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Didn't Mean to Say (I Love You)

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Sentinels are people with strong senses— taste, sight, touch, smell, and sound. Not just strong but something beyond that. Powerful in a way where energy seems to radiate off them like it's practically palpable. They could be gods except that humanity chains and limits them to only what a human is capable of, so when a sentinel can’t control their powers anymore and lose control of their senses, then only destruction is forewritten.

 

However, this is where guides comes into play. Where sentinels are all about their physical capabilities and external prowess, guides are all about their mental facilities. The ability to perceive and manipulate emotions and in rare cases the mind as a whole.

 

Sentinels and guides are thus highly sought after. Being born with a rare gene anomaly there are hardly a handful in most places but any that are found are immediately taken by the government and put into facilities for the safety of the sentinel, guide, and for the people as well.

 

But they also serve as the objects of war.

 

__________________

 

When Seokjin is nine his powers manifest. He’s at home and it’s a day like any other but suddenly he can feel every emotion. His mother's contentedness, his father's exhaustion after a long day of work, his brother’s boredom.



“You’re happy!” he walks up and tells his mom and she doesn't get it at first, Seokjin doesn't either. No one does the first week or so, but then its at school when a fellow student in his class makes a ruckus and acts out causing the teacher to send him to the principal's office when things change.

 

The emotions are so thick— the fear and apprehension of the students but most of all the anger of the teacher. There's intermingled hatred that Seokjin can almost taste the bitterness of on his tongue.

 

He can’t help it when he walks up to the teacher, it's almost like his body guides him to her and he stands in front of her at nine years old.


“You’re angry,” he tells her and at first she looks confused, about to send him back to his seat but then her features flicker and she pauses before carefully crouching down in front of him and gently holding his small hand.

 

“Seokjin,” she says carefully, Seokjin remembers this so vividly, “Seokjin can you feel what i’m feeling?” Seokjin nods because he can.

 

He doesn't remember the rest as much, he remembers her taking his hand and leading him to the office and he wonders if he's in trouble as well, but someone tells him he's not. They ask him questions, confirm what everyone seems to be suspecting and then things are set into motion.

 

Phone calls are made, he remembers his mother coming in with tears begging the staff in the room not to make that call. He see shaking heads, he remembers some men in suits coming in not too long after and taking him.


He still didn't understand, he remembers crying but they give him a few snacks in the backseat of a car and he remembers quieting down.

 

He remembers the facility the first time he saw it, pristine, white, and clean and so so big when he was so small.

 

He remembers the other children and crying a lot because he missed his family and then he remembers the matching sessions.

 

Once he started to accept the facility as his new home Seokjin remembers his new lessons about war and fighting, and sentinels and guides, and about him needing to match up with a sentinel.

 

“Sentinels need a guide to anchor them,” they tell him, “its in your natures to seek one out.”

 

He remembers coming of age and how long it was taking to match up with a sentinel. Nothing was working he couldn’t link up with any of them. He could feel their emotion and their power but he couldn’t link with them, not in the way that he was taught was supposed to happen.

 

Seokjin was twenty and still a single guide despite being told numerous sentinels were willing to choose him. Despite numerous groups being open to having him.

 

But there was no luck.

 

Until there was Yoongi.

 

Seokjin remembers walking into the facility that day, remembers being directed to the usual pristine white rooms with the automatic sliding white doors and the one round table with the 2 chairs on either side attached to the floor.

 

He remembers Yoongi, skinny, gruff, and sneering at anything and everything though Seokjin remembers that pause when he saw him.

 

Seokjin could feel hatred and anger, it reminded him of his teacher all those years ago though the feeling was tenfold worth Yoongi.

 

The session went as usual Seokjin took a seat in front of the new sentinel, Yoongi tried to block him but Seokjin went around the blockade and infiltrated his mind like he was taught and thats when it happened.

 

It was like being shocked. The kind when you stick your finger in an outlet and your body is rocked and jolted. Though in his mind it was like all his loose ends had connected to the live wires in Yoongi's mind he doesn’t know how long it lasted but the next second his eyes fly open. He’s sitting in the same position in his seat but yet everything feels like it has shifted.

 

Everything’s different even though nothing had changed. There was no going back from this.

 

Yoongi looks at him and makes a heartbreaking gasping sound and Seokjin feels his fear and worry like a punch in the gut, like it’s his own.

 

“They bonded,” an agent says in awe looking at Seokjin and Yoongi.

 

They bonded.

 

__________________

 

Yoongi remembers the first few days in the facility.

 

“He’s too powerful,” they say, “he needs a guide, he showed too late and he's too strong he needs a guide.”

