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Drink. Fight. Flirt. Dance.

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The times that the feelings catch up are at night, laying with nothing but thoughts and passing traffic. Flashes of flashbacks and overwhelming sadness are old friends, though why is something that Wilford could not tell you.

 

Silence is unbearable, so don’t bear it. Being sober is unbearable, so don’t be sober. Being still means too much restless energy, so don’t stay still. Being alone means too many thoughts, so never get caught alone.

 

Drink, never be alone.

 

Why still sad?

 

Why still sad?

 

***

 

Fight, takes mind off - what things?

Years ago, partied hard, big prank, sad. Why? No one died, how ridiculous. Stupid emotion.

 

White noise machines, soft music, loud music, podcasts, no silence for sleep.

 

Sadness anyway.

 

***

 

Name too painful, new one. Why is that name painful? Things get jumbled so easily, I forget.

 

Stupid emotion.

 

William J. Barnum

William J. Butterfield.

 

Flirt, never be alone, and why not?

 

What year is it?

 

***

 

Too much energy, too much energy, music, music? Dance.

 

DANCE.

 

Too much energy. Dance.

 

***

 

Can’t stay here, gotta keep moving. New name. New place. No feelings for a while.

 

Drink. Fight. Flirt. Dance.

 

Flirt too hard, marry, new name, fake death, move, new name, drink, fight, flirt, dance.

 

Sadness at night.

 

***

 

What year is it? Where was yesterday?

 

New name. Party. Drink. Fight. Flirt. Dance.

 

***

Drink. Fight. Flirt. Dance.

 

Drink. Fight. Flirt. Dance.

 

Every night, drink, fight, flirt, dance, until you pass out, drink, fight, flirt, dance.

Every night, drink, fight, flirt, dance, leave no time for drifting to sleep, no time for thinking, drink, fight, flirt dance, drink, fight? flirt, dance, party, party, party, PARTY-

 

New name.

 

***