his skin through the door, traveling from his shoulder to thigh. He blinks slow, lips parted like he wants to say something, but he doesn’t.

“I’ll- I’ll stick these in,” he mumbles. “You can borrow some of my clothes, hold on.”

Five minutes later, Namjoon curls up on the couch and grins to himself, scrunching his hands absently in the fabric of Jeongguk’s big comfy t-shirt as he listens to the domestic sounds of Jeongguk getting cleaned up in the bathroom.

“Oh, hey Bun.”

The little brown and white rabbit peeks out of the bedroom door, stopping to sniff the air before coming closer. Hesitant, but she eventually stops just in front of his feet and stares up at him, little nose wiggling.

“You really are the prettiest little bunny,” he smiles, wishing he could touch her soft fur.

She raises up on her back legs at that, and for a minute Namjoon really thinks she might jump in his lap. He panics, how would he explain to Jeongguk that he didn’t pick her up?

But then she jumps up on the couch beside him and settles into a little bunny loaf, just barely not touching his leg. The lock turns in the front door, and panic really rises in Namjoon’s chest, laughter in the tones of voices he doesn’t know.

“Tae, you can’t just- oh! Hi.”

“Hi! Uh, I’m Namjoon, I’m, um-“

“Jeongguk’s boyfriend,” he grins, somehow both angelic and evil. “I’m Jimin, this is Taehyung. The roommates.”

Taehyung has two daemons in his arms, a little wiggly fox and a pygmy goat that stands only a little taller. He sets them both down and they beeline for Bun’s plates of half-eaten snacks.

“Hey! Leave it alone, you know it’s Bun’s birthday,” Jimin laughs and shoos them away.

The bathroom door bursts open. “Hey!” Jeongguk smooths at his shirt, gaze a bit wild. “I thought you guys were going out to dinner.”

Namjoon doesn’t know why that hurts a little. He didn’t mean for me to meet them, he didn’t mean for anyone to know I’m here.

Jimin shrugs. “Decided to order Thai takeout.”

It’s awkward for a minute. Namjoon thought they knew that he wasn’t really his boyfriend, but he can’t remember why he thought they knew. He can’t figure out how to act, none of them can by the look of it.

Bun hops off the sofa and wiggles underneath it to hide, little fluffy feet hanging out. Embarrassed, Jeongguk crosses the room and sits where Bun had been, barely touching Namjoon’s thigh.

“We can go to my room and um, keep studying,” Jeongguk says, blushing a little.

“Oh? Do you two have a class together?” Jimin asks, eyes wide and laughter in his voice.

No, he’s helping me with math,” Jeongguk lies, trying not to glare at Jimin.

Jeongguk closes the bedroom door behind them and reaches for his laptop. “We can watch stuff? Whatever you want.”

Namjoon is amazed a little that Jeongguk wants him here after all of that. He sets the laptop in Namjoon’s lap when he hears Bun scratching at the door. Bun in hand, he settles back onto the bed beside Namjoon and reaches over to open Hulu.

“Oh my god, Bun, fine, ” he laughs, exasperated as he fetches her plate of banana and berries and brings it back into his bedroom. Their glances catch and they smile nervous at the floor, a buzzing sort of silence between them. How do you act after you just made someone come in their pants?

“Can I ask you a dumb question?” Namjoon asks when Jeongguk sits beside him again. “Can you like... hear her thoughts?”

Jeongguk makes a funny face and Namjoon clutches his face and laughs. “They don’t teach us a lot about daemons, I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay!” Jeongguk shakes his hair out of his eyes and holds a pillow in his lap. “It’s not that I hear her thoughts but I just... know them.  Like... the feeling of hunger before you say ‘I’m hungry,’ kinda.”

“I wish they’d taught us more about daemons, growing up. It’s so interesting,” Namjoon sighs, watching as the screen lights up into opening credits.

Jeongguk scoots closer to watch, neither of them sure where to put their arms. “I wish they taught more about hybrids too, all we learned in school is bullshit, probably. The only useful thing they taught us was ‘don’t touch their ears or tail’ but... it should go without saying not to just touch people anyway,” he trails off, both of them caught up remembering Jeongguk stroking his tail not even an hour before.

He flushes and clears his throat. “And, and you know, they taught us that, um, that hybrids have the personality traits of their animal, too. But I always wondered how true that is.”

“Does it really work that way too with daemons? You don’t seem very... bunnyish,” he laughs.

Jeongguk tries to laugh with him, but it aches a little. A whole life trying not to seem bunnyish. “I just... don’t want people to think I’m... you know. People have all these ideas about rabbit daemons and- people just suck.”

“That’s true,” Namjoon agrees and doesn’t ask. Jeongguk seems like he doesn’t want to talk about it, frowning at their laps.

He watches the screen, not really watching, too preoccupied by Jeongguk leaning into the pillows against him, trying to pretend the silence isn't awkward.

“You know, when I was in high school, I’d leave Bun at home,” Jeongguk says after a moment, watching her nibble bananas across the room. “You’re... you’re not supposed to do that,” he adds, unsure how much Namjoon knows.

“Why?”

“Because, there’s distance sickness, first of all, and you can really... fuck yourself up, being separated from a part of yourself for long.”

“I meant, why did you leave her?”

“Because, people always had shit to say, and...” he pauses to think. Bun stops eating and turns to stare back at him, quivering a little. Jeongguk nods at her. “See Bun? Shaking? Hiding under the couch when she’s overwhelmed? Wants to be held all the time? Wants to- to-“ he bites his lip and frowns.

“People aren’t nice about that,” he says instead. “That and- anyway. People have some shitty ideas about rabbit daemons.”

Bun chuffs a tiny squeak and nudges at his foot, still shaking. Jeongguk lifts her up with a kiss to the head. “So that’s… why I am the way I am,” he finishes, though he hadn’t said much in the way of explanation.

Namjoon doesn’t push it. “That’s… I’m sorry you had to deal with that. It’s hard to imagine anyone picking on you.”

He nods, a sad smile. “I worked hard to make it hard to imagine. Anyway, sorry, I don’t know why I told you all this, we can just watch the movie.”

“You can tell me stuff,” Namjoon says softly. “I’ll- I don’t mind listening, really. Boyfriend duties,” he laughs, but it doesn’t feel good. “Really. I want to know.”

That feels better, more truthful, but much scarier. His stomach lurches, but when he looks up, Jeongguk is smiling at him.

 

Hours later, Namjoon wakes up to the phone vibrating in his pocket. Blinking around the room, dim with lamp light, he forgets where he is until he sees the laptop on the bed beside him, screen grey from inactivity.

There’s a weight on his stomach. Jeongguk, fast asleep, curled into his chest, arm flung across his legs. And Bun, wedged between the two of them.

