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Two Dads Chilling on a Park Bench Watching Their Children Be Idiots

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A/N: This is so fucking stupid. I can’t believe I’ve actually written this. There is no god.

 

The hero of Time and Japan’s Symbol of Peace stared off at their young companions, sitting in solidarity. How they even came across each other, no one really knew or wanted to question it. Everyone chalked it up to being nothing but absolute assfuckery created for the sole purpose of making this meeting happen.

 

All Might clapped Time on the shoulder, letting out a booming laugh. Time attempted to remain polite, fighting back his tears of pain from the man’s unparalleled strength (even with the effects of One of All being so weak compared to his golden days).

 

“So, my friend. Which one of these was your son again?” he asked.

 

Before Time could protest, a tree came crashing to the ground. Both heroes turned their attention to Wild, Warriors and Midoriya who were in the processes of climbing on the glowing yellow tree. Wild waved enthusiastically at Time with the hand holding onto some kind of yellow rod.

 

“Hey Time, Warriors and I are going to bring Midoriya for a ride and rain death from above! See you whenever we land and are inevitably broken beyond repair!!” Wild called.

 

Both Warriors and Wild were completely unaware of Midoriya’s sudden panicked screeching, or they were completely ignoring it. They saluted Time just as the tree launched into the sky. Midoriya’s screams only continued to grow in volume.

 

A wave of fire and electricity rained from above, just as Wild promised. Whatever will to live Time had left quickly began deteriorating.

 

“That one. The murder gremlin.” Time painfully wheezed, pointing to Wild, who looked like he was about to take a nosedive off the tree towards the burning ground. Twilight practically dragged Sky and Four over to hellscape, commanding them to blow out the fire with their gust bellows and gust jar, which the two other heroes happily obliged to.

 

“And that one.” he continued, pointing to Twilight who was now holding Wild above his head screaming angrily. “He’s supposed to be his mentor but Wild doesn’t really listen.”

 

All Might and Time watched as Wild shrugged and said something Twilight clearly did not appreciate, then was thrown across the field. Their attention turned back to the still screaming Midoriya and Warriors, who was now setting the tree they were standing on fire.

 

“They’re a mess.” Time admitted.

 

“Ain’t that the biggest fucking mood ever.” Aizawa called from ground.

 

-

 

Meanwhile with the other Links that weren’t trying to die or seriously maim themselves, things weren’t going much better. Bakugo, being the little bitch he was, stared down the hero of Wind laughing at the youngest hero.

 

“You call yourself a hero? HAH. You’re even smaller than that pathetic Deku.” Bakugo sneered, squatting down towards the ground with his hands up like he was a crab, setting off explosions.

 

Wind just raised an eyebrow at the exploding blonde, placing his hands on his hips. “Did you stab the King of Evil in the face and save an entire country when you were twelve? No?” he paused for a moment, leaning down towards Bakugo.

 

“Think before you speak you punkass bitch.”

 

“OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH SHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!” both Hyrule and Legend screamed, clapping a very proud looking Wind on the back. He was solidified as being the most iconic Link to ever exist.

 

Legend wiped a tear from his eye whispering, “my little brother is growing up so fast.”

 

Bakugo began quietly sobbing. He got rekt'd by three tiny weird elf boys.

 

Warriors finally stumbled back, carrying Midoriya on his back. He was approached by Mineta, the purple ball bitch. Somehow he must have known Warriors was a real ladiesman, and wanted that good advice. Warriors crouched down to Mineta’s level, slowly unsheathing his sword.

 

“Respect women bitch.” he whispered, slowly sinking the sword into Mineta’s hideous, revolting body.

 

Every single one of the girls stared at Warriors, their eyes sparkling with thanks. “You’re my hero.” they whispered.

 

“My hero acAdEMiA?!” he asked pointing finger guns at them.

 

Everyone suddenly went completely silent. Wild crouched down, whispering the chant every one of them knew well at this point.

 

“Ravioli, Ravioli give me the updraftioli!!” Wild shot up into the sky, to infinity and beyond.

 

Back with Time and All Might (and Aizawa) Time began chugging that good old hard alcohol. He couldn’t deal with this shit sober. He never could.