･*•｡.•*･*•｡.•* ༚ ✧ ༚ *•｡.•*･*•｡.•*･
ｌｏｖｅ ｓｏ ｍｕｃｈ ｔｏ ｇｉｖｅ
＆ ｔｏｏ ｆｅｗ ｔｏ ｓｈａｒｅ ｉｔ ｗｉｔｈ
ｗａｓｔｅｓ ｙｏｕ ａｗａｙ
･*•｡.•*･*•｡.•* ༚ ✧ ༚ *•｡.•*･*•｡.•*･
Staring at the screen mounted atop on one of the pillars, he kept his eye fixed on that one certain flight Izuku was on.
Hongkong - Narita 10:40pm
London - Narita 10:45pm
Minsk - Narita 10:50pm
Looking at his wristwatch, it was barely ten-thirty. If he were to lie, he'd say he doesn't even know why he felt so restless and giddy, because in reality it was that Deku had been overseas for half a year and now he's finally coming home. Six whole months had he been stuck on his phone screen, smiling and telling him stories about the British country through video chat when Katsuki would very much prefer hearing his stories in person.
International Hero summits started sometime after they graduated, where a local top hero was summoned overseas for evaluation and leadership meetings. The past year, Shouto the Top 3 Hero was sent to Russia for the said summit and this year, it was Izuku the Top 2 Hero to England. It was a terrible realization that it would be his turn next year. Although, with his remaining 365 days before the six months of another separation, he would make it enjoyable and memorable until the last second. It was a given.
Another check at his watchー10:36.
He tapped his fingers on his bent knee, gripping his phone on the other hand. A part of him hated this feeling: restlessness, eagerness, and excitement. Dear heavens he cursed that thing from his system for as long as he knew. He hated that he bounces his foot and drums his fingers in anxiety as the clock strikes closer to the flight landing time. He hated that his eyes alternates from the screen, his watch, and his phone screen showing the flight's track. He hated the fact that he even had his phone's timezone changed to the one in England just so he knew when Deku was asleep or not.
He hated the fact that he was far too obvious and is sappy as fuck. Don't get him wrong, he never hated the fact that he cared for someone other than a Bakugou for once. (Let's ignore the fact that Deku may also be a Bakugou in the near future, for now.) He just hated that his insides are just as mushy as everyone else's and isn't as superior.
Maybe that's just Deku's doing.
Or maybe that's just who he really was.
Soon after they graduated and became professional heroes, a huge event clashed the three of themーthe soon-to-be Top 3 Heroesーto meet each other on the battlefield. Even in different agencies, Shouto, Katsuki and Izuku had grown familiar of each other's quirks and battle techniques over the years and were able to work together and formulate a plan in a short amount of time without hassle. Mainly Deku would be the push or the distraction, Shouto would be the support and finally, he would take care of the offensive moves and main damage. They were a better team than they thought, and it was such an obvious fact that Shouto could tell that it was a cool thing that they could do it again sometime.
Needless to say, despite not signing any official documents or having any formal meetings in their agencies, they just happen to share a lot of mutual battles with the villains and work together more often. Sometimes, even better than their own sidekicks. It became a common occurence that they had their own IG groupchat where they organize cafe hangouts with Shouto and Deku's girlfriends at the time.
Back then, Bakugou Katsuki was known as the universal fifth wheel. During weekends he would be with Shouto, Deku and their now-exgirlfriends. Even in his own agency with the idiots he called friends: Eijirou and Mina, Denki and Hanta. He was always the fifth wheel. What made him different is that he had no problem with that. He liked the fact that he doesn't have to share his space with someone and especially not being committed to someone that could leave you any second...
Little did he knew he would grow to love it so soon.
When Deku and Shouto became single (and quite miserably too), they started to organize bar meetings instead of cafe ones. They spent their day-offs in karaoke with Deku screaming singing his misery to the poor microphone or in Shouto's liquor cellar, drinking the night away. They practically tasted every flavor in the Todoroki liquor cellar by the time Katsuki realized something deep.
Love is what made his friends go passed-out drunk on the couches. Love is the thing that broke his friends' hearts. Love is the reason why Deku hated himself more than ever. Love is the reason his friends are suffering, and something is sparking inside him to hate the concept of love as much as possible.