His phone buzzes again. Carefully, he lifts his hip to pull it out of his pocket, freezing when Bun stirs, but she wiggles closer into his side and goes back to sleep. He stares in awe until his phone vibrates again. Messages from Hoseok, and the most recent from Yoongi:

Hoseok made me message you in case you’re ignoring him.

 

Namjoon rolls his eyes and opens Hoseok’s messages.

I won’t be mad if you’re still at Jeongguk’s! I don't care, I just want to make sure you aren’t dead on the street at 1am

 

I’m fine, mom

Just fell asleep

He puts his phone down and picks it back up, sends a cute heart emoji just to make sure Hoseok knows he’s not mad and flips it to do not disturb. Carefully, so slowly, he shifts horizontally and scoots down just a bit, and a little more, until he’s laying on his back with Jeongguk wrapped around his waist. Bun wiggles out and goes back to sleep on his hip, safe beneath Jeongguk’s arm.

Namjoon bites his lip to keep from grinning. He knows it’s supposed to mean a lot for someone’s daemon to trust you enough to touch. Especially nervous Bun, he thinks, combing gently through Jeongguk’s hair. He wonders what Jeongguk meant earlier, the other ideas people have about rabbit daemons, about him.

Warm and giddy, he drifts back to sleep wondering how much of Bun Jeongguk sees in himself, how much he’s supposed to see.




Chapter Text

 

 

The smile won’t leave his face all through history class and classic lit. The memory of waking up with Jeongguk curled around him keeps replaying in his head, Bun asleep in the crook of his neck, the whiny little “nooo” when Namjoon checked the time and tried to sit up. Groggy eyes barely open, Jeongguk had insisted on walking him to the front door to say goodbye, wavy hair fluffed up in the back and hanging over his face.

So cute, and hot, and so very much like a boyfriend. It's a memory Namjoon is giddy with gratitude to possess, a memory instead of a daydream. Hard to believe, hard to keep the smile off his face though he dreads going home a little. He knows Hoseok will have something to say, and really, even Yoongi might not totally approve of what he did with Jeongguk. 

Not that it matters, he tells himself. I’m a fucking adult, I’m a fucking adult and I’m a virgin who doesn’t care about virginity. I had a sexually good time with someone I trust, who is nice.

But as expected, halfway through dinner, Hoseok brings up the point that he can’t refute. “You can do whatever you want, Joon, and I’ll support you forever, but I just think you’re gonna get hurt. Not because you’re stupid or anything! But because you like him way more than just fooling around for fun. It’s not that I think he’s a bad guy, but if he only likes you for fucking around… you know? I’m just worried that it’s just an easy good time for him, which is not a bad thing in general, but! But, meanwhile you like him more and more, you know?” 

Namjoon sets his spoon down and frowns at the table. It’s uncomfortably quiet for a minute, Yoongi’s sleek black tail swishing furiously behind him, Namjoon chewing at his lip, Mang flapping up to the top of the kitchen cabinet, her safe spot. 

“But what if-“ Namjoon begins softly, but shakes his head. “I know you’re probably right. I know. But you know what, this is the best I can get. Twenty four years old and this is the best I’ve ever gotten, more than I ever expected. Like, of course he doesn’t- doesn’t- isn’t in love with me, I mean come on, Hoseok,” he laughs, a dry bitter sound. “But this is better than the best I ever thought I’d get, so. I know I’m gonna get hurt, alright? I’m already hurt, it already hurts,” he mutters, standing up with a loud squeak of the chair before going to his room. 

Yoongi watches Hoseok stare at Namjoon’s closed door and worry at his lip. “Is that what it is for you?” Yoongi asks softly and holds his gaze. “When we ‘fuck around’, just an easy good time? And I’m just the idiot with too many feelings that you gotta keep at arm’s length, so I don’t go down Joon’s path?” He laughs, cold and shaky. His ears lay flat against his head. 

“Yoongi, you know it’s not the same,” Hoseok says softly, reaching for his arm. 

“Isn’t it? You say you can’t be with me because of your parents, and I’m so fucking stupid that I just- keep kissing you and cooking dinner with you and falling asleep with you anyways, thinking ‘this is the best I can get, I like him so much, I’ll never be happier than this, even though this- this sucks,” he sputters, lips bitten tight together so he doesn’t cry. 

“Yoongi, I-“ 

“I know, I know that you aren’t a bad person. I know that you like me, I mean hell, look at Mang,” he laughs and sniffles. He leans back to show the little orange bird trying desperately to burrow under his hand, nibbling at his fingers. “But maybe you’re right, what you said to Joon. Maybe I shouldn’t do this anymore.” 

Hoseok’s face is a deep flush, mouth open though nothing sounds good enough to say. “I’m so sorry,” he mumbles dumbly as Yoongi leaves the room, Mang following after her with sweet little chirrups at his door. 

She won’t stop. Every tap of her beak at Yoongi’s door drives the guilt in deeper. 

“Mang, come on,” he whispers, eyes blurred over to the quiet room. He picks her up but she flies right back to Yoongi’s door before they get a step back to the table. “Mang, seriously, leave him alone,” he hisses and swipes at his wet cheek, placing her on her favorite perch with a big slice of peach. 

She flies right back to Yoongi’s door, desperate chirps and garbled attempts at the “hello baby” Yoongi has been trying to teach her for months. 

“Mang, god damn it-“ 

The door opens just as Hoseok picks her up off the floor. Avoiding Hoseok’s eyes, Yoongi holds out his hand for Mang and shuts the door in Hoseok’s face. 



 

 

Namjoon wants to sulk but he doesn’t, determined to stick by his decision to at least have a good time to go along with the hurt. He smiles at Hoseok in the morning and acts like nothing happened, goes to class and focuses only on the excitement of maybe seeing Jeongguk at lunch. Push the rest away; the rest will inevitably come later.

“Hey,” Jeongguk walks up to the tree Namjoon is reading under, mostly finished lunch set beside him in the grass.

“Hey,” he answers, shy at the rush of heat from the sight of Jeongguk’s strong body and warm eyes. “Oh! Bun, I saved you a slice of carrot from my salad.” 

Bun’s ears perk up and she hops forward, hesitant little paws on his knee before she jumps up into his lap. 

“Oh,” he laughs, peeking up at Jeongguk only long enough to see the awkward surprise tinged pink at his ears. “Here.” He holds the carrot out for Bun as Jeongguk sits beside him, wondering if it’s okay to pet her. 

“Sorry, she gets really- really, gets- you know.”

It reminds Namjoon so much of how he’d apologized after he kissed and nuzzled his face a couple nights before. “Gets really what?” 

He watches carefully as Jeongguk shrugs and picks at the grass. “Really… you know. Really clingy.” 

