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You've reached your destiGAYtion

Chapter Text

“Following this day, no romantic or sexual relations between members of the same sex are allowed. You are dismissed.”

A murmur rose up following that announcement. Everyone knew that the majority of Ever After High wasn’t straight. Headmaster Grimm must of been out of his mind to try and make this decision. Right?


serotonin? in THIS fairytale?


IfLostReturnToRabbit Ok, did I hear that correctly or did Grimm just outlaw the gays?

SwordLesbian: In the year of our lord twentybiteen?

TheEvilist™: no he really did that!

screaming_sparrow: how long do you think this is gonna last my bet’s on 20 for two days at most

BlackSwan: 0 days.

BlackSwan: And I just passed Darling and Apple making out in the cooking class-ic’s classroom so you owe me 20 dollars

Red_Like_Apples: Rude! That was supposed to be private!

BlackSwan: Then close the door next time you s

TheEvilist™: did she run into a door and if so did any1 get footage

screaming_sparrow: no lizzie kissed her and now she’s not cohearent

screaming_sparrow: also i think she dropped her phone

Red_Like_Apples: *Coherent! It’s an easy mistake to make, so don’t worry about it!

screaming_sparrow: fcuk u

imrabbit : sparrow really had to expose my last braincell huh??

TheEvilist™: guys

TheEvilist™: GUYS

TheEvilist™: i’m schrodingers gay

IfLostReturnToRabbit: Could you explain?

TheEvilist™: gay for every1 and at the same time no1 bcause im nb

TheEvilist™: am i gay for kitty? Str8 for her? who knows not me

imrabbit: oh fuck!!!

cinnamon_roll: Wait, if Grimm keeps on saying i’m a girl, then my relationship with Cerise is gay, however if he admits that i’m a boy then it’s straight and he can’t have a problem with it.

imrabbit: OH FUCK!!!!

Red_Like_Apples: Bunny! Swearing like that is not permitted in a school environment!

imrabbit: neithers being gay anymore but ok guess you’ve got ur priorities straight

TheEvilist™: none of us are straight bunny

TheEvilist™: wait since ur grimms fav can u get him to free the gays

Red_Like_Apples: Free the gays makes it sound as if you’re in prison for being homosexual.


Red_Like_Apples: Golden Delicious?

screaming_sparrow: its a type of apple right?

TheEvilist™: and here ladies gentlemen and nb folk, we see a rare apple preparing to kill a man

TheEvilist™: you can do it we believe in you!!

Red_Like_Apples: No I’m not?

SwordLesbian: I’ll do it.

Red_Like_Apples: Darling no! Think of the children!

TheEvilist™: yall have kids now???? damn u move fast


TheEvilist™: fuck

screaming_sparrow: thats what me n dexter are doi

BlackSwan: oh what a pity, he was killed before he could finish. so tragic.

Chapter Text

PM: BlondieBear to Love_bitch


BlondieBear: Cupid!

BlondieBear: Cuuupid

BlondieBear: CUPID

BlondieBear: Chariclo Arganthorne Cupid!

BlondieBear: Babe?

Love_bitch: you called?


BlondieBear: Speaking of him, what’s your opinion on the ban?

Love_bitch: uuhhhhh

Love_bitch: what ban?


BlondieBear:  please tell me your joking

BlondieBear has sent a video!



BlondieBear: babe?

BlondieBear: babe i can hear u screaming

Love_bitch: im fine

BlondieBear: do u need me to cuddle u

Love_bitch: yes


serotonin? in THIS fairytale?


birb: ok is grimm just TRYING to be the bad guy or does he honestly think this’ll work

imrabbit: hoping for the first but it’s probably the second

Love_bitch: guys

cinnamon_roll: I cannot tell a lie, and this certainly seems like the beginning of a fairytale!

TimeForTea: acTually, iT’s The second chapTer of a fanfic!!!

birb: maddie i love you but wtf

Glass_slipper: seconded

slep: thirded

TimeForTea: forThded!

TheEvilist™: why the literal fuck do you capitalize the t in evertything

TimeForTea: because!! T is imporTanT!!!

IfLostReturnToRabbit: At this point I can’t tell if you’re talking about tea or testosterone

TimeForTea: why, boTh silly!

cinnamon_roll: I don’t want to derail the conversation, but i think Cupid was trying to tell us something

Love_bitch: cedar if i could id die for u

Love_bitch: anway

Love_bitch: my amazing and talented gf wants to talk to you

Black_Swan: And she couldn’t tell us this herself?