 

Yoongi feels pleased at their fear. He can’t feel it like a guide is supposed to but he can see it in their eyes. They hate him but they are in awe of him. He doesn’t like being a sentinel but he likes instilling fear in the people who robbed him and other kids of their freedom.

 

Yoongi is nineteen, at least three years too late to be a sentinel, yet here he is. They say they have never heard of one developing so late. They theorize if that’s why he’s so powerful. His powers required more time to develop so they laid dormant.

 

They are afraid of him but they are also in awe. They like him because he’s powerful but he isn’t like all the other kids here, he didn’t manifest until he was already an adult he isn’t like the little kids stolen from their families when they were nine or thirteen or fourteen and forced to become a human weapon— brainwashed and fed lies about being weapons for the greater good. Yoongi is nineteen and well aware of the lies the nation feeds them about the war of the sentinels, a big international playing field jerk off where young adults are made to fight in wars they never consented to, and now Yoongi is a part of it too.

 

He hates it, he hates everything, but then there’s Seokjin.

 

He hates Seokjin at first even though he’s has a face that makes him stop breathing.

 

Soft skin, the sweetest eyes, and thick lips like a kings, he’s regal looking but still vulnerable in how he holds himself like all guides— always aware of everything and everyone around them.

 

He sits down and looks at Yoongi, looks into his soul and Yoongi fucking hates him.

 

He blocks him out but he feels little tugs at his subconscious and he tries to resist but he can feel Seokjin easily slip through and in and then—

 

They tell him Seokjin is his guide.

 

He didn’t realize it was so easy for one person to come in and take him apart and put him back together how they wanted.

 

 

Chapter Text

Yoongi slinks into the lunchroom. He's filled out more and gotten bigger. It probably has to do with the fact he now gets regular meals plus all the training sentinels are made to do. The army uniform strains slightly around his form, topped off with his black military beret and big boots.

 

Seokjin watches him and he sees Yoongi's eyes flit towards him before they look away again.

 

Want, hatred, unwillingness.

 

Seokjin licks his dry lips and Jimin snaps his fingers in front of his face.

 

“Stop pining and listen—”

 

Seokjin snorts, “you’ve been complaining about him for the past half hour.”

 

Jimin throws his hands up, “yeah cause he’s an absolute ass, he literally knocked Namjoon to the ground so hard that  Taehyung and I both felt the pain.”

 

Seokjin frowned, Hyosang always made things too rough. He was kind of glad Yoongi always managed to knock him down a peg, “he is an ass,” he agrees instead and Jimin nods and then sighs when Seokjin’s gaze drifts back to Yoongi.

 

“I don’t know why you put up with it.”

 

Seokjin doesn’t reply because he doesn’t know either and he doesn't have anything to add.

 

“Why don’t you leave?”

 

Seokjin turns back around wide-eyed and stares at him, “you know as well as I do that it’s painful to leave a bond.”

 

“Yeah but not for the guides as much as the sentinel. You should be selfish for once.”

 

“That’s what they say Jimin but just because it isn’t physically painful for us doesn’t mean it still wouldn’t hurt mentally. The facility only focuses on the responses sentinels have to these things anyways, not the guides.”

 

It’s quiet and Jimin squeezes his hand, “I wish it didn’t have to be like this.”

 

Seokjin still doesn’t know what to say but he squeezes back.

 

__________________

He learns early on that Kim Seokjin is an excellent guide. He’s sharp and fast and could feel even the smallest twinge in emotion.

 

He excelled at the facility, he excelled in the guide combat lessons, he was essentially perfect except for the fact that they couldn’t find a sentinel to pair him up with— well until Yoongi.

 

The thing with sentinels and guides was that although they couldn’t partner up with just anyone at random, they also weren’t restricted to just one option. In the early days, it was thought that guides and sentinels paired up like soulmates but as the years went by and the war raged on killing many in combat and leaving many sentinels guideless and guides without sentinels, tests were conducted and it was found that the soulmate concept was flawed. There were suddenly sentinels and guides who had lost partners who were able to pair up again and Yoongi thinks that only added to this mess. Where before losing one person was like losing two, it was different now, they were even more replaceable.

 

But despite all that, it seemed like Seokjin had been unmatchable. He hears whispers and finally gets Namjoon to fill him in one day. Seokjin had apparently been here for a long long time and even though matching sessions didn’t start until they reached age sixteen Seokjin had had the longest pairing period out of any of them here in the facility.