“Clingy’s not bad,” he murmurs, smiling at Bun burrowing under his hand. “Not if you’re sweet little Bun.” 

When he looks up again, Jeongguk’s expression is a mess of contrasts. Sparkling eyes round with wonder and surprise before he darkens into a frown. “Perks of being a cute little daemon, I guess,” he mumbles. 

Namjoon is just about to ask if he said something wrong when Jeongguk looks up at him with a little smile, storm clouds gone from his face. “Do you wanna come over tonight? We um… we can finish that sequel."

His heart rockets, shocked still to be asked to hang out, that he thinks he knows what the heat in Jeongguk’s eyes mean. Stupid and hopeless maybe, but it’s true what he told Hoseok, it’s worth it to get anything he’s given from Jeongguk. 

 

Halfway through the movie, Jeongguk clears his throat and reaches up for his glass of sprite. He sips it, and super casual, very nonchalant, sits back down much closer to Namjoon than he had been before on his little bed. 

Delightful queasy tingles in Namjoon’s neck. His wills his dry mouth to water in anticipation of Jeongguk maybe, actually kissing him again. Jeongguk shifts against him and Namjoon wants to turn to look at him but he can’t unglue his eyes from the screen. 

“Hey,” Jeongguk says quietly after a moment. 

Namjoon whips around to look at him and moans a little when Jeongguk’s lips are already meeting his. Jeongguk kisses him down to the bed, crawling up around him, wasting no time. 

He wants me. He’s so fucking hot and he wants me.

Namjoon lets it feel good and pushes away the rest, tail twitching as Jeongguk shoves his hands up his shirt and kisses him hard.  Jeongguk moans like he’s getting what he wanted, like he’s wanted it all day, face buried in Namjoon’s neck to kiss and suck. He can’t help but grin up to the ceiling, giddy with so much stimulation.

The smile gets knocked off his face in a second though, Jeongguk pushing his shirt up and touching all the exposed skin.

"Can I take this off?" he asks, his voice shaky and low.

"Yeah," Namjoon breathes, leaning up to let him tug his shirt up and away. Straddled over his hips, Jeongguk takes in the sight and runs his fingers all over Namjoon's chest. "Sorry, I'm not- not very, you know. Not like you," he laughs, thinking of Jeongguk's hard abs.

Jeongguk shakes his head and trails a circle around his belly button. "You look so good," he hums, and Namjoon almost believes him, with the hunger in his eyes.

"Oh," he whimpers when Jeongguk presses a wet kiss to his stomach, and another just to the side. "Oh shit," he moans when Jeongguk goes lower and finds a ticklish spot above his hip bone.

Everything moving so quick, desire coursing through his body in waves too fast to keep up with. The nagging worries fall away so easily. He's supposed to be putting up walls, he's supposed to be taking the pleasure and setting aside the emotions but with every touch and kiss his brain is more and more drunk with infatuation.

Just when he really thinks Jeongguk is going to unbutton his pants, instead he crawls back up and cups Namjoon's face in his hands, kissing him so tenderly he goes dizzy. He pulls away and smiles at Namjoon's big eyes and twitching ears, kisses his nose and nuzzles his cheek. It's followed by frenzied little kisses before he nuzzles his neck and nips his jaw and drags him up to sitting so he can pull him into his lap and nuzzle at his collarbones, panting and kissing and holding him so tight it almost hurts.

So animalistic, it would be frightening if it wasn’t an assault of cuddles. It builds up until Namjoon can't take it anymore and bursts into giggles. With a quick inhale Jeongguk pulls away, dazed and breathless.

"Sorry," he says, panicked, almost looking confused. "I get- I get really..."

"Really what?" Namjoon presses, not expecting an answer, really.

"Really... um. You know. I get... caught up in, um, sorry."

"Sorry why?" Namjoon laughs, placing shy hands on his chest. "If I didn't like it, I wouldn't be here, right?"

Jeongguk's looking at him more serious than he expected. "Yeah?"

He flushes, scooting against a little more when Jeongguk wraps hands around the tops of his thighs. "Yeah. I mean, feels good, right?"

He stares a moment longer and Namjoon's dying to know what he's thinking. "Yeah," he says finally. "Feels really good."

Their lips come together again in wide, slow kisses and, though his arms feel like rubber, he's proud of himself. He's managed to get himself a... whatever this is. Friend with benefits, but... we were never quite friends. Fuck buddy isn't quite right... Makeout buddy? Booty call?  

Whatever it is, he never thought in a million years he'd have it, someone this hot and sweet and cool telling him he looks good and grabbing his thighs like he wants to eat them for dessert. Despite the uncertainty, he feels like a more solid version of himself, doing and getting what he wants despite what others say, despite what he's told himself he's not good enough to have.

Feeling a little brave, he reaches for the hem of Jeongguk's shirt and tugs, sighing against Jeongguk's lips when his arms raise easily to let him pull it off.

"See, this is what I mean," he laughs, peeking down at the hard lines of Jeongguk's stomach and chest, tracing the outline of a symbol tattooed beside his belly button.

He laughs and nudges Namjoon's lips back to his. "It's just from working out," he mumbles like it's no big deal.

Namjoon wants to argue but Jeongguk's sliding his tongue into his mouth and his brain goes fuzzy. He whimpers and glides his hands down Jeongguk's back, soft warm skin. Full of anticipation and not sure how much he'll get this time, if he's ready for it, if he'll be able to hold himself back from anything and can't remember why he'd ever want to. Jeongguk reaches around and kneads at his ass and wraps him into a tight hug and claws at his shoulders and squeezes his ass again.

So much touch, dizzying, movie playing to no one where it sits on the desk beside them, last of the sunset lazy through the blinds, nothing but lamplight from the little Ikea lamp on Jeongguk's nightstand.

He's hard in his pants and he knows what he'd like Jeongguk to do about it, but everything seems like distant fantasies, even now. He can't imagine asking, can't imagine how to make it happen beside scooting his hips closer and a bit closer against Jeongguk's lap, letting his fingers dip beneath the band of Jeongguk's pants just a moment before he drags fingers back up to his shoulders.

"Can I touch your tail again?" Jeongguk's staring at him with big, dark eyes, heavy with lust.

"Yes," he gasps, heart stumbling over a few beats.

"It's so soft," Jeongguk marvels quietly, watching Namjoon's eyes flutter shut. "Does it feel good?"

He laughs at the tremor in Namjoon's body and vigorous nod as he strokes the soft fur. The other hand comes up to pet at one of Namjoon's little ears. He whimpers and nuzzles into Jeongguk's palm.

Cupping Namjoon's face, he lets go of his tail and rests his hand on the hard swell in the front of his jeans, squeezing just enough to confirm how hard he is. That same determined haze is in his eyes still, like he's dazed by his own urgency.

