Disclaimer: I do not own The Legend of Zelda, or any of its associated characters and lore. That right belongs to Nintendo.
The Quest for Death Mountain
Through the Great Hyrule Forest in the Eldin Province, the six Champions of the Kingdom consisting of the Hylian Princess Zelda, Zora Princess Mipha, Gerudo Chieftain Urbosa, Rito warrior Revali, Goron warrior Daruk, and Hylian Royal Guard Link were traveling to the highest point on Hyrule's map, Death Mountain. Once the well-secured homeland of Daruk and his people, the Gorons were unfortunately forced from their Mountain long ago when the Dragon, Volvagia, attacked the first Goron City to seize their mined wealth and the magma environment of Death Mountain for his own, while feasting on straggling Gorons as he moved in. Many years had gone by since then, until at long last, the Champions were granted the permission of Zelda's father to reclaim the Mountain with the recovery of the Master Sword that can slay Volvagia.
Of course, the journey wasn't without challenges as Revali's screams at the moment indicated.
"Get off of me, you pests!" The Rito flyer yelled as he rubbed his face over and over much to Daruk's amusement and the other Champions' annoyance.
"He's having spider problems, again, isn't he?" Zelda questioned flatly.
"Looks like it." Urbosa answered in the same tone of voice.
Link grunted with only slight amusement. "Apparently, you don't need royal blood to be a drama queen." Turning to the females in the group, he added. "But no offense."
"None taken." All three women replied.
Mipha facepalmed as Revali kept on rubbing himself. "It's hard to believe that his people and mine share a common ancestry with his attitude."
Daruk guffawed as he said. "It's hard to believe that your two races are related, period. You know? Fish got to swim, birds got to fly, and all that." Seeing the flat looks everyone was giving him, Daruk sheepishly added. "Sorry."
Revali soon rejoined them as soon as he felt satisfied with his "spider-slaying". "All right, Champions, I'm ready to get back to work. How far are we from Death Mountain?"
Link scouted ahead until he saw the Mountain itself. "We'll probably be there by tonight, if we make the time." He surmised.
Linking her right arm with Link's left, Zelda said to him with a smile. "All right then. Lead on, Link."
Not wanting to be outdone, Mipha did the same with Link's right arm. "Yes, please do so."
As the group headed out, Revali looked at Urbosa curiously which drew her somewhat irritated attention.
Caught off guard, Revali stuttered. "Well, I've just long noticed that Link has a charismatic effect on women, so-"
"Wait, back up." Urbosa interjected even more annoyed. "You think I should be in the same odd lovers' thing Zelda and Mipha to start with have for Link?"
Revali stuttered even worse. "Uh, no, but I wouldn't be surprised if and when Link becomes a hot topic among the Gerudo, considering-"
"The fact that my people are all near-universally female and need to hook up with men to preserve ourselves?" Urbosa interjected once more in outrage to the point Revali was prompted to whimper shamefully.
"Urbosa, what are you all still doing there?" Zelda called out to the remaining three standing at the whole group's previous spot. "Come on!"
Glaring at Revali a final time, Urbosa soon took leave to rejoin the others, leaving an exhaling Rito and curious Goron remaining.
"Yikes, that was intense." Revali commented with a shudder. Turning to Daruk, he asked. "I don't suppose you have better luck with women than I do?"
Initially surprised by the question, Daruk grunted in amusement before taking his leave to rejoin the others which confused Revali.
"Wait, don't you? Do Gorons even come in male and female forms? Daruk, are you even listening to me?!" The Rito wondered before proclaiming himself to the ignoring Goron.
"I'm sorry, Revali, but I don't quite have the nerve to answer any of those questions." Daruk replied at last which finally pushed Revali to move.
"That's not funny, Daruk!"
I originally didn't know what to write for The Legend of Zelda until I looked back on The Hobbit movies and thought, what if Link and any companions of his from the Champions of Hyrule to some other helpful group, Volvagia, and Death Mountain could fill the roles of the Company of Thorin Oakenshield, Smaug, and the Lonely Mountain. While I would like to see a full-length version of such a story featuring a Battle of Five Armies kind of conflict as well as the Dragon slaying, I'm busy enough as is to actually write it. Things may change, but if anyone wants to take a crack at it, please let me know. Hoped you liked the humor in this, in the meantime.