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I'm Going On A Hunt, Son

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"Dean, I found a hunt. I'll be back in a week."

Dean froze.

He halted his task of washing the dishes and turned to look at his father, who was already packing his bag.

Blink.

No. No no no. Nononononono....

Not again. PLEASE not again. Not right now. Sammy has a biology test tomorrow, he's going to be too upset to study tonight. He has a soccer game on Friday. You promised. You PROMISED. That you would be there this time! I made him a promise that you would be there! He'll be so mad. Dad. You'll break his heart. Again. Why do you keep doing this? Why do you do this to him?

Food. Shit. 

There's hardly any food left. What if he doesn't give us enough money again? Sammy needs shoes. And socks. His socks have holes the size of Jupiter, and I can't give him mine because they're even worse, I think. Damnit, Dad. He needs a new notebook too. The brainiac takes so many freaking notes in class, it's no wonder how he plows through those things. He probably needs pencils too...

How am I supposed to pay for those AND for food? I mean, I could stop eating again, it's not like that would be anything new... But still, that might not be enough. I can't steal from the grocery store here. There's only one in town, and even if I didn't get caught this time there's no way I could go again for a second time. And I'm too young to get a job here. The only thing I could do is...

Oh god.

Oh, please Dad. PLEASE leave us enough this time. I don't....I don't want to do... THAT again... oh god. I'm gonna throw up. I ca-can't do THAT again. Last time I got mugged three times, and there's no way those truckers wash down there, and I almost got picked up by the police for soliciting, and I can't let that happen cause who's gonna take care of Sammy, and what if i choke and they get pissed and beat me senseless, and who's gonna take care of Sammy, and I ca-can't... I can't, I can't, I don't want to dress like that again, I don't want to be a whore again, I-I can-can't, I can't I-I-I-I ca-can't I-I-

I CAN'T BREATHE

Focus Dean. Breathe. Damnit Dean. Breathe.

Calm yourself. Come on man.

Just breathe.

Think of Sam.

There we go. Sam smiling. Sam laughing. Sam giving you a hug when you bring home dinner and he's grinning at you like an idiot.

In. Out. Slooowly. In. Out. In. Out.

There we go.

It's fine.

Sam will be fine. You will be fine. Dad goes on hunting trips all the time. You've dealt with it before. You can deal with it again. You always do. You just have to take care of Sam, go to school, do training, get money, keep food in the cupboards, help Sam with his homework, keep this place clean, and buy supplies for Sam.

It's really not that much. Not anymore than usual.... But god, i....it's so tiring....I just. I just want to sleep in. Just once. Just once I want to have someone cook me dinnner. And do the laundry. And help me with my homework. And tell me it will all be okay....and....Mom. I miss you.

Alright, Winchester. That's enough. 

Dad is relying on you. He's counting on you. You can do this Dean.

You are strong. You are strong enough for this.

Don't let Dad down. You're his soldier.

"Okay Dad, be safe. Don't worry, I'll watch out for Sammy."

The only response was the motel door slamming shut.