"Can I take these off?"

Namjoon's eyes fly open. For just a second, he hesitates at the thought of Jeongguk seeing him naked, at wanting to do things that Namjoon has no experience in.

"Okay," he says, embarrassed at the nervous shake in his voice.

Either Jeongguk doesn't notice or doesn't mind, just smiles a little before laying him back down on the bed and kneeling beside him, no time wasted in getting his fingers on his buttons. He lifts his hips and his heart pounds, embarrassed at how his boxers tent up.

One squeeze and Jeongguk pulls those off too. And then he's naked, he's naked and the light is on and his crush is looking at him and his crush has nipple rings and abs and the prettiest face he's ever seen. His heart tumbles several more steps down into lovesick, but he doesn't want to pull away, he wants to know what it's like for Jeongguk to touch him and whatever else he has in mind. Fuck the consquences, he wants.

Jeongguk is wholly enveloped in touching him, still breathing hard. It's almost funny, the way he's been practically in a trance since they started kissing. Those intense eyes catch and hold his gaze as he lays beside him and sweeps him up in kisses so deep and heady that he can't help but whine loud when Jeongguk's hand wraps around his hard length.

He just holds him for a minute, like he's testing the weight in his hand, a tiny squeeze here, a brush of his thumb there. Namjoon tries to tell himself to calm down, to stop his chest from heaving, but then Jeongguk lets go to fumble at his own zipper, lips still attached as he shoves his pants down to his ankles.

He doesn't mean to stare but he stares. Jeongguk's dick is right there, erect and pressed against his hip. "Oh my god," he mutters, falling back to the mattress with a huff.

Jeongguk smirks, but that same heat is distracted in his eyes. He lays back down alongside him and takes Namjoon's cock back in his hand, stroking him this time.

"You can touch me," he offers, nosing at Namjoon's chest and watching his reaction when he wiggles his tongue at one of his nipples.

My hands are sweaty. My hands are shaky. I don't know how to jerk someone else off. What if I can't make him come. Namjoon swallows the thoughts down and fumbles for his cock.

It feels like a dream. Solid and little wet with precum, Jeongguk's cock drags through his fist, poking up against his side sometimes. Jeongguk ruts against him just a little, kissing him messy as he strokes him faster and faster, gaze hard and intense when he pauses to watch Namjoon gasp, gaze lax and elated after nibbling and sucking on Namjoon's neck.

A few minutes in, Namjoon switches hands and, even though the angle is weird, it frees up his other hand to play at Jeongguk's pierced nipples.

" Ohhfckmnn, " he groans into Namjoon's neck, bucking up into his hand. "Namjoon, fuck, fuck yeah- oh-"

He drags himself up against Namjoon's hip just a little, one hand clenched in Namjoon's hair, biting and panting and licking at Namjoon's ear as he thrusts up into Namjoon's fist.

Namjoon doesn't know how he's staying conscious. The first wave of, this is almost what it'd be like to have Jeongguk fuck me nearly knocks him out, and every ticklish grunt against his ear is pounding right into his gut. He leaves his nipple alone to skim over the strong arm against his chest, up to where his hands knot through his hair, wanting to feel the fingers rubbing at his ears and scalp.

Shy and wild-eyed, but Namjoon sticks his finger in his mouth to wet it before dragging over Jeongguk's hard little nipple again.

A deep groan in Jeongguk's throat. "Gonna come," he gasps.

Namjoon wants to watch but Jeongguk's arm is in the way, clutching his hair harder as his hips stutter. He buries his face in Jeongguk's hair instead and tries his best to jerk him off as the first wet spurt of come hits his stomach.

The sweetest low moans muffle into his neck as Jeongguk slumps beside him and pants. His hand unclenches, soft scratches through Namjoon's hair in apology before he presses a little kiss to his neck, and then his jaw, and then tilts Namjoon's lips down to his, running his tongue against his and sucking at his bottom lip.

He hums at how rail hard Namjoon's gotten, precome dribbling down on his stomach. Stroking him long and tight, he nuzzles against Namjoon's nose and stares into his eyes, pecking absent kisses to his lips and smiling when Namjoon finally gets too shy at the attention and leans up to bury his face in Jeongguk's neck.

His body is electrified, Jeongguk rubbing circles over the head of his cock until he's trembling, jerking him off furiously and pausing to stroke him slow as he kisses him. It builds and builds until Namjoon is whimpering against Jeongguk's mouth, hips squirming. Jeongguk won't stop kissing him long enough to let him give warning, swallowing down all Namjoon's little sounds and breath.

With a stuttered gasp, he comes in Jeongguk's hand. He moans into his mouth, helpless to Jeongguk who kisses him harder to drink in the sound. Jeongguk’s hand stills and he pulls away to take in Namjoon's dazed look of satisfaction.

He smiles at him, embarrassed and too overwhelmed to be embarrassed, wraps his arms around Jeongguk's neck and pulls him down to his chest so he'll stop staring. 

Then, Jeongguk starts up again. Kisses and nuzzles and little nibbles across his neck and shoulder, sweet, barely audible little sighs and hums. Wholly involved in it. Namjoon scrunches his face up in a smile when it tickles and tries not to giggle and snap him out of it this time, wondering how long it’ll go on, wondering what it means. 

Minutes pass, Namjoon lulled by Jeongguk’s nose and lips brushing here and there, nips at his collarbone and tiny licks over his throat. Little muffled whimpers tingle across his skin as Jeongguk's frenzy of affection builds. His eyes shut and he combs his fingers through Jeongguk’s wavy hair. He doesn’t know what the hell this is, but he likes it. 

A few minutes more and Jeongguk goes rigid, freezes with his lips wrapped over the curve of his jaw. No ‘sorry’ this time, but he stops, drops his head to Namjoon’s shoulder and slows his breath. 

They clean each other up and fall asleep knotted together, Bun between them after a while, the sound of Taehyung and Jimin’s laughter in the living room fading into the movie they’re barely watching. It’s only the second time, but Namjoon wonders if it’ll become a routine. He wonders for how long, but tries not to think about that. 

 

 

Things are awkward at home for the next few days. Namjoon stops telling anyone about the parts of his day that include Jeongguk, which are the only parts he really wants to talk about, if he's honest. Not much to say anyway, he reasons. I saw Jeongguk after practice, we talked for five minutes and he kissed my cheek when someone walked by.  

And anyway, conversations die fast in their apartment. Yoongi and Hoseok are silent, Yoongi refusing to meet Hoseok’s worried, pouty gaze but picking Mang up and scratching at her head feathers all the same. 

Namjoon doesn’t ask. Better not to, he’s learned, when it comes to the two of them. 

Then, it’s two days and he hasn’t seen Jeongguk. It’s the weekend, he reasons. He probably has plans.