But here he was now, constantly looking at his watch and the screen, waiting if the flight had landed yet. It was 10:39pm.
Not too soon after his realization, he had the urge to punch the misery out of his friends if he could. The fact that they are now adults, not the same emo kids at U.A that cries because of a broken bone (in Deku's case, about 32 broken bones) was a big punch to wake himself to the reality of change. They had seen and been into the most violent of scenarios and battled life and death more than once, risking their lives and safety for a life they believed was much more valuable theirs. They are heroes now, and that strips away some of the love that is meant for themselves.
Deku had passed out early in the night at one of their drinking sprees, he could remember it clearly. Shouto and Katsuki were left alone, nursing some barely empty shots of vodka. The half-and-half spoke of his love and hate, parts of both towards his ex and himself. He said, slurring just a bit, that he was such a fool for believing her. Katsuki was about to cut his ramblings, deciding he was far too drunk, though he continued.
Shouto "just wanted to be happy for once," that he risked his feelings and soul for someone with no certainty. He was between the shades of hating himself for making a mistake and justifying that he just wanted something so much he'd willingly take the risk. It wasn't even a matter between hate and love, it was a matter between being full of something or being stuck empty.
Aside from that revelation, Shouto also spoke of Deku that night. He believed that the green-eyed man's case was different from his, because Deku had always been full and never empty.
"He was full of hope and love that it sometimes overflows with no one to pour the excess to," was what Shouto said. Of course Katsuki remembered that, the shots of alcohol never took any of his memories from that night.
Their cases were then deemed different: Shouto was empty and desperate for anything to fill the hole in his guts, meanwhile Deku just needed someone to pour his overflowing love into. Both cases were self-destructive, and Katsuki first found the both of them hopeless. He even thought that the two would be a nice match since Shouto lacked love, Deku had too much of it. "Together it would be balanced, right?" was his mindset back then. He. Was. Wrong.
Thinking that now makes him jealous.
That's when Shouto, at the verge of passing out and is terribly slurring his words together at that point, said...
"You are just like the both of us. Your inside is just a void like mine while your heart was filled with love you never took the chance to give away."
It was one of the most memorable things he had heard the half-and-half say, aside from his statements regarding Deku. Other than that sounding like a lyric from an emo song-quartet written by Shakespeare and Secondhand Serenade, it actually was an accurate description for Katsuki. The first time he heard those words, it was like an icecube with a mentos being dropped on cokeーit took a little while for it to sink in but when it did, the reaction was striking and even stung a bit. He did what he could with that information.
Deku shared a night with him as well. This time, Shouto was the one passed out early. They were sitting at Katsuki's apartment terrace that night, overlooking the ocean as they drunk ice water (for the almost-alcholic Deku's sake). Just like Shouto, he spoke of love, but in his words, it was more like an evaluation rather than an emotional rant. The weekend tequila shots did knock some sense of acceptance in his head, and finally got most of his shit together. The green-eyed man said he never wanted someone empty to pour his heart into, but only someone who could love him as much as he love them.
"It was like being sick of your own blood. You don't need to empty yourself to get rid of the thing that makes you sick, but you just need a transfusion to fill yourself with something healthier," he said, staring off into space. As he traced the rim of the glass he held, he continued, "Having someone empty will only make me pour so much love that there will be nothing left for myself. I made a mistake believing I needed that. All I need is someone who could water me back and then together, we shall grow."
Shouto was right, Deku was never empty. He was always full of something yet at the same time, never intended to empty himself out. He knew what he needed and he had the determination to find it, get it and live with it. That's what made him so alive and so realーhe exists because he's exceptional.
For once, Katsuki found himself so isolated even while sitting beside someone. He found himself so small beside the person he once looked down to. He found himself being stuck on the world he confined himself into. He knew nothing of the world his friends had been into, because he chose to stay. He knew nothing of the feelings his friends had felt, or anything they had known about love.
But there is one thing he had that could match Deku'sーdetermination. If Katsuki were to be honest, that's what actually lured him into falling in love.
Before he went to bed that night, there is only one single thought in his head. He wanted to see his friends and himself happy. He had to use the love frozen in his soul and hope that he was to be loved back. He had to change some things, since a one way journey to the top is nothing if you haven't learned anything new. Needless to say, it changed his life.
