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A Born Coward

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The observation lounge number 237 where you are currently right now is empty, aside from the obvious fact that current time is 0200 where people is usually asleep or in Gamma shift. The silver lady hummed her favourite tone which could be heard in state of silence you are in and never had you imagine it would feels so... Comforting. It's final night on the Enterprise just before much needed 2 weeks shore leave, and rather than sleeping snugly on your quarters, right now, you catch yourself staring into endless darkness of space that filled with blinking stars.

 

Damn nightmares.

 

You can't remember what it's about. You just know that you need to get away from the usually safe close space of your quarters. So here you are, sitting alone with light cardigan, still in your pajamas, and hummed to an old song. Knowing you won't sleep anytime soon, you just close your eyes and continue to softly sing. You sighed once the song had finished.

 

"What song is that? Never heard it before."

 

Anyone on Enterprise would know that voice anywhere and had you been standing you'd be fell on the ground, "Captain! Good..," your shoulder softly hit a black clad chest as you turn around to greet him, "Morning..."

"It's Jim, Y/N, we're off duty." He chuckles lightly but his expression morphs to worry as he took the state you're in. "Are you okay?" He asks as he grabbed your shoulders.

You figured you'd look pathetic right now, pale faced, red eyes with bags, cheeks wet with trails of tears, hair out of their usual neat style and not to mention, alone in a dark room. "Yes, Jim, I'm alright... Just some stupid nightmare, I can't be alone in my quarters right now, I hope you won't order me to go back?" You looked at him hopefully.

 

He stares at you, for a moment before releasing his grip, "Nah, I won't do that. But are you sure? Is it about work? Or do I need to have serious talk to someone? Is your arm hurting? Do you want to talk about it?" He gazed at you in seriousness and worry as he briefly remember you were hurt on last away mission. It made you feel better almost immediately. Shaking your head softly and smiled, you then answered him, "No Jim, my arm is fully healed already, work is good and people are nice to me, promise."

 

Jim shift his gaze at the window of room to look at the stars, he feels your reluctance to talk about what's bothering you and tried to change the topic by talking about the bridge crew rumours in attempt to take your mind off of things. You followed his gaze outside as you listened.

 

"You don't have to act so strong you know"

"That's something you can do too, Captain.", "Touché.." He chuckles.

 

He nudged at your shoulder and asks you to come to his room, you looked at him furrowed brows in question hoping he would explain, at your expression suddenly his shoulder look tense as he flabbergastedly try to tell you he wouldn't do anything, Jim rubs his neck in embarrassment as he tell you, "Maybe you would want to lie down to sing with me, you know, like old times."

That brings back memories, Jim and you were close, thanks to the Little Sibling program back at academy, there were nights where he catches you unable to sleep due to anxiety, particularly almost every night before test. When he knew, he would sneak into your dorm room only to lie down with you, face to face as you two softly sang to old songs and finishing each other's chours until you fell asleep.

For some people it would be hard to believe that Jim Kirk is capable to lay in a bed with a species without any sexual act because, well, you know, his reputations, but they're wrong. And you would fight anyone that talks so. He's so much more than that.

 

You smiled at the memory and voiced your thoughts teasingly, "I thought you were proposing an sexual intercourse with me for a second there."
He scoffed, "Sexual intercourse? Really? You hang out with Spock too much." Jim rolled his eyes, amused, and nodded his head at you, "Come on."

 

With arms looped to each other you two begin your journey. The walk on to his room were filled with comfortable quiet, occasionally Jim would touch your side, you knowing how ticlish you are–which earned him giggles and kicks, yet he would smile too because your smile is that contagious–then he would launchs about something happened in previous missions or something funny he heard from crew on cafeteria, you hummed in acknowledgement and laughed but mostly quiet, Jim knew you're always the quiet one between you two, that didn't bother him at all. Because he knew your quietness are never meant illiteracy or ignorance, he knew you're listening and think and that's good enough to keep you inside his circle.