But then it’s Monday and he doesn’t see him at lunch. Then it’s Tuesday and he still hasn’t heard from him. 

He’d been bracing himself for it from the start but it still stabs deep, a sickening ache in his stomach that has him pushing away his lunch.  

It’s over then, I guess.  

He wills himself to breathe and walk to class. Tries to smile at the few memories they had together instead of wishing for one more kiss, or maybe another date, fake or not. Maybe Jeongguk would call him again one day, when he was… bored, or something. 

Namjoon tells himself it’s not a pathetic thought, just practical. It’s expectations that hurt us, he tells himself. If I’m not expecting him to fall in love with me or whatever than it’s not pathetic. It’d just be a good time. Not like I wouldn’t want it, right? It’s fine, it’d be a win-win. 

He doesn’t mention it to Hoseok, or Yoongi. Doesn’t want any pity, doesn’t want to have to admit it hurts.

Wednesday looks the same, no rain to mourn for him, no sympathetic gazes for being dumped. You can't be dumped if you were a fake boyfriend to begin with. Simple and silent, surrounded by strangers beneath the green oak leaves, he accepts that it's over like he knew it would be, sooner than later.

No anticipation for Jeongguk for appear with Bun and that little smile on his face before he sits beside him in the grass, Namjoon stares listless out at students in little groups on the lawn as they laugh and pick at their lunches. The anticipation had painted every day so bright and effervescent, but he doesn't regret a thing, even now when the sadness is so much stronger than the pleasure. He gets it, he thinks, all that bullshit about "better to have loved and lost". He determined to get it, determined not to be bitter; he made a choice and he doesn't regret it. The warm breeze whips over his achy skin and he sighs, the instinct to scramble up the tree and hide so strong. For not the first time, he wishes he had a daemon to talk to.

With a shaky sigh, he packs up his uneaten food and trudges on to class, tail wrapped across his waist like he used to do as a shy kid.

 

 

Chapter 6

Notes:

I am sorry this took so long!! like yes, life got really busy but also I didn't feel right about this last chapter until I realized last week that it's because this shouldn't be the last chapter!! So, now I know where the story is going and I feel better about it and will update faster lol
ANYWAY I HOPE YOU ENJOY thank you all so much for being so kind and excited about this fic <3

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

 

 

Thursday morning drags on, nothing heard at all in Biology class as he stares out the window and debates calling Jeongguk. Just to make it clear that he knows I’m still… available. 

He considers making up some reason that he needs his fake boyfriend around, someone being mean to him or… he can’t do it. Doesn’t want to lie, doesn’t know if he can handle seeing Jeongguk in person without the heat in his eyes that surely must not be there anymore. 

Another lunch on the campus lawn under his favorite oak, mostly uneaten, flipping through his phone to avoid anyone’s gaze or worse, sight of Jeongguk not coming towards him. 

“Hey uh, Namjoon, right?”

He goes rigid and forces himself not to bolt up the tree. It’s Minsu, one of the guys from the rugby team. He’s not the meanest of them all but… Namjoon doesn’t expect anything good could come from him talking to him. 

“Yeah,” he answers, shifting in instinctual preparation to run away. 

“Where’s he at? He didn’t come to practice last night, and I haven’t seen him in class the last two days.” A couple other members of the rugby team hover behind him, one staring at his tail, the other looking anywhere other than at him.

Namjoon frowns. “Oh. I dunno.”

“You don’t know where your boyfriend is?” Minsu chuckles. Maybe it’s supposed to be good-natured teasing, but it just makes him defensive. 

“No, I mean, I talked to him last night,” he lies. “But he didn’t say anything about skipping class.”

“Well, when you see him, tell him to stop ignoring my texts and get his ass to practice.”

Namjoon nods and exhales once they’re out of sight. The whole interaction fills him with an uneasiness he can’t explain. No one is paying him any attention right now, yet everyone looks like a threat. Such an open space, but he feels trapped, sick with days of conflicting emotions and not enough food. His ears twitch and quirk, on alert for any imagined dangers.

“Fuck math class,” he mutters under his breath and escapes to the park. 

The afternoon melts warm and sunny around him, softer now that he’s away from people. He lays in the grass at the park beside his highlighters and notebooks and stares into the clouds. Earlier panic softens into the detached sorrow he’s gotten used to over the last few days. Missing Jeongguk and trying not to, holding on to strands of hope and wishing he’d let them go. 

Weird, that Jeongguk didn’t go to practice. Not going to class he could understand but not going to practice? That seemed odd. Odd enough for Minsu and his friends to come talk to him, which surely they didn’t want to do. 

Something bites his finger and he shrieks, afraid to find a wasp or a rabid squirrel. 

But it’s not, it’s Bun.

He blinks, holding his finger to his chest. “Bun?” 

She rises up on her back legs and squeaks, hopping away and running back to circle him before hopping away again. Frustrated, maybe? She squeaks and grunts and paws the grass. 

“Bun, is everything okay? Is Jeongguk…?” He looks all around but he doesn’t see him anywhere. Daemon knowledge or lack thereof, he decides this can’t be good. What if Jeongguk is hurt somewhere? What if Bun somehow...got lost? Could that happen?

He’s not sure. Abandoning the curiosity, he gathers up his things, shoves them in his backpack and follows after the little rabbit.  

She lopes ahead of him for a few blocks, checking behind her every few feet to make sure he’s still following until Namjoon recognizes the neighborhood they’re heading to. Across the parking lot and up the stairs, Bun doesn’t stop until she reaches Jeongguk’s apartment on the second floor. 

Nosing under the mat, she reveals a house key and stares up at him.

“Can’t I just knock?” he laughs nervously. “How’d you even get out, Bun?”

Bun ignores the question and noses at the key, and when he takes it, she paws gently at his leg. 

“What, what is it?”

She hops up against his leg again, tries to hop higher. 

“Do you… want me to pick you up?” Namjoon squats down and holds out his arms. 

Bun leaps into them immediately and nuzzles against him, warm and soft and trembling. For a moment, he stands there in front of Jeongguk’s door and pets Bun, not brave enough to move. He doesn’t know why he’s been brought here, if he’s actually wanted here by anyone besides the tiny rabbit. 

"You want me here, right? And you and Jeongguk are a part of each other, right? Isn't that how it works? So if you want me here, that means he does..." He frowns and stares at the door handle, wondering why Jeongguk never called, then. 

Worry over Jeongguk wins out in the end. It’s quiet when he steps into the apartment. Bun leaps out of his arms and lopes towards Jeongguk’s door, cracked open but it’s dark inside. 

“Jeongguk?” he calls out softly as he walks in.

At first glance, the bedroom seems empty. Namjoon frowns, confused, but then there’s a quiet sniffle. 