Love_bitch: shut up

TheEvilist™: shut up

SwordLesbian: shut up

screaming_sparrow: shut up

Black_Swan: oh, off with your heads

TheEvilist™: watch out Duchess, your gf is rubbing off on u

Pussy: oh that aint the only thing shes rubbing off o


Pussy: im not the only one who finished 2night if u know wut i mean

Black_Swan: thats it you furry bitch im killing you

Love_bitch: ANYWAY

BlondieBear: Hi!

BlondieBear: Are any of you free for an interview about your thoughts on the ban?

Red_Like_Apples: Oh, well, I’m free! That is, if Darling wants to?

SwordLesbian: Babe, I’d do anything for you noah fence

Red_Like_Apples: Awww, but ‘noah fence’?

SwordLesbian: Say it out loud

Red_Like_Apples: ??

Red_Like_Apples: Oh, ‘no offense’

Red_Like_Apples: Why not just say that then?

SwordLesbian: It’s a meme, Applepie

Pussy: this is cute but i think im gonna puke from the sweetness

cinnamon_roll: It’s sweeter than Ginger’s gingerbread men, no lie!

BlondieBear: Alright! Anyone else?

screaming_sparrow: ME

screaming_sparrow: me

screaming_sparrow: ill do it

BlondieBear: Anyone?

Chapter Text

“Headmaster Grimm? May I speak to you?”

“Aah, Apple White. How can I-”

“Headmaster Grimm, the new rule is so not fairest! It’s a breach of Fairytale Rights, and a violation of-”

“It is making students go against their destinies! For the good of this world, and our stories, I must make sure that all homosexual relations in this school are banned!”


birb: wow

birb: he really went full on movie villain huh

TheEvilist™: wait

TheEvilist™: hold on a sec

TheEvilist™: did he say ‘in this school’

TheEvilist™: like, specifically

BlondieBear: Yes?

TheEvilist™: then,

BlondieBear: Yes???

TheEvilist™: as long as we aren’t being gay in school, he can’t get mad @ us

TheEvilist™: like, we can full on be having sex in book town or whatever its called and he cant call us out on it

TheEvilist™: improvise. adapt. overcome.

BlondieBear: Oh, thats a good point

BlondieBear: at the same time please never mention you and kitty having sex ever again

Pussy: why? don’t like our sexploits?

Love_bitch: ok thats it

Love_bitch kicked Pussy from the group


BlackSwan: Bicth

screaming_sparrow: bicth

imrabbit: bicth

birb: bicth

SwordLesbian: bicth

TheEvilist™: all of u can go eat a dick

BlackSwan: No thank you

SwordLesbian: i’m a lesbian

screaming_sparrow: sign me THE FUCK up

TheEvilist™: ew no


Pussy has entered the group

Pussy: ok so b4 u all yell @ me

Pussy: do anyof us have an actual plan 4 stopping grimm

screaming_sparrow: OH

screaming_sparrow: I DO

screaming_sparrow: I THOUGHT OF SOMETHING

BlackSwan: You're capable of that?

screaming_sparrow: SHHH

screaming_sparrow: ANYWAY

screaming_sparrow: WE SHOULD HAVE A 

Red_Like_Apples: School-wide meeting to repeal the ban?

Red_Like_Apples: I agree!

Red_Like_Apples: If anyone wants to come, It'll be in the Student Council room at 2:00!

Chapter Text

TheEvilist™: well

TheEvilist™: that was fun

sleepy_bih: faybelle

sleepy_bih: wtf

Glass_slipper: Would anyone explain to me why Baba Yaga showed up?

TimeForTea: lizzie goT a baTTleaxe

SwordLesbian: ah.

SwordLesbian: yeah that's pretty self explanatory.

IfLostReturnToRabbit: Two, technically.

IfLostReturnToRabbit: They might of had three at one point.

IfLostReturnToRabbit: I was more focused on dodging them than counting them.

IfLostReturnToRabbit: I platonically love them but they really need to work on their aim.

Red_Like_Apples: How? Aren't all the weapons supposed to be locked in the Hero Training 101 classroom?

