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Forgiveness-part II

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Christian ran his hands through his hair, feeling cold sweat rolling down his neck. "I was so full of anger and hate." He shivered once the words left his lips, and so did Elias. And they both knew that what he said was true. "At first, I was confused and lonely. And then I became angry. Maybe deliberately, maybe it just happened. The anger suffocated all the pain and loneliness that I was feeling. The more angry I was, the less pain I would feel. And, soon enough, I started acting upon that anger. I wanted others to see, to know, that I am not lost, scared and confused. That there is something I can do, to stop something that I don't want happening to me anymore, and succeed at it. I wanted to finally take control of the situation, whether others liked it or not, to take control over my life, to control what is happening to the ones I love. Me, my family... you... I was sick and tired of just watching things happening in front of my eyes and trying to take care of problems by the rules, the way everyone said I should, or letting others do that-it didn't work!" A single tear rolled down his cheek, all those memories about his mother's illness and death hitting him. But he kept going. "When I saw you... getting hurt like that... all those fears... insecurities.. came back to me, just like that... and I finally realized... that I can't take control over emotions, at least not forever, and that I shouldn't do that... replacing sadness with anger, in my case. Because, no matter how painful it may be to deal with emotions that way it will turn out good at the end... and in may case... it felt good at first... but it eventually went back to hurt me... by hurting you. And it caused the pain eveb greater than the one I was running away from. I'm sorry. I am never going to do that again."

Finally, he stopped, feeling drained but relieved, having nothing else to say to Elias. A weight of silence fell over both of them after he finished, Christian looking down at the floor and Elias looking at him. It took a whole minutes for that wall of silence to be broken.

"I just had to say that. I'm sorry if I disturbed you."
"No", Elias smiled. "Everything is alright."

And it was, finally.