 

“The higher-ups expected a lot from him and so they didn't just want to pass him off as a group guide. Group guides are important but a good pair is worth a lot more.” Namjoon tells him and that makes Yoongi frown because he and Seokjin were apparently the government’s biggest delight in that case. He supposes he understands why so many sentinels hate him now. He was an uncaring prick waltzing in and stealing what all of them had been working years for, not to mention he also got Kim Seokjin.

 

And well, besides his stellar records Seokjin was also fucking beautiful, and that’s what all the sentinels wanted him for at the heart of it. Those pretty eyes and the lips and the small sweet way he held himself that made you want to wrap your arms around him. Even Yoongi sometimes found himself staring even if he hadn’t meant to.

 

So he’s aware they all hate him for it but Yoongi isn’t too bothered.

 

Despite everyone’s collective jerk off to Kim Seokjin Yoongi didn’t care for him.

 

He was pretty and Yoongi sees it but he has more important things to worry about than petty fights between brainwashed kids in some fucked up weaponized human army.

 

He’s still trying to find a way out. He’s still trying to get away.

 

But still...

 

As he looks over and makes eye contact with Seokjin— sees the gentleness in those warm brown eyes— he feels the small pang of want and possession bubble up in his chest that he quickly smothers down.



Chapter Text

They get formed into a group.

It’s the both of them with Hoseok and his guide Jungkook, Namjoon and his guide Jimin and then Taehyung is the group guide though he tends to stick with Namjoon and Jimin more, but that’s normal he’s told.

“What’s a group guide anyways?” He asks Seokjin. He’s only been at the facility a month, he still needs to learn a lot.

“A guide who has the ability to link up with any Sentinel. In battle, say I get injured or am unable to perform my duties,” Yoongi looks up to him sharply but Seokjin just keeps talking, “then you need another guide to pick up where I left off.”

Yoongi's eye travels to Taehyung and back to him, “what if a sentinel is injured, what of the guide?”

Seokjin laughs lightly and doesn’t answer, Yoongi thinks that’s answer enough.

It’s a little weird how much he finds himself relying on Seokjin. He’s his guide so the calming effect he has on him is a reason but even beyond that Seokjin as a person to him is entrancing.

He’s fragile at times but also so strong. He’s soft and meek but hard when he needs to be.

He says that to him one day because sometimes he can’t control how his mouth slips and also because he doesn’t think Seokjin realizes his worth sometimes.

Seokjin thinks on it for a little bit before he replies, “isn’t that how it should be. No one is strong all the time but no one is weak all the time either.”

Yoongi thinks it's true but people don’t like to show weakness or if they are weak they don’t like to show strength, Seokjin's ability to be who he is without qualms makes him stronger than any sentinel in his books.

 

__________________

 

The longer he stays here the more he realizes there might not be a way out, he tells Namjoon as much and Namjoon laughs humorlessly, “yes you figure that out eventually. You did sooner than me.”

“When did you awaken and get sent here?”

“I was fifteen but I was attending college lectures because I was in the gifted program.”

“Have you tried to escape?”

“You attempt something if there is a chance at success, Yoongi.”

Yoongi snarls at him and leaves, he doesn’t want to be told this is all he has to look forward to until the day he dies. That all he will be is some war hero to a war he doesn’t want to fight.

He ignores Namjoon like he ignores all his problems but after a week of trying to come up with some way to escape, he finds Namjoon in his room alone and sits next to him.

“Namjoon I’m scared.”

Namjoon doesn’t comment but Yoongi sees the sympathy and a similar fear in his eyes.

 

__________________

 

With bitter acceptance also comes hatred.

If he can’t beat the system he might as well join the system and become the best there is.

His power makes things easier, Seokjin's power makes things easier than that.

Seokjin may seem unassuming and sweet and the power of a good guide may be unappreciated but Yoongi feels Jin in battle. He feels how he helps control and finesse his attacks in a way Yoongi never would have been able to do himself.

He’s almost like a puppet in Seokjin's beautiful hands.

 

__________________

 

He starts off like any other soldier but quickly works his way up to corporal and lieutenant and all the way to captain though funny enough it’s still all play. They haven’t even fought any real wars yet.

“Don’t you think it’s weird”, Namjoon says one day and Yoongi nods at him telling him he’s listening as he watches Taehyung and Seokjin play fight in the grass a little further off.

“Don’t you think it’s weird that we are being trained for war, trained for years and years and years but we have never fought in one.”

Yoongi feels his gut wrench, “You know I hate it when you bring up things like this Namjoon.”

“Why cause I’m right?”

Yoongi sighs, “that’s exactly why,” he sighs, “we… I don’t know what’s going on or why they pretend they want us to fight but we never fight, however, the what if’s kill me because even if we figure out the truth, we still can’t do anything about it. we can't..."