 

 

Once you two arrived to your destination, he immediately ushered you to his bed and set the lights to 5%, you took off your regulation boots to hesitantly lay on the large bed. Jim busied himself to cover you both with blanket so you turned to your side to face him, quietly confessed your feelings, "I am sorry, Jim, we're no longer cadets, that I shouldn't act like a child wanting a comfort, and I know you have better things to do as Captain-"–Jim sighed, interrupting your speech before you could finish it–"Then don't." He fixate eye contact with you, "Don't see me as your captain, see me as a friend you can tell about anything to, and there's nothing wrong with seeking comfort, starlight."

 

Jim cradles your cheek as he asks if this happens often, in which you replied, "Not often but they sometimes gets too bad that I only get two hours of sleep each day."

 

Furrowed brows of disapproval is showing, "Two hours-God, I'm telling Bones."

 

"What Dr. Bones doesn't know won't hurt him." You stubbornly replied then shifted so you laid on your back, Jim looked amused at your nickname at his grumpy best friend. You knew it only matter of time before your issue become noticeable to the doctor–because he's a doctor dammit, a damn good one and now, look, you can hear him inside your head–he knew when someone's not well with a single glance. And in God's name you hope you could fix this issue before anything happen.

 

You see Jim about to ask you about this sleeping problem of yours from the corner of your eye, so you folded your hand on your stomach and start to sing softly.

 

My life is brilliant. My love is pure

I saw an angel

Of that I'm sure

Jim closes his eyes and continued where you left off.

She smiled at me on the subway

She was with another man

But I won't lose no sleep on that. 'Cause I've got a plan

Then you sang together,

You're beautiful

You're beautiful

You're beautiful, it's true

I saw your face in a crowded place

And I don't know what to do

'Cause I'll never be with you

 

 

It was silence for a few moments, you expected Jim to start but heard nothing, "Jim?"

There he is, eyes closed, sleeping already, you scoffed.

So much for remembering old times. You turned to your side, facing him. Gently as you could, you tip-toed your fingers to his upturned palm, as you see he doesn't woke up, you rest those fingers there. The feeling of warmth his hand bought you a feeling of comfort and before you knew, you fell asleep, just like that.

 

What you don't know is, Jim isn't asleep. No, he's having hard time with hard thumping on his chest at the sight of how beautifully delicate you look when you sang earlier, makes him want to pull you to his arms and protect you forever. He needs to reminds himself that this is the person who took down three space pirates they encounter on last away mission, with an broken arm. He knew you're strong, but it's instinc, you know. Jim studied your complexion as he remembering the first time you both talked.

 

//Jim Kirk was staring at his PADD particularly at a name, Y/N L/N, for the Little Sibling program he's assigned to. He vaguely try to remember about an honour cadet at 1st year opening ceremony giving speech. Just then a Orion girl whizzed past him, yelling at her friend "Baymax!"

Baymax? He thought questioningly, that's such unsual name for him and he knew almost everyone's name in this campus.

He looked up just in time catching the Orion girl–whose he recall, is Sierra, Gaila's niece–getting smacked on her arm by 'Baymax'. "My name is not Baymax, Sierra.", "Yeah but you like that marshmallow robot," Sierra point at her friend's bag keychain, "and you responded everytime I call you that."

"Excuse you know he is more than marshmallow robot and no, I didn't, shut up." Then he saw Sierra is being dragged somewhere.

He made mental note to look up this Baymax later.

 

--

 

Jim, with coffee in hand and dark circles under his eyes, slowly went to Y/N who currently alone under the shade of a tree in campus ground.

 

"Hey, Y/N L/N, right? James Kirk, but you can call me Jim. Your assigned Big Brother."

 

He offers his free hand and an easy smile at the girl who, somehow, look intimidated, Y/N shook his hand cautiously and release it, but Jim didn't retract his hand, he made a fist instead.

 

The girl curiously fist bumped him, "balalalala" he said.
It took her completely surprise, so she laughed, "Y/N L/N, your assigned Little Sister."//

 

Jim closed his eyes at the memory and intertwined their hands together. He still uncertain how to feel about this feeling inside his chest. But for now, this is enough.

"Sweet dreams, starlight."