His friends were more happy because he was happier with himself. Shouto and the Bakusquad were there to support him in his change, and never once made a snide comment regarding his sudden decision. He also made use of the romantic love he never even used once. The people he poured that out to, he chose only the elite of the eliteーhis family, his friends, and finally a special someone.
To know that out of all people, it had to be Deku...
That part was unplanned.
He took another look at the flight info display and showed at it has landed on time. An unknown feeling shot up from the soles of his feet up to his hands and his chest, just knowing that the stupid Deku is now breathing the same air as him, is stepping on the same country as him, and is just a few steps away from him.
"Fuck." He missed that little nerd, he admits. He pulled his hoodie strings tighter that it hid half of his face, which was probably being flushed bright red.
It all started when Deku learned of his unspoken change, which they only knew as "Katsuki Bakugou being less of an asshole" mission. The green-eyed man spent time with him, sharing some of his stories and encounters about things that made them feel all mushy inside. That's probably the exactly moment he had gone so soft right then.
They spoke of Shouto's house cats being named after them, and Deku's pet hamster who is named "All Fight" because of its energetic nature. They spoke of their zodiac signs and their everyday lives at their agencies, until it grew closer and closer to the point that talking to the greenhead over the phone became an important part of his everyday life. It even had gone so far as he was practically on a date with the greenhead as Shouto was missing cafe hangouts to leave the two of them alone.
Deku knew what he was doing, and for once Katsuki Bakugou was the unaware victim.
He was just inexperienced, alright? He did had a few short-lived girlfriends back in highschool, but it was nothing close to official and serious. Those "dates" with his childhood friend were the closest he had to official and serious, and it took him several missed hangouts from Shouto to realize he was doing it on purpose all along, and a couple more dates to realize that Izuku was behind it all. He was outright telling Shouto that he had a major interest in the third member of their group, and Katsuki had no fucking idea until about seven months later.
It was autumn when Izuku clarified his intentions and apologized for the hidden second-meanings in everything they had done. He told him, man-to-man and straight
gay in the eye, that his actions had meanings to them, from the stories to the hangouts to the random night phonecalls. He formally admitted his feelings right there on a playground swing at a convenient time of 8:32pm, and asked him to be his boyfriend at precisely 8:35. Katsuki probably answered "yes" at around 8:59 or even 10o'clock for all he knew, because all he remembered was that every single organ in his body seemed to be shocked and his brain stopped all functioning for a second and a half. Time seemed to stop, and all he realized after all that was that he fell down the swing in shock at Izuku's "Will you be my boyfriend, Kacchan?" and stayed at the leafy ground and stayed frozen until he had said yes. He was showered with kisses, and in the cold breeze of an autumn night, his soul was lit and he felt love for the first time.
God, he missed that nerd so much. Remembering everything from the start made him long for the greenhead even more. They had been together for a year now, their anniversary will pass this upcoming November, and he can't wait.
Six months had been far too long.
Around that time, Katsuki estimated Izuku must be at the baggage claim already. His eyes scanned the passer-bys for any sign of the hoodie he lent Deku for the trip and any sign of the man he loved so much, but still nothing. All he had seen were families remeeting right there at Arrivals. Parents hugged their children and cried, couples ran to each other and shared a kiss and a hug, and women smiling at the sight of their lovers still trying to look for them in the crowd.
It was now 10:56, how much time had flown by.
He had plans for the upcoming days. Of course he had plans. He would treat Deku to dinner and a few of the other sappy shit he (the both of them) liked, and he might as well score a kiss here and there (or more). The green-eyed man was affectionate and sappy as fuck, but there were those certain type of kisses and rewards he got when he absolutely hit jackpot on the sappy surprises. The kiss would be teasing and at the same time loving, and Deku would just cup his face and stare at him for a couple minutes as if he was looking for his virginity in his eyes which is in that case, already gone so damn long ago.
Everything Deku said was for the better. He had the belief that kindness exists for the richer world, but none of that matters anymore.
And all Katsuki believed since he claimed Izuku as his and tattooed his name on his heart, was...
....that if he showed a fraction of the kindness Izuku Midoriya showed in this world...
...then for sure the two of them would meet again.
〈［ Fatal British Plane Crash Kills All 145 On Board ］〉