Pussy: >:3

Pussy: im too gay for the rules :3

imrabbit: kitty i love u no romo

Pussy: ily2 no romo yes homo :3

TheEvilist™: kitty ily full homo

Pussy: thats gay :3

birb:   @ TheEvilist™ eehhhh

birb: the student council room blowing up? no

birb: headmaster grimm's face? absolutely

BlackSwan: how the literal FUCK was nearly dying in an explosion fun

BlackSwan: because seriously i'd like to hear your explanation for that one

TheEvilist™: nearly died!

TheEvilist™: not died!

TheEvilist™: plus like, at least its good practise for you


BlackSwan went offline


TheEvilist™: ?????

TheEvilist™: oh

TheEvilist™: oh shit

screaming_sparrow: YOU FUCKED UP!!!


Chat between BlackSwan and RedHeart


RedHeart: Ily But If You Don't Open Up In The Next 12 Seconds I Will Reenact The Shining On The Door

RedHeart: Don't Test Me

BlackSwan: its open

RedHeart: Oh

RedHeart: Do You Want To Be Left Alone

BlackSwan: no


serotonin? in THIS fairytale?


TheEvilist™: shitshitshit

TheEvilist™: does any1 know where duchess is

Pussy: is2g fay if uve fucked up my best friends gf ill rip ur head off

TimeForTea: lizzie has her!!

TimeForTea: They said if any of you come near her They'll Tear ouT your hearT

TheEvilist™: noted

TheEvilist™: wait where is she

TimeForTea: Their room

TheEvilist™: ok


Chat between BlackSwan and RedHeart


RedHeart: Hey Do You Want Anything

BlackSwan: your literally right next to me

RedHeart: Well I'm Technically Left Next To You

RedHeart: And You Didn't Look Like You Felt Like Talking

BlackSwan: ok good point

BlackSwan: sorry

RedHeart: Why

BlackSwan: Im annoying you right?

BlackSwan: i mean your clearly uncomfortable

RedHeart: How

RedHeart: Wait

RedHeart: Is It Because I'm Fidgeting

RedHeart: Because That's Just The ADHD

BlackSwan: adhd?

RedHeart: Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder

RedHeart: I Have Trouble Focusing And End Up Overcompensating By Focusing Too Much As Well As Other Things

RedHeart: That Is A Very Basic Definition But It Will Do

BlackSwan: oh

RedHeart: So

RedHeart: Is There Any Reason You Were Sobbing Into A Pillow Earlier

RedHeart: Or Would You Prefer To Not Discuss That

BlackSwan: faybelle being a bitch

BlackSwan: and just like, fucking destiny shit

BlackSwan: i dont wanna die but at the same time i do

BlackSwan: i just dont want to exist anymore

BlackSwan: fairy godmother this is depressing

BlackSwan: like

BlackSwan: i either die or im a hated villain

BlackSwan: its a lose lose either way

BlackSwan: but at the same time if im not the swan princess who am i?

BlackSwan: and i was ok with my destiny until raven fucking queen goes off script and then theres a way to maybe not have a shitty ending and just

BlackSwan: i dont fucking know who i am

BlackSwan: im supposed to be the swan princess but im the black swan and

BlackSwan: i guess i thought that maybe my destiny would give me the answers??

BlackSwan: god i dont want to think about this

RedHeart: Would Watching A Movie Distract You


BlackSwan: yeah

BlackSwan: also

BlackSwan: whats the shining

RedHeart: You've

RedHeart: You've Never Watched The Shining

RedHeart: Ok We're Watching It Now


serotonin? in THIS fairytale?

Glass_slipper: Does anyone know why theirs screaming coming from Lizzie's and Duchess' dorm?

Pussy: what type of screaming ;3

imrabbit: kitty

Pussy: no but srsly if its more screams of pure horror then lizzies forcing duchess to watch horror movies

Pussy: and trust me they have a extensive collection

imrabbit: im having war flashbacks

IfLostReturnToRabbit: Don't remind me!

Runningwithwolves: cupid what tje fuck

Love_bitch: sorry cerise!!

BlondieBear: wait whats going on and can i use it for drama

Runningwithwolves: cupid shot daring w/ a love arrow and now he's obsessed w/ me

Love_bitch: i was trying to shoot hunter

Runningwithwolves: get him to teach u 2 shoot bettr

imrabbit: the decrease in spelling tho