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Things you said at 4am

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“We should stop.”

Sungjae and Ilhoon were sitting in Ilhoon’s studio. They just finished practicing and since Ilhoon still had a song he wanted to finish, Sungjae stayed with him and decided to try writing some lyrics he promised to the other boy. Ilhoon was focusing on the monitor so he didn’t hear what his boyfriend said first.

“Hyung, we should stop,” Sungjae repeated, this time louder.

Ilhoon was about the open a file but his finger stopped in the air before he could have clicked on it. “What?”

“I said we should stop,” Sungjae looked at him with a serious look. “It’s 4 in the morning. We should go home and sleep. You can finish it tomorrow.”

Ilhoon yawned. He was tired but he wanted to finish this song as soon as possible so they can start the recording. The company let them release an album together. Just the two of them. So now they were working on it.

“Go home, I’ll finish it in a few hours.” Ilhoon stood up and went to his boyfriend. “Go back and sleep.” He grabbed Sungjae’s hand and pulled him up to hug him. “You worked hard today too. I’m gonna read your lyrics later.”

“Please don’t, they’re terrible.” Sungjae laughed sleepily.

“I bet they’re good. It’s our album,” Ilhoon said, emphasizing the word “our”, “I want to use only our songs.”

“I can’t believe we’re having a whole album together.”

“It’ll be so good once we finish it.”

Sungjae sighed. “Hyung, I want to tell you something. I’ve been wanting to tell you for weeks but didn’t know how to start.”

“Sungjae, you scare me.” Ilhoon pulled away. “The last time you wanted to tell me something, you broke up with me.” Ilhoon gulped. “Tell me it’s not that again.”

“Ah, no, sorry. I didn’t want to scare you.” Sungjae smiled, kissing his boyfriend’s cheek. “Well, it’s about that. I just want to say sorry. I’m sorry I was an idiot. I still hate myself for it.”

“Don’t.”

“I’ve always liked you. Loved you.” Sungjae hesitated.

“Why does it sound like a breakup? Are you sure you don’t want to break up with me again?” Ilhoon narrowed his eyes.

 

° ° °
He still remembered that night. They just had sex and were lying next to each other. It wasn’t the same, they noticed it already. But neither of them mentioned it or tried to change how things were.

Until that night.

“We should break up.” Sungjae said suddenly.

Ilhoon’s heart sank. He never thought of breaking up. “Are you serious?”

“Yes. It’s… I… Hyung, it’s…” Sungjae sat up. “I’m sorry. You deserve better.”

“What?” Ilhoon sat up as well. “Sungjae, hey, can’t we just find another solution?”

Sungjae didn’t say anything.

“Sungjae, is it really what you want?”

A small nod was the answer.

 

° ° °
“I was an idiot.”

Ilhoon kissed him. Sungjae grabbed Ilhoon by his hips and pulled him closer while Ilhoon’s hands slipped under Sungjae’s shirt.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too, Sungjae.”

They just kissed lazily, holding each other close. Things still weren’t perfect, they both knew it. Even if they started dating again, they still had moments which were awkward but it was probably because of their breakup.

“I want us to get married in the future. I want kids with you in the future. I want to grow old with you.” Sungjae said, breathless.

“Me too. I want it, too.” Ilhoon licked his boyfriend’s lips before kissing him again. “Let’s go back and continue this at home!”