“Bun, what the fuck.” 

He whips around at the sound of the small voice. Jeongguk is wrapped up in a huge blanket, wedged under his desk. His eyes are swollen, dark-circled, nose red like he’s been blowing it too much. 

“Oh. Hey, uh- hey… are you okay? I- Bun… brought me here?” 

Jeongguk sighs and gives the rabbit a dark look, but she stamps her back legs in protest. 

“I can leave if you want,” Namjoon says softly. “I just- you know, I was worried about you since- and your friends asked where you- but I didn’t know what to say so... and then Bun showed up and... yeah. Anyway.” 

He fidgets a moment, and decides to tell the truth, at least. “And anyway, I missed you. You know, missed um. Practicing,” he chuckles, furious with himself for not being able to get the truth out straight. 

Jeongguk is staring up at him when he manages to look. “I don’t want to practice anymore.” 

Nausea lurches through him. “Oh. Okay, yeah. Sorry, I just followed Bun-”

“I imprinted on you.” His voice wavers. “I thought it was early enough that… maybe if I didn’t see you for a while it’d fade away, but... “ 

“Oh. Namjoon plops to the floor in front of the desk. “I didn’t… know people with daemons did that too?”

Jeongguk nods. “Not a lot and- there are others that do but… rabbit daemons are the most… um.” His voice wavers. “It’s why people give us shit so much, we get so- so…”

He shrugs and Namjoon can’t let it go this time. “So what?”

He blinks down at the floor, mess of tangled hair not enough to obscure the pain. “Attached,” he whispers. “Almost… not addicted but, just, craving the attention- not the attention, exactly… the- the… affection. It feels…” he huffs a sigh and won’t let Namjoon look at his face. 

“It’s where all the stereotypes come from, the mindless slut bullshit, even though most rabbit daemons hardly even care. But me,” he tries to laugh but shudders. “The worst part is that... for me, it’s true. I do crave it, when I like someone I do get so attached, and… I really like you so much.” 

Surprise cascades in tingles from Namjoon’s neck to his fingers, stealing the breath from his lungs. 

“I’m sorry,” Jeongguk whispers, sinking lower into the blankets. “I didn’t want to see you like this, I didn’t… this isn’t who I want to be, I tried so hard not to fucking be like this. To just be chill.” 

A goofy smile rises on Namjoon’s face despite his attempts to be considerate of Jeongguk who seems so upset. “So you- you really like me? And feel really like… attached? To me?” 

Jeongguk gives him a miserable nod. 

“I don’t see the problem?” he laughs. Then the clarity hits him like a truck. “Unless, I guess of course- you didn’t want to like me that much, just practice and… just for fun...guess it sucks to imprint on your- your- whatever I am… ” 

His face burns as he picks at the carpet, ashamed that he’d been so elated for a moment. 

“No! No, it- it sucks because I want you so much and- no, that’s not what I meant-” Jeongguk pushes the hair away from his face and frowns in confusion. “No, I like that I like you, that’s the problem. I want you so much, too much, more than you asked for, you know?” 

He tries to laugh again. “If this was with anyone else it’d feel so much less awful. I could just be humiliated and sick alone until it fades or- but, I wanted things to go right with you, be the Jeongguk I want to be with you, be someone cool you wouldn’t get sick of. But I’m still just… Jeongguk who gets way too attached, even more so than ever, this time. I should’ve known it’d happen, with how much I’ve liked you…”

His chin wobbles as he forces himself not to let the tears squeeze down his cheeks. He pulls the blankets tighter, shrinking away and shuddering when Bun nuzzles into Namjoon’s hands. “Not at all that I don’t want to want you. I just don’t want you to not want me. I don’t want me to be this- this clingy person, but I am, no matter how I try to change and- you most of all, I wanted you to like me, but ‘me’ ends up being this person who- Sorry. I keep rambling, I keep- I’m sorry…” 

Namjoon scoots closer under the desk, scratching at Bun’s soft fur. Where to start, with all the feelings clamoring in his head? Nothing sounds right, nothing expresses how outrageous the notion of rejecting an affectionate Jeongguk sounds. 

“I’m sorry that I’m crying,” Jeongguk laughs, eyes in a deep frown. “I’ve always been a crier too, I hate it…” 

He scoots closer again until their knees hit. Jeongguk sighs at the barest of touches and strains toward him. “Jeongguk, I like you. I like you. I’ve had a crush on you since- since I saw you, really,” he laughs and scratches his cheek. “You’re just so… fucking hot but, in an interesting way? And you- you’re-” He takes in the sight of Jeongguk, greasy, tangled hair and face swollen from crying and still, still he wants to kiss him silly. 

“I was just waiting for the day you got bored of me, honestly. Like, I’m know I’m not- not- and you’re so- you know? And the worst part was the more I got to know you, the more I liked you. The way you’d get excited about nerdy shit and cuddle Bun and- and cuddle me , how you’d get carried away kissing, I really… really liked it. Felt like a dream that you know is gonna end but you stay asleep as long as you can…” 

“You’ll get sick of it,” Jeongguk whispers. “If I didn’t hold back, you’d get sick of it. I always want cuddles. I always want to touch you, to kiss you, to- always . You’ll get sick of it.” 

“I really think I won’t,” Namjoon finds himself pleading, tail swishing in agitation. It’s almost laughable to imagine. “I think about you all day, about you touching and kissing and holding my hand and your cute smile and your, your everything, I-” he throws his arms up over his head. “I’ve been trying so hard not to be depressed about it inevitably going away whenever you meet someone you actually like…” 

It’s so much, reeling from Jeongguk actually wanting him the way he’d been too afraid to hope for, the absurdity of the idea of wanting less of Jeongguk. 

Namjoon wiggles his hand into the blanket and finds Jeongguk’s pinky to fidget with, putting a wavery smile in Jeongguk’s wet eyes. “I can’t fit under there with you,” he pouts at the desk crowding Jeongguk away from him. 

“If I come out, I won’t be able to keep myself away from you,” Jeongguk warns, eyeing him closely. “I won’t be able to stop. I wanna touch you so bad,” he sighs.  

A shaky sigh in return and Namjoon smiles. “Good. Me either.” 

Jeongguk smiles but it fades, that odd intensity distracting him. “I’m serious.” 

“Jeongguk, so am I.”

It takes him a minute, considering, absorbing Namjoon in front of him and the warmth of his hand on his. Namjoon tugs him forward gently, not wanting him to talk himself out of it. 

Jeongguk lets himself be tugged, blankets falling free from his shoulders as he crawls out from under the desk. He launches himself at Namjoon with a happy whimper, curling limbs around him in a heavy hug that knocks him back to the floor. 

Their lips crush together and Jeongguk groans loud, a hungry man given a feast. Kisses press all over Namjoon’s face, little nips to his cheeks and chin, nuzzles against his cheek, Jeongguk whimpering like it’s not enough, more frenzied, holding him so tight it hurts. 

“Missed you bad,” he mumbles, licking at Namjoon’s neck before laying a hundred kisses there too, burying his face in Namjoon’s hair and inhaling deep. 

Eyes fire deep, he rises up and cups Namjoon’s face a moment before kissing trails down his arm and mouthing at his wrist, entirely enraptured. 

Imprinted. Namjoon watches with fascination and tries to wrap his head around the idea. Wants me. Wants me too. 

Jeongguk shoves Namjoon’s shirt up to his armpits. His eyes glitter through his long, dark hair, skimming his hands over every inch of bare skin, red lips parted, arms an array of black lined art. 

“You’re so beautiful,” Namjoon murmurs, resting shy hands on Jeongguk’s thighs. 

That snaps Jeongguk out of the trance he had fallen into. “You think I’m beautiful?”

To Namjoon, it seems like such a stupid question from someone so clearly attractive. “Yes? Of course I do,” he laughs. “So pretty, everywhere…” 

Jeongguk whimpers, so affected. He shoves Namjoon’s shirt up over his head and buries his face in his neck, and chest, and stomach, squeezing him tight and mouthing at his skin. Tiny, frustrated grunts leave his lips as the affection whips up into a frenzy. 

“There’s never- can’t- can’t ever touch you enough-“ he whines, dragging his teeth over the curve of Namjoon’s rib. “I just, mm, I just- !” He gasps and sits up, squishing Namjoon’s face hard. “I want you so much, so much!” 

Namjoon’s tail swishes against the floor, heart pounding at the ferocity of affection. “Yeah?” His voice shakes, elated and nervous that Jeongguk might want to do things that Namjoon doesn’t quite know how to do. 

But instead, Jeongguk grabs the blanket from under the desk and nuzzles down into Namjoon’s chest, throwing the blanket over both of them and tucking it in tight under their legs. 

“Please kiss me,” he says in a small voice, trembling a little with the effort not to nuzzle and bite and touch again. 

It’s so surreal to have Jeon Jeongguk pleading for kisses from him, eyes still a little puffy from crying, over him.

“Of course,” he breathes, kissing Jeongguk’s forehead and cheek and nose. “I’ll kiss you all day,” he laughs. 

“Really?” Jeongguk looks so hopeful at the prospect, big sparkly eyes between his dark, shaggy hair, cozy in their cocoon of warmth. 

It makes Namjoon’s stomach flutter. “Yeah. Of course.”

It’s nerve wracking, the responsibility of Jeongguk wanting him so much. How can he kiss him good enough to quell this agitated desire? How could he ever hope to be as wantable as he is wanted? 

Slow, he tips Jeongguk’s face up to his and presses their lips together with a determination to make it deep and rich to counteract Jeongguk’s nervous energy. It seems like a skill out of scope of his virginal ability. 

And yet, Jeongguk whines against his lips, knees tightening around Namjoon’s hips. “Want more,” he mumbles. 

So Namjoon gives him more. Kisses deeper and wetter, petting slow up and down his back. After a few minutes, the pressure wanes as he gets overwhelmed himself. Jeongguk’s tongue against his, hands traveling up his bare sides, gentle hums against his mouth like he’s so satisfied or like it’s still not enough. Everything he craved for the last week and feared he'd never have again. 

The kisses are so desperate and deep, Jeongguk pressing against him and clenching his knees like he could meld their bodies together. Teeth bump against lips, noses smoosh, neither one of them trying for skill anymore. Namjoon head spins with all the desire, drunk on Jeongguk's warm skin under his hands, firm lines of muscle, the scent of stale cologne. 

A hardness against Namjoon’s hip appears as their lips smack and tug. Jeongguk squirms in distracted, lazy movements, just to feel the pressure, restricted by the tightly wrapped blanket. Namjoon sneaks a hand down to cup him through his boxers, drawing a gasp from Jeongguk’s lips. 

“Sorry,” he whines, yet doesn’t stop him. “Sorry, I get hard so easy.”

“Seems like a good thing to me,” Namjoon laughs, squeezing at his clothed cock. 

“It’s embarrassing,” Jeongguk mutters into his neck, but grinds a bit into Namjoon’s hand. 

“Can I um- practice something?” Namjoon watches the confusion flicker on Jeongguk’s pink face and blushes himself. “If I call it practice, it’ll be less embarrassing that I don’t know what I’m doing. I just, wanna- want your- um, wanna try sucking you off...” 

A groan so deep and breathy rises from Jeongguk’s chest. “Yes,” he moans and collapses to Namjoon’s chest. “Yes, fuck yes. You don’t have to know what you’re doing, I’ll probably nut in a minute,” he laughs, nuzzling at Namjoon’s collarbone. 

“I’ve just.. been daydreaming about what it’d be like, to have it in my mouth…” 

A rush of whispered expletives fall from Jeongguk’s lips at that. 

“I think about you all the time, you know,” Namjoon murmurs the words against his hair and nips his ear. “Daydream your kisses and your smile and, other things…” 

Jeongguk keens against him, shivering at the words.

If I wait any longer, I’ll chicken out, Namjoon thinks. Gently, he rolls Jeongguk over to the floor and unceremoniously yanks down his pajama pants. 

His cock springs up, hard and smooth. Namjoon lets himself stare before catching Jeongguk’s gaze. He gives him a smile he hopes doesn’t show his nerves and reaches out to skim over Jeongguk’s silver-pierced nipples. 

Jeongguk’s eyes roll back in his head at the touch, cock jerking to his hard stomach. Scooting down to kneel beside his hip, Namjoon licks his lips and takes Jeongguk’s length in his hand. 

All he does is give the head a tentative lick, but Jeongguk yelps to the ceiling. It eases his nerves a little. In the state Jeongguk is in, he really doesn’t have to know what he’s doing to make this go alright. 

It’s a sensation he likes immediately, the way Jeongguk’s smooth cock parts his lips and fills his mouth, velvety against his tongue. He’s not that big, but it feels big as it slides in and out, and in again until Namjoon can’t take the way it pokes against the back of his tongue. 

“Namjoon,” Jeongguk moans, stomach clenching when Namjoon tries licking up and down his his length, letting his tongue lave over his balls for a second before that makes him too nervous and moves back to suckling at the head. 

“So good, so good,” he whispers, hands clenching at the blanket to keep from squirming. 

“Can’t be that good,” Namjoon chuckles shyly. 

“So good,” he repeats. “I’m- want you so much… been holding back so much, before…” 

That sends sugary jolts down Namjoon’s spine. He had no idea he had been so wanted, that Jeongguk had been giving so much restraint to not be this loud and affected. 

Namjoon realizes he hasn’t been doing a thing with his hands and wonders if he should. Bobbing his head slowly up and down on Jeongguk’s cock, he considers doing something with his balls again but flusters. Instead, he pets at Jeongguk’s sides before moving up to play with his nipples again. 

The effect is immediate, mouth flooding with the taste of precum as Jeongguk hisses and whines. It zings straight to his own hard dick, relief and a little pride and utter arousal. 

Just keep doing what you’re doing, Namjoon. He allows himself to shove one hand down his own pants to relieve the ache, one leg stretched out behind him.

“Are you…?” Jeongguk leans up to look. “...touching yourself. Fuck.” He falls back to the floor with a moan. 

He reaches down for Namjoon, desperate to touch him. “Gonna come,” he whines, one hand petting Namjoon’s ear, fingers wound in his hair. “Gonna come,” he whispers again, and Namjoon can feel it, the leak of precum in his mouth, the hot pulse, the clench of Jeongguk’s balls. 

Leaking himself, he grips his own cock tight and sucks him faster, peeking up at the pout of Jeongguk’s open lips, the way his tattoos seem to shift when his abs clench. His long, wavy hair sticks to his face in places, splayed out on the carpet. 

The breath in Jeongguk’s chest catches and tumbles, and Namjoon’s mouth fills with cum. 

High school discussions echo in the back of his head, spit or swallow? But now that he’s here, he can’t figure out how anyone would spit anyway, so much in his mouth and still more coming, and where would I spit anyway? Would I run to the bathroom with a mouthful of come? Isn’t that weird?

Shutting up his busy brain, he swallows it down and tries not to grimace at the weird sensation as Jeongguk pants beside him. What do I do, now that I made him come? 

Jeongguk doesn’t give him much time to worry. He tugs Namjoon down to him and wraps bare legs around his hips, smothering him in kisses before burying his face in Namjoon’s neck with sighs that alternate content and needy. He grasps Namjoon’s waist, squeezes his ass, pets his hair, hugs him tight and finally rolls them over in a ball of limbs and kneels up around Namjoon’s legs. 

Like he’s tearing into a wrapped present, Jeongguk shoves the blanket away from Namjoon's chest, unbuttoned his pants and slides them down his thighs. A distracted smile glitters in his tired eyes, drinking up every bit of Namjoon’s bare skin, touching with the softest grazes and gentle digs of his thumbs. 

Namjoon feels too exposed, the usual insecurities flaring up like matchsticks in his mind. Stomach is too soft. Arms too thin. Does he think my dick looks weird? I didn’t shave anything. At least the lights aren’t on. Just the dim, tired light of late afternoon through the curtains. 

“So hot,” Jeongguk murmurs more to himself than anything, watching his own hands trail all over Namjoon’s body in the shadowy light. He drags fingertips up Namjoon’s hard cock, eyes flicking up to his when Namjoon lets out a little whine. “So hot,” he whispers again, and swipes at the precome dribbling at the head. 

The most gorgeous boy he’s ever seen, naked and inked and a little sweaty straddling his thighs, playing with his cock with a hungry look in his eyes. It's enough to make Namjoon actually feel hot, somewhere in the midst of his pounding pulse and all the self conscious arousal. 

Jeongguk won’t stop staring as he takes Namjoon’s length in his hand and strokes him slowly, eyes glimmering when Namjoon moans and hides his eyes in the crook of his elbow. 

"You're so hot, so fucking hot..." 

He wants to tell Jeongguk to stop looking. But then, he kind of really loves that he’s looking and moaning softly at what he sees, no filter on his thoughts instead of the unreadable facade before. Jeongguk reaches for his tail, stroking it in rhythm with his cock, breathing hard like he's desperate to see him come. 

It’s too much. Namjoon’s back arches, muscles clenching with the overwhelming jolt of pleasure before he spills in Jeongguk’s hand. 

Before Namjoon can even catch a breath, Jeongguk falls back against the bed and hefts Namjoon into his lap with a happy hum, holding him so tight. He nuzzles his cheek against Namjoon’s collarbone and neck, noses against his jaw and breathes deep. 

“This is okay?” he whispers with a frenzy of light kisses to Namjoon’s cheek. 

Namjoon giggles and tries to stop panting. “Yeah. I like it.” 

“Are you sure?” Jeongguk asks, though he doesn’t stop. 

“Yeah, I really really like it. It- I dunno. It makes me feel like you really do like me,” he says shyly and buries his face in Jeongguk’s neck where he can’t see him. 

“I really do like you. Really do. So much…” he can barely get the words out, so wrapped up in touching and mouthing at every bit of Namjoon he can reach. 

“I should take a shower,” Jeongguk groans after a few minutes, rational thought finally floating back down into his brain. “God, sorry, I’m so gross, I just- apparently it feels like the flu, when you um, imprint and… I, yeah…” 

Namjoon ducks down to look at Jeongguk’s shy face. “You should’ve just told me. I mean, I get it. Sorta. But, maybe from now on just tell me? Tell me anything, I mean. You don’t have to try to be anything around me, you know? Just Jeongguk is good. Is… is really good.” 

It’s Namjoon’s turn to hide his shyness. Jeongguk holds him tighter again and grins against the worry. “I’ll try. Do you- um.”

He can see Jeongguk readying to shut himself up already. "Do I what."

"Do you maybe wanna, sit in the bathroom with me? While I shower..." 

So bashful. The realization refuses to sink in, he really likes me. Namjoon who needed so much reassurance doesn't know how to reassure this Jeongguk who apparently felt the same way. 

"I just... really missed you. It'd be nice," he shrugs, still staring at their laps. 

Such an intimacy Namjoon had never dreamed to expect. He tucks the hair falling over Jeongguk's cheek behind his ear and thrills at giving such a gesture. "You really... you really missed me too?" 

Jeongguk nuzzles euphoric into the palm cupping his face and nods. "You really missed me, too?" 

They laugh a little. "Yeah. It's embarrassing, just how much I missed you. Thought you didn't- didn't... yeah." 

"I'm sorry," Jeongguk says softly. "Promise I'll try to tell you how I feel from now on. If that's what you want?" He peeks up to double check. 

"Yes, I told you it is." He jabs playfully at Jeongguk's stomach, trying not to blush at how painfully aware he is that they're naked and intertwined still. 

He grins and jabs him back. "Okay. Then, shower?" 

"Shower," Namjoon replies, and yelps when Jeongguk hefts him up in his arms and carries him across the living room, face buried in his chest. 

 

 

Notes:

yes they did jerk each other off again in the shower

Notes:

thank you for reading yet another of my namkooks!! subscribe if you wanna!

I'm themarmalade on